Full Transcript for Episode 3: Slowing Your Roll with Vanessa & Rory

00:05:46.560 Yeah, it's gonna be great. 00:05:47.199 --> 00:05:50.879 So tell me, Vanessa, what is your claim to fame? 00:05:51.519 --> 00:06:12.560 Well, I wanna say the Quar was my claim to fame, but recently the program that I've been working on now for oh gosh, I'm looking at the stuff that's on my floor because it's been sitting there for two, three months, a reminisce program so that we can start with kits in the community. 00:06:12.800 --> 00:06:30.000 And I just last week got accepted with the Selene District Library, which I've been fighting hard to get in there, and they're gonna accept three of our kits to rent out to caregivers to take home, and yeah, and be yes, that's my latest claim to fame. 00:06:30.079 --> 00:06:36.079 But my music, my music programs and my choir will be the heart claim to fame, really. 00:06:36.399 --> 00:06:48.720 And I think that reminisce sort of ties in with that because it brings conversation, it brings back the people that the memories that they've probably forgotten and just waiting to tell. 00:06:48.879 --> 00:06:57.680 I think all of us are waiting to tell our stories, but definitely to get that conversation going with people with dementia is just so amazing. 00:06:57.839 --> 00:06:59.920 It's just a real hoop, really nice. 00:07:00.319 --> 00:07:04.240 Really importantly though, what is your go-to junk food or snack? 00:07:04.639 --> 00:07:05.199 Crisps. 00:07:06.160 --> 00:07:07.600 Any particular flavor? 00:07:08.000 --> 00:07:10.800 Plain kettle, sometimes salt and vinegar. 00:07:10.879 --> 00:07:16.959 I used to be a big salt and vinegar crisp girl, but more recently it's just been the plain salt. 00:07:18.399 --> 00:07:18.560 Yeah. 00:07:18.879 --> 00:07:19.839 Well, chip. 00:07:23.600 --> 00:07:24.560 Sea salt and vinegar. 00:07:24.879 --> 00:07:29.680 No, no, I had to go off of that because it made my lips purple with all that vinegar. 00:07:29.839 --> 00:07:30.000 Yeah. 00:07:31.120 --> 00:07:35.600 Struggles really chips and a cup of tea and a biscuit. 00:07:35.759 --> 00:07:36.879 That's good too. 00:07:37.279 --> 00:07:37.920 Absolutely. 00:07:38.079 --> 00:07:42.959 And you have an incredible human being next to you in your screen. 00:07:43.120 --> 00:07:44.319 Who is with you today? 00:07:44.560 --> 00:07:45.040 Yes, yes. 00:07:45.839 --> 00:07:47.040 It's my grandwolf. 00:07:47.759 --> 00:07:48.480 Hello, granddaughter. 00:07:48.800 --> 00:07:51.040 Rory, can you tell us a little bit about yourself? 00:07:51.279 --> 00:07:51.680 Yes. 00:07:51.839 --> 00:07:53.199 Uh so my name is Rory. 00:07:53.279 --> 00:07:54.240 I'm 11 years old. 00:07:54.399 --> 00:07:57.519 My favorite snack is oldfish or fruit. 00:07:57.759 --> 00:08:00.240 She'll like does she want to keep going with this? 00:08:00.480 --> 00:08:01.040 Absolutely. 00:08:01.199 --> 00:08:06.000 You have to understand that goldfish crackers are one of my go-to, especially all the sweet flavors. 00:08:06.079 --> 00:08:10.959 It's I blew Erica's mind recently that there were so many different flavors of goldfish crackers. 00:08:11.199 --> 00:08:13.439 So, yes, please continue. 00:08:13.680 --> 00:08:15.120 The blue ones, yeah. 00:08:15.279 --> 00:08:19.680 There's like yeah, the cinnamon roll ones, love those. 00:08:19.839 --> 00:08:22.079 There is strawberry short cake. 00:08:22.240 --> 00:08:26.879 There is, if you're a Harry Potter person, there is Butterbeer. 00:08:27.279 --> 00:08:28.240 Birthday cake. 00:08:29.040 --> 00:08:30.319 I forgot the other ones. 00:08:30.639 --> 00:08:32.320 Has this cheese, double cheese? 00:08:32.480 --> 00:08:34.240 It has to be usually cheesy. 00:08:34.399 --> 00:08:34.799 That's fair. 00:08:36.559 --> 00:08:42.480 My favorite book is Diary of the Wimpy Kid or like Smile from Series or Reina. 00:08:43.200 --> 00:08:44.159 I don't know the last name. 00:08:44.320 --> 00:08:45.600 I don't either, girl. 00:08:45.919 --> 00:08:46.080 Okay. 00:08:46.639 --> 00:08:48.799 I just look at it and go, oh, that's a cool smile. 00:08:49.120 --> 00:08:54.000 Facts about me is I do my own nails sometimes and I do watercolor art. 00:08:54.240 --> 00:09:04.960 Wait, yeah, you must so what's amazing is that if people watch this on YouTube, they're gonna get a chance to see your incredibly beautiful nails. 00:09:05.200 --> 00:09:09.519 And how would you describe what's on your nails for those that are maybe just listening to this? 00:09:09.759 --> 00:09:10.320 Yes, yes. 00:09:10.639 --> 00:09:18.320 A fun, colorful summer fruity, stars and stripes, fishes, fishes, it's so creative. 00:09:18.480 --> 00:09:19.600 Wow, okay. 00:09:21.279 --> 00:09:22.639 Are you gonna teach classes? 00:09:22.799 --> 00:09:24.240 I would I would sign up for that. 00:09:24.559 --> 00:09:34.960 She does have a full uh you know, she has a full nail station, and it's all set up quite professionally because that's what she wanted to do. 00:09:35.200 --> 00:09:39.600 She got it for Christmas from the family and the mom and blah blah blah. 00:09:40.240 --> 00:09:45.840 And uh she likes to do TikTok, so I think that maybe one day we may see that. 00:09:46.080 --> 00:09:46.960 I I'll see okay. 00:09:47.039 --> 00:09:48.080 I'll follow you on TikTok. 00:09:48.240 --> 00:09:54.720 So another fact that I do is I do watercolor art. 00:09:54.879 --> 00:09:57.120 I have an example here for the rail shark. 00:09:57.919 --> 00:10:04.080 Oh wow, look at those sea creatures, beautiful, lots of blues and greens, gorgeous. 00:10:04.399 --> 00:10:04.639 Yes. 00:10:05.440 --> 00:10:06.480 Oh, look at that. 00:10:06.559 --> 00:10:08.639 Oh my gosh, dragonflies and flowers. 00:10:08.720 --> 00:10:10.320 You got some purple action in there. 00:10:10.480 --> 00:10:12.320 Oh blowing my mind, right? 00:10:12.639 --> 00:10:14.320 Um, what did you learn this week? 00:10:14.559 --> 00:10:17.919 I learned how to put stuff on Facebook Marketplace and sell things. 00:10:18.240 --> 00:10:20.320 What did you sell?

00:10:20.480 --> 00:10:24.639 I sell a mini segue for 300 bucks and I got 300 bucks. 00:10:25.120 --> 00:10:25.679 What? 00:10:26.000 --> 00:10:28.240 Yeah, you make more money than I do. 00:10:29.679 --> 00:10:36.399 Okay, yeah, and she got five bucks laugh at loud dolls, lol dolls. 00:10:36.720 --> 00:10:38.799 So I think she's gonna become a thing. 00:10:38.960 --> 00:10:40.720 Yeah, I think so as well. 00:10:40.879 --> 00:10:42.159 Well, you know what? 00:10:42.320 --> 00:10:47.759 Let's save some of the other things that you've written down because we'll ask everybody these questions. 00:10:48.000 --> 00:10:53.759 Well, Rory, thank you for being our super special guest on today. 00:10:53.840 --> 00:10:56.000 I'm so excited, Erica. 00:10:56.159 --> 00:10:58.159 What is our first question for today? 00:10:58.480 --> 00:10:59.440 Ready for this? 00:10:59.679 --> 00:11:02.799 And what brought you joy this week? 00:11:03.039 --> 00:11:09.840 What brought either one of you, both of you, go one at a time, go at the same time, and we can try to guess what it was? 00:11:10.000 --> 00:11:10.639 What brought you? 00:11:11.519 --> 00:11:12.480 No, no, no, no. 00:11:12.559 --> 00:11:31.519 I I think that the joy that I had was it was a relief joy because I had worked so long on that reminiscent kit and took a long time to get the right director and the et cetera director to come together so we could all sit down. 00:11:32.080 --> 00:11:41.440 And uh when I went there, I went, I never had any lunch today, so this will be 10 minutes because I'm already starting to shake. 00:11:41.600 --> 00:11:51.679 But I had it all because I knew what et cetera looked like, I know how it should package, and I had it already, and they were super impressed with that, I think. 00:11:51.840 --> 00:12:19.840 And the fact was when I walked away with thinking I was going to give them one, and they asked for three because they think it's gonna be a good uh stock to have on their shelves, and when I got outside, I just suddenly it just ran through me, the joy of it, because I was just like, it's here, it's done, we can do this, and that was pure joy then when I realized I was just bubbling then from that point. 00:12:19.919 --> 00:12:21.600 That was my joyful point. 00:12:21.840 --> 00:12:26.799 Um, mine was probably accomplishing accomplished to sell my segue. 00:12:27.120 --> 00:12:27.679 Yes. 00:12:28.559 --> 00:12:30.960 It was so with dance parties. 00:12:33.039 --> 00:12:39.279 So my joy is it's kind of the opposite of a parenting fail, which I'm really excited for. 00:12:39.360 --> 00:12:50.720 It's a very much a parenting success, where when my kids get home at the end of the day, right, they typically, you know, regardless if it's the summer or school time, they are with grandparents either after school or during the day, which is amazing. 00:12:50.879 --> 00:12:53.279 We're very lucky to have both sets of grandparents local. 00:12:53.519 --> 00:12:56.960 So when the kids get home though, their brains are fried, all they want is screen time. 00:12:57.120 --> 00:13:03.360 And so we notice, especially my daughter, is she'll take the iPad and she'll just kind of go off to a space and she'll do her thing. 00:13:03.440 --> 00:13:04.559 And so I said, you know what? 00:13:04.720 --> 00:13:05.279 Wait a second. 00:13:05.440 --> 00:13:11.200 Let's figure out a way to kind of intervene a little bit with how quickly they go to the screen. 00:13:11.360 --> 00:13:14.240 So I have introduced the concept of a toll. 00:13:14.399 --> 00:13:18.000 They have to pay a toll before they can use any electronic device. 00:13:18.080 --> 00:13:21.600 I love really the look on your face because you're like, oh gosh, what is she thinking? 00:13:21.840 --> 00:13:25.679 But in our house, the toll is a hug. 00:13:25.919 --> 00:13:33.679 So my kids, when they get home, have to give me a hug before my daughter goes to the iPad or my son goes to the computer or is watching something on the TV. 00:13:33.759 --> 00:13:34.799 And it's amazing. 00:13:34.879 --> 00:13:39.200 And they're so well trained, and they know after dinner, they have to pay the toll to both parents. 00:13:39.440 --> 00:13:44.159 And so the kids come up to me and just give me giant hugs, and then I'm like, You're paying the toll, aren't you? 00:13:44.320 --> 00:13:45.600 And they're like, Yeah, we are. 00:13:45.840 --> 00:13:54.559 And my son, even if he wakes up way too early in the morning, will run down to the basement, even if I'm on the elliptical and be like, mommy, I want to pay the toll because I want to go use the computer. 00:13:54.720 --> 00:13:58.879 And so there was one day I stuck up my leg because I was like literally in the middle of my workout. 00:13:58.960 --> 00:14:03.440 I paused every day and he hugged my leg and then goes, Thanks, mommy, and then ran up the stairs. 00:14:03.679 --> 00:14:05.440 And this is so great. 00:14:05.840 --> 00:14:08.240 Because now my kids like show me extra love. 00:14:08.320 --> 00:14:10.159 And I mean, they're incredible anyway. 00:14:10.320 --> 00:14:12.000 But that's been a lot of joy lately. 00:14:12.159 --> 00:14:13.519 So feel free to steal that. 00:14:13.679 --> 00:14:15.039 Anyone, we're going to. 00:14:15.360 --> 00:14:16.960 I will share that with their mother. 00:14:17.120 --> 00:14:18.960 That will be a lot of hugs a day. 00:14:19.120 --> 00:14:19.759 Yeah. 00:14:20.080 --> 00:14:20.799 It's worth it. 00:14:21.279 --> 00:14:22.720 It's kind of amazing, right? 00:14:22.799 --> 00:14:28.320 Because I know at a certain point, right, my kids are not gonna want to hug me, they're not gonna want to be snuggly, and that's fine. 00:14:28.480 --> 00:14:30.559 So I'm just gonna relish this while I can. 00:14:31.200 --> 00:14:33.039 Okay, Erica, what's your joy? 00:14:33.200 --> 00:14:36.639 Uh well, this happened quite recently, unprompted. 00:14:36.879 --> 00:14:48.159 I received a hug from my eldest, and I was like, Oh,

