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00:00:00ladies and gentlemen do not attempt to adjust your podcast listening system this is Brendon Walsh one half of the bone Zone podcast but this is not a bone Zone podcast episode Instead This is a podcast about the craftsmanship and the Art of stand-up comedy the business of stand-up comedy this is a shared podcast between myself Jonathan Pemberton and Duncan Trussell then you can listen to this podcast this recording at Johnny pemberton's podcast stream called live to tape or Duncan Trussell Family Hour we have all put these podcast on our podcast streams so you can learn about the business the craftsmanship and the Art of stand-up comedy the issues affecting stand
00:01:00subjects we will talk about gun control climate change politics and all of the business and
00:01:10all the business things that you need to know about stand-up comedy
00:01:15and the business the business of stand-up comedy and the Art of stand-up comedy it is a craft it is an art form adjust your headphones
00:01:30put them up against your ears because you're about to learn this is not a joke this is not a comedy podcast if you're looking for Laughs watch a Three Stooges episode or Laurel and Hardy or the Marx Brothers Marx Brothers classic comedy everybody if you're if you don't like the Marx Brothers you are not a true comedian now sit back and enjoy this episode of the Craftsman this is not I repeat this is not a bone Zone podcast episode this is a Tricare between live to take hosted by Jonathan Pemberton Pemberton Pemberton Duncan Trussell men and this is me Brendon Walsh human and now sit back and enjoy and learn about the craft the art the business that's his stand-up comedy enjoy and it's not a
00:02:30comedy podcasts about stand-up comedy so if you're looking for Laughs go listen to some Looney Tunes or a comedy podcast cuz this is a podcast about comedy about stand-up comedy this is not we're not doing stand-up comedy there are a couple laps but this is a very serious podcast enjoy listen and learn
00:02:59stand up comedy requires a decent amount of preparation set up plus punchline equals joke lots of jokes and funny stories you going to make sure you do it right the first time
00:03:20we should get home just to say Greetings everyone and welcome to the Craftsman a podcast dedicated to the business and craft of Comedy that's actually redundancy they're the same things here with us today the usual crew professional comedians Johnny Pemberton hello hey I'm Johnny Pemberton stand up comedian on Twitter I want Instagram you also check out my website which will direct you to those things as well if you she can't figure it out dummy Johnny comedy on Twitter Johnny County on Twitter Johnny Test Johnny underscore slash comedy someone else some Dinges Dinges took the one I wish you have but you know you got to work with the work with what you got and we're here with Brendon Walsh Brendan comedy at twitter.com and also I have
00:04:20there is a you want to talk to the mic to talk into the mic on Facebook is this okay yeah check in the studio before these Craftsman episodes and Sons home studio studio an actual Studio we are at the star buns studio and I saw they have the Rick and Morty is this good but I have to go to work tonight I need to set up listen I'm used to talking to no microphone in my hand when I'm on stage in front of a crowd this is a whole it's alright afraid says this is a whole new ball game ball game let me just get my credits out there Brendon Walsh at Brenden comedy on Twitter Brandon stand up on Instagram
00:05:20Facebook Brendan underscore comedy underscore Walsh and then some credits I've submitted for James Corden shared the stage with the likes of Patton Oswalt Marc Maron and Janeane Garofalo submitted for Vancouver Comedy Festival coming up and was accepted to the Burbank, me the festival I just have to see if I can get the fees together earlier when you start the podcast you said to the business and crafts of Comedy yes you said you didn't say stay I think we should just clarify what I might stand up comedy when I'm talking about this stuff this in this is changing business and let's get into that Riders can I please do my credits this is Duncan Trussell Duncan comedy on Twitter and I have underscore not yet oh my God that's awesome I've been on
00:06:20I thank you I have ideas for sale if anybody for the right price I would be willing to part with that and give it get a underscore I have featured for Joe Rogan on the road and I have also been on The Joe Rogan Experience Podcast those are my credits
00:06:46we all know what that sound is right
00:06:49supplies that right there I don't need for Brendan your breathing in the mic you have to move back in and it's white suddenly here is a difference I go home can I just is there a is there a short 58 or something I can just hold like I'm doing my act cuz I break my control I just see this this is what it is now we're comedy is made a Big Show live like that's on a letterman and a lavalier way, I guess cuz I could do that now and tell us if you have a lava lamp you punch in or we going to watch series there's also boom mics and that's they work well because Jen and tell if you have a lot or not
00:07:39okay then there's no love you for that or did he say no he can't punch in my phone I was getting to the topics but looks like we got an amber alert if anybody out there in Albuquerque sees it sees a silver Kia Spectra keys are very popular abduction Vehicles cheap there otherwise why would you think about it stealing I still can't afford 40K still buying a child yeah well I don't mean like that since I mean like this is actually a joke I'm working on it it's okay so people who steal abduction this just because you're just stealing something that's not yours so how is it an amber alert if we're still doing a kid that's yours because
