ABOUT THIS EPISODE

We’ve got another audio treat for you! Think of these as a companion to Brendan and Rico’s book, “Brunch is Hell.” In the second installment of the “How to Behave” series, you’ll hear some of the best of our favorite etiquette segments with comedians. Our guests include “Portlandia” stars Carrie Brownstein and Fred Armisen, Maria […]
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TRANSCRIPT

00:00:03I'm Rico Gagliano I'm Brendan Francis newnam and you know each week on the dinner party download weed speak to the brightest stars turn people on to what's happening in music movies food also we would provide very terrible dad jokes for you that's right you you're welcome everybody but you know everyone's favorite segment the song we would play at the end I think I was your favorite cuz I meant the show is over and you could go home any cheesecake that's true I'm thinking of the etiquette segment in which we and a famous person answer our audiences questions about how to be polite that's true about the cheesecake part but everybody really does love that again and we figured that is because in this modern moment it feels like we could all use a little guidance on how to be civilized adults and what do you know that is the subject of our new book brunch is hell how to save the world by throwing a dinner party available in stores now go figure so as a companion to the book we thought we would compile the etiquette segments that inspired it into a little mini series and they're calling it how to behave
00:01:03and for the second installment of that series all our guest advice givers are comedians who can be surprisingly wise when they're not busting your chops later in this episode will hear from the hilarious and very Sheltie Billy Eichner of the TV shows Billy on the Street and difficult people plus lady Dynamite herself Maria Bamford along with her mom but let's kick things off with Carrie Brownstein and Fred Armisen alright they are writers producers and stars of the sketch comedy show Portlandia and which of course they Lampoon the Town of Portland Oregon and the post liberal art grad types who live there the show's final season launches in January when we met with Carrie and Fred bread and post them our first listener question this question comes from k k rights I'm engaged and planning a wedding my future husband and I do not wish to have children there is neither of us at the wedding. They don't want us to bring kids as what they mean
00:02:03vacations clear but a distant relative must have missed the no kids memo she's bringing her son's with her what should I do I would contact this relative by phone or email and reiterate her desire to not have kids there and to offer some kind of child sitting services during the ceremony that that's what I would do and I advise no but I think so too because there's so many other things and people make you fly to far-flung places in yeah that's the thing this is very I mean what we really should we talk about it the impoliteness of the person who did not respect the invitation there's that too and I guess if you wanted to take them or Hardline less generous approach which I think is fine
00:03:03you know there was your special day care it's your special day you could just say we're glad they're making the trip with you but as stated in the invitation we're not having kids at the wedding maybe that's the more hard-line approach one of those things like they have on Ferris wheels like if you're not this tall you cannot come into our wedding and looks sorry so lately I on the Prius I hear something from Jordan from Greensboro North Carolina and Jordan rights when my wife and I watch a movie she quote multitasks on her phone but still claims she is enjoying / paying attention to the movie am I on reasonable of her complaining a little bit I think that relationships are compromised and everyone enjoys movies in their own way and actually that there are so people can actually take in and enjoy a movie while they're doing other things so I didn't think that's okay and even if it's a little Annoying at least you get to watch a movie with somebody I have to say this drives me insane
00:04:03that's true. There's some people that are like that but in my experience there they're missing everything why do they have to watch it with you like why can't they have them or fractured and watching the movie that I can be sitting next to each other and spending time together so she was on the phone what your day to go well literally at the end of that day you don't want there to have been an issue with like you didn't watch the movie in the way that I do I think there is a way though if stating what kind of shared couple experiences are important to you and I obviously just can't be everything in it if this is one of his main activities to do as a couple that's very important to him than I think you should say in advance like listen I would love for us to just sit here and watch a movie but if they do a bunch of things together and it's not that important he should just let it go but I also think you should reevaluate what is important quality time because you're sitting in front of a television not communicating even if you're both focus on the movie but she's multitasking on her phone she's like two levels divorced from the time they're sharing together
00:05:03maybe she's texting him love notes are trivia questions or life on him to let her know that it's important and if it's not that important but I actually I'm too if Jordan if you really are focused on the movie on the way that you want her to know what she's doing exactly where I'm pointing at Gary Wright Silence from Michael from Tipton Pennsylvania and Michael rights in my work I occasionally encounter actors and other celebrities some of whom I recognize more than others can you recommend how or if one should ask that potentially ego damaging question where might I have seen your work PS this would not apply to Fred and Carrie since I'm a big fan of the show I don't think one should be any more nervous or differential about a performer than anyone else so if you really don't know but are curious I guess
00:06:03let's just be honest I mean Fred loves when he gets mistaken for Rick Moranis and the dad came up to me in this and tell me that I was grading Honey I Shrunk the Kids and sometimes people say Carrie Bradshaw I write a character from Sex and the City and I just say yeah that's my name in South Pasadena California rides you're driving on the highway and the super slow car you've been tailgating finally changes Lanes is a stare-down merited or some other form of reproach wow that is a big pet peeve of mine which one which part yet she's tailgating being tailgated but also having someone drive really slow in front of me I don't think there is ever worth it you think
