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ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Ronna & Beverly come at you LIVE from The Bell House in New York to get in deep with comedians Chris Gethard and Rachel Dratch! First, we hear about the girls' sojourn through the nation's capital, and then they talk to Chris about his parentage of a goat in college and the most surprising calls he's received on his podcast Beautiful Stories from Anonymous People. Later, they find out from Rachel who the biggest schmuck was at the SNL 40th Anniversary party followed by a debate over the most convenient way to raise a tiny Jew.
This episode is brought to you by Squarespace (www.squarespace.com code: SHALOM).
English
United States
explicit content
SPONSORED

TRANSCRIPT

00:00:00support for running Beverly comes from Squarespace what do you need to put folio to Showcase you work a store to sell your product Services blog for your ideas Christmas gives you everything you need to make your next move into reality not to mention they have those absolutely stunning templates and customizable features you can recreate a beautiful website it's a totally simple and intuitive process just had an arrangement with the click of a mouse or trackpad if that's what you use it doesn't matter in any events that your free trial today at squarespace.com and Shalom to get 10% of your first purchase hello it's me I'm going to do because why not okay so this show was recorded live at the Bell House in Brooklyn New York Brooklyn is a part of New York City is a burro I don't know how much history in all of New York but it's made up of 17
00:01:00I was just like the Commonwealth of Massachusetts is made up of a whole bunch of Commonwealth, anyway it was so alive in front of all of our fans and we had such incredible guess I can't remember which ones they are but I promise you'll find them interesting because when I make a promise I keep it promise you'll enjoy this or else I'll give you your money back why I made a lie because you don't know I didn't lie I would give you money back if you paid for but you're cheap so I didn't come to this episode of the Rana and Beverly podcast enjoy
00:01:41shut up can you hear me I have a mini microphone attached Minecraft
00:01:47Hello Brooklyn
00:01:53is there a pretty bad words that was hoping to say too many times in my life it may Aaliyah
00:02:02there was a story about a Jewish girl
00:02:05you are much older than what the can you hear me what am I what am I going to say because man's a little slow moving it up and moving
00:02:16we are so happy to be here in this evening
00:02:29we are so divided we want to know if you can speak now because I'll bring I'll pick up another night and get here on time
00:02:46over there over there I didn't mean to the people Williamsburg in here alright I don't like I don't like a machine family can you
00:03:02probably can you get mine as well do you listen to me I'm not going to reach down for that I want you to get a few minutes
00:03:16to be honest with you this is what Sam is for
00:03:20and as usual we floats him out here he showed up 5 minutes before the show that's a lie Wisin
00:03:28this isn't weird and Sam I don't want to ever have to bend for anything dear that's what I want you to understand for me okay
00:03:41come make yourself them come make yourself known if you have been brought here by your friends so you don't understand what's going on you don't ever we are never ever
00:04:07he's just as cute as he looks on the internet
00:04:11here's to do heroin
00:04:14busy decided we were going to drop it now I guess we're not
00:04:23who is Ethel as a bell how show
00:04:29sorry but whatever happened to me sorry about that system
00:04:36alright so what you doing you got any to know what's going on
00:04:49is there a funny I love that Leah Remini from King of Queens if any of you a Scientologist you're in a cult get out but it's the truth you are used to think that was true that I found out they on my favorite movie theater in Los Angeles now I think they could do whatever they like
00:05:10slave yourselves you enslave yourselves if you choose not excusing slavery was a jock chapter 8 chapter and that's not a great champ the Jews had very little to do with it true specific true bakery New Orleans who was doing a lot of importing and exporting is one rod one and a hundreds of pretty good percentage
00:06:00erratically
00:06:08where are the best selling Co-op is of a ballpark
00:06:16you'll do a little better next time a guide to marriage and remarriage would you were single person here in a timely manner to put a GP jobs in front of me don't you wish people in
00:06:56cuz I don't apologize for myself
00:07:00I'm telling you that I'm improving myself and it's what it is excused me Erica went in and I went right up to the wedding
00:07:34I'm telling you it's nice to see this when you went up at night story where you smiled at her and you said he said he doesn't speak for all of us you are welcome here in this Five Guys Five Guys want you here and one woman
00:07:51Five Guys this woman enjoy your burger and it was just a little bit K LOVE it's raining a little bit 2010
00:08:19I never identify izabel Goulart
00:08:23only when I'm eating jelly beans
00:08:27I wanted a cat and when did sheep shirts
00:08:31are you comfortable standing
00:08:42just remember you could be out here alone
00:08:46should I go if I want if I were out your if I were and I'm not but I would sing
00:08:57Pat and me are you Aaron Burr sir I'm just asking sir and I went to a Hamilton Hamilton, go after Groundhog Day I apologize
