TRANSCRIPT 🔗
WEBVTT
00:00:00.640 --> 00:00:04.400
I thought I finally understood how hospitals worked.
00:00:04.400 --> 00:00:10.240
You went to the hospital, then rehab, then home.
00:00:10.240 --> 00:00:11.519
Simple.
00:00:11.519 --> 00:00:22.480
Until the hospital social worker walked into mom's room and said, We think an acute care hospital is the next step.
00:00:22.480 --> 00:00:24.800
I nodded.
00:00:24.800 --> 00:00:28.559
Like I knew exactly what she was talking about.
00:00:28.559 --> 00:00:32.159
Welcome back to the Wicked Daughter.
00:00:32.159 --> 00:00:38.560
If you've never heard of an acute care hospital before, welcome to the club.
00:00:38.560 --> 00:00:40.399
Neither had I.
00:00:40.399 --> 00:00:44.640
And if this is your first episode, welcome.
00:00:44.640 --> 00:00:51.200
You're joining us in the middle of one family's caregiving journey after my mom was hit by a car.
00:00:51.200 --> 00:00:55.359
Don't worry, you'll be able to follow along.
00:00:55.359 --> 00:01:01.600
But when we're done, I hope you'll go back to episode one and hear how the story began.
00:01:01.600 --> 00:01:06.640
Last week we celebrated survival.
00:01:06.640 --> 00:01:10.879
This week, a different kind of work begins.
00:01:10.879 --> 00:01:15.439
An acute care hospital isn't rehab.
00:01:15.439 --> 00:01:18.239
It's still a hospital.
00:01:18.239 --> 00:01:28.400
But it's for patients who aren't ready for a full scale rehab because they still need hospital level medical care.
00:01:28.400 --> 00:01:39.120
Think of it as a bridge between keeping someone alive and helping them get their life back.
00:01:39.120 --> 00:01:44.079
Apparently, hospitals have more levels than Mario Brothers.
00:01:44.079 --> 00:01:48.480
Most people stay there for a month or less.
00:01:48.480 --> 00:02:00.159
When mom was transferred, we had no idea whether she'd be there for a week, two weeks, or longer.
00:02:00.159 --> 00:02:06.400
At that point, I'd stopped trying to predict anything.
00:02:06.400 --> 00:02:13.280
Every time I thought I knew what came next, caregiving had other plans.
00:02:13.280 --> 00:02:21.680
If you've been with me since episode one, you know that's become the story of this journey.
00:02:21.680 --> 00:02:28.319
The only thing we wanted to know was can they take care of her?
00:02:28.319 --> 00:02:47.039
There were nurses around the clock, respiratory therapists, physical therapists, occupational therapists, dietitians, and doctors who rounded every day to manage her care.
00:02:47.039 --> 00:02:59.360
The facility could handle some procedures and urgent medical issues on site, but it wasn't a full service hospital.
00:02:59.360 --> 00:03:06.639
If mom developed another major complication, she'd be transferred back to the hospital.
00:03:06.639 --> 00:03:12.159
Until now, our goal had been survival.
00:03:12.159 --> 00:03:16.560
Now our goal was progress.
00:03:16.560 --> 00:03:20.879
And those are two very different things.
00:03:20.879 --> 00:03:27.520
The
Load full transcript
biggest surprise? We weren't teaching mom how to walk.
00:03:27.520 --> 00:03:29.680
She couldn't.
00:03:29.680 --> 00:03:37.520
Her broken leg meant no weight bearing for at least another month.
00:03:37.520 --> 00:03:41.840
Realistically, probably longer.
00:03:41.840 --> 00:03:46.159
So therapy looked nothing like I'd imagined.
00:03:46.159 --> 00:04:09.120
Instead of taking steps, Mom was learning to move her fingers, lift her arms, close her hands, hold a fork, grip a toothbrush, brush her hair.
00:04:09.120 --> 00:04:14.159
Baby steps without actually taking any.
00:04:14.159 --> 00:04:18.879
That's when I learned something else about caregiving.
