Full Transcript for 289: Philip McKernan- Relationships Move At The Speed Of Vulnerability

00:04:10.990 the truth is that they themselves would question that reality 70 00:04:11.789 --> 00:04:14.469 as people observe that in them. In other words, they 71 00:04:14.509 --> 00:04:17.240 would probably be perceived to be excellence on the outside, 72 00:04:17.279 --> 00:04:19.519 but they have moments where they feel like a failure, 73 00:04:19.560 --> 00:04:22.319 feel like a fraud, have moments where they doubt their 74 00:04:22.360 --> 00:04:25.459 own ability. I just think they're more comfortable in the 75 00:04:25.519 --> 00:04:30.430 uncomfortableness of that. In other words, I think they're more self-aware. 76 00:04:30.569 --> 00:04:33.850 I think they're more comfortable with people knowing a little 77 00:04:33.870 --> 00:04:36.949 bit more about them from a slightly more emotional place. 78 00:04:36.990 --> 00:04:40.889 And I think they've become very comfortable in the possibility 79 00:04:40.949 --> 00:04:43.769 and the reality that life is going to throw curveballs 80 00:04:43.870 --> 00:04:45.540 at us and we are going to fail. So if 81 00:04:45.560 --> 00:04:47.040 I had to sum it up, I'd say that they're 82 00:04:47.060 --> 00:04:50.120 just more comfortable with not getting things right, which allows 83 00:04:50.160 --> 00:04:53.120 them to bounce back at a much more accelerated rate 84 00:04:53.449 --> 00:04:55.680 where a lot of us are trying to, we're trying 85 00:04:55.769 --> 00:04:58.779 so hard not to fail in front of anybody else 86 00:04:58.800 --> 00:05:01.379 so anybody else can see it, that I think when 87 00:05:01.399 --> 00:05:03.220 we do have a failure, it takes us weeks or 88 00:05:03.259 --> 00:05:06.230 months or days to get back when other people just 89 00:05:06.490 --> 00:05:09.470 bounce back immediately and say, great, we failed, let's move on. 90 00:05:10.089 --> 00:05:14.470 Do you think those types actively seek out opportunities that 91 00:05:15.540 --> 00:05:17.920 are far outside of their natural comfort zone? 92 00:05:19.350 --> 00:05:23.850 Yeah, I think that I think they do. They attract 93 00:05:23.910 --> 00:05:25.750 it and they seek it out at the same time. 94 00:05:26.209 --> 00:05:30.199 I think that when you become comfortable enough in your 95 00:05:30.240 --> 00:05:32.819 own skin that, you know, when I give you an example, 96 00:05:32.980 --> 00:05:34.899 I mean, this was one of the biggest days of 97 00:05:34.959 --> 00:05:39.220 my life, right, where we launched our first documentary. We 98 00:05:39.240 --> 00:05:42.569 had DVDs flown to Zurich. I was speaking, I was 99 00:05:42.610 --> 00:05:45.790 doing a keynote speech the following morning. The DVDs arrived. 100 00:05:45.850 --> 00:05:48.029 I was so excited to give out a DVD to 101 00:05:48.110 --> 00:05:51.889 everybody in the room and officially launch the documentary. And 102 00:05:51.990 --> 00:05:55.600 without getting into too much detail, but my background, dyslexic, 103 00:05:55.680 --> 00:05:59.100 you know, feeling stupid in this world and not good 104 00:05:59.139 --> 00:06:01.160 enough and so on and so forth. I'm sitting in 105 00:06:01.199 --> 00:06:03.699 my hotel room. My heart's beating. I'm loving the cover. 106 00:06:03.759 --> 00:06:06.720 I'm looking at the CD and it's got the streaming 107 00:06:07.040 --> 00:06:10.339 information inside. I'm so excited to And then I look 108 00:06:10.379 --> 00:06:12.879 at the front cover and the only quote we have 109 00:06:12.920 --> 00:06:16.259 in the front cover is by Pablo Picasso. And didn't, 110 00:06:16.620 --> 00:06:19.490 would you believe we spelled his name wrong? We call 111 00:06:19.500 --> 00:06:23.910 him Pably. And I, my heart dropped because of my story, 112 00:06:23.970 --> 00:06:26.269 not because of the, the, the, the, the mess up 113 00:06:26.329 --> 00:06:28.769 or the mistake, but it dropped in that moment. I 114 00:06:28.850 --> 00:06:30.689 rang my wife and I was crushed. I, it brought 115 00:06:30.709 --> 00:06:34.269 me right back to being in school at 14 years old, 116 00:06:34.310 --> 00:06:37.300 feeling like an idiot, feeling like I was worthless. My wife, 117 00:06:37.339 --> 00:06:39.370 we just chatted through it and she said, Arnie, is 118 00:06:39.410 --> 00:06:42.250 anybody going to notice? And ordinarily, if this was like 119 00:06:42.329 --> 00:06:44.069 five years ago, not that I would have been out 120 00:06:44.110 --> 00:06:46.129 of integrity. I don't think, I don't think I would 121 00:06:46.149 --> 00:06:48.209 have tried to lie about it, but I just may 122 00:06:48.250 --> 00:06:50.290 not have mentioned it or whatever. The following morning, I 123 00:06:50.329 --> 00:06:52.230 walked up on stage, lifted up the CD and I 124 00:06:52.269 --> 00:06:55.189 told him the story and I named it to the 125 00:06:55.250 --> 00:06:57.699 room and to the world and to myself. In other words, 126 00:06:57.740 --> 00:07:00.920 I faced it head on. And arguably, and I'm not, 127 00:07:01.319 --> 00:07:04.860 it might sound very self-serving or arrogant, but arguably I 128 00:07:05.279 --> 00:07:06.860 I went on to probably do one of the best 129 00:07:06.879 --> 00:07:09.279 keynote speeches I've ever done and to get one of 130 00:07:09.300 --> 00:07:11.899 the best reactions I've ever got. And I think I 131 00:07:11.920 --> 00:07:14.259 just in that moment had the courage to face and 132 00:07:14.310 --> 00:07:18.610 to name my mini or catastrophic failure, depending on your perspective. 133 00:07:19.050 --> 00:07:21.649 And without throwing anybody else under the bus, the designer 134 00:07:21.790 --> 00:07:24.269 or the spell check or anybody else, I took complete 135 00:07:24.310 --> 00:07:27.149 ownership of it, which I think allowed me to get 136 00:07:27.189 --> 00:07:29.199 beyond it much more much faster. 137 00:07:30.980 --> 00:07:34.639 That makes me think of leaders who are willing to 138 00:07:34.680 --> 00:07:38.759 be vulnerable. And this has come up a

lot. I 139 00:07:38.800 --> 00:07:43.110 think lately, Brene Brown has made this more common than 140 00:07:43.170 --> 00:07:46.430 probably most people out in the world. And vulnerability now 141 00:07:46.829 --> 00:07:52.009 is sexy. It's desired. And I'm curious from your perspective, Philip, 142 00:07:52.889 --> 00:07:57.870 why is it so important for leaders, leaders in all 143 00:07:58.550 --> 00:08:01.699 types of organizations, to be vulnerable? 144 00:08:03.350 --> 00:08:07.730 It shows that they're human. Vulnerability is the only way. 145 00:08:08.470 --> 00:08:12.470 It is the most powerful way to deepen any relationship 146 00:08:12.550 --> 00:08:14.689 on earth. And if you think about it and you 147 00:08:14.709 --> 00:08:16.379 take a step back, not right now, but if you 148 00:08:16.420 --> 00:08:18.399 take a step back or either pause this now and 149 00:08:18.480 --> 00:08:22.680 really just reflect on a relationship that you have nurtured 150 00:08:22.740 --> 00:08:25.220 or you feel that you've gotten to a deeper perspective with, 151 00:08:25.639 --> 00:08:28.459 what you'll realize is whether it was conscious or not, 152 00:08:29.209 --> 00:08:31.430 If you go back in history, you'll find that there 153 00:08:31.449 --> 00:08:35.759 was moments of vulnerability and vulnerability can come in in 154 00:08:35.879 --> 00:08:37.919 ways that we're aware of, where we share a deep 155 00:08:38.019 --> 00:08:39.980 truth or a part of our story that we're ashamed 156 00:08:40.080 --> 00:08:43.559 of or embarrassed about that no one knows. But also vulnerability, 157 00:08:43.620 --> 00:08:45.840 the best piece of vulnerability that I know in humanity 158 00:08:45.899 --> 00:08:48.789 right now is when somebody. turns around and literally says, 159 00:08:49.009 --> 00:08:51.309 I don't know. And what you do in that moment, 160 00:08:51.350 --> 00:08:54.149 particularly as a leader, is you're showing that you're human. 161 00:08:54.190 --> 00:08:57.470 You're making people feel empowered as opposed to inadequate. You're 162 00:08:57.509 --> 00:09:02.570 taking yourself off a pedestal from an unhealthy standpoint, and 163 00:09:02.590 --> 00:09:05.730 you're standing shoulder to shoulder with people. But the one 164 00:09:05.769 --> 00:09:09.409 downside or one concern I have about vulnerability is because 165 00:09:09.470 --> 00:09:13.230 it's become sexy, it's now seen in some quarters as 166 00:09:13.820 --> 00:09:17.120 as a tool, as a way to connect with people. 167 00:09:17.539 --> 00:09:21.909 And when people use vulnerability and they force vulnerability, whether 168 00:09:21.950 --> 00:09:26.240 it's even subtle, it borders on manipulation. It borders on 169 00:09:26.269 --> 00:09:28.690 they're trying to be vulnerable to make a point. And 170 00:09:28.730 --> 00:09:31.059 if you sit back and you observe, you can tell 171 00:09:31.100 --> 00:09:34.519 when someone's being vulnerable to try and achieve an outcome. 172 00:09:34.919 --> 00:09:38.100 And someone's being vulnerable because they truly are connected to 173 00:09:38.139 --> 00:09:40.889 that vulnerability in that moment. And that is the only 174 00:09:41.330 --> 00:09:44.590 shadow side I see of this emergence of vulnerability. But 175 00:09:44.629 --> 00:09:47.350 it is truly the thing that brings people together and 176 00:09:47.389 --> 00:09:50.919 allows people to see vulnerability. who you really are, all 177 00:09:50.940 --> 00:09:53.879 of you, and begin to accept you. So you accept 178 00:09:53.919 --> 00:09:55.960 yourself and the people around you accept you. And then 179 00:09:56.009 --> 00:09:59.809 the the i suppose the the ripple effect continues. 180 00:09:59.990 --> 00:10:05.580 How can we tell if somebody is faking that. 181 00:10:07.139 --> 00:10:08.980 If you're in your head you won't know but if 182 00:10:09.019 --> 00:10:10.620 you get out of your head just you know close 183 00:10:10.659 --> 00:10:12.820 your eyes just Just even put your hand on your 184 00:10:12.840 --> 00:10:15.370 belly and just connect and just say, right. I, my 185 00:10:15.450 --> 00:10:17.730 head is telling me that this is a real authentic 186 00:10:17.850 --> 00:10:21.289 vulnerable moment, but I just don't feel it. So for example, 187 00:10:21.710 --> 00:10:23.509 we had a speaker at an event that we run 188 00:10:23.730 --> 00:10:26.110 and Pauline, my wife was sitting next to me. And 189 00:10:26.210 --> 00:10:28.570 after he spoke, it wasn't a bad talk. He wasn't 190 00:10:28.590 --> 00:10:30.750 a bad person. He's not out of integrity. He's not 191 00:10:30.789 --> 00:10:33.789 a liar. He's not a manipulator. Any of those things intentionally. 192 00:10:33.809 --> 00:10:35.129 I just turned to my wife and I said, what 193 00:10:35.149 --> 00:10:37.409 do you think? She goes, I just didn't believe him. 194 00:10:38.029 --> 00:10:40.029 And what this man chose to do is to share 195 00:10:40.080 --> 00:10:43.159 a vulnerable story. Because that's what he thought he needed 196 00:10:43.200 --> 00:10:46.409 to do to affect or to connect with the audience. 197 00:10:46.809 --> 00:10:49.820 The challenge is he shared a story that he hasn't 198 00:10:49.899 --> 00:10:52.919 worked on. He shared a part of his narrative, his truth. 199 00:10:53.279 --> 00:10:57.389 that he had never processed. So he, he, he shared 200 00:10:57.429 --> 00:10:59.269 this thinking that it would connect with the audience. And 201 00:10:59.309 --> 00:11:02.250 it did with many, depending on their self, their level 202 00:11:02.269 --> 00:11:04.610 of self-awareness, but many people in the room didn't connect 203 00:11:04.629 --> 00:11:07.299 with it because they could tell, they could feel that 204 00:11:07.320 --> 00:11:09.440 he hadn't connected with this story himself. 205 00:11:09.759 --> 00:11:11.960 It's type of the kind of an intuition, a gut feel. 206 00:11:12.440 --> 00:11:13.100 It's a good feel. 207 00:11:14.799 -->

