Full Transcript for episode 344 Mark Bailey, Mike Miller

his nose and he grabbed 40 00:01:45.439 --> 00:01:47.879 my bag and I grabbed my bag back. But I 41 00:01:47.879 --> 00:01:51.439 think I got my finger in fixted. And then I 42 00:01:51.480 --> 00:01:53.920 wear glasses and my eyes, so I think that's what happened. 43 00:01:54.359 --> 00:01:55.280 That's what always happens. 44 00:01:55.319 --> 00:01:58.120 You always your eyes get itchy, you scratch your around 45 00:01:58.159 --> 00:02:00.239 your eye, and that's how the virus gets in. 46 00:02:00.319 --> 00:02:03.000 Like so many times with Steve's here, we do Pepe's 47 00:02:03.040 --> 00:02:05.519 with Steve. But with Mike's here, it's things I want 48 00:02:05.560 --> 00:02:08.240 to say to Mike. It's not about the pep Peves's 49 00:02:08.240 --> 00:02:10.199 not about you. But yeah, have you noticed, like you 50 00:02:10.280 --> 00:02:13.639 ride your bike a lot. Japanese at gatherings, like after 51 00:02:13.639 --> 00:02:16.159 they're drinking, they love standing in the street. Oh yeah, 52 00:02:16.240 --> 00:02:17.000 what the hell is that? 53 00:02:17.120 --> 00:02:18.520 Oh yeah, because the sidewalks. 54 00:02:18.520 --> 00:02:21.080 It's because they can't decide what they're going to do next. Yeah, 55 00:02:21.120 --> 00:02:22.840 so they're waiting for someone to say, oh, let's go 56 00:02:22.879 --> 00:02:25.599 to another place, but instead they just hang out. Like 57 00:02:25.639 --> 00:02:28.120 in my apartment building today, just as I was coming here, 58 00:02:28.280 --> 00:02:30.199 there's a studio on the second floor. It's like a 59 00:02:30.280 --> 00:02:33.000 rental studio, and there's these two women hanging outside in 60 00:02:33.000 --> 00:02:36.360 the hallway, just yammering, yammering, yammering. And it's the same thing. 61 00:02:36.400 --> 00:02:38.520 It's like, go either go in or go outside. I 62 00:02:38.520 --> 00:02:40.400 don't want you know, yammering in the hallway. 63 00:02:41.280 --> 00:02:43.080 Yeah, are you on your bike? We got to talk 64 00:02:43.080 --> 00:02:46.319 about the new bicycle laws. They're ridiculous. They want us 65 00:02:46.360 --> 00:02:49.199 to ride in the street now. Yeah, and you're trying 66 00:02:49.199 --> 00:02:51.039 to ride in the street, but there's a whole there's 67 00:02:51.080 --> 00:02:53.680 a whole fell ancause I don't know what the counter 68 00:02:53.800 --> 00:02:57.199 is for a whole gaggle of drunk Jopanese salarymen standing 69 00:02:57.280 --> 00:03:01.280 in the center of the street every damn time, especially 70 00:03:01.360 --> 00:03:02.080 right here in front. 71 00:03:01.879 --> 00:03:03.599 Of Oh yeah, because you've got a lot of Isachaia's 72 00:03:03.639 --> 00:03:04.039 around here. 73 00:03:04.199 --> 00:03:07.199 God. But it's also a group thing. It's like, hey, 74 00:03:07.360 --> 00:03:11.240 screw you, pedestrian, screw you on a bison. What's his name? 75 00:03:11.680 --> 00:03:14.919 Larry Miller? Where were their friends? Yeah, this is important 76 00:03:14.919 --> 00:03:16.520 to us. The stage isn't drinking. 