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ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Nico sits down with Rain Dove to talk all things gender, activism, modeling, acting, and personal movements.

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English
United States
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TRANSCRIPT

00:00:00the following is an at-will presentation
00:00:22I can probably
00:00:48hey guys so we're going to start this week's episode a little bit different I'm going to give you two full minutes of some ambient noise Our Guest today's name is rain Dove and as I was sitting down trying to think of something to lay down for the intro I thought why not this why don't we give 2 minutes for some meditation pre episode really throughout our day do we ever just sit and breathe so he needs 2 minutes. Hear sounds of rain sounds of Dubs PS my last name means turtledove so there's like a lot of synchronicity happening in all of this and just breathe take deep breaths
00:01:29breathe in for 3 out for 3 and set an intention for your day
00:01:36I love you guys
00:03:16this is a conversation with a human I love named Rain dove
00:03:32yo so we have puppies in the room we are going to have some puppy noises throughout this track and get into it some puppy love and my my partner actually works 3 3 Doors Down sound it has a band you have a partner K nice how long have y'all been together one we've been together for about 2 years now online that it's always talking about we've just recently gotten into a monogamous Dynamics how does that work exactly what was in a time. Of my life where I had come out of a series of monogamous Dynamics and I had been tied one up in a culture that is extremely puritanical in top of that monogamy was the way
00:04:32the only way and I don't know what you talking about that's like sounds really strange like a very uncommon way of thinking but there are people out there a small select group which represents like 60 some odd percent of the population that believes people are meant to be together only two at a time to appear to my life where I realize. I was really unhealthy because I was I was finding myself in these situations where I go on dates with people and I felt like if I went on a first date I had to go there with the intention of this may be the person I'm going to be with for the rest of my life always and all times so I decided that I would try openly dating people and I use a lot of very open communication it was super healthy it was great and I was able to discover what I really was seeking in a partner that kind of qualities I was in a really looking for a and then when I found somebody who really had all those quality
00:05:32so I decided to really focus on that partner and if I ever wanted to reopen my life sexually I wouldn't be able to be honest with them and be communicative and say hey I know that where I am and I was Dynamic but I want to explore the sexual needs and we will chat about it so how long have you been monogamous now room in the relationship for emotional polyamory can you still get really close to somebody else without having sex with them I mean I get really close with all my friends and I really connect on all the levels I think it's every night since I could see how do you know if I if I say something that's too sweet you're too kind or don't feel very uncomfortable you know it's like I extend myself too much I could say they're moving and I was like yeah I'll help you for free I'm not trying to like sleep around
00:06:32start another relationship and I cashed a nice person of person that like when I take the time to invest you know in people I'm 100% Full Throttle all in a hundred percent did you hit on other people in front of them in the first year
00:06:54I was very careful about keeping my Dynamic separate from my other Dynamics, I was very communicative about like who I was with when I was with people if they wanted to know when I left that I condition of knowledge up to that wanted to be honest and if they wanted to meet up to get a partner I would talk to the other partner and if that person was open that would be great and there was a time I was a great time where I had like dinner with 5 different people I went home with one of them at the end of the night and nobody was jealous somebody sent if they were they definitely kept it to themselves or nobody sent me weird passive-aggressive messages or anything like that would be openly affectionate in front of everybody. And it was happening everybody was a part of it and it wasn't it wasn't seeing his like this awful thing and it let's let's start with who you are rained of rain fucking fucking the rain on them. You know my last name means turtledove Italian that's amazing
00:07:54having a hard time seeing you last night and kept on saying Tortola Tortola torrella of syllables is supercalifragilisticexpialidocious stop it right now. Lasky we just stick with rain rain. The rain Dove how are all of those names real diapers and then I'm you have to go on your spirit Journey at my family it has a time and I can eat my mom's side is Abenaki and French my dad's side is all the people who rape the I've been acting in the French and all that what is Abenaki is a Native American tribe from the Northeast Kingdom area of the u.s.
00:08:54Amazon of the flowers so that's a very common.
00:08:59I love my mom I love the name Danielle is my Christian given name because there was an atom as you know they're very adamant parents are like we must make sure that we have our staff just in case you know they need to have a passport to get into heaven and then Victoria was the name of the nurse that deliver me super is my father's last name and my great-grandfather who is Jewish Holocaust Survivor before he was passing away on their side of the family it was all you know is all like female quote this whenever I say hi Jenny thanks for the past it took on the last name so dinner now I'm Rupert glass key. Anything with the bubble letters then it's just a waste of paper so what is your driver's license or state ID
00:09:59okay okay they just kind of left a few of them have been shipped they were just going to cut like three quarters and Excedrin always thinks that you're like some pot-smoking hippie which I think you can still do a job pretty well and be a pot-smoking t I forgot the first couple days of meeting you I was like so how long you been gone by Randolph that's just my name because my parents were concerned I could picked on the school and the teachers were concerned too cuz I already was kind of tall and ganglion just awkward already and they're like rain. I was not going to help them but they're not doing call me tranny Danny and just made that she's 3 years and they shaved all my hair off right
00:10:59I'm cuz my parents could afford to Live skit and when I went to school have these big muscles and no tits and like just like a steri shapeless kind of tall lanky body and everyone knew that my name is Danielle so they all call me tranny Danny but I thought that was someone is in the trains cuz I didn't grab a television or pop culture I mean how did they even come up with a name I mean television is something that a lot of people still have access to so this is what year this was a while back in the 90s the idea Transit transvestite transsexual mean more like a transvestite I think they're transgender but it was kind of like anything that would be considered trans for sure for anyone that doesn't know who you are and what you represent in the world you want to just give me like a run down here
00:11:59conversations with people are like confused I am a human being sometimes all the time do the particles future worm food future you know Oregon in a jar I'm sure I currently am a model activist an actor when he was pretty exciting I'm using the word activist I love that is so good service station to every image that you put out there so when you're acting you have to make sure that every film that you're in is not just like I masturbated will pleasure it's it's somewhat it does have to be perfectly in line with the message but it has to be somewhat in the bubble like I got an audition at a few months ago that was like a young Mike Pence and I was like fuck you absolutely not happening I will he's ever audition for that role
00:12:59sorry I mean unless they were trying to do some kind of like video to Mike Pence where you can watch if you like it's himself talking to himself and being like you should change your life at all politicians want to be a rockstar no I mean I mean I'm being as it's probably not necessarily my favorite character right now but definitely am it wasn't like a biopic of Mike Pence that he used the just the name Mike Pence as a reference for what this guy would be like it was a young Republican like start fucking dick really what if somebody asks you to play a Nazi and a film write a Nazi rule what the film was like about you know the phone feature like you know Jewish hero or a person who was a minority who was the hero of the film and they were overcoming them and they just wanted you to portray the bad guy in general I don't know that I need to play the bad guy right now
00:13:59I think that there are a ton of other people that would love that job and don't believe in the things that I do and they should have that job I've been like really really picky on the stuff that I even put myself out there for at this point personally I'm like more in line with the stuff that I'm doing outside of other people's projects and outside of working out the shiny beautiful Hollywood industry I just think that I have a different responsibilities at this point and that's okay I'm in a position where I can like take that stance very luckily in that position I realize the pillows should I have in this industry you know and I think that I have to do something with it absolutely I mean it's a gray pill that should be allowed to be picky you know I think that unfortunate lot of mistakes that people make as you're coming into the industry any kind of media industry is that they take what they can get cuz I feel like it's the only thing that will ever get a lot of people don't really realize the value in like you know filtering and say you know if this came
