ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Alas, this is our last audio treat for you (for now). In the final installment of the “How to Behave” series, you’ll hear some of the best of our favorite etiquette segments with celebrities. Master thespian Sir Ian McKellen offers a tip on how to deal with people who mispronounce your name (never correct the […]
English
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TRANSCRIPT

00:00:00tell everyone I'm Rico Galiano and I'm Brendan Francis newnam and welcome to another how to behave edition of the dinner party download that's right to celebrate the release of our new book brunch is hell how to save the world by throwing a dinner party we are revisiting the segment of our show that gave rise to it in the first place the etiquette segment yes they're sending their questions about how to behave which we would then post the famous people in the main thing we learned is that a lot of you need guidance about how to act like adults so we decided to do our small part by writing a how to guide for throwing a dinner party AKA recessed for adults and we call it and as a sort of companion to the book we have compiled some of our favorite etiquette segments this week it is our celebrity edition featuring guess like movie star Cameron Diaz and everyone's favorite drag queen RuPaul at first up Sir Ian McKellen a master thespian known for his roles as Gandalf in The Lord of the Rings and Magneto in X-Men
00:01:00wake up hosting our first listener question hear something from Joe in Dublin Ireland Joe rights in a theater when shuffling sideways down as tight Road seats so then should we Face away from those who are seated or face towards them you have to problems you have to attend to the person sitting down or maybe standing up to let you go by the person and the row in front so who's across the fuel you don't want to upset so I'm my suggestion is go sideways resent your rear-view to the person sitting in the second row so that you can potentially person sitting in front of you because if you were the other way around which might seem to be more polite to the person sitting on your might be banging the row in front so if you're bad little the golden rule is face the stage all right now we know and Daniel rights as the most perfect speak
00:02:00you're the most perfect English on the planet I believe that's you strawberry what's the politest way to correct others pronunciation Android your name comes up in the script to know that just have to be and how it's pronounced but doesn't realize now so if it's someone calls me you can't even relax I would accept it so that happened people mispronounce your name for today at Buckingham Palace when they're giving you a nicer Jess I've discovered I was announced as mr. you on McClellan my goodness are you on and I did I did not didn't correct him interested in Virginia jail rights under any circumstances is it okay to ask a performer to say one of his or her most noteworthy lines you shall not pass comes to mind
00:03:00I'd rather you didn't ask me I've decided that I'm going to speak that line I'll come text to stand-up comic who has funny cat try to be nice to have your own music so that when you walked out onto a stud you all seem too and was plaid No Cry. Well I don't know about the song and what's the question that she said it's okay to take his photograph of that asking Fest which I hope people did not write that comes from Alf in Los Angeles and Alf rights if you sir in where to marry another fellow how would you address your significant other the wife of a night is referred to as lady but what is the game married version of that well I know that's a very very good question I'll have to be
00:04:00answered men refer to their husbands and wives validshop could be a consult yes because the title is yours that's true. I mean I don't use my taxes if I can avoid it so I think if I had a husband I've called him sweetheart so I'll love all the love of my life darling darling what do you do when you have to work with someone she asked who is pushy and who voices their opinion and comments on every topic not to tell them
00:05:00you think about the Macomb showtimes Irving them but as my favorite drug test me and what do you stop bothering about other people performances and get your own rights for some but I think that's that's what we should order you know what you are talking about the director will give you that note is it difficult having been in so many movies working with like a young Director people younger than you and less experienced sometimes by their mistakes but what did you learn from Martin do you think what I learned from Austin never to do it quite the same each time I take genuinely believe you were saying think of the first time and it sounds all this but he does that to such Perfection say he's by the way that thing I would learn from Martin Freeman is how to dress that guy is in Natty dresser
00:06:00294 you say I want to look glamorous for my clothes to flow not constrict me Ricky Gervais and Extras distancing yourself from him plus some music seem very casual very La is that you could be coming to the shower stay there you go back I think we answered your question somewhere in there we ask this of each of our guess the question is what's the most memorable get together you've been too well when I was living in the Hollywood Hills and they had a night since would it be about making I got some monsters an apt pupil for brand sing I I invited