00:09:13it's a risk it's a risky ticket trust me
00:09:17Katy Perry toys
00:09:21you left Evan Hansen though I haven't seen him yet Splat we have to go see Splat I have not asked and dear Evan Hansen about a sad boy it is about a very sad boy it needs more masturbation throughout because that is something that's not very realistic a boy that age would never keep his hand out of his pants
00:09:41little teenage boy
00:09:44you know what I always think when a teacher has relationship with a little boy good for her
00:09:52cracked the other way around it's assault yeah but not that way he's having the time of his life his little erection are you kidding me those down comes up goes down comes up goes down. Splashing tendency before we came to Washington DC to Chasm Emily likes to cut to cap Washington the capital
00:10:13the capital of the United States
00:10:16we had such a fabulous time
00:10:20people now people don't know my friend of mine
00:10:24people not my friend alone
00:10:28Goodman as in Bergdorf that's right trembles how are you dear and look who else is he had trouble seeing your fabulous
00:10:36you look terrific dancing you looks absolutely wonderful through it with real to hear this fat Elaine is such a
00:10:45I'm sorry you don't remember anyone sorry don't remember and why not paying attention to any of it and doing things with supposed to be heavily was supposed to meet up with me yesterday we were into Capital before we did to show I had to take the $80 from you I had a private two of my very good friend alone is a big Democratic post as in Bergdorf excuse me she's very rude she's never been on the store anymore they still own the building
00:11:19that's what you really want anyone who wants who wants the hassle of being a guy mental when you could just down the building so fabulous they still get the discount in any event
00:11:30her husband's top Cardiologist doesn't have to work why should you work because he loves the feeling of a beating him and had in his hand and saving people's lives fabulous ever give her hoping to have the stash spider feeling quite a feeling a cannibal of Sofia lever getting hot and they have right before they take a bite of the Revenant I think you think a blow as well
00:12:12in any event that's a kind of one out of can of pop
00:12:18Iceland and Greenland event which which of the actual Capitol Building from Chuck Schumer excuse me excuse me
00:12:37and probably was supposed to come for the food for the Chihuahua supposed to meet me we haven't had a lot of time to catch up because Beverly was in business class on the Acela and I was in there all business unless you're in first I was in a quiet exit and then the man came in and told me I absolutely I did have to be quiet but I said what happened to you in the egg
00:13:14first of all the cafes sell it today now they don't open the cafe, when the train starts moving did you know that you know that I said no one knows that the train is moving that means it's like international waters you should be able to gamble do you know what I mean it's like it's in motion it should all be open for business but it was not taking the ferry from Portland Maine to Nova Scotia just so you could gamble too many the couch so I went first of all I don't get into the whole thing but let's just say that the man had to do math By Hand by writing with an old man on a peace symbol in the middle of my situation anyway
00:14:01I want it over there thank you dear come on what happened to Cafe sell it today it doesn't matter because I didn't know if you had to call home base wasn't my fault that was your phone
00:14:19technically it depends how you look at the whole situation just wanted to take the whole table today
00:14:28you like The Magician's assistants I just want
00:14:35he doesn't listen to every word I said no wrong I he's slow he's distracted slow kids
00:14:44Madonna stripe and thank you in the past at least called Jews
00:14:57in any event Chuck Schumer took me on a private to her family was supposed to meet up with me I can only assume she went to the Smithsonian again to see Dorothy shoes
00:15:09they still look the same don't they I also enjoy it I'll say that I also enjoy the gift shop at the Holocaust Museum Ocean or did you run out of house cats as a matter of fact they have a beautiful new set of thank you cards Done Right children who suffered right in the ghetto
00:15:29they are so beautiful the Warsaw Ghetto which ghetto hoes
00:15:39are you are you serious right now Alyssa vilna Lutz
00:15:45that's just 301 was the Warsaw Ghetto everyone knows that like how many
00:15:54how many times have you been to the Holocaust Museum
00:16:00you're not pay any attention anywhere you go I like the shoes
00:16:06It's very effective he made the time for private or he was acting is the tour guide so while we were there the entire Capital when unlock Joan okay for the police people that you think couldn't possibly run a 50 yard dash spring into action what you learn is that all of the Sikh Taurus that you thought was sick Taurus and not to force it off half of them undercover agents scuse me the whole place is so secure but unfortunately at that point in the tour I was one on one with Chuck now I'm going to tell you the Chuck and I as I mentioned have met on several occasions and he always finds a way to talk to me about his time and have it whenever I see how what you always remember how we do
00:17:06what you remember misses back Leesburg a cottage in Cambridge and I love my days as a student I think West Skype boring me to death with stories but when he was 24 years old but he's trying to connect with mixing as I'm from Boston
