TRANSCRIPT 🔗
WEBVTT
00:00:48.310 --> 00:00:55.670
Welcome to Transformative Living Radio, where we explore the power of intentional change for personal growth and fulfillment.
00:00:55.829 --> 00:01:00.310
I'm Andre Flax, your host and certified life and leadership coach.
00:01:00.870 --> 00:01:02.789
Hey, let me ask you something.
00:01:03.030 --> 00:01:06.710
Have you ever felt like you're doing everything you're supposed to do?
00:01:06.870 --> 00:01:10.950
You're growing, you're learning, you're becoming more aware of yourself.
00:01:11.109 --> 00:01:16.469
And yet, when it's time to step into that next level of your life, you hesitate.
00:01:17.270 --> 00:01:30.150
Not out loud and in an obvious way, but in those quiet moments where you second guess yourself, where you pull back just enough where you don't fully step into what you know you're capable of.
00:01:30.629 --> 00:01:34.550
And if we're honest, it's not always clear why.
00:01:34.789 --> 00:01:40.390
It doesn't feel like a lack of discipline, or it doesn't feel like a lack of ability.
00:01:40.629 --> 00:01:42.950
It feels like something deeper.
00:01:43.189 --> 00:01:49.109
Like there's a part of you that's still holding on to something, something unresolved.
00:01:49.349 --> 00:02:00.390
And what I found, both in my personal life and with working with others, is that many times what we're dealing with is something we haven't forgiven ourselves for.
00:02:00.629 --> 00:02:05.030
And until we address that, growth can only go so far.
00:02:05.829 --> 00:02:13.430
So in today's episode, we want to talk about why self-forgiveness is the missing link to your transformational journey.
00:02:13.670 --> 00:02:17.990
So grab a pen and a pad, and if you're ready, let's begin.
00:02:21.670 --> 00:02:26.629
Hello and welcome to another empowering episode of Transformative Living Radio.
00:02:26.790 --> 00:02:31.350
I'm Andre Flax, your host and certified life and leadership coach.
00:02:31.590 --> 00:02:35.110
Now, I want you to take a moment and to imagine something.
00:02:35.350 --> 00:02:37.829
There's a man walking along a path.
00:02:38.069 --> 00:02:40.469
He's carrying a bag over his shoulder.
00:02:40.710 --> 00:02:43.909
Now, at first, the bag doesn't seem like a problem.
00:02:44.150 --> 00:02:47.590
He's walking fine, moving forward, making progress.
00:02:47.909 --> 00:02:51.430
But as time goes on, the bag gets heavier.
00:02:51.670 --> 00:02:54.069
His steps begin to slow down.
00:02:54.389 --> 00:02:58.550
His posture changes, and his energy constrains.
00:02:59.430 --> 00:03:01.110
Eventually he stops.
00:03:01.430 --> 00:03:04.629
Not because he wants to, but because he has to.
00:03:05.269 --> 00:03:10.069
So he takes the bag off his shoulder, sits it down, and finally opens it.
00:03:10.629 --> 00:03:14.389
And when he looks inside, he realizes something.
00:03:15.189 --> 00:03:21.110
The weight he's been carrying isn't from where he's going, it's from where he's been.
00:03:21.910 -->
Load full transcript
00:03:27.990
Regret, guilt, old decisions, moments he never made peace with.
00:03:28.389 --> 00:03:37.189
And here's the truth a lot of people are on the same path right now, moving forward, but they're weighed down.
00:03:37.430 --> 00:03:40.709
Growing, but still carrying that weight.
00:03:41.350 --> 00:03:49.269
And the question becomes how far can you really go if you're still carrying the weight of who you used to be?
00:03:49.829 --> 00:03:54.230
Because at some point, growth requires release.
00:03:54.790 --> 00:04:00.709
In personal development, we talk a lot about discipline, consistency, and mindset.
00:04:01.030 --> 00:04:02.709
And those things matter.
00:04:02.949 --> 00:04:10.389
But in my experience, both in my own life and when working with others, there's something deeper that doesn't always get addressed.
00:04:10.629 --> 00:04:14.790
And that is this the relationship you have with your past.
00:04:15.269 --> 00:04:20.069
Because if we're honest, it's not always the outside world that holds us back.
