With a career spanning many popular shows like: Inside Amy Schumer, Girls, Louie, Californication,
Jimmy Kimmel Live, VH1 Classic's "That Metal Show", Fox News Red Eye, The Howard Stern Radio & TV Show, and many others. He's a hilarious comedian, but on the other side - he's a little darker. The passing of his father, then the passing of his girlfriend, followed by a (recent) divorce have molded him into the man he is today. Let's find out who that is, in this episode of StandUp Lie Down.  Love the podcast? Consider following us on Patreon at: https://www.patreon.com/Standupliedown.
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00:00:03This's comedienne joan batteries and welcome to stand up Lie down in every episode of our show myself in psychiatrist dr keith abalo will play stand up clips of our guest and they will be the in points for our discussion and our goal is simple to help my fellow
00:00:25comedians get out of their life Long what today's episode a standup lie down is the final episode for season warm deceptive going to be a little different since some without my partner dr keith ablow My guest is comedian jim florentine jim and i go way back to the
00:00:45mid nineties when we used to meet on the new jersey turnpike to carpool in the new york city to play softball for the comic strip comedy club team to try and help our comedy careers We have a long history as friends so i wanted to play friend and
00:01:00shrink for this Let me tell you a little bit about jim Jim is an american standup comedian actor author and television personality he's best known for co hosting that metal show on vh one classic fakir pieces We're going tell fans going talking about van halen backstage live asking
00:01:20questions and we're just gonna mess with him we're not talking to them we can't get into the consequence vh one is too cheap Let's see how it goes wolf gang he's a new base planets and sun of what he wants to know what your problem is probably right
00:01:33that up i like to see there was a bit they said why is paul stanley here Wolfgang just walked out in a room that's dead Yeah yeah wait i didn't mean it like that and he said that he wants to bring out some security guy or something You
00:01:51have to talk to you for what As well as voicing several characters on crank yankers including special ed and bobby fletch I got mail Yeah i got mail Yea he hosts a popular podcast called comedy medal midgets and he's been doing that since two thousand eleven he's always
00:02:19been a unique hilarious voice in the comedy world and someone that really always has made me laugh another side to jim much like most comics is a little darker Jim has had his share of struggles in life from the passing of his father then the passing of his
00:02:37long time girlfriend and then getting divorced just three years ago Today i'm gonna try to get deep and figure out how this darkness has molded my guest for stand up lie down today jim florentine don't know if you if you know what stand up lie down is but
00:02:58this is ah this is the first time i'm doing it without my co host dr keith ablow who is a psychiatrist who you may know from ah used to call in to howard and diagnosed howard and robin and everybody on the show Remember him Yes i know keith
00:03:15ablow ours Basically we use the standups stand up stand up as a blueprint for the show and kind of talk psychologically about their issues and stuff like that that match up with a lot of there there stand up and we're going to start right at the top here
00:03:37with the clipper You and hopefully you'll be able to hear it also and i'll cut it in and post But um this is neighbor keeping son's ball This is from your new special Yeah It's from the one i release Probably about ah a year and a half ago
00:03:55Yeah And this is the one that's title The simple man Yeah that was on my show of man Ah special And it is simple men Ah like is that like a joke Because you're like do you think you are a simple man Or do you actually think you're
00:04:11not a simple man Well it's i love the leonards kinnard song A simple and but plus also yet i've done the theme of the of that show was basically i'm a simple man living in a you know in a complicated world i just you know i don't i
00:04:26don't like a lot of aggravation i try to live a peaceful life so that's what you know the theme of the show wass right but put a lot of the a lot of the bits are i'm sure people have said to you if they interview you about simple
00:04:43men to some of the bits sound like you might not be a simple man like your simple to a lot of people but maybe ah female might not think it sounds like a simple man or do you think ah female should think that's a simple man i don't
00:04:59give a shit what a female things you've got to that point where you're like no but i've never been by joe you've known me for a long time you see my stand up over the years we worked together for a long time i never have i just talked
00:05:11about what i know my experience of what's going on whether i'm dating somebody or whatever so i'm just going to put the truth out i'm not going rarely going to sugar coat it so i'm just sorry if this what if this what happened to me I'm sorry but
00:05:24this is you know some you know girl did this so i'm going to talk about it right Well it's it's funny because you have never been a guy that was like going to change you were like this is who i am and either you're going to accept me
00:05:38for this or we're not going to get along right even as friends like guy friends this is who i am i do immature things and i'm not changing but it's interesting because you and i see the same therapist so it's like i always wonder like which jim florentine
00:05:55talking about in therapy if he's like i don't really want to change because therapy is a lot about changing isn't so what do you go in there and talk about if you're like this is who i am i'm not changing well i haven't been the therapy in like
00:06:08three years so i don't remember what i was talking about you don't remember what do you remember what you used to talk about Yeah yeah i just you know look at some point you know i want him early forties i realized i have to get my act together
00:06:23you know what i mean Stop like dating these troubled women women that you know are crazy but you know crazy then i like maybe sexually but that's just a disaster arrested a life and you know arrested or day and i was always attracted to that craziness He's my
00:06:38friends are like that too But then it annoys me and i'm like why am i doing this Why can't i just find someone that's normal where i don't Because i don't like to deal with a lot of aggravation so i'm like why am i picking these people that
00:06:48i have to take care of Right So it was like this was a specific thing you want There was one thing and that was it I want to stop I want to stop dating these crazy people and let's figure out why yeah and then figure out why i
00:07:03was dating him and what you know all this stuff So that's why i was going to definitely it definitely helped me out and got me teo to a good point Figure it out Did you figure it out Like what was the reason Well you know it's it's more
00:07:16of a you know um you know from when i was a kid my childhood my mom you know race seven kids you know my parents were married whatever and my mom basically was like you know she was like mother two races she would take people in off the
00:07:29street friends you know what People that were sick or whatever has always people staying on a house that you just take care of him she felt bad for him so i think i got that gene from her where you know you know i feel bad for people so
00:07:40i take him in but i don't have the patients like my mom does my mama's the patience of a saint i don't right so then it would just cause friction got you record yeah it would cause friction and then you ultimately end up breaking up you would be
00:07:56able to take it for a while because you had a lot of long relationships they they didn't last for like a week and you were gone they you'd less seven eight years with somebody that would be kind of kind of crazy right Yeah i mean i i had
00:08:08two seven year relationship show yeah you didn't really like it what would you date normal girls and then break up with them fast and stay longer with the crazy ones yeah usually like you come off a crazy relation but then you know that you know you then you
00:08:26get a girl like you know because you want to go to brunch tomorrow and i'm like yeah and would you literally say that to them and well what would happen Well the first time she's i said i don't even know what brunch is i didn't i didn't know
00:08:43what brunch wise this is in the nineties his girl i started digs i got a normal girl i don't know what it wass right But they say well you know when i had long hair you know when i had long hair i used to just date like you
00:08:54know like hairdressers of strippers or rock girls you know when they were just fun and just like to have a good time and all that stuff so but then when i cut my hair off than those girls weren't attracted to me anymore so i was meeting girls that
00:09:06work in a bank they want to go to dinner right So it was a big adjustment for me just like that said those crazy ones weren't attracted to me anymore said i was a big his argument i can remember the last time you and i don't know if
00:09:21it was on a podcast or we were just hanging out talking but you had told me that you were like trying to date more normal girl is like i remember i maybe was when i saw you at a c d c when we went to when i have
00:09:33my son and you got us into the like ten throw into the concert and i remember you saying like there was like some there might have been some girl there that you used to date and you're like not interested because she was kind of crazy and then you
00:09:49said i'm i'm kind of trying to make a move for like just like a like a cuter girl maybe not as hot and like more normal has that been happening no it hasn't happened but that's my my next girlfriend i tell him one is going to be a
