Full Transcript for Episode 169: Come What May Teaches Us About Laughter and Loss (featuring Lahna Turner)

and the producer and co-director of Come What May, the documentary chronicling the life, legacy, struggles, and impact of comedian Ralphie May. 00:03:22.960 --> 00:03:30.560 Whether on stage, on screen, or on the page, Lana Turner tells stories that make people laugh, think, feel, and connect. 00:03:30.800 --> 00:03:37.680 To learn more about Come What May, upcoming screenings, and Lana Turner's work, be sure to follow the links in the episode notes. 00:03:37.919 --> 00:03:48.000 Before we get into today's episode, if you're a licensed or certified behavioral health professional, I want to make sure you know about something that could save you time, money, and maybe even a PTO day. 00:03:48.240 --> 00:03:58.080 Talking Addiction Recovery is now an approved continuing education provider through IPGGC, NASW Wisconsin Chapter, and NADAC. 00:03:58.240 --> 00:04:04.560 Meaning you can earn CEUs just by listening to select episodes and completing a short post and evaluation. 00:04:04.879 --> 00:04:10.159 No conference, no webinar registration, no membership, no paid platform. 00:04:10.400 --> 00:04:14.080 This is the content you're already consuming, working for your professional development. 00:04:14.240 --> 00:04:21.439 Head over to www.andrewjsre.com backslash continuing dash education for everything you need. 00:04:21.600 --> 00:04:23.279 All right, let's get into today's episode. 00:04:23.519 --> 00:04:28.160 On this episode of Talking Addiction Recovery Podcast, I want to welcome a special guest, Lana Turner. 00:04:28.240 --> 00:04:29.279 Thanks for being here. 00:04:29.759 --> 00:04:30.399 Thank you. 00:04:30.639 --> 00:04:31.680 Thank you so much. 00:04:32.079 --> 00:04:41.120 We're going to talk about the documentary Come What May, which is I'm really interested to talk to you about it and have you share with the listeners about it. 00:04:41.279 --> 00:04:46.720 But before we do, can you give um audience members a little bit of a background about yourself? 00:04:47.439 --> 00:04:47.920 Sure. 00:04:48.160 --> 00:04:50.720 Um, well, I'm a stand-up comedian. 00:04:50.879 --> 00:04:53.040 Uh my name is Lana, which has an ATA. 00:04:53.199 --> 00:04:54.399 You can see right there on the screen. 00:04:54.480 --> 00:04:56.720 Otherwise, backwards my name would spell email. 00:04:57.199 --> 00:04:59.600 Um I was born in Texas. 00:04:59.680 --> 00:05:01.680 I was born in Canada, raised in Texas. 00:05:01.759 --> 00:05:03.439 So that's weird, howdy A. 00:05:03.920 --> 00:05:05.839 Um, I've never drank a soda. 00:05:05.920 --> 00:05:06.879 I don't like carbonation. 00:05:07.120 --> 00:05:08.000 That's weird. 00:05:08.240 --> 00:05:11.120 And uh I've directed a film. 00:05:11.680 --> 00:05:20.800 I recently released a comic book related to the film, and uh and I write a lot of songs, often of color but funny. 00:05:21.040 --> 00:05:27.920 And uh I don't know, it's and I and I and I guess I don't really like talking about myself that much in this context.

00:05:28.959 --> 00:05:30.160 It's a little awkward. 00:05:30.879 --> 00:05:36.879 Can I can I ask you before we uh get into the documentary, uh what what got you into comedy? 00:05:37.040 --> 00:05:46.240 What was it that would you say really was what paved that path for it to be uh not just a part of your career, but I imagine a pretty important part of your life? 00:05:46.879 --> 00:05:50.800 Um I was playing guitar since I was in second grade. 00:05:50.879 --> 00:05:53.360 I I I love playing music. 00:05:53.680 --> 00:06:06.079 And um I wrote some funny songs or had a car accident, and I realized that there was no point in being scared of things like getting up in front of people, which I was terrified to do. 00:06:06.240 --> 00:06:13.199 And I decided I'm gonna go and play some of these funny songs in front of some people at an open mic, and I loved it. 00:06:13.279 --> 00:06:20.560 And two months later I got paid like 20 bucks, but I was like, I could get paid to do this, and that was how I started doing stand-up. 00:06:21.920 --> 00:06:26.160 I was it's so much fun, uh, but really I started with the songs. 00:06:26.480 --> 00:06:28.079 Do you still play guitar? 00:06:28.639 --> 00:06:29.519 I do, yeah. 00:06:29.759 --> 00:06:30.639 Yeah, that's amazing. 00:06:31.279 --> 00:06:33.839 Since I was little, I used to be so much better at playing guitar. 00:06:34.000 --> 00:06:43.839 I feel like I'm a good songwriter, I write good lyrics, and my my guitar playing's pretty average, but I I love I love making making music. 00:06:45.360 --> 00:06:46.560 Well, thanks for sharing that. 00:06:46.720 --> 00:06:52.240 I I've been doing, as we talked a little before, uh, there's some comedy improv things. 00:06:52.399 --> 00:07:05.519 A friend of mine and colleague, we we actually talk about the importance of humor in this space of addiction recovery because it is such a heavy topic, and humor is something that can be uh connecting and healing, and we don't talk about it enough. 00:07:05.680 --> 00:07:10.319 So it's great to be able to have you on and even ask you like how you got into it. 00:07:10.800 --> 00:07:18.720 So, speaking of the documentary is titled Come What May, and I really want to thank you for letting me watch it and see it. 00:07:18.800 --> 00:07:20.879 I watched it a couple times. 00:07:21.439 --> 00:07:24.000 There's there's so many different reactions that I had to it. 00:07:24.079 --> 00:07:29.600 So, can you talk to the audience about what the documentary Come What May is about? 00:07:30.959 --> 00:07:33.439 Ah, well, so it's it sticks up on you, right? 00:07:33.600 --> 00:07:49.199 Um, it's so a lot of times when a celebrity passes away, you'll get to see a biopic, which is you know, a lot of people telling the story about the person, and then as much sound footage as you can gather to help illustrate the story. 00:07:49.439 --> 00:07:51.439 Um, but this was very different. 00:07:51.600 --> 00:07:53.920 So this is the story of Rafi

May. 00:07:54.240 --> 00:07:59.519 Um, but while he was alive, we were recording a documentary about him. 00:07:59.920 --> 00:08:08.079 And so we have to we have a little bit of the biopic where we talk about the early part of his life and how he became very successful. 00:08:08.399 --> 00:08:11.279 But we also had this actual documentary. 00:08:11.519 --> 00:08:15.040 So it's really his story told by him. 00:08:16.079 --> 00:08:26.959 That was a challenge to put together, but it created a really interesting, beautiful story of him being very honest about his struggles, I believe. 00:08:27.120 --> 00:08:37.759 And you you watched it, so I I think you your percep perspective on it would be is also, you know, maybe more interesting for me to hear. 00:08:38.080 --> 00:08:47.840 Yeah, first when I noticed the name, I I messaged my cousin right away because my cousin's uh he does stand up as uh something that he just really enjoys. 00:08:48.159 --> 00:08:51.200 He does improv and he loves doing something he enjoys doing. 00:08:51.360 --> 00:08:57.279 And whenever whenever anything like comedy-wise comes up, he's like my first person to be like a go-to. 00:08:57.519 --> 00:09:02.639 And um, when I got the the email about watching it, I was like, this is about Ralph Mae. 00:09:02.720 --> 00:09:08.320 Like, do you remember um because I think I said out was the was it the last comic standing? 00:09:08.399 --> 00:09:09.279 Is that what yeah? 00:09:09.519 --> 00:09:11.840 Yeah, that was just a thing, yeah. 00:09:12.000 --> 00:09:17.120 Yeah, like so right away that like flooded to my memory about like who this was. 00:09:17.759 --> 00:09:29.360 And then when I watched it, to me, all of a sudden, there was a lot of things that like either I don't remember being talked about or shared regarding like addiction. 00:09:29.840 --> 00:09:35.840 Um, it wasn't that I I recall that being such a a part of the the story. 00:09:36.559 --> 00:09:38.879 Because there's a lot of different parts of it, right? 00:09:39.200 --> 00:10:00.639 So when you talk about it now, I guess, and you you see what goes on, have you noticed reactions of what people didn't know or or realize some of the things that were going on um throughout his life, throughout your life, and and throughout the the kids' lives? 00:10:01.200 --> 00:10:09.200 How how has that been with something that usually is something that is so behind the scenes or something that not a lot of people know? 00:10:09.279 --> 00:10:12.000 Now it it comes out for people to see. 00:10:12.559 --> 00:10:16.799 What's that like for you and what have you seen as far as people like react to that? 00:10:18.399 --> 00:10:29.360 It's really fascinating as well for me as well, because Rossi was private about his addictions, even though he wore his cloak of food addiction throughout his whole life. 00:10:29.440 --> 00:10:35.679 I mean, you can't hide when you're a food addict and you're morbidly or be. 00:10:36.480 --> 00:10:51.039 So that's that was still not something that he talked about, and certainly didn't acknowledge some of his that was an interesting thing that he very cautiously, it looks like shared in the footage. 