Full Transcript for Estate Planning and Death Over Dim Sum

--> 00:02:40.960 Except instead of aunties, we have local subject matter experts in things like estate planning, which is relevant to today, um, aging care, funeral planning, uh, advanced care planning, and so forth. 00:02:40.960 --> 00:02:48.319 Um, and those subject matter experts rotate throughout the tables and essentially answer people's burning questions. 00:02:48.319 --> 00:02:55.759 If they don't know what to ask, we also have this menu that is modeled after a dim sum menu that has frequently asked questions. 00:02:55.759 --> 00:02:59.599 So people can look at it, they can pick questions to start with. 00:02:59.599 --> 00:03:08.240 And after that, it's kind of a self-driving event where everyone gets to have these conversations, not just with the subject matter experts, but with each other at their tables. 00:03:08.240 --> 00:03:17.120 And then throughout the whole thing, we also have dim sum that's catered by a local restaurant, uh Hang-A restaurant in San Francisco. 00:03:17.120 --> 00:03:26.240 And so, you know, we're having all these kind of otherwise uncomfortable or strange conversations, but with the comfort of food and each other. 00:03:26.240 --> 00:03:29.759 We do have an event coming up on November 8th. 00:03:29.759 --> 00:03:37.360 So if anyone is local and would like to come by, we still have some open spots so you can join the conversation and have food. 00:03:37.360 --> 00:03:39.680 People can find out more about the events. 00:03:39.680 --> 00:03:42.000 We do have a website that's deathoverdimsum.org. 00:03:44.479 --> 00:03:48.400 Could you share a story about how this work has helped someone? 00:03:49.199 --> 00:03:54.879 It's been many years ago, and it was probably one of the first clients that reached out to me. 00:03:54.879 --> 00:04:02.560 And um, his dad passed away, and he was having a hard time going through his stuff in his house. 00:04:02.560 --> 00:04:11.759 And I was invited to just sit with him as he went through and sorted through his belongings. 00:04:11.759 --> 00:04:23.839 But I went over to um his dad's um house, and together I just literally just kept him company while he was sorting through stuff in his dad's home. 00:04:23.839 --> 00:04:28.240 And just being available to accompany him through that was very powerful. 00:04:28.240 --> 00:05:02.160 Uh many times our parents collect things, you know, and when they don't downsize or when they don't go through their clutter, um, it gets left behind to their children and how wonderful it would be to start these conversations earlier so that they can hopefully not only go through their um belongings and their stuff more intentionally to know like what whether it's to reminisce about how they got these objects, but also who they might want to bestow those products to when they pass. 00:05:02.160 --> 00:05:07.040 Um and maybe it's an opportunity to clear things out that no longer serves them. 00:05:07.040 --> 00:05:16.480 So that then it's more of a partnership

between the parents and the children versus something that's avoided or put off until after the fact. 00:05:16.480 --> 00:05:24.000 Um, because ultimately the parents' homes, putting that in a trust, or you know, do they have to then go through probate? 00:05:24.000 --> 00:05:31.600 Um, it becomes an extra layer that gets put on top of the grief that and the sadness that they're already experiencing. 00:05:31.600 --> 00:05:49.279 So um the stories I feel like it's just one in many examples where the um children are left with the aftermath, so to speak, of having to figure out what to do with the family home, what to do with their stuff, you know, and reconciling that. 00:05:51.040 --> 00:05:52.160 Thank you so much. 00:05:52.639 --> 00:05:55.120 And I I guess I have a personal anecdote as well. 00:05:55.120 --> 00:06:00.079 Um I wasn't familiar with advanced care planning uh before deaf over dim sum. 00:06:00.079 --> 00:06:07.040 Like I was more in sort of the artsy cultural side of deaf care and being deaf positive and whatnot. 00:06:07.040 --> 00:06:16.160 Uh, but ever since deaf over dim sum, I've become more familiar with the medical side and the actual like aging care, like the things that come immediately before deaf. 00:06:16.160 --> 00:06:23.600 Um, and in 2024, my mom got diagnosed with endometrial cancer, and it really was shocking for my family. 00:06:23.600 --> 00:06:28.240 It came out of nowhere, and she was scared, and we were all scared. 