00:14:59you are welcome to take your time yet for sure it's such a difficult but like it's one of those things I don't know I always knew as a little kid that this is what I was going to be doing there was never I never had a plan B it was like I just was this was it you wanted to be when I was a little kid I thought my activists world was going to be more in food and dye it I was like really interesting vegan for most of middle school and then I was raw food is for 3 years like I have lists I've never talked about this I have list from when I was like 10 years old of like all of these things that I was going to do in Hollywood to build the platform to be able to like break into the diet industry and so you were like really passionate about this and like you really believe that if people change the way they consume for they can change the world on this kick now you know I used to
00:15:59and everybody says all the time like you are what you eat you are what you eat you I would choose thanks a little thing but like I don't know if that's totally true anymore I think that you are what you believe and you are what you think and if you can if you eat a fucking hot dog like we all know a hot dogs bad for you right like on a scientific level are hot dogs bad for you but if you're looking at this hot dog and you were like this is going to sound so hippy-dippy but if you like send love to this hot dog and realize that like you're going to enjoy the experience and like no it's going to go through and it's going to pass and everything's going to be fine like I don't think the hot dogs that bad for you anymore I think I'm that's a very interesting way of thinking about it I mean our bodies are they are mechanical machines and as a machine you know a lot of the lubricants that machine are chemicals and you know where the chemicals are definitely they can be triggered by the synapses you know these electrical synapses in your brain and your brain is powered by the you that's you that's beyond your body so I definitely believe that you can have a better Digest
00:16:59you know experience if you do change the way that you think I mean will it make a hot dog really still very good for you probably not but will the effects of the hot dog of the things you take in on possibly change absolutely where your body may be digested better and and figure out what to do you know shit out and want to keep better probably absolutely I mean I think you see it all the time and I actually got a really interesting article the other day about there was an experiment done about people and there was half the people who they were asked do you have any toxic people in your life and have two people said people don't like to be around but no like really toxic people and then the other half they said I do have any toxic people in your life and then those people are like yes absolutely totally toxic people I know them I know them is toxic people and yeah I try to keep them out of my life right when they did these studies they found out that the people who did not recognize a toxic people in the life and said oh yeah these people just bother me they tend to keep
00:17:59most people in their life and beans a healthy but they keep them around and so they keep this toxicity in them and they actually were 70% more likely to die of some kind of illness illness related I'm saying instead of just died General degeneration study has happened for a little bit over a century it's been really interesting and the other half I tend to live longer lives or die from just like freak accidents and things are not really but they but they were healthier because I could recognize what was toxic and what wasn't right not immune to keeping around people who aren't healthy because I am a gambler and I love to I'm gamble I think that every moment is a moment where somebody can change and I think that everyone is on their own Journey so their Journeys going to ship to change it I haven't always been the best person you know I definitely am not the same person I was and I I wish that I would have given myself a chance back then so
00:18:58check on your favor you back when I'm back when I was in the best person you know I think that sometimes when we're not great people we take other people down with us you know but sometimes we also just need consistent people who No Boundaries know who are consisted in our lives don't hold our fault against a child but also know how to have boundaries and say you're not a healthy person for me right now but they're open to Yuri entering into their lives I feel like isolation can really help us smarter ourselves and it becomes more difficult to pull ourselves out of our depression because we feel like the hero of her own story or we feel like it's impossible like nobody believes in me why should I believe in myself but it definitely cause you not to be as much of it you know how these you know functions decide hard drugs and prostitution
00:19:58couple. I went through. When I was like 23 to 24 and then went through another. When I was 25 to 26 of my Dynamic with my partner actually I was like Couchsurfing and doing my thing and it definitely wasn't the healthiest healthy situation then when I was out in Berkeley California I was sleeping in my vehicle and then one day I somebody thought there was a dead body in the back of the vehicle so they reported it and it's illegal for you to sleep in your car in California so the police knocked on the window they scared me I scared them everybody was scared and I got out of the vehicle by their demands and they towed my car and the cost of the towing was 500 bucks which as a homeless person can afford so I lost my home and that I resorted to sleeping in people's backyards and it yo you put little Saran Wrap over the over the sprinklers and you know you go to like you go to restaurants and wait for people to be done eating and then you swipe
00:20:58weather like on eating off in their place to the Future till I do whatever you need to do with it and I just definitely was more of an aladdin you know I definitely had my share of shoplifting and things like that you know it's a young kid where'd you grow up in Vermont I didn't really do any of that stuff during that time. But I know that definitely when I was like going through my more transient face I definitely wasn't a positive contributor to society no I hear you I I didn't expect that story at all but I'm I'm happy you shared it yeah yeah I'm pretty open it like that before but I think that it's a really interesting how easy it is to become homeless in chatting to fall into that state and then the hardest thing isn't being homeless it's the being lonely because you feel
00:21:58you are so gross your part of the street dust and you could scream and fall on the ground and beg for help and no one would help you people would just walk by you know and they couldn't be bothered and then the people who are bothered or just over concerned and very fetishizing of your play and they provide these temporary solutions and the real solution is in your own mind but you just feel like maybe the world isn't real maybe things don't exist there becomes a point where you just feel very out of body you don't really feel like a person anymore you don't really count time anymore and it's easy to fall into that like Vortex and just fall away from everything so hard in the back of a house I had been foreclosed and and I was doing I would go to pick my daughter just told me that if you have two hands or at least a good head you can go
00:22:58which is a little ableism I apologize if that's if I can go to work and if you can't find anything then just go door-to-door and ask people to work so I would go to people's houses door to door and knock and ask people for I be like hey I noticed that your lawn needs to be mowed or I noticed your bushes need to be trimmed or whatever and I just pick up some cash that way and I asked that I took a friend out to drinks and they were having a hard time ironic I was having a good time to a little bit and they told me that they were like you know you really should change your life you're really good looking person maybe you should consider modeling is cuz I'm homeless and I haven't even tried like the natural installment end on my course I lost the bet over this football game and I had to go to a casting call of their choice which sounded like the worst punishment you could ever go through I'd never wanted to do is have an awful I drive
00:23:58my feet the whole entire time to this Calvin Klein casting in San Francisco and when I showed up they told me I was there on the wrong day I looked around and I've never really known anything about the fashion industry really not interested never studied it I don't know anything I do the Calvin Klein was like some kind of like brand-new seeing like Goodwill and stuff like that on men shirt and so I looked around and I buy hair color Blonde on Blonde and there's one redhead and Isaac to make sense you don't want anything to Clash of the clothing mentor as Society cause I met you know and I realize I'm at a men's casting but I've been mistaken as a male before so I was like alright whatever what the right way to say this is what you are born female correct I mean Society with demon female I got this like vagina situation going on so I was worried he's got some pool chemicals flowing around
00:24:58they came in later but there is still you know I do look at them I I do look like quite the voluptuous baby to be fair I was pretty you know these things came in and I was so ashamed of them in an elementary school at first I was like I like either so big and running with so hard it's a man show on the day of the show and they had me a pair of underwear I'm getting my hair and makeup done too like let's go we have 20 minutes to get through the walk-through let's go let's go so I was like I'm just waiting for my outfit like where do I go for that and then like that is your outfit and I look at I had this pair of underwear and I realize I'm in a men's underwear show and I'm like less than a week later okay so I have like this pair of underwear a day of the show 20 minutes before we have to go out and I'm like okay and I knew I had two options I can say one excuse me there are some things in my body
