Full Transcript for Meet Relationship Expert, Chanel Nicole Scott

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WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.120 --> 00:00:02.960 God told you that a pastor that you were not dating, 2 00:00:03.080 --> 00:00:04.080 that you didn't know he. 3 00:00:04.320 --> 00:00:05.799 Was to be your husband guest. 4 00:00:06.200 --> 00:00:09.039 He came to visit my church in Charlotte, North Carolina, 5 00:00:09.119 --> 00:00:11.599 and I believe that this gentleman was my husband. 6 00:00:12.080 --> 00:00:14.000 He had come to the church one week. You drive 7 00:00:14.039 --> 00:00:17.640 from Charlotte to Charlotte to Nashala, all within one week, 8 00:00:17.760 --> 00:00:20.399 no job, no job. You said you were eating mustard. 9 00:00:20.679 --> 00:00:23.879 I had mustard for dinner. You go to the church 10 00:00:23.920 --> 00:00:26.640 and start serving. He's an amazing preacher. 11 00:00:26.640 --> 00:00:30.559 I mean, because you know, I figured out church. 12 00:00:30.320 --> 00:00:32.520 And all those things. He's like, what are you doing here? 13 00:00:32.600 --> 00:00:34.159 And I told him I moved there at the time, 14 00:00:34.159 --> 00:00:36.520 he said he was seeing someone else. I still believe 15 00:00:36.560 --> 00:00:39.479 what I believe. I wasn't tripping on the fact that 16 00:00:39.520 --> 00:00:41.679 he and I weren't talking, because I'm like, you know, 17 00:00:41.799 --> 00:00:42.600 God's gonna do it. 18 00:00:42.640 --> 00:00:43.439 I'm believing God. 19 00:00:44.359 --> 00:00:45.200 Eight years. 20 00:00:45.280 --> 00:00:46.159 This was an eight years. 21 00:00:46.200 --> 00:00:49.200 Say you really weren't in a relationship with this man. 22 00:00:49.320 --> 00:00:53.840 Everything was fine. Things didn't get crazy until he introduced his. 23 00:00:54.039 --> 00:00:56.600 Now wife to the church. And because you felt like 24 00:00:56.600 --> 00:00:58.960 she was really living your life. She was in my 25 00:00:59.079 --> 00:01:01.840 head during this period. This eight years thirty three to 26 00:01:01.920 --> 00:01:07.000 forty one. Now relationships have become your purpose. What has 27 00:01:07.280 --> 00:01:11.000 kind of given you that authority to speak to relationships? 28 00:01:11.040 --> 00:01:13.799 What would you say to women who find themselves in 29 00:01:13.920 --> 00:01:17.319 a situation where the thing that they want doesn't want 30 00:01:17.359 --> 00:01:20.640 them back. At what point did you stop blaming God 31 00:01:20.920 --> 00:01:23.439 and then start to examine the part that you played. 32 00:01:28.480 --> 00:01:30.760 Welcome to Vaught Empower's Talks, where we don't just scratch 33 00:01:30.799 --> 00:01:32.599 the surface, we dive deep into the lives of some 34 00:01:32.640 --> 00:01:35.280 of the world's most influential change makers. I'm your host, 35 00:01:35.280 --> 00:01:38.319 Brandy Harvey. But before I introduce my guest for today, 36 00:01:38.359 --> 00:01:39.920 I need you to go ahead and do me a favor. 37 00:01:39.959 --> 00:01:42.799 I need you to hit that subscribe button so you 38 00:01:42.840 --> 00:01:46.599 don't miss your daily dose of inspiration and motivation. But 39 00:01:46.719 --> 00:01:50.959 without further ado, I get to introduce this beautiful woman 40 00:01:51.079 --> 00:01:54.439 seated across from me Chanell. Nicole Scott is the creator, 41 00:01:54.599 --> 00:01:58.879 executive producer, and host of co Ministry and Relationship Matters, 42 00:01:58.920 --> 00:02:01.680 a relationship platum and talk show that airs on the 43 00:02:01.719 --> 00:02:05.879 Fox Soul Network. Notably the Queen of relationship talk, Chanell 44 00:02:05.959 --> 00:02:11.319 evokes transparent and candid dialogue on relational topics, specifically geared 45 00:02:11.360 --> 00:02:15.000 towards sustaining intimate relationships between a man and a woman. 46 00:02:15.120 --> 00:02:18.599 As the author of Relationship Matters, Chanell delves into the 47 00:02:18.719 --> 00:02:23.199 intricacies of love and partnerships with unbridled transparency, drawing from 48 00:02:23.240 --> 00:02:27.400 her own experiences, guiding readers towards fulfilling connection. Chaneil has 49 00:02:27.400 --> 00:02:31.360 been featured in Black Enterprise, Fox Soul, and Rolling Out Magazine, 50 00:02:31.400 --> 00:02:34.599 just to name a few. Chanell believes your presence is 51 00:02:34.639 --> 00:02:38.879 a reminder that healing is possible, even after the deepest wounds. 52 00:02:38.919 --> 00:02:43.039 Bought Empowers Talks. Welcome author, producer, and media hosts Chanell 53 00:02:43.080 --> 00:02:44.479 and Nicole Scott to the show. 54 00:02:44.759 --> 00:02:46.599 Thank you for having me. Now, you really did do 55 00:02:46.680 --> 00:02:47.159 your homework. 56 00:02:47.280 --> 00:02:47.879 I really did. 57 00:02:48.360 --> 00:02:51.800 By quotes, Yeah, everything that I've ever said I said, 58 00:02:53.080 --> 00:02:53.800 I said that. 59 00:02:55.199 --> 00:02:56.439 Thank you so much for having me. 60 00:02:56.599 --> 00:02:59.599 Yeah, it's a pleasure. So I am so excited to 61 00:02:59.599 --> 00:03:02.840 talk about relationships with you. You have lived a very 62 00:03:03.000 --> 00:03:06.919 unconventional life by many standards. I would say that, but 63 00:03:07.120 --> 00:03:11.719 I was really intrigued in getting to know you and 64 00:03:11.840 --> 00:03:15.280 diving into your story when you set on Litarius or 65 00:03:15.360 --> 00:03:18.479 Whitfield's platform, The Dear Future Wife and Latarius is a 66 00:03:18.479 --> 00:03:20.879 friend of the show he's done the show. He and 67 00:03:20.879 --> 00:03:24.360 I have become friends, And that was such an eye 68 00:03:24.360 --> 00:03:25.759 opening interview that you did. 69 00:03:25.879 --> 00:03:28.280 I believe that this gentleman who was a pastor was 70 00:03:28.319 --> 00:03:30.759 my husband and he was not. I was in the word, 71 00:03:30.840 --> 00:03:34.240 I was manipulating God's word to fit my own agenda. 72 00:03:34.400 --> 00:03:37.080 I mean, you could not tell

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me that he was not. 73 00:03:38.800 --> 00:03:41.240 That is a story that I do want to bring 74 00:03:41.400 --> 00:03:44.199 light to because there are a lot of women who 75 00:03:44.280 --> 00:03:47.039 have those experiences, but they don't have the courage to 76 00:03:47.120 --> 00:03:49.520 come forward and talk about it. Most times, when we 77 00:03:49.560 --> 00:03:51.520 go through those types of situations, we go to the 78 00:03:51.599 --> 00:03:54.560 church for support. But if you're experience and that in 79 00:03:54.639 --> 00:03:56.039 the church, then who supports you? 80 00:03:56.240 --> 00:03:57.719 Who do you go to? You have to deal with 81 00:03:57.759 --> 00:03:58.520 it in silence? 82 00:03:58.960 --> 00:04:02.240 So Chanel, now we just gonna get into. 83 00:04:02.199 --> 00:04:03.240 Yes, let's get into it. 84 00:04:03.439 --> 00:04:06.919 So you were on the Dear Future Wifey podcasts and 85 00:04:06.960 --> 00:04:11.319 you said that you were in a that God told 86 00:04:11.400 --> 00:04:14.319 you that a pastor that you were not dating at 87 00:04:14.360 --> 00:04:16.680 the time. I didn't know that you didn't know, you 88 00:04:16.720 --> 00:04:18.680 were only familiar with that he. 89 00:04:18.720 --> 00:04:20.120 Was to be your husband. Yes. 90 00:04:20.920 --> 00:04:23.000 Yes, And I know that you're not the only woman 91 00:04:23.000 --> 00:04:25.120 because there's a lot of y'all sitting out here in 92 00:04:25.160 --> 00:04:27.319 these pews on Sunday and you were looking at the 93 00:04:27.360 --> 00:04:28.040 man that that's. 94 00:04:27.920 --> 00:04:29.759 Your husband, thinking that he is your He was a 95 00:04:29.800 --> 00:04:32.079 single man. I want to put that out there. At 96 00:04:32.079 --> 00:04:36.360 the time, it was so many women that believe that man. 97 00:04:37.000 --> 00:04:39.399 I met a few. 98 00:04:39.639 --> 00:04:42.240 I sat next to one lady in the congregation. She 99 00:04:42.360 --> 00:04:44.720 was like, God just led me here. He came to 100 00:04:44.800 --> 00:04:48.279 visit my church in Charlotte, North Carolina, and like I stated, 101 00:04:48.399 --> 00:04:53.279 he was an amazing or to a prolific pastor, anointed 102 00:04:53.480 --> 00:04:57.079 man of God and amazing word. 103 00:04:57.120 --> 00:04:58.399 No, seriously, he is. 104 00:04:58.600 --> 00:05:00.639 I mean, because you know, I figured when you were 105 00:05:01.519 --> 00:05:02.279 most people. 106 00:05:03.399 --> 00:05:06.519 Church and all those things even add their little commentary 107 00:05:06.600 --> 00:05:10.759 to it. And I believe that this gentleman was my husband. 108 00:05:10.800 --> 00:05:11.439 I did. 109 00:05:12.800 --> 00:05:15.399 Attempted to have somewhat well, he attempted. I bought a 110 00:05:15.399 --> 00:05:17.800 book from him. He had books, he's an author, and 111 00:05:18.199 --> 00:05:21.439 did a book signing there at the church. And I 112 00:05:21.480 --> 00:05:23.399 don't I mean, he could have just been making small talk. 113 00:05:23.439 --> 00:05:25.199 I'm not saying that there was any motive behind what 114 00:05:25.319 --> 00:05:29.079 he said, but in that moment attempted to have a conversation. 115 00:05:29.240 --> 00:05:32.000 I was extremely intimidated, and so that did not happen, 116 00:05:32.079 --> 00:05:34.879 and so at a conversation with me and my girlfriend 117 00:05:34.920 --> 00:05:37.439 at the time, we decided to go to Nashville and 118 00:05:37.519 --> 00:05:38.199 visit the church. 119 00:05:38.360 --> 00:05:41.800 So y'all did a road trip and you he had 120 00:05:41.800 --> 00:05:45.160 come to the church one week, but you had made 121 00:05:45.160 --> 00:05:48.839 connection because you had connection with his assistant. Yes, the 122 00:05:48.879 --> 00:05:50.800 assistant knew that you and your friend were going to 123 00:05:50.839 --> 00:05:51.680 be visiting the church. 124 00:05:51.680 --> 00:05:52.800 So this is what happened. 125 00:05:53.040 --> 00:05:56.079 I never met the assistant, but I knew who he 126 00:05:56.199 --> 00:05:58.879 was because he was there with him. So I found 127 00:05:58.959 --> 00:06:01.279 him on the website and I sent him an email 128 00:06:01.319 --> 00:06:03.839 and said, Hey, we're gonna come visit the church, not 129 00:06:04.000 --> 00:06:06.519 this Sunday, but the next Sunday. But between the time 130 00:06:06.560 --> 00:06:09.120 I sent the email and just some things that transpired, 131 00:06:09.160 --> 00:06:11.600 we decided we were going to go that weekend and 132 00:06:11.639 --> 00:06:14.560 not the weekend that we initially had said. So we 133 00:06:14.639 --> 00:06:16.920 drove to Nashville. I sent the email, he didn't respond, 134 00:06:16.920 --> 00:06:19.199 didn't get a response. We drove to Nashville, we went 135 00:06:19.199 --> 00:06:21.720 to church, and at the church, we ran into the 136 00:06:21.759 --> 00:06:24.120 assistant first, because this is when they would stand in 137 00:06:24.160 --> 00:06:26.199 front of the church and greet the members at the 138 00:06:26.240 --> 00:06:27.040 worship service. 139 00:06:27.560 --> 00:06:28.959 And when we saw the assistant. 140 00:06:28.959 --> 00:06:30.399 He was like, I thought you guys were going to 141 00:06:30.439 --> 00:06:33.519 come next weekend, and I was like, you know who 142 00:06:33.560 --> 00:06:33.839 I am. 143 00:06:34.279 --> 00:06:35.279 And then I explained. 144 00:06:35.319 --> 00:06:37.040 I played it off real natural and was like, no, 145 00:06:37.120 --> 00:06:38.399 we you know, we have some things to do with 146 00:06:38.480 --> 00:06:41.079 our church next Sunday, So we decided to come this Sunday. 147 00:06:41.199 --> 00:06:42.680 And so that was kind of the gist of the 148 00:06:42.720 --> 00:06:45.800 conversation between myself and the assistant. We went up to 149 00:06:45.839 --> 00:06:48.000 the past so we shook hands and that was the 150 00:06:48.079 -->

00:06:50.720 end of it. We went outside set in a car. 151 00:06:50.920 --> 00:06:53.480 By now I'm like, oh my god, we've driven six 152 00:06:53.560 --> 00:06:55.759 hours and that's what it's gonna be. 153 00:06:55.879 --> 00:06:58.240 Oh yeah, because you drive from Charlotte. 154 00:06:57.759 --> 00:06:59.160 To Charlotte to Nashville. 155 00:06:59.199 --> 00:07:01.680 Yeah. And so we're sitting because it's a large church, 156 00:07:01.720 --> 00:07:04.079 we're sitting in traffic waiting to get out. And at 157 00:07:04.079 --> 00:07:06.720 this time I get a call a private a call 158 00:07:06.800 --> 00:07:09.240 on a private from a private number, and I answered 159 00:07:09.240 --> 00:07:12.680 the call and it's the pastor and he essentially was like, 160 00:07:12.720 --> 00:07:14.079 you know, I thought you guys was coming. 161 00:07:14.160 --> 00:07:16.399 Same conversation. I thought you guys was coming next Sunday. 162 00:07:16.439 --> 00:07:19.519 And we explained, you know, we came this Sunday, and 163 00:07:20.040 --> 00:07:22.079 you know, and so he said he was going to dinner. 164 00:07:22.120 --> 00:07:23.879 They had prepared dinner because at this time he was 165 00:07:23.879 --> 00:07:27.560 a single man because he had lost his wife. Yes, 166 00:07:27.600 --> 00:07:30.160 he was widowed. And he said that he would give 167 00:07:30.240 --> 00:07:33.319 us a call when he got done with dinner or 168 00:07:33.360 --> 00:07:35.040 you know, his plans. And so she and I we 169 00:07:35.079 --> 00:07:37.519 went and we had dinner, and she and I had 170 00:07:37.519 --> 00:07:40.439 this conversation. She was like, well, where are we going 171 00:07:40.519 --> 00:07:42.040 to meet him at? Because I know we're not going 172 00:07:42.040 --> 00:07:44.680 to his home And I said, I don't know, girl, 173 00:07:44.680 --> 00:07:47.079 because we had checked out of our hotel. And so 174 00:07:47.199 --> 00:07:51.519 when he called, he said, you know, typically at the 175 00:07:51.560 --> 00:07:52.319 Sunday service. 176 00:07:52.360 --> 00:07:53.279 I like to relax. 177 00:07:53.319 --> 00:07:56.759 I hope y'all didn't come for any He he said 178 00:07:56.759 --> 00:08:00.000 his name Bishop Revelations, and at the time I wasn't 179 00:08:00.040 --> 00:08:03.279 really familiar with him in the turn and that because 180 00:08:03.319 --> 00:08:06.839 he's great at like he's an amazing preacher, and that, yeah, 181 00:08:07.000 --> 00:08:09.240 you get some serious revelation. He is anointed in that 182 00:08:09.279 --> 00:08:11.120 way he walks in to gift the prophecy for sure. 183 00:08:12.439 --> 00:08:14.879 And I'm like, okay, well we just came to you know, 184 00:08:15.120 --> 00:08:17.399 kick it, nothing serious. And so he was like, well, 185 00:08:17.399 --> 00:08:20.519 he is the address to my home. And I looked 186 00:08:20.519 --> 00:08:21.680 at her and I said. 187 00:08:21.439 --> 00:08:23.279 Oh, my God, in your mind you like this