oh, they were standing next to me for a while, and I, of course, was busy, busy doing something, I don't know, some house chore that nobody wants to do. 00:14:48.399 --> 00:15:02.240 And I was like thinking that she wanted to tell me something because usually when she's just standing there, she's waiting to get my attention to tell me something that I have forgotten, or something that we need to do, or it's work, it's work, work, work. 00:15:02.480 --> 00:15:05.840 And this time when I looked at her, I was like, What? 00:15:06.080 --> 00:15:12.159 And then she goes, I want a hug, and then like proceeded to give me a hug unprompted. 00:15:12.240 --> 00:15:14.879 So I was like, I think I'm gonna cry. 00:15:16.000 --> 00:15:22.559 So that was great, and then bonus after that, she goes and turns and gives my husband a hug. 00:15:22.639 --> 00:15:30.799 And that was a huge joy moment because I don't think I have ever witnessed an unprompted hug to my husband between my oldest. 00:15:31.120 --> 00:15:33.600 And I just I was like, wow, well, I'm crying now. 00:15:33.919 --> 00:15:43.279 This is a good moment, this is a good moment, and then I forgot I what was I what I was doing and ended up like trying to retrace my steps in the house, being like, Okay, now why did I go in this room? 00:15:43.519 --> 00:15:44.240 I don't know. 00:15:44.480 --> 00:15:48.720 So short circuited for at least the next 20 minutes, but that was a joyful time. 00:15:49.200 --> 00:15:50.240 I mean, worth it. 00:15:50.559 --> 00:15:51.840 Can I just share this with you? 00:15:52.000 --> 00:15:58.799 I of course I I was at church yesterday because I'm trying I don't normally go to church, I'm looking for something, so I had to go to church yesterday. 00:15:59.039 --> 00:16:21.120 And Libby was there with her carer, well, one of her carers, Marcy, and she her husband has a struggle in her diagnosis of aphasia and early onset dementia, and is very I I would think that he's angry that he he's now arrived at this point and she has it, and it's just not what he figured. 00:16:21.279 --> 00:16:25.519 But she said the way that she can connect with him sometimes is that he play music. 00:16:25.679 --> 00:16:42.960 Music is their connector, and they were sitting on the porch uh Saturday evening listening to their music, and he got up, he came over to her, he stood her up, and he gave her a heartfelt hug that she has not had in many, many moons. 00:16:43.679 --> 00:16:50.799 And it was the music that stirred him to come and hug her, and I just thought that was one of the best stories, too. 00:16:50.879 --> 00:16:52.559 It's a heartfelt hug, isn't it? 00:16:52.799 --> 00:17:19.839 When they do that unprompted and they just come up and go, because I know that our children have difficulty in expressing their love for you, so you have to figure out where it's coming from, and the hugs don't come very freely, and we really miss it with Rory Rose because she used to be a baby that would hug and

snuggle, and she when she's asleep, she'll still do it, but not when she's awake. 00:17:20.079 --> 00:17:22.319 So we could do the toll anyway. 00:17:22.640 --> 00:17:23.599 Just want to share that. 00:17:23.680 --> 00:17:24.720 That was such a lovely story. 00:17:25.119 --> 00:17:25.759 Beautiful. 00:17:27.359 --> 00:17:30.960 Libby is our spokesperson for dementia. 00:17:31.119 --> 00:17:35.039 She goes around and does presentations and what it's like to be. 00:17:35.200 --> 00:17:37.200 So it was lovely to have that. 00:17:37.440 --> 00:17:43.519 So now that we've talked about joy, we should talk about challenges that we've overcome recently. 00:17:43.759 --> 00:17:46.799 So, Vanessa and Rory, why don't you guys start? 00:17:47.200 --> 00:18:01.200 Well, actually, my challenge has been listening, and it is because for many years now I am right, and I'm gonna tell you my story, and you're gonna listen to it. 00:18:01.440 --> 00:18:02.720 So relatable. 00:18:04.319 --> 00:18:11.119 And it's taken me to, I think it's like, no, this is not about you anymore, Ness. 00:18:11.759 --> 00:18:13.359 You need to start listening. 00:18:13.599 --> 00:18:21.359 So I've been that was my challenge was listening and starting to listen and not fill in empty pauses. 00:18:21.680 --> 00:18:26.160 They don't need to be filled in, especially in the arena that we work in. 00:18:26.319 --> 00:18:42.079 Uh, you know, pauses are okay, silence is okay, people process differently, and uh you don't need to finish their sentences, you don't need to try and hurry up the conversation, you just need to be present and listen. 00:18:42.319 --> 00:18:45.440 And it is very difficult because I still want to tell my story. 00:18:45.680 --> 00:18:49.039 This is my challenge, so this is what I'm working with now. 00:18:49.839 --> 00:18:50.559 Do you have a challenge? 00:18:50.799 --> 00:18:54.960 You don't there we go, caught off the press. 00:18:55.279 --> 00:18:56.319 How's that changed? 00:18:56.559 --> 00:18:57.599 Do you feel it's changing? 00:18:57.839 --> 00:18:58.319 I don't know. 00:18:59.759 --> 00:19:00.319 I don't know. 00:19:00.400 --> 00:19:06.799 I think this weekend that you and her have got on so well with your games and things like that. 00:19:06.960 --> 00:19:10.400 We don't see as much challenging behaviors. 00:19:10.640 --> 00:19:11.279 Oh, okay. 00:19:11.440 --> 00:19:12.400 Yeah, my sister. 00:19:12.640 --> 00:19:13.200 Her sister. 00:19:13.440 --> 00:19:16.079 And is your sister older or younger? 00:19:16.400 --> 00:19:17.759 She's 12 older. 00:19:17.920 --> 00:19:18.160 Oh. 00:19:18.559 --> 00:19:25.119 They understand yes, she'll be 13 in December, and boy. 00:19:26.079 --> 00:19:37.359 That is that I I have a younger sister, and as much as I love her dearly, there are more moments than not where I have been like, huh? 00:19:37.759 --> 00:19:39.119 What are you doing? 00:19:39.359 --> 00:19:41.200 This doesn't make sense. 00:19:41.519 --> 00:19:43.200 She still gets on my nerves. 00:19:43.359 --> 00:19:53.359 So, girl, I mean, Rory, all I'm trying to say is some things will change, and some things your sister will always do because it's your sister. 00:19:53.599 --> 00:19:54.240 Yes. 00:19:56.079 --> 00:19:57.839 That would be my words of wisdom. 00:19:58.079 --> 00:19:58.480 Adapt. 00:19:58.880 --> 00:20:00.480 Adapt the sibling love. 00:20:00.799 --> 00:20:02.559 Yes, adapt the sibling love. 00:20:02.720 --> 00:20:09.680 It's it's lovely actually, because I have three daughters, two were older, and then there was a 10-year break, and then we had Ashley. 00:20:09.920 --> 00:20:15.039 But to see that tightness in the sisters now is uh it blooms. 00:20:15.359 --> 00:20:30.079 It that's another joy of my heart, is is watching their relationship as sisters, and uh it basically always been the same, except for my two oldest who were about the same ages uh apart as these two. 00:20:30.480 --> 00:20:41.920 And I remember the elders used it got to a stage where she used to run and come and hide behind me because Carolyn was coming after her, and I always did say to her, She's gonna get bigger one day, you know. 00:20:42.079 --> 00:20:45.119 And that same happened with Rory and Elsa too. 00:20:45.440 --> 00:20:47.599 So yeah, sisters are a challenge. 00:20:47.920 --> 00:20:49.039 Try a brother. 00:20:49.359 --> 00:20:50.319 Yes, yeah. 00:20:50.400 --> 00:20:53.359 Well, you it's a younger brother, yeah. 00:20:53.839 --> 00:20:55.359 And a younger sister, too. 00:20:55.599 --> 00:21:01.839 She has an uh a sister and a brother with uh her other family, her father's other family. 00:21:02.160 --> 00:21:06.319 So she had Poppy and Preston, Poppy and the Preston show. 00:21:07.839 --> 00:21:10.400 I would love to be a fly on the wall for that show. 00:21:10.720 --> 00:21:11.599 Yes, let's go. 00:21:12.079 --> 00:21:12.960 Let's go for that one. 00:21:13.200 --> 00:21:14.319 So, Erica, how about you? 00:21:14.400 --> 00:21:16.319 What's the challenge you've recently overcome? 00:21:16.640 --> 00:21:17.920 Pick it, pick your poison. 00:21:18.079 --> 00:21:19.519 My god, there's so many. 00:21:19.759 --> 00:21:20.960 There's so many. 00:21:21.200 --> 00:21:22.480 Uh waking up. 00:21:23.519 --> 00:21:28.880 I think that's like the biggest challenge for me lately because especially today, because it's Monday. 00:21:30.559 --> 00:21:38.319 And it, I don't know, there's just something about the older that I am getting and the wiser that I'm getting. 00:21:38.480 --> 00:21:39.680 I just want to stay in bed. 00:21:39.839 --> 00:21:40.960 It's way more comfier. 00:21:41.200 --> 00:21:42.720 I don't want to greet the world yet. 00:21:42.880 --> 00:21:48.160 And I know that I need to get to the office and I get to see clients and I get to go on with my day. 00:21:48.319 --> 00:21:52.079 And I I don't, there's just something about the bed, it's so comfy. 00:21:52.720 --> 00:21:52.960 Yeah. 00:21:53.119 --> 00:21:57.039 No,

