The original title was going to be Tarquin and the Roman Republic, but I'm saving that in case I ever start a synthpop group.

But anyways, it really is the Roman Republic! We made it, although in all fairness it's not quite the Republic just yet. Not while Mr. I-have-terrible-anger-management-issues is still stomping around!

United States


00:00:06welcome back to the podcast history of our world
00:00:19chapter 72 tarquins and Republicans
00:00:26it is about Rome henceforth free that I am to write the history for civil Administration and the conduct of her Wars her annual the elected magistrates the authority of her laws Supreme overall her citizens so live it begins Book 2 of odd or bacon Dita his history of the Eternal City Rome is finally free of the cruel rulership one guy with a lot of power and a bunch of Rich guys with slightly less power Rejoice that Rome shall now be ruled by two guys with a fair amount of power and a bunch of Rich guys with a lot more power the Roman Republic that Libby was writing so wistfully about traditionally sites 509 BC as the year of inception know truthfully it's not quite a true Republic just yet this transitional government seems to be making up the rules as it goes along which makes sense seeing is none of it was exactly planned this is all fine and dandy but none of it will matter so long as the
00:01:26great Boogeyman of Rome tarquinius the overly fond of himself still lives a guy like him willing to do anything to get power refer to the caber tossing father-in-law incident when he's not going to just Mosey on off into the sunset especially since all this stuff is still in Rome and it's been confiscated even the Royal grainfields his personal Whole Foods was dug up and simply chucked into the Tiber the new leaders of rum figured this would be a great visual depiction for rejecting the monarchy is surprisingly the message was somehow lost on The Hungry masses would have been more receptive with some kind of red based metaphor grumbling tummies are as much a problem as grumbling egos name of those of The Young and the rich little backstory tarquinius had sent ambassadors to Rome while he was in Exile in the hopes of becoming King again and failing that getting all his stuff back The Unofficial record states that the entire Senate gave a great big dub
00:02:26salute of the digitus impudicus which historian summarized as a vote of May right when I took Plan B and something more underhanded the Senate could not be swayed after all what could the ambassador's offer at these men don't already have the power money status check check and check what are the sons and nephews of the Senators many he rushed promises but if they were to remove the new consoles and help restore tarquinius to the throne why great rewards could be there's power wealth status which state can have already all but it'll be so much more and faster and so a plan is set in motion on a certain night these conspirators would meet with the ambassador's at the home of two nephews of Lucius tarquinius call a Titus husband to the deceased Lucretia and one of the two consoles his nephews were most certainly in on this
00:03:26as were two sons of the other console Lucius Junius Brutus their reasons for all this are unknown much like why out of anywhere in all of Rome they chose to meet in a well-known location instead of the usual secret backroom places the sort of meetings happening who can say but I house slave overheard their seditious talk and ran to alert a local Patrician Publius Belarus Belarus was there when lucretius death spark the Revolution was known for being a friend to the lower classes after promising to keep the slave safe he heads out to the house with the band of armed Associates expecting a rumble oddly enough the house was empty the boys must have stepped out for a bit that's about par for the course for these Rebel Without a clue because additionally they also left incriminating letters from the ambassador's out in the open eventually they returned home and were overtaken by valeriya some friends the conspirators were dragged through the Forum up to the Senate house by their roads
00:04:26and by that I mean their robes were rap like nooses around their necks so they could literally be dragged in front of an emergency session of the Senate I ask you now to picture Brutus seeing his two sons treated like this and learning of their trees and all at once the boys were asked if they deny the charges and to give some small inkling as to why they would possibly do this and yet all they did was quietly weep so what to do on one hand here are a group of Traders corrupted by an exile Tyrant to murder the current rulers of Rome overthrow the fledgling government and restore this dictator to power on the other hand their family which should be enough of an argument the punishment for treason is Ultimate and set in stone to spare them would show that eating in this new Republic laws once again don't apply to the rich but they're your sons the final decision is made by Brutus and the law must be upheld is Sons would be tortured and then executed in full
