Full Transcript for Life Transitions: Why the Right Decision Can Still Bring Grief | Stacie Shifflett

enjoy Stacy Schifflet. 00:03:19.520 --> 00:03:24.639 Beautiful Stacy, I am so looking forward to this conversation. 00:03:25.039 --> 00:03:26.719 Thank you so much for being here. 00:03:26.960 --> 00:03:28.639 Thanks for inviting me. 00:03:28.879 --> 00:03:29.840 It's so fun. 00:03:30.000 --> 00:03:36.479 So I would love to start by asking, how are you saying yes to yourself in this season? 00:03:36.879 --> 00:03:37.280 Yes. 00:03:37.360 --> 00:03:44.719 Well, it's a really interesting season for myself because I am saying yes to creating a new chapter in my life. 00:03:46.159 --> 00:03:51.840 But what that means is that I have to close a previous chapter. 00:03:52.080 --> 00:03:52.560 Yes. 00:03:52.800 --> 00:03:55.199 And there's a lot wrapped up in that. 00:03:55.360 --> 00:03:59.360 And and quite frankly, some of it is a little surprising to me. 00:03:59.599 --> 00:04:13.919 Um, so yeah, I I decided um that it was a very aligned decision and I had a lot of clarity that it was time to go ahead and sell my home on Siesta Key in beautiful Sarasota, Florida. 00:04:14.080 --> 00:04:16.160 It is my favorite place in the world. 00:04:16.319 --> 00:04:18.160 My home is my favorite place in the world. 00:04:18.319 --> 00:04:24.879 The energy there is very supportive of creativity, and it's just a lovely, lovely place to be. 00:04:25.600 --> 00:04:34.000 But for a number of very valid reasons, I decided that it's it's probably time to let that go. 00:04:34.399 --> 00:04:34.959 Wow. 00:04:35.199 --> 00:04:37.199 So I'm back here in Virginia. 00:04:37.279 --> 00:04:41.920 My son lives here in Virginia, and I lived in Virginia for many years, and I've I've kept this home here. 00:04:42.000 --> 00:04:42.879 That's part of the thing. 00:04:43.040 --> 00:04:47.120 Maintaining two houses is, you know, it gets to be a lot after a while. 00:04:47.600 --> 00:04:56.720 Um, but yeah, you know, the thing is, and it's been interesting because I've had people ask, you know, what I said, all I know is step one. 00:04:56.959 --> 00:04:57.439 That's right. 00:04:57.600 --> 00:05:02.800 Love all I know is step one is to put the house, it's time to put the house on the market. 00:05:03.040 --> 00:05:03.600 Yeah. 00:05:03.759 --> 00:05:04.079 Yeah. 00:05:04.319 --> 00:05:06.160 And I don't know what that looks like. 00:05:06.319 --> 00:05:08.079 I don't know what comes after that. 00:05:08.240 --> 00:05:13.040 I'm for I have a home to come to because I'm here at my other home in Virginia. 00:05:13.439 --> 00:05:16.240 And the clarity isn't difficult because I don't know. 00:05:16.319 --> 00:05:18.079 It's difficult because I do know, right? 00:05:18.160 --> 00:05:20.480 I know a chapter is ending. 00:05:21.439 --> 00:05:33.040 But the grief that I've been experiencing around that these last couple of weeks in the midst of the chaos of, you know, the realtor saying it's best if you're not here, and it's really best because I have two small dogs. 00:05:33.199 --> 00:05:36.160 So I sort of moved out before it's time, right? 00:05:36.240 --> 00:05:39.759 I released the house energetically, my personal things aren't there. 00:05:40.079 --> 00:05:47.519 Um, you know, all that kind of stuff has been a little bit surprising because it was such a conscious decision. 00:05:47.759 --> 00:05:48.240 Right. 00:05:48.720 --> 00:06:00.879 And I knew it would be a period of uncertainty, but a lot of times, you know, we think clarity will bring us certainty and you know, reassurance and validation and you know, relief and an easy next step. 00:06:01.120 --> 00:06:03.279 And that is not the case. 00:06:03.600 --> 00:06:04.079 Right. 00:06:04.399 --> 00:06:12.879 I feel like it's in hindsight, it feels like the case, but while it's happening, while you're like, okay, I did I mention universe? 00:06:13.040 --> 00:06:14.399 I know step one. 00:06:15.120 --> 00:06:15.279 Right. 00:06:15.439 --> 00:06:16.399 That's all I knew. 00:06:16.639 --> 00:06:20.480 Step two, like explain it, that'll be nice, you know. 00:06:20.560 --> 00:06:22.319 And there's a lot of chaos around me, right? 00:06:22.399 --> 00:06:26.800 I've had a a big home there and I did leave it furnished, but there's some things I brought with me. 00:06:26.959 --> 00:06:30.000 The home here is full, it's already full. 00:06:30.319 --> 00:06:38.240 So, you know, storage area, trying to navigate all that, actually vacating the property faster than I thought, right? 00:06:38.319 --> 00:06:39.680 So we're very busy, okay. 00:06:39.759 --> 00:06:49.040 This is what we're gonna do, you know, bam, bam, bam, bam, you know, and then getting here and taking care of a few things, and then it's all sort of sinking in, right? 