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Hello my friend, I'm Charles Howes.
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I am truly so glad you decided to spend a few minutes with me today.
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It really means a lot to have you here.
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Before we really get into things, would you do me a small favor?
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If this conversation ends up meaning something to you, would you mind sharing it with someone else?
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I'm not saying that because I'm trying to build an audience or anything like that.
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It's just that somebody you know might be carrying a question they've never found the words to ask.
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So go ahead and pull up a chair.
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Let's have a real conversation.
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Lately I've been thinking about something.
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Actually, I've been thinking about it for a long, long time.
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The older I get, the more I realize that information has never been easier to find.
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I mean, think about it.
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You need an opinion?
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There are millions of them available instantly.
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Need some advice?
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Someone's already made a video about it.
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We've surrounded ourselves with a constant stream of information.
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It's everywhere, like the air we breathe, right?
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And yet, despite all this data, I've never seen so many people quietly carrying so much pain.
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It makes me wonder if maybe information isn't what we're actually missing.
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Maybe what we're really missing are places where people feel safe enough to just tell the truth.
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I didn't always think this way, you know?
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It took time.
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When I was a young Bible college student, I did my practicum at a youth psychiatric hospital.
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At the time, I thought I was there to learn how to help people.
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I had no idea God was quietly teaching me a lesson that wouldn't fully make sense until more than 40 years later.
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Part of my assignment allowed me to sit in recovery meetings.
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Alcoholics Anonymous, narcotics anonymous, people from every imaginable background were there.
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Some had been sober for a week, while others had been sober for 30 or even 40 years.
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And honestly, something about it confused me back then.
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I'd look at the people with 40 years of sobriety and wonder, why are you still here?
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Haven't you finished?
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But then something else caught my attention.
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Every now and then someone would walk into the room, look around, and say, I messed up.
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I drank again.
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I used again.
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I waited for the reaction, you know, but nobody gasped, nobody looked disappointed or said, I guess you weren't serious about this.
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There was no judgment in that room.
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Instead, someone simply handed them a box of tissues.
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Somebody else put a gentle hand on their shoulder, and together, right then and there, they just started again.
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As a 20-year-old young preacher, I couldn't fully explain what I was seeing.
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I just knew it felt different from the rest of the world.
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It felt like something real.
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Years later, I finally understand why those meetings worked.
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It wasn't because everybody agreed on everything or because they all had the same background, not at all.
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Nobody cared if you were rich or poor, or whether you voted Republican or Democrat.
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Nobody cared about your education, your race, or your title.
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Those things didn't matter.
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There was only one thing everybody in that room had in common.
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I'm hurting, and I don't want to hurt alone anymore.
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That was the bridge that connected them.
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I think about those meetings often now, not because I think recovery has all the answers, but because I learned something there I wish every community could learn.
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People kept coming back because failure didn't cost them their seat.
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Isn't that powerful?
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Imagine if we all had a place where we could fail and still belong.
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Yesterday, I had a conversation with someone I love and respect very much.
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Before they ever listened to what I was trying to say, they started telling me stories.
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They told stories about a time when neighbors took care of one another and churches worked together.
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If a family needed food, somebody cooked.
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If a child needed shoes, somebody found them.
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As they talked, I kept thinking, we're saying the same thing.
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We're both looking for that connection.
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But the problem is we just can't hear each other yet.
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Then something hit me.
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Load full transcript
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Sometimes, before we can hear another person's pain, we instinctively defend what we love.
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And honestly, I understand that.
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It's a human reflex.
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If someone started talking about people I love, I'd probably defend them too.
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Love has a way of putting armor on us before we even realize we're wearing it.
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That made me stop and think.
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Maybe that's what so many of us are doing right now.
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We're not actually defending ideas, we're defending our precious memories.
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We're defending our families, our marriages, and our generation.
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We're defending our children and the life we spent years trying to build.
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We're protecting what's dear to us.
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Maybe that's why so many of our conversations never get anywhere.
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We're busy answering questions before we've really heard the hurt that is hiding underneath them.
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Think about when you go to a doctor.
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The conversation usually begins the same way every single time.
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The doctor looks at you and asks, where does it hurt?
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Then they ask, How long has it been hurting?
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And do you know what happened?
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The doctor isn't asking because he doesn't understand medicine.
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He's a professional, right?
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He's asking because healing always begins with honesty.
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He puts that cold metal stethoscope on your chest and says, breathe.
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He isn't there to judge your breathing.
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He's just trying to hear what's happening underneath.
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Lately, I've been learning that the first step toward healing is simply telling the truth about where it hurts.
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Think about that for a moment.
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It's not about finding another opinion or pretending everything is okay.
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It's not about posting another smiling picture on social media.
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It's not about convincing everybody else you're doing fine.
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Healing begins when we're finally honest enough to say, this is where it hurts.
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This is the spot.
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Maybe that's why so many of us stay stuck in the same cycles.
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We become experts at hiding our symptoms.
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We've learned how to say I'm fine even when we're not.
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We smile, we work, we serve, and we keep moving.
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Meanwhile, something deep inside us has been hurting for years, and we've just learned to live with the ache.
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This is why this conversation matters so much to me.
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This isn't about one family, one generation, or one political party.
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It's about all of us everywhere.
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Everywhere I look, I see people carrying invisible wounds.
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I see parents trying to raise children while they are still trying to heal from their own childhoods.
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I see teachers writing lesson plans at midnight wondering if anybody notices they're exhausted.
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I see nurses caring for patients while quietly carrying their own grief.
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I see business leaders trying to hold companies together while their own lives are coming apart.
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I see pastors trying to strengthen others while asking God questions in private.
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I see grandmothers keeping the family prayerless while quietly grieving a son who won't come home.
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We've all become so busy surviving that we've forgotten how to be honest.
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Maybe that's you today.
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You're smiling, you're serving, and you're showing up, but you're bleeding in a place where nobody can see.
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You're tired of the act.
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I don't have all the answers.
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Honestly, I don't think anybody does, but I am beginning to believe that the greatest conversations don't actually begin with advice.
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They begin with one simple, humble question.
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Where does it hurt today?
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Not so someone can judge you or fix you, but just so you can be heard.
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Not so someone can tell you everything you've done wrong, just tell me where it hurts.
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Because I have a feeling that's exactly where the healing finally begins.
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Thank you for pulling up a chair with me today.
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If this conversation stayed with you, would you pass it along?
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Someone might need to hear that question.
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They may need someone to ask them something nobody has asked in a very long time.
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Where does it hurt today?
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Until next time, please take care of yourself, take care of each other.
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And remember, the first step toward healing is telling the truth about where it hurts.
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It's the most courageous thing you can do.
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So tonight, before you turn out the light, put your hand on your chest, right where it hurts, and just whisper it, even if it's only to God.
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That's not weakness, my friend.
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That's worship.
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That's you finally telling the truth.
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And that truth is exactly where your new story begins.
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God bless you.