00:11:17.620 Phillip, not going to forget that you said when you 208 00:11:17.659 --> 00:11:21.090 were 14 years old, you felt like you were worthless 209 00:11:21.309 --> 00:11:24.509 in school. And I believe I've, read or seen you 210 00:11:24.590 --> 00:11:28.629 speak and say, a teacher at one point asked you 211 00:11:28.700 --> 00:11:31.299 why you even showed up at school. And I think 212 00:11:31.320 --> 00:11:35.659 this had to do with your ability or lack of 213 00:11:35.740 --> 00:11:39.299 ability to read, perhaps from dyslexia. I don't want to 214 00:11:39.539 --> 00:11:42.620 share your story, but when you say you felt worthless, 215 00:11:43.059 --> 00:11:46.399 I can't help but want to ask you, what is 216 00:11:46.419 --> 00:11:48.539 that all about? Yeah. 217 00:11:48.600 --> 00:11:49.899 I mean, as a young man, I was not I 218 00:11:50.080 --> 00:11:51.860 was not a very happy bunny. I wasn't very happy 219 00:11:51.899 --> 00:11:54.179 in my own skin. I wasn't going through. I didn't 220 00:11:54.220 --> 00:11:56.970 have a fun time, but I masked it very well. 221 00:11:57.570 --> 00:11:59.190 I was in a lot of you know, I was 222 00:11:59.250 --> 00:12:02.350 just very out of my myself. I just wasn't, you know, 223 00:12:03.110 --> 00:12:04.730 comfortable in my own skin. I went to my own 224 00:12:04.769 --> 00:12:06.309 mother and I just said, listen, you know, I want 225 00:12:06.330 --> 00:12:08.909 to change my name. And she was stunned. I want 226 00:12:08.929 --> 00:12:11.340 to change my name, Philip, to something else. And I 227 00:12:11.399 --> 00:12:13.940 think that was my way of attempting to escape and 228 00:12:14.039 --> 00:12:17.159 run away from my truth. By changing my name, I 229 00:12:17.220 --> 00:12:20.019 thought I could change my story. And now, even though 230 00:12:20.059 --> 00:12:22.940 we have a small boutique coaching business, the name over 231 00:12:22.980 --> 00:12:26.340 the door is essentially Philip McKernan. And I'm incredibly proud 232 00:12:26.360 --> 00:12:29.059 of what we do. So, yeah, it was a tough time. 233 00:12:29.080 --> 00:12:31.940 But I do believe I really believe to my core 234 00:12:31.980 --> 00:12:34.990 is that that pain had a purpose, that that that 235 00:12:35.120 --> 00:12:38.600 time was. has equipped me with an ability to see 236 00:12:38.779 --> 00:12:40.740 and to connect and to move through the world in 237 00:12:40.779 --> 00:12:43.889 a different way than maybe if I breathe through school 238 00:12:43.929 --> 00:12:46.330 and could read like everybody else and the teachers were 239 00:12:46.370 --> 00:12:48.669 all good to me, I wouldn't be as connected to 240 00:12:48.690 --> 00:12:49.690 the work I do. I don't know. 241 00:12:50.009 --> 00:12:51.889 What was the pain? What was it from? 242 00:12:53.049 --> 00:12:59.700 The pain was just feeling isolated, alone. Yeah, just feeling 243 00:12:59.779 --> 00:13:05.100 like I'm feeling the heaviness and the burden, and I 244 00:13:05.200 --> 00:13:07.120 feel a lot of people feel this today of wearing 245 00:13:07.159 --> 00:13:09.980 these heavy masks to try and fit in, desperately trying 246 00:13:10.000 --> 00:13:13.080 to fit in, desperately trying to connect with those around me. 247 00:13:13.100 --> 00:13:15.299 I think if I had to sum it up in 248 00:13:15.379 --> 00:13:18.259 one word, I just think a deep, deep, deep loneliness 249 00:13:18.299 --> 00:13:18.899 within myself. 250 00:13:19.299 --> 00:13:20.320 Was that from dyslexia? 251 00:13:21.139 --> 00:13:25.039 It wasn't no dyslexia was was was probably in hindsight, 252 00:13:25.059 --> 00:13:28.590 looking back, probably the the thing I pointed out because 253 00:13:28.629 --> 00:13:31.009 I couldn't read, I couldn't fit in and therefore whatever. 254 00:13:31.090 --> 00:13:33.409 I think it came from a lack of confidence, which 255 00:13:33.450 --> 00:13:37.570 I think is a huge challenge in leadership today and 256 00:13:38.379 --> 00:13:43.179 parenting today and in humanity, just a dreadful lack of confidence. 257 00:13:43.220 --> 00:13:45.940 And the dyslexia certainly didn't help that. But for the 258 00:13:45.980 --> 00:13:49.419 longest time, I thought dyslexia was the problem. And in reality, 259 00:13:49.460 --> 00:13:51.440 that wasn't true. That was just the story I was 260 00:13:51.460 --> 00:13:51.980 telling myself. 261 00:13:55.139 --> 00:13:57.340 So, I mean, I've had the good fortune of being 262 00:13:57.500 --> 00:14:00.980 in the room when you've spoken to a crowd, a 263 00:14:01.019 --> 00:14:03.399 crowd of, I was very lucky to be in the 264 00:14:03.440 --> 00:14:06.340 room of great leaders at Mastermind Talks in Ojai, California, 265 00:14:06.360 --> 00:14:11.149 I mentioned. And the impact that you had that day 266 00:14:11.169 --> 00:14:16.360 on a lot of people that have been quite successful 267 00:14:16.399 --> 00:14:23.139 in their own right, they've sustained excellence, was amazing. And that, 268 00:14:23.220 --> 00:14:26.710 I think, is hard to do. And so for me, 269 00:14:26.730 --> 00:14:30.370 it's really interesting to learn how somebody could come from 270 00:14:30.429 --> 00:14:36.809 that worthless feeling to growing up and having an audience 271 00:14:36.830 --> 00:14:41.690 of 150-plus people leaders on the edge of their seat 272 00:14:41.970 --> 00:14:45.350 for an hour, some brought to tears at times, which 273 00:14:45.490 --> 00:14:49.710 you're known to do. What is that like? What was 274 00:14:49.750 --> 00:14:53.929 the process to go from a worthless feeling 14-year-old to 275 00:14:53.970 --> 00:14:56.929 being someone who can have a room full of, in 276 00:14:57.250 --> 00:15:02.279 the most cases, multi-millionaire business owners on the edge of 277 00:15:02.320 --> 00:15:06.100 their seat and a good portion of them move to tears? 278 00:15:06.200 --> 00:15:13.679 How does that happen? Well, I mean, partly I really 279 00:15:13.779

--> 00:15:15.919 don't know the full process of that, or maybe I 280 00:15:15.960 --> 00:15:17.720 just haven't stopped to think about it. I mean, I've 281 00:15:17.740 --> 00:15:20.179 done a lot of deeper work on myself and continue 282 00:15:20.220 --> 00:15:21.500 to do so. I think the one thing I want 283 00:15:21.519 --> 00:15:24.220 to make very clear is that I am not beyond anything. 284 00:15:24.279 --> 00:15:29.059 There's nothing fixed. I haven't dominated. I haven't mastered anything. 285 00:15:29.080 --> 00:15:32.799 I'm still moving through that process and will do until 286 00:15:32.820 --> 00:15:34.700 the day I leave this earth or the day I 287 00:15:34.720 --> 00:15:38.240 die or whatever. I think I had to, if I 288 00:15:38.279 --> 00:15:40.159 had to sum it up in a few words, it 289 00:15:40.200 --> 00:15:44.200 was self-acceptance. And I know we're in kind of deep, 290 00:15:44.460 --> 00:15:48.590 what some people might think, fluffy territory, but I can absolutely, 291 00:15:48.620 --> 00:15:52.549 with every part of my body, tell you that leadership, 292 00:15:52.710 --> 00:15:55.070 which is, I know, a major focus of yours and 293 00:15:55.129 --> 00:15:59.549 your listenership and your community, I've never met a leader, 294 00:15:59.669 --> 00:16:02.909 no matter what level they're at, that doesn't suffer from 295 00:16:02.950 --> 00:16:06.210 a degree of lack of confidence, low self-esteem, feeling like 296 00:16:06.250 --> 00:16:09.210 a fraud. So I had to face that. I didn't 297 00:16:09.250 --> 00:16:11.909 have to. I chose to. I chose to lean into 298 00:16:11.950 --> 00:16:14.220 the demons. I chose to look at my past. I 299 00:16:14.259 --> 00:16:17.039 did a lot of deeper reflective work and looked at 300 00:16:17.100 --> 00:16:19.860 parts of me. And really what I realized was there 301 00:16:19.879 --> 00:16:22.279 was a large part of my story I hadn't accepted. 302 00:16:22.639 --> 00:16:25.490 I basically was like a book. Chapter one to five 303 00:16:25.529 --> 00:16:28.299 was great, but chapter six, seven, and eight of my life, 304 00:16:28.860 --> 00:16:32.860 I didn't want. I wanted somebody else's. I wanted Ryan's six, seven, 305 00:16:32.899 --> 00:16:35.259 and eight, and then nine and 10 were cool. And 306 00:16:35.299 --> 00:16:36.700 by the way, I want to talk about 11 for 307 00:16:36.740 --> 00:16:39.200 the rest of my life. particularly on Facebook, because it 308 00:16:39.240 --> 00:16:41.600 was sexy and cool. And what you do is you 309 00:16:41.620 --> 00:16:43.539 walk through this earth not accepting all of who you 310 00:16:43.740 --> 00:16:47.080 are and therefore expecting the world to see, hear, and 311 00:16:47.139 --> 00:16:50.610 be inspired and be moved by you, or in some cases, 312 00:16:51.429 --> 00:16:55.789 allow them to see how much of a leader you are, 313 00:16:56.210 --> 00:16:59.769 and yet you haven't stopped and accepted all of who 314 00:16:59.789 --> 00:17:02.629 you

