Full Transcript for Valentine's Day Special: How to Be Partners in Love – Emma Solo (Ep.33)

that I validate that you're feeling some of these things. 00:02:35.719 --> 00:02:40.871 There are six things that I want to share with you that might be characteristics that you might be experiencing in your relationship. 00:02:40.871 --> 00:02:46.602 Now, point aside, you might think that everything's fine, that this is how things are. 00:02:46.602 --> 00:02:48.306 Oh, we've been together for a long time. 00:02:48.306 --> 00:03:00.836 This is what happens in relationships or things of that nature, and when I describe these characteristics, then you realize like, oh, maybe this is not so normal, maybe I shouldn't settle for this status quo. 00:03:00.836 --> 00:03:13.401 Maybe we actually can recapture, rekindle what we had the essence and the more fiery and the more just aliveness in our relationship, the stronger essence of the couple, the love partnership. 00:03:13.401 --> 00:03:51.645 And then I want to offer 11 characteristics or gifts or superpowers or actions, however you want to look at these that when you cultivate them, when you play with them, when you practice them, when you pledge these, that you're going to embrace these and bring them forward more in your relationship, will start activating this love, the part of the couple that seems to have been on ice, right. 00:03:51.645 --> 00:03:57.161 So we want to activate the love partnership, the couple part of your relationship. 00:03:57.161 --> 00:04:01.469 Okay, so I'm going to start giving this to you. 00:04:01.469 --> 00:04:13.200 You might want to get a pencil or a pen or grab your note app and just grab some of these so that you could play with, going forward and start enlightening your relationship. 00:04:13.200 --> 00:04:14.324 Really yummy stuff. 00:04:14.324 --> 00:04:41.990 One more thing that I want to highlight, actually, before I jump into the characteristics that you might recognize as descriptive of the current state of your relationship, and that is that, as I go, I'll see what comes to me At the end I will offer a couple of free things for you to help you enrich any aspect of this that you want to play with to support you and creating your love partnership. 00:04:41.990 --> 00:04:44.321 Alrighty, so here we go, ready. 00:04:45.747 --> 00:04:58.802 The first thing is that you might recognize that the couple, the relationship, your partner, falls to the bottom of your priority list on a daily basis. 00:04:58.802 --> 00:05:08.225 Now, that concept in and of itself, you might think that my relationship, my partner, my couple, is not even on my list. 00:05:08.225 --> 00:05:17.930 I don't intentionally think about that on a daily basis, on how to give it attention, how to take care of it, how to invest in it. 00:05:17.930 --> 00:05:30.511 So that, in and of itself, is an indicator that this might require some TLC for things to be different, and that there is an opportunity for things to be different that you might be more happy with at the end of the day. 00:05:30.511 --> 00:05:48.206 Now, when I list the things that will activate this romantical part, you will see that you will know what are some things to implement to not have your partnership, your couple, your relationship, your partner at the bottom of the list. 00:05:48.206 --> 00:05:54.059 It will help you automatically start putting it more forefront without too much effort. 00:05:54.059 --> 00:05:57.889 Okay, so I promise it's not going to be a lot of work, it's just it might shift. 00:05:57.889 --> 00:06:12.826 It's just a little realignment, so very easily and effortlessly, you could start creating the changes and addressing these characteristics that are making your relationship just average right, when it could be so much better. 00:06:12.826 --> 00:06:18.170 And so just stay tuned for when I start giving you those 11 activations, if you may. 00:06:18.170 --> 00:06:19.913 Okay, so that's number one. 00:06:20.240 --> 00:06:27.213 Number two is that your relationship might feel that lacks connection. 00:06:27.213 --> 00:06:36.071 You might be feeling the connection between you, the bond between you, is frayed, the connection is dampened, that you can't really feel it. 00:06:36.071 --> 00:06:45.791 You can't really feel your partner, right, it's just, your partner is just kind of like walking around, like a roommate, they're just there. 00:06:45.791 --> 00:06:54.500 But there is not that deeper thing where you feel your partner and even if you're not there, physically present, you still. 00:06:54.500 --> 00:06:57.146 Your partner is still with you Like that might be lacking. 00:06:57.747 --> 00:07:02.584 Number three is that their romance got lost in translation. 00:07:02.584 --> 00:07:14.910 So doesn't that make sense If your partner's just there, barely there even, and they don't even make it to your priority list on a daily basis, how can you possibly feel or have romance? 00:07:14.910 --> 00:07:17.548 That just doesn't even add up right. 