00:06:49.279 --> 00:06:54.000 So, you know, I I divorced my husband after a 28-year marriage. 00:06:54.240 --> 00:06:55.040 Congratulations. 00:06:55.279 --> 00:06:56.800 Back in 2012. 00:06:56.959 --> 00:07:01.360 Yes, it's and it's it's not unlike that in some ways, right? 00:07:01.439 --> 00:07:12.319 Because it's sometimes we have these very big decisions that we know we need to make, and when we get clear and make it, then we're thrust into uncertainty. 00:07:12.560 --> 00:07:13.120 Exactly. 00:07:13.439 --> 00:07:24.560 Even when we know it's for our best, yeah, and we still have to go through all the emotions and the grief and honoring what is ending to make room for what is beginning. 00:07:24.639 --> 00:07:27.120 And I don't know what's beginning just yes. 00:07:28.480 --> 00:07:28.879 Right. 00:07:29.040 --> 00:08:08.879 And I see you in that, and I applaud you first of all for making time for this conversation, and applaud you for giving yourself permission to be in step one, to know step one, and have that be enough to get you to start moving in that direction, honoring the complexity of completing, even when it's our idea, and trusting that UK, you've done something similar before, you've completed many things, but you know, a divorce is a

it's a big deal. 00:08:09.040 --> 00:08:14.720 I all the same things, a little bit fewer years than you, but not many. 00:08:15.040 --> 00:08:28.959 And it takes time and it takes intention to make these decisions and then take step two, which is completely uncharted territory. 00:08:29.199 --> 00:08:43.600 And I remember people would ask me because they didn't know when I was sitting in the question of my marriage, but they knew once I had my courageous conversation with my ex-husband, they're like, Oh my gosh, how are you doing? 00:08:43.679 --> 00:08:45.120 I know this is so hard. 00:08:45.440 --> 00:08:53.840 And I thought, well, it's a lot easier now, like now that I've had the conversation, like the last nine months, that was hard. 00:08:54.080 --> 00:08:59.519 But it also I was very careful about my word choice. 00:08:59.600 --> 00:09:15.519 So I would be reframing, it's not hard, it's unfamiliar, it's uncomfortable, but it's way easier than the unlived life I was experiencing staying in that place. 00:09:16.000 --> 00:09:49.919 So I just I so appreciate you allowing us to have this conversation while it's happening to document the courage and the certainty that moving forward is in service to your highest and best, and you're in alignment, and that is enough to know that you're on the right path. 00:09:50.879 --> 00:09:54.399 Yes, and to take, you know, to take that that big, big step. 00:09:54.559 --> 00:10:04.240 But it, you know, it's it's interesting because when we make these big changes, and you know, you know, from divorce and things that you've been through, and I too, right? 00:10:04.639 --> 00:10:07.919 There are things about those chapters of our lives that we loved. 00:10:08.159 --> 00:10:14.399 Yeah, you know, and there are versions of ourselves that we have to release. 00:10:14.559 --> 00:10:19.440 Yeah, dreams evolved, season of lives, you know, of our lives change. 00:10:20.080 --> 00:10:30.240 And even when the change is right, even when it's chosen, even when it's necessary, um, there's a lot of emotion and feeling that comes with that. 00:10:30.320 --> 00:10:42.960 And I'm I'm a little surprised at some of it, um, of what I've been experiencing because some of it has just been coming up in this, you know, these these waves of almost rage. 00:10:43.120 --> 00:10:45.200 And I you've experienced grief, right? 00:10:45.440 --> 00:10:47.679 And sometimes, you know, sometimes it kind of is. 00:10:47.759 --> 00:10:53.039 And it's it's funny because I'm not second guessing myself, but I love Florida. 00:10:53.120 --> 00:10:54.399 I love that house. 00:10:54.639 --> 00:10:56.879 This home I bought going through the divorce. 00:10:56.960 --> 00:10:59.759 So it it has that's interesting. 00:11:00.000 --> 00:11:04.559 Yes, so it has some memories of that, right? 00:11:05.200 --> 00:11:05.600 Right. 00:11:05.840 --> 00:11:13.039 Um, just intuitively to me, this home is a little, it's not as light and bright, it's a little darker. 00:11:13.120 --> 00:11:15.759 It is a little, it feels more contracting to me. 00:11:16.080 --> 00:11:21.679 Whereas Sarasota, you know, my home on Siesta Key, I felt, you know, vibrant and expansive. 00:11:21.840 --> 00:11:26.320 And um, you know, it's just really interesting, the things that are coming up. 00:11:26.399 --> 00:11:30.879 And some of some of it I'm like, where did that come from? 00:11:31.360 --> 00:11:31.679 Right. 00:11:31.840 --> 00:11:37.519 And it's like, oh, okay, well, I guess there's another another level of healing on that front. 