ABOUT THIS EPISODE

The snail unit discusses the evolution of self-care from activist motto to marketing slogan.

canceling plans is ok. staying home to cook is ok. disappearing for a bit to get your life together is ok. resurfacing in a foreign country with a new name 10 years later is ok. it’s called self care

— Kevin Farzad (@KevinFarzad) January 13, 2018

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The post Episode 32: The Evolution of Self-Care appeared first on The Snailcast.

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TRANSCRIPT

00:00:00hey guys this is the snail cast we are finally back again this is Cheryl from holy snails I'm here with Tracy a fan service
00:00:24that we almost as much as self-care and the evolution of self care in recent months and years so before we do that it's been awhile since we've gotten all together and talk so let's talk about what we've been up to since last week routed City on a start so I'm still so I am now which is the new name for the online site w2beauty
00:01:18this is been the dream for TV stands forever to have someone who is just right Advocate congrats we are so excited about this cold or real separate the wheat from the chaff so hey what have you been doing I have not been bugging recently although I definitely have plans to do so I've been doing a little bit of work here and there but nothing too major the most engrossing thing that I've been doing all the last several months as actually late last year my husband and I adopted a puppy
00:02:02check out a dog yes she is a Border Collie puppy and if anybody has ever work with portcullis before you know that there are a whole other realm when it comes to puppy Dome somebody once said that the Border Collies are not at the dog there a Hobby
00:02:25definitely feel that that's pretty much been taking up all of my waking hours and causing me to fall into an exhausted sleep at night but my life is kind of chilly balancing and hopefully soon we miss you again then actually using product and I'm about to test to see how well my Stihl products are going to work on like healing all of the scratches and stuff on my face so that would be good too
00:02:56turn up two more on the same that would be slaying a little bit more journalism course in the mid 2016 official in 2017
00:03:30getting closer to the end of my journey. The clear but it looks like it's coming the surface I'm getting closer to clear and so my goal is to actually get my skin completely clear sexually so I'm kind of looking to close out the story and hopefully I'm heading more toward rating for not my own site so turned into more of a Hermit I'm going to take care of myself more
00:04:30and it was kind of a spur-of-the-moment thing but at the same time I work from home so it's really not that crazy of a legit did this like the way this is not a joke this is not my style exactly how not perfectly pretty and and like symmetrical my head is now but I washed my face and now I rinse my hand off like
00:05:30yeah like the ones that are like disguise vibrators Vice the dollar store the Japanese Dollar Store thing and it looks like a tiny little tentacle dude is a little plastic legs out and you can like this and like that those partially partially the reason why is my scalp with it but it was like tangling my hair all over the place I was like you know what sure look
00:06:16you sound really like really that's the thing is like I never knew how to do anything with my hair my hair is kind of just like one of those things I have because I'm expected to I don't know how to take care of it you know I don't know how to style it or anything the majority of the time of my day I just tie my hair back out of my face so doesn't interfere with the rest of my life so that was another big reason why I actually important to me that's an actual for me what you know is probably surprising kids mere fact that I have like super long hair Rapunzel hair
00:07:16hair so yeah yeah I haven't really like cut it cut it and it like a good 10 years or so but yeah I had to shave head for probably like 2 or 3 years when I was younger and I absolutely loved it it was great so I kind of feel like it's one of those things that if people are interested in doing it they should definitely experience it at least once in their life and one of the most fun things about having a shift at this like being able to like cut your scalp all the time so now it's so soothing really really really close to the scalp really stiff and spiky so if you run your hand through you have like both like the sensory aspect of his life scratchy sound does ASMR but it's right on your head anyway
00:08:16is and make the distinction between concretely like improve our experience of our lives through our experience of living in our cell and that's what I consider self-care so I would say legitimately is going to improve my experience of my life the way I like for me personally seen here or taking a walk and getting out in the sun obituary Billy
00:09:16whatever is stressing you out
00:10:15fix myself up so that I can better bring a label on what other people think it's important to be mindful of the effects of our actions self-care and I think that we can get this kind of matter being considered a self-care a habit
00:11:15let me see you more equipped to handle your life been more equipped to have power over things you need to have power that way so it's not about escaping something more and more that you want to see the term now I agree completely that was a Common Thread and some of the article
00:12:15instant gratification in hopes of escaping everything basically doesn't actually improve your situation is just brakes from reality star episode on on motherhood first ever in your eyes and ears and pretending you better take care of yourself and everything around you so you can continue fighting so you can continue on with your your personal Marathon about you know that
