Full Transcript for The Code Word 'Trauma' | Scott and LaRae's Guide to Healing from Trauma revisited

75 00:04:16.120 --> 00:04:18.189 And without even knowing that we're stuck, right? Yeah. 76 00:04:18.300 --> 00:04:22.180 Or not even being aware that there's something stuck. Right. 77 00:04:22.220 --> 00:04:24.660 So it's that awareness and it is like a season, 78 00:04:24.879 --> 00:04:28.110 you know, and, You become curious about it. So we've 79 00:04:28.149 --> 00:04:32.120 just had these really beautiful conversations lately because there are 80 00:04:32.160 --> 00:04:34.800 things that are coming up that's an invitation to see 81 00:04:34.839 --> 00:04:36.259 it differently. Yeah. 82 00:04:37.120 --> 00:04:40.560 The metaphor that makes sense to me that I like 83 00:04:40.600 --> 00:04:43.560 to look at is, you know, we've got this creation 84 00:04:43.839 --> 00:04:47.310 that we've come up with as humanity called the computer. 85 00:04:48.209 --> 00:04:53.250 And computers are really just a mirror reflection of who 86 00:04:53.269 --> 00:04:56.870 we are. It's just information, right? And that's what we are. 87 00:04:56.910 --> 00:05:00.430 And you put different kinds of software into a computer 88 00:05:00.449 --> 00:05:02.819 to have it do different kinds of things, and you 89 00:05:02.860 --> 00:05:06.220 get to determine what all of that is. But as 90 00:05:06.259 --> 00:05:11.579 human beings, our software gets downloaded and gets put into 91 00:05:11.680 --> 00:05:14.620 our operating system in the early years of our lives. 92 00:05:16.310 --> 00:05:19.310 And sometimes we're aware of it, and sometimes we're not 93 00:05:19.350 --> 00:05:22.689 aware of it. And we talk about it as, quote-unquote, 94 00:05:22.709 --> 00:05:27.089 like we just mentioned, childhood trauma. But it's also the 95 00:05:27.189 --> 00:05:30.350 culture of how you grew up, where you grew up, 96 00:05:30.470 --> 00:05:34.670 what kind of an environment you were in, whether it 97 00:05:35.410 --> 00:05:39.769 had religion as part of it, what political party was there, 98 00:05:40.290 --> 00:05:42.430 whether you lived in the city or the country, or 99 00:05:42.490 --> 00:05:45.209 whether you lived in the desert or the mountains. All 100 00:05:45.230 --> 00:05:47.550 of those things are kind of the software programs that 101 00:05:47.610 --> 00:05:51.949 determine our perspective of how we're going to view life 102 00:05:53.149 --> 00:05:57.740 through that software. program which downloaded in the beginning. 103 00:05:57.720 --> 00:06:02.500 Right and even within a family you know we both 104 00:06:02.540 --> 00:06:07.139 come from large families so we'll talk but that we've 105 00:06:07.560 --> 00:06:10.660 you know we really understand that no one experiences childhood 106 00:06:10.680 --> 00:06:13.100 the same even though you're all raised by the same 107 00:06:13.139 --> 00:06:16.560 parents and in the same home everyone's experience is very 108 00:06:16.620 --> 00:06:21.500 different there's a lot of external factors you know the 109 00:06:21.939 --> 00:06:24.310 which number of child you are when you come into 110 00:06:24.319 --> 00:06:27.129 the family the economics of the family, the age of 111 00:06:27.170 --> 00:06:30.560 the parents, the age of the siblings, the circumstances that's 112 00:06:30.600 --> 00:06:34.480 happening in that time, your personality, there's just a lot 113 00:06:34.519 --> 00:06:40.100 of factors that really attribute that no two children raised 114 00:06:40.160 --> 00:06:43.850 in the same family have the same childhood. And so 115 00:06:43.910 --> 00:06:46.589 it's not to make anything right or wrong, your experience 116 00:06:46.629 --> 00:06:50.269 better than my experience. It's just to acknowledge that those 117 00:06:50.329 --> 00:06:53.629 experiences are different for a reason. And the reason is 118 00:06:53.670 --> 00:06:57.560 because of you. Right. You're the one that's translating the 119 00:06:57.639 --> 00:07:00.600 events and the experiences in the family, and you're the 120 00:07:00.660 --> 00:07:05.720 one that's giving meaning to those. And so that meaning, 121 00:07:06.879 --> 00:07:13.410 trauma is really, we can have traumatic events, but trauma 122 00:07:13.470 --> 00:07:16.410 is not the event as much as it is the 123 00:07:16.649 --> 00:07:20.149 experience or the result of how you dealt with that 124 00:07:20.209 --> 00:07:20.850 external event. 125 00:07:20.870 --> 00:07:21.680 Your reaction to it. 126 00:07:21.730 --> 00:07:23.829 What you made meaning for it and what happened in 127 00:07:23.870 --> 00:07:27.060 the body. So there can be a lot of somatic 128 00:07:28.519 --> 00:07:33.670 depth to it and that's where it feels stuck because 129 00:07:34.129 --> 00:07:36.490 there's a lot of experience and experience is more of 130 00:07:36.529 --> 00:07:40.889 a somatic, right? That feeling, that feeling is more of 131 00:07:40.930 --> 00:07:44.170 a somatic experience in your body rather than an intellectual 132 00:07:44.209 --> 00:07:47.029 experience that you have to process through your feelings or 133 00:07:47.069 --> 00:07:50.449 through your thinking. You have to process it through your 134 00:07:50.470 --> 00:07:52.569 feeling and we, we stuff those feelings. 135 00:07:53.620 --> 00:07:55.439 I think for a lot of years, I don't ever 136 00:07:55.519 --> 00:07:59.699 remember anything like this being taught to me that it 137 00:07:59.740 --> 00:08:02.920 was stuck somewhere in my body in a somatic way. 138 00:08:03.480 --> 00:08:06.350 It was always in my head somewhere. It was stored 139 00:08:06.430 --> 00:08:13.050 in some back reaches of my brain somewhere, which the 140 00:08:13.089 --> 00:08:16.350 way the research is being done now, especially you've been 141 00:08:17.110 --> 00:08:23.730 working with Gabor Mate and the compassionate inquiry work, And 142 00:08:23.790 --> 00:08:26.209 that's what they're talking about all the time. And you've 143 00:08:26.250 --> 00:08:31.149 got to not only experience it as the

information that 144 00:08:31.170 --> 00:08:34.370 they're giving, but actually having experiences of your own of 145 00:08:34.549 --> 00:08:35.509 feeling it in your body. 146 00:08:35.529 --> 00:08:39.549 Right, applying it. And it's really opened my eyes to, 147 00:08:40.230 --> 00:08:43.789 first of all, my understanding of trauma, right? Because I 148 00:08:43.830 --> 00:08:46.409 kept thinking, well, I don't really have big traumatic events 149 00:08:46.649 --> 00:08:50.080 in my life, which thank goodness I don't have large 150 00:08:50.179 --> 00:08:55.000 traumatic events. I have a couple, but not ongoing. But 151 00:08:55.059 --> 00:08:57.600 I do have a lot of things that I adapted to. 152 00:08:57.620 --> 00:09:03.379 And everyone has those. That is part of living. No 153 00:09:03.500 --> 00:09:06.409 one doesn't have them. And so it's just whether or 154 00:09:06.470 --> 00:09:07.970 not you become curious about them. 155 00:09:08.450 --> 00:09:11.990 And do you call them traumatic events or not? Because 156 00:09:12.509 --> 00:09:15.990 your interaction with it is going to say this was 157 00:09:16.029 --> 00:09:18.809 traumatic or this wasn't traumatic. I mean, you lost your 158 00:09:18.830 --> 00:09:21.980 mom in that car accident when you were 27 years old. 159 00:09:22.019 --> 00:09:24.539 Right, and I would call that a big traumatic event. 160 00:09:24.580 --> 00:09:25.940 Yeah. 161 00:09:26.259 --> 00:09:28.919 And that is something that I've seen all seven of 162 00:09:28.960 --> 00:09:32.330 the children and my father, we all process very differently. 163 00:09:32.370 --> 00:09:36.210 And even though we shared that event, the experience and 164 00:09:36.230 --> 00:09:38.750 the relationship that each of us have to that event 165 00:09:39.769 --> 00:09:42.850 have differences and similarities, but they are each of us 166 00:09:43.049 --> 00:09:46.409 uniquely different as to what we made that mean. 167 00:09:46.429 --> 00:09:52.159 Do you think that that event... shaped your life differently 168 00:09:52.200 --> 00:09:56.139 than it would have been subsequent. Does that make sense? 169 00:09:57.490 --> 00:09:59.779 Oh, I definitely think that it shaped my life differently. I, 170 00:10:00.570 --> 00:10:03.629 see a lot of things from that event. Well, you've 171 00:10:03.649 --> 00:10:07.759 got to remember, I had a totally different physical experience 172 00:10:07.779 --> 00:10:09.940 with it because I was in the car. I was 173 00:10:10.019 --> 00:10:13.600 tremendously injured. None of the others had that aspect of 174 00:10:13.639 --> 00:10:18.139 the event. And there were aspects of the emotional side 175 00:10:18.159 --> 00:10:21.019 of the event that that i missed i didn't attend 176 00:10:21.080 --> 00:10:25.519 the funeral i didn't have those final goodbyes um so 177 00:10:25.539 --> 00:10:26.460 there you weren't. 178 00:10:26.320 --> 00:10:28.450 Aware until a day or two later that your mother 179 00:10:28.470 -->