00:10:51.840 --> 00:11:00.559 And so again, um, there's sort of a sense of responsibility both to him and to the people who are watching it to share it as honestly as possible. 00:11:00.639 --> 00:11:04.639 And he says in the footage, when you tell my story, be honest. 00:11:04.879 --> 00:11:10.639 And so I think I think it's really important that we left this behind. 00:11:12.080 --> 00:11:15.759 Well, I guess the second part of your question is how are people reacting in the theaters? 00:11:16.879 --> 00:11:24.240 It's been overwhelming, like for me personally, to be able to see people react. 00:11:24.399 --> 00:11:32.240 I mean, I I shared a clip with you of a woman who's just crying because she felt like it really helped her to understand what was going on with her. 00:11:32.320 --> 00:11:40.240 Just in two hours of sitting there watching this film, it was it was it was overwhelming for me to see her cry, but it was it was amazing. 00:11:40.879 --> 00:11:43.600 One of the things that was I was trying to find out where I wrote it. 00:11:43.679 --> 00:11:47.759 I write things down on like note cards, sticky pads, and all that type of stuff. 00:11:47.840 --> 00:11:52.879 But one thing that really stood out that I was really taken back was I forgot who mentioned them. 00:11:53.120 --> 00:11:58.480 And by the way, a lot of amazing people were a part of this documentary. 00:11:58.639 --> 00:12:03.679 Like the names that you have that that spoke about what was going on, spoke about Ralphie. 00:12:04.000 --> 00:12:06.960 Was um, I I didn't expect that. 00:12:07.039 --> 00:12:11.679 Like that was uh Jay Moore, Jay Leno, like all these names were were in this. 00:12:11.919 --> 00:12:19.600 Someone made a comment about like to be a good comic, you have to have a pretty like tragic life or tragic. 00:12:20.000 --> 00:12:21.360 I think it's Ralphie who says that. 00:12:21.600 --> 00:12:22.639 Was it him? 00:12:22.879 --> 00:12:24.320 I that line stood out. 00:12:24.559 --> 00:12:32.159 Um Ralphie says, I I mean, I don't know if anyone else mirrored that, but Ralphie definitely says comics are are damaged people. 00:12:32.399 --> 00:12:33.519 It was towards the end, right? 00:12:33.600 --> 00:12:36.639 Wasn't it towards the end of um the documentary? 00:12:36.720 --> 00:12:39.519 And that yeah, that really stood out to me. 00:12:40.000 --> 00:12:45.919 And know knowing that that's what he said, what do you what do you take from that? 00:12:46.080 --> 00:12:53.840 Um, I think we're reminded sometimes like some of the funniest people are the ones hurt the most and they try to bring laughter to to others. 00:12:54.080 --> 00:13:05.200 So when you hear that, or you know, when you hear him say that, like what do you take from that kind of message about that you know,

comedians are some of the most damaged people? 00:13:07.039 --> 00:13:08.480 I think there's some truth in that. 00:13:08.559 --> 00:13:18.960 I mean, I don't know the most damaged, I mean, there's a lot of people struggling, and a lot of people are hurting, but I do think that irreverence in comedy comes from a tough spot. 00:13:19.279 --> 00:13:24.240 So I mean, it there's some truth in that, you know. 00:13:24.320 --> 00:13:30.639 And I know a lot of comedians and they have a lot of struggles, but also artists that are amazing people. 00:13:30.879 --> 00:13:36.799 Um and also I think it's a very healthy outlet to try and make other people laugh. 00:13:36.960 --> 00:13:40.000 What a great way to deal with your insecurities, right? 00:13:40.240 --> 00:13:41.519 Try and give something back. 00:13:41.679 --> 00:13:45.840 I mean, I mean, I and I take that to heart because I'm also a comic. 00:13:45.919 --> 00:13:56.399 Clearly, I have my own damage, and um, and I think if it makes me funnier, then you know, I might call it maybe not a bad thing. 00:13:56.639 --> 00:13:59.440 Not a bad way to to to you know release that. 00:14:00.080 --> 00:14:00.399 Yeah. 00:14:00.720 --> 00:14:18.480 And I think that's that's the important thing because I think that's where a lot of people like relate to humor because it is something that like connects us, it is something that can be healing, and yet sometimes it seems like humor, when it comes to some of the heavy things, it's not like appropriate. 00:14:18.639 --> 00:14:22.399 Like we say, well, that you shouldn't laugh about that, you shouldn't joke about that. 00:14:22.559 --> 00:14:26.720 Um, and there's a lot of people who are like, Man, dark humor is what helps me get through all this. 00:14:26.879 --> 00:14:31.519 Like humor is what helps me to to connect with other people. 00:14:31.759 --> 00:14:51.679 And I work in substance use, I work with people who have um experienced a lot of like overdoses, and uh, I can tell like a lot of people and clinicians have talked about how like humor is what has helped sometimes, but yet it's hard to express that because it seems like it's inappropriate because of the the sensitive nature of what we deal with. 00:14:53.120 --> 00:14:53.919 Yeah, right. 00:14:54.080 --> 00:14:57.679 There's that line that people say you can and cannot cross. 00:14:57.840 --> 00:15:01.679 Oh uh and when is it too soon to make a joke about something? 00:15:01.840 --> 00:15:05.600 I mean, that's always a question for you know anybody. 00:15:05.759 --> 00:15:09.600 And but I mean if funny is funny. 00:15:12.320 --> 00:15:14.320 I guess I guess you can hurt someone's feelings. 00:15:14.399 --> 00:15:16.399 People are are way too sensitive, too. 00:15:16.639 --> 00:15:22.159 I mean, come on, like we live in a place where we're we have the freedom to say things. 00:15:22.399 --> 00:15:25.440 Um I don't know. 00:15:25.600 --> 00:15:28.559 They say words hurt and they can, but I don't know. 00:15:30.240 --> 00:15:32.480 I don't believe in holding people back. 00:15:33.120 --> 00:15:39.279 Well, when you work in an office setting and there's HR and you're watching somebody overdose, maybe that's not the time to be cracking jokes. 00:15:39.600 --> 00:15:43.840 But maybe later, a different setting. 00:15:45.039 --> 00:15:48.240 Um you could probably find some humor in it, right? 00:15:48.639 --> 00:15:50.960 Yeah, I mean, I think it's a it's appropriate. 00:15:51.120 --> 00:16:08.399 I think there's something that I learned from doing some of this work and sharing about the healing power of humor is the vulnerability it takes with humor and how it can you know you you laugh with someone versus laughing at someone, which is really different. 00:16:08.799 --> 00:16:20.720 And just to know that like there's that that line that he said just about that was was so stood out to me that that we see that and it's pretty amazing. 00:16:21.200 --> 00:16:30.639 He did a lot of this is I don't want to say anything that I I I loved my husband, but he did a lot of self-victimization. 00:16:31.519 --> 00:16:46.159 He he really was I don't think I wish he would have been able to take control of himself and be honest with himself, and I believe he was fully a victim of circumstances that had happened to him. 00:16:47.279 --> 00:16:59.919 I want to believe, and you would know more about this than I, but that the power of sobriety comes with uh honesty and and not allowing yourself to be a victim, but trying to take control. 00:17:00.240 --> 00:17:09.599 So simply saying comics are damaged, we're all just damaged people and all just isn't like justifying, sure, you're damaged, everyone has damage. 00:17:09.920 --> 00:17:14.880 How are you gonna deal with your damage in a constructive way and change your course of action? 00:17:15.200 --> 00:17:19.359 And he was very sad at that point where he said that. 00:17:19.680 --> 00:17:20.160 Right. 00:17:20.400 --> 00:17:24.480 That wasn't a path to a healthier life or self-ownership, right? 00:17:24.640 --> 00:17:26.960 But you might have said you would know more about that than I do. 00:17:27.119 --> 00:17:40.640 But I I really think that if any point he'd have taken control of his own life and been honest, maybe he would be here to have the interview with you instead of me having it with you. 00:17:40.720 --> 00:17:41.200 You know what I mean? 00:17:41.279 --> 00:17:43.440 Like that would be would have been a beautiful outcome. 00:17:43.759 --> 00:18:08.000 And there were times throughout the documentary that it it looked like there was moments of like wanting to make change, wanting to uh try and do better with some stuff, and then there would be uh sort of like a a return back to it, or or there so it's so hard to tell everything that was going on besides what the the camera shows and what the documentary does. 00:18:08.160 --> 00:18:19.279 But there were like these moments where it was like, okay, like now