00:17:24I get up to get some caviar in blinis Chuck gets up to get some caviar employees okay so the two it wasn't a huge surprise what was a surprise
00:17:35have people been on a tour of the capitol
00:17:37anyone
00:17:39we know the old Supreme Court Chambers doing down below in the basement nobody down there completely abandoned
00:17:49dear we were on lockdown and if I told you the Chuck Schumer turned into an octopus
00:18:08other than he knows a good thing when he sees it but
00:18:24he said to me. Would you like to sit in the chair is the truck you can sit in the chair cuz I got standing right there so the people that sit in the chair so you can sit in the chair if you want to sit in the chair I sent right in the chief Justice's CIA
00:18:36bride of your devil of Euless a Devil Woman what I moved to leave we will excuse me that's wonderful good for you using your feminine wiles
00:18:49I was on a tour I was wearing a turtleneck this is amazing story this is a maze story in any event unfortunately or fortunately the lockdown and did I was able to escape with both my and Chuck's reputation intact
00:19:06but had I not been alone
00:19:09it wouldn't happen Beverly you said you were coming in and show up you know what you want a bigger fish to fry right now Rana biggest fish in the pan then to worry about your petty grievances by Petty grievances gentle Oregon is furious with me now she's totally miffed she called me up she said she said Chuck said you didn't appreciate the tornado that you weren't grateful enough you should have showed him your vagina but that's clearly what he wanted I said I thought you couldn't give them gifts over $35 so whatever the roll is your vagina is worth about 35 jawless
00:19:51I'm glad you think it's funny I'm glad you think it's funny I asked what you were doing that you didn't show up I was celebrating my victory
00:20:03you may have heard today that David nuncio recuse himself
00:20:10Devin Nunez Nunez Nunez
00:20:17Devin Nunes a cross pollination of Nations is that true no
00:20:27poison everybody for reading concerned that he was getting intelligence Freddy the two of from the White House and sharing it with people that he shouldn't have done it said that he was not fit to serve on the house intelligence committee that's what they were concerned about how do you say thank you Beverly love America in Russian
00:20:47Wish I Was the Devil
00:20:50well I think it's safe to say that you are an Asuma you assume that I just went to Washington and did what I always do go to the cherry blossom trees shake them so all the pedals come off like I said I assumed you went to what did you say you shook your precipitated the depth of the cherry blossoms that's how you enjoy it
00:21:19you're supposed what's good luck you shake the tree and it's adorable I took a couple of selfies the tree was empty after that I went to camp at the Smithsonian Zoo course the panda cam I got the panda cam show up and I don't like it show up at the Capitol and I realize that I showed up you didn't show up and show up as 5 minutes behind your apparently I juice that I did not feel comfortable putting on the conveyor belt
00:21:59in the security line so I had a word what does it feel comfortable putting out I just got it was at quarter of an inch I drank I was going to waste the whole thing and brain freeze I know I was running late so I had a conversation heated with the security at the Capitol who said you can't come in with that I said then I'm going to have to wait here and give me a while I drink it, he disagreed and then I heard a heavy-set guy behind me like that precipitated that respond I turned around and who's there but Damon and Jo
00:22:39is there something you'd like to say whatever the Russian and I said is there something is there a problem I have I got to go and I said I know you shouldn't you be going in the other direction at the White House where you been going this whole time and I may or may not have said the word schmuck on My Breath by that time I had put the Jamba Juice on the conveyor belt and it was starting to go I reach to grab it and I tripped and annunzio and I before I knew it or on the floor rolling miss the broken hip before I knew it looked locked out of everything shut the hell down
00:23:29he's off on a stretcher at some Hospital everyone says don't say a word don't say a word he's going to recuse himself
00:23:38I'm not allowed to ever I don't think
00:23:42but you America I welcome I got that mother fucker out of there
00:23:55the Russian shows are not part of this conversation either by the way
00:24:00all those cute little refuse next remember in the 80s that kid named Boris in the back of your class
00:24:06we're weird videos yeah it happens
00:24:11Tamara
00:24:13so we'll laying is furious with me because you brought a Jamba Juice into the capital is that what you tell him I needed a few Rana I think Elaine is furious with you because I saved America
00:24:27oh yes you know what we're going to get to this later I'm not happy about this a bit because Elaine has been incredibly hospitable to us a Vespa okay it will be okay okay okay okay Joe okay Jolly okay Joe I'll take y'all okay
00:24:50is it nice that a nice thing to do I was doing a small job back
00:24:56up up up up up
00:25:03what I got possessed
00:25:06I used to have a dog person
00:25:10doggy doggy style from behind