00:25:58that I think might not aligned with particular marketing scheme you have for this Carmen thank you so much for your time here I go and I'm out right that's what that was a classic rainbows time but I had quite the reputation of being nefariously late late I mean I wasn't late because like the subway blew up or anything that's terrible say that the subway broke down I really do know you're supposed to leave but I have to finish this episode I was terrible terrible at the time yeah so I had to this person went to say like fuck it and just go out there and make my friend just as embarrassed and just as like awkward as I had felt when I went on cuz I thought what I was doing was terrible I was like this it's awful these pretentious capitalistic motherfucker narcissist
00:26:58assholes look at them they think they're so great they're setting unrealistic beauty standards for people they think they are so awesome like I've really had it out for the fashion industry I hated it I just thought it was I just shove shity and I waited in the dressing room to last minute and then feel like rain and I come running out and I'm not wearing anything except for underwear I know why you Calvin Klein tighty whities
00:27:39places to see in San Francisco home of the queer so it's very very tricky situation for them I think they're trans if I was just androgynous if I had like maybe growths they couldn't tell they didn't know it was happening so the casting director comes up to me literally 5 minutes before the show and then like this pretend modeling again cuz I could never tell them both thanks and I'm like these other amateurs I think that you could wear more clothes and cuz you work at you can just work that clothing and the way that they said it was kind of like models have to start naked and then work their way out but I had graduated a level you know to clothing I needed to honor the bet you know I do that if I lose a bad I will honor it and just cuz you're a gambler
00:28:39although I will say I did do a little sports betting last year because I knew that the M I need the Cleveland Browns ever have a bad season sorry frown so much money off of that to settle football reference there any sort of sports reference I had to had so much hope for the team to like this time we're going to win and I like I'm take them back and they never did so I was a few years ago 3 years ago and it's kind of been a different life ever since right after it was a Calvin Klein charity show did you not to attend because they were like we don't want to upset are charitable donors conservative people thanks
00:29:39a vocal response when you walked out with their like a absolutely not and everybody was packing up to leave and go to the thing people decide I didn't show up no no I'm saying during the show when you walked out top of that one now so then later on a little like this shity blog article that like went out that was like one of these dicks is actually a chick was the head-to-head line on that and then people were interested in me if you know so they start reaching out the winner Project Runway reach that looks like rain I want to give you that this opportunity to model for me I just won Project Runway would you like the opportunity to wear one of my dresses am I look book and I was like that sounds terrible like a little Santa Claus I know that sounds really bad I'm sorry that's just bad just know and the person has had it had met headed out for me to ever since but everybody ask me to work for free and as of the most models when they're growing don't take all the freeway. There
00:30:39where is yeah after I mean that's how it works yes I wish I didn't have that option I didn't want to I mean it sounded like terrible I mean it doesn't sound fun to like prance around in front of a camera and pretend you are like so cool fake these moments play sex over and over and over again then try to make yourself masturbating refers to when I start off like we were encouraged to like get the photographer not to try and sleep with you but to want to sleep with you immediately especially as a boy you know what I mean I'm like well I have to tell you that I mean we dive into it like I do not have usually I end up coming to New York City will catch that point but we should definitely talk about sex spectations because men in the industry are there are far more views and I I think in certain ways and women are because of protections are not in place and there is this expectation that can take care of themselves and that men like sex
00:31:39male models tend to be far more sexually abused or you know intruded upon male sexual abuse across the board outside of the industry is just so much last talked about then female sexual abuse absolutely the Menendez brothers and Mike that entire case was dropped because the judge said that sexual abuse had to be between a man and woman it couldn't be between two men that was in like 89 90 that's crazy wraps and they're still in prison that's absolutely insane wow I mean I'm not saying that sexual abuse and the sexualization of women doesn't exist and you know all the gender thing to say to have quotes cuz I don't really like putting those in terms but because Society does let's hear more people here but it definitely does exist we do sexualize women a lot more I mean look at the Billabong Campana this year it's like their men Sports thing as a person like doing some cool like jet skiing thing in the one is saying is like a woman on a bikini like in bikini on the beach you know and the sun it's a sports brand
00:32:39she plays like the man she a catcher catches Sons like race I mean what is she doing yeah but there's just so much that goes on behind the scenes
00:33:02can we take a second here and give me your overall on gender cuz we keep talking about whenever you see each other you baby quotes can we just give me the rain Dove explanation of gender once upon a time there was a rain Dove believes my view on gender is that gender is the Matrix I don't believe that gender is a scientific thing I do believe that it is a social thing and therefore social science but it is not something that specific and it's not something that's all it is constantly morphing and changing and shifting because gender is the affiliation of relationship to a particular energy or set of mannerisms are Trends or cultural norms and those things shift overtime to be a gender is like to be you know to be here she and it's it's also to be like feminine you know a feminine or masculine people always get them confused with like sex and gender another I was saying like
00:34:02sex and gender like why can't you just be what you were born as like that doesn't make any sense and the thing is that sex is determined by four people argue maybe even 5 various like traits you know and it's about like you have you seen a typical trades you know everything from like the chemical makeup of chemical hormone and makeup to like your internal and external genitalia two chromosomes are two very different things one is basically like the machine and one is how the machine functions and what the machine likes so it's like I believe that there that we should definitely understand our machines we should have relationship to the machines and none of these things are tested for for the most part when you're born right like it's not like right I mean if they feel like something's a little off they'll give you like a chromosomal to a store if they feel like something's little bit off they might be know do some kind of like scan where you know you drink that yellow liquid and they look at your internal
00:35:02see if they match with your external but for the most part of the most just like they just look at the little Nipper or the or the knob and they're just say okay it's a boy or a girl if if if the doctor thinks it's able to penetrate of a giant big enough to penetrate a vagina boy if not they'll figure something out I definitely miss 6th at Birth because you know they're there are genitalia is an expressive enough and then they have to come back and be like okay so I can try but what I believe is that not that we should be born as male or female like when you're born little baby Nico I feel like it's a boy you know it should be it's a you you know it's an Eco it is this person and that would allow you to do is not to be trapped into the segmentation of what he or she is so you wouldn't understand your body in terms of being compared to the rest of your species or a side
00:36:02your species you would be taught about your body and comparative like senses of like you as you and the in the functions of your body so they it's like being like all right you have these specific hormonal levels you have these specific like you know it sets of genitalia you have these this specific wiring and that would allow you to have a better understanding of yourself as a person machine your machine and how it reacts because I'm you would understand your blood type and how to eat for your blood type in the type of chemicals in your body and how they react to the food that you eat and how you should be consuming those particular types of things things are more acidic or things that have more carbs excetera you be able to have better mental health because you understand like the hormonal makeup of your body so you'll be able to understand. That you're an angry guy or pussy dude you know and I say that's joking derogatory term for your more points here
00:37:02the tailor your response of people based on your understanding of yourself not your understanding of how Society works but it would just be so much better for us and the problem is is that gender and sex I mean we divided Society based off from sex first and then we created gender as a secondary way to be able to tell about more about people as we were more clothing and when we when we created sex like as a division we did that because of human species live to be anywhere from 20 to 30 years I mean it was pretty shity for the human race of a Wii it really sucked and then I'm we created the system so that we can understand how to better create a population that grew faster and faster and faster it was an efficiency machine but now that machine has been so efficient that it has procreated to a capacity that is massively beyond our ability to like you know provide for it and we no longer need a system that makes more people but now we need to redesign the system to be a system that feeds shelters Waters and physically protect the people we've already created