he's trying to do this and looking to do that, and then you know, it seemed like a very tall, it seemed like he was gone a lot, too. 00:18:19.519 --> 00:18:30.480 Um I don't know how much that was going on, but it it just seemed like he was very much doing a lot of the work, traveling a lot, being on the road a lot. 00:18:30.720 --> 00:18:37.920 Um I I can imagine too, like that's that's gotta take a toll, you know, doing doing all that. 00:18:38.240 --> 00:18:44.480 And that's not also easy to get stability when you're you're you're all over the place. 00:18:44.559 --> 00:19:08.000 But I think there was this like I remember there are parts of the documentary where it was like, you know, people were dependent on that because like, you know, now he's doing this and there's other people involved, but it always looked like his he was gone somewhere or like going somewhere, that there wasn't a lot of like all the stuff like just constantly in like a one space, if that makes sense. 00:19:08.880 --> 00:19:10.640 Well, I mean that's a choice, right? 00:19:10.799 --> 00:19:18.799 Like we make choices to and and Jay Morris says in the film when I go on the road and I'm out there, I'm hiding. 00:19:19.039 --> 00:19:26.400 And when you're out there and you're hiding and you have people willing to do your bidding, and you're pushing out the people who are not. 00:19:26.640 --> 00:19:44.000 I mean, I one of the things that people comment on at all the screenings is how surprised they are that we caught some of the footage of the people around him telling him to stay on the road, telling him to continue, because it's good for them, maybe not so good for him. 00:19:44.400 --> 00:19:55.440 And uh so I think you know, I just talked to someone the other day and they got sober because their manager, their agent said, we won't continue putting you on the road. 00:19:55.759 --> 00:20:03.519 So they they they lost their ability to be out there hiding and they had to come fly out and and get better. 00:20:03.759 --> 00:20:08.319 So I think there were choices made. 00:20:08.960 --> 00:20:09.279 Yeah. 00:20:09.519 --> 00:20:13.440 And that's that that's what was like was hard to sometimes watch. 00:20:13.680 --> 00:20:37.839 Like part of me was just like, man, I just like to see him just go home and and and not in some of the footage of you know, it was there was some really raw moments, you know, like phone calls with with you, phone calls with like the kids that you know, trying to reach him, and um all the stuff that was going on was pretty raw. 00:20:38.000 --> 00:20:53.279 Like what how was that for you to have that not just his life, but also your life and and the kids' life so open to the audience in this documentary? 00:20:53.359 --> 00:21:03.519 Because it wasn't just him, it was also you, it was also the kids and and showing all that raw authenticity is um that that's takes a lot too. 00:21:04.000 --> 00:21:05.920 I almost want to answer it sarcastically. 00:21:06.000 --> 00:21:13.519 I mean, like it's great to have all my like the worst part of my life out there on a in a film for everyone to see. 00:21:14.319 --> 00:21:15.680 It's just awesome. 00:21:15.920 --> 00:21:18.400 Um yeah, that's hard. 00:21:18.640 --> 00:21:24.160 So what we did to edit this film, it's it's co-directed by myself and David Gance, the other director. 00:21:24.319 --> 00:21:35.279 And what we did was he took all the footage and laid it out on a big string out, and then he edited it down, and we worked together on how to put the film together, like how to make it come together. 00:21:35.519 --> 00:21:44.880 But if I'm in the footage, I stepped out of the directorial position and let him take the reins because it would be very unfair for me to direct the scene that I was in. 00:21:45.119 --> 00:21:50.559 So anything that you see with Mia, I'm hands-off and I just let him do what he needed to do. 00:21:50.720 --> 00:21:53.359 So if I look bad, I just let it happen. 00:21:53.440 --> 00:21:58.480 And it doesn't, it does not matter to me because I I want an honest project. 00:21:58.559 --> 00:22:02.880 I want people to see this and not feel Like I tried to hide anything. 00:22:03.119 --> 00:22:09.200 When it's home to the kids, that part kills me because I just hate the fact that they're in the film. 00:22:09.279 --> 00:22:10.880 It's really weird for them. 00:22:11.119 --> 00:22:16.720 Fortunately, it took me so long, terribly long, way too long to finish this film. 00:22:16.960 --> 00:22:21.759 But now they're young adults and they're embarking on their young adult life. 00:22:21.920 --> 00:22:29.200 And so they are able to make a little more of a decision for themselves on how they feel about the film and being a part of it or not, being a part of it. 00:22:29.359 --> 00:22:37.039 And fortunately, they're both very proud of it and want to be a part of it and learn from it because as you know, addiction is a family site disease. 00:22:37.279 --> 00:22:46.960 And while it's incredibly painful to lose your husband to addiction, losing a child, I just can't imagine. 00:22:47.119 --> 00:22:58.480 So I hope that the kids being a part of it shines a bright light on them and keeps them from not just going the addiction route, but also following my path as a codependent. 00:22:58.640 --> 00:23:06.079 Um and that's gonna be hard for them because that's their exposure and that's you know, they've lived it too, right? 00:23:06.319 --> 00:23:08.400 So fingers crossed. 00:23:08.480 --> 00:23:09.599 I hope they don't do that. 00:23:10.720 --> 00:23:11.039 Yeah. 00:23:11.279 --> 00:23:13.920 I love I love my kids so much, as you can tell. 00:23:14.079 --> 00:23:26.160 Um yeah, I just hope that um and by the way, they're also a very sweet part of the film and a lot, and that's some comic relief in there because they're so funny, you know. 00:23:26.480 --> 00:23:38.880 Yeah, there's some cute like homework times that that was in there, that

was really conversations and and just being around them that was definitely like a sweet thing to say, and and like see and observe. 00:23:39.119 --> 00:24:23.039 I will say there was one scene that I it was the scene where you're in the kitchen and there someone was there and kind of saying, like, and I don't know if it was it was right around that scene, like you were in the kitchen and someone was talking to you about like how almost like you could control it, you could you could fix this and and change things, and I was like, I I wanted to like jump in the screen in the film and almost like defend you because all of a sudden it's like where is this idea that like you are going to change everything or fix everything that like this is something you can have this control over? 00:24:23.119 --> 00:24:31.839 Because one of the many things that you're taught from like a family system significant other side is like you can't control it, you can't cure it. 00:24:32.240 --> 00:24:49.359 And it I I was so it was probably one of the hardest scenes to watch as like a as a as a clinician because I just really wanted to step in and be like, wait a minute, why is there all of a sudden like this almost like a attacking responsibility on her with this? 00:24:49.920 --> 00:24:53.359 Um it it for a while, yeah. 00:24:53.440 --> 00:24:55.119 Do you know what you know what's Cena talking about? 00:24:55.200 --> 00:25:02.880 Where just all of a sudden it was like why those two scenes, yeah, those two scenes where these men just seem to feel the need to put the woman in her place, right? 00:25:02.960 --> 00:25:06.960 That she should be taking care of her man, that she needs to get out of his way. 00:25:07.279 --> 00:25:12.240 Um there's one scene in the kitchen that you're thinking of with his it, I put in quotes manager. 00:25:12.319 --> 00:25:16.960 The guy isn't a real manager, he just stepped in at the end of Ralphie's life and began as manager. 00:25:17.359 --> 00:25:21.359 But the one scene I think you're thinking about was at the radio station in Chicago. 00:25:21.599 --> 00:25:26.480 Um, with uh, I think it's man was it manpower or cow something. 00:25:26.559 --> 00:25:27.839 He's a he's a radio DJ. 00:25:28.000 --> 00:25:37.599 I don't think he's on the air currently, but he just tells me that that I should be cooking for him, and why aren't you doing more for him? 00:25:37.680 --> 00:25:44.799 And he's not your best friend, and you're just like, whoa, how did this person just talk to me like that? 00:25:44.960 --> 00:25:52.240 And also, I'm in Chicago promoting my own headline date, but they're playing they all they want to talk do is talk about Ralphie. 00:25:52.319 --> 00:25:54.559 It's very, very sexist. 00:25:56.640 --> 00:25:58.799 But we bought that on on camera. 00:25:58.960 --> 00:26:03.279 All those scenes, I don't even know how we have those on film. 00:26:03.440 --> 00:26:10.960 But people are so willing to like speak to somebody like that, even when there's a camera on them as well. 00:26:12.400 --> 00:26:23.119 Yeah, and I I think the whole idea would have been like if if clearly you had this power to control this and take care of it all, like you would have done that. 00:26:23.440 --> 00:26:28.960 Like you were asking for like help, or you wanted things to to to get better. 