77 00:03:16.840 --> 00:03:20.000 Yeah, that's a great bit. If anyone hasn't seen that, you. 78 00:03:19.919 --> 00:03:21.639 Got to look him up. You can get it on YouTube. 79 00:03:21.680 --> 00:03:24.000 I'm pretty sure I always he still with us, Larry Miller. 80 00:03:24.159 --> 00:03:26.639 Yeah, he's a little sick, okay, because he was on 81 00:03:26.680 --> 00:03:27.280 Adam Carolla. 82 00:03:27.400 --> 00:03:29.879 But he did his last podcast I think a couple 83 00:03:29.960 --> 00:03:31.240 months ago. Sick. 84 00:03:31.280 --> 00:03:33.000 Sorry to hear that. He's a great comedian. 85 00:03:33.080 --> 00:03:36.199 But Scott Adams still has a podcast even though he's 86 00:03:36.199 --> 00:03:36.599 not with us. 87 00:03:36.759 --> 00:03:38.080 Oh yeah, so is Gilbert Goffreed. 88 00:03:38.240 --> 00:03:41.280 Yeah. By the way, Oh, I'm getting off on things. 89 00:03:41.360 --> 00:03:45.639 We don't want to Gottfried our two famous listeners, but 90 00:03:45.680 --> 00:03:46.759 Barry Manilow listens. 91 00:03:46.919 --> 00:03:48.080 Yeah, that's wonderful to hear. 92 00:03:48.360 --> 00:03:49.599 Bob Dylan has listened. 93 00:03:49.719 --> 00:03:51.639 Yes, this is also wonderful to hear. 94 00:03:51.919 --> 00:03:55.560 So don't write small planes, guys, don't don't take a 95 00:03:56.520 --> 00:03:57.159 don't get. 96 00:03:56.960 --> 00:03:59.159 Into stay, stay away from the big bopper. 97 00:03:59.639 --> 00:04:02.960 Stay for people with no mess. So it's a talk 98 00:04:02.960 --> 00:04:05.000 about pet peves. Yeah, there's Jopanese in the streets. So 99 00:04:05.240 --> 00:04:08.000 I was working with Tim on a parody. They're going 100 00:04:08.039 --> 00:04:12.199 in Osaka. Japanese in the streets. It's in Thegoya Japanese 101 00:04:12.240 --> 00:04:14.840 in the streets all the way to fool quote the 102 00:04:14.879 --> 00:04:19.680 Jepanese in the streets. It's just abolish the sidewalks because 103 00:04:19.680 --> 00:04:22.160 bicycles are not allowed to ride on them anymore, and 104 00:04:22.319 --> 00:04:25.519 Japanese don't use them. Just make a wider street. Yeah. 105 00:04:25.639 --> 00:04:27.040 Yeah, and that's another thing. 106 00:04:27.079 --> 00:04:28.639 In Nagoya they have wide streets. 107 00:04:28.680 --> 00:04:30.720 Yes, So that's why they're so deadly, because when you're 108 00:04:30.879 --> 00:04:34.040 the wider the street, the faster the traffic, that's the 109 00:04:34.120 --> 00:04:34.879 generally the rule. 110 00:04:35.120 --> 00:04:38.519 Yeah, for my other pet peeves. Oh, the silver seats. 111 00:04:39.040 --> 00:04:42.000 Now that I'm a little bit disabled with my knee, 112 00:04:42.279 --> 00:04:45.399 I notice it now that you know people that don't 113 00:04:45.399 --> 00:04:48.480 belong the silver seats on the subway sitting there, and 114 00:04:48.519 --> 00:04:50.800 it's in let's just call the elephant in the room.

