ABOUT THIS EPISODE

To all of our listeners - thank you from the bottom of our hearts (and wine glasses) for being along for this incredible podcast (life?) journey. You've taught us so much about being better mothers and humans and that compassion and kindness and love conquer all. With incredible parents like you out there, our children are in good hands and the future is bright! We'll think of you with gratitude for every good/bad/funny to be. With so much love and respect - Elizabeth and Vanessa. 

English
United States

TRANSCRIPT

00:00:02totally Mommy
00:00:07totally totally totally
00:00:21welcome to totally mommy I'm Elizabeth and I'm Vanessa I know it's already messed up the last one don't do it where to begin its 11 a.m. Saturday morning and Vanessa brought over a bottle of rozay that looks like a diamond I mean it's felt appropriate it's perfect we have that many feelings about this and they are discussed the Facebook group The Bethany created a my God Bethany is by the way she's also a new mom the moderator of the totally mommy face book group she's amazing she's incredible and she's bringing so much joy and she makes me feel so okay to bring this to you because this group is here and like watching the discourse everyone has I have not seen that parenting group like it honestly
00:01:21the most kind funny people positive and it to help other people I don't see judgment on there which I know his credit also to the moderating but also just to the group it's so nice I think you both need for making that happen that's thank you to Bethany
00:01:37but then I looked at Vanessa when we were starting weed in my contacts and I was just like oh geez Louise I feel really sad
00:01:49I feel weird about it because I don't think I can even wrap my head around that we're not going to be like even just as friends like this check in that we get to have with each other all the time like that so important but I will still have a friend check in my mind that's really to tell you I'm out of the Friendship Baptist
00:02:08ouch just kidding I do like a once-a-month thing and yeah everyone can come over to my tiny house right
00:02:27we did ask toddlers list of questions and
00:02:36success to have another go at My Success because this interview went like Oliver a screaming while a lot to the microphone and I would have waited toys so right. Vanessa
00:03:02and the questions for the same questions answered by one Teddy and hopefully one Oliver what makes you happy my family
00:03:18my friends going for long walks or drives or in New York like bus rides and daydreaming and a whole watching
00:03:30coziness makes me happy like getting cozy up in front of a fire or which were going to do in Lake Arrowhead next weekend or
00:03:41like a big ball of my dad's spaghetti and watching Christmas movies I mean I'm getting into the holiday spirit
00:03:49the notion that we're about to have our and hopefully when the straps we will have our first female president and an incredibly qualified exciting president will just look at all models instead of the ceilings been wanting us all
00:04:10yeah I would have sang hi this week
00:04:13but I just feel at my work you know feeling creative and like having kind of
00:04:20looking at creative challenges and being able to solve them it makes me really happy and a good cup of coffee and a good glass of Deontay Wilder Rose at 11 a.m. with one of my favorite people that makes me happy too but this isn't about me what is love created these questions
00:04:50okay this is crazy but I wish I was reading East of Eden and there is a description of love and I feel like it
00:04:59I'm going to start crying it's poked me so much where it's like
00:05:06that you know I feel like it's a physical sensation of
00:05:13feeling
00:05:15like gratitude
00:05:18and what's the word I'm looking for a lake and I'm thinking of like fullness but like gratitude like completeness and also grief all mixed together because I think when you really love someone it comes with the fear of losing you and I think it's a magical feeling and and you know I think there's also like day-to-day love which is very beautiful and graceful that when I think right now in my life when I think of love I feel like the feeling I feel when I see
00:05:50like Teddy light up about something or Otis you know reaching for me and saying mama or me looking at Andy like reading them stories and just feeling the sweat of
00:06:03yeah all the strings yeah like I don't know well my it's that a cuz that's like it's an ache and it's a it's an amazing it's a beautiful a cake it's my favorite thing in the world what do you dream about
00:06:20I don't really have a I hate to say it this is not a great as I've been having like some anxiety dreams and I don't generally remember my dreams but they aren't anything like cute survey where they Teddy dreams about like flying kite and swimming about like my teeth falling out while I'm talking to Rebecca because I called her you know Amelia stuff like that you know that teeth falling out is a very common dream yeah and it's like you're feeling insecure exactly actually haven't had the teeth falling out in a while but I did that happen it pops up in my life such a visceral feeling of your gums I don't know bummer sorry what do you want to do from work when you're a grown up
00:07:14I want to have my own TV show where I get to tell stories that are important to me and hopefully affect people in a really positive way through humor and love that's that's what I want to do it's a perfect thing where were you before you were born
00:07:36I think by the way I didn't get to ask me Teddy that witches I'm really Teddy just like hey Texas Dental stuff too so let's see I mean I think that I was a soul in on the other side and
