Full Transcript for Episode 8: Breaking Taboos Around Sexual Connection

yes, so I did ask him. May. Speaker 2: 6:01 I show Carrie this picture of you, it's like, yeah, whatever, but we are a naked family too, you know, like nakedness is not a thing in our family. Speaker 2: 6:11 So, yeah, I think I mean like being. I think that it's actually really important, because when we hide our naked bodies, that's that's like the prime place for shame to exist, right Like when we don't see normal naked bodies on a regular basis and all we're seeing is perfect Instagram, airbrushed, photoshopped naked bodies or pornographic bodies. It's a dissociation, like it's this belief that, like that's what all naked bodies look like and mine doesn't look like that, so there must be something wrong with my body versus when we see normal naked bodies with the bumps and the cellulite and the scars and the whatever it's like, we really start to normalize and feel more comfort with our own. So I mean like that's a whole conversation as well, yeah, but yeah, so it's normal in our world. I think in a lot, I mean like in our bubble. I can think of most of my friends. I would probably feel comfortable Like if we were talking about orgasms, functionally saying so, what does his penis look like? Speaker 1: 7:22 So like to really be able to offer some specific feedback on positions or right, you know like different techniques, so yeah, and I think it's interesting because I think it's something we actually talk about as women is like, when we start to actually talk about what men's penises look like I mean seriously, they all look so different. I did not like I mean, like before coming out of my marriage or being I'm going to say being more open in naked spaces as well, I did not actually have the realization, because I'd had one penis for so many years, I'd almost forgotten how different they all look. Speaker 2: 7:59 Yeah. Speaker 1: 8:00 And how that makes a difference. It does. Speaker 2: 8:04 The way they're shaped, the way they yeah, like it all does. Speaker 1: 8:08 Like I like all penises. There's not really a penis I've found that I don't like. Right yeah, and they all fit in differently and they all have different functionalities with inside of you if you're having sex with said penis. Speaker 2: 8:21 Yes, yes, I agree, and I think that normally, at least in like general kind of everyday spaces, I feel that there is like an aversion to penises. A lot of women are like ew penises, oh yeah, and maybe that comes from not having exposure, healthy exposure and discussions and understanding around that and it's associated with, you know, like disgust or icky experiences and conversations in their mind. Yeah, I appreciate penises. Speaker 1: 8:59 Yeah, so actually on that you were wanting to talk about, we haven't gotten to this point in the conversation. Before I said hate record. Speaking of penises, like one of the things again I think a lot of women have a lot of resistance to is