are. And it wasn't until I accepted the pain 315 00:17:02.690 --> 00:17:04.750 and it wasn't until I accepted the darkness and the 316 00:17:04.789 --> 00:17:06.880 shame and all the bits and pieces that I didn't 317 00:17:06.890 --> 00:17:09.690 want to deal with Did I start to believe that 318 00:17:09.869 --> 00:17:13.009 I was worthy of bringing a message to the world 319 00:17:13.309 --> 00:17:15.990 and speaking and doing what I do in the world today? 320 00:17:17.690 --> 00:17:20.450 How do you deal with people who are skeptical of this, 321 00:17:20.670 --> 00:17:23.539 of that answer? You talked about we're getting into some 322 00:17:23.579 --> 00:17:29.579 territory that some would say is pretty deep. is, and 323 00:17:30.460 --> 00:17:31.900 obviously I wouldn't have had you on if I don't 324 00:17:31.920 --> 00:17:34.940 think it's extremely valuable to have this conversation. You've taught 325 00:17:34.960 --> 00:17:37.579 me so much over the years. So I'm, I am 326 00:17:37.720 --> 00:17:40.180 all in here, but, but I would imagine that there 327 00:17:40.220 --> 00:17:42.359 are skeptics from time to time to say, Philip, like, 328 00:17:42.460 --> 00:17:44.420 I just don't need to go that deep, man. Like 329 00:17:44.519 --> 00:17:47.000 I have a, I have a job. I do it well. 330 00:17:47.480 --> 00:17:49.319 I don't really need to focus that much beyond that. 331 00:17:49.400 --> 00:17:52.619 I have a family. I pay the bills. Things are fine. 332 00:17:52.680 --> 00:17:55.579 Things are good. Most days. I don't know if I 333 00:17:55.759 --> 00:17:59.380 feel like having to get, get, you know, just that 334 00:17:59.460 --> 00:18:02.259 level of thought and be so reflective. I just don't 335 00:18:02.279 --> 00:18:05.960 want to do that. What is your response to people 336 00:18:06.089 --> 00:18:07.849 like that? Because I'm certain there are people like that 337 00:18:07.890 --> 00:18:08.450 that are listening. 338 00:18:09.130 --> 00:18:12.549 Tons. Sorry, I don't know about listening, but tons in 339 00:18:12.569 --> 00:18:12.869 the world. 340 00:18:12.890 --> 00:18:13.630 In general, yes. 341 00:18:13.809 --> 00:18:17.710 Yeah, absolutely. Great. Good luck. And I hope it works 342 00:18:17.769 --> 00:18:19.839 out for you. And I don't mean that in a 343 00:18:19.890 --> 00:18:21.859 flippant sense. You know me well enough to know I 344 00:18:21.900 --> 00:18:24.839 care deeply about humanity. But what I know is this, 345 00:18:25.319 --> 00:18:29.019 is that every week, at least every week, In some 346 00:18:29.099 --> 00:18:31.160 shape or form, somebody reaches out to us. And we're 347 00:18:31.180 --> 00:18:33.539 not the only solution. I'm not here saying my work 348 00:18:33.579 --> 00:18:35.619 is the only work in the world. Reach out to 349 00:18:35.700 --> 00:18:38.519 whoever it is you feel aligned or drawn to. But 350 00:18:38.799 --> 00:18:41.819 every single week, we get an email or a phone 351 00:18:41.839 --> 00:18:44.980 call to our small office saying, I heard you speak 352 00:18:45.000 --> 00:18:47.000 three or four years ago. I was going to go 353 00:18:47.019 --> 00:18:49.539 to that workshop. I was afraid of you. I'm afraid 354 00:18:49.559 --> 00:18:52.059 of your work, which I hear all the time. I 355 00:18:52.099 --> 00:18:53.839 didn't want you to make me cry, which I can't 356 00:18:53.859 --> 00:18:55.619 do because I'm not that powerful and that we might 357 00:18:55.720 --> 00:18:58.869 address that in a few minutes. And, but I ignored 358 00:18:58.910 --> 00:19:01.549 you and I kept working hard. I kept my head 359 00:19:01.589 --> 00:19:05.450 down and I've hit a wall in myself, in my marriage, 360 00:19:05.569 --> 00:19:07.450 in my ratio with my kids, in my relationship to 361 00:19:07.490 --> 00:19:10.779 my work, with my leadership style, my business have let 362 00:19:10.799 --> 00:19:13.680 me go. My business has hit a bit of a wall. 363 00:19:14.250 --> 00:19:17.730 I'm not suggesting that's for everybody, but people who avoid 364 00:19:17.930 --> 00:19:21.759 the deeper work, I'm not expecting them are suggesting that 365 00:19:21.779 --> 00:19:25.599 they spend four hours a week in deep reflection and 366 00:19:25.779 --> 00:19:28.119 deep questioning. But all I'm asking you to do is 367 00:19:28.160 --> 00:19:32.079 to bungee jump in every now and again to even 368 00:19:32.160 --> 00:19:34.339 come out the other end and say, yeah, I'm good. 369 00:19:34.660 --> 00:19:38.009 I'm perfect. I'm in the right place. Everything's cool. But 370 00:19:38.049 --> 00:19:40.539 don't leave it to chance. There's too many people that, 371 00:19:41.099 --> 00:19:44.599 you know, are hitting having wake up calls, if you 372 00:19:44.640 --> 00:19:47.109 want to call it that, that if they had addressed 373 00:19:47.130 --> 00:19:49.650 stuff earlier on in the process, I think they could 374 00:19:49.670 --> 00:19:52.420 have pivoted. and made changes. Marriage is a great example. 375 00:19:52.779 --> 00:19:55.759 It's now been proven scientifically that couples wait five years 376 00:19:55.819 --> 00:19:59.460 too late to work on the relationship. So the socks 377 00:19:59.619 --> 00:20:01.980 are the underwear on the floor, which is pissing somebody off. 378 00:20:02.740 --> 00:20:06.779 Suddenly becomes politics, suddenly becomes about parenting. And what's a 379 00:20:06.859 --> 00:20:09.680 hairline crack today becomes a Grand Canyon in the future. 380 00:20:10.029 --> 00:20:13.470 a disconnectiveness within ourselves and our relationships. All I'm asking 381 00:20:13.490 --> 00:20:16.210 people to do is to consider addressing some things earlier 382 00:20:16.369 --> 00:20:18.670 on so it doesn't become a problem in the future. 383 00:20:18.750 --> 00:20:22.190 And if that's not for you, cool, brilliant. I hope 384 00:20:22.250 --> 00:20:23.809 it works out. I really do. 385 00:20:25.470 --> 00:20:27.789 When you're at a dinner party

with people who don't 386 00:20:27.849 --> 00:20:31.170 know you and they say, nice to meet you, Philip, 387 00:20:31.589 --> 00:20:33.710 what do you do? How do you respond? 388 00:20:34.910 --> 00:20:37.750 I don't know how to answer that question. And I 389 00:20:37.809 --> 00:20:40.460 have tormented myself for many years trying to figure that 390 00:20:40.500 --> 00:20:44.160 piece out. I've gone obsessed about the elevator speech, this 391 00:20:44.160 --> 00:20:47.180 30 second intro, you name it. I have obsessed about it. 392 00:20:47.180 --> 00:20:49.940 I even jokingly said to Clay, who you and I know, 393 00:20:49.980 --> 00:20:52.049 Clay Haber, you know, what do you do? I make 394 00:20:52.069 --> 00:20:54.670 people cry. And he just thought, oh, my God, that's amazing. 395 00:20:55.009 --> 00:20:56.650 And the reality and the truth is I don't make 396 00:20:56.690 --> 00:20:59.529 people cry, create environments where perhaps on occasion they need 397 00:20:59.549 --> 00:21:02.109 to cry because they've been holding so much emotion or 398 00:21:02.170 --> 00:21:04.369 truth in a certain area. I don't know how to 399 00:21:04.390 --> 00:21:06.470 describe what I do. And what I've realized is that's OK. 400 00:21:07.190 --> 00:21:09.690 I allow other people to describe what I do for me. 401 00:21:10.329 --> 00:21:13.410 Everything I do is very personal. So when someone comes 402 00:21:13.470 --> 00:21:16.019 and work with me, whether it's one-to-one or a treat 403 00:21:16.210 --> 00:21:19.099 or a small environment, what the feedback I get is 404 00:21:19.339 --> 00:21:22.119 it's different for everybody. I meet them where they're at. 405 00:21:22.799 --> 00:21:25.059 And that's the same. Now I run experiences that I 406 00:21:25.059 --> 00:21:27.569 can talk about, but essentially I pretty much say I 407 00:21:27.609 --> 00:21:28.890 don't really know how to describe what I do. 408 00:21:29.630 --> 00:21:30.269 How do you make money? 409 00:21:31.619 --> 00:21:34.920 I had coaching. And so, you know, many years ago, 410 00:21:34.940 --> 00:21:36.880 I worked in the wine business, I worked in the 411 00:21:36.920 --> 00:21:39.940 coffee business. And the story I told myself, which was 412 00:21:39.980 --> 00:21:43.029 a very logical story, was that when I make enough money, 413 00:21:43.069 --> 00:21:45.269 I'll give myself the freedom, I'll have the freedom to 414 00:21:45.289 --> 00:21:47.329 give myself permission to do what I really want to do. 415 00:21:47.730 --> 00:21:49.230 And deep down, I kind of knew what I wanted 416 00:21:49.269 --> 00:21:52.369 to do. But it was a financial thing, which really, 417 00:21:52.410 --> 00:21:54.509 in hindsight, was a bit more of an excuse in hindsight. 418 00:21:55.089 --> 00:21:58.109 but also a lack of belief. So I've decided to 419 00:21:58.170 --> 00:22:01.009 go all in in coaching and how I coach is 420 00:22:01.049 --> 00:22:05.710 through retreats, live immersive experiences, one-to-one. I work with couples 421 00:22:05.890 --> 00:22:08.109 and then I do some team deepening, we call it, 422 00:22:08.630 --> 00:22:10.930 experiences with smaller entrepreneurial businesses. 423 00:22:12.509 --> 00:22:15.069 I'm curious about, you said I decided to go all in. 424 00:22:15.190 --> 00:22:18.910 I'm curious about that point. So what were you doing 425 00:22:18.990 --> 00:22:20.769 prior to this? What was your job? How were you 426 00:22:20.809 --> 00:22:21.230 making money? 427 00:22:22.079 --> 00:22:25.019 So I was in the coffee business. And then we 428 00:22:25.119 --> 00:22:29.019 pivoted in and I started to invest in real estate. 429 00:22:29.259 --> 00:22:31.369 And we basically had a real estate fund that we 430 00:22:31.390 --> 00:22:33.710 were raising money to buy a lot of real estate 431 00:22:33.750 --> 00:22:36.869 in Canada at the time. And they were bringing the 432 00:22:36.930 --> 00:22:39.410 funds from Ireland. And then the Irish economy went off, 433 00:22:39.470 --> 00:22:41.839 not off a hill. It went off a cliff and 434 00:22:41.880 --> 00:22:43.619 went straight down. Okay. 435 00:22:43.660 --> 00:22:45.119 So you lost, you lose a lot of money? 436 00:22:45.980 --> 00:22:47.819 We lost a lot of time. We lost a lot 437 00:22:47.839 --> 00:22:51.960 of energy. We poured every penny we had financially into 438 00:22:52.119 --> 00:22:55.500 setting the business up. And we thankfully didn't lose, like 439 00:22:55.539 --> 00:22:57.240 we didn't raise tons of money or any money for 440 00:22:57.259 --> 00:22:59.660 that matter. We were just about to pull the trigger 441 00:22:59.819 --> 00:23:01.589 and raise tons of money. And we had about 40, 442 00:23:01.589 --> 00:23:06.170 probably a 30 to $ 40 million lined up in real 443 00:23:06.250 --> 00:23:09.769 money to deploy in Canada. And thankfully we didn't raise 444 00:23:09.789 --> 00:23:12.569 that from family, friends, or anybody for that matter. And 445 00:23:13.029 --> 00:23:16.210 we were left holding this business. We'd spent two years 446 00:23:16.250 --> 00:23:19.910 setting up all the legals, all the contracts, everything. And, uh, 447 00:23:20.009 --> 00:23:22.509 and suddenly we had nothing and nowhere to go with it. 448 00:23:23.190 --> 00:23:26.240 So then what happened, uh, by the way, when was 449 00:23:26.359 --> 00:23:29.420 it and what was it like at the beginning stages 450 00:23:29.480 --> 00:23:33.460 of you starting this coaching business with immersive retreats and 451 00:23:33.500 --> 00:23:39.009 keynote speaking and counseling and, um, one-on-one, uh, type interactions? 452 00:23:40.509 --> 00:23:45.650 Approximately maybe 10 years ago, maybe a little bit less 453 00:23:45.670 --> 00:23:48.410 than that. And basically I'd been doing it for years 454 00:23:48.470 --> 00:23:51.589 before that on the side in a pub in Ireland 455 00:23:51.650 --> 00:23:53.779 upstairs in this little landing area. We'd have a cup 456 00:23:53.819