00:07:17.548 --> 00:07:21.430 And so one of the things is bringing that romance back. 00:07:21.430 --> 00:07:23.627 Don't be intimidated by that idea. 00:07:23.627 --> 00:07:26.103 Maybe you never really had a lot of romance. 00:07:26.103 --> 00:07:28.656 You might not consider yourself a very romantical person. 00:07:28.656 --> 00:07:31.966 Your partner might not be very romantical, it's okay. 00:07:31.966 --> 00:07:36.403 It doesn't have romance, doesn't have to look like it does in the movies, okay. 00:07:36.403 --> 00:07:50.487 But this just means that that part of like wooing each other and having the other person being forefront in our mind and doing the little gestures that that piece is gone that was very prevalent when we first met. 00:07:50.487 --> 00:07:55.245 Like we want to please the other person, that that thing is gone and so we want to bring that back. 00:07:55.245 --> 00:07:56.108 All right. 00:07:57.321 --> 00:08:01.980 Number four the attraction has fizzled, right. 00:08:01.980 --> 00:08:10.307 So

you look at your partner and they might become really sloppy or frumpy or they might be put together, but it's just not chemistry. 00:08:10.307 --> 00:08:31.649 They might not be looking great, they might have maybe not been taking care of themselves physically, where they might not be healthy or at least have a lot of vitality or radiance, and other people might not even find them attractive, but a lot of times this is really interesting, right? 00:08:31.649 --> 00:08:37.966 So sometimes partners look really good and other people find them really attractive, but there's nothing between the couple. 00:08:37.966 --> 00:09:05.149 So I say what I said as a grain of salt it might not necessarily be the appearance, but rather the energy that's within, and so we want to bring that attraction back, whether it's driven by the appearance or by something more internal, and I'd rather say that and not or so both external and internal, so that that attraction can really be hot. 00:09:06.672 --> 00:09:10.402 Okay, the next one the lovers are missing. 00:09:10.402 --> 00:09:36.285 Now, that means that you're just doing the business of life, you are going about your own business and you're taking care of some of the domestic items, if you're married, if you have children, but the partners, the lovers, the couple, the people that make up the couple, the essences that make up the couple, are muted. 00:09:36.285 --> 00:09:37.187 They're mute. 00:09:37.187 --> 00:09:51.898 So the part that brings that attraction, the part that has the sex, the part that makes you a couple feels like it's not there, that makes you a couple feels like it's not there, okay. 00:09:51.898 --> 00:09:57.100 So that's another part that might be a characteristic of your current relationship. 00:09:58.041 --> 00:10:03.804 Then the next one is that you might have intimacy, but it's mechanical or superficial. 00:10:03.804 --> 00:10:06.625 You might have some physical moments. 00:10:06.625 --> 00:10:08.967 You might have some sexual intimate moments. 00:10:08.967 --> 00:10:21.216 You might have some sexual intimate moments, but they're not deep, they're not meaningful, they're not really connecting, they're not really ecstatic. 00:10:21.216 --> 00:10:24.962 They're just sex, and it might be okay sex. 00:10:24.962 --> 00:10:30.404 It might be not so good sex, it might even be great sex, but just sex, and we could have more than that. 00:10:30.404 --> 00:10:35.841 We could take that to the next level and we might want more of that. 00:10:35.841 --> 00:10:41.998 So it depends on what you're doing and how you're doing and how you're going about your relationship and your coupleness. 00:10:41.998 --> 00:10:45.893 This might have all kinds of different things happening here. 00:10:45.893 --> 00:10:57.649 And so a little side note, I've had people who haven't had sex in years come to therapy, and I have people who have sex all the time and they still have all kinds of issues. 00:10:57.850 --> 00:11:03.669 So one thing doesn't make the other, but this might be a characteristic in and of itself. 00:11:03.669 --> 00:11:05.938 As part of your couple, part of your relationship. 00:11:05.938 --> 00:11:11.240 It's all right, right, but you're not just like, oh, we're good in that area. 00:11:11.240 --> 00:11:13.517 And please don't lie to yourself. 00:11:13.517 --> 00:11:19.663 There is no sense in talking yourself out of any of these things if they're present for you. 00:11:19.663 --> 00:11:21.517 There's no shame in any of this. 00:11:21.517 --> 00:11:22.836 There's nothing wrong with any of this. 00:11:22.836 --> 00:11:29.142 It's just what is and you have a choice that you don't have to just have average. 00:11:29.929 --> 00:11:41.595 Some of these might be less than average, like they might be bothering you, and some of them might feel like, okay, yeah, they're good enough or they're pretty good, but just know that everything could be better and why not go for better? 00:11:41.595 --> 00:11:43.756 What's the point of just settling right? 