00:07:55I have a purpose here in the world and I'm you know working my way through it to it whatever and so I think I was may just in around where there's no pain where there's Clarity and connection and no ego and then I came here just as all of us did to grow and to be part of each other's growth and then I'm going to go back there someday what is a friend
00:08:30Vanessa Ragland know I am so grateful for our friendship and I didn't did I tell you this did I tell you this already that I told you this like we have such a special group of friends yeah Mom friends and my babysitter
00:09:02I was like I forgot we got a babysitter recently for like Meetup
00:09:08I actually think that's the one that didn't happen that I can make it to but she was like oh you know what are you doing tomorrow or whatever and I was like I were ivis group of mom for the help Alexis recommended her to me that's what I was like how do you know Alexis and I was like oh I'm in this group of mom friends we have toddlers about the same age and
00:09:31it's just incredible group like I'd be friends with all of them even if we weren't mom's and we just really love each other in the Andes and afterwards and it was Jesus like you didn't need to go into my account, but then of course even be on I mean I have like that group is amazing and I have really special Connections in that group on an individual level but Vanessa you're like a soul sister and I was just so alike it's a wild and I knew that we met doing the pockets years 2 years ago which if any of her letters I mean it might be fun to go back and listen to the totally Lane wherever you're so I came on the first time
00:10:19what did I do, culture first or did you just totally lame first I don't remember which happened first but this is probably 4 years ago yeah maybe even 5 I have no longer because we were both starting to try and I think you got pregnant with Charlie Shafter and but I knew I was like I love this girl same here much and then we went shopping and here we are you just never know no and you never know and you know like I feel like I know how it's like I can be any kind of conversation yours like I like I feel good around them I get them I want to know about them to be friends it's like I feel like it makes you feel like you're at home with a person and that like the good home really home in like that buddy I love
00:11:13it's interesting cuz I've met I mean I talk to about this house like I feel like I've been meeting new people lately I'm out in the world and I've met really lovely people and part of it's like I don't know that I even have like space for new friendships but I will say like I've met some people that I would like like to be friends with the I haven't had that like I feel like I said grow up your I'm more aware of that like instant like you're a person I want to be in your orbit with and you're definitely one of those small thank you I'm so so agreeing and so grateful for our friendship and The Last Quest I can't wait to hear what your answer to that what a surprise
00:12:02Elizabeth I got to know how you feel about this final question I'm not as last question on the survey cuz it packs a punch God would take a cushion couch sets because I mentioned it already I think my favorite food in the world is my dad spaghetti with its like this not to be confused with M&Ms spaghetti I don't know this is totally different you would not want to purge wants the recipe for the spaghetti it's on our website it just said no search dad's spaghetti on the website totally lame. Com it's a very special recipe
00:13:02it's our Christmas Eve dinner every year like I love I feel so complete the red sauce or pics of the red sauce when I don't feel so complete when like my nephew's now he know they love it like it's it feels like such a part of I love that our family and this is amazing sauce it has a whole bottle of wine and yeah it's
00:13:29unlike any other spaghetti sauce I've ever had and you make it and then you put it over like he gets sick spaghetti and then like big crusty bread with like slabs of butter
00:13:43there's really nothing about it that's my favorite food
00:13:47cut inside okay for Christmas Eve for our family
00:13:52okay when do it'll be fun
00:13:56Vanessa when I see you happy great question
00:14:02just to think about it a lot of things make me happy being with my family then like writing when I feel like I am ready you know that moment when it's like like right before all the time but there's that special like there's nothing like it in the feeling afterwards where you like I don't even want to reread it but I want to share it with someone so that like I just have it out there it's one of those moments I feel like when you're like a conduit for perfection in the universe like everything is perfect there's no judgement no ego and IQR know how come you just making right like asking for your palm as in a written I mean if you would feel comfortable sharing that I might I think I posted in the group when you did okay that was so sweet and it's one of my favorite poems LOL thank you it's so beautiful thanks
00:15:01laughing makes me happy laughing with a friend over like just pretending I'm so all I want to do just like pretend with people and when you can just like it's not a bit but it's like you know that kind of thing we're just involves it's like what are we doing that makes me really happy and then like the quiet kind of happy I always think about it it's so weird but you know on a dock there's like those space between boards and you can like look through and you feel like you're working in another world like on a sunny day with a breeze that is my favorite thing to do like a lie down on a dock and just look through that crack you feel so happy and it's very rare it's probably once or twice a year I get to do this action that's got a good Zone but I've even as a kid I just remember I like house looking find you a little spots that feel magic and private so anything like that and I feel like you find under a tree you want to make a little fairy Village like those moments