00:04:18.879 --> 00:04:22.079
Recovery isn't just medicine.
00:04:22.079 --> 00:04:27.920
It's relearning things most of us do without even thinking.
00:04:27.920 --> 00:04:35.360
And one of the hardest things for mom to relearn was holding a fork.
00:04:35.360 --> 00:04:45.839
It sounds so simple until you watch someone who can't close their hand around one.
00:04:45.839 --> 00:04:52.319
I'd place the fork in her hand and she'd try.
00:04:52.319 --> 00:04:55.519
She'd drop it.
00:04:55.519 --> 00:04:59.680
I'd put it back in her hand.
00:04:59.680 --> 00:05:04.079
She'd squeeze a little harder.
00:05:04.079 --> 00:05:07.279
It would slip again.
00:05:07.279 --> 00:05:12.399
She just couldn't get her fingers to close around it.
00:05:12.399 --> 00:05:19.920
Day after day breakfast lunch.
00:05:19.920 --> 00:05:22.480
The same thing.
00:05:22.480 --> 00:05:27.120
By dinner she was exhausted.
00:05:27.120 --> 00:05:30.800
Sometimes I'd just feed her.
00:05:30.800 --> 00:05:45.120
Not because I wanted to, but because she was so frustrated and so defeated that I knew she didn't have anything left.
00:05:45.120 --> 00:05:54.480
Every time I'd pick up the fork and feed her, I could see it in her face.
00:05:54.480 --> 00:05:58.399
This wasn't about eating.
00:05:58.399 --> 00:06:05.120
It was about losing one more piece of her independence.
00:06:05.120 --> 00:06:10.319
So every day I became her cheerleader.
00:06:10.319 --> 00:06:15.279
Look, you closed your hand a little more today.
00:06:15.279 --> 00:06:18.240
Tomorrow will be easier.
00:06:18.240 --> 00:06:22.480
I never doubted she'd get there.
00:06:22.480 --> 00:06:27.920
I just didn't know how much patience either of us had left before she did.
00:06:27.920 --> 00:06:37.120
Then after a few days, she finally lifted the fork.
00:06:37.120 --> 00:06:43.279
Success!!! Well sort of.
00:06:43.279 --> 00:06:49.040
Instead of her mouth, the fork hit her nose.
00:06:49.040 --> 00:06:51.360
We both laughed.
00:06:51.360 --> 00:06:56.399
And honestly, we needed that laugh.
00:06:56.399 --> 00:07:04.560
It took another two or three tries before the food actually made it where it was supposed to go.
00:07:04.560 --> 00:07:07.279
But that wasn't the point.
00:07:07.279 --> 00:07:12.000
The point was she did it.
00:07:12.000 --> 00:07:19.759
Not perfectly, not gracefully, but independently.
00:07:19.759 --> 00:07:27.040
And that tiny victory felt bigger than anything we'd celebrated in weeks.
00:07:27.040 --> 00:07:30.959
The fork wasn't the only thing we worked on.
00:07:30.959 --> 00:07:42.639
Every day I became part physical therapist, part cheerleader, part motivational speaker for an audience of one.
00:07:42.639 --> 00:07:48.319
Finish your exercises, mom, and I'll massage your shoulders.
00:07:48.319 --> 00:07:50.639
That became our deal.
00:07:50.639 --> 00:07:54.399
Mom loved those neck massages.
00:07:54.399 --> 00:08:02.399
Yes, they helped with the stiffness, but I think they did something even more important.
00:08:02.399 --> 00:08:06.879
They gave her something to look forward to.
00:08:06.879 --> 00:08:13.839
Because when you're bedridden, the days can start to feel very long.
00:08:13.839 --> 00:08:21.360
That's something nobody really prepares you for about being confined to a bed.
00:08:21.360 --> 00:08:28.480
Not just what it does to your body, but what it does to your spirit.
00:08:28.480 --> 00:08:46.320
Imagine needing someone to help you sit up, brush your teeth, wash your hair, help you with toileting, get dressed, even eat.