--> 00:23:56.240 of tea and I'd work with somebody one-to-one for an 457 00:23:56.299 --> 00:23:58.200 hour every week for six weeks. And we would give 458 00:23:58.220 --> 00:23:59.680 them money at the end of it. Whatever they felt 459 00:23:59.720 --> 00:24:02.240 it was worth, we'd give that money to charity. And 460 00:24:02.279 --> 00:24:04.279 when the whole real estate thing turned on its head, 461 00:24:04.480 --> 00:24:06.319 I looked at my wife. We were in my parents' 462 00:24:06.359 --> 00:24:08.180 kitchen in Ireland. And my wife said, I'm not going 463 00:24:08.220 --> 00:24:10.650 back to North America. And we're living in Canada at 464 00:24:10.690 --> 00:24:13.849 the time. And I said, why is this not working? 465 00:24:14.450 --> 00:24:16.750 And I looked at her and excuse my language in advance. 466 00:24:16.789 --> 00:24:18.490 And I said, fuck it, I'm doing this coaching thing. 467 00:24:18.650 --> 00:24:20.230 And she goes, what? And I said, you know, I've 468 00:24:20.250 --> 00:24:23.769 wanted to do this for the longest time. I just can't. 469 00:24:23.789 --> 00:24:25.930 The pain of not doing what I know I'm here 470 00:24:25.970 --> 00:24:29.279 to do suddenly surpassed the pain of doing the shit 471 00:24:29.299 --> 00:24:31.579 I didn't want to do with all its justifications and 472 00:24:31.619 --> 00:24:35.039 rationalizations around it. And I remember sending out an email 473 00:24:35.680 --> 00:24:37.700 to I didn't have an email list. I don't think 474 00:24:37.740 --> 00:24:39.690 I was even on Facebook at the time. And I 475 00:24:39.730 --> 00:24:42.650 sent out an email to about 20 people that had 476 00:24:42.930 --> 00:24:45.470 different ways inquired about engaging or what I did. And 477 00:24:45.490 --> 00:24:47.130 I just said, listen, just to let you know, I'm 478 00:24:47.710 --> 00:24:50.480 going to be coaching for the first time. And one 479 00:24:50.539 --> 00:24:53.480 email came back in, I promise you, no more than, 480 00:24:54.039 --> 00:24:56.039 I think it was like 20, 30 seconds, but it 481 00:24:56.079 --> 00:24:58.980 was probably like 15 minutes. And it came back and 482 00:24:59.000 --> 00:25:02.680 it said about effing time. And I clarified with this gentleman. 483 00:25:02.700 --> 00:25:03.930 I said, excuse me. He said, what do you mean? 484 00:25:03.940 --> 00:25:07.730 He goes, the day I met you and every day subsequently. 485 00:25:08.190 --> 00:25:09.930 I've known this is what you're meant to do. I'll 486 00:25:09.950 --> 00:25:11.950 be your first client. I said, you don't know how 487 00:25:11.970 --> 00:25:14.589 much it is. He says, I don't care. And he 488 00:25:14.650 --> 00:25:17.069 became my first client. And then we moved to Vancouver 489 00:25:17.089 --> 00:25:19.480 and I sat in this apartment and I had two 490 00:25:19.519 --> 00:25:23.950 clients and I, I lived for those phone calls because 491 00:25:23.990 --> 00:25:26.289 that was my outlet. That was my way of

connecting. 492 00:25:26.349 --> 00:25:28.759 That was my way of helping them to, you know, 493 00:25:28.859 --> 00:25:31.640 being a support for them. And then it just organically 494 00:25:31.700 --> 00:25:34.400 grew from there over a, I would say, a long, 495 00:25:34.700 --> 00:25:35.599 longish period of time. 496 00:25:35.940 --> 00:25:38.250 Was it tough at the beginning, though? I mean, probably 497 00:25:38.269 --> 00:25:40.769 not making a ton of money. I think the reason 498 00:25:40.789 --> 00:25:43.309 I ask this, Philip, is because there are people currently 499 00:25:43.349 --> 00:25:44.819 who are doing things on the side, which I think 500 00:25:44.859 --> 00:25:46.880 it's a good way to start. I think it's when 501 00:25:46.900 --> 00:25:49.319 you don't necessarily need the money, but you can start 502 00:25:49.759 --> 00:25:51.970 honing your craft and working on it on the side. 503 00:25:52.009 --> 00:25:53.970 I did this for a few years, and so I'm 504 00:25:54.089 --> 00:25:57.789 living proof of this. What was that like? You make 505 00:25:57.829 --> 00:26:00.440 the change, and this might be happening for people listening, 506 00:26:01.319 --> 00:26:04.640 and you love the work. Absolutely love it. It's obviously 507 00:26:04.700 --> 00:26:08.930 a calling. You're built for it. Your life experience has 508 00:26:08.970 --> 00:26:11.289 led you to be very good at it. I've witnessed 509 00:26:11.329 --> 00:26:14.470 it and experienced it myself. But the beginning still, though, 510 00:26:14.529 --> 00:26:17.490 you still have a wife and responsibility and you need 511 00:26:17.509 --> 00:26:19.509 to make money and you're living in an expensive part 512 00:26:19.529 --> 00:26:22.470 of the world. I mean, I like to get both. 513 00:26:24.230 --> 00:26:26.369 I like to get practical, too. So I'm curious, what 514 00:26:26.410 --> 00:26:27.049 was that like? 515 00:26:28.029 --> 00:26:31.559 Probably the hardest time of my life. Oh. probably the hardest. 516 00:26:31.599 --> 00:26:33.519 Because of the money or? 517 00:26:34.220 --> 00:26:37.720 Everything. The money was insignificant. I mean, I'm sorry. And 518 00:26:37.759 --> 00:26:40.769 it wasn't because I had money. We had $ 200 in 519 00:26:40.789 --> 00:26:42.910 the bank account. My wife went out and took a 520 00:26:42.970 --> 00:26:45.750 job to give me the freedom and to put bread 521 00:26:45.789 --> 00:26:49.369 and butter on the table, literally. And, you know, one 522 00:26:49.390 --> 00:26:51.049 thing I didn't do is I didn't allow the money 523 00:26:51.109 --> 00:26:53.589 to dictate, the lack of money dictate my direction. I 524 00:26:53.630 --> 00:26:55.430 think we do that too soon. We throw in the 525 00:26:55.470 --> 00:26:58.180 towel too soon. I have people coming to me all 526 00:26:58.220 --> 00:27:00.299 the time, Ryan, saying, how do I coach like you do? 527 00:27:00.849 --> 00:27:05.309 How do I become a speaker and also maintain my lifestyle? 528 00:27:05.450 --> 00:27:07.430 I mean, what are you willing to give up to 529 00:27:07.490 --> 00:27:10.009 pursue what it is you want to do? A lot 530 00:27:10.049 --> 00:27:11.950 of us don't want to do that. We want to 531 00:27:11.970 --> 00:27:13.210 make sure we have our holiday. We want to make 532 00:27:13.230 --> 00:27:14.609 sure we have our car. We want to make sure 533 00:27:14.630 --> 00:27:18.190 we have our apartment. And I'm not judging that. But 534 00:27:18.289 --> 00:27:21.990 be aware and be real about how much you want something. 535 00:27:22.210 --> 00:27:25.380 I would have lived on the fucking street to do 536 00:27:25.460 --> 00:27:28.599 what I do now. I would have lived on the street. 537 00:27:29.420 --> 00:27:32.140 And in some ways I did, whether it's emotionally or mentally, 538 00:27:32.579 --> 00:27:35.400 we were in a tough place. I wanted this so 539 00:27:35.819 --> 00:27:38.009 badly that I was willing to pay the price. I 540 00:27:38.089 --> 00:27:40.109 sat in that apartment on my own for eight hours 541 00:27:40.170 --> 00:27:42.130 every day until my wife came home. And there was 542 00:27:42.150 --> 00:27:44.269 two things I looked forward to. It was my phone 543 00:27:44.289 --> 00:27:47.130 call every week with my client and my wife coming 544 00:27:47.170 --> 00:27:49.559 home every evening. And we went through the toughest time. 545 00:27:49.599 --> 00:27:51.579 And people say that the reason that couples break up, 546 00:27:51.859 --> 00:27:54.380 the number one reason is stress over money. I disagree 547 00:27:54.900 --> 00:27:57.900 absolutely 100%. I've worked with enough couples over 10 years 548 00:27:58.240 --> 00:28:02.079 to know that it can create and expose the cracks 549 00:28:02.119 --> 00:28:05.440 in a relationship, but it's not the thing that breaks 550 00:28:05.509 --> 00:28:10.190 a relationship. And And it was so hard. It was so, 551 00:28:10.690 --> 00:28:15.509 so difficult emotionally, mentally. It challenged me at every level. 552 00:28:15.970 --> 00:28:17.819 It brought me back to school. It brought me back 553 00:28:17.859 --> 00:28:20.420 to sitting in that room, feeling like, you know, inadequate, 554 00:28:20.440 --> 00:28:23.680 feeling like the world didn't want to hear my message. days, 555 00:28:24.380 --> 00:28:27.680 many days where I contemplated walking away, giving up, getting 556 00:28:27.700 --> 00:28:30.680 a job and doing something that I didn't necessarily want 557 00:28:30.720 --> 00:28:32.759 to do. But I knew deep down, this is what 558 00:28:32.779 --> 00:28:34.640 I wanted to do. And I had to dig really hard. 559 00:28:34.660 --> 00:28:36.559 But the one thing I did, I think I did 560 00:28:36.740 --> 00:28:39.339 very well. And I don't say that lightly. You can 561 00:28:39.380 --> 00:28:42.789 scour the internet. And I tend not to compliment myself 562 00:28:42.849 --> 00:28:44.650 in terms of stuff I do. That's for other people 563 00:28:44.730 -->