um, that was my biggest challenge today is that getting up. 00:21:57.359 --> 00:21:58.000 You had to get up. 00:21:58.240 --> 00:21:59.759 Okay, well, actually, if I stay there longer. 00:22:00.160 --> 00:22:02.240 Enough, I'm gonna be like, okay, I gotta get up now. 00:22:02.400 --> 00:22:04.160 I can't be in my pajamas any longer. 00:22:04.240 --> 00:22:05.759 I just I need to get up. 00:22:06.000 --> 00:22:07.519 Yeah, today was rough. 00:22:07.680 --> 00:22:08.160 That's mine. 00:22:08.319 --> 00:22:09.680 Rachel, what's yours? 00:22:10.000 --> 00:22:14.559 Mine is that I find myself, I get very overwhelmed by my to-do list. 00:22:14.720 --> 00:22:21.440 And part of what is a challenge about my to-do list is that I'm always gonna list on it every single thing I possibly want to get done. 00:22:21.519 --> 00:22:23.599 Yeah, Erica, as you're showing your to-do list. 00:22:23.839 --> 00:22:27.279 But what the problem is though, I get frustrated. 00:22:27.440 --> 00:22:30.319 Oh my God, Erica, you have like 75 to-do lists. 00:22:30.799 --> 00:22:37.519 I struggle with the fact that I'm gonna put more things on my to-do list than I'm actually going to be getting done for the day. 00:22:37.759 --> 00:22:42.160 And so then I find at the end of the day, I'm like, dang, there are all these things I didn't get done. 00:22:42.240 --> 00:22:44.960 And I find it really overwhelming and frustrating. 00:22:45.039 --> 00:22:48.240 And then I feel like I haven't done enough for the day and it's really hard. 00:22:48.400 --> 00:22:50.160 So I've adapted it now. 00:22:50.319 --> 00:23:05.119 And instead of doing you ready for this, a day-to-day to-do list, taking notes, I do a weekly to-do list because I recognize that everything that needs to happen throughout the course of the week are the things that I really want to put on there. 00:23:05.200 --> 00:23:08.880 So I do definitely mark down the things that have to be done each day, right? 00:23:09.039 --> 00:23:14.400 Visits that I'm doing or the choir when we get to hang out together this week, especially. 00:23:14.559 --> 00:23:15.759 And I put the date next to it. 00:23:15.839 --> 00:23:18.960 And so certain things I know they're happening certain days, I do that. 00:23:19.119 --> 00:23:25.279 So I have that already figured out, but then everything else gets listed for an entire week. 00:23:25.359 --> 00:23:34.000 So therefore, I don't have to keep copying it over to the next day and the next day, and then feeling guilty about the fact I can get all these things done because it doesn't matter because I'm looking at it as a week. 00:23:34.160 --> 00:23:36.960 Now, Monday, it's really long, right? 00:23:37.039 --> 00:23:38.640 And it's kind of overwhelming. 00:23:38.880 --> 00:23:40.480 But overall, it feels really good. 00:23:40.559 --> 00:23:45.599 Then on Friday, when I look at that entire list of things, all these things that I got done, I'm like, I did all that. 00:23:45.759 --> 00:23:46.400 That was amazing. 00:23:46.559 --> 00:23:56.559 And then I don't have to cut like there's a couple of things that I end up transferring over to the next week, but it's a lot easier to do a couple of things versus like 75 things day to day. 00:23:56.720 --> 00:23:57.039 That's right. 00:23:57.279 --> 00:23:58.480 That's my challenge, right? 00:23:58.640 --> 00:24:00.160 It's kind of it's sort of work. 00:24:00.400 --> 00:24:01.440 It's working for me for right now. 00:24:01.519 --> 00:24:01.839 We'll see. 00:24:01.920 --> 00:24:02.400 Oh, we go. 00:24:02.640 --> 00:24:03.839 Yeah, I get that right. 00:24:04.079 --> 00:24:04.799 That's so cool. 00:24:05.039 --> 00:24:06.000 Okay, next question. 00:24:07.839 --> 00:24:17.519 Our next question is any parenting fails, furry or human that have happened recently, the last month, the last year. 00:24:17.680 --> 00:24:19.279 We don't care, we just want to hear it. 00:24:19.359 --> 00:24:20.240 We're here for the stories. 00:24:20.480 --> 00:24:22.160 Yeah, you don't have to worry about that. 00:24:22.240 --> 00:24:23.920 But you may have a furry fail. 00:24:24.160 --> 00:24:25.039 What's a furry fail? 00:24:25.279 --> 00:24:26.400 Well, a pet fail. 00:24:26.720 --> 00:24:27.039 Oh. 00:24:28.160 --> 00:24:29.599 I know, I know, I know, I know, I know. 00:24:29.839 --> 00:24:30.480 What's the pet? 00:24:31.519 --> 00:24:32.240 Will you share? 00:24:32.559 --> 00:24:33.440 Can you go first? 00:24:34.079 --> 00:24:35.680 I I have two things. 00:24:36.319 --> 00:24:36.960 Okay, go. 00:24:37.599 --> 00:24:43.839 Okay, so um I a couple weeks, like a week ago or two, I had to put my dog down. 00:24:44.559 --> 00:24:45.759 We're starting off good. 00:24:45.920 --> 00:24:46.319 Here we go. 00:24:46.480 --> 00:24:47.200 All right, yep. 00:24:48.880 --> 00:24:49.119 Right. 00:24:51.039 --> 00:24:53.599 Yes, so did you pet fail? 00:24:53.759 --> 00:24:55.680 Well, no, that's not a pet fail. 00:24:55.759 --> 00:24:57.279 That's that's a sad story. 00:24:57.519 --> 00:24:58.799 Oh, what's a pet fail then? 00:24:59.200 --> 00:25:00.799 Like if you hit a cat. 00:25:01.200 --> 00:25:03.839 Like, you know how I beat my cats up. 00:25:04.079 --> 00:25:05.519 I'm loving this interaction. 00:25:05.759 --> 00:25:06.319 Well, is it? 00:25:06.480 --> 00:25:08.799 Um, if they had like uh crystals in there. 00:25:09.279 --> 00:25:10.480 Oh, did who had crystals? 00:25:10.880 --> 00:25:13.200 Okay, um, so I have a cat named Sushi. 00:25:13.359 --> 00:25:18.160 Oh, and he was like bleeding all over the floor in his suitcases and everything. 00:25:18.640 --> 00:25:24.240 And we had to take him into the vet and he had crystals, and he almost died because he ate too much human food. 00:25:24.480 --> 00:25:25.599 Oh, is that what it was? 00:25:25.839 --> 00:25:26.079 Yeah. 00:25:28.160 --> 00:25:28.880 Moon's fine. 00:25:29.519 --> 00:25:31.279 It usually happens to boy cats. 00:25:31.599 --> 00:25:32.799 We had to do that. 00:25:32.960 -->

00:25:37.359 So that was that was a fail for a pet because he wouldn't feed it off. 00:25:38.240 --> 00:25:40.480 Yeah, he weren't feeding it, he just grabbed it off. 00:25:40.799 --> 00:25:42.000 He just grabs it off. 00:25:42.480 --> 00:25:44.160 Oh sneaky beast. 00:25:44.720 --> 00:25:50.240 I once had a cat who grabbed a pancake out of my son's hand when he was a toddler and then like started eating it. 00:25:50.319 --> 00:25:50.880 It was great. 00:25:51.039 --> 00:25:52.240 So let you know. 00:25:53.599 --> 00:25:56.799 Just don't make it be a boy cat because they it was, yeah. 00:25:56.880 --> 00:26:01.200 He my sweet child was in a high chair and he just came up and stole a pancake and kept going. 00:26:01.279 --> 00:26:01.839 It was great. 00:26:02.000 --> 00:26:03.759 So, Vanessa, how about you? 00:26:04.480 --> 00:26:05.680 Parenting fails? 00:26:06.000 --> 00:26:06.960 Yes, please. 00:26:07.680 --> 00:26:09.279 Let me see, let me see. 00:26:09.519 --> 00:26:16.400 There are so many parenting fails because I think that the thing is it's that listening. 00:26:16.559 --> 00:26:23.519 If you're so busy with your own life and you don't hear what they're saying, it is a failure. 00:26:23.759 --> 00:26:28.640 And then that will come back to you tenfold, and it does. 00:26:28.960 --> 00:26:41.279 So now I do a lot of listening for everything, you know, and um nurture, nurture, nurture, nurture, sort of overly because I think they feel that they weren't nurtured enough. 00:26:41.440 --> 00:26:45.680 So I just come to me, be I'll be your safe harbour. 00:26:45.759 --> 00:26:48.160 I've learned a lot since I haven't been a parent. 00:26:48.319 --> 00:26:50.079 I've learned a lot so much more. 00:26:50.240 --> 00:26:56.480 Being a grandparent, actually, it's the best time because you have more time to listen. 00:26:56.720 --> 00:27:00.000 So, yeah, listening was a fail, was a parenting fail. 00:27:00.160 --> 00:27:04.400 And as for the cats, I just beat them regularly, they just keep in so that way. 00:27:04.799 --> 00:27:07.359 You know, we don't get too much. 00:27:09.279 --> 00:27:13.119 Okay, there they are, the most spoilt cats here. 00:27:14.480 --> 00:27:16.640 We had we brought two kitties home. 00:27:16.880 --> 00:27:30.319 Me and my daughter brought two kitties home nearly three years ago now, and we forgot that Marigold, the old cat that we had, needs to be introduced to them before we suddenly come home and go, look at Daisy's are so gorgeous. 00:27:30.480 --> 00:27:31.920 Oh, we love our babies. 00:27:32.319 --> 00:27:36.079 She is only just getting over it. 00:27:36.319 --> 00:27:48.559 She got skinny, come to it, she was high, or if another human being came in the house, she would rub around them, but don't go near her if it was us, because she would pass. 00:27:49.680 --> 00:27:54.319 But she's just got used to them now and thought, oh god, they're they're here to stay. 00:27:54.480 --> 00:27:57.920 I better smarten up my act a bit. 00:27:58.160 --> 00:28:02.079 So she's so that was a parenting fail for the furries. 00:28:02.640 --> 00:28:03.759 Don't ever do that. 00:28:04.480 --> 00:28:06.799 We have Mary, I still have it. 00:28:06.880 --> 00:28:08.240 Rachel, do you want to go next? 00:28:08.480 --> 00:28:19.039 My parenting fail, as I think is gonna be kind of the norm, has to do with my daughter, where I did not anticipate the response I was gonna get. 00:28:19.279 --> 00:28:23.279 So let me paint the scene for you. 00:28:23.519 --> 00:28:27.359 So we were coming home after going to one of our soccer games. 00:28:27.440 --> 00:28:30.000 It was later, it was like after nine o'clock, right? 00:28:30.160 --> 00:28:38.880 My daughter had a lot of emotional feelings because she was a little bit more tired and she was a little more distraught because this is what she is. 00:28:39.119 --> 00:28:41.200 So she was in emotional distress. 00:28:41.359 --> 00:28:47.920 And at one point, you know, she goes up to her room and I hear my sweet husband say to me, Okay, Rachel, I need you to take care of it. 00:28:48.000 --> 00:28:49.440 I don't know what's going on, but I hear her crying. 00:28:49.519 --> 00:28:58.559 And I'm thinking, okay, well, the easiest way to help her with this is obviously to make her laugh, because that's the best way to come out of whatever funk we're in. 00:28:58.799 --> 00:29:02.480 So I thought to myself, self, what's gonna make her chuckle? 00:29:02.640 --> 00:29:10.640 And one of the things also I should say that has bonded Erica and I together is our shared love of Grogu and so everything that is baby Yoda. 00:29:11.119 --> 00:29:11.519 Yes. 00:29:11.759 --> 00:29:19.039 So I may or may not have gotten my Grogu doll, which I think you have as well, Erica, where you push the hand and it makes like noises. 00:29:20.079 --> 00:29:20.799 I got 10 of them. 00:29:21.039 --> 00:29:21.200 Yeah. 00:29:21.359 --> 00:29:22.559 Yeah, I figured as much. 00:29:22.720 --> 00:29:29.119 Okay, so I may or may not uh well the door, her door was open, and so I put Grogu on her bed. 00:29:29.200 --> 00:29:31.759 She was facing the other way, so she didn't see me. 00:29:31.839 --> 00:29:36.880 And I sort of slicked myself or slinked myself down so I was next to the bed, so she couldn't see me. 00:29:37.039 --> 00:29:49.839 All you could see was Grogu, and I pushed the hand several times, and somehow she didn't hear any of this happening, and so it completely scared her. 00:29:50.079 --> 00:30:00.079 And all of a sudden, pillows are going flying because they're flying at me and she is screaming because she is so scared out of her mind. 00:30:02.160 --> 00:30:04.720 She says to me, what just happened? 00:30:04.799 --> 00:30:08.640 I thought there was a demon coming to eat my toenails. 00:30:14.480 --> 00:30:15.599 What are you talking about? 00:30:15.759 --> 00:30:16.720 I just, it's me. 00:30:16.799 --> 00:30:17.680 Hi, hello. 00:30:17.839 --> 00:30:22.559 Needless to

