TRANSCRIPT 🔗
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Welcome to Reparenting Radio.
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I'm Lisa Watson, Architect of Human Transformation.
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This is a space for leaders, parents, and anyone ready to break old patterns, regulate their nervous system, and show up in their life with clarity and self-trust.
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If you're ready to change the way you lead, love, and live, you're in the right place.
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Let's begin.
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Hello, friends.
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Welcome back to Reparenting Radio.
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This week's episode is another personal one.
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I shared a personal story with you last episode about my experience with three very large German shepherds.
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And this week, I'm going to take you inside a season of my life that, if I'm being completely transparent, feels really fucking hard.
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There are a lot of unknowns here in my life, such as I'm looking for housing, I'm looking for more stable income, I'm applying for jobs, I'm talking to recruiters.
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And I did just finish up an 18-day sit with those three enormous German Shepherds, which has been its own adventure and opportunities for learning.
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And I'm working with clients.
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I'm producing this podcast, writing my newsletter, creating daily social media videos, and continually building a business and finishing books that I've got three books out there with a publisher that I'm still working on.
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And so many things, so many things.
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And on top of all that, my husband is living in another country right now, and he just signed a one-year lease.
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So that's going well.
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Actually, it's all okay.
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There are reasons for all these things, and I'm learning to allow my life to unfold without needing to know exactly what every placement means.
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But it is a lot.
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And that's what I want to talk to you about today.
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Because somewhere in the middle of trying to figure out my own life this week, or this past few months, actually, I've realized that I was asking myself a question that was making everything harder.
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I was asking myself, how am I going to do all this?
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And eventually another question came into my awareness, which is, what if I'm not supposed to?
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What if the question isn't how do I do everything?
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What if it's actually what do I need to do right now?
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Or better yet, what actually needs me right now?
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And by the end of today's episode, I'm going to give you six questions that I've been using in my own life that I think can completely change the way we move through seasons like this when everything feels important.
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Everything seems to need our attention.
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And we genuinely don't have the capacity to do it all.
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Because maybe the answer isn't becoming better at carrying everything.
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Maybe it's learning what we're allowed to put down.
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And so that's what I've been practicing.
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And I'm grateful for these experiences that I'm having because I truly believe we are here to learn and grow.
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And I don't believe that life is supposed to just look one way.
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I don't believe that if things aren't easy, you're doing something wrong.
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It just is life.
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Life is life, and it comes with challenging situations and experiences that I believe are all designed to help us learn, change, and grow.
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I saw this video recently on social media, and it kind of made me laugh because it listed all the things that we're apparently supposed to do every day to be healthy, successful, emotionally regulated human beings.
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And I started thinking about how ridiculous a list like this is, but it's actually the reality.
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Get eight hours of sleep, make sure you wake up at the crack of dawn, you know, get out there early, watch the sunrise, get that red UV light in your eyes, meditate, journal, practice gratitude, make sure you're drinking enough water, getting hydrated.
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Your water may not be good enough, so make sure you're drinking the right water.
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Eat real food, make sure you get enough protein, get your 10,000 steps in.
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You should definitely strength train.
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Weights are very important.
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Stretch.
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Yoga's good.
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Do your breath work.
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You should read like 10 pages a day and learn something.
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Always be learning something new.
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Oh, make sure you go to work and advance your career, build your business, manage your finances, keep your house clean.
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Meal prep.
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I think meal prep is really important.
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Maintain your friendships, spend quality time with your partner.
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You want to make sure your sex life is good, sex is really good for you, and you should be present with your children.
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Load full transcript
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Make sure you call your parents at least once a week.
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It's important that you touch in with them and definitely limit your screen time and don't spend too much time on social media.
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Unless, of course, social media is part of your business, in which case, apparently, you're supposed to be on social media constantly while simultaneously staying off of it.
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Hmm.
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Oh, and don't forget to rest, but make sure you're resting correctly.
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And while you're resting, maybe you should listen to a personal development podcast so you're still improving yourself, or at least some tones or subliminals.
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It's insane.
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Does that sound insane to you?
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Because that sounds insane to me.
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Although those all sound good at the same time.
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I think something has happened in the wellness and personal development world that we don't really talk about that much.
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We've made wellness another form of achievement.
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Meditation becomes, oh shit, I didn't meditate today.
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Exercise becomes, oh, I only got 6,000 steps.
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Nutrition becomes, I didn't eat well enough today.
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And rest becomes, I shouldn't be sitting here.
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I should be doing something.
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And parenting, parenting becomes, I didn't spend enough quality time with the kids today.
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And on the relationship front, that becomes, oh, we haven't had a date night in a while.
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I really need to initiate sex too.
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Or maybe he does.
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Hmm.
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Personal development, that sounds like I should be further along.
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I shouldn't be getting triggered like this anymore.