00:16:01nothing about roaches like so just get to sit there and like imagine stories and if you have a person that's willing to go there with you all the time I love that What is love
00:16:16and the shells fully inspired by is it seals
00:16:28love is
00:16:31I think I mean it's so I'm going to kind of steal your answer but I think love is
00:16:37when it's the real big huge thing cuz there's the simple love that easy love that we can feel which is just you know appreciation and openness and like
00:16:48genuine that simple love that I think we all have for nature or you know some of the relationships in your life that you don't even need to examine you just love them like but then that love that you choose to enter into with your partner and then when you're like
00:17:05when you're in it with your kids or your friends that kind of love oh I'm going to cry yeah I know but it's not love but like
00:17:13it's so profound and it's so it is aching because it's like you love that person greater than any lost you'll ever face right so it's like signing up to have your heart ripped into a million Treads out of it because you're better off and like I just feel bad I don't know what kind of love cuz you know you know that you can't keep anything right like even even with your partner even with your children like that love will morphine grow and change but I feel like you have those moments of like the most heightened Peak this is a moment like those core memory moments like every time you kind of Crest like that you know that's a moment right and you know all I got him and I like you know sometimes you float above yourself in those times I think I'm going to think about this when I'm an old lady
00:18:13so lucky to be an old lady I'm going to think about that and then it's like we're watching Toy Story 3 this week so I can show it to Oliver and then like password it through all the scary fight tonight and he sent me a picture while we were recording of him covered in tears but it's settled in at the wheel and I was like sobbing for 20 minutes and Oliver was sitting since that the end of that movie for those who don't know it's just the most gut-wrenching troops of people grow up
00:18:56the Sometimes the best way off in the best way to show someone you love them is to just give them the freedom right to it to just try to really Embrace like I got the best love I could ever get and now my best version of love means I have to watch them like little distance so I'm dreading this is all to say
00:19:19excited but I did decide this week I won't have another baby
00:19:32John's not on board yet so I can keep you guys posted be a better person and I know I'm going to call it back up baby and I will grow to love it whenever I live back up baby that's love sorry about just really really nasty horrible dreams and I think I passed it to all of our because so far has not had a happy dream he has nightmares about stuff that's happening but my mom had that nightmare so I don't know there's something that's decent empath sensitivity that like you are processing I think it is just processing scary. Davia and and realize it was hard stuff but I
00:20:30the only good dream that I had in my life that I remember where or when I was on bed rest binge watching The Good Wife and I started dreaming courtroom scenes excited like I was so remember like looking at the jury what kind of a smug look on my face like from that's why I'm worth it
00:21:05show me me to have like a good way for like to keep that on Loop before bedtime and 7 hour served it up to that drug dealer okay what do you want to do for work when you are a grown up that's a great question that I've been asking myself I I know I want to write and I know I want to make
00:21:31I want to let me know sounds so like lofty and silly but I want to try to tell the truth and that's it and have it affect people like but that means funny and ridiculous
00:21:43I think that being here in La can kind of suck that remind me of like what I actually love to do when I feel like it has Ed sometimes like I'm kind of let that overpower me in terms of thinking about like what is the most more practical and what would be better for this or that like instead of thinking with your heart which is the only thing that will get the job done ultimately he know how to things will get you further maybe but the job done in the way I would like it to be done has to be through more feeling so I want to write things that make people laugh and cry and I want to
00:22:18find performance Outlets to do that for myself too and then the money comes rolling in sure this thing is for what we do if you're successful in rolls in like dark storm clouds it's a burden to bear. I'm ready where were you before you were born
00:22:48I guess I was up and Spirits to somewhere around just sit around I got the mom I need it I need it and then hopefully I will return from whence I came and see everybody again but I do think there's a little spirits to run out there and the more you interact with children and like Soul search I think the more you realize like
00:23:17some people have this innate wisdom that I don't think I'm sure one life and I do how I feel around thing us I mean I I feel like I feel guidance and guided so hardcore lately and like really stupid ways to little ways that are kind of insignificant but I'm like I like I feel you I feel like lately spirits to has been like boiling over and being like we're here we're here when you ready baby girl doll so like it's summer I've I've been trying to