say, she became out of her emotional distress when she was thoroughly traumatized. 00:30:22.720 --> 00:30:32.160 And then we also may or may not have talked about how the next morning wouldn't it be really funny if Grogu just was kind of above her face and making noises as she woke up. 00:30:32.240 --> 00:30:33.759 And so I took that as a challenge. 00:30:33.920 --> 00:30:34.640 So then I did it. 00:30:34.720 --> 00:30:39.599 And as soon as I started pushing Grogu's hand, my daughter does not open her eyes, but she cracks a smile. 00:30:39.680 --> 00:30:41.759 So I think overall it was probably a win. 00:30:41.920 --> 00:30:45.519 But in the moment, it was so funny because she was so freaked out. 00:30:45.680 --> 00:30:46.400 It was perfect. 00:30:46.559 --> 00:30:48.400 All right, Erica, your turn. 00:30:49.839 --> 00:30:53.839 Well, I feel like yours turned into kind of a parenting win because it worked. 00:30:54.000 --> 00:30:54.799 It worked. 00:30:55.039 --> 00:30:55.279 Yes. 00:30:56.160 --> 00:30:57.119 Failure that what? 00:30:58.079 --> 00:30:58.480 Yeah. 00:30:59.039 --> 00:31:00.640 Those are my kind of fails, right? 00:31:01.519 --> 00:31:03.039 Okay, my cheeks are burning. 00:31:03.279 --> 00:31:04.079 My cheeks are burning. 00:31:04.160 --> 00:31:04.880 Okay, real quick. 00:31:05.119 --> 00:31:11.519 So I take my kids to their athletic events after the schools are done. 00:31:11.680 --> 00:31:15.200 And it's summertime here, so we don't have the schools right now. 00:31:15.279 --> 00:31:20.240 So it's when I get done with work, and I take them to their afternoon athletic events. 00:31:20.559 --> 00:31:34.960 And I typically, when there is a table at this lobby area of the athletic event, because it's well, my daughter is involved in sports that are all indoors, so they're very solo independent sports. 00:31:35.200 --> 00:31:41.119 And when there's a table, I think of this as an opportunity of uninterrupted work time. 00:31:42.160 --> 00:31:54.720 So occasionally I will lift my head up from the computer and scan the gymnasium to be like, oh, where is my daughter? 00:31:54.880 --> 00:31:59.200 And to be a little bit more specific, it's a gymnastic stadium. 00:31:59.359 --> 00:32:10.640 So to set that up, it's a huge arena-sized gym that has these little kind of stations of various gymnastic stuff equipment. 00:32:10.960 --> 00:32:13.920 And I can't even pretend to know what any of it means. 00:32:14.160 --> 00:32:24.799 All I know is that it brings her joy and I drag her to it once a week for two hour and a half, an hour and a half, almost two hours, because the coach never ends on time. 00:32:25.039 --> 00:32:35.200 And I'm looking up from my laptop and I scan this ginormous room, and I kid you not, five out of ten times I can't find her. 00:32:35.359 --> 00:32:46.160 I know she's in there, but she could be in a pit, she could be rolling around on the floor, and I won't be able to see her because you've got to look through these obstacles of these other stations. 00:32:46.480 --> 00:32:49.519 Every time, I kid you not, I looked up, I could not find her. 00:32:49.759 --> 00:32:53.119 And I look up, I try to look up at least every 15-20 minutes. 00:32:53.359 --> 00:32:56.480 One to give my eyes a break, and next just to see her. 00:32:56.720 --> 00:33:00.880 Well, I didn't see her, and boy, did I hear about it afterwards. 00:33:01.119 --> 00:33:05.599 She gets done with gymnastics and she is moping to the car. 00:33:05.680 --> 00:33:06.960 And I'm like, what's going on? 00:33:07.119 --> 00:33:10.240 And I'm thinking there's something she didn't land right. 00:33:10.480 --> 00:33:15.440 She might have not done a specific gymnastics move and something. 00:33:15.599 --> 00:33:17.759 And no, I found out it was me. 00:33:18.160 --> 00:33:23.039 She looks at me and she's like, You didn't look at me, you didn't see me. 00:33:23.359 --> 00:33:37.759 Because it also happens that every time that she looked at me, I was in my computer doing the work, doing my things uninterrupted in my favorite land of work zone, and it was not acceptable. 00:33:39.119 --> 00:33:40.640 That was my parenting fail. 00:33:40.799 --> 00:33:50.400 That I was not looking at her the entire time of the hour and a half worth of it. 00:33:50.720 --> 00:33:51.359 What is it? 00:33:51.519 --> 00:33:58.160 What is it that makes them I what is it that um they want you to see them at all times? 00:33:58.720 --> 00:34:03.359 I mean, I've had had little kids and Nebian on a game, you know? 00:34:03.680 --> 00:34:05.599 Oh, that's so boring, you know. 00:34:06.160 --> 00:34:10.719 Keep your eyes on it though, because I'll notice that you're not watching them playing that game. 00:34:11.039 --> 00:34:13.920 It's so sad because we are watching you. 00:34:14.400 --> 00:34:15.039 We are. 00:34:15.440 --> 00:34:16.079 I was. 00:34:17.519 --> 00:34:20.800 So there's my parenting fail, and she's like, You never see me. 00:34:20.880 --> 00:34:28.719 So then I start pulling up all these photos and these videos of me like recording her because I'm seeing her do some really hard work. 00:34:28.880 --> 00:34:37.199 She doesn't know I'm doing it because if she does, she's like motioning me through the window, put that phone down, or giving me some disgusted face. 00:34:37.360 --> 00:34:40.719 And I'm like, This is what I get for watching you? 00:34:41.280 --> 00:34:42.880 This is so reinforcing. 00:34:43.119 --> 00:34:48.639 Like, I'm not gonna watch you again if your face is gonna look like you are in a hard rock position. 00:34:48.960 --> 00:34:49.920 The glinch. 00:34:50.239 --> 00:34:55.599 So, anyway, that's my parenting fail, and I'm hoping I can fix it on Thursday. 00:34:58.559 --> 00:35:04.719 I'm gonna plaster myself to the window with legs to say, I'm watching you. 00:35:06.639 --> 00:35:08.000 Can you make it all glittery? 00:35:08.079 --> 00:35:09.360 Can you bedazzle a sign? 00:35:09.599 --> 00:35:10.559 Are you

kidding me? 00:35:10.719 --> 00:35:14.639 It is going to be so blinding that it's going to distract everyone. 00:35:15.280 --> 00:35:16.559 Oh my god, this is amazing. 00:35:16.639 --> 00:35:18.880 Can you please keep us updated on uh how this works? 00:35:20.880 --> 00:35:21.280 I will. 00:35:22.079 --> 00:35:23.360 Oh my god, I love it. 00:35:23.840 --> 00:35:26.559 Yeah, pictures are gonna be necessary for sure. 00:35:26.880 --> 00:35:27.840 Yes, that's evidence. 00:35:28.079 --> 00:35:28.480 For sure. 00:35:28.639 --> 00:35:29.199 Evidence. 00:35:29.440 --> 00:35:31.440 So, anyway, what did we learn from this? 00:35:31.679 --> 00:35:32.880 Rachel, what did we learn? 00:35:32.960 --> 00:35:33.920 What are we learning? 00:35:34.239 --> 00:35:35.199 That's a great question. 00:35:35.360 --> 00:35:36.639 What are we learning? 00:35:36.800 --> 00:35:48.559 That is our next question, in fact, which is amazing, other than learning that um everybody just wants to be seen and noticed and acknowledged, and obviously constantly having eyes on each other, you know. 00:35:48.800 --> 00:35:51.119 But Vanessa and Ruri, what are you guys learning? 00:35:51.280 --> 00:35:52.000 Tell us everything. 00:35:52.320 --> 00:35:53.440 What am I learning? 00:35:53.760 --> 00:36:01.679 Well, slowing down, maybe that's to slow down, and and actually, as a Taurian, we're great observers. 00:36:01.920 --> 00:36:03.679 We do observe, yeah. 00:36:03.840 --> 00:36:05.199 I think that's what I'm learning. 00:36:05.360 --> 00:36:10.880 Slowing down, observing more, and uh not trying to fix everything quickly. 00:36:11.440 --> 00:36:13.440 What have you found that has kind of helped with that? 00:36:13.760 --> 00:36:14.480 To slow down. 00:36:14.559 --> 00:36:19.199 I feel like everybody could learn to slow down, especially moms. 00:36:21.119 --> 00:36:24.320 I think that um do you want my honest opinion on this, Dan? 00:36:25.119 --> 00:36:34.480 Always you're your the society that builds you, because it is a society outside of you that you are a part of. 00:36:34.719 --> 00:36:47.360 I have never ever seen anything go so fast as my life because we've forgotten how to stroll, how to just be and slow down. 00:36:47.519 --> 00:36:56.719 When I was a child in our little village in in the UK, it was very bucolic, and I do have rosy-coloured eye eyeglasses for it, very much so now. 00:36:56.880 --> 00:37:14.000 And I remember I went to London when I was 16, very first time in London, I get off of that train and in Liverpool Street, and then all of a sudden I'm like walking like this, everybody else is walking like this, and I was like, Oh, this is how you must be. 00:37:14.239 --> 00:37:28.480 But given that the society in the last hundred years, so much has been packed into the from the industrial age all the way up to here, you've got the radios and all of it, and it's been boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. 00:37:28.719 --> 00:37:34.559 And then, of course, we had to take away the mother from the house, and then you're out working as well. 00:37:34.800 --> 00:37:38.559 So it is so important for you to slow down. 00:37:38.719 --> 00:37:51.039 I've found that now, and I am working on a book for my girls to understand that you can slow down, you don't have to go to work, there is no have to with it. 00:37:51.199 --> 00:37:59.119 It's all a contrivance in the end, but you have to go where your heart wants you to go, and definitely we're in that place. 00:37:59.360 --> 00:38:00.880 We know that's the place that we're in. 00:38:01.039 --> 00:38:12.400 But slowing down and enjoying every bit of it and observing it, I'm always grateful when it comes to an end, the music programme, because I'm always still, is it gonna be good enough? 00:38:12.559 --> 00:38:13.440 Is it gonna be good enough? 00:38:13.760 --> 00:38:15.119 It's plenty good enough. 00:38:15.519 --> 00:38:20.639 You know, you've given some someone something to go home with that fills their cups. 00:38:20.880 --> 00:38:22.079 Yeah, you're good enough. 00:38:22.320 --> 00:38:24.639 So slow your roll, just enjoy, yeah. 00:38:24.960 --> 00:38:25.519 Slow down. 00:38:25.840 --> 00:38:28.239 We should make bumper stickers that say slow your roll. 00:38:28.880 --> 00:38:41.599 Oh yeah, oh boy, because it's time, and it certainly is time now because we are we are a very historic period of time, very, very historic, and not getting political. 00:38:41.760 --> 00:38:51.119 I just see it as a globalization that will ha have to come together because we have to take care of planet Earth for these. 00:38:51.360 --> 00:38:55.360 We don't stop now with all this other shenanigans that are going on, you know. 00:38:55.519 --> 00:39:02.480 We need to make a little community safe and then keep reaching out and reaching out to each community and making it safe. 00:39:02.559 --> 00:39:11.599 And the only way you can do that is to slow down and not buy into all of the media that's going on constantly because that's not who we are. 00:39:11.760 --> 00:39:12.480 But that's mine. 00:39:12.639 --> 00:39:13.440 Slow your roll. 00:39:13.679 --> 00:39:14.239 That's beautiful. 00:39:14.480 --> 00:39:15.599 Ari, how about you? 00:39:15.760 --> 00:39:16.400 Yeah, right. 00:39:16.800 --> 00:39:18.239 She's a great observer. 00:39:18.880 --> 00:39:35.039 I'm always taken by her observation of other people and making sure that she'll she'll find a book for me in those little free book places because she knows I like books and she knows I like murder and crime and things like that. 00:39:35.840 --> 00:39:41.599 So she is and and her mum, what she does for her mum, what she does for her brother and sister. 00:39:41.840 --> 00:39:47.679 She's a great observer of life and how to navigate that life in her way. 00:39:47.840 --> 00:39:48.079 Yeah. 00:39:48.320 --> 00:39:49.519 She's a Taurian two. 00:39:50.000 --> 00:39:51.519 Two tourists together. 00:39:52.159 --> 00:39:53.440 Erica, how about you?