is 188 00:08:23.319 --> 00:08:24.199 a sign from God. 189 00:08:25.000 --> 00:08:27.759 I didn't know at that time it wasn't. It wasn't 190 00:08:27.800 --> 00:08:28.040 like that. 191 00:08:28.279 --> 00:08:31.040 So you weren't thinking that this was your husband then, No. 192 00:08:31.120 --> 00:08:31.519 I did. 193 00:08:31.639 --> 00:08:32.279 I was. 194 00:08:32.559 --> 00:08:36.000 I was more interested in seeing if he knew, you know, 195 00:08:36.120 --> 00:08:39.080 because like I said, the little words, like he seen 196 00:08:39.200 --> 00:08:41.559 something when he was at my church a couple of 197 00:08:41.639 --> 00:08:45.039 days before. Obviously they had a conversation because the assistant 198 00:08:45.080 --> 00:08:45.840 knew who I was. 199 00:08:46.000 --> 00:08:48.919 Okay, so just just for clarity, he comes to your 200 00:08:49.000 --> 00:08:51.919 church like the week before. Yes, so this is all 201 00:08:51.960 --> 00:08:55.279 within one week. Yes, you were at this man's church 202 00:08:55.399 --> 00:08:58.120 and then going to his house after you im at I. 203 00:08:58.080 --> 00:09:01.399 Was at my church in Charlotte, money too day. We 204 00:09:01.440 --> 00:09:03.639 went to his church on Sunday and with his house 205 00:09:03.639 --> 00:09:04.159 on Sunday. 206 00:09:04.279 --> 00:09:09.519 Yeah, yes, okay, Wow, you are committed. What mean he invited? 207 00:09:09.720 --> 00:09:10.519 You invited us? 208 00:09:10.559 --> 00:09:12.559 You know, we were kind of like, well, you know, 209 00:09:12.639 --> 00:09:14.759 where are we gonna meet? Because I mean, I'm in Nashville, 210 00:09:14.759 --> 00:09:16.879 That's not my home, and so it was it was 211 00:09:16.919 --> 00:09:19.960 his idea for me to for us to come to 212 00:09:20.000 --> 00:09:21.279 his home, and so we did. 213 00:09:22.000 --> 00:09:24.399 How you said, he comes outside. He's not in his suit, 214 00:09:24.519 --> 00:09:27.559 so he does not even looked like how you have really, 215 00:09:27.879 --> 00:09:29.879 you know, had this like marker. 216 00:09:29.559 --> 00:09:31.639 Of how he looks, because I mean he was bishop 217 00:09:31.720 --> 00:09:31.840 to me. 218 00:09:32.159 --> 00:09:34.320 Yeah, and so when he came to the door, he 219 00:09:34.360 --> 00:09:36.120 had on a polo shirt and shorts. 220 00:09:36.159 --> 00:09:37.000 I'll never forget it. 221 00:09:37.039 --> 00:09:38.799 And I was like, I mean, I was nervous, so 222 00:09:38.840 --> 00:09:42.679 it wasn't like it wasn't on some weird stuff like Okay, yeah, 223 00:09:42.720 --> 00:09:44.879 we have these thoughts, you know, I believe this, but 224 00:09:44.960 --> 00:09:46.480 this is not something that I went on my sleeve. 225 00:09:46.519 --> 00:09:48.120 This is not something I'm going out to the world. 226 00:09:48.159 --> 00:09:48.879 Yeah, you didn't tell. 227 00:09:49.000 --> 00:09:49.799 Yeah, I didn't tell. 228 00:09:49.879 --> 00:09:52.120 You were never you were very demu or very mindful. 229 00:09:52.279 --> 00:09:55.360 Yeah, you're because I was nervous. You know what I'm saying. 230 00:09:55.399 --> 00:09:59.039 I'm thirty three, I mean, and I speak very highly 231 00:09:59.080 --> 00:10:01.360 of him. Now stick to the facts in terms of 232 00:10:01.399 --> 00:10:04.200 what happened. But I have respect. I have respect today. 233 00:10:04.600 --> 00:10:07.559 But I was extremely nervous and I didn't know what 234 00:10:07.600 --> 00:10:09.840 we were about to walk into. But I wanted to. 235 00:10:09.919 --> 00:10:12.159 I wanted to see, you know, if he was thinking 236 00:10:12.440 --> 00:10:15.200 what I was thinking. Yeah, And so we went and 237 00:10:15.240 --> 00:10:16.960 we played games, we watched movies. 238 00:10:17.080 --> 00:10:19.639 He played the piano, we played. 239 00:10:19.399 --> 00:10:21.679 Blackjack, we played Truth or Dare, We did a little 240 00:10:21.679 --> 00:10:24.080 bit of everything, and it got late and so he 241 00:10:24.240 --> 00:10:26.519 allowed he offered us to stay, and so we chose 242 00:10:26.559 --> 00:10:30.519 to stay. Then I can understand least you had a 243 00:10:30.600 --> 00:10:33.120 semblance of a relationship and encounter with the guy. 244 00:10:33.440 --> 00:10:36.200 Y'all talked, y'all did that. He brought you to his house. 245 00:10:36.279 --> 00:10:38.600 That's very intimate for somebody to bring you to their home. 246 00:10:38.600 --> 00:10:40.919 At least that's what it means to me. We're at 247 00:10:40.919 --> 00:10:42.759 your body, lay down, We shared the bed. 248 00:10:42.919 --> 00:10:44.759 Who is we the pasta? 249 00:10:44.799 --> 00:10:49.559 He was not inappropriate. It was more like a slumber party. 250 00:10:50.639 --> 00:10:52.120 I was like, I need to take a shower. But 251 00:10:52.159 --> 00:10:53.720 he came in after I got out and I had 252 00:10:53.720 --> 00:10:57.039 the tower. I think in that moment he checked himself, like, 253 00:10:57.159 --> 00:10:58.080 let me get out of here. 254 00:10:59.440 --> 00:11:03.080 One of the things that you said in your interview 255 00:11:03.360 --> 00:11:06.720 was that you were attracted to his anointance. Yes, absolutely, yeah, 256 00:11:06.759 --> 00:11:10.120 and that was intimidating for you, as Sam way amidating. Yes, 257 00:11:11.039 --> 00:11:13.080 like I said, he was a powerful like I grew 258 00:11:13.159 --> 00:11:15.200 up in church and I'm a student of the word, 259 00:11:15.759 --> 00:11:19.360 and so that was attractive to me to see him 260 00:11:19.399 --> 00:11:20.600 operate in that space. 261 00:11:20.759 --> 00:11:23.360 And I can say that today and I can articulate. 262 00:11:22.879 --> 00:11:26.679 It clearly today because I can reflect back and say, Okay, 263 00:11:26.679 --> 00:11:28.840 what was going through your mind? Like what was it 264 00:11:29.360 --> 00:11:31.879 that drew you to this man? You know what I'm saying, 265 00:11:31.919 --> 00:11:35.840 because

clearly we don't. We're He's not my person. You know, 266 00:11:35.879 --> 00:11:38.759 I'm not attracted to him today. It's you know, it's different. 267 00:11:38.759 --> 00:11:41.000 I have so much respect for him as a pastor, 268 00:11:41.480 --> 00:11:45.200 but it's not a romantic attraction. But back then, as 269 00:11:45.240 --> 00:11:49.440 a thirty three year old woman, single, never married, no children, 270 00:11:49.919 --> 00:11:52.759 had experienced a certain level of success at that time 271 00:11:52.799 --> 00:11:55.960 in my life, everybody's getting married around me. You know, 272 00:11:56.320 --> 00:11:58.960 I want to be in a relationship, and so when 273 00:11:58.960 --> 00:12:02.759 I think about who would that person be or what 274 00:12:02.799 --> 00:12:03.480 with that person? 275 00:12:03.559 --> 00:12:04.080 Embody. 276 00:12:04.360 --> 00:12:06.679 Now I'm not going into church with this on my mind. 277 00:12:06.799 --> 00:12:09.240 But when I'm watching him, and then with the little 278 00:12:09.279 --> 00:12:12.440 flirtation as he's walking by me in the four year 279 00:12:12.480 --> 00:12:15.399 of the church after service, you know, all those little things, 280 00:12:15.399 --> 00:12:17.600 I'm like, could this man be my husband? 281 00:12:17.600 --> 00:12:19.360 Because I knew he was single. Yeah, what I'm saying. 282 00:12:19.360 --> 00:12:20.440 I knew his wife had passed. 283 00:12:21.000 --> 00:12:26.480 So we went and I wanted to explore this whole idea. 284 00:12:26.559 --> 00:12:28.639 But I didn't want him to know that. 285 00:12:28.759 --> 00:12:32.480 I thought that, you know, I didn't like aside from 286 00:12:32.519 --> 00:12:36.039 just going there, I didn't do anything outside of myself 287 00:12:36.080 --> 00:12:39.159 that would be considered strange. I just wanted to see 288 00:12:39.240 --> 00:12:41.519 and explore, and he opened the door for that, like 289 00:12:41.600 --> 00:12:43.679 all had to do was show up, you know. And 290 00:12:43.759 --> 00:12:46.879 so in hindsight, obviously I think he thought maybe I 291 00:12:46.919 --> 00:12:49.960 was an attractive woman. But after we spent the one 292 00:12:50.000 --> 00:12:52.120 time together and maybe talked on the phone once or 293 00:12:52.159 --> 00:12:54.840 twice after that, he decided that this is not my person. 294 00:12:54.879 --> 00:12:57.080 And then there was a rap from there. You said 295 00:12:57.080 --> 00:12:59.480 that it was hard for you to have a real 296 00:12:59.519 --> 00:13:02.840 intelligence in conversation with him because there was an intimidation. 297 00:13:03.120 --> 00:13:05.559 You said there was one time that he called and 298 00:13:05.600 --> 00:13:06.720 he was sharing good news. 299 00:13:06.799 --> 00:13:07.000 Yeah. 300 00:13:07.039 --> 00:13:09.240 So when I told this story on La Terri, it's like, 301 00:13:09.559 --> 00:13:12.360 now that I did his show, I can recall the 302 00:13:12.399 --> 00:13:13.279

intricate details. 303 00:13:13.360 --> 00:13:13.600 Yeah. 304 00:13:13.600 --> 00:13:17.360 So that particular call he had done TBN and Jamal 305 00:13:17.399 --> 00:13:20.600 Bryant was on TBN and he, I guess after the 306 00:13:20.600 --> 00:13:22.000 show he had did the show with him, he was 307 00:13:22.039 --> 00:13:23.559 so excited and he called me up. I guess he 308 00:13:23.600 --> 00:13:26.600 wanted to talk to somebody about what had just happened. 309 00:13:27.039 --> 00:13:29.240 And when he's talking to me about it, I couldn't 310 00:13:29.279 --> 00:13:32.840 engage him. I just I was just stuck. 311 00:13:33.080 --> 00:13:33.320 You know. 312 00:13:33.399 --> 00:13:36.600 It's like couldn't talk because I was so enamored, you know, 313 00:13:36.720 --> 00:13:39.759 by this man, so impressed that I just couldn't formulate 314 00:13:39.799 --> 00:13:42.759 my words. And so I guess he didn't get what 315 00:13:42.840 --> 00:13:45.919 he needed out of that conversation. And we wasn't on 316 00:13:45.960 --> 00:13:49.720 the phone no more than maybe fifteen minutes, and it Yeah. 317 00:13:49.320 --> 00:13:52.120 And was that after that? Did you all really have conversation? 318 00:13:52.759 --> 00:13:54.679 We talked maybe once or twice because he was a 319 00:13:54.679 --> 00:13:57.919 friendly guy, you know, he would send the devotionals and 320 00:13:58.240 --> 00:14:02.279 but I think after the one of two times, yeah, 321 00:14:02.360 --> 00:14:02.919 it was like. 322 00:14:03.039 --> 00:14:05.840 No, you know, but just eight years. This was an 323 00:14:05.840 --> 00:14:11.600 eight year thing, so three to forty one absolutely. Yeah. 324 00:14:11.639 --> 00:14:15.799 So after that, I started to follow him on stream 325 00:14:15.799 --> 00:14:19.679 and faith and that's a you know, online platform for ministry. 326 00:14:20.440 --> 00:14:23.559 And the word was so poignant, like I'm like God 327 00:14:23.639 --> 00:14:26.159 is talking to me, He's telling me. And I had 328 00:14:26.200 --> 00:14:28.200 told some of my friends, I'm moving to Nashville, but 329 00:14:28.279 --> 00:14:31.039 it wasn't like I was serious, but not really if 330 00:14:31.039 --> 00:14:32.799 that makes sense, you know, I'm talking about it, but 331 00:14:32.840 --> 00:14:36.320 I'm not sure how this thing is going to manifest 332 00:14:36.480 --> 00:14:37.120 or transpire. 333 00:14:37.200 --> 00:14:38.399 So I'm like, I'm going to Nashville. 334 00:14:39.080 --> 00:14:42.080 And so maybe about three or four months after our 335 00:14:42.120 --> 00:14:45.480 initial meeting, I got fired from my job. It was 336 00:14:45.519 --> 00:14:49.799 such an unusual situation because they had we had we 337 00:14:49.879 --> 00:14:52.000 had a way of doing things, and then they was like, Okay, 338 00:14:52.039 --> 00:14:54.080 don't do We're not doing things like this, but if 339 00:14:54.120 --> 00:14:56.240 you do it, you're gonna get a first final written 340 00:14:56.240 --> 00:14:58.600 one in. So I did it like maybe two weeks 341 00:14:58.679 --> 00:15:00.960 after we weren't supposed to do it, got on the 342 00:15:00.960 --> 00:15:03.960 first final written warning and it was cool whatever. And 343 00:15:04.000 --> 00:15:07.320 then the second time it happened, they didn't. They did 344 00:15:07.360 --> 00:15:10.720 an audit maybe three months after the initial time and 345 00:15:10.799 --> 00:15:13.639 saw that I had did it one more time after woods, 346 00:15:13.720 --> 00:15:15.279 and so they called me in the office and they 347 00:15:15.320 --> 00:15:17.799 want to have this conversation. Now, during this three month period, 348 00:15:17.799 --> 00:15:20.240 I had seen people being walked out for this same offense. 349 00:15:20.480 --> 00:15:23.039 So I'm like, oh, my goodness. And so prior to 350 00:15:23.080 --> 00:15:25.519 me getting to work that day, my cousin called and 351 00:15:25.600 --> 00:15:28.080 was like, Chanelle, when you go into work, I don't 352 00:15:28.120 --> 00:15:29.000 want you to be afraid. 353 00:15:29.039 --> 00:15:30.960 And I'm like, what are you talking about, you know. 354 00:15:31.000 --> 00:15:33.120 And I guess in her prayer time she saw this 355 00:15:33.200 --> 00:15:35.440 whole occurrence because when I got there, I wasn't there 356 00:15:35.480 --> 00:15:37.240 thirty minutes and they did call me in the office 357 00:15:37.480 --> 00:15:39.399 and they let me know what happened, and they said 358 00:15:39.399 --> 00:15:40.360 they needed to discuss it. 359 00:15:40.399 --> 00:15:41.840 They didn't walk me out, so I was able to 360 00:15:41.879 --> 00:15:42.519 go back to work. 361 00:15:43.200 --> 00:15:45.559 And so as a day progressed, I noticed I wasn't 362 00:15:45.559 --> 00:15:47.600 getting any more I was a claims adjusted, I wasn't 363 00:15:47.600 --> 00:15:49.440 getting any more claims. And so I went to my 364 00:15:49.480 --> 00:15:51.399 manager and I'm like, hey, I'm like, it's today in 365 00:15:51.480 --> 00:15:54.039 my last day, and he almost choked on his soda 366 00:15:54.039 --> 00:15:56.159 because I guess they didn't want me to know. He 367 00:15:56.200 --> 00:15:57.279 was like, well, we were just going to let you 368 00:15:57.360 --> 00:16:00.159 finish out the day. I said, okay, no problem, and 369 00:16:00.200 --> 00:16:03.039 so I did an exit interview, and in the exit interview, 370 00:16:03.159 --> 00:16:04.759 the director said, I hear you're. 371 00:16:04.639 --> 00:16:06.360 Going to Nashville. 372 00:16:06.559 --> 00:16:08.399 So I don't know where she got that from. I 373 00:16:08.519 --> 00:16:11.519 shared with my peers, but not the director of the company. 374 00:16:11.600 --> 00:16:14.039 You know what I'm saying. And so I'm like, wow, 375 00:16:14.080 --> 00:16:15.360 I guess I'm going to Nashville. 376 00:16:15.960 --> 00:16:18.799 And so I was out of work maybe two weeks 377 00:16:18.799 --> 00:16:20.080 before I

moved to Nashville. 378 00:16:21.240 --> 00:16:23.039 At the time, I didn't have the money to make 379 00:16:23.039 --> 00:16:23.960 the move. I never forget. 380 00:16:24.039 --> 00:16:25.320 I was on the phone with my sister, and I 381 00:16:25.320 --> 00:16:27.320 had made steps to getting a place. 382 00:16:27.360 --> 00:16:28.559 I had already secured an apartment. 383 00:16:28.600 --> 00:16:30.799 But you had already you were a homeowner in Charlotte. 384 00:16:30.799 --> 00:16:31.879 I was a homeowner in Charlotte. 385 00:16:31.960 --> 00:16:35.200 Yeah, I had my home, and I hired a broker 386 00:16:35.240 --> 00:16:37.960 who brought runners in and I was doing all of 387 00:16:38.000 --> 00:16:40.159 this at the same time, Like, my house was still 388 00:16:40.240 --> 00:16:42.519 my house when I left, But I wanted to go, 389 00:16:42.720 --> 00:16:43.440 like cause I didn't. 390 00:16:43.720 --> 00:16:45.360 I didn't have a job. So it was like, Okay, 391 00:16:45.360 --> 00:16:46.120 what are you going to do now? 392 00:16:46.120 --> 00:16:47.879 You need to get somewhere and get situated so you 393 00:16:47.879 --> 00:16:50.399 can find another job. And so that's why I moved 394 00:16:50.399 --> 00:16:54.000 so quickly, and so within two weeks I made the 395 00:16:54.039 --> 00:16:56.720 decision that I was going to Nashville. I secured the apartment. 396 00:16:57.240 --> 00:16:58.720 I was on the phone with my sister. I'm like, 397 00:16:58.919 --> 00:17:01.200 I got the apartment, but I don't have the money. 398 00:17:01.639 --> 00:17:04.319 And as I'm telling her this, I'm checking my mailbox, 399 00:17:04.640 --> 00:17:06.519 and I'll open my mailbox and there's a check for 400 00:17:06.599 --> 00:17:07.200 what I needed. 401 00:17:07.240 --> 00:17:08.759 It was a refund check because I was in school 402 00:17:08.799 --> 00:17:08.960 at the. 403 00:17:08.960 --> 00:17:12.119 Time, getting my master's degree, And so I said, do 404 00:17:12.200 --> 00:17:15.240 you believe I got the money to make this move? 405 00:17:16.000 --> 00:17:18.599 And so I made the move. I had some of 406 00:17:18.640 --> 00:17:20.319 my church members come pack my car. 407 00:17:20.519 --> 00:17:22.160 What couldn't fit in the car didn't go. 408 00:17:22.799 --> 00:17:25.400 So all this time you were thinking, like the stars 409 00:17:25.440 --> 00:17:29.039 are aligning, this is all all the dooking together. For 410 00:17:29.200 --> 00:17:31.960 my goodness, I am supposed to do this in this 411 00:17:32.000 --> 00:17:35.319 season of my life. Yes, you're thirty three years old, 412 00:17:35.319 --> 00:17:39.240 thirty at the time, then moved to Nashvilleville a couple. 413 00:17:39.599 --> 00:17:41.920 I mean, this is like two weeks after I lost 414 00:17:41.960 --> 00:17:44.240 my job, two weeks after you lose your job, you 415 00:17:44.400 --> 00:17:49.079 moved to Nashville, no job, no job, no income, no income, 416 00:17:49.240 --> 00:17:52.880 and you