00:07:03glaring than speed ahead and then you never know traffic patterns changed all the sudden you know that person again I would just internalized that glare has been tailgating the hell out of this person in their mad she has to leave a certain times I can say it's the Loft right now this is their last question I thought of something else for those who didn't hear Fred and Carrie were telling us trivia about each other girl groups from the early 60s like an encyclopedia it is crazy one time friend and I were in a small town in Washington state we are driving back from a wedding this is tying everything and we're driving back from a wedding where they were no kids we weren't tailgating anyone and
00:08:03there is some music playing you noticed over the the speakers in the restaurant and I could name every song it was like those that 50s doo-wop 7 I don't know how I would take that information but somehow I did what was the most obscure I can't even remember the names boy names that if I told you you'd be like I don't know if that's a real group that maybe they aren't real groups and then I checked on your phone while you're listening to her when you give it all comes full circle Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein thanks so much for telling her I didn't try to behave well thanks for having a thank you for having us
00:08:39Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein Portlandia is final season of the last things coming to an end so much coming soon yes folks we're in the midst of our special how to behave series The Comedy Edition meaning you will be hearing advice about how to behave from professional funny people like this next gentleman Billy Eichner Billy's one of today's most popular Comedians and curmudgeons produces and stars in the Hulu series difficult people about to completely misanthropic New York media-types calling their way to D level Fame sound so familiar and far louder show funny or dies Billy on the Street that is a comedy game show where Billy who is more than a little obsessed with pop culture hits the streets of New York and quizzes pedestrians on trivia but Jeopardy this is not and Alex Trebek he is not know we began with a clip and which Billy and his guess that day Amy Poehler offered $2 to anyone who could sing A Christmas Carol with them correctly
00:09:39sing the right lyrics are you ready I'm a lalalala that's the basic idea you run around like a maniac accosting people that is accurate well done man I was making these videos as part of my Live sketch stand-up shows in New York years ago where I would take on this Persona that was a really irrationally passionate about celebrity and his opinions about celebrity the original idea in my head was it's one thing to stand on stage and rant and Rave about pop culture in a lot of people do that a lot of comedians do that now
00:10:39but what if you take it outside and shove it in a real person's face as if it's something that everyone should be thinking about even though that person just going about their day they're going to pick up their kids they're on their way to work it's a New York obviously so there's a certain Pace on the street New Yorkers don't give a crap about anything but what they have to do that day and everyone has a really busy lives and in the middle of it I stop you and ask you to Jennifer Hudson Peak too soon because to me that's very important will speaking of confronting people in the street over all have you been pleasantly surprised or disappointed in how people respond always surprised it has been a testament to not judging a book by it's cover honestly it's a cliche but it's so true I really do pick people at random I don't know who I'm going to talk to the reason I do that is because I have found when you sort of spot someone you know coming my way and I think to myself will that person who looks funny or wacky percent of the time
00:11:39got nothing and they're just boring and this is sort of wacky look as it's probably there because I have nothing actually interesting going on it's all the energy they have went into the long beard you know and so and then you see some older lady on the street and you think I will this person's never going to know about Katy Perry or whatever I'm asking about and then sure enough they saw her on The View or they sell her on the Today Show and they have a lot of opinions and more importantly for me the time to stand there and talk to me about it but I have found a lot of people walking around waiting for someone to talk to them you have an example of maybe the most surprised you everywhere with somebody yeah there was a man the first season of the show this a semi toothless I don't know if he was homeless but he certainly wasn't overly employed I would say and I asked him if he liked who did you who do you like better Meryl Streep or Glenn Close and I have this ongoing Meryl Streep Obsession on my show
00:12:39and she was so like vehement Lee supportive of Glenn Close then we got into a huge argument about it but he's just yelling Glenn Close Glenn Close dude you would you think there's no way it is inscripted but I swear you could not write it you know Billy we have a question will you will you answer a listener's adequate I will answer anything for a dollar yes we have to donate the dollar back to public radio sure but we're actually I don't come on fuse TV has nice to do I get me started this is a question from Chris and North Carolina hi Chris and Chris rates my friend borrows money from me often not a lot at once just pocket change when he doesn't have cash but it's a fairly one-way Street and it doesn't exactly jump on repaying me any fun ideas about how to
00:13:38call him out or settle the balance you owe me a lot of money that's what you tell him I mean the group that was no no I would say look I don't have a ton of money myself I can't keep lending you money you have to be honest you know cuz you don't give me the money back I can't continue letting it so you never pay me back at the little change here and there it all adds up you know I need my money go get a job babysit basic electricity any fun ideas I gave you a fun idea stop taking all my money pretty fun that's one of the coaster ride socially speaking great-grandchildren come by giving certificate eyes I can almost predict the rest of your answers though well let's see.