00:05:26view of the public right after the Senate convenes actually there brought back into the form so all would know the fate of rooms enemies even those within her walls Witnesses differ in their accounts brutus's reaction to all this some say that he cried out while his sons were being scourged but remained calm and still during their beheading others say Brutus remained emotionally cold throughout the ordeal don't seem to agree that he never once looked away or excused himself and that in the end is viewed as a paragon of stoicism by Roman historians at least Greek historians think this is all sorts of seriously messed up and suddenly remind their readers of the age-old maxim nice Romans are crazy
00:06:09regardless of what the right decision was Brutus expected solidarity from his Co console call a Titus and that the man would issue the same sentence on his nephews after all roll needs to see you today between it's too late otherwise it's one person calling the shots and getting away from that is kind of the point here call a Titus reminds Brutus that he couldn't agree more and that is co-counsel he has equal Authority the sea can make his own separate decisions and his nephews should go free but seeing their Chums heads lopped off probably set them straight you know and he's right on both accounts but none of that really matters to a guy who was willing to accept his son silence as an admission of guilt Brutus value of the future of his City about the lives of his own flesh and blood that was a zombie damned grimly tells call the tiniest not while I am alive shall you be able to free those who are traitors to their country sounds like a threat Mohela political thread the Senate is called and Brutus on
00:07:09is his oratorical assault I could wish citizens as my colleague here held the same sentiments as I do and everything and that he showed his hatred and animosity towards the tyrants not by his words only but by his actions as well but since it has become clear to me that his sentiments are the opposite of my own and since he is related to the tarquini I considering his private Advantage instead of the public good I have made my own preparations to prevent him from carrying out the mischievous designs he has in mind this wasn't she the cousin of the exiled King that shouldn't matter after what happened to his wife was he not at the Forefront of the Revolution how could he get elected console if you didn't have the support of the people and the Senate well he tries to make his case but Brutus was a better speaker and a better politician the two kind of exchange monologues back and forth but right off the bat Brutus is already planted out in his audience
00:08:09call the time it doesn't hate the tarquins the way a true Roman does and that's because he practically is a dark one and yes let's give over the ever so Minor Detail that Brutus himself is also kind of related to the royal family of Brutus has successfully painted him as a wolf in sheep's clothing eventually it's his father-in-law spurious lucretius precipitousness who employs color Tinus to step down and leave wrong with his honor intact for the greater good in all with some protest he agrees but not before reminding all that is only crime was showing compassion towards his Kinsmen he's giving a retirement package and sent to dwell and lavinium however the consummate politician Brutus loudly Applause this action has can call the tiniest not to resent either him or the senate for everything that's gone down and don't look at this as a banishment from Rome but to
00:09:09consider his change of residence as a sojourn up Rod the Dual console ship experiment already had its first casualty and Brutus was now technically sole ruler of rum maybe that was the whole plan all along put up with color Tinus until he slips up and then assume total power of the city maybe but he's a member of the Junie I family not the Julie I am being King was never in the plan so they can console seat is quickly filled by the man responsible for uncovering the conspiracy in the first place probably is full Arius it still 509 BC by the way I'm all of this drama was happening the villain of our story dark wynia Superbus has given up getting his job back the easy way now he's wrangling up military support from the Etruscan although only two cities VI intercooler agree to help out of forest on Rome's northern border tarquinius brings his allies to confront the Roman army led by Brutus in the first
00:10:09Battle of this sort of Roman Republic rum is Victorious but not without a heavy cost Brutus is slain after taking out one of her Kunis's Sons a glorious Roman death to be sure course that also means another bacon console seat and I know what you're thinking there's already a man who's perfect for it he's a veteran politician as hands-on experience with a job and was a leader of the Revolution yep let's all say his name together now spurious lucretius precipitousness no just rolls off the tongue the Elder Statesman and father of Lucrezia was tap to bring wisdom and gravitas to the office yes he'd go down in the history books as a pillar of society or he would have if he hadn't died a few days after the appointment so one more time and still 509 BC mind U console number 5 is Marcus Aurelius volvulus another leader of the Revolution there's no record of him hiring every auger and soothsayer in Rome to approve the office wasn't cursed but I have to imagine some