go to the church and start serving. And 417 00:17:52.960 --> 00:17:55.359 so I want to I want you to really tell 418 00:17:55.400 --> 00:17:57.400 the story because I think that there are so many 419 00:17:57.400 --> 00:18:01.720 women who are seated in many churches across nation and 420 00:18:01.920 --> 00:18:05.720 they have this thought that well, maybe this is my husband, 421 00:18:06.240 --> 00:18:08.319 or maybe this is the space that I'm supposed to 422 00:18:08.359 --> 00:18:10.279 be here and set up shop and this is going 423 00:18:10.359 --> 00:18:12.720 to be my life. I want you to kind of 424 00:18:12.759 --> 00:18:14.559 walk through what was going through your mind. 425 00:18:14.640 --> 00:18:17.920 I have to say this, while he was not my husband, 426 00:18:18.200 --> 00:18:20.960 God deathinely led me there because everything that I do 427 00:18:21.119 --> 00:18:26.519 today I learned in that ministry. Absolutely, I absolutely my 428 00:18:26.640 --> 00:18:29.920 commnistry because he had something similar, but in church, whereas 429 00:18:29.960 --> 00:18:31.359 mine is, you know, more secular. 430 00:18:31.839 --> 00:18:34.519 I learned that. I told you, I was in school. 431 00:18:34.319 --> 00:18:36.519 Getting my master's degree and I was serving on the 432 00:18:36.559 --> 00:18:39.519 marketing team, and so just having that exposure to that 433 00:18:39.640 --> 00:18:43.400 level of ministry, that's what prepared me to do the 434 00:18:43.440 --> 00:18:45.200 things that I did. But at the time I didn't 435 00:18:45.200 --> 00:18:47.319 know that. I mean, I was praying for a husband. 436 00:18:47.359 --> 00:18:51.680 I didn't know this is the thing, purpose, destiny, vision 437 00:18:52.079 --> 00:18:54.640 that those were all cliche words to me back then. 438 00:18:54.720 --> 00:18:56.720 Now we talk about that today you see it on 439 00:18:56.759 --> 00:18:59.599 social media, but we didn't have social media back then, right, 440 00:19:00.079 --> 00:19:03.319 So that I'm just going because I'm like, God, I'm 441 00:19:03.920 --> 00:19:04.920 asking for a husband. 442 00:19:05.000 --> 00:19:06.759 This is what I'm asking you for. 443 00:19:07.240 --> 00:19:08.880 But he was like, if you want a husband, you 444 00:19:08.880 --> 00:19:10.559 got to get in purpose first, you got to serve 445 00:19:10.599 --> 00:19:13.200 me first. I didn't understand that though I was just 446 00:19:13.279 --> 00:19:16.480 doing what I thought I should do. Now. I had 447 00:19:16.519 --> 00:19:19.920 a passion to do marketing. I was in school for it, 448 00:19:20.160 --> 00:19:22.039 and so I did it for the ministry, but I 449 00:19:22.039 --> 00:19:25.079 didn't understand that as being purpose at the time. I 450 00:19:25.119 --> 00:19:26.839 just thought I was being put in position. 451 00:19:27.279 --> 00:19:29.359 I didn't believe that this. 452 00:19:29.640 --> 00:19:32.720 I believe God to bring this thing together. Like I 453 00:19:32.799 --> 00:19:37.400 never like stalked him or did anything inappropriate. That's not 454 00:19:37.440 --> 00:19:39.880 my stat I don't do that. But I just put 455 00:19:39.880 --> 00:19:44.599 myself in position thinking that the situation would, you know, 456 00:19:44.640 --> 00:19:47.480 God would create a situation where he'll see you, he'll 457 00:19:47.480 --> 00:19:51.160 see me, and will connect. And so I moved down there. 458 00:19:51.359 --> 00:19:54.400 I didn't tell him I was moving down there. Actually 459 00:19:54.400 --> 00:19:57.279 didn't call him until I attended church service that Sunday. 460 00:19:57.440 --> 00:19:58.680 I got there on a Saturday and I went to 461 00:19:58.720 --> 00:20:01.799 church on Sunday. At the church, I did reach out, 462 00:20:02.359 --> 00:20:04.119 and you know, he asked me. You know, I told 463 00:20:04.200 --> 00:20:05.960 him I moved there. He's like, what are you doing here? 464 00:20:06.000 --> 00:20:07.640 And I told him I moved there, and he was like, 465 00:20:07.880 --> 00:20:10.039 do you have a job, And I'm like no, he 466 00:20:10.079 --> 00:20:12.400 was like, you don't have a job. Like no, I'm 467 00:20:12.400 --> 00:20:15.319 working on it. And so at the time he said 468 00:20:15.319 --> 00:20:17.799 he was seeing someone else and. 469 00:20:18.319 --> 00:20:20.799 That was essentially it. It was a very short conversakase. 470 00:20:20.799 --> 00:20:22.839 So when he tells you because in your mind, you're 471 00:20:22.880 --> 00:20:24.839 still thinking that this is your husband. So when he 472 00:20:24.920 --> 00:20:28.079 tells you he's seeing somebody else, what does it trigger 473 00:20:28.119 --> 00:20:28.359 for you? 474 00:20:29.519 --> 00:20:32.680 It's still I still believe what I believed. I knew 475 00:20:32.720 --> 00:20:34.400 it was not something that I could do on my 476 00:20:34.440 --> 00:20:37.319 own strength and power, and I was just gonna serve. 477 00:20:37.839 --> 00:20:40.720 I believe that if I served my way, God would 478 00:20:40.759 --> 00:20:43.039 create or open that door for me in his time. 479 00:20:43.440 --> 00:20:45.960 I didn't try to do something to make it happen 480 00:20:46.240 --> 00:20:49.279 or be weird about it. You know, It's not something 481 00:20:49.319 --> 00:20:53.319 that I was proud of. It was definitely a private struggle, 482 00:20:53.519 --> 00:20:55.599 something that I was struggling with and trying to come 483 00:20:55.640 --> 00:20:57.839 to terms with. And there were a few times where 484 00:20:57.880 --> 00:21:00.920 I entertained the idea that I missed God. 485 00:21:01.640 --> 00:21:03.839 But the thought of that the pain. 486 00:21:04.039 --> 00:21:06.200 What you mean when you say you miss Maybe this 487 00:21:06.279 --> 00:21:09.960 isn't who I believed him to be. But the thought 488 00:21:10.079 --> 00:21:13.920 of missing God was too painful to entertain, because you 489 00:21:13.920 --> 00:21:17.720 got to

think, I've moved, I've left my home, I've 490 00:21:17.759 --> 00:21:20.480 left my church, my family, my friends, and I'm in 491 00:21:20.640 --> 00:21:24.759 a whole new city right and just getting set up 492 00:21:24.839 --> 00:21:27.200 was the easy part. I got to Nashville, and I 493 00:21:27.279 --> 00:21:30.319 kept getting this form email from the human resources department 494 00:21:30.400 --> 00:21:34.240 at the companies I worked for prior to not the claims. 495 00:21:34.240 --> 00:21:36.240 But I was with AT and T for three years. 496 00:21:36.480 --> 00:21:38.799 Bell South turned to AT and T, and I kept 497 00:21:38.799 --> 00:21:42.799 getting this email about my old position. So I'm like, 498 00:21:42.799 --> 00:21:45.160 they keep sending me this email. Let me call human 499 00:21:45.200 --> 00:21:48.160 resources and let them know I'm in Nashville. I'm no 500 00:21:48.200 --> 00:21:49.680 longer in Charlotte. And so I did, and I knew 501 00:21:49.680 --> 00:21:51.880 the lady in human resources, and I was like, hey, 502 00:21:51.960 --> 00:21:53.720 I said, you know, I keep getting this email about 503 00:21:53.759 --> 00:21:56.279 this wrong, I said, but I'm in Nashville. She said, 504 00:21:56.279 --> 00:21:59.000 we have some positions available. When they called me back, 505 00:21:59.039 --> 00:22:01.039 they didn't want to interview me. They just said, we 506 00:22:01.039 --> 00:22:03.119 want to do a drug test. They did the drug test. 507 00:22:03.160 --> 00:22:03.640 I got the job. 508 00:22:03.680 --> 00:22:05.720 They started me at my same rate to pay, and 509 00:22:05.799 --> 00:22:08.000 I was set. And I showed up at the company. 510 00:22:08.279 --> 00:22:10.440 They didn't know who I was. Nobody had interviewed me. 511 00:22:10.720 --> 00:22:14.440 But I had a job. So those things it just happened. 512 00:22:14.519 --> 00:22:17.839 Yeah, you know, so I didn't have I didn't struggle 513 00:22:17.960 --> 00:22:18.960 at the beginning when. 514 00:22:18.880 --> 00:22:19.279 I got there. 515 00:22:19.319 --> 00:22:21.160 I got there, I got situated, I got a job, 516 00:22:21.519 --> 00:22:23.319 and in the meantime until my job started because it 517 00:22:23.319 --> 00:22:24.960 was around I got there in October, so it was 518 00:22:25.000 --> 00:22:27.240 around the holidays when all this stuff started to transition. 519 00:22:27.599 --> 00:22:29.680 So I didn't start my job until January. I worked 520 00:22:29.680 --> 00:22:31.440 for UPS because I'm a hustler. I do whatever it 521 00:22:31.440 --> 00:22:31.880 takes to. 522 00:22:31.839 --> 00:22:32.440 Make it happen. 523 00:22:32.759 --> 00:22:35.880 So I didn't have a hard time with that transition. 524 00:22:36.920 --> 00:22:40.079 Things were fairly smooth, Like I wasn't tripping on the 525 00:22:40.119 --> 00:22:42.920 fact that he and I weren't talking, because I'm like, 526 00:22:43.079 --> 00:22:45.799 you know, God's gonna do it. I'm believing God, and 527 00:22:45.839 --> 00:22:48.759 so that's what my mindset was. I went there, I 528 00:22:48.799 --> 00:22:53.559 made friends, I served in ministry, and everything was fine. 529 00:22:53.720 --> 00:22:56.960 Things didn't get crazy until he introduced his. 530 00:22:57.119 --> 00:23:01.400 Now wife to the church. Okay, so then when that happened, 531 00:23:02.119 --> 00:23:04.559 what did that do for you? In your mind and 532 00:23:04.599 --> 00:23:05.200 in your spirit? 533 00:23:05.240 --> 00:23:06.039 It was devastating. 534 00:23:06.640 --> 00:23:11.119 It was devastating, Like I can't articulate the pain that 535 00:23:11.240 --> 00:23:16.400 I felt in that moment, the confusion, the frustration, the 536 00:23:16.440 --> 00:23:21.000 whole idea of I came to a new city, you know, 537 00:23:21.400 --> 00:23:24.960 gave up my life in Charlotte, and I blame God 538 00:23:25.039 --> 00:23:27.880 for it, Like God, why did you allow this to 539 00:23:28.079 --> 00:23:32.759 happen to me? And so I went through all those emotions, 540 00:23:33.559 --> 00:23:36.880 and but I still believed, and I was and it 541 00:23:36.920 --> 00:23:39.960 didn't matter. Like, on the one hand, you got the 542 00:23:40.480 --> 00:23:43.000 confusion the frustration, but on the other hand, I still 543 00:23:43.079 --> 00:23:46.559 believe because isn't this what we're taught. So we're taught 544 00:23:46.599 --> 00:23:48.759 to walk by faith and not by sight. 545 00:23:48.880 --> 00:23:54.880 Now, now, most people who read the Bible, there is 546 00:23:55.039 --> 00:23:59.279 a passage in this said he that finds it absolutely 547 00:23:59.440 --> 00:24:02.799 find that the good thing, and gets favored with the Lord. 548 00:24:02.880 --> 00:24:06.279 I might be you know that's right. Okay, So in 549 00:24:06.319 --> 00:24:10.599 your mind, were you thinking like he's going to find 550 00:24:10.680 --> 00:24:12.200 me in this situation? 551 00:24:12.519 --> 00:24:15.960 Or in my mind, I put myself in position, Like 552 00:24:16.000 --> 00:24:18.640 I said, I wasn't calling him. I wasn't you know 553 00:24:18.680 --> 00:24:22.079 what I'm saying. I wasn't putting myself in his space 554 00:24:22.200 --> 00:24:23.359 per se, because the church. 555 00:24:23.240 --> 00:24:26.079 Is large, so he never knew that you even really 556 00:24:26.160 --> 00:24:27.640 were interested in him. 557 00:24:28.039 --> 00:24:29.680 Well, I mean, because we had to remember, I spend 558 00:24:29.680 --> 00:24:30.400 the night at his house. 559 00:24:30.759 --> 00:24:33.079 You spent the night, but y'all didn't have sex. 560 00:24:35.279 --> 00:24:38.279 Truth of their challenge and so and he asked me, 561 00:24:38.920 --> 00:24:40.519 like one of the questions he asked me that night 562 00:24:40.559 --> 00:24:43.039 at his house was he was like, what's one of 563 00:24:43.079 --> 00:24:46.200 the things that you guys talked about on your way here, 564 00:24:47.200 --> 00:24:50.799 and so

I'm looking at him like and so I said, 565 00:24:50.839 --> 00:24:53.759 I just was, you know, interested in getting to know you, 566 00:24:53.880 --> 00:24:56.079 That's what I said. So I never said this is 567 00:24:56.119 --> 00:24:57.640 what I believe because I was still kind of like 568 00:24:57.680 --> 00:25:00.480 I believed it, but I don't know. So that's kind 569 00:25:00.480 --> 00:25:02.599 of how I responded to him. But absolutely I believe 570 00:25:02.680 --> 00:25:06.400 that scripture. So I didn't feel I wasn't pursuing him 571 00:25:06.480 --> 00:25:09.599 actively pursuing him. But I did put myself in position 572 00:25:09.640 --> 00:25:10.000 for sure. 573 00:25:10.079 --> 00:25:11.599 I mean, you uprooted your life. 574 00:25:11.640 --> 00:25:11.960 I did. 575 00:25:12.160 --> 00:25:15.599 Yeah. So when was it after how long were you 576 00:25:15.720 --> 00:25:19.079 there that he introduced his current wife? Just shy of 577 00:25:19.119 --> 00:25:22.119 the year, So you were there a year and then 578 00:25:22.319 --> 00:25:25.039 he introduces her one day at church and you're like 579 00:25:25.160 --> 00:25:29.200 totally blindsided by this. Well, prior to him introducing her, 580 00:25:29.200 --> 00:25:31.640 because I served on the marketing team, they used to 581 00:25:31.640 --> 00:25:34.240 make Joe's like Bishop got a girlfriend, and so I 582 00:25:34.240 --> 00:25:36.960 would just be listening, like I didn't entertain the conversation, 583 00:25:37.039 --> 00:25:37.720 but I'm listening. 584 00:25:37.759 --> 00:25:40.440 I'm like, no, in my mind, no, he don't, you know, 585 00:25:41.920 --> 00:25:44.240 listen in my mind, no girl. But they would talk 586 00:25:44.279 --> 00:25:47.519 about it and chat and I'm just listening, and you know, 587 00:25:47.680 --> 00:25:49.680 because I guess she had started to come visit because 588 00:25:49.680 --> 00:25:52.440 she didn't live in Nashville. She lived somewhere else, and 589 00:25:52.519 --> 00:25:55.480 so they would talk about it and I would just listen. 590 00:25:56.039 --> 00:25:58.759 And so he didn't because she didn't live there. She 591 00:25:58.799 --> 00:26:00.960 wasn't at church, you know, signed it. But then she 592 00:26:01.000 --> 00:26:04.519 started coming to church, you know, and then he announced it. 593 00:26:04.880 --> 00:26:07.640 You know that this was someone special and went through 594 00:26:08.039 --> 00:26:10.759 her whole. You know, she's an extraordinary person. She went 595 00:26:10.839 --> 00:26:13.880 here here here in terms of her education, her pedigree. 596 00:26:14.359 --> 00:26:15.799 And then that's how it happened. 597 00:26:15.799 --> 00:26:18.119 And then the weird thing about that is when he 598 00:26:18.160 --> 00:26:20.799 made this announcement, there was a lady sitting in front 599 00:26:20.839 --> 00:26:23.200 of me. This lady turned around and looked at me 600 00:26:23.279 --> 00:26:27.799 and said, she looks like you. I said, what this 601 00:26:27.839 --> 00:26:29.079 is what she says, just out the blue. And the 602 00:26:29.160 --> 00:26:31.240 lady turns around and says, Now, this lady. 603 00:26:31.079 --> 00:26:32.279 Don't know what I'm believing. 604 00:26:32.960 --> 00:26:34.920 She just turns around because I'm there every sunner that 605 00:26:35.000 --> 00:26:37.119 I'm a little suit on. So and I'm six foot 606 00:26:37.160 --> 00:26:38.079 one with no shoes on. 607 00:26:38.240 --> 00:26:41.799 I mean, they know I'm in the Amazon, Yeah, they 608 00:26:41.839 --> 00:26:42.960 know in the room. 609 00:26:43.519 --> 00:26:46.279 So she looked at me and said, she looks like you, 610 00:26:46.960 --> 00:26:50.400 and I said, wow, God, this is crazy. 611 00:26:51.240 --> 00:26:53.559 So yeah, so that's what happened. 612 00:26:54.200 --> 00:26:57.480 I mean during this time of this eight years because 613 00:26:57.519 --> 00:27:00.079 this is she's introduced a year after you've been to church. 614 00:27:00.160 --> 00:27:03.880 But you stay. I committed to the ministry and serving 615 00:27:03.880 --> 00:27:05.759 in this ministry for a number of years. 616 00:27:05.640 --> 00:27:08.640 Because in that moment, my thought process was this, I'm 617 00:27:08.640 --> 00:27:11.559 not here like I believe that this man is my husband, 618 00:27:11.559 --> 00:27:14.079 but God, I'm here for you. I'm like, so regardless 619 00:27:14.079 --> 00:27:16.720 of whether you do it or not, I'm not here 620 00:27:16.799 --> 00:27:17.720 for a man. 621 00:27:18.440 --> 00:27:18.680 Right. 622 00:27:18.880 --> 00:27:20.880 The thing that hurt me, I think more than anything, 623 00:27:20.960 --> 00:27:23.599 it wasn't about a man. It was about I uprooted 624 00:27:23.599 --> 00:27:26.880 my whole life. Yeah, I lost all these things, you know. 625 00:27:27.079 --> 00:27:30.039 So and then then that situation happened. So all of 626 00:27:30.079 --> 00:27:33.039 that put together just made for a disaster. And so 627 00:27:33.160 --> 00:27:35.160 I wanted to prove to God that I'm not here 628 00:27:35.759 --> 00:27:37.839 for him, Like, if you don't do it, I'm still 629 00:27:37.880 --> 00:27:42.119 here for you. I'm still committed to serving you. And 630 00:27:42.200 --> 00:27:47.039 so I stayed. So where was the shift that happened? 631 00:27:47.079 --> 00:27:49.559 Because in the interview you talked about when you shared 632 00:27:49.599 --> 00:27:52.839 this story that you know, things had gotten really bad 633 00:27:52.880 --> 00:27:56.759 for you financially. You ended up losing your place to 634 00:27:56.839 --> 00:27:58.599 live in your car. 635 00:27:58.799 --> 00:28:01.799 Well, what happened was I least so he married her, 636 00:28:03.200 --> 00:28:05.880 and so after he married her, a few months after, 637 00:28:06.480 --> 00:28:10.079 I lost my job and then my lease expired on 638 00:28:10.119 --> 00:28:12.519 my apartment. So I left and I went home to 639