00:13:15difference between escapism in the south care and how it leaves you feeling different afterwards I never thought about it that way but it's try to care for myself because I knew that I was like fighting it just after I look back on it I realized escapists temporary boost because your life sucks that you feel quite as bad because that's what was going on what do you mean like like South Carris last treat yourself but like
00:14:11nice things for myself and have some of those things like trappings of self-care that were supposed to make me feel better at a time you know there was a momentary fleeting sense of enjoyment but once it was done it just made me feel like that when I came off of that temporary enjoyment things felt twice as likely as before it's my motivation for doing them all characters on major psychological issues that should probably be the inspired me to actually sheet mask from shiny recently took his own life and so it's like example
00:15:11I really terrifying and terrible one but likes right away you can expect this to to fix everything to keep part of a healing process but this isn't going to do the work you know you like it is presented I just leave but when you have magazines constantly saying magical new thing it is one part of a puzzle and we have to remember that you know therapy and medication they exist for recent and and this isn't going to replace it I think to the way that
00:16:09you know that is self cares really good really resent it a lot of times I think that when is presented as like this when treat yourself specifically is presented as instead of Magic Bullet For The Wallace if your life or your own dinner problem it can return really compulsive behaviors and it's because that's been a lot of my experience of it you know where I'll skin care people here so it makes sense that it wrote a long time ago about using care in the contacts who sells kerosene that really help me depression but I can easily see and I do see a lot of times in conversations with people are going the other way we're having a skincare routine just becomes the new compulsion yeah and a lot of that has to do with motivation and being aware of why you're doing what you're doing so like you have a skin care routine and you feel good about
00:17:09the results you're getting are you feel good about moving proving something yourself that makes you more comfortable in your life but if you're doing it because you're chasing this elusive unattainable Photoshop I know it's nice out here anymore than it can become a compulsion you can become really damaging and that's the point where it's really really easy or commercialized Health Care in Purcell fears and marketing tool to definitely tangibly you often see people I'm just too like I can't go out tonight because he stops ask our sweet Jesus
00:18:01like I totally get the sentiment and like it's just it's funny and all that but like if you find yourself with drawing into your own house into your own body eventually and no longer leaving the house I have certainly been guilty of this where I would like makeup so this is a little bit different but like I will literally order from someplace and make them with me, and so it's like a certain point
00:18:42if you keep withdrawing from other people this can actually be incredibly damaging for your mental health like mint and so if you find that your skin care routine is a locking you away then that's really not great and actually contribute to compulsions like me actually makes sense for some people self care for some people may mean stepping away from Skin Care yeah definitely has definitely dude had touched on was the whole like buying and hoarding Skin Care in hopes of it just magically curing your problems by Brands to the point where it's like the whole treat yourself to where the actual product itself is your trophy as of your supposed to
00:19:42existing closet now and this is a new lifestyle stuff has been sold this is where the right lipstick in old men with all over you lose enough weight and you'll have a perfect realistically that's that's not true
00:20:08sometimes we like around like rituals take over our lives and it can become really really easy to fall into the Trap of feeling like if I just fix this one part of my routine I just do this one cosmetic thing everyday than my whole life will get better make yourself stronger but it's completely whether you have balance in your life or not she had said about a therapist therapist quote in one of the articles that
00:21:07to their needs so I think it's a good supplement or accessories to complement the Lord was a black lesbian writer and activist in the 19th she was battling breast cancer which she eventually died from and so she wrote in bursts of light one of her essay collection that's one of the essays that focuses on her final years of her life and her experience as she kind of knows that she's dying and so she's someone who's deeply engaged with the community deeply engaged with social changed and what she writes about is the fact that we grab the choir because it's so powerful yes she says let's hear Karen from
00:22:07stuff is not self-indulgence the salt preservation and that is an active political Warfare and so she is a person who is definitely on the margin Society at that point mean like marriage was not legal for her at that point and as a black woman she was facing a medical system is still very much broken for black women and so she's been told all this time to take care of herself and then she has her activism roll where she feels she says as though all of her energy has to be used to advance the needs of a community