00:14:38play Scott rides I'm a video editor knowing that you're right this is what I'm paid to do. Times when I go to my friends homes I noticed their TVs aren't set up correctly HD version is available what it what a laid-back dude okay keep going Scott Scott his name was shot his name is Scott by the way he's going what is the proper etiquette for offering to fix their setup or at least suggesting they're doing it wrong I don't want to be obnoxious and over reach she he knows on some level that it's a little obnoxious the proper etiquette is ghetto life is a proper etiquette I'm so sick of people complaining how it's not in HD who are you there homeless people outside homeless people who love Glenn Close and they don't have HD or SD they don't have anything they barely have a little
00:15:38my day where I am portable compact disc player now the only form of entertainment I had to stop being so judgemental. But she always looks great doesn't age the day since Kramer versus Kramer that's the people of New York. Scott came to my house and said no no you can't but isn't it the simple way to make someone's life better luck with a touch of a button I can make this look more pleasing to the eye
00:16:12get out of here I come by and get them over to my house by the way you're going to go into someone's house and sit there and watch TV through you my uncle Lester Scott I just want you to know I would defend you more but I'm a little afraid to do so play a board game talk for 5 minutes or on your damn phone all day long and then you got it let's just throw caution to the wind and watch some television and he's a video editor where can we get some exercise time for Scott's a real looker by the way I word all right absolutely I've been getting a lot of some interest and people wanted me to write a book seriously and I'm always sort of I don't know what we know I don't everyone every stupid comedian writes a book I bet you're giving a good idea I'll write and edit a great guy. Yes I will get 15 to 39% of that you can get here you got it on till I need my nickels and dimes you know what I mean
00:17:11this is something from trying to be gentle it comes by our website they don't even want to tell us where they're from a gentle what do I say this person asks when someone ask me for my phone number and I'm not interested in giving it to them I'll answer that one honestly I've been giving your your view is a hard time so far I think you in that case you know what I say actually I say you know what I'll let me just give you my email because it's quicker I'm on email all day long and honestly you'll get a quicker response out of me via email I ain't never so you lied of them is what you're saying okay hello welcome to show business I like you at it I like I got a better tone of voice but you're still your core answer was Billy Eichner thank you so much for telling her audience how to behave thank you it was fun thanks for having me
00:18:12comedian and pure raging is Billy Eichner he has the comedy quiz show Billy on the Street and stars in the series difficult people both are binge ready on Hulu
00:18:27alright one last guess let's close it out with Maria Bamford showy let's yes she is one of the comedy world's most beloved and original voices and is also by the way a master at using her voice in her web series The Maria Bamford show she played dozens of people in her own life from high school tormentors to her very Minnesotan parents she is known for a bending comedy standards like by speaking candidly about her struggles with anxiety and depression in the midst of our comedy sets Maria's the latest project is a candy colored absurd semi-autobiographical series called the lady Dynamite the second season just came out when we spoke to her Rico welcome to her like this Maria it's a joy to have you as well as is I can't I can't see you was right brother was in another studio today that you're not there it's just like God
00:19:27are you serious I'm at fundraising that's it's very difficult I'm not very good at getting people to give me money it's all through when your passively disinterested you only have you had that experience work in show business or in life whatever you want something then nobody cares it but then when you don't want it then everyone's interested so you didn't look for the show it just appeared I wasn't feeling very well you know I just gotten over a breakdown mental breakdowns like someone else to buy me a salad for rent one on go okay
00:20:24it was very surprising you're just a friend with an alcohol problem you love her so much but you just don't know what her moods going to be from day today you're the most beautiful yourself hey question is you you openly struggle with anxiety and yet you returning to show business which seems like the last place someone would want to be who has an anxiety problem that's kind with the show is about yes it is about that I do have fantasies of becoming administrative assistant and a non-profit as if that would solve actually I've actually done that I have been administrative assistant and it's just as anxiety-provoking at Showbiz but it's for 8 hours to send a tower show rather than the show business which is about a half hour ago when you get out if it's a bad show
00:21:24I shooted in real-time that's interesting I have no idea so in this series one of the characters is your Minnesota mom you're known for doing this amazing impression of her and in fact in your web series who portrayed I hear you had to cast someone else to do it so what were you looking for when casting that character like what is what is the essence of your mom, and it was funny cuz Mary Kay place is also Episcopalian Church and also has like a lot of energy like my mom so they they spent when they first met they spent about 2 hours together alone Mary Kay places trailer just chit-chatting chit-chatting about spirituality and things are not at all that's nice. Maybe you can bring some of your mom we wisdom to our listeners Attica questions
