TRANSCRIPT 🔗
Melissa: Welcome to Side Note with Melissa, where personal stories spark deeper connections, conversations, and questions. Do you believe in coincidence or connection? Have you looked back on your life experiences and noticed or realized how things are connected? Maybe a job you got, which led to dating someone who changed your life, which led to maybe you moving somewhere. Or it can be something challenging in life, a breakup, a loss, leading you to the next thing. Do you think those are coincidences or connections? If you've listened to my podcast, you know it's all about connections. And for this episode, I want to share one of my favorite light-hearted stories that shows perhaps a more spiritual connection. Welcome to Side Note with Melissa. This is the last episode of season one. Now, before I share the special story with you, to celebrate wrapping up of season one, I need to recap a few details for context. From the other episodes and also from Cowboy Dad, if you've read my book. The first one is remember I talked about living in Italy for a short time. That was in my early 30s. I had been stranged from my dad from something traumatic that had happened. I talk about that in an episode. And shortly after that, I decided to live in Italy for a few months. I had also just lost a job. So that's number one. Number two, if you recall, my best friend from childhood, Kylie, had also been diagnosed with breast cancer. And that was around the same time as Italy. And number three, I mentioned my dad, he was an alcoholic. I had lots of struggles with him through the years. And I've talked about that in my episodes. So those three things come up again in this story that I have to share with you. My time in Italy, highly being diagnosed with cancer, and then also me reconnecting with my dad. Okay, so here's the story. These events happened in my late twenties and early thirties. So it's anywhere between 2001 and 2009. But a few years prior My brother got my mom a kitten. They were living in Wyoming, and she was pretty sad. Her and my dad had recently divorced. My dad was very much struggling with alcoholism. My mom named this cat Dink. D E D I N K. Now, side note. I know it's a funny name. Just stay with me. The cat's name was Dink. Okay. So Dink actually grew up to be a great cat. No surprise, he was an orange cat. And she loved him. And my mom had remarried. My stepdad is Danny. And they had Dink for many years, took him on walks, just loved him. So he was about seven when this story took place. This is when I went to Italy. It was about two thousand seven. I was in my early thirties and I had gone because I needed to get away from Santa Barbara. Now, side note, I know it sounds really glamorous when I say I went to Italy and there were things that were lovely about it. That is truly a separate, not even episode, a separate book that maybe someday I'll write. But Just for this story, know that I had gone to Italy and I was there for about three and a half months. During that time, I would call my mom and I would call Kylie and I would check in and tell them all my crazy stories and things that were happening in Italy. And one of the times that I called my mom, she was pretty upset. She was sad. And she had shared with me something had happened to Dink. Now it was in the middle of the winter time and they had had a really bad blizzard. And again, it is Wyoming, so pretty bad snow blizzard. My mom explained to me that Dink had disappeared and their neighbor was this crazy man, okay, crazy man that had been accused by several other neighbors of trapping. and killing cats. And Dink had been going into his yard and climbing up his tree, as cats do. So my mom shared with me that she confronted him and he actually was bragging about trapping an orange cat. Now, when she was telling me this, I thought it sounded pretty far-fetched, but I I was listening and this sounded crazy to me. This man sounded horrible. So He'd actually said to her, I didn't kill your cat. I trapped it. My mom and Danny had called the cops and he felt like he had to confess, but also say, I didn't kill your cat. But I did trap your cat and I drove him 60 miles to a place called Burgess Junction in Wyoming, in the middle of Wyoming. This is like wilderness. So he trapped Dink, drove him 60 miles into the mountains, and released him. Yeah, crazy. I know, right? This man was crazy. But it was in the middle of the winter and terrible snow blizzards throughout the winter. And so my mom and Danny just were beside themselves and so sad because, you know, they figured that. Dink would have died from the cold. They tried to get through this, weeks led to months, and every time they left their house, they could see this neighbor across the street. And so my mom was actually so traumatized by this, they actually decided to move. They moved to a different neighborhood. Months go by, spring comes along, and I'm actually getting ready to come back to the United States from Italy. And I was really worried about her and wanted to go see them first. Before I went back to California, I went straight to Wyoming. It was in June. So it was