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I need to do more.
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And suddenly self-care becomes self-criticism wearing yoga pants.
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And that's not wellness.
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That's just another checklist.
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Maybe some of us don't need better time management.
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Maybe we've just accepted this impossible definition of what successful life is supposed to contain.
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Because there is a fundamental reality that no planner, productivity app, morning routine, or perfectly color-coded calendar can change.
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Although I do love color-coded calendars.
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We, as humans, have finite capacity twenty-four hours.
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One body, one nervous system, one attention span.
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And your capacity isn't the same every day.
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And that's important to understand because there are days when I can write for six hours and feel completely energized.
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And there are days when answering three emails feels like somebody has asked me to build a small airport.
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Capacity changes and life has seasons.
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Someone who is caring for a newborn does not have the same capacity as someone whose children are grown or have left home.
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Someone who's caring for their aging parent doesn't have the same capacity as someone without that responsibility.
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And someone going through a divorce doesn't have the same emotional bandwidth as someone whose life feels relatively stable.
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Someone who's navigating illness doesn't have the same capacity as someone feeling fantastic.
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And someone moving doesn't have the same capacity as someone who's settled into their home.
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And someone who's looking for housing and income simultaneously doesn't have the same available bandwidth as someone whose home and income are secure.
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And yet we tend to hold ourselves to the same standards anyway.
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And that's where I think we get ourselves in trouble a little bit because we interpret changing capacity as a personal failure.
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And we'll ask our question ourselves questions like, you know, why can't I keep up?
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Why am I so unproductive?
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Why can't I focus?
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Why am I falling behind?
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But maybe you're not falling behind.
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Maybe your life currently requires your energy somewhere else.
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And this has become a really important idea for me.
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Your priority should be seasonal, not permanent.
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Because something can matter deeply to you without requiring the majority of your attention right now.
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I realize that I've been trying to give everything in my life the same level of importance.
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The podcasts, my books, my clients, my business, they all matter to me.
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My YouTube channel that I'm building, my One Minute of Awareness series on social media, my marriage, my health, my fitness, simply having joy and new experiences in my life, all of those are important to me.
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But I also need somewhere to live.
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So my current housing situation is changing.
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My husband's in Mexico and
has just made a financial and housing decision that makes sense for what he's building there, but it also means I can't organize my immediate life around the assumption that he's moving here next month.
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And that's been important for me to acknowledge.
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Not catastrophize, not become a victim to, not turn into some story about my marriage, but just acknowledge it.
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What is actually true right now?
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Right now, I want to create enough financial stability that I can support my own life.
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I want my own peaceful home.
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I want to know that I can take care of myself regardless of what happens with someone else's timeline.
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I'm building a new life here after being in another country for the last four years.
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And it's challenging.
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And right now, finding a stable home and income deserves my attention.
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It doesn't mean my marriage doesn't matter.
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It doesn't mean my business doesn't matter.
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It doesn't mean my books that I'm wanting to get out there in the world don't matter.
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It means they they all don't have to matter equally today.
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Something can be important without being important right now.
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Think about it.
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You can love something and you can temporarily give it less energy.
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You can care deeply about a goal and you can put it down for a week.
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And you can have a dream of a business that you want to create and still take a job.
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You can be committed to your health and skip the gym because you need more sleep.
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And you can love your family and tell them you're unavailable tonight.
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Priority isn't a declaration of what matters to you as a human.
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It's a decision about where your finite resources are needed right now.
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And there's another layer to this that I think a lot of people experience.
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What happens when the thing requiring your attention isn't the thing you thought you were supposed to be doing right now?
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And that's that's very interesting to me.
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I've spent years building my coaching work, writing, podcasting, creating, teaching.
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And now I'm looking at nanny and family assistant opportunities because I want more predictable income while I establish my own home.
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And I'll tell you, there have been moments when a little voice comes in and says, Are
you giving up?
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Are you abandoning your mission?
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Shouldn't you be spending this time growing your business instead?
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And I've had to challenge that.
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Because maybe taking care of myself financially isn't abandoning my purpose.
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Maybe it's building infrastructure underneath my purpose.
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That's different.
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And it's important to me that I create financial stability in a way that feels good and is in alignment with me.
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Money doesn't motivate me.
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Nervous system regulation motivates me.
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And so I'm choosing a route that feels good for me right now.
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And, you know, maybe the podcast doesn't have to pay my rent.
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Maybe my books don't even have to hurry up and become profitable.
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Maybe my creativity doesn't have to carry the terrifying responsibility of keeping a roof over my head.
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Maybe stable income could actually give my creativity room to breathe.
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And I think that this applies to so many things.
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We have these incredibly rigid ideas about what fall we have these incredibly rigid ideas about what following our purpose is supposed to look like.
