ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Teacher, writer & mother Jessica Lahey join's Dr. Drew to talk about her New York Times bestselling book, The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed. Jessica and Drew do a deep dive on Jessica's history working the fields of education and drug treatment as well as her career as an author and her upcoming book on how to raise our next generation as more addiction resistant.
English
United States

TRANSCRIPT

00:00:02thanks for listening to the doctor on podcast one your doctor podcast %HESITATION blah blah blah remember to check out the positive there at the website and that you two been the Facebook page all stuff for them there the second sound everything we appreciate you %HESITATION China startrek com
00:00:28slash contact and send in your email I'll try to dress emails if you send them on the this life podcast which is give the doctor comes one so I got an email from Ryan holiday and whenever I get a re mail email from right Hollywood happens here what
00:00:42we do %HESITATION I started scheduling it we just want email to anyone right holiday ever suggest I don't even Google them we six scheduled exactly right exactly what happened so Jessica Leahy thank your being here so welcome we'd be getting it right on to the second fortunately Risi
00:00:58direction right up to your mouth there you go %HESITATION the give to failure how the how the best parents learn to let go so their children can succeed yes Sir I mean corolla I tell you you know he would pay attention Jessica Gerry because Adam wanted doctor too
00:01:14I'm sure well I know for a fact that you and Bob have talked about the stuff in the past %HESITATION for that right exactly about %HESITATION so I work in a drug and alcohol rehab for kids and %HESITATION I've heard you guys talk a lot about the parenting
00:01:27you see especially when the parents come for family day that kind of stuff and %HESITATION that was that was the reason I originally stuck a book in the mail to you is that you know that a lot of what you talked about really %HESITATION echoed some of the
00:01:40stuff that was in this book and particularly of that that's talk about what the some of that yeah what what's how sweet so it's hard to talk about so people don't get defensive and can understand we're talking about it it's essentially I think would you would you are
00:01:53probably pick it up on is that the topic of in management and the exact and the lack of it pet parents these days and you know my parents I'm guilty to cannot have difficulty separating emotionally from their kids it's not just that I think a lot of parents
00:02:09see their kid as a way to have a do over %HESITATION hat and I was talking at a local middle school about this just the other day and of course parents Love Me %HESITATION there just a few that are a little upset with me by the end of
00:02:21my talk right %HESITATION but is that ever happen every time %HESITATION yeah yeah drives me crazy because I I don't I don't get as much anymore most of soften my blows what I always like he said how dare you make it there are literally yeah why should I
00:02:36be changing anything okay well here's the deal so that the gift of failure is about the fact that been a teacher for twenty years %HESITATION that my students were increasingly less and less invested in learning for the sake of learning more obsessed with the points in the grades
00:02:48in the score so there's that whole you know %HESITATION Dan pink you know extrinsic motivators suck as a way to motivate kids to do things %HESITATION and so there's that but then there was this whole side of it that was about directive parenting that when we're really highly
00:03:02directive of kids when we tell them exactly what steps to do and where to do it and how to do it that we %HESITATION raise kids who just can't be frustrated and and they're uncomfortable with their own feelings of frustration and those kids so there's that is a
00:03:17problem from a behavioral perspective but those kids are less teachable in school they learn less than their peers who can be frustrated so that discomfort with frustration is not just annoying it's also a terrible hurdle to learn so you know this is you in in the drug and
00:03:35alcohol treatment we were always even though we were fought by the insurance companies and the department of health at the time and the other in there you know Jaco in their pain management skills and all that nonsense of the day %HESITATION we were always interested in delivering optimal
00:03:51frustration patients because indeed they don't tolerate any frustration %HESITATION and frustration management is like a key thing and being able to regulate absolute %HESITATION so so you know things like attention attentional mechanisms and frustration tolerance and disappointment or you know ordinary miseries you thing you heard us talk
00:04:12probably bump up to these are all things that kids are getting anymore because the parents are standing in the way of it well I'm part of I I can tell when it's happening at home because those are the kids that you know all hand something out or I'll
00:04:23start to explain something and handle should write up in the air like I don't get it I don't get it I'm gonna help me help me and and you know what's weird about that is that when when I remember when my kids were started to go through great
00:04:34so I will start to see that now news for one the only really twenty years ago %HESITATION I thought all good they see adults as an asset going to adults for help I really did and I thought this is gonna this why this generation's going more connected and
00:04:49more able right all problems but no there's %HESITATION there's a dark underbelly well and the prop so when I was teaching some of those talking to some of those parents about primarily my my heart lies in middle school I am a middle school teacher I love middle school
00:05:03middle school is this place where can I ask something that I've always wondered what what here's why as you well know frontal lobe so not develop yeah and we throw so much more at them then they can ever handle yeah and so my job is to walk around
00:05:21and strut hello and what not that watch kids screw up all day long and just sort of pick my battles and go around and say something like you know okay sweetie so %HESITATION you haven't brought anything to school for the past five days so what's your plan for
00:05:37day six let's let's talk about a way to come up with a plan for day six increasingly what was happening was rather than having this really valuable learning moment where maybe we were going to break through and some connection was going to happen for that kid than the
00:05:52parent would run through the door with the homework and say here sweetie I love you so much here's your homework and that learning opportunity is lost and I don't know when I'm going to get back in increasingly wasn't coming back %HESITATION but that intolerance for frustration there's this
00:06:07wonderful research by this woman Wendy chronic her research is all about the rich what happens when we are overly directive of our children as opposed to autonomy supportive autonomy support of kids are much more likely to build a complete tasks that are frustrating to them in the absence
00:06:23of their parents it's funny Adam Kurland hours time of this today is how we we were given a Tanami it was supported right work right or otherwise and so I think some of that sort of abandoning autonomy noble caller ID pathological a ton of it is is where
00:06:41this is coming from there %HESITATION we we've we don't know how to moderate the intervention well I think I think we had this pendulums yeah I mean we had the latch key kids here that you know this late sixties early seventies and then we just wanted to give
00:06:53our kids more than that and so now we're all on top of them and write you know were are now are pendulum has swung war over in the other direction and so what's really interesting is people tend to say to me okay well sounds like abandonment like you're
00:07:07bending the kids and I said no there was what have you is autonomy supportive when you're supporting a kid's autonomy so that the kids of autonomy support of parents were much more likely to be able to get frustrated by a task but then take a breath think about
00:07:23another way to come out it and processed and the autonomy support the kids of the autonomy supportive parents are much more likely to complete tasks that are frustrating for them and so totally supportive is not obviously not this what obviating the consequences not interfere with the consequences and