it was summertime. When I got there, you know, wanted to check in, see how they're doing, how they're feeling, and they seemed to be moving forward from the tragedy that had happened with Dink. During the time that I was there. We decided to take a trip to Yellowstone. Now we had been to Yellowstone many times. A lot of my childhood was in Wyoming, but you can never go to Yellowstone too many times. Side note, if you haven't been, put it on your bucket list. But they were living in Sheridan, and so it was several hours away to Yellowstone. But we made the drive, saw all the things, the buffaloes, the elk. Absolutely gorgeous. We were pretty tired from driving and I still had jet lag. While we were in Yellowstone, I got a call from Kylie. She had shared with me that she found a lump in one of her breasts and that
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she had gone for testing for ⁓ a biopsy and ⁓ just waiting to get more information. That made me anxious, right? So we actually decided to leave. Yellowstone a day early. And Kylie said she would call me the next day when we were driving home. She would call me the next day with the results when she found out. So we're driving back in the mountains. It's midnight. I was waiting for this call from Kylie to get this news. And so my heart was heavy and I was tired. And there was no service. And so no calls were coming through. And so that was really frustrating to me. Now listen to me when I tell you this. We are in the middle of Wyoming on our drive home. It's close to midnight. And it's dark. There are no lights from anywhere around. I mean, it is pitch dark in the countryside of Wyoming in the mountains at almost midnight. I'm tired. I'm worried. There's nobody else on the mountain pass as we're driving through. I'm still trying to see if my phone is working. Nothing is coming through. And I dozed off. And then I suddenly wake up from kind of shouts from my mom. And just as I am opening my eyes, because I'm kind of panicking from what she's shouting about. I saw a ⁓ orange cat run across the highway. It was like a flash. And my mom is up in arms. And we pull over really quickly on the side of the highway. We're at the top of the mountain. There's a railing on the side. I mean, like I'm thinking, am dreaming? I've kind of shaking a little bit because it's almost like I already know, but I can't believe what I'm seeing. And my mom is shouting, it's dink, it's dink. And I'm just thinking, no way. It has been three months, almost four months. It's the spring, the winter. Took over those months. We are almost a hundred miles from home. There is no way that cat, first of all, there's no way that a cat would be up in the mountains. But there's no way that that cat is dink. And yet at the same time, I knew it was. And I just remember when I dozed off and my mom shouted and my eyes opened and I saw that flash of orange just run across the highway. And we swerved over to pull over. My mom gets out of the truck. I have my camera. I actually took a picture of her when she grabbed the cat and just sobbing. But before that happened, they're trying to the the cat's scared, but you can tell the cat is like. ⁓ my God, where have you been? Finally, somebody has found me. And I just remember the lights from the truck were shining because again it was dark. They were shining on the cat's eyes. And my mom just kept slowly calling him. Come here, dink, come here, dink, come here, dink. Finally, she was able to pick him up. And the picture that I got is of my mom embracing Dink and just sobbing. And I couldn't believe it. I could not believe it. And so we drove the rest of the way home, a few hours. The whole ride home, I just kept looking at that cat sitting on my mom's lap. And my mom was just crying. I couldn't believe it. She kept saying, I can't believe it. We took him home. We fed him. He was skinny. He had a missing tooth. He was limping. We'd taken him to the vet the next day. He had ⁓ a BB, I guess he'd been shot in his hip. That happened. That actually happened. Now, Kylie's call never came through because of service. But when we got home, I did have a voicemail. And I already knew what the news was before she told me. But indeed, it was a serious breast cancer diagnosis. Now for the next couple of years Kelly went through treatment. My mom had dinked the cat. He was living a great life in Wyoming. I would go and visit Kylie in Colorado, go to her chemotherapy appointments with her. At the same time, I also reconnected with my dad. I didn't see him in person, but I knew he had been living in Wyoming and he was in Laramie, Wyoming, and it was drinking really badly. But I was able to reconnect with him on the phone and I would call him and have conversations with him at the bar that he would go to nearly every day. And that is a lot of what Cowboy Dad is about. And I did do a separate episode About that time because obviously it was an amazing time to reconnect with my dad. Even though I never saw him in person during that time, we were on the phone talking. And there were times that I called him at the bar and he was drunk. And so those conversations