00:26:29.039 --> 00:26:47.359 So it was it was really hard to not like want to jump through the the documentary and like why is there like no one stepping in here to be like this is definitely not um helpful, this is hurtful to someone who is being impacted by everything that that we're talking about. 00:26:47.599 --> 00:26:56.640 So it it seems like you could have used uh someone to to be there and speak up for you and help you um in that. 00:26:57.119 --> 00:27:01.279 Is that the case for a lot of people though when they're dealing with a problem like this? 00:27:01.440 --> 00:27:03.119 I felt very alone in it. 00:27:03.279 --> 00:27:05.839 I I don't remember even knowing where to go. 00:27:06.079 --> 00:27:18.480 It wasn't until I started going to Al Anon meetings that I realized that I wasn't alone and that this was a very common occurrence, but you kind of grow up around something that triggers it and it just seems normal. 00:27:18.799 --> 00:27:19.920 But I did need help. 00:27:20.079 --> 00:27:23.359 So how does some what is how do you even know what to do? 00:27:23.680 --> 00:28:12.000 Like that's where I I struggle when it comes to when I see sometimes family members or like significant others respond to other family members who are struggling with things because like that's where we need more of that support and compassion versus like sometimes the well, why didn't you do this or you should do that, or like I see sometimes where there's more of like judgment towards you know, someone who's you struggled with a similar thing, and then someone like I'll give you an example someone a parent might say, Oh, my kid's in jail, they got arrested for drinking and driving, and well, oh you you're gonna bail them out because you shouldn't do that, because then you're just enabling. 00:28:12.319 --> 00:28:34.480 Um, or another family member says, Well, if you don't bail them out, they're gonna be in jail and they're gonna be, you know, their safety, and they're gonna be how could you do that to your so sometimes what I see is a family members and those impacted by someone's substance use are often trying to do the best they can with what they have. 00:28:34.720 --> 00:28:40.319 Like there's it's it's usually like that's what they're trying to do, the best they can with what they have. 00:28:40.400 --> 00:28:45.440 And sometimes they don't know what to do, they don't have any of the resources, they don't know yet, right? 00:28:45.599 --> 00:28:48.000 So they're doing the best with what they can. 00:28:48.319 --> 00:29:03.519 And sometimes I see others sort of look at it with like judgment and how could you do

this versus you know, needing more support, like, oh wow, like I I wouldn't want to be in your shoes, like I wouldn't want to have to make that choice. 00:29:03.680 --> 00:29:07.440 How can I, what kind of help do you need, or how can I be there for you? 00:29:07.599 --> 00:29:13.359 I always tell people as a as a counselor, I don't tell you what to do because I don't have to live with those decisions. 00:29:13.440 --> 00:29:23.039 So I don't tell people bail them out, don't bail them out, but I try to sit with them on like, okay, if you do, how how are you gonna deal with that when you get phone calls if you don't bail them out? 00:29:23.119 --> 00:29:27.200 Or if they come over and you did bail them out, how are you gonna handle that or deal with that? 00:29:27.519 --> 00:29:34.799 I try to sit with them to support whatever decision they make and how they can work through it. 00:29:35.200 --> 00:29:51.920 It's one thing I've asked other family members to do when I've done talks and uh engagements in communities and spoken on the podcast is there's so much shame already in this that more shame doesn't bring people out of it. 00:29:52.079 --> 00:29:57.599 You know, like that doesn't bring people into a better spot with more shame. 00:29:58.079 --> 00:30:12.880 So what can we do to support one another in going through this versus uh slapping people with the enabling label or calling people all these types of things doesn't seem to help. 00:30:12.960 --> 00:30:25.279 And to me, I was when I saw that and you were going through those those two scenes you described, I was just like, I wish there was someone else that would have been there to be like, this is why are we pointing the finger at her? 00:30:25.440 --> 00:30:40.720 Why are we saying this is her cause or her ability to fix it when everyone else in that situation knows exactly the challenges that are happening, that it isn't a matter of, oh, I can just fix it. 00:30:40.880 --> 00:30:43.119 If that's true, then it would have happened. 00:30:44.079 --> 00:30:46.720 Yeah, I mean, if I could have uh fixed it, yeah. 00:30:46.880 --> 00:30:48.079 I mean, I tried. 00:30:48.319 --> 00:30:50.559 Yeah, I should never have tried. 00:30:50.640 --> 00:30:56.160 It was never yeah, yeah, not at all. 00:30:56.400 --> 00:31:01.599 And that in itself, the fact that I ever thought I could was in it was also inappropriate. 00:31:01.759 --> 00:31:10.720 I don't know what I would do with my child, like supporting somebody to go to rehab, supporting somebody to go through, but they have to want it too. 00:31:10.960 --> 00:31:15.119 You know, they have to really want to do it, they have to really want to change. 00:31:15.440 --> 00:31:17.519 Otherwise, it I don't think it works. 00:31:17.599 --> 00:31:20.000 Because we I tried all those paths. 00:31:21.599 --> 00:31:36.240 When there was a there was a part in the documentary that was talking about some of the the pain medication he was on, and this is where I was starting to kind of look at this. 00:31:36.400 --> 00:31:46.079 We we talked so much about like drug addiction, um, but yet food addiction is still something that really doesn't get talked about a lot. 00:31:46.240 --> 00:31:52.480 I it's a m it's amazing that it doesn't get talked about enough. 00:31:53.839 --> 00:31:58.000 Maybe it's just because there's just a lot of taboo stuff around food. 00:31:58.960 --> 00:32:21.039 So my question to you is how do you look at the food addiction part and then compare it to the substance use, or is it just all like there was this addiction across the board, or um were there parts of it where you saw there was more of a struggle with you know the food, or where where all of a sudden the substances came in later? 00:32:21.200 --> 00:32:32.480 Because it it seemed like there were parts where it was more about uh food, and then some of the the pain medication came in at another part. 00:32:32.640 --> 00:32:34.240 Like, how do you separate those? 00:32:34.319 --> 00:32:40.880 Or and I'm asking you as someone who saw it, who lived with it, who saw someone else deal with it. 00:32:42.240 --> 00:32:46.240 How how do you even like kind of look at is there a difference between the two? 00:32:46.319 --> 00:32:55.599 What would would you look at that this was something that he dealt with differently, or was it all you know, the the saying is an addiction is an addiction is an addiction. 00:32:55.759 --> 00:32:57.839 That's one of the things that's said in this profession. 00:32:57.920 --> 00:32:59.759 Like, how do you look at those two differences? 00:33:00.000 --> 00:33:02.880 Because substance use is talked about a lot. 00:33:03.200 --> 00:33:12.559 Food addiction is not usually something commonly mentioned or talked about, or even how to treat it. 00:33:12.720 --> 00:33:16.960 It's coming from a clinician side, it's not something very popular that we talk about. 00:33:17.119 --> 00:33:30.960 Like, there's not a lot of food addiction conferences, or there's not a lot of books out on food addiction, but you can check back there, and there's tons of books out there on drug addiction and alcohol, and and there's gambling, there's other ones. 00:33:31.200 --> 00:33:32.880 It's not a lot there on food. 00:33:35.440 --> 00:33:39.359 I mean, I'm not the reigning expert on this, but it's all to me, it's all one and the same. 00:33:39.519 --> 00:33:41.039 You have to see endeavamine. 00:33:41.359 --> 00:33:44.160 You're looking for comfort in something that is hurting you. 00:33:44.400 --> 00:33:55.920 Um in fact, I think food is I understand when I saw brain scans of a person getting their from uh their their food addiction, getting taking in food. 00:33:56.160 --> 00:34:02.160 It's getting the same high, the same reaction inside the brain as you do if you take a head out. 00:34:02.480 --> 00:34:06.319 I mean, it is that intense for somebody seeking seeking their vine. 00:34:06.960 --> 00:34:17.280 Um and we just kind of