00:07:38also not rescuing from whatever right you know in that interventional bit the support apart what is that look like so the support of part really %HESITATION I use the example of you know trying to get out the door with little kids and you turn around and you realize
00:07:51that the kids don't have their backpacks or anything you could say you forgot your backpack go get your backpack did you John get your lunch or you could say let's stop for a second let's think about I like to stop here for second and think about what I
00:08:03need before I leave the house and the kids go no I've got everything you say no no go through a little spin your head or if you're having trouble getting out of the house in the morning every morning and kids are screaming you're upset you can in a
00:08:15quiet moment that's not that emergency moment say you know get the house in the morning really seems like it's hard for everyone what are some things we could come up with maybe that would make things easier maybe and then that you know in my house it means that
00:08:29kids come up with like checklist they stick next to the door to have all my stuff that kind of thing %HESITATION it's not solving their problems for them it's being supportive of their ability to come up for solutions by themselves not to the extent that I feel as
00:08:41a parent as we all do I was look towards and I Adam again are you about this to a bit to education as sort of the solution not not the educators because Iraq at the I look at them as sort of the my team you know my assets
00:08:56but but education can frustrate and and you know you don't I mean if it's done well so I kind of look to that well increasing well that's what's happening that's why SCO program social emotional learning programs are becoming all the rage because as we find out from there
00:09:11is a recent study work kindergarten teachers were talking about the fact that %HESITATION social skills are much more important than academic skills especially early on and but what's happening is that a bunch of kill a lot of kids aren't getting that ability to exercise their patients the fortitude
00:09:28whatever you wanna call it I do want to point out one thing %HESITATION when you say you know as we all screw up that kind of thing the joke of this book is that I was on this very as an educator you know I was on this very
00:09:39high horse looking out at all these parents thinking you're **** this up for me you're making your kids less teachable I'm right at the moment I was sort of it peak pissed off I went home and I found out that my own nine year old child didn't know
00:09:51how to tie his own shoes and I had done that I mean that's called learned helplessness every single time it had come to be time to tie shoes which is PS frustrating it's a difficult task I'm like I'll just do it might your I'll just do it for
00:10:04you there faster and that's how we build learned helplessness and so you know all this and I'm like I can't be mad at the parents of my students who are helpless because I'm doing the same thing to my children SO became really urgent for me to figure out
00:10:18how to turn that around what is this a lot in this book right dot hush I hope so otherwise I mean much blank pages well known as a time here's a and M. is it how is it structured so it's structured %HESITATION the whole front part of the
00:10:31book is the research about %HESITATION sort of how we got here number one which is which is we're having kids later were having kids after more education having kids after %HESITATION more time in the work force for having fewer kids we as adults have become incredibly dependent on
00:10:45%HESITATION report card short term job evaluations so when our kids are little we take him to the pediatrician and we get those beautiful little growth charts and then you can think oh yea look he's it you know his head is big but his body is there just the
00:11:00right size I'm doing so great and like the pediatricians the only place where you're getting that like yeah you're doing great and then at a certain point we start looking to our children to be %HESITATION our report card and if you know if our kid is on the
00:11:14traveling soccer league for kid is in all honors then somehow we must be good parents with that I I think we and release the last twenty years %HESITATION maybe it's I think it's better less than five or ten it's not just we're good parents were like good I
00:11:32don't know persons yeah it's like the personhood is enhanced by the child the child with extension of the self good and then you talk about in management I mean not just emotional investment but %HESITATION that sort of their achievement is there somehow my achievement which is someone fair
00:11:48to do to children not only is it a ton of pressure but then you're taking away their accomplishments somehow co opting them as mine like I'm responsible for that because I'm your parent I did such a good job %HESITATION up costing them in and then we because we
00:12:01can't tolerate them being frustrated or in pain it's actually are paying this being all right that we have to protect the child from what went which comes back to the point that it to a degree we're doing this because we love them so much right now it's hard
00:12:14to see our kids as a teacher it's hard for me to not just hand my students the right answer specially the students I teach now who you know drug alcohol addicts I mean there it where they're in an inpatient rehab setting on their English and writing teacher and
00:12:27I don't like to see them frustrated either especially when they're you know feeling like crap because they've just you know detox or whatever %HESITATION I would love to just hand them the answers that would be so much easier for me but what makes me feel good either as
00:12:41a parent or as a teacher is not necessarily what is going to serve the lord and to to your point this is what's happening or drug and alcohol treatment as well which is a as opposed to doing the hard work of assembling a team and sitting in frustrating
00:12:54hold link right arms and try staying with that patient while they struggle with their disease we just give us some some box on ago I guess in a way well the also I mean on top of that with kids you know adults can change everything about their lives
00:13:07and get new friends they can you know that do a geographic they can do whatever but kids we send them right back to the same school there same home situation you know their parenting the parent because the parent is an addict to %HESITATION at that Sir I don't
00:13:23understand how kids are supposed to be able to succeed and then they come back because they relapsed and %HESITATION and of course the course they relapsed with the nonsense exactly how did you get drug alter %HESITATION because I'm a recovering alcoholic myself %HESITATION and I went to a
00:13:42rehab near us just as part of service for my home group and %HESITATION I said it took and I had been a full time teacher and I had just gotten a book contract and realized I couldn't and I was writing for The New York Times had a column
00:13:54there called the parent teacher conference and I couldn't write full time and teach full time I was gonna short change one of them so I left teaching full time and looked around and I sitting there looking at the kids and I thought wait a second there in the
00:14:07meeting in patients see the cut a deuce cool and it turns out correct there is an educational program there and run by the %HESITATION it's in Vermont's run by the state of Vermont overseen by the state of Vermont so which program which you might as which program here
00:14:22at so it's a very small rehab in in you in Vermont called valley Vista on the eastern side and we have a men's wing and women's wing and an adolescent lying and you're the atlas support and I'm in the house imitations out we maxed out our I think
00:14:39bad wise I think we probably we Max out at ten or twelve what we usually have you know sort of our our usual patient population something like %HESITATION six boys and three girls are two girls and and how do you see things going for it addiction treatment you
00:14:56know I actually for children %HESITATION I've gotten to as part of my travel love for I do a lot of speaking at schools I get to go to schools and talk to the kids and then do professional development for the teachers and when I'm in and then talk