00:08:39my checked I wish it wasn't my kid that's what they say a lot of money cuz I don't have to pay for this kid anymore I got stolen from here and I called ahead please my turn I'm going to take that now you can because I have to take my kid please use another mother and go on the same kind of bit Amber Alert I actually get happy when there's an Ambler amber amber alert when I'm at the club because that means that my favorite stripper and her name is Amber and she's about to hit the stage and now it's like to own large my lap that a lap dance is about to happen that's killer Amber I need a little more edgy I think right now is a really great time to be IGA you know what a lot of people are really enjoying I think in comedy right now is
00:09:39comedians who aren't afraid to tell it like it is yes also comedians who aren't afraid like look to be topical you know to be like hey I know this is not the funniest thing but I have had enough with this present like to be hey yeah cuz that's what I'll do now is all start off my set saying hey guys well how are you doing because I'm drinking and it's only Tuesday yeah be up because obviously Times lyrics the president these days I'll say like I can't even watch Once turn on the news doesn't just makes me sad I I know what I like. I'll listen to some popular music Point people in different directions away from the news and I think if you are going to Tweet right now is a comedian and I've gone to a few comedians who I respect I've gone to their Twitter
00:10:39and I've been actually a little kind of awestruck at the fact that they're not voicing their opinions on the flower and also not just regularly yeah and I think that's it if we look historically a comedy what the greatest comedians have always done is put their part of themselves that's funny on the Shelf to put it aside put it aside and come out in and teach the world about the right way to live will specially Twitter is it really the time or the place to be joking around and I got to say I was late to the games I was thinking the game I was reading some tweets some comedians would say you know listen not a fan of Donald Trump and I owe you know you might have a gigs in a place in a state to vote for Trump you might want to know you're going to lose some followers and it got to the point where you know I saw this guy he's you know he's not he's doing some
00:11:39things right but he's not doing everything right and I got to say it seems like popular opinion on Twitter with the comedians is that Trump is not not doing a great job and I drunk I don't like Trump I came out and said it you know I did a couple tweets he did a thing there was something happened in well guys I mean can I just stop then he said he didn't he's great mr. president with all due respect I do say that because but I do think that we must
00:12:31respect the Office of the President because a lot of people are fighting overseas and those people are being thank you that would be great I'm doing right now anyway if your troop and you're listening thank you for your service Office of the President because there are a lot of troops fighting overseas for the president and they have given a lot of their life to us and so we must respect the president because that is how we respect the troops true that's my new the presidents basically like the head of the truth similar bit
00:13:31who does Johnny just work through Yvette's I was working through my Nestle but I didn't I didn't
00:13:36I should have done that for one are you should do it where it is where we part listen guys part of being a Craftsman part of being a comedian this is a discussion and a seminar on the craft of stand-up comedy and The Business of stand up commercial the business and wishing the same to the Craftsman we have Brendon Walsh hear how many is a business Duncan Trussell West and I will bring the Walsh Twitter submitted for James Corden submission awaiting for Vancouver Comedy Festival stage with the likes of Patton Oswalt how I worked at some of the stages that like a little bumper here
00:14:36Rogan Experience Podcast Johnny Pemberton it's Johnny underscore comedy LOL underscore hahaha. Com and the Twitter handles the same thing without the LOL in it at Johnny Pemberton underscore comedy hahaha check me on Twitter I'll hit you back at reply at follow everyday my Fridays are Thursdays and Brendon Walsh, Dion's had a chance to work a new website coffee comedian yeah I'm not which is summer going to get into is like branding and the hook Larry the Cable Guy was a good he was great if we could just cover something that I think is coffee now okay well we'll get into that but let's do it let's let's hit one of the most beloved segments of the show Road a ticket
00:15:48enough for this and I need for this segment it's more like
00:15:54siren over because on the road you're broke the law but I want to talk about something that just happened to me on the road and I thought maybe you guys could share some similar to be right then so when I go on the road I please please I love that prescribe okay that's great but when I'm on the road I make 75% of my profits from merge cells do you have to have to and when I'm not on stage if you guys are watching the feature act you can guarantee that I'm going to be backstage with an Excel spreadsheet going through my sails seeing how sales are doing thinking about the arrangement of merch Audiology merch table this is what I want to talk about this segment the merch table this is a sacred place for a comedian and a club and
00:16:54that was recently on the road not going to name any names you could probably look at my calendar figure out who I was but I was on the road and I walked past the merch table and my feature act had placed two of his comedy CDs on my merch table 15 my feature act had placed two of his comedy CDs on the merch table and was attempting to sell his merge onto a special feature acti you know I'll check with the headliner and a lot of times they are
00:17:38let me sell some merch deer head lices of a headline that's her name names it could be someone like Cordon or it could be even I'm not your pal but I got this is your power level I want to maybe but you know I like to keep an amount of detract from him by saying that I appreciate that person. I don't know why future I like please do not announce I'm performing I don't want him to know I'm performing I just want to do the performance I said I will soon as I find out I book The Future at I will send them an email so you're well after I find out if booked it I send them in if I send it here that's good actually that's a good soap