00:38:01cuz we haven't been able to do that but which means like taking away those restrictions stopping the division of people based off of their sex or gender and making it more about division of intent division of purpose yeah yeah that mean that goes way past sex and gender is every race religion Creed know it's like absolutely I'd say drop everything and just saying what is your intention with the human species and you know as long as you're not going to get in the way of other people's acquisition of food shelter water physical safety in the ability to freely move about this planet that's how you get judge you get judged on your intention and your application of that intention ask you what is your intention for this life to help people develop a better system so they can acquire food shelter water physical safety and the freedom of movement on this planet it's hard because I think a lot of people make fun of me they first woman named Rain doesn't help but I have what we consider to be there utopic
00:39:01news on the planet I think that it's totally feasible for by the end of my life everyone have reasonable access to water for everyone to have reasonable access to food and shelter but it's going to take some communication people just say that that's not within my lifetime but I thoroughly believe it's possible yeah I'm so fucking landscape that we're living in right now who was just a dream where can I make up at any second so I'll just a dream we've never been never will be we are only right now it's now it's how we're going to get lost in that Matrix I I feel like I need to ask you about this because I never had this conversation here but I didn't know that you were native to Spirit you won't talk to me about it son I mean the thing is is that I'm one of those like people that has a bright white skin and the amount of blood
00:40:01runs through my veins that actually is native is pretty minuscule so I didn't get to really fly out of that flag however I did get to grow up with a lot of the cultural practices and understanding of that later on in my life when I was between the ages of like 10 to be on young yeah yeah but before I was like when I was like 10 and younger I had a lot more Christian you know schooling and things like that so I didn't really get to tap into it and is that a 10 I didn't do that at 10 and I was introduced to the idea that was coming that was when I was started that was like do you want to go on this you need to understand how to tap into this you need to tap into your culture I went on a night when I was I just turned 13 some people there at 12 or mine and understand how to focus on things that really stick out to you
00:41:01then you go and you stay in the woods for about a week by yourself at 13in you know I know how to do a lot of things that you know we consider to be like hardcore survival but they're not really night light a fire feed yourself build a shelter the really the really basic things that only hardcore survival but like hardcore message to Sierra. There's definitely a couple of different factions of it that have like moderately a little bit different beliefs of each other but I came from a place that was really female-dominated the the leader of the tribe was Whispering Wind and she was absolutely incredible my journey was like really interesting because I had like a two-part Journey actually the most people that only have one spirit animal some people will have multiple I had to both predator and prey one I was hoping for something real
00:42:01cool by the way I was like going to be like an eagle soaring on the back of it and then like a Tigers going to come out in like they're all going to be discharging to war together like that's what I was kind of things going to happen but my first my first experience was actually a rabbit my very first day on my spirit Journey while I was out in the woods and I came across a dead rabbit and animal dies in front of you or you discover them to be dead on that is the most powerful message you can possibly get focusing and being like leather and to be able to be smart a rabbit when it gets chased by its prey especially snowshoe hare will run in a circle so that it goes back on its own sent and it would do that 3 or 4 times of the Predator will chase it in a circle double up on it sent and then the rabbit will take a 20 to 30 foot leap off the trailer
00:43:01and far away and then the Predator will keep going in circles thinking it's still hunting that she know they're very smart and I had a really intense dream about it that night and it just really settle with me and I was like oh gosh this is going to be my spirit animal and then like a couple days later into it I had all these like cat tracks around my sleeping area I was really unnerving let you know right by the water and I had this really intense dream about a bobcat then my final night I had this dream about like two sides of the river and there is like this rabbit staring at this bobcat and I was like literally on my back floating in the middle of like the two of them just kind of letting the water take me and I went right through them and you could feel this intensity of the Bobcat wanting to kill its prey on the other side but the water kept it divided and then the you know the prey wanted to run but it. It was still blending in with the background I don't ever seem like a snowshoe hare
00:44:01they turn white to blend in with the snow on the ground but then in the fall there's this weird time are they turn white prematurely prematurely turn white and they're like I'm invisible. They're just like you could literally almost walk up to them and touch them because they think of the journey for me and then I'm obviously I'm a I'm a Libra so also really really Verizon Virgo Rising really amazing friends and Leo man that's awesome and that's amazing Leo's are incredible powerful awesome all-consuming being straight up I have a spirit guide that is named Bobcat Carl
00:44:55no I got a bobcat on my totem hard that is amazing small world I know yeah we supposed to find each other in this life that's incredible that's like so many layers that's really beautiful you have a small canine I have a small case you have leg hair I have leg hair or the movie together twice intentionally do you like talk to somebody on sat and they're like they never contact you it's a very New York thing I find that like genuine connection is like a New York City is a city that never sleeps and people are just walking around like Sleepless zombies you know
00:45:55grateful to run into you cuz it's rare to find somebody who's really genuine when they say they're going to do something they do it yeah I know it wasn't a question you actually came into my life before physically you did I can't remember exactly what the circumstance was but I don't know who it was but somebody sent me your Instagram handle almost like you need to have them on the podcast you need help months ago plus and like it was in the back of my mind and the second Linda started talking about you I was like oh shit that's bad and I said they said look at it and just tell us what character you like and I was like the only character I want to play here as mad as this I want to play Lily really that's amazing character and I was like it is acting it is
00:46:55we do I act so that's what we are we become of you know just figure out who is this person that are they up to the job and was going to take a job for me they better be fucking good I'm not insulted so we're staying when somebody who is not like you know up for the task is the job over you and you want it so bad and then I looked up your stuff and I was really impressed I saw your paper bag interview the one that just came out your own dynamic in your own relationship and there was some pieces of that missing you know it's hard right now and I'm sure you've seen this yet how to do an interview with somebody and right they have full control over what they're going to write and they've got it all in their own words even when they transcribe exactly what you said it can still be
00:47:55out of contacts right as you don't get the tone in the pen on paper right now and I don't know I've always had an issue with it and like I realize really quickly like if any of this conversation was going to exist at all like I was going to the 1 meeting at hence this podcast right thing that I do is whenever I get a big interview like I just did one for Bogota which was my first blog Italia and I need some super stuff comes out September still on the phone I write my answers down and I asked her final approval because a lot of things have gone wrong because people have sniffed out sentences or mixed up facts right away or if you have something and it's so good but you need the whole goddamn paragraph in and they won't take it a little I can get a little like last looks on an interview
00:48:55at like Madonna barely even gets that shit depends on who you talk to but you need to tell them like look you don't understand you I'm talking to a model you're talking to a movement and I need to make sure that everything that I'm doing is is respectful of my party and I I know that the sounds like a really big thing and I promise I won't make your life difficult but I just need to make sure that we're being accurate because if I fail this movement and I was like a really really believe that I believe that everybody is around movement you know that's the thing they're here they're doing their thing and I know very much but my movements about some people spend the whole life trying to figure out what it is and then they realize that their movement was just a personal Journey so it depends if and when you are on people always get wrong is like in the very beginning BuzzFeed published article about me and they said I was willing to firefighter and wish I was a firefighter that's the truth I thought was my job title but they don't write on it but when people here