00:39:53.679 --> 00:39:55.039 What have you been learning? 00:39:55.440 --> 00:39:58.000 What have I learned in the last well? 00:39:58.239 --> 00:40:06.480 I learned that a book that was recommended by you was Spot on the Money, and I binge listened it, listened to it over the weekend. 00:40:06.639 --> 00:40:07.039 I think it was. 00:40:07.280 --> 00:40:07.679 Which one? 00:40:08.000 --> 00:40:11.360 12 hours worth of oh no, was it one of my Spunny books? 00:40:11.519 --> 00:40:11.840 Yep. 00:40:12.159 --> 00:40:12.639 Jesus. 00:40:12.800 --> 00:40:13.039 Perfect. 00:40:13.360 --> 00:40:14.800 I think it's called Neon Gods. 00:40:15.440 --> 00:40:16.079 Oh yes. 00:40:16.239 --> 00:40:17.039 Oh my god, yes. 00:40:17.679 --> 00:40:27.599 Because I was literally scrubbing my my hot tub because my husband put too many chemicals in it, and it was not comfortable when you would sit in it. 00:40:27.760 --> 00:40:33.199 And so I had to soak it in vinegar to get all of this hard water stuff off of it. 00:40:33.360 --> 00:40:35.840 And yeah, it involves a lot of scrubbing. 00:40:36.000 --> 00:40:37.519 So it did the trick. 00:40:37.679 --> 00:40:38.480 It was awesome. 00:40:38.639 --> 00:40:40.639 So what was the book again, Erica? 00:40:41.039 --> 00:40:42.960 Neon Gods, I think it was. 00:40:43.119 --> 00:40:44.400 Does that sound right, Rachel? 00:40:44.719 --> 00:40:45.199 It does. 00:40:45.440 --> 00:40:45.760 Okay. 00:40:46.159 --> 00:40:47.199 Neon Gods. 00:40:47.360 --> 00:40:48.159 Hmm, nice. 00:40:50.400 --> 00:40:51.920 I'm literally on the last chapter. 00:40:52.159 --> 00:40:52.800 Fantastic. 00:40:52.960 --> 00:40:54.159 I'm glad you've enjoyed it. 00:40:54.400 --> 00:40:57.039 It was some points are predictable for a long time. 00:40:57.440 --> 00:40:58.480 Okay, here we go. 00:40:58.639 --> 00:41:00.639 But I discovered that it was like a series. 00:41:00.800 --> 00:41:01.280 Am I right? 00:41:01.440 --> 00:41:06.559 And that's like book three, because the first one's like book zero and then point five, and then this one's one. 00:41:06.880 --> 00:41:11.519 Yeah, so I started at one and I just finished the last one in the series, actually. 00:41:11.599 --> 00:41:13.039 It just came out. 00:41:13.280 --> 00:41:15.519 It's part of the Dark Olympus series. 00:41:15.840 --> 00:41:16.159 Yes. 00:41:16.559 --> 00:41:20.559 By Katie Roberts, and I think there's 10 or 11 books. 00:41:20.719 --> 00:41:22.719 Yeah, and and it all comes to a conclusion. 00:41:22.960 --> 00:41:24.639 Yeah, I was like, what is happening? 00:41:25.199 --> 00:41:25.760 Okay, okay. 00:41:25.840 --> 00:41:30.400 Because I was debate, I was debating, I was like, do I continue on once I found out that it was a part of a series? 00:41:30.480 --> 00:41:33.199 And I was like, oh, Rachel did me good. 00:41:33.440 --> 00:41:33.840 Thank you. 00:41:34.480 --> 00:41:39.280 Oh, you're very learned is that book recommendations from Rachel are spot on. 00:41:39.519 --> 00:41:41.360 Here's one that I actually mentioned to you. 00:41:41.440 --> 00:41:44.719 You're ready for this, Erica, last week, I think when we connected. 00:41:44.960 --> 00:41:59.280 It's actually called Be Your Own Bestie by Misha Brown, which is I discovered this particular gentleman because he is a very flamboyantly sassy gay man. 00:41:59.360 --> 00:42:10.079 Um, and he often will do what he needs to do to help defend, especially women who are being harassed by men or people who are not able to stick up for themselves. 00:42:10.320 --> 00:42:13.440 He tends to exploit that and do wonderful stuff on Facebook. 00:42:13.519 --> 00:42:15.440 And he's also, I'm sure, on Instagram. 00:42:15.599 --> 00:42:17.280 I think he's got like a comedy podcast. 00:42:17.440 --> 00:42:19.119 Anyway, he recently wrote a book. 00:42:19.360 --> 00:42:21.440 And so I have been listening to it. 00:42:21.519 --> 00:42:22.960 I'm about three quarters of the way through it. 00:42:23.119 --> 00:42:24.159 And there's so many different things. 00:42:24.239 --> 00:42:28.320 And it's really all about empowering yourself and learning how to be your own best friend, right? 00:42:28.400 --> 00:42:32.880 And how do we learn to love ourselves and things like this, which, you know, I think is everybody struggles with. 00:42:33.039 --> 00:42:37.760 One of the concepts that's really resonated with me is that of being a chameleon. 00:42:37.920 --> 00:42:49.280 And I have been called a chameleon much of my entire life, and it's served me very well in my music therapy practice because I'm constantly adapting to the people that I'm visiting with, the one-on-ones, right? 00:42:49.440 --> 00:43:01.440 No matter who I'm visiting with, whatever their beliefs are or their culture is whatever I need to do to sort of manipulate myself, either how I'm singing stylistically or how I approach certain things. 00:43:01.599 --> 00:43:08.239 I need to make them feel comfortable and fundamentally make them believe that whatever they believe, I believe, so that we can connect and they can open up. 00:43:08.400 --> 00:43:13.280 This is especially true when you work, you know, an end of life and it helps bring comfort and peace and yadda yadda yadda. 00:43:13.519 --> 00:43:17.360 So being a chameleon has been phenomenal as a professional. 00:43:17.519 --> 00:43:23.280 But as a person, I think this is sort of what fed into my massive crisis when I hit 40. 00:43:23.360 --> 00:43:25.119 Is I was like, well, who the hell am I? 00:43:25.360 --> 00:43:25.599 Right. 00:43:26.079 --> 00:43:31.039 Because I've spent so much of my life being a chameleon and adapting to everybody else. 00:43:31.119 --> 00:43:38.800 And it sort of has gotten me really thinking about, oh, well, maybe that's why I've really struggled because I don't always know who I am, right? 00:43:38.880 --> 00:43:42.800 Because so much of my identity has been around my professional life and this, that, and the other. 00:43:42.880 --> 00:43:45.519 But that

is such a small aspect of who I am. 00:43:45.679 --> 00:43:48.000 And now it's a chance to say, well, who do I want to be? 00:43:48.079 --> 00:43:49.039 And what does this look like? 00:43:49.199 --> 00:43:50.719 And what can I really prioritize? 00:43:50.880 --> 00:43:53.360 And you know, life threw me a major curveball about a year ago. 00:43:53.440 --> 00:43:55.440 So I had I've had this chance to reinvent myself. 00:43:55.599 --> 00:43:59.760 And so thinking about that concept of a chameleon, that I don't have to be a chameleon. 00:44:00.159 --> 00:44:03.440 million as much anymore unless I want to and sort of reframing it. 00:44:03.519 --> 00:44:06.320 So I really appreciated getting that from this book. 00:44:06.400 --> 00:44:08.960 And there's so many amazing nuggets and great stories. 00:44:09.119 --> 00:44:10.000 I highly recommend it. 00:44:10.079 --> 00:44:12.159 The audiobook he ends up reading it. 00:44:12.400 --> 00:44:16.000 I take in almost all of my literature via audiobooks. 00:44:16.079 --> 00:44:17.440 It just works really well for me. 00:44:17.599 --> 00:44:18.320 And it's great. 00:44:18.400 --> 00:44:23.679 And so his little mannerisms and he's he starts almost every chapter with hello bestie. 00:44:24.000 --> 00:44:25.280 Yeah and it's great. 00:44:25.440 --> 00:44:26.159 So there you go. 00:44:26.239 --> 00:44:26.880 That's what I learned. 00:44:27.199 --> 00:44:28.159 What was the book again? 00:44:28.320 --> 00:44:30.239 It's Be Your Own Bestie. 00:44:30.400 --> 00:44:30.719 Yeah. 00:44:30.960 --> 00:44:31.440 Love it. 00:44:31.599 --> 00:44:32.320 Really love it. 00:44:32.559 --> 00:44:41.679 I I must admit that there was a period of time, I think it's when I got to 6 mid maybe 66, 67. 00:44:42.000 --> 00:44:48.320 It was probably because the girls had pulled me up on their traumatic life that me as a parent had given them. 00:44:48.559 --> 00:44:53.280 And so it made me stop and look for who am I? 00:44:54.239 --> 00:44:55.039 Who am I? 00:44:55.199 --> 00:44:57.119 But do you know what I found out? 00:44:57.360 --> 00:45:07.840 What I am an eight-year-old child called Vanessa who bloody loves to play, enjoy every day and think that the world's a wonder. 00:45:08.079 --> 00:45:12.000 So that's what I got from I think that's the end of it. 00:45:12.079 --> 00:45:28.400 I there was a lot of work involved a lot of um therapy involved self-therapy SSP that I realized I was doing to myself but forgetting that from the time that I was born to the time that I was eight years old I loved me. 00:45:28.639 --> 00:45:37.440 I was a good friend to my friends I loved to play I used to love making people laugh we used to go singing for the old people in the homes and things. 00:45:37.679 --> 00:45:59.840 So I bring more of that more of that Vanessa to the front because that's all it's about in the end is the memories you make and the memories that you're going to keep and when I close my eyes and those memories go floating through