00:11:37.679 --> 00:11:45.759 And then minding, you know, you took you said something about how we how we talk to ourselves, but also how we communicate with others about it too, right? 00:11:46.559 --> 00:11:57.679 Sometimes it's okay if I want to sit in my room and go, oh, I hate it here, you know, because I have enough training and enough knowledge to know that that's an overgeneralization. 00:11:58.080 --> 00:12:00.320 It is absolutely not true. 00:12:00.559 --> 00:12:07.600 It's me adjusting, and it's words, you know, you don't necessarily want to speak them out loud. 00:12:07.679 --> 00:12:11.759 I certainly don't want to be saying that to my son who's helping me. 00:12:11.840 --> 00:12:18.639 I'm having some vision and neurological issues where my I can't just get in the car and go wherever I want to go when I want to go right now, right? 00:12:18.799 --> 00:12:20.159 I can I can manage a break. 00:12:21.200 --> 00:12:21.519 Yes. 00:12:21.679 --> 00:12:25.039 So that's also fascinating, don't you think? 00:12:25.519 --> 00:12:29.279 Well, there's a lot of things going on that's been coming on for the last couple of years. 00:12:29.360 --> 00:12:31.919 I've been working, I'm working with them at Johns Hopkins now. 00:12:32.000 --> 00:12:39.200 So my vestibular system and my vision and my balance, they're not they're not communicating correctly with each other. 00:12:39.600 --> 00:12:50.159 Um, even a step like just step off the front stoop, which maybe I've done a million times, every once in a while I have trouble when I look down with depth perception. 00:12:50.399 --> 00:12:52.559 My body thinks I'm falling off a cliff. 00:12:52.720 --> 00:12:53.440 Oh gosh. 00:12:53.600 --> 00:12:56.080 So it reacts, you know, like that. 00:12:56.240 --> 00:12:59.919 So, you know, there's a number of things that are going on. 00:13:00.320 --> 00:13:02.320 And, you know, my son is so good. 00:13:02.559 --> 00:13:11.759 And um, but at the same time, you know, I don't want to say in front of, you know, I don't want to say to him, Oh my god, I hate here, you know, because he's like, Well, you hate being here with me. 00:13:12.000 --> 00:13:17.919 So we have to be conscious and aware and do the best we can, right? 00:13:18.799 --> 00:13:22.960 Um, as we love ourselves through these changes. 00:13:23.279 --> 00:13:24.559 Yeah, yes. 00:13:24.799 --> 00:13:32.080 And I would imagine because you have all the

tools and you share them generously in your book, which I want to talk about as well. 00:13:32.399 --> 00:13:39.759 But even just like going questions deeper, like with your journal. 00:13:40.000 --> 00:13:40.879 I hate it here. 00:13:41.039 --> 00:13:42.320 Okay, why do I hate it? 00:13:42.480 --> 00:13:43.759 What do I hate about this? 00:13:43.919 --> 00:13:45.120 What's happening? 00:13:45.200 --> 00:13:50.960 You know, and like it's reminding me of the divorce, or it's like, I why are these walls gray? 00:13:51.120 --> 00:13:52.799 Like, why is everything darker? 00:13:53.120 --> 00:13:54.320 Why do they are gray? 00:13:55.120 --> 00:13:59.600 Why am I leaving a place that I love where I felt vibrant, you know? 00:13:59.679 --> 00:14:09.200 And then you just can get all of that out of your body because we know we you're giving yourself permission to feel, which is very beautiful. 00:14:09.440 --> 00:14:12.960 It's very important to move it through us, you know. 00:14:13.120 --> 00:14:14.639 It's just interesting to me. 00:14:14.720 --> 00:14:17.120 Um, it and probably because of what I know. 00:14:17.200 --> 00:14:27.120 And then I can, you know, I can correct myself, but I can also give myself the compassion and the space to nurture those feelings, right? 00:14:27.200 --> 00:14:29.519 To say, okay, it's it's okay, right? 00:14:29.759 --> 00:14:37.120 I can feel that way for the moment and uh process the rest of it as as it comes. 00:14:37.279 --> 00:14:39.200 But and I knew it would be an adjustment. 00:14:39.279 --> 00:14:47.360 And it's funny because I've been back here in this home a lot the last two years because in 2024 my house flooded with Helene. 00:14:47.600 --> 00:14:47.759 Okay. 00:14:47.919 --> 00:14:49.360 It was way better than a lot of people. 00:14:49.440 --> 00:14:56.320 I only had about an inch of water in the house, but it it caused more damage outside, took my AC systems out and fencing and you know, all kinds of stuff. 00:14:56.480 --> 00:14:59.279 But um, I had a contractor working in my home. 00:14:59.440 --> 00:15:01.360 I joyfully got through the experience. 00:15:01.519 --> 00:15:06.639 We had just finished laying new floors from a big plumbing project and it flooded, so I got new floors again. 00:15:06.720 --> 00:15:08.480 I didn't have to wait for insurance. 