115 00:04:50.839 --> 00:04:55.079 It's usually unattractive fat girls. Young girls. Oh yeah, yeah, young, 116 00:04:55.160 --> 00:04:58.720 unattractive fat girls, the cute ones. For some reason, they 117 00:04:58.720 --> 00:05:00.240 have some kind of moral. 118 00:05:01.839 --> 00:05:03.920 I mean, you're not you're know, this isn't Lukism, but. 119 00:05:04.240 --> 00:05:09.160 No, just saying, but no, I've noticed the attractive girls 120 00:05:09.600 --> 00:05:11.759 they'll notice you. Maybe that's what it is. They're noticing 121 00:05:11.800 --> 00:05:14.519 people notice them. But the ugly girls have their earphones 122 00:05:14.519 --> 00:05:17.240 in and they're just they close their eyes are looking 123 00:05:17.279 --> 00:05:17.720 at their phone. 124 00:05:17.720 --> 00:05:19.680 But I think that's partly because they just want it. 125 00:05:19.879 --> 00:05:22.319 They know what they're doing is wrong, and they just 126 00:05:22.360 --> 00:05:23.959 don't want to have to move for you. 127 00:05:24.399 --> 00:05:28.120 And that's the thing. That's because in women have their 128 00:05:28.160 --> 00:05:31.800 own cars. I mean you can't, ugly fact girls, you 129 00:05:31.839 --> 00:05:36.360 can't go there. Get some of my nerves and I've 130 00:05:36.399 --> 00:05:38.040 had and I feel bad because. 131 00:05:38.000 --> 00:05:39.839 I'm in my young guys sitting there too. 132 00:05:40.319 --> 00:05:43.040 Yeah, they just pretend that they don't see you. Yeah, yeah, 133 00:05:43.079 --> 00:05:45.439 it's usual, but it's usually university age kids. 134 00:05:45.519 --> 00:05:46.920 Yes, yes, that's what I've noticed. 135 00:05:46.959 --> 00:05:49.000 Yeah, but sometimes it'll be like a seventy five year 136 00:05:49.000 --> 00:05:50.399 old guy he'll give up a seat to me, and 137 00:05:50.560 --> 00:05:52.199 we're we're doing the polite. 138 00:05:51.879 --> 00:05:54.279 Work giving up your seat to you. 139 00:05:54.319 --> 00:05:55.439 No no, no, it's nice. 140 00:05:55.720 --> 00:05:58.160 No no no, Now you're making me look bad. Yeah, 141 00:05:58.399 --> 00:06:00.439 the foreigner's taking seats. 142 00:06:00.560 --> 00:06:00.879 I know. 143 00:06:01.240 --> 00:06:03.839 Oh my god, you're writing the man next manifesto for 144 00:06:03.879 --> 00:06:07.279 Sanseeto there. But I've had cases like it's really funny 145 00:06:07.279 --> 00:06:09.959 because when you give up your seat for someone, like 146 00:06:10.079 --> 00:06:11.879 it's happened to me. I don't do it all the time, 147 00:06:11.959 --> 00:06:14.240 but when I have, it's always this big production. It's 148 00:06:14.240 --> 00:06:16.160 like no, no, no, don't. Like there'll be a ninety 149 00:06:16.199 --> 00:06:19.000 year old woman there who's hanging on to the strap 150 00:06:19.000 --> 00:06:21.920 for deer life, and you'll be like, you'll be like, no, dilzo, 151 00:06:22.000 --> 00:06:25.000 does a please have a seat, and she's like no, no, no, no, 152 00:06:25.079 --> 00:06:27.399 don't don't no, don't bother yourself. And then you feel 153 00:06:27.399 --> 00:06:30.120 bad for actually offering to give up your seat because 154 00:06:30.120 --> 00:06:32.279 she's like telling you you look like a schmuck. She's 155 00:06:32.319 --> 00:06:36.720 telling you, you know, yeah, you're like, hey, I'm not 156 00:06:36.800 --> 00:06:37.879 asserting that you're old. 157 00:06:37.920 --> 00:06:39.480 I'm just thinking maybe you want to sit down. 158 00:06:39.519 --> 00:06:41.639 That's all I'm getting off an eighteen stop. 159 00:06:41.839 --> 00:06:42.560 Yeah exactly. 