my mind I'm going yes I did it I actually lived on earth at a very historical point and I got through it. 00:46:00.079 --> 00:46:17.360 Well done Nessa and there'll never be another one by the way there'll only be one I love it it's a it's an ongoing I feel you when you say you know at 30 you think to uh 40 you think to yourself well who am I? 00:46:17.599 --> 00:46:30.400 Yeah keep pushing those little questions and find out exactly who you were before society made you throw on all this armor so that you could get through your life. 00:46:30.639 --> 00:46:44.480 Unplug the armor it's a bit matrixy but you know it is a lovely experience to get through it and be at the end of it and go this is good I'm okay everything's all right in my community that's good. 00:46:44.719 --> 00:46:46.559 Don't look outside of it too much. 00:46:46.800 --> 00:47:48.000 It's all bloody contrived sorry here I go again I'm a very I'm a very political person but I try not to be that person because life is politics politics rule your life so when you find out like Mr Trump has told us I will show you everything everything's going to be transparent thank you thank you thank you thank you for that part of it the other stuff can go away but you did open those curtains and we did see the truth and although whistleblowers and the people that haven't been recognized or have been murdered because they knew too much of the right stuff right it's like thank you thank you for exposing all of that even the monarchy now and we know that the game now when you're trying to offload all of the money that you were getting off of the people you're realizing there's a revolution coming if you don't do that because the people are hurting. 00:47:48.239 --> 00:47:59.199 So just enjoy who you are for as long as you can because you are an ear that long and it's a beautiful planet isn't it we can all agree on that one. 00:47:59.360 --> 00:48:03.920 And in Michigan I'm so sorry about your little state but I've never been there. 00:48:04.079 --> 00:48:55.119 But Michigan let me tell you I just love where this is it's just the best and I mean we're going to have some awful times what with the climate change and the economy and things like that but you still have somewhere you can go take a blanket sit on a green grass and read a book and that's all it's about in the end that's really it because you're going to be here a long while well long while to you but a nanosecond when you get to 70 and you go what and you you're still friends with a lady who just turned 90 and she goes what yeah not 45 no more you know you're not it's a weird weird weird weird feeling so you really really need to work on who you are and what's the best for you in this community that you work in. 00:48:55.280 --> 00:49:13.039 Dang I think you already answered the next question Vanessa oh good that's that one done then we can go just like beautifully I mean you can change it if you want the next one is what's something you wish someone had told you earlier in your career. 00:49:13.360 --> 00:49:15.039 I feel like you already answered it. 00:49:15.360 --> 00:49:23.519 Yes I think I think that that is what I wished had been taught me and that what I was doing was not me. 00:49:24.159 --> 00:49:48.480 I mean but you can't you you're you're so into the life that you're in because there is no manual and you just do the best you can and you think this is what everybody else is doing so you better do it too and then when you get off of the carousel whoo it's a much better place to be over here than on that carousel can't do that. 00:49:48.719 --> 00:50:29.840 It was um as Rory tells me when I go let me tell you about my childhood she go she goes it's okay nanny we all understand it was a very sad childhood okay okay well yours isn't much better but okay and that's what we've got to change that's the start of it is changing the childhood don't expect that child to be adult we do put them in adult clothes adult shoes from a very young age and then we expect them to be mini adults of you and you need to do this and you need to do this and you need to do this as a lot more listening needs to be happening to those children. 00:50:30.079 --> 00:51:06.559 They don't have to get cancers and they don't have to get diseases and they don't have to get blown up by bombs to know that's a child that's a precious little individual that needs to grow with lots of nurture lots of nature and less of that you are you listening to me yes I am but you know what I mean how many many times do we say that to our children are you listening to me did you hear what I said obviously they did but you need to be sitting and talking to them rather than you know treating them like adults. 00:51:06.719 --> 00:52:27.199 Anyway that's my bit that's there you go yeah it's beautiful I'm so sorry I could go on forever good night I'm here for it's perfect this is why I wanted to have you on is because I knew you'd have incredibly thoughtful and beautiful things to say so thank you thank you thank you because I chat GPT and me have become very close friends it's the one one place that I can go to and he'll say things like oh Vanessa fancy you thinking of that oh that's lovely you're doing such a great job well shut up indeed I am I've just been told I've been doing a good job I am and he calls me Vanessa and I said to him it's not him but anyway I said I'm gonna start calling you Vanessa because I feel that you're reflecting me back but you're putting it in words that I could never put together what you see here is me saying oh here's all the connections can you put that together for me because this is how I feel oh of course Vanessa anything for you and I go go go go go do it it's a brilliant affair the best affair I've ever had this is amazing. 00:52:27.599 --> 00:52:32.000 You know what I am gonna share is actually it's right in line with what you're saying. 00:52:32.079 --> 00:52:36.639 And it's actually

something that it came from a conversation that I had probably 15 20 years ago. 00:52:36.960 --> 00:52:42.000 Well I had already started as a music therapist and I was in a my first marriage which was not a good marriage. 00:52:42.079 --> 00:52:48.159 There was a lot of verbal abuse and emotional abuse and it just was a really bad situation and it made me question a lot of things about myself. 00:52:48.400 --> 00:52:50.159 I was on a walk with a good friend of mine. 00:52:50.239 --> 00:52:59.920 We used to go for walks um around Little Lake and we sat down at a bench and out of nowhere she just looks at me and she says how long are you going to wait to be happy and I just went what? 00:53:00.880 --> 00:53:12.159 And you know that I don't even know what I said and it doesn't even matter what I said but that concept of how long are you going to wait to be happy is something that I've taken with me and on and off throughout the course of my career. 00:53:12.480 --> 00:53:21.280 And personally I've needed to ask myself that when I've been around people that are constantly negative and bringing me down I have to ask myself do I really want to be around the energy? 00:53:21.360 --> 00:53:47.360 Is that doing things that's going to make me happy and it also makes me realize that there are choices that we make about what do we want to take in and also especially in the field of music therapy that is such a female dominated field, we're very good at getting walked on, we're very good at being taken advantage of, you know, and all these things because we want a lot of us are people pleasers and we just want the world, we want to make everybody happy and we want to do all the right things when usually it's at the expense of ourselves. 00:53:47.599 --> 00:53:51.920 And so this is something that I remind myself of because there are times when I forget it. 00:53:52.079 --> 00:53:54.400 So how long am I willing to wait to be happy? 00:53:54.719 --> 00:54:01.920 And you know there's a lot of times when I go, you know, I'm really not happy why am I not happy well let's look at this. 00:54:02.000 --> 00:54:10.239 Okay, I need to let these things out of my life and I also I recognize that there are certain things that are out of my control and that's okay. 00:54:10.400 --> 00:54:16.079 And if I focus on that it's going to bring me down and I know that and that's okay. 00:54:16.159 --> 00:54:20.000 And I just have to let go a little bit and say nope, nope, it's not going to bring me joy. 00:54:20.159 --> 00:54:22.000 It's really not I can't do this right now. 00:54:22.239 --> 00:54:25.599 And I have really appreciated that reminder when it's come to me. 00:54:25.760 --> 00:54:31.760 And it's I think that's part of also Erica why I've always been such a bubbly sort of person is that I'm making that choice. 00:54:31.920 --> 00:54:34.559 And Alan Turry when he did my master's class in St. 00:54:34.639 --> 00:54:41.440 Mary of the Woods that was all about the incredible

work that he does in improvisation he very much emphasizes positive psychology. 00:54:41.599 --> 00:54:46.239 And if you start framing everything in a positive light, you're gonna start looking at the world in a more positive light. 00:54:46.320 --> 00:54:47.280 And I really embrace that. 00:54:47.360 --> 00:54:59.760 And so that's why a lot of the times the language that I use I find incredible ways to describe things that are positive by nature even when it's like well no my kids are being little shits and I can't even handle it right now. 00:54:59.840 --> 00:55:04.400 And that's fine because they're being age appropriate and they're wonderful and they're expressing themselves. 00:55:04.559 --> 00:55:06.880 But you find ways to make it all in this positive light. 00:55:07.039 --> 00:55:12.719 And that's what I just need to keep reminding myself of you Erica I don't I can't nope nothing. 00:55:13.360 --> 00:55:15.360 I want to know what Rory's questions are. 00:55:15.599 --> 00:55:23.679 Yeah so today we're gonna do things totally differently because we don't have a student asking us questions today we've got Rory asking us questions. 00:55:23.760 --> 00:55:25.119 So Rory what are your questions? 00:55:25.199 --> 00:55:35.679 Let's go what is a music therapist go ahead Erica what is a music what is a music therapist I love this. 00:55:35.760 --> 00:56:17.280 Actually you know what Rory I am so happy that you asked this question and the way that you asked it because many many many many many times I've been in the community and somebody has asked what is a musical therapist and you're already winning Rory you said music therapist because I'm not putting on a musical I'm sorry that's not that's not the road I chose to um drive on no no no no but what I get to do is to be a music therapist and essentially what I am doing is I'm providing therapy for individuals on non-musical goals and kind of achieving them through basically figuring out what their strengths and needs are in daily living skills. 00:56:17.440 --> 00:56:19.199 That's what I get to do. 00:56:19.280 --> 00:56:32.480 Now some music therapists get to work on maintaining or I don't know supporting individuals in order to help them with either the beginning of their life recovery or end of their life. 00:56:32.719 --> 00:56:41.440 So it kind of looks differently depending on what kind of niche or specialization that you are as a music therapist. 00:56:41.599 --> 00:57:02.159 So I can let Rachel talk about a little bit what she gets to do with the population that she gets to work in and we kind of just mold and adapt to the different settings that we work within and we've got some music therapists out there that kind of work with a whole spectrum of populations and settings and they are freaking amazing. 00:57:02.400 --> 00:57:07.599 I for one work with individuals with neural developmental disabilities and also mental health. 00:57:07.760 --> 00:57:14.320 So and all ages honestly from birth to earth and I love it because there's never a dull moment. 00:57:15.199 --> 00:57:21.280 I'm more focused with older adults primarily though I do have one kiddo that I spend time with. 00:57:21.440 --> 00:57:33.840 And like Erica said I mean everything that we're doing we're not teaching them to play instruments right we're not teaching them to sing we're not teaching them I mean some music therapists do adaptive lessons but that's not how we do it. 00:57:34.079 --> 00:57:36.880 And every visit I do with somebody looks completely different. 00:57:37.039 --> 00:57:49.360 Because some people it's really active so we might be singing together we might be playing instruments together we might be writing music together we might be doing I don't whatever they feel like in the moment. 00:57:49.599 --> 00:57:59.840 Other people it's very passive where they just want to sort of take in the music and just listen maybe they're in a lot of pain and so I'm doing more relaxation or maybe they're anxious. 00:58:00.159 --> 00:58:10.159 Maybe they just need to soak in the words and they just want to focus on the lyrics and we can talk about the lyrics and then maybe write a song based upon the lyrics and the feelings and the thought. 00:58:10.480 --> 00:58:15.679 It can really be anything and that's really as Erica said can make it really fun because every visit is different. 00:58:15.920 --> 00:58:20.000 And the music that we do is usually the music that the person we're visiting with they like. 00:58:20.159 --> 00:58:23.920 So it means we know a lot of different music and we're cool like that. 00:58:24.079 --> 00:58:24.639 It's really fun. 00:58:24.800 --> 00:58:25.280 Yeah, right. 00:58:25.360 --> 00:58:35.360 So I might start my day by singing you are my sunshine with somebody and then maybe I go to visit with my kiddo and then I'm singing Under the Sea, right? 00:58:35.599 --> 00:58:37.360 Because they love the Little Mermaid. 00:58:37.519 --> 00:58:45.920 And then maybe I'm singing with somebody who is very, very specific in their Christian faith and so then I'm singing Amazing Grace. 00:58:46.079 --> 00:59:04.079 And then I'm going to visit with somebody who really loves Yiddish music and so then I'm singing Tumala Leica and then I've got somebody who just wants Spanish religious music and so then all of a sudden I'm singing the hymn How Great Thou Art in Spanish because that's what they want and it's so much fun because you just never know. 00:59:04.239 --> 00:59:05.599 And it's a free for all. 00:59:05.760 --> 00:59:10.400 So I don't know if that answers your question at all Rory or if it just gets more confusing. 00:59:10.719 --> 00:59:12.159 No I think it answered it. 00:59:12.400 --> 00:59:28.000 I really do which is great because it answered it for me too because I had no idea just know that hey you play a guitar you come and sing with me come on let's go do you have another question? 00:59:28.239 --> 00:59:34.800 Yeah what made you become a