00:10:29.340 had actually passed. 180 00:10:29.159 --> 00:10:33.730 Away about a day later uh or even maybe that 181 00:10:33.909 --> 00:10:35.230 night um. 182 00:10:35.389 --> 00:10:37.309 You know mostly due to the fact that you were 183 00:10:37.330 --> 00:10:39.350 just not even really coherent right. 184 00:10:39.210 --> 00:10:41.610 Right i you know i was fighting to live i 185 00:10:41.649 --> 00:10:45.309 kept asking where she was but um But everyone got 186 00:10:45.350 --> 00:10:48.789 that message right away that she had passed and that 187 00:10:48.909 --> 00:10:53.549 the accident had happened. But if you look at what 188 00:10:53.570 --> 00:10:57.720 that meant, okay, that's a defining moment. An event happened, 189 00:10:58.519 --> 00:11:03.139 and from that day forward, everyone's story changed based on 190 00:11:03.840 --> 00:11:07.450 how they scripted that event and what it meant for them. 191 00:11:08.120 --> 00:11:11.250 So I look at my sisters and my brother and 192 00:11:11.289 --> 00:11:14.700 my father, And all of them were at different places 193 00:11:14.740 --> 00:11:15.279 in their life. 194 00:11:15.860 --> 00:11:17.340 Different seasons, right? 195 00:11:17.539 --> 00:11:20.730 Different seasons. Some had really small children. Some had some 196 00:11:20.870 --> 00:11:25.590 older and some younger children. And so some were unmarried 197 00:11:25.750 --> 00:11:30.590 and single. My youngest sister was 19. So there was 198 00:11:30.629 --> 00:11:32.789 a lot of life events that hadn't started for her. 199 00:11:33.379 --> 00:11:36.000 A lot of my other sisters were married and had children. 200 00:11:36.799 --> 00:11:41.399 So all of that background came in and contributed to 201 00:11:42.320 --> 00:11:45.120 this new event that just happened, and what it was 202 00:11:45.159 --> 00:11:49.289 going to mean for them. And so when we make meaning, 203 00:11:49.809 --> 00:11:54.230 that's where the traumatic event is one thing, because that 204 00:11:54.309 --> 00:11:56.230 is the one thing that is similar for all of us. 205 00:11:56.450 --> 00:12:01.539 The event, regardless of how you describe it, happened exactly 206 00:12:01.580 --> 00:12:04.080 the same for all of us. But how we then 207 00:12:04.139 --> 00:12:08.559 took that event, what we gave meaning to, what we 208 00:12:10.500 --> 00:12:14.889 fixated on, if you would, then that's where trauma comes 209 00:12:14.970 --> 00:12:17.850 in because there's a first aspect of trauma is where 210 00:12:17.990 --> 00:12:23.210 you respond to certain things with real rigidity and you 211 00:12:23.250 --> 00:12:26.990 don't become flexible. And so all of a sudden you 212 00:12:27.029 --> 00:12:30.769 program yourself to say, wow, this feels like this. I'm 213 00:12:30.789 --> 00:12:31.950 never going to feel this way again. 214 00:12:32.009 --> 00:12:35.009 This was my experience and I'm going to go back 215 00:12:35.070 --> 00:12:38.549 to this feeling every time I have the memory of it. Right. 216 00:12:38.610 --> 00:12:43.139 So like, oh, this feels really painful too. have someone pass. 217 00:12:43.679 --> 00:12:46.759 And now every time I talk about dying or death, 218 00:12:48.039 --> 00:12:50.220 I'm going to remember this moment and how bad it feels, 219 00:12:50.559 --> 00:12:57.120 for example. Or like, you know, seeing a cop car 220 00:12:57.240 --> 00:13:00.220 or however anyone heard, I don't think this was the situation, 221 00:13:00.259 --> 00:13:03.580 but perhaps a cop came to the door. That didn't 222 00:13:03.620 --> 00:13:06.860 happen for us. But now whenever I see a cop 223 00:13:07.159 --> 00:13:09.960 car coming, I'm going to have that memory. I'm going 224 00:13:09.980 --> 00:13:12.740 to feel that memory. So The first aspect of trauma 225 00:13:12.799 --> 00:13:15.840 is when something happens and you interpret it and you 226 00:13:16.919 --> 00:13:20.730 create this rigidity and you start to frame your experience 227 00:13:20.830 --> 00:13:25.090 in a really programmed way that constricts you. And then 228 00:13:25.490 --> 00:13:29.549 the second aspect of trauma is when what you're feeling 229 00:13:30.090 --> 00:13:34.730 is so big and it feels too much. And so 230 00:13:34.769 --> 00:13:38.049 you disconnect from that. You're like, I can't feel this. 231 00:13:38.250 --> 00:13:42.559 This feeling is going to consume me. And so because 232 00:13:42.620 --> 00:13:46.139 I can't feel this, I'm just going to disconnect from 233 00:13:46.179 --> 00:13:48.639 this feeling and ignore it. 234 00:13:48.659 --> 00:13:50.759 I'm going to put it back here in the back somewhere. 235 00:13:50.960 --> 00:13:54.149 Or stuff it deep. And so what that does is 236 00:13:54.210 --> 00:13:58.090 that starts to teach you not to trust your feelings, 237 00:13:58.250 --> 00:14:03.129 not to trust your gut instinct. And so feelings get suppressed, 238 00:14:03.389 --> 00:14:07.220 and that's the second aspect of trauma. And then the 239 00:14:07.250 --> 00:14:10.759 third aspect of trauma is what any event can shape 240 00:14:11.769 --> 00:14:15.509 your worldview. And we were hit by a lumber truck. 241 00:14:15.970 --> 00:14:20.169 So maybe my worldview is now, lumber trucks are dangerous. 242 00:14:20.250 --> 00:14:23.120 Every time you see a lumber truck, you get triggered. Right. 243 00:14:23.519 --> 00:14:26.000 That's a danger. I can't pass that truck. That truck 244 00:14:26.059 --> 00:14:29.240 is unreliable in the way it drives. So I'm using 245 00:14:29.279 --> 00:14:32.019 that as an extreme measure. But you start to frame 246 00:14:32.059 --> 00:14:35.649 your world in a different way. And some of the aspects, 247 00:14:35.710 --> 00:14:40.129 like after losing your mother very young, your worldview could 248 00:14:40.190 --> 00:14:43.129 be I'm really jealous of everyone who has a mother. 249 00:14:44.710 --> 00:14:48.730 So no one knows how you start to frame your world, 250 00:14:48.830

--> 00:14:51.190 but you start to have this aspect of the world, 251 00:14:51.950 --> 00:14:55.509 your worldview, that is now different because of the event. 252 00:14:55.840 --> 00:14:57.929 But you're choosing all of that. Do you see how? 253 00:14:58.399 --> 00:15:04.820 So trauma is this response that you create. And because 254 00:15:04.840 --> 00:15:07.960 you have created it, it forces you to live in 255 00:15:07.980 --> 00:15:12.090 the past because you've now created that as an anchor 256 00:15:12.149 --> 00:15:20.429 inside of you. And so Gabor likes to say that 257 00:15:21.840 --> 00:15:27.940 we're prisoners of our past. And because of that, the 258 00:15:28.000 --> 00:15:30.679 fourth aspect of trauma is that it is impossible to 259 00:15:30.720 --> 00:15:34.179 be in the present world because the present world is 260 00:15:34.200 --> 00:15:34.759 too dangerous. 261 00:15:35.759 --> 00:15:38.279 That's a story you're telling yourself because of whatever.... 262 00:15:40.019 --> 00:15:42.980 Experience you've had right because something could come that I'm 263 00:15:43.039 --> 00:15:47.820 unprepared for and so and so we choose to live 264 00:15:48.019 --> 00:15:51.210 in our past where we've created now all these conditions 265 00:15:51.870 --> 00:15:56.610 and we've adapted and that adaptation is really the invitation 266 00:15:56.690 --> 00:16:01.190 to start saying what from your childhood because everyone had 267 00:16:01.230 --> 00:16:04.950 it it starts in childhood when we were young and 268 00:16:05.669 --> 00:16:08.700 we had to adapt in order to live in our 269 00:16:08.919 --> 00:16:12.690 circumstances and in, in the world, because we come in 270 00:16:12.809 --> 00:16:18.529 as these, you know, unadapted beings, very connected to source. And, 271 00:16:18.809 --> 00:16:20.889 and we have a lot of curiosity and freedom and 272 00:16:21.470 --> 00:16:25.230 to live in earth school. We, it is part of 273 00:16:25.250 --> 00:16:29.190 the human process to start making adaptations. And so then 274 00:16:29.230 --> 00:16:32.970 we go through life and at some point, and what 275 00:16:33.049 --> 00:16:36.090 we're seeing is that that, that point is happening for 276 00:16:36.129 --> 00:16:40.200 younger people. We're in our 60s and it's happening for us. 277 00:16:40.779 --> 00:16:43.210 But we see people that it's happening in their late 20s, 278 00:16:43.240 --> 00:16:47.409 early 30s. And the world is shifting. People are becoming curious. 