00:15:08.639 --> 00:15:19.679 You know, I was counting all my blessings, and I really was, you know, and um I'm not having as much luck counting all my blessings at the moment. 00:15:20.080 --> 00:15:34.000 You know, it's like I know they're there and and I am counting them and I'm leaning into them, but I'm I'm also having to make space for the grief that I'm experiencing so that I can move forward with it all. 00:15:34.399 --> 00:15:34.879 Right. 00:15:35.200 --> 00:15:41.679 Which is so conscious of you and intentional, and that is important. 00:15:42.159 --> 00:16:07.279 We sometimes have, you know, even if you are looking at how you went through your divorce and what you learned from that, and how well you did that, and how proud you are of yourself, and then something else comes and it's a feeling a little clunkier, we can be angry with ourselves and with our process, even like, why is this so hard? 00:16:07.440 --> 00:16:09.919 I already know I know too much about how all this works. 00:16:10.080 --> 00:16:11.919 Why am I having a hard time with this? 00:16:12.080 --> 00:16:13.440 This doesn't make sense. 00:16:13.759 --> 00:16:19.600 So, how are you like coming back to your grounded knowing? 00:16:20.000 --> 00:16:26.559 How are you using modern consciousness to bring you back in those times? 00:16:27.600 --> 00:16:38.960 Well, I I think really just acknowledging my feelings and understanding them and understanding the bigger picture and leaning into the fact that I know this is the right decision for now. 00:16:39.120 --> 00:16:39.759 Yeah. 00:16:40.159 --> 00:16:46.559 Um, and I know that I can deal with uncertainty because I've dealt with it so many times before. 00:16:46.799 --> 00:16:49.679 One of the first books that I did was with Les Brown. 00:16:49.759 --> 00:16:51.200 It was a collaboration book. 00:16:51.360 --> 00:17:01.120 And um, you know, my quote in that book that was kind of my divorce story, my emotional divorce story, was you know, sometimes the right thing to do is the hardest. 00:17:01.679 --> 00:17:04.960 And I think it's an important message for people to hear. 00:17:05.359 --> 00:17:08.640 And it's not to manifest that it's gonna be the hardest thing, right? 00:17:08.720 --> 00:17:09.759 We got all this manifesting, right? 00:17:09.839 --> 00:17:17.200 If you're gonna be the hardest, you know, let's sometimes, sometimes the right thing to do is difficult. 00:17:17.359 --> 00:17:18.480 It takes courage. 00:17:18.720 --> 00:17:29.519 And I think that we can be clear on what we want, whether that be selling a home or changing a job or leaving a relationship. 00:17:29.759 --> 00:17:32.319 And we can be uncertain at the same time. 00:17:32.480 --> 00:17:34.880 I think it's important for people to realize that. 00:17:35.039 --> 00:17:41.519 I think often we think clarity is gonna bring us um an immediate answer. 00:17:42.720 --> 00:17:46.480 And it doesn't, it often creates more questions. 00:17:46.880 --> 00:17:47.519 Right. 00:17:48.319 --> 00:17:48.720 Right. 00:17:48.960 --> 00:18:04.319 So I'm just sitting with the questions, taking it a day at a time, doing things that I need to do and trying to unpack, and I had to put a lot of stuff in storage, and I don't know what the next step is, and I just have to be patient and see how that evolves, right? 00:18:04.480 --> 00:18:07.039 I know that it'll evolve in a good way. 00:18:07.440 --> 00:18:21.279 You know, things like you said, hindsight usually once we're well on the other side, we look back and go, you know, I know that'll happen because it's happened so many times, but I do think it's important for people to

realize, and women in particular, right? 00:18:21.519 --> 00:18:27.920 That clarity rarely brings certainty, relief, and peace immediately, right? 00:18:28.000 --> 00:18:30.799 Because especially if it's around a big decision. 00:18:31.759 --> 00:18:40.960 But having made that decision, and you articulated that as well, once you make that decision and you're not second-guessing yourself, right? 00:18:41.279 --> 00:18:46.960 That does bring a level of conviction and peace that you can sit with and lean on. 00:18:47.759 --> 00:18:53.200 And is that what you so the first book was your divorce story? 00:18:53.359 --> 00:18:56.880 Tell us about the treasure map to joy. 00:18:57.200 --> 00:18:59.200 Oh, yes, treasure map to joy. 00:18:59.440 --> 00:19:01.680 Um, you know, it's a parable. 00:19:02.319 --> 00:19:05.519 So there are always lessons in parables. 00:19:05.599 --> 00:19:07.359 It's not an autobiography. 00:19:07.440 --> 00:19:12.160 I lean into some of my experiences, but more broadly than that. 00:19:12.480 --> 00:19:19.200 And it really is a story about disruption is not destruction. 00:19:20.079 --> 00:19:20.400 Right. 