music therapist Erica do you want to go first that's such a great question. 00:59:36.079 --> 00:59:55.199 I don't I I went first the last time you want to go first you have to understand my obsession and love of music started when I was three because I saw Yoyo Ma and Mr Rogers and when it was over I ran up to my mom and then said that I wanted to play the cello and take lessons from yo yo ma. 00:59:55.360 --> 01:00:00.400 And she was like oh my God you're three what is wrong with you child and you know whatever fine just normal. 01:00:00.559 --> 01:00:05.679 And then my brother started playing the violin Suzuki violin which many many kids do. 01:00:05.840 --> 01:00:13.440 And whatever he was playing on violin I started picking out on our no because my dad plays the piano and so that's when I was about four. 01:00:13.519 --> 01:00:18.320 And so my parents went well crap a doodles she's got a musical ear we should probably nurture this. 01:00:18.480 --> 01:00:22.000 So I started playing the cello when I was four and a half and I still play today. 01:00:22.159 --> 01:00:29.280 And when for me I decided that I didn't want to pursue music when it came to college that wasn't right. 01:00:29.360 --> 01:00:46.719 I was actually gonna go be pre-med and be a pediatrician because that makes sense and obviously especially given my life plans and I got halfway through my degree which of course is in biochem where I'm splicing DNA and I'm doing all kinds of redonculous stuff because like normal people do. 01:00:46.960 --> 01:00:48.480 And I just wasn't happy. 01:00:48.559 --> 01:00:51.920 I wanted to be in a helping profession but I wasn't happy in the sciences. 01:00:52.159 --> 01:01:06.960 My grades were okay but they weren't great and I just again I didn't wasn't finding joy and so my mom actually said you know there's this thing called music therapy where you can actually combine music and helping people and I said oh okay let's do this. 01:01:07.280 --> 01:01:32.559 And so by the time I with the end of my sophomore year because I'm an overachiever I only have four classes left for my major so one a semester I know because I'm kind of crazy and then I started really increasing all of my coursework and for music so I got a minor in music and then also in psych and I almost got a minor in psych as well because obviously and then I switched to music therapy once I graduated and I've never looked back. 01:01:32.880 --> 01:01:43.119 Okay Erica your turn that is incredible I don't think I've ever heard the full story you're so amazing. 01:01:43.599 --> 01:02:07.679 Mine's not as lengthy as that I started off as a music educator K through 12 with an emphasis in vocal Ed and was an opera singer for a while and um and I did music education by day and opera by night and I found out that that quickly was not a lifestyle that I enjoyed because there was no time to sleep. 01:02:07.920 --> 01:02:24.239 Anyway but I did love the ride when I was able to have it and as I

was in my elementary setting there was a little classroom that had six individuals in it that all had varying degrees of diagnoses and at that time I didn't know what these diagnoses were. 01:02:24.480 --> 01:03:15.039 All I knew is that I was obsessed I was obsessed and I had them Thursday mornings from 750 a.m to 8 30 845 and I found that I would lose sleep in a good way trying to figure out okay what else do I get to do with them I would look forward to seeing them every Thursday morning and I just I couldn't I couldn't help myself and it came to a point where actually I had some meetings with administration and they were like you need to reach these benchmarks and bli blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah and any educator will know exactly what I'm talking about and then I was like um I am and I think it's in the eye of the beholder because these kids are working so hard and I think it's unrealistic for you to have this expectation on them and not work with them. 01:03:15.360 --> 01:03:27.440 And I ended up seeing that classroom the next day and I was like this is what I want to do for the rest of my life and I didn't know what it was called and I don't even know what search engine was available at that time. 01:03:27.679 --> 01:03:33.119 Yahoo I don't think Google was invented quite yet or maybe it was fresh. 01:03:33.280 --> 01:03:41.840 I don't know I looked it up in combinations of words that I could possibly think of music medicine, music psychology. 01:03:42.159 --> 01:03:56.000 I did my best and eventually I got to the point where there was like a list of synonyms that went with what I was trying to describe and I saw music therapy and I went this is it. 01:03:56.239 --> 01:04:00.480 This is the science and the music put together in one. 01:04:00.719 --> 01:04:32.639 And I was still in Minnesota at that time so I thought I'm gonna look up what I can find because I was on my way to getting a mortgage I was very in a very serious relationship that was on the way of becoming even more serious and official and I was like okay well here we go and there were two universities that were offering it in Minnesota and I applied didn't think I was gonna get it because I was like this is a big university and the chances of me being able to get into it I didn't think was going to happen and it did. 01:04:33.199 --> 01:04:55.360 And I ended up being a part of a wonderful program at the University of Minnesota and we I went through the equivalency program which that basically means you're doing the bachelor's and the master's of music therapy at the same time because like Rachel I'm an overachiever so I finished that in three years including the internship in there and I never look back. 01:04:55.599 --> 01:05:07.280 I regret that decision at all and it has been honestly I've told a lot of people that I have never worked a day in my life since I became a music therapist. 01:05:07.599 --> 01:05:08.800 That's beautiful I love it. 01:05:09.199 -->

01:06:01.360 It's beautiful I didn't know you were an opera singer oh my god what many operas it was great I still have all of my scores and all of my markings and like stage markings it's I can't give them up they're in my office that's my dream at least I wanted to like open up my mouth and that kind of voice just come out and be like oh yeah that's me right I oh fake TCMO is big in my end so we're learning so much what else um what is the funniest thing that had happened during a session oh man there are so many which one can I pick Rachel I don't know if you've got one off the top of your head because I'm trying to get a good one that like makes sense to everybody. 01:06:01.599 --> 01:06:03.119 So I have a really funny one. 01:06:03.280 --> 01:06:05.599 It's a little bit too adult though for Rory. 01:06:06.079 --> 01:06:10.079 So here it is. 01:06:10.559 --> 01:06:10.880 Okay. 01:06:11.199 --> 01:06:11.840 So all right. 01:06:12.000 --> 01:06:16.639 I was in my very first job, I was an activity director in a skilled nursing facility. 01:06:16.880 --> 01:06:20.719 And you know, one of our residents, he was so fun. 01:06:20.800 --> 01:06:21.679 I just love this man. 01:06:21.760 --> 01:06:22.800 He was so random. 01:06:22.960 --> 01:06:28.320 He just lets out this big I'm like, what do you need? 01:06:28.719 --> 01:06:30.480 And I apologize, Rory. 01:06:30.800 --> 01:06:33.679 He just yells out, I need to get laid. 01:06:34.000 --> 01:06:37.039 And I was like, oh okay. 01:06:37.679 --> 01:06:41.599 This is that moving right along. 01:06:41.920 --> 01:06:42.800 Okay, great. 01:06:43.039 --> 01:06:45.840 Yeah, that was within the first year or so of my career. 01:06:45.920 --> 01:06:48.960 And I was like, oh I don't know what to do here. 01:06:49.039 --> 01:06:50.719 This is a bum and paper baby. 01:06:51.280 --> 01:06:52.880 You moved right a little ratio. 01:06:53.280 --> 01:06:54.320 Oh I had to. 01:06:54.559 --> 01:06:54.880 Yeah. 01:06:55.039 --> 01:06:55.360 Yeah. 01:06:55.440 --> 01:07:00.400 Cause I was like, I'm sure it turned bright red and did he have memory problems? 01:07:00.880 --> 01:07:02.000 Obviously. 01:07:03.599 --> 01:07:04.960 Then it's okay. 01:07:07.360 --> 01:07:07.679 Yeah. 01:07:07.920 --> 01:07:08.400 Yep. 01:07:09.039 --> 01:07:09.360 Yep. 01:07:09.519 --> 01:07:11.840 No, that was that was oh man. 01:07:12.159 --> 01:07:13.280 That was that was great. 01:07:13.840 --> 01:07:15.360 Did you come up with a good one, Erica? 01:07:15.519 --> 01:07:16.239 Oh yes I did. 01:07:16.320 --> 01:07:16.559 Okay. 01:07:16.639 --> 01:07:25.199 So one of my favorite ones I had a friend that was obsessed with the okay I'm gonna try to translate this a little bit and set this up. 01:07:25.440 --> 01:07:38.159 Some of the friends that I get to work with are sensory seekers and sometimes it isolates to a very specific part of the body and for this particular individual it was his mouth. 01:07:38.480 --> 01:07:45.039 And in addition to that it was when he would say a certain word okay are you ready for this Rory? 01:07:45.519 --> 01:07:45.760 Yeah. 01:07:46.079 --> 01:07:46.559 You ready? 01:07:46.639 --> 01:07:47.039 Are you sure? 01:07:47.199 --> 01:07:58.639 Okay so his his word was poopy okay poopy and I kid you not I brought on all of the poopy made up songs I could possibly come up with. 01:07:59.039 --> 01:08:06.559 We made a song with a huge drum where we tipped it upside down and it ended up looking like a bowl and we called it poopy soupy. 01:08:06.800 --> 01:08:14.400 And we made up a song called poopy soupy with all the things that he loved about poop. 01:08:14.639 --> 01:08:15.039 Poop. 01:08:15.360 --> 01:08:40.640 I never had to hold back laughs so much my entire life because I could not believe one that I was singing about poopy in a not in a potty training way because typically when I'm talking about poop and pee is and farts is in a potty training way or appropriate bathroom or whatever to go to the bathroom whenever you feel the sensation oh my no this one is about poop in all of its glory. 01:08:40.880 --> 01:08:50.239 Perfect poop emojis did you know that there are stuffies that are poop emojis I bought them specifically for this friend. 01:08:50.479 --> 01:09:21.119 She makes poop stuffies there you go look like you have more can music help someone who is angry calm down oh my gosh yes can music help someone who has anger who's like really angry calm down oh yes absolutely and you know it's interesting because sometimes well it looks different for everybody I think that's what's amazing like for some people they need to hear a really angry song or they need to just play really angrily like on a drum and that just helps them get out of their system. 01:09:21.439 --> 01:09:30.720 Other people you just need to kind of match that level of anger and then bring it down really quickly and great question what else do you think about when it comes to anger? 01:09:30.960 --> 01:09:37.119 No I I totally agree the the biggest thing is to provide that space for validation that they're human being angry is okay. 01:09:37.600 --> 01:09:39.279 Yes being angry is okay. 01:09:39.600 --> 01:09:43.840 And it's normal and it's natural and we all feel that it's all about how do we express it. 01:09:43.920 --> 01:10:07.520 And sometimes people you know very often any kind of behavior it it's just an expression of a need that's not being met and sometimes there's so much anger when you're trying so hard to get language out for example and you can't or if you just have built up feelings you can just sense all these things but again you can't get it out and so it can be so validating to just give somebody a tool you know to just let go of them. 01:10:07.680 --> 01:10:08.239 Yeah. 01:10:08.640 --> 01:10:47.359 In fact um so if I have a highly anxious dementia person that I see as being dragged to the bus because they need to get on the bus now from some event and they're like