fluff it off because it's so prevalent in this country, but you can't walk through the airport without being enticed by your drug if you're addicted to food. 00:34:17.360 --> 00:34:26.239 I mean, there's Cinnabon, they keep that smell into the air, and it's the most addictive combination of sugar, salt, and fat that you could ever imagine. 00:34:26.800 --> 00:34:30.639 We're we're perfectly queued up to be food addicts. 00:34:30.800 --> 00:34:48.880 If you think about it, as you know, early man, early humans would find a blueberry bush on a mountain three miles away, and you would walk to that blueberry bush every day through the spring, through the summer, until the blueberries were gone in the fall, winter. 00:34:49.119 --> 00:34:55.119 And then you would not forget your brain is so hardwired for food that you would go back to that bush. 00:34:55.280 --> 00:35:10.239 I read all this in a book about food and so you're gonna go back there, you're gonna find that bush in the in the spring as soon as it starts producing blueberries again, because we're so in tune with what's going on and how to survive and how good that food is. 00:35:10.480 --> 00:35:16.960 Now imagine you're sitting on a couch and you've got a uh fridge full of everything possible. 00:35:17.199 --> 00:35:22.000 And beyond that, you have Uber Eats, and then beyond that, you have a grocery store and you're surrounded constantly. 00:35:22.159 --> 00:35:26.320 You can't drive in your car without being enticed by every possible thing. 00:35:27.519 --> 00:35:36.000 So why this country is beat up with food addicts, and uh it's definitely similar. 00:35:36.159 --> 00:35:51.840 So the only difference is you have to work hard to score your pills and and and drugs, even alcohol, you have to have an ID, you have to walk into a place, and maybe there's a little bit of fame involved at some point. 00:35:51.920 --> 00:35:54.800 If you keep going back to the same place, people know your secret. 00:35:55.039 --> 00:36:13.280 But with food, aside from wearing it on your body and being obese, um trying to get on an airplane, whatever it might be, and you're left trying to buy clothing, all these things are major warning signs, but yeah, it's a very challenging addiction, I think. 00:36:13.920 --> 00:36:18.079 And one just not talked about not nearly enough. 00:36:18.239 --> 00:36:24.159 Like I just in watching it, I'm just like, there's like what resources are there? 00:36:24.320 --> 00:36:26.559 What are the things that we have for it? 00:36:26.800 --> 00:36:30.880 You know, I it's it's one that's even complicated. 00:36:30.960 --> 00:36:33.039 And I think of like all the other things that I work with too. 00:36:33.119 --> 00:36:36.000 Like you just mentioned like alcohol, there's gotta be an ID. 00:36:36.320 --> 00:36:42.800 I think for other things, you know, like when you look at uh I do work with gambling, so there's things like self-exclusion. 00:36:42.960 --> 00:36:51.039 Well, you can't really do that from like a store, like you don't do that from like restaurants or stores where you say, like, put me on the don't let me come back. 00:36:51.519 --> 00:36:53.599 Um it's not something that we can also do. 00:36:55.199 --> 00:36:58.960 Yeah, you know, what what do we do that doesn't involve food? 00:36:59.280 --> 00:37:02.079 So yeah, it's a tough thing. 00:37:02.239 --> 00:37:04.320 But I think it's I think it's all one and the same. 00:37:04.400 --> 00:37:12.559 And in Rafi's case, he found food as a child as a relief for his struggles. 00:37:12.719 --> 00:37:19.440 But as soon as he found pot, or he found clothes, or he found shopping, or even even sex. 00:37:20.639 --> 00:37:24.880 Um it all it was all part of him. 00:37:25.280 --> 00:37:34.000 And I think that's true uh for a lot of people when they're struggling, it it's you just keep moving the line for what you're doing, and maybe you're doing everything. 00:37:35.119 --> 00:37:37.519 It's it was it's worked a lot. 00:37:37.920 --> 00:37:49.599 And the lying, the food, the food addicts and the lying, that was always really hard because you now you're sneaking around trying to find ways that you can eat without being caught. 00:37:50.320 --> 00:37:52.239 It's a weird thing, right? 00:37:52.880 --> 00:38:02.559 Like in the film, there's there's Son Anderson who was our roommate, who talks about how they were food addicts together, and they their big thing was not telling me. 00:38:02.800 --> 00:38:05.199 Rafi didn't want me to know that he was eating like that. 00:38:05.280 --> 00:38:07.440 He hid it, his food addictions from me. 00:38:07.599 --> 00:38:11.440 I knew he was eating, but I only caught him on occasion. 00:38:11.679 --> 00:38:14.400 Very rarely, he was very good at hiding it. 00:38:15.519 --> 00:38:20.079 I think another thing that people are are probably surprised by is like how to hide that. 00:38:20.239 --> 00:38:25.679 And to me, it it just falls in the line of other addictions that can be hidden. 00:38:25.840 --> 00:38:39.840 I mean, it's you you hear about people hiding alcohol bottles, and I always hear I always hear that about someone who hides it in, you know, like the the ceiling, or they hide it in like their their uh drawers somewhere. 00:38:40.239 --> 00:38:42.880 Like there's alcohol. 00:38:43.599 --> 00:38:54.880 Whenever I work with somebody, there's always like some interesting spots that are used, but it but the point of it was to go that length to hide it and to keep it from sight. 00:38:55.039 --> 00:39:03.280 And I I think people can recognize that when it comes to like you know, alcohol, marijuana, other, you know, like other substances. 00:39:03.360 --> 00:39:08.960 I think people can consider that when it comes to gambling and being like secretive about it or hiding it. 00:39:09.119 --> 00:39:15.440 And I I think people don't necessarily realize that that happens with food too. 00:39:16.320 --> 00:39:17.280 That happens. 00:39:18.719 -->

00:39:19.360 Yeah. 00:39:19.920 --> 00:39:24.320 Because I mean, you could hide it, like eventually it shows on your body. 00:39:24.480 --> 00:39:27.760 Um, and it's very destructive to your body. 00:39:28.000 --> 00:39:32.159 I mean for every pound of fat, I I saw this somewhere too. 00:39:32.320 --> 00:39:44.000 Um, for every pound of fat that you put on your body, your heart, your vascular structure needs to build a mile of of all those little tiny capillaries and little veins to support that pound of fat. 00:39:44.480 --> 00:39:49.360 And so that's how much your heart has to work for every pound of fat. 00:39:49.679 --> 00:39:54.719 So the the way I I'm probably simplifying this in a way that is not correct. 00:39:54.800 --> 00:39:57.440 And I'm sure somebody out there is gonna be like, Lana, you don't know what you're talking about. 00:39:57.519 --> 00:40:10.480 Like, but but in my mind, that mile, if you're 20 pounds overweight, every time your heart has to pump blood through your body, it has to pump an extra, you know, 20 miles of of blood through your body. 00:40:10.719 --> 00:40:17.440 And so I mean, think about what you're doing to yourself with that much weight on you, and it's and it's everybody, everybody's struggling with weight. 00:40:17.599 --> 00:40:19.519 Um, and I don't think there's a quick fix. 00:40:19.679 --> 00:40:27.119 So Rafi had gastric bypass, he had stomach fabling, it took some of the weight off of him, but it was just whittling away at his insides and causing other problems. 00:40:27.199 --> 00:40:35.760 And I I do want to support people in their ozempic journeys and their um, you know, getting their diabetes down and all of that. 00:40:35.920 --> 00:40:48.320 But it scares me when I see people taking those those um medications that get the weight off because it does not feel like it's a long-term fix for a for a big, big problem. 00:40:48.800 --> 00:40:57.519 And I and I joke, these people have asked me, do you think Ralphie would be on one of the GLP ones of the I'd be like, well, you'd probably like sprinkle it on a cookie. 00:41:03.280 --> 00:41:10.239 There was a a question I wanted to ask you that this is not the first document documentary actually about him. 00:41:10.639 --> 00:41:16.000 There was another one made it called um What's Eating Ralphie May? 00:41:16.239 --> 00:41:19.920 And I think it like said it one I tried to find it, I couldn't find it to watch. 00:41:25.119 --> 00:41:36.000 So there was the footage that was sought that last year of his life, that was cobbled together into that piece of content that went to three film festivals before the pandemic. 00:41:36.320 --> 00:41:39.280 And um really just two festivals. 00:41:39.440 --> 00:41:45.599 One was like a drive-in, because you know, people were able to be in person, and uh it struggled. 00:41:45.679 --> 00:41:55.119 It struggled in the storyline, it struggled in the um in the way it was put together, it was technically full of flaws. 00:41:55.280 --> 00:41:58.000 It was a really good independent film. 00:41:59.039 --> 00:42:03.440 Um, but it never actually came out beyond those three festivals. 