279 00:16:47.669 --> 00:16:50.190 And then there are other people who are not becoming 280 00:16:50.230 --> 00:16:56.429 curious at all. It is very fearful to question some 281 00:16:56.450 --> 00:16:59.830 of their deeply held beliefs. Because when you make an adaptation, 282 00:17:00.289 --> 00:17:05.130 you create a belief. And if that belief is not true... 283 00:17:05.349 --> 00:17:08.170 or I don't become curious about it and question the belief, 284 00:17:08.789 --> 00:17:09.549 what does that mean? 285 00:17:09.569 --> 00:17:16.230 Yeah. I'm going to ask you a question. This is 286 00:17:16.250 --> 00:17:19.690 going to be maybe vulnerable. It's not something we've talked 287 00:17:19.730 --> 00:17:22.029 about ahead of time, but I'm just going to point 288 00:17:22.089 --> 00:17:24.470 something out to you. And I've pointed it out before, 289 00:17:24.549 --> 00:17:27.430 but just based on the conversation that we're talking about 290 00:17:27.470 --> 00:17:31.579 right now. So, and I think you already know this, 291 00:17:31.599 --> 00:17:33.720 and you'll willingly admit that you're not a very good 292 00:17:34.250 --> 00:17:36.450 passenger in the passenger seat. 293 00:17:36.549 --> 00:17:38.430 Oh no, I'm terrible. I'm terrible. 294 00:17:38.829 --> 00:17:44.190 And when we're driving somewhere and anything feels even a 295 00:17:44.730 --> 00:17:48.700 little bit unsafe to you, you react. And I notice 296 00:17:48.740 --> 00:17:53.279 how you react. I mean, you grab the door, you 297 00:17:53.319 --> 00:17:57.940 have a reaction that's beyond what it would be had 298 00:17:57.980 --> 00:18:01.210 you not... Do you attribute it to the accident or 299 00:18:01.230 --> 00:18:03.289 do you what do you attribute that to? 300 00:18:03.369 --> 00:18:05.970 Yes, definitely. I attribute to the accident, like when we're 301 00:18:05.990 --> 00:18:10.289 following and I suddenly see, um, cars in front of 302 00:18:10.349 --> 00:18:12.670 us putting on their brakes and we're still zooming ahead 303 00:18:13.390 --> 00:18:16.329 and we're not starting to slow down. I have a 304 00:18:16.710 --> 00:18:21.950 real reaction to that because just frozen in my mind 305 00:18:22.910 --> 00:18:27.910 is us on the road, nothing ahead of us. They're, 306 00:18:28.089 --> 00:18:30.750 they're not being anything in front of us. And then 307 00:18:30.930 --> 00:18:35.440 in the, in a nanosecond, the grill of that semi 308 00:18:35.559 --> 00:18:38.259 in front of us and us crashing. So I have 309 00:18:38.319 --> 00:18:39.299 this sense that. 310 00:18:39.319 --> 00:18:41.640 That moment in time is frozen and it's in your body. 311 00:18:41.660 --> 00:18:43.849 It's totally in my body. It is stuck in there. 312 00:18:43.980 --> 00:18:51.069 And I know that seconds cannot be managed. And so 313 00:18:51.730 --> 00:18:54.490 when we're driving fast and I can see the taillights 314 00:18:54.609 --> 00:18:57.930 starting to be hit, I want us to be more 315 00:18:58.650 --> 00:19:00.950 responsive to slowing down because. 316 00:19:02.619 --> 00:19:05.779 I have a story that says you cannot anticipate between 317 00:19:05.839 --> 00:19:09.400 here and a second from here the danger that could happen. 318 00:19:09.880 --> 00:19:12.200 And you feel like you're out of control because you're 319 00:19:12.240 --> 00:19:12.880 not driving. 320 00:19:13.099 --> 00:19:15.740 I feel like I could be hurt. I feel unsafe. 321 00:19:17.319 --> 00:19:19.500

And I've said that to you. I've said, you know, 322 00:19:19.700 --> 00:19:23.519 I know that this is something that you don't feel. 323 00:19:23.539 --> 00:19:27.019 I know this is something totally that I feel. And 324 00:19:27.039 --> 00:19:30.559 I've said to you, please just be sensitive to the 325 00:19:30.599 --> 00:19:36.089 way I feel, because my feeling is more irrational. Pushing 326 00:19:36.109 --> 00:19:42.049 the boundary isn't gonna repair me. Pushing the boundary and saying, see, 327 00:19:42.069 --> 00:19:46.730 we didn't crash, it re-traumatizes me. It actually re-traumatizes me. 328 00:19:47.410 --> 00:19:50.180 And it makes me wanna ride in the backseat. know, 329 00:19:50.279 --> 00:19:52.420 or it makes me want to drive, or it makes 330 00:19:52.480 --> 00:19:55.220 me not want to go when I'm not the driver. 331 00:19:55.819 --> 00:19:58.940 So I have all those interactions that is going to 332 00:19:59.000 --> 00:20:02.500 come into play and keep me safe. And so, you know, 333 00:20:02.559 --> 00:20:06.119 that's where as a loving partner, you have become sensitive, 334 00:20:06.619 --> 00:20:10.380 more sensitive to My reaction, and while it's not the 335 00:20:10.400 --> 00:20:15.349 way you would drive, you see and you get cued 336 00:20:15.430 --> 00:20:19.190 to slowing down sooner. Yeah. And sometimes you forget it. 337 00:20:19.210 --> 00:20:24.559 Because I'm not always 100% present with that in my mind. 338 00:20:24.670 --> 00:20:26.859 Right. But as soon as I grip the side of 339 00:20:26.880 --> 00:20:29.819 the door or the dashboard, you start to slow down. 340 00:20:30.380 --> 00:20:35.059 And so it's just there. And perhaps through more work, 341 00:20:35.099 --> 00:20:38.750 I could let that go. But that is a really 342 00:20:39.970 --> 00:20:44.630 event that I've adapted to. And the adaptation is start 343 00:20:44.650 --> 00:20:49.329 slowing down sooner. Start controlling the moment before the moment 344 00:20:49.730 --> 00:20:52.910 cannot be controlled. Because I lived through a moment that 345 00:20:52.950 --> 00:20:56.210 could not be controlled. And the cost was significant. 346 00:20:56.369 --> 00:21:03.569 Sure. And I have compassion for that. And... You know, 347 00:21:04.049 --> 00:21:06.430 I do try and make the best effort that I can, 348 00:21:06.470 --> 00:21:09.349 but there are times that I forget. And it also 349 00:21:09.470 --> 00:21:13.910 is a little bit traumatizing to me because of my 350 00:21:14.069 --> 00:21:18.720 own old story, my own software programming, which is, you know, 351 00:21:18.799 --> 00:21:22.380 I'm the youngest. And so being the youngest, my voice, 352 00:21:23.259 --> 00:21:26.980 this is, again, my perspective, my voice seemed to have 353 00:21:27.079 --> 00:21:33.569 less significance, less importance than other voices have. The event 354 00:21:33.609 --> 00:21:36.690 in my life, your car accident, the event in my 355 00:21:36.730 --> 00:21:39.509 life that changed everything was when my family went from 356 00:21:40.609 --> 00:21:45.700 four boys, my brothers, Jeff, Glenn, and Steve and I, 357 00:21:46.589 --> 00:21:49.130 me being six years younger than the next oldest to me. 358 00:21:50.900 --> 00:21:54.079 In 1967, when I was six years old, my uncle, 359 00:21:54.160 --> 00:21:57.720 my father's brother, passed away. And then his family of 360 00:21:57.779 --> 00:22:02.130 four children came into our family. two boys, two girls. 361 00:22:02.190 --> 00:22:04.849 So we went from four to eight overnight. Me being 362 00:22:04.869 --> 00:22:11.099 the youngest, I had all the attention. And, uh, I 363 00:22:11.119 --> 00:22:12.859 wouldn't say all the attention, but I had a good 364 00:22:12.880 --> 00:22:16.019 amount of attention, uh, being the youngest. I was, I 365 00:22:16.059 --> 00:22:20.579 was spoiled. I was, uh, uh, an attention hog. Uh, 366 00:22:21.440 --> 00:22:26.160 I enjoyed the attention. And then that shifted in 1967 367 00:22:26.160 --> 00:22:30.579 when I was six, that shifted significantly, uh, Looking back 368 00:22:30.700 --> 00:22:33.500 on it, I see that. Going through it at the time, 369 00:22:33.519 --> 00:22:38.000 it was showing up for me. I can feel it 370 00:22:38.039 --> 00:22:40.000 in my body, and I can remember some of the 371 00:22:40.019 --> 00:22:43.349 memories of some of the things that I experienced. But 372 00:22:45.470 --> 00:22:50.950 I didn't really look at it as trauma in my life, quote, unquote, 373 00:22:51.750 --> 00:22:58.059 until I've started trying to just allow things to come up. 374 00:22:58.339 --> 00:23:01.940 Right. Right. And so if you think about that experience, 375 00:23:02.259 --> 00:23:05.619 we're in a car and we're driving and I start 376 00:23:05.640 --> 00:23:09.400 to see the taillights. So that triggers my response, my 377 00:23:09.460 --> 00:23:14.259 trauma response. And I want us to slow down, which 378 00:23:14.319 --> 00:23:17.380 then triggers your response that I'm not in control. 379 00:23:17.420 --> 00:23:18.400 I'm not a good enough driver. 380 00:23:18.460 --> 00:23:24.720 I'm not right. So then if we weren't loving and kind, 381 00:23:25.259 --> 00:23:28.180 what would happen is that we would push to see 382 00:23:28.240 --> 00:23:29.180 whose trauma wins. 383 00:23:30.430 --> 00:23:34.890 And I think initially in our experiences together, we did 384 00:23:34.930 --> 00:23:35.390 some of that. 385 00:23:35.690 --> 00:23:39.450 Right. But then what happens is when you lean into 386 00:23:39.490 --> 00:23:43.519 that and you start to really understand the mirror, then 387 00:23:43.539 --> 00:23:48.059 it starts to shift. And as you slow down, and 388 00:23:49.500 --> 00:23:54.180 I thank you for doing that, and I am very 389 00:23:54.240 --> 00:23:59.150 receptive to now I feel safe again. it reinforces your value, 390 00:23:59.170 --> 00:24:04.269 that you're driving well. And it reinforces that I don't 391