00:23:56lately my like mandate is to try to enjoy every day whatever that looks like because I can get very lost in the goal oriented Shuffle and then I'd have not even asked myself feel like a number of years what makes me happy and that changes like what are honestly makes you happy then changes I'll let you know the things that you that you look at in your like those people gave up or whatever and then you get older and you're like oh no they just didn't want to do that and you yeah totally flexion I'm realizing more and more that some of the things that I have like
00:24:28in my routine and my brand of what would be fine I won't be a treat they're not fun or treat to me anymore if they don't bring that sell right trying to tap into that good time I blow jobs are you know those are always going to be I'm one of those girls that just love that so that's why I was with I was born very curious about what is a friend I won't because I'll cry but yeah I mean friends are another thing that really morphine change as you get older I will start crying but I am so lucky to have a lot of lifelong friends and have so many great
00:25:22great people and as you grow the difference between that fun friend that you can always have fun with and the friend that you feel safe and you have fun with and you're inspired by them and I don't know I think it just gets so much bigger and bigger
00:25:40when you find those soul sisters or brothers are the people that just make you feel like yourself without the stress around like who you should be in the situation it is such a gift and when you go through hard times is where was our clients like you realize that those friendships you've been nurturing so casually just because it was easy to a friend or Foe good to be a friend and have friends you like realize the profundity of that work you've been doing like you signing up to be in each other's lives for good and bad and you know bad things happen to have to to know even in the midst of like your darkness that there are people you can call and say like I'm feeling really bad and I love you oh that's
00:26:28and those people that you always pick up the phone for and so I guess a friend as a person that use your like and it with and you and I are committed to going through all the goods and the bads of making the goods better at making the beds better too and then
00:26:45and it's not about like he can you do dinner next week you know when people get their brains bent around this little stuff right I know you're missing all the good things about friendship like I am too depressed to go to dinner next week that was Toy Story 3
00:27:13I do feel
00:27:17yeah I feel like I spend a lot of time in my twenties investing in friendships not a lot of them I mean I have amazing friendships to but the ones like these have fallen by the wayside but friendships where I didn't feel void after where are you exactly I'm like I'm sure that went both ways you know it's not worth it like there are certain people who you yeah you feel you'll find your people and I have the same thing they're like a lot of casual friends and you know bigger groups of friends but eventually realize like oh we're not actually like friends we don't mind each other we can laugh and have fun but we're not there's so many people you know in the world and it's like if you are kind of mutually not bringing that much to the table or not interested and then you would have gone to your tribe and then you can slap great relationships with other people but like the true friends
00:28:07it's like you're inspired by then you play counselor for each other you get stronger through the Friendship you're able to look at the past which is such a gift to be able to reflect with someone you know you're not just in your vacuum these people hold your memories to about the people you've lost a little loves in the past like to have a you know share a window into your past unlike save those things okay they won the big one is coming hold onto or something what is your favorite food so I knew you were going to ask
00:28:41I don't really have an answer though Vanessa I love to eat food but it's also mood dependent so on a chilly day like a gluten-free sandwich dipped in hot soup okay I'm into that that's very nice
00:28:58I like our listeners might not know you're not good with gluten can't do gluten gluten but I love like a crunchy texture so luckily the scientists are working overtime to make my life and I can't have most Dairy either but there's always exceptions but it is mood bass I love to eat I would say like if I like salty things more than sweet but my favorite like treat is peanut butter vegan peanut butter soft serve from this one place you found it though it's dark chocolate chips are have and then I put sea salt on top and that's like that's amazing good Zone
00:29:42okay we did it we did it so last chance you're going to feel so old last week we skipped a question it was such a great question and it's the last question right answer on this podcast and it's from actually someone I know and love so that makes me happy and it's so fitting for a last question and we like accidentally skipped it and now it's perfect yes so I heard a friend say they want to raise their kids with specific ideas in mind so they can be more focused on instilling these qualities in their kids what would you say are the top three qualities you would like to make most important for your kids
00:30:25Math Science and the law says The Good Wife Alicia florrick that's right I might have had is that what this is about I have yet to see I kind of I mean that's why I would hate for you to think that's what it's about it's a very big ones it's a big one it's a great question I feel like I like want to talk to Andy about this like I feel like we have but I don't know that there I think it changes and there's so much