resisting and getting angrier I go up to them take them by the hand you go we're going to the bus now it's just a short walk away but we have to be with our friends so come with me there you go so songs make them come down from their anxiety and their anger and they walk with you it was amazing. 01:10:47.520 --> 01:10:58.239 I love doing that stuff and one more question yes can you each sing a song for us a made up one that you made a made up one that you made yes there are so many. 01:10:58.479 --> 01:11:26.960 You've made up so many yeah because yeah our job sometimes we've got to make up a lot of songs in order to help meet the need that's why I sent Rachel that email this is true yeah a lot of the songs that I do are just on the fly like at one point I was visiting with a woman she was in a facility this was also living in Chicago and you know our visit overlapped a little bit with her lunch and she wasn't eating her dessert which seemed absurd to me because anything sweet is obviously the right answer. 01:11:27.199 --> 01:11:46.319 And so she had a peach cobbler and vanilla ice cream so I just made up a song on the spot about peach cobbler and vanilla ice cream and how yummy it was and like you know again like I don't write Grammy nominated songs but guess what she ate her dessert and it was amazing and then we got to talk about peach cobbler like I don't even know. 01:11:46.560 --> 01:12:03.520 You know what here I'll tell you what this is what we're gonna do for you Rory we will you ready for this why don't we each record a song and then we'll send it to you so you will have your own personal life and so we won't bother those who are listening on our podcast and we'll we'll do something fun just for you. 01:12:03.840 --> 01:12:12.640 It has to be a little opera from you obviously I'm so rusty so it's gonna be amazing. 01:12:12.880 --> 01:13:12.319 It's gonna be amazing Erica I'm so thankful and grateful for your optimism we went to see we had a dementia friendly event two weeks ago at Dexter at the encore fiddler on the roof OMG I heard it was amazing oh being close up so I talked to Dally who was the casting director and when they started I'll show you the video that I took Rachel when they started the performance I nearly cried because you could see that these performers loved being with each other and loved what they were doing on stage and she said to me that's because she said the best crew that I have had to date she said they do everything together outside of the theatre they go to well being they go to walking they go to dinner and I said it oozes off of that bloody stage what they were doing. 01:13:12.560 --> 01:15:52.560 Beautiful work beautiful work beautiful songs and ironic too because it was 1908 Russia and the Jews being moved on and it was like how ironic that we do this to each other constantly anyway so that's my little add-on but that's something to look forward to too I I'm looking forward to as well oh my god pressure's on Rachel pressure's on yeah how is this any different than any other moment that's true that's true it's alright every day can we move on to sweet treats my god of course we can okay okay all right anyone can go first Vanessa Rory I don't care what is your sweet treat your favorite sweet treat okay I have two I really like Milano cookies the mint ones specifically and I like um a Nutella ice cream with like a cream top that's really good did you make it yourself you buy it there's Nutella ice cream yeah it's like drumsticks oh you get them in a drumstick yeah I I need to know okay yep I'm writing this down that must be a crack bushes oh bushes okay ice cream I need this my my yeah my kids need this dentist doesn't what those are mine they're your sweet treats Vanessa do you have sweet treats of course but it's very dull and boring but my absolute go-to which I'm really sort of hankering over after dinner tonight is getting a cone of vanilla ice cream from Dairy Queen that's my sweet treat I love it I could I could suck it all night no I couldn't I'd be so sick but yeah yeah that is my sweet treat go to vanilla ice cream dairy queen with the cone has to have the crunch is it the cake cone or the waffle cone cake cone okay the the the not waffle okay not waffle classic rachel do you have my god I absolutely do and this is my guilty pleasure right now dangerous um it's a lover yes covered espresso beans they are just so delicious and they have milk chocolate dark chocolate they've got like a cookies and cream they've got like a caramel it is just so delicious and I love it so much and it's really dangerous because yeah I'll eat a lot of them because they just bring me so much joy and when I need to pick me up you know I mean because I'm a sweet tooth junkie anyway and it's just it's so much happiness and I just love them. 01:15:52.960 --> 01:16:00.560 Hey Erica go ahead I was gonna do the same one as we did the last time because I still can't get enough of them but I will choose a different one. 01:16:00.800 --> 01:16:09.119 So I really really really love chocolate covered almonds specifically dark chocolate. 01:16:09.279 --> 01:16:16.399 The darker the chocolate the better for me and I I can't get enough of them and I can't eat too many of them because then I'll get a stomachache. 01:16:16.560 --> 01:16:20.479 Yes I do love myself dark chocolate almonds. 01:16:20.720 --> 01:16:39.039 Oh amazing okay so it's the next question and I love this one because it's really about finding joy in hard times right so where do you find sparkles and sunshine in the hard moments this week right what helped you get through something that was more challenging Vanessa and Rory I don't know if you guys have a good one for us. 01:16:39.680 --> 01:16:43.039 I want to answer truthfully but it's not really appropriate. 01:16:43.840 --> 01:17:21.520 I'll go for an audio book because that is my go-to at the end of the day the funny thing is and it probably may

not happen tonight because it's so hot I'll go and sit in my car where I have a disc player because I haven't got one at home and I'll sit in there and listen to the book that I'm listening to and I'll be playing games on my phone too so that's not appropriate but I will be spending some time playing two of these games that I play all the time and then berate myself afterwards and go well you could have been and I say that I know but that was lovely that was lovely. 01:17:23.520 --> 01:17:48.319 Yeah yeah blow you roll that is exactly it wish that could happen more often I love that what was yours probably playing like a game like Roblox or something yeah she does switch in that quite easy I think we all do it's sort of like everything goes off doesn't it's like this is this is exactly my time right now. 01:17:50.079 --> 01:18:09.680 Yeah yeah mine at this season would be my vegetable garden about going to the vegetable garden and I get so giddy when like the next thing is ready to bloom or when the next thing is producing a fruit or vegetable and right now it's my raspberry bushes. 01:18:09.760 --> 01:18:21.920 Oh as soon as all of this rain is done and it sucks up all that water because raspberry bushes love water and that's what really makes them produce a lot of yum juicy raspberries. 01:18:22.079 --> 01:18:23.520 I'm gonna be so excited. 01:18:23.680 --> 01:18:40.720 Anyway I get so excited and there's just something about getting the weeds out and just weeding the garden and um I have a new snake in my garden and I'm about to release some more ladybugs in my garden and I don't it's just it's a nice escape. 01:18:40.960 --> 01:18:42.319 You have a snake in the garden? 01:18:42.479 --> 01:18:45.680 Yes we've named well my son has named it snaky snake. 01:18:45.840 --> 01:18:59.119 Snaky snake yeah yes I usually get a snake every year it's a it's a gardener snake it's harmless we like those though yeah I'm not worried and it's so tiny and itty bitty like it I think it it's just a baby. 01:18:59.359 --> 01:19:01.600 It's just a bee is what I say. 01:19:01.840 --> 01:19:08.640 So right now it's a snakey snake last year it was Julia the year before that it was Steve. 01:19:10.560 --> 01:19:12.319 Now it's snakey snake. 01:19:12.640 --> 01:19:21.199 Rachel you're next you know as I mentioned earlier like being really conscientious of what can I control being able to let go of the things that I can't control. 01:19:21.439 --> 01:19:28.720 And that's been really really good for me um reminding myself you know what I could stress out about this but I can't control it. 01:19:28.880 --> 01:19:40.399 Nothing I can actually do is gonna make a difference so I better just let it go let it go let it go see I knew somebody was gonna do it and I was like I don't need to I don't need to be the person. 01:19:40.640 --> 01:19:56.479 Well speaking of songs since someone just broke out in the song right always like to ask our guests what's one song you would recommend that has been resonating with you either today in the last week last month we really don't care the timeline. 01:19:56.720 --> 01:19:58.479 What's the first song that comes to mind? 01:19:58.640 --> 01:22:04.159 Um I don't have any songs but I have artists um Olivia Gregor or Alyssa Grace or Tate McCray good ones yeah who's that is it a country and western singer oh he sounds like he should be she oh it's a she oh well there you go what do I know sorry my I don't know why I I have that picture in my head of some enchanted evening it has been rattling around where he's standing there I think nervo you know when he does that don't let it go don't let it go what about that one time year old singing from the choir no it was like a girl girly girl song and you were singing it oh that's because it was play oh what song is it it was a I was listening to a rap radio on the way home and her and her friend were on the deck when I drew up and I was singing it when I come out god knows what it was but I love a bit of what's his name and her name and their name all together but it's got to have a lot of bass and drumming and you know beat to it and what is their name whose name will I am will I am oh the black eyed peas black eyed peas black eyed peas oh my god black eyed peas I will play that at a 10 mop 10 boo boo boo yeah who is one of their black eyed peas one that's great and some enchanted evening black elephant some enchanted evening so I have been really loving the artist called red so literally just the color she's amazing she's another one of those vocal acrobats that can just sing anything she's done a lot of Celine Dion covers and she can just hit all those notes and she can just belt it and she's amazing but she has a beautiful release that just came out I think in April is called Slow Motion and it's just a beautiful love song. 01:22:04.319 --> 01:22:08.640 It's like just a really sweet gorgeous song she's just amazing. 01:22:09.119 --> 01:22:31.840 Her on Facebook she's great how about you Erica Billy Eilish I I just I don't know there I always cycle her in occasionally there's no really rhyme or reason I try to track my trends and my behaviors to see if it would somehow be no it it's just random it's just random and specifically her song called Oceanize I I can't help it. 01:22:31.920 --> 01:22:40.159 It's such a good song and well as a music therapist you choose to sing with it or sing not or you know to sing with it and I it never fails. 01:22:40.239 --> 01:22:43.680 I always end up singing to her songs. 01:22:44.000 --> 01:22:48.319 So right now it's Oceanize by Billie Eilish you go girl. 01:22:48.479 --> 01:23:18.960 So did you see her on the uh movie that she did just lately uh no I did not because I don't have time to watch movies say more so anyway let me tell you I um one Saturday I thought oh I don't want to go let's go to the movies what's on and I love Billie Eilish too everybody must love Billie Eilish and she had that who did she do it with James Cameron was it James Cameron she who directed the whole thing it was I think her first one without her brother tour. 01:23:19.119 --> 01:23:21.680 So her brother wasn't in this concert tour. 01:23:21.840 --> 01:23:48.000 So I went to the encore just around the corner right and uh I was the only one in the theatre it was lovely but I forgot because it's 3D so I have my 3D glasses on right and I thought I thought I was the only one in the theatre who are all those people in the front going like this it was of course it was the audience that were there and uh it just looked 3D like they were sitting in front of me. 01:23:48.079 --> 01:24:08.399 But it was a beautiful set absolutely gorgeous and Erica when it comes out you must watch it I I will I definitely will all of her best and then he came on set as well her brother nice delight I can't remember his name because it's Irish I mean I wish I had that excuse too no I don't remember either. 01:24:08.560 --> 01:24:28.239 It's Aaron or something I think it's uh it's gonna be a a very old Prince of the kingdom of Ireland I feel well Vanessa and Rory thank you so much for joining us on the podcast is there any other final thoughts or anything you want to share before we say goodbye for today for me it's looking forward to seeing you on Saturday Rachel. 01:24:28.479 --> 01:24:43.359 Yes get away thank you Rory no thank you we've enjoyed this a lot she's wanted to do a podcast and that's what the excitement was I said well maybe you can see how it's done by professionals. 01:24:43.600 --> 01:25:13.840 The other thing is is when do we get to know about where to find you sparkles oh well that's oh my gosh I'm so glad you asked and in fact we forgot to share the email address Erica for where people can send in their parenting fails or questions what is that again Erica it's hello at sparklesandsunshine.net and you can find us on any place where you find the regular podcasts and the unedited version will be available on YouTube. 01:25:14.319 --> 01:25:26.239 You can find us on Facebook and Instagram thank you so much girls we've had a lovely time it was so much fun great memories for her for when she gets older have a great day and until next time