Full Transcript for Hold That Line 212

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Cornmarket Group Financial 57 00:02:47.490 --> 00:02:49.469 Services Limited is regulated by the Central Bank of Ireland. 58 00:02:52.310 --> 00:03:10.030 That was just like taking candy from a baby played 59 00:03:10.050 --> 00:03:10.650 by the orchestra. 60 00:03:10.689 --> 00:03:13.870 And now, ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, we bring 61 00:03:13.889 --> 00:03:17.569 you our modest, unassuming master of ceremonies, a man who 62 00:03:17.629 --> 00:03:19.069 is never too busy to say hello. 63 00:03:19.569 --> 00:03:19.969 Hello. 64 00:03:20.090 --> 00:03:20.990 Jack Benny. 65 00:03:22.009 --> 00:03:27.909 Thank you. 66 00:03:27.930 --> 00:03:29.250 Thank you, Emily. 67 00:03:29.270 --> 00:03:29.830 Hello again. 68 00:03:29.870 --> 00:03:32.030 This is Jack Benny talking. And, Don, that was a 69 00:03:32.240 --> 00:03:35.560 very sweet introduction. Never too busy to say hello. But 70 00:03:35.620 --> 00:03:36.539 I really don't deserve it. 71 00:03:36.780 --> 00:03:40.099 Oh, yes, you do, Jack. Do I? Why, certainly. 72 00:03:40.900 --> 00:03:43.039 Whether it's the humble newsboy on the corner or the 73 00:03:43.099 --> 00:03:46.439 taxi driver or the merchant with the shoeshine box, Jack 74 00:03:46.479 --> 00:03:47.659 Benny always stops. 75 00:03:48.159 --> 00:03:52.099 And a smile steals across his face as he says, Hiya, pal. 76 00:03:52.400 --> 00:03:55.840 How are things going? Oh, pardon me, Don. I was 77 00:03:55.900 --> 00:03:58.389 carried away. But let me ask you something, Don. 78 00:03:58.430 --> 00:03:59.969 Why shouldn't I go out of my way to be 79 00:04:00.050 --> 00:04:02.409 courteous and friendly? We're all human beings. 80 00:04:02.909 --> 00:04:05.949 We're all people. Say, after all, what am I? You 81 00:04:05.969 --> 00:04:10.020 know what I said at rehearsal. Bill, I'm not talking 82 00:04:10.039 --> 00:04:10.360 to you. 83 00:04:11.300 --> 00:04:14.439 Anyway, Don, I'm just the down-to-earth type that gets along 84 00:04:14.460 --> 00:04:16.949 with everybody. You know the little old lady that sells 85 00:04:16.990 --> 00:04:18.430 flowers right outside the studio? 86 00:04:18.610 --> 00:04:19.829 You mean the one on the corner here? 87 00:04:20.009 --> 00:04:20.329 Yeah. 88 00:04:20.680 --> 00:04:22.879 See, I've stopped and talked to her now every Sunday 89 00:04:22.920 --> 00:04:23.879 for three years. 90 00:04:24.620 --> 00:04:25.879 Hello, little lady, I say. 91 00:04:26.120 --> 00:04:27.879 And she says I told you a thousand times I'm 92 00:04:27.920 --> 00:04:30.879 not going out with you. 93 00:04:33.029 --> 00:04:35.069 Phil, if you can't be sentimental, stay out of this. 94 00:04:35.709 --> 00:04:37.810 You know, Don, whenever I pass this little flower lady, 95 00:04:37.910 --> 00:04:40.240 a tear comes to my eyes. And I can't help 96 00:04:40.250 --> 00:04:41.779 but think that she's somebody's mother. 97 00:04:42.060 --> 00:04:44.360 Yes, and perhaps that somebody could well afford to take 98 00:04:44.399 --> 00:04:44.839 care of her. 99 00:04:45.040 --> 00:04:47.939 You're probably right, Don. Gee, I wonder whose mother she. 100 00:04:47.899 --> 00:04:48.439 Is, anyway. 101 00:04:48.579 --> 00:04:49.240 She's mine. 102 00:04:49.339 --> 00:04:51.120 Now, cut that out! 103 00:04:52.379 --> 00:04:54.500 You're lying, Phil, because I happen to know that your 104 00:04:54.540 --> 00:05:03.529 mother is cigarette girl at the Wilshire Bowl. 105 00:05:04.449 --> 00:05:10.829 Cigars, cigarettes, and homemade jelly. Thank you. So pipe down. Well, 106 00:05:10.850 --> 00:05:12.670 you wouldn't get away with this much stuff if Mary 107 00:05:12.709 --> 00:05:14.069 was here. Oh, yes, I would. 108 00:05:14.129 --> 00:05:15.910 By the way, Jack, how is Mary? Is she feeling better? 109 00:05:16.509 --> 00:05:18.670 Well, she had a pretty bad cold, Don, but she's 110 00:05:18.730 --> 00:05:22.439 much improved. She'll be with us next Sunday. Oh, that's good. Yeah, 111 00:05:22.480 --> 00:05:25.199 glad the kid's feeling better. Thanks. Of course, it'll be 112 00:05:25.240 --> 00:05:28.649 kind of tough doing comedy tonight without her. Don't worry, Jackson. 113 00:05:28.709 --> 00:05:29.329 I'm here, ain't I? 114 00:05:29.420 --> 00:05:33.259 I can get them belly laughs. Well, just be grateful, Phil, 115 00:05:33.279 --> 00:05:34.279 that you get good lines. 116 00:05:34.480 --> 00:05:37.160 It ain't the material, Jackson. It's my personality. It's how 117 00:05:37.220 --> 00:05:39.459 I sock it over. Oh, brother. 118 00:05:40.379 --> 00:05:40.720 Phil. 119 00:05:41.579 --> 00:05:43.620 Phil, you really think you're the funniest guy in the 120 00:05:43.660 -->