00:31:01my broad-stroke are going to be my just deal should I make my day
00:31:13I will probably be like I should have said these other things but I think
00:31:19humor and I don't mean like being funny is important at all but I mean trying to find the humor in the situation yes leave it above trying to find the happiness in a situation I think life is absurd at its best answered right and so to have to be able to have in your back pocket the ability to treat something as of stirred instead of like it's unfair to me you know what I mean I think it's literally the best tool to get through the hard things in life for me me too it's saved me time and again and it's a way to process feelings when I have them it's a way to help other people feel better so I really hope that all of her can take a sense of humor and an inability to access like lightness even in dark you know which what is essentially what humor is and that's when you need it the most so that's a big one and I would say we're trying to instill it in him by reminding ourselves that all the time like
00:32:17we try not to get too worked up about anything laugh I don't know it's humor is perspective so always trying to keep in mind a broader perspective around then dial after Lautner house in and trying to make each other happy and things like that so that's number one number two is brave a brave and
00:32:38I ate I will need to take notes as I try to teach my son honestly and that's going to make me cry too but it's like you realize when you're raising a person all the tools you wish you had in your toolbox and I mean not to bring it back to the election but I feel like this election and the discussions we've gotten to have on the podcast about gender on our children I think it's on Earth so much of me that has so much room for improvement and so many things that are in crane does like that's my personality no it's not that you being polite again instead of right doing the more difficult but you know socially correct thing which I said always try to help people trying to stand up for what is right and to be unafraid to stand on the right side of things right on afraid to stand on the side of things that helps people and so that's I really want Oliver to find his voice and to not get it squash out of him about
00:33:35hey I can sense that he already has a very good sense of right and wrong and kindness and stay like he's very empathetic with other kids and stuff and I want to try to really nurture that so in the Daniel Tiger world it's like you know that I'm sorry now what can I do about it and that's what we're trying to do that so like if you see something bad it's great to say to acknowledge it with words but the next step needs to be action so to take Brave actions in the face at 11 and then the last one is kindness and it's super important to me and it's
00:34:17one of those
00:34:19but you can't teach kindness other than just practicing it and it's been a good reminder of the way John and I speak to each other we always been respectful people like your bread or whatever and it's such a good reminder like take a deep breath don't take this out on somebody right now what are you feeling how can you say it nicely you're allowed to feel all of feelings though it's also think about how it affects people and so did you really try to raise all over to be a watcher this even needs help and to be able to offer that help with kindness and a big heart and I think I feel very grateful I think he's going to lead us in those three tenants more than it's funny you saying this rate I mean I haven't seen I haven't been around him enough lately about The Bravery but like just know a mess and so few years the camera and kindness is like he came packed to the gills ready. Yeah but I love thinking about it and I love
00:35:19question that's a different question I want to see everybody until they want me to write that on the Facebook right now it's reading glasses yeah I'm going to just get ready to cry Will Smith I'm going to steal your number and that's been a big message I've been getting from Spirits too late I sent you know kind of jokes on you all like I think we're all here on Earth to grow and some way to help each other grow but I also think that like the other side is like they take themselves if they only knew sign of mean-spirited way it's just chilling you like you know the way we look like our kids going off to preschool the first day of being so distraught and it's like having the perspective of being on the other side of me like this is a good thing and I are going to make it through the hurdles so humor has saved my life so much and that's like the main thing I can want to pay for it in this world is
00:36:21be able to laugh at the darkness and not you no laugh with yourself and not take everything so seriously and even if it is serious finding the humor I think Brees New Life
00:36:36you know into whatever you're going through and that's what I've known like I've been really depressed is when my my sense of humor has has left the building it's not I'm not a depressed person who sits around and cries all day I actually just become kind of blank but Andy has like a couple years ago and he was like I'm kind of worried about you because it was like my humor a gun the spark had gone like a ass and I got into therapy and everything came back to life sub the second one I would say is being true to themselves that's good and I think
00:37:16I think when you do that