00:10:02quiet it's six but you haven't one on one date with one nothing they're not you know i have you know it's it's tough because you know i've been divorced now three years it's you know i haven't figured out the the way to raise my kid which i have
00:10:21fifty percent of the time do my career and everything else they are going on to fit in a relationship too because i'd rather spend time with my kid right Yeah now that you have a key i get you so it's all about him so i just don't you
00:10:36know i wouldn't want to blow off any time that i have with him for a relationship i like him more than anybody else yeah i was just i was just saying that to my wife this morning like my wife i wake up and she's not even in bed
00:10:50with me anymore and i think it's her and it's my son have you ever had those moments where your son is like ah like touching your leg or something while you're sleeping and you're like thinking that your girlfriend your wife and you're like god i feels good and
00:11:05then you look over and it's your fucking kid it's like the weirdest feeling you had these your son ever coming to bed with you Yeah he's susan above me like you know ah a couple times a week he likes to sleep in the bed i got a big
00:11:18bet he's like i want to sleep in your bed tonight like all right that's fine right You know i like um i i get mad when he doesn't like you know did the other night was like i'm gonna go sleep my oh my god what did i do
00:11:29wrong Like we're in a relationship like did i not take out the garbage I'm sorry that i leave the toilet seat up well i got a bunch of clips here that i want to i want to come in and out of and kind of interview you ah psychologically
00:11:45also like as a friend that's kind of the hook of the podcast i bring my friends on you know maybe they're in some lifelong fucking mess maybe we can ah maybe i'll have some sort of diagnosis by the end of this why you were your keep dating these
00:12:03crazy girls and the quiet sixes aren't coming around we'll figure it out but ah maybe i'll let you pick the first clip and what you think relates to what we're talking about i got neighbor keeps the son's ball i got not molested by priests late masturbator bank problems
00:12:21cake problems just married from simple man and i got a facebook stinks from simple men and gays from simple man what do you know what what which of those kind of relates um the neighbors one the neighbors keeping ball son or i'm going to buy that let's go
00:12:39right into that and ah give us give us a quick background on it where did this joe come from This is a true story with your knee oh well this is that this is a thing where you know is a comic and you know you know when you
00:12:53live around the city or in the city or something like that and you're on your own and then all of a sudden you get married you have to grow up and then you have to move to the suburbs because you need more room when you have a kid
00:13:03and you're petrified of the suburbs because that's where i grew up that i'm going to be like a guy with a white picket fence and i'm going to have these neighbors and we're gonna talk about school districts all the time and you know he's going to ask me
00:13:16to come over and have a craft beer and that to me that's like that's like that's pure hell well i could if i was your psychiatrist or psychologist i'd be like well you're saying you want this quiet six but you hate the normal life so like maybe you
00:13:33shouldn't be with a quiet six if you want if you don't want that why do you want to quiet six Well no this was when i did this bit this was my fear of moving to the suburbs and like this was it was going to happen it's not
00:13:46one hundred percent true this story it's pretty close but but that was my fear but that now that i'm here and i'm living in the suburbs i love it i think it's great i talked to my neighbors about school district's we hang out i don't drink craft beers
00:14:01i never would i don't i don't intrude in my beer you know like my salad let's hear the i want to hear the exact bit and you should be oh boy all comes into my yard i get to keep it so you tell me if the ball goes
00:14:23over your fence you're not going to give it back to dutch the rules around here my god i already want this guy fucking dead okay he's going to keep a four year old ball sounds like a week later he decides to have like a block party to welcome
00:14:38a city block sues i walk in and go save your hungry we got gaps in the kitchen i go what for your phone when you talk about he's like i know what is out is there's a chauffeur appetizer never abs like on that from a guy i never
00:14:49heard a man say on he started with the beer right Because you want to be around my gal take a bud light years or we don't go bud light and what we got we got a raspberry we strawberry i'm like i don't have a fruit cup i wanna
00:15:03beer does not is just a hint of strawberry and i go really i rather have a hint of semen and my beard and hit the straw but at least i'll be drinking some manly it's funny because i like craft beers but i don't like the ones with fruit
00:15:19i just like a regular like uh even like a guinness is a craft beer isn't it I don't know what what what what considers it to be a craft beer i don't know what you know but you know he had with the fruit in him ah and the
00:15:36neighbor is this is this is this the current neighbor say i know this is this is when i first moved back at when my kid was really young and there was different people i only was said this house for a year and i had these ah corn ball
00:15:48neighbors they were just you know always waiting for you when you pulled up to talk to you you know you're going to put a stop sign up on that road again good so what Ah uh uh your your classic your ah it's always funny like um we interviewed
00:16:10doug stanhope for this show a long long time ago and it's like certain comedians i'm always like certain guys there are harder fit for a show called like stand up lie down because they're just like i like i like you know stanhope was like i like that i
00:16:25drink to black and out every night like i don't want to change this is great his girlfriend liked it his manager in mind that he was like almost dying every night and ah and you i mean probably why you stop going to therapy altogether you're like why do
00:16:40i need to go to therapy There's no there's nothing i'm unhappy with in my life if if there was one thing that you had the pick right now like what you're unhappy with is there anything Well no i i should probably should be still being and obviously i
00:16:54just decided i'd you know i didn't feel like going anymore No i you know i look i have another relationship in three years so since i've been divorced you know real relationships that you know that that could be a problem i just you know as soon as i
00:17:07get any kind of like little aggravation from anyone if i start seeing somebody in my i'm done i'm out already if i'm already getting this three weeks and imagine what it's going to be at the year mark and you know what You're breaking up with the girls it's
00:17:19you every time i know what it's not even breaking up you know just kind of hanging out or whatever you know see where it's going and then it's just you know suze you know i got it you got an example of like like a real one that really
00:17:31happened like recently yeah i like this one girl's good could we do something meaning what wait like give me give me an example of a real of a real girl or you like like like a normal guy probably might not care if she said that and you you
00:17:53actually stop seeing her over it well i think that you know when they when i could pretty much tell we're after beginning right off the bat i'm pretty good at and now knowing like nice see red flags before i would see the red flags and just ignore me
00:18:09in the beginning i maybe she was just having a bad night you know but now i could see him right off the bat so i might still you know you know hang with this girl but i just know she's not girlfriend material and then when i could tell
00:18:22she's like i mean and i'm like oh boy now i gotto not gonna back off here because you know i'm obviously not going to date her right so that's that always becomes a problem and oh my god how am i going to get out of this now and
00:18:35uh you're meeting these girls like if they meet you at your standup show it's pretty obvious that you're that guy i mean every joke is like what what annoys you about mainstream it's like you're literally taking what everybody does and saying the complete opposite which is what makes
00:18:54comedy i mean that's really what comedy a lot of it is the ah picking the things that you hate and everybody else realizes oh shit i guess i hated to even realize i do that but i do that yeah well yeah i mean first of all i don't
00:19:08get too many girls come to my show i worked on that metal show for eight years i got guys asking me why the scorpions didn't tour in nineteen ninety two after the show right You know So i don't but i don't think so i'm not really drawing a
00:19:21female crop but no but if i do if a girl wants to hang on me after a show she kind of knows going in she you know pretty much is you know knows my comedy came out to see me so she already knows what she's gotten herself into
00:19:33have you had it where you meet one of those quiet sixes and your data for a couple weeks and then you bring her to one of your shows and she sees this guy that she might have not known maybe she didn't know your stand up is that happened
00:19:45No because every girl is a detective ah private investigator i don't know why every girl's not a p i because they within thirty seconds they know everything about you so they can't even when they try to pull it off i i didn't even really you do comedy okay
00:20:03really okay yeah you didn't look in that phone you have in your hand they pre google it they know everything and then they pretend they don't and they just try to like you know they'll throw out something like you know and you go ok you see did some
00:20:17research right Well ah i think we got to go to another clip here because i think i think what maybe when i'm speaking of isn't completely in aa in all the what we're talking about here but some of these stand up it's especially from a simple man kind