00:15:09to the parents in the evening when I'm in towns I'd like to try to find out what's happening in that town for we have for kids I was recently in Austin and I got to hear all about the University School there that is a high school in a
00:15:21recovery high school %HESITATION I get to talk to people who are looking at ways to make recovery up part of life as opposed to this place where you go for as long as your insurance will hold out and you know the other problem is that in many of
00:15:35our kids %HESITATION my students will end up in a situation where we don't know where they're gonna go they might end up living with their grandmother method and may end up in a group home %HESITATION they're just there are so many issues to deal with so many of
00:15:49them have unresolved issues with either learning disorders %HESITATION ADHD trom all my gosh the trauma and as their writing teacher I read it all you know that's they're telling me all about the molestation they're telling me all about taking care of their siblings because their mother is passed
00:16:04out all of that stuff %HESITATION comes out in their writing and it's it's there were five finally talk about adverse childhood experiences I finally I know well and that's my next fall tell me so I just two weeks ago sold it to my %HESITATION my Harper books my
00:16:21editor they're all exercised her option right now it's called the addiction an articulation and it is on raising about raising %HESITATION sort of more addiction resisting kids but really it's all about %HESITATION trauma informed teaching it's all about early intervention for aggression early intervention for aces %HESITATION adverse
00:16:38childhood experiences it's about connection it's about being that one adult for kids about giving kids a feeling of self efficacy and so how do you define self efficacy by the way suffix si is %HESITATION because I've I've he twenty different definition yeah so I self efficacy to me
00:16:55just means and in the literature that %HESITATION hi Sir when I talk about it with parents that you feel like you have the power that if you were to make a decision to do so if you were to make a decision to change your environment that it would
00:17:07actually affect to change you can do it right %HESITATION and what ends up happening with my students is that so little they either have so little autonomy %HESITATION or they have so little control over the the violence around them or whatever is going on that they would love
00:17:23to make change and they try to say things they try to get help they try to talk to people about stuff and nothing changes so it's really closely related to learned helplessness %HESITATION but it really has to do with that feeling that if I make a decision if
00:17:35I make a positive decision that %HESITATION I can change things around you know when you're told over and over again that %HESITATION or when your **** when you're shown over and over again that that is not the case I don't there's of course they lose their feelings of
00:17:48self after I think I think at twelve %HESITATION mutual aid societies have a real real way of helping self exam I I just I I've just noticed that for almost every condition I can think of elaborate please in that I I've just been thinking about lately that %HESITATION
00:18:03something about the support the identification of the positive environment the recovery the you see in other people the whatever stepper interpersonal kind of %HESITATION regulation has established it just seems to result in more self efficacy I what's been really interesting to me is how often the students feel
00:18:23like there's just no possibility they can write something that's any good or they could %HESITATION that anyone will care somewhat I think this is so great recently I went to grab that gets all the assignments from the kids and this one kid had a hand to me two
00:18:37things and I said oh you wrote to things and he said no I wrote one but the other one is for you and I said you wrote something for me said yeah I wrote your rap he said no one's ever cared about my raps before so I wrote
00:18:48one for you and that you know any other students of mine talk about the fact that one kid was telling me that he had been kicked out of high school and he was going to be able to possibly go back if he chose they were gonna see and
00:19:03he hadn't decided yet whether or not he was going to and I asked him if there was anyone at the school he he had a positive experience with and at first I asked it as is their teacher you've had a positive experience with and he said no and
00:19:16then I said well is there anyone at school and he said you have this one guy the guy that sits in the rubber room like where they send the kids when the kids get kicked out of class he said he's the only guy who will care if I
00:19:28don't get back to go back and graduate and there are a lot of kids that don't have down about one person and the power of that one person is and it is incredible %HESITATION and this book is about yeah there's definitely a part of this there's also part
00:19:44of %HESITATION you know as a recovering alcoholic myself as a person who is %HESITATION at addiction all through my family and I have two boys and a nineteen year old boy and a fourteen year old boy and the only way I am going to have any hope with
00:19:58them of keeping them as addiction resistant as possible is to talk constantly about the fact that they're they're way more likely to be %HESITATION susceptible to addiction to it than their friends so let's talk about what that will look like what that would look like if maybe you're
00:20:15looking forward to that %HESITATION that binge that we can a little too much your or your binging are you looking just like it a little too much and so we talk about it all the time and the problem is is that a lot of parents want to talk
00:20:29to their children about %HESITATION you know their addiction issues or their tendency for addiction without having it talking about their own issues with %HESITATION elude or with whatever and then the numbers on things like parents seem to be aware the opiates coming out of the medicine cabinet are
00:20:47a gateway to things like Karen but only fifteen percent of parents are talking to their children about where in the medicine cabinet well yeah let that's a whole other top yeah yeah every time to write about our friends of blinds galore if you haven't already heard blinds gore's
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00:22:53to set up your free account today is free that is ridiculous meet happy with zoom video can Asians set up your free account to day at zoom dot U. S. I would go back to the but your your new book at the church of Mike eight so what
00:23:10what are the basic interventions are sort of going after I am so at the beginning of this literally just sold the book two weeks ago yeah I'm deep in the research phase and underhanded things that lay people can do things that parents and I'm also going to be
00:23:23talking about schools what %HESITATION you know what actually works according to the evidence and I'm not there yet I'm not into the nice thing about %HESITATION this research flail for me and as %HESITATION that's what %HESITATION merry Roach calls it her research flail is I go into this
00:23:40and I I try to remain as open as possible and I will consider everything and then %HESITATION you know whether it's looking at you know if I've always thought of addiction as under the disease model am I willing to look at it as under the choice modeler under
00:23:53the %HESITATION developmental model in my willing to sort of go to all those places and really and likely I'm married to a statistician and a physician so my physician statistician husband %HESITATION can help me you know really make sure that the data is great seven Mel hazardous homosexuals
00:24:10Naina special addiction well there's a lot of bad stuff you know that the study will come out showing that you know here's the result a over Saturday seven thirty seven kids were surveyed and here here's the here's the basic flaws in in addiction research %HESITATION the ends are
00:24:28tiny the durations are ridiculously short like six months is a long study and that means nothing interactive pathology they don't do observed urine's grains %HESITATION they only test for what they're interested in this if they're doing buckle swabs or something they don't test for other drugs they don't