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If you're an artist, you're supposed to make money from art.
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If you're an entrepreneur, you're supposed to make money from your business.
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And if you take a job, somehow you failed.
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And I think this is something a lot of people are really faced with right now.
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Maybe taking a job funds the dream.
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Maybe changing direction protects the dream.
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Maybe slowing down preserves the dream.
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Maybe choosing stability for a reason gives you enough safety to create from inspiration instead of desperation.
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I don't believe trusting your path means refusing to respond to reality.
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You can trust God and update your resume at the same time.
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You can believe you're being guided and call a recruiter.
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You can believe something wonderful is coming and still make decisions based on what is actually concrete today.
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Those things aren't opposites to me.
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That's just simply participating in your own life.
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But I think that this becomes particularly difficult for people who have spent their lives being highly responsible.
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The strong ones, the caretaker, the achiever, the person that everyone depends on and looks up to.
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Because when you're accustomed to carrying responsibility, everything starts feeling equally important.
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Your child needs something that's important.
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Your partner needs something equally as important.
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Your house, your health, your friends, your business, they're all important and they all need something.
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And now you're standing in the middle of 47 important things while your nervous system is waving a tiny white flag.
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But everything can matter without everything becoming today's priority.
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And that's where discernment comes in.
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Instead of asking, how do I fit everything in?
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We could start asking, what actually needs me right now?
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What can wait?
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What can become smaller?
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What can someone else carry?
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What am I doing because I'm afraid of what will happen if I stop?
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That's a good one.
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Sit with that.
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Because sometimes we aren't doing something because it's actually necessary.
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We're doing it because stopping activates something in us.
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Maybe if I stop posting, people will forget about me.
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If I stop helping, people won't need me.
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If I stop producing, I'll fall behind.
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Maybe if I stop achieving, I won't feel valuable.
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Maybe if I say no, someone will be disappointed.
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Maybe if I rest, I'll have to feel something that I've been outrunning.
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And that's not time management anymore.
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That's pattern work.
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And of course, because this is reparenting radio where we talk about patterns, I want to bring this back to children.
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Because we're handing them the same way of living: school, homework, sports, music lessons, tutoring, birthday parties, play dates, chores, family obligations, exercise, reading, extracurricular activities.
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And sometimes their calendars look like they're being managed by the chief operating officer of a Fortune 500 company.
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And then we wonder why children and teenagers feel so overwhelmed and have anxiety and are depressed and cutting and using drugs and having sex.
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Are we teaching children how to live or are we teaching them how to stay busy?
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--> 00:19:22.960
What do they see when we're overwhelmed?
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Do they see us treating everything like an emergency?
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Do they hear, I'm so busy, I don't have time, hurry up.
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I have too much to do, we're late.
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Come on, we got to get this done now.
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Or do they occasionally hear us say, there are a lot of things that matter right now, so I'm deciding which one needs my attention first.
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Imagine teaching a child that.
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Sometimes we change the plan.
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Sometimes we ask for help.
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Sometimes something gets postponed.
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Sometimes we decide good enough is good enough.
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And sometimes we rest because our body needs rest.
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And sometimes we choose one thing and we allow the other thing to wait.
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That's not teaching children to be irresponsible.
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It's teaching them discernment.
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We're not supposed to teach children that capable adults manage everything perfectly.
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We can teach them that capable adults make choices.
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And maybe that's part of reparenting ourselves too.
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When you're overwhelmed, imagine the way you would respond to a child who came to you carrying 12 things and said, I can't hold all of these.
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Would you hand them three more things and say, you really need to work on your productivity?
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I hope not.
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I hope not.
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You'd probably say, okay, well, let's look at which one of those things we can put down.
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Let's look at what you're carrying.
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What's actually yours?
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What needs to happen today?
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What can wait?
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What can I help you with?
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What doesn't need to be carried at all?
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Where can you get someone else to help you?
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And we deserve that same compassion.
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Because sometimes the solution isn't becoming capable of carrying more.
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Sometimes it's becoming wise enough to recognize I shouldn't be carrying all of this at once.
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So as promised, here are six questions that I've been asking myself.
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So get ready to pay attention.
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So if you're in an uncertain or overwhelming season too, take out a piece of paper, write down everything that feels important.
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--> 00:21:59.759
Everything work, kids, money.
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Health, relationship, exercise, projects, appointments, the house, whatever's taking up mental space.
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And then don't ask, how do I accomplish all of this?
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Ask this instead.
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Okay?
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Question number one.
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What genuinely needs me now?
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What actually has a consequence or time sensitivity?
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Not what feels the loudest, not what somebody else says should matter.
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What genuinely requires your attention in this season?
00:22:38.400 --> 00:22:41.599
And number two, what can wait?
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Not forever, just now.
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Just there are things I've been acting as though I need to solve immediately that simply don't need solving this week.