00:25:20is no stranger to the Bellows and probably no stranger to the people in this crowd he is such a gifted comedian Asian octopus I mean he's a guy that can do it all he is a bass hands in many pies tentacles in many pot ladies and gents hair all about it
00:25:49my darling
00:25:52should not share send that shares its free lifestyle you chose a hard career you could have done anything he was so smart he went to college you went to breakfast in you so you should watch 08 in America in what year were American studies
00:26:25it's like history for people who want to Dropout of college
00:26:29purchase Aiden you see Aiden I did I made it I made it through yeah but you have to do a thesis or anything like that raised a goat I raised it Go and participated in a like a 4H the house show with a goat exhibition
00:26:50a little bit it represents each person
00:26:57a cheat no teeth no teeth worked
00:27:02free game from when it was a baby in a baby just picked up a bag and you seen you yet has an agricultural campus cook college so I take the bus out there that the goat LED you here
00:27:16know that I haven't seen the golden many years
00:27:20captain
00:27:23no it had two of its own babies like how you been raised it been around the block and sometimes yes I did pay that cut his hair and cut its toenails yeah something like that not on my watch two people have sex with goats the way they do a shape
00:28:08I can I can tell you the answers though even though how do you know because his sheep is soft and had stent and his lovely curly hair that's the labia it's a soft creature it evokes you like a real skinny girl I don't I like a goat goats their eyes are so like they don't have much so much with it goes crazy at sideways I did some mountain goat that is technically a type of girl
00:28:50yes I am
00:28:53Sam does it say anything about goats being how many beers have you had tonight deal we have two shows
00:29:01I want you to be happy I just don't I just don't want to lose you
00:29:07it's complicated Sam you've learned not to talk back to me I thought you and I were Asians
00:29:21because we didn't need to come out
00:29:27it doesn't say also this is also a tumbler this is someone's blog
00:29:38I don't know why seems reading white supremacist AV if you don't if you don't like the job I asked you which I just wonder what happened to the goat never moved I moved on with my life yeah I felt like we had our time together and it was what it was and it was beautiful but I don't want to clean to the pasta spoil the memories recognize you when you would come back every week and never went back one time
00:30:08what do you mean in the stomach or stator cereal
00:30:16what is the duties of Captain Crunch it fucking love Captain Crunch immediately got it honey, and the coat was pissed
00:30:31God hated honeycomb and was mad at me
00:30:34the question you've got you got a bunch of different vehicles for your comedy right now one of my favorites I don't know if you've ever listen this is a podcast audience we exist you have you heard beautiful all right solid 1/8 of the audience are horrible but it's never horrible thank you so much brown sugar but when describing it it's good sound terrible yeah and a lot of it could really fall apart at the seams
00:31:25everybody has a wonderful ending that's tall.
00:31:32Giant risk you always win the play this is what I'm saying is so special every time I've heard it so tell me what it is because I don't want to mess up the explanation person and then I don't get their name or anything and they tell me they just talk at for like an hour and I can't hang up fairy I like Disturbed individuals I thought it was going to be a comedy podcast real different direction when a way different directions to talk about depression anyway yeah big-time yeah big-time yeah I have to take your mental illness work for you so much
00:32:27oh yeah heavily yeah yeah what do you like what do you want
00:32:38are teaching people it really even see out your medication please don't tell me exam the Jeff leptich because I cannot handle your lifestyle if that is two guys as well
00:33:04music notes are great climbers
00:33:09I love pills what was your most surprising call that you received on this
00:33:15let's see today we taped on the obvious hasn't come out yet I got a call from a deaf person who loves my Bobcats
00:33:23that's good to know that my audio work is popular with people cannot hear it's good we recently had a call from someone who used to make out with your teacher when she was 14 people like that
00:33:39you're a real yeah that's bad for you having that conversation I call you to discuss the fact that they don't have to say they are goes along my friends now maybe you had to follow up. The first, we got a second call A year later cuz he turned around and he was vaguely the same puppy
00:34:20severe lack of he worked at a place called the most depressing place I've ever heard it was an hour of me being like the dude but he was living in a dystopian Universe he lived in Texas
00:34:40you forget about these people immediately have to get off, I think about how much I wanted to tell you guys I was excited about coming for the one-year anniversary Earwolf got me a gift basket from Zabar's
00:35:02rugala
00:35:11my bad
00:35:14I got to say halfway through that I was like and maybe this is a real reaction the rest of the night
00:35:22the inside of world with Emily's going to let this go I just want you to know that since 2011 and it don't have nothing nothing outside pictures
00:35:43motherfuking Squarespace
00:35:51I saw Jake Paul's compose wagons for sale
00:35:59chocolate cupcake chocolate pupcake how did you know?