00:24:48take into account the literally just sort of cut out lost a follow up now which is yeah which is relapse that's that's the ones that are using right they should be they should be a statistically accounted for accordingly they had just so much floor in that %HESITATION and
00:25:04it there and they always believe what the patients are reporting in the data with it's a questionnaire or a some sort of uniform that the physician or the researcher fills out they they believe the dot pattern here is absolutely insane here's the cool thing about questionnaires though so
00:25:19one of the one of the physicians I'm working with %HESITATION for this %HESITATION dean about the C. Burt %HESITATION it's basically as kids come in to their pediatrician over a long period of time and obviously this only works for kids who aren't you know highly mobile and moving
00:25:33from blah blah blah %HESITATION but it's all about serving the kids in a way that's very private they have a little tablet and they answer their own questions over a long period of time and %HESITATION the relation again back to the relationships you know not a surprise you
00:25:48can develop relationships with your patients where you can sort of see where trends are going and what's really fascinating with the sea birds sort of studies at the sid serving that's being doing down across the country it looks like it really is effective in causing interventions to happen
00:26:07with your pediatrician so you know keeping an eye and kids that makes sense yeah that's a that's a different sort of a phenomenon that's right I'm talking about right that's a screening yes all screen reading does tend to work %HESITATION because it it's inadvertently picked up the shin
00:26:22canali and still get picked up %HESITATION but if you're studying concert rides outcome forget it if you are just look for the objective parameters what's that but that's it but it's no fun to write about stuff that has a cut clean and cut and clear answer you know
00:26:37it's it's really going out for you wrap it is in the stuff I have to fight out their exact and have had to fight for twenty years but are the opiate thing I've been fighting for twenty years and I was told I was a dinosaur I was cruel
00:26:51all these things I was vilified now back in the late nineties particularly for for god for bid trying to make patients over yeah %HESITATION how dare I what's been interesting lately is a you know the kids as part of their re have do %HESITATION that said the drug
00:27:04time line and the doc about you know and for the most part when people ask me you know what's the what's the drug of choice what's happening in in one I'm in New Hampshire Vermont we've got our major opiate issue I right about that but at the same
00:27:17time for the kids it really looks like it's sort of whatever they can get their hands on that meets messes them up and you know like in on their diction timeline %HESITATION though some of them will have just a big box that says miscellaneous pills telling their whatever
00:27:30it is and get their hands on that'll scrum up in and that's %HESITATION working through the reasoning for that especially with the kids it's just arrested at a certain level of development because they started taking drugs or drinking at such a young age it's it's so hard to
00:27:46untangle what was the trauma what was that were over the aces what are the %HESITATION you know is this a result of the aces or is this causing pain it's just it's a different shade a cent from I mean obviously is our drums are adverse childhood experiences but
00:28:02I sort of think of them all is bigger little traumas you know the reason I say trauma separately is because %HESITATION in education right now there is a push for trauma informed teaching and so in my education had I'm talking about like there's the asus over here and
00:28:16that's fantastic and I'm so glad you know we're talking about yeah we've got like waiting for Kerrison all kinds of wonderful books when people talk about it now for me the reason I keep trying to separate the simply because it's an emerging interest in education to and and
00:28:31what is trauma informed teacher German for teaching is the understood is it just understanding that when kids are dealing with violence when kids are dealing with %HESITATION homelessness whatever that thing might be %HESITATION the way learning works in our brain is the fastest way to interrupt learning in
00:28:47our brain is to introduce stress so when a kid is acting out when a kid is not learning just understanding that that their inability to learn might not be because there's owning out or not paying attention or whatever it could just be that they're experiencing a trauma that's
00:29:02interrupting their ability to learn and and understanding what push back from a kid means %HESITATION the kids at rehab try to piss me off just so I will say see you are terrible kid and and the and get out of my classroom and then they can turn around
00:29:22and say see another adult the let me down so I have to be that adults that does not let them down ever and common form teaching helps teachers understand that the reason you can't be that one to let them down is because they are dealing with additional stuff
00:29:38that makes them more difficult to manage in a classroom setting it makes me think also something that I believe which is %HESITATION a significant percentage of the ADHD we see in the classroom is probably trauma and that's a little talked about phenomenon which is that kids that are
00:29:54traumatized have ADHD symptoms are ADD symptoms and we try to treat them all the same you know that in the ADD ADHD thing is just such a morale the morale it is but I wonder if you have some some to say I am a little bit the problem
00:30:13is is that I'm still in the I'm still in that place where I'm trying to I am still trying to evaluate what my conclusions are going to be and you know I've got government take over here talking about you know his experience dealing with kids with ADHD and
00:30:26the fact that their self medicating you know and then over car right and then I've got kids over here that %HESITATION are overly you know especially when I teach in like a forty twenty private school which I've done a lot of with parents that are too eager to
00:30:41treat for the fact that what we need to be doing is getting kids out for more recess and moving more %HESITATION or at least standing up in class and waking their brains up from time to time %HESITATION so you know we're we're over meeting medicating kids because we
00:30:54want to make it easier for them to sit all day which is not a good thing to be doing in the first place so there's I'm trying to find in between at amp those I've dived intensely brought in this drama stuff because it's a little discussed overlay in
00:31:09there that that in its than other populations should be treated for the trauma right just the H. day there's some really cool %HESITATION organizations doing that there's one and %HESITATION in Boston that I love called with the witness to violence project and %HESITATION it was I've I'm an
00:31:23Albert Schweitzer fellow and the Albert Schweitzer fellowship had funded this program for a while and in Boston and essentially what they do is identify %HESITATION kids who have been %HESITATION at witness violence in their neighborhood in their home and then got them the %HESITATION connectedness to an adult
00:31:40that they need in their community and also help them get %HESITATION get help for the trauma %HESITATION the PTSD it's it's overwhelming when you start to dig into it right these issues and and numbers of kids that need help on the duration of the help they need to
00:31:52the man power needed to to make a difference especially with kids because the stakes are so the stakes are so high and the other issue you know when you see a kid come into rehab and they stripped them of all their drugs and all this and the kids
00:32:05don't have the things that they have been using to self medicate and then all my gosh there's all the emotional trauma I've never ever dealt with before %HESITATION you know unless you've got someone there that's really good and intensively helping them feel stuff well that really are supposed
00:32:21to do that's where we always fashioned our job was to not not just not very via the five things or intensify the but to help them touch them and tolerate them in doses that they can they can in an interpersonal context again the relationship because it is the