00:08:46.320 --> 00:08:59.440
You don't lose who you are, but you do lose some of your privacy, some of your dignity, and a lot of your sense of control.
00:08:59.440 --> 00:09:04.159
For someone who'd been active her entire life?
00:09:04.159 --> 00:09:08.879
I know that was a lot harder on mom than the broken leg itself.
00:09:08.879 --> 00:09:13.519
That's why we kept doing those hand exercises.
00:09:13.519 --> 00:09:18.000
We weren't just trying to get her fingers to move.
00:09:18.000 --> 00:09:21.120
We were practicing independence.
00:09:21.120 --> 00:09:25.600
Recovery doesn't begin with the big milestones.
00:09:25.600 --> 00:09:32.960
It begins with the little things that eventually make the big milestones possible.
00:09:32.960 --> 00:09:37.759
I can't say enough good things about this hospital.
00:09:37.759 --> 00:09:42.159
Every morning someone stopped by with tomorrow's menu.
00:09:42.159 --> 00:09:48.000
Breakfast, lunch, dinner, dessert.
00:09:48.000 --> 00:09:51.440
Mom actually had choices.
00:09:51.440 --> 00:09:53.759
And not just one or two.
00:09:53.759 --> 00:09:56.399
Real choices.
00:09:56.399 --> 00:10:02.080
I never thought one of the highlights of her stay would be the hospital food.
00:10:02.080 --> 00:10:05.679
Yet somehow it was.
00:10:05.679 --> 00:10:14.799
I was there three times a day to help feed mom while she rebuilt the strength and coordination in her arms and hands.
00:10:14.799 --> 00:10:21.519
If I happened to be running late, an aid was usually already feeding her.
00:10:21.519 --> 00:10:29.120
And I was grateful because they had ten or fifteen patients depending on the day.
00:10:29.120 --> 00:10:30.960
I had one.
00:10:30.960 --> 00:10:39.200
They couldn't spend five extra minutes waiting while mom struggled
to hold a spoon.
00:10:39.200 --> 00:10:40.879
I could.
00:10:40.879 --> 00:10:45.279
And those five minutes became therapy.
00:10:45.279 --> 00:10:49.360
Every morning I'd stop by the nurse's station.
00:10:49.360 --> 00:10:50.320
Morning.
00:10:50.320 --> 00:10:54.879
By the fourth day, we all knew each other's names.
00:10:54.879 --> 00:11:02.000
One thing I noticed during those few weeks, and this was just my experience.
00:11:02.000 --> 00:11:09.919
I think things got taken care of a little more quickly because the staff knew I'd be back.
00:11:09.919 --> 00:11:13.519
I wasn't there to second guess the staff.
00:11:13.519 --> 00:11:17.919
I was there to be another set of eyes and ears for ma.
00:11:17.919 --> 00:11:23.919
Not because they weren't doing their jobs, they absolutely were.
00:11:23.919 --> 00:11:29.759
The nurses and aides and therapists were wonderful.
00:11:29.759 --> 00:11:33.039
But they were caring for a lot of patients.
00:11:33.039 --> 00:11:39.759
I was caring for one, and I knew what normal looked like for her.
00:11:39.759 --> 00:11:44.480
If I had a question, I'd ask it.
00:11:44.480 --> 00:11:49.759
If something hadn't been followed up on, I'd follow up.
00:11:49.759 --> 00:11:54.639
If I noticed a change, I'd mention it.
00:11:54.639 --> 00:11:57.600
And I think it made a difference.
00:11:57.600 --> 00:12:02.000
Now I know not everyone can be there every day.
00:12:02.000 --> 00:12:04.879
Life just doesn't make that possible.
00:12:04.879 --> 00:12:30.000
But if you can't, see if maybe someone else can stop by a friend, another family member, a neighbor because having someone who knows your loved one, who asked questions, notices the little things that can make all the difference.
00:12:30.000 --> 00:12:37.679
Over those next few weeks, the little victories kept adding up.
00:12:37.679 --> 00:12:52.240
Little by little, every specialist gave us good news Her lungs, her foot, the hematoma, even her oxygen.