00:28:12.640 --> 00:28:15.240 Jersey and I stayed there for three months, but I'm like, 640 00:28:15.279 --> 00:28:17.079 this is not where I'm supposed to be. Like I 641 00:28:17.079 --> 00:28:20.000 hadn't been here since I was since before college, so 642 00:28:20.000 --> 00:28:22.440 I knew that wasn't home for me, And so I 643 00:28:22.480 --> 00:28:25.119 had mented some young girls prior to leaving. I'm like, hey, 644 00:28:25.400 --> 00:28:27.880 can I come crash for crash with you for two weeks? 645 00:28:28.039 --> 00:28:29.240 Cause it's I don't know. 646 00:28:29.359 --> 00:28:31.440 I used to be a flight attendant many many, many 647 00:28:31.480 --> 00:28:33.240 years ago, so I knew how to navigate and move 648 00:28:33.279 --> 00:28:35.440 in different spaces. So I knew if I just get 649 00:28:35.480 --> 00:28:37.799 back down there, get back to work, you know, everything 650 00:28:37.839 --> 00:28:40.240 would be fine. But when I got back down there, 651 00:28:42.359 --> 00:28:43.839 I felt like I was saying, I want you to 652 00:28:43.880 --> 00:28:46.480 serve in this season. So I didn't go right back 653 00:28:46.480 --> 00:28:48.119 to work. So what was supposed to be a two 654 00:28:48.200 --> 00:28:51.799 week stay ended up being a fifteen month stay. 655 00:28:52.079 --> 00:28:55.880 And you were living in your mentees door. 656 00:28:56.240 --> 00:28:57.200 Well I was living. 657 00:28:57.279 --> 00:28:59.400 Initially, I stayed with her for a couple of weeks, 658 00:28:59.440 --> 00:29:02.079 but then the I don't know what you call the 659 00:29:02.079 --> 00:29:07.200 director of the RAS. But so Nashville is it's a 660 00:29:07.240 --> 00:29:09.920 decent sized city, but everybody goes to this church. And 661 00:29:09.960 --> 00:29:12.519 so because they knew, you know, I went to this church, 662 00:29:12.559 --> 00:29:15.640 I serve in ministry. The lady who was over the 663 00:29:15.759 --> 00:29:17.440 ra as, she gave the okay for me to stay 664 00:29:17.480 --> 00:29:19.240 there a couple of weeks. Well, there was a certain 665 00:29:19.240 --> 00:29:22.920 scenario that didn't involve me, where another student tried to, 666 00:29:23.160 --> 00:29:25.680 you know, put this lady, throw this lady under the bus. 667 00:29:25.720 --> 00:29:27.279 And so they said I had to leave, and so 668 00:29:27.839 --> 00:29:30.359 I left from her place and they put me in 669 00:29:30.400 --> 00:29:32.000 an apartment on the campus. 670 00:29:32.279 --> 00:29:32.519 Wow. 671 00:29:32.519 --> 00:29:34.960 So I wasn't with her, but I was. You know, 672 00:29:35.039 --> 00:29:37.279 they were responsible that they were moving me around, They 673 00:29:37.359 --> 00:29:40.160 was navigating, you know, they was creating space. If there 674 00:29:40.200 --> 00:29:42.519 was like an empty room, they allow me to stay 675 00:29:42.519 --> 00:29:42.960 in that space. 676 00:29:43.000 --> 00:29:46.039 I mean, this is happening when you're in your late thirties. 677 00:29:46.119 --> 00:29:48.039 At this point, it was. 678 00:29:49.440 --> 00:29:55.839 Twenty ten, So yeah, so how is that twenty ten? 679 00:29:57.559 --> 00:30:00.200 I was thirty three, so this was what three, So 680 00:30:00.559 --> 00:30:01.599 thirty thirty six. 681 00:30:02.079 --> 00:30:08.000 Yeah, at what point were did you stop blaming God 682 00:30:08.319 --> 00:30:11.920 and then start to examine the part that you played into. 683 00:30:11.839 --> 00:30:13.920 I'm gonna stop blaming God for a while. It was 684 00:30:13.920 --> 00:30:15.279 some years. It was some years. 685 00:30:15.440 --> 00:30:20.359 So at the time, like, this is the thing I'm 686 00:30:20.440 --> 00:30:23.880 and even today, I'm a radical Christian, Like I'm I'm 687 00:30:23.920 --> 00:30:26.119 gonna take the risk. If anybody's gonna take the risk, 688 00:30:26.200 --> 00:30:28.680 if anybody's gonna take the gamble, it's gonna be me. 689 00:30:29.279 --> 00:30:32.519 And so I was willing to go through, you know, 690 00:30:32.559 --> 00:30:34.759 what I needed to go through. I was like, Lord, 691 00:30:34.759 --> 00:30:36.240 if this is what I gotta go through to get 692 00:30:36.319 --> 00:30:38.359 what I want, then I'm willing to do just that. 693 00:30:38.799 --> 00:30:41.279 And so that was my mindset, right. 694 00:30:41.359 --> 00:30:43.559 So a lot of what I went through, while it 695 00:30:43.599 --> 00:30:46.720 was hurtful, it was painful, I was willing to endure 696 00:30:46.720 --> 00:30:48.720 it because that's just how bad I wanted it. And 697 00:30:48.759 --> 00:30:51.359 it wasn't so much centered on this man more so 698 00:30:51.400 --> 00:30:53.839 than it was on the idea of just wanting to 699 00:30:53.880 --> 00:30:59.839 be married Selp. It was an unbridled desire to be 700 00:31:00.240 --> 00:31:02.599 married to a husband, to have a husband, and it 701 00:31:02.880 --> 00:31:05.359 like it just wasn't directed towards him. He just happened 702 00:31:05.400 --> 00:31:08.000 to be the object of my affection at that time. 703 00:31:08.079 --> 00:31:10.359 But I just had a desire to be married. 704 00:31:10.400 --> 00:31:13.160 All my friends had gotten married or either had children 705 00:31:13.240 --> 00:31:16.400 and I had I had neither, and so I really 706 00:31:16.759 --> 00:31:19.400 wanted this and I really believe, I really believed it. 707 00:31:19.440 --> 00:31:21.000 And the thing about it is because I was in 708 00:31:21.039 --> 00:31:24.160 the word, God was speaking, but he wasn't speaking to that. 709 00:31:25.400 --> 00:31:27.799 He was speaking, but it went to that. It wasn't 710 00:31:27.839 --> 00:31:28.279 to that. 711 00:31:28.599 --> 00:31:30.599 And I mean, I can admit that he was speaking 712 00:31:30.640 --> 00:31:34.359 because I was serving and you know, achieving a certain 713 00:31:34.440 --> 00:31:37.279 level of success even in ministry, looking like hell. You know, 714 00:31:37.440 -->

00:31:39.920 we had a magazine there and I had just got 715 00:31:40.000 --> 00:31:42.599 my MBA and I went out into the community and 716 00:31:42.640 --> 00:31:45.440 I raised about thirty thousand dollars for the church, you know, 717 00:31:45.559 --> 00:31:48.039 and selling the magazine. Ads I wrote for the magazine, 718 00:31:48.079 --> 00:31:50.599 I edited for the magazine, and so these are all 719 00:31:50.960 --> 00:31:52.799 the things that I do for my own business today. 720 00:31:53.319 --> 00:31:55.640 But he was speaking, He was preparing me for purpose. 721 00:31:55.799 --> 00:31:57.079 It just wasn't for this man. 722 00:31:57.359 --> 00:31:58.839 And that's where I got it mixed up. 723 00:31:58.920 --> 00:32:01.880 So after I came back and I was serving, well, 724 00:32:01.880 --> 00:32:03.039 things got bad because I. 725 00:32:03.039 --> 00:32:03.880 Didn't have an income. 726 00:32:04.319 --> 00:32:06.319 So I lost my car, you know, After a couple 727 00:32:06.400 --> 00:32:08.960 months of being there. I couldn't afford to take care 728 00:32:08.960 --> 00:32:12.000 of myself. I couldn't afford to eat. I mean I 729 00:32:12.039 --> 00:32:13.160 was looking like death. 730 00:32:13.400 --> 00:32:14.799 You said you were eating mustard. 731 00:32:15.119 --> 00:32:18.039 I had mustard for dinner with time. Yeah, for sure, 732 00:32:18.079 --> 00:32:19.200 I put I have much. 733 00:32:19.079 --> 00:32:21.559 That we didn't have food. This young lady, she struggled 734 00:32:21.559 --> 00:32:23.400 with me, and she shouldn't have had to do that. 735 00:32:23.440 --> 00:32:28.519 Shout out to Jasmine. Jasmine, she's a trooper. 736 00:32:29.440 --> 00:32:32.400 I had mentor the girls prior to me going through 737 00:32:32.440 --> 00:32:34.039 what I went through, and I would take them out 738 00:32:34.079 --> 00:32:36.480 to eat and teach them etiquette and we would talk 739 00:32:36.519 --> 00:32:39.680 about different things, and so they really looked up to me. 740 00:32:39.759 --> 00:32:41.599 But I was not a mentor. And I be the 741 00:32:41.599 --> 00:32:43.400 first one to say I was not a mentor to 742 00:32:43.599 --> 00:32:46.200 Hurt in that moment. But she's stuck beside me. 743 00:32:46.279 --> 00:32:48.960 She really Yeah. So I want you to speak to 744 00:32:49.000 --> 00:32:53.319 the women who are listening to this and they have 745 00:32:53.440 --> 00:32:56.799 found themselves in a similar situation where maybe it's not 746 00:32:56.880 --> 00:32:59.279 a church, but maybe it's somewhere else that they placed 747 00:32:59.279 --> 00:33:03.319 themselves because they thought they heard God push them in 748 00:33:03.359 --> 00:33:06.559 that direction. What would you say to women who find 749 00:33:06.599 --> 00:33:10.279 themselves in a situation where the thing that they want 750 00:33:10.359 --> 00:33:11.319 doesn't want them. 751 00:33:11.160 --> 00:33:14.000 Back, right, So, first of all, God is very strategic. 752 00:33:14.319 --> 00:33:17.480 There was no indicator, like, there was nothing happening that 753 00:33:17.640 --> 00:33:19.799 indicated that this man was my husband. So we got 754 00:33:19.839 --> 00:33:22.559 to be practical. First of all, He's very practical. He 755 00:33:22.640 --> 00:33:25.359 is not mythical like people try to make him to be. 756 00:33:25.799 --> 00:33:28.640 When I did get my life in alignment and I 757 00:33:28.680 --> 00:33:31.799 started following his direction and what he wanted me to do, Like, 758 00:33:31.880 --> 00:33:34.319 I know both sides of the spectrum, so I know 759 00:33:34.480 --> 00:33:37.559 what it is to miss God and mis manipulate the word, 760 00:33:37.599 --> 00:33:39.559 but I also know what it is to hear God 761 00:33:40.119 --> 00:33:42.160 and you know, and be in purpose and do all 762 00:33:42.200 --> 00:33:46.680 those things. He's very strategic and very purposeful. Everything that 763 00:33:46.720 --> 00:33:51.160 I was doing was directed toward purpose. Nothing I was doing. 764 00:33:51.079 --> 00:33:53.839 Was directed towards this man. It just wasn't. 765 00:33:54.000 --> 00:33:56.960 There was no indicator that this is who I believed 766 00:33:57.039 --> 00:33:59.319 him to be. Now at the time, I couldn't allow 767 00:33:59.319 --> 00:34:01.720 myself to believe it. But you gotta have a real 768 00:34:02.160 --> 00:34:04.680 grown up talk with yourself, right, You just gotta be 769 00:34:04.759 --> 00:34:05.799 honest with yourself. 770 00:34:06.039 --> 00:34:06.960 Like I said, there were. 771 00:34:07.000 --> 00:34:10.360 Times where I entertained the idea that maybe I missed God, 772 00:34:10.400 --> 00:34:12.320 and I was like, no, I wouldn't allow myself to 773 00:34:12.360 --> 00:34:16.519 even entertain that thought because of everything that I had lost. 774 00:34:16.880 --> 00:34:19.320 You know, it was just it was it was a 775 00:34:19.400 --> 00:34:23.159 overwhelming feeling. It was an over it was overpower. It 776 00:34:23.239 --> 00:34:28.280 was definitely it affected because of the loss. It affected 777 00:34:28.360 --> 00:34:31.800 everything that I knew about myself, my identity, Like all 778 00:34:31.840 --> 00:34:33.599 of a sudden, I don't know who I am anymore. 779 00:34:33.960 --> 00:34:36.719 I'm doing these things trying to figure it out. You know, 780 00:34:37.079 --> 00:34:39.119 it affected my mental and the major way. I'd be 781 00:34:39.119 --> 00:34:41.320 the first one to say, like I was like no, 782 00:34:41.559 --> 00:34:44.880 and then I'm just persistent by nature, like I'm a hustler. 783 00:34:44.920 --> 00:34:47.440 I'm gonna make it happen by any means necessary. So 784 00:34:47.480 --> 00:34:51.159 that didn't serve me well. Those characteristics and my personality 785 00:34:51.199 --> 00:34:53.679 they served me well now in business, but in that 786 00:34:53.719 --> 00:34:56.519 situation it didn't because I was trying to make something 787

00:34:56.599 --> 00:34:58.719 or force something to be that wasn't. 788 00:34:58.880 --> 00:35:01.079 So we have to be honest with ourselves. 789 00:35:01.199 --> 00:35:03.320 We have to what was the thing the first thing 790 00:35:03.360 --> 00:35:05.760 you told yourself to get out of that slup? What 791 00:35:05.920 --> 00:35:06.840 was the first thing you said to you? 792 00:35:07.039 --> 00:35:08.800 I got sick and tired of being in that situation. 793 00:35:08.880 --> 00:35:10.559 So this was a span of eight years. Yea it 794 00:35:10.639 --> 00:35:13.719 started two thousand and seven, it finally came, I would say, 795 00:35:13.800 --> 00:35:17.119 it started to you. So his daughter was born in 796 00:35:17.119 --> 00:35:21.599 twenty twelve. But things started to transition for me in 797 00:35:21.639 --> 00:35:24.679 twenty fourteen because I was forced to go home because 798 00:35:24.679 --> 00:35:27.480 I couldn't take care of myself and so being in 799 00:35:27.480 --> 00:35:29.320 that situation my mom. 800 00:35:30.039 --> 00:35:31.480 I love my mom. I know she loves me, but 801 00:35:31.519 --> 00:35:33.920 she was like, you gotta get it together. 802 00:35:34.159 --> 00:35:38.639 Like I mean, your parents, both your parents lived with you, Yeah, 803 00:35:38.679 --> 00:35:41.199 so they help you get back on your feet. 804 00:35:41.320 --> 00:35:44.880 So my parents that were divorced have been divorced probably 805 00:35:44.880 --> 00:35:47.599 more than forty years now. But at that particular time, 806 00:35:47.719 --> 00:35:51.559 my mother had relocated to North Carolina, and I asked 807 00:35:51.559 --> 00:35:54.639 my dad to come and live with us because my 808 00:35:54.719 --> 00:35:58.000 mom was very hard on me, and rightfully so, and 809 00:35:58.079 --> 00:36:01.159 so I wanted him to come and some of that. 810 00:36:01.239 --> 00:36:02.800 And I don't want to hurt because the I did 811 00:36:02.880 --> 00:36:05.960 Laitario's interview and that really hurt my mom, you know, 812 00:36:06.039 --> 00:36:09.800 so I want to speak, you know, properly. She was tough, 813 00:36:10.079 --> 00:36:11.719 now I know she loved and she took care of me. 814 00:36:11.840 --> 00:36:13.599 She was the one who made sure I have food, 815 00:36:13.960 --> 00:36:15.760 made sure I had, you know, clothes on my back 816 00:36:15.760 --> 00:36:16.519 and she was on my feet. 817 00:36:16.519 --> 00:36:18.159 But she was tough, like I can't. 818 00:36:18.239 --> 00:36:18.679 You can't. 819 00:36:18.760 --> 00:36:20.920 That was the truth. You can't change it. She was 820 00:36:20.960 --> 00:36:24.239 extremely tough. She didn't understand what I was going through. 821 00:36:25.199 --> 00:36:27.719 She wasn't really interested in understanding. All she knew was 822 00:36:27.719 --> 00:36:29.559 that I needed to get out of that slump and 823 00:36:29.639 --> 00:36:32.679 get back to being the ambitious person, the go getter 824 00:36:32.760 --> 00:36:35.639 that I was, because that situation really had me stuck 825 00:36:35.679 --> 00:36:37.920 in a life's mess, like I didn't have the mental 826 00:36:37.920 --> 00:36:41.639 capacity to do anything to It wasn't an issue of 827 00:36:41.719 --> 00:36:46.079 finding a job. I was mentally stuck, like not knowing 828 00:36:46.760 --> 00:36:49.760 what's my next move, Like what next? I didn't have 829 00:36:49.960 --> 00:36:52.400 or what next? My only what next was how I'm 830 00:36:52.400 --> 00:36:54.599 getting back to Nashville. 831 00:36:54.840 --> 00:36:57.239 You wanted to put yourself back in this situation, to 832 00:36:57.320 --> 00:36:59.320 go back into the city of Nashville, even though that 833 00:36:59.440 --> 00:37:03.599 was a place that really caused a lot of Absolutely, 834 00:37:04.480 --> 00:37:07.440 you said that you tried therapy at one point. 835 00:37:07.519 --> 00:37:09.920 The therapy was later on. I didn't have therapy at 836 00:37:09.920 --> 00:37:10.440 that time. 837 00:37:10.599 --> 00:37:13.280 That was a thing that was like some years later, 838 00:37:13.280 --> 00:37:15.719 after I moved to Atlanta, I tried the therapy, But 839 00:37:16.000 --> 00:37:18.199 during that time, what really got me out of that 840 00:37:18.440 --> 00:37:21.239 was the word like, that was my anchor. 841 00:37:21.800 --> 00:37:23.360 I'd never forget. My mom was like, so the. 842 00:37:23.320 --> 00:37:25.159 Thing that got you into it was the thing that 843 00:37:25.199 --> 00:37:25.559 got you. 844 00:37:25.559 --> 00:37:27.519 Up, Yes, because that was the only thing that gave 845 00:37:27.559 --> 00:37:30.719 me hope. Because still the word it speaks hope. Even 846 00:37:30.800 --> 00:37:34.480 if you get your signals crossed, there's still hope in 847 00:37:34.559 --> 00:37:37.480 that right And so I believe. And that's what gave 848 00:37:37.519 --> 00:37:40.599 me the strength to finally get up and get up 849 00:37:40.679 --> 00:37:43.519 out of that situation. I just got tired of sick 850 00:37:43.519 --> 00:37:46.159 and tired of being sick, tired. You know, I wasn't working. 851 00:37:46.199 --> 00:37:49.039 I started one of my businesses at the time, but 852 00:37:49.199 --> 00:37:51.280 I was in a small town. Because my dad is 853 00:37:51.320 --> 00:37:54.320 from North Carolina, mom's from Jersey. She moved to North Carolina, 854 00:37:54.800 --> 00:37:57.519 Dad and mom moving to a home with me together. 855 00:37:57.639 --> 00:38:00.760 So we were all operating like roommates. That was supporting me. 856 00:38:01.119 --> 00:38:03.559 But now it's like, what am I gonna do here? 857 00:38:04.199 --> 00:38:04.599 You know it? 858 00:38:04.760 --> 00:38:07.320 The town is too small for me. You know, I've 859 00:38:07.320 --> 00:38:09.559 outgrown this time. I went to high school there, it's 860 00:38:09.599 --> 00:38:13.000 my hometown. So I think after a while, I just 861 00:38:13.039 --> 00:38:14.840 got to cause