00:37:20I think inherently when one is true to oneself I like to believe that all humans have good in them and I think that a lot of the human to have kind of gone of course is because they haven't been true to themselves or you know Society hasn't supported them and being true to themselves and so as a parent that's something I want and still in my kids and I want to support them through like whoever they want to love whatever they want to do with their lives however they want to dress and act and you know of course I want them to act kindness and stuff I think that that that's great will come out of that and then let's say tree themselves humor I have a third one on Deck what was it wasn't
00:38:11compassion even though that's great that's a good one I just really had it shoot
00:38:28true to themselves
00:38:30and it's really alerting me
00:38:38oh. I just found it so that's good I think if you have gratitude that this is why compassion was like right there I think having gratitude is like the cousin of compassion and so I think when you have gratitude in your life for what's wonderful you also have compassion for people who may be don't have the same blessings as you or so that's something I strive to be better about in my life is you know I feel like I'm the same age is so easy like when someone says how are you I feel like it's either you're like good or like oh my God let me die on to everything that's hard and which can be healing but also I just feel like
00:39:25General we all have such so much to be grateful for and I'm trying to focus weigh more on that in my life and gratitude can be so tiny but even tired gratitude for the little things kind of feel the same as guy that you know what you're in the valley of it it's like you can feel as grateful for the nice interaction you had with a stranger as you can for money like it's like a dream big feeling which makes it like makes life worth living and I like it I mean gratitude I think Tyson to Lovejoy awareness yes yeah so I feel like if I had kids who have like humor is a tool what was my second one being true to themselves Frigidaire emails and have gratitude I will feel like I did a great job
00:40:17and I told rhymes with that you got it dude for a reason
00:40:22attitude you got it dude yep. And they do have that I mean I said he has always I'm like a super fan cuz she's always been Teddy and she has such a personality and just now we just had like a tiny interactions the kids are playing at the park but like she has her stuff to say she's so sweet and like
00:40:54kind of I don't know if mild-mannered is the right way but kind of reserved yeah but not reserved about what she sent like she speaks her mind she talks about what's going on like she's not shy she's just reserved and I think you can see like the the person she's going to be a notices like this Powerhouse like he was being all still and then he saw something he wanted is so fast it came out of nowhere I'm loving seeing notices like World expand right now and I feel like
00:41:29I feel like he I do feel like this might be one of his first trips here kind of as I mentioned like he seems just like the purest spirit and he just seemed so curious and adventurous and I feel like now that physically his his like meeting you this I'm watching his personality form in such a lake
00:41:51huge Fastway words with Teddy me was like she can't even was who she was done but with him it's like everyday my mind is blown and I'm like oh this is who you are and I love it yeah I got so great so it's just I'm glad that you see that too and I just I said to them this morning and Pops them in the stroller and we are going up to get breakfast sandwiches and I was like
00:42:17looking at them both with tears in my eyes like how did I become the luckiest person in the world I have my teddy and I might notice like I feel so grateful oh my God so they're teaching me things as we go okay well I think Vanessa that it is time to kind of
00:42:37summarizes podcast I was thinking like
00:42:41I mean the questions for crate actually I would have to be so dumb for us to answer but when you got two lines like this honestly anything
00:42:51what has what has doing this podcast been to you
00:42:56classified ads I got some thoughts I might can you put a little more thank you so much I'll see where all rhyming this is bottled truly does look like what does Vanessa said Barbie with dream daddy looks like the fake bottles of let me see what does podcast has been to me well
00:43:37my first experience with this podcast was coming on and it's such a vivid memory to me I remember I was driving over and I had already had all of our right
00:43:50yeah well I'm saying it's like such a vivid memory but I feel like either no yeah it was it was like a month post or something which by the way
00:44:00in hindsight and like how could I have been asking you about this stuff like your skirts with Charlie when you were so newly postpartum did the right thing I promise so I was driving over here and I was talking to my friend on the way it's so funny like I'm I remember almost nothing but then there's those few days ago that day so talk to my friend Sarah who has been friends since we're seven on the way just like I'm going to go talk about your touch with my friends and we're doing black asses can talk about little Oliver and all the stuff and then we have talked about Charlie and
00:44:36well first of all we are soul sisters I felt so safe with you and
00:44:43I found that whole I was in such a good place from all of his birth which was like the most restorative beautiful experience and it was when I needed to talk about Charlie like you asked because I needed to and I really mean that I was in this cocoon and I had all this grief saved up because it hasn't been that long since I lost a baby and it's been just over a year I had like process the grief and then I'd process the joy of Oliver and I've had moments in between obviously there's so much great time when you're grieving daughter for the baby are grown up like you're just functioning but I didn't know like the kind of