00:42:03.519 --> 00:42:14.079 So there is some articles and things that were written about it, because it's still a very interesting watch because it had a lot of the footage in it that we have now. 00:42:14.320 --> 00:42:20.559 Um, but the story struggled and um yeah, that that actually is not available anywhere. 00:42:20.639 --> 00:42:32.800 So yeah, but there was some confusion about that because you know Yeah, because first of me was like, oh, there's like yeah, you you did because part of me was like, there was one that is coming out now, but then there was one that was made before. 00:42:32.880 --> 00:42:40.800 So I'm like, it's not also like some people have multiple documentaries made after them, but some people like usually maybe maybe have one and that's it. 00:42:40.880 --> 00:42:45.119 So the fact that there was like a second one, I was like, this is this is interesting. 00:42:45.360 --> 00:42:49.679 Yeah, no, that was that failed versus yeah. 00:42:49.840 --> 00:43:09.360 No, I I will I wish that that first effort had been um had been the right piece of content because I spent a lot of time and a lot of it was it was not easy for me to finish this project, but unfortunately that that film I just it just missed the mark, unfortunately. 00:43:09.519 --> 00:43:11.760 I really wish that hadn't, but yeah. 00:43:12.239 --> 00:43:24.480 So was it was it harder then to to then do this one, knowing like what it took from that one or like what it took to like was I wasn't heavily involved. 00:43:24.639 --> 00:43:24.880 Okay. 00:43:25.039 --> 00:43:27.760 Yeah, no, I I wasn't heavily involved in the first version. 00:43:27.920 --> 00:43:30.079 Um, that was the person who shot the footage. 00:43:30.400 --> 00:43:33.280 She took it upon herself to edit together, which is her. 00:43:33.360 --> 00:43:35.280 Like, see, I think she really did her best effort. 00:43:35.360 --> 00:43:37.840 And for her, I I wish it had gone better. 00:43:37.920 --> 00:43:40.159 But we tried for 19 months to get it distributed. 00:43:40.239 --> 00:43:44.239 Both she and I had a crack at trying to get it out, and and nobody wanted it. 00:43:44.320 --> 00:43:59.599 It it had it had so many technical problems that had anybody decided they wanted to stream it, it would have been a few years, probably like according to my tech advisor, like it would have just taken forever to fix all the problems that were wrong with it because of the way it was put together. 00:44:00.239 --> 00:44:06.719 There's a lot to goes into putting together a film, especially documentary, because there's so much old footage. 00:44:06.880 --> 00:44:08.719 It all has to be ingested properly. 00:44:08.800 --> 00:44:12.480 And I didn't know any of this when I first started this process. 00:44:12.639 --> 00:44:16.719 And she was very kind in

her attempt to try and put something together. 00:44:16.800 --> 00:44:20.639 But it, you know, and we and I really wanted it to be able to come out. 00:44:20.719 --> 00:44:24.480 So that's why we we started the process and went to a couple of film festivals. 00:44:24.559 --> 00:44:28.480 But after 19 months, it was just I had to accept that that wasn't gonna happen. 00:44:28.639 --> 00:44:31.360 And so so yeah, it was hard. 00:44:31.440 --> 00:44:33.199 I had to go back and start from scratch. 00:44:34.800 --> 00:44:46.960 When I talk with authors about their what they wrote about and the content, there's usually a part of like there's some things that you wanted to keep putting in or keep writing about. 00:44:47.039 --> 00:44:51.599 Like, how do you get to that point where you're like, I've written what I wanted to do? 00:44:51.760 --> 00:44:59.280 So I I'm curious, was there anything like that when it comes to I imagine there was more than two hours of footage? 00:44:59.599 --> 00:45:01.440 This is like a two-hour documentary. 00:45:03.840 --> 00:45:30.159 Yeah, so like how do you get to that point where it's like where you can sit with it and be like, because I imagine you could have think of adding more, or like it could have there's so much that you had that you could want to show people about what was going on or what was happening in so many different ways, not necessarily you know, the addiction and all the pain stuff, but there could have been wanting to add more about some of the laughter and some of the other things. 00:45:30.400 --> 00:45:43.679 So to me, I'm kind of curious, does that happen too when you're doing something like a documentary or a film where all of a sudden it's like, how do you get to that point where you're like, yes, I could spend hours always thinking about what to add on, what to take out. 00:45:43.840 --> 00:45:46.559 How do you get to that point where it's like, you know what? 00:45:46.719 --> 00:45:49.440 This is this is what it's going to be. 00:45:50.000 --> 00:45:54.239 It's funny you say all that because the film was originally three hours. 00:45:54.559 --> 00:45:55.599 It was way longer. 00:45:55.760 --> 00:45:57.199 And it just couldn't be that long. 00:45:57.280 --> 00:45:58.960 So we had to take a lot out. 00:45:59.119 --> 00:46:08.960 Um, and then the part about being an author, so it took so long to finish the film, and I knew there was a lot of stuff that I couldn't say in the film, or didn't even have the footage to tell the story properly. 00:46:09.039 --> 00:46:14.400 So I actually wrote an autobiographical book to complement the film that I'll release when it streams. 00:46:14.639 --> 00:46:18.400 So I had the opportunity to fill in some of the blanks in that book. 00:46:18.480 --> 00:46:21.920 Um, and that, like I said, that I haven't, it's all done. 00:46:22.000 --> 00:46:23.039 The manuscript's done. 00:46:23.119 --> 00:46:24.559 I even have my art shot. 00:46:24.880 --> 00:46:35.039 Um, but

I have to finish that process and get it done in time for whenever it's streams, which I'm hoping for after in the fall, hopefully fall or winter. 00:46:35.519 --> 00:46:38.800 I haven't figured that part out yet, but that's coming. 00:46:39.039 --> 00:46:40.559 And so yeah, it's it. 00:46:40.800 --> 00:46:48.639 You have to like, it's called killing babies because you have these like little nuggets of pieces in the film that you're like, oh, I just love that part so much. 00:46:48.719 --> 00:46:51.360 And then you're like, oh, we gotta kill that baby. 00:46:51.519 --> 00:46:55.360 So yeah, we had to pull a lot of good stuff out of the out of it. 00:46:55.599 --> 00:46:58.079 Um, but I don't think anybody can handle it. 00:46:58.159 --> 00:47:02.400 I mean, as is, it's a little long, but I think it's still compelling that you can sit through it. 00:47:02.480 --> 00:47:04.159 But at three hours, yeah. 00:47:04.400 --> 00:47:10.719 And by the way, the film is edited so that it could be in two or three parts, so we can actually uh stream it as a series. 00:47:11.119 --> 00:47:23.039 It didn't feel it was a weird feel of when you come when you talk about length, because it didn't feel long to me, but also it didn't seem short. 00:47:23.760 --> 00:47:35.599 And I think the only way I can describe why that occurred was because I was so I was so focused and into the the watching it. 00:47:35.760 --> 00:47:44.559 Like I was I I you know this this wasn't like I was trying to do something else, and like I was so much like this is like what I'm like this like a in that zone, right? 00:47:44.960 --> 00:48:05.840 Of being so into it that the time didn't seem like it was going on forever, but also it didn't seem like it was well, this is a really short, like 40, 43 minutes, like like it was it had this weird balance of it was long but not long enough. 00:48:06.239 --> 00:48:12.880 And and it was really something that really kept me just wanting to sit with it, you know. 00:48:12.960 --> 00:48:18.800 It wasn't like I'm sure I want to get through this or get over this, or it wasn't like I want to get into what happens. 00:48:18.960 --> 00:48:40.159 Like I was just pulled into wanting to sit with what was going on, and and that's and one of my my questions, like one of my final questions for you is part of it is talked about how in the description uh it's mentioned that like this is not just a documentary, it's an experience. 00:48:41.119 --> 00:48:45.039 And my question for you is it's a two-parter. 00:48:45.440 --> 00:48:53.039 One is like what uh what have you seen with people as they've experienced this documentary? 00:48:53.199 --> 00:48:57.920 Because you maybe shared one with me, but I'm just curious any other things that people have shared. 00:48:58.159 --> 00:49:18.320 Then also I'm curious what is it been like for you, for your experience uh through this, as you're now sharing it with with others, you're sharing it with the world, you're also um being there with people as they they watch it, and you're doing Q ⁇ A with people. 