I'm ambitious, I'm gonna go get her. 862 00:38:14.840 --> 00:38:17.239 And so I sat for three years in North Carolina, 863 00:38:17.559 --> 00:38:20.079 just trying to figure it out. Mama was like, you're 864 00:38:20.079 --> 00:38:21.960 obsessed with you obsessed like I would be in the 865 00:38:21.960 --> 00:38:24.119 world all the time. She says, you're obsessed, and I'm like, no, 866 00:38:24.159 --> 00:38:26.440 this is the only thing that I have left. Like literally, 867 00:38:26.480 --> 00:38:28.960 I lost everything. I lost the home that I had 868 00:38:29.000 --> 00:38:31.920 in North Carolina, even my clothes I left with Jasmine. 869 00:38:31.960 --> 00:38:34.159 I had come home to Jersey for two weeks for 870 00:38:34.199 --> 00:38:38.000 a wedding, and when I came home, that's when I decided, 871 00:38:38.239 --> 00:38:40.440 you're not supposed to go back there, cause I came 872 00:38:40.480 --> 00:38:42.679 home with two weeks worth of clothing and I had already, 873 00:38:42.880 --> 00:38:45.760 you know, lost a car, didn't have work. But I 874 00:38:45.840 --> 00:38:48.199 just came home for my uncle's wedding and I decided 875 00:38:48.239 --> 00:38:50.000 not to go back, and I brought two weeks worth 876 00:38:50.000 --> 00:38:51.599 of clothing and I left everything else that I had 877 00:38:51.599 --> 00:38:55.239 with Jasmine. Jasmine kept that stuff for four years before 878 00:38:55.280 --> 00:38:57.239 I was able to get the rest of my belongings. 879 00:38:57.280 --> 00:38:59.199 And when I did go and get those things from her, 880 00:38:59.239 --> 00:39:02.280 I took them straight to go will. 881 00:39:01.360 --> 00:39:04.760 So, Chanelle, I'm so curious as to during this period, 882 00:39:04.920 --> 00:39:07.679 this eight years thirty three to forty one, and then 883 00:39:08.000 --> 00:39:13.760 you find yourself in this healing space, and now relationships 884 00:39:13.840 --> 00:39:18.679 have become your purpose, and so what has kind of 885 00:39:18.719 --> 00:39:23.719 given you that authority to speak to relationships when so 886 00:39:24.000 --> 00:39:27.960 much damage has been caused? You know, in so. 887 00:39:28.000 --> 00:39:32.440 Comministry is a place where we have transparent, candid conversations 888 00:39:32.480 --> 00:39:36.039 about relational issues. Because I went through that in church, 889 00:39:36.079 --> 00:39:39.280 I didn't have a platform to speak right for fear 890 00:39:39.280 --> 00:39:42.079 of being put out the church. So the moment I 891 00:39:42.119 --> 00:39:44.360 was able to create my own platform, I know there 892 00:39:44.400 --> 00:39:47.039 are other people who have had similar experiences as I have. 893 00:39:47.480 --> 00:39:49.280 I wanted to create a space where we could talk 894 00:39:49.320 --> 00:39:51.880 about it. I'm a conversationalist. I don't tag other people 895 00:39:51.960 --> 00:39:54.239 tag me as an expert. I don't do that. I 896 00:39:54.360 --> 00:39:57.119 like to have the conversation because I know that other 897 00:39:57.119 --> 00:39:59.960 people are going through these experiences. And a lot of times, 898 00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:03.639 when you experienced relationship trauma, it's like juicy. When you 899 00:40:03.639 --> 00:40:04.920 first hear about it, you want to hear it, but 900 00:40:05.000 --> 00:40:07.360 then once you hear it, you're like, Okay, get over it, 901 00:40:07.679 --> 00:40:09.840 move on, And it's not that easy. I was in 902 00:40:09.880 --> 00:40:12.159 it for eight years, and so I created a space 903 00:40:12.199 --> 00:40:15.440 where people like me could come and have these transparent, 904 00:40:15.519 --> 00:40:19.000 candid conversations about whatever issue they were having, and we 905 00:40:19.039 --> 00:40:21.079 could talk about it as long as you want to 906 00:40:21.400 --> 00:40:22.920 until you arrive at a place of peace. 907 00:40:23.280 --> 00:40:26.519 Okay, So what was the hard conversation you had to 908 00:40:26.559 --> 00:40:30.119 have with yourself because eight years you really weren't in 909 00:40:30.159 --> 00:40:33.480 a relationship with this man. Yeah, this was all in 910 00:40:33.519 --> 00:40:35.920 your mind of where you know, you thought this was 911 00:40:35.960 --> 00:40:38.760 going to go. So what was a hard conversation you 912 00:40:38.760 --> 00:40:42.840 had to have with yourself to pull yourself really out 913 00:40:42.880 --> 00:40:44.639 of that deep delusion. 914 00:40:44.760 --> 00:40:47.639 It wasn't about a relationship. It was about who I 915 00:40:47.800 --> 00:40:51.679 was as a person. It never was about a romantic relationship. 916 00:40:51.760 --> 00:40:54.280 Like, I lost my identity going through that. 917 00:40:54.639 --> 00:40:55.960 It wasn't about who I want to be with him. 918 00:40:56.000 --> 00:40:58.119 It's like, Lord, who am I? I don't know who 919 00:40:58.159 --> 00:40:59.880 I am anymore? Wow, I don't even know what a star. 920 00:41:00.960 --> 00:41:05.119 So my identity was wrapped up in this. 921 00:41:05.679 --> 00:41:08.440 So everything that I dreamed that I would ever do, 922 00:41:08.840 --> 00:41:11.119 I watched this woman do it with her husband. 923 00:41:12.360 --> 00:41:12.599 Right. 924 00:41:12.920 --> 00:41:15.239 It was to the point where I'm not one of 925 00:41:15.280 --> 00:41:19.079 those people that put themselves in spaces that they are 926 00:41:19.119 --> 00:41:22.360 not wanted. So I always was the one that stayed 927 00:41:22.400 --> 00:41:23.239 out of the way. 928 00:41:23.480 --> 00:41:27.159 That's me. So I remember a time watching this. 929 00:41:27.719 --> 00:41:30.159 You don't really want to face these people, you know, 930 00:41:30.199 --> 00:41:31.960 I want to come and get the word, but I 931 00:41:32.000 --> 00:41:34.119 don't want to be in that environment. 932 00:41:34.119 --> 00:41:35.320 I never forget I was holding. 933 00:41:35.039 --> 00:41:38.599

This baby, a baby. 934 00:41:38.599 --> 00:41:40.519 I wasn't there when they had their child. Oh okay, 935 00:41:40.800 --> 00:41:43.320 but I was holding a baby. And she walked up 936 00:41:43.360 --> 00:41:49.280 behind me and started playing with the baby. And this 937 00:41:49.320 --> 00:41:50.880 is the thing that a lot of people don't talk about. 938 00:41:50.880 --> 00:41:52.679 We condemn a lot of people because of how they 939 00:41:52.719 --> 00:41:54.760 feel or you feel like, well, why do you feel 940 00:41:54.800 --> 00:41:55.000 like that? 941 00:41:55.119 --> 00:41:59.440 Are she's jealous or she's envy? It's in you. It's 942 00:41:59.480 --> 00:42:00.639 nothing that you can do. 943 00:42:00.760 --> 00:42:02.519 Like, if that's how you feel, you got to live 944 00:42:02.559 --> 00:42:05.400 in that until you don't. You don't, You're not in 945 00:42:05.440 --> 00:42:08.159 that anymore. And so at that moment, I couldn't face her. 946 00:42:08.719 --> 00:42:11.239 And I said, because you felt like she was really 947 00:42:11.320 --> 00:42:14.320 living your life? She was in my head, Yes she was, 948 00:42:14.480 --> 00:42:17.920 And so I didn't. So when people say, you know, 949 00:42:18.119 --> 00:42:19.960 you would, you know, people have a lot of opinions 950 00:42:20.079 --> 00:42:23.360 about the decision. I get it, rightfully, so, but in 951 00:42:23.440 --> 00:42:26.519 order to really understand, like, this wasn't about a man, 952 00:42:26.639 --> 00:42:28.880 this was about who I was as a person. This 953 00:42:29.000 --> 00:42:31.679 was who I was like in terms of my assignment, God, 954 00:42:31.760 --> 00:42:32.800 what did you call me to do? 955 00:42:33.039 --> 00:42:33.239 God? 956 00:42:33.280 --> 00:42:36.280 I've uprooted my life. I've come here, I've done this, I've. 957 00:42:36.119 --> 00:42:40.280 Done that, and look at what has happened, you know, 958 00:42:40.320 --> 00:42:42.119 and just trying to figure out what is it that 959 00:42:42.159 --> 00:42:43.440 I'm supposed to do now? 960 00:42:43.679 --> 00:42:45.719 So what was that shift? And it was a shift 961 00:42:45.719 --> 00:42:47.679 into your purpose, into what you're doing now? 962 00:42:47.840 --> 00:42:50.199 It was like you get tired of being in that situation. 963 00:42:50.760 --> 00:42:52.920 It was It took some time. It was like the 964 00:42:53.480 --> 00:42:56.519 the start of it was when I said, like I said, 965 00:42:56.599 --> 00:42:59.159 his daughter was born on my birthday. The pain of 966 00:42:59.199 --> 00:43:04.599 it all, like, unfortunately, pain is what destroys the yoke, 967 00:43:04.840 --> 00:43:08.119 that pain, and it was the pain of knowing, like 968 00:43:08.519 --> 00:43:09.679 God is the give of life. 969 00:43:10.159 --> 00:43:12.119 Nobody could have, not even them. 970 00:43:12.280 --> 00:43:15.880 So when this baby was born on your back, that 971 00:43:16.000 --> 00:43:20.079 was the moment I gotta start breaking this this guy. 972 00:43:20.039 --> 00:43:22.519 Yeah, it wasn't even like I made a conscious decision. 973 00:43:22.559 --> 00:43:26.239 It just started. It just started because I knew, I'm like, 974 00:43:26.280 --> 00:43:28.199 there's no way, like God, this is too painful. 975 00:43:28.639 --> 00:43:31.400 Because when I find that I was in New Jersey, 976 00:43:31.639 --> 00:43:35.000 stand at my sister's house, sleeping on my nephew's top 977 00:43:35.000 --> 00:43:37.320 bunk bed. And this is someone who owned a home, 978 00:43:37.360 --> 00:43:40.920 who was extremely successful for her age, and driving a 979 00:43:41.000 --> 00:43:42.960 nice car, having the latest clothes. And now I'm on 980 00:43:43.000 --> 00:43:46.239 a bunk bed and in uh East South Thorrange, New 981 00:43:46.519 --> 00:43:48.719 East Orange, New Jersey. So I'm like, this is not 982 00:43:48.760 --> 00:43:51.079 even my life. But even then, it still took some 983 00:43:51.199 --> 00:43:53.639 time because that I was still in Jersey. We hadn't 984 00:43:53.639 --> 00:43:56.039 even gotten to North Carolina yet. So but that was 985 00:43:56.079 --> 00:44:00.639 the start of the breaking, but it still took two 986 00:44:00.639 --> 00:44:03.119 more years, I believe for me to finally get up 987 00:44:03.119 --> 00:44:06.480 out of the situation and go and create a life 988 00:44:06.480 --> 00:44:09.079 for yourself. And that's when I moved to Atlanta and 989 00:44:09.079 --> 00:44:10.199 then the rest is history. 990 00:44:10.599 --> 00:44:13.719 So in that after this two year period of this breaking, 991 00:44:14.119 --> 00:44:17.079 this cycle that was in your life, what did you 992 00:44:17.599 --> 00:44:19.800 What was the thing that you learned, What was the 993 00:44:19.840 --> 00:44:23.960 shift where? What was the momentum that kept you moving forward? 994 00:44:24.639 --> 00:44:27.000 So I told you I'm a student of the world. 995 00:44:27.079 --> 00:44:28.119 That was what kept me. 996 00:44:28.280 --> 00:44:30.480 So I will always draw strength from the world. Like 997 00:44:30.480 --> 00:44:33.440 I knew God was doing something. I didn't know what 998 00:44:33.519 --> 00:44:35.760 he was doing, but I knew. I would talk about 999 00:44:35.800 --> 00:44:37.800 it all the time, and I talked about my dreams 1000 00:44:37.840 --> 00:44:40.320 and aspirations of being an author. I wanted to have 1001 00:44:40.360 --> 00:44:43.079 this relationship platform where we had these conversations. 1002 00:44:43.280 --> 00:44:45.159 I didn't know it would become a reality. So I 1003 00:44:45.199 --> 00:44:48.039 just held on to my dreams and I just continue 1004 00:44:48.119 --> 00:44:49.519 to stay under the word. 1005 00:44:50.199 --> 00:44:53.920 And I think after a while, you just get tired 1006 00:44:53.920 --> 00:44:55.599 of being in a certain situation. 1007 00:44:55.719 --> 00:44:57.320 You know, I'm living in the house with my parents. 1008 00:44:58.480 -->

00:45:00.280 I've lost everything. 1009 00:45:00.440 --> 00:45:00.639 You know. 1010 00:45:00.920 --> 00:45:02.960 So at the while, I was just like, I. 1011 00:45:02.920 --> 00:45:06.320 Gotta do something different, and so I started to work 1012 00:45:06.400 --> 00:45:09.920 while I was in North Carolina, and then things just 1013 00:45:09.920 --> 00:45:14.440 started slowly unraveling. And then when I got ready, when 1014 00:45:14.480 --> 00:45:16.599 I made a decision to say, Okay, I don't want 1015 00:45:16.599 --> 00:45:18.960 to be in this situation anymore, God started giving me 1016 00:45:18.960 --> 00:45:21.920 my stuff back. Yeah, it wasn't It wasn't hard at all. 1017 00:45:22.000 --> 00:45:22.519 That was the thing. 1018 00:45:22.559 --> 00:45:26.760 I watched other people struggle, who maybe experience a bankruptcy 1019 00:45:26.840 --> 00:45:29.519 or repossession because my car was taken. When I went 1020 00:45:29.559 --> 00:45:31.400 and got my car back, I was trying to get 1021 00:45:31.440 --> 00:45:33.480 like a little special finance, a little. 1022 00:45:33.320 --> 00:45:35.199 I don't know, a paside or something. I never forget. 1023 00:45:35.320 --> 00:45:37.360 Niggas talk to me about special finance, and I'm like, 1024 00:45:38.039 --> 00:45:39.880 oh God, don't I don't know if I'm gona be 1025 00:45:39.880 --> 00:45:42.679 able to get a car, And so I said, well, 1026 00:45:42.719 --> 00:45:43.800 and the car that. 1027 00:45:43.800 --> 00:45:46.119 Was taken was Alexis. Proprior to that, I had a Mercedes. 1028 00:45:46.159 --> 00:45:48.039 And so I just called a dealership and was like, hey, 1029 00:45:48.440 --> 00:45:50.760 this is my situation. You know, I want to know 1030 00:45:50.800 --> 00:45:52.320 if you guys can help me. And so he was like, well, 1031 00:45:52.320 --> 00:45:53.679 I want to need you to fill out the application, 1032 00:45:54.199 --> 00:45:56.639 and so I did and he called me up. He 1033 00:45:56.679 --> 00:45:58.800 was like, when you come to get your car? I said, 1034 00:45:58.840 --> 00:46:02.480 U huh. He said, listen, you was never late with us, 1035 00:46:02.559 --> 00:46:04.320 You ain't missed the payment. You come get your car. 1036 00:46:05.079 --> 00:46:06.639 And I went. My dad gave me the money for 1037 00:46:06.639 --> 00:46:07.280 the down payment. 1038 00:46:07.360 --> 00:46:09.679 So when I got ready to get up, I say 1039 00:46:09.719 --> 00:46:12.039 all that to say, when I got ready to get up, 1040 00:46:12.679 --> 00:46:14.960 it was God was like, hear your stuff back. I 1041 00:46:15.039 --> 00:46:17.440 was waiting on you. But I think it was more 1042 00:46:17.519 --> 00:46:21.320 so about idolatry. You know, when we put our time, 1043 00:46:21.400 --> 00:46:24.440 my timeler, our energy and resources to something other than God, 1044 00:46:24.920 --> 00:46:28.639 and the focus was a man. I had made that 1045 00:46:28.760 --> 00:46:33.559 my idol and so I was being, you know, operating 1046 00:46:33.599 --> 00:46:37.000 in disobedience. And so you know when you operated in disobedience, 1047 00:46:37.079 --> 00:46:39.880 well you not covered in that God would send you 1048 00:46:39.920 --> 00:46:41.000 some grace and some mercy. 1049 00:46:41.039 --> 00:46:42.519 But I think He just allowed me to just go 1050 00:46:42.599 --> 00:46:43.960 through it full force. 1051 00:46:44.320 --> 00:46:44.519 You know. 1052 00:46:44.599 --> 00:46:49.159 I talk about people who commit suicide. People say they 1053 00:46:49.159 --> 00:46:52.000 committed suicide, they're weak. It's nothing weak about a person 1054 00:46:52.039 --> 00:46:54.639 who commits suicide. It takes a great deal of strength 1055 00:46:54.719 --> 00:46:58.119 to take your own life. Like I thought about it, 1056 00:46:58.199 --> 00:47:00.760 but it wasn't something that I had the strength to do, 1057 00:47:01.440 --> 00:47:04.039 you know. And so now I am the voice of 1058 00:47:04.079 --> 00:47:05.719 the single woman because I know a lot of people 1059 00:47:05.760 --> 00:47:08.679 can't empathize with that situation or they say you're delusion 1060 00:47:08.719 --> 00:47:10.519 on you're crazy, But a lot of people go through 1061 00:47:10.559 --> 00:47:13.920 that and they don't have any support. People are not empathetic, 1062 00:47:13.960 --> 00:47:16.119 they don't have compassion. They talk about them, they joke 1063 00:47:16.159 --> 00:47:19.480 about them, they mistreat them. And that's not right because 1064 00:47:19.960 --> 00:47:23.480 it needs it you. It has to be You have 1065 00:47:23.559 --> 00:47:25.719 to be able to it has to be dealt with. 1066 00:47:25.920 --> 00:47:28.440 You just can't lead people to themselves, because that's how 1067 00:47:28.480 --> 00:47:30.440 you do find people who end up in these crazy 1068 00:47:30.480 --> 00:47:34.079 situations where they hurt themselves or do crazy stuff because 1069 00:47:34.119 --> 00:47:36.760 you shun them, you didn't support them. I feel like 1070 00:47:36.880 --> 00:47:39.079 all of this even down to this interview today could 1071 00:47:39.119 --> 00:47:42.280 have been avoided like this would have been wrapped up 1072 00:47:42.679 --> 00:47:45.800 years ago if a simple apology. 1073 00:47:46.239 --> 00:47:47.559 That man he had a right. 1074 00:47:47.440 --> 00:47:50.159 To choose what he wanted, who he wanted to choose, 1075 00:47:50.239 --> 00:47:51.920 and be with who he wanted to be with. But 1076 00:47:51.960 --> 00:47:54.599 when you bring that into the church and you allow 1077 00:47:54.679 --> 00:47:56.440 them to mistreat me and mishandle me. 1078 00:47:56.679 --> 00:47:59.719 Okay, that's the way, you know, so you feel as 1079 00:47:59.719 --> 00:48:02.079 though you were old, and you were old in apology. 1080 00:48:02.239 --> 00:48:06.119 No, when I went and serving the church, I'm just serving, right, 1081 00:48:06.519 --> 00:48:09.480 I'm not saying I'm this man is my

husband. We're 1082 00:48:09.480 --> 00:48:11.320 talking three years later. Now, I'm here for three years. 1083 00:48:11.360 --> 00:48:13.719 I was in Nashville for four years. So I'm in 1084 00:48:13.800 --> 00:48:17.239 church's serving, trying to figure it out, doing what I'm 1085 00:48:17.320 --> 00:48:19.920 you know, doing what I'm doing, not wearing thiss on 1086 00:48:20.039 --> 00:48:21.199 my sleep, not even talking. 1087 00:48:21.280 --> 00:48:22.880 Now he's been married for three years. You think I'm 1088 00:48:22.880 --> 00:48:23.719 telling people this man. 1089 00:48:23.800 --> 00:48:26.280 I believe this. It's a private struggle for me. But 1090 00:48:26.320 --> 00:48:29.519 this is not something that I'm openly talking about. So 1091 00:48:29.559 --> 00:48:31.599 when I started, I was when I was successful on 1092 00:48:31.639 --> 00:48:34.440 the magazine piece. The people who I work with, they 1093 00:48:34.559 --> 00:48:37.119 was going to him saying, Chanel, she's doing this, She's 1094 00:48:37.159 --> 00:48:41.239 doing that. They're celebrating me. That's when it came into 1095 00:48:41.280 --> 00:48:43.920 the church. So he was like, he can't have that. 1096 00:48:44.320 --> 00:48:46.519 I got to let them know who she is. And 1097 00:48:46.559 --> 00:48:48.719 so that's when it came out, this is who this 1098 00:48:48.800 --> 00:48:49.360 person is. 1099 00:48:49.639 --> 00:48:52.559 Wait a minute, So he tells people at the church 1100 00:48:52.639 --> 00:48:54.960 that you were a woman that was interested in him. 1101 00:48:55.039 --> 00:48:58.519 Yes, but prior to that, what we what we did 1102 00:48:58.639 --> 00:49:00.880 was outside of the church. I didn't live in Nashville. 1103 00:49:01.559 --> 00:49:03.920 It never had to go into the church. It wasn't 1104 00:49:03.960 --> 00:49:07.400 something that I was going to church sharing with anybody. 1105 00:49:07.480 --> 00:49:09.360 So did you feel like the church lets you down 1106 00:49:09.440 --> 00:49:10.760 or you felt like he let you down? 1107 00:49:10.880 --> 00:49:13.719 I feel like he am the church because he sent 1108 00:49:13.800 --> 00:49:14.760 people to talk to me. 1109 00:49:14.840 --> 00:49:16.079 So we I'm skipping. 1110 00:49:15.719 --> 00:49:17.840 Parts because I'm you know, I'm just going at the 1111 00:49:17.840 --> 00:49:20.039 pace of the interview. But I was called into a 1112 00:49:20.079 --> 00:49:22.719 meeting thinking that at the time, I had just lost 1113 00:49:22.760 --> 00:49:24.920 my car, I don't have a job. I was working 1114 00:49:24.960 --> 00:49:27.280 on the magazine. They called me into an interview. I'm thinking. 1115 00:49:27.360 --> 00:49:29.079 Even the girl told me, she said, hey, Schanel, come 1116 00:49:29.079 --> 00:49:29.760 down to the church. 1117 00:49:29.920 --> 00:49:32.360 You know, we're going through some transitions and the director 1118 00:49:32.360 --> 00:49:34.079 of human resources wants to talk to you.