00:11:43.756 --> 00:11:48.154 If you may, we could have whatever we want, we could create whatever we want. 00:11:48.154 --> 00:11:52.913 So if we could go about, hey, let's level up the things, why not? 00:11:52.913 --> 00:11:57.644 Okay, so that's for intimacy and the physical part of things. 00:11:57.644 --> 00:11:59.673 And that was number six. 00:11:59.673 --> 00:12:07.712 So I'm going to have timestamps in the description for the video, for the audio depends on why you're watching this. 00:12:07.712 --> 00:12:17.456 So feel free to go back to the six and see if they resonate for you, if there's something in there, if it's something like you know what. 00:12:18.451 --> 00:12:20.258 I haven't given that that much thought. 00:12:20.258 --> 00:12:26.041 But come to think of it, yeah, I want more of what that area could give. 00:12:26.041 --> 00:12:30.941 Yeah, I hadn't thought of that as a problem, and I use the word problem lightly. 00:12:30.941 --> 00:12:31.782 I haven't thought of that as a problem and I use the word problem lightly. 00:12:31.782 --> 00:12:35.341 I haven't thought of that as the thing, but maybe it is the thing. 00:12:35.341 --> 00:12:41.102 I could definitely go for more in that department or in that area where I would want more from us. 00:12:41.102 --> 00:12:45.900 Why not really make this the best that it could be? 00:12:45.900 --> 00:12:51.274 So just play with that right Again, don't beat yourself up, don't beat your partner up. 00:12:51.474 --> 00:12:54.075 It's nobody's fault, there's nothing of none of that. 00:12:54.075 --> 00:13:00.235 It's just what got created, and just know that it can be upleveled and that's what we're here to do. 00:13:00.235 --> 00:13:11.408 So now I'm going to offer you the other items, the other characteristics or traits or skills or or virtues or descript, whatever you want to call them. 00:13:11.408 --> 00:13:15.120 That will help the love,

partnership, part of your relationship come out. 00:13:15.120 --> 00:13:16.390 Okay. 00:13:16.490 --> 00:13:20.201 So number one is flirtation. 00:13:20.201 --> 00:13:26.315 I don't know about you, but most relationships, when they first start, there's an element of flirtation. 00:13:26.315 --> 00:13:31.562 Maybe when you first met, before you even progressed to dating, there was some flirtation. 00:13:31.562 --> 00:13:43.719 As you were dating, there might have been some flirtation and as the relationship progressed, there might have been some flirtation, but then it got lost in translation, but then it just kind of stopped. 00:13:43.719 --> 00:13:56.155 And so, bringing that back and you might feel awkward at first, if your relationship is in a particular state or status, it might feel like what, like what are you doing? 00:13:56.155 --> 00:13:59.456 It might feel weird to do it, it might feel weird to receive it. 00:13:59.456 --> 00:14:01.697 So start very subtle, right. 00:14:01.697 --> 00:14:08.302 It doesn't have to be full-on flirting, it could just be like a very subtle flirt, like a little smidgen of a flirt. 00:14:08.302 --> 00:14:11.075 Just play, experiment, right. 00:14:11.075 --> 00:14:16.024 So be subtle, as subtle as you could be, if it's a little scary, and start playing with it. 00:14:16.024 --> 00:14:20.086 Start experimenting, see if you start getting reactions from your partner, and then you can step it up as you go. 00:14:20.086 --> 00:14:24.422 You could make it more and more flirty and take more and more risks. 00:14:24.422 --> 00:14:25.292 Hey, you never know. 00:14:25.292 --> 00:14:25.493 You know. 00:14:25.493 --> 00:14:26.075 That's the whole point. 00:14:26.075 --> 00:14:27.759 So that's number one. 00:14:28.269 --> 00:14:29.491 Number two is playfulness. 00:14:29.491 --> 00:14:31.456 So same concept, right. 00:14:31.456 --> 00:14:49.120 A lot of these were probably there at the beginning and then they started going away or stopping as the relationship progressed, as you matured, as you aged, dare I say, as you had more responsibilities to children, other things, life, you know and some of these things go out the window. 00:14:49.120 --> 00:15:02.672 Now I'm going to correct myself a little bit there and add for those couples that are more mature in age, who started together a little older, this is still applicable. 00:15:02.672 --> 00:15:07.251 So you might start it with these things and then, as you went along, they fizzled out. 00:15:07.251 --> 00:15:14.831 So it's more about the length of the relationship than the age of the partners per se. 00:15:14.831 --> 00:15:36.336 So as the relationship goes, you kind of get into patterns and things and some of the things that made the relationship special at the beginning kind of partners stop investing in those things because you achieved the goal of the commitment and it's like, okay, fine, I don't have to invest in this anymore. 00:15:36.336 --> 00:15:39.844 And then you lose. 00:15:39.844 --> 00:15:44.971 You lose out on the benefits of keeping those things going All right. 00:15:45.072 --> 00:15:46.619 So that was number two, the playfulness. 