were short. But otherwise, we were able to reconnect on the phone for almost a year. And so I would share with him about Kylie's diagnosis because she knew him well and he knew her well because we grew up together and she would always come out on the ranch and ⁓ so he was always asking about her. And then she was always asking about him. And she would say, I think you need to go visit your dad in Wyoming. And so I don't know. I don't know if I should do that or not. So this was going on for a few years. Kylie was getting treatments. I was on the phone with my dad for a year. Now, about a year or so after the cat incident happened, I had read through, I think it was an email or a newsletter, that the book, the book series, I should say, Chicken Soup for the Soul, which I think everybody has heard about, by Jack Canfield, ⁓ Chicken Soup for the Soul was accepting short stories. And they were looking for short stories about cats. Now let me tell you something. I knew I knew they would accept my story if I wrote it. But I still had to submit my story. So I wrote the short story about Dink and the miracle cat and how he was kidnapped and taken to the mountains and gone for several months in the snow and how we found him or he found us. So I submitted that story. And I continued to go visit Kylie. I told her about the submission of the story. I told my dad about the submission of the story. And then on July 22nd of 2009, I got an email. So several months after I submitted the short story, I got an email from Chicken Soup for the Soul saying they accepted my submission. And I was so excited. But again, I wasn't surprised. I knew, I knew it. And again, I told
Kylie about it. And I told my dad. And my dad said, ⁓ you've got to send me a copy. I can't wait to read it. I wanna show all my friends in the bar. And ⁓ So that happened. And then there was a twist. The unthinkable happened and After a couple of years of treatment, Hiley got worse. And it happened pretty quickly because it seemed like everything was fine and then it wasn't. And she passed away on September thirtieth of two thousand nine. This was devastating. And I called my dad and I told him and we cried together over the phone. It was I think the only time I've heard my dad crying. ⁓ and then I had a book signing scheduled that, you know, originally I was hoping Kylie would come to California to go to the book signing with me. The book signing was on October 22nd. So it was less than a month after she passed away. And it was at a local bookstore, my favorite bookstore in Santa Barbara called Chaucer's. And Jack Canfield, the author, the creator of the Chicken Soup for the Soul series, lives in Santa Barbara. He was there. And I almost canceled it. I just told my dad and my friends, I just don't know how I can get through this reading because I was supposed to read the story at the book signing. ⁓ I because I was in so much mourning, I just didn't know if I could do it. And I decided to go through with it and did it. And just really felt the presence of Kylie there. It was difficult, but I went through with it. ⁓ I kept talking to my dad ⁓ just about my grief and ⁓ about the book and my dad kept asking for the book. Well he said, Have you sent me the book yet? Have you sent me the book yet? And finally I just said, You know, dad, the reason I haven't sent you the book yet is because I don't want to hurt your feelings because the story has to do with a cat, yes. But it has to do with mom and Danny, her new husband, my stepdad. And I didn't want that to hurt my dad's feelings when he read it. And he said, ⁓ no, honey, don't worry about that. I don't care about that. I just want to read your story. I want to see it in the Chicken Soup for the Soul book. So I said, Okay, you got it. So I got one of the books that the Chicken Soup for the Soul company sent me. They sent me a whole box of books. And I signed the book to my dad. A beautiful message about how ⁓ because of him I'm a writer, because he was also a writer. ⁓ because of him, I love cats because when I was little, he traded a pair of shops for a Persian kitten for me. And so I signed all of that in the book for him. And I put it in an envelope. And addressed it to the general delivery in Laramie, Wyoming, where he said he could pick up his mail at the post office. And I was on my way to the post office in Santa Barbara to drop that in the mail. on the way to the post office. This was now nov November. On the way to the post office, I get a phone call from my aunt in Arizona. And she was apparently the emergency contact that was written in my dad's wallet. And she said, Your dad has had a seizure and he's gone into a coma, and he's in the hospital. And During the conversations that my dad and I had had, he had said that he'd had seizures. And the ER that he'd gone into several times said, Number one, you're homeless in Wyoming in the wintertime. That's not good. Number two, you are an alcoholic. And if you keep trying to quit cold turkey, it's gonna kill you because your body is so dependent on it. And sure enough. Because he and I were reconnecting on the phone, I think he was truly