00:22:24she shows up Miss Maryland helverson Bamford and cups of grape juice passed around but then I became a deacon in the Episcopal church and I am a licensed marriage and family therapist till I no longer practice I love to give advice see so there you go your mom is eminently qualified and it comes from Andrew in Harrisville Rhode Island Andrew writes Dear Maria if you're a pug owner and a friend says they don't like pugs how appropriate is it to not kick them out of your life I feel guilty having a friend you said they don't like pugs is holding a grudge and being passive aggressive towards them a fair enough compromise you're a big pun fat okay 2004 I declared it the no friend Left Behind Act Like I say you let them have that experience of not liking pugs you not always going to be having your pug
00:23:24there's some severe Draconian NDA laws no dog allowed laws that are still in acted so you're going to have times when you're without your plug and you're going to have your great friend about pugs you're offering pug hate amnesty outlet store and look at pants that something you guys do together and they say something mean about that but okay well that that's disrespectful or your face just turned hey I statements when you this pugs in my presence I feel hurt and that's uncomfortable and that's what intimacy is built on is discomfort rich
00:24:24are you doing a good luck with that so just next question comes from she'll in St Louis what did you talk about with your hairdresser wow okay well this is what happens with me with her dressers and what I do is I switch hairdressers almost every month I cannot bear to tell them that I don't want to talk at all I ever want to talk I just want to read my book ebook I'm getting sleepy with all the chemicals and although I I I love this Netflix a product Grace and Frankie I don't know if I need to hear their interpretation at that time what's going to happen in the next season I just said keep switching hairdressers it's like switching shampoo shampoo so you don't get too much build-up you don't want to get too much
00:25:24build emotional Bill. What would your mom say I have a wonderful hairdresser in his name is Jesse and he lives half the year in Palm Springs so I don't always see him but I would just say how are you tell me what is going on in that incredible life of yours he's a gay man and he also teaches Pilates and he is just fun while we should have him on your mom how about both of them my mom is a Dell light I want it be a slow bleed into my mother and that's I have the suit like I just have to put on I'm about 20 30 more pounds which would be very easy cuz she's she's such a happy lady she enjoys things so much look at the whole gosh I was just down at the liquor store at the end of your block and he was a darling guy singing he's
00:26:24Punjabi and he had these beautiful blue eyes it was like return to Turkey and I just told him about our trip and we just laughed we just left so she'll you can either chat up your hairdresser like that or change your hairdresser monthly here is something from Anonymous in Brooklyn New York and yes how do you reveal your mental illness to a potential boyfriend or girlfriend have it available on iTunes I mean everybody we all Google each other as soon as you start dating I think Seems like by the 6th date people seem to have if they have some web presence they've looked it up. See you soon just make that part of your web presence so they find it on the run on the third date is not a bad time to bring out
00:27:24your medications necklace you know that has engraved on it your full prescription and then you say oh I don't know just bring it up cuz I think it is important for people to know some people are not on board I had a gentleman who I dated for 2 months and he knew that I had those issues but I think he knew about them and sort of a way of like they were sent or adorable well written or when I actually said oh gosh I think I'm having a problem right now I'm going to go see my psychiatrist he was like oh god oh is this a thing oh no and so I think it's it's good to say at 837 but he's got something and I say if you have somebody who tells you what their stuff is by the second or third date like knows what their deal is that
00:28:24amazingly erase told you having the excavated over the course of years Michael or just you're with someone who's actually this has self-knowledge one of the things that was so romantic to me but my husband husband shared with me exactly how much debt he had he shared his credit report and I was like I was so relieved that he knew what that was he so many people are completely in the dark about it just somebody was clear and what's going on that's a relief to me but I need at least 3 months it was yeah yeah yeah it is a late is going to appreciate it I do my own bookkeeping and I've been audited by the IRS guess what they owed me 25 bucks
00:29:24Marketplace IRL yes thank you Maria Maria for telling her audience how to behave
00:29:36Maria Bamford you can stream two seasons of her show lady Dynamite on Netflix but we're pretty sure they're not a lot of scenes of her doing her taxes
00:29:48all right everybody that concludes this comedy edition of our how to behave series next week a sequel how to behave the celebrity edition featuring advice from Cameron Diaz RuPaul and Sir Ian McKellen Trivial Pursuit always had a celebrity edition now we do to made it yes that's right you heard him self will be here you can't be that in the meantime if you're looking for further guidance pick up our new book why don't you it's called Brunch is hell how to say the World by throwing a dinner party among other things we tell you how to talk politics at dinner without punching anyone in the face it's an invaluable service to humanity and it's available wherever books are sold but appetit

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