00:32:37relationship that helps them regulates and the tolerate the one thing I've seen you do before that I really really love and I think this probably was back in celebrity we have or something where you're sitting there talking to someone and there disassociating and they're there and they're talking
00:32:51about the molestation or the whatever happened to them and you'll you'll point now you'll say you know I'm I'm noticing that you're not reacting anyway it is not lawful for you do you feel anything one but it's a great tool well and with the kids what they'll do
00:33:06often is joke about it %HESITATION I live under in about two especially at that stage of treatment at that sort of my expertise is getting them into the game into the frame into the game moving forward and and believing that they can and knowing that the tolerated it's
00:33:20not going over well numbers out of them and that they can tolerate being sober but it's you know we've pointed out now multiple times today it's there it's interpersonal where the stuff happens if a magical this the nice thing being about being a writing teacher in anyway writing
00:33:33teacher will tell you this as we hear the crazy stuff we hear the stuff that they're not ready to say out loud one interesting thing you may not even know I don't know you maybe you know this or not when my students are writing and I encourage them
00:33:46often during the first person just said that they'll have to deal with some of that stuff what'll happen sometimes is when things get really difficult they'll switch to the third person %HESITATION interesting yeah research and so I have to encourage them to switch back to the first person
00:34:02I canceled associate even in there fast writing yeah %HESITATION but one of the nice things is as I teach there are also two counselors in the room and so if %HESITATION if a kid really neat is starting to flip out of something I I had a kid one
00:34:16time and I wrote about this actually in %HESITATION creative nonfiction about a kid I was teaching my my daughter's studying them graduate school early and it's often tastic magazine for creative nonfiction doing great on fiction writing I think it's I love it so much I love it I
00:34:33was working with this one kid and I asked them to talk to me about to write about the way he sees himself and the way other people see him because we were just can't talk about the difference between the two and the kid was willing to talk about
00:34:46how to write about how he saw himself but he was not willing to write about how other people saw him and we sat down we talked on we'll look full he just refused and shut down and so we sat down we talked to him and of course he
00:34:58didn't he finally started to talk a little bit about the fact that there's no reason to for him to talk about what other people expect of him because the everyone expects that like all the other men in his family who will go to prison what else is there
00:35:10to say about that and then I said well did any of these other men in your family ever go to rehab and he said no and I said well that could be how you're different and then he just started to cry and what was really interesting is that
00:35:23after that %HESITATION a lot about fifteen twenty minutes later I realized I'm or saw him doing something and he had drawn a large heart on the desk and he wrote the word pain inside of it and he could not articulate that in words but essentially just the fact
00:35:42that he had opened up to someone that's painful the fact that there was the potential that someone would support him had the potential for pain because who knows I could disappear any day and decide to you know tell me is a terrible person and that he's not he's
00:35:56worth less %HESITATION but that's what these kids are dealing with their dealing with you know the I I you can't make these things up a big heart written in sharpie with the word pain in the middle of it and that is that right there yep that's of imminent
00:36:08what that is yeah contents yeah that's the best teaching job I've ever had really I you know I I've learned a lot of patience I've also learned %HESITATION I used to be able to get a little miffed with my students and sort of say you know forget it
00:36:24you're a just go out in the hallway and just I can't I can't teach were the minute I do that I verify to them that I that I'm gonna leave them and or that I'm gonna push them away and I've I've made that mistake I've written about that
00:36:42mistake I've become much more patients I've for me often of victory is %HESITATION that kid leaves of the book %HESITATION I have a lot of kids who tell me I just I don't read now I've I've I can't I don't know that I've ever finished a whole book
00:36:57and my super power actually is matching kids of books my super power is %HESITATION finding books the kids will want to read even when they say they're not interested in anything %HESITATION but luckily for me that power for that comes from Twitter %HESITATION at and this this was
00:37:12true a couple years ago and I'm not a book about that will get this get this as a profession teachers are the largest users of Twitter %HESITATION interest so when people say to me why are you on Twitter at such a dark and terrible place and say not
00:37:25when you follow twelve thousand teachers so if I need a book recommendation for kid I can get on there and I can tag like the nerdy book club and %HESITATION the school library association and all that because school library journal and I can say look I need a
00:37:37book for a seventeen year old who reads at a sixth grade level but loves basketball and within fifteen minutes I will have a whole list of recommendations I could hope for the future of two X. is as high as a resource and love Twitter really been %HESITATION and
00:37:53teachers on Twitter by his teachers on Twitter they're the best and I think that a lot of this becomes because %HESITATION professional develop for development for educators general speaking it sucks so teachers are using Twitter as their %HESITATION their way to develop what they call PL and %HESITATION
00:38:10personal learning network so interesting so I have and there are lots of Twitter chats about things like teaching English as a second language teaching %HESITATION innovative teaching you know hash tag why I teach hash tag whatever they're all these Twitter chats about teaching and they're all productive supportive
00:38:28%HESITATION relationships develop so that then when you go to like teaching conference somewhere you get to meet everyone in real life and it's a circle so you know I think it's an amazing place for educators %HESITATION and so if your teacher out there at justly he I would
00:38:40love to follow you back %HESITATION I follow tons and tons of teachers %HESITATION AG why Jess late Asselin yeah not a couple things I want to do before wrap up by one he'll more but you there's always like during this process if you're up for it absolute %HESITATION
00:38:52and I and I wanted to wrap up the parent thing a little more if we can't we obviously we need to get them to buy the book okay that's where they can figure out you know what they can do but what what is sort of the kind of
00:39:02take aways can we give people other than sort of concept we've been talking about so generally when I get done talking to parents are like okay yeah well I was so the main point is extrinsic motivators don't work for kids dangle at paying them for their grades dangling
00:39:15grades even grades in front of them %HESITATION serve surveillance do you know about school portals the computer that you can log in to look your kids grades anytime you want what is a tri fido so I got I missed all that okay so now what parents are doing
00:39:29is they're logging on to the school %HESITATION I wanted them and they're looking a bit jillion times a day at their kids great that's called surveillance that's an extrinsic motivators called that's stalking well it's it's an extrinsic motivators what we know about extrinsic motivators is that they undermine
00:39:43motivation and cats and they undermine creativity interestingly enough what about parents being a role model and just doing a we're not even there yet have not okay %HESITATION so then so we know extrinsic motivators suck for %HESITATION for motivation and learning and creativity the other interesting thing though
00:39:58is if we want to promote intrinsic motivation get kids interested in learning for the sake of learning we have to give them one more autonomy to have to help them feel competent not this empty confidence yeah a I have such high self esteem their autonomy competence connection so