00:06:28.240 --> 00:06:37.600 Um, and I was telling her, like, how do you bring this conversation up to someone who doesn't want to talk about the possibility of dying? 00:06:37.600 --> 00:06:42.160 Um, I was telling her, like, hey, do you want to look at advanced care plans? 00:06:42.160 --> 00:06:45.519 Because they are going to ask you to answer these questions. 00:06:45.519 --> 00:06:48.720 Um, but it's also like not a scary thing. 00:06:48.720 --> 00:06:52.160 It's a little questionnaire that asks you about your values at the end of life. 00:06:52.160 --> 00:06:58.879 Like, how do you want people to take care of you when you can't make medical decisions for yourself? 00:06:58.879 --> 00:07:14.959 Uh, so I ended up going over to my parents' apartment and talking her through it, literally printing out the worksheet for her to show her and talk her through it and like ask her questions about it, more like a conversation instead of you know, sending homework remotely. 00:07:14.959 --> 00:07:24.720 Um, and then I went to an appointment with her and my dad, and the nurse was sitting her down, and the nurse was like, So I know it's very scary, but I do have to ask these questions. 00:07:24.720 --> 00:07:29.519 Do you have uh someone who can like, do you want to do this? 00:07:29.519 --> 00:07:30.160 Or duh-da. 00:07:30.160 --> 00:07:35.360 And my mom just opened up her folder and pulled out the packet of papers, like, oh I know I got it all here. 00:07:35.360 --> 00:07:38.079 I've already decided, it's already notarized and everything. 00:07:38.079 --> 00:07:43.600 So it's like uh some kid who did extra credit at school just proudly showing it to the teacher. 00:07:43.600 --> 00:07:56.240 And um the fact that I was able to make that part less scary for her was, you know, it was it made me feel like, yeah, I did learn something from all this, and um, no one had to be dying at the time. 00:07:56.240 --> 00:08:02.000 Like this is just part of making like any kind of medical transition easier for people. 00:08:03.600 --> 00:08:05.279 That's such a proud moment. 00:08:05.680 --> 00:08:06.240 Yeah. 00:08:06.240 --> 00:08:17.600 And I was just gonna add to that, um, you know, the conversation that I've had with my mom from the very beginning is I know parents always don't want to feel like they're a burden for their children. 00:08:17.600 --> 00:08:24.079 And the way I approached it with my mom would be because, you know, again, English is not her language, it's in Cantonese. 00:08:24.079 --> 00:08:26.800 So I have to speak to her in Cantonese. 00:08:26.800 --> 00:08:38.799 And so I would say to her, you know, like, mom, I know you don't want to be a burden, but what would be very helpful is if I know what your wishes are ahead of time so that I can then just follow them, like I don't have to guess. 00:08:38.799 --> 00:08:43.600 And that's really what shifted a lot, because then it made her think, I was like, oh yeah. 00:08:43.600 --> 00:08:47.279 And she's one that likes to be in control, she's definitely the true matriarch. 00:08:47.279 --> 00:08:53.360 She, you know, so, and so for positioning it that way also gives them back the power. 00:08:53.360 --> 00:08:55.679 Like you're not trying to take over. 00:08:55.679 --> 00:09:04.000 Um, and similar to Holly, I've already um had those conversations about advanced care directive and things like that. 00:09:04.000 --> 00:09:11.440 But as long as many conversations as I've had with my mom, she has still yet to finalize any ACP form. 00:09:11.440 --> 00:09:12.799 So there's so many choices. 00:09:12.799 --> 00:09:23.039 And I think if we present it to our parents, you know, what they're what they can have a say in and start that conversation early, it can only help us. 00:09:23.039 --> 00:09:30.639 And the reason I say that is because she and my mom had to go to the emergency room and for an infection, we didn't know what was going on. 00:09:30.639 --> 00:09:34.000 But in the emergency room, they will always ask you, Are you a no code? 00:09:34.000 --> 00:09:35.200 What's your code status? 00:09:35.200 --> 00:09:46.080 And like Holly, because I've already had these conversations with her, when the doctor asked, and I translated to her, she said, Oh, no, I don't want anything. 00:09:46.080 --> 00:09:47.279 And that was all of it. 00:09:47.279 --> 00:09:59.440 Because if she was just posed that question while we were in the emergency trying to get care, that would have triggered her so much that she