160 00:06:43.199 --> 00:06:45.600 Look they treat it like like I don't know, like 161 00:06:45.600 --> 00:06:47.839 you've given them a gold brick or something like. 162 00:06:47.879 --> 00:06:49.240 It's like I'm just offering a seat. 163 00:06:49.360 --> 00:06:51.600 I'm not, you know, it's not really and I'm getting 164 00:06:51.600 --> 00:06:54.720 off the next station likely anyways, So. 165 00:06:55.040 --> 00:06:57.879 I do this thing with my eyes. I complain with 166 00:06:57.920 --> 00:07:00.279 my eyes. I look at the twenty two years old 167 00:07:00.360 --> 00:07:03.399 kid who's looking my way and in a silver seat, 168 00:07:03.480 --> 00:07:06.439 and then I look up above all the drawings and 169 00:07:06.480 --> 00:07:11.439 I go like, not you, not you, not you guy 170 00:07:11.480 --> 00:07:12.480 with a cane me. 171 00:07:13.000 --> 00:07:14.439 Do you ask who? Excuse me? 172 00:07:14.480 --> 00:07:15.079 Are you pregnant? 173 00:07:15.120 --> 00:07:16.720 You could do that's question? 174 00:07:16.959 --> 00:07:22.360 Yeah, are you dumb? Or are you pregnant? Jesus well, 175 00:07:22.360 --> 00:07:24.680 I usually I'm going to change his name. It's gonna 176 00:07:24.680 --> 00:07:28.920 be like, okay, if you listen to other podcasts that 177 00:07:29.000 --> 00:07:29.560 name came out. 178 00:07:29.560 --> 00:07:31.959 We're not doing it live, folks, We're not doing it live. 179 00:07:32.040 --> 00:07:34.639 Okay. We got to talk about the bicycle rules bicycle 180 00:07:34.720 --> 00:07:37.279 laws that went into effect April of this year. Like 181 00:07:37.319 --> 00:07:40.000 they weren't strict enough already, but they're really cracking down. 182 00:07:40.000 --> 00:07:43.639 I've seen it here near our office especially, can't use 183 00:07:43.680 --> 00:07:45.879 an umbrella. And I had a joke on this years 184 00:07:45.920 --> 00:07:48.600 ago can't use an umbrella on a bicycle when it rains. 185 00:07:49.480 --> 00:07:51.959 How about if it's not raining? Good then I mean, 186 00:07:52.120 --> 00:07:54.360 when else would I need an umbrella because it's weird. 187 00:07:54.360 --> 00:07:57.199 It's lucky for me because I always ride with the umbrella. Yeah, 188 00:07:57.240 --> 00:07:59.639 and then they tell you, like I've had cops stop 189 00:07:59.680 --> 00:08:02.560 me and say you can't do that. And I said,

well, why, 190 00:08:02.639 --> 00:08:05.240 what's the thing I'm I'm steering with my right hand. 191 00:08:05.240 --> 00:08:08.279 I'm right handed. I can do this my left hand. 192 00:08:09.040 --> 00:08:11.040 It's just holding an umbrella. I'm not taking away that 193 00:08:11.120 --> 00:08:12.000 much sturdy. 194 00:08:12.319 --> 00:08:13.800 And then you're just holding your cell phone and your 195 00:08:13.839 --> 00:08:14.399 teeth right. 196 00:08:14.519 --> 00:08:16.000 Yeah. 197 00:08:16.040 --> 00:08:19.040 And the girl in my lap, she's not using an umbrella. 198 00:08:19.800 --> 00:08:23.879 And the other girl on the back rack me and 199 00:08:23.920 --> 00:08:27.560 the baby on top is getting wet, and so what 200 00:08:28.040 --> 00:08:28.759 is this Vietnam? 201 00:08:30.800 --> 00:08:32.200 But he told me what time? He said, well, if 202 00:08:32.200 --> 00:08:34.480 there's a big guss of wind, it will blow your 203 00:08:34.559 --> 00:08:36.559 umbrella and then you lose control. And I said, yeah, 204 00:08:36.639 --> 00:08:38.360 when there's a big guss of wind, I stop. 205 00:08:40.399 --> 00:08:41.080 Yeah. 206 00:08:41.200 --> 00:08:43.879 I'm not an idiot, you see, But we are in Ich. 207 00:08:44.039 --> 00:08:45.360 We have this thing called common sense. 