00:15:46.619 --> 00:15:57.532 I don't know that I need to describe how to be flirtatious, how to be playful, right, so I'm going to leave that up to you to do your own little research, to play with that, to experiment. 00:15:57.532 --> 00:16:00.799 If you guys want more on this, by all means let me know. 00:16:00.799 --> 00:16:03.451 I'll do my best to describe these more in depth. 00:16:03.451 --> 00:16:07.558 To own videos, own recordings, own different content. 00:16:07.558 --> 00:16:10.503 I don't know whatever's needed At this point. 00:16:10.503 --> 00:16:16.400 I'm trusting that you're capable, but if you need more on this, it doesn't mean that you're not capable. 00:16:16.400 --> 00:16:23.191 It just means that, hey, why not just create more activation around these things and hook us up, emma, and that's totally fine. 00:16:23.191 --> 00:16:23.952 That's what I'm here to do. 00:16:23.952 --> 00:16:25.035 So just let me know if you need more. 00:16:26.139 --> 00:16:28.812 Okay, the next one is three, which is curiosity. 00:16:28.812 --> 00:16:47.418 So with curiosity, we want to show our partner that what they say is cool, interesting, and, as I say that, I hear people's voices or reactions or things that I've heard in the past from partners, but it's not interesting. 00:16:47.418 --> 00:16:54.537 I have no interest in whatever he or she is saying or like their work, their interests, their experiences, whatever. 00:16:54.537 --> 00:16:57.938 But this is how you get past that. 00:16:57.938 --> 00:17:00.135 This is not about the content. 00:17:00.135 --> 00:17:05.361 You see, this is where people go wrong in a lot of these things in relationship. 00:17:05.361 --> 00:17:15.157 They get stuck in the weeds with this, with some of these things, and I said that because I'm thinking that this comes up a lot when people are trying to find common interests, right. 00:17:15.157 --> 00:17:16.154 So that's just something else. 00:17:16.154 --> 00:17:19.880 I could share a resource for that, as needed. 00:17:19.880 --> 00:17:25.061 If you're interested, let me know in the comments and then I'll let you know where to find more about that. 00:17:25.569 --> 00:17:29.836 But for now, for this, it's not about the content. 00:17:29.836 --> 00:17:31.959 Now for this, it's not about the content. 00:17:31.959 --> 00:17:37.826 It's about feeling your partner, feeling their excitement or feeling their pain, even right. 00:17:37.826 --> 00:17:50.032 So feeling their experience, like being curious about them, what is happening for them, their experience, their happenings, their emotions, their reactions, their responses, how they were impacted. 00:17:50.032 --> 00:18:00.393 We are curious about our partner, not about the piece that you sewed together or how many touchdowns the game had or

whatever. 00:18:00.393 --> 00:18:06.894 Right, it's not about the particular activity per se, even though that's totally fine to throw in there too. 00:18:06.894 --> 00:18:10.151 But don't feel like you have to be interested in the thing that they're interested in. 00:18:10.151 --> 00:18:11.114 That is not the point. 00:18:11.114 --> 00:18:14.992 If you think like that, that you're losing the essence of this particular gift. 00:18:14.992 --> 00:18:29.817 Curious about our partner, how they are experiencing the thing, what happened for them, how they are impacted, their desires, their dreams, their wishes, their thoughts, whatever about the things or what the things brought out for them or what the things do for them. 00:18:29.817 --> 00:18:32.240 You see, very different, okay. 00:18:33.123 --> 00:18:41.332 The next one is interest how to show interest and be interested in a partner. 00:18:41.332 --> 00:18:47.423 So it's very similar to curiosity, but this one is actually showing an interest in their thing. 00:18:47.423 --> 00:18:51.199 So it might not be interested to you per se. 00:18:51.199 --> 00:18:55.334 Again, same concept, but interested in what the thing is. 00:18:55.334 --> 00:19:06.817 So we want to, with this one, show an interest in the thing that they're interested in, even if we're not interested in it. 00:19:06.817 --> 00:19:12.709 It's more about being engaged with them, about their interests. 00:19:12.709 --> 00:19:14.613 That in and of itself creates juice. 00:19:14.613 --> 00:19:16.375 So that was four. 00:19:17.518 --> 00:19:20.863 Number five is attunement. 00:19:20.863 --> 00:19:24.614 Now, this one is super special. 00:19:24.614 --> 00:19:30.121 If you have the ability to bring this into interactions, you are way ahead of the game. 00:19:30.121 --> 00:19:42.525 Now I order these in a way that I felt would show up in a development of the relationship, right. 00:19:42.525 --> 00:19:48.742 So I started with flirting, then playfulness, then curiosity, then interest, you see. 00:19:48.742 --> 00:19:57.041 So you start kind of going deeper as the relationship develops, if you may, or as you're starting to find this part of the relationship again. 