00:18:38that's what I was saying oh you said you emailed directly directly
00:18:47John Cena
00:18:49find out who represents them and send an email and say
00:18:54obviously I'm not sending it to them this is me writing you a ticket
00:19:01I just hate that I'm about to poop out I got an email from my feet track better read that as I do what should many scripts, that's a good way to lose work actually speaking from experience cable real estate on my merch table I'm emailing the Reps okay I mail the assistant to the rep and I say look I'm going to be selling something I'm in the parking lot 2 hours after the show 2 hours and 6
00:19:47after you pay the ticket
00:19:58if your purse I watch or I will anyway sound effects the side table think anyone listening and you guys out there with the hope to one day feature I think you're starting to get the idea that it's not just a party out there on the road you're there at work when you're the feature that you're not just there to do your 20 minutes and material you've which if you were given a chance to that you're paying your dues new painting when I'm out there on the road you know what I consider myself to be a banker of dues I will take you give me your dues and I will put them in the bank for you and this is what it is to be a future act you put your going to be you're going to be doing a lot of stuff out there but one of the things you're not going to be doing is putting your comedy CD on a merch table this is how I do it okay if I do it this way if I have a the most tables is really long the kind like a banquet Church table that's why I do it on and I will allow the future if they if they got the proper channels gone through my managers ask
00:20:58and a certain amount of time in advance and they cleared it going you or your headline of mice and highlighting the sadness did you start headlining kiss my ass again how can I see Star headline it's been I am and I know you started yeah I have been headlining a lot actually maybe you were so busy not headlining to notice that I was planning on getting some you know my calendar is mixed it's a lot of featuring Ty this the funny bone every account in the funny bone follows me on Twitter so they don't follow feature actually, I'm just saying I'm I'm trying to schedule a meeting you for your that's great you're getting him to see if he has a lot of tension built into it but let me give you an example of how a true Craftsman might operate hey that's great you've been headlining man if you ever need a feature act or anything I don't want to pressure you but just let me know man I'd love
00:21:58a chance to work with you and I'll do it for free headlining in a feature thank you open or hit me up
00:22:07merch table
00:22:10what I do is I have some really specialized can pick that up scratch work over there okay I'm at Mike's but you have to be good at this what we're doing right now cuz this is an integral part of being a headliner is doing morning with the initials absolute is a very similar number one is away from the mic again you got to bring the mic in front of your mouth when you're at when you're on stage after I never knew radio by the way by the way man if you did that in the morning radio they would never invite you back you want to see you call me so we haven't been to morning radio which makes me wonder what headline and gigs are because any true headlining gig you're doing morning radio probably
00:23:08two to three days in a row that's a densely populated area right drive time yes but a lot of these radio stations in East Coast cuz are densely populated what city you're in Hartford Connecticut great Funny Bone there Grapevine about have a movie theaters have brand new all brand new stuff I have a Bonefish Grill the best and a Bar Louie to die where is Bar Louie that's in Ohio I went there once so that station reaches to other towns that have other clubs if you burn one market and of East Coast thing to Daisy in the morning how are you know honestly I haven't seen you in the morning have a spreadsheet for this was I'm so I have normally you caught me I know she know that's why I said tomorrow
00:24:00thank you sorry I was supposed to be traffic so let me ask you this what is your favorite morning radio gig cuz when you get on one can you turn that off please
00:24:12Saturday special
00:24:17sorry I did good morning but you know I'd say it's for the for the park assets annoying but that's a great morning radio gag what you need to have you need when you get on the morning radio. Haven't bought anything you want to go it's too embarrassing I do take my shirt off I was funny. Okay who sat on a duck Chinese food for my taste and my wife stays because she had to eat my farts all night I didn't get the job what you just did instead of saying my farts it's funnier to say my wife's farts
00:25:17play me the back of his clothes talking about the I'm sorry this is an unlimited experience I've had limited experience with the morning radio
00:25:40what's best weather for Montvale sniper sniper my friend
00:25:47oh man
00:26:02it's like we're doing that well here is this is an art form that granted I don't have as much headlining experiences you guys I have been taken into morning radio with a couple headliner brought me in with them just for like to train a great person to go with the S Pen Savage Johnson Daryl Kennedy where two guys on the rate I enough Florida the serpent Isle making stick make and Stitch in Time to make the boy snake radio down all around so the this is one thing I learned is when you go to do morning radio you think it sounds like this podcast so you know it sounds like we're just talking but you know you are a pair
00:27:02and you do on the radio like for example okay just so I'll come in I'm going to guess you be the DJ Duncan okay and then it's always a pair next year thing but be sure to ask me if about the internet are the crazy guy welcome to Devon in the frying pan we're here with the comedian Brendan while she's going to be performing at comedy at twitter.com
00:27:49fast for my frying pan head can I say he's he's going to be performing at the Laughing windmill Clyde's
00:28:06so what's up how was your trip up here where you from Sunny Los Angeles burning up over there