00:19:20.559 --> 00:19:26.480 So when we go through a life-changing experience, and I've been through many. 00:19:26.559 --> 00:19:29.920 I lost my first son, you know, he died as a baby. 00:19:30.160 --> 00:19:35.839 Um, you know, the divorce, we think that that it's just destroys our life. 00:19:36.000 --> 00:19:39.359 And it's certainly a huge disruption for sure. 00:19:40.319 --> 00:19:43.200 And it can take us to our knees. 00:19:44.000 --> 00:19:58.400 But everybody that I pretty much everybody that I know, they have survived everything that has happened in their lives and move forward because the choice is what is what is the choice? 00:19:59.599 --> 00:20:00.640 To not move forward? 00:20:00.799 --> 00:20:03.359 That's that doesn't sound like a good choice to me. 00:20:03.839 --> 00:20:04.400 Right. 00:20:05.440 --> 00:20:16.640 So Treasure Map to Joy, it talks about the steps to take to say, okay, how do I get clarity? 00:20:16.960 --> 00:20:18.880 Here is really where I am. 00:20:20.160 --> 00:20:40.160 And having that deep understanding and those epiphanies that come to you when you are honest and vulnerable with yourself to fully realize where you are and what you are currently experiencing, I think is the critical piece that's often missing in a lot of programs, you know. 00:20:40.400 --> 00:20:43.119 So we really have to understand that. 00:20:44.000 --> 00:20:52.480 And then the second thing that we really have to understand, I believe, is what you what your aspirations are. 00:20:52.720 --> 00:20:57.680 And by that I don't mean achievements, right? 00:20:57.839 --> 00:21:00.079 Especially external achievements. 00:21:00.799 --> 00:21:03.440 How do you want to feel in your life, right? 00:21:03.519 --> 00:21:08.240 How do you want to feel in your home, in your relationships, you know, so on and so forth? 00:21:08.480 --> 00:21:16.559 What is the overall experience in each domain of your life, but your life as a whole, that you want to be embracing? 00:21:17.279 --> 00:21:19.920 And then how do you get there? 00:21:21.039 --> 00:21:26.160 And we get there one step at a time, one little step at a time. 00:21:26.720 --> 00:21:29.119 And that's sort of what the book is about. 00:21:29.359 --> 00:21:42.720 And to me, personal development really is in spiritual development, all of it is just becoming the next best version of ourselves over and over again in small increments. 00:21:44.079 --> 00:21:50.000 I love that definition because it's sustainable and it builds on each other. 00:21:50.240 --> 00:21:53.279 We sometimes hear about these quantum leaps. 00:21:54.559 --> 00:21:57.359 And that sounds exciting. 00:21:57.440 --> 00:21:59.440 It sounds a lot easier, actually. 00:22:00.160 --> 00:22:10.880 having to go step by step, but it's not easier because like we can't hold that the energy of that big move. 00:22:11.119 --> 00:22:15.759 So it is more sustainable to do this in a step by step. 00:22:15.920 --> 00:22:17.680 So I appreciate that. 00:22:17.920 --> 00:22:18.160 Yeah. 00:22:18.240 --> 00:22:21.920 And I call those, those are waypoints on our treasure map to joy, right? 00:22:22.000 --> 00:22:32.240 Each step gets us closer and closer to um being able to be rooted emotionally as our default um in a joyful state. 00:22:32.480 --> 00:22:37.200 Which doesn't mean you don't experience grief or any number other emotions, right? 00:22:37.599 --> 00:22:40.079 But you know you can come back to joy. 00:22:40.400 --> 00:22:41.039 Right. 00:22:41.279 --> 00:22:42.880 Which is so beautiful. 00:22:43.200 --> 00:22:48.160 So when you think about what is next, how does it feel? 00:22:48.559 --> 00:22:56.799 Not still thinking about it, but the what's next has the characteristics of I don't know yet. 00:22:56.880 --> 00:22:59.119 I have some things that I'm going to need to solve. 00:22:59.359 --> 00:22:59.680 Yeah. 00:22:59.839 --> 00:23:00.160 Okay. 00:23:00.400 --> 00:23:02.960 Um you know that the house is a piece of it. 00:23:03.200 --> 00:23:07.279 My, you know, my I don't know they I'm perfectly healthy. 00:23:07.519 --> 00:23:10.960 It's just I have some systems, you know, physically I'm perfectly healthy. 00:23:11.119 --> 00:23:15.519 My brain has been scanned so many times in the last two years and they've done so much work. 00:23:15.599 --> 00:23:25.440 I'm like they're like you're fine and I'm like well I am but I'm not right like you know I could lose my balance and you know there's there's just some some odd things about it. 00:23:25.519 --> 00:23:27.680 I can experience double vision. 00:23:28.960 --> 00:23:42.799 You know so anyway physically I'm fine but in working with Johns Hopkins which is part of the reason why I was here last year um for first six or seven months, you know, we've sort of go, okay, now we kind of know what it is, right?