00:40:16this all next book is really about connection %HESITATION noting should parents be connecting or helping crab is a loosely but here's the thing connection for teachers when I do professional development schools for teachers I talk all about like yes there's an interpersonal connection but it's really about %HESITATION
00:40:31relevance it's about high expectations for kids it's about teaching kids that %HESITATION this learning right were doing right here is not a you know an abstract %HESITATION thing you could go out there in the world if you learn this geometry you can build bridges that won't fall down
00:40:46during earthquakes and save people's lives that's relevant right %HESITATION but for parents it's two things you gotta love the kid you have not the kids you wish you had and you can't just love them based on their performance in %HESITATION and in other ways to do that and
00:41:04the ways to do that are to think long term rather than short term parenting is a long haul job and if we're constantly just reacting in those emergencies and making ourselves you know this homework assignment has to be perfect this soccer tournament he needs to play for thirty
00:41:21three minutes or he won't get into the blah blah blah blah %HESITATION if we could just think more long term yes it would be easier if I jumped in on this homework assignment but do I want my kid to be able to do this by himself %HESITATION taking
00:41:34all those learning opportunities so that in a in six months and a year in five years our kids are more competent than they are today so thinking more long term in short term and thinking more about the process unless about the product so thinking talking to our kids
00:41:50less about the grades and more about huh interesting so you got a low grade on the test will what did you do today to prepare for this test you know %HESITATION you say your friend got an a and you got an awful what did your friend do that
00:42:01you didn't do what are you going to do next time it's all about sort of water how are we going to be better for next time and a lot of this comes you know from land Carol Dweck growth and fixed mindset stuff and helping kids understand that the
00:42:14more they stretch themselves and take the challenge problems in school and and try things that are difficult for them the smarter they become that's where brains work %HESITATION so autonomy competence connection those three things all right terms like MSRP things you might be familiar with %HESITATION may you
00:42:34know what they stand for I don't know I get confused when I go to a car dealership invoice list price dealer price confusing anybody when you're looking for you want the real price that means true price from true car now you can know exactly what you pay for
00:42:48the car you want colluding fees and accessories before you even get to the dealership true car show you the true price on cars like the one you want course it's all on the you know at true car for been the comfort your own home see that scatter gram
00:43:00is here the people pay for the car you want and then we lock it in your locking in an actual vehicle on a true car certified dealers lot and you know true price is a great price because true car dealers show you what other people paid for the
00:43:13car and the certified dealers know this so they set up their true price competitively so they win your business they want the business at their true cars certified dealer so when you're ready to win so when you're ready to buy new or used don't forget use cars also
00:43:25visit true car to drive more confident car buying experience some features not available in all states all right give your challenge give that is affordable practical an Instagram or these well I'm talking about quip I'm talking my quip that's right you're close to dispose Russian tea for two
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00:44:26is great they mechanism is great the timer is great the price is great get quip get quip dot com slash drew Carey W. hive you like the show step ahead to Breaux's world every Friday I'm podcast one heather's talking to some fabulous guest like queer eyes Karama brown
00:44:40YouTube's mammary hard and grace Helbig and so many more you don't wanna miss a second of it check it out heather tomorrow's world that podcast won an apple podcast also don't forget to rate and review I feel like you you know you should be talking to the kids
00:44:58about what's interesting in the work they're doing to %HESITATION take interest vocabulary I mean really just talk about what they're doing and and **** but if you're reading and talk about what you're reading it okay so the role that is so the role modeling stuff so I recently
00:45:11as I can't member wasn't all over the place this parents said to me look my kids are reading for fun anymore decision once sent can you make me a list of really really challenging books that my kid will want to read and I said well let's decorate the
00:45:24room for five and then I said well let's back up for a second you say your kids don't read for fun do they see you read for fun and she had to admit not no well now I'm really busy in and when I say read for fun I
00:45:37mean they have to see reading actual paper books because when you got tablets they can't you they can't see what you're doing there %HESITATION and then I said I said and speaking of you know of of this magic list of difficult books what do your kids read when
00:45:52they read for fun and she said oh the heightens diary of a wimpy kid books but those are stupid so I threw them away home why yeah well yeah anyway so that modeling thing is so important and with parents the other thing is that when not just about
00:46:05things like reading but I say it might get a lot of the questions I get are things like my kid is just afraid to try anything that she's not sure she's going to be good at right away or she's just really scared of looking down or looking stupid
00:46:16or making a mistake and I say well do you talk about the mistakes you make in front of your children and the positive adaptive response to failure that you have do you sit there at the dining room table and talk about like you know I I really have
00:46:30this goal and it's gonna be really tough but here might here's my plan for like how I might achieve that thing they need to see us being emotionally and intellectually brave we can't possibly expect them to do that if we're not modeling that for them and just think
00:46:44about the long term to I I did a lot of men courage by reading and things but I didn't push it and %HESITATION they were in a rigorous academic bang the dead and and but now and they're a young adult life now this turn to respond this way
00:47:00and that was really what I was looking for more than that and with that because I didn't have to read write biographies when they were in eighth grade I just wanted them to kind of sin well and that all comes down to you know there is a period
00:47:11of time when kids some kids taper off and stop reading as much free on and that's when the social you know Harman's casualness socially but actually you say I didn't force it forcing it is one of the worst things you can do you get your parent I'm gonna
00:47:25write even but even right and but I didn't even I remember pushing it a even has never doing it around it yeah talking about a lot and hoping that one day they pick it up but the long term before yeah twenty other here's the other thing that seems
00:47:39to work pretty well especially with teenagers if and this requires that you know your kids know what your kid cares about because if you know your kid cares about you can get %HESITATION non fiction books about the things actually care about whether that's for my kids it would
00:47:52be running or %HESITATION just stuff like that and put those books around the house just leave them there just have them around and %HESITATION and they're in that way you don't because there's this one book that I really want to both my children to read I was so
00:48:06excited for them to read it that was a wrinkle in time when they were little and of course that is the one book they will not read either one of them I've read it and they will not read it because it has my mom stink all over it
