TRANSCRIPT 🔗
APOLLO
This might not be the best idea.
JUDE
Val really wants this treaty, Mosaic. We have to try.
APOLLO
Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
(door creaks open)
CAMREN
It’s Solis!
(Absolute Zero freezes Solis)
APOLLO
Oh my god, chill, Absolute Zero!
CAMREN
Gahhh you know I hate puns. 😒
APOLLO
Unfreeze them. We come in peace.
CAMREN
Ugh, fine.
(ice breaks)
JUDE
(gasps) J-Jesus Christ, it’s so cold.
APOLLO
Yeah, Az is a real asshole sometimes.
NEVAEH
Az is the asshole? You’re the one who betrayed us and then walked into one of our hideouts in the middle of our damn meeting!
SYDNEY
You feel so weak, Solis. You might even pass out.
JUDE
(groans)
APOLLO
Goddammit, Liar Liar! Don’t use your power on them!
JUDE
(weakly) You were right, this was a bad idea…
APOLLO
No, fuck them, we’re doing this! Az, Liar, just shut the fuck up for two damn minutes so we can talk to Providence.
SYDNEY
(sarcastically) Wow, thanks for respecting our positions in the guild instead of reducing us to Providence’s henchmen.
APOLLO
Seriously, shut up. Providence, can we talk?
NEVAEH
I feel like there were better ways to ‘talk’ than by marching in with the state’s biggest hero.
APOLLO
The state’s biggest hero is choosing not to attack you, by the way, because we want to fucking talk with you.
JUDE
Mhmm.
NEVAEH
Fine. What do you want?
APOLLO
DCA wants to organize a treaty between the Paragons and the Vindicators.
SYDNEY
(laughing hysterically)
CAMREN
That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.
NEVAEH
A treaty? Yeah, sure. When pigs fly.
JUDE
I can arrange that. I will need ten thousand dollars and a couple of pigs, though.
SYDNEY
(calming down) God, what an idiot.
APOLLO
I think they’re serious. DCA really wants this treaty.
NEVAEH
And we really want to blow up that stupid fucking tower of yours, but your security measures are strong as hell. We don’t always get what we want, Mosaic.
JUDE
What can we do to convince you?
CAMREN
Jump off a building.
SYDNEY
And do a flip.
CAMREN
Without the rocket boots.
(pause)
APOLLO
Are you genuinely considering it!?
JUDE
Maybe if we set up a trampoline…
APOLLO
Goddammit, Providence, work with us here. This could be good for all of us!
NEVAEH
Hmph. We might consider a treaty if you do us a few favors.
APOLLO
Favors?
SYDNEY
I want a new mask, with microphone attached. Make it look sick as fuck.
CAMREN
And I want some gauntlets that will help me channel my power.
JUDE
You want us to help you do crime better?
NEVAEH
Presumably the treaty would stop us from doing crime.
JUDE
Then why do you need the mask and gauntlets?
SYDNEY
Are we not allowed to have fun? 🙄
NEVAEH
We also want a mutual meeting place that I approve of, because there’s no way we’re walking into your tower.
CAMREN
They’re clearly willing to walk into our hideouts. We should trap the door next time.
Load full transcript
APOLLO
Well now that you’ve said it out loud, you can’t.
SYDNEY
Dammit, Az.
CAMREN
Shut the fuck up before I freeze your wheels in place.
SYDNEY
Ableism! Providence, can you believe this!?
NEVAEH
Yes. Anyway. We also want money. A lot of it. Ten thousand dollars, you said, to make pigs fly? That’ll do.
JUDE
What do you intend to use the money for?
NEVAEH
None of your business. It won’t be crime, and that’s all that matters.
JUDE
I… don’t know if we can make those things happen. But we can try. I’ll do what I can.
APOLLO
And in the meantime, just… don’t do anything so heinous that the Paragons change their mind about this.
SYDNEY
We’ll do our best.
NEVAEH
Mosaic, can I talk to you before you go? Alone.
APOLLO
Uh… sure. Solis, can you wait outside?