00:36:17listen to the podcast medicine
00:36:22Sam is emailing calling right now to tell him you losing your mind Christopher
00:36:34bright yellow Jesus Jesus Catholic
00:36:39practice like that's why we get along by Catholic I feel like there's a similar killed for this next terrible for a child to say
00:36:53don't you all ready for us it was the oven so we had that in the tray
00:36:58it's where we
00:36:59you got to burn in an oven if you don't remember the Holocaust
00:37:06and I'm pissed people happy people what it was theater that's what people came back to the cathedrals into churches they would they would it was entertainment bevel if you would look at the frescoes and you would look at the painting it was telling a story that God you're scaring it was scaring the shit out of people and also fast these people had nothing beautiful in their lives and lived in dirt I'm so sorry it was a long time ago were talking about you know that's your Middle Ages and Renaissance your family proud of you you're very weird
00:37:52it took them a little while but I did thank you to wonder what could someone possibly say they're slightly worried about was Ben my public I said you would that's wonderful that's what's your secret to a happy marriage lot of sex I say like I often find myself saying like I don't feel like having a fight like I just don't want to I like you too much just don't want to have a fight that can sometimes be thinking sometimes dissolve fight but just like I don't
00:38:52that the same as not listening
00:39:00I'd like to take it's more kids like passive resistance you so tuning house no I didn't know if she brings an issue to the table and you think to yourself this could either be a 45-minute conversation or I could say that sounds great no no no I will verbalize I will verbalize out loud I would say we are about to have a fight and I don't want to do you want to have a fight and then she sounded really great then we won't have a fight that's a Jedi mind trick I kind of Jedi mind about to have a fight in other words you're about to be wrong is what you saying to her she says and she you say I don't want to have a fight do you want to have a bite and she thinks to herself I don't want to be the cause of the fight shrew
00:40:00one more question in a follow-up and then we can get rid of yoga for two more do you have freckles on your penis
00:40:08there is there is one spot it's towards the base has been to my knowledge yet
00:40:29do you have freckles on your balls
00:40:32to my knowledge no to my knowledge now
00:40:37no I've never actually placed mirror under my own bookshelf
00:40:49see when they can rent the movie comedy special coming out when is this HBO everyone has a Netflix only a couple of people live in HBO so people understand correctly you was Tammy said I got an absolute voice of a generation to come and she's not here so she can go fuck yourself horror films yeah there was also sort of just the story of my 2007
00:41:40especially especially when is the special on May 6th that there is a gentleman Chris Janson
00:42:02support for today's fabulous episode comes from Squarespace whatever you next big idea might be you can count on Squarespace to help you create a totally I catch an online platform that completely brings it to life what do you need to put Foley to Showcase your work a store to sell you stuff Services whatever it is a blood to share your ideas cuz God knows we don't have enough ideas floating around Squarespace gives you everything you need to look at like an expert right from the start you even get a unique domain which is fabulous cousin totally strengthens your brand people know how to find you with fabulous plus with Squarespace is award-winning templates creating a beautiful website is a simple and intuitive process you can add in a ranger and content and features does nothing to install patch upgrade ever if you drove a question Squarespace is award-winning 24/7 customer support can help you with any problem no matter how technical or trivial seeming Beverly cause them all the time they even you know how to figure out how to get a stove working think of them as you're very
00:43:01it Department to make your next move in stat your free trial is Squarespace today and to offer code Shalom to get 10% off your first purchase that's Shalom for 10% off your first purchase Austin of the tri-state area
00:43:29scooter scooter scooter and had an orange
00:43:42weather nice couple but it's good Snapchat scooter know isn't scooter already the baby of crimond someone else
00:43:51I don't think so about it in here just in here I don't want to get into this with you right now you know what I don't feel like having a fight
00:44:13that's cuz you don't want to feel like losing we have a gift to release a shame Sam Elisa Jamie want to say thank you to who has done such a wonderful job she runs some kind of a God damn something
00:44:34and she keeps it going do you want me to explain for the from The Price is Right