00:05:46.060 whole world, don't you? What a spot. If I say yes, 121 00:05:46.120 --> 00:05:47.800 I'm a ham. If I say no, I'm a liar. 122 00:05:54.470 --> 00:06:00.100 You're both if I ever saw one. Say, Dennis... Yes, please? 123 00:06:00.439 --> 00:06:00.720 Hmm. 124 00:06:01.779 --> 00:06:03.879 How would you like a great big part tonight with 125 00:06:03.939 --> 00:06:05.040 plenty of gags and everything? 126 00:06:05.259 --> 00:06:06.579 Oh, boy, that'll be swell. 127 00:06:06.899 --> 00:06:09.019 All right, you can read Mary's lines. Tonight, you're going 128 00:06:09.040 --> 00:06:10.160 to be the girl on the program. 129 00:06:10.439 --> 00:06:12.079 Nothing's doing. I'm no sissy. 130 00:06:12.399 --> 00:06:14.139 Dennis, the program is written, and you've got to take 131 00:06:14.180 --> 00:06:16.339 Mary's place. You're the only one on the show with 132 00:06:16.379 --> 00:06:17.019 a high voice. 133 00:06:17.399 --> 00:06:17.959 Oh, me? 134 00:06:20.410 --> 00:06:27.250 Dennis... Now, remember, you're Mary, so go outside and come 135 00:06:27.290 --> 00:06:28.209 back when you're supposed to. 136 00:06:28.389 --> 00:06:29.990 Okay, but I'll be chewing tobacco. 137 00:06:30.029 --> 00:06:34.069 You better not. That kid's getting too smart. 138 00:06:34.149 --> 00:06:36.430 Well, look, Jackson, why don't you let me play Mary's part? 139 00:06:36.470 --> 00:06:38.500 I got beautiful hair and rosy cheeks. 140 00:06:38.939 --> 00:06:39.360 Oh, fine. 141 00:06:39.379 --> 00:06:41.319 He's got a few broken veins there, and he calls 142 00:06:41.379 --> 00:06:53.600 it rosy cheeks. We'll manage without you, fellas. Well, let's 143 00:06:53.639 --> 00:06:56.649 get on with the show. Say, Don, Mary seems to 144 00:06:56.689 --> 00:06:57.689 be a little bit late today. 145 00:06:57.750 --> 00:06:58.569 I wonder where she is. 146 00:06:58.750 --> 00:07:00.529 Mary? I saw her out in the hall just a 147 00:07:00.529 --> 00:07:01.209 few minutes ago. 148 00:07:01.589 --> 00:07:04.050 Oh, you know, Don, she's so excited. She's been shopping 149 00:07:04.110 --> 00:07:07.660 all week, and she's... Oh, here she comes now. Hello, Mary. 150 00:07:07.680 --> 00:07:10.920 I said, hello, Mary. Hello. 151 00:07:11.959 --> 00:07:12.560 Hmm. 152 00:07:13.120 --> 00:07:14.660 You look cute in that fall outfit. 153 00:07:14.699 --> 00:07:15.720 That's a new dress, isn't it? 154 00:07:15.860 --> 00:07:17.939 Yeah, I got it magnet. Isn't it a dream? 155 00:07:19.519 --> 00:07:20.250 Oh, it's beautiful. 156 00:07:20.810 --> 00:07:23.110 But it's cut a little low there in front, isn't it? 157 00:07:23.519 --> 00:07:24.889 On me, it don't make any difference. 158 00:07:37.620 --> 00:07:41.060 Dennis. Dennis, read the lines that are in the script. 159 00:07:41.220 --> 00:07:42.899 Well, you're not going to make a monkey out of me. 160 00:07:43.319 --> 00:07:45.079 I'm not trying to make a monkey out of you, Dennis. 161 00:07:45.160 --> 00:07:48.339 It's just an emergency. You don't want to read Mary's lines? 162 00:07:48.420 --> 00:07:49.639 All right. Well, I don't. 163 00:07:50.120 --> 00:07:53.189 All right. Just puts us in a spot, that's all. 164 00:07:54.110 --> 00:07:56.610 A fine program without a girl on it. 165 00:07:56.629 --> 00:07:58.470 Gee, there must be some way to work this out. 166 00:07:59.189 --> 00:08:00.089 I wonder who we can get. 167 00:08:02.439 --> 00:08:03.420 I'll help you, kid. 168 00:08:05.199 --> 00:08:07.740 Well... I am the Blue Fairy. 