00:20:36of fit it ah we got ah we got gays we got facebook stinks ah girlsnight out of that that must sound like you're pretty annoyed or phones well um the girl's night out is you know you can relate to it too and basically say just saying like you
00:20:56know the girls that comes at a comedy club you know that just you know it's usually ends in a problem when is a girlsnight out that they they don't play well together you know and the you know within an hour someone's outside calling an ex boyfriend cryin you
00:21:12know another one's peeking into the bathroom that kind of thing so i mean that's pretty much you know we wait we could pick that as a comic knowing that were in those situations a lot when you hear into the bachelorette party and in the crowd or you know
00:21:25a bunch of girls on a girlsnight out like ten of them in the front you know at least seventy percent of the time is going to be some kind of problem with them i think you once gave me advice saying you were never gonna be able to pull
00:21:37a girl from the ah from the bachelorette party like you can't do it so don't even bother trying you're not going to get one to come with you and leave the whole party there's no what you got a cock blockers you've got no shot all right let's go
00:21:51let's go to girlsnight out i want i want to hear this one this is ah a short clip from a simple man theo the rest of the girls are dealing with another one puke it in a bag if rome rockets he decide that for shots the egg or
00:22:08two glass of wine in a margarita that doesn't understand why she's puking right Our friends are holding a hair back and she's making excuse up i think somebody put something in my drink Yeah somebody did It was the bartender was called close your fucking way alcohol and ice
00:22:29that's always in your drink same shit they were put in for years and by the way you know we put anything you drink you're not that hot ok that's right I said it because you ever notice it's always that one in the group that somebody put something in
00:22:45my drink notated it so menacing but something their own drink to fuck your that's our work i've done it a couple times good slump us there you know what i'm talking about girls I mean when they go out together right there was a guys are women a way
00:23:14worse there will be at the table sitting as soon as one walks away to start badmouthing are such a bitch i don't like the rita who would find about driving home is bullshit she's a horse my people i want to go in the bathroom right now i'm just
00:23:29lasting imagining you in alan art psychiatrists are old psychiatrist's office and just like what would he say to you in these kind of things it's like i i can't imagine that they're composite vitya go be a girl out there I'm like trying to imagine a girl i mean
00:23:48sure you're exaggerating on stage there has to be a piece of you that can handle girl shit because there's no girl you're going it's like you're gonna have to find a guy at the date a guy i could hear the allen saying you might want to just be
00:24:04gay if you can't handle any this now largest obviously obviously i'm nit picking you know that's what you do like what stand up comedy unit picket mostly a marriage your relationship is really good but there's three things that you were you're nitpicking but i can't go come on
00:24:21what's the material on that so yeah i'm nitpicking when what all these bits where i'm seeing the worst side of people when they're drunk when they haven't been out in a while and whatever you know so that's where you draw from not that not the girls that just
00:24:34go out have a good time and everything's fine had a blast and there was no problems i'm not going to talk about that because that's not funny right Have you ever tried to do stand up of kind of about this other side of you Do you think or
00:24:47do you do Is it impossible about what side though i like ah i mean like the side that might bend a little bit in and you know you being ah good partner or something like that it's a lot harder or you know do you just i guess it's
00:25:07probably easy to talk about being a dad being a good dad versus a shooting dad you know i think you do some stand up about uh you know good dads and moms like not paying attention to their kids when you have something on that um like just being
00:25:24like shitty parents and like not just letting them get away whatever they want no i don't think i did that on a podcast or something like that but no i i talk about you know just raising my kids but looked at you know yeah i could go up
00:25:37there and go hey you know what I'm in a relationship i love to just surprise my my girlfriend or wife with a plane ticket will go to napa valley you know what We'll just go well had did a book bahamas i'll make sure that i set a baby
00:25:50sitters you know behind my wife's back you know So we and i'm just going to go hey let's go into the store the whole foods and then we take off go right to the airport for two days i could talk about all that which i've done but who's
00:26:03laughing at that i don't even mean like that like sounded like some horny guy i'm not know what i'm saying but i could do all that i know if i'm gonna relation but to two different people for seven years and what my ex wife for like almost six
00:26:16total obviously i'm not a dick they wouldn't stay with me that long but you know was a comic you're going to talk about the tension and relationship and there's no reason to talk about the other stuff because it's not funny so like i'm not i'm not going to
00:26:30spend four minutes setting up how what a good guy and before i go but i don't like oh my wife does this i never liked that i never go i love the whatever but you know it's like you just i don't need to do that i'm just going
00:26:42to get right to the point right Well i mean there's still you can still do like i guess my examples would be like if you like hated donald trump and you went up there and shit on donald trump all that bum should he says and like it a
00:26:58girl out there might be really also hates donald trump and she loves all your opinion so at least it's you shitting on something that doesn't sound like i like things that a girl might be afraid to date you know what i mean Well i think that if a
00:27:15girl doesn't do that but whatever i'm talking about if they don't do that we didn't take a lot Yeah that's funny i know girls that do that i don't do it you don't need whatever it is whatever it is i'm talking about right Oh i'm not look i'm
00:27:30not sure that's what i'm that's what i'm on here and that's what i'm when i'm on stage i'm not thinking look i want to fuck every girl in the audience so i'm going to try to do material where they're gonna want to fuck me after the show i
00:27:40never think of that because they want to compromise my comedy i go i'm going to talk about what i know my experience what just happened in may and hopefully people like it if they don't know well i mean i'm not going to be able to get everybody in
00:27:51the crowd sure that's that's true also you know we're a girl that's smart enough to know that's an exaggeration he's doing stand up it's like almost like it's like most comedians we would we you know i i didn't towards the end but when you're a new comedian and
00:28:12even like ten fifteen years in most of the girls you're hooking up with your meeting at your shows and then i used to be the same way i would attract all those crazy girls and i actually met i met my wife a different way which was not it's
00:28:27a stand up show you know so ah that that that that seems to be the better way especially if you're a comedian that's going up there coming from a really strong male point of view what is it I don't think it's a strong male point of view why
00:28:46Because everybody else is going i better not say anything because i don't want one woman that would think i wasn't funny like i don't go up there thinking like that that's what everybody else does right You don't i mean like why what i'm shooting on men two of
00:28:59my word about that like oh my god if a guy doesn't like me like i'm going to pick apart whatever it is that i'm talking about if that affect somebody personally what am i going to do it take a survey before i go in I don't know no
00:29:12i'm i'm saying that i know that's why i think you're funny i hate i used to hate comedians that wouldn't be honest on stage and i would have a conversation with him after their set and i would go why are you not being yourself up there And they'd
00:29:26be like well i'm not going to get laid and i'm like doing comedy isn't about getting laid it's about being creative and being yourself and being funny don't worry about getting laid that get laid somewhere else you know You don't so i don't know i'm the same guy
00:29:42on and off stage you know what i mean like i'm still not going to go on a different guy up there i'm just up there bitching about stuff that works for me and just talking about my life but personal things that go on which by the way don't
00:29:53do any donald trump jokes was using my materialism is you know personal to me and then i don't i don't need to go hey the four guys are romney before had there donald trump jokes let me give you mine i mean it's the it's the happiest thing ever
00:30:08for a comic to be doing that it's almost when lorena bobbitt cut john wayne bobbitt's dick off in every comic had one you're fighting in the green room who's going to do it first and when peewee herman got caught jerking off in a movie theater that's why I
00:30:20wish i was a writer on these late night shows because i could i can write those jokes in seven minutes and be done for the day it's true every guy doing every guy every late night guy doing the same exact jokes on the same exact topic it's the
00:30:36laziest people late nights ever been ever well and also you're going to separate your crowd and everybody is going to get i don't even care about that i would if i what if i wanted to talk about it but when you know as a comic you got to