00:28:47.970 to do or not to do is I stopped making 564 00:28:48.009 --> 00:28:51.390 the journey about me I stopped making it all about 565 00:28:51.430 --> 00:28:54.910 Philip McKernan and my happiness and my fulfillment, and I 566 00:28:54.930 --> 00:28:57.589 made it about everybody else. I made it about everybody 567 00:28:57.630 --> 00:28:59.690 that I came in contact with, whether they were a 568 00:28:59.730 --> 00:29:03.400 paying client or otherwise. If someone consulted with me with 569 00:29:03.420 --> 00:29:05.559 the idea of working with me, my job was to 570 00:29:05.599 --> 00:29:07.680 make sure that even on that call, if they didn't 571 00:29:07.720 --> 00:29:09.339 sign up to my coaching, that I gave them at 572 00:29:09.400 --> 00:29:12.299 least some nugget that they would walk away with and 573 00:29:12.420 --> 00:29:15.339 contemplate or pivot their life with. I made it all 574 00:29:15.380 --> 00:29:17.900 about my clients, and there were days I made it 575 00:29:17.960 --> 00:29:20.279 about me selfishly, and that's when I got depressed and 576 00:29:20.319 --> 00:29:23.640 pissed off and contemplated giving up. But it was all 577 00:29:23.680 --> 00:29:28.569 about everybody else. I live daily to this day of 578 00:29:28.589 --> 00:29:31.349 the impact that the work makes that my clients do. 579 00:29:31.630 --> 00:29:32.430 I'm just a catalyst. 580 00:29:34.309 --> 00:29:38.329 For somebody who is 22 years old and graduating college, 581 00:29:39.430 --> 00:29:42.859 what advice would you give to them when it comes 582 00:29:42.930 --> 00:29:45.259 and they don't let's say they don't know what they 583 00:29:45.319 --> 00:29:48.599 want to do they have a degree in business and 584 00:29:48.619 --> 00:29:53.009 they're graduating and they're saying philip And obviously, there's probably 585 00:29:53.049 --> 00:29:56.349 more questions you would ask them, I'm guessing. But I'm curious, 586 00:29:56.529 --> 00:29:58.710 how would you go about giving advice to that person 587 00:29:58.730 --> 00:30:00.470 who isn't? This was me when I was graduating. I 588 00:30:00.470 --> 00:30:03.180 was playing football, and I tried to keep playing, and 589 00:30:03.220 --> 00:30:04.940 I did for a little bit a few years after college, 590 00:30:04.960 --> 00:30:07.019 but had no idea what I wanted to do. And 591 00:30:07.039 --> 00:30:09.539 so I'm curious, what advice do you give to those 592 00:30:09.579 --> 00:30:14.710 people earlier, less maturity, less life reps, and aren't quite 593 00:30:14.769 --> 00:30:16.210 sure yet what they want to do? 594 00:30:17.779 --> 00:30:19.680 One is assume what you've done for the last four 595 00:30:19.700 --> 00:30:21.599 or five years in terms of colleges is going to 596 00:30:21.619 --> 00:30:23.660 be a complete waste of time. I'm not saying it's 597 00:30:23.680 --> 00:30:24.759 going to be a waste of time. So I want 598 00:30:24.779 --> 00:30:27.640 to be very clear on this, but assume it's because 599 00:30:27.680 --> 00:30:29.430 what happens is with a lot of people that go 600 00:30:29.470 --> 00:30:31.410 through college or spend four or five years in university 601 00:30:31.430 --> 00:30:32.970 and I didn't go to college and I don't, I'm 602 00:30:33.009 --> 00:30:36.930 not an anti-college guy, but. And I admire people who 603 00:30:36.970 --> 00:30:39.579 have something they want to pursue. But I do have 604 00:30:39.619 --> 00:30:42.220 an issue with people going on to college simply because 605 00:30:42.240 --> 00:30:44.339 they don't know what they want to do. And just saying, well, 606 00:30:44.359 --> 00:30:45.640 I don't know what I want to do. So that's 607 00:30:45.720 --> 00:30:47.809 enough of a reason to spend four or five years 608 00:30:48.150 --> 00:30:50.960 studying something else. You're still going to have to face 609 00:30:51.339 --> 00:30:54.819 the ultimate reality of who you are. You're still going 610 00:30:54.839 --> 00:30:58.220 to have to face that mirror someday and who you are, 611 00:30:58.779 --> 00:31:00.779 what it is you're on this earth to do, and 612 00:31:00.880 --> 00:31:03.460 how you can go about doing it. And the longer 613 00:31:03.519 --> 00:31:06.119 you leave it, the more difficult it becomes. So when 614 00:31:06.140 --> 00:31:08.430 you come out of school, and I'm not going to 615 00:31:08.470 --> 00:31:10.329 send my kids to college. If my kids want to 616 00:31:10.369 --> 00:31:12.990 go to college, they'll go out into the workplace. They 617 00:31:13.009 --> 00:31:14.789 will work for a couple of years. And if they 618 00:31:14.950 --> 00:31:17.589 really want to pursue something, then I will support them 619 00:31:17.630 --> 00:31:20.380 doing that. That's a personal philosophy. But let's assume somebody 620 00:31:20.440 --> 00:31:22.710 has pursued something. They have spent four or five years 621 00:31:22.750 --> 00:31:25.730 in college. Don't assume that because you have a business 622 00:31:25.769 --> 00:31:28.390 degree that it's going to solve your problems. Don't assume 623 00:31:28.410 --> 00:31:30.589 that because you have a business degree, you're going to 624 00:31:30.630 --> 00:31:34.970 find fulfillment in the work that you do. My biggest 625 00:31:34.990 --> 00:31:38.029 advice to somebody is spend some time. You've spent four 626 00:31:38.049 --> 00:31:42.309 years learning something, okay? How much time have you spent 627 00:31:43.059 --> 00:31:46.779 really understanding who you are as a human being? Because 628 00:31:46.799 --> 00:31:49.400 when I walked down to the corridors of my school, 629 00:31:49.440 --> 00:31:51.920 I don't know about you, Ryan, they had geography and 630 00:31:51.940 --> 00:31:53.880 they had English and they had philosophy and they had 631 00:31:54.180 --> 00:31:57.160 Irish or Gaelic, they had French, they had Spanish, they had, 632 00:31:57.240 --> 00:32:00.140 you know, you name it. But not one room, not 633 00:32:00.480 -->

00:32:02.829 one room had a sign over the door. Hey, come 634 00:32:02.869 --> 00:32:05.130 in here and spend an hour and get to know 635 00:32:05.150 --> 00:32:08.349 who you really are. And that is the most powerful 636 00:32:08.450 --> 00:32:11.009 thing because I believe the past has created the present 637 00:32:11.049 --> 00:32:13.630 and the present is creating the future. Who we are 638 00:32:13.690 --> 00:32:16.380 today has been designed by where we came from and 639 00:32:16.650 --> 00:32:18.730 where we're going in the future has been designed by 640 00:32:18.819 --> 00:32:22.079 who we are today. Our relationship to money, dysfunctionality around money, 641 00:32:22.480 --> 00:32:24.880 our lack of confidence, our beauty, our brilliance, all of 642 00:32:24.900 --> 00:32:27.579 those things. Understand who you are. Do a deep dive 643 00:32:27.619 --> 00:32:30.099 into who you are as a person. Understand your identity. 644 00:32:30.759 --> 00:32:33.720 Start to uncover the difference between your gifts and your talents. 645 00:32:34.579 --> 00:32:37.420 Consider how you can impact the world and the byproduct 646 00:32:37.460 --> 00:32:39.509 of those three things, which is the essence of what 647 00:32:39.569 --> 00:32:41.869 I do every day with people. You will leave a 648 00:32:41.930 --> 00:32:45.710 meaningful legacy and just don't rely on your degree. I 649 00:32:45.769 --> 00:32:47.990 don't think I think that's the mistake a lot of 650 00:32:48.029 --> 00:32:49.930 people make when they come out of college. They assume 651 00:32:49.970 --> 00:32:52.380 things are going to be OK. There's a movie called Trains, 652 00:32:52.410 --> 00:32:56.220 Planes and Automobiles. And when I ask anybody who the 653 00:32:56.299 --> 00:32:58.640 actors are on it, they talk about John Candy and 654 00:32:58.720 --> 00:33:00.579 Steve Martin. And I go, and who else? They go, 655 00:33:01.579 --> 00:33:03.579 and that was it. John Candy, Steve Martin. I said, no, 656 00:33:03.599 --> 00:33:07.339 who else? Kevin Bacon is the third person. And what 657 00:33:07.420 --> 00:33:09.680 happens in the opening scene of that movie is when 658 00:33:09.720 --> 00:33:12.099 I think it's one of the actors comes out, he 659 00:33:12.140 --> 00:33:14.180 looks across the road and for a moment he catches 660 00:33:14.359 --> 00:33:19.779 eye to eye contact with a young Kevin Bacon. And 661 00:33:19.799 --> 00:33:21.740 they run for the cab and I don't know what happens. 662 00:33:22.720 --> 00:33:25.480 Kevin Bacon doesn't speak. He doesn't say one word in 663 00:33:25.500 --> 00:33:28.880 the movie. And what people assume is they look at 664 00:33:28.960 --> 00:33:31.259 Elon Musk and they look at Steve Jobs and they 665 00:33:31.279 --> 00:33:34.480 look at whoever and they look at you and they go, God, 666 00:33:34.539 --> 00:33:36.319 look at all the listenership and look at the downloads 667 00:33:36.339 --> 00:33:37.740 and look at this and look at the speaking he's 668 00:33:37.759 --> 00:33:40.500 doing and everything else. And they're looking at that as 669 00:33:40.539 --> 00:33:43.289 being the objective. That's been the outcome. And when someone 670 00:33:43.329 --> 00:33:44.650 comes to me and says, how do I become a 671 00:33:44.730 --> 00:33:46.710 coach if that's what they want to do? I go, 672 00:33:46.829 --> 00:33:49.930 one client, one client. And they go, no, no, no, 673 00:33:50.009 --> 00:33:52.049 you didn't answer my question. I said, no, I answered 674 00:33:52.069 --> 00:33:54.880 your question. You just didn't like the answer. I think 675 00:33:54.900 --> 00:33:58.220 we're looking for stuff to happen so fast. Doesn't mean 676 00:33:58.240 --> 00:34:01.460 we shouldn't have dreams and aspirations, but be willing to 677 00:34:01.519 --> 00:34:03.740 put in the work, be willing to be a grafter, 678 00:34:04.029 --> 00:34:06.369 be willing to be the Kevin Bacon who runs for 679 00:34:06.410 --> 00:34:09.710 a cab, doesn't even say one word two years later 680 00:34:09.769 --> 00:34:12.670 to be in multiple movies where he is seen, heard, 681 00:34:12.769 --> 00:34:15.329 and loved and admired in many cases by millions of people. 682 00:34:16.250 --> 00:34:18.369 Be willing to put the work in, and what you'll 683 00:34:18.409 --> 00:34:21.360 find is it's an easier journey to begin with. But 684 00:34:21.380 --> 00:34:24.530 if you want the outcome without the work, Good luck 685 00:34:24.550 --> 00:34:24.909 with that one. 686 00:34:25.469 --> 00:34:27.849 Do you give the advice to people of all ages 687 00:34:27.909 --> 00:34:29.130 to follow your passion? 688 00:34:31.030 --> 00:34:33.050 I do. And I don't, um, I'm, I'm getting a 689 00:34:33.070 --> 00:34:38.630 bit frustrated and, and, and concerned about the, the invitation 690 00:34:38.650 --> 00:34:44.519 of following your passion for the following following reason. Here's the, 691 00:34:44.570 --> 00:34:47.389 here's the challenge. We are taking the passion sticker, if 692 00:34:47.409 --> 00:34:52.130 you like the bumper sticker, and we're sticking it onto everything. Oh, 693 00:34:52.150 --> 00:34:54.050 but I'm passionate about Harley's. I'm sure you are. I'm 694 00:34:54.090 --> 00:34:56.750 passionate about wine. I'm sure you are. I'm passionate about 695 00:34:56.789 --> 00:34:59.429 this and I'm passionate about that. And what I'm realizing 696 00:34:59.550 --> 00:35:03.809 is there's a big difference between excitement and passion and 697 00:35:03.849 --> 00:35:07.409 excitement runs out. And I've, I meet so many people 698 00:35:07.550 --> 00:35:12.210 who have become, they've stepped into something. They were deeply 699 00:35:12.269 --> 00:35:15.170 excited about it, thought it was their passion, have pursued 700 00:35:15.210 --> 00:35:17.449 it for three to five years, whether it's a relationship, 701 00:35:17.829 --> 00:35:20.659 a business. to find out that it's now waning a 702 00:35:20.699 -->