208 00:08:45.440 --> 00:08:48.639 Yeah, but we are in Ich. That's mirrors and pedestrians 209 00:08:48.679 --> 00:08:49.759 aren't the best. 210 00:08:49.960 --> 00:08:52.159 Well, there's the I think we talked about it before 211 00:08:52.200 --> 00:08:54.639 on the podcast. They call it Nagaya bashitty. They actually 212 00:08:54.679 --> 00:08:56.440 have a word for it, which is like the crazy 213 00:08:56.519 --> 00:08:59.960 drivers and Yoya. They're known famous across Japan for being 214 00:09:00.360 --> 00:09:01.519 I think Okinawa as well. 215 00:09:01.600 --> 00:09:03.279 Isn't it create or Yeah, but. 216 00:09:03.320 --> 00:09:06.879 They have really really wides but I've never seen it 217 00:09:06.919 --> 00:09:09.279 worse than I've seen it here. So also, your bicycle, 218 00:09:09.320 --> 00:09:11.519 you have to ride in the street most cases now, 219 00:09:11.720 --> 00:09:14.480 and they do have some bikeways, but very few. 220 00:09:14.600 --> 00:09:15.759 A lot of them don't, Yeah. 221 00:09:15.559 --> 00:09:17.679 Most of them don't. You're not supposed to be on 222 00:09:17.720 --> 00:09:20.159 a sidewalk if people are on a sidewalk, Yeah, how 223 00:09:20.159 --> 00:09:21.720 about I people are in the street? Can I hit 224 00:09:21.759 --> 00:09:24.799 that this is mine? 225 00:09:24.799 --> 00:09:25.080 Bitch? 226 00:09:25.399 --> 00:09:28.480 Well, actually, what I read about I read about this 227 00:09:28.559 --> 00:09:31.919 before in uh I was doing some editing on Wikipedia 228 00:09:32.039 --> 00:09:34.919 and about bicycling in Japan and I read this article 229 00:09:34.919 --> 00:09:36.799 and it was interesting and it said that actually they 230 00:09:36.799 --> 00:09:39.639 did this in the nineteen seventies. They forced all the 231 00:09:39.679 --> 00:09:42.519 bicycles onto the streets, they banned them from the sidewalks, 232 00:09:42.519 --> 00:09:43.360 and you know what happened. 233 00:09:43.919 --> 00:09:46.159 The death toll went up. Yeah, so then they. 234 00:09:46.000 --> 00:09:47.919 Were like Oh, maybe this isn't such a good idea. 235 00:09:47.960 --> 00:09:49.759 Maybe we should let them ride on the sidewalks again. 236 00:09:49.799 --> 00:09:52.919 And that's why you can ride on the sidewalk in Japan, 237 00:09:53.679 --> 00:09:55.639 because the streets are just too dang. I mean, not 238 00:09:55.679 --> 00:09:57.960 the small We're not talking about the small little streets 239 00:09:58.000 --> 00:09:58.679 back alleys. 240 00:09:58.679 --> 00:10:02.600 We're talking about the big road. Yeah, people driving. 241 00:10:02.320 --> 00:10:04.559 And it's raining. I guess we have to explain the audience. 242 00:10:04.679 --> 00:10:08.480 Itch is always ranked as is the worst drivers. Yeah, 243 00:10:08.559 --> 00:10:11.919 ich drivers for our listeners are always ranked number one 244 00:10:12.039 --> 00:10:13.799 in the prefecture in Japan. 245 00:10:13.720 --> 00:10:17.039 We're number one. We're number one, number one for being the. 246 00:10:17.000 --> 00:10:19.759 Worst, for having the highest death toll. And they're just 247 00:10:19.840 --> 00:10:22.799 horrible drivers. In my neighborhood when I had small kids 248 00:10:22.960 --> 00:10:26.000 I was raising they just both it says Tomai, it 249 00:10:26.039 --> 00:10:29.159 says stop on the actual street, you know, and they 250 00:10:29.240 --> 00:10:31.919 just both out of these little tiny streets, side streets. 