00:49:55you know they think of me like going out to the middle of the fire with these giant hoses and like spraying down the flames and I like my job but I was actually I actually was not that kind of firefighter I actually was you know my job was to take a chainsaw and cut down debris and things like that so when a fire is coming you know you make the witch call the fire break which is like all the trees come down in like you know you make so that it's a low burn point and you're protecting Watershed resources and things like that was I in like did I experience places absofunkinlutely but like maybe 15 16 17 you know blazes over an 11-month time. The rest of them we're just like controlled Burns things like that but everyone always has like the Spanish Eyes version and people that have like drawn art of me like coming out of the sky like parachuting out over like the Flames like so badass and I always felt so bad because there are so many people that are really doing
00:50:55I don't mean to like take the credit for it or anything but journalist they just feel like we're not going to be like you are a chainsaw wielding fire Wilderness fire prevention person that like what is Michael Yo Wilderness firefighter you and I just I hate it because I'm I just wish I could be a bit more accurate but sometimes they only have a certain number of words you know the person that's most annoyed with that is you and the person that's like most annoyed when I see something that's not right in the article is me and I like it's not like it's probably not working up other people that are reading it was some people are like I just have my 10 top just came out on mine and somebody commented on thank you it somebody commented on it they were never a firefighter there a liar right and of course you should never let these comments get to you but if it's something you're already on your own ass about your like they know how do I fix this
00:51:55for 3 weeks at a time we lived at a tense and you know we cut down like dead stuff and tried to save the Wilderness they had no I mean for you I mean when like when you came out of high school right like what happened like did you say I want to go to school I'm going to like I'm going to go straight into my life like I know my cuz it sounds like you're really passionate a young age you know did you say I need to like get on this now or I mean what happened why I stopped acting the second half of my senior year and where this thing at my school called senior project where you can take off of school if you had some sort of project you were working on what you like go to Mesa and like working a business tomorrow in Turner you know do something I had this genius idea I was a big Stoner at this point of my life I was like I'm going to build this 12-foot by 12-foot mural in my garage on a giant wall that fold it in half and I'm going to bring it to school at the end of my project and display it for everyone to see
00:52:55I like these pieces called Free Will and I had done little bits and pieces of art like I never took any real art classes or anything I just I had this inside of me I don't know and it was this guy it was virtually in Man of sorts giant I mean 12 feet by 12 feet were talking huge scale big fence in front of him and have the side was this like Urban cityscape and 1/2 beside was this Naturescape and it was like between the two worlds and trying to break out and try to say yeah, I wish I was feeling so it was a great success the dark not the darkest but like the most interesting part of that story my parents got divorced when I was like 4 and I had a close relationship with my dad not super close but I hadn't seen him like a lot in my high school years
00:53:48but he worked public works for the neighborhood of my high school it's in and Maze and I called him cuz they didn't know what to do with this fucking mural at the end of this presentation they like yo dad will you come to work and help me destroy it and he around me come to school and help me destroy it and he came and it was like the first time I'd seen him in a long time and like him and I and some fucking sledgehammers like we freed will we like let him go do you think that the mural was really good or was he like let's get this out of sight before people know that you made this no definitely not the latter my dad is married to what's the word for something that makes Pottery teapot. Not ask out their butt
00:54:48Papyrus I throw her yeah sure yeah yeah I was going to say he's in the world of Art and trade shows every weekend and sells the stuff I really like like it's a go yeah this is cool when they go like I love it good to see you I love you I love you I love you but we just fucking destroyed it I know I haven't really thought about that since that happened to be honest with you so I quit acting at this point my life and I was like I'm going to art school and I went to art school in Chicago for 6 months or for a full year I was like this is what I'm doing this what I'm doing so I'm doing I fell into architecture and sustainable development and I had this whole like plan that I wanted to buy all of these historic landmarks all of the United States make them green turn them over in like build all these communes all over the country and so I transferred to business school in Los Angeles Loyola Marymount University my plan was I was going to get a business degree and then go to USC to get a masters in construction development
00:55:48my grades in school I mean where you like where you a good student and where you want to go but I was like good like I I got one of my ACT but I never even studied by adding a third one I got 29 that's not sure I want to buy me like I did well but like like I got a D in English senior year looks like all the shit they were trying to teach me that being said I wish looking back I would have actually paid a lot more attention because I wasn't as smart as I thought it was and I was like kind of an asshole to some teachers and I apologize to that many of you are listening and I'm actually thinking about going back to school now to be honest with you that's amazing but no I mean it was this grandiose idea of school that I had never really had before and it was all like I'm one of those people that will start thinking about something it'll be like an explosion like
00:56:48this is how I was going to get here to do this I'm an actor I'm in La now let's become an actor when did that happen what year was at I was 2,000 was 10 years ago wow the decade 2008 yeah and so I moved to LA I was 19 I was living two blocks from the beach I had like long fucking curly badly culturally appropriated white boy like loose dreads and I'm working at a raw food restaurant while going to fucking business law classes at a Jesuit university Loyola Marymount I was like yeah this isn't for me like I got to stop by and I dropped out immediately and walked into Ford models the day that I dropped out of school and then they offered me two years on the spot I was like okay I'm good that's amazing for this a great I mean I'm not sure where they're stand now but they were really good agency and they just invested in you were like let's make this happen I mean kind of
00:57:48images are there like yeah we're going to do this I was always an actor before I was a mom I love shooting I love the relationship between a photographer and you know it. But whatever I just I just love the camera I love what you can capture it was never about like you know being a Saint Laurent model or anything I just like The Art of Photography yeah so I never really was like a real model but the second I decided in my life that I was going to go back into the industry and all started happening that's amazing I like I did my first TV show three months into that first TV show was a pilot for Nickelodeon called Norton Avenue All-Stars feel like it's more Nickelodeon yeah I mean Disney school does a lot of awesome stuff not going to knock Disney but it just came out that Jay's knee is the most culturally and
00:58:48actually diverse Network on television right now princess royal tea just barely did the know it was somebody who did a knock off of a Pixar style short film with you know Gail of my heart I know it's going to happen when I have a meeting on Thursday I just started doing a bunch of voiceover work for Nickelodeon about the show like breaking down gender stereotypes for them that's awesome we shall see hopefully enough sometimes I have this voice and it's Unique from my own voice and I want to see something happen with this I don't like have a special boys no but actually I just did my first look cartoon episode last week I'm playing this dog name
00:59:48and I got a good bark that wasn't good
00:59:53and these people were like fucking so happy about it so I'm going back in and meeting with them Stitch came out and I was super suspicious that somebody stole my voice I was like oh my gosh how did they know someone must have said something I couldn't believe I was like I annoyed my grandparents on end with this like really you I was like I was like oh my God somebody stole my voice somebody took my voice I was so distraught you invent something and you're like I came up with this idea and then you see it start to get marketing and you're like okay who's responsible where's my cut you know where's my money where's my cocaine like we don't get anything out of it
01:00:53gets rich and they probably overheard you doing something on a Subway or some like that took it about trading this on website for people who are like to have free music and people who play music whatever you can just throw other stuff up there people can use it for free I was like man that should be a website for people who have just ideas and they they feel like I'm there probably never going to execute it cuz I got a lot going on but like this is a good idea and it should go out and people can like purchase their ideas and then if a person legally gets hit a shark tank online to be like a person to receive the idea you have to like to have whatever paper I guess I could give you this and you names affiliated with creating the product