00:04:20.310 --> 00:04:24.949
Sometimes it's the way we see ourselves because of what we've been through.
00:04:25.189 --> 00:04:30.310
Or more specifically, because of what we haven't forgiven ourselves for.
00:04:30.790 --> 00:04:34.629
And when we really sit with that, it starts to make sense.
00:04:34.870 --> 00:04:40.470
Because the weight isn't just in what happened, it's in what you made it mean about you.
00:04:40.949 --> 00:04:44.470
It's the story that formed after the moment.
00:04:45.189 --> 00:04:48.389
The story that says, I'm not good enough.
00:04:48.629 --> 00:04:50.389
I always mess things up.
00:04:50.550 --> 00:04:52.870
I should be further along by now.
00:04:53.110 --> 00:05:00.389
And over time, that story stops becoming something you think, and it becomes something you believe.
00:05:00.629 --> 00:05:05.750
And once it becomes a belief, it shapes how you show up.
00:05:06.790 --> 00:05:14.949
So even when life presents you with an opportunity, even when you're ready for more, there's a part of you that pulls back.
00:05:15.189 --> 00:05:19.509
You hesitate, you overthink, you second guess yourself.
00:05:19.750 --> 00:05:25.590
And from the outside, it might look like a lack of discipline or a lack of confidence.
00:05:25.750 --> 00:05:29.509
But what's really happening is something much deeper.
00:05:29.750 --> 00:05:33.750
You're responding from an identity that was shaped by your past.
00:05:34.069 --> 00:05:36.870
And that's where self-sabotage begins.
00:05:37.430 --> 00:05:46.390
Not because you want to hold yourself back, but because a part of you still sees yourself through the lens of who you used to be.
00:05:46.870 --> 00:05:51.750
And when that's the lens, your behavior will always find a way to match it.
00:05:51.990 --> 00:05:58.069
So even when you're doing the right things on the outside, there's a quiet resistance on the inside.
00:05:58.230 --> 00:06:03.670
And afterwards, you might tell yourself, Well, I need to be more disciplined.
00:06:03.910 --> 00:06:06.230
But what if that's not the real issue?
00:06:06.470 --> 00:06:14.470
What if the real issue is you're trying to build a new life on top of an identity that hasn't been released yet?
00:06:14.710 --> 00:06:17.110
Because here's what I've come to understand.
00:06:17.430 --> 00:06:23.189
You cannot fully step into your future while quietly holding yourself hostage to your past.
00:06:23.670 --> 00:06:27.910
Not because you're not capable, but because you're not aligned.
00:06:28.390 --> 00:06:37.350
Because part of you is still operating from a belief that says, that's who I am, when in reality, that's who you were.
00:06:38.069 --> 00:06:41.350
Now let's take a moment to slow down and reflect.
00:06:41.590 --> 00:06:43.590
Because awareness is powerful.
00:06:43.830 --> 00:06:49.110
However, true transformation occurs when you take action based on that awareness.
00:06:49.350 --> 00:06:51.830
And that's where I want to guide you next.
00:06:52.069 --> 00:07:03.509
I want to walk you through six practical but powerful steps to help you release the old identity that may be still lingering because you haven't fully forgiven yourself for your past.
00:07:03.910 --> 00:07:08.949
Now, these six steps aren't complicated, they're real and they're grounded.
00:07:09.110 --> 00:07:15.030
And most importantly, there's something you can actually apply to your life starting today.
00:07:15.270 --> 00:07:18.230
So I want you to really lean in on this part.
00:07:19.110 --> 00:07:23.509
Step number one is to be honest about what you're carrying.
00:07:23.990 --> 00:07:27.830
Now, let's begin here, and I want you to take your time with this.
00:07:28.069 --> 00:07:31.830
I want you to write down what you're still holding on to.
00:07:32.069 --> 00:07:34.629
Now, don't give me the general answer.
00:07:34.949 --> 00:07:36.150
Be specific.
00:07:37.189 --> 00:07:44.470
What's the specific moment, the decision, the experience, the thing that still comes up when you're quiet?
00:07:45.030 --> 00:07:46.629
Just acknowledge it.
00:07:47.590 --> 00:07:50.710
Because you can't release what you're not willing to face.