251 00:10:32.360 --> 00:10:36.440 And if you think mathematically, obviously the large street has priority, 252 00:10:36.720 --> 00:10:39.120 right because you can see that from your small. 253 00:10:38.840 --> 00:10:40.519 Streets, and the traffic is faster, and. 254 00:10:40.519 --> 00:10:43.559 We don't know you're there on the small street. And 255 00:10:43.639 --> 00:10:45.919 I stopped these guys. Sometimes they almost hit my kids 256 00:10:45.960 --> 00:10:48.360 on bicycles. Many many times it almost hit me and 257 00:10:48.399 --> 00:10:50.559 I stopped them and I'm like, hey, what do you doing? Say, well, 258 00:10:50.600 --> 00:10:52.320 I didn't know you were there. It's a country of 259 00:10:52.320 --> 00:10:55.519 one hundred and fifty million people. Somebody is around the corner. 260 00:10:55.559 --> 00:10:56.240 I promise you. 261 00:10:56.559 --> 00:10:57.120 I'm over here. 262 00:10:57.159 --> 00:10:58.600 Now I'm over I thought you were over there. 263 00:10:58.639 --> 00:11:00.000 Well I was over there. Now I'm over here. 264 00:11:00.200 --> 00:11:02.720 Now you've seen no reference. I don't think you did 265 00:11:02.720 --> 00:11:06.000 that A three of what's the other rules? You can't 266 00:11:06.039 --> 00:11:08.600 you can't have somebody else on your bicycle with you. 267 00:11:08.840 --> 00:11:10.960 Yeah, this is so stupid. And you know this is 268 00:11:11.279 --> 00:11:12.279 a lass a child. 269 00:11:12.600 --> 00:11:14.519 This is the fact that most people actually don't know 270 00:11:14.519 --> 00:11:19.039 about Japan that actually child. Yeah, pick up a child 271 00:11:19.080 --> 00:11:24.080 if you want to do that, the perfect crime. People 272 00:11:24.120 --> 00:11:26.919 don't know that. Uh what are they called? The two 273 00:11:26.960 --> 00:11:30.559 The two person bicycles, the tandem tandem bicycles are illegal 274 00:11:30.559 --> 00:11:33.320 in Japan. And the reason is because of that law 275 00:11:33.320 --> 00:11:35.639 that says two people can't ride a bicycle and the 276 00:11:35.799 --> 00:11:40.559 and the law is because usually for high school students, 277 00:11:41.120 --> 00:11:43.440 the boyfriend and the girlfriend are going off on the 278 00:11:43.519 --> 00:11:46.799 dates and she sits on the back rack on the side, 279 00:11:46.960 --> 00:11:49.720 and it's this romantic thing and get some skin ship 280 00:11:49.759 --> 00:11:51.720 in yeah, and it's you know, it's nice, like the 281 00:11:51.799 --> 00:11:53.960 kid the boy will drives her, rides her home to 282 00:11:54.000 --> 00:11:56.919 her house and stuff like that, you know, Like, but 283 00:11:57.000 --> 00:11:58.440 that's what they want to make illegal, and that's what 284 00:11:58.559 --> 00:12:02.759 it's called fay. But technically a tandem bicycle is also 285 00:12:02.759 --> 00:12:04.360 fatata naughty, so they're banned in Japan. 286 00:12:04.480 --> 00:12:06.480 So what Mike is saying is, you ride a bicycle 287 00:12:06.519 --> 00:12:09.240 for two in Japan, you could end up in a jill. 288 00:12:09.120 --> 00:12:11.399 Hopefully for two for two. Yeah, op close in personal. 289 00:12:11.399 --> 00:12:13.440 All right, we'll continue with this in a later episode. 290 00:12:13.480 --> 00:12:16.399 Mark Bailey, Mike Miller and talk funny ye