00:24:04.309 --> 00:24:08.309 have to remind you that danger is ahead. So it 392 00:24:08.410 --> 00:24:13.029 starts to slowly repair both of our traumatic experiences when 393 00:24:13.089 --> 00:24:16.410 we can show up with each other and both be 394 00:24:16.470 --> 00:24:21.720 responsive to each other. Because then you naturally start slowing down. 395 00:24:22.740 --> 00:24:26.710 I say thank you and feel much safer. I don't 396 00:24:26.750 --> 00:24:29.089 feel like I have to prompt you anymore because you're 397 00:24:29.130 --> 00:24:32.309 naturally doing it. And you feel in control and that 398 00:24:32.349 --> 00:24:35.569 you're valued and you're a safe driver. And so that 399 00:24:35.650 --> 00:24:40.359 is where we can move beyond our traumatic experiences. And 400 00:24:40.690 --> 00:24:45.019 they can actually shift. And it suddenly can be an 401 00:24:45.059 --> 00:24:49.539 experience that we've moved beyond the traumatic experiences if we 402 00:24:49.579 --> 00:24:51.869 stay locked in those experiences. It's going to be the 403 00:24:51.930 --> 00:24:54.529 same experience. It's going to be like Groundhog Day every 404 00:24:54.569 --> 00:24:57.130 time we get in the car. You're going to drive 405 00:24:57.170 --> 00:24:59.630 too fast. I'm going to ask you please to slow down. 406 00:24:59.710 --> 00:25:04.130 I feel unsafe. You're going to say, that's crazy. I'm 407 00:25:04.170 --> 00:25:08.069 in control. You're totally safe. And neither of us heal. 408 00:25:08.769 --> 00:25:11.970 And in fact, our relationship gets strained. Yeah. 409 00:25:13.130 --> 00:25:17.190 Well, you know what? To quote my brother Paul, who 410 00:25:17.369 --> 00:25:22.079 is quoting Rain Man, I'm an excellent driver. I really 411 00:25:22.160 --> 00:25:25.099 am an excellent driver. I've been in one accident in 412 00:25:25.140 --> 00:25:28.539 my lifetime. And that accident was because I was driving 413 00:25:28.599 --> 00:25:33.519 down the road and someone let someone through to get 414 00:25:34.140 --> 00:25:36.609 onto State Street. And they pulled right in front of me, 415 00:25:36.650 --> 00:25:38.509 didn't see me, and I hit him. Right. 416 00:25:38.930 --> 00:25:41.009 But it isn't... You know, that's the part that is 417 00:25:41.029 --> 00:25:44.190 just really fascinating. It's not about you being an excellent driver. 418 00:25:44.210 --> 00:25:44.910 Oh, I know. I know. 419 00:25:44.970 --> 00:25:46.230 It's about me feeling safe. 420 00:25:47.210 --> 00:25:49.690 And that's the point. But what that brings up in 421 00:25:49.730 --> 00:25:53.130 me is I... I'm going to just freely admit that 422 00:25:53.150 --> 00:25:57.970 I'm an excellent driver, and that's not being arrogant. I'm 423 00:25:58.029 --> 00:26:05.059 a super safe, defensive-type driver. I'm watching out for other people. Now, 424 00:26:05.299 --> 00:26:09.319 if I see traffic slowing down on the, say it's 425 00:26:09.339 --> 00:26:11.359 a double lane and on

the right side, if I 426 00:26:11.400 --> 00:26:14.160 see traffic slowing down, I slow down, even though I 427 00:26:14.200 --> 00:26:16.819 might have a straight path through, because I'm watching for 428 00:26:16.859 --> 00:26:19.269 someone to pull out in front of me. And that's 429 00:26:19.660 --> 00:26:22.470 what that accident and experience brought up for me. I'm 430 00:26:22.930 --> 00:26:26.509 super careful in that situation. And it's not to say 431 00:26:26.549 --> 00:26:29.069 that things don't just happen. I mean, you guys had 432 00:26:29.210 --> 00:26:33.009 no fault of your own when the lumber truck shifted. 433 00:26:33.029 --> 00:26:36.109 They braked to avoid someone, and it shifted them into 434 00:26:36.150 --> 00:26:38.730 your lane, and then the accident happened. It was no 435 00:26:38.829 --> 00:26:42.029 one's fault, but it is an event. 436 00:26:42.589 --> 00:26:44.049 Right, and you and I have had an event where 437 00:26:44.089 --> 00:26:45.049 we both almost died. 438 00:26:45.069 --> 00:26:46.009 I was going to mention that. 439 00:26:46.069 --> 00:26:53.099 So, you know, it's not so much... The event. It's just... 440 00:26:52.559 --> 00:26:56.640 I know, as a passenger in the car, that there 441 00:26:56.900 --> 00:26:59.660 are moments where the moment from where I'm at right 442 00:26:59.700 --> 00:27:04.000 now to the next moment is unsafe. And that can 443 00:27:04.059 --> 00:27:06.680 happen whether you're the most excellent driver. 444 00:27:06.400 --> 00:27:06.880 In the world. 445 00:27:07.180 --> 00:27:10.650 There's been a contest and you've won. It can be 446 00:27:11.150 --> 00:27:14.549 when you're driving or a sister's driving. My sisters all 447 00:27:14.609 --> 00:27:17.410 complain about it. It's not just your experience with me. 448 00:27:18.130 --> 00:27:19.049 It's anyone. 449 00:27:19.960 --> 00:27:20.839 anyone you're writing. 450 00:27:20.640 --> 00:27:23.660 That i'm writing with and in fact i will i 451 00:27:23.720 --> 00:27:27.190 will purposely say i'm not writing in front because i 452 00:27:27.230 --> 00:27:30.509 know as a front passenger my experience is very different 453 00:27:30.569 --> 00:27:33.869 than a back passenger and so i know that about 454 00:27:33.910 --> 00:27:39.759 myself and i i actively take precautions to not re-traumatize 455 00:27:39.799 --> 00:27:43.500 myself because it is painful it is painful. 456 00:27:43.650 --> 00:27:45.410 Well, I'm not going to name any names, but I 457 00:27:45.450 --> 00:27:47.519 know some people that you have ridden with that are 458 00:27:47.799 --> 00:27:49.000 not excellent drivers. 459 00:27:49.539 --> 00:27:51.460 Well, and again, it doesn't matter about the driving. 460 00:27:51.500 --> 00:27:55.200 It's dramatic for me, too. But what I do want 461 00:27:55.220 --> 00:27:57.700 to mention is that experience that we had. We were 462 00:27:57.720 --> 00:28:02.109 coming back from Arizona, and there was a semi in 463 00:28:02.160 --> 00:28:05.509 front of me. We were driving through the reservation lands 464 00:28:05.809 --> 00:28:11.819 just kind of north of Cameron, headed towards Page. And 465 00:28:11.859 --> 00:28:16.599 those roads are super windy and hilly. They're not level. 466 00:28:17.339 --> 00:28:21.119 And I was trying to pass this semi in front 467 00:28:21.140 --> 00:28:23.960 of us. So I gunned it, went around him. And 468 00:28:24.019 --> 00:28:25.789 as soon as I gunned it, went around him, it 469 00:28:25.980 --> 00:28:29.269 looked to me like everything was clear. But I didn't 470 00:28:29.349 --> 00:28:31.230 realize that there was a dip in the road. And 471 00:28:31.529 --> 00:28:35.190 as I hit the gas, a car came up out 472 00:28:35.210 --> 00:28:37.309 of that dip in the road that I didn't even 473 00:28:37.369 --> 00:28:40.150 realize was there. And it was too late really to 474 00:28:40.210 --> 00:28:45.960 do anything. And I instinctively, I don't know how it 475 00:28:46.019 --> 00:28:49.420 even happened. Rather than, I didn't feel like there was 476 00:28:49.440 --> 00:28:51.380 time for me to slow down and get back behind 477 00:28:51.440 --> 00:28:55.400 him because we were almost past him. I thought about 478 00:28:55.509 --> 00:28:58.230 just gunning it and getting past him. And instead, I 479 00:28:58.289 --> 00:29:01.490 pulled on the left side of the road. 480 00:29:01.710 --> 00:29:04.769 You went even further left into the kind of like 481 00:29:04.789 --> 00:29:05.250 the ditch. 482 00:29:05.269 --> 00:29:06.190 The edge of the road. 483 00:29:06.210 --> 00:29:06.930 The edge of the road. 484 00:29:06.970 --> 00:29:09.829 It was still pavement. I wasn't like driving in the gravel. 485 00:29:10.619 --> 00:29:13.559 And then that car passed between us and the semi. 486 00:29:14.299 --> 00:29:16.200 And then at that point, again, I didn't feel like 487 00:29:16.339 --> 00:29:18.259 I had time to get back behind the semi. So 488 00:29:18.299 --> 00:29:20.359 I just gunned it and got in front of him 489 00:29:20.420 --> 00:29:24.259 and passed him. And both of us were super traumatized 490 00:29:24.319 --> 00:29:26.910 by the event. And as soon as there was a 491 00:29:26.940 --> 00:29:29.809 pullout about a mile ahead, I pulled over. And as 492 00:29:29.869 --> 00:29:32.619 I pulled over, I mean, every car that was behind 493 00:29:32.619 --> 00:29:35.769 us had seen what happened. And they were all honking 494 00:29:35.769 --> 00:29:38.990 and waving their middle fingers out the window. You know, 495 00:29:39.049 --> 00:29:42.490 I had totally made a mistake. Almost could have injured 496 00:29:42.730 --> 00:29:45.440 us severely, could have injured the people coming severely. 497 00:29:45.460 --> 00:29:49.140 Yeah, I'm sure the car coming was very traumatized. 498 00:29:48.579 --> 00:29:49.400 About the event. 499 00:29:49.640 --> 00:29:50.299 And we don't even know. 500 00:29:50.740 --> 00:29:51.430 No idea who it was.