would not have been able to even be compliant, cooperative, or anything. 00:09:59.440 --> 00:10:03.519 But because we've had those conversations before, she was like, Oh, no big deal. 00:10:03.519 --> 00:10:05.360 No, I don't want anything, you know? 00:10:05.360 --> 00:10:17.039 And that that was sort of like Holly, that's what we work so hard to try to achieve before any emergency, is to be able for them to say, Oh, I understand this. 00:10:17.039 --> 00:10:20.320 And yeah, that's uh that's powerful. 00:10:20.480 --> 00:10:21.759 Thank you so much for sharing. 00:10:21.759 --> 00:10:28.000 These stories show what a difference it makes to have these conversations before a crisis. 00:10:28.000 --> 00:10:32.159 But turning our wishes into a plan can be its own challenge. 00:10:32.159 --> 00:10:38.799 Kendra, could you tell us a little bit about Hera, your role there, and what drew you to this work? 00:10:39.679 --> 00:10:40.480 Absolutely. 00:10:40.480 --> 00:10:43.440 Thank you for having me, first of all, Jessica. 00:10:43.440 --> 00:10:48.879 Hera is a nonprofit law firm here in California. 00:10:48.879 --> 00:10:54.399 Uh, we're a group of attorneys that really tries to promote financial wellness. 00:10:54.399 --> 00:11:00.000 So we have foreclosure prevention teams, we have loan modification teams. 00:11:00.000 --> 00:11:01.919 So you'll notice a trend here. 00:11:01.919 --> 00:11:10.960 We really do a lot of work to try to preserve housing as well as transfer it on to the next generation, hopefully. 00:11:10.960 --> 00:11:15.120 And we're doing that through our relatively new estate planning team. 00:11:15.120 --> 00:11:18.080 I started it approximately 10 years ago. 00:11:18.080 --> 00:11:21.840 I will say, as an attorney, um I don't really like fighting. 00:11:21.840 --> 00:11:24.159 I never really liked conflict very much. 00:11:24.159 --> 00:11:33.440 So my estate planning was attractive because what we do with estate planning is prevent problems down the road. 00:11:33.440 --> 00:11:38.960 We want to prevent lawsuits between family members when they're feeling so very vulnerable. 00:11:38.960 --> 00:12:11.120 San Francisco assessors team noticed that we were doing some outreach work for estate planning, and they were starting to do a little bit of outreach, trying to encourage their constituents to at least consider placing their homes into a revocable trust so that when their property owners passed, it would be passed on in an organized manner, things wouldn't fall through the cracks, mortgage lenders would not foreclose on the property. 00:12:11.120 --> 00:12:17.360 Assessor recorder walking Torres, who has just been a wonderful advocate. 00:12:17.360 --> 00:12:48.879 Um, and he has created this wonderful situation where for San Francisco residents, and this is through private funding, we as a law firm, a nonprofit law firm, can create estate plans for San Francisco residents, oftentimes for very um a very low price, $400, something like that, as compared to private practice, where it's likely in the Bay Area going to be at least several, several thousand dollars. 00:12:48.879 --> 00:12:52.559 So could you explain estate planning in plain English? 00:12:52.559 --> 00:12:54.559 Absolutely. 00:12:54.559 --> 00:13:15.200 Estate planning, I think it's best to break it down into two groups of topics and two groups of final estate planning documents that will govern, as Holly and Elizabeth said, the latter stages of life, and then also govern how your assets will be distributed. 00:13:15.200 --> 00:13:20.480 So there's a part of estate planning that concerns what happens when we're incapacitated. 00:13:20.480 --> 00:13:25.120 Again, with Elizabeth and Holly's um anecdotes there. 00:13:25.120 --> 00:13:33.360 Of course, a medical team is going to want to speak with their patient and get direction from them anytime they can. 00:13:33.360 --> 00:13:56.320 However, if there is a situation where the medical team cannot get good answers from their patient, they need authority via an advanced health care directive or whatever you want to call it to speak with someone to share some medical information so that that nominee, that agent can advocate for the patient. 