00:22:55and then she realizes that actually taking care of herself and sustain yourself through this activism sharing is essential for political change so she is the mother of self-care kind of in the last night and then her message has been co-opted so honestly by brands that are selling things have nothing to do with sustaining activist or you know like helping people survive their cancer treatment just seems very someone from every angle was told not to care for herself to care for her body for her mind realizing that she can do that its political and it's part of fighting back
00:23:55now it's become how you sell shit on Instagram McDonald's undisclosed advertising is smooth and bold morning from some Instagram are and it had like in the corner of the like pretty Spotlight was a cup of McDonald's coffee because that's their new tagline or whatever and something influencer was investigated for undisclosed contents of hashtag South Carolina from the hashtag sponsored
00:24:55so that kind of like yeah we definitely see that everywhere. I feel like she has become a joke it has become a joke I mean there's a college humor video of three young women who are doing a whole bunch of things and just like that in the notes but I feel like I had no idea what the roots of the soccer term actually were and now that I read about those I feel even less inclined even if I am actually doing active self care coverage of self-care has really changed in a week of the 2016 US election right so we had some like
00:25:55that came out in kishin critiques of self-care continue to be interesting and complex and then people just got kind of fucking tired and they wanted to justify as well but like this isn't quite in the spirit of what software originally was and so it feels a bit grossed labeling my shopping addiction assault carry now it's just it's really kind of inappropriate today today actually still and it's just here
00:26:55take a breath and get back to the fight and they do preserve definition of South Carolina supposed to like I treat yourself go and $50 that are our spot tonight kind of thing over and over in terms of co-opt black spot black women spot and using it to justify and preach to others talk about it but whether you need it or not yeah
00:27:55conversation a variety of ways to describe it for yourself and take care of your body so like not every fucking thing that you do the feel-good it involves being products of self-care other terms they can actually work and so sexy Queen by Leonard water it's about lipstick sales sore when I know it was kind of just as I was like gearing up right right but it was amazing that it was hard to believe it's about women buy more lipstick when the economy is bad and economic indicator so if you see lipstick sales Spike that's actually a sign that things are about to get bad
00:28:55and so researchers in the wake of his claim that actually studied this may try to understand whether this is true or not concerned about their jobs they do actually buy more makeup and they do kind of quote professional makeup in the office so it is all seems to be very like subconscious actually women realize that makeup helps them get ahead of the office and therefore in order to like deal with the stress of maybe getting potentially later economy going to show they're actually going to buy lipstick this is also been kind of tied to women buying small luxuries rather than big ones so it's a big trip to Hawaii
00:29:55$35 Pat McGrath lipstick you know it's like
00:30:02when I'm done with you upset we also would really like to travel so if you are a wine company or Hawaii to travel we could also just lay in bed ;-) LOL honestly sucks ass. Subscription 1° out so yeah yeah stop selling out for some socks subscription the winter if so we need a Weinstock and Mattress subscription
00:31:03if you don't work we have a whole range of hashtags other than self-care we could have lipstick a fact about this looks like a fact is definitely something that when I look at my overstuffed cabinet thing that I've been wondering about global and National economy and political situation I have been stockpiling skincare and makeup for the inevitable moment when I go back to be a flat ass broke I don't know about y'all yep
00:31:54definitely
00:31:58I wanted to talk a little more about he was talking about the actual like self-care you should feel bad for $55 lipstick God damn it but I deserve this that's fine
00:32:25guess what I finally finally finally finally found a freaking holy snail wine in their Whole Foods finally did you try on your face but I finally found it and yeah yeah and this one was actually supposed to Seattle for a dapple to eat Seattle
00:33:30terminology out there is part of the problem as to why self-harm everything from your oxygen mask on first before they speak in that fancy lipstick cuz you are having the future is a bad thing if it actually pretty good I think that's what was interesting about that has real positive result the people who made those small impulse purchases to feel better did actually feel better afterwards and that it did have that positive effect as a post I always assume
00:34:30good for 15 minutes if you remember mine oh my God this is so interesting because yes I had the same thought that like people splashing out unexpectedly would be like what have I done except for what I found in the research research the people who made plans purchases like they saved and they bought they didn't feel as good about their purchases is the people who spent the same amount unexpectedly
00:35:15and so it was the emotional purchases that people felt about so like when are they were happy and buying or buying it the impulse was actually predictor in like the impulse in this was a predictor of how they would feel about the purchase Down the Line This is Wild so we keep layering too complicated language on shopping but like shopping at self is apparently as long as you're doing impulsively which is insane and yeah I don't want to encourage people to come shopping addicts but like holy shit like this is wild like you don't actually have to give you your shopping ba in philosophy or anything like it's going to be enough on its own