00:07:51.030 --> 00:07:54.710
And this is not about judgment, it's about awareness.
00:07:55.590 --> 00:08:00.629
Now, step number two is to separate who you are from what you did.
00:08:01.350 --> 00:08:04.870
Now, with this step, I want you to gently shift your perspective.
00:08:05.110 --> 00:08:10.949
For example, you made a decision, but that decision is not your identity.
00:08:11.270 --> 00:08:16.390
You've experienced something, but that moment doesn't define your worth.
00:08:16.629 --> 00:08:20.710
And as you begin to separate the two, notice what happens.
00:08:20.949 --> 00:08:22.150
There's space.
00:08:22.390 --> 00:08:26.550
And in that space, you give yourself permission to grow.
00:08:26.949 --> 00:08:30.390
Now, step number three is to look for the lesson.
00:08:30.710 --> 00:08:33.830
From here, we begin to look at it differently.
00:08:34.069 --> 00:08:36.629
Instead of asking, why did I do that?
00:08:36.870 --> 00:08:39.429
Ask yourself, What did this teach me?
00:08:39.669 --> 00:08:41.189
And really sit with that.
00:08:41.429 --> 00:08:45.110
Because every experience carries something with it.
00:08:45.350 --> 00:08:48.949
Maybe it's awareness, clarity, or growth.
00:08:49.189 --> 00:08:53.830
And when you begin to see it that way, the weight starts to shift.
00:08:54.389 --> 00:08:59.429
Now, let me share something with you here, because this isn't just something I teach.
00:08:59.590 --> 00:09:02.149
This is something I had to walk through myself.
00:09:02.389 --> 00:09:08.949
There was a time in my life where I made a decision, and for a long time, I carried that decision with me.
00:09:09.189 --> 00:09:11.750
Now, on the outside, I was doing well.
00:09:11.909 --> 00:09:14.629
I was growing, I was achieving, I was showing up.
00:09:14.949 --> 00:09:24.949
But internally, there was this quiet wait, a voice that would remind me that I should have known better or I should have handled things differently.
00:09:25.110 --> 00:09:34.870
And what I didn't realize at the time was that even though I had moved forward in life, part of me was still anchored in that moment.
00:09:35.110 --> 00:09:37.829
And it showed up in subtle ways.
00:09:38.229 --> 00:09:48.709
In moments where I hesitated, or moments where I second guessed myself, moments where I didn't fully step into what I knew I was capable of.
00:09:49.029 --> 00:09:54.870
Not because I couldn't, but because I hadn't made peace with that version of myself.
00:09:55.269 --> 00:10:04.949
And it wasn't until I slowed down and I asked myself, what did that experience actually teach me that something inside of me shifted?
00:10:05.269 --> 00:10:10.789
Because I realized then that the moment didn't define me, it developed me.
00:10:11.029 --> 00:10:15.429
And in that realization, the weight started to lift.
00:10:16.069 --> 00:10:19.909
Step number four is to make a decision to release it.
00:10:20.149 --> 00:10:23.990
Now, this is a very important step, and it really, really matters.
00:10:24.229 --> 00:10:29.110
Because self-forgiveness doesn't begin with a feeling, it begins with a decision.
00:10:29.349 --> 00:10:34.870
A simple intentional choice that says, I'm no longer going to carry this.
00:10:35.110 --> 00:10:39.269
Now, you may not feel it immediately, and that's okay.
00:10:39.589 --> 00:10:41.589
Just stay with the decision.
00:10:41.909 --> 00:10:47.750
Now, step number five is a critical step, and that is define who you are now.
00:10:48.229 --> 00:10:52.309
Now that you've created space, let's bring intention into it.
00:10:52.469 --> 00:10:54.229
Ask yourself these questions.
00:10:54.469 --> 00:10:55.750
Who are you now?
00:10:55.990 --> 00:10:57.589
What do you stand for?
00:10:57.990 --> 00:10:59.509
How do you show up?
00:11:00.469 --> 00:11:03.110
Let this become your new point of reference.
00:11:03.750 --> 00:11:09.269
Finally, step number six is to live into it one day at a time.
00:11:09.509 --> 00:11:13.589
Not all at once, not perfectly, but intentionally.