1119 00:49:34.360 --> 00:49:36.119 I said cool. I took two buses to get down 1120 00:49:36.159 --> 00:49:36.480 to the church. 1121 00:49:36.519 --> 00:49:38.360 I'm thinking, oh, they about to give me a job, 1122 00:49:38.599 --> 00:49:41.360 because at this point that was the focal point. He 1123 00:49:41.559 --> 00:49:43.800 brings me into a meeting and he begins to ask 1124 00:49:43.880 --> 00:49:46.280 me about my affinity towards the pastor. Now this is 1125 00:49:46.320 --> 00:49:49.280 three years later, and I'm thinking he's going to ask 1126 00:49:49.280 --> 00:49:52.920 me about my work. He's asking me about the pastor. 1127 00:49:54.440 --> 00:49:56.920 And at this point you really had no affinity for him. 1128 00:49:57.360 --> 00:49:58.760 It was no. It was three years later. 1129 00:49:58.800 --> 00:50:02.039 Like at this point I'm living on that campus, I 1130 00:50:02.079 --> 00:50:05.960 look like death. You knew something was wrong. Like there 1131 00:50:06.000 --> 00:50:07.800 was one gentleman he used to always compliment me on 1132 00:50:07.840 --> 00:50:10.079 my suits. Well, when I started going through what I 1133 00:50:10.119 --> 00:50:12.079 was going through, he came into me. I thought he 1134 00:50:12.119 --> 00:50:13.800 wanted to shake my hand. I go and shake his hand. 1135 00:50:13.840 --> 00:50:16.360 He puts money in my hand because he knew just 1136 00:50:16.400 --> 00:50:19.880 looking at my appearance that something was wrong. Something wasn't right. 1137 00:50:20.280 --> 00:50:23.800 So I'm just serving now. My private struggle is not 1138 00:50:24.119 --> 00:50:28.639 mine for me to have. But you exposed me and 1139 00:50:28.760 --> 00:50:32.079 explored me to the people in the church. They had 1140 00:50:32.119 --> 00:50:34.320 nothing to do with what transpired between you and I, 1141 00:50:34.599 --> 00:50:40.239 and not to mention you didn't even implicate yourself. You 1142 00:50:40.320 --> 00:50:42.920 just put me out there, some crazy, deranged woman that 1143 00:50:43.039 --> 00:50:43.840 you didn't even know. 1144 00:50:44.719 --> 00:50:47.480 But not knowing that you all had an encounter, you say, 1145 00:50:47.480 --> 00:50:49.440 to your house before you played truth or dare all 1146 00:50:49.480 --> 00:50:49.960 the right. 1147 00:50:50.079 --> 00:50:52.960 So when the human resources director of human resources come in, 1148 00:50:53.519 --> 00:50:55.440 since he wanted to have the conversation, I said, let's 1149 00:50:55.440 --> 00:50:57.199 have the conversation since you want to ask me about 1150 00:50:57.199 --> 00:50:58.039 my personal life. 1151 00:50:58.400 --> 00:51:00.559 And so I let him know. And so by the 1152 00:51:00.639 --> 00:51:02.400 end of the meeting, he was like, Chanel. 1153 00:51:02.559 --> 00:51:04.639 You a strong woman. I commend you. Like it was 1154 00:51:04.639 --> 00:51:06.360 nothing he could say. He said, they asked me. He 1155 00:51:06.440 --> 00:51:08.519 told

he'd let his guard down. He said, they asked 1156 00:51:08.519 --> 00:51:10.480 me to bring you in here, and he said, I 1157 00:51:10.599 --> 00:51:14.880 was instructed to relinquish you of your responsibilities if you 1158 00:51:15.119 --> 00:51:17.599 said that you believe this man was your husband. And 1159 00:51:17.639 --> 00:51:19.360 of course I told him that I didn't believe it 1160 00:51:19.400 --> 00:51:22.920 because I'm like, this ain't this is not something that. 1161 00:51:22.880 --> 00:51:24.480 I'm wearing on my sleeve. 1162 00:51:24.639 --> 00:51:24.880 Here. 1163 00:51:25.199 --> 00:51:27.320 You know, you guys bringing me in here, you opening 1164 00:51:27.400 --> 00:51:30.199 up Pandora's box. I'm here serving you know. What I 1165 00:51:30.239 --> 00:51:33.199 got going on is the struggle is private and it's 1166 00:51:33.199 --> 00:51:35.559 between me and God. At this point, right, I'm not 1167 00:51:35.639 --> 00:51:38.400 dragging nobody into it. I'm not going around telling anybody 1168 00:51:38.800 --> 00:51:40.960 you know that this is what I believe. You know, 1169 00:51:41.239 --> 00:51:43.920 but you bring you tell these people these things about me. 1170 00:51:44.000 --> 00:51:45.280 You don't implicate yourself. 1171 00:51:45.480 --> 00:51:46.880 And now I'm in a meeting with the director of 1172 00:51:46.960 --> 00:51:48.039 human resources. 1173 00:51:48.760 --> 00:51:51.880 So now, at this stage in relationships and how they 1174 00:51:52.000 --> 00:51:55.599 matter in your life, what's as a as a single, 1175 00:51:55.960 --> 00:51:59.360 child free woman, a woman of a certain age. What 1176 00:51:59.559 --> 00:52:04.599 is your message to women who find themselves in places 1177 00:52:04.639 --> 00:52:07.239 and spaces where they think that someone is their husband, 1178 00:52:07.360 --> 00:52:10.840 or they have this strong desire for marriage. What is 1179 00:52:10.880 --> 00:52:12.280 your what's your message to them? 1180 00:52:12.280 --> 00:52:12.440 Now? 1181 00:52:12.480 --> 00:52:15.880 My message is this, before you even consider wanting to 1182 00:52:15.920 --> 00:52:19.599 be in a relationship, it is extremely important that you 1183 00:52:19.679 --> 00:52:23.239 tap into purpose. You need to know who you are. See, 1184 00:52:23.280 --> 00:52:24.960 when you know who you are, you don't get caught up. 1185 00:52:24.880 --> 00:52:26.199 In crazy situations like that. 1186 00:52:26.519 --> 00:52:29.679 You don't make those types of mistakes because you're not 1187 00:52:29.760 --> 00:52:33.440 trying to live vicariously through this illusion in your head. 1188 00:52:33.639 --> 00:52:34.360 You living in. 1189 00:52:34.280 --> 00:52:37.760 Reality and you good with you right, You're not trying 1190 00:52:37.760 --> 00:52:40.039 to attach your value to someone else because you see 1191 00:52:40.039 --> 00:52:43.280 more value in them than you see in yourself. So 1192 00:52:43.440 --> 00:52:45.280 you need to know what your God given purpose is. 1193 00:52:45.320 --> 00:52:46.800 You need to know what your assignment is. You need 1194 00:52:46.800 --> 00:52:49.639 to good with that, solid with that, and once you are, 1195 00:52:50.079 --> 00:52:52.920 then you can start thinking about a relationship. And then 1196 00:52:52.960 --> 00:52:55.519 when somebody disappoints you, it's nothing for you to say, Okay, 1197 00:52:55.559 --> 00:52:58.360 you don't like me, Okay, well I like myself, move 1198 00:52:58.400 --> 00:52:59.320 on to the next person. 1199 00:52:59.639 --> 00:53:03.119 What's something in your childhood or some sort of trauma 1200 00:53:03.159 --> 00:53:06.639 that you experience as a child or a teen that 1201 00:53:06.800 --> 00:53:12.039 kind of made you want to kind of find some 1202 00:53:12.199 --> 00:53:15.639 love somewhere that maybe there. It wasn't It wasn't. 1203 00:53:15.440 --> 00:53:17.840 My childhood per se. I have two very loving parents. 1204 00:53:17.880 --> 00:53:19.800 But I will say this, I was six foot one 1205 00:53:19.840 --> 00:53:25.079 and fifteen, so that's a lot coming up, and so 1206 00:53:25.239 --> 00:53:27.400 quite naturally, when you're that tall, you got to grow 1207 00:53:27.400 --> 00:53:29.719 into yourself. You know what I'm saying, because it's a 1208 00:53:29.760 --> 00:53:30.400 little awkward. 1209 00:53:31.039 --> 00:53:32.760 And so I've. 1210 00:53:32.599 --> 00:53:37.880 Experienced a tremendous amount of rejection over the years. And 1211 00:53:37.920 --> 00:53:42.239 I went from not being the one that was liked 1212 00:53:42.840 --> 00:53:45.519 to going to college and now I'm surrounded by six 1213 00:53:45.599 --> 00:53:49.400 foot nine, six foot six men and they looking at me. 1214 00:53:50.119 --> 00:53:53.679 Come on, college, college, experience your horizons nationally. You get 1215 00:53:53.719 --> 00:53:56.119 to college and you're like, oh, these is grown bodies. 1216 00:53:56.239 --> 00:53:57.599 But you see, but I missed. 1217 00:53:57.800 --> 00:54:02.920 I missed the maturation process, say between fifteen and eighteen. 1218 00:54:03.639 --> 00:54:07.480 You can't take someone who has never had any experience 1219 00:54:08.239 --> 00:54:11.239 and then send them to the wolves in college because 1220 00:54:11.239 --> 00:54:12.920 I don't know how to handle that attention because I 1221 00:54:13.000 --> 00:54:15.159 never had it, you know what I'm saying. So now 1222 00:54:15.239 --> 00:54:18.119 I get all this attention. You know, I'm the first 1223 00:54:18.119 --> 00:54:20.360 person you see when you walk through the room. I'm feminine. 1224 00:54:20.480 --> 00:54:23.280 I'm a tall, feminine woman. So that's another thing. Most 1225 00:54:23.360 --> 00:54:26.280 women in my high are more masculine, so the men 1226 00:54:26.440 --> 00:54:27.440 they were all on me. 1227 00:54:27.519 --> 00:54:28.880 I didn't know how to handle that attention. 1228 00:54:28.960 -->

00:54:31.800 So I made a lot of mistakes in college because 1229 00:54:31.800 --> 00:54:32.599 I didn't know. 1230 00:54:32.599 --> 00:54:33.480 I didn't know what to do. 1231 00:54:33.599 --> 00:54:34.639 I didn't you know what I'm saying. 1232 00:54:34.679 --> 00:54:37.559 I went from not having it at all to having 1233 00:54:37.679 --> 00:54:40.519 all of it and not knowing how to manage it. 1234 00:54:40.639 --> 00:54:43.199 So quite naturally, when you're in those types of scenarios, 1235 00:54:43.199 --> 00:54:44.960 they don't always work out in your favor. Even though 1236 00:54:44.960 --> 00:54:46.800 you get attention, don't mean he wants, don't mean he 1237 00:54:46.960 --> 00:54:47.559 value you. 1238 00:54:47.920 --> 00:54:50.400 It just means that he think you cute. That's it. 1239 00:54:50.719 --> 00:54:55.840 And so not being prepared for those types of experiences, 1240 00:54:56.320 --> 00:55:00.000 and then over time it just wears on you the reject. 1241 00:55:00.440 --> 00:55:02.119 You know, some of those guys. 1242 00:55:01.920 --> 00:55:05.599 I liked, you know, and when maybe they got what 1243 00:55:05.679 --> 00:55:08.400 they wanted, then it didn't fear in my favor. Now 1244 00:55:08.440 --> 00:55:10.199 I'm left picking up the pieces. 1245 00:55:10.360 --> 00:55:11.079 Well, after so. 1246 00:55:11.119 --> 00:55:14.079 Many years, you got to carry that, you know, and 1247 00:55:14.119 --> 00:55:17.119 it starts to affect your relationships. It starts to affect 1248 00:55:17.119 --> 00:55:19.559 how you engage other people. And so now I can't 1249 00:55:19.559 --> 00:55:22.280 have a healthy relationship because I don't know how to communicate. 1250 00:55:22.639 --> 00:55:25.920 You understand what I'm saying. So that it started there. 1251 00:55:26.159 --> 00:55:28.360 So for me, it had nothing to do with my upbringing. 1252 00:55:28.400 --> 00:55:31.000 It had everything to do with just just you know 1253 00:55:31.239 --> 00:55:34.920 how battling the insecurity, battling insecurities and just you know, 1254 00:55:34.960 --> 00:55:37.119 and I experienced that from the time I was even 1255 00:55:37.159 --> 00:55:40.079 before I was fifteen, you know, it was always like 1256 00:55:40.559 --> 00:55:42.800 that is my struggle is like a tremendous amount of 1257 00:55:42.800 --> 00:55:46.920 rejection to the point now where I'm just more close off, 1258 00:55:47.079 --> 00:55:49.119 like you know what I'm saying, Like it's just more 1259 00:55:49.199 --> 00:55:52.000 guarded because you don't know where a person is coming from. 1260 00:55:52.039 --> 00:55:55.280 You don't want to open up yourself because I love hard. 1261 00:55:55.440 --> 00:55:57.639 So if I let you in that space. You know 1262 00:55:57.679 --> 00:55:59.440 what I'm saying, I'm gonna love you. But you're like, 1263 00:55:59.480 --> 00:56:02.199 you don't even know even though, who you can trust now. 1264 00:56:02.119 --> 00:56:04.320 So what have you learned about communication? You said that 1265 00:56:04.519 --> 00:56:09.079 communication is a factor. What if you learned about communication 1266 00:56:09.239 --> 00:56:11.239 and how you communicate in this season of. 1267 00:56:11.159 --> 00:56:13.559 Your life transparency. I didn't understand. 1268 00:56:13.559 --> 00:56:17.280 I didn't know how to communicate before. I didn't know 1269 00:56:17.320 --> 00:56:21.039 how to articulate. I didn't know how to use my words. 1270 00:56:21.480 --> 00:56:23.840 You know, I didn't know how to have just normal 1271 00:56:23.880 --> 00:56:26.320 conversation with the man because if I liked now, if 1272 00:56:26.320 --> 00:56:29.000 it was just someone, just some regular person that's different, 1273 00:56:29.000 --> 00:56:31.599 you can but it's like if I like them, it 1274 00:56:31.639 --> 00:56:34.119 was something on the inside of me that just wouldn't 1275 00:56:34.159 --> 00:56:37.199 allow me to be myself for fear. 1276 00:56:37.199 --> 00:56:38.599 You don't want to mess it up. I want to 1277 00:56:38.679 --> 00:56:39.280 go with the flow. 1278 00:56:39.960 --> 00:56:42.880 So then you you know, whenever you're not being authentic, 1279 00:56:43.480 --> 00:56:44.119 something else. 1280 00:56:44.320 --> 00:56:46.760 So you were playing a part, yeah, just trying trying 1281 00:56:46.800 --> 00:56:47.920 to play the part. 1282 00:56:47.920 --> 00:56:52.039 And then the type of men that I dated going 1283 00:56:52.079 --> 00:56:55.159 to college, meeting these uh, these guys with ball players. 1284 00:56:55.480 --> 00:56:58.119 So it went from oh, you don't want me, so 1285 00:56:58.159 --> 00:56:59.400 I'm gonna get somebody better than you. 1286 00:56:59.440 --> 00:57:00.880 So I'm gonna go to NBA. 1287 00:57:01.000 --> 00:57:03.239 And so that's a whole other world, you know what 1288 00:57:03.280 --> 00:57:07.320 I'm saying, that you encounter and wholenother experiences that you 1289 00:57:07.400 --> 00:57:09.639 go through. And so that was my life and so 1290 00:57:10.039 --> 00:57:14.639 just trying to navigate that and then I'm not cut 1291 00:57:14.679 --> 00:57:18.159 out for that, right. I was always the one that 1292 00:57:19.599 --> 00:57:21.239 I was trying to be a part of something that 1293 00:57:21.440 --> 00:57:23.360 I wasn't. It really wasn't who I was, but I 1294 00:57:23.400 --> 00:57:25.360 was trying to fit in, you know, trying to fit 1295 00:57:25.400 --> 00:57:27.719 into a lifestyle, trying to be this trying to be 1296 00:57:27.760 --> 00:57:30.760 what I thought a man wanted, you know, rather than 1297 00:57:30.800 --> 00:57:31.719 just being myself. 1298 00:57:32.239 --> 00:57:33.440 And so it took me. 1299 00:57:33.960 --> 00:57:38.639 Years to finally figure out who I was as a woman, 1300 00:57:38.679 --> 00:57:41.239 as a person, as a woman of God, like, what 1301 00:57:41.280 --> 00:57:45.880 my identity was, How see myself, how God sees me? Right, 1302