00:35:23.699 little bit. It's starting to get a little bit boring 703 00:35:23.760 --> 00:35:26.739 or complacent around it, or it just doesn't have the edge. 704 00:35:27.500 --> 00:35:29.699 And then they're going, shit, I thought this was my passion. 705 00:35:30.059 --> 00:35:32.920 What's wrong with me? And now they're internalizing it, think 706 00:35:32.960 --> 00:35:35.920 there's something wrong with them. Where I would argue, depending on, 707 00:35:35.960 --> 00:35:38.010 I don't know, unless I know the situation, I would 708 00:35:38.070 --> 00:35:40.409 argue that, yeah, you were just excited about that. It 709 00:35:40.449 --> 00:35:45.000 offered something exciting out of something mundane where you are previously. So, 710 00:35:45.039 --> 00:35:47.920 but it's not necessarily the thing where you light up 711 00:35:47.940 --> 00:35:50.440 the most. I do believe, however, we all have a 712 00:35:50.480 --> 00:35:52.420 gift or maybe gifts, but I would say that we 713 00:35:52.539 --> 00:35:56.920 all fundamentally have an ability, a gift that has been 714 00:35:56.960 --> 00:35:59.429 given to us by whatever you believe in the universe. 715 00:36:00.119 --> 00:36:03.329 And unfortunately, so many people pass and move through this 716 00:36:03.389 --> 00:36:09.690 world and pass away having, having used their talents, but 717 00:36:09.769 --> 00:36:13.230 never having honored their gifts. And to me, that's a tragedy. 718 00:36:14.030 --> 00:36:17.329 Hmm. Because, you know, I talked to Cal Newport about 719 00:36:17.369 --> 00:36:21.719 this on episode, I think it was 114. And he said, 720 00:36:21.760 --> 00:36:24.059 follow your passion is bad advice. In fact, you should 721 00:36:24.219 --> 00:36:29.480 work to become great at something and create career capital. 722 00:36:29.679 --> 00:36:33.139 And once you become great at something, you will probably 723 00:36:33.760 --> 00:36:36.210 develop passion for this. It was interesting. I was talking 724 00:36:36.230 --> 00:36:40.130 to my daughter, Elva, this morning. She's 10. And I said, 725 00:36:40.150 --> 00:36:42.949 what is your favorite subject in school? And she said, 726 00:36:43.030 --> 00:36:47.010 it's math. And I said... why is math your favorite subject? 727 00:36:47.070 --> 00:36:49.449 And she said, because that's my, it's the subject that 728 00:36:49.510 --> 00:36:52.489 I'm best at. And I like doing something that I'm 729 00:36:52.590 --> 00:36:56.170 really good at. Interesting. It made me think of you. 730 00:36:56.250 --> 00:36:59.250 It made me think of Cal. And for me coming out, 731 00:36:59.329 --> 00:37:03.070 finishing up my football career, Phillip got a job in sales. 732 00:37:03.090 --> 00:37:05.250 A lot of former athletes do that because they don't 733 00:37:05.269 --> 00:37:07.050 really know what to do. And it's easier to get 734 00:37:07.110 --> 00:37:11.440 hired because salespeople are especially entry-level jobs like I got. 735 00:37:11.460 -->

00:37:14.059 They go, he's competitive. He's got a work ethic. He's 736 00:37:14.079 --> 00:37:15.900 got an attitude to go in here and grind. And 737 00:37:15.940 --> 00:37:18.219 so we can teach him to sell. That's actually what happened. 738 00:37:18.280 --> 00:37:20.420 And I grew to become quite passionate about it and 739 00:37:20.460 --> 00:37:25.610 got promoted. And then I loved, absolutely loved managing and 740 00:37:25.710 --> 00:37:29.510 leading people, which was the first promotion. And if you 741 00:37:29.550 --> 00:37:32.409 were to ask me when I was 22, 23, finishing 742 00:37:32.449 --> 00:37:35.659 my football career, I would never have said that. Now 743 00:37:35.719 --> 00:37:38.489 I led people, I played quarterback, but I would have never, 744 00:37:38.610 --> 00:37:40.409 I didn't, I didn't know that that was the path. 745 00:37:40.449 --> 00:37:43.769 I almost needed to get a random job to figure 746 00:37:43.869 --> 00:37:47.130 out that passion. So when I share that with you 747 00:37:48.090 --> 00:37:51.289 and share the fact that I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm hopefully 748 00:37:51.309 --> 00:37:54.090 this is relating to others who are in similar spaces. 749 00:37:54.590 --> 00:37:56.929 What's your thoughts on, on that? 750 00:37:57.920 --> 00:38:00.679 I don't, I mean, as I would see that sales 751 00:38:00.699 --> 00:38:03.789 was just the, the, the talent. You're, you're, you're, that's 752 00:38:03.809 --> 00:38:05.869 just the talent, but your gift is how you connect 753 00:38:05.889 --> 00:38:09.349 with people. And what you used is you use your talent, your, 754 00:38:09.389 --> 00:38:12.849 your vehicle, if you like, to honor your gift. And 755 00:38:12.869 --> 00:38:15.289 I love it. But I, but when you break it down, 756 00:38:15.329 --> 00:38:17.860 you look at it, you most likely will find that 757 00:38:17.889 --> 00:38:20.840 it's about people. It's some sort of interactiveness. It's about 758 00:38:20.860 --> 00:38:24.000 being able to lift people, to help them up, to 759 00:38:24.039 --> 00:38:26.340 get them to see how great they are, to to 760 00:38:26.380 --> 00:38:29.199 develop them in some shape or form, to build their 761 00:38:29.219 --> 00:38:33.909 own individual confidence. When we talk about that space, that's 762 00:38:33.989 --> 00:38:38.469 more in the gift space. You can correct me, it's 763 00:38:38.489 --> 00:38:41.190 your story, it's not mine, but I don't see sales 764 00:38:41.530 --> 00:38:45.469 as being the thing. I see that's just the vehicle 765 00:38:45.510 --> 00:38:49.119 to get you into using something in a more gift space, 766 00:38:49.159 --> 00:38:49.940 if that makes any sense. 767 00:38:50.260 --> 00:38:52.460 What do you think about nature versus nurture, specifically when 768 00:38:52.480 --> 00:38:55.000 it comes to leadership? Are leaders... And I know the 769 00:38:55.119 --> 00:38:58.760 answer is probably gray, but more gray. But are they 770 00:38:58.840 --> 00:39:00.550 born or are they made? 771 00:39:02.849 --> 00:39:03.190 Leaders? 772 00:39:03.630 --> 00:39:03.869 Yes. 773 00:39:04.210 --> 00:39:06.550 I think we're all leaders. I think every human being 774 00:39:06.610 --> 00:39:08.530 I know is a leader. Every single human being I 775 00:39:08.570 --> 00:39:10.150 know is a leader, but not many of them would 776 00:39:10.170 --> 00:39:12.670 agree with that. And therein lies the problem. And I 777 00:39:12.769 --> 00:39:14.849 think the other thing is that a lot of us, 778 00:39:15.309 --> 00:39:16.949 there's a lot of great books out there. There's a 779 00:39:16.989 --> 00:39:18.920 lot of leadership techniques and everything else. And I think 780 00:39:18.960 --> 00:39:20.440 we can bring some of those into the play. But 781 00:39:20.480 --> 00:39:22.780 I find that a lot of people lead from a 782 00:39:22.820 --> 00:39:25.579 very inauthentic place. It doesn't mean it's a bad place. 783 00:39:25.699 --> 00:39:30.599 It's just a place of others. They model other people 784 00:39:30.619 --> 00:39:34.059 in terms of how they– and sometimes we don't create 785 00:39:34.119 --> 00:39:36.690 enough bandwidth or we don't create enough space to bring 786 00:39:36.750 --> 00:39:40.019 our own individual ideas. authenticity, if you want to call 787 00:39:40.059 --> 00:39:42.199 it that, another word that's been bantered around for years 788 00:39:42.719 --> 00:39:47.179 into that leadership role. And often it's not, you know, 789 00:39:47.280 --> 00:39:49.329 what we do, it's how we do it. So I 790 00:39:49.389 --> 00:39:51.829 consult with a lot of people daily who are out 791 00:39:51.869 --> 00:39:55.170 of alignment. They feel, you know, just they're off. They 792 00:39:55.210 --> 00:39:58.389 feel there's something missing. And sometimes they need to make 793 00:39:58.449 --> 00:40:00.539 a pivot, a significant one. They need to get out 794 00:40:00.559 --> 00:40:03.150 of their career and do something different or sell their 795 00:40:03.170 --> 00:40:07.139 business or change companies or change industry? Absolutely. But sometimes 796 00:40:07.159 --> 00:40:08.960 they just need to honor themselves and bring more of 797 00:40:09.000 --> 00:40:11.619 who they are into that leadership role. And that can 798 00:40:11.659 --> 00:40:15.909 be enough to ignite them. And that's a confidence thing. 799 00:40:15.949 --> 00:40:18.949 That's giving yourself permission to bring that part of you 800 00:40:19.150 --> 00:40:21.090 out into your work and to play with that and 801 00:40:21.110 --> 00:40:22.809 to experiment with that every single day. 802 00:40:24.789 --> 00:40:27.760 So, Philip, you have a book that came out recently 803 00:40:27.820 --> 00:40:31.340 called One Last Talk, And you also have a series 804 00:40:31.380 --> 00:40:35.760 of events where people deliver their one last talk. And 805 00:40:35.800 --> 00:40:39.780 I've watched some of these videos and I'm really interested 806

00:40:39.800 --> 00:40:43.300 in this. What is one last talk all about, both 807 00:40:43.380 --> 00:40:45.480 the book as well as the events? 808 00:40:46.530 --> 00:40:48.300 So if you had 15 minutes as it relates to 809 00:40:48.320 --> 00:40:50.670 the event, 15 minutes to stand on a stage and 810 00:40:50.710 --> 00:40:53.230 to share your one last talk with the world, what 811 00:40:53.250 --> 00:40:54.989 would you say and who would you say it to? 812 00:40:55.190 --> 00:40:58.280 That is the basic premise of one last talk. Um, 813 00:40:58.380 --> 00:40:59.820 but you don't have to be a speaker. You don't 814 00:40:59.880 --> 00:41:01.960 have to stand on a stage, but what we encourage 815 00:41:02.000 --> 00:41:04.409 people to do is to go through the process of 816 00:41:04.619 --> 00:41:07.849 extracting your one last talk, which is not about global warming. 817 00:41:07.889 --> 00:41:11.269 It's not about Donald Trump. It's not about the economy. 818 00:41:11.329 --> 00:41:15.170 It's about a part of your personal narrative. It focuses 819 00:41:15.210 --> 00:41:19.039 you to really understand what's important. What part of your 820 00:41:19.099 --> 00:41:21.000 narrative that you may not want to address, you may 821 00:41:21.019 --> 00:41:24.179 not even be proud of that you need to share 822 00:41:24.219 --> 00:41:28.300 with the world to free yourself. And in turn, to 823 00:41:28.460 --> 00:41:30.929 allow other people to feel that they're not alone. In 824 00:41:30.969 --> 00:41:33.590 other words, free them as well. And what we're finding 825 00:41:33.730 --> 00:41:36.610 is that the freedom the speaker gets from going through 826 00:41:36.630 --> 00:41:40.369 the process is extraordinary. The audience get to the privilege 827 00:41:40.409 --> 00:41:43.869 of listening to these extraordinary sacred talks where they can 828 00:41:43.909 --> 00:41:46.809 start to give them permission, themselves permission to realize, shit, 829 00:41:46.849 --> 00:41:49.820 I'm not alone. And what we didn't see coming was 830 00:41:50.019 --> 00:41:54.050 companies and organizations bringing one last talk in To their 831 00:41:54.110 --> 00:41:58.769 organizations as a methodology to help their teams connect, because 832 00:41:58.809 --> 00:42:01.840 the research is showing that people really, really want to 833 00:42:01.900 --> 00:42:05.320 connect within themselves, within their companies. They want to feel 834 00:42:05.400 --> 00:42:08.050 competent to what they do and and they want to 835 00:42:08.090 --> 00:42:10.329 feel authentic in their lives. There's a whole body of 836 00:42:10.369 --> 00:42:13.510 research in this. And one last talk is a way 837 00:42:13.630 --> 00:42:17.090 to allow teams– we use the term team deepening– teams 838 00:42:17.130 --> 00:42:21.500 to deepen as opposed to team build, which is something 839 00:42:21.519 --> 00:42:24.719 that's been around forever. So that's the basic premise behind it. 840 00:42:26.199 -->