01:01:53but I think I think I'll be great so it helped us expedite the Innovative process and then also give people the option to make money without having to leave their homes because I know people have great ideas like specially like farmers and they have these great ideas for the machines and stuff cuz they work in agriculture and yet they're never going to let you know for the test so I can go on there and be like oh this is a great idea and give them a website that links big companies that aren't necessarily running Environmental Green ideals with environmental companies that have all these ideas and resources available to them and they can just like find each other right I don't feel like that exists and it should Exist by the hard thing about like gum and the environmental element is that it can be more expensive to produce things in a Greenway so it
01:02:52not absolutely have something is mass produced produced natural alternatives like no matter what we just Mass produce all these chemicals for so long that they are inherently cheaper now at this car for the hard thing is is that we have more sustainable resources like Francis as we have more sustainable energy it's going to be more difficult for the energy you know for the world of energy to be able to capitalize on the everyday usage I mean it's it's it's hard you know it would solar energy I think that's really a big future for a lot of people unfortunately the products to make solar do come from the earth and we will have to rape part of the earth in order to create solar energy but thought it would be far less destructive than fossil fuels did you read about this wave energy that they just came up with talk to me about the wave energy giant like donut looking thing was in the next 10 years or something one of these things in the ocean can
01:03:53power a third of the United States what I was just reading it this morning okay is that like a big fluff like like a futurist idea mean like it's the next Gold Rush step right up man like you doesn't mean I have like a GoFundMe at the bottom of it that's a credible I mean we have the resources to make a better future but unfortunately people are not enjoyable though that's the problem these resources been here for a long time did the people that make all of the giant decisions right and buy out all these motherfucking companies are the top you know fossil-fuel people in the world like they buy these companies and then just killed the ideas that's what happened right but they still can't keep people from going on the land and doing a job himself it's it's getting a lot better now yes of course and I think social media plays a huge part in all of this absolutely I mean
01:04:53search for diversity to edit my clothing so like I always joke that whenever I'm in a campaign it's never just like here's rain they look really cool in this clothing next person that person looks really cool in the clothing it's always like and I'm not just like a person in clothing it's always like a video or some kind of like social-media thing like that Sarah McLachlan music plays in the arms of an angel as as happened with that whole entire like animal rescue video that they didn't while back and I Sarah McLachlan music places like hi my name is rained out of society thinks I'm really ugly and my self-esteem should be low but when I use Dove soap
01:05:32things aren't as bad as they normally I use Dove soap because even though I'm really fucking ugly Dove soap gets me up sup respects me as it cuz of that I respect myself it's always like some weird sad right now you start off with like I was once fucking ugly but now I'm beautiful I'm beautiful I really think that I've done a lot of meetings at the big activist and trying to get people to change the way that they think about themselves and others so that way they can be more focused on what they have to offer the world rather than life Oaks and what everybody else has the off of the world you know focusing on themselves as an individual more of a Southwest generation that a selfie generation but also being able to take care of themselves in the way they need to and the problem is is that a lot of these CEOs they aren't really like racist assholes don't you know if they're white cisgender man you know it doesn't mean that they're racist asshole who wants to make sure that the rest of the world is only represented as white size 2
01:06:32Able Body 24 year old 6 foot tall model you know they're not wanting to do that they just want to make money they want to you know pay their employees expand their business and pay the rent and with social media we had the opportunity and the ability to show them that we will put my money where my mouth is you know we have the ability to say like it will pay for you to Market to Us warehouse in the past like this is always work then we're going to stick with this there's no motivation for them to change the way they Market things on last like like I know a lot of people say you know they have a social obligation to represent people fairly and equally but unfortunately they don't you know they have the right to to Market their brand as they want to ever they want and it's alright to be put so much pressure on them like it's your responsibility like you're the one who's fucking things up but the real responsibility comes down to the consumer as well like it's our job for the money where I'm fucking mouth is if we want like someone like you have to mark it to people
01:07:32are different than what they've marketed to before and you want to see different people in their campaigns we have to show them we are buying for Gap we will buy from Gap and when they do to a campaign that falls within our interest we go to Gap when we say we have put our money where my mouth is otherwise why Market if you're not going to get results and the same thing with energy companies you have to say look what you're going to do is a trust fall and we know that by investing in clean energy it means that your profit is going to change but we promise we will compensate for it you will still make money you will still be able to do the things you want to do expanders and Business Etcetera but like we got you were asking do CEOs to do is take a giant fucking ass trust fall off of 30 foot cliff into the unknown and we have to say we the consumer had we've got you otherwise why would they going to do some incredible now that you already haven't but like you going to run some shit in this lifetime friend thanks no straight up
01:08:34I'm into a little worried for a second I feel like you could go one of two ways either go down a political and and be ahead of a major company of some sort or be like an advisor to numerous big companies but the beat is like really respected voice to a bunch of people on like a political level or you're going to go off the grid and you're going to go build it all with the people right now I am finally getting this taken a while I finally getting my first I really good size paychecks are looking at getting a nice piece of property in Montana to Hina everybody out there and then I'm going to make that location public knowledge and people torch it that's the way of the people and the people want to build it up that's the way of the people yeah
01:09:34why Montana Montana because it's $400 an acre right now water should resources are able to be owned by the people and they're very rare need to be protected private message interest in purchasing those a lot of companies that are going in purchasing like Nestle not that messes evil but definitely they don't really have the best intentions in mind all the time for Watershed resources so my goal would be till like protect I would go out there I see if I can find a piece of land with an aquifer and then Park myself right on top of that fucking Aquaphor all the surrounding land but my girl I really want to be I mean acting is what I want to do is why I want to be modeling took off on its own I didn't ask for this it's great I'm I'm so grateful for the journey I'm not saying that I ever want to like change it but if I could like I really love how George Clooney or Angelina Jolie have taken their there they've been able to be an actor and fulfill the Artistic Endeavors and produce things and direct things but also
01:10:34but then there are also just doing so much also politically like they're very their trusted advisers they go into these rooms and talk to be CEOs they're able to go in and just say hey look on George Clooney and smile and I'd like to talk to you a little bit about what I see you know happening in your company and they can be the voice of the people and I I mean that's where I really hope to do I mean I hope to get to a place for my platform is strong enough the hard thing is as a model people just don't think you're smart so it's a really crushing that honestly very very quickly like you're not a stereotypical model or really anything let's be honest like you are you're breaking fucking boundaries and breaking walls and like thank God we have somebody like you that is doing this in the world right now but I am at I'm trying I'm trying here
01:11:34I'll talk about this will ever since I was like conscious I like I have no that like my journey in life and a big part of how I'm going to be able to effect change is by being able to bring stories to life and being able to like bring perspective so if you know being able to bridge gaps in one of the great things about feeling that I never had TV growing up I only got to see it on the holidays and when I did I was just magical world where conversations could happen in safe spaces where people get to walk home at the end of the day the actress get to go home at the end of the day and they can have these intense conversations that we never have in our daily lives but we get to see them in our living room we get to leave countries in our living room we get to like you know travel to like other dimensions and see like and feel things from other people without ever having to like risk anything you know I like watching like actors is I such an incredible like opportunity to like just be and expand you know and I just