trying to quit. He had also met a woman and they were living in her trailer. So he wasn't homeless anymore, but it caught up to him. And so he had pneumonia and he was in a coma. And so I, after years of not seeing him, But I'd been talking to him on the phone. After years of not seeing him, I called my brother and my mom and I said, Look, this is what's happened. We have to get to Wyoming as soon as possible. And so that's what we did. Now, in the episode that I talked about this and in the book Cowboy Dad, I go through the details of that time in Wyoming with my dad. And We are in the hospital for two weeks. And the entire time he is in a coma and his body is shutting down. He did die. He died on November twenty-ninth, which was two months after Kylie died. She passed away on September thirtieth, and my dad passed away on November twenty-ninth. But there's this spiritual thread or connection for me as I thought about this a lot. And This thing that happened with the cat and the miracle, it's like, well, what how is that connected? And what is the meaning of that? But I remember the feeling of being so frustrated when we were driving on that mountain pass and I was waiting to hear about Kylie's diagnosis. And then that miracle happened, and it was truly a miracle. Now it was a miracle about a cat, sure, which is lovely in and of itself, but it was almost like God was gifting. Me something almost preparing my heart and my mind unconsciously, like just offering that padding of a miracle, like preparing me because some things were about to happen. Some bad things were about to happen. So the miracle of dink happened in. June in the in the summertime and a year had gone by of Kylie's treatments, me being on the phone with my dad. And then when I got her message, when when the miracle of dink happened, when I got her message, that was the start of everything. And that was right after the dink miracle. So I think the meaning was really that it was that miracle was preparing my heart and my mind for those things that were about to happen. I still have the book. If you ever want to see it, it's in my store. It's the one that I signed to my dad with a message because I never got to give it to him. I'd actually taken it to Wyoming hoping he would wake up from the coma, and of course he never did. And so I keep that book with me. everywhere I go and it's in my store. If you ever want to see it and read the actual story that's in Chicken Soup for the Soul, I
have it. Now, Dink lived several more years. He lived to be fifteen. But I'll tell you what, he died on September twenty-ninth. She passed away on the thirtieth. So I think a lot about connections and their meaning. And This is why when I teach a writing class or workshop, or when I'm working on my own writing, the first thing that I start with is a timeline. Because I want to make the connections and see what is leading me to the next thing. And I'm looking for meaning. Now I think when we think of stories like this, there are a couple of things to keep in mind. I think the first kind of takeaway, if you will, is that these connections strengthen my faith. So even if I can say, looking back at a connection, ⁓ that's why that happened, I get it now. It's great. But even if I don't understand why it happened. It's still strengthens my faith with the uncertainties. because of how powerful these events are. I think the other thing that's important is we can't just sit around and wait for these connections to happen. We s we have to do the work. I recently read a book by Ina Garden which is titled, I think, ⁓ Be Ready When the Luck Happens. Now I would change the title of that. I would say something like Be Ready When the miracle happens. But it's basically saying Do the work. But be ready, because when the luck happens, and I don't really believe in luck, but when the miracle happens, be ready. Be ready for it. Have all the stuff done. Now, a lot of this sounds maybe a little too religious or spiritual. And for me, that works in my life. But either way, even if you're not religious or spiritual or if you don't believe in God, you still Do the work. So for you, it might seem like luck. Then you still do the work and be ready for it. But ask yourself as you look back on your timeline and your connections, are they coincidences or are they connections? And even in my case, and you've seen in all my episodes, the side notes that I'm always talking about, those are connections, even. But I think also you need to pay attention to what's going on around you. The connections are subtle. Now, once you see them, I don't I don't think that they're subtle at all, but you have to pay attention. So when you're reflecting, when you're looking back, pay attention. And as far as meaning, the meaning doesn't have to be mind-blowing. Dink is a perfect example. To me, the meaning was just that God was there on that mountain and gifting me this little miracle, preparing my heart and mind for some really hard things that were about to happen. And it was subconsciously reminding me and telling me that God is true, God is real, He's there. There's gonna be some really hard and