blow jobs. Yes, and I think of it. It's like you know, you and I would talk about cockwork, cock worship, yeah, so I'm curious to hear where you're gonna go with blow jobs. Speaker 2: 9:20 Well, kyle and I were having this conversation and it's kind of this like you know, double standard thing that we were talking about. So I've been giving Kyle a blowjob every morning before he goes to work, like it's like a good morning kiss or a goodbye kiss or whatever Right, and recognizing all like how loaded that particular act is. Like how loaded that particular act is. Kai was like I wonder, if you talked about that, if people would think that it's my expectation or my demand that's creating that. And I'm like, yeah, possibly Like I think it's hard for some people to fathom that a woman actually like really enjoys that. Speaker 2: 10:03 I get super turned on by giving him a blow job like best foreplay ever and actually even orgasmic, like I can orgasm from oral sex with him and I I love it, I love starting my day like it's a fun little like eros injection for the day and he goes off to work Um, he does not come by the way. That's another part of this discussion. So it is the buildup, the energy, the, the play and the pleasure of it. Um, but I was thinking about cause. I was wanting to like share that somewhere and talk about that. I was like, oh, so women will perceive that it's for him and not for me, or by his demand and not by my, my like. Can you please? Speaker 1: 10:51 can we please do this yeah? Speaker 2: 10:54 um, but also this dual standard of um, mocking women for not liking it, or calling out women for not liking it, or even stating that women don't like it. We're on the flip side. I see a lot of or even stating that women don't like it. We're on the flip side. I see a lot of people like if a man doesn't like to eat pussy, then he's not a real man, and like all of this kind of digs at men if they don't enjoy doing it on that side. But it's a like, a unheard of or absurd or highly offensive to ever imply that about a woman that if she doesn't like to give oral sex, if she doesn't like blowjobs, um, that's her prerogative and that's right. Like. There's just such a dual standard in the way we talk about men who don't like to do that versus women who don't like to do it yeah, and what's happening in the conversation and the field and the. Speaker 2: 11:43 You know the space between that. That's the case and I'll just be clear. The space between that, that's the case and I'll just be clear. I don't think that it's great to like, judge and mock anybody for their preferences. Like I think it's shit that we say a man's not a real man if he doesn't like doing that, and not the opposite, that we should be calling out women for not liking it. But more sincere question about what experiences and stories and anchors exist in your body that this is not something you enjoy and doesn't feel safe and pleasurable for you, because it's a beautiful connection, it's a beautiful act, it's very pleasurable on both sides. Um, and so I would venture to guess that there's probably some, you know, toxic experiences or stories that create the aversion. Speaker 1: 12:32 Yeah, I'm like I'm just letting that land in my body. Speaker 1: 12:37 It's funny because I've been doing the same with my partner around bullet jobs and I love like we don't live together so it can't be done every day, but I love when he's around, that. Speaker 1: 12:45 I'm like if he in at the end of the day, I'm like, oh yeah, I totally will. Or if he comes in, like in the morning when we wake up, I'm like, ah, and it's really interesting because I think here I want to say this like you talked about ejaculation and I want to, and I want to bring this in here because like, well, and we even had this conversation because it was like if you do that, a lot of men think, or a lot of women think, that then they have to take them to a certain point, or it has to be experience, and I'm like sometimes it is like literally like kissing, it's like there's a few minutes that I'm like I just want to do this because it feels really good and you're going to like it and I'm going to like it, and it's a nice moment of connection, and then we're going to move on with our day. Speaker 2: 13:19 Right. Speaker 1: 13:19 Right, and it doesn't have to be more than that, right, yeah, and we don't have to take it to the point of um, ejaculation, yeah, and I think I want to talk about that here too. Um, and I and I do wonder, like, is there, I guess, the question being like, is there some something we could share here around if you don't like it cause you asked the question, but like, if you don't like it because you asked the question, but like, if you don't like it, is there an exploration that we could bring people into here about why they don't? Speaker 2: 13:55 I mean it's the same as we do, right, it's like sit with, like, when you think about a blow job, what, what does it bring up? Speaker 2: 14:03 Where do you feel it? I mean, there's so many different ways to you know, like self-explore and self-reflect in this, but, um, oftentimes there there's like a specific story or idea, and it may not even be a personal experience. It may actually be like scrolling instagram and seeing women talk about how horrible men are, how gross penises are, whatever, right, like there's a, there's a perception that exists internally, that's creating this picture or this perception of what blowjobs are. Um, and it's yeah, like, if you, if it's something that you want to explore, then going internal and even just getting curious about like what is, what is my story? What sensation comes up, what emotion, what projection, and it'll often lead you somewhere, whether it's like a feeling and a sensation in your body or a specific story or a specific experience or whatever. And then you know, I mean you

just continue to kind of follow that rabbit hole, to bringing it back to what is the truth and integrity when you take your story and your you know kind of projections around it out. Speaker 1: 15:15 And actually even before that I would say is like do you want to? Do you want to Do you want to? Does it matter to you? Do you want to find ways to have pleasure? Like for me, part of it is like I know I can have throat orgasms, so I'm like I want to find ways to have pleasure. Like for me, part of it is like I know I can have throat orgasms, so I'm like I want to find ways to bring myself to that pleasure. And ultimately, when we start to do that, like Jamie said, like it brings her immense amounts of pleasure and so we can actually allow ourselves to go those places. But we have to choose it first. Yeah, you have to want it. Speaker 2: 15:43 I mean, like this isn't like a go figure out how to get over your aversion to blow jobs if you have no interest in exploring that avenue and there's no judgment or expectation of that, like it's not, like oh you're bad, whatever. That's not what you want to do. We, you know, like create more spaces for Eros and intimacy and sexual connection and pleasure and optimizing that on our lives. I mean, like I'm assuming you do too, but I find that when I'm in that energy and I have access to that and I clear any blocks to that, that blows into every aspect of my life. That flows into business, that flows into parenting, that flows into money, that flows into all of it. You know so. And not to mention, the relationship is juicier and more alive and more connected when that energy is flowing you're doing this for your partner and you feel resentful about it. Speaker 1: 16:49 a lot of times what happens? I? I know like I've heard many stories of people who are doing this for their partner both sides of it, by the way, whether whichever side you're on man or woman, yeah, whatever body you're in um that if you're resentful for for giving to your partner, then that doesn't turn you on and it actually will go the opposite way of what we're talking about here with Eros right. Speaker 1: 17:11 And when you're in this space of choosing into it because it does bring both of you pleasure, like honest to goodness, like why would you not start your day that way? And then your magnetism is fricking, turned on and like one of the things Jamie and I talk a lot about here is, and in life is to live a life led by pleasure or be turned on in your life. And when we say this, like people look at me. I'm, like I literally like I'm actually in the middle of writing, of coaching book writing week, so I help write. Speaker 1: 17:37 This week we have 28 authors coming through writing a book in a week and what I often say in book writing week to me it is one of the most turned on experiences of my life. Like it is such a creative flow and I write books and I move even in the most mucky, hard places. I will move