00:07:00supper Susan Sarandon David hockney the painter let me look who sings the time cook the best and they didn't put it to go well together mom was a carry-on that letting you just try for which is a confection of Jell-O and custard them and cream and fruit well drawer at the mall for lots of this food very gratifying for that for the Cookin post spirited I mean for gay men in the room I'm on straight woman and that that's got a good combination for a party the next day it was on my answering machine telephone answering machine there was a message which said it's just Gore yesterday you supplied me with the most wonderful New Year
00:08:00I have ever eaten wow Hollywood tell me you saved I wish I'd I wish I'd kept no I didn't say that but that's what he said well it's for that memory with us and thank you for telling her audience how to behave sorry bye bye
00:08:33sir Ian McKellen if there is a documentary in the works about his life and career it is called McKellen playing the part clever title and speaking of clever titles are special how to behave series the celebrity edition wow apologies to Trivial Pursuit we're naming at this because it's filled to bursting with super famous gas like for instance golden globe-nominated actor Cameron Diaz right here she comes you like me know her for starring in There's Something About Mary Being John Malkovich and the Charlie's Angels franchise when we spoke to her she just released her second book which is called the longevity book Brandon started things off by asking her about it you describe your new book as a look at quote how the female body ages and what we can all do the age better and I think we all know exercise and eating right would help us but you visited labs and universities thing aging there's like way more cellular biology in this book than we expected so
00:09:33oh and we don't even think of it that way we just kind of look at the exterior the wrinkles and the sagging and I didn't get to study at with and learn from great gerontologists and Joe scientists that are sending it in at the cellular level cells have crow's-feet to because that it will men men's crow's feet of course are celebrated so it's an awesome thing congratulations your cell phone froze feat intuitive you learned about you know it's a funny thing is we were like okay my riding partner Sondra and I we thought we're going to discover some science to tell us how we're going to be able to reverse aging and really basically what it came down to was all the things that everybody's always told us well move your body good night sleep stress relief and loving meaningful connected relationships and
00:10:33you're like oh really that's it that's all there is really actually a pamphlet Five Pillars affect you on a cellular level how it actually does change yourself as well as finding out that male and female cells are different we metabolize differently or cells take in and metabolise Vary significantly medicine drugs differently than men's are organs are different our hearts are smaller arteries are a little bit finer and Lacey are which makes it harder to detect heart disease in a woman oh yeah it's so all of these differences in men and women actually it really add up for the well-being of a woman when especially since science has historically studied anything medical-related on men so it's just in the 1990s that we discovered that females were made up spell you ugly different than men
00:11:33Mel said that's a bummer actually speaking of which yeah you say specifically in the introduction that this is not an anti-aging book you kind of encouraged people to embrace the rage in an industry where reporters still ask female actors if they're worried about getting older for women over 40 get fewer rolls all things that discourage women from embracing the rage how do you reconcile these two things well I write a book about aging well done my opinion instead of saying that's not fair I just went hey you know what there's over 30 million women between the ages of 35 and 50 in America those are a lot of voices and currently we're all speaking the language of society that we've been raised with which is aging is ugly you know we should be ashamed for it or punished for it and what I'm asking women to do is to embrace it and say you know what I'm okay with aging I
00:12:33I'm going to embrace it because if I'm lucky I'll get to be older a lot longer than it was ever young you know I'm one of the things that was very surprising was learning that 150 years ago life expectancy was 40 so I would have been could put three years ago yes I am terrified in 30-40 which is an existential question another 40 years hopefully you knock on wood that I get to celebrate life instead of being so terrified of it but if it were getting at is that it's hard to tell people to embrace that when for instance in the case of an actress it symbolizes the end of your career Hollywood hoodoo movies that are totally appropriate for their age and they get nominated for Oscars every year celebrating actresses that have been around in the sea