00:36:05I wonder if part of the reason why those and I had purchases failed to give the big reward is because there's so much expectation going to feel so amazing when they finally do and it builds up in their mind right and then the actual space for the anticlimactic as an Impulse there's no Bella it's just emotion are dramatically changing a bad day into an awesome ones
00:36:53but yeah I like it all of these things they sound totally reasonable and yet really surprising that's how you can I purchase K beauty products and how can I deliberately gravitate towards most difficult complex and it's research and you know learning another language and doing all these things to get that if that like journey is the destination hotels that's for Action at the item built into the shopping experience so this is like the reward in the case of the lipstick effect is the product itself but in terms of researching a cream that's like
00:37:53shopping there many kind of reward moments on the way yeah so with that being said if they really are like legit benefits for many people is sitting like that lipstick effect I purchase where does it become problematic and where do we draw the line as far as retailers capitalizing on that there is a line where we sellers are involved with roommate is still and it is used
00:38:31examples out there where it is but it is a retailer Savage how do we know when were constructively changing course for the butter and when do we go shopping
00:38:59I think that what are the things that I think about it yourself is that there's things you do that provide a temporary stress doesn't really have any lasting effects but the line becomes a little bit blurry if we talk about the lipstick effect actually does make people feel better and doesn't just go away after the purchase is over I'm really person by person goes back to the idea if you're in control of your decisions in a few and control and not the purchaser of the compulsion to buy a that's where the line is drawn finalized the decisions of others they do what they do you know maybe somebody really could benefit from
00:39:59just because they're stressed out their life and it would make me feel better they have to justify it by calling it self care because otherwise it's just seen as an active, I am going to the gym because you want to look hot in a bikini not going to the gym so that you are healthy so that you can afford to live you don't have medical bills or that you're healthy so that you can see you to work and you know sock away money for knows what could have happened next you know so maybe goes back to that makes so much sense because it's a lot of women complex language to justify buying it even if the most mainstream privileged person rarely are people going to applaud there's this impulse to justify
00:40:59you should have makes so much sense what is there have to be a justification know if you could afford it and it's going to make you happy to buy that $35 lipstick have to call it's okay with me and I think that's where is useful because that is yourself in something else for it to be okay except for the fact that chances are unless you let someone in your life who is going to you say something and maybe you just don't realize that and you're going to say something should eat yourself about it to the rest of the snow cats cuz I talk to them about this
00:41:59variations of the idea of like Mark Zuckerberg UFC spoken in like a bunch of CEOs of magazines and whatever else and they show they trying to show it what successful people do regular self wake up early and disconnect they go in like take baths or just meditate or they're doing something that has nothing to do with their business or productivity or anything they're just
00:42:59Target before they have to go and tackle the rest of the day and has nothing to do with Instagram or whatever it's just your personal time to get ready to face the world to find yourself recently they like to try and be successful habits of CEOs or whatever like that and so every night they were required as part of this whole project thing to take like a one-hour bathtubs like soak and just like read or listen to music or I think it was so this is all very new for them and they found that they were just able to like handle shift so much better it makes sense that doesn't make sense of activist Pocket Edition
00:43:57I think it's the trails used by yourself you should really it's not just using Insidious marketing and picking the term also so I mean if the big companies are using it why shouldn't your typical privileged person be able to use the same as wrong you know but it starts at like much higher levels and it's just if it's really weird to divorce two lines of thought is not to police really rice yes I'll scare each person knows their own battles you know and so you can't really look at them on social media
00:44:57#feminism marketing something as feminism just because kind of thing you know where can I buy Market certain advertising that they have in their Shop with a certain logo to show that that image has been digitally altered just basic maintenance or something like that I think you're CVS and Rite Aid though I find it I don't remember I just remember that their logo was like a little heart in like a little half circle or something like that is just sick
00:45:57that it has been altered is the polar opposite of that commercialization this whole concept of taking care of yourself is the advertising in more ways than just commercial has been relayed social and Native advertising actions or items become like totems of the whole concept yes fortifying yourself to strengthen yourself so it becomes not about finding your own personal habits or rituals or what have you but it becomes about this image of doing Don yoga on a cliff with your fucking $300 and that's and it's an image and idea.