00:28:22does babes out there I can hear you cuz I've got frying pans head I think of the internet yeah I think they are the internet is crazy these days yeah there's a lot of crazy going down the dark web
00:28:44I can't believe that was going to be my wife took all my Bitcoins in the divorce this isn't how it works though because now I can't do my I was going to do my internet jokes but do it at school already I was just on the radio. Jail because if they would lead me into it properly and that's not what you guys did here I'll show you for example what's what's your favorite bit that you're doing these days and I'm doing is if we don't talk about it now when will we talk about so k
00:29:30climate change when is hurricane I guess we're not supposed to talk about like shooting when there's a shooting shooting shooting don't talk about gun control don't talk about climate change when there's a hurricane right and don't talk about gun control after there's a shooting so it's like when's a good time to talk about it alright well this is the way a professional DJ would lead into it he would be like
00:30:04turn on the clock here 103.7 99.5 the zebra 201 to talk about but sometimes you think there's a time and place to talk about things without all about you did you see what I did there cuz you knew about the best well what's your OK what's a bit of yours that I don't know and I'll show you I'll lead into it the way a DJ you don't have to do it I'll be the DJ and I'll lead you into it that's what it's called it's like the people I'm like okay this is a comedy bit and this is a bit to play Tour de current tragedy or scenario in the world it's in the news that I can be the DJ
00:31:04okay okay okay here we go
00:31:13Liberty radio crazy gym here with Ben Franklin and Betsy Ross
00:31:22so it up the bits and let's take a call let's take a call hey what's up and called the E Street Band hey sorry this way what's up long time listener first-time caller just want to say I think that when there is a shooting or and people don't talk about gun shootings or when there's a hurricane and people don't talk about hurricanes when is a good time to talk about it
00:32:13during a hurricane or wait hold on
00:32:17good hurricane violence in this country
00:32:20has a hurricane of violence in this country
00:32:24what's an officer what's up
00:32:29hey what's up its dinky kitten is off how do I get tickets way to my show is call her to the to the mall right hey you welcome to the Liberty radio with the cracked Bell and Betsy Ross here were Ben Franklin and throwing a penny and down and talk about
00:33:04when a woman if we don't well don't let me well I was just trying to demonstrate so this is this is why you leave so much respect for the show tonight ladies cuz I I like women I like him a lot and if we don't stop the abuse of women then the world will go to shit's going to go to should a handbag but first I have handbags for sale you don't have to be able just to let you know by hand bag of Maya merch table you can get in men's handbag and shy in person it's just me or does dark chocolate cigar
00:33:46how do it this is how you do it on radio DJ started talking over me and I don't know if that's why I brought it I just would have brought up anymore cuz I did I didn't Hartford Connecticut it's just I just texted me and asked me over at friends with Pam banana she's one of the top morning radio host yeah I know and she is giving me a list of comedians that she will not have in studio because they do not interact with her in a way that allows her the spotlight and your steer taking you're basically getting in the hose Spotlight and sorting radio DJs used to do stand-up comedy and still will host things so here with Johnny Pemberton and Men
00:34:37Frozen In Summer Reese pieces today that sucks I'm tasty chocolate with you a couple of thoughts about pieces I love candy I'm a big old is okay
00:34:56he said a whole mouth of Sweet Tooth got a haircut and I was like next time we and Princess diabetes
00:35:11Princess Diana beanie good
00:35:22keep me away from that dark chocolates like I don't need any help the same way from you cuz it's like maybe I'll go find some bark it's like it just the playoff that it's like who invented dark chocolate somebody chocolate taste too good going to make it taste less good chocolate happen when somebody ate too much chocolate had diarrhea and put sugar in the chocolate diarrhea All Recycling I mean I'm all for recycling right but I've got a little too far here yeah let's not and it's a bitter taste recycling now like I was at the airport recently and it's like okay you going to be in for newspapers been four cans give Ben four bottles got sick so where do I put the
00:36:08Sayville recycling crests of a peanut butter jelly psycho everything the poop off my but that's where I'm going next and that's a Liberal Liberal cuz if they check it out I'm only person do that in history of cornbread rapper get to that they'll get to that but yeah but I do love that man I think one of those like one of my favorite things to hear is when a comedian does like a marathon like 9 hours and stand up everybody wants that cuz you want to be in on the experience it's like going to a courtroom like seeing like a OJ or Scott Peterson trial
00:36:55yeah welcome part of it speaking of OJ I think that it's a it's a good time to take a moment and let's get into the news and one thing that from the Craftsman to all of you who are in Florida right now as Florida evacuate my thoughts and prayers go out to Florida and if you have an evacuated you should probably evacuate and this hurricane it looks really bad honestly I've seen a lot of hurricanes and this is the biggest hurricane I've seen in my entire life looking hurricanes this is definitely the biggest one I've seen well I remember I can go back to Hurricane Andrew and I was a big hurricane that was a long time ago I was a long time ago