00:13:56.320 --> 00:13:56.879 Okay. 00:13:56.879 --> 00:14:12.080 Um, so on a well-crafted, a well-drafted healthcare directive, the person who creates it is going to indicate the person whom they wholeheartedly trust with their health care and hopefully give a second choice to. 00:14:12.080 --> 00:14:22.799 And then the second thing that will be on that document is how they want things done to them if they are in certain situations and what they don't want done to themselves. 00:14:22.799 --> 00:14:30.799 So that's a document, an advanced health care directive, that is only effective while we're alive and it goes away when we pass away. 00:14:30.799 --> 00:15:24.639 Likewise, an ad a durable power of attorney for financial purposes is a document where if someone lacks capacity, dementia, accident, medication, you know, due to treatment, if someone is unable to take care of their financial affairs, if they have created a power of attorney when they were with it, when they had capacity, nominating someone to oversee their financial affairs when they have dementia, Alzheimer's, if they're in a horrible accident, that nominee on that document can advocate for them with respect to financial transactions, pay their bills legally, file their taxes for them, or at least file for an extension so that if they're a younger individual and they do hopefully improve, their lives will be as good as possible given the hiccup in their life. 00:15:24.639 --> 00:15:28.320 So those are two documents that only concern in capacity. 00:15:28.320 --> 00:15:30.639 When people pass away, they go away. 00:15:30.639 --> 00:15:39.279 When people pass away, the main documents that are important are for homeowners, a well-crafted, revocable trust.

00:15:39.279 --> 00:15:44.720 That's a document a lawyer creates where you indicate a couple of things. 00:15:44.720 --> 00:15:51.039 You indicate the person who you want to distribute your assets according to your wishes when you are no longer here. 00:15:51.039 --> 00:15:54.320 And you also direct that distribution. 00:15:54.320 --> 00:16:00.080 So if you have a couple of children and you want everything to go equally to the children, you can state that. 00:16:00.080 --> 00:16:23.279 So again, if you are a homeowner, you will want that attorney to create a new deed, a trust transfer deed, to put your home into the trust. 00:16:23.279 --> 00:16:25.039 The trust is revocable. 00:16:25.039 --> 00:16:26.559 You completely own the home. 00:16:26.559 --> 00:16:28.799 You can sell that home whenever you wish. 00:16:28.799 --> 00:16:31.360 You can take the money, move to Tahiti. 00:16:31.360 --> 00:16:36.080 No, you are not restricted with what you are doing because it is still your own property. 00:16:36.080 --> 00:16:38.080 You just hold titles slightly differently. 00:16:38.080 --> 00:16:50.720 Instead of, you know, myself, if I own a home myself as trustee of my revocable trust, um, I still own it as compared to if I owned a home, Kendra, a single woman. 00:16:50.720 --> 00:16:52.320 So you still own the property. 00:16:52.320 --> 00:16:55.679 You can sell that home and purchase a new one into your trust. 00:16:55.679 --> 00:16:58.879 And then typically people do a little pour of a will. 00:16:58.879 --> 00:17:01.039 A will, remember, is subject to probate. 00:17:01.039 --> 00:17:04.079 So we don't want to have a false sense of security at all. 00:17:04.079 --> 00:17:09.440 If we have a will and we're a homeowner, it's probably not going to prevent probate in the Bay Area. 00:17:09.440 --> 00:17:20.640 So the two groups of issues, two groups of um documents we typically want are documents for incapacity, healthcare directive, HIPAA, and durable power of attorney for financial purposes. 00:17:20.640 --> 00:17:31.599 And then the documents that really typically kick in at Death are going to be a revocable living trust and your will, and then whatever assets have been titled to the trust. 00:17:32.160 --> 00:17:35.759 I think you mentioned something really interesting just now. 00:17:35.759 --> 00:17:40.480 So having a will doesn't necessarily mean your family will avoid probate. 00:17:41.039 --> 00:17:41.759 Correct. 00:17:41.759 --> 00:17:50.640 So, and the reason for that, Jessica, is in California, the probate threshold is $208,850. 00:17:50.640 --> 00:17:51.680 Gross. 00:17:51.680 --> 00:17:58.960 So when someone passes away and they have a will, the probate court will likely look at how much that person had. 00:17:58.960 --> 00:18:16.880 If that person had $300,000 in a bank account and had not utilized a tool to prevent probate, such as putting that account in a trust or alternatively putting beneficiaries on it, regrettably, that account and that will be subject to the probate process. 