501 00:29:51.440 --> 00:29:53.720 Neither one of us had an experience of seeing how 502 00:29:53.759 --> 00:29:56.140 many people were in that car because, I mean, I 503 00:29:56.200 --> 00:29:59.630 screamed and then braced for... braced to be. 504 00:29:59.559 --> 00:30:01.440 Hit you thought it was going to be the the 505 00:30:01.500 --> 00:30:02.259 event again. 506 00:30:02.079 --> 00:30:06.240 Yeah i screamed and just braced to be hit um but. 507 00:30:06.160 --> 00:30:08.400 Let me let me continue for just a second because 508 00:30:08.440 --> 00:30:11.140 what happened after that we pulled the car over it 509 00:30:12.740 --> 00:30:16.690 gave me a significant amount of compassion in that moment 510 00:30:17.430 --> 00:30:20.549 more compassion than i had had before about your experience 511 00:30:20.589 --> 00:30:24.910 because it was a close call super close call and 512 00:30:25.309 --> 00:30:27.460 i remember that we got out of the car and 513 00:30:27.500 --> 00:30:30.740 we were both in tears And we just embraced and 514 00:30:31.359 --> 00:30:33.519 were in total gratitude. I really don't know how we 515 00:30:33.680 --> 00:30:39.019 avoided the accident. It was super, super difficult and traumatizing. 516 00:30:39.039 --> 00:30:40.579 I remember telling my kids about it when I got 517 00:30:40.619 --> 00:30:44.529 home and they were all kind of re-traumatized by just 518 00:30:44.650 --> 00:30:48.170 sharing the experience with them because it was significant to me. 519 00:30:49.309 --> 00:30:52.789 And from that point moving forward, it has come back 520 00:30:52.890 --> 00:30:57.400 to me as when I'm, when I'm feeling like you're, 521 00:30:57.519 --> 00:31:00.579 when I'm going back to my own little, uh, youngest 522 00:31:00.640 --> 00:31:04.720 child syndrome of I'm an excellent driver or, you know, 523 00:31:04.740 --> 00:31:07.339 why are you judging me or I am a good 524 00:31:07.380 --> 00:31:10.279 driver or any of that stuff because of the way 525 00:31:10.319 --> 00:31:13.400 you're responding to something that I'm doing. Um, I just 526 00:31:14.420 --> 00:31:17.109 try and quiet my mind down and say, you know, this, 527 00:31:17.329 --> 00:31:20.990 this is what she's feeling and it's from this experience 528 00:31:21.029 --> 00:31:21.869 that you've had in your life. 529 00:31:21.930 --> 00:31:27.289 Right. And that's where, you know, um, working with Gabor 530 00:31:27.309 --> 00:31:33.930 Mate and Compassionate Inquiry, you realize that these responses, these adaptations, 531 00:31:34.430 --> 00:31:37.049 have nothing to do with you. I mean, as much 532 00:31:37.109 --> 00:31:39.009 as you would like it to mean that my response 533 00:31:39.069 --> 00:31:42.130 is being a criticism of you, my response is being 534 00:31:42.150 --> 00:31:44.049 a response to my experience. 535 00:31:44.069 --> 00:31:44.650 Yes, absolutely. 536 00:31:45.049 --> 00:31:46.490 And so that's where. 537 00:31:46.509 --> 00:31:48.470 It took me time to realize that, though. 538 00:31:49.089 --> 00:31:52.470 But that's where the work really lies, because I think 539 00:31:52.569 --> 00:31:56.980 that is... As humans, that is our natural response. Life 540 00:31:57.200 --> 00:32:03.309 is a defensive game. And we are constantly seeking, unconsciously, 541 00:32:03.910 --> 00:32:08.869 validation of our experience. So if we're constantly seeking that 542 00:32:08.910 --> 00:32:11.950 validation of our experience, and I told myself when I 543 00:32:12.019 --> 00:32:16.279 was six years old, eight years old, five years old, 544 00:32:17.019 --> 00:32:22.640 that the world is unsafe, then I I am validating 545 00:32:22.839 --> 00:32:27.289 every moment and every day that experience subconsciously. And so 546 00:32:27.329 --> 00:32:32.250 compassionate inquiry prompts you to just be really curious to 547 00:32:32.289 --> 00:32:36.049 the first time you felt an emotion, the first time 548 00:32:36.089 --> 00:32:41.180 you felt an experience and return to that because that's where, 549 00:32:42.200 --> 00:32:46.200 however you made that mean. And imagine you're six years old. 550 00:32:46.220 --> 00:32:50.279 There's no way six, five, seven, There's no way you 551 00:32:50.319 --> 00:32:57.509 could in that moment at that age make meaning other 552 00:32:57.549 --> 00:33:02.009 than meaning that helped you adapt to survive in that 553 00:33:02.089 --> 00:33:05.630 moment as a five-year-old. So you're not making the meaning 554 00:33:05.829 --> 00:33:09.640 as a 25-year-old, a 30-year-old, a 40-year-old. You're making it 555 00:33:09.880 --> 00:33:13.680 mean with your little five years of experience. And then 556 00:33:14.019 --> 00:33:16.539 that is shaping and framing the rest of your life. 557 00:33:17.140 --> 00:33:20.380 Now the car accident happened when I was 27. So 558 00:33:20.940 --> 00:33:24.779 that is an experience that from 27 on to now, 559 00:33:25.019 --> 00:33:27.779 you know, I'm going to be 67 this year. So 560 00:33:28.480 --> 00:33:34.180 for 40 years I, I have revalidated that experience every 561 00:33:34.200 --> 00:33:37.829 time I'm in a car. But the ones when I'm 562 00:33:37.869 --> 00:33:42.670 a lot younger, you know, revalidating those experiences can be 563 00:33:43.369 --> 00:33:46.839 because the accident was such a traumatic event that I'm 564 00:33:46.920 --> 00:33:49.240 so aware of that. I have a lot of consciousness 565 00:33:49.400 --> 00:33:52.529 about that. But the events that happened when I was younger, 566 00:33:52.549 --> 00:33:56.049 I don't have a lot of consciousness about. For example, 567 00:33:56.470 --> 00:33:59.930 the other day, as I'm going through this training, one 568 00:33:59.950 --> 00:34:03.109 of the aspects of the training is to work with 569 00:34:03.410 --> 00:34:08.590 someone who's already trained and is a compassionate inquiry therapist facilitator. 570 00:34:09.630 --> 00:34:13.349 And as I was working, the way every

experience, every 571 00:34:13.409 --> 00:34:17.460 session starts is you state an intention. And I've been 572 00:34:17.539 --> 00:34:20.320 really working on wanting to find more joy in my 573 00:34:20.380 --> 00:34:23.940 life and to feel the presence of joy in my 574 00:34:24.000 --> 00:34:27.860 life more frequently, more readily, you know, just be able 575 00:34:27.900 --> 00:34:29.679 to pull and draw upon it. And it doesn't mean 576 00:34:29.719 --> 00:34:32.739 that my life is sad. It's not. But I want, 577 00:34:33.199 --> 00:34:37.219 I just have this innate knowing that I could feel 578 00:34:37.280 --> 00:34:40.449 more joy every day. Like I could feel that just 579 00:34:40.800 --> 00:34:44.829 my heart full of joy every day if I understood 580 00:34:44.909 --> 00:34:48.449 why I don't. And so as we started that session, 581 00:34:50.030 --> 00:34:53.530 you know, and we were talking about joy, the question 582 00:34:53.570 --> 00:34:59.800 came up, you know, what limits you? And I said, 583 00:34:59.840 --> 00:35:02.199 you know, I put a lot of expectations on myself. 584 00:35:03.679 --> 00:35:07.239 You know, I, and then the question is like, well, 585 00:35:07.260 --> 00:35:09.900 how do you do that? And I'm like, you know, 586 00:35:10.139 --> 00:35:13.900 I kind of live by a to-do list. Now, am 587 00:35:14.019 --> 00:35:18.679 I thinking that there's anything traumatic in this? Anything bad 588 00:35:18.719 --> 00:35:22.619 about this other than my constant to-do list? And the 589 00:35:22.659 --> 00:35:26.099 question was, you know, took me to when did you, 590 00:35:26.500 --> 00:35:29.340 do you recall when you first had a to-do list 591 00:35:29.400 --> 00:35:32.860 or when you first made the to-do list very important? 592 00:35:33.079 --> 00:35:34.449 When did the software get downloaded? 593 00:35:34.469 --> 00:35:38.449 When did the, when did I create that meaning to 594 00:35:38.469 --> 00:35:44.480 a list? And it's, fascinating how compassionate inquiry works because 595 00:35:44.519 --> 00:35:48.400 it creates such safety. There's nothing right or wrong. It's 596 00:35:48.440 --> 00:35:52.599 just this beautiful curiosity that takes you deeper into yourself 597 00:35:53.019 --> 00:35:56.099 to ask those questions for me, for Loray, not for 598 00:35:56.139 --> 00:36:00.480 anyone else, but just for me. And suddenly I saw 599 00:36:00.539 --> 00:36:04.380 myself as a very young child and my to-do list 600 00:36:04.420 --> 00:36:10.860 was my summer chore chart. And, um, where as I 601 00:36:11.019 --> 00:36:15.159 would do my chores, I would get stars on my 602 00:36:15.199 --> 00:36:18.139 to-do list. So I was rewarded. I would get the 603 00:36:18.179 --> 00:36:22.150 attention of my mother. She had seven small children, so 604 00:36:22.190 --> 00:36:26.269 her attention was divided. There was no way anyone got 605 00:36:26.289 --> 00:36:27.949 it all the time because there were seven of us 606 00:36:28.030 --> 00:36:32.829 and my father, so eight. But I would get her attention, 607 00:36:34.329 --> 00:36:36.380 and she would be very happy that I had finished 608 00:36:36.409 --> 00:36:39.820 my chores. I also knew that there was no play 609 00:36:40.010 --> 00:36:40.949 until chores were done. 610 00:36:41.340 --> 00:36:42.010 You'd get a star. 611 00:36:43.010 --> 00:36:46.469 And I did get stars. But so there's like all 612 00:36:46.530 --> 00:36:51.269 these things that I'm seeing attached to, wow, a really 613 00:36:51.369 --> 00:36:57.849 young experience of a list. And it doesn't, you know, again, 614 00:36:57.969 --> 00:37:01.469 it's not meant to criticize anything about the list. You know, 615 00:37:01.510 --> 00:37:04.769 some sisters may have a really beautiful experience with the list. 616 00:37:06.130 --> 00:37:09.860 And I... Definitely, it worked for me. It gave me 617 00:37:12.619 --> 00:37:15.000 what I just said. It gave me structure. It gave 618 00:37:15.059 --> 00:37:19.710 me discipline. It gave me reward. Goal setting. Right. All 619 00:37:19.750 --> 00:37:23.550 those stars, all that. So I definitely, there were things 620 00:37:23.630 --> 00:37:26.789 that worked for me as a young child that are 621 00:37:26.809 --> 00:37:31.820 not working for me now at 66. The chart, the 622 00:37:31.880 --> 00:37:35.679 list has become a prisoner. So now in my life, 623 00:37:35.800 --> 00:37:39.679 I get to revisit that And I get to choose again. 