00:37:55as long time is it in the 90s yeah that was a big hurricane this one is going to make it looks makes looks better Kane Katrina remember Hurricane Katrina yeah that this makes that look like a day at the park and if you remember his showing Katrina was not good not good at all. Look very big hurricane I mean I'm hitting refresh a lot on this but yeah more like I don't stay with someone wrote oh my god oh I get it you know like Irma got burned Sharma God hurricanes coming yeah it is behind the hurricane but it's most things were God moves in mysterious ways we don't know about that and that's the way I always don't talk about on stage
00:38:55no no no no no we're not talking about you know like this government and listen like we said he can't pick the president so you're stuck with what you get and you know love them or hate them you got to support the Office of the President it doesn't look good for the rest of the world if you have people trash-talking the president especially publicly I mean what you say behind closed doors that's fine let the markets decide yeah that's what I always say I'm not going to go to you know I'm not going to talk about Hillary and her backyard I'm not going to do jokes about Hillary how you do equal jokes about Hillary and Trump I can you know I roast them all equally that's why I asked you you have to because then you're going to be pigeonholed as somebody with a agenda agenda that's right on those comics comics do
00:39:50they're not Comics okay I'll give you some delivering pizzas
00:39:56what my agenda is this is my gender you should have is a stand-up comedian your job is to make people laugh you come into the room show me what a good time and let's push all the loser art Comics aside you're just on Comics the same job same job anywhere near as a professional career your number one job is to make people laugh it's a business if you turned into one of these art, go I'm not listen guys I went to an all one of these all Comedy Room the other day and it was like where's the joke's is what I left I did a set and
00:40:48don't say you know it wasn't bad but it was like they didn't really get my whole like I did didn't get it's like well I'm not going to come up here and read out of a notebook like a people were up there every time I plug one guy he was making like weird sounds he was killing but he was like what is this are you like some sort of a weirdo did you just come off of an acid trip or something he was making sounds that weren't eligible he'll sit at a bit at the end it involved a musical thing like he has his closing number I guess but this was this was something somebody here to close with breakfast for some of the symbols on a recognizable song man I'll do I supposed to close with I would have them play start line no no no Start Me Up by The Rolling Stones but I had a big magnifying glass and I held over my mouth so I made my lips look real big like Mick Jagger
00:41:48George McGill was magnifying glasses in the night yeah yeah well if you have if you have such a feature act I cannot hear sometimes if the headliner doesn't let you sell merch after the show which I totally understand but it's some kind of I don't know it's not what you just described by by how many what's your schedule like how many gigs and how many headlining gigs are you doing next calendar
00:42:19you should know that's exactly should know it I don't have to look at my calendar and I see some say you should have your featuring mostly it's next you have a couple headlining gigs that are coming out to make States Mexico and I will see you speaking in the future. Protest too much more like you're not going to let when you do have an opportunity to head I'm saying as a headlining comedian I win because I do some feature acts as a form of you know just letting Loose as always I do it as a form of letting loose it's like okay this is relaxing I don't always want to have to do an hour it's fun to sometimes go out with my friends only 20 minutes Duncan but when I hit when I had line a if my feature drag did some kind of crap shit before my set but why was your last headlining
00:43:19wise to wait 2 weeks ago if you're going to sell merch should talk about the march on stage magnifying glass in front of your mouth and do some kind of like it's a good bit that's a headliner bit the closing bet you should go bug you up the headliner pretty quickly hard to follow
00:43:57during this will have to delete this I paid my God. My genie dues paid my dues if you have a solid closer that is hard to follow I said we have buses okay when I had line my featuring buses condoms out of tour bus toilets I piss all over the green room and I tell the comic look when did you have line before though I thought you were talking about shrinking my calendar you want me to see if you want me to have my booking agent contact you with my past dates were supposed to say is I learned this is a headliner I learned it by featuring watching what the headliners do I watch the headline I'm not going to say his name Gary dennington and I walk to the green room and he takes his salad and throw it on the ground and pisses all over it
00:44:57and does an s h i t onto the salad May says Hey feature guess what I like you so I'm going to let you clean this up and pay your dues did not to ask by the way he didn't have to ask me you did it and I was down there cleaning and he said I'm the first feature that he's never had to ask that I didn't wasn't the same way and so I learned that from Gary better than I can say his name and I when I've had no idea you don't have to get right in the mic what I had line this screen is not for you to lean your face into a popper stopper
00:45:38what are the mic sorry get so Gary Hey listen to Craftsman it's Brendon Walsh Duncan Trussell Johnny Pemberton here we're talking about the know if you can do the third bumper okay you're listening to the Craftsman my name is Brendan wall she can find me on Twitter Brendan comedy at twitter.com Facebook on my world what world do you live in why are you being so controlling
00:46:20so works let him do the bumper for the bumper it's different cuz it's on 15 seconds going now
00:46:27greetings everybody out there on the interwebs this is Brendon Walsh I'm here with Duncan Trussell Johnny Pemberton this we are the Craftsman you can find me at Brendon Walsh comedy on Twitter facebook.com backslash Brendon Walsh Snapchat if you're into that sort of thing or Myspace if you stop Myspace 1984 called they want their website back Duncan Trussell you have some dates coming up some odd future dates for Joe Rogan I believe or