169 00:08:13.990 --> 00:08:16.129 Well, that's a very sweet offer, Blue Fairy, but I'm 170 00:08:16.170 --> 00:08:18.689 afraid you won't do. You're too fat for Miss Livingston. 171 00:08:19.170 --> 00:08:19.329 Oh. 172 00:08:19.689 --> 00:08:21.850 Well, if John Wilson ever gets sick, let me know. 173 00:08:22.290 --> 00:08:26.259 We will. We will, yes. 174 00:08:26.610 --> 00:08:29.449 And now I will fly away, back to my home 175 00:08:29.490 --> 00:08:30.110 in the clouds. 176 00:08:30.589 --> 00:08:31.290 Goodbye. 177 00:08:31.509 --> 00:08:32.049 Goodbye. 178 00:08:32.429 --> 00:08:33.429 Give me a push, will you? 179 00:08:35.919 --> 00:08:39.299 Okay. Gee, look at her go. 180 00:08:39.720 --> 00:08:43.570 Out the window, over Vine Street, over Beverly Boulevard. over 181 00:08:43.590 --> 00:08:52.710 the La Brea pit. Play, Phil, and get us out 182 00:08:52.750 --> 00:08:54.049 of this fantastic mood. 183 00:08:55.049 --> 00:08:57.049 ¶ ¶. 184 00:09:29.759 --> 00:09:32.679 That was That's For Me, played by Phil Harris and 185 00:09:32.740 --> 00:09:35.960 his Waldorf Astoria ensemble. 186 00:09:36.000 --> 00:09:38.559 Waldorf Astoria meaning they couldn't get in there if they 187 00:09:38.580 --> 00:09:42.289 were delivering the meat. And now, ladies and gentlemen. 188 00:09:42.309 --> 00:09:43.269 Hey, wait a minute, Jackson. 189 00:09:43.330 --> 00:09:45.500 After that violent solo you played with us a couple 190 00:09:45.509 --> 00:09:48.299 of weeks ago, I wouldn't say anything derogatory about my band. 191 00:09:48.779 --> 00:09:53.340 Derogatory? Well, I'll be... What's the matter? Ain't it right? 192 00:09:53.960 --> 00:09:56.330 Sure it's right. But, Phil, where'd you ever learn the 193 00:09:56.370 --> 00:09:59.110 word derogatory? Oh, I forgot to tell you. You know, 194 00:09:59.149 --> 00:10:01.259 I don't start working at... the phone till 9 o'clock, 195 00:10:01.279 --> 00:10:04.139 so I've been going to night school. Oh, well, did 196 00:10:04.159 --> 00:10:06.360 you hear that, Don? Phil goes to night school. 197 00:10:06.460 --> 00:10:08.559 Well, congratulations, Phil. How are you getting along? 198 00:10:08.639 --> 00:10:10.679 Very good, very good. So you guys don't have to 199 00:10:10.720 --> 00:10:19.529 get derogatory. All right, we heard that already. What else 200 00:10:19.549 --> 00:10:21.639 did you learn? Oh, plenty of stuff. Come on, ask 201 00:10:21.679 --> 00:10:24.620 me something. Ask me anything. Oh,

quiet. Come on, ask 202 00:10:24.639 --> 00:10:27.200 me who invented the cotton gin. All right, Phil, who 203 00:10:27.240 --> 00:10:32.019 invented the cotton gin? Eli Whitney. Well, and with the steamboat, 204 00:10:32.059 --> 00:10:36.070 it was Fulton. Why, Phil, you're terrific. Hey, Don, here's 205 00:10:36.110 --> 00:10:37.149 another one. What does 1492 mean to you? 206 00:10:38.500 --> 00:10:39.129 I don't know, Phil. 207 00:10:39.149 --> 00:10:39.909 What does it mean to you? 208 00:10:40.000 --> 00:10:41.279 Columbus! 209 00:10:44.840 --> 00:10:45.600 Gee whiz. 210 00:10:45.700 --> 00:10:49.679 You know, the world is round, all that kind of stuff. Well, 211 00:10:49.799 --> 00:10:53.080 I've heard everything. Congratulations, Phil. And now, ladies and gentlemen. 212 00:10:53.100 --> 00:10:56.360 The Mississippi is the longest river in the USA. 213 00:10:58.120 --> 00:11:00.679 Phil, will you stop showing off? I knew about the 214 00:11:00.720 --> 00:11:02.240 Mississippi when I was in the fifth grade. 215 00:11:02.259 --> 00:11:04.139 Well, I'm only in the third, so I got you beat. 216 00:11:07.000 --> 00:11:10.870 All right, you got me beat. Hey, Don, ask me something. Don, 217 00:11:10.929 --> 00:11:13.590 ask me something about the Revolutionary War. Like, well, when 218 00:11:13.610 --> 00:11:14.389 was it or something? 219 00:11:14.409 --> 00:11:15.149 Phil, please. 220 00:11:15.490 --> 00:11:18.250 All right, Phil, when was the Revolutionary War? 221 00:11:18.250 --> 00:11:19.730 1776. 222 00:11:19.730 --> 00:11:20.929 Well, I'll be darned. 223 00:11:20.960 --> 00:11:23.460 Not bad, eh? That's very good, Phil. Now, who won 224 00:11:23.480 --> 00:11:25.860 the Revolutionary War? That's coming up Wednesday. 