JUDE
(worried) Are you sure?
APOLLO
I’ll be fine.
JUDE
Well, okay. Be quick.
(Solis walks back outside, door closes behind them)
NEVAEH
Liar Liar. Absolute Zero. Leave.
CAMREN
What!? Us too?
NEVAEH
Yes. Go work on Sydney’s latest gadget or something.
SYDNEY
Hell yeah.
(they move out of the room, leaving Providence and Mosaic alone)
NEVAEH
Alright. Tell me what you’ve learned.
APOLLO
Oh, uh. DCA’s real name is Dr. Val Delaney-
NEVAEH
Everyone already knows that, Apollo.
APOLLO
I didn’t!
NEVAEH
That’s because the only hero you ever cared about was Solis.
APOLLO
That’s- I wouldn’t put it like that.
NEVAEH
Remember the ground rules. And for the love of god, come up with something worthwhile; if you don’t, Syd and Camren are going to think you’re just doing this because you’ve gone soft.
APOLLO
I have not gone soft! Solis may be the state’s biggest hero, but I’m the state’s biggest villain.
NEVAEH
Not anymore, you’re not. Figure something out, Apollo. Or else.
APOLLO
(tersely) Whatever. Bye.
(Mosaic walks outside to join Solis)
JUDE
Everything go okay?
APOLLO
Yeah, just some bullshit. I’m fine.
JUDE
Good. Should we go back to the tower?
APOLLO
Yeah, might as well. We can tell the Paragons about the Vindicators’ terms.
-SCENE CUT-
VAL
Excuse me? We are not doing that.
ESTEE
Aw, come on! They’re not horrible favors, and some of them could even benefit us, like having a mutually agreed-upon meeting place! Saves us from having to schlep all the way over to one of their weirdo hideouts.
PATRICK
No, it’s a bad idea. Besides, what do they need the money for? Crimes? 🤔
JUDE
Maybe they pay their villains, like the city pays us!
APOLLO
They do. Well… They split their profits, at least, which is similar.
VAL
That doesn’t excuse the fact that they want us to improve Absolute Zero’s power control—something which will directly hurt both us and the citizens—and improve Liar Liar’s mask and mic. That is such a bad idea.
JUDE
It’s a show of good faith, Val. Like an olive branch! We have to be willing to make a few sacrifices.
APOLLO
What if we acquire
all this stuff ourselves?
VAL
You’re not allowed to obtain it illegally.
APOLLO
I meant with fundraisers and stuff. Scouting out the best place to meet. Having Solis make the gadgets. You know, legal things.
VAL
…I can’t believe I’m saying this, but… fine. As long as nothing you do is illegal, you can work on this as a side project. Just… don’t let it affect your regular patrols.
ESTEE
Speaking of patrols! What do you say we go on one together? Solis, Mosaic?
APOLLO
You… want to go on a patrol with me.
ESTEE
It’s just, well. I noticed you hadn’t gone on any patrols yet! I figured it would be easier with a few friends along.
APOLLO
Oh, right. I… guess that’s fine.
ESTEE
Hey, at least it’ll get Val off your tuches for a bit.
VAL
(sigh) It would help with your publicity, Mosaic.
APOLLO
I already agreed. Let’s do it.
JUDE
What about lunch? 🥺
ESTEE
We can grab something to nosh on the way. Come on, Solis, don’t you wanna witness Mosaic’s first patrol?
JUDE
…Yeah, I do!
ESTEE
Then let’s go!
(She starts walking towards the stairs)
APOLLO
Don’t tell me you’re about to take the stairs.
ESTEE
Well, how else am I supposed to reach the street?
APOLLO
Allow me. Can I open this window, Val?
VAL
Go for it.
(stained glass platforms appear outside the window)
APOLLO
There.
JUDE
You gotta be real quick though, those platforms break after a second or two.
ESTEE
(squeals) Cool!!! Mind if I summon another me to come with us?
APOLLO
That’s your power, isn’t it?
ESTEE
Yep!
APOLLO
Sure, I’ll make some platforms for her, too.