624 00:37:39.699 --> 00:37:41.079 You're just curious, right? 625 00:37:41.139 --> 00:37:43.679 Right. I'm just curious. I'm not blaming the list. I'm 626 00:37:43.699 --> 00:37:45.059 not saying I should never have had it. 627 00:37:45.059 --> 00:37:46.300 It's not your mom's fault. 628 00:37:46.340 --> 00:37:49.349 It's not my mom's fault, my siblings. And it served 629 00:37:49.389 --> 00:37:52.750 its purpose. It gave meaning and brought something to my life. 630 00:37:53.469 --> 00:37:56.309 But now I am somewhat of a prisoner of the list. 631 00:37:56.469 --> 00:37:59.130 In fact, I told you that there are times I 632 00:37:59.150 --> 00:38:01.320 will put things on the list that weren't on there, 633 00:38:01.570 --> 00:38:03.119 but that I've done them just so I could take 634 00:38:03.159 --> 00:38:05.619 them off. Mm-hmm. So that I could feel that sense 635 00:38:05.679 --> 00:38:06.239 of reward. 636 00:38:06.840 --> 00:38:07.360 Accomplishment. 637 00:38:07.440 --> 00:38:14.380 Accomplishment. And so now my relationship with the list, I 638 00:38:14.400 --> 00:38:16.760 get to choose to make it differently. I get to 639 00:38:16.860 --> 00:38:23.130 say I can play before the list. I get gold 640 00:38:23.190 --> 00:38:26.429 stars for things that are not on the list. I 641 00:38:26.449 --> 00:38:28.730 get gold stars for just waking up in the morning 642 00:38:29.030 --> 00:38:32.090 and choosing for the first two hours to have nothing 643 00:38:32.190 --> 00:38:36.449 to do. what if I

rewarded myself for that? I 644 00:38:36.489 --> 00:38:39.659 would then gravitate to that, right? And so it's just 645 00:38:39.719 --> 00:38:45.559 this bigger question about something that I gave meaning to 646 00:38:46.739 --> 00:38:49.900 that has kept, that served me for, you know, that 647 00:38:50.019 --> 00:38:54.639 adaptation definitely served a purpose, but is now limiting me 648 00:38:55.840 --> 00:39:00.230 in experiencing life differently. And I'm ready for that difference. 649 00:39:01.010 --> 00:39:04.510 I don't need the structure. I don't, need the list. 650 00:39:04.710 --> 00:39:09.269 The list is now keeps me a prisoner. And so 651 00:39:09.349 --> 00:39:13.960 it's just this really beautiful way to have compassion for yourself, 652 00:39:14.679 --> 00:39:19.000 to have that inquiry, that curiosity to say, you know, 653 00:39:19.480 --> 00:39:24.030 what am I, what am I doing? And to understand that, 654 00:39:24.849 --> 00:39:26.829 you know, when I see someone else around me that 655 00:39:26.889 --> 00:39:30.639 is maybe driven by a list, asking them a question about, well, 656 00:39:30.679 --> 00:39:34.099 what would happen? What does the list give you? And 657 00:39:34.139 --> 00:39:36.400 what would happen if the list wasn't in your life? 658 00:39:37.570 --> 00:39:40.710 What freedom would that give you? So it's just a 659 00:39:40.750 --> 00:39:45.869 really interesting aspect to revisit and become curious about your 660 00:39:45.929 --> 00:39:50.710 life and create more freedom in your life from these 661 00:39:50.889 --> 00:39:58.639 traumatic things, this trauma. Again, I always associated trauma with 662 00:39:58.860 --> 00:40:02.860 big events, traumatic events. But there's these little traumas, little 663 00:40:02.900 --> 00:40:06.400 T's they call them, that really shaped and defined our 664 00:40:06.460 --> 00:40:10.380 life and created a pattern in your life that perhaps 665 00:40:10.420 --> 00:40:14.179 doesn't serve you or that limits you. And what could 666 00:40:14.219 --> 00:40:16.659 happen in your life if that limitation was removed? 667 00:40:18.320 --> 00:40:20.579 And I think it's important to note that You know, 668 00:40:21.219 --> 00:40:25.000 it's not never too late to notice those things and 669 00:40:25.199 --> 00:40:27.849 allow them to dissipate. It's not like you'll never make 670 00:40:27.889 --> 00:40:31.170 another list in your life. But it is that your 671 00:40:31.190 --> 00:40:33.230 relationship with the list changes. 672 00:40:33.590 --> 00:40:35.889 Right. Well, we found that I have to make a 673 00:40:35.889 --> 00:40:38.340 list because I forget things. Yeah. So when we're going 674 00:40:38.380 --> 00:40:39.860 to Costco, I have to make a list. 675 00:40:39.940 --> 00:40:42.159 Me too. If you don't make me a list, something's 676 00:40:42.179 --> 00:40:42.800 going to get missed. 677 00:40:42.900 --> 00:40:44.300 Or we get there and we're like, now what did 678 00:40:44.340 -->

00:40:47.539 we need? So again, there are reasons for a list 679 00:40:47.659 --> 00:40:51.460 to serve me still. Sure. But when it comes to 680 00:40:51.539 --> 00:40:54.940 me having a relationship to my day. 681 00:40:54.960 --> 00:40:56.380 To feel safe. 682 00:40:56.980 --> 00:41:00.760 To feel safe or to feel valued. That's probably the 683 00:41:00.780 --> 00:41:06.130 bigger issue is I don't tell myself that I earned 684 00:41:06.210 --> 00:41:09.710 the value of that day unless I accomplished X, Y. 685 00:41:09.730 --> 00:41:11.750 And Z. Enough things on the list. 686 00:41:12.289 --> 00:41:16.960 When in fact, nothing during the day. Perhaps the day 687 00:41:17.019 --> 00:41:21.090 was just set in contemplation. Perhaps the day was just, 688 00:41:21.570 --> 00:41:23.230 you know, this morning I'm going to go out and 689 00:41:23.250 --> 00:41:25.550 I'm going to just spend the morning with my roses. 690 00:41:26.489 --> 00:41:29.210 I'm going to gently clip the leaves. I'm going to 691 00:41:29.329 --> 00:41:31.929 think about them. I'm going to talk to them. I'm 692 00:41:31.969 --> 00:41:34.610 just going to think about the reciprocity that I have 693 00:41:34.679 --> 00:41:37.760 with my flowers. You know, those are kind of things 694 00:41:37.780 --> 00:41:40.340 that I never did. They would never have hit my list. 695 00:41:40.519 --> 00:41:45.380 In fact, there was not time for that. So that 696 00:41:45.760 --> 00:41:48.449 sort of thing was not even... on my radar as 697 00:41:48.510 --> 00:41:51.880 an experience for me to have. And now I find 698 00:41:51.920 --> 00:41:56.380 a lot of joy in that. So it's, I think 699 00:41:56.559 --> 00:41:59.139 it's a prompt. I think it's a prompt for all 700 00:41:59.159 --> 00:42:02.460 of us to just become really curious about our own lives, 701 00:42:03.360 --> 00:42:07.860 about some of those things that, uh, you know, keep 702 00:42:07.920 --> 00:42:12.500 us rigid, keep our edges sharp. You know, how can 703 00:42:12.539 --> 00:42:17.360 we soften our edges? How can our relationship with ourselves 704 00:42:17.460 --> 00:42:22.360 first and foremost be more gentle? Because when we show 705 00:42:22.440 --> 00:42:24.639 up being gentle for ourselves, we're going to be gentle 706 00:42:24.659 --> 00:42:28.400 for others. When we show up curious about ourselves, we're 707 00:42:28.420 --> 00:42:31.639 going to be curious for others. When we have less 708 00:42:31.949 --> 00:42:35.929 right and wrong about ourselves and the way we walk 709 00:42:35.969 --> 00:42:38.070 in the world, we're going to have less right and 710 00:42:38.110 --> 00:42:41.170 wrong about the way others walk in the world. And 711 00:42:41.230 --> 00:42:44.969 all of that contributes to just a healthier relationship relationship 712 00:42:45.530 --> 00:42:48.280 as a human being with ourselves and with every other 713 00:42:48.320 --> 00:42:49.980 human being that crosses our path. 714 00:42:51.380 --> 00:42:57.519 It does. That's beautiful. So the purpose of this message today, 715 00:42:57.539 --> 00:43:00.380 I think is just for each person who's hearing it 716 00:43:01.360 --> 00:43:04.619 to contemplate that in your life. What are the, like 717 00:43:04.719 --> 00:43:06.639 in your relationship for the first part that we talked 718 00:43:06.679 --> 00:43:09.059 about in your relationship with others, be it your spouse, 719 00:43:09.099 --> 00:43:12.820 your siblings or parent or whoever it is that, um, 720 00:43:14.199 --> 00:43:16.579 what are some of the responses they may have that 721 00:43:16.679 --> 00:43:19.360 you have no idea why they respond the way they respond. 