00:57:45.880 --> 00:57:47.760 I would see I would see myself the way other 1303 00:57:47.800 --> 00:57:50.599 people saw me, and I would move on that, and 1304 00:57:50.599 --> 00:57:52.840 that wasn't who I was, you know, And then it 1305 00:57:52.880 --> 00:57:55.559 would affect my self esteem, you know, because it wasn't 1306 00:57:55.559 --> 00:57:57.480 always positive how other people saw me. 1307 00:57:58.119 --> 00:57:58.320 You know. 1308 00:57:58.440 --> 00:58:00.920 There were there were times where I didn't like myself, 1309 00:58:01.480 --> 00:58:04.960 you know, And so once I got good, well who 1310 00:58:05.039 --> 00:58:08.320 Chanel is, then everything else became easy for me. 1311 00:58:08.599 --> 00:58:13.559 Yeah, where you are right? Now, what is your message 1312 00:58:13.599 --> 00:58:16.400 to women outside of purpose? Once they find their purpose, 1313 00:58:16.679 --> 00:58:18.559 then what's the next thing that they need to. 1314 00:58:18.519 --> 00:58:21.079 Do or that situation? So this is the thing you 1315 00:58:21.119 --> 00:58:25.639 need to so so often we know this person is 1316 00:58:25.679 --> 00:58:28.480 not a good fit for us, but he's fine. No, 1317 00:58:29.039 --> 00:58:31.239 you need to get to know this person's character. Does 1318 00:58:31.280 --> 00:58:33.159 he have integrity? Yeah, you know what I'm saying. 1319 00:58:33.159 --> 00:58:34.159 Does he love his mama? 1320 00:58:34.679 --> 00:58:34.880 You know? 1321 00:58:35.039 --> 00:58:37.840 How does he treat other people? That's important And that's 1322 00:58:37.880 --> 00:58:40.639 not something that I did. For me, it would be like, oh, 1323 00:58:40.760 --> 00:58:42.760 he's a problem, Okay, I'm gonna be with him. You 1324 00:58:42.800 --> 00:58:45.000 can have a horrible care. He could be a horrible person, 1325 00:58:45.320 --> 00:58:47.840 but that's who i'ma be with. Because I was living 1326 00:58:47.960 --> 00:58:51.119 vicariously through that because of the rejection, I had to 1327 00:58:51.119 --> 00:58:53.559 get the next best thing so people could see me 1328 00:58:53.639 --> 00:58:54.559 as this. 1329 00:58:55.639 --> 00:58:57.960 Right. So, once you get good on who you are, 1330 00:58:58.039 --> 00:58:59.280 you don't do that anymore. 1331 00:58:59.400 --> 00:59:03.800 So your value isn't connected to what he does or 1332 00:59:03.920 --> 00:59:05.199 riots exactly. 1333 00:59:05.559 --> 00:59:07.480 So when you tap into it goes back to purpose. 1334 00:59:07.519 --> 00:59:10.199 When you tap into purpose, then you have your own identity. 1335 00:59:10.679 --> 00:59:13.320 And you're happy with that, you don't have to attach 1336 00:59:13.320 --> 00:59:16.079 your value to someone else or because that's what happens 1337 00:59:16.159 --> 00:59:18.119 is you attach your value to someone else and you 1338 00:59:18.159 --> 00:59:20.719 have you think they're more valuable than you. So then 1339 00:59:20.800 --> 00:59:22.400 next thing you know, you're allowing them. 1340 00:59:22.239 --> 00:59:23.079 To mistreat you. 1341 00:59:23.039 --> 00:59:25.800 You're allowing them to mishandle you. You're tolerating things that 1342 00:59:25.800 --> 00:59:29.280 you shouldn't be tolerating because you see more value on him. 1343 00:59:29.320 --> 00:59:30.480 Than you see on yourself. 1344 00:59:30.679 --> 00:59:33.880 But when you start valuating yourself, the moment a situation 1345 00:59:34.000 --> 00:59:34.679 doesn't look. 1346 00:59:34.599 --> 00:59:36.679 Right, you're like, Okay, I'm gone, I'm out. 1347 00:59:37.280 --> 00:59:39.920 And that was difficult for me to do, you know, 1348 00:59:40.000 --> 00:59:42.079 because I'm like, oh, I'm not going to be able 1349 00:59:42.079 --> 00:59:45.119 to meet someone else. Like most women, they get into 1350 00:59:45.119 --> 00:59:48.159 a situation when they're young, they don't they can't see 1351 00:59:48.199 --> 00:59:51.880 past that. They see that person and they think they're 1352 00:59:51.920 --> 00:59:54.880 not going to be anybody else that's better than And 1353 00:59:55.079 --> 00:59:58.199 every single time, did you meet someone that was better? 1354 00:59:58.280 --> 01:00:01.239 Yes you did, and so and then also I advocate 1355 01:00:01.280 --> 01:00:04.800 for self love because when you ask someone do you 1356 01:00:04.880 --> 01:00:05.559 love yourself? 1357 01:00:06.360 --> 01:00:07.159 Everybody is wrong. 1358 01:00:07.159 --> 01:00:09.840 Would instinctively say yes, I do, But then you have 1359 01:00:09.920 --> 01:00:12.960 to look at your decisions how do you allow that 1360 01:00:13.000 --> 01:00:15.360 person to treat you? Do you allow that person to 1361 01:00:15.360 --> 01:00:18.239 disrespect you? Do you allow that person to mishandle you? 1362 01:00:18.440 --> 01:00:20.920 Because if you do, you don't love yourself. Would you 1363 01:00:20.960 --> 01:00:23.480 allow someone if you really loved yourself, would you allow 1364 01:00:23.559 --> 01:00:26.079 someone to treat you that way? And the answer is no. 1365 01:00:26.639 --> 01:00:29.840 And so for years I didn't love myself. I didn't 1366 01:00:29.840 --> 01:00:33.239 even know I didn't love myself. I didn't know because it's. 1367 01:00:33.079 --> 01:00:35.800 Like, how do you practically love yourself? Like people say, 1368 01:00:35.920 --> 01:00:37.360 you got to learn how to love yourself, but you 1369 01:00:37.400 --> 01:00:41.239 don't hear anybody teaching you how to do that. 1370 01:00:41.599 --> 01:00:44.760 And the way to do that is find out who 1371 01:00:44.960 --> 01:00:48.599 you are and be okay with that instead of trying 1372 01:00:48.599 --> 01:00:52.199 to find it outside of yourself and attaching your value 1373 01:00:52.440 --> 01:00:55.000 to another human being, which just as fat as you are. 1374 01:00:55.119 --> 01:00:57.719 Absolutely so that's my message. 1375 01:00:57.920 --> 01:01:01.519 Do you find a challenging in the

relationship space to 1376 01:01:02.519 --> 01:01:05.480 have conversations and be an authority and be the queen 1377 01:01:05.599 --> 01:01:08.559 of as a single, child free woman? 1378 01:01:08.719 --> 01:01:13.360 No, I'm a boss. Yeah, No, I write the checks. 1379 01:01:13.719 --> 01:01:14.199 I have no. 1380 01:01:15.719 --> 01:01:16.480 Communication. 1381 01:01:16.800 --> 01:01:17.280 Yeah. 1382 01:01:17.320 --> 01:01:18.960 What it is that I want and what it is 1383 01:01:18.960 --> 01:01:21.280 that I don't want, I have no problem with it. 1384 01:01:21.360 --> 01:01:22.760 And I know how to do it and extend grace 1385 01:01:22.760 --> 01:01:24.840 at the same time. I'm not saying it's easy, but 1386 01:01:24.880 --> 01:01:25.719 I know how to do that. 1387 01:01:26.239 --> 01:01:29.360 Yeah. Do you feel like it's harder because you are 1388 01:01:29.440 --> 01:01:33.320 single and child freed? That people are responsive or receptive 1389 01:01:33.480 --> 01:01:35.039 to the knowledge that you have. 1390 01:01:35.280 --> 01:01:37.719 No, because I'm relatable. 1391 01:01:38.039 --> 01:01:38.239 Yeah. 1392 01:01:38.280 --> 01:01:40.440 See, when I walk into the room, you think one thing. 1393 01:01:40.559 --> 01:01:43.079 You look at me, you automatically size me up, and 1394 01:01:43.119 --> 01:01:45.519 you say, you know, she might be a little boogie, 1395 01:01:45.559 --> 01:01:47.159 she might be this, she might be that. People don't 1396 01:01:47.199 --> 01:01:51.239 define me based on what happened in my life seventeen 1397 01:01:51.320 --> 01:01:54.079 years ago. Yeah, God has made me a completely new, 1398 01:01:54.199 --> 01:01:57.239 different person. Like I'm telling this story to reach out 1399 01:01:57.280 --> 01:01:59.280 to women who may be experiencing that now. But I 1400 01:01:59.280 --> 01:02:01.440 don't live in that. I don't walk in it. It's 1401 01:02:01.480 --> 01:02:03.719 not a part of my life at all. Like I'll 1402 01:02:03.760 --> 01:02:05.880 take these few minutes to have a conversation about it, 1403 01:02:05.880 --> 01:02:07.360 but when I walk out of here, that is not 1404 01:02:07.480 --> 01:02:09.480 my life. Yeah, you know what I'm saying. So no, 1405 01:02:09.519 --> 01:02:09.840 it's not. 1406 01:02:09.920 --> 01:02:10.199 It's not. 1407 01:02:10.280 --> 01:02:13.280 It's almost as if it didn't even happen for me. 1408 01:02:13.760 --> 01:02:16.800 People respect me, so I don't they listen to what 1409 01:02:16.840 --> 01:02:20.480 I say and more most Importantly, I am relatable because 1410 01:02:20.519 --> 01:02:24.039 I don't mind being transparent. When I sit down, I'm 1411 01:02:24.079 --> 01:02:26.280 not going to ask you anything that I wouldn't answer 1412 01:02:26.280 --> 01:02:30.480 for myself. So when I do my commnistry, mainly I 1413 01:02:30.519 --> 01:02:34.159 start out about my own experiences to kind of let you, 1414 01:02:34.159 --> 01:02:37.239 you know, help people get more comfortable with the conversation. 1415 01:02:37.679 --> 01:02:39.840 So I'm not asking you some that I've never been through, 1416 01:02:39.880 --> 01:02:41.840 and I'm not asking you to share some that I'm not. 1417 01:02:41.880 --> 01:02:43.079 Willing to share. 1418 01:02:43.519 --> 01:02:45.960 And so people are always taken aback by that when 1419 01:02:46.000 --> 01:02:48.239 I say, well, yeah, I went through that. Are these 1420 01:02:48.320 --> 01:02:50.679 my experiences? I mean, I've written a book. I've written 1421 01:02:50.719 --> 01:02:53.639 two books. I writ the one book I kind of 1422 01:02:53.679 --> 01:02:57.639 detailed the situation with Nashville, and then my second book, 1423 01:02:58.079 --> 01:03:01.519 I pick out some of my most traumatic experiences in 1424 01:03:01.599 --> 01:03:04.079 terms of relationships, and then I speak to that and 1425 01:03:04.119 --> 01:03:06.719 give practical principles on how not to make the same 1426 01:03:06.760 --> 01:03:09.920 mistakes as I've made. So I'm very transparent about my 1427 01:03:09.960 --> 01:03:14.159 life experiences. But no, I don't walk in the foolishness. 1428 01:03:14.320 --> 01:03:16.599 So what would be the thing that you would tell 1429 01:03:17.400 --> 01:03:21.760 the women that you did to recover yourself from the 1430 01:03:21.800 --> 01:03:23.119 situation in Nashville? 1431 01:03:23.840 --> 01:03:25.880 Once I got to well, you know, there was no 1432 01:03:26.159 --> 01:03:27.960 one place I needed to be. I mean, I had 1433 01:03:28.000 --> 01:03:31.679 lost everything in Charlotte, North Carolina, and I literally had 1434 01:03:31.679 --> 01:03:34.960 to start over. And so I always wanted to come 1435 01:03:35.000 --> 01:03:37.480 to Atlanta, and so I said, you know what, I 1436 01:03:37.480 --> 01:03:39.960 had some family here, I'm going to go and start over. 1437 01:03:40.199 --> 01:03:42.840 I was already working on Chmministry and it just happened organically. 1438 01:03:42.920 --> 01:03:45.960 I didn't come here with that idea. It was something 1439 01:03:46.000 --> 01:03:48.079 in my heart that I always wanted to do and 1440 01:03:48.119 --> 01:03:49.519 it wasn't named com Ministry. 1441 01:03:49.599 --> 01:03:51.039 It was just something I want to do. 1442 01:03:51.719 --> 01:03:53.599 And then God just put me in the right place 1443 01:03:53.639 --> 01:03:55.400 and put me around the right people that can help 1444 01:03:55.440 --> 01:03:58.000 me get my ideas off the ground, and it just 1445 01:03:58.039 --> 01:03:58.719 went from there. 1446 01:03:59.119 --> 01:03:59.920 My whole state. 1447 01:04:00.079 --> 01:04:02.920 I've been here for nine years. My whole stay here 1448 01:04:03.000 --> 01:04:07.480 has been purposeful. I worked in the corporate for six years. 1449 01:04:07.760 --> 01:04:10.719 I'm the owner of a it's a it's a tech startup, 1450 01:04:10.800 --> 01:04:13.519 but it's a gaming software change my life. 1451 01:04:13.760 -->

01:04:17.760 This was in twenty twenty got twenty one. 1452 01:04:18.280 --> 01:04:19.719 Yes, changed my life. 1453 01:04:20.360 --> 01:04:23.639 And can you say the gaming software or no? 1454 01:04:23.639 --> 01:04:23.880 No? 1455 01:04:24.000 --> 01:04:25.440 Okay, yeah, okay. 1456 01:04:25.239 --> 01:04:27.239 That's not something that I openly share. Now if they want, 1457 01:04:27.320 --> 01:04:28.559 they can check with me offline. 1458 01:04:28.599 --> 01:04:30.360 That's in somewhere all over. 1459 01:04:30.559 --> 01:04:32.760 Yeah, you can check with me personally, but yeah, I 1460 01:04:32.800 --> 01:04:34.760 own the game and software. My sister, my sister in law, 1461 01:04:34.800 --> 01:04:36.719 introduced me to it. It was a business she was 1462 01:04:36.760 --> 01:04:39.239 in and I was talking to my dad and I 1463 01:04:39.320 --> 01:04:41.519 just got this new job at Chase as a private 1464 01:04:41.519 --> 01:04:43.400 client bank, and I'm telling my dad about this job 1465 01:04:43.920 --> 01:04:46.800 and he was saying no. 1466 01:04:46.840 --> 01:04:48.920 I was telling him my clients they have they have 1467 01:04:49.000 --> 01:04:50.079 no less than one hundred. 1468 01:04:49.840 --> 01:04:51.039 And FIFTYK, cause I thought that was a lot of 1469 01:04:51.039 --> 01:04:53.760 money at the time, and he was like, I sound 1470 01:04:53.840 --> 01:04:56.000 like your brother. And I didn't even entertain the conversation 1471 01:04:56.079 --> 01:04:57.400 because I'm like my dad, he don't know what we're 1472 01:04:57.400 --> 01:05:02.000 talking about. And so during my little week time off 1473 01:05:02.159 --> 01:05:05.159 between one job and starting the next job, I was 1474 01:05:05.199 --> 01:05:07.079 just sitting around and saw some stuff on Facebook, because 1475 01:05:07.079 --> 01:05:09.239 you know, during COVID, people was doing all types of things, 1476 01:05:09.559 --> 01:05:11.920 and I screenshot what I thought maybe my dad was 1477 01:05:11.920 --> 01:05:14.000 talking about, and I sent it to my brother and 1478 01:05:14.039 --> 01:05:16.400 I'm like, dud, said that this is, you know, just 1479 01:05:16.440 --> 01:05:17.000 outline what. 1480 01:05:16.960 --> 01:05:18.440 My dad had said. And I says, this is what 1481 01:05:18.519 --> 01:05:19.639 y'all doing, and he was like no. 1482 01:05:19.840 --> 01:05:22.119 And then he started telling me what it was that 1483 01:05:22.199 --> 01:05:24.719 they did, and then he said, can I call you? 1484 01:05:25.119 --> 01:05:27.000 And I said, you're absolutely, I'm your sister, of course 1485 01:05:27.000 --> 01:05:29.840 you can call me. And so he called me up 1486 01:05:29.880 --> 01:05:32.000 and he shared with me what it was, and I said, 1487 01:05:32.000 --> 01:05:34.159 I'm coming home this weekend and you guys are going. 1488 01:05:34.159 --> 01:05:35.119 To show me what you're doing. 1489 01:05:35.159 --> 01:05:37.400 And I went home and my sister in law, I

1490 01:05:37.480 --> 01:05:39.880 sat with her and she gave me the fundamentals of 1491 01:05:39.920 --> 01:05:42.840 how to get started, how to get my customers, you know, 1492 01:05:42.840 --> 01:05:44.480 because you have to have customers in order to get 1493 01:05:44.480 --> 01:05:49.239 the software. And so I did that and within I 1494 01:05:49.280 --> 01:05:51.840 mean at the time, I guess the timing couldn't have 1495 01:05:51.880 --> 01:05:54.599 been more perfect because I was starting a new job, 1496 01:05:54.639 --> 01:05:57.679 so I wasn't actively like even when I started, I 1497 01:05:57.760 --> 01:06:00.840 was in the office training, so I it's obsessive with 1498 01:06:01.320 --> 01:06:02.880 trying to do what I needed to do to get, 1499 01:06:03.079 --> 01:06:05.400 you know, get customers. And I was able to walk 1500 01:06:05.400 --> 01:06:07.119 away from Chase in six weeks. 1501 01:06:07.159 --> 01:06:09.760 Oh wow. So it's just like a pyramid and marketing 1502 01:06:09.880 --> 01:06:11.960 type of it's a software. 1503 01:06:12.400 --> 01:06:16.079 I own the at least a software. Okay, wow, I'll 1504 01:06:16.079 --> 01:06:17.039 tell you about it. 1505 01:06:17.079 --> 01:06:19.199 And so other people can't get involved in that. 1506 01:06:19.159 --> 01:06:20.119 Other people could get involved. 1507 01:06:20.159 --> 01:06:22.119 So this is the thing. When we first started, I 1508 01:06:22.159 --> 01:06:25.320 train a lot of people. It requires a type of grit. 1509 01:06:25.039 --> 01:06:26.960 That a lot of people don't have and patience. 1510 01:06:28.559 --> 01:06:31.639 Now that we're back outside is not as easy, but 1511 01:06:31.840 --> 01:06:35.599 if you're determined to get it, you can. I personally 1512 01:06:35.639 --> 01:06:37.760 don't train other people on it because it just takes 1513 01:06:37.760 --> 01:06:39.559 too much time. It's not a such a situation where 1514 01:06:39.559 --> 01:06:41.519 we can talk about it one time and then you 1515 01:06:41.559 --> 01:06:41.920 got it. 1516 01:06:42.599 --> 01:06:43.960 I got to be in golf. 1517 01:06:43.960 --> 01:06:45.400 You're gonna call me every day because that's what I 1518 01:06:45.400 --> 01:06:47.199 did to my system law I call I still call 1519 01:06:47.239 --> 01:06:47.760 it to this day. 1520 01:06:47.800 --> 01:06:48.760 It's been three years. 1521 01:06:49.159 --> 01:06:53.199 So yeah, So it's literally a gaming software. I'll say this, 1522 01:06:53.679 --> 01:06:57.920 it's gaming. So it's a gaming software that you could 1523 01:06:57.920 --> 01:07:01.159 probably go and play in a physical locale, but I 1524 01:07:01.280 --> 01:07:05.480 lease it and I have virtual players, and because the 1525 01:07:05.559 --> 01:07:07.800 grace of God, I gotta say that first. But and 1526 01:07:07.880 --> 01:07:11.519 then marketing, going to these different social media platforms, doing 1527 01:07:11.559 --> 01:07:15.719 the marketing positioning people gave

me a chance, you know, 1528 01:07:15.800 --> 01:07:17.719 and once they play with me and find out, Okay, 1529 01:07:17.760 --> 01:07:19.239 this is legitimate, this is real. 1530 01:07:19.599 --> 01:07:20.320 Word of mouth. 1531 01:07:20.679 --> 01:07:23.760 Three years later, I have over five thousand people that 1532 01:07:23.800 --> 01:07:24.559 do business with you. 1533 01:07:24.559 --> 01:07:27.440 That do business with you. That's awesome. What I'm hearing 1534 01:07:28.119 --> 01:07:32.679 in your story is that you were not afraid to 1535 01:07:32.760 --> 01:07:35.239 start over. I had no choice. 1536 01:07:35.519 --> 01:07:38.440 I had no choice, Like it was either be nothing 1537 01:07:39.440 --> 01:07:42.320 or go and try it again. Because I was nothing. 1538 01:07:42.400 --> 01:07:44.880 I lost everything. I mean, I hit rock bottom. Like 1539 01:07:44.920 --> 01:07:47.239 I didn't have clothes because remember I left all my 1540 01:07:47.280 --> 01:07:49.960 clothes with so my mom, like she would buy me 1541 01:07:50.000 --> 01:07:52.159 things when we had things to do, but I would. 1542 01:07:52.199 --> 01:07:54.519 I didn't have a life, like I tell people for 1543 01:07:54.559 --> 01:07:56.800 eight years. I didn't live for eight years my life 1544 01:07:56.840 --> 01:08:00.320 literally it was like hitting a pause button. And it 1545 01:08:00.360 --> 01:08:03.320 wasn't until I decided I want to play again that 1546 01:08:03.480 --> 01:08:04.760 it was like, okay, I want to get back in 1547 01:08:04.800 --> 01:08:05.360 the game now. 1548 01:08:05.599 --> 01:08:06.079 Yeah. 1549 01:08:06.199 --> 01:08:09.800 And so once I got here, and within two months 1550 01:08:09.800 --> 01:08:12.039 I started com ministry. That gave me the drive and 1551 01:08:12.039 --> 01:08:14.920 the motivation to keep pushing. And every time I did 1552 01:08:14.960 --> 01:08:18.520 an event, it got bigger and bigger. I always had 1553 01:08:18.520 --> 01:08:21.039 the resources, like I always made a way, regardless of 1554 01:08:21.079 --> 01:08:24.920 whether I didn't have it before, but when it was 1555 01:08:24.920 --> 01:08:27.199 time to have it, I had what I needed. Even 1556 01:08:27.279 --> 01:08:29.760 my show that was on Foxhoul when I pushed it 1557 01:08:29.760 --> 01:08:31.720 in twenty twenty, I was still working at the bank. 1558 01:08:32.079 --> 01:08:33.520 I didn't know how production worked. 1559 01:08:33.560 --> 01:08:35.359 I didn't understand that you got to produce it and 1560 01:08:35.399 --> 01:08:38.800 submit a finished product. If they had given me the opportunity, 1561 01:08:38.840 --> 01:08:41.520 I would not have had the money to do it. 1562 01:08:41.520 --> 01:08:43.640 It was two years later they called me and was like, 1563 01:08:43.680 --> 01:08:45.119 are you still doing the show? And I said, I 1564 01:08:45.159 --> 01:08:48.159 absolutely am, And I flew in the GM to Charlotte 1565 01:08:48.159 --> 01:08:50.680 because