(Estee2 is summoned)
ESTEE2
😁 Reporting for duty!
ESTEE1
Hi! What’s your gimmick?
ESTEE2
I know Hebrew!
APOLLO
That’s… not very helpful.
ESTEE2
(offended) I can still fight!
ESTEE1
😅 Sometimes the differences between me and my parallel selves aren’t that big. It’s kind of random.
ESTEE2
De-summon me and summon some other Estee, then. 🙄
ESTEE1
No, no, it’s okay! You said you can fight, right?
ESTEE2
Yep!
ESTEE1
That’ll do! Let’s go, friends!
(they climb out the window and walk on Mosaic’s glass platforms)
APOLLO
We could drop by The Cat’s Meow.
ESTEE1
Are they kosher?
APOLLO
Oh, uh- I don’t know?
JUDE
Not really, we- they have some kosher options, technically, but they don’t wash utensils separately or anything. What about that new pizzeria a block down?
ESTEE1
Oh yeah, they have the OU symbol on their sign!
APOLLO
I thought you weren’t allowed to mix meat and dairy?
JUDE
Yeah, I don’t think they have any meat toppings.
ESTEE1
(gasp) Ooh, I’ve heard they have this Rosemary Potato pizza-
APOLLO
(groans) Stop, you’re gonna make me hungry!
JUDE
Wait- Stop. I think someone’s breaking into that pizzeria right now.
ESTEE2
Feh! I was really looking forward to some extra-dimensional food.
ESTEE1
Oh, hush, the people’s safety is more important.
APOLLO
Plus, maybe they’ll give us free pizza for saving them.
JUDE
That’s not really how this works.
ESTEE2
Whatever, I’m going in!
ESTEE1
Ahhh, what!? This Estee is wild!
APOLLO
Then summon a different one before this one gets the villain’s attention!
ESTEE1
I can’t summon a new one that quickly!
JUDE
Fuck it, we’re going in!
(running, doors opening)
ESTEE2
Halt, evil-doer!
ROBBER
Gah, Double Trouble!
APOLLO
You’re right down the street from the Paragons’ tower, dude. What did you expect?
ROBBER
Mosaic!?
JUDE
Do you know this guy, Mosaic?
APOLLO
Nope.
ESTEE1
I think some small-time villains have been trying to prove themselves to the Vindicators now that Mosaic’s spot is open.
APOLLO
Oh, son of a bitch!
JUDE
(reassuringly) I’m sure they aren’t nearly as villainous as you are. I mean, were.
ROBBER
I’m plenty villainous! G-Give me all your cash, now!
APOLLO
(disbelieving) Dude.
ESTEE2
Yeah, I’m gonna kick their ass now.
ESTEE1
Sounds good to me!
(a few fight sounds)
APOLLO
Well that was easy.
JUDE
They definitely aren’t taking your place with a performance like that.
ROBBER
(crying) I just wanted to be cooooool!
JUDE
I think that’s Absolute Zero’s thing.
APOLLO
(joking) I can hear him groaning from across the city.
ESTEE1
You have the right to remain silent and all that. The cops will read you your actual rights. Have fun, Villain!
ROBBER
(crying as they’re dragged away by cops)
PIZZERIA OWNER
Oh, however can I thank you, heroes?
APOLLO
Rosemary Potato pizza would be nice.
JUDE
(chastising) Mosaic!
PIZZERIA OWNER
N-No, no, I can make you a pizza! Coming right up!
APOLLO
Heh. Nice.
(owner walks away)
ESTEE1
That was some good fighting, Mosaic!
APOLLO
Oh, um- Thanks, Double Trouble.
ESTEE1
…You can call me Estee, when we’re in private. Double Trouble is wayyy too long.
APOLLO
Oh, I- That’s… Thank you, Estee. Really. …Is the other you flipping me off right now?
ESTEE1
Oh, don’t mind her. 😅
JUDE
Great job on your first official patrol, Mosaic!
ESTEE1
Well, we’re not done yet… but we can wait for this pizza.
APOLLO
Hell yeah.