from one orgasm to the next and people are like what I'm like quite, quite literally, Like I am so turned on in my joy of getting to do what I love doing in my life that I want to have orgasms. Yeah, and this is how this happens is like do the things that turn you on? Speaker 1: 18:10 And if it's not turning, you want to do it, yeah Right, first of all, just ask the question, like anywhere in your life, anywhere in your life this isn't even just about oral sex, right, like? If anything in your life isn't turning you on, why not? Are you doing it out of like, because you're obligated to do something? If you are checking with yourself, then why are you doing it? Speaker 2: 18:28 Yeah, and this is literally the creation of your own reality. I mean, like this is it? The thing is happening, like you know, like you're doing whatever it is you're choosing to do, but you get to frame it in a way that serves you Right. You can frame it as an obligation and a pain in the ass. You can serves you right. You can frame it as an obligation and a pain in the ass. You can frame it as a beautiful opportunity and a turn on. Speaker 2: 18:50 And and here's the other thing I just want to point out like eros and pleasure and this, like this turn on we're talking about, is not necessarily sexual. It does not have to funnel into intercourse. It is life force, it isess, it is our connection to, like creation, energy, and oftentimes it does end up sexual because that energy is flowing and it opens you and it, you know it, it facilitates that, but it's it's also I mean, I know I've been in super turned on erotic spaces that aren't, that aren't sexual at all. You know, with celibate people like this, idea of being well fucked has nothing to do. You do not need to be partnered to be well fucked. It is an internal energy that you harness and occupy and utilize in life. Speaker 1: 19:36 Yeah, I'll actually speak to that in the fact that I was married for years, not sexual, and I mean we were married for years. The last few years we were not sexually active with each other and in those years are the times that I spent so much time cultivating my own sexuality and my own sensuality and I'd have people come to me all over the place, jamie, and I would laugh. I'd talk to her about this, I would have clients come to me, friends come to me. All these different people and you probably, listening to this, have actually said this to me Carrie you are one of the most sensual sexual beings I've ever met. I've heard it so many times in the last few years and I just laugh because I'm like you guys realize I wasn't having sex right, and I say this because it's so freaking important to understand that it has nothing to do with another person. Speaker 1: 20:48 No-transcript, but maybe quote unquote should be. Yeah, and I'm going to say it is. It should be right, because orgasms should be, sex should be, and I'm like'm like I'm using the quotes right, and if

it's not like, why not? Do you want it to? And what are you willing to do to look within yourself? Because it is a personal journey. This has nothing to do with your partner, by the way. Speaker 1: 21:11 And, yes, it might have something to do with your partner. Speaker 2: 21:13 Well, and ultimately, oftentimes that is where it goes If you have a partner, because I think that as human beings we do, we enjoy pleasure, like and, but it's not, it's not required. And I think this is exactly where we want to break this idea of normal, because normal really is a disconnect from this life force, energy. It is very much been compartmentalized to this private, one monogamous partner and that's the only place that it's acceptable. Very religious conditioning in this, like sex, is for procreation and for connection with a single monogamous partner, and that's it. And I can see the control pattern that exists in that when you disconnect humans from our creation, life force, energy, that is the erotic, like ecstatic current, we're disconnected from ourselves in massive ways. You know, so I understand that containment, um in, in creating. You know systems of control and um, manageability and whatever, whatever you know, whatever the reason may have been, whatever, whatever you know, whatever the reason may have been. And it's really hard to break that conditioning and really lean into the layers of shame and ideas around what's appropriate and acceptable. And this doesn't mean free for all, fuck everybody. There's still discernment, there is still cultivation, there's still trust and intimacy, um around that. Speaker 2: 22:42 I'm still very, very particular about who I would engage in, and I mean, in fact, I've only had intercourse with Kyle for the last 21 years, although I've, you know, been in a lot of spaces and I've I've explored emotional intimacy and flirting and shared pictures and all of that sort of stuff. But I am, I am very picky about who I, you know, share intimacy, physical intimacy with, and I think that, yeah, untangling the idea of what sexuality or erotic or ecstatic energy is from this idea of sex and monogamy and intercourse is powerful. Speaker 1: 23:28 Yeah, and I think the other thing I want to add in here too, on top of every amazing thing you've already said, is like one of the things that I started to really feel my heart felt really sad about as I've talked to more and more women around intimacy with their partners over the last few years, has been how many women outsource their turn on to their man right, only if he turns me on. I'm like sweetheart. Speaker 1: 23:52 Yeah, that's love like in your hands, yeah right, you know, and it's like my partner's like here you're always turned on. I'm like, well, yeah, but I don't need you to turn