00:48:17where you grew up I grew up right outside of Boston for about a little town called Sherburne assertive right near Wellesley College essentially little idyllic sort of in the woods town forest behind us had horses that kind of thing isn't Wellesley's Wellesley right channels like yeah it's your
00:48:32writer Wellesley and %HESITATION Jim tried I've been there once southwest needed Wellesley Framingham Framingham there and there's another with a business school it's near there also %HESITATION Babs Abington Babson happens right there and so that's a very beautiful little area and Israeli leveling but there's alcoholism in the
00:48:50home yeah but that's their story to tell no but I mean yeah exposed yes whatever yes I am not both what what's been interesting is in my husband's side of the family if there's alcoholism alcoholism there and in my side of family there's lots of alcoholism there so
00:49:05you know it was nice and prime will have but but usually the way it works is even though it's on both sides one doesn't have it but is attracted to an alcohol one as it and it's usually kind of them the bad %HESITATION we started my husband I
00:49:19start talking about that early in our relationship but we acknowledge both of us you know we're sort of prime for it so we got to keep an eye out and I didn't actually really become an alcoholic seriously until I was in my forties you mentioned binging was that
00:49:33Sir your pattern in a no no I was just a am a because I was an afternoon you know get a little ahead of the drinking curve and get a little bit in me before people got home kind of thing I'm one of those very fortunate %HESITATION alcoholics
00:49:48and has a lot of not yet in my stories you know the bottom line right no no I am it was speaking of the choice model I Anna I got I real I knew for a while things were going down the Crapper and %HESITATION and that I was
00:50:03just about to start with the day drinking and stuff like that and %HESITATION my %HESITATION my father came to me I just wrote a piece for The Washington Post actually about non alcoholic beer and I in that I tell the story of the fact that my father came
00:50:15to me one day and he said you're you're an alcoholic and it was right when I had sold my book and I knew the split yeah I knew I couldn't write and drink at the same time and this was my dream was to be a writer and if
00:50:30I didn't give it up now I was kind of messed up were you still cable controller you have to do a full program that day now that day I went to my first %HESITATION a meeting in the evening I did that I went to my first meeting on
00:50:45th kind of far away from my house because I didn't see anyone I knew and fortune I found love at that meeting and so now in order to go to my home meeting I got to drive you know whatever but I travel a lot and what's fun about
00:50:55traveling a lot is I got it good meetings all over the place it's ready it's really interesting to sort of see what it's like all over the place and then I also %HESITATION you know belong to some you know secret little Facebook groups were and also do teaching
00:51:10them in teaching is also a meeting for me teaching is you know being a role model and %HESITATION for me the hot my higher power has always been the people and in around me that are trying to stay sober too and that support me that miss me when
00:51:24I'm not at the meeting or %HESITATION that ask if I haven't been around in awhile that kind of thing that that check in on me on Facebook and say how you doing as and they're in a half an hour they are I have were you the main meeting
00:51:35I go to is in Vermont for I'm right on the New Hampshire Vermont butter my husband teaches at Dartmouth so we're right on the New Hampshire Vermont border he's a physician at Dartmouth medical school I was the medical school without a Boston or something notice now it's up
00:51:48there now I said arms colleges and head for New Hampshire and the Medical Center is in Lebanon New Hampshire one town south his intention feed doc there in a medical ethicist %HESITATION fantastic HFE he does and fetches disease %HESITATION a lot of H. I've mostly HIV and then
00:52:04I had just loves the %HESITATION the medical ethics stuff and that's primarily when he writes he writes %HESITATION for the New York times occasionally and he writes mostly about medical ethics dizzy Wright in the near where zero blow for stuff he wrote he writes about the in the
00:52:20in op ed he writes about things like %HESITATION he has one on safe injections and such spots in hospitals and what happens to his patients who are trying to recover from a systemic infection when they run out of the hospital to go shoot up somewhere and then come
00:52:34back re infected %HESITATION he has written about %HESITATION videotaping patients the ethics of videotaping patients they had a %HESITATION chosen by proxy situation and and you know what does it mean when your %HESITATION what are the issues when you're videotaping patients %HESITATION that kind of stuff really interesting
00:52:50timely and in the fifth wheel like New York times and Tim Leahy MD adventure arrive every George has pretty carefully is in the Sunday paper usually or the I don't know I think it's been in the Sunday I usually their online things I'm not I don't I don't
00:53:03know if he's ever been in print he's been online and then he's also in the well blog from time to time what other wildlife the well black yeah well I just I really appreciate your time with us and and had you know Ryan I get to know someone
00:53:17I just I think I followed him on Twitter he followed me back I sent him a book he named it as one of his favorite books of the month and his writing club yes and then at the end of two thousand seventeen he picked his ten favorite books
00:53:30from two thousand seventeen and this was on that letter and says yeah and he's just been he's just a kind human being kind and generous during his answer any of the donkey that can open doors he does he does with his now there was a yeah there was
00:53:43a picture on Instagram that I love that apparently the donkey has figured out how to %HESITATION opened the door did you read the read the New York review on his book conspiracy well first of all I love that book is great like yeah I love I have a
00:53:57podcast as well about writing and we talk about the books for reading and I've been raving about that but it's a great yeah but at the review was I called immediately I was like this is this I now confusing does he like that I think you like the
00:54:10book but this is an ad hominem yeah sort of conversation he doesn't and why you take as you want as a person in our book review was are you know I think I am because he's written his early stuff like if you read %HESITATION trust him line yes
00:54:24okay that book made me so uncomfortable that's our love world now I now live in I know I'm %HESITATION I'm he predicted it I was out my raspberry patch because that's the world of raspberry patch and bigger and now my raspberry patch and I'm listening to this book
00:54:37realizing I'm gonna have to read this in short segments because %HESITATION I listen to a lot of audio books and head injury couple years ago and so I I I have to save my on the page time for my research books so I at least had strange words
00:54:50down or something I start I get a pain across my good and then I get a visual migrants so she's so I listen to a lot of books and was listening to that book which was great but I was like oh man how much of this can I
00:55:01could take because it's just making me feel pretty lucky yeah well it's a we're in it he said that we have this podcast Cup a couple months ago he I would we're trying but trump for some reason and he said you know I think tribe he goes because
00:55:12of the trust from live thing was I I like people that they can help me understand the world I'm in and then push it forward and you know pretty actually but actually predict how it's gonna go go %HESITATION and is it your check trump is part of this
00:55:26this world we've created through the the trust him lying type of stuff he goes but eventually there was gonna be some sort of resistant strain of bacteria to use your husband's bottle and he goes I think that's what this is this is a restricted resistant bacteria that is
00:55:39just completely written in it enough unaffected by all these things that we have we have been throwing like began a biotic at a bacteria the other thing that's been interesting about all of this %HESITATION all the trump stuff is from a journalist's perspective especially journalist who writes about