00:19:57.041 --> 00:19:59.698 But they don't need to play in order. 00:19:59.698 --> 00:20:03.278 You don't have to play with these in order, okay, so I'm going to say more about that at the end. 00:20:03.278 --> 00:20:07.460 But it felt that ordering them this way would make sense. 00:20:07.460 --> 00:20:23.217 So attunement number five feels that it's a little deeper, and so you already have some of the other things under your belt, so it's easier to have a deeper level of being with the person, with your partner. 00:20:23.217 --> 00:20:27.976 So this reminds me of, and this is why I think this one is so special and dear to my heart. 00:20:28.859 --> 00:20:43.742 This reminds me of when I first started going out with my husband and this is over 30 years ago at this point, and we were in college and one of my friends said you know, I look at you and Pete, and she said that's what I want. 00:20:43.742 --> 00:20:49.932 The way he looks at you and the way you guys look at each other, it's like you have like your own secret language. 00:20:49.932 --> 00:20:55.759 Like you, you just look at each other and it's kind of like you're talking to each other, like you kind of know what's going on in each other's minds. 00:20:55.759 --> 00:21:01.017 And I thought that was so beautiful, what a beautiful observation to have about us. 00:21:01.017 --> 00:21:02.582 Right, that was just gold. 00:21:02.582 --> 00:21:06.861 So that's what we want to kind of cultivate. 00:21:06.861 --> 00:21:20.778 Like when you look at your partner, you're kind of like, yes, you know, like you're getting each other, almost like you're reading each other's minds, and not necessarily with words or with knowing what the other person is thinking. 00:21:20.778 --> 00:21:32.701 I'm not promoting being a mind reader and getting in the other person's circle and all the funny business, but just being in such attunement that you kind of feel each other at a deeper level and know at a deeper level. 00:21:32.701 --> 00:21:35.397 Right, it's just really gorgeous when you start playing with this. 00:21:36.609 --> 00:21:38.336 Okay, the next one is six. 00:21:38.336 --> 00:21:42.480 Now this one and the next one are again a little close to each other. 00:21:42.480 --> 00:21:46.056 Bear with me, the words might trigger stuff. 00:21:46.056 --> 00:21:59.672 And just a little side note, if any of these feel like you want to throw up in your mouth, then they're not for you yet. 00:21:59.672 --> 00:22:00.213 And I say that what yet? 00:22:00.213 --> 00:22:04.811 Tongue-in-cheek, because once you go down this journey they just become so gorgeous and you're like, and then you'll be something like, but of course, right. 00:22:04.811 --> 00:22:09.103 So just know, there's a time and a place and you might just not be ready for some of them. 00:22:10.267 --> 00:22:12.795 But so the word the first one is adoration. 00:22:12.795 --> 00:22:17.935 And you might be like ew, I don't want to adore my partner. 00:22:17.935 --> 00:22:21.593 And if you have that reaction it's totally fine. 00:22:21.593 --> 00:22:24.232 Maybe you're not ready for this one, or you might not want this one. 00:22:24.232 --> 00:22:24.948 That's totally cool. 00:22:24.948 --> 00:22:25.852 To each their own right. 00:22:25.852 --> 00:22:33.047 But if you're like listen, I'll be curious, I'll bite, give me more, mom, what is this one about? 00:22:33.047 --> 00:22:50.490 And that is to cherish, to put your partner in a place of like wow, my partner is so awesome, this human that I chose to be my partner is awesome. 00:22:51.332 --> 00:22:57.204 That gets so lost in translation when we are in a long-term relationship with somebody. 00:22:57.204 --> 00:23:08.915 I hear this so much in the couples that we work with that you

know, when people are having a little bit of a struggle, it's very hard to adore their partner. 00:23:08.915 --> 00:23:12.955 So it's okay if you're like, not excited about this word. 00:23:12.955 --> 00:23:28.810 It's okay if you're like, not excited about this word, but just know that it has to do with really appreciating the beautifulness of the human that you partnered with, looking at them as this human and all of the brain to this human experience. 00:23:28.810 --> 00:23:32.586 Not be partner, however they're showing up in your relationship currently. 00:23:32.586 --> 00:23:34.529 You see this very, very. 00:23:34.529 --> 00:23:37.736 There's a good distinction there to help with that. 00:23:37.736 --> 00:23:44.009 So the next one might be even worse than adoration, and this one is devotion. 00:23:44.009 --> 00:23:45.993 So you're gonna be like what? 00:23:45.993 --> 00:23:54.148 So hopefully I'm making that up and you're not having any strong reactions, but I'm talking to those of you who are having a strong reaction. 