722 00:43:20.019 --> 00:43:23.269 I just have some curiosity and compassion with that and 723 00:43:23.309 --> 00:43:26.449 some open, hopefully dialogue about it where you can both 724 00:43:26.530 --> 00:43:30.309 process that and not have a judgment around it or 725 00:43:30.349 --> 00:43:33.110 holding it in a, in a place of negativity. Just 726 00:43:33.130 --> 00:43:36.659 be curious, allow that to be explored a bit. 727 00:43:37.019 --> 00:43:39.340 Before we sign off, I think another big one, you know, 728 00:43:40.610 --> 00:43:42.639 that was less about me, but just more about how 729 00:43:42.679 --> 00:43:46.260 my experience had changed, you know, being married to you 730 00:43:46.280 --> 00:43:51.119 and you being the baby of a large family and 731 00:43:51.159 --> 00:43:54.440 just having you share with me and point out like 732 00:43:54.500 --> 00:43:57.900 how your experiences were different or how sometimes you felt 733 00:43:58.360 --> 00:44:01.719 as the baby, given what the experience was, made me 734 00:44:02.039 --> 00:44:07.380 become really curious about my youngest sister and her experience 735 00:44:07.579 --> 00:44:12.719 in our family. And, just becoming curious about her experience 736 00:44:12.880 --> 00:44:16.599 and one, my role in it. So as you talked 737 00:44:16.639 --> 00:44:19.960 about your brothers, I became really curious about, well, what 738 00:44:20.019 --> 00:44:24.320 is my role in my youngest sister's life? Now, I 739 00:44:24.360 --> 00:44:27.070 could ask that question in all of my sister's lives 740 00:44:28.159 --> 00:44:31.650 and my brother's because we played a role in everyone's, 741 00:44:31.690 --> 00:44:35.530 but given that you're the youngest, it was prompted mostly 742 00:44:35.590 --> 00:44:40.519 about the youngest in my family. And having that experience 743 00:44:40.559 --> 00:44:43.679 and just those conversations with you where you allowed that 744 00:44:43.739 --> 00:44:49.019 vulnerability and that conversation and prompted my curiosity, I started 745 00:44:49.079 --> 00:44:55.110 to see ways that I had not imposed, and maybe 746 00:44:55.170 --> 00:45:01.829 in some ways had imposed, but how my experience to 747 00:45:01.889 --> 00:45:08.889 her as the youngest contributed to some self-beliefs that she

held. 748 00:45:10.230 --> 00:45:18.159 And that's been challenging for me to understand and to 749 00:45:18.219 --> 00:45:24.079 be curious enough about to change. And now it's change 750 00:45:24.119 --> 00:45:27.500 that's not only me, but it's change that impacts her. 751 00:45:28.480 --> 00:45:32.139 And really being honest with her about what I see 752 00:45:33.179 --> 00:45:36.449 and saying, it must have been hard to be the 753 00:45:36.489 --> 00:45:40.780 youngest of these seven. And it's been fascinating because she 754 00:45:40.840 --> 00:45:44.469 says a lot of things that you say. You know, 755 00:45:45.050 --> 00:45:51.789 my voice wasn't heard. Sometimes my voice didn't count. And 756 00:45:51.849 --> 00:45:58.130 so it is a similarity of the youngest one in 757 00:45:58.170 --> 00:46:01.750 a large family. And so when we can understand that 758 00:46:02.130 --> 00:46:05.989 and just, again, allow it to be a different relationship 759 00:46:06.289 --> 00:46:09.250 and allow that now we're all Almost all of my siblings. 760 00:46:10.449 --> 00:46:13.909 She'll turn 59 this year. My oldest sister who passed 761 00:46:13.949 --> 00:46:17.789 away would have been 73. So now, you know, so 762 00:46:17.829 --> 00:46:23.639 my second sister is 71. So imagine the range from 763 00:46:23.639 --> 00:46:28.260 71 to 59. We're all adults now. No one has 764 00:46:28.300 --> 00:46:30.860 to play those childhood roles. 765 00:46:31.460 --> 00:46:35.349 You're all older adults with children and grandchildren. 766 00:46:35.650 --> 00:46:36.210 But guess what? 767 00:46:38.329 --> 00:46:40.030 Those roles are still active. They are. 768 00:46:40.849 --> 00:46:44.090 You know, we get together and those roles are still active. 769 00:46:44.949 --> 00:46:49.800 And imagine if all of us very intentionally started to 770 00:46:50.400 --> 00:46:51.599 let go of those roles. 771 00:46:51.619 --> 00:46:52.599 Let go of the roles. 772 00:46:53.460 --> 00:46:56.659 And just gave ourselves freedom to say, wow, I want 773 00:46:56.679 --> 00:47:00.539 a different relationship with you other than where you are 774 00:47:00.559 --> 00:47:04.010 in the family. You know, you being the youngest and 775 00:47:04.250 --> 00:47:08.409 annoying me or you being the youngest and needing to 776 00:47:08.610 --> 00:47:12.550 have this true or that true, whatever all those circumstances are, 777 00:47:13.170 --> 00:47:17.650 every family has them. And not only the youngest, but 778 00:47:17.690 --> 00:47:21.210 the oldest, the next baby, the middle, the number four. 779 00:47:21.769 --> 00:47:28.320 If we all just allowed those roles to soften and 780 00:47:28.360 --> 00:47:31.099 to look at them and say, here's what I would 781 00:47:31.139 --> 00:47:33.139 need from all of you to let go of a 782 00:47:33.199 --> 00:47:37.300 role that limits me. I think that would be a 783 00:47:37.360 --> 00:47:40.579 really healing process for a family to embark upon. But 784 00:47:40.619 --> 00:47:43.139 it takes every single one of you to be aware 785 00:47:43.159 --> 00:47:48.489 and willing, curious, and wanting to step into that space 786 00:47:48.690 --> 00:47:52.909 because so you, you will be challenged that this, I 787 00:47:52.949 --> 00:47:57.219 will promise you will be challenged about the beliefs that 788 00:47:57.280 --> 00:48:00.980 you hold, that you don't even know where beliefs that 789 00:48:01.000 --> 00:48:04.800 started as you were all these young children growing up together. 790 00:48:05.980 --> 00:48:10.559 And don't, don't not explore that because of your preconceived 791 00:48:10.619 --> 00:48:15.030 ideas of where the relationship sits with your siblings. Explore it. 792 00:48:15.539 --> 00:48:19.260 Be, find, find a way to create a safe space 793 00:48:19.320 --> 00:48:22.179 for everyone to go there. Cause safety. And that's the 794 00:48:22.219 --> 00:48:27.059 other thing, um, that Gabor Mate's training has taught is 795 00:48:27.139 --> 00:48:31.380 that no one can go to those places unless they 796 00:48:31.400 --> 00:48:31.880 feel safe. 797 00:48:33.119 --> 00:48:36.969 I think you and I both learned this yesterday. Um, 798 00:48:37.550 --> 00:48:40.590 as we were talking to my brother Jeff and you 799 00:48:40.610 --> 00:48:43.869 were talking with your brother Rick, well, we were both 800 00:48:43.929 --> 00:48:47.250 visiting with them. And I felt like we were making 801 00:48:47.289 --> 00:48:54.550 some real connection with both of them. And the reason 802 00:48:54.590 --> 00:48:58.190 that the connection was deeper than it normally is is 803 00:48:58.239 --> 00:49:02.059 because it was one-on-one. And it wasn't the dynamic of 804 00:49:02.099 --> 00:49:04.739 the whole family wasn't there because usually we're at family reunions. 805 00:49:04.820 --> 00:49:08.130 And so all the brothers are there. And so the 806 00:49:08.170 --> 00:49:11.650 dynamic of all of the brothers together, it's like everything 807 00:49:11.789 --> 00:49:14.369 falls into that dynamic. As soon as you get together, 808 00:49:14.429 --> 00:49:15.369 you're in that dynamic. 809 00:49:15.429 --> 00:49:16.809 You return to that family system. 810 00:49:16.829 --> 00:49:19.469 The oldest and on down to the youngest. 811 00:49:19.550 --> 00:49:20.880 You return. to that family system. 812 00:49:20.900 --> 00:49:22.579 The pecking order. It's just like when I go and 813 00:49:22.599 --> 00:49:24.960 look at my chicken coop every night, they're in the 814 00:49:25.000 --> 00:49:30.530 same order every night. That's how they live. They're lined 815 00:49:30.610 --> 00:49:31.510 up in the same. 816 00:49:31.360 --> 00:49:33.750 Order every night. That's the pattern until it breaks. 817 00:49:33.949 --> 00:49:34.809 How does that happen? 818 00:49:35.010 --> 00:49:35.269 Right. 819 00:49:35.849 --> 00:49:39.940 So it's no different than that. But so as you 820 00:49:40.099 --> 00:49:42.579 decide if you're going