00:23:43.039 --> 00:23:50.720 And they did some genetic testing as well and I am the only person in the database with this one genetic sequence. 00:23:50.960 --> 00:23:55.599 Well you are very special of a pattern and I laughed and they're like why are you laughing? 00:23:55.759 --> 00:23:57.200 I'm like because that's just so me. 00:23:57.279 --> 00:24:11.119 I've never fit in a box ever I never have um so I have to figure some of those things out right and um I will figure them out and it's just gonna take a little bit of time. 00:24:11.200 --> 00:27:03.440 But again I'm trying to just focus on just the first step you know get here get situated get reoriented in this house is this house where I'm gonna stay right and that even beautiful reflect back to you that sounds like four steps yes you know like so it there is this momentum but it's the next logical step it step one isn't sell the house and step two isn't buy a new one step one is you know put it on the you know talk to a realtor put it on the market yeah and it's a dependency right yeah it's a you know in my project management days it's a dependency in the whole all of the tasks right you know it's it will it sell will it not sell no it'll sell um how how well will I will I cash out at the level that I hope to you know and and believe that I can um you know those kinds of things um it's it's really interesting too because I've done I've done some crazy things right I you know what my realtor and I it I I love her and we've only been working together you know for a couple of months maybe and I told her I said you know we're not selling a house on Siesta Key we're selling the experience of living in this home on Siesta Key and this is a home of joyful gatherings because until you're in that space when you're in that space you feel it and she's told me she's like the more I come over here the more I see what you're saying right but that's the dependency so I don't get wrapped up or worried about the next step I'm safe I have a home this has been my home I bought this home in 2012 going through the divorce you know it's a it's a great place to land will I stay here I could you know um but I don't know yet right I'm I might want to hang on to that cash I might I might I might I might want to do other things I've got to figure out some things with with my vision and then okay if I um if I can't drive you know I can drive around town sometimes I might close an eye but yeah you're allowed to to drive with one eye right so but I I police myself I don't try to get I don't try to push it um because I don't have to I have other people that will help with those things too so it's a matter of like okay so I'm a I'm a person that has traveled a lot of the world and sometimes by myself and I'm in a in a more rural setting about an hour outside of DC I couldn't get in my car and drive to DC if I wanted to I mean I could but I don't think it's the best decision right just like I didn't drive my RV back from Florida to Virginia. 00:27:03.680 --> 00:27:08.160 I probably could it's probably not the best probably not my best decision. 00:27:08.400 --> 00:27:11.519 So someone else drove it back for me with me. 00:27:12.079 --> 00:27:13.279 I was the navigator. 00:27:13.440 --> 00:27:28.720 So you know okay well does that mean I'm gonna be stuck with total loss of freedom no it just means I have to redefine what that freedom means and how I can do some of the things that I still want to do. 00:27:29.200 --> 00:27:35.759 You know my book Treasure Map to Joy, I skipped the book signing it was supposed to be at Secret Knock in March. 00:27:36.400 --> 00:27:54.640 And I can't, you know, when you're in a dark crowded environment and there's stairs and there are lots of visual sensory you know the spotlights and the sounds and the strobes and all this stuff it it makes my system crazy right I could feel I could end up feeling seasick. 00:27:54.880 --> 00:28:00.400 Oh wow so I made the decision I didn't want to fly out there and travel by myself and be in that environment. 00:28:00.559 --> 00:28:07.119 So I just passed I didn't I didn't have FOMO I wasn't fear of missing out it was the best decision for me. 00:28:07.279 --> 00:28:36.160 I don't know that some other people necessarily understood it as you know very well but that's the decision I had to make you know so does it mean I can never do that stuff again I I don't know you know I have to decide do I want to is that still really important to me now in this season of life are there other ways that I could do it do I need a travel companion you know that so I just have to figure out what it looks like and I'm not really I'm not worrying about that right now. 00:28:36.319 --> 00:31:00.000 Right now I'm just got the house on the market get it sold get selled in here process whatever this is that's coming up right because there's been some divorce stuff coming up too and I've been like whoa where'd that come from well it's fascinating because our vibration's where we last left it right and now you are actually like in the rooms yeah I'm in the rooms yes yes it's so fascinating you know I love the the work that you're doing and your vulnerability and generosity to have this conversation about what's happening in real time as well and I just think it's so interesting the opportunity that you have to even go back to that woman in 2012 and support her and encourage her with what you know now and to say like I know when you you thought this was the biggest scariest decision you ever made oh my gosh wait till you see what we did next you know like because I do that sometimes too like I just talk to my I mean I talk to my younger self my super younger self but like my younger self of five years ago and just encourage her and I remind me that when I was in that when I just started doing this work and then decided that ending my marriage completing my marriage was a part of doing this work I was always speaking to