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And maybe you have some too.
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And question number three: what can become smaller?
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And I really like this one because maybe exercise isn't an hour at the gym right now.
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Maybe it's a 20-minute walk.
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Maybe the home cooked dinner becomes eggs and toast.
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Maybe the elaborate social media strategy becomes one meaningful post a week.
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Maybe the perfectly clean house just becomes clean enough.
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Maybe good enough becomes the goal for a minute.
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Something becoming smaller doesn't mean it stops mattering.
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It means you're adjusting it to your current capacity.
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And question number four: What can someone else carry?
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Where can you receive support?
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Where are you doing something automatically because you've always been the one who does it?
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Where could someone else help?
00:23:56.720 --> 00:23:58.480
Where can you delegate?
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Where can you simply ask?
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And I know these ones can be hard.
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Number five, what am I afraid will happen if I stop doing something?
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Hmm.
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And this question may reveal the pattern underneath the pressure.
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If I stop posting, will people forget me?
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And that may not sound true.
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It may not land for you.
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If I stop helping, will people stop needing me?
00:24:28.720 --> 00:24:33.119
If I stop achieving, will I still feel valuable?
00:24:34.720 --> 00:24:39.279
If I stop controlling everything, will everything fall
apart?
00:24:40.559 --> 00:24:44.559
Sometimes what looks like responsibility is actually fear.
00:24:45.920 --> 00:24:51.200
And question number six, what season am I actually in?
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Not the season I wish I were in, not the season somebody on Instagram is in, not the season you were in six months ago, or the one your partner might be in, but your season.
00:25:04.240 --> 00:25:08.400
What does your life actually require from you right now?
00:25:09.440 --> 00:25:15.680
Because priorities that served you six months ago may not be the priorities that serve you today.
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And they may not be the priorities you need six months from now either.
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That's why they're seasonal.
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But I have realized something through all of this this week that I don't need to abandon the things I love.
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I don't need to quit creating.
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I don't need to give up on my business.
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I have no intention of doing that.
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I don't need to know exactly what will happen with my marriage today.
00:25:39.599 --> 00:25:45.039
I don't need to know how every piece of my life is eventually going to fit together.
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But I also don't need to pretend I have unlimited capacity.
00:25:50.559 --> 00:25:58.559
Right now, there are some things in my life asking to move forward, asking to move toward the front of the line.
00:25:58.799 --> 00:25:59.920
And that's okay.
00:26:00.160 --> 00:26:04.880
They won't necessarily stay there forever because priorities are seasonal.
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And I think that there's a tremendous amount of freedom in allowing ourselves to live this way.
00:26:12.880 --> 00:26:15.759
Maybe you don't need another productivity system.
00:26:16.000 --> 00:26:18.400
Maybe you don't need another morning routine.
00:26:18.640 --> 00:26:32.480
Maybe you don't need to wake up at 5 a.m., meditate, journal, drink celery juice, get 10,000 steps, build an empire, have amazing sex, raise perfectly regulated children, maintain six meaningful friendships, and remember to moisturize before bed.
00:26:33.759 --> 00:26:39.039
Maybe you just need to ask what actually needs me right now.
00:26:39.839 --> 00:26:43.119
And give yourself permission to let that be enough.
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Because something can matter without requiring your attention today.
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Something can be temporarily smaller without disappearing.
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And choosing stability doesn't mean abandoning your dreams.
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Sometimes stability is what finally gives your dreams somewhere safe to grow.
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So this week, instead of asking yourself, how am I going to do everything?
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Try asking what needs me now, what can wait?
00:27:16.720 --> 00:27:18.559
What can become smaller?
00:27:19.200 --> 00:27:21.359
What can someone else carry?
00:27:22.000 --> 00:27:25.359
What am I afraid will happen if I put something down?
00:27:26.000 --> 00:27:29.119
And what season am I actually in?
00:27:30.640 --> 00:27:34.160
And you might discover that you don't need more time.
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You need permission to stop treating everything as equally urgent.
00:27:41.200 --> 00:27:44.160
And maybe you can give yourself that permission.
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But I'm learning to give it to myself as challenging as it may be.
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Until next time, keep getting curious.
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Keep becoming aware.
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And remember, you are not broken.
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You're patterned.
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And patterns, they can be changed.
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Thank you for listening to Reparenting Radio.
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If today's conversation supported you, take a moment to subscribe, leave a review, or share it with someone who knows they were made for more than the patterns that they inherited.
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If you're ready for serious inner work and real transformation, personally or professionally, you can explore my leadership pathways at Lisa-Watson.com.
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And if you're raising little ones alongside your own healing, you'll find my children's books at awakintheone.org.
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Until next time, stay grounded, stay open, and keep reparenting the parts of you that are ready to come home to their authenticity.