to explore this with siblings or not, 821 00:49:44.000 --> 00:49:46.800 I would recommend exploring it individually, one on one. 822 00:49:47.159 --> 00:49:51.489 Right. And allowing that. It's also, you know, we had 823 00:49:51.510 --> 00:49:55.030 a wedding recently in our family and my youngest sister 824 00:49:55.070 --> 00:49:58.090 was in town with all her children. And she shared 825 00:49:58.110 --> 00:50:00.070 with me a really funny story. She said that they 826 00:50:00.090 --> 00:50:02.889 were playing a game and it wasn't while they were 827 00:50:02.909 --> 00:50:05.190 in town playing the game. They had actually been somewhere 828 00:50:05.230 --> 00:50:06.789 else playing the game, but she shared it with me 829 00:50:06.829 --> 00:50:09.190 while they were here. And she said one of the 830 00:50:09.210 --> 00:50:14.989 questions that came up was, how hard was your childhood? 831 00:50:15.210 --> 00:50:18.489 How strict, not hard, how strict was your childhood on 832 00:50:18.530 --> 00:50:24.980 a scale from 1 to 10? And her oldest child said, 10. 833 00:50:25.159 --> 00:50:31.300 By all means, 10. And the middle child said 5. 834 00:50:31.300 --> 00:50:34.039 And the youngest one said 3. And when the youngest 835 00:50:34.179 --> 00:50:38.110 one said 3, the oldest one said, What world did 836 00:50:38.150 --> 00:50:42.469 you grow up in? Right? But that question is true. 837 00:50:42.550 --> 00:50:42.929 Oh, it is. 838 00:50:43.210 --> 00:50:46.590 What world did you grow up in? Because she grew 839 00:50:46.670 --> 00:50:50.179 up in a very different world, even though it was 840 00:50:50.199 --> 00:50:54.739 the same house, the same siblings, the same parents, than 841 00:50:54.780 --> 00:50:57.800 the oldest one did. And the age gap is not 842 00:50:57.840 --> 00:51:02.949 that great between them. You know, there may be, let's see, 843 00:51:03.659 --> 00:51:07.670 three and a half years, because, you know, Him and 844 00:51:07.690 --> 00:51:09.809 the middle child, I think there's two years between them. 845 00:51:10.369 --> 00:51:13.670 And then there's like, you know, 15 months between the 846 00:51:13.690 --> 00:51:17.139 middle and the baby. So the three of them were 847 00:51:17.179 --> 00:51:22.179 pretty close together growing up. But how significant. And that's 848 00:51:22.239 --> 00:51:26.840 the significance of the dynamics changing between first parents, first 849 00:51:26.880 --> 00:51:30.019 time parents to an older child. And then parents who 850 00:51:30.239 --> 00:51:33.210 are now with the youngest child. And a lot had 851 00:51:33.250 --> 00:51:36.889 happened in their lives, right? You know, economics had changed. 852 00:51:37.260 --> 00:51:41.980 Geographics had changed. Just a lot of circumstances. And the 853 00:51:42.019 --> 00:51:45.260 family laughed. You know, they saw a lot of humor 854 00:51:45.340 --> 00:51:49.519 in it, which was fun. But it's also, then that 855 00:51:49.599 --> 00:51:54.119

humor can actually prompt a question that, wow, this is 856 00:51:54.199 --> 00:51:57.760 just a fun example. But how could our worldviews be 857 00:51:57.820 --> 00:52:02.300 very different? And our expectations with one another be very different? 858 00:52:02.960 --> 00:52:06.940 Because this was something... That was planted at a very 859 00:52:06.980 --> 00:52:07.400 young age. 860 00:52:07.599 --> 00:52:16.849 Definitely. I have loved this conversation. And I think we'll 861 00:52:16.889 --> 00:52:19.550 feel into this, but I think probably at least once 862 00:52:19.610 --> 00:52:22.710 a month we're going to do a conversation with the 863 00:52:22.750 --> 00:52:24.610 two of us. And there's some things I'd like to 864 00:52:24.670 --> 00:52:27.750 continue this conversation about, but we don't want to extend 865 00:52:27.789 --> 00:52:30.530 it too much. So the next time we get together, 866 00:52:30.590 --> 00:52:32.170 what I would like to do is delve a little 867 00:52:32.190 --> 00:52:34.940 bit more into this. the realizations I've been having. And 868 00:52:34.960 --> 00:52:36.619 I'm going to sit with it between now and then, 869 00:52:37.460 --> 00:52:41.650 go a little bit deeper in my daily practices and 870 00:52:41.690 --> 00:52:47.090 rituals and contemplations about some of these realizations that I've 871 00:52:47.110 --> 00:52:50.949 been having of being the youngest, the experiences that I've had, 872 00:52:51.010 --> 00:52:53.949 the interactions with siblings and some of those things that, 873 00:52:54.969 --> 00:52:59.219 you know, yours was, your biggest traumatic event was the 874 00:52:59.949 --> 00:53:04.110 car accident. My biggest traumatic event, I think, that's coming 875 00:53:04.150 --> 00:53:06.210 up for me right now was when my uncle died, 876 00:53:06.250 --> 00:53:09.110 as I mentioned. So I'd like to delve more into 877 00:53:09.150 --> 00:53:12.929 that and the relationship with siblings and a lot of 878 00:53:12.989 --> 00:53:15.710 that different stuff as we continue to do it. And 879 00:53:15.730 --> 00:53:18.889 hopefully what this can mean to you, as I said before, 880 00:53:19.090 --> 00:53:24.480 is just in your relationships, be curious and allow yourself 881 00:53:24.559 --> 00:53:27.880 to be present with those things and have some one-on-one 882 00:53:28.480 --> 00:53:32.820 interactions and discussions to help shed some light where maybe 883 00:53:35.230 --> 00:53:37.469 You might be holding things in a negative space, but 884 00:53:37.750 --> 00:53:42.550 they can be transformed into something positive of the light 885 00:53:42.639 --> 00:53:44.679 and not having to be right or wrong, but it 886 00:53:44.719 --> 00:53:48.079 can be transformed and deepen your relationships more. That's the 887 00:53:48.139 --> 00:53:48.739 entire point. 888 00:53:49.079 --> 00:53:52.820 I love that. I think it's perfect because I'll be 889 00:53:52.860 --> 00:53:56.730 going through this compassionate inquiry training. I started in May, 890 00:53:57.349 --> 00:53:58.650 so it goes for a year. So it's going to 891 00:53:58.690 --> 00:54:01.570 take us back. It's going to take us through the next, 892 00:54:02.170 --> 00:54:05.309 you know, eight months or so back to May. And 893 00:54:05.989 --> 00:54:07.809 it can just be a journey that we take everyone on. 894 00:54:07.929 --> 00:54:10.429 And as you become curious about it, you know, I 895 00:54:10.510 --> 00:54:15.179 really encourage you to, you know, reach out and follow, um, 896 00:54:16.619 --> 00:54:20.840 Gabor Mate on, uh, social media, what he says, and 897 00:54:20.900 --> 00:54:25.860 look to see where there's a compassionate inquiry therapist in 898 00:54:26.760 --> 00:54:29.659 where you live. Um, we're in a, you know, we're 899 00:54:29.719 --> 00:54:34.900 in a cohort and, um, it's surprising to me and 900 00:54:34.980 --> 00:54:38.429 also very rewarding to see that it is a very 901 00:54:38.650 --> 00:54:42.809 active cohort that is very international. It's, you know, the 902 00:54:42.929 --> 00:54:47.190 U S presence is very small. There's relative, yeah. Relative 903 00:54:47.250 --> 00:54:49.690 to the size of the cohort. It is, it is 904 00:54:49.769 --> 00:54:54.090 truly the largest international kind of experience that I have 905 00:54:54.130 --> 00:54:54.610 been having. 906 00:54:54.989 --> 00:55:00.030 So you're getting to see multiculturally how people are interacting 907 00:55:00.340 --> 00:55:03.949 and As you always state, you're getting to see how 908 00:55:04.170 --> 00:55:04.949 similar we are. 909 00:55:05.150 --> 00:55:06.889 Yes, it's really beautiful. 910 00:55:07.010 --> 00:55:07.710 No matter where they're from. 911 00:55:07.750 --> 00:55:09.550 We're more similar than we are different. 912 00:55:09.570 --> 00:55:13.099 Whether they're from India or Canada. 913 00:55:13.119 --> 00:55:20.960 Dubai, Canada, France, England, Sweden. It's just Mexico. It's beautiful. 914 00:55:21.059 --> 00:55:24.880 It's just really a beautiful community that I'm in. 915 00:55:25.519 --> 00:55:28.199 Well, may the world get smaller through this experience. 916 00:55:28.260 --> 00:55:28.559 Yes. 917 00:55:29.280 --> 00:55:32.469 Awesome. All right, so I guess that's it for today. 918 00:55:32.489 --> 00:55:33.570 Do you feel complete? 919 00:55:33.750 --> 00:55:34.489 I feel complete. 920 00:55:34.510 --> 00:55:38.010 I do too. All right then. Until next time. Bye. 921 00:55:40.210 --> 00:55:44.849 If you're enjoying the Observatory Podcast, please consider subscribing, sharing us, 922 00:55:45.409 --> 00:55:48.010 and if you have time to write a review about 923 00:55:48.050 --> 00:55:50.280 something that may have affected your life or helped you 924 00:55:50.300 --> 00:55:53.400 in some way, please do so. That helps us to 925 00:55:53.440 --> 00:55:55.860 get the word out and get this information out to 926 00:55:55.960 --> 00:55:58.480 more and more people so that it can be shared 927 00:55:58.860 --> 00:56:02.840 and we can help ripple out this energy that's emanating 928 00:56:02.860 --> 00:56:05.559 in the world today. There's been so much separation, and 929 00:56:05.599 --> 00:56:08.500 we want to find a way to create conversations where 930 00:56:08.539 --> 00:56:12.320 we can come together, not divide so much as we 931 00:56:12.360 --> 00:56:16.469 have been, to learn to come together in unity. Thank you. 932 00:56:20.449 --> 00:56:22.929 You've been listening to The Observatory Podcast. 933 00:56:23.329 --> 00:56:26.530 Please be sure to subscribe so you don't miss any 934 00:56:26.769 --> 00:56:28.230 of our future episodes.