00:55:56child welfare juvenile justice I have a lot of green juvenile justice since I love to write about that stuff no one's listen I mean there's it's in it's always been more difficult for me to get people to read articles about how we're feeling foster kids an education or
00:56:11how you know what we need to do for foster kids to help them succeed %HESITATION those of always been articles that mean the most to me but articles that get the fewest page views because you know it's depressing %HESITATION and then the way the %HESITATION the way that
00:56:25them what's happening in the news recycles right now is that the news cycle keeps getting coopted by these all my gosh have you heard over and over and over again but I would argue that yes those are my guides but for the journalist I would ask them please
00:56:39stop already yeah do the journals I I want to read what's going what's going what really report that I when I was in the White House %HESITATION couple months ago and we had a very important conversation about what they're going to for the opioid thank they reported near
00:56:53death there but %HESITATION by number how do I know what's going on and then the White House that they will report was going actually going on yeah I read a piece %HESITATION %HESITATION called something something like it was for %HESITATION condition to it to be be you are
00:57:05in Boston I was about %HESITATION at we're not alone in being trucks the trumps drug infested Dan he called our state New Hampshire drug and then %HESITATION and so I was writing about that and you know it's really hard like the fact that he called New Hampshire a
00:57:19drug infested done that you know made the news all over the place but the article I wrote about sort of what we need to be doing in order for in order to %HESITATION up the chances that we're going to keep people safe and recovery %HESITATION I advise not
00:57:30Asian is right I don't care what he said I would hear you read your article well and I heard about like what they're doing in Maine that's work why well here what he said why don't we care about the substance of what he was talking about what you're
00:57:42writing about I don't know and and I %HESITATION I fault the the I I IC joyously review there are times that I've been a little concerned lately it's been weak era very very disturbed when when I'm done in twenty minutes on Sunday and it's like this this is
00:57:57not the paper I use as well and what I'm hearing from a lot of them from a lot of people is that they're so frustrated by %HESITATION all of the %HESITATION my god you know split that the hair on fire now and like I know people who have
00:58:10now like for example on Twitter have muted trumpet and in all these words and then you're not %HESITATION it's people it's pushing people away from reading the news because it's become so infuriating and so the but the right honorable that but they've been but the way they're reporting
00:58:26it with their hair catching on fire every day about something can you remember what it was two weeks ago I can't remember yeah and this so it's done it's enhanced me zero supposed to increase the the conversation move move maybe special attention span thing because what I'm really
00:58:40saying is look things aren't things are still the same or not getting better whatever with addiction and that's kinda depressing an old news but we have to keep talking about that what we're doing to fix things and %HESITATION the problem is is that I think and I'm hearing
00:58:55this from friends work in Washington also because nothing can get done there's this bottle neck of crazy and this bottle neck of %HESITATION just people feeling like well first of all half the people they're supposed to be in the government aren't even working and it's just it's a
00:59:11frustrating time for journalists a frustrating time but I would argue it is it should direct us all to the habit of democracy locally because that's how we actually can't have affairs with help this was actually designed to be run that way here sloping locally one of my favorite
00:59:24education writers Holly Corby is writing a book on raising good citizens yeah oh my god I never talk about that anymore so excited to read this but that was something that was just that that was what this country was sort of that's what education was supposed to be
00:59:36in this country was right too great a populace that can can deal with the vote can do right of self government right and it's great they felt that the founding fathers thought to require really educated populace to do that and the I'm a when I was in grammar
00:59:51school be a good citizen was it was a topic of conversation right we would actually explicitly talk about it that's been gone for a long time you know maybe we'll come back I hope so and a nice you know I think availity citizenship I'm brotherhood in week fantastic
01:00:05I'm optimistic my kid that's in college is studying is probably gonna he thinks he's gonna double major in history and government or history and economics he's but he loves the history I'm like keep reading the history because if you're at all interested in government that's where you're going
01:00:18to find out about what we've done wrong and how not to replace so agree with you listen it's been a privilege and of course Gerry right is not let us down was we knew he was not you Ryan and we ate doesn't and %HESITATION I appreciate the gift
01:00:33of failure and how the best parents learn to let go so their children can succeed have I been towing the line reasonably well in your but I mean if I say anything off the rail no of course not okay no no no I mean in terms of %HESITATION
01:00:46me and Bob talking about well so no no no no I'm a set straight actually I'm I'm absolutely %HESITATION able to call people out on their on their yeah not a the reason I sent you books as I was so I was nodding and I'm like oh my
01:01:00gosh I wish they would read this because they're talking about the same stuff I'm talking about Kevin a couple of questions that test of course all right just go late thank you so much at Jess Leahy L. H. she Y. as working Falard bliss Jessica Leahy dot com
01:01:13the website %HESITATION looking is there anything else we wanna there's that sticky and dirty show is that there's a show on Amazon kids called the stinky dirty show which helps kids be %HESITATION innovative and resilient tonight the if the curriculum is based on the gift of failure thank
01:01:28you very much you're very welcome for calling times and topics for the show on Twitter at Dr cast that's D. R. D. R. E. W. podcast music from today's episode can be found on the sweet sounds of the doctor podcast one I tunes and while you're there don't
01:01:48forget to rate the show the doctor through podcast is a corolla digital production is produced by Chris Laxamana and Gerry Smith for more information go to doctor dot com conversation information exchange during participation in the doctor podcast is intended for educational and entertainment purposes only do not confuse
01:02:04this with three men or medical advice or direction nothing on these podcasts supplement or supersede relationship interaction of your medical care takers of the doctor who is a licensed physician with specially board certification by the American board of internal medicine anywhere is not functioning as a physician in
01:02:16this environment you may appear on the broadcast or doctor dot com I'm reading Foley with an ABC news minute more rain in the forecast for parts of the Carolinas three days after hurricane now tropical depression Florence made landfall at least seventeen people have died Lee bell in Wilmington
01:02:44North Carolina says she spotted a boat outside her house don't know where the miss scarlet came from the boat %HESITATION it must've been anchored somewhere and just washed in during the storm nearly thirty four inches of rain fell through Sunday on the North Carolina coast according to the
01:03:00National Weather Service hundreds of thousands of people are still without power most of them in North Carolina the attorney for the woman accusing Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh of groping her when they were in high school says Christine Blazey Ford is willing to tell the Senate Judiciary Committee
01:03:16her story she yeah she's willing to do whatever it takes to get her story fourth yes attorney Deborah cats on the today show this morning Cavanaugh denies the allegations her client is making I'm ready to fall lady

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