00:46:57new Calvin Klein life basically but really really commercialized idea of these trappings like certain workout pants and walking around with a yoga mat under your arm and getting your vagina steamed or whatever and they're all the trappings that take you away from the idea that in order to fortify yourself or whatever your personal private or public battles are you have to figure out what that is for you you can't buy it you know she said yeah it's not it's not for everybody the spa getaway or remodeling mask and soul different and it can be something that has nothing to do with any item
00:47:48but it's been made into the set of items that symbolizes it and that's really really troubling because then it's easy to make it another compulsion for people definitely one of the articles that we were reading which is a Blog which was there a world where you are your own Savior and it was about figuring out what works for you honoring your needs and working with your limitations so it's the actual fortifiers escapism and hoping that these things somehow inherently bring you happiness or something I wanted to talk a little more about our vacations vacations on same weekend and my goal my whole goal for Seattle was actually to eat
00:48:48Seattle and getting home I didn't feel like it was great
00:49:05it was different walking back into our front door or garage technically actually but it was it was and ready to wake up and and deal with the rest of your life kind of thing your trip taking it was awesome but it felt like I felt like if exactly like what I needed recharge about just like what was your trip again 90 minutes away there for a mini break and I booked a room with a spa tub and it was amazing I need to know
00:50:05for two people
00:50:07I know that because I tested that yeah actually one day I took like three baths it was it was not self-care it was definitely just obnoxious treat yourself I love it it was amazing like I'm really happy and I feel a lot better now and it has nothing to do with self-care Indiana food that's all that mattered and it was so good
00:50:49recently I had this experience which made me realize that all the things that I had done before that I thought were self-care and which didn't work or not actually self-care how was actually have experience related to the puppy right after we had gotten her and it was like one of those moments were like
00:51:18you haven't showered in 3 days you got like poop splashed up your leg sorry for me and I don't like that there's nowhere to put the dogs they're safe and just have like in the middle of the kitchen floor and cry because you know you're really actually had enough I remember having a shower that night actually like had to like negotiate with my husband saying like I need you to take care of time so I can have a shower and standing there in the shower I called hours are really amazing I've never appreciated how good shower ever taken
00:52:18and I like massage my scalp to help get like the days of caked-on II Men fossil puppy poop out of might like it was just it was amazing anyways like I said I needed and recharge and I also enjoy listening to my husband and this was the moment of that time for myself
00:52:48basic this is not like you know whatever like this is like literally hygiene hygiene and I had not been able to because I haven't taken care of someone else and having that moment stop and take care of myself I felt like I was able to the bathroom stuff that was going on and it was in that moment that I realized
00:53:16because I don't have children I'm not an activist I'm not there's nothing else I mean yes I am it made me realize that because I don't have something else that I have to care for all of the time makes up most of my existence
00:53:38I personally don't have a cream on the terms health care I'm not saying that that's true for anybody else but that was going to be realizing that that was funny you should say that actually because I was so overwhelmed and alone especially when my kid was a newborn and I talked about this before where we've had that moment where we're just curled up in the bathtub like crying just to escape for a little bit so relieving and everything but the thing is like looking back at everything
00:54:25this last year has been so much harder than my kids first year of life
00:54:32and what's worse is you don't have tangible things to just list out as like this is why it's been so hard for me you know you can't just say like oh yeah and everybody likes support you in any TV to feel like there's other people out there who can relate kind of thing you know where is this last year it's just been one of those like fishing you're just worn down from every angle kind of thing and it's hard to describe but it's still real and it affects you a lot you know and I asked you and can't load with different experiences that I think are similar realization like you both kind of talked to those times when a small act like that feels really good when you're in the midst of extreme stress or depression or other problems it's not that
00:55:32you take the shower or bath and you go away or what's going on but it's more like when you're so overwhelmed by all the things around you this one action snaps you back into yourself and kind of reminds you that you're yourself like you're not running away or escaping it's more like that you are more than the sum of all the stuff that's like yeah definitely this was a few years ago and my kid was still way too basically couldn't moves like I can stand or sit or walk without just being hormonal and is trying to take care of my kid and I was working I work at work from home for the last 2 years but I'm pretty much always either been solar primary Breadwinner and if so I always worry and it's always the things that I have to do and it was so difficult and I just felt like I was drowning the whole week like I would just cry