00:13:33this for 30 years who are continuing to do amazing work but I think it's that sweet spot in the Middle where I'm at where I'm not young anymore it but I'm not quite you know I'm not 20 years older either so people are trying to figure out what to do with me you're not a Grand Am and I think that's what's hard for a lot of women my age you know you're just sort of saying goodbye to what you understood you were for so long you were young it's just a hard thing to reconcile as you come up on it but that's another thing that I asked for with the book is to know what is ahead of you you know when you're young girl when your 12 13 years old people tell you you're going to start menstrating you know when they talk you through it on everybody around you cuz this is what's going to happen so you don't end up with having like a carry moment in the shower at school but we don't have that conversation as we get older our mothers don't sit down and go by the way honey one day you're going to start menstrating and this is what you have to look forward to so it's the mindset how do we Embrace this
00:14:33habitable and that helps carry us through to you know do it a little bit more gracefully right our first comes from Julia in South Pasadena California my 60-something mom sometimes gets absorbed in iPhone games for hours she thinks is good for her mental acuity but I think it's a huge distraction how should I handle the next time she's been candy crushing for a while or would you just let her have her fun interesting Sante well a couple of things Candy Crush is great fun it is a address traction mental acuity is another question because like anything with the brain you build a network from doing one thing over and over again but if that's all you're doing you're not really that you're not spreading it out she needs to engage in difference I would either offer her other kinds of games and maybe ones that are actually geared towards
00:15:33helping the brain and or I would just put her on a treadmill while she does candy crush crush them in the Bay Area I am Mexican-American with their hair and complexion and get told a lot that I quoted don't look Mexican I could expose their ignorance but I need a polite way to respond please help I guess that you know I know the feeling of being Hispanic myself and and not looking Hispanic and I wish that I was able to speak Spanish when I was a kid cuz I always thought that would show people I would just if you speak Spanish I would just speak Spanish to that person and blow their mind or you can do like me and you know make a pot of black beans and bring it to people's houses and Stacey I'm Cuban is no way I can take this but what should what should you say in Spanish
00:16:33just like how dare you so interesting that I guess I would have to ask that person to prove to me that they were a human being show me some blood there you are this one comes from n via Facebook and rights I have a group of friends who meet frequently for potlucks and everyone brings great food except for one dude Hebrews beer to share I guess he holds his beer in such high regard that he can't bring himself to make some spinach dip so how do you ask someone to start pitching in or even maybe gasp uninvite them from the group well I'm guessing she doesn't like beer to all the other people that come to the potluck and ask them if they enjoy his beer and if everybody else is down for the beer to leave it alone but if everybody was like that beer you know it stinks then I would say
00:17:33Jada ham hey you know what's really great with beer wings hot wings on making beer is harder than making spinach dip and more expensive but I feel I can just doesn't like this person I agree I'm not mad at anybody who brings home brewed beer so and I think you need to drink a glass of this beer look in the mirror and ask yourself what is my real problem here it's really going on for one more thing she can just have him listen to this episode and he'll get that we always a chance that we bring everywhere you don't want to invite us to dinner party we just play our show so Cameron Diaz thank you so much for telling her audience out of that was my effort of being proper
00:18:29Akron author Cameron Diaz everybody and by the way she was not kidding go check out our all joke Icebreaker episode and you will hear her tell gagen which of the punchline is an F-bomb approved she is not this
00:18:45enter final guest on this all celebrity edition of our how to behave show is none other than RuPaul that that's probably one of her favorite guest ever that's right when we spoke earlier this year we did have some trouble agreeing on a proper introduction for him as you're about to hear let's roll the tape not sure he needs an introduction but suffice to say he is probably the best Drag Queen in the world in the world I am the most famous drag queen in the in the history of the world I was just about to say that possibly about possibly about times more you've done more than just one of the greatest drag queen of all time I don't understand you people are and I'm going to finish up this lady. You can least a slew of hit records that true with Elton John yeah the last year you want an Emmy for hosting a competition show RuPaul's Drag Race your much easier on Brendan and 9th season of that show debuts March will because I didn't say that he