00:47:03okay I was pretty girls 33 seconds not bad
00:47:06teacher
00:47:09I stop the clock
00:47:14can I talk about a subject I think we haven't talked about yes discrimination well we have a message for everyone if you saw the
00:47:28if you're against that the Ghostbusters with the female reboot a message for you and I'm not going to harp on this getalife okay cuz I'm following me to Simon's if you're on Twitter and you follow me and I don't care what I'm going to say you know what I might not get political on stage but I think Trump's a bum okay and I'm going to say that and if you don't I'll tell you what I'm following me I don't I'll lose some followers this right now
00:47:58Trump is a he's about as dumb as it gets so you don't want to say it podcast look sorry to get political but also not sorry he jumps stinks from stinks go ahead go ahead and follow if you voted for Donald Trump you are a racist. Also have this one if you voted for Donald Trump on vote for Me Now by unfollowing please send the hashtag I don't give a d yeah D for damn unfollow me go ahead it's like I don't want that also, my friend in any way shape or form support sexism and racism or violence pedophilia
00:48:58filia unfollow me or I'll wage discrimination I just some here is what I'm against and I'll say this on Twitter I'm against sexism yes I'm against War I'm a girl homophobia I'm against War for the troops day for the shores of the troops to support the troops and say that I don't support the troops if your homophobic a bag was trans against war against warm for the troops pick one
00:49:37what is an if I have to pick a time for War I think this is something where we probably should you guys are scared yes we got to steer clear know you support the troops you support women for women against sexism I'm against you know what if you're not see do I use unfollow me right now things that aren't diverse yes yeah we need more diversity in TV and film and I'm Twitter don't clubs I mean I know this is an actually however this is going to affect my future bookings but I'm going to say you know what as a straight white male number one I'm ashamed to be you I got a straight white male right now 52 weeks in the year there's room for everyone and you know what if you don't want to book me
00:50:29please just if you can find me to headline I say can you please send me five diverse people that you called and contacted you couldn't do the day right I want to see the names of those 5 people they still need me I'll do it but if they haven't contact which is an answer your question why maybe you might not see what your address to Varsity on follow us on Twitter if you're against Nazis follow us on Twitter unsubscribe get out of my town thank you get out wrong I mean let's face it also if you're like doing anything I mean if you don't like to Ghostbusters with all girls it to me a favor and check your privilege
00:51:29Check Your Privilege think about it by a second ticket and give it to yourself you should pay twice I'm doing are and what what am I upcoming shows I'm only allowing women to be in the that's a great I've actually done that before but was an accident it just sort of happened that way but I have done that well I'm do it it's not an accident it's only women are allowed at my shows he was really is the weather and ask him something where oh wow I best the kind of message I'm doing is at this all women there so I did it I did some consciously consciously different thing only women will be allowed in my shows for free for free for free
00:52:22so you're going to do free shows for women from now on I'll do that I'll do a regular show here's here's the way I would want to do it is do a regular show for all men men pay twice the price and I do a free show for women right after that with a woman she has to pay twice but she gets in for free
00:52:58should have knocked that policy
00:53:06and I look like if I think that's a good policy like if it's a restaurant if a man and a woman show up men Pay The Man pictures both those meals in the woman's free that's a great win that's a great policy we should put that out as a as a new policy women eat for free man face devil that's great that's amazing yeah I love that
00:53:37maybe we should make a merch for that speaking of actually
00:53:44turn it off I'm follow unfollow turn it off
00:53:49Check Your Privilege Check Your Privilege if your peter white man listening to this check your privilege when you're on the road that's a big thing I'm just as stressed as totally shifting gears but some guy shifters on that changing direction on the road when you're traveling you know well get hungry cuz hungry as a part of life yeah I think I was with some young, who's opening for me and I let him have the privilege of driving his car to this out-of-town gig I said I was featuring you drove you as a future and I got him the opening job with his headliner so he it was suggesting on our day off like a long time day day off before that one show on Sunday he was like that's exactly what it sounded like a little restaurant like this new Independent Restaurant I was like hello are you kidding me
00:54:46we should go why would we go to this turn off your phone man if you're going to do but if you're going to do the effect do like learn to do want that's what was that old timey car
00:55:11okay got it off let me see your phone man I got it I got it I got okay turn it off it's off it's off
00:55:18Jesus Christ Prince to do this isn't like we're running to Six Flags home studio setup for around cuz I'm talking about that on stage now and somebody already told me that that sounds like there's an open mic or Steel in my Six Flags someone else is doing his Six Flags joke I've had that happen to me but yeah I have a joke this called Five Flags well that's mine is 7 flags flags placed or false Flags how long you been doing how long have you been doing your 20 Flags bit for Years Five Flags dance 7 flags flags