00:18:16.880 --> 00:18:20.960 There is an exception for a principal primary residence in California. 00:18:20.960 --> 00:18:29.119 If you do have a principal primary residence and it's worth less than $750,000 gross, we're not talking equity. 00:18:29.119 --> 00:18:31.039 We're talking the gross value of the property. 00:18:31.039 --> 00:18:35.200 But if it's under that, there could be exceptions to probate. 00:18:35.200 --> 00:18:44.400 However, as Bay Area residents and especially as San Francisco residents, you probably don't own a home that's worth less than $750,000. 00:18:44.400 --> 00:18:47.920 And the important thing is that is the gross amount. 00:18:47.920 --> 00:18:59.279 So for instance, if I have a client who has a condo in the city worth a million dollars and they have a loan against it of $800,000, they have come in to see me thinking, ah, not worried about it. 00:18:59.279 --> 00:19:01.200 It's below the probate threshold. 00:19:01.200 --> 00:19:01.599 Nope. 00:19:01.599 --> 00:19:05.920 The probate court sees you as owning an asset worth a million dollars. 00:19:05.920 --> 00:19:19.599 So wills can often be subject to probate if the person who created the will buys a home or inherits a home and doesn't get back to that attorney and says, aha, my situation has changed. 00:19:19.599 --> 00:19:20.799 I am now a homeowner. 00:19:20.799 --> 00:19:22.480 I think I need a trust. 00:19:22.799 --> 00:19:26.799 How can someone contact Hera and find out what help is available? 00:19:27.119 --> 00:19:29.200 We do have periodic workshops. 00:19:29.200 --> 00:19:36.319 You can check out our website, which is H-E-R-A, Hera Housing and Economic Rights Advocates. 00:19:36.319 --> 00:19:37.200 It's a mouthful. 00:19:37.200 --> 00:19:38.960 So we just go by HARA. 00:19:38.960 --> 00:20:01.119 If someone is serious about at least finding out if estate planning is appropriate for them, and keep in mind estate planning is appropriate for most people who are over the age of 18, some type of estate planning, at least planning for incapacity, they can contact us at inquiries at heraca.org. 00:20:01.119 --> 00:20:05.119 And that's inquiries at heraca.org. 00:20:05.119 --> 00:20:14.400 And typically when people contact us and state they are interested in estate planning, I have a wonderful team of around five estate planning attorneys now. 00:20:14.400 --> 00:20:29.440 They will be matched up with one of our staff attorneys, and they will have an initial conversation with that attorney: 30 minutes, 60 minutes to figure out what the proper scope of work would likely be for that individual. 00:20:29.440 --> 00:20:32.079 And then they will receive a price. 00:20:32.079 --> 00:20:43.200 It might be quite low because of our wonderful special project with the um assessor recorder's office right now, and and people can decide whether or not they would like to proceed. 00:20:44.559 --> 00:20:45.200 Got it. 00:20:45.200

--> 00:20:47.759 And uh what language support is available? 00:20:47.759 --> 00:20:52.319 As you know, a lot of people in San Francisco may not have English as their first language. 00:20:52.880 --> 00:20:53.599 Absolutely. 00:20:53.599 --> 00:20:59.039 We anticipate that one of our attorneys is fluent in Mandarin and Cantonese. 00:20:59.039 --> 00:21:03.119 I have an attorney who is fluent in Spanish. 00:21:03.119 --> 00:21:10.240 And um, we may have someone on boarded fairly soon who speaks Korean as well. 00:21:11.119 --> 00:21:14.400 And what documents does Hera help people prepare? 00:21:14.799 --> 00:21:17.279 Yeah, so Hera is very full service. 00:21:17.279 --> 00:21:24.400 We will typically, for homeowners, do the trust, the will, the deed, placing property they currently own into the trust. 00:21:24.400 --> 00:21:32.079 We will also prepare their durable power of attorney for financial purposes as well as their health care directive and HIPAA. 00:21:32.079 --> 00:21:38.000 So when people are ready to proceed, we really like to do everything very comprehensively. 00:21:38.000 --> 00:21:43.359 As stated earlier, these aren't the most pleasant subjects to talk about for some. 00:21:43.359 --> 00:21:51.839 So while people are in the mood, we like to try to get them to address all of these issues and create good documents. 