00:19:45probably possibly 9 season of that show debuts March 24th and VH1 RuPaul honored to have you here I know you're the best no drag queen of all time to me you are the enemy I'm afraid down with RuPaul as well actually if you asked I think the average person in the world to name one drag queen they would name you may be delayed Define and they might be unable to name anyone else what what do you think made you above all other drag queens at our household and probably my breath is which is marvelous by the way radio and said the light. You know I don't know if they'd be able to name Devine most people are really dumb and I speak frankly most people don't remember anything dinner party last night for Planned Parenthood of benefit and I really thought people my age I'm 56 I thought people my age would come out it was from 7 to 11. A late night
00:20:45is that was really suited for them well the people came or all children who watch our show children who can get in when I Club the young people really like you but they don't they don't know and that's that's one of the reasons are shows RuPaul's Drag Race is so important is because we end up teaching them about Divine. I think one of the seasons we had a Divine challenge where the kids dressed up as Divine we you don't want to ruin my day we had mentors and was your Mentor I had several when I found my tribe I had gay mentors who were like 12 years older than me who taught me about Fellini and Tallulah Bankhead and Truman Capote and all of the important things sort of other cultural touchpoints that sort of undergird that move exactly but after the plague of the 80s and those people moved away and the young people didn't have mentors so what's happened is our show is taking up the slack and really taught a generation of kids about rhaegar
00:21:45Gardens documentary and lots of things that they should know about what do you think is hardest actually that you that you end up teaching under the what's the hardest thing about drag that maybe the casualties were the amateur performer doesn't realize what they really don't realize is that the big message with drag is not about being a woman it's a commentary and an active social treason to say you are not the body you think you are you're not what it says you are on your driver's license you are an extension of a power that created the whole universe we not separate from one another one thing and that we that one thing we are is for lack of a better word I'm not religious for lack of a better word we like to use the word God that's what we are we are God playing dress-up that's that's what dragus is about where mocking the eagle we are mocking identity the concept of an identity I'm a Catholic White
00:22:45Devore New Jersey whatever you know all those things with shamans or which doctors are Court Jesters who remind you that you are more than what you think you are you are an extension of the power that created the whole universe don't forget it I feel empowered right now you should I'm in my work is done here and will not yet because actually we told our listeners they were coming and they submitted etiquette questions for you you ready for these roof all right this first one comes from David and New Orleans New Orleans David Wright's what's the protocol for addressing someone by their drag name as opposed to their name at Birth I eat it's not important nothing's really important you know when you are okay
00:23:29when you are sweet sensitive soul on this planet what happens is there these the stages of realization the first stage of realizations that you've been lied to that this whole world is really hope so initially you get angry and then you become bitter man you become cynical and then the next stage beyond that is where you don't take anything all that serious you can laugh about it so once block people get stuck in the cynicism in the bitterness but if you're really an ascended human you go on to the laughter and not taking everything too seriously sometimes no that's next for me exactly so in the laughter phase of this all the pronouns and all that stuff is like whatever I don't get doesn't matter it's not important you don't mind if I use your drag name or your name it doesn't matter David I think of your answer to something from Rachel in San Francisco California Rachel Ray say you're hosting a dinner for a few friends you send out an email to
00:24:29the day before with a menu that consists of say free chicken rice pilaf for cucumber salad and for dessert peanut butter pie then you receive a response from one of the guest that says just so you know I don't like peanut butter how do you respond to that I don't respond you know where your little things that you have going on inside of you a little peanut butter problem let me know my business you don't have to eat the peanut butter pie you can have a nice glass of ice water how about that goes on your head in water instead of people people are very particular you know it was generation of young people who grew up whose parents you know I guess they helicopter them and everything is so particular it's all over me me me but what about me what about my special needs to listen that's up to you and your life you don't or your therapist that ain't got nothing to do with you did this to me