00:11:13.829 --> 00:11:16.629
Because this is where a lot of people get stuck.
00:11:16.870 --> 00:11:28.309
They have the realization, they feel the shift, they make the decision, but then they go right back into the old patterns because they haven't built a new way of showing up.
00:11:28.629 --> 00:11:34.069
You see, living into a new identity isn't about becoming someone different overnight.
00:11:34.309 --> 00:11:38.870
It's about becoming more consistent with who you've decided to be.
00:11:39.269 --> 00:11:41.990
Moment by moment, choice by choice.
00:11:42.229 --> 00:11:46.549
It's in the small decisions, the ones no one else sees.
00:11:46.870 --> 00:11:50.549
It's in how you speak to yourself when something doesn't go your way.
00:11:50.870 --> 00:11:55.029
It's in how you respond to the old thoughts that try to come back.
00:11:55.509 --> 00:11:58.549
It's how you show up when no one is watching.
00:11:59.110 --> 00:12:01.829
And here's something I want you to understand.
00:12:02.069 --> 00:12:08.229
Your identity is not formed in the big moments, it's formed in the consistent ones.
00:12:08.549 --> 00:12:19.189
So every day I want you to ask yourself the simple question What would the version of me who has already forgiven themselves do right now?
00:12:19.669 --> 00:12:26.309
And then act from that place, not from who you used to be, but from who you're becoming.
00:12:26.549 --> 00:12:33.829
Even if it feels unfamiliar at first, even if it feels uncomfortable, that's a part of the process.
00:12:34.549 --> 00:12:39.349
Because growth always feels unfamiliar before it feels natural.
00:12:39.589 --> 00:12:44.149
And over time, those small aligned decisions begin to stack.
00:12:44.309 --> 00:12:51.909
Your thoughts start to shift, your confidence starts to grow, your behavior begins to align with your new identity.
00:12:52.069 --> 00:12:54.789
And one day you'll notice something.
00:12:55.029 --> 00:12:59.429
You're no longer trying to be that person, you've become that person.
00:12:59.669 --> 00:13:03.909
Not because you forced it, but because you lived into it.
00:13:04.469 --> 00:13:08.149
One decision at a time, one day at a time.
00:13:08.549 --> 00:13:12.469
Now, as we wrap up this episode, I want to leave you with this thought.
00:13:12.709 --> 00:13:16.870
Self-forgiveness is not about pretending the past didn't happen.
00:13:17.110 --> 00:13:22.789
It's not about excusing the decisions you made or avoiding the responsibilities for them.
00:13:23.029 --> 00:13:25.669
It's about recognizing something deeper.
00:13:25.909 --> 00:13:31.189
That who you were in that moment is not who you're committed to being moving forward.
00:13:31.429 --> 00:13:35.669
And when you really understand that, something begins to change.
00:13:35.909 --> 00:13:44.389
You stop using your past as evidence against yourself, and you start using it as insight for who you're becoming.
00:13:44.629 --> 00:14:01.029
You begin to see that those experiences, as difficult as they may have been, didn't come to define you, they came to develop you, to show you something, to teach you something, to awake a level of awareness that you didn't have before.
00:14:01.269 --> 00:14:08.309
And when you can look at your past through that lens, you no longer have to carry it with guilt.
00:14:08.549 --> 00:14:10.709
You can carry it with wisdom.
00:14:10.870 --> 00:14:12.469
And there's a difference.
00:14:12.709 --> 00:14:17.189
Because guilt keeps you stuck, but wisdom moves you forward.
00:14:18.309 --> 00:14:19.990
Well, that's our show for today.
00:14:20.069 --> 00:14:24.149
We hope that you found this episode both insightful and inspiring.
00:14:24.309 --> 00:14:31.589
Join us each week for practical tips, actionable insights, and inspiring stories to help you transform your life.
00:14:31.829 --> 00:14:33.189
We hope you can join us.
00:14:33.429 --> 00:14:34.949
We'll see you soon.
00:14:35.750 --> 00:14:43.990
To experience a free coaching session with Andre Flax, click the link in the show notes or contact him at Andre at Transformative LivingRadio.com.
00:14:44.149 --> 00:14:49.429
If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a comment wherever you get your podcasts and subscribe.