00:23:54.852 --> 00:24:11.969 So the next one is devotion, and devotion has to do with really being committed at the deepest level, right, and at the end of the day, when I translate these words, they're actually not that yucky if you're struggling, right, if you think about them. 00:24:11.969 --> 00:24:22.971 But devotion has to do with like, yeah, but of course this is my partner, right, and we'll figure it out, we'll make it work, we'll do no matter what. 00:24:22.971 --> 00:24:47.298 That level of commitment is hard to come by and I really commend the couples that come to see us who are invested in working through whatever is troubling them at the moment and, however they fell off their path, whatever struggles they are having, for the courage to be vulnerable, to shake up things, to go to these places, to take the risks Like man. 00:24:47.298 --> 00:24:50.727 My hat is off to you guys. 00:24:50.727 --> 00:24:53.549 And you all get gold stars for doing the work Just gorgeous to you guys. 00:24:53.549 --> 00:24:56.031 And you all get gold stars for doing the work Just gorgeous. 00:24:56.051 --> 00:25:04.901 So devotion again is a deeper level of commitment that has to do with yeah, I am stretching to see all the good. 00:25:04.901 --> 00:25:16.070 I'm going to get out of my way so I can see all the good. 00:25:16.070 --> 00:25:16.613 That's the key people. 00:25:16.613 --> 00:25:18.900 I am going to really be in a place where I could see my partner. 00:25:18.900 --> 00:25:21.713 I'm going to try to be in a place where I could see my partner. 00:25:21.713 --> 00:25:32.859 I'm going to do the best that I can to be in a place where I could really see my partner and commit to this thing to honor the commitment that we made, to make it work Right. 00:25:32.859 --> 00:25:37.096 And when you go at it from that level, you make it work, I promise, okay. 00:25:37.826 --> 00:25:59.970 So for those of you who might know a little bit of my story, there was a period in our relationship where some of the stuff came to be questioned and I was like nope, I am committed to making this work and I did all of the things to making this work and I did all of the things. 00:25:59.970 --> 00:26:01.335 And I say that in a way so that it gives people hope. 00:26:01.335 --> 00:26:05.576 It's not to shame people who don't put in the work or people who put in the work and they don't want to put in the work anymore or anything like that. 00:26:05.576 --> 00:26:17.580 Like that's fine, we're on a journey, we have all our own things, but what I'm offering is that if you're full in, you figure out what you need to do different. 00:26:17.580 --> 00:26:20.712 So it's not about like I did all the things, so now I'm done. 00:26:20.712 --> 00:26:24.734 All right, be careful with that, because it's not about doing all the things. 00:26:24.734 --> 00:26:30.744 It's like hmm, how do I need to be different so that something different can happen? 00:26:30.744 --> 00:26:35.554 It's not like doing all these things so that check, check, check and it didn't work right. 00:26:35.554 --> 00:26:36.817 So we have to be careful with this. 00:26:36.836 --> 00:26:44.698 Sometimes our ego gets in the way, but really humbly showing up to like, wow, how do I really do this so that it could work? 00:26:44.698 --> 00:26:49.068 Guys, that's like reconstructing ourselves. 00:26:49.068 --> 00:26:54.155 And this is coming from a relationship therapist, right, woo. 00:26:54.155 --> 00:27:02.852 So just beautiful work and it's so possible for those who want to go to those places. 00:27:02.852 --> 00:27:04.159 It's just a fun journey if that's part of your journey. 00:27:04.159 --> 00:27:07.894 Some people have other things to do and that's okay. 00:27:07.894 --> 00:27:09.710 Okay, so that was seven. 00:27:09.710 --> 00:27:13.334 Eight now they start getting better and funner. 00:27:13.334 --> 00:27:15.388 Those were kind of intense. 00:27:16.492 --> 00:27:19.250 The next one is eight and it's affection. 00:27:19.250 --> 00:27:35.059 So it's pretty self-explanatory, and even though actually I should say that, even though it's pretty self-explanatory, affection sometimes needs to meet our partner's preference. 00:27:35.059 --> 00:27:41.494 Right, we could be affectionate in a way that our partner might not like, and vice versa. 00:27:41.494 --> 00:27:53.713 And so how do we do affection in a way that serves us both, that it touches our partner, that it's easy for us to do, that replenishes and works for us, that it just is really good for both of us? 00:27:53.713 --> 00:27:56.712 So that could be tricky in and of itself, right. 00:27:56.712 --> 00:28:03.234 So these things could get complex if we allow them to, but just bringing mindfulness to all these things, that's the key. 00:28:04.164 --> 00:28:22.585 Number nine is connection, and connection is about how do we stay in the know, how do we stay in the know, how do we stay