I was doing it in Charlotte and he wanted 1566 01:08:50.680 --> 01:08:52.560 to do a pilot. And it was like the perfect 1567 01:08:52.560 --> 01:08:54.880 time because I'm like, I have the money. Yeah, you know, 1568 01:08:54.920 --> 01:08:57.199 I can produce. I can produce as much as you want. 1569 01:08:57.760 --> 01:09:01.000 So it was all about divine time and then just 1570 01:09:01.119 --> 01:09:03.520 getting into purpose and doing what God has called me 1571 01:09:03.520 --> 01:09:03.760 to do. 1572 01:09:03.880 --> 01:09:05.479 And I know people say, you know, how can you 1573 01:09:05.520 --> 01:09:06.880 be a relationship. 1574 01:09:06.319 --> 01:09:10.960 Because I've had those experiences, Like for me, it's very 1575 01:09:10.960 --> 01:09:13.119 difficult for me to receive from someone who go to 1576 01:09:13.159 --> 01:09:15.399 bed every night with a warm body. It ain't a 1577 01:09:15.399 --> 01:09:17.640 whole lot you can say to me, like It's like 1578 01:09:18.239 --> 01:09:19.960 maybe when I was in my thirties, the women in 1579 01:09:20.039 --> 01:09:21.560 church would say, oh, you got the rest of your 1580 01:09:21.600 --> 01:09:25.079 life to get a husband or a man, And that 1581 01:09:25.239 --> 01:09:28.760 was cute then, but at fifty that just that ain't 1582 01:09:28.800 --> 01:09:32.199 gonna cut it. So I want to hear from people 1583 01:09:32.359 --> 01:09:35.880 who have similar experiences, who can empathize, and who know 1584 01:09:35.960 --> 01:09:39.680 what it is to be in certain scenarios like I have. Now, 1585 01:09:39.680 --> 01:09:42.439 if you can speak to that and you've had that experience, 1586 01:09:42.680 --> 01:09:44.279 then I can hear from you all day long. But 1587 01:09:44.279 --> 01:09:46.319 if you ain't never had your heart broke, if you 1588 01:09:46.319 --> 01:09:50.199 ain't never been taken down through their rejected, mishandled, mistreated, 1589 01:09:50.479 --> 01:09:51.239 then what you're. 1590 01:09:51.079 --> 01:09:54.560 Gonna tell me? Yeah, you can't. You can't empathize. 1591 01:09:54.720 --> 01:09:58.800 So if you've never had a situation where you like 1592 01:09:58.880 --> 01:10:00.960 someone they didn't like your back, if you've always been 1593 01:10:01.000 --> 01:10:03.159 the popular one who got the guy, then how. 1594 01:10:03.760 --> 01:10:05.119 Can you give me advice? 1595 01:10:05.199 --> 01:10:07.359 You can, You can only tell me what you think 1596 01:10:07.760 --> 01:10:10.119 I should do, But is it really. 1597 01:10:09.880 --> 01:10:11.439 Going to help and be impactful? 1598 01:10:11.920 --> 01:10:14.359 So I believe that my God has taken my life 1599 01:10:14.359 --> 01:10:16.800 and he's used it as a training ground. So what 1600 01:10:16.880 --> 01:10:19.359 I do is when I go on my platforms, I 1601 01:10:19.439 --> 01:10:21.640 talk about the mistakes that I've made. I talk about 1602 01:10:21.680 --> 01:10:24.399 how I navigated through them so that they don't have 1603 01:10:24.560 --> 01:10:26.920 to go through what I went through. So if I 1604 01:10:26.960 --> 01:10:31.359 can prevent you from having to go through that, then 1605 01:10:31.359 --> 01:10:33.640 I've done my job. If I have just one person 1606 01:10:34.039 --> 01:10:36.159 not make the same mistakes that I made. 1607 01:10:36.479 --> 01:10:38.000 You know what I'm saying, then I've done my job. 1608 01:10:38.279 --> 01:10:40.079 Like I didn't get to be fifteen, then I don't 1609 01:10:40.079 --> 01:10:43.159 mind saying that fifty no children, never married to just 1610 01:10:43.760 --> 01:10:47.319 not what not tell not say what the experiences were. 1611 01:10:47.720 --> 01:10:50.159 Not tell people my testimony about how I had nothing 1612 01:10:50.199 --> 01:10:51.840 and I did go to Nashville and I did believe 1613 01:10:51.840 --> 01:10:54.039 this man was my husband. But look at my life now, 1614 01:10:54.079 --> 01:10:56.319 and I have no problem. I have no shame because 1615 01:10:56.359 --> 01:11:00.960 I'm extremely blessed and it's an unusual blessing. It's unusual 1616 01:11:01.039 --> 01:11:01.880 how God did it. 1617 01:11:02.279 --> 01:11:05.119 So I have to tell people so you can't shame me, 1618 01:11:05.560 --> 01:11:07.880 because look at my life. What do you want to say? 1619 01:11:08.439 --> 01:11:10.239 So what's on the horizon for you? 1620 01:11:10.720 --> 01:11:14.000 So right now we do our show. Relationships matter. 1621 01:11:14.119 --> 01:11:18.000 I just released a relationship card game, and it's a 1622 01:11:18.039 --> 01:11:21.199 two deck card game where one deck deals with conversation 1623 01:11:21.279 --> 01:11:24.119 starters on sex and relationships for couples, and then the 1624 01:11:24.159 --> 01:11:27.960 other one is the healing journey navigating past pain and trauma, 1625 01:11:28.359 --> 01:11:31.800 and my favorite, obviously navigating healing, navigating past pain and 1626 01:11:31.840 --> 01:11:36.279 trauma because it helped couples, especially it helps existing couples, 1627 01:11:36.279 --> 01:11:40.600 but it also helps new couples ask those uncomfortable questions. 1628 01:11:40.840 --> 01:11:44.600 Give me an example, for instance, like this, like what 1629 01:11:44.600 --> 01:11:47.439 we're doing now, if we were if we had it 1630 01:11:47.479 --> 01:11:49.560 was a man, and we were in a relationship, then 1631 01:11:49.600 --> 01:11:52.680 you would want to know a little bit about my past, 1632 01:11:52.800 --> 01:11:56.159 a little bit about my experiences. Well, it creates a 1633 01:11:56.199 --> 01:12:00.439 non intrusive way to ask those questions without sound like 1634 01:12:00.479 --> 01:12:03.239 you're being judgmental. But we both got to share. Like 1635 01:12:03.319 --> 01:12:06.640 I'll ask you a question, and then I'll ask a question, 1636 01:12:06.800 --> 01:12:08.920 I'll answer it, you'll answer it, and then you get 1637 01:12:08.960 --> 01:12:11.199

to learn about your partner, and then you also get 1638 01:12:11.239 --> 01:12:14.079 to learn how to support them. And then, for instance, 1639 01:12:14.119 --> 01:12:16.399 if you're triggered, like I still have triggers, Like there's 1640 01:12:16.399 --> 01:12:19.279 still certain things that trigger me. I'm human, and so 1641 01:12:19.479 --> 01:12:22.840 now because you are familiar with some of my experiences, 1642 01:12:23.000 --> 01:12:25.960 you know how to support me better. Yeah, you're not blindsided, 1643 01:12:26.319 --> 01:12:28.800 you're like, dang, I didn't know about that because we've 1644 01:12:28.840 --> 01:12:29.600 talked about it. 1645 01:12:30.000 --> 01:12:31.840 And then in terms of the sex, even. 1646 01:12:31.720 --> 01:12:33.800 Though I'm not out there, not right, you said you 1647 01:12:34.199 --> 01:12:36.479 were abstinent for eight years and now you've been abstinence 1648 01:12:36.560 --> 01:12:37.840 for the last four years. Yes. 1649 01:12:38.239 --> 01:12:40.600 So with the sex, there are a lot of times we 1650 01:12:40.640 --> 01:12:43.159 get into these situations and we don't ask the right questions, 1651 01:12:43.439 --> 01:12:46.399 and then I hear women talk about he's stepping out 1652 01:12:46.439 --> 01:12:49.119 on me or they're cheating on me. And that's because 1653 01:12:49.159 --> 01:12:52.079 you didn't have the conversation before you got married, your Russia, 1654 01:12:52.119 --> 01:12:54.319 you got married and you didn't get solid on if 1655 01:12:54.359 --> 01:12:56.479 this person was even compatible with you, or if you 1656 01:12:56.520 --> 01:12:58.319 were into what they were into, or if they were 1657 01:12:58.359 --> 01:12:59.319 into what you're into. 1658 01:12:59.760 --> 01:13:00.680 So if a. 1659 01:13:00.680 --> 01:13:04.119 Person is not willing to learn, if they're not into 1660 01:13:04.359 --> 01:13:07.279 then that's a red flag. Yeah, you might that might 1661 01:13:07.319 --> 01:13:09.279 not be your person. You don't want to get into 1662 01:13:09.279 --> 01:13:11.680 these situations and you find out we won't have nothing 1663 01:13:11.680 --> 01:13:14.520 in common because you're so enamored or you know you 1664 01:13:14.520 --> 01:13:16.880 you know, we operate in lust and you know and 1665 01:13:16.920 --> 01:13:19.960 we you know that whole feeling of the newness of 1666 01:13:20.000 --> 01:13:20.920 a relationship. 1667 01:13:21.159 --> 01:13:23.479 And so it helps to ask those questions. 1668 01:13:23.680 --> 01:13:27.520 They're like, it provokes you to think through your responses 1669 01:13:27.560 --> 01:13:30.199 and then think about your partner's responses, and. 1670 01:13:30.159 --> 01:13:33.159 Then you say, do we need to continue this or 1671 01:13:33.239 --> 01:13:34.000 do we need to stop? 1672 01:13:34.079 --> 01:13:34.560 Right here. 1673 01:13:34.960 --> 01:13:38.199 But it's a non intrusive way of doing that, because 1674 01:13:38.199 --> 01:13:39.640 a lot of times when people have bombard you with 1675 01:13:39.680 --> 01:13:42.359 a lot of questions when it's new, you're like, why 1676 01:13:42.399 --> 01:13:44.399 are asking me so many questions? You know, you get 1677 01:13:44.439 --> 01:13:47.800 a little offended. But it's a game and we're both sharing. 1678 01:13:48.359 --> 01:13:51.119 Then we can both learn about one another in a 1679 01:13:51.159 --> 01:13:52.199 way that's non threatening. 1680 01:13:53.079 --> 01:13:55.880 Learning about one another in a way that's not threatening. 1681 01:13:56.279 --> 01:13:59.199 As we begin to close up this interview, one word 1682 01:13:59.199 --> 01:14:01.239 you're committed to in the season of your life. 1683 01:14:02.479 --> 01:14:07.479 One word that I'm committed to. I am intentional. I'm 1684 01:14:07.520 --> 01:14:12.840 intentional about my business. I'm intentional about my relationships. I 1685 01:14:12.880 --> 01:14:15.880 am intentional. I'm in a space in my life where 1686 01:14:16.720 --> 01:14:19.399 I've never really even women, never even. 1687 01:14:19.439 --> 01:14:21.560 Considered is it's a good fit for me? 1688 01:14:22.199 --> 01:14:25.479 And I'm in a space where I'm asking myself, do 1689 01:14:25.600 --> 01:14:31.119 I want to invite this into my life? Because I 1690 01:14:31.159 --> 01:14:33.720 have found that since I've been in Atlanta, it's very 1691 01:14:33.720 --> 01:14:36.079 difficult to especially when you're in the industry, and when 1692 01:14:36.079 --> 01:14:38.359 I was in corporate, you you work with people, you build. 1693 01:14:38.159 --> 01:14:39.279 Relationships there, but I'm not. 1694 01:14:39.359 --> 01:14:41.760 I haven't been in three years, so it's like it's 1695 01:14:41.840 --> 01:14:44.880 very difficult to meet friends and you meet different people 1696 01:14:45.479 --> 01:14:47.159 and then I'm. 1697 01:14:46.720 --> 01:14:48.840 Secure what I'm doing. You know, you could be doing 1698 01:14:48.880 --> 01:14:49.600 better than me. That's great. 1699 01:14:49.600 --> 01:14:51.039 I'm a goad from you because I want to know 1700 01:14:51.079 --> 01:14:53.840 what you're doing to be successful, and vice versa. You know, 1701 01:14:53.960 --> 01:14:56.399 where you connect with different women and then it becomes 1702 01:14:56.399 --> 01:14:57.079 a competition. 1703 01:14:57.439 --> 01:14:58.279 I don't like that. 1704 01:14:58.720 --> 01:15:00.640 Like, but I'm good at my purpose and if you 1705 01:15:00.640 --> 01:15:03.239 were good, we would we could just vibe and learn 1706 01:15:03.359 --> 01:15:06.319 and glean and up uplift each other. But when you 1707 01:15:06.319 --> 01:15:07.960 don't know who you are and then you're looking at 1708 01:15:08.000 --> 01:15:10.600 me and you look you know, then it doesn't work. 1709 01:15:10.920 --> 01:15:13.680 So I vet my relationships. 1710 01:15:13.720 --> 01:15:16.199 I ask myself, do you want to invite this into 1711

01:15:16.239 --> 01:15:18.760 your space? Because I try to create a space of peace. 1712 01:15:18.760 --> 01:15:21.199 It's not always perfect, but I try. 1713 01:15:20.920 --> 01:15:24.000 To be more intentional about who I allow in my space, 1714 01:15:24.079 --> 01:15:26.520 and you know, I want them to do the same. 1715 01:15:26.720 --> 01:15:29.560 I encourage them to do the same, you know, So 1716 01:15:30.199 --> 01:15:33.920 just being more intentional about the relationships that I engage. 1717 01:15:33.439 --> 01:15:37.079 In for sure, being intentional last thing you will leave 1718 01:15:37.079 --> 01:15:40.800 our audience with to women who are who find themselves 1719 01:15:41.159 --> 01:15:44.000 they are single, they're child free, or they are just 1720 01:15:44.119 --> 01:15:46.720 not in relationship right now. But they desire that. What's 1721 01:15:46.760 --> 01:15:48.079 the one thing you would tell them? 1722 01:15:48.159 --> 01:15:50.319 I told you to focus on your purpose? Like if 1723 01:15:50.319 --> 01:15:51.319 you because that's the thing. 1724 01:15:51.399 --> 01:15:55.159 If you focus and align yourself on purpose, then you 1725 01:15:55.279 --> 01:15:57.640 align with like minded people. You don't know who you're 1726 01:15:57.640 --> 01:16:00.800 gonna come in contact with while you're operating in this space. 1727 01:16:01.159 --> 01:16:04.720 You're gonna meet different people and you never know who 1728 01:16:04.760 --> 01:16:07.279 you meet or who who you come in contact with, 1729 01:16:07.319 --> 01:16:09.000 types of conversations that you have. 1730 01:16:09.399 --> 01:16:12.359 So if you just focus on that, you will find 1731 01:16:12.399 --> 01:16:14.239 your tribe, you know what I'm saying. 1732 01:16:14.279 --> 01:16:16.760 So focus, don't focus so much on trying to make 1733 01:16:16.760 --> 01:16:19.840 it happen, putting yourself in places that are even comfortable 1734 01:16:19.880 --> 01:16:21.600 to you. Like some people say, well, we're gonna go 1735 01:16:21.640 --> 01:16:23.359 to I'm not going to no bar to meet no 1736 01:16:23.439 --> 01:16:25.359 man because that's not even comfortable. 1737 01:16:25.399 --> 01:16:27.359 I don't even drink. So what am I sitting at 1738 01:16:27.399 --> 01:16:29.079 a bar for? You know what I'm saying. 1739 01:16:29.119 --> 01:16:31.199 But I do the things that I like to do, 1740 01:16:31.760 --> 01:16:34.439 and you know, prayerfully in those moments when I'm doing it, 1741 01:16:34.600 --> 01:16:37.359 then I come in contact with like minded people who. 1742 01:16:37.199 --> 01:16:40.159 Have similar goals, similar values. 1743 01:16:39.840 --> 01:16:42.039 And we can move and you know, we might have 1744 01:16:42.079 --> 01:16:45.479 a conversation by default, I didn't even see you as 1745 01:16:45.560 --> 01:16:48.920 soone attractive. You may not have seen me, but through conversation, 1746 01:16:49.159 --> 01:16:54.039 I'm like you know, and then it go from there. 1747 01:16:54.279 --> 01:16:58.239 So Chanelle Nicolska, thank you so much for spending your 1748 01:16:58.279 --> 01:17:03.279 time with me. Find your purpose, walking intention, and those 1749 01:17:03.279 --> 01:17:06.720 people will come to you. Thank you so much. Vought 1750 01:17:06.720 --> 01:17:09.479 Empower Talks another good one for the books. Be sure 1751 01:17:09.479 --> 01:17:11.279 to share this with someone who needs a little more 1752 01:17:11.279 --> 01:17:14.920 intention and needs to be guided into a purpose driven life. 1753 01:17:15.119 --> 01:17:17.439 Until next time, I'm your girl. Brandy Harvey eat Well, 1754 01:17:17.640 --> 01:17:19.439 give a damn move your body every single day at 1755 01:17:19.479 --> 01:17:19.720 peace

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