00:30:48know when everybody's talking about the same thing maybe you should move on from that right but there are great comedians don't you are aren't you ever impressed when you see a comedian take a happy subject and find some weird other angle towards it in it and like like
00:31:04chris rock will take stuff that everybody's talking about but he'll do it in a really unique funny way and you're like i never thought of taking that his nine eleven jokes you know or whatever his a joke that everybody's doing i mean everybody's doing everybody's doing that the
00:31:21what you call it louie c k when that whole thing broke i mean every comedian had a bit about it i even had a bit about it that got hacky so fast that you know every comedian had a joke we almost feel like at some point sometimes you
00:31:36just write him and they all and you're doing for a week and then you stop you know but no i absolutely right yes i like it when someone could take it you know Yeah beat beat to death premise and taking into different direction absolutely chris rock obviously didn't
00:31:52do any trump jokes in his last special because he knew was a comic to stay away from it because like ok well you think anyone out there's going i wonder what chris rocks take is on trump when everybody everybody a plumber on facebook is doing those jokes right
00:32:07So he has a good comment he knows in the howard stern when i always want to hear what howard's take on something if it happened in the news there certainly guys you want to hear their take for some reason you know like a george carlin when he was
00:32:20around he always wanted to hear what what they think of this shit that everybody else is going on i want to hear a really funny different angle to it i don't know no it's showing you know and how it started even those he barely talks about trump tio
00:32:35someone called a man it because look this is a comedy show this isn't i don't want to talk politics for four hours you know it because i'm here to make people laugh so even he knows not to do it because they're you knows everybody else is doing it
00:32:47like that guy's always one step ahead right yeah that that's the key i think look at look at howard stern the howard some was you know brutally honest about everything on the air about everything that was going on and that's why people love them you know so like
00:33:03so you know i've always taken that cue like you wanted i want an honest guy like that to you know i want to be like that guy to to just just says what's on his mind and it's going to piss people off here or there but i'm really
00:33:14getting pissed off people on them are not walking out of my shows because i made a joke about a girls want to give you a blowjob you know what i mean they understand it's jokes up there right you know when you get out of new york city when
00:33:26you get out of new york city and realize people don't you know this all the media is blowing up this meat to and everything else and all these were feminists are coming to shows and they're walking out and your white male you better not say anything about when
00:33:38none of that is going on none yeah i hear you i asked the club owners i asked you know when i get to apply anymore people walk and have more people complain and write letters doing this don't you know trash and you guys on the online no not
00:33:54at all no people who think you know people research the comics now they know what they're coming inform people just want to laugh dental care every tv you walked by you see all that crap on the tv they just want to come in and so you know it's
00:34:05really not affecting most of america well the more famous you get the more the crowd is coming and know what you do i mean unfortunately ah i'm not at a level where people know what i'm doing or sometimes they just come because it's like it's like free on
00:34:20a thursday night they get you know they get comp ce or because they want them to just come and eat and drink on a thursday night and everyone in the crowd is twenty three years old i'm like i'm fucking fifty like i don't know what to say to
00:34:32you if you're twenty three like i just i almost can't make people that age really laugh unless i just have to like change the angle you know And then you get fucked because then the people that did come to see you are sitting in the back and they
00:34:48are like a little older and now you're you changed it for the young people so i mean i guess you ultimately just have to do what you do and then there's other bookers that'll go you've got to rearrange it looked and you look and see everybody's young you
00:35:02can't do it that way and you're like i don't know what the fucking d'oh yeah yeah i mean i don't i don't over analyze it that much I just go out there and do it and you know if i see a a crowd that's going to be super
00:35:16young then on my guard and i know what kind of jokes that are gonna work so i'll just leave them out you know dorm i said and i could work with them you know what the younger crop i don't wont adjusted too much they'll get it if you
00:35:28explain it I mean i'm not going to go hey you know you know when i go to a p t a meeting you know my wife and there were teachers you know they might not get that shit was like i don't have kids i'm twenty two years old
00:35:38and living in a city i'm single but you know and i'm driving in my car and stuff like that but you know t ellis did stuff to universal that don't get they all watch tv they get they get what's going on so i don't really worry about that
00:35:50too much but but nobody is really walking out like so it's not like ok looked at you know everyone's a feminist someone's walk around i'm a feminist you know all the shit in nineteen ninety three when i did my first college or one of those sunni colleges up
00:36:02outside albany they withheld my pay because you probably remember this joke when i had long hair My opening joke was i got pulled over by a cop coming up here Like i said you know i pulled you over again because they looked like a chick you remember that
00:36:14yeah i'm going to let me go whatever it but and they didn't they will hold it withheld might pay because i said the word chick and they thought it was sexist not this was in nineteen ninety three wow yeah i had you know i had a way like
00:36:26a month again my money they weren't didn't pay me after the show that's ridiculous so this stuff has always been one thing that would happen now yeah that's crazy you know what i mean so that was in ninety three so it's you know it's so you know for
00:36:39everyone saying like this and me too and you better not do this and do that you know it's really not affecting to stand up i don't see it at all and it showed it you know what i mean like ok you want to do that talked about when
00:36:52you come to a comedy club and it's always been like that you know this is where you you know leave all that shit at the door and come in and have a few laughs well i think that's a sign your careers doing pretty well for you to say
00:37:04that because i kind of disagree ah i get a lot of people that who and ah jokes way more than they used to when you're just when they're just coming to see a comedian i think the one weapons along what we do jokes they'll just go like you
00:37:23know like if you say certain words you talk and i always try to explain to them i'm like i'm fifty like i'm not twenty so like this is what how i was taught to do comedy like we grew up watching guys that would say whatever they saw in
00:37:40front of them if there's a guy in the front will row wearing like a sheet wrapped around his head like there's no way like dice was going to not mention it i got a fuck and not mention there's like i'm going i'm not going to insult them to
00:37:54the point where i'm being a dick to the guy but i gotta say what's there you know and like that that ah that doesn't work sometimes when you get a very young feminist crowd especially yeah it could be bad i you know but you know what then again
00:38:11i don't do any material on race yes i've always pretty much stayed away from that you know Because it's just not my thing i'm just not it's not to me it's just i don't know i don't i don't i don't i don't either but i'm saying if like
00:38:22something's there and i mentioned what's there like not even a race joke just you know what i mean i don't know or or a girl being offended because she's young and like they're so easily offended it's it's i don't i'm i'm surprised that you you know i'm not
00:38:41but i'm not but i'm not drawing you know everyone in that that comes to defy show is and you know knows my comedy so i'm not but where you where is this happening to you Like what states is this happens has happened in new york and you know
00:38:53where it is where these people getting offended Ah well well got montreal where i just was i found was very excessive the young people from canada were you know montreal has always been a very sensitive area even though it's got one of the best comedy festival's we have
00:39:12i always felt that i wish this comedy festival wasn't in an area where people spoke english as a second language and we're a little touchy with their they don't they don't like it I find that mainstream like howie mandel kind of comedy does better in a in a
00:39:28city like montreal canada much of you write about montreal the last time i did it when they had that jim bow's comedy club upstairs and i would do it every year i didn't do it for like four years and probably three years ago was the last time i
00:39:40did it or three two year and i really noticed a difference in the crowd how really sensitive they were it was unbelievable it was to the point where by saturday night you ever have one of these where it's like i started pulling punches with my comedy and then
00:39:55by the late show saturday is the final show i don't know why i just got one of those moods where i was just like fuck it i'm saying everything i think about montreal and like they actually left mohr when i just went full on like what you know
00:40:12like when certain and comedians instead of like trying to change their jokes they'll go even harder and it actually worked better cause it was honest you know i really was being annoyed and how p c they were so it no it's it's weird yeah well montreuil definitely like