00:56:32however of the shower if it was just washing my face and doing my senior night and it was just like a thing of snap me back into myself it was going on it didn't magically go away but it just reminded me like I myself and I'm still here and it still matters and that's like that was a turning point yes I think that's the difference between treating ourselves and taking care of yourself like one thing you're getting stuff and the other is just reminding yourself that you're still you and you still have control underneath all that stuff yes yes definitely I think for me it was it was a shower and it was just a reminder that whatever I feel emotionally I am still a person and I still need things like basic hygiene I'm still here yes yeah like I'm not just this person's food source and diaper changer The Singing Machine
00:57:32yeah it definitely get to the point where you're so wrapped up in all of the external super super super drain and sometimes there's no way to kill yourself back up unless you remember that you're here shower of South Carolina it was legitimately self Kara was the fact that I really don't get it because I don't have children take care of and just kind of respect for the people who you have that in my determination to respectfully back away from that term I feel like that's going to be important stuff like the personal evaluation and recognizing
00:58:32if you do need self care in your life like are you in a situation where you are constantly taking care of others to stop and take that for us to have that shot her to care for your basic hygiene and not get caught up with maybe even like rejected because it's just because McDonald's is doing some coffee campaign you're thinking about making is this something that I want to do is this something that would feel the way it's supposed to for me or is this something that I'm being told is what I should know which basically boils down to is this something that I'm being told I should buy because buying it will make me feel good as theirs you know those are two very different things you can take care of yourself quite well without buying
00:59:32most cases and sometimes it seems that you buy Champion seen that takes care of yourself it has to be for you if you have to eat in yourself and have to understand if you're being sold something or if you're making that choice it seems like software is a topic that's really not going away it was handled pretty thoughtful in the wake of the 2016 election it is come back in ways that are equally thoughtful and sometimes not really super reported super well-researched we aren't stopping our discussion about self-care it's actually kind of growing and becoming more mainstream overtime we see this all of her social media hashtags Facebook groups and so it seems like a more thoughtful discussion is needed and so the point of this episode was actually too kind of watch among just regular folks like us a more nuanced discussion of what we're doing we're buying Beauty Pro
01:00:32so we hope that as you buy things you take your bath some Philly you take the shower when you're covered in poop back to this and have think about how to describe what you're doing fits into the larger picture of your psychological and physical house so we just trying to to open up discussion and we hope that you include us actually on social media when you talk so you can actually I'm tagged us on Twitter at the snail cast and an Instagram at the snail cast you can catch us on email at asks milk at gmail.com and then he'll take us individually I'm posting things so we're hoping to to actually not sure but to to contribute to
01:01:32except for McDonald's in the episode knows all of our episode notes for how to link the same so if you're listening in your wondering what website is it or make suggestions for future episodes we are back for 2018 we've been away for a bit but we are 17 but yeah we did I say that we're back 2017-2018 if you survived however you did it however you did it like you're here you're back to the fight glad to be with you thanks for listening
01:02:32which was actually I was overextending myself is not stretching myself I had to accept how difficult it is to monitor the difference and this is audre Lorde Jazz she's battling cancer can coming to these realizations that are so powerful and that are now being co-opted but yeah so it's a really important difference what does that mean to you like how did you interpret that for me to do something
01:03:32casually at 2 a.m. in the morning and then I'm going to go on for a while to go on and then I'm running on fumes yeah it's going to be really hard to grow as people while under so much stress and you know it the stress of parenting of active is all that that's already hard but it seems like everyone just really got kind of wiped out in 2017 and so it's important to make that distinction that talks about between overextension which is often glorified and yes I took the CEO and then actually growing and
01:04:32understanding so that you don't get towards the end of your life and look back and think like what the fuck if I've been thinking about and so this is definitely part of that that Journey reading people like Lord and gaining understanding here here and I think that's a perfect City from Fifty Shades of snail from dancer recipe from Snow White and Asian pear

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