The ebbs and flows of this alcoholic. It's all true. Sometimes I'm serious. Sometimes I'm not. The episodes tend to be short.
United States
149 episodes
since Mar, 2017
900 episode downloads / month
explicit content


As I was sitting again at a stoplight on Randall Road this morning meagerly minding my own matters, I casually looked to my left and noticed a dude in a car beside me having his breakfast. It was an Egg McBiscuit from McDonald’s. Or whatever they call them. In another era I, too, ate mobile breakfast sandwiches behind the wheel before work so I knew of his quest. These years I craft my McMuffin clones at home, fine tune them to my exact specifications as if I were indeed Chef Michael of Schaumburg. Now then this non-clandestine commuter was also drinking heartily from a Diet Coke. In a plastic bottle, mind you. I don’t know about you guys but that didn’t sit well with me. Not that I have anything against Diet Coke or bottled soda but cola and eggs should never cross paths in my mind. Or in my mouth. Maybe Chef Michael would disagree. Even more, I questioned the crispness of this soda. “Dear god,” I prayed, “let this man not be guzzling from last night’s cola bottle.” Anyways. His refreshment is beside the point. As he was lost in his own world of crumbling biscuit and melted cheeses, as he was navigating the creases of his wax paper with advertising tattoos, I wanted to raise my octopus coffee cup like a chalice to him in like a good morning salute. Let him know that he wasn’t alone in his adventure, alone in the cosmos. That there was another traveler traveling a similar path on this very day. Watching him feast from my mechanical four-wheeled steed, nary but a few hours from dawn’s first light. To salute him in a way that let him know I approved of him savagely attacking his breakfast quest. And also that I admired his simultaneous command of the steering wheel, McBiscuit, and the very Diet Coke bottle I so despised. But I didn’t. Engaged and supportive readers, I was worried that I would break he and his horse’s stride. Because seriously, this dude was going after each and every fallen crumb from his McBiscuit. I doubt if any escaped. Or if he abandoned any yellow scrap of folded egg as his mouth-scissors cut their way through the biscuit-bites. So, sadly there were no traffic salutes. No shared stoplight connections. Alas, our cars are often akin to isolated bubbles of oblivion. And having another driver willingly acknowledge whatever self-pursuit we’re pursing can make us feel uncomfortable in our upholstered seats and fastened buckles. I didn’t want to embarrass him as he was so eagerly and delightfully fueling his body for his next adventure. When the light changed from halt-red to go-green his travels took him west and mine took me farther north. Now as I sit eating the couscous I didn't spill yesterday, I wonder to myself if that dude's day could possibly have gotten any better. Any better than those few minutes he had alone. Enjoying his solitary but obviously satisfying, portable goodness. I hope so. #randallroad #missedconnections #diariespodcast curtains · Sep 10, 2018 at 1:07 pm People watching is true entertainment! Thanks! $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; tcr! · Sep 10, 2018 at 1:49 pm You are most welcome! $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; Mark · Sep 10, 2018 at 1:07 pm thats 3 minutes of my life i’ll never get back $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; Cmon Eileen · Sep 10, 2018 at 11:37 pm Were you waiting for the biscuit eater to toss his trash out the window and speed away? I was. $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; Mark · Sep 11, 2018 at 3:07 am and then go to a mattress store where the power was out and run into a skunk $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; Kelly K · Sep 10, 2018 at 1:32 pm Great imagery! $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; tcr! · Sep 10, 2018 at 1:50 pm I do what I can while waiting in traffic. $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; tamaraholby · Sep 10, 2018 at 2:40 pm Great read! $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; Dorencz · Sep 10, 2018 at 3:18 pm Your story is way better than the guy I saw picking his nose yesterday. 😂 $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; tcr! · Sep 10, 2018 at 4:20 pm The next time he does that just honk your horn. Ain’t nobody need to see that. $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; Ritch Ason · Sep 10, 2018 at 4:12 pm This makes me want to write about what I did one time…I was eating a sandwich, putting on mascara, and driving with one hand. I was young. And I was speeding down route 64…I got pulled over. And my license was expired by one week. Into the clink. My one and only time lol. $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; tcr! · Sep 10, 2018 at 4:13 pm What kind of sandwich? $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; Ritch Ason · Sep 10, 2018 at 4:31 pm I believe it was some sort of ham and salami I worked in the deli at the Walts grocery store in Wheaton and they sent me for a deliver to Saint Charles. All the butchers were really good looking (my future husband was there) so I was getting dolled up. LOL…. $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; tcr! · Sep 10, 2018 at 10:48 pm I knew there was a boy in your story somewhere 😊 $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; Ritch Ason · Sep 10, 2018 at 4:13 pm Uh oh I better delete that lol $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; Angie Bee · Sep 10, 2018 at 4:20 pm Gifted writer, you are $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; tcr! · Sep 10, 2018 at 10:50 pm You I give thanks 🙏 $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; nis · Sep 10, 2018 at 4:31 pm I LOVE this! $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; jentel · Sep 10, 2018 at 4:53 pm We need to get you some books on tape or an Audible subscription for your travels. 🤔 $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; tcr! · Sep 11, 2018 at 9:25 am I have a hard time with Audible. People going on and on about how they were listening to podcasts with it but then I go and look how to get my podcast listed with them. Did I find anything helpful? No, of course not. I can’t have nice things. $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; Anna KL · Sep 10, 2018 at 4:53 pm This is cool 😂👍 $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; tcr! · Sep 10, 2018 at 10:50 pm Thank you! 😎 $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; tamaraholby · Sep 10, 2018 at 5:04 pm I once saw a man playing a guitar in his car on 88 $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; tcr! · Sep 10, 2018 at 10:50 pm I hope he was in the backseat 🤭 $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; tamaraholby · Sep 11, 2018 at 8:39 am no front seat , driving $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; jfender · Sep 10, 2018 at 5:20 pm Dr Pepper for me! $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; tcr! · Sep 10, 2018 at 10:49 pm Dr. Pepper is the only thing I’ll drink at Doughocracy in Geneva. $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; sinceresarcasm · Sep 11, 2018 at 12:53 am How are you at public speaking?? $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; tcr! · Sep 11, 2018 at 7:23 am I do fairly well once I get going. It’s that whole anticipation thing though. Driving to the speaking engagement and all I can think is… what if when they call my name and I’m walking to the head of the class, my left shoe is haphazardly tied and I do the typical impromptu trip/fall but this time I’m not able to roll it into a saving grace, come out on top like champ somersault. $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; sinceresarcasm · Sep 11, 2018 at 2:13 pm Have you ever heard of The Moth? $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; tcr! · Sep 11, 2018 at 2:47 pm Yep! My girlfriend and I were at their Technology storyslam in Evanston this past June. It’s also one of my favorite podcasts. $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; sinceresarcasm · Sep 11, 2018 at 9:40 pm Yessssss!!!! I so want to enter and make my way to the GrandSlam! You would be great on stage! $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; tcr! · Sep 11, 2018 at 10:19 pm Do it!!!! $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; vk swartz · Sep 11, 2018 at 7:08 am Enjoyed your story! $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; Redmond · Sep 12, 2018 at 11:20 am You had me at ‘crispness’ $m.wand.ajax_click=true;$m.wand.lightswitch=true; Add a comment!   View original  
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