00:42:31.750 What was– the process of writing this book. It's different 841 00:42:31.789 --> 00:42:35.000 to write a book to get all the words out 842 00:42:35.159 --> 00:42:37.659 on paper. It's not the first book you've written, obviously, 843 00:42:37.719 --> 00:42:39.920 but what was the process to get this down and 844 00:42:40.000 --> 00:42:41.860 why did it need to be in book form as 845 00:42:41.920 --> 00:42:43.639 opposed to just doing it on stage? 846 00:42:44.599 --> 00:42:47.360 Yeah, we have been doing the live event for a 847 00:42:47.360 --> 00:42:49.949 number of years. It's been kind of quite, not secretive, 848 00:42:49.989 --> 00:42:53.880 but just kind of very organic within our community. And 849 00:42:53.900 --> 00:42:56.219 we're starting to get a lot of traction around it, 850 00:42:56.239 --> 00:42:59.380 people very intrigued by it, and people saying things like, oh, 851 00:42:59.420 --> 00:43:01.000 you know, I know this friend of mine, Ryan, he'd 852 00:43:01.019 --> 00:43:04.780 have an amazing one last talk, but not me. I mean, geez, 853 00:43:04.820 --> 00:43:06.380 I wouldn't know where to start. I don't have a 854 00:43:06.420 --> 00:43:10.590 significant story. And I wanted to demystify that. One of 855 00:43:10.610 --> 00:43:13.269 the challenges is people don't feel they have a story 856 00:43:13.570 --> 00:43:17.909 that has the capacity to impact. You could argue and say, therefore, 857 00:43:18.190 --> 00:43:20.769 their story doesn't really matter. Their story is not as 858 00:43:20.829 --> 00:43:24.219 significant as somebody else's. And I want to debunk that. 859 00:43:24.239 --> 00:43:26.559 I want to challenge that. And when we set about 860 00:43:26.619 --> 00:43:29.039 writing the book, and I say we because of my 861 00:43:29.079 --> 00:43:31.340 learning disabilities, I had to get someone to extract and 862 00:43:31.389 --> 00:43:34.030 to draw it out of me, a guy called Tucker Max, 863 00:43:34.070 --> 00:43:36.210 who I'm sure you know. And, you know, he gets 864 00:43:36.250 --> 00:43:37.929 a lot of judgment, but he's got a big heart, 865 00:43:38.030 --> 00:43:41.610 believes immensely in this concept, has been a huge believer. 866 00:43:42.409 --> 00:43:46.389 And we originally were setting out this as a how-to book, 867 00:43:47.010 --> 00:43:49.619 how to write your one last talk. and to deliver 868 00:43:49.639 --> 00:43:51.280 it to at least one other human being. And what 869 00:43:51.300 --> 00:43:54.019 we realized very quickly is that we had to address 870 00:43:54.179 --> 00:43:56.800 why people should do it. So it's a why-to book 871 00:43:57.000 --> 00:43:59.139 with the finishing of the book, the end of the book, 872 00:43:59.699 --> 00:44:02.099 showing people how to do it. Because really people need 873 00:44:02.119 --> 00:44:05.519 to be educated or convinced or at least understand the 874 00:44:05.639 --> 00:44:09.949 power of crafting your one last talk for you and 875 00:44:09.969 --> 00:44:12.150 the even more immense power of sharing it with at 876 00:44:12.210 --> 00:44:15.769 least one other human being, the cathartic, therapeutic, and inspirational 877 00:44:15.809 --> 00:44:16.789 effect it has on other people. 878 00:44:17.500 --> 00:44:19.579 Why should the regular person who's not a speaker, who 879 00:44:19.619 --> 00:44:23.139 doesn't get up on stage, why should they read the 880 00:44:23.179 --> 00:44:26.019 work as well as then put it together and go 881 00:44:26.119 --> 00:44:32.269 through that sometimes probably painful, deep, introspective process? Why should 882 00:44:32.309 --> 00:44:32.809 they do that? 883 00:44:33.929 --> 00:44:37.230 Well, I believe that all of us carry some sort 884 00:44:37.269 --> 00:44:41.130 of demons at some level, and those demons always come out. 885 00:44:41.250 --> 00:44:43.409 So you can be proactive in that process or you 886 00:44:43.449 --> 00:44:46.619 can be reactive in that process. When we actually wrote 887 00:44:46.639 --> 00:44:49.119 the book, we sent the first manuscript out to 10 888 00:44:49.119 --> 00:44:51.460 people who knew me, who were obviously biased, and they 889 00:44:51.480 --> 00:44:54.579 came back with typically great feedback, some changes, little tweaks 890 00:44:54.739 --> 00:44:58.659 on clarifying questions. We then took the manuscript and sent 891 00:44:58.679 --> 00:45:00.280 it out to 10 people who didn't know me, in 892 00:45:00.320 --> 00:45:03.340 some cases at all, or just barely knew me. And 893 00:45:03.389 --> 00:45:07.570 two people came back with very venomous, very angry comments 894 00:45:07.610 --> 00:45:09.610 around the book. They basically hated the book. They just 895 00:45:09.690 --> 00:45:12.690 could not stand the book. And they couldn't stand me 896 00:45:12.750 --> 00:45:15.369 as a result of it, or vice versa. And one 897 00:45:15.409 --> 00:45:16.889 of them, what was interesting, we couldn't use any of 898 00:45:16.909 --> 00:45:19.280 their feedback, though, because it was just so angry and 899 00:45:19.480 --> 00:45:22.880 so venomous that it wasn't constructive. Like, we couldn't take 900 00:45:22.940 --> 00:45:25.860 anything from it. And one of the men that was 901 00:45:25.900 --> 00:45:29.519 so angry basically decided that he's going, he's so mad, 902 00:45:30.159 --> 00:45:32.650 he hates the project so much that he's going to 903 00:45:32.690 --> 00:45:34.750 go and he's going to deliver his one last talk, 904 00:45:34.949 --> 00:45:37.090 in his case, to his parents, just to prove that 905 00:45:37.110 --> 00:45:40.349 this thing is crap. And it transformed his relationship with 906 00:45:40.389 --> 00:45:42.949 his parents. They had the most extraordinary conversation they'd ever 907 00:45:43.010 --> 00:45:46.050 had And a conversation that he should have had maybe 908 00:45:46.050 --> 00:45:49.840 10 years ago. And it created this incredible mending and 909 00:45:49.920 --> 00:45:52.840

bonding and healing and connection within them. He's now our 910 00:45:52.860 --> 00:45:54.920 single biggest, well, not the single biggest, but one of 911 00:45:54.980 --> 00:45:56.920 our fans, if you want to call it that, our 912 00:45:56.960 --> 00:46:01.340 believers in the concept. So if you're skeptical, I'm not 913 00:46:01.380 --> 00:46:03.579 here to convince you to read it. That's not my job. 914 00:46:03.820 --> 00:46:06.760 If you're drawn to it at some level, fine. If 915 00:46:06.800 --> 00:46:10.300 you're repulsed by the idea or you feel you're rejecting 916 00:46:10.340 --> 00:46:12.639 it or you're responding to it, well, then I'd also 917 00:46:12.679 --> 00:46:15.150 be curious about that. But if you're not drawn to it, 918 00:46:15.150 --> 00:46:17.090 that's cool. But I would encourage you to give it 919 00:46:17.130 --> 00:46:19.949 a go, go through the process and then judge it afterwards. 920 00:46:20.030 --> 00:46:22.550 But it's somebody said to me, and I'm not sure 921 00:46:22.590 --> 00:46:23.730 this is I'm not going to use this from an 922 00:46:23.769 --> 00:46:25.809 advertising standpoint, but somebody said to me, it's like five 923 00:46:25.829 --> 00:46:29.130 years of therapy in one book. I'm not saying that's 924 00:46:29.170 --> 00:46:31.610 the case. Somebody else said that to me. It's just 925 00:46:31.989 --> 00:46:35.550 you learn a lot about yourself. And I think the 926 00:46:35.610 --> 00:46:38.030 beneficiaries of you going through this process are all the 927 00:46:38.070 --> 00:46:42.289 people around you who will see the impact that potentially 928 00:46:42.309 --> 00:46:43.300 that this book can make on you. 929 00:46:44.639 --> 00:46:46.900 I think I read that you said you won't sign 930 00:46:46.940 --> 00:46:48.679 the book. 931 00:46:49.179 --> 00:46:50.260 Correct. 932 00:46:50.280 --> 00:46:50.480 Why? 933 00:46:50.880 --> 00:46:53.059 This book was written by me, but it's not for me. 934 00:46:53.099 --> 00:46:57.179 This book is written on behalf of the extraordinary, courageous 935 00:46:57.239 --> 00:47:00.699 men and women, most of which have never spoken publicly before. 936 00:47:00.739 --> 00:47:03.119 And that's one thing I should have mentioned earlier on, 937 00:47:03.159 --> 00:47:06.369 is that this is not a space for professional speakers. Yes, 938 00:47:06.469 --> 00:47:08.809 professional speakers come to this event and deliver. And by 939 00:47:08.849 --> 00:47:12.889 the way, they have arguably the hardest time delivering a 940 00:47:12.949 --> 00:47:16.239 one last talk because they They're not allowed to deliver 941 00:47:16.719 --> 00:47:20.869 their traditional keynote. But 80% of the speakers at these 942 00:47:20.929 --> 00:47:23.610 events have never spoken publicly before. And I feel that 943 00:47:23.630 --> 00:47:25.449 the book is written on behalf of them and on 944 00:47:25.469 --> 00:47:26.849 behalf of the people who are going to have the 945 00:47:26.889

--> 00:47:29.880 courage to deliver their one last talks in the future. Therefore, 946 00:47:30.079 --> 00:47:32.840 I believe that it's not my book to sign, if 947 00:47:32.860 --> 00:47:33.579 that makes any sense. 948 00:47:34.980 --> 00:47:39.849 It does. Philip, man, I really appreciate your willingness to 949 00:47:39.889 --> 00:47:44.650 share in depth. This is different than most episodes. I 950 00:47:44.730 --> 00:47:48.190 realize that. And I love it, man. I really do. 951 00:47:48.269 --> 00:47:51.829 And I appreciate all that you're able to do and 952 00:47:51.869 --> 00:47:54.659 willing to. Is there anything that I may have missed 953 00:47:54.699 --> 00:47:56.780 during our time together that you want to share with 954 00:47:56.820 --> 00:47:57.380 my audience? 955 00:47:58.219 --> 00:48:00.260 No. And I want to just thank you because, you know, 956 00:48:00.300 --> 00:48:04.039 Jason Gaynor, who brought me to Mastermind Talks, where you 957 00:48:04.119 --> 00:48:06.469 opened up with And then I got the privilege to 958 00:48:06.489 --> 00:48:10.269 meet you through that. I admire that and I admire 959 00:48:10.309 --> 00:48:13.369 you because my work is not typical. It doesn't fit 960 00:48:13.409 --> 00:48:16.860 necessarily into a box and therefore it frightens some people. 961 00:48:16.880 --> 00:48:18.239 So I just want to say thank you for bringing 962 00:48:18.260 --> 00:48:20.219 this conversation to the table. And if people don't like 963 00:48:20.320 --> 00:48:22.539 it or don't want the book, that's cool. That's no problem. 964 00:48:22.559 --> 00:48:24.679 But at least thank you for giving me the opportunity 965 00:48:24.719 --> 00:48:27.030 to share what I believe about the world and what 966 00:48:27.070 --> 00:48:30.400 I see. And my job is to is to, you know, 967 00:48:30.699 --> 00:48:33.099 make sure that people, I heard a quote and I'll 968 00:48:33.159 --> 00:48:35.340 butcher the quote, but it was actually Jason who sent 969 00:48:35.380 --> 00:48:37.260 it to me. One of the greatest burdens, and it's 970 00:48:37.300 --> 00:48:39.519 not this, this is my variation of one of the 971 00:48:39.559 --> 00:48:42.699 greatest burdens a child can bear is the unlived life 972 00:48:42.920 --> 00:48:46.480 of their parents. And, you know, for me, my mission 973 00:48:46.500 --> 00:48:50.219 on this earth is to make sure that no one 974 00:48:50.280 --> 00:48:54.619 goes to their grave with regret. 90% of people scientifically 975 00:48:54.699 --> 00:48:58.510 die with major life regrets. I believe it's 99%. And 976 00:48:58.570 --> 00:49:01.550 my job is to remove as many of those regrets 977 00:49:02.010 --> 00:49:04.760 as possible before people leave the earth. And none of 978 00:49:04.820 --> 00:49:08.099 us wake up, not one human being wakes up saying, hey, 979 00:49:08.139 --> 00:49:10.260 I'm going to make a decision today that's going to 980 00:49:10.320 --> 00:49:13.380 lead to a major life regret. Yet, statistically, most of 981 00:49:13.440 --> 00:49:16.050 us do this. So there's something that we can see 982 00:49:16.090 --> 00:49:18.409 in ourselves. And my job is to awaken us to that. 983 00:49:18.789 --> 00:49:19.969 And I just want to say thank you for having 984 00:49:20.019 --> 00:49:20.360 me on. 985 00:49:21.340 --> 00:49:24.019 Absolutely man obviously my pleasure um where would you send 986 00:49:24.059 --> 00:49:26.679 my listeners to learn more about you. 987 00:49:26.699 --> 00:49:31.380 Online yeah philip mckernan.com is my main website but one 988 00:49:31.420 --> 00:49:34.949 last talk.com and that podcast is is out which gives 989 00:49:34.969 --> 00:49:37.409 you a sample of some of the stories and so 990 00:49:37.510 --> 00:49:39.849 one last talk.com Awesome, man. 991 00:49:39.889 --> 00:49:43.210 Well, Philip, I know we're going to continue our dialogue 992 00:49:43.349 --> 00:49:45.269 as we both progress. It's been great over the last 993 00:49:45.329 --> 00:49:48.900 few years and already excited to record with you again 994 00:49:48.920 --> 00:49:49.519 in the future, man. 995 00:49:50.000 --> 00:49:51.280 Thanks, Ryan. Appreciate having me on. 996 00:49:51.619 --> 00:49:51.860 All right. 997 00:49:51.940 --> 00:49:52.280 Thanks, Philip. 998 00:49:53.099 --> 00:49:55.460 You know, when you're going to have a talk with Philip, 999 00:49:55.760 --> 00:50:00.429 that it's going to be incredibly deep. And I love that. 1000 00:50:00.550 --> 00:50:04.150 I really look forward to it and appreciative for Philip's 1001 00:50:04.210 --> 00:50:07.630 friendship over the years. And as I said, I was 1002 00:50:07.690 --> 00:50:12.159 fortunate to see him move a crowd of leaders, most 1003 00:50:12.199 --> 00:50:15.739 of them to tears through the course of a one-hour keynote. 1004 00:50:16.500 --> 00:50:20.059 But whether he's talking about following your passion or advice 1005 00:50:20.179 --> 00:50:23.659 to a young person or why he wrote One Last 1006 00:50:23.739 --> 00:50:26.239 Talk or why you should give your One Last Talk, 1007 00:50:26.340 --> 00:50:29.519 all of it was very meaningful, impactful to me. I 1008 00:50:29.579 --> 00:50:32.440 hope it was to you. And I hope you enjoyed 1009 00:50:32.480 --> 00:50:35.800 it and found it useful. If so, I'd love it 1010 00:50:35.820 --> 00:50:38.159 if you would write a review, subscribe, and rate the 1011 00:50:38.199 --> 00:50:42.110 show wherever you listen. Write a review, subscribe, rate the show. 1012 00:50:42.150 --> 00:50:45.750 Five stars if it's iTunes, Apple Podcasts. And do me 1013 00:50:45.809 --> 00:50:47.889 a favor. I'd love it if you would spread this 1014 00:50:47.989 --> 00:50:51.230 message to a friend who perhaps has never listened to 1015 00:50:51.269 --> 00:50:55.280 a podcast or never listened to this one. And that 1016 00:50:55.610 --> 00:50:59.269 is what continues to give me the opportunity to do 1017 00:50:59.730 --> 00:51:01.670 what I love on a

daily basis. And I am 1018 00:51:01.730 --> 00:51:05.309 forever grateful for that. Thank you so much. We'll talk 1019 00:51:05.409 --> 00:51:09.230 next week. Can't wait. This episode is brought to you 1020 00:51:09.289 --> 00:51:13.769 by Mugsy Jeans. Mugsy Jeans are the most comfortable men's 1021 00:51:13.829 --> 00:51:18.360 jeans ever made. That's no exaggeration. After I bought a 1022 00:51:18.400 --> 00:51:22.039 couple pair, I so badly wanted to learn more about them. 1023 00:51:22.079 --> 00:51:25.710 So I called their founder and CEO, Leo, and asked 1024 00:51:25.750 --> 00:51:27.650 him about them. And he said he started Mugsy because 1025 00:51:27.670 --> 00:51:30.150 he was tired of being uncomfortable in his jeans. He 1026 00:51:30.190 --> 00:51:34.159 spent five years working with industry experts to totally redesign 1027 00:51:34.199 --> 00:51:37.980 jeans for the regular guy. 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Thank you, man. 1038 00:52:22.969 --> 00:52:26.889 So much. That was really good. I almost thought we're 1039 00:52:26.909 --> 00:52:28.550 not going to get to one last talk. There's so 1040 00:52:28.570 --> 00:52:30.719 many other things that you're talking about that I was 1041 00:52:30.739 --> 00:52:33.679 just fascinated by and was just kind of following my curiosity. 1042 00:52:33.719 --> 00:52:35.400 I really appreciate that, man. 1043 00:52:35.980 --> 00:52:37.920 I love your style. I love your style. And I 1044 00:52:37.980 --> 00:52:39.619 told the story recently of the day. I don't know 1045 00:52:39.639 --> 00:52:42.070 if you remember this, but the day we're sitting beside 1046 00:52:42.090 --> 00:52:44.250 each other at Mastermind Talks and Jason said, just talk 1047 00:52:44.269 --> 00:52:45.409 to the person next to you and ask them what 1048 00:52:45.449 --> 00:52:48.139 they do. And I turned to you and I'll never 1049 00:52:48.219 --> 00:52:52.460 forget how gracious you are in my moment of total idiot. 1050 00:52:52.960 --> 00:52:55.380 So what do you do? And you looked at me, um, 1051 00:52:55.900 --> 00:52:58.000 I run a podcast and anyway, you kept going down 1052 00:52:58.039 --> 00:52:59.400 this road and then I turn us, I'll tell you 1053 00:52:59.420 --> 00:53:02.280 what I do. And then that night or a couple 1054 00:53:02.300 --> 00:53:04.349 of days later, I realized, oh my God, I was 1055 00:53:04.449 --> 00:53:07.849 on the podcast. And you were such a gentleman and 1056 00:53:08.349 --> 00:53:11.199 so kind with my idiotic mistake. 1057 00:53:11.219 --> 00:53:11.739 No, I mean. 1058 00:53:11.980 --> 00:53:12.760 Without exposing me. 1059 00:53:14.000 --> 00:53:17.159 No, no. I mean, I was one, grateful for Jason 1060 00:53:17.199 --> 00:53:18.900 just to be able to sit by you. And two, 1061 00:53:18.920 --> 00:53:22.489 I don't expect, you know, I try to be realistic 1062 00:53:22.550 --> 00:53:26.530 in life. You know, I think obviously the podcast, as 1063 00:53:26.590 --> 00:53:28.769 it goes, it makes more of an impact and becomes 1064 00:53:28.829 --> 00:53:32.159 more memorable. And certainly I'm happy that that's happened. Um, 1065 00:53:32.420 --> 00:53:34.840 and next time we see each other, obviously it'll be different, but, 1066 00:53:35.239 --> 00:53:37.360 but that, you know, it's life, man. You do a 1067 00:53:37.380 --> 00:53:38.960 lot of stuff. You do a lot of things. And 1068 00:53:38.980 --> 00:53:42.320 I don't expect anybody, uh, to think, uh, I, I 1069 00:53:42.340 --> 00:53:44.030 think we're all kind of right. You know, we're all 1070 00:53:44.449 --> 00:53:47.969 human and that happens. So I never expect anybody to, 1071 00:53:48.130 --> 00:53:50.150 to be aware of me or what I've done. I 1072 00:53:50.190 --> 00:53:52.710 think I've been brought up to where my parents say, 1073 00:53:53.130 --> 00:53:55.889 you know, I would, I would, a funny story. My dad, 1074 00:53:55.909 --> 00:53:57.860 I was really worried about what I was going to 1075 00:53:57.880 --> 00:54:00.179 wear to this event. And my dad, who's the best. 1076 00:54:00.260 --> 00:54:03.039 And he would say, Hey, They're not worried about what 1077 00:54:03.079 --> 00:54:05.340 you're wearing. They're worried about what they're wearing. And I said, 1078 00:54:05.400 --> 00:54:07.900 that's true. And he's not cynical. He's the most optimistic 1079 00:54:07.940 --> 00:54:10.760 human on earth, but he's also realistic. And I said, yeah, 1080 00:54:10.780 --> 00:54:13.139 that's right. And so when that happened, it wasn't a 1081 00:54:13.159 --> 00:54:15.440 big deal. And I knew we would probably reconnect anyway. 1082 00:54:15.460 --> 00:54:16.360 Yeah, we figured it out. 1083 00:54:16.420 --> 00:54:18.900 It wasn't a big deal. But I do appreciate you 1084 00:54:19.679 --> 00:54:22.150 even acknowledging it because most people wouldn't. And you did. 1085 00:54:22.159 --> 00:54:23.840 And you're like, oh, man, I'm an idiot. And that 1086 00:54:24.000 --> 00:54:26.800 alone was great. That was great. So it was cool. 1087 00:54:27.119 --> 00:54:28.389 I'm glad we got to reconnect. 1088 00:54:29.010 --> 00:54:29.780 Where's home for you? 1089 00:54:29.909 --> 00:54:30.489 Dayton, Ohio. 1090 00:54:31.199 --> 00:54:33.099 They know I've got an invitation for you. If you 1091 00:54:33.119 --> 00:54:35.619 want to come along as my guest, I'm doing an 1092 00:54:35.659 --> 00:54:38.139 event at the only time I'll be doing it in 2019, 1093 00:54:38.139 --> 00:54:42.179 I believe in the States, 28th and 28th of February, 1094 00:54:42.340 --> 00:54:44.800 1st of March. It's called brave mind. I won't get 1095 00:54:44.820 --> 00:54:46.500 into the details, but have a look at my website. 1096 00:54:46.519 --> 00:54:48.539 If you want to come along as my guest, I'd 1097 00:54:48.559 --> 00:54:49.519 love you to, I'd love to have you there. 1098 00:54:50.219 --> 00:54:52.190 So which one is this? Is it, where is it? 1099 00:54:52.739 --> 00:54:56.340 It's a two day event in Boulder, Colorado. Oh, wow. Okay. 1100 00:54:56.639 --> 00:54:59.670 And I do three live immersive experiences, a two day, 1101 00:54:59.690 --> 00:55:02.409 a five day and a seven day And this one is, 1102 00:55:02.690 --> 00:55:05.750 is really cool. We're getting amazing feedback on it. And 1103 00:55:05.769 --> 00:55:08.050 if you want to fly into Boulder, spend two great 1104 00:55:08.090 --> 00:55:11.639 days with some beautiful people, you'll meet some amazing people. Uh, 1105 00:55:11.659 --> 00:55:14.400 some people from the masterminds talks, community and sex, et cetera, 1106 00:55:14.420 --> 00:55:16.280 et cetera. And I'd like to have, you know, comes 1107 00:55:16.320 --> 00:55:18.840 my guests and, uh, love to, love to have you, man. 1108 00:55:18.900 --> 00:55:20.519 That would be awesome. All right. I'm writing that down. 1109 00:55:20.539 --> 00:55:21.500 I'm going to check on it right now. 1110 00:55:21.519 --> 00:55:23.400 As soon as we look at it and then just email, 1111 00:55:23.420 --> 00:55:25.380 let us know if, if, if something you want to do. Okay. 1112 00:55:25.500 --> 00:55:26.820 Thanks so much, man. And by the way, I'll let 1113 00:55:26.840 --> 00:55:29.289 you know when this episode, uh, gets, gets, uh, goes live, 1114 00:55:29.329 --> 00:55:30.409 probably be in a couple of weeks. 1115 00:55:30.929 --> 00:55:32.329 You're a star. Thanks for meeting me, Ron. 1116 00:55:32.400 --> 00:55:32.769 Thanks, Bill. 1117 00:55:32.849 --> 00:55:33.449 Okay, bye.