bonded, how do we stay in a place where we feel our partner, even if they're not here. 00:28:22.585 --> 00:28:28.538 They could be across the globe, on the moon, but we still feel the connection. 00:28:28.538 --> 00:28:30.470 That's tricky to do. 00:28:30.470 --> 00:28:33.630 Sometimes People could be in the same room and they feel disconnected as you probably very well know. 00:28:33.630 --> 00:28:34.010 Tricky to do. 00:28:34.010 --> 00:28:36.914 Sometimes people could be in the same room and they feel disconnected, as you probably very well know. 00:28:36.934 --> 00:28:39.519 And so how do we create that connection? 00:28:39.519 --> 00:28:42.364 How do we sustain it? 00:28:42.364 --> 00:28:45.973 Because sometimes we feel connected and then the next day we feel disconnected. 00:28:45.973 --> 00:28:48.769 And then we feel connected and then we feel disconnected and it's torture. 00:28:48.769 --> 00:28:53.778 But so how do we create something that's sustainable, that feels good all the time, without too much effort, right? 00:28:53.778 --> 00:28:55.183 So how do we create something that's sustainable, that feels good all the time, without too much effort, right? 00:28:55.183 --> 00:29:00.477 So how do we create something that we automate creating connection? 00:29:00.477 --> 00:29:03.394 We use connection habits for this, right? 00:29:03.394 --> 00:29:08.297 So what do we need to put in place so that we easily create connection ongoingly? 00:29:08.297 --> 00:29:12.095 And then that helps us sustain it? 00:29:12.095 --> 00:29:18.057 And then our job is to just focus on deepening it. 00:29:18.057 --> 00:29:24.550 How do we make it more special, more meaningful, deeper, more rich, and that's fun. 00:29:24.550 --> 00:29:42.248 So then we bring that level to it and the connection habits help with that, because then there is different habits that you put at different times of the day, different times of the week that just allow for deepening and for being with each other more and more specifically and just better. 00:29:44.192 --> 00:29:48.160 And then the next one is 10, and that's intimacy. 00:29:48.160 --> 00:30:04.571 And now intimacy could be emotional intimacy, but in this particular context I'm referring to in terms of physical intimacy, where you actually have more physical moments, more sexy time and enjoy each other. 00:30:04.571 --> 00:30:30.567 And it's not, like I said before when I was talking about the characteristics that don't feel so good, that it might feel mechanical or superficial, but you have that level of intimacy where it's really pleasurable for each, where you're both really generous, where you take your time, where, even if you have a quickie, it feels really meaningful, where you just take things to no heights. 00:30:30.567 --> 00:30:33.557 And that leads me to the next one, which is passion. 00:30:33.557 --> 00:30:36.348 You could just really add more and more wood to that fire. 00:30:36.348 --> 00:30:44.286 It doesn't have to fizzle, it doesn't have to be a little tiny flame, right, so you could fan it and then it could be bigger and bigger and bigger and be really, really steamy. 00:30:44.286 --> 00:30:47.230 Okay, my loves. 00:30:47.230 --> 00:30:49.815 So those are the 11. 00:30:50.556 --> 00:30:54.469 What I want to offer around this is that we don't have to make it complicated. 00:30:54.469 --> 00:31:30.973 We don't have to make it complicated, we don't have to make it challenging, we don't have to struggle, we don't have to beat ourselves up, we don't have to shame ourselves, we don't have to beat our partner up or shame them or blame it on our partner and all the funny things that we might do when we have a little bit of a struggle in our relationship or when we're going through like a little dip which is very common but instead is to be curious, to be interested, to be committed and to say, okay, we're in a little bit of a slump or we're going through a phase, or we're pretty good, but hey, why not go for even better, right? 00:31:30.973 --> 00:31:34.506 So whatever state you're in, all of it is fabulous, it's part of your journey. 00:31:34.506 --> 00:31:35.186 Even better, right? 00:31:35.186 --> 00:31:37.410 So whatever state you're in, all of it is fabulous, it's part of your journey. 00:31:37.410 --> 00:31:47.161 So, to look at all of this stuff from that perspective, it's all for you, it's all chosen, you're creating this, you're co-creating it, and your job is to do your side and to elevate you. 00:31:52.545 --> 00:31:55.380 What you contribute, what you put in, what you invest, can you imagine showing up with all these characteristics? 00:31:55.380 --> 00:32:04.019 As you're showing up with them, like if you're flirting, there's no way that your partner can like be like, hmm, what's going on Right? 00:32:04.019 --> 00:32:13.535 And so at first they might be like, ew, or they might have a weird reaction or they might be like, ignore it, like what's going on Right. 00:32:13.535 --> 00:32:22.334 But I mean that's when couples are really struggling, like, if you're like not in a dire situation, most likely your partner will be like, oh, what's going on. 00:32:22.334 --> 00:32:31.472 And so when you start showing up differently with some of these things, and the more that you use them and the more that you use more of them, you will have an impact on your relationship. 00:32:31.472 --> 00:32:32.931 You just cannot have one. 00:32:32.931 --> 00:32:37.569 You put in the work, you will get the results. 00:32:37.569 --> 00:32:38.451 And do your side. 00:32:38.551 --> 00:32:41.498 Play with these things, show up with this, make it a little challenge for yourself. 00:32:41.498 --> 00:32:44.114 How do I step it up? 00:32:44.114 --> 00:32:46.292 You know, see what happens. 00:32:46.292 --> 00:32:55.607 Play, and I would love to hear in the comments which one of these really resonated for you, which one you're like so interested in and that you're going to