00:12:52.240 --> 00:12:55.360
Five liters became three.
00:12:55.360 --> 00:13:00.480
Three became two then one and a half.
00:13:00.480 --> 00:13:06.879
Every time they turned it down, I held my breath.
00:13:06.879 --> 00:13:13.440
Because after everything we'd been through, I still wasn't used to good news.
00:13:13.440 --> 00:13:20.240
Then one afternoon, Mom asked, Do I have to wear the bipap tonight?
00:13:20.240 --> 00:13:23.919
The respiratory therapist smiled.
00:13:23.919 --> 00:13:28.559
Do your breathing exercises today, and we'll see.
00:13:28.559 --> 00:13:31.200
Now that was motivation.
00:13:31.200 --> 00:13:35.279
Mom hated that bipap machine.
00:13:35.279 --> 00:13:40.399
Every deep breath suddenly had a purpose.
00:13:40.399 --> 00:13:47.279
Every breathing exercise brought her one step closer to sleeping without it.
00:13:47.279 --> 00:13:52.480
The next day the respiratory therapist walked into Mom's room.
00:13:52.480 --> 00:13:55.440
Let's try one night without the bipap.
00:13:55.440 --> 00:13:59.440
Mom looked like she'd just won the lottery.
00:13:59.440 --> 00:14:09.279
After weeks of having that machine strapped to her face, the bipap had officially become her least favorite roommate.
00:14:09.279 --> 00:14:13.679
And finally, it was getting kicked out.
00:14:13.679 --> 00:14:25.840
Until then, I'd been measuring progress in breathing exercises, oxygen levels, and therapy sessions.
00:14:25.840 --> 00:14:30.960
I hadn't stopped to notice what everyone else was starting to see.
00:14:30.960 --> 00:14:37.519
Around that time Dave kept saying, She looks so much better.
00:14:37.519 --> 00:14:42.960
Honestly, I thought he was just trying to make us feel better.
00:14:42.960 --> 00:14:46.559
Then Pam said the same thing.
00:14:46.559 --> 00:14:49.200
That's when it hit me.
00:14:49.200 --> 00:14:57.360
Caregivers don't always notice progress because we're living it one step at a time.
00:14:57.360 --> 00:15:02.080
Mom really was getting stronger.
00:15:02.080 --> 00:15:12.159
Not quickly, not dramatically just a little every day.
00:15:12.159 --> 00:15:15.759
She still couldn't stand.
00:15:15.759 --> 00:15:19.519
She still couldn't put weight on her broken leg.
00:15:19.519 --> 00:15:23.840
She hadn't even gotten out of bed yet.
00:15:23.840 --> 00:15:29.519
But she was doing more for herself every day.
00:15:29.519 --> 00:15:41.120
And for the first time, we could see that all those tiny efforts were adding up. I'd believed she'd get there.
00:15:41.120 --> 00:15:48.320
Now everyone else was finally seeing what I'd believed all along.
00:15:48.320 --> 00:15:53.039
We weren't just hoping Mom was finally getting better.
00:15:53.039 --> 00:15:56.320
We could actually see it.
00:15:56.320 --> 00:16:04.320
And after everything we'd been through, that felt pretty incredible.
00:16:04.320 --> 00:16:08.399
Around here, we're calling that a win.
00:16:08.399 --> 00:16:12.879
Until next time, take care of yourself too.
00:16:13.600 --> 00:16:18.960
When your friends say cherish this time, you smile while you're losing your mind.
00:16:18.960 --> 00:16:24.080
Was it the pharmacy line or the rush hour doctor drive?
00:16:24.080 --> 00:16:29.440
So you swallow that glare with a laugh and a sigh and say, Don't fret, dear.
00:16:29.440 --> 00:16:32.320
We're having the time of our lives.
00:16:32.320 --> 00:16:33.120
Uh oh.
00:16:33.120 --> 00:16:35.440
We're having the time.
00:16:35.440 --> 00:16:37.600
The time of our lives.
00:16:37.600 --> 00:16:39.600
Wicked daughter.