00:44:48have you heard of Facebook you know Facebook thank you so much but you know what a pain. Yeah she makes it happen twice one a real magic in the air in the best sense of the word every time I tell you I need to run to Facebook group on everything I post some of them go by
00:45:20it's a no. Nice but those are not wrong that's true I Google penis freckles and I'm stuck in a nightmare
00:45:38ladies and gentlemen
00:45:41but I know that it
00:45:44so much she doesn't know what day by the way you could could laugh at that joke that's the only problem Now ladies and gentlemen and people who identify as either one whatever you are wherever you are whoever you are you can't help but love our next guest
00:46:11I would just going to move right past
00:46:16what what what it works we just going to move right past what you did which is going to move right past 11 right pasture Lane being mistreated me that's what we're going to do she moves past me all the time Radha she's one of those people you're having lunch there's three people and she doesn't look at one of the people she only looks at the other people even when you don't shut it off and she wants to catch up with some Allstate I don't know I have a response to what you're talking about and shells to look at it like this
00:46:48and then go back again it's one of those people who believe his only so much time on this planet
00:46:55and she wants to enjoy every second of it and if she hasn't loved the conversation that's happening she's been known to move on from another time but she doesn't want to hear about Zumba
00:47:09she doesn't want to hear the great bag that recent picked up as a bonus at Trader Joe and that it's you can't believe it's so sturdy that it can hold his Samba sneakers and muddy boots who cares I'm going to give you a little life hack
00:47:26the zipper bags at Trader Joe's
00:47:40can we move on please we can but now she is so funny and she's going to tell you where you can see her all the time I'd bust in Native yes she is Lexington Massachusetts I don't know what she's admitting it but I'm sure she's a Jew ladies and gentlemen
00:48:20look at this look at that
00:48:27W I'm not wrong you are so fun to look at you have more fun so question you were so pleasant you're one person with gorgeous blue eyes I want to jump in and do a bat size 5 shoe you have the smallest big of a sample size but I guess so where do you buy you shut you out your trouble financially
00:49:01Rachel what's the annoying even do something annoying
00:49:11how do I feel free to put you back down Beverly if you want to edit out with her the whole time we're going to do something that would have been. How about I wasn't the annoying thing you were going to do what we can do to Rachel what is the cat what do people when they see you what is it what's the first one that they asked if Joe what's the one that they ask I don't know I hate to text me it is so classic I showed it to my niece Sierra XXX and they are not bright but they got it
00:49:56they caught it they laughed the whole time I don't even think you understand I was only question was laughing because the screen lit up
00:50:04I meant as far as Daisy has gut
00:50:08but it's somewhere she's somewhere okay then I could have pulled the plug just yet what's the matter I'm Daisy on days when she gets out of there for a long time with you for 10 years now. It's crazy it's unbelievable I would like we know when your first off the show then you don't have to get used to just watch it like a regular I'll give you a cigarette I used to go a little bit and now like I don't even know I don't even know
00:50:58who is the who is the real schmuck when you were at the big ass holes
00:51:19no he's damaged in some way there's something really wrong with him actually felt sorry for him they had him on Kimmel and Colbert one of these
00:51:29damn they had them all they were all do they all doing a tour together and other words Adam Sandler still paying all of their rent
00:51:37and they were all on this sitting on this goddamn McDonald's will always be knowing he's totally and if anyone's listening or not listening or he's just going to do what he's going to do that's what he's going to do and there was Rob Schneider and you could see Rob Shannon thinking so hard all he wanted to do was come up with something funny to say about the other guys who clearly had not been calling him to come down to breakfast
00:52:11and he even said so on the show that called everyone for breakfast and hey was thinking so hard that he couldn't keep up with what was being said in the conversation cuz the only thing he could think about was himself and if he was going to get a joke it was so sad because even if he got a joke is not funny so he couldn't he couldn't land the plane in the Hudson as I was saying it was watching the plane hovering and then losing an engine and losing another engine and then knowing this guy doesn't have his gliding certification
00:52:49Rachel