my future self and I was always asking her like how did we navigate a divorce how in the world did we do this how did we do this with how are we supposed to do this with no money like what's happening and she gave me such great advice and now I feel like I'm her supporting reparenting whatever like edging on inviting up that version of me and it's such a beautiful healing process to be in these monologue loops with these different versions of myself because I know we teach what we need to learn. 00:31:00.160 --> 00:31:52.240 And so I I gained so much insight through that practice and I know you have a framework as well so can you tell us about like that framework and how it's helped you to you know move through these things without fear yes I'm actually leaning a lot into my framework now I bet it it wasn't creative for it was your future self telling it and I you know I'm kind of a geek it's kind of the you know I I think about things it's interesting because I can see big pictures and details all at the same time um I'm I'm good at pattern recognition you know I it and a lot of these talents and skills um were one reason why I've been so successful at so many things. 00:31:52.960 --> 00:32:19.119 You know the program really you know even like selling the house all right so a few years ago the market there was through the roof right it was just crazy through the roof right right post-COVID during COVID people were fleeing to Florida um and I considered then I was like hmm you know maybe I wonder if I should sell the house and I I did a little research and whatnot and you know what what kind of price would it fetch and so on and so forth. 00:32:19.440 --> 00:32:26.079 And while that would have put money in my pocket and likely more money I I I was like but where would I go? 00:32:26.160 --> 00:32:54.079 I didn't but it wasn't aligned in all these other areas right I didn't I didn't have all these other things that were kind of making it um not an easy decision but an easier conscious clear decision yes and then the those things have stacked up and what's interesting in hindsight about that is had I sold it at that time I probably would have stayed down there somewhere I probably would have looked and reinvested somewhere down there. 00:32:54.480 --> 00:33:02.319 But would that have been the best thing right with the with the vision and these issues right so you have other things that pop up over time. 00:33:03.039 --> 00:33:47.279 So um yeah so it's it's gaining clarity and understanding that it's not a snap decision that it's that it's rooted you know and this is my program right it's it's rooted um in conscious intentional decisions understanding that there's going to be a lot of things at play right and and not being nervous or worrying about all the all the pieces and parts that that it will evolve the the second side of the clarity sequence program which is my shorter program that you can do yourself quite frankly I'm happy to do it with people but they can do it themselves is aspirations right so okay so in these different areas of your life and life as a whole what do you want to be experiencing? 00:33:47.359 --> 00:34:09.760 I think I mentioned that earlier not not as far as external achievements so that's the part that I get to define when the house sells really you know there are certain things that I know but some of those decisions or opportunities I'll call them opportunities because I don't know what I'll decide right so I cash out. 00:34:09.840 --> 00:34:24.159 What do I want to do with it do I want to stay in this house and do some traveling or what you know there's you know so I just I just don't know but I will figure those things out when it's time to figure them out. 00:34:24.320 --> 00:34:26.800 And I think often we get way ahead of ourselves. 00:34:27.119 --> 00:34:33.039 Sure and so I I am consciously not doing that or trying not to do that. 00:34:33.599 --> 00:35:12.639 Right the future tripping it yeah I mean it's a waste of time and you know back to your point about listening to yourself it's so important to honor yourself through that and give yourself time to have those conversations those private conversations with yourself you know meditate set intentions ask you know my biggest ask lately is you know okay I'm envisioning my home with this beacon antenna right that is calling in a person that will love it as much as I do I'm not gonna say I did because I do still love it. 00:35:12.880 --> 00:35:14.480 I only need one person. 00:35:14.880 --> 00:35:41.119 That's right you know so um have some patience and roll with the process and in the meantime I'm adjusting here and trying to get situated with boxes and things all around me um and it's it's coming along but it's a lot and it's also time to downsize just generally I have so much stuff I have way too much stuff. 00:35:42.639 --> 00:36:04.559 So as we move through and let go of those things as well um you know it's it's giving up uh previous versions of ourselves and and and ways that we identified ourselves right so um you know I broke my foot a few years ago and I have sold some shoes but I have all these designer high heeled shoes I can't wear them. 00:36:04.719 --> 00:36:14.960 Yeah and I did sell some in consignment in Florida and then the last two years have been a little bit crazy because of the flood and then I've been up here dealing with the eye issue. 00:36:15.039 --> 00:36:24.559 So you know I brought this whole case of shoes back here and you know I'm gonna be selling them I'm not really grieving anymore that I can't wear high heels but it is a part of you. 00:36:24.800 --> 00:36:40.880 Right you know and in doing that um releases you know who is it Marie Kondo or whatever you know the in the in the feng shui and cleaning your environment there's a lot to that and I'm I'm going through a lot of that right now as well. 00:36:41.119 --> 00:36:55.199 Right right and of course we know just

energetically what it feels like to complete with items and to clear space so that more of what's next can come in. 00:36:55.519 --> 00:37:50.159 But what is your process and you know how are you holding space for the grief like you said you know I think that there are there are some emotions that are that feel more appropriate or acceptable or whatever and rage and grief don't always make the list and I love that you've used both of those words and you are allowing yourself but I don't I don't won't speak for everyone listening but I'll speak for me those are those emotions are only visited with great intention they're they're not somewhere that I go naturally well they're not somewhere I go conditionally. 00:37:50.800 --> 00:37:55.840 Yes naturally I go there but my conditioning has kept me from going there. 00:37:56.000 --> 00:38:07.039 So my habit of being pleasing and being appropriate and putting a happy face on you know all those things. 00:38:07.280 --> 00:38:17.119 So I love that you've mentioned those things and that you're holding space but you're not pitching your tent there. 