00:56:18are you my beautiful Mission Park that's not real if if you called it false Flags because it's ride really sore. I could I put it was really call your phone down about Comics Special Effects because I have a whole thing about people like look up from your phone cuz everybody's on your smartphone what occurs when it's done is recalled dumb phone because the phone is smarter than you dummy 15.6 for on smartphone I drink SmartWater use a smartphone drive a smart car but
00:57:12I walked into a fountain I'm a dummy drove into
00:57:17I drove into a ditch cuz I was texting and driving so don't do that the drowned the lady who tries to hit the Drone crazy what people are so dumb I can't born every minute more like idiots born they've had been born and they're still around
00:57:37I just want to take this time only because we are running out of time here and it is 314 we just passed Labor Day which is the day that we celebrate the troops and I just want to say let's move my arm over this Labor Day Labor is for the troops will now I know what you're going to say
00:57:57you were going to say Memorial don't give me no it's not I was going to say I think they realize they back all day and you're going to say it's people like you have one day where they celebrate the troops for me every American holiday I celebrate the troops why because my father was in Vietnam now he fell on demand and eat now you can't talk about it before I don't know
00:58:34she isn't that how it went well I want a man his penis was not all that wasn't that thing it was not because I was just got blasted. Look I don't want to get no like my dad but I just want to say let's just have her moment at let's have a moment is a colostomy bag now cuz if no glass into his ass and heat out of his mouth anymore he has to eat he does reverse digestion so he has to be fed through is but something with a penis that's if your home listening or defecating out of your mouth so there's somebody out there has it worse
00:59:24that's right I mean just think about that either
00:59:41have you heard you're resting your face and a special attachment on the toilet seat and you have to put the food spoon into your anus anymore cuz it's it's your mouth but can't chew you have to chew by manually moving her mostly powerage and applesauce
01:00:00how many dogs come out your mouth
01:00:05alright guys we are nearing the last few minutes of the Craftsman why don't we do what is my favorite segment what am I grateful for hashtag what am I grateful for Craftsman you can also on Twitter do you hashtag what am I grateful for Craftsman let's talk about what we're grateful for I can email us at Crosman comedy at gmail.com
01:00:28and also subscribe us on patreon patreon.com for Craftsman comedy yes we have over 5 tears we got a lot of good stuff we can talk about it here it would be to talk about it here since 9 dollar a month level and you will get a shout-out at our end-of-the-year Craftsman show we also have the paying your dues meter it's a meter that we will evaluate for you and tell you what it what and if how much dudes you have paid and you get a free pdf just for email if you're up, coup starting out send us a will send you the we have a PDF of do's and don't and don't know what am I grateful for I'm grateful that I did not go to Burning Man with all those hippies and too easy guys the guy running into the fire thing too easy
01:01:27I'm grateful for Johnny Pemberton here at Johnny Pemberton underscore comedy LOL I'm grateful for what we pretty much everywhere I feature has got chipotle and when I on the road when I'm on I on the road when I'm on the road I don't that's what I eat because I like to establish establish that type of thing on the road where you don't want to eat at some small dinky mom-and-pop you want to support the corporation's cuz they're the ones who is supporting you the comedian thankful for Chipotle a lot of Grey menu items so you can you can trim it down making a salad and spices that make it a bowl you can really go online with the burrito wrap it up I usually when should wrap something this good it's illegal chipotle.com / support the troops trulia.com you can also check that link out on my website it's Chipotle for me for life for you it's a new thing I'm doing and I'm grateful for a Chipotle for allowing me to Panda that service that allows me to have the
01:02:27Play app
01:02:29Brendan I'm grateful to pick up Mike in your car and then you doing I'm grateful for stage time put them in front of your face there's no way in hell I'm going to call from my manager okay tomorrow really okay I'm mad at that is Monday I said Sunday they're doing it on a Monday okay no way really okay your browser and Smith or something and how much is it it doesn't pay will he be there will he be there
01:03:20okay he should be there yeah Johnny Johnny Johnny I might have ears doing the Craftsman podcast with Duncan Trussell and Brendon Walsh it but so am I so stupid for festivals I'm say what you doing well let me go I'm going to have to come in after the stages with the lights of Steve Burns restaurant writing this guy's here okay I'm going to say yes to that put me down just about me
01:04:17guys what the hell when did you get a manager that's crazy
01:04:23manager it's an assistant who is interested in turn business associate at sterling sterling business and it's a bit well if you're doing business with them it's a business associate it said it was a business associate who works for did you tell him about me I have talked about you guys before what he looks for Sterling Stevenson hurricane evacuation route don't fuck around get out of there a dummy it's not funny yeah no one's going to help you and I was an idiot free zone is you want to get in touch with that even follow you can follow me Dunkin funny at Dunkin funny comedy at Dunkin comedies well on Twitter and I'll link you with these other guys that's it for the Craftsman thank you thanks for joining us for him, he just Facebook Twitter check me out I'm all over the interwebs
01:05:23play man's balls what you can do it here so check me out on the interwebs bye bye miss American Pie idiots need not apply for CNA and if you don't like it unfollow me Brandon Walsh signing out for the Craftsman trump it just make sure it in Indiana I'm not going to do any Trump jokes I don't really have any political into this is Brendon Walsh signing out this is Craftsman for the Craftsman this is Johnny Pemberton saying put down a down payment on my Tombstone it says no thank you whatever it is that is currently I could Trump thing so Craftsman this is Duncan Trussell signing on to put it up payment on the sides of your mouth cuz that makes a small as good punch down payment on happiness Brendon Walsh signing out for the Craftsman thanks for listening everybody for Duncan Johnny this is this is Brendan saying goodbye for all three of us