225 00:11:31.500 --> 00:11:35.830 Gee, I'll bet you can hardly wait. Now, look, Phil, 226 00:11:36.269 --> 00:11:38.429 we're all very happy to know that you're trying to 227 00:11:38.529 --> 00:11:41.779 improve what mentality you have. But there are more important 228 00:11:41.799 --> 00:11:42.860 things to talk about, aren't. 229 00:11:42.759 --> 00:11:43.139 There, Don? 230 00:11:43.159 --> 00:11:44.120 Yes, there are, Jack. 231 00:11:44.610 --> 00:11:46.809 Ladies and gentlemen, night school is one of the greatest 232 00:11:46.889 --> 00:11:48.070 institutions that flourish in. 233 00:11:48.029 --> 00:11:49.370 This country today. What? 234 00:11:49.570 --> 00:11:52.490 It gives thousands of people the opportunity to improve themselves 235 00:11:52.509 --> 00:11:53.529 in the field of education. 236 00:11:53.710 --> 00:11:54.379 What's that for? 237 00:11:54.600 --> 00:11:55.789 So, if you're one of. 238 00:11:55.740 --> 00:11:57.840 The many who attend night school, instead of bringing an 239 00:11:57.899 --> 00:11:59.960 apple to the teacher, why not bring her a package 240 00:12:00.000 --> 00:12:01.659 of tempting and appetizing jello? 241 00:12:02.220 --> 00:12:03.220 Well, it's about time. 242 00:12:03.259 --> 00:12:04.960 It is not only economical and easy to. 243 00:12:04.899 --> 00:12:07.919 Make, but comes in six delicious flavors. So look for 244 00:12:07.960 --> 00:12:10.490 the big red letters on the box. They spell Jell-O. 245 00:12:10.539 --> 00:12:13.830 And I'm just the guy that can spell it. J-E-L-L-O. 246 00:12:14.299 --> 00:12:16.230 Bill, you're positively brilliant. 247 00:12:16.269 --> 00:12:18.389 If you weren't such a bum, you could become president. 248 00:12:18.450 --> 00:12:22.490 B-U-M, bum. Bill. 249 00:12:24.129 --> 00:12:26.889 And now, ladies and gentlemen, going from night school to 250 00:12:26.970 --> 00:12:30.210 our feature attraction of the evening, this being the height 251 00:12:30.289 --> 00:12:32.950 of the football season, tonight we are going to offer 252 00:12:33.049 --> 00:12:36.370 our annual gridiron classic entitled Hold That Line. 253 00:12:37.190 --> 00:12:38.509 Or one moment, please. 254 00:12:46.600 --> 00:12:49.519 Now, once again, I will play the part of Coach 255 00:12:49.580 --> 00:12:52.519 Flash Benny of Flatfoot College. Now, Phil, you, Don, and 256 00:12:52.559 --> 00:12:55.320 Dennis will be the players, and your orchestra boys can 257 00:12:55.360 --> 00:12:56.279 be the cheering section. 258 00:12:56.379 --> 00:12:57.820 Well, why don't you use some of my boys on 259 00:12:57.840 --> 00:12:59.159 the team? They're all athletes. 260 00:12:59.659 --> 00:13:05.299 Phil, shooting pool and pulling corks are not considered American sports. 261 00:13:07.139 --> 00:13:09.139 They'll stay in the cheering section. Wait till you hear 262 00:13:09.179 --> 00:13:09.779 their cheers. 263 00:13:10.360 --> 00:13:13.490 Phil, if I hear one bird that isn't a swallow 264 00:13:13.519 --> 00:13:21.970 returning to Capistrano, watch out. Now, let's see. We're still 265 00:13:22.009 --> 00:13:25.049 short of actors, so I sent for Rochester. Where is he? 266 00:13:25.110 --> 00:13:26.789 There he is, Jack, talking to Dennis Day. 267 00:13:27.029 --> 00:13:28.649 Oh, that's right. Hey, Rochester. 268 00:13:28.750 --> 00:13:29.289 Yes, please. 269 00:13:31.580 --> 00:13:34.000 Now, Rochester, we're short of actors tonight, so I want 270 00:13:34.009 --> 00:13:35.840 you to play a part in our football game. 271 00:13:36.039 --> 00:13:38.679 Okay, give me the ball. Now, wait a minute. You're 272 00:13:38.700 --> 00:13:40.019 not going to play on the team. You're going to 273 00:13:40.059 --> 00:13:42.580 be the water boy. That's a little bit derogatory, ain't it? 274 00:13:48.620 --> 00:13:51.700 Don't argue. Here's your bucket. You've got a very important part. 275 00:13:51.840 --> 00:13:52.399 Important? 276 00:13:52.620 --> 00:13:55.019 Yes. Boss, the only man that ever got famous with 277 00:13:55.039 --> 00:13:59.399 a bucket was Old Man Moe. Never mind. And he 278 00:13:59.500 --> 00:14:02.679 had to kick it. Now, Rochester, look at it this way. 279 00:14:03.179 --> 00:14:05.659 Who's one of the most valuable

