Full Transcript for 5th Step To Wisdom: Deny Yourself | TPMS-Episode 15

way of saying, being able to put off ⁓ what own desires are, what your own passions are, be able to put those to the side and be in following the commandments of So this really applies to anything in life, my friend. And so, you know, I know with your faith in Christ, I know that this is something that'll be a blessing and benefits you to hear this. But really if, for others out there that you may interact with, it really doesn't matter if they believe in the Old Testament or New Testament or if they're a believer in Christ or not. There's a tremendous truth here and there's natural laws that we're all governed by. And those natural laws require us as a human being for us to be disciplined, for us to exercise self-restraint, for us to be temperate individuals and to deny ourselves of certain things that would actually hurt us or corrupt us and keep us from being our best selves, being godly, from being Christ-like. So let's think about this also from the moment of what's the fruit or what's the results of denying ourselves so that we can learn wisdom. So let's go through this. I just have a list here. So the first one, let's talk about increased freedom. That's one of the outcomes or results of denying yourself is you have more freedom, which this is kind of an interesting one because a lot of times people think ⁓ when they don't get to do what they want to do, ⁓ feel like it's hampering their freedom or restricting their freedom. When the reality is if you're doing something that's not good for yourself, you're actually restricting your freedom. Now, if you're withholding something that's good from yourself, something, for example, like eating vegetables complimenting someone who has done a good job in their work, those can all be very virtuous things. And we shouldn't hold back from those things, But when something could be harmful to who we are as a person, it could be mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically, when we hold back on those things, we actually develop a discipline and a strength and a power in our lives because we do that. ⁓ that increases our freedom. It gives us more options for the future. And as we go further along here, I'll ⁓ of explain what I mean by that in more detail. Also, you just avoid negative consequences in life. you do what's best for yourself and you deny yourself of things that aren't good for yourself, in denying yourself, you actually eliminate the threat of having negative consequences in your life. So for example, if you live in your marriage in such a way that you always respect that marriage covenant or that marriage promise that you've made with your spouse, then you don't have to worry about the negative consequences of divorce. You don't have to worry about the negative consequences of having a child out of a wedlock, or you don't have to worry about the negative consequences of having a spouse who's not happy with the marriage arrangement. You just avoid all that stuff altogether. And it's awesome. It's great. It's the best way to live. And the next thing on here that I've got that I've been thinking about is When we deny ourselves, actually, we're actually creating this very solid integrity within our, our character. So our character, who we are, just has this very strong, it's just very well composed character that allows us to continually make better and better decisions as we go through life. And it becomes easier and easier for us to make good choices because we have that integrity in our character because we've made good choices in the past just keeps astronomically going up, exponentially increasing our character ⁓ and our likelihood of wise choices in the future. Now it's interesting, we go back to Luke chapter nine, verse 25, Christ actually says another thing in relation to this. says, so this is verse 25 of chapter nine. He says, for what a man is advantaged if he gained the whole world and lose himself or be cast away. So Christ is basically, he's saying, You can pursue the things of the world. You can pursue all the vice and all the lust and all the passions of the flesh. And you can acquire great wealth, great fame, great power, whatever it is, right? Whatever it is that people lust after. You can have all of those things. But if you haven't learned how to manage yourself, if you haven't learned how to control yourself, then what are you worth? Are you worth anything? Not really. That self-control is everything. That self-mastery is everything. To be able to be in control, to make the right decision every time is so critical. And honestly, that's one of the major flaws of, look through leaders throughout the history of the world, is that because they are leaders, they're in a position to amass all of this stuff and in their lives, whatever it is that they desire, could be material possessions like buildings, ⁓ it could be armies, or it could be wives. Maybe they want to have a lot of wives or concubines, ⁓ maybe they want to have ⁓ lot of fame and they ⁓ a lot of books written about them. The list goes on and on. ⁓ Different different times have wanted all sorts of different things, and they exercise what we call unrighteous dominion to get those things into their lives. And even for good leaders who do the right things, they're oftentimes in a position where they do amass a lot of things, a lot of wealth, even if it's justly obtained. And they still have to learn to manage themselves well and be disciplined with what they've been given and exercise self-restraint so it doesn't corrupt them. I'll throw this in here. One of the saddest stories in the Bible is that of Solomon. So Solomon had everything and he was extremely wise, one of the wisest men on the planet. But his wisdom turned to foolishness when he stopped following the commandments of God and he indulged in the flesh, in the lust of the flesh. And so his wisdom turned to foolishness and God stopped blessing him towards the end of his life. So he started off