00:25:29that's a great name I always loved the name Myra said he's too so I was right my brother came out of the closet last year and now has a boyfriend my family is 100% accepting the sexuality and happy to welcome anyone he cares going to the family but they his brother and his boyfriend are very very affectionate to the point that it makes everyone uncomfortable now we'd be uncomfortable if you were doing this with a woman but we feel like we can't say anything without coming off as homophobic is there a way to ask them to tone it down without making him question or acceptance of the problem with that question is that she is worried about what he might say afterwards and that's in the future you if you if your foot you have to be stay in the now if your focus is what might happen down the road that's already a problem when you just come out and you say you know what I don't want to see that I just please I mean I'm trying to eat my peanut butter pie over here but delicious peanut butter pie
00:26:29followed by glass of ice water ice water do you want some ice water on your lap if you guys are getting too close about a phone conversation a phone conversation when there's another person in the room say you're sitting over there and I'm talking to Rico on the phone okay everything I'm doing on the phone talking to make out is actually for your benefit in an acting class so when people are doing the public display of affection it's not for them is actually for the other people in the room and what did they say so or not whether they listen I got your number huh see I know what you're doing and you know what don't Iris I think you have your answer I would just didn't spit him out and say it do it standing out what are your thoughts on bachelorette party etiquette at drag shows / gay bars
00:27:29yo self before you wreck yourself yes you know important thing you know people who live in the mainstream in the status quo think that everyone else is there to serve them okay so I'm Brown Skin Game and you know I do drag early on I learned that I could do it well and make money so people automatically ask me about beauty tips and I get kids who write music I wish you could do my makeup for my prom or I wish you could do my makeup for my wedding I'm like I'm not a makeup artist I'm an Entertainer okay and so people don't know how to place me in their Consciousness they think I know you must be here to make me look good that's what gay guys are right you are you're an accessory for my Straight life just because you are limited view is that everyone's there to serve you and that you're the only person in the world
00:28:29anyway could expand their Consciousness if they're going as a group of girls it's something you know it traditionally it's not always but you ditched me to go meet a group of girls as a way of let's go together let's go together so that they don't really have to go outside of their wheelhouse think they're Taurus it's not really saying your fears and I'm going to respect you and for you Queen for who you are and then it's like it's like we are there is a party clown so how did it how do you how do you think I should Express their appreciation in a more respectful way do you think Cash Cash all that philosophy and it here is something from Connie and San Francisco here is a beautiful uncensored of heartbreaking question my husband recently passed away rights Connie he was just getting interested in drag when if ever is it appropriate to give his makeup and wig
00:29:29the way we have some friends whose car got broken into and all their drag stuff was stolen is it weird for me to offer my husband's things to them will they feel compelled to accept it because I'm grieving what is the etiquette here I'm sorry to hear that about her husband you know life is you know nobody gives us instruction books with life and handling grief and all of that stuff we have to unfortunately Lori learning on our own and this is less to do with the the clothes it has more to do with holding on to the people that we love in those people we love and we move on they stay in our hearts they're not in the things so it doesn't matter what you do it you know you can throw them away I'm away or offered to these people it sounds like it off in the map and say hey if you don't want these you can throw them away we want to put this importance on things things are just things the things that really matter that stick are
00:30:29going to get teary-eyed when I get choked up when I say this is that is the love that we give and the love that we allow ourselves to receive those are things that stick so things aren't important can I have your call thanks for telling your audience how to behave
00:30:53RuPaul everybody season 10 of his drag race is slated for this March alright folks and that concludes the celebrity edition of our special all etiquette series how to behave and that concludes the dinner party download as well you can stream all 400-plus back episodes of the show at dinner party download. Org and I keep up with her next moves as authors and podcasters head over to brunch is Hell. Come and sign up for newsletter there you can also order our new book brunch is hell how to save the world by throwing a dinner party it's full of further guidance about how to be great guest host or just full functioning members of a healthy Society you also find that at your local bookstore it has been an honor and a privilege to serve you with the show thank you all and thanks also to our crew senior producer Jackson musker associate digital producer Christina Lopez an engineer been tolliday let's say it together one last time served

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