difficult things that are gonna happen, but just keep moving through it. I think when we're looking at connections, it can be really obvious. You know, if you're looking back on how you did the work, let's say, for example, you've always wanted to be a nurse. So you look back and you go, Yes, I wanted to be a nurse. So I majored in nursing and then I got into nursing school. And then, okay, and those can be connections, but it's not just specific. It's about following your heart. If you follow your heart, Watch the connections start to unravel. Watch the connections start to happen. This podcast is a good example. I'm doing the work. I have no idea where it's gonna lead. I have some ideas. Now, some people, if they're gonna start a podcast, they're they know they're like, I'm gonna start a podcast, and then I want it to do this, and then I want it to do that. In my case, I just knew that I wanted to do it. I didn't know how I was gonna figure it out, and then I just started doing the work. I have no idea where it's going to lead, but I feel God telling me you just need to do it. Be ready when the miracle happens. Let's do some QA. I've received some questions from listeners, so let's get started. The first one is asking if I was in sobriety when I wrote Cowboy Dad. And I actually was not. I wrote Cowboy Dad in my mid to late thirties and didn't stop drinking until right before I turned forty. So technically I was not in sobriety or in recovery when I wrote Cowboy Dad. Another question came from the episode that I did about advocating for yourself. And the question was if there was ever a time when I couldn't speak up. I would say yes. For the most part, I have always been able to find my voice and speak up and advocate for myself or advocate for others. But during COVID, there was a little bit of hesitancy for me to speak up. I think in the beginning of COVID, I was a little bit naive and didn't I guess hesitate in talking about, you know, me not getting the vaccine. But as the pandemic went on And I realized sort of the environment that I was in in California. I learned the hard way ⁓ in speaking up and seeing people's responses. And so that kind of kept me a little bit more reserved in saying that I was unvaccinated or that I wasn't going to get vaccinated. Ultimately, I did speak up and of course left my job because of it. But there was a little bit of that. in the beginning where I felt like, gosh, maybe I shouldn't say anything. Another question that I got from that episode is if I help people through things that they're trying to advocate for, like give them advice or help on how to stand up for themselves. And I do. Through my training in mediation and conflict resolution, I've helped a lot of people as far as helping them articulate emails or preparing them for mediation or difficult conversations. I really enjoy doing that. And even to this day, ⁓ people will come into my store and ask me advice on how to handle a situation or what they should do or what they should say. And I actually really enjoy doing that. Next question, what religion are you? And was I raised in a certain religion. I was not raised in a religious home at all. I would say my parents were more agnostic than anything. I don't think they were atheists, but we
didn't go to church. I don't really claim any religion. Generally speaking, I would probably say I'm a Christian, but I really find different denominations Helpful and interesting. Most recently I've really been ⁓ thinking about and reading about meeting with and speaking with a Catholic priest and just getting some insight from him. I really think it's a beautiful religion culturally, traditionally, but I do think choosing a denomination for me is limiting. And I've even learned quite a bit. From the Saudi students that I used to teach. Now, am I going to convert to Islam? No. But I certainly have read parts of the Quran. I have spoken to people in that religion. I find it interesting. And so, yeah, just the subject alone of religion is really interesting to me, but I fully believe in God. Being a part of the AA community, I've definitely found my higher power. And I believe that that is God. Let's see. Next question. Do I write fiction? I don't. It's something that I might be interested in in the future. I have always written nonfiction, so true stuff. And I really love memoirs. But ⁓ there was an author, her name was Sue Grafton, and she was a fiction writer. But I met her one time. New York Times bestselling author would write books like series. And when I met her, She talked about how even though her books are fiction, they are definitely rooted in some real life situations of her growing up actually in an alcoholic home. So a lot of writers will gain inspiration from that, even though they are fiction writers. For right now, I've never written fiction and I don't consider myself a fiction writer. ⁓ Regarding books, what is my favorite book? Well, generally speaking, not only do I write memoirs, I love reading them. And one of my favorites is called An Unquiet Mind, and it's a memoir about a psychiatrist who realized she was bipolar. when she was in medical