Full Transcript for Is AI Ruining Your Marriage? What You Need To Know

--> 00:02:14.639 He'd been happy till he pulled into the garage, he'd been happy till he opened the door and walked into the house. 00:02:14.960 --> 00:02:17.439 You say, uh what's your point? 00:02:17.759 --> 00:02:26.240 She took one of the suggestions that Claude gave her, and it seemed like a really brilliant suggestion, and almost everybody watching right now thinking, that sounds like a really good idea. 00:02:26.560 --> 00:02:28.560 How in the world could they be wrong? 00:02:28.879 --> 00:02:38.479 Because artificial intelligence can give you information, but it doesn't have experience, and it doesn't have wisdom. 00:02:38.719 --> 00:02:40.159 You say, oh, oh, okay, Dr. 00:02:40.240 --> 00:02:45.280 Beam, then you're telling me that you could have told her in advance if she had asked you not to do that. 00:02:45.599 --> 00:02:46.879 Yeah, that's exactly right. 00:02:46.960 --> 00:02:48.000 I could have told her that. 00:02:48.159 --> 00:02:51.759 And I could tell her why that was going to backfire on her. 00:02:52.080 --> 00:02:56.479 Now, a machine that goes out and looks for all this information, that's what AI does. 00:02:56.639 --> 00:02:58.319 It goes and it gathers information. 00:02:58.479 --> 00:03:01.280 Now it gathers information from all over the world. 00:03:01.520 --> 00:03:04.000 And some of the information is really, really good. 00:03:04.800 --> 00:03:07.280 And some of the information is not so good at all. 00:03:07.439 --> 00:03:09.680 But it can't assess what's good and what's bad. 00:03:09.759 --> 00:03:11.759 It's just going out there and gathering information. 00:03:11.919 --> 00:03:19.759 And when it gathers that information and you ask a particular question or look for a particular thing, it will start giving you data based on that. 00:03:20.080 --> 00:03:29.439 Now, when I was earning my doctorate degree, my PhD at the University of Sydney in Australia, I didn't have access to artificial intelligence. 00:03:30.400 --> 00:03:32.240 You say, Well, do you wish you had? 00:03:32.479 --> 00:03:34.400 No, I'm actually glad I didn't. 00:03:34.879 --> 00:03:35.360 Why? 00:03:36.080 --> 00:03:39.599 Because of the fact that AI, and I do use it for this sometimes. 00:03:39.759 --> 00:03:44.400 It can find research really fast, and that would have been an advantage working in my doctorate. 00:03:44.560 --> 00:03:46.319 But it can't assess that information. 00:03:46.639 --> 00:03:49.599 Now, I think probably it could do statistics pretty well. 00:03:49.759 --> 00:03:51.039 I didn't use it for that. 00:03:51.199 --> 00:03:54.560 I had to learn some things about statistics myself. 00:03:54.800 --> 00:04:13.039 But you see, while it could have done the statistics on the research that I did, and it could have read all the other research projects that I had to read as part of my research to study, and there were over 500 different ones that I read, sources that I used in my PhD, it can't assess those. 00:04:13.280 --> 00:04:23.920

It doesn't have the wisdom or the knowledge and the understanding, not even the experience, where it can say, yes, I see that they concluded that, but here's a flaw in how they concluded that. 00:04:24.079 --> 00:04:30.000 I see their claw in their research methodology, or I see a flaw in their conclusion, they missed this point over here. 00:04:30.240 --> 00:04:43.439 And that's what you're supposed to be learning when you're getting a PhD, is not just to accept information, but to evaluate information, to assess it as to, I think that's right, I think that's not right. 00:04:43.600 --> 00:04:54.639 When I was teaching at the university level, teaching human sexuality, sometimes my students would say, research shows, or they'd say research proves, and I chastise them. 00:04:54.800 --> 00:04:56.560 Research doesn't prove anything. 00:04:56.800 --> 00:04:58.879 Research doesn't show anything. 00:04:59.120 --> 00:05:00.800 Research indicates. 00:05:01.120 --> 00:05:08.000 Because what you need to understand is you can't research every little nuance, every little fact, every little variable. 00:05:08.240 --> 00:05:16.879 You research what you can, and then that leads you to a conclusion, and then that conclusion suggests that the answer is this or the answer is that. 00:05:17.040 --> 00:05:26.399 But because you can't evaluate everything, research doesn't prove anything, unless it's in numbers or something like that that are hard, cold facts. 00:05:26.639 --> 00:05:33.519 But in the social sciences, when it comes to dealing with human beings, dealing with people, you have to have wisdom. 00:05:33.680 --> 00:05:40.079 You have to have some judgment, you have to have some experience, or you can say, hmm, that just doesn't sound right. 00:05:40.240 --> 00:05:42.480 Let me compare it to the other things that I've learned. 