00:11:09the Ensign gave him the all-clear I suppose a positive take on the year of the five consoles is that each transition occurred peacefully in battle there's no attempted coup news no wouldn't it be easier if I was the only one in charge it all went about rather seamlessly which is good for Rome bad for tarquinius who is grown further desperate in his attempts the cities of the aliens are coming over little fish in the Etruscan League now it's time for something bigger like a tuna or a Marlin or something this would be the wealthy city of kusum modern-day QC and it's King Lars porsena the man had a reputation for military genius that is kingdom was powerful employing his forces men tarquinius was out of options should porcina be Victorious and install tarquinius to the throne before returning home for the air entire it might be less a king and more client ruler and that's of course if porcina leaves. Desperate times call for
00:12:09Desperate Measures news of invasion reached Rome as rumors spread over what he would do to the city the public panic at the thought this in turn led to panic in the Senate over what the people were planning to do to the Senators see for all there talk of a liberated Rome the lower classes were still kept on a tight leash by a fearful upper-class there's a lot more of them than us so the thought wet but should they one day realize this Jupiter help us all with a very real crisis looming this might push the people into open Rebellion so in order to prevent of fear induced Uprising the Senate passes a series of public mollification acts that include exempting the poor from a new war tax and nationalizing the salt industry season Private Business sounds kind of dictator e-mail that was ramping price gouging happening with this crucial commodity the Senate felt they had no choice
00:13:05it's 508 but year later the forces of Lars porsena or expected any day now in the city is in lockdown with citizens from the countryside seeking Refuge within a Rome's walls the city was well-protected on all sides although if there was a weak point more of a X-Wing shoot here point that would be a wooden bridge over the Tiber River connecting to a Gateway this is where the Etruscans chose to attack and roams Defenders did not last long soldiers bro pranked and ran towards the city all seems lost except for the legendary heroism of a soldier named erase The Story Goes that emits the den in panic he told the two remaining officers to run to the other side of the bridge and start dismantling it he would buy them time but they start chopping away at the ropes and wouldn't support while Horatio's fight song almost as if possessed by the very Spirit of Mars himself once the bridge was on the verge of collapse his men shout for him to run across but horatius wouldn't hear it he's staying in
00:14:05bridge is completely destroyed keeping in mind that the Etruscans and stop trying to engagement hand to hand combat and I switched over to missile attacks pepper in the lone soldier with arrows and javelins the bridge finally collapses I couldn't come fast enough horatius was feeding from his wounds spirit is but being the most Grievous still the guy drove into the river and swam to Safety in full armor against a strong current mind you hurry she survives and later on a grateful City build a statue to him they give him a large land grant and put him on a permanent pension all his meals were covered for life is physical disabilities following the Battle might prevent him from working his new land but Rome would not forget someone who gave so much in her defense all right that's all great and inspiring but they haven't left in fact they're settling in for a nice long Siege of the city the weeks pass in 2 months and with Food Supplies running low and the public on the brink of starvation a peace treaty is signed
00:15:05Christina goes home glory to Rome not buying uh what you think of Roman historians would just gloss over stuff okay well some accounts state that a young Roman Nobles snuck into the Etruscans Camp to assassinate for Santa only problem is he didn't know what we're saying I look like and assume that a big guy wearing a purple robe surrounded by soldiers was the king nope nope we're staying at the accountant who was in the middle of giving out paychecks the Roman is grabbed and drag before the real king who listens to the kid give a whole monologue about being one of hundreds of would-be assassin blah blah blah strike me down and I will become more powerful than you can imagine what we're saying is so impressed with his foot so that he calls off the whole Siege of Rome the end and this may very well have taken place before the missing part of the puzzle here we turn to a non Roman historian are old friend Dionysus of halicarnassus who writes after their departure the Roman senate