members of a football squad? 280 00:14:05.940 --> 00:14:06.820 The water boy. 281 00:14:08.039 --> 00:14:10.200 Whenever a player's injured, who rushes out with a cold 282 00:14:10.240 --> 00:14:10.779 drink for him? 283 00:14:11.230 --> 00:14:15.590 The water boy. And whenever a sensational. 284 00:14:15.029 --> 00:14:16.990 Play is made and the crowd stands up and cheers, 285 00:14:17.309 --> 00:14:18.269 who are they cheering? 286 00:14:20.129 --> 00:14:21.090 Okay, give me the bucket. 287 00:14:29.929 --> 00:14:31.710 And now that we're all set, ladies and gentlemen, this 288 00:14:31.730 --> 00:14:34.389 play will go on immediately after a song by Dennis Day. 289 00:14:34.750 --> 00:14:35.590 What's it going to be, Dennis? 290 00:14:35.769 --> 00:14:37.870 Well, Mr. Benny, this being Navy Day, I'm going to 291 00:14:37.889 --> 00:14:40.049 sing a special arrangement of a brand new number called 292 00:14:40.269 --> 00:14:40.950 He's My Uncle. 293 00:14:41.309 --> 00:14:42.049 Well, go ahead. 294 00:14:42.090 --> 00:14:43.970 Hey, Jackson, I just thought of something. We still haven't 295 00:14:44.009 --> 00:14:45.529 got enough actors for a football team. 296 00:14:45.830 --> 00:14:48.289 Gee, that's right. Well, we'll just have to get along, Phil. 297 00:14:48.750 --> 00:14:49.509 What else can we do? 298 00:14:49.529 --> 00:14:53.029 I'm available, kid. 299 00:14:54.620 --> 00:14:56.759 Now, look, Blue Fairy, I'm afraid you can't help us. 300 00:14:57.059 --> 00:14:58.740 All right, then I'll fly away. 301 00:14:59.080 --> 00:14:59.740 Goodbye. 302 00:14:59.899 --> 00:15:04.870 Goodbye. Ah, there she goes. Out the window. Back to 303 00:15:04.899 --> 00:15:07.850 the fleecy clouds. Back to the sky of Gossamer Blue. 304 00:15:08.330 --> 00:15:24.980 Back to the Plaza Hotel. Sing, Dennis. Very good, Dennis. 305 00:15:26.820 --> 00:15:27.279 Very good. 306 00:15:27.299 --> 00:15:29.899 That was He's My Uncle, written by Lou Pollock and 307 00:15:29.960 --> 00:15:33.279 sung by Dennis Day. And, Dennis, that was a swell number. 308 00:15:33.320 --> 00:15:34.419 I like the thought of it. 309 00:15:34.500 --> 00:15:34.960 Me, too. 310 00:15:35.419 --> 00:15:38.419 There's nothing like a patriotic song. Yes, sir. Hey, Jackson, 311 00:15:38.440 --> 00:15:40.779 you know who made the first American flag? Betsy Ross. 312 00:15:45.850 --> 00:15:48.950 I know, Phil. With a steamboat, it was Fulton. All right, 313 00:15:48.990 --> 00:15:53.460 you told us that. Sit down, genius. Okay. 314 00:15:53.740 --> 00:15:53.899 Hmm. 315 00:15:57.220 --> 00:15:59.559 Tessie Ross made the first American flag. It certainly is 316 00:15:59.620 --> 00:16:05.269 a secret. And now, ladies and gentlemen, for our rough-and-tumble. 317 00:16:04.629 --> 00:16:08.529 Football play entitled Kicked in the Bridgeworks or I'll Never 318 00:16:08.610 --> 00:16:14.269 Smile Again. The scene is Flatfoot College located in the 319 00:16:14.289 --> 00:16:18.240 thriving little town of Pure Isle, Indiana, which is just 320 00:16:18.259 --> 00:16:21.889 three miles north of Baynose. The first half has just 321 00:16:21.970 --> 00:16:25.129 ended in the annual game with meatball tech. As the 322 00:16:25.149 --> 00:16:27.409 curtain rises, Coach Flash Benny is giving his team a 323 00:16:27.450 --> 00:16:28.590 pep talk in the locker room. 324 00:16:29.230 --> 00:16:29.590 Curtain. 325 00:16:30.549 --> 00:16:42.429 Music. Now, listen, men. We're in a tough spot. The 326 00:16:42.470 --> 00:16:43.940 last half is about to start, and we're behind 98-7. 327 00:16:47.509 --> 00:16:48.850 But we still got a chance to beat them. The 328 00:16:48.889 --> 00:16:52.210 game isn't over yet. Let's hear some of that flatfoot spirit. 329 00:16:52.970 --> 00:17:01.639 That's the stuff. I want you to go in there 330 00:17:01.659 --> 00:17:04.619 this last half and fight. You understand? Fight. What are we, 331 00:17:04.680 --> 00:17:05.299 men or mice? 332 00:17:05.460 --> 00:17:06.839 Give me a tail and call me Mickey. 