00:52:51you also wrote a book did you not I did talk to tell us about your book I wrote it while I guess I was 5 years ago now so funny little stories and then I had a big surprise happen to me and then that that I wrote this whole thing in the book it so it became about becoming pregnant is surprised my surprise child so it's not just like you know here's what I think of funny people on the subway like it's it's just like having your diary out in the world a little bit before that thing in there that I wouldn't want him to be so subject I should think about that what don't you want him to know
00:53:45I'm like I don't remember what I like edited out but I just as I was writing it I had him in mind you so I guess that's what I mean to describe the experience of screaming and I got a baby doll not really I left the things like that out cuz that's not really much personal but he's 5 now or do you have your ass have my idea why thank God
00:54:35is it gay I don't think I hope it is great and I just transferred it comes with a lot of extra therapy and Equipment expense accept it but it's a lot more work
00:55:02is it just is
00:55:05Justin is taking place that just occurred to me I meant to say it earlier in the show but you'll probably join me and say this a moment for the great John Rickles oh yes yes I mean he did not attempt to plus I guess it's
00:55:25it's easy to apply to man's death but that is a man who would want a whole room full of a plaza At The Mention Of His Name Is Christmas a lot of my friends are priced talk to them on Android no pictures because where would we would we would be inappropriate
00:55:45what happened between you and John Merkel
00:55:50at the Indian casino in Temecula pay Bill O'Reilly
00:55:59you should come here come here is that what that is that's what he was saying once I was already there
00:56:09Regis Philbin open for him at the Long Island Circle Theater and he came out I couldn't remember in the round with circular and around and around house was it around at all was it around house building the trans used to turn around and they turned into a theater
00:56:38seems pretty self-explanatory from Leominster like she's going to Lexington very sad where you from I'm from Apple Head of course I from Swampscott and have the best lunch in Buffet Columbia for a terrific lunch and they had a lo mein fatal omation couldn't play with luncheon
00:57:10Patriots Saints Row the Revolutionary War began in the town of Lexington and they would do everything that they do reenactment every year yeah what happened
00:57:45he has a freckle since he was a child if it changes in shape and texture he should be concerned if it becomes a symmetrically should certainly be concerned
00:58:00so that sort of makes me a doctor which is he was at the Mass General Radiology out there that's terrific hospital and very convenient to Lexington right up 128 128 to route to your the you there or if you're feeling really adventurous you could take charlesbank Road
00:58:36Daniel WBEZ Studios
00:58:45sweetheart wedding Recreation Center in our town doesn't matter they already paid them money they seated at the colonial reenactment but not like you at all to the Traditions that are not like making if she was coming right now it's kind of like okay I was lighting the Hanukkah candles and now he's saying blessing he's like what this is like a couple years and he's like what's a blessing and I was like
00:59:32like obviously I know what it what it means but like Daniel to go into like stuck in a three-year-old like what we have talked about God and he said God God's their problem is teaching them too early I'm not kidding people think you should start teaching them immediately so she is drop them off at Hebrew school when they're old enough to read and let somebody else figure it out
00:59:57find out if your husband found ourselves that's made based you because normally you need another person to do the Hedgehog Leo let me explain something to you please do both your girls with such overachievers that they did not
01:00:17but they ended up canceling there been a beach bash Bat Mitzvah if you remember
01:00:27they were going to have a banana beach bash you wouldn't understand because I had girls and girls have very complicated
01:00:36but one day would be a good one.
01:00:43So your urine good shape don't worry an ass like you you'll have a fabulous one of my daughters took the SATs
01:00:56Chuck Schumer scored a perfect 1600 on the SAT did people know that he's told me
01:01:07but it's true haven't have a classical perfect 1600 you would never know it yeah when my also smells like garlic when my girl's tired of Goodnight Moon I brought out a little classic called Night by Elie Wiesel
01:01:29I'm not talking about the Holocaust it cultural to do the same. That's what you get in today enjoy night Pebble that's okay the Jews will die out because you don't know how to teach a class rank to your uncircumcised half Joe son
01:01:55not a problem
01:02:08do you think it bothers his father at all video Jewish
01:02:15son's father but do you think you'll have to drag like I said there's not a lot of like 50 Cent it's your name is Russell what's coming up this way.