00:49:18.559 --> 00:49:22.639 So you're having multiple experiences with this. 00:49:22.800 --> 00:49:39.360 So it's talked about as not just a documentary and experience, and I I felt that like like I was telling you, I felt more like into this than versus like I'm just watching this like I'm watching uh national park documentary or something like that. 00:49:40.000 --> 00:49:48.960 So what has it been like for you individually and your experiences with this? 00:49:49.199 --> 00:50:03.440 But also what have you seen from people who are strangers, you've never met, never known, you don't know their story, as they have been watching this and sharing that with you, because they also have been sharing it directly with you. 00:50:04.719 --> 00:50:09.360 Yeah, I don't I've had people mirror what you said, versus it's not long enough. 00:50:09.519 --> 00:50:10.880 I could have sat through another hour. 00:50:10.960 --> 00:50:15.039 I was so intri engaged, and so that's lovely. 00:50:15.280 --> 00:50:25.920 Um going and attending the screenings the first night, I was so nervous that my like my lip was quivering before the film started to play. 00:50:26.239 --> 00:50:36.320 And then when it once it was rolling and I'm watching this room full of people, the experience has been the same in every screening, and it's awesome. 00:50:36.639 --> 00:50:52.639 People are laughing out loud in the theater because it's such a joy for me as a comment to actually make people laugh in video form, like in a room, and I'm not standing on stage, but they're still laughing at something that I helped create. 00:50:52.800 --> 00:51:17.440 But the weird one is to hear them start to cry, and there's hasn't been a screening where there aren't people weeping in the audience, and that strangely feels great as well because there's cathar it's cathartic for people to cry, and they're crying for what they're experiencing, but I think they're also releasing emotions that they're dealing with in their own lives. 00:51:17.519 --> 00:51:31.599 So I feel like maybe I'm giving them a little piece of therapy, and it's such an incredibly good feeling to know that this piece of content is moving people and maybe helping them. 00:51:32.159 --> 00:51:35.840 And so I think that's I mean, that's a privilege. 00:51:36.239 --> 00:51:37.360 I'm really proud of it. 00:51:37.440 --> 00:51:42.000 I'm really, really proud of it, and I just can't wait to get it out. 00:51:42.159 --> 00:51:45.119 Um, and that's a whole process all in itself. 00:51:45.519 --> 00:51:55.280 Like the film was one thing, figuring out how to distribute it and get it to everybody. 00:51:55.360 --> 00:51:59.039 Is now I've heard this conversation, and they're like, okay, how do I see the film? 00:51:59.199 --> 00:52:00.960 And that's that's the fun part. 00:52:01.119 --> 00:52:03.039 Um, you have a couple different ways, right? 00:52:03.199 -->

00:52:05.679 Because it's on tour, it's going to a bunch of different cities. 00:52:05.760 --> 00:52:11.039 It'll be near you in a couple weeks in uh Wisconsin with a beautiful theater. 00:52:11.199 --> 00:52:13.599 Um, and before then it's got a bunch of screens. 00:52:13.679 --> 00:52:17.920 And then towards the end of the summer, we even will be in New York, we'll be in Toronto, we'll be in Boston. 00:52:18.079 --> 00:52:28.000 Like, so if you're in one of those cities, you can follow online, you can follow me online, or you can go to the Come What Make Films website and sign up for email. 00:52:28.079 --> 00:52:34.719 But following on social media, I think, is the best because you're gonna hear about everything as it's happening. 00:52:34.880 --> 00:52:40.239 And at some point, we're hoping to stream it, but we might even have an online digital event. 00:52:40.320 --> 00:52:50.719 I'm looking into that where you can watch online and we can do a QA with people who decide to see the film as a group of people who couldn't make it to an in-person screening. 00:52:50.880 --> 00:52:52.159 Um, I'm not sure about that yet. 00:52:52.320 --> 00:52:53.280 Something I'm working on. 00:52:53.440 --> 00:53:00.159 But whatever it is, I will make sure you get this film at some point, wherever you are in the world. 00:53:00.320 --> 00:53:04.239 And uh and that's that's probably the call to action, right? 00:53:04.400 --> 00:53:12.000 As they put it like, um, as well as the book and and oh, they also have a comic book that comic book addiction. 00:53:12.400 --> 00:53:12.559 Yeah. 00:53:12.880 --> 00:53:16.480 Yeah, I could have broken this intro to show you, but yeah, really quick. 00:53:16.639 --> 00:53:20.239 That's Pounds of Power is the book, and it's about a fat superhero. 00:53:20.480 --> 00:53:33.760 Um, he's he learns how through this experiment, um, he can burn his, you know, fat is stored energy. 00:53:34.000 --> 00:53:37.840 So, what if you could use that energy that burn and have superpowers? 00:53:38.079 --> 00:53:39.840 And that's the premise of the book. 00:53:40.079 --> 00:53:43.440 It's really funny and really fun, but it's a friendship story and addiction stories. 00:53:43.679 --> 00:53:44.079 Four books. 00:53:44.239 --> 00:53:51.440 The first book just came out in April, the other two books, the other three books are coming out in the next few months, and then it'll be like one solid book with all four in it. 00:53:51.519 --> 00:53:54.000 Um, and it's Pounds of Power, the website, pounds of power.com. 00:53:54.079 --> 00:53:58.239 We can also get it online now at other places where you buy comic books. 00:53:58.639 --> 00:53:59.599 I'm really proud of that. 00:53:59.760 --> 00:54:01.679 And it was inspired by Rafi. 00:54:01.840 --> 00:54:08.159 There's a dedication page in the book for him, and uh it's funny, it's it's just a really fun thing. 00:54:08.239 --> 00:54:14.159 It was intended to help my kids get through the film and have something fun to focus on while we were creating the project, the other project. 00:54:14.400 --> 00:54:17.599 Well, the film is celebrates for Rafi, it's also very sad. 00:54:17.679 --> 00:54:23.519 And I wanted my kids to have something that just gave them joy, and that's that's Johnny Supperman. 00:54:25.920 --> 00:54:31.199 He's like one of the only ever, if not the only, fat superhero that's positive. 00:54:31.360 --> 00:54:37.760 There's a lot of negative um fat comic book characters, but not not anyone like Johnny. 00:54:37.840 --> 00:54:38.960 He's he's special. 00:54:39.920 --> 00:54:40.559 That's amazing. 00:54:40.639 --> 00:54:45.280 I'm looking at it right now, and I'm excited to see it looks pretty great. 00:54:46.480 --> 00:54:47.440 I'll bring you a copy. 00:54:47.679 --> 00:54:48.239 That'd be awesome. 00:54:48.320 --> 00:54:48.960 I'd I'd love to. 00:54:49.280 --> 00:54:50.880 Oh, can I see you in Wisconsin? 00:54:51.119 --> 00:54:51.599 That'd be great. 00:54:51.760 --> 00:54:53.199 Oh, you had somebody else talk to you? 00:54:53.280 --> 00:54:54.079 I'm sorry, okay, yeah. 00:54:54.320 --> 00:55:07.039 No, I had someone else who uh was talking about comics the other day, and I it's amazing how uh comics is another thing that we don't talk about enough about how like that like reaches people and some people with like messaging and stories. 00:55:09.039 --> 00:55:19.360 Well, a couple people who have just been like reiterating like their love of comics, and I I just don't think about enough how that speaks to um a lot of people. 00:55:19.440 --> 00:55:24.159 And then here you are telling me about this one that's about food addiction and and all that. 00:55:24.559 --> 00:55:25.360 That's incredible. 00:55:25.760 --> 00:55:35.840 Well, and I also have to give a shout out for comic books because so while my book is about addiction, also I had somebody mentor me through the process of creating um comic books, Andrea. 00:55:36.239 --> 00:55:41.360 Um, he has a book called The Shepherd, and it's all about addiction. 00:55:41.440 --> 00:55:50.639 It's about going to the other side to um, I don't want to give it all away, but basically like, you know, to go and and and help somebody out of the darkness. 00:55:50.800 --> 00:55:53.199 And it's it's totally about addiction as well. 00:55:53.360 --> 00:55:58.079 And maybe he's somebody you should talk to because his his experiences are amazing. 00:55:58.159 --> 00:56:01.360 And and he did a whole book, oh he's got a whole series about it. 00:56:01.440 --> 00:56:02.400 It's the shepherd. 00:56:02.559 --> 00:56:05.679 So we between uh Pounds of Power and The Shepherd. 00:56:05.760 --> 00:56:23.039 There's actually a lot, there's probably a lot more content out there that's easily digested in the fun format, but doesn't have to be like a a long self-help book, but rather just well, this is an interesting way to put like, yeah, yeah. 00:56:23.440 --> 00:56:36.800 And there's probably a lot of