00:05:42.639 --> 00:05:43.680 Oh, it is right. 00:05:43.759 --> 00:05:44.959 And now I've learned something newer. 00:05:45.279 --> 00:05:46.399 Nope, I was right. 00:05:46.560 --> 00:05:47.600 It is not right. 00:05:47.759 --> 00:05:50.240 It's wrong, and we're going to reject that. 00:05:50.639 --> 00:05:54.720 And research is called either accepting or failing to accept. 00:05:54.879 --> 00:05:56.800 It's not actually called rejecting. 00:05:57.680 --> 00:05:58.720 Failing to accept. 00:05:58.800 --> 00:06:01.439 Yeah, I just can't see that as being valid. 00:06:01.600 --> 00:06:03.600 Now, a machine can't do that. 00:06:03.920 --> 00:06:08.079 Not when it comes to saying, okay, this particular research, I'll accept that. 00:06:08.720 --> 00:06:12.480 I'll fail to recept that. 00:06:13.199 --> 00:06:15.120 It doesn't have the wisdom. 00:06:15.519 --> 00:06:18.319 It doesn't have the ability to do the nuances. 00:06:18.560 --> 00:06:23.199 And so if you're looking for AI to give you information, it can. 00:06:24.399 --> 00:06:27.439 But the information may not be valid. 00:06:28.240 --> 00:06:35.360 And how many people now are printing articles on the internet and every place else saying, AI, I lied. 00:06:36.160 --> 00:06:43.439 It said this is a particular thing that has been validated by some kind of research when actually it just fabricated it. 00:06:43.759 --> 00:06:44.879 You say you're kidding. 00:06:44.959 --> 00:06:45.759 No, I'm not. 00:06:46.000 --> 00:06:47.279 There's some situations out there. 00:06:47.439 --> 00:06:52.399 Of course, the people who work in AI are trying to fix all these things, make sure it can't happen anymore. 00:06:52.720 --> 00:06:54.079 But there are examples now. 00:06:54.319 --> 00:06:54.959 They're out there. 00:06:55.040 --> 00:07:08.639 You can go find them, look for them, where AI has lied, actually lied because it's trying to please the person that um, or actually sometimes lying because it's trying to take care of its own existence. 00:07:08.959 --> 00:07:12.879 Now, look at all that and you say, are you against artificial intelligence? 00:07:13.120 --> 00:07:13.360 No. 00:07:13.600 --> 00:07:14.959 I think it's brilliant. 00:07:15.199 --> 00:07:16.480 I I love it. 00:07:16.800 --> 00:07:21.199 I will love it unless the machines take over at some point, then I won't love it. 00:07:21.439 --> 00:07:28.560 But I'm telling you, when it comes to looking at relationships, it can't understand you. 00:07:28.959 --> 00:07:34.879 You see, all it can do is look for information people have put out there. 00:07:35.120 --> 00:07:36.959 And then it gives you that information. 00:07:37.199 --> 00:07:40.480 And as I've already said, some of it's really good, and some of it's really terrible. 00:07:40.560 --> 00:07:41.839 It's really bad. 00:07:42.160 --> 00:07:45.600 And then one of my friends the other day was saying, But you don't understand, Doctor. 00:07:46.160 --> 00:07:47.680 Actually, call me Joe, we're buddies. 00:07:47.839 --> 00:07:49.519 He said, You don't understand, Joe. 00:07:50.639 --> 00:07:52.879 Claude really understands me. 00:07:53.120 --> 00:07:53.839 I said, Really? 00:07:53.920 --> 00:07:54.879 What do you mean? 00:07:55.120 --> 00:08:01.759 And he said, Well, I had a whole bunch of questions I needed to answer, and I answered all those questions about myself, and now this thing gets me. 00:08:02.000 --> 00:08:03.839 It understands me tremendously. 00:08:04.079 --> 00:08:06.800 To which I replied, No, it doesn't. 00:08:07.199 --> 00:08:08.160 He said, Yes, it does. 00:08:08.319 --> 00:08:12.079 Look, I do this, I do that, and it knows what I think, it knows what I feel. 00:08:12.319 --> 00:08:14.160 I said, No, what it knows is this. 00:08:14.319 --> 00:08:24.879 You answered X number of questions, and then what it did, it compared the data from other people all over the world who answered questions in similar ways. 00:08:25.040 --> 00:08:31.120 And then it has a generic understanding, a generic knowledge of people similar to you. 00:08:31.680 --> 00:08:33.360 But it doesn't really know you. 00:08:33.600 -->