just a really amazing life, really amazing person, really amazing leader. People came from all over to hear his wisdom. And then all that fame and that glory, and he just started doing things his own way instead of doing it the way God wanted him to do it. And it led to his downfall. He stopped denying himself of these privileges and it corrupted him over time. his he brought in wives from different nations whom was hoping to form alliances with and his wives They came from all different backgrounds and they really split his ability to make good choices to deny So if we think about this, ⁓ we think about this in more of modern context now, we've given some examples from the Old and New Testament. What are some examples in our lives, in your life specifically where we might need to deny ourselves? ⁓ So I think a big one here, especially in America is food. Like food, we overindulge in food all the time as Americans. In fact, you if you go drive through any downtown area in the United States, you'll see plenty of restaurants and these restaurants are all designed to indulge people in food and overeating or eating the wrong types of foods is very common in America. Obesity and being overweight in America is a very common issue. that's something where, we would benefit from delayed gratification, right? If we say, know, I'm not gonna eat that extra dessert, or I'm not gonna eat that fast food, or I'm only gonna eat what my body needs, or I'm gonna eat the right kind of food, and I'm gonna not eat these other foods. I'm gonna deny myself of these other foods so that I can be healthy, I can be vibrant, I can sleep well at night, so I can exercise with strength, and I can stay awake at work and perform well my responsibilities at work, and that's giving you freedom. when you deny yourself of those food pleasures that you might otherwise indulge in. This can be for drink too. A lot of people indulge in different drinks that really aren't really good and healthy for the body. Alcohol being one of the big ones, coffee, energy drinks. There's a lot of different things that people put in their bodies that actually hurt the body and actually prevent the body from functioning at its best and actually altering the way your brain is working. in the way your nervous system works and other functions of your body. And that's really not good because you're losing control. Another one that I think is huge, my friend, ⁓ ⁓ appetites, like not having control over those sexual desires. That's a huge one here in America. Sometimes it can be gift giving. Sometimes we're too excessive in our gift giving. Sometimes it may be travel. We might be out traveling when we should be at home doing work with our families or when we should be saving money for our emergency fund or something like that. Maybe it's vacationing, maybe it's taking really lavish vacations when really we're not in a position financially to do so. It may be just neglecting responsibilities home when you're out on vacation. It could be that too. There can be lot of different scenarios here. Material possessions are a big one. ⁓ live in a time in the history of the world where materialism has become its own religion and people worship the material things that they have ⁓ they use it to substitute for ⁓ relationships even or anything that's meaningful or brings real fulfillment to them. And so ⁓ it's denying yourself ⁓ that new car or that new boat or that new house, know, whatever it is, right? That's holding you back. Maybe you spend a lot of money on sporting goods and really you should probably spend more time with your children or spending money on your children and helping them with their education, you know, whatever it is, there could be a hundred different scenarios. But for you specifically, I just, want you to think about like how this might apply for you. Like what is it specifically in your life? that's holding you back. You ⁓ some people love mountain biking. So sometimes it's coveting the latest mountain bike that came out. Are you gonna drop 5,000 bucks on that bike when you have medical bills that are coming up for a family member and you really should help with those. Whatever is, denying yourself to be able to serve and lift others. ⁓ Maybe you're business owner, you're starting your new business ⁓ and there's piece of equipment that you want for your business. and you don't have the funds for it fully. And instead of getting a lesser grade of equipment and just starting your business with that, you take out a loan to get the nicer equipment. all of sudden you've created this burden of extra payments ⁓ you don't have the freedom of being able to save money that you otherwise are giving away to a bank. and it's crimping your ability to grow the business and expand it because of that heavy burden that extra equipment has on your business. So another way to think about this would be, in situation where you have children, think what it that you'd wanna teach your children? And really as a parent, you see the wisdom, ⁓ you love child or children and you want them deny themselves because you know that it'll help them to accomplish great things that help them be successful. So here's just a few thoughts on what you could do to teach your children that would help them and bless their lives. And the one thing I will preface this with some of the things that I'm listing here, they're gonna seem like things that aren't important. And I know this might be difficult for you because you've been taught different things about this by the world and by those around you and even in your own family. But these things are very fundamental and very important to people's success. ⁓ And when they deny themselves of these things, it leads to other successes in other parts of their lives. So just kind of keep that in mind as I go through these. So the first thing, if you were to teach your children would be to teach them to guard their chastity or to live a