00:40:30i said i felt that three years ago you know i've done i do toronto i've been doing just that had been ten to six months ago and they're it's completely different just like an american crowd they laugh at whatever so that city without a doubt but other than
00:40:41that i'm not getting anywhere you getting in omaha nebraska you get them in cleveland i'm not no new york even in new york i do to stand comedy club all the time and never have problems there with a groaning and like oh my god that's terrible that none
00:40:58of that i think i think my problem is like your act is pretty um you're through line goes through every bit so it's like i used to say if like you were a dirty comedian or you like we're like i'll give an example ahh anthony jessel nick like
00:41:17every joke anthony jessel nick does really pushes a button right So if you're going to get offended you're fucked because he's doing an hour and fifteen minutes of nothing like every joke he does is just is exaggerated and it's supposed to be pushing buttons so if you do
00:41:36all that you're fine it's like me i have some nice jokes and then all of a sudden i got a joke that isn't so nice and then it stands out and makes the crowd go it's like because i didn't have all of that well get rid of the
00:41:50nice jokes done that's my suggestion i tried that once i was like maybe i'll go all fucking edgy but then i was like that doesn't fit me either because that's not me like i am a guy that has i've always liked comedy that's that's both you know Well
00:42:06yeah i'm look obviously when i'm setting up what i'm doing my set and i'm figure out the order and segways i always start off definitely soft stir and then get into more of a harder stuff you don't want to start off like that so i don't want to
00:42:17be in the hole so i'm always conscience that adam like let me put this stuff early cities will work and then i can kind of ease him into some more rougher stuff you know about seven ten minutes into the set but the first i don't want to kill
00:42:30anyone hit him over the head early because i might rose and i don't know if i can get him back and then when you go in new york city when you have to do a short and set the like i mean i gotta really i've got to get
00:42:39him for a couple minutes would not so much crazy stuff and then i get hit him later but my set shorter so i don't know i don't have time to build as much right Well let's ah let's let's play this clip from a simple man just called gays
00:42:53i'm sure that's going to have some buttons that will push on it and kind of hear how the crowds totally on board so let's go to gaze from a simple man The theory is that the nfl really thought this one out right I think that's more offensive to
00:43:10him than the n word probably but i don't say that word anymore i retired and i did it right there but you know i would if you pulled the gay community i would say one hundred percent are against that word so fine i'll drop it because i found
00:43:23another word that means the same thing so i just substituted so it works out for may i'm always one step ahead of the gay community but when i used to use that word i didn't mean in a derogatory way i did i just meant that like some guy
00:43:38did something girly that's all i didn't i didn't mean it like you lay with a mother man the bible says you're gonna burn in hell on you're going to have a kid and that's discussing you put up a penis in your mouth didn't mean any of that remember
00:43:52the last time he used it right My friend scott metallica tattoos big metal guy right He goes i just came back from new york city i saw that broadway show rock of ages i really like that singing a dance that was kind of fun i just want a
00:44:04fag just came out just like that but i won't use the warning because there's another where like i said the word is manny up means the same thing it's fag theyjust disguise it that's everyone bad off man up Remember that commercial right two guys in a bar drinking
00:44:22beer and one guy goes to his friend do what you want to go to the bathroom with me is like manna that means fag only girls do that so we'll use that one and you know what don't blame and i don't like when the gay community blames on
00:44:36a heterosexual men for throwing that word around all right don't come after us you know you will have to go after the tv producers because every time you see a gay guy on tv he's doing something flamboyant he's acting like a girl and when heterosexual guys go that's
00:44:49weird i wouldn't act like that and then they throw that word around next time a guy does something like a girl all right game and don't act like that why are you reinforcing that stereotype You know i mean that's that's all they're doing right they never cut to
00:45:01a black guy on tv eating watermelon right because they go and that's a stereotype fucking don't show that shot you know i mean show gay guys acting manly on tv you know what i mean And then we won't use the word anymore like show gig i read that
00:45:17a nail gonna just now and shit all night that's that's family okay guys do that why can't you show that show gay guy chopping board out back with a dip it in a twelve back that's fucking manly too they're manly men they are i mean game and taking
00:45:32any ass that's pretty manly if you think about that's a manly act because i had a finger in my ass one night just to the first knuckle and i yelled so loud some had a fire alarm went off if i just took seven inches of my ass i
00:45:58wouldn't go plant some chicks wedding afterwards like wrestle of fucking alligator that's what i would and i have a nice pair of shoes that given the gay friend way so so you're that joke when you even just like i have a joke all aboutthe word fact too and
00:46:21there's certain places it really kills and it's all my last special but there's other places where i can tell and my joke is about how people get uptight about the word and i could tell there getting up tight of me talking about how people get uptight like you
00:46:38don't have that happen someplace is um yeah probably you don't when you thought when you're doing a bit like that you're going to get you know people like old man i don't know if i can laugh at that but if it is it's sometimes it would sometimes it
00:46:52would take to the end of the bit to really for to get the payoff but you just have to hang in there because people like whoa also hearing is that buzzword you know it and they're not red they're not really taken and in contact so but that was
00:47:05always a bit where i love to challenge myself and see if i could win the crowd over with it right and it's how you really feel and he should be able to say it and usually when it is your true feeling it works you know it's if i
00:47:21remember apollo used to give me shit if i would sugarcoat a bit like if i would there because like you go to a city and it doesn't work when you're doing the bit so you have something like ah a disclaimer before the bit i would be like i
00:47:34know you guys could get offended by this word but and he would get so pissed at me if i threw a disclaimer in front of the bit he would he's like just fucking do it i'm like you're right you're right yeah i know you know it all depends
00:47:50i mean some people like don't mind losing the audience and piston of people piss of the audience off and maybe get them back on if they don't they don't care obviously that bothers me i won everyone would like to show i'm not i don't want that going i'm
00:48:02going to try to pitch as many people off and if they walk out too fucking bad like that's never been me going up that you know i just want people have a good time and laugh and i hopefully i get you know everybody does but that might my
00:48:12my goal isn't too you know too fucking bad i'd like that i don't come up there like that you know i'd like to entertain a moment entertain or two right You know i'm not i'm not saying anything up there that's that's just so profound that they better better
00:48:25listen if they don't too fucking bad and what is is is that a lot of what this ah your new book everybody is awful except you is kind of about it's a lot of ah lists of these things Well yeah that that is basically based off of my
00:48:41podcast i just you know it's more about social media That's another thing where i knit pick like that the bad things about social media and i write about him there's a lot of good things about it but you know it's just like a relationship and just like the
00:48:53material you pick out the things that okay i can work with this and it's basically you know i put actual people's posts from social media my book that people send into my podcasts and you know i just tear him down say what What they're really talking about what
00:49:08you know they're looking for attention sympathy or the bragan that's usually most of the posts right You must you must hate you must hate the post when people like brag about my even my wife can't stand it when someone all right like my husband's the best is any
00:49:23romantic look what he did she's like why do you have to share that exactly I know i mean e meanwhile like wait i just talked to that woman two days ago when she just called her husband a piece of shit and she's leaving she's looking for apartments right
00:49:38You know in two days later looking so amazing oh my god didn't take a picture of everything you've got or absolutely i mean i said in one of my last special i go you know the people are happy and relationships are not running the facebook to go tell
00:49:51him that just living their lives right Yeah i mean i don't know it's a lot of it is what what a lot of it is is like hey you stay away from my man or my woman this is why imposing its where together don't fuck with us if
00:50:08you went to high school with a don't go away you want to meet for coffee all right just know she's taken and you know the basic pissing their you know market air territory what would a lot of that stuff do you ever run into this like um it's
00:50:22part of our business as comedians it's like people want toe they want to know all everything about us you know and it's like going on facebook and going on twitter and saying everything you did and then at the same time you know it sounds like you're you know