00:45:35finality of the grief I was feeling of like
00:45:40I don't know I have this other friend lies I was been very Like Instrumental in just
00:45:47helping me talk through things and figure things out but honestly I think up until that point in my mind this is getting like very deep and weird sorry I was such a simple question
00:45:59Charlie and Oliver sure like sort of hoping I got a second chance at the same baby I needed to close that I'm not no way that I'll ever stop loving him but anyways all or gets his own love right that a yes and it's not it's not a second chance baby it's not that it's an Oliver Wright beautiful creature that is my first time with this baby and this is exactly when he's supposed to be here doesn't mean you can't leave him but I don't I don't have to like put it on to one person really unhealthy and I don't have to tangle it all up in my feelings like so that was my first time on the podcast it was such a good in the way we talked was so cathartic and
00:46:56it was basically like journaling at the time when your new mommy you don't have any time like you the last thing you could do Journal it was the kind of questions I needed to be asking myself and that I would usually have been processing but you can't really do that on your own as a new mom so I can't tell you how perfect that was ticket to have a really safe space to talk about it and then the women that I got to like talk to you through the podcast after that let you know in comments and stuff like
00:47:23that was hugely healing and then started doing it a little more and I would like flirting with the idea of it and then we get to do it together and it's been
00:47:36anyone that's listening you've been listening to like a friendship that's been a true friendship I would say since like before we even knew how true it was but we've gotten to have our footing in the friendship and get down to know each other in front of all these people which is so stupid but it's just been a gift in every way it's been a journal for me of what is been the joy is in the hard times of parenting it's in such a reminder as a person that like when we do a podcast I will try to think of what my last bad was I can't remember it and in the moment it's like I have to tell this bad it's the worst thing that ever happened as a mom it's like everything passes and you will laugh at off in like 4 months you'll be looking back at me like I was complaining about sleep then like this time when you're in the trenches you feel so isolated and so has been a way to connect and to gain perspective every week to gain gratitude
00:48:36free week for the good things to get to be a mom and that's a very multifaceted position like every woman can you know not everybody almost every woman has the ability to be a mom right like yeah I kind of born with the parts that will make you to do that so how can we ever lump mom's into a group like and moms do this like no moms are women like we don't do that to Dad's right but it's going to safe place to be all the things that make me me including a mom where has a lot of I feel like a lot of doors closet like going camping mom here right this isn't the place to talk about it that's what's a good in a safe place and it's been a warning place for me a lot of our questions answered have like
00:49:14kind of person a little bitch that scratches and then I get to learn and I feel like it's made me a much more aware parent and much more invested in
00:49:27instead of like what will make it okay today much more invested in who am I making as a person because of all the comments to get in the discussion that we had that like makes you really lets me zoom out more than I would be able to do if we weren't doing it so it's just been a gift and every way your turn hopefully Wild
00:49:56I truly started it because I knew if I waited until after I became a mom I never would yes I am it was the right decision but oh my gosh the amount I've learned and it's funny because I think I was so terrified of losing my identity and motherhood and now on the other side of it I'm like
00:50:21I didn't how can this be that both of these live together I did not lose my identity at all in fact it's focused my identity yes and I'm also a completely new person and those two live together in harmony and
00:50:37I don't think I would have understood it before it's just funny thinking like who I was when I started this podcast is completely different person and yet I'm more me than I ever have that my life
00:50:54so this podcast has taught me so much so much I mean I've learned so much about motherhood and myself and from our listeners and love and compassion and growth in
00:51:11friendship and without question has made me a better mother me to my better friends and I mean it just made me better in every way and then even those are questions about family members and things like that they make me intentional with every interaction like if we spend yeah I'm talking about like well this is what I'd say to your sister-in-law suddenly my you know friend or whoever text me like I remember the both people in it like it makes me cry it makes me remember all the time all of us are just people dealing with each other the best we can total right side of that I know if I wasn't like the last night I told this person to be nice that she like take my Android phone