333 00:17:12.079 --> 00:17:13.029 I'll give you a Mickey. 334 00:17:13.049 --> 00:17:13.569 Now, listen, men. 335 00:17:17.029 --> 00:17:19.049 In the first half, meatball had things their own way. 336 00:17:19.450 --> 00:17:22.069 But in this next half, Flatfoot's gonna walk all over meatball. 337 00:17:22.309 --> 00:17:26.930 Sounds messy, doesn't it? And you, Harris, you're supposed to 338 00:17:26.950 --> 00:17:30.670 be a football player and all-American. Why, during the first quarter, 339 00:17:30.710 --> 00:17:41.009 you played like a dope. D-O-P, dope. You spelled dope, dope. 340 00:17:42.869 --> 00:17:45.259 And you, Wilson... You're as bad as the rest of 341 00:17:45.299 --> 00:17:45.740 these lugs. 342 00:17:45.819 --> 00:17:47.920 Why, what are you talking about, coach? I recovered five 343 00:17:47.980 --> 00:17:48.859 times on fumbles. 344 00:17:48.940 --> 00:17:50.460 Yeah, but every time you fell on the ball, we 345 00:17:50.500 --> 00:17:54.819 had to get a new one. Now, take it easy. Okay. 346 00:17:55.180 --> 00:17:56.150 Pass the fudge, Phil. 347 00:17:57.470 --> 00:17:58.529 Lay off the candy, Wilson. 348 00:17:59.109 --> 00:18:01.069 Your stomach is over the goal line when you still 349 00:18:01.089 --> 00:18:02.170 have five yards to go. 350 00:18:06.569 --> 00:18:10.750 Now put down that fudge. A little fudge won't hurt. Oh, 351 00:18:10.849 --> 00:18:14.880 so you're butting in, you imbecile, the way you play football. Now, coach. 352 00:18:15.079 --> 00:18:17.839 You run around like a chicken with your head cut off. Now, coach. 353 00:18:18.180 --> 00:18:20.220 Every time you got the ball, you ran the wrong way. Well, 354 00:18:20.259 --> 00:18:21.700 turn my head around and let's get going. 355 00:18:23.609 --> 00:18:24.309 Get out of here! 356 00:18:29.930 --> 00:18:31.450 Now, listen, men, in this next half, I want you 357 00:18:31.490 --> 00:18:33.970 all to... Hey, water boy, what are you

putting in 358 00:18:33.990 --> 00:18:34.470 that bucket? 359 00:18:34.609 --> 00:18:38.170 A little lemon juice, that's all. Lemon juice, eh? Lemon 360 00:18:38.210 --> 00:18:41.960 juice in the water. Yeah, that goes with the sugar. Oh, 361 00:18:42.039 --> 00:18:44.900 lemon juice and sugar. I suppose that's lemonade. 362 00:18:45.079 --> 00:18:46.000 Lemonade, that's it. 363 00:18:46.880 --> 00:18:49.279 I see. You didn't put anything else in the bucket, 364 00:18:49.319 --> 00:18:52.509 did you? No, sir. Well, let me have a glass 365 00:18:52.549 --> 00:18:59.740 of that lemonade. Don't take more than one. I thought so. 366 00:19:00.059 --> 00:19:02.539 Lemon juice, sugar, cracked ice. Rochester, are you mixing Tom 367 00:19:02.579 --> 00:19:03.619 Collins' in that bucket? 368 00:19:03.819 --> 00:19:05.019 It ain't pancake batter. 369 00:19:11.549 --> 00:19:14.329 Well, throw it away. Pour it out the window. Okay, 370 00:19:14.369 --> 00:19:17.609 that grass is sure going to grow out there. Never 371 00:19:17.670 --> 00:19:18.430 mind about the grass. 372 00:19:18.730 --> 00:19:20.450 Now, men, it's almost time for the second half, and 373 00:19:20.470 --> 00:19:21.210 we're going to win. 374 00:19:21.250 --> 00:19:22.349 Didn't count on us, coach. 375 00:19:22.690 --> 00:19:24.730 I'm not counting on anyone of you. I got a 376 00:19:24.750 --> 00:19:26.250 new player coming into the game, and he'll show you 377 00:19:26.269 --> 00:19:27.289 what football really is. 378 00:19:27.890 --> 00:19:29.549 I've heard a lot about this boy, and he tell 379 00:19:29.569 --> 00:19:32.630 me he's a sensation. A new player, huh? Yeah. Come 380 00:19:32.730 --> 00:19:49.970 on in, Butch. Hello, Spencer. Well, so you're the sensation, eh? 381 00:19:50.400 --> 00:19:52.980 That's me, Butch Schlepperman, the beast of Boyle Heights. 382 00:19:56.549 --> 00:19:58.630 Good. Now, we're depending on you, Schlepp. Do you think 383 00:19:58.650 --> 00:20:01.309 you can win for us? What's the score now? 98 384 00:20:01.309 --> 00:20:02.230 to 7. 385 00:20:02.230 --> 00:20:03.130 Who's got the 7? 386 00:20:03.130 --> 00:20:04.779 We have. What do you say, Schlepp? 