00:50:38i'm similar is like i don't i don't feel like fucking sharing everything about everything i do and then they're like wait what why you don't want to share why don't you want to do a podcast about everything and you're just like it's kind of weird like i think
00:50:52it's weird that we have to do that now and and you know i i mean i guess it's good that you picked something like what other people do instead of like what jim does i don't you're not going to show yourself if you show yourself on ah on
00:51:09ah facebook live or you should videotape yourself it's probably you showing what's someone else is doing stupid it's not showing what you're doing yeah i mean you know absolutely a bit look i know we're not the air where these vans over like bands like guns and roses the
00:51:28rolling stones van halen and big comedians like louis even before all this shit went down with louie louie wasn't on twitter you know chris rock all these you know i guess here in areas but but sopel just disappears and then they come back and they got all these
00:51:42fans and they didn't they weren't pere scoping every day right So a lot of things like well obviously we're not that big what we could do that but you know you look at that glow wait a minute is that really necessary if i just come you know like
00:51:55is anyone missing you if you don't post in instagram live or a fuckin instagram story every three days nobody gives a shit there's a million other things going on right Dave chappelle i mean i give him props i mean that's a really cool career to just disappear and
00:52:12then come back with four specials on netflix and make like fifty million dollars and then go disappear again i mean who wouldn't kill for that that's like the greatest career ever And yes they there's got to be something to them missing you if you disappear well people are
00:52:33you know everyone and you know the entertainment business is always thinking people going to forget you if you're not constantly around and you know in the public eye i mean when you're building a career yeah but at some point i don't know i don't i don't do what
00:52:46i don't share everything you know And if i do make a video yet to me making fun of something you know whether it's that i don't like dunkin donuts where the fuck it is but it's not my personal life somebody who cares it's not that interesting i'm not
00:53:00going i'm you know i'm not going to show you the un interesting things about my life i make my son's lunch every morning just like every other parent right i don't need to brag about it he's got to eat your simple men a simple man exactly yeah i
00:53:16know i have to get out from my kid i know it's a it's weird i know to pat me on the back tell me how awesome ma'am i just walked into a bus stop it's crazy well i feel like in any year i feel like if keith i
00:53:28blow it's here interviewing you for this podcast he probably would have like he likes to push on things really fast and he would have probably went into this all that weird molestations stuff when you were younger that ah you know with ah i saw your one person show
00:53:46and i saw all that stuff and ah i have the bid here about molested by a priest and late masturbator ah i guess let's play that bit and we'll talk about this a little bit but i'm sure keith would have hit you early and the whole conversation would
00:54:03have been like is that why you're this way you know like and um but let's play the bit wait now was the first guy i wanted the show when i found out that i was getting it i lived with him for three years he's one of my closest
00:54:23friends in the world and he's the guy that got me my first paid gig and stand up comedy in nineteen ninety and i love him showing some love jim florentine what happened twelve years in catholic school right Four years is all the boy petrified because every move i
00:54:54made they told me i was going to hell and i believe that shit especially when i masturbate to go you masturbate you're going to hell i was fucking petrified i didn't masturbate twelve is twenty one years old was the first time i did it and i'm not lying
00:55:05I know you guys aren't bullshit I believe i wish i could tell you i was two years old and as my mom was putting my diaper back on a art one honor but seriously twenty one i went on a tear like michael jordan in his prime for like
00:55:20five years nobody was better i had to make up for lost time you know And i should use this one white sock to clean up with right Yeah i met my mom was cleaning my maroon one times like why is there a cast on the ground like i
00:55:38broke my wrist skateboard last remember i told you and then when she threw in the dryer made that noise when you throw a sneaker in the dryer like football club up above on i was an altar boy to man for like four years and we found out later
00:55:54ten years later they molested six at eight of us and then he molested me and i'm a little hurt by now they've got to be honest with you don't get me wrong i don't wanna get molested but at least make a move on me make me feel better
00:56:04about myself that's always ask it just give me the chance to turn you down because i don't mean a brand when i was twelve years old i was pretty fucking hot seriously i was like a young brad pitt i blonde hair blue eyes was on the swim team
00:56:18night six pack abs and they look right past me not fucking bullshit on i figured out that you know why Because i was probably the hottest kin the rooms that i thought i was too much work like i was high maintenance or something right guys you ever in
00:56:33a bar right You see a really hot chick in the bar but you gotta louis vuitton baggage drinking like martinis and you're thinking she's so fucking hot she's out of my league those are fifteen dollars drinks that's a lot of work let me go the factor all get
00:56:45around here in like two minutes right today probably they're walking they saw me like all shit look at him you have to take him to chuck e cheese a bunch of times maybe fishing a couple of yankee games let me go with the fact with low self esteem
00:56:59over that could probably titty fuck him that night i just wanted a chance to turnem down that's all i wanted i wasn't looking for a little ass play just a chance to turnem down i'm not in the ass play well i'll take that back a little like i
00:57:16was dating this girl one that she liked my ass that fucking felt good i gotta be honest with you that felt so good i was laying back like i was getting a diaper put on i was holding my ankles and at one point i couldn't help it i
00:57:33shot p right in her face on you know what she did to me I did it back I'm good like that i'll return the favor on the fucking trooper but once i did it once then she wanted it done all the time and sometimes that as a no
00:57:47like one time she was coming in a bathroom in a newspaper on their arm like i don't think so You guys been a great crowd thank thor the wrestler guy yeah well well first of all that wasn't picked that was in that was in two thousand seven so
00:58:06does you know the priest i wish i would have got molested that's kind of hacking now but that was eleven years ago in my defense yeah yeah i was going to say that is ah that's really old from down and dirty on hbo what jim norton was the
00:58:19host of that show on also you know what that i was the only like everyone told me like i need my they told me like hbo like you don't have any dirty orbits and i was like pulling bits out that i wrote like seven years back because i
00:58:32didn't i wasn't that dirty but everyone else was that was the theme in a show right So i remember that i'm like tio like you're the cleanest guy on here i'm like i'm trying to dirty it up yeah any comedian khun b dirty if we have to be
00:58:46that's a lot easier to go dirty than go clean yeah right no yes it is wrestling guide is a story that this guy when i was fourteen would like kiss me i'd have to kiss him for pictures to give good wrestling pictures and i sat on his lap
00:59:00on time and nibbled on my ear and then i woke up one morning he was in the house and he had his hand down my pants and i jumped up and i you know basically ran away from home so yeah it was a little a little talks brothers
00:59:13beat the shit out of the guy or something right You have my brothers did yeah what we found out who he was because he was like a thirty nine year old guy and i was fourteen and he like gold in his neighborhood because we all go to wrestling
00:59:22matches so he stayed over my our house one time they well company had my hand on my pants in the morning right is i think he just brushed up against my helmet It wasn't like he was jerking me or anything has has that he wasn't sure i'm sure
00:59:38that have you had moments because i know i have as a father um and i got to be i actually think about that story because of yours certain times in my life if something like weird is happening that sometimes you just get a feeling as a dad you're
00:59:54like that guy's not doing anything but there's something weird here You know if you do you have an extra amount of that with being a dad and having that happen to you when you were younger like being really paranoid Not really i don't because you know i don't
01:00:10know was ah you know our parents always thought like everyone was trustworthy they trusted people you know you you could walk you know my sister would walk home from high school on the highway like you know a couple miles every day and the priest that never thought there
01:00:24was anything good no go hang in the woods with him for a weekend you know and you know they just trusted people back then so we're i'm way more self aware of his generation where were you know we got a riot out for that so it wanting to
01:00:36get to that point where i'm like that guy might be creepy i don't know if he should be around my kid right so that that guy seemed a little creepy back then like it wasn't like he seemed totally normal and he was tricking everybody you seem creepy you