01:12:34like that's where I want to be like I just feel like I feel so much all the time I have like a TD and like my brain is just everywhere all at the same time like I'm in this room I'm talking to you but I'm also like I'm looking at the spacing on the you know on all inside screws and I'm like okay this one was put in like you know not enough I like I said you know how much did it cost to buy the soundproofing how effective is it and I'm talking to you how long it's going to burn my brain is like a super buff hamster running on a wheel very quickly and I just like to take anything for it and it's beautiful is how it works and sometimes it's hard to handle cuz I talk really fast right interrupt myself I stutter sometimes when I get really excited but that's just how my brain works and it doesn't need to function differently and you know I smoked weed before a few times and you know sometimes that's a really nice way to chill but I don't I don't medicate I just don't think it's
01:13:34it's for me but for some people it's that's a really important part of them and I respect it but I'll be up but acting when I asked I just like what I can take on a character I just really feel
01:13:46everything like all at the same time I like it I can explain it like I just allow yourself to feel everything that time yeah it's like a very free space to do that in your Waking Life I do feel everything all the time but I don't always act on it and I don't always assassinate like I have to push down all the little thoughts that are happening in my brain right now to focus on this conversation where I was like when you're acting you get to do this giant incredible like thought free flow like ball like Alice in Wonderland down this like tunnel and just see what sticks in and just like see let you get to rebuild yourself you know it's a way to Lake rebuild yourself in so many different ways and see different sides of yourself that maybe you didn't see before order to see things in yourself that you never got to see and it's his great journey of like self-exploration while also being able to tell a story I don't know I'm absolutely in love with it but I didn't get it
01:14:46yeah I can seen until this year this is my first year yo because I want to take classes and shit I didn't I went to I went to audition for billions and I didn't take the classes I didn't take care of myself I thought I was the shit I was like yeah I know this shit you know and I walked in and it wasn't terrible but I wasn't good and the casting director never call me back again and Asia Kate Dillon got the role of is absolutely incredible I'm totally deserving and I realize I need to like I need to know my ship for a walk-in so I took you know shit ton of classes did a bunch of school and he was like pounding the pavement and now I'm at a space room like a fucking ready I'll bring it on putting out into the universe I'm ready for the shit I love modeling but I am ready to take it to the next level if I do you know I think acting is like the obvious Next Level right back I say I think that you are so much more than what an act would being an actor offers and I think the the longer that I've spent in this industry and
01:15:46the stuff that were making for fiction is not always about the story right it's about the machine and how it works and it's about the man getting paid and all of these different things and until you're making like your own projects and like reading your own Android that's still up like a beautiful thing but I think the secret in this conversation is this idea of like being able to fall completely like it I'm just think about the words that you said and it's about tapping into that in your own self all the time every single day and I see you working a lot in the non-fiction space actually like not necessarily playing these fictional characters but playing different versions of yourself
01:16:33for the world's like really consume it that's a really interesting I like Vision I'm in the definitely agree like I definitely agree like fiction is it says you can't you can't wait for someone to discover you were after discover yourself that is such an important part of your growth like even in this evenin modeling like things didn't really take a lot like my first year with an agency machete you know I didn't make any money to do anything but I started creating my own narrative dang my own thing and you know with like a lot of lakan's and things it blew up and so when I look at like creating when I look at like I'm like okay acting I know I'm not a conventional looking individual I know that like the story I could tell is not necessarily typically conventional but you know my goal isn't necessarily to be the star of all the films my goal is like to tell the story so that means you know these are multiple facets which is great for somebody whose brain works on a lot of different levels but
01:17:33I love doing the research and I love doing the writing and I love like putting it out to people who are talented who can bring it together so like right now I just barely finished up this show that we are bringing out into our PR pitches in about 2 weeks and I singers cross for us but it's you know it's a very like it's a very like political fictional show and right now I just thought you saw me coming in today and I was like out of it because it was about like I would I spend all day talking to people from like the right girl. Their perspective and some of them live in their location but I'm like their perspective is really interesting and like we're like you know creating this kind of like show not based on that but I'm taking some of these elements from the saying it like moving forward and I think I'm I think like like the machine is not it's it's changing a little bit it's changing a lecture and there's definitely room for me in it
01:18:33I was $500,000 % not even a question is right there so much instead of like I mean throw me some people who will just ask of you and he will say I want to work with you but I think it's really important that our community light comes together and says let's make stuff by us for us and that we can work with the evil empire you have to say we have a whole community that will consume your content you will make money off from us we need a platform to show it to lots of people let's work together and look at people are making good stuff all over the place and everyone like it always is like out for the money out for the paycheck like obviously there's a bunch of really great content that's out there we're just living in a time where there's just so much content everywhere you know what I mean supersaturated and it's like and the Heart thing is is like advertisers are freaking out what it's changing you know what I mean
01:19:33the game of advertising is changing social media is a big influence on that you see I mean even look at what's happening on Runway shows right now if you don't have 50 thousand followers and more you will not even like yeah yeah yeah I guess I might agency you're not going to be auditioning for Runway shows if you don't have a hundred thousand or more you're not going to get into these big campaigns they want social media following I'm in the past three campaigns I've done have all asked for social media numbers and they are casting specific it was like you must have more than a hundred thousand because then I can say we have 10 people in our thing hundred thousand each that's a million people that are guaranteed to see advertised and that's and that's hard to changes the Arts you know it changes the art of things cuz yeah I mean nobody wants to find that Discovery anymore you know what I mean like nobody wants to build a talent from the ground up anymore it's a lot of written in one way or another or somebody's going to come on and just
01:20:33write your own narrative for you completely and that's like the worst possible cuz I could have one that's hard that I mean I think that the that the world will change because we're constantly going through these conservative and liberal and conservative and liberal waves and I think right now we're all about like everybody's Full Exposure and we're out there looking at these images and everything so saturated and I think the people who haven't been out there more will become that Intrigue and there will be money and information you know there's going to be money and information so if you haven't shared your information it's going to be valuable to people and you know that that may end up Shifting the whole entire like okay we can build a career off in the fact that your unknown and we will sell your information we will sell your story and we will sell you out to the you know to the world in little bits and pieces and people be excited to learn about you cuz you've never been seen before you no more value mystery and then I eventually will be like why are these people being mysterious these people
01:21:33once in awhile that's where Montana comes into play I just feel like I just I mean if anything happens and it's not you know his acting is not just become a sustainable resource I just I just want to have a platform this big enough to talk about these things I feel like my job is to talk and tell stories but just like to be like you know it's share this concept of like you know like we would do all the things we talked about it like in neutrality in and understanding that like I am I exam is like I am I understanding you know not demonizing CEOs and see us. Demonizing their consumer I mean we need a mediation space and I feel like that's my job my job is to be just like I wasn't that River just floating down the middle and being like let's be logical here you know let's let's let's chat here I'm not meant to be the face of this movement I'm just meant to be like the string between two tin cans and the enemies are each sitting at a treehouse you know
01:22:33that's kind of like my idea that's my future five things you love most in this world 5 things Nebraska's question on this before but five things I love the most in this world I love fire I love the ability to like Starfire and stare at fire and beer on fire the smell of the fire is like really important to me I love I know this is going to sound so gross but I love drinking out of rivers that are so clean you know you're not even afraid to stick your head right in and just like drink and it's something I used to do as a kid at United be doing like chores and it just like drink out of the water at the same water I go and get water for my animals I would drink out of the two and