school. It's just a really beautiful story. Another favorite book of mine is by Robin Norwood and it's called Women Who Love Too Much. It was written, gosh, years ago, twenty, thirty years ago, but it's a classic and it's about ⁓ love addiction and relationships. And it's called Women Who Love Too Much, one of my favorites. I have a lot of books that I've read that I truly love in different times of my life that made an impact. Do I have a favorite podcast? I like a handful of podcasts. One of my favorites is Armchair with Dak Shepherd. He is also in recovery. His show isn't necessarily just about recovery and sobriety, but he is in recovery. He participates in AA. He's open about it. But I love the guests that he has on. I love the style of the show. I love questions that he poses on his show. He also has a co host and I like the dynamic of that. Would I ever have a co host on my podcast? Maybe. If the right person comes along and we have the right kind of chemistry for ⁓ something like that, that's what is meant to be. Then yes, I would be open to that. Next question Would you move back
to California? Well, never say never, but I wanna say no. I mean I won't say never, but I really believe that my time in California was amazing and special and and it's over. And so I think there are a couple of things that might get me to go back there temporarily, but as far as living there full time for the rest of my life, I don't see that happening. And let's see, the last question is Will I always have my lavender storage in bloom or will I always be a lavender farmer? Well, of course I don't know for sure, but I would say no if in my ideal world, if my other things that I dream about doing happen and I'm working towards that for sure, and that is screenwriting and writing and and the podcast, then I would love to see my business be sold to somebody who would continue with June bloom lavender, but I would I would sell the business. Now, I know that's maybe shocking to hear from a lot of people because I love what I do so much and I love my store and it is a special place, a spiritual place where amazing spiritual things happen. It's really up to God. If this is what I do for the rest of my life, I will be a happy camper. But if somebody comes along in five years, ten years and offers me a certain price tag for my business, I would certainly entertain that. As far as lavender farming, I do see myself retiring ⁓ just because you can't do that kind of work when you get older. And I've already noticed things that are harder for me to do and I'm slowing down and I even seem to be a little bit accident prone. So if I still have my store and it's time for me to stop harvesting, then I already have a backup plan for that. And what I would probably do is buy lavender from another lavender farmer that I know and trust as far as their practices and the varieties that they grow. I already know who that would be and I've got several backups for that if and when that that that happens. I think that's all the questions for now, but I really appreciate you sending those to me. Please continue to do so. You can send me messages on Instagram or email me through my website. I'm happy to answer your questions. We are wrapping up season one. And I just want to thank you so much for listening to my first podcast. I was learning a lot, still am learning a lot. So thank you so much for listening, for your comments and encouragement and your questions. Really appreciate that. I want to thank Barb at Moon Lab Studios. She's my producer. She's a friend. She's just been an amazing coach through the whole thing. season two is gonna look a little bit different. Season one, we did just auditory and I kind of laid the foundation of who I am and where I come from and layered stories by decade. And season two. They are encouraging me to do videos. So the first thing you're gonna see is me instead of just hearing me, but also guests. And my calendar is already full. ⁓ people that I have met in my store, people from my past. We are talking entrepreneurs, authors, business owners, just all kinds of amazing humans. And we will be Talking to them on my podcast. And then also I will still share stories with you. All of the things I've already shared with you. There's so many more details, lots of layers. So I am looking forward to sharing those stories with you as well. So we will see you for season two. Thanks for listening. Thank you so much for listening to Side Note with Melissa. If these stories resonated with you, please share this episode with a friend. Don't forget to subscribe on Apple, Spotify, or YouTube, and feel free to leave a comment. You can also follow and connect on my Instagrams, Side Note with Melissa, or June Bloom Lavender. And I hope my crazy convoluted stories made you laugh, smile, and even reflect on your own chapters. This podcast is brought to you by June Bloom Lavender, a Lavender Speakeasy in the Texas Hill Country. June Bloom specializes in handcrafted lavender gifts and a premium skincare line made with lavender harvested each summer by owner Melissa Broughton, that's me, in Santa Barbara County, California.