great messages and stories and things that just are not known because they're in the comic books, and people are just not usually thinking of like what what comic book is out there that relates to this. 00:56:37.039 --> 00:56:48.480 Because we think about like what about a movie or a book, and comic book is, I think, such uh an amazing way of being able to talk about the same things, but just through a different way of doing that. 00:56:48.719 --> 00:56:50.559 So uh thanks for sharing that. 00:56:50.639 --> 00:56:52.800 That's really amazing to know. 00:56:53.360 --> 00:57:04.639 So uh yes, you are going to be in Brookfield coming up soon to be able to go to what did we say? 00:57:04.719 --> 00:57:08.320 It was uh July 8th, right? 00:57:08.480 --> 00:57:09.360 July 8th, I think. 00:57:09.599 --> 00:57:10.079 Milwaukee. 00:57:10.239 --> 00:57:11.679 Yeah, it's right outside of Milwaukee. 00:57:11.840 --> 00:57:14.559 Yeah, so yeah, it's gonna be beautiful. 00:57:14.960 --> 00:57:22.880 Marcus uh Majestic Brookfield, it it's one of the well-known theaters in the area, so that's definitely a great venue. 00:57:23.119 --> 00:57:34.480 Uh we'll also have links to where other people can see where the where it's gonna be showing throughout different states, and we'll have different ways that they can uh connect and link with you. 00:57:34.639 --> 00:57:47.760 Uh what would be, either based on our discussion or anything else you have going on, what would be sort of like a final takeaway or message that you'd want listeners to know um based on our conversation or what you have going on? 00:57:49.280 --> 00:58:00.000 Well, um in finishing talking about the promoting of those dates, I bring Rafi's jacket with me to the events so that people can try it on. 00:58:00.239 --> 00:58:11.760 Because the reason why I decided to do this, um this whole like taking it on the road was because that was actually something Ralphie had asked me to do for him when we talked about what would happen at the end of our lives. 00:58:11.840 --> 00:58:13.920 You know, how do we want to deal with our remains? 00:58:14.079 --> 00:58:15.519 He said, I want to go on the road. 00:58:15.599 --> 00:58:18.320 I want you to sprinkle my ashes on every comedy stage. 00:58:18.480 --> 00:58:21.440 And I said, You'll end up in the Nacos, that's gross. 00:58:21.599 --> 00:58:24.320 And we laughed, and then he said, No, but I really want you to do it. 00:58:24.480 --> 00:58:28.800 And I said, Then you'll be in the vacuum cleaners with the clubs, you don't want to be in vacuum cleaners. 00:58:28.960 --> 00:58:30.320 He said, I really want you to do it. 00:58:30.480 --> 00:58:35.199 Uh I said, Okay, whatever, you know, and uh I'm not gonna sprinkle his ashes. 00:58:35.440 --> 00:58:37.519 I don't even think you can legally do that. 00:58:38.000 --> 00:58:53.280 So, um, and so this is my way of honoring his wishes, and uh I because this is an addiction podcast, and because the film talks about addiction, and people are out there struggling. 00:58:54.719 --> 00:59:03.599 I think I think it's a common experience, I think it's a common story, and we don't talk about it enough. 00:59:03.679 --> 00:59:13.440 And what you're doing by having this podcast gives people an opportunity to hear these stories and hear that we're not alone in this journey. 00:59:14.079 --> 00:59:26.960 And I think that's really powerful, and uh I don't know, I I just feel very honored to be able to take the worst parts of what happened to me and maybe help others and hopefully not repeat them in my life. 00:59:27.119 --> 00:59:41.119 And I'm not sure if that's a good pin to close on, but I I really I really appreciate what you're doing here and and thank you for letting me share share my story and what I'm doing. 00:59:41.280 --> 00:59:42.159 So yeah. 00:59:42.559 --> 00:59:47.440 Yeah, and it's your story, it's it's Ralphie's story, it's the the part of the family's. 00:59:47.760 --> 01:00:03.360 I mean, that's a there's a whole thing of like telling our stories and from the experience of of everyone involved, and it there's it's so hard to say like what's the exact right way to do it because it's I I don't know, I'm just trying to do it the way that I can. 01:00:03.599 --> 01:00:19.920 And you know, the way that um you you did it, you talked about it on here, like just the the documentary, and I think it just encourages people that you know telling stories are important, and there's different ways to tell stories, and and that's some of the ways that we connect. 01:00:20.079 --> 01:00:31.760 And even as you mentioned, when I asked you what's your experience has been with it, it's it's also being able to laugh together, but also then able to cry together as well. 01:00:31.920 --> 01:00:43.440 And it's you know, being able to experience it together with one another versus thinking I'm going through this alone, which when we're in the thick of it, it often feels that way. 01:00:43.599 --> 01:01:07.519 It often seems that I'm alone or no one else is going through this or knows what it is, and then we get moments like this to share about it and talk about it, and it's just that that reminder that we need to have that we are not alone, and that when we retell our stories and share them and with one another, that that helps us to be able to do it, and it helps others be able to do it. 01:01:07.599 --> 01:01:15.119 Like someone I imagine someone who's gonna meet you, watch the the film, talk with you, do a QA. 01:01:15.280 --> 01:01:21.280 I imagine there's gonna be someone out there that's gonna share their story after they saw you share yours. 01:01:22.239 --> 01:01:31.119 And that's a powerful thing that we we get to see that comes from events like this and and through that that art of storytelling. 01:01:31.519 --> 01:01:43.119 And it doesn't make it easy to do, but being able to sit with another person or talk with another person through it is how we are able to

carry those stories, you know, on and on. 01:01:44.000 --> 01:01:48.239 Yeah, no, actually, I in real time I had that happen at one of the screenings. 01:01:48.400 --> 01:01:52.880 These two heavy men, they were obese, neither one of them knew each other. 01:01:53.039 --> 01:02:04.480 They came up to me after the screening and talked to me about their struggles and that they wanted to get better, and we just talked about, you know, and they don't just talk about their food addiction with everyone. 01:02:04.639 --> 01:02:05.679 So it was really nice. 01:02:05.760 --> 01:02:11.840 Like I felt like wow, and they opened up about it, and it was cool. 01:02:12.079 --> 01:02:12.800 It's amazing. 01:02:13.679 --> 01:02:15.440 Yeah, it was really cool. 01:02:15.679 --> 01:02:17.519 So thank you. 01:02:17.760 --> 01:02:20.639 Yeah, well, thank you so much for being on the podcast. 01:02:20.800 --> 01:02:22.239 Thank you for letting me watch it. 01:02:22.400 --> 01:02:30.320 I know I I feel like I got some knowledge from others, but we also know the goal is to get that out there for everyone to see. 01:02:30.639 --> 01:02:34.559 Uh, and I think that is an an amazing goal and something that would be very beneficial. 01:02:34.719 --> 01:02:38.639 You are gonna be in in the state of mine of Wisconsin soon. 01:02:38.719 --> 01:02:51.760 So I'm really looking forward to connecting with you in person and uh bringing some people that I know from you know the addiction and treatment recovery world uh with me to help bridge some of those connections. 01:02:51.920 --> 01:02:56.480 But I do really want to thank you for being on the podcast today and sharing uh everything you did. 01:02:56.559 --> 01:02:58.639 It was really enjoyable and I appreciate it. 01:02:58.960 --> 01:02:59.840 Thank you so much. 01:03:00.000 --> 01:03:00.480 Thank you. 01:03:00.719 --> 01:03:03.599 Well, Lana Shared today is exactly why I keep making this show. 01:03:03.760 --> 01:03:08.159 There are professionals and people in recovery all over the country who need to hear conversations like this one. 01:03:08.239 --> 01:03:10.159 And the way they find us is through reviews. 01:03:10.320 --> 01:03:14.320 If this episode moved you, challenged you, or gave you something to bring back to your work. 01:03:14.480 --> 01:03:17.199 Take 30 seconds on Apple Podcast and say so. 01:03:17.360 --> 01:03:19.360 Your words are what grows this community. 01:03:19.519 --> 01:03:22.320 Scroll down on the app, hit the stars, leave a note. 01:03:22.480 --> 01:03:23.360 It means everything. 01:03:23.519 --> 01:03:24.960 I'll see you next week. 01:03:26.480 --> 01:03:30.639 You've been listening to Talking Addiction and Recovery with Andrew Jreyer. 01:03:30.719 --> 01:03:39.119 We're so glad you've joined us and invite you to connect further with the show and these topics at www.andrewgryer.com. 01:03:39.280 --> 01:03:44.480 That's AndrewJo at C H R E I E R dot com. 01:03:44.719 --> 01:04:01.199 You can also email us directly at talkingaddiction and recovery at gmail.com and connect on social media, Instagram at Talking Addiction and Recovery, Facebook, Talking Addiction and Recovery Podcast, and Twitter at talkor underscore podcast. 01:04:01.360 --> 01:04:05.760 To stay connected and never miss an episode, be sure to like, right, and subscribe. 01:04:06.000 --> 01:04:10.320 Until next time, friends, let's keep talking addiction and recovery.