00:16:05ready to send porcina Hut Throne of ivory acceptor a crown of gold and a triumphal robe which is been the Insignia of the Kings shirt for Santa might have been concerned as an entire Army of Assassins was after him better stay away from Haystacks or that there really wasn't a need to continue with the war for the most likely reason here is that he was absolutely bought off now you can also find some research to suggest that the Roman gift didn't accompany a peace treaty rather it's a token of submission for saying it does exactly what tarquinius was afraid of and decided to stick around after his victory this would have been a short occupation though and regardless of which version is correct the Etruscan Army splits off to a tackle Latin City south of Rome is defeated by local forces has to return back to clusion their losses Rams game has a year later porcina tries one more time to put tarquinius on the throne only with diplomacy
00:17:05after being politely told to knock it off by Roman ambassadors for saying it actually drops the whole thing and tells tarquinius who's been a guest it is Court to hit the road a treaty of friendship is to clear between the two cities accompanied by the return of some Roman hostages to boot as for our miserable Macbeth tarquinius my bad things come in threes don't they at some point in the early 490 BCE makes one more attempt at the throne I know I'm getting tired of him too he's giving up on the Etruscans and it's after Coalition of Latin tribes to get him the victory he owes so deserves out this time Rome was already in the militaristic kind of mood there like a most of the time but is specially so right now has they had recently been dealing with some young save on guys who thought it would be funny to abduct some Roman women you know like what happened like two centuries ago yeah because the Romans are famous for their sense of humor right yeah war is declared although there isn't any actual fighting
00:18:05and that may have to do with C line fear over Rome announcing a new political position called the Magister populi Master of the Infantry on paper that is it'll soon be called by the more familiar title of dictator the Roman dictator is very different from the modern sense of the word much like the Greek version of tyrant this is a government-appointed position with a term limit of 6 months the idea what this is that one guy essentially gets carte blanche to do whatever is necessary to respond to an extraordinary threat facing Rome sometimes the dictator was one of the co consoles sometimes the threat wasn't militaristic mother most of the time it was and whatever the dictator felt was necessary to do to a container crush the threat well it would get done without worrying about what the laws say why this new position was created is unclear but it will be used with some frequency throughout the republics history for now all is pus Geniuses name dick
00:19:05and leads his forces for what they hope will be the final confrontation with the X King who can't take no for an answer the Battle of Lake Ridge Alice is a ReSound in Victory for Rome and tarquinius finally finally stops trying and most likely in 495 BC dies and Q me the only city that would still take him in that's with his passing Rome officially is done with the kingship Hail to the King baby
00:19:34at the start of the 5th Century BC the new Republic had successfully held fast against these early threats rival Latin cities were quiet mostly the same for the Etruscans and Rome even attracted the attention of the Mediterranean Ferengi themselves Carthage 509 BC is the date of their first treaty which established friendship between the two Nations and sorrow exaggerated a little bit about the extent of their territory of course that's not to say everything was Rosie far from it as a rule of thumb anytime in Roman history maybe in all of history but especially in Roman history when the upper classes feel like things couldn't be any better and ugly truth rears its head the plebs are revolting which for the time. Could literally be true bathing as a cultural pass time probably isn't widespread yet but the plans are reaching a Breaking Point military veterans are being imprisoned and tortured over unpaid debts families are losing NC
00:20:34trulance to loan sharks and even with this new representative government there is no true voice of a common Roman all of these ingredients can make for a pretty explosive stew oh but why stop there Attalla tribes Beyond Rome helps a capitalized and all this civil unrest and stop the city before it's too much to handle Greek Syracuse defeats an Etruscan Fleet around 474 might be a good thing for Rome as the Etruscans have been more enemies than friends but that just means one more rival to keep an eye on and perhaps the most troubling of all the sticking with the Etruscans for a moment comes towards the end of the 5th Century emits their diminishing influence in the region the truck and ambassadors arrive with grim news from the North Avenue and alien Threat all ready to land near the Alps has been conquered and settled by people with bizarre and Savage Customs their men grow their hair and beards long sometimes in braids they clean themselves
00:21:34using a mixture of Ash and animal fat called sapo baby soap it's hard to tell what they're crazy language but worst of all if the stories are to be believed is that one of these Brew are real Titan of a man with red hair cut an insatiable appetite he defeated an entire Army by himself collecting their helmet does gruesome trophies of War sounds like just another day in Rome and I will all be explained next time on the podcast history of our world

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