chase life. And what does that mean? Well, that means to keep yourself sexually pure and clean to not engage in any sin. Now this is a difficult one for people living in America because that's one of those areas where, we've quoted from the Old Testament or we've talked about Solomon in the Old Testament. And one of the commandments in the Old Testament is to ⁓ not fornication or adultery, but that's ⁓ something very common in America today. And it actually holds a lot of people back from developing true wisdom ⁓ by in that type of lifestyle. Now there's an interesting story told by Stephen R. Covey that's, I think is just very profound. And I'm just gonna relate that here ⁓ briefly. So R. was in, he was a consultant, business consultant in ⁓ with a, was actually a financial institution, a bank. ⁓ And the CEO had a lot of success in his bank and had grown it. but things were starting to falter and the business wasn't doing well and he couldn't quite pinpoint what was happening. Why was the bank not being successful? And so he had Stephen R. Covey come in and check things out. So Stephen R. Covey actually went around and he started interviewing different people and of course he started with the CEO, but he started interviewing different people in the organization. had free reign to go through the company and talk with people. And he said it was kind of interesting that when he talked with people, he said, After a while, he noticed a lot of people were hesitant about sharing things with him and he could tell they all wanted to tell him something, but then they would never tell him what it was. So he was like, something's going on here. Something's definitely, there's definitely something on here, but we've got to drill down deeper to find out what it is. And he says, people just kept giving him these superficial answers. And he knew that those weren't the correct answers based on what he had known about the company and its progress and success in the past. And so finally, he just started asking people, like, you're not telling me something like what's going on, like what's really bothering you here about this situation at the bank. And then he finally said, one person spoke up and said, well, everybody knows. And he says, well, what? What is it that everybody knows? He says, well, the CEO is having a sexual relationship or having an affair with another employee in our office. And... after Stephen R. Covey went around and he kind of talked with everyone again, they all agreed that this was a problem that was very concerning to them. And why was it a problem? Well, there's actually a number of reasons why. But one of the key ones is that these employees, they had trusted their CEO and their leader and he was teaching them and telling them to be disciplined about how they went about their lives. And yet the CEO was demonstrating by having an affair with someone else in the office that he wasn't being disciplined in his own life and with his own integrity and he wasn't upholding the standard. And so that was hurting everyone else's trust in the CEO and where the CEO wasn't willing to deny himself of this pleasure. And everyone in the office knew that this CEO was married. And so he was not only not showing discipline in the office, but he was also being unfaithful to his wife and untrue the covenant or the promise that he'd made with his wife. And so Stephen R. Covey, once this came out, he knew exactly what he had to do. So he actually went and met with the CEO and said, hey, I know what's wrong now with your organization. And the CEO was like, okay, great. This will be fantastic. And he says, you are having a sexual relationship with someone else in the office and everybody else in the office knows that and they don't trust you now because of that. And the CEO was totally taken back by this and he was totally surprised. And why would he be surprised? Well, a lot of times we think we can do things without people knowing about it. And also this isn't something that's related to business function, right? So he thought this was a personal issue, but really this was a trust integrity issue because he wasn't denying himself. And everyone was picking up on that and it was just absolutely causing morale in the organization to crumble. And so at first the CEO was kind of denying this was being a problem. And Steven him says, no, this is something you need to change. You're not holding yourself up with integrity you're holding yourself up with integrity in your marriage relationship. You're not holding yourself up as the leader of this company because of this false relationship that you have. And so you have to change this. The right thing to do would be to apologize to your employees and end this relationship with this other employee and then to go your wife and tell her what you've been doing and apologize to her. And that's when you'll get your integrity back. And that's when, as you deny yourself, you'll start regaining control of your business again. So super, super important lesson here for that CEO from Steven R. Covey. And I just think that's so profound that our personal integrity affects everything else that we do. Our personal willingness to exercise self-restraint and to ourselves impacts everything else around us. And it's fundamental to our wisdom. And of course, ⁓ know, in this situation with the CEO, know, no, no one wants to be a hypocrite, right? And, but that's what he was. He was being a hypocrite and everyone was picking up on the fact that he was hypocritical. And so it's hard to be a wise person when you're being a hypocrite, right? They just, they're not compatible. You can't put them together. They're opposites. So really, America, this is that America needs to work on and really it's something everyone in the world needs to work on. But know, saving your virtue for your marriage exercising in sexual matters very important in our society and it's something that we just

don't do. And it's one of those things that really keeps us from being successful as a nation ⁓ and individually, it certainly us from being successful. The other things that I would teach your ⁓ ⁓ to just take responsibility for themselves. And they can do that by learning to work for and provide for their wants ⁓ also for their needs, right? So as they do that, they learn to take care of themselves and they learn to take care of others, So if they're going out working in business, they'll have to learn to take care of others in order to take care of themselves, when you're your child or when you go out to a living and take care of your needs, what you're actually doing taking on what we call a stewardship. So a stewardship is where you have responsibility over certain aspects of a business and you're expected to make sure that those get fulfilled every time, every day. And you're actually gratification when you go to work and you provide for yourself, because you're saying, I could be spending time doing all these other things or engaging in these other pleasures, but I'm gonna go to work and I'm gonna earn money or income to be able to provide for myself and provide for other people or provide for my child. ⁓ that just does something wonderful to ⁓ character and to our souls. It just lifts us and inspires us. And it gives us confidence and