01:00:51know my dad kind of knew him because we met him at madison square garden where he was selling ressam pictures out front and we go to matches every month so my dad can knew him to see was with may bring me the matches but then when he wanted
01:01:02to stay over my house for the weekend all the kids neighborhood would go all the matches together so he knew like seven or eight of us our parents in the neighborhood the rest of the pants go you know what let's have him over for dinner to kind of
01:01:13screen him to see if he's ok and remember he came over for dinner and all the other parents of the kids that i was runs with had dinner was a big dinner with him and they'd screened them this i seems like he's all right and i like a
01:01:25week later he had his hand in my pants really Wow And do you is there anything about that that like affected you later or was something you were able to like brush off and not have it fuck you up later in life doors that's you know i made
01:01:40because it was minimal yeah it was minimal look i mean you know he had a picture of like uh you know superstar billy graham who used in my favor as a kid with a wrestling belt and there's only a few of them he said could you give me
01:01:53a kiss on the cheek and i'm like i need this picture so i did but but no i think more like getting raised catholic and really like i said in that bit about like everything you're gonna do you gonna burn in hell And i got really didn't masturbate
01:02:07till i was twenty one and i remember you know my dad had a play playboy magazine coming in the house which i thought was weird i mean my brothers used to go sneak off and look at it when they weren't home you know but i never even thought
01:02:18about like sex sorry because i really thought that i was going to burn house so like i just blocked it out Sex like the first time i had sex was when i was eighteen the first time masturbator was twenty one But before i was eighteen i wasn't really
01:02:29in the girls I was like i bought i don't wantto go to hell and that's what's going to happen because i was in kind of school the whole time and all And that was just pounding in my head that that's what screwed me up right Ok so that
01:02:42was it something your parents talk to you about when it happened They were they they knew if your brother's like he was sleeping over your house and your that all that went down So your parents knew right now they just you know what Because because the guy one
01:02:57night when i caught him i was going to try to tell me because my brother's a suspicious they were all there wise this guy wanna hang out with these kids and then He said hey don't tell anyone i'll give you like sixty pictures you could pick out of
01:03:08my photo album so i sat then i pick sixty out and then when i and when i got him all day i'm not gonna say that ran over i told my brothers and they basically you know just beat him up and put him back on the bus back
01:03:19to new york like dropping over the bus stop by my parents just you know they tell my pay he just wanted to go he wasn't feeling comfortable here because i told my brothers don't say anything is i don't want to give the pictures back so your parents never
01:03:31found out they never did no they never did i just knew i was like that guy's a little weird of my brother's like look that guy's weird i got a bad vibe so i don't want we don't want him around that's like yeah that's kind of strange he's
01:03:42hanging around kids okay no problem but i really thought at that time i'm like i don't want to give these pictures back they were amazing and i know if i told my parents like give the pictures back i'm like knowledge i earned them the guy grabbed my helmet
01:03:54can actually scott friggin bruno bruno sammartino against fucking hundred giant that's a classic match ah i'm just you know i'm prying a little bit but i i am just curious like if you know no proper royal you pry owe you one i'm just curious if you like if
01:04:18if something like that if that ever was something that like i don't know fucked you up early in your early adolescence or anything in any way is there anything about that that you think kind of might have I don't know that it affect you in a negative way
01:04:37anywhere in later later later life and i don't think so i think it really was more of the catholic religion just like because it was so strict and you know look my mom had to raise you know my parents were married for thirty three years at a great
01:04:51relation but my mom had a race seven of us she had no help you know My dad was work and she stayed home and so there was a lot going on you know So it wasn't really there wasn't a lot of talking going on where you could sit
01:05:01down i go ok This is not don't do this do this and they just basically brought you know most catholic parents did that they just brushed it aside like don't you never talk to you about sex never talked about any of that stuff they just just new don't
01:05:12do it hey so i think that screwed me up until and then when i when i finally got out of the house and was in my early twenties and stuff like that oh my god man i'm going to go you know now nobody's going to tell me what
01:05:24to do and too bad if you're going to hell i'm going to have some fun you know that's when you start you know just you know totally just trying to hook up with many girls as you can because i didn't have that in my childhood i did go
01:05:34away to college either so i didn't have that four year you know thing where you go to college and you sleep around a lot stuff so i never had that until i started really doing stand up was my college years when i would go on the road right
01:05:48Well doc dr keith and from interview and you know you're the tenth comedian we've had on this show he it seems to think that you don't develop the skill of stand up unless you needed to like everybody we've talked to there's like something and some reason why they
01:06:06i needed to get on stage and develop the skill of stand up comedy and can you do you have a feeling that there's a reason why for you probably because i didn't get enough attention i thought how to say what seven kids it was a top it's you
01:06:21know it's tough to stick out and you know your mom just doing the best i mean you know at first you get mad and then when you have kids you realize like wow your parents did an amazing job you know when you have one and then you have
01:06:32to you have to i have just the one and i'm like and i look back you know like my mom the seven kids like pumped out like the year after year and just took like that's insane and did everything with us and do all this and you know
01:06:45so i think though would seven no you really can they don't they don't focus on you that much so maybe that's what i needed i need us like i got you know i want people to focus on me and i need the attention So maybe that's why i
01:06:57was attracted to music i wanted to be in a band or or and then monica figured that figured out that wasn't gonna work that's like i gotta get on stage somehow i don't want to work a nine to five job and then when i you know i got
01:07:07into comedy like this what i want to d'oh at what age did you get to the comedy I started probably started late like twenty four twenty five i think it was like maybe twenty four i wasn't sure what i wanted to do is deejaying and doing all this
01:07:21and you know i was always in the music and stuff i just wasn't sure but then when i got up on stage and i and i was always just really shy like public speaking like in high school i wouldn't show up today was supposed to read in front
01:07:33of a class like we got a paper due or something like that and i was super shy and i took an acting class in college and i was like petrified the night before so but and then when i get on the stage i'm like everyone's like wow you're
01:07:44even though i was deejaying you know you hide behind the mic and you really have to talk that much Yes i don't mind that but i was petrified of public speaking but then i just got over it because once i got up down like this one i want
01:07:55to dio and you know anything not toe work like a normal nine to five job which going back to my bit about living in the suburbs and with the white picket fence i dreaded that but now that i'm here i love it well that's i i even say
01:08:11that on stage in connecticut people get pissed on like it's a sign you're getting old when connecticut starts to make sense i used to think connecticut was the most boring all white people state ever and now it's like it looks like all the houses are nice and you
01:08:29kind of like that boring lifestyle when she get a little older you know you don't yeah need there to be bars all over the place you're like oh there they are nice trees here i remember seinfeld said it best he said comedians are like twenty years behind with
01:08:46growing up and getting their lives together serve your forty five you're really twenty five and i think there's a lot to say to that yeah definitely he yeah he says the amount of years you've been doing stand up is how old you are you know i've been doing
01:09:00stand up thirty years i guess i guess some thirty ah and you started it well i don't know how old you are you're a little older than me so you're probably around the same oh yeah when they're not as much but i started in like ninety like late
01:09:14ninety ninety one year early ninety one really i got on stage like ninety yeah i mean so we'll be ah yeah so yeah but i definitely realize that like forty two forty two forty three i feel like that age for a lot of people and especially in show
01:09:31business whether you're male or female you really got that's a turning point like that for he's not so bad if you know and then once you hit forty that's not that bad still the same person as wasn't it thirty nine but when you hit like forty two forty
01:09:45three that's when you really got to get your shit together like it's going toe either end badly for you or you're going to figure it out and be ok with you know how the rest of your life is going to go when i feel like you know especially
01:09:57women in this business losing their looks at that age you know where it's a lot of you know and that for any woman it's tough to go throw one is a comic to when the guys just get your shit together like you know living in a you know