00:21:51.839 --> 00:22:09.599 However, I will say with some of the big medical providers here, um, the one document if people are feeling Feeling highly motivated after listening to this today, that clients can prepare on their own, it would be a healthcare directive. 00:22:09.599 --> 00:22:17.519 Typically, your provider is more than happy to give you a blank copy of whatever they use as their healthcare directive. 00:22:17.519 --> 00:22:33.039 If you fill it out, indicate your wishes, indicate your chosen fiduciaries or agents, people whom you wholeheartedly trust, and indicate those names as well as some contact info and turn it back into your medical provider. 00:22:33.039 --> 00:22:34.960 That is great. 00:22:34.960 --> 00:22:42.480 And it's not as if a healthcare directive created by a lawyer is any better than one of those. 00:22:42.480 --> 00:22:50.160 It's all about who you trust and what how do you want this next stage in life to transpire? 00:22:50.160 --> 00:22:55.279 Keep in mind also that all of these documents are amendable and changeable. 00:22:55.279 --> 00:23:01.680 So for people who are on the fence, it's we hope we don't need them now or in the near future. 00:23:01.680 --> 00:23:10.400 It's better to do something now and put your intentions in writing with those you wholeheartedly trust as your nominees so that they're there if needed. 00:23:10.400 --> 00:23:13.680 And if they're not needed in the next 10 to 15 years, that's great. 00:23:13.680 --> 00:23:14.400 That's a win. 00:23:14.400 --> 00:23:17.680 You had you had peace of mind for those 10 to 15 years. 00:23:17.680 --> 00:23:25.759 At any time, someone, as long as they have proper um capacity, they can create a new healthcare directive indicating new people. 00:23:25.759 --> 00:23:31.119 They can create a new trust indicating a different successor trustee. 00:23:31.119 --> 00:23:34.559 Let's say they've, you know, fallen out with their prior nominee. 00:23:34.559 --> 00:23:35.279 That's okay. 00:23:35.279 --> 00:23:39.920 You can always change your um choices as indicated in your documents. 00:23:39.920 --> 00:23:45.599 So let that not be a barrier to creating documents that work for you now into the near future. 00:23:47.519 --> 00:23:48.319 Thank you so much. 00:23:48.319 --> 00:23:49.839 So helpful. 00:23:49.839 --> 00:23:55.279 And I know we only have a short amount of time to cover this very heavy topic. 00:23:55.279 --> 00:24:09.279 Um, but if there's one small thing that someone could do this week, what would you guys recommend each of you to a friend or family member that you could do to kind of move this conversation forward? 00:24:10.160 --> 00:24:20.400 Well, I'll go back to what I said a little bit ago because people can do this one document on their own as long as they sign it, you know, according to the requirements stated. 00:24:20.400 --> 00:24:23.359 It's typically two disinterested witnesses or a notary. 00:24:23.359 --> 00:24:25.759 Create your healthcare directive. 00:24:25.759 --> 00:24:34.559 And if you think you have one, but you have not looked at it for five or 10 years, please review it and make sure you are still highly comfortable with your choices. 00:24:34.559 --> 00:24:36.799 If you're not, it's good that you discovered that. 00:24:36.799 --> 00:24:49.599 Obtain a new copy either through your medical provider's portal or the next time you go in for a medical um appointment and create a new healthcare directive, complete it with two witnesses or a notary and turn it back in. 00:24:49.599 --> 00:24:51.839 Thank you. 00:24:52.240 --> 00:24:55.519 I'm so glad that Kendra talked about the medical directive. 00:24:55.519 --> 00:25:06.240 Um, if someone needs to do something like really small, like just right now, just think about who you would want to be your proxy and agent, especially if you'd never thought about this before. 00:25:06.240 --> 00:25:26.160 Um, and if you're pretty certain, or I mean, if you just want to talk to this person to ask them if they're comfortable with it, I think that's a convert you don't have to write it out on paper yet, but just start that conversation and then reflect for yourself like what's important to you, who's who you would trust to be your first choice, second choice, third choice. 00:25:26.160 --> 00:25:29.680 Um, and yeah, I mean, start these conversations. 00:25:29.680 --> 00:25:44.640 Um, another small thing someone can do that's not related to the medical directive is just very vague, very open, but oh my gosh, just reach out to people, like have some connection to your neighbors, your parents, your kids, your family