courage when we deny ourselves in that way. So those are some of the things that I would teach my child and things that you could teach your child that I think would be really helpful. I think thinking about it and framing it up in that way helps us to understand why it's important. So that's why I do it that way. Now really the whole message here is for you to be in control of your thoughts, your words and your actions. And of course I include myself in that, right? So I want to be in control of my thoughts, ⁓ words and my actions. There's nothing that's more important. Once you start losing control of that, for one thing it's scary, for another thing it's hard to be self-confident. It's hard to feel good about yourself when you're in that situation. ⁓ then oftentimes you have consequences to deal with that impacted other people. especially you in your right senses and that can just be a domino effect that can through your whole life and cause a whole bunch of unintended consequences. So denying yourself is really important that way. So don't ever let your lust, your passions, your vanity take over and control your decision-making ability. So You're the one that should be the master. You're the one that should be in control. And that's, you know, that's why I use the example of Jesus Christ, because he was always perfectly in control all the time. Like if you read through New Testament, you can see that he is in control in every situation. Even he's ⁓ being by the Romans, you can still, he's the one that's still in charge. He's the one that's in control. Like he had perfect. self-mastery and perfect self-control, perfect temperance, perfect self-restraint. And he's just, he's a perfect example of that. And because of that, he has all wisdom. really my friend, my for you today is that you have a to be your own master. And the way to do that is by denying yourself. ⁓ Avoid things will take away your control. I'm gonna give a few more examples here as we round things out. So, sometimes being able to the truth ⁓ and be. ⁓ not afraid to do that, but just have courage to speak the truth. I had an experience where I was in a work situation and I had one of our leaders, she me for a project ⁓ and says, I want Phillip to come on this team too. And then she says something that kind of caught me off guard. And she said it in front of everybody and I heard her say it. And she said, I know that Phillip will speak the truth. And That just kind of blew my mind. Cause I didn't know that she recognized that about me. And it was kind of revealing for myself too, that that's just kind of a personal policy that I have. And in the business world, it can be hard to speak the truth sometimes. And honestly haven't done it all the time perfectly and no one does, but you should do it enough so that everyone knows that they can trust you. ⁓ your goal should be to do it right every time and to tell the truth every time. and to be honest, and that's really important. And when people can trust you, your freedom expands so much, you can pretty much accomplish just about anything you need to, and it's a beautiful thing. You know, another thing where you can deny yourself is a lot of times we wanna criticize people, but instead of criticizing people, we should find ways to praise them and lift them up. we've mentioned this earlier, you know, have coworkers, I have that, I've worked with in the business world and I come work and I'm able to do two or three things in the morning before they even show up to work. And when they get to work, they're like, Phillip I can't even function until I have my coffee or my energy drink. Like, just give me a moment here, okay? And you know, they've lost some freedom because they require chemicals to... to an influence how they feel and how they act in the work that they're able to do. Whereas ⁓ don't have that burden, right? So of those things prevent people's freedom. Something else that's huge that I think, captures way too much of ⁓ our imaginations and way much of our hearts and way too much of our integrity is the entertainment we consume. ⁓ we consume way too much violence. Our entertainment today is so violent and so many people love violence in movies and it them from being their best person and from exercising wisdom and it destroys corrupts their ability to make good decisions. goes for pornography. Pornography is in of our entertainment. Most of our entertainment and it's easy to find everywhere. And so many people get sucked into it and it just takes the life out of them. And it's so pernicious. And when you deny yourself of pornography or anything related to it, you totally strength to be your own person, to make your own decisions and understand the difference between right and wrong and to be virtuous in your choices. And that's just priceless. Like you can't... ⁓ you just can't make that up any other way. You have to make the right choice. And that power that comes to you is phenomenal. so you just don't wanna engage in any of those things, cause it'll sap your virtue. It'll sap your power. And when you do engage in these things, ⁓ what you're doing is you're deferring responsibility for your own self and for others. And you don't want that, do you? And I don't want that for myself either. I wanna take responsibility for myself. and for others that I have stewardship for. There's, know, of course, most people, can't control what they do, right? And even those who I have stewardship for, I can't control what they do, but I can influence them and I can be a powerful force for good in their lives. And I wanna be in control. So I deny myself of those things that would prevent me from being in control that would allow me to be able to be a good steward over those who are in my stewardship. And of course, first and foremost, that... that comes back to me. I need to be in control of myself before I can control anything else and seek to help and bless the lives of others, right? My friend, I hope this episode has been beneficial for you. I hope something that I've said today has uplifted you, inspired you. And I hope you've been able to take a personal inventory as we've gone through this episode and you can think about what it is that you need to go back through and take more control of your life and deny yourself of certain things that may be holding you back. I've enjoyed our time together as always, ⁓ and we'll catch you on next episode. God bless.