01:23:25as such a amazing thing to put your face down in the water and there's a bunch of like you know the water gliders and those little insects they just parked away for you and just really beautiful I love music I love when humans and animals and creatures when we otter sounds that have no purpose other than to other them to be music but sometimes we do things just to do things and don't try to see a bird singing and it's not even a meeting call there's like no other birds around they're just doing it cuz it feels right in the people as well like they're just like I think singing is one of the most human things that we do it's just a really credible thing I know this is going to probably sound really bizarre to but I love it when people are really proud of their accomplishments and those accomplishments are not conventionally something to be proud of I love settling into a story about somebody taught you know that talk about their day and how that you know that they're at
01:24:25mechanic shop or maybe they're they're like a cashier and you can just like you can just see these people they're just really good at what they do and they love what they do and that is something that they're super proud of and I think maybe the best words that is just when people are satiated and are satiated and their skill set and their satiated and their relationship to their lifestyle one last thing I really love the dimension that I am in right before I wake up it's a time and which you realize that you go to other places when you're sleeping and you're coming back from these travels and you know you're coming into this Dimension and you're choosing to come back you're choosing to be here right now you're choosing this moment to exist right now and when you right before you go to sleep it's the same feeling you are free falling once again letting go into a world that you don't know if you're ever going to come back from like you just close your eyes and trust that whatever is going to happen
01:25:25it's going to be okay and you don't know you don't know how much control you have over that Dimension you don't know if the scariest it's going to happen to you you don't know if something's going to happen in your house you don't know something's going to happen to you you don't know if you'll ever get up again and you don't know if maybe this was the dream in your about to go into a dimension in which you actually wake up you risk losing so much I do dream every night I think there are times where I've slept and I haven't had a dream but those times usually are because I slept for a short. Of time and didn't get to REM you know but I love that feeling of like trusting and if you ever have an existential crisis which is happened to me in the past before you can have a hard time falling asleep because you're like you're so grateful for the moment that you have right now in the feeling that you have right now you're grateful for feeling sad or mad or happy you're just grateful to feel it all and then you're like I have a pretty good thing going on right here and I have to trust that I'm going to just lay back
01:26:25disconnect from everything and it's going to be okay when I come back everything is going to be just as I left it and not so much trust is so much stress it's absolutely incredible
01:26:37beautiful answer to that question
01:26:44do you love yourself
01:26:46yes what is that I love myself in the tents at like I am so grateful to be here to be alive and to be existing I'm grateful for my vehicle I'm grateful for my Consciousness I'm grateful to be grateful I mean I
01:27:06think that we're on such a trip you know it's absolutely incredible to have the experience that we experience and you know what I always say like I'm so happy when I'm sad what it feel like people are upset about being sad and I was like a double thing that I like to get the Press they fall into depression why am I so sad why am I so angry like life will never change but I have a lot of gratitude because I'm like man the fact that I'm sad means I know I deserve better the fact that I'm sad means that I am this really reacting to the situation knowing that I deserve a different situation or that something should shift or I'm I'm reacting at all like do you know how many people go through their life and they don't feel anything and I'm feeling so much that liquid is pouring out of my eyes like that my body is chemically without my like control just reacting to it it's so amazing like I'm constantly Amazed by
01:28:06every experience that I have I don't know I mean I just don't see this is why I can't like you know Smoke On The Daily because I'm like basically high all the time or just like everything is amazing and incredible but it definitely frustrates partner some things I'm sure because it's just like I like your show utopic like like like we're fighting right now you're supposed to be like you're supposed to be angry if it's something worth fighting over and stop stalking that there's a problem it's when somebody stops feeling that there's a problem really yes yeah yeah that lingering feel like I think you've ever sent me is okay because resentment is meaning that we are constantly trying to resolve something we're not just bearing it and letting it go resentment means we're constantly replaying this thing feeling this thing we're feeling we're feeling we're feeling at all and that's so fucking cool you know the problem and your ID
01:29:06is not feeling anything at all that's the ultimate price when you don't feel can you teach somebody to feel I think that feeling is something that happens when you're honest with yourself and I think that feeling is something that is relative because the extent of feeling is cannot be measured one human to another you just know if your purely existing to your fullest extent right now or not and if you're truly existing a hundred percent to your fullest extent right now then everything that you're doing is a hundred percent feeling if you could give one message to the kids that are listening to this not just kids anybody I use the word kids because like I think we're all kids but like like maybe just trying to figure it out and like who don't really know how to trust themselves and to be unapologetically themselves and love themselves fully like what would you like one thing be
01:30:06say the same thing and every interview and I have to I always tell people who are under the age of 18 especially in this country and hopefully around the world it's it's pretty up like a bowl but you may be having a really hard time right now and your time is under the authoritarian rule of parents teachers people in general who tell you how you should love what you should wear how you should be but that time is limited and you may feel like you want to just get out of here as soon as possible but this time. In which you're under the authority and Rule of other people it is short and it is coming to an end and it in your freedom happens the minute that you are emancipated by law this means that the minute you're 18 there are other people out there who love you who will love you who can love and who do love you and I'm one of them I'm here right now you can come get me right now there's two there's two of us here but you're not
01:31:06and you know I are there I used to spend a lot of time alone I know what it feels like I read a lot of books when I was a kid and I know that every book in order to make it interesting the character has to go through some sort of conflict and so many people don't get the opportunity to do that and so they live their entire life without ever having a good story but if you're experiencing conflict right now you're just at the beginning of a really good book
01:31:35wow you are so amazing thanks man one more question about? What is love I think that love is honesty and I don't necessarily mean it in a spoken form I just mean it's when you are honest with yourself and you act on that honesty I like that answer it's like instinctual almost instinct is definitely honesty it's your like kicking up and sometimes but often times I they're pretty spot-on
01:32:17how to meditate you
01:32:19I don't meditate very often though a lot of people think that I'm like a weekly yoga person and like I mean I only meditate like when it feels necessary to like sit with myself or you would be like the ultimate medicine I think so fucking Galaxy S I love you I love you too. There's no like there's no bulshit here but like let's do some really cool shit together sounds like beautiful out here for you straight up what makes a show is here for you I know you're working at a YouTube channel right now trying to get those numbers up where do we find you on my Instagram brand of model that is my most important platform right now is what pays all the bills and it's also where I get to have my largest voice to share the people's perspectives world man or if you go to
01:33:19videos on YouTube you will find me I am there chillaxing with my 3000 subscribers working towards 10000 world watch out for this one
01:33:34this is love this is the show yo Randolph you are so fucking woke up I got you just blow my mind if you guys want to know more about rain Dove and support check out her Instagram or Twitter or Facebook it's a trained of model that's at r a i n d o v e m o d e l if you don't follow me already fuck you just kidding follow me on Instagram and Twitter that Nico Tortorella and i c o t o r t o r e l l a hey call somebody in your family call one of your friends call somebody that mean something to you spread some love today okay I haven't said that in a long time but just consciously think about who you want you to spread some love to get on the phone and tell them that you love them just have a conversation maybe somebody you haven't talked to you in a little bit spread some love look in the mirror tell yourself you fucking beautiful
01:34:34and then go tell somebody else that you love them let's get this love train started I love you all and if anyone's like bored in New York area late at night and want so you know get at it hit me up in the DMs

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