members, friends. 00:25:44.640 --> 00:25:46.960 Uh, it's kind of hard times all around. 00:25:46.960 --> 00:25:54.400 So just, you know, reach out to someone who you haven't talked to in a long time and just reestablish that communication. 00:25:54.400 --> 00:26:04.000 I had a friend who reached out to me the other day that was having a hard time and realized how much like I hadn't talked to that person in years, but it was like we could pick up where we left off. 00:26:04.000 --> 00:26:16.640 And I when I think about what matters to you at the end of life or throughout your entire life, um, those connections that you've made throughout your life are very important and they they're worth their weight their weight in gold. 00:26:16.640 --> 00:26:18.880 So make sure to do that. 00:26:19.759 --> 00:26:23.839 And just to piggyback off of um Kendra and Holly, it's the same thing. 00:26:23.839 --> 00:26:29.440 You know, we always want to see this for other people, but it really starts with ourselves first. 00:26:29.440 --> 00:26:37.039 Um, if we can set the example, then it makes it a little easier for others to follow. 00:26:37.039 --> 00:26:51.680 Um, you know, so I think just as Kendra said, look into your own medical directive and um have the conversations with the people that you feel that you think would want to be able to act on your behalf. 00:26:51.680 --> 00:26:59.839 And I will caution that even though you think they are the best person, whether it's the eldest sibling or the, you know, that may not always be the best choice. 00:26:59.839 --> 00:27:13.759 And you always want the person to buy in and to agree versus assuming that they're gonna do it, because it's a tall order to ask somebody, and the worst thing to do is to put someone down and not even have a conversation with them. 00:27:13.759 --> 00:27:25.759 So, so those um, you know, even though it just starts with ourselves, you already can see there are three kind of separate tasks, all wrapped up in this medical um directive form. 00:27:26.400 --> 00:27:34.160 And if I could just say one additional thing to it, Elizabeth just stated, don't choose people to make them feel good. 00:27:34.160 --> 00:27:36.640 You don't have to go with the oldest child. 00:27:36.640 --> 00:27:45.839 Really honestly assess the strengths and weaknesses of the people in your circle that you are considering for these potential roles of responsibility down the road. 00:27:45.839 --> 00:27:49.920 Um, yes, go with your gut and make your choices in that manner. 00:27:49.920 --> 00:28:00.720 And then one other thing that someone said earlier um if you're having discussions and parents state, gosh, well, I don't really want to be a burden, things like that. 00:28:00.720 --> 00:28:10.799 The biggest burden that parents can place on a child is doing nothing if they can do some pre-thinking about what is appropriate for them and their bodies. 00:28:10.799 --> 00:28:15.599 And this is with all the topics, all of the documents we're we're discussing today. 00:28:15.599 --> 00:28:30.079 But, and then if they can place that in writing with an attorney and formalize everything, sign notarized documents, file a trust transfer deed, that's one of the best gifts that parents can um give their kids. 00:28:31.759 --> 00:28:34.799 We started this conversation talking about Death. 00:28:34.799 --> 00:28:39.680 But we've also been talking about how to care for one another while we're still here. 00:28:39.680 --> 00:28:44.079 You don't have to figure out everything out today. 00:28:44.079 --> 00:28:52.319 Start with one conversation with a family member, a close friend, just someone you trust. 00:28:52.319 --> 00:28:56.559 Ask them about their wishes and share your own. 00:28:56.559 --> 00:29:00.400 Liz, Holly, and Kendra, thank you. 00:29:00.400 --> 00:29:10.799 We'll link Death Over Dimsom, Hera, and the other resources we discussed in the show notes, along with my earlier conversation with Joaquin Taurus from the Assessor Recorder's office. 00:29:10.799 --> 00:29:17.680 If someone came to mind while you were listening to this episode, please share with them. 00:29:17.680 --> 00:29:21.119 It might help you start that conversation as well. 00:29:21.119 --> 00:29:27.599 I'm Jessica Ho, and this is the Sunset Connection People, Property, and Policy. 00:29:27.599 --> 00:29:32.000 Take care of yourselves and each other, and I'll see you in the next one.