01:03:12no she doesn't like Trump speech is also a picture of them in your main character on that show how do you do that because I you in the same room together you know I just walked to do you know if studio in New York whatever else man who's in trouble with sharks
01:03:53you know what
01:03:56people watching back to the beginning of the program so you have not discussed it with her but if you're into when when you doing the scenes are you only acting you outside of the Cs because they've already shut it all in and they shot in Vancouver so then I would see the thing to know what they believe scientologists so you have to tailor your tire performance detailing your entire performance to her performance yeah exactly yeah but I think you're wonderful great day yesterday very much I really want to get really dressed up to come here and then I was racing around I was like I can't say sorry everybody is wearing
01:04:50how to make shorts
01:05:02show the video
01:05:06just show them your shorts Beverly
01:05:18just Great Lakes family doesn't you
01:05:22why does she cover them the reason to breathe the reason we're doing this is because I want you to know that has a lot of surprise skirts
01:05:34because what I said I think there's an angle is an angle in the crowd that may not be as pleased with what you got plans to look at the end of the show that celebrates artists and that mother fucker in the office of the just took away that the Nea and he stopped doing that I mean politically involved because she is Twitter and she does a lot of good things that are really funny and yeah who like Andy Richter and make sure Ken tremendous
01:06:34funny I'm just like
01:06:36because that's what I like that's nice of you but sound like it happens I mean that's like the second adjectives the first is hilarious second is adorable absolutely we're very proud of you because you represent Jewish Jewish women from Massachusetts really would like to move you into her house and keep you she would love to wake up every morning Rachel, coffee with this pack you I would like to talk to you all day long will she wanted of plants talk about slaves not own slaves in the
01:07:24I put Passover coming in that's right I hope the history of this country which is built on poison blood
01:07:36watch the Anna Giovanni documentary and Brooks
01:08:10and we could have spackle sweater what a cute sweater is there
01:08:19how fabulous is Rachel's react to very real performance tonight
01:08:28so I don't want to hear your letters and complaints about me saying
01:08:33I don't want to hear it if you don't like and you could have left an hour ago
01:08:38okay does a complaint department which is called your own diary
01:08:43that's when your letters house keeping a diary in the eye and skin we have a show of hands I'd like really just dream journal
01:08:55stop keeping dream journal and not even halfway through your dream and think
01:09:05I dream my childhood bedroom every night that's because you
01:09:18knows exactly what he did and that's something he has to throw I see that
01:09:35he just wanted to talk you in Belleville in
01:09:42he just wanted to talk you into making the microphone like a penis
01:09:48alright listen you're going to have to make it right with the lady at the end of the subject on that because I have no problem with making me what we're going to do a few Tylenol listen maybe go get a wrap tomorrow 8:30 in the morning before it gets too crowded with other people like us
01:10:11like me people like me
01:10:15a Walmart I was going to say you can get a free t-shirt tonight on the way out with a $20 bill if you give a $20 bill I'll just give it to you okay cash cash you get a free rap with an $800 donation to The Loro Piana foundation on Madison Avenue
01:10:36are you crazy I am dead serious Beverly lovely give cats and also what do you think you could get it for a hundred bucks of ribbon for the box was she would she like anything from Dylan's Candy Bar
01:10:57because she going to be there anyway yeah I know I've gotten a lot of reparations over time
01:11:08the Jews aren't paying reparations they have received money time okay yeah
01:11:28are you just having a really hard moment thinking about the reparations you'll be paying to a lame or to me Visa villain tomorrow
01:11:37do not touch me and hope to succeed I don't want to have a fight I I accept I accept your apology I will do it my way tomorrow and that way we don't have to fight
01:11:58yeah no problem I'll be where you want me to be next to you and I will support you in purchasing whatever you need to purchase and then I'll pay you back when we get back to Massachusetts are you going to give me the T-shirt but you know what I'm going to give you the T-shirt I give you an extra brisket
01:12:21a three ingredient brisket or is it for three actually for gredients that's in the 9:30 they want you not to breastfeed at some points ingredient
01:12:46it really should be at the shop in order for it to be a bridge. Prison and Heinz 57 cocktail sauce
01:13:02chili sauce chili sauce
01:13:08ladies and gentlemen we want to take the Bell House for having us
01:13:13who made the Statue of the coming out on this miserable miserable
01:13:21miserable day
01:13:24we want to thank you all for listening to a podcast
01:13:30and I honestly mean so much to us when you're right to us and you respond let me know that you're out there and then we doing god-knows-what
01:13:40we're just a couple of fools without you think it's entertaining I speak could have a lame we will be outside by the T-shirt poop briefly if anybody wants a quick meet-and-greet and we're going to town these delicious Champagnes open the Apple system so get your ass Washington paper should not going to be able to shake so shape just guess
01:14:13hi I'm Emily Foster and I'm Deanna Chang he started the OMFG podcast people of asked us what's your show all about and we're like can you tell from the title well no okay so it's basically a show about how to be less old then why don't you just call it that great idea lmfg is now how to be less old each week Emily and I talked to the hippest young people around to get woke to the hot new trends and pop culture moment so that we and you can stay eternally lit listen to how to be less old every Tuesday an apple podcast Stitcher or your favorite podcast app
01:14:54this is been a Dire Wolf production executive produced by Scott Aukerman Chris Bannon and Colin Anderson for more information and content visit earwolf.com

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