00:08:36.799 Not like I know you, because we've had experiences together. 00:08:36.960 --> 00:08:48.720 Good experiences, bad experiences, times when you've been brilliant, times when you haven't been brilliant at all, times when I've been brilliant, times when I've not been brilliant at all. 00:08:48.960 --> 00:08:51.679 And so we have learned the nuances. 00:08:52.159 --> 00:08:53.840 We really do know each other. 00:08:54.000 --> 00:08:55.600 We really understand each other. 00:08:55.679 --> 00:09:02.000 And if AI were to say this about you, you should show it to me because I'm your good friend. 00:09:02.159 --> 00:09:05.279 We've been together a long time, we've known each other for decades. 00:09:05.679 --> 00:09:15.200 Let me evaluate it and go, I think it got it right here, but I think it missed that because you see, it can't do the nuances. 00:09:15.440 --> 00:09:23.200 And if it doesn't know you that well, just comparing you to others who are similar to you and making judgments, if you'll let me use that word. 00:09:23.279 --> 00:09:29.440 It's not really judgments, it's making conclusions, which are a kind of a judgment, but it doesn't have the real ability to judge. 00:09:29.600 --> 00:09:31.120 It's reaching conclusions. 00:09:31.360 --> 00:09:35.519 If it doesn't know you, it doesn't know your spouse either. 00:09:35.840 --> 00:09:51.279 And the and it definitely doesn't know the intricacies of your relationship with you and your spouse or the person that you love that you want to be with, and therefore any advice it gives you may be brilliant. 00:09:51.840 --> 00:09:54.960 May be brilliantly bad. 00:09:56.000 --> 00:10:01.679 So what you really should know is that use it for what it was designed for. 00:10:02.080 --> 00:10:06.159 It can bring you information, but it can't tell you how to live. 00:10:06.639 --> 00:10:09.360 And it may say something that you think sounds so brilliant. 00:10:09.519 --> 00:10:16.159 I'm gonna put the flowers from the door of the garage all the way up the stairs, down the hall, to the bedroom, and my husband's gonna love it. 00:10:16.879 --> 00:10:24.639 When anybody in my organization, the way we've been trained, and all the experiences that we have, anybody could have told her, that's gonna backfire. 00:10:24.879 --> 00:10:27.759 Let me explain to you why it's gonna backfire. 00:10:28.000 --> 00:10:42.639 Because we know you, and we know your husband, and we have dealt with so many different situations in so many different ways that we get the nuances that no machine can get, that no machine can do. 00:10:42.879 --> 00:10:44.879 And so here's what I recommend. 00:10:45.120 --> 00:10:51.279 If you're gonna use AI just to get facts, great, but double check those facts. 00:10:51.519 --> 00:10:52.799 I have learned from experience. 00:10:52.879 --> 00:10:56.720 Sometimes those facts are inaccurate. 00:10:56.960 --> 00:11:01.360 Another thing is if you're gonna look to it for advice, do you really want a computer? 00:11:01.840 --> 00:11:07.600 No matter how fast they can look for information, do you really want it telling you what to do? 00:11:08.720 --> 00:11:10.960 It does not have wisdom. 00:11:11.200 --> 00:11:14.879 It does not have experience, it doesn't understand the nuances. 00:11:15.039 --> 00:11:21.200 And therefore, if you let it direct you, you're gonna wind up making some bad, bad decisions. 00:11:21.440 --> 00:11:27.360 So, here's the conclusion: use artificial intelligence for what it's designed for. 00:11:27.759 --> 00:11:36.159 But it's not designed to tell you how to work in your marriage or in your dating life, in the relationships you have with your mom, your brother, your sister, your son, your daughter. 00:11:36.320 --> 00:11:38.000 It's not designed for that. 00:11:38.320 --> 00:11:47.440 And if you let it guide you there, it may well give you decisions, conclusions, actions that you think are brilliant. 00:11:48.000 --> 00:11:49.919 And they're gonna backfire on you. 00:11:50.159 --> 00:11:53.840 Now, the good thing about the lady with the roses, the story I started with. 00:11:54.240 --> 00:12:03.919 We knew her, we knew him, and when that blew up, which it did, we were there to help both of them understand what happened, why it happened, and how to fix it. 00:12:04.159 --> 00:12:09.440 And that's something only a human being can do, but not just any human being. 00:12:09.679 --> 00:12:17.840 You see, AI is kind of like a person who has just got their grad degree in marriage counseling, and they go out and open up their practice. 00:12:17.919 --> 00:12:21.279 They have a lot of knowledge, but not a whole lot of experience yet. 00:12:21.440 --> 00:12:27.600 And you can always tell when somebody's brand new because on their website they'll list they can help everything known to humanity. 00:12:28.480 --> 00:12:33.759 Rather than I have learned a lot about this, and this is where I specialize, and that that's where I specialize. 00:12:34.000 --> 00:12:37.600 You see, human beings can do things that AI can't do. 00:12:37.840 --> 00:12:42.879 If it's a human being who has the knowledge and the experience and the wisdom. 00:12:43.120 --> 00:12:45.519 Hey, we'd like to help. 00:12:45.759 --> 00:12:50.720 So whenever you need something about relationships, ask AI for a fact if you wish. 00:12:51.360 --> 00:12:53.840 But please contact us for any major decisions. 00:12:54.000 --> 00:12:55.840 Let us help you think that through. 00:12:56.159 --> 00:13:01.120 Because relationships are not part of a machine. 00:13:01.759 --> 00:13:03.039 They're part of the heart.