01:10:10a studio apartment or one bedroom in new york by yourself and you're in your forties you know like that guy allen our therapist said that's not healthy that's not how you're supposed to live something wrong there I'm amazed when there's so many comedians doing that like never married
01:10:25never had kids nothing then they're living in like a one bedroom or a studio apartment or they're living with like five comedians of mike how you doing that it isn't normal yeah you could do that in your twenties even early thirties maybe you could pull it off and
01:10:41i did that you know And i had two other roommates i didn't know at some point or whatever you like who cares I'm just need a bed but but as you get older you got to get your shit together eventually it's going to catch up to you right
01:10:53now Definitely and you've always been very on the entrepreneurial side of comedy or one of the rare ones that i always thought always was thinking about his future always having things that like unique things besides the stand up you know every little thing you did with some something
01:11:12that could make a little bit of money which i'm kind of fallen into as a fifty year old i'm like i don't i don't really want to do anything that is just just do for you creatively and like people give you shit on the internet oh no you
01:11:26want to do that anymore I'm like no that doesn't make any money i'm not doing that anymore like there's no reason to you know whatever So it's it's it's good and uh i mean it doesn't sound like that weird shit with some you know i don't know how
01:11:45far i wonder if your brothers would have intercepted it i don't know how far at that age it scares you to think you know at that age kids can be manipulated you know into just just for like a toy or you know what you are i get nervous
01:12:00of my kid on the internet you know how easy it would be for some guy to be on the internet when they're playing these video games talk him into doing something no absolutely you do have to worry about that but i like i said that generation was very
01:12:13trusting they just didn't they don't want to talk about if something happened they don't want to talk about it just move on you know if someone if there was like a suicide and your family or a family member of causing you just go not just that they got
01:12:25sick don't ask just you know i mean so they never talked about it so this generation is he's very aware so it's going to be yet is more options with it with the internet and people being online to get to him but then also were super protective and
01:12:39we know and we're like no that's not a good station situation for your kid to be in well i appreciate you talking to me for all this time and we didn't do it a bank in the cake problems but that's basically just you know being agitated like i
01:12:53know when i go out wherever i go i pretty much know what i want like i kind of have you know a list when i go into supermarket don't just walk around and and trying to figure out what i need i don't know i just want to get
01:13:07in get out that's my thing like i know exactly what i'm therefore let's do this let's get this transaction over with and let's move on i got shit to dio and then when they keep pounding your way basically those bits or like you know that the bank when
01:13:20the power you know tell me about you know you know you want a debit card oh my god i got a credit card why don't need what do i need a debit card for well you know you could use your identification i'm like my my driver's license doesn't
01:13:31work anymore like you well know you can use it in here for even a denver cargo so only in here i can't use it i think so i can't show my debit card at the airport when i would get on a plane no no no okay so on
01:13:44lee in the bank i could showed us for identification i could but i have a license i go it's right next to it why do i think the second thing all right they don't they don't want to mess with jim florentine because you will always make more sense
01:13:57than i go in there like you know you can use a debit then then she goes distance because you can't use a debit you know i said i have a credit card i put everything on there i'm good usually don't take a quite a card everywhere i go
01:14:07really i go i go my friend was just out jogging the on ninety sor hooker and she had one of those squares on her iphone she swiped his card right there bloom in the bushes you don't have to do the whole bit because i'm going to i'm going
01:14:20to end the podcast on that and you don't even know i've listened to it dude thank you so much ah and ah good luck with with the book just the book is the book is everybody is awful except you it's in stores it's on amazon yes get get
01:14:37jim's book everybody is awful except you and yeah they can get it on your website they can get it in aa you know in bookstores and anywhere else and thanks so much jim and ah i will ah we'll see soon dude all right mag good talking to you
01:14:54later Well i hope you enjoyed that episode that wass the final episode for season one we did ten episodes keith ablow and i psychoanalyzing stand up comedians with their stand up act as the blueprint as we said at the beginning here i hope you enjoyed the whole season
01:15:26who knows where it's going to go We have no idea let's see way are we're going to we're going to find out we're definitely pitching it is a tv show uh so but who knows what's gonna happen if there's going to be a season to i can't let
01:15:42you know because i don't know but i hope you enjoyed that episode with comedian jim florentine if there's one thing you learn from that episode here's the take home b you just be you you know don't be somebody you don't want to be if that's who you are
01:16:01be you all right Yeah that that is something i learned every time i hang around florentine the guy just owns who he has owns hui is on bats how he lives his life and that's the way you got to do it okay so i hope you enjoyed that
01:16:18episode Go listen to jim florentines podcast is awesome it's called comedy metal midgets you could find it on riot cast everybody go check it out jim florentine one of my favorites if you want to give money to may and my podcasts and all my my endeavors that i
01:16:39do uh goto patri on dot com backslash stand up lie down okay everybody that's the way you give back to the podcast and then open up all kind of other things that you get for being a monthly donator Okay go check that out Patri on dot com backslash
01:17:01stand up lie down Love you guys Follow me on twitter at the joe mattering he's at the job batteries on instagram and facebook also All right have a great one Enjoy your spring everywhere i go i got a problem I go to my bank the other day right
01:17:20I've been there ten years I just i'm just trying to cash a check I put my life's in the checking account A woman like you have a debit card No you might want to get one I'm good Well you could use the right identification if you have on
01:17:33i go Really Okay Good So when i get on a plane on monday could you show my debit card to get on a plane No Okay Okay I misunderstood you Like pulling a cop Could you show my debit card Right That's no go You don't actually my nephews
01:17:51twenty one to go drink in a bar So i'll just get my debit card saying no drink you being memories like you sort of this shit okay Where can i use this right down of occasion like whoa in here i go that's it well you wouldn't have to
01:18:06take your license out of your wallet go wasn't that fucking tough right out that i tell you to grab one and me grab the other we fucking yank it out what was going on I don't think so so now i try to defuse the situation i go look
01:18:25this i got a credit card with a five thousand eleven i don't need your debit card she just stopped because you never know sir they don't take credit cards everywhere i go really My friend was just out jogging here tonight he saw a hooker on a street corner
01:18:39she had one of those squares on your iphone she ran his credit card right there and give a blow job in the booth so i think of a prostitute's going take a credit card or a street corner i'm gonna be okay the little mom and pop store tomorrow
01:18:59that's a true story i'm gonna start jogging tomorrow i don't i don't know is that easy Every restaurant you go in i get fucking aggravated you sit down high have you been here before Why what's the difference Serious eyes a different any other restaurant like what happens here
01:19:16I don't know like i get my food i got go eat it in the stall by myself we have specials Wow no other restaurant holy shit You guys got special that's fucking special that assumes you done We merely run over table Did you save any room for dessert
01:19:35I don't have to save room for dessert I don't have a little men in my stomach moving the food around I guess they didn't hire a couple of images to go down on my god I put the chicken and broccoli over here big potato all right to send
01:19:48it down we're ready I'm not nine years old I don't eat cake anymore Thank you Besides just had three glasses of wine I'm not going to run my buzz that a piece of fucking chocolate cake Okay i'm a professional drink You don't mix alcohol with icing That's a
01:20:11recipe for disaster

Transcribed by algorithms. Report Errata


Stand Up Lie Down integrates personally revealing standup clips from the guest comedian on the show that episode with expert analysis from Psychiatrist Dr. Ablow and comedian Joe Matarese to get the truth behind the guests comedy. At times, the comedians will be challenged to put away their natural defense of telling jokes, in an effort to provide clarity and insight. Later on, we will revisit with certain guests to get updates and share in their progress. To support the production of this podcast, and gain access to our behind-the-scenes material please go to the following link: https://www.patreon.com/Standupliedown
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10 episodes
since Jan, 2018
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