01:06:23also Drive Herndon. Net the Craftsman is a fun thing we had to do it so we're going to be coming back we're like the hurricane going to come back I should not hey this is Johnny Johnny this is Acton, Maine. Com on happiness withdraw your happiness because your bank account may it be filled with much happiness and may you be happy and smiling all day long. Thank you for always hey this is Johnny Pemberton I have a cape and a bunch of tapes here ready to go I've been at Red Line at the Funny Bone Hartford I've had line at a lot of places and here's the thing the wheels are my fall off but the car is still moving and this is Brendon Walsh signing off the crash Craftsman Brendon Walsh and I'd like to just send a shout out to everybody out there who is doing the right thing
01:07:21check out the links on my YouTube page and for the Craftsman this is Brandon Rush prevention on Twitter and I just want to say before I sign out consent is sexy make sure you ask before you act but don't say anything else could be considered assault if the final word where are you this is Brendon Walsh with the closing statements for the Craftsman saying thanks for listening for on behalf of my friends Duncan and Johnny this is Brendon Walsh and I'll see you on the interwebs and the end thank you for listening I'm at the club and I'll give you a rub okay here's the deal I don't know what you have a special movie review website
01:08:21what's not what you should see what you shouldn't have to bother going to see that stinker so go see Johnny Pemberton thank you guys standing in the system of Duncan comedy on Twitter and remember White Privilege it ain't just a river in Egypt right sign up for the Craftsman that's correct don't text and drive don't drink and drive shouldn't have to say that but texting and driving is just as bad as drinking driving and it's a little statement to close this out here Brendon Walsh don't discriminate don't text and drive don't drink and drive arrive alive don't drink and drive or text and drive and remember guys don't it don't support gun rights let's get rid of guns come on 2017 this is that Duncan Trussell Silas from the grass from the Crosman take away the guns if the only people who should have guns is the military in the police there's no assault weapons it's crazy not to get political let's do away with the guns and let's
01:09:21do away with texting and driving ass so I keep an eye out on the coffee comedian I'm fits my new vest branded smile thinking about coffee in my, dicted to it and coffee pots of coffee word this is at Duncan Trussell saying to you if somebody you know is exhibiting signs of depression or to check them tens been depressed if you've been thinking about doing anything to harm yourself please don't call the suicide hotline but there's one in every city I have a friend who's upset don't let them in don't let him call someone or talk to depressed relatives support the troops by if you know what troop who is has trans rights issues do you have to choose the path of Hurricane make sure you let that be
01:10:21subject that is aware for everyone who is in your vomit area that are comfortable right person that you're talking to and recycle reuse reduce at Johnny Pemberton you can check out my recycling tips on the website + movie reviews that are all comical it's all fun but now it's all fun and games until someone gets hurt and I'll tell you what I'm not going to hurt you because if you're hurting you just don't let it go. Suicide I push it down go to a suicide ask for them all over the countries hashtag Craftsman I would like to show Crosman comedy comedy comedy at gmail.com used Craftsman comedy one word and you know we might
01:11:21t s m a n c o m e d i like to joke around a lot but seriously texting and driving drinking and driving is no funds not going to lead to anything good so we like to joke around we like to have fun but there's also a time to be serious this is Brendon Walsh with the final word and saying thank you for listening from all of us here at the Craftsman
01:11:54Johnny Pemberton I can find out multiple platforms harassment is been brought to you by recently Black Ops II Reese's peanut butter cups in association with darling mattresses make a you order a darling mattress she's the mail looks smaller than put in the promo code Craftsman that's we are no no nouns and Craftsman darling mattress that's mattress, it's okay and if you find a man for that
01:12:54is Brendon Walsh Brendan comedy fitting you a fond farewell from all of us here at the Craftsman thanks for listening thank you so much for listening that is the end of the Craftsman podcast no one is going to say anything else
01:13:10we are now signing out that's it for us a Craftsman special from I could Club number
01:13:25will turn it off love yeah yeah dude that's got his crazy that's crazy times to Johnny we're just wrapping up just take the call out of food for all of us series
01:13:47Brendon Walsh
01:13:51saying goodbye for all of us here at the Craftsman Brendon Walsh Duncan Trussell Johnny Pemberton and I am Brendon Walsh thank you for listening folks are going out music this is Duncan Trussell discuss this is the only number to make sure you will continue to listen to start a Craftsman do not support violence will you support diversity always support diversity women's rights in out of you make sure and check out Johnny Pemberton. You'll figure it out online all the time
01:14:26Brendon Walsh
01:14:29add Duncan Trussell comedy on Twitter Brendan comedy I'd hot Tahoe, Craftsman, a hashtag hashtag before the word and hashtag Brendan comedy darling mattresses
01:14:45keyword Craftsman with a cake and if you're not if you don't agree with me you don't have to follow me on Twitter I won't be offended
01:14:56Cheryl audio

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