play with. 00:32:55.607 --> 00:33:08.586 And if you feel courageous and comfortable, share, like what happened, how your partner responded to any of your attempts or your new characteristics that you're playing with. 00:33:08.586 --> 00:33:10.169 That would be so fun to hear. 00:33:10.809 --> 00:33:25.948 All right, so the key is to play with these, to be light about them, to have fun with them, to sprinkle them in, to just be lighthearted and just invest with these things and make them a practice of some sort. 00:33:25.948 --> 00:33:30.125 What do you need to put in place so you've remembered to play with these things, right? 00:33:30.125 --> 00:33:39.111 Do you need to set reminders on your phone, use a reminders app, use a reminder for each one of these, put an alarm like show up with this thing. 00:33:39.111 --> 00:33:50.618 Or a little sticky note on your computer or whatever different rubber band colors on your wrist to remember, be lighthearted about it and just play and practice. 00:33:50.618 --> 00:34:06.018 The more that you practice these things, the more you activate and the more that you cultivate and the more that you expand these things and the more that you will feel the love, partnership. 00:34:06.018 --> 00:34:07.286 That's the key. 00:34:07.286 --> 00:34:17.201 And then the third piece of that is to pledge to this commitment, to this investment, to this up-leveling right. 00:34:17.201 --> 00:34:19.914 So we're going to play with peace today. 00:34:19.914 --> 00:34:22.634 Usually you play with words, with C. 00:34:22.634 --> 00:34:24.672 I don't know why I have that attraction. 00:34:24.672 --> 00:34:28.394 If anybody knows why Cs are attractive, let me know in the comments. 00:34:28.394 --> 00:34:29.036 I'm curious. 00:34:29.036 --> 00:34:36.157 But today peace came to be and so we're going to play, we're going to practice, we're going to pledge Okie dokie. 00:34:36.284 --> 00:34:44.818 So one more thing I want to share some resources that you can find in all of our free content to support some of these things. 00:34:44.818 --> 00:34:50.797 So the things that came to mind as I was chatting and sharing with you had to do. 00:34:50.797 --> 00:34:52.427 One of them was the connection habits. 00:34:52.427 --> 00:35:08.577 So if you go to my blog, metrorelationshipcom forward slash blog, and put in the search box connection habits, you will get a few blog posts that teach you how to create habits, what kind of connections habits there are and all kinds of goodies. 00:35:08.577 --> 00:35:09.239 So you can play with that. 00:35:09.239 --> 00:35:13.733 Go to the resources tab on our website, metrorelationshipcom forward slash resources. 00:35:14.434 --> 00:35:21.021 I don't know if it says free resources or just resources, but just take a look and go to February. 00:35:21.021 --> 00:35:26.827 There's a whole video around dating your partner, investing in the relationship, nurturing the relationship, all kinds of goodies. 00:35:26.827 --> 00:35:38.614 That I did a couple of years ago for Valentine's day and I run the, the the love theme for the month and there's a downloadable there that helps you how to date your partner. 00:35:38.614 --> 00:35:46.170 So you're welcome to that so that you could step up the romantical side of things and the playfulness and the fun and the adventure and all the good things. 00:35:46.170 --> 00:35:48.891 That's the easiest way to invest in this stuff as well. 00:35:48.891 --> 00:35:50.916 Check out the YouTube. 00:35:50.916 --> 00:35:58.115 There's a few playlists around nurturing enrichment connection and those might be helpful. 00:35:58.115 --> 00:36:05.478 I'll see what feels right in my air specific links, but feel free to go dig around in those places for those. 00:36:05.978 --> 00:36:07.019 Okay, I think that's it for today. 00:36:07.019 --> 00:36:14.369 My loves, thank you so much for watching, for listening, for being here with me, sharing time, being open to the concept of creating a love partnership. 00:36:14.369 --> 00:36:25.251 That usually gets lost in our life and is such a waste of an opportunity to have an amazing, grand life experience and amazing relationship with our partner. 00:36:25.251 --> 00:36:33.827 Let's create the epic love affair with our partner that we desire deep down inside, totally possible. 00:36:33.827 --> 00:36:34.548 Let's do it. 00:36:34.548 --> 00:36:35.505 Thank you so much. 00:36:35.505 --> 00:36:36.588 I'll see you at the next one. 00:36:36.588 --> 00:36:37.391 Bye.