00:52:05honestly the good bad funny thing is something that we will carry through our entire lives I mean our kids are young but we intend to have at a dinner table conversation and I want to add to it like how did you fail this week or whatever I love that in like really embracing failure and sing as a positive thing and trying and if you you know but the good bad funny of it all you know I have it in my weekly bullet Journal now and I love it and that really links into gratitude for me and also the humor yes and so that is that came of this podcast and I'm really grateful to that and of course Vanessa I mean I feel so connected to you and I know that's not going to end here and I think we're going to do amazing things together I don't know what they are but I'm so excited like I am tail huge gift in life are moving together
00:53:05wherever West Virginia we're going to start some sort of communist what's the Ambien about you know I love Jam because you say every damn I like a sweet jam on a nice crusty bread I guess that's better than gosh thank you so much to all of her listeners who made this podcast what it is we've been receiving emails this week and comments on the totally mommy page and it has made my heart soar and I think we're all
00:53:43we're shaping the future and it I have to say it looks bright right now it looks like I think the amount that it seems like so many people are taking the time to examine themselves and their hearts and what they want to be in a really positive again intentional way is new I think that's new it is all of these things were teaching your kid like we're not spankings nothing is I feel like we're moving into the era of mothers honestly I think mothers are saving the world s and that means like love and support and back to spect kindness and it's the ability to fight for the truth like yes I think they were not just wrote pushing kids into the system anymore really acknowledging not to say mothers have been doing good work since the dawn of time of corn be asleep but I think they've been up against so much I've been chipping away
00:54:43for us to be able to finally have our voices heard yeah and it's a beautiful thing and I'm so grateful to those comments and the Facebook group and even even on the best episodes I never really fully ever thought about us affecting and I know cuz we're just sitting here is so sweet but it's so sweet to think about my sweet is huge to think about how much
00:55:13how much any like listening and thinking about anything can change things and it had to be a part of that is huge and it's definitely done the same owner more for us at Heather's end and friends and people so thank you guys thank you so much yeah and that's okay I do want to say I made it sounds like whatever was like why are you stopping it to rent it expires tomorrow and I'm so proud of what we have and like this community we fell hard all day but it does feeling like exactly the right timing I mean even stuff that like Teddy was saying this week that I was like oh I'd like to share that it's starting to feel a little bit kind of invasive early exactly because it's like they're they're becoming people who yeah
00:56:13funny if we were doing honest like that feels too much to share in those two years of life where everything is different but the experience is pretty Universal of it's really hard right and then then they're starting to shape their own it just feels like the timing is perfect and I'm so grateful for it and I know that Elizabeth and I will go on and make things together and have this great friendship that like you know is completely as strong without a microphone if the difference putting anything on it feels beautiful and perfect and Bittersweet just like love it's like aching but this is when you have to let you I love you I love you Elizabeth so we're going to end this with whatever these interviews for my God I just
00:57:13list to keep track of us if you'd like to stay to have done to what we're up to you can follow Vanessa I'm on Twitter at Vanessa Ragland and I'm on Instagram at Vanessa hope which is private but I have a Discerning clicking paste how can I don't know if I should yeah it's whatever see if you get in I'm on Twitter and Instagram at Elizabeth lame I don't post quick picks up the kids anyway you can definitely keep track of like what's going on I mean I'm hoping I'm developing a TV show actually I'm working on two shows right now that I hope both happen and it will your brother really special to me and so and one of them is because I don't want with CBS is because of totally lame the podcast so please follow me there and keep up with things and then please join us in the Facebook group I know Bethany also has a Discerning Eye for use joining and she's
00:58:13are there been a few kind of clear trolls trying to join so I guess just be patient with her she has a lot on her plate she has a new baby and it also a toddler so I could take away but that is a great person where the way that you exactly much love to all of you and we're going to have teddy and all of her take us out of fittings perfect okay try to go what's your name what is love what do you think about if you think about love hugging and kissing when you dream about Oliver and what do you want to be when you grow up what do you do for work
00:59:05garbage man and where were you before you were born ready I'm going to follow you okay what is a friend. What do you think about when you think about friends
00:59:29free zone Lowell a good friends and what is your favorite food you like
00:59:35pizzas
00:59:37he say it again her name is Teddy okay
00:59:42who is your friend
00:59:47China Luciana what's your favorite food what do you want to do for work when you're a grown up
01:00:02what you dream about
01:00:05what do you dream about
01:00:08I want to watch Oliver what do you do in your dreams what makes you happy
01:00:19what else makes you happy that doesn't mama okay okay what is love
01:00:37and he lives in your heart that's so beautiful
01:00:44the song Panda okay alright Teddy say this was my first podcast
01:00:53can you say that thank you teddy bye bye

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