00:38:17.360 --> 00:38:27.039 So can you speak to how we can allow ourselves to feel those things without the fear of being stuck there. 00:38:27.599 --> 00:38:46.239 Yes absolutely I mean they're perfectly natural emotions right we have the experience of a full range of emotions and I mean you've probably seen the emotional wheel and that kind of stuff right and we're actually pretty inarticulate when it comes to naming our emotions. 00:38:47.119 --> 00:39:32.400 So I think the fact that I've I have studied some of this so much and integrated it and embodied a lot of it into my life I can, you know I sort of can recognize what it is like when I just was just like the other day I'm like oh that's rage but that's okay right I have to process that as well I'm not kicking the dog or throwing china or you know I'm not doing any of that but it is something that I have to process and I know that and and I also know enough about it that it's it's not anger I'm not angry at myself I'm not angry I don't feel victimized of this this is my own conscious intentional decision. 00:39:32.639 --> 00:39:35.679 It's a P it's a it's it's part of grief, right? 00:39:35.840 --> 00:39:38.400 Anger is the first stage of grief. 00:39:38.480 --> 00:39:43.440 I'm not a grief specialist and there's five or seven you know whatever however we process through them. 00:39:43.679 --> 00:40:04.559 I don't know I'm not allowed to visit those um I don't know who they are so you know I think it's all part of really knowing yourself and unraveling it right to understand why why am I feeling that yeah because if we just feel it and we don't sit with it and get to know it a little bit it's part of us. 00:40:04.639 --> 00:40:06.880 So okay so why are why are you here? 00:40:07.119 --> 00:40:07.519 Right? 00:40:07.679 --> 00:40:11.679 So what brought you to the party we have to understand it. 00:40:11.760 --> 00:40:23.360 So if we ignore it and just keep shoving it down it doesn't do us or anybody around us any good either because then we're just this pent up ball of energy that explodes at at anyone in everything. 00:40:23.760 --> 00:40:23.920 Right. 00:40:24.000 --> 00:40:35.440 And it comes out the path of least resistance which is probably an inappropriate place for that to come out when we are shoving it down. 00:40:35.679 --> 00:41:07.440 Yeah so if I you know if I need to I I go in my room and I can silent scream or I can sit down and have a good cry or I could meditate sit down and focus on my breath and calm and say okay I would like to and this is often how I do it I'm just like I kind of like to understand where this is coming from and what the root of this is really and then I just focus on my breath and sure enough later in the day I go oh oh okay well that's interesting. 00:41:07.760 --> 00:41:25.280 I think that right there is such the beautiful piece because you're holding space for yourself but then as it reveals or becomes more clear to you you're an observer of it instead of making yourself well that's ridiculous. 00:41:25.360 --> 00:41:38.400 I shouldn't feel like that that was 12 years ago or whatever you know whatever the thing and like going into some shaming yourself for responding to the question you were asking yourself in the first place. 00:41:38.880 --> 00:43:32.000 Well you know how I learned that and and I think you touched on this briefly earlier too and and women that are going through divorce or have been divorced for a while will will probably you know or maybe men too will realize this recognize this so there was a period of time where I did so much work and I was like I got this right I'm I'm good and you know six months or to a year later or something something would pop up and you have this this visceral emotion surrounding you know that's this old thing right the divorce and I and I would I'd get a little bit ticked off I'd be like oh come on I've already dealt with that right I've already dealt with that I'm done with that and what I realized over time is that it is a deeper level of healing right it is a it it is a deeper perspective um and a deeper understanding and little tweaks right little things that you begin to understand that you couldn't before if you allow it to happen if you sit with it and allow it to happen that is so generous and I appreciate just that as we close that it is it's showing ourselves grace it's allowing all of it to come allowing all the good all the support all the love all the abundance all the joy all the beautiful homes that are here for us and allowing these other emotions that as we move through them they will be in service to us the learning will the capacity thank you so much for your time Stacy I've really enjoyed this conversation please tell everyone where they can find and follow you how they can get their hands on the books all the good things. 00:43:32.320 --> 00:43:53.119 Yes um my website is modernconsciousness.com and I'm guessing you'll have that in the show notes and that will direct you to everything right you can subscribe uh to my community it'll point you to my social media accounts um the book Treasure Map to Joy you can buy on Amazon I think it's probably on Barnes and Noble too but I generally send people to Amazon. 00:43:53.519 --> 00:43:54.320 Thank you so much. 00:43:54.400 --> 00:44:09.840 I'm so happy to be here I've enjoyed our conversation and I hope that your audience did as well and that they got at least one delicious nugget um to take home with them to say oh okay I get that I get let me let me do something with that. 00:44:10.400 --> 00:44:13.840 I'm sure they did thank you so much for your time. 00:44:14.159 --> 00:44:15.039 Thank you. 00:44:21.280 --> 00:44:24.880 I hope you enjoyed that conversation as much as I did. 00:44:25.199 --> 00:44:35.119 As always any links or notes mentioned can be found at PhineasRighthouse.com in the podcast section of our site or in the show notes below. 00:44:35.360 --> 00:44:43.039 And if you haven't connected with me personally, come find me on Instagram at PhineasRighthouse and let me know you listened to this episode. 00:44:43.199 --> 00:44:44.880 I'd love to get to know you. 00:44:45.119 --> 00:44:47.199 Thank you for sharing this time with me. 00:44:47.360 --> 00:44:53.280 I know your days are full and I'm really grateful that you chose to spend some of your precious time right here. 00:44:53.519 --> 00:44:58.480 Be sure to subscribe to the podcast so you don't miss any of these delightful conversations. 00:44:58.639 --> 00:45:00.559 I'll see you next week