387 00:20:04.940 --> 00:20:06.279 You're lucky if you can keep that. 388 00:20:07.690 --> 00:20:09.369 Now, wait a minute. We're depending on you to come through, 389 00:20:09.410 --> 00:20:12.289 so don't be so pessimistic. Be cheerful. Be happy. 390 00:20:12.289 --> 00:20:15.250 98 to 7, and he wants smiling Frankie Gordon. 391 00:20:20.750 --> 00:20:22.349 Never mind. Just get in there and fight, that's all. 392 00:20:22.390 --> 00:20:23.309 What position do you play? 393 00:20:23.450 --> 00:20:23.950 I'm a tailor. 394 00:20:25.470 --> 00:20:28.269 All right, you can be left tailor. Now, come on, men. 395 00:20:28.589 --> 00:20:30.519 I'm going to play in the game myself this last half. 396 00:20:30.839 --> 00:20:31.640 And Flatfoot is. 397 00:20:31.599 --> 00:20:46.069 Going to win, or my name ain't. All right, folks. 398 00:20:46.109 --> 00:20:48.589 The second half of this thrilling gridiron duel is about 399 00:20:48.609 --> 00:20:53.170 to begin. The score is Flatfoot 7, meatball 132. 400 00:20:53.359 --> 00:20:56.119 A hundred and thirty-two? Why, the rat they've been playing 401 00:20:56.140 --> 00:21:03.380 during intermission. Come on, men, we'll show them. 402 00:21:03.859 --> 00:21:06.339 Meatball is already on the field, and here comes Flash 403 00:21:06.420 --> 00:21:07.819 Benny and his flatfoot team. 404 00:21:07.900 --> 00:21:08.740 Hi, Apple. 405 00:21:11.150 --> 00:21:13.710 Flash Benny is going into the game himself. What an 406 00:21:13.789 --> 00:21:16.430 ovation he gets from the flatfoot cheering section. 407 00:21:16.829 --> 00:21:19.109 He's never too busy to say hello, to say hello, 408 00:21:19.130 --> 00:21:19.829 to say hello. 409 00:21:19.869 --> 00:21:22.430 He's never too busy to say hello. Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe. 410 00:21:27.599 --> 00:21:30.119 Ah, folks, what a crowd has gathered here today. 411 00:21:30.420 --> 00:21:33.509 There's the whistle. They're lining up, and Meatball is about 412 00:21:33.529 --> 00:21:34.609 to kick off the flat foot. 413 00:21:35.049 --> 00:21:35.710 There's the kick. 414 00:21:35.769 --> 00:21:38.269 It's a beauty. The ball is coming down on. 415 00:21:38.289 --> 00:21:39.170 The 15-yard line. 416 00:21:39.190 --> 00:21:41.730 There goes Harris for it. No, he's headed for the 417 00:21:41.789 --> 00:21:46.750 water bucket. What a business Rochester is doing. I told 418 00:21:46.769 --> 00:21:47.599 him to pour that out. 419 00:21:49.690 --> 00:21:50.210 What's this? 420 00:21:50.690 --> 00:21:54.049 But Schlepperman, the sensational new player, gets the ball. He's 421 00:21:54.069 --> 00:21:57.920 hit hard, and the ball is on Flatfoot's own 10-yard line. 422 00:22:01.359 --> 00:22:06.140 Schlepperman. Schlepperman, are you hurt? Schlepp. Schlepp. Say something. 423 00:22:06.440 --> 00:22:16.849 Biggest thing about it was Fulton. 424 00:22:16.970 --> 00:22:18.849 He's delirious. Okay. 425 00:22:19.359 --> 00:22:21.579 Slepperman was knocked out on the first play and they're 426 00:22:21.619 --> 00:22:25.240 carrying him off the field, but that boy is a sensation! 427 00:22:25.420 --> 00:22:27.579 Sensation why he was knocked out in the first play. 428 00:22:27.680 --> 00:22:31.609 He's alive, ain't he? Never mind! All right, men. We've 429 00:22:31.630 --> 00:22:33.809 only got 90 yards to go. I'll carry the ball 430 00:22:33.849 --> 00:22:34.529 around left end. 431 00:22:34.730 --> 00:22:36.269 Why don't you run around my end, Flash? 432 00:22:36.730 --> 00:22:38.250 I did that in the last game and wound up 433 00:22:38.289 --> 00:22:42.450 in Laguna. Now, come on. Signal. 434 00:22:42.450 --> 00:22:42.869 72. 435 00:22:42.869 --> 00:22:43.279 23. 436 00:22:43.279 --> 00:22:43.599 Hey! Oh! 437 00:22:46.519 --> 00:22:49.200 The ball is left to play, Benny. 438 00:22:49.279 -->

00:22:51.019 And there he goes. Look at that boy run. Look 439 00:22:51.059 --> 00:22:53.359 at him go. No wonder they call him Flash. 440 00:22:55.759 --> 00:23:01.329 They finally tackle him, folks, and he's down. Benny lost 441 00:23:01.460 --> 00:23:04.869 eight yards on that play. 442 00:23:06.849 --> 00:23:11.170 Darn it. Well, men, I'm afraid it's hopeless. Ninety-eight yards 443 00:23:11.190 --> 00:23:13.170 to go and we can't gain an end. What are 444 00:23:13.190 --> 00:23:15.150 we going to do? What are we going to do? 445 00:23:16.529 --> 00:23:18.190 Well, here she is again. 446 00:23:20.809 --> 00:23:22.549 Let me carry the ball, kid. 447 00:23:22.630 --> 00:23:24.119 You? Listen, Blue Fairy. 448 00:23:24.410 --> 00:23:26.980 Football is a man's game. And those guys will kick 449 00:23:27.019 --> 00:23:27.940 you all over the field. 450 00:23:28.119 --> 00:23:31.579 Well, at my age, I can't be choosy. 451 00:23:34.089 --> 00:23:36.950 All right, then. You take Dennis Day's place. Come on, fellas. 452 00:23:37.170 --> 00:23:37.490 Line up. 453 00:23:39.700 --> 00:23:41.000 That's what is lining up, folks. 454 00:23:41.220 --> 00:23:42.660 But there's been a substitution. 455 00:23:42.720 --> 00:23:45.259 Dennis Day has been replaced by the Goodyear Blimp. 456 00:23:46.859 --> 00:23:47.880 That's the Blue Fairy. 457 00:23:47.920 --> 00:23:49.349 Well, how can I tell from here? 458 00:23:49.569 --> 00:23:50.309 All right. 459 00:23:51.809 --> 00:23:53.789 All right, Blue Fairy. I'll take the ball and ladder it. 460 00:23:54.089 --> 00:23:54.950 The rest is up to you. 461 00:23:55.250 --> 00:23:55.829 Don't worry. 462 00:23:55.930 --> 00:23:57.589 I'll beat him, Daddy. Eight to the bar. 463 00:23:57.609 --> 00:23:57.730 Good. 464 00:23:57.769 --> 00:23:59.369 Signal. 33. 45. Then he receives the ball. 465 00:24:05.559 --> 00:24:08.779 He laterals to the Blue Fairy and she takes off. 466 00:24:12.650 --> 00:24:19.390 And she's flying down the field. Listen to that crowd cheer. 467 00:24:19.609 --> 00:24:21.210 The Blue Fairy is landing. 468 00:24:21.410 --> 00:24:24.150 She's landing over the goal line. And what's this? 469 00:24:24.619 --> 00:24:30.599 She carried 21 footballs, folks. making 21 touchdowns simultaneously. And 470 00:24:30.660 --> 00:24:37.180 Flashfoot wins 133 to 132. Hey, Rochester, come here. 471 00:24:36.759 --> 00:24:37.519 With that bucket. 472 00:24:37.859 --> 00:24:38.400 Oh, no, Mr. 473 00:24:38.519 --> 00:24:41.779 Announcer, you've had enough. You said it. Play, Phil. 474 00:24:49.210 --> 00:24:51.549 October, ladies and gentlemen, is the month of apples. 475 00:24:51.690 --> 00:24:54.769 Winesap, Stutzenberg, Baldwin's, McIntosh, and all the rest of those 476 00:24:54.789 --> 00:24:58.029 ruddy-cheeked favorites. And just to celebrate the occasion, here we 477 00:24:58.069 --> 00:25:00.069 come with a grand jello and apple dessert. 478 00:25:00.630 --> 00:25:02.750 It's really something special, a swell autumn. 479 00:25:02.609 --> 00:25:04.829 Day treat, and you can have it all ready and 480 00:25:04.910 --> 00:25:07.369 on the table in no time at all. Simply make 481 00:25:07.430 --> 00:25:09.650 up a package of lemon jello according to the directions 482 00:25:09.710 --> 00:25:12.710 on the box. Chill until slightly thickened and fold in 483 00:25:12.829 --> 00:25:16.200 one medium red apple cubed. Then mold and serve as 484 00:25:16.299 --> 00:25:20.039 a bright tangy dessert or salad. The tempting flavor of 485 00:25:20.079 --> 00:25:22.740 this delicious combination is something you just have to taste 486 00:25:22.779 --> 00:25:26.099 yourself to appreciate it. So tomorrow for dinner, enjoy this 487 00:25:26.140 --> 00:25:30.759 mellow October dessert, crisp, juicy apples embedded in a glistening 488 00:25:30.819 --> 00:25:33.079 mold of rich, golden lemon jello. 489 00:25:33.099 --> 00:25:33.220 Yes? 490 00:25:33.960 --> 00:25:55.799 Yes? Well, I'm glad you're feeling better, Mary. Say, did 491 00:25:55.819 --> 00:25:56.589 you hear the program? 492 00:25:56.609 --> 00:25:58.170 Uh-huh. 493 00:25:58.869 --> 00:26:00.329 Well, how'd you like our football sketch? 494 00:26:01.430 --> 00:26:01.769 Yes. 495 00:26:02.670 --> 00:26:08.759 Mm-hmm. I see. Oh, well, you've got a cold. Good night, doll. 496 00:26:09.519 --> 00:26:10.099 So long, folks. 497 00:26:10.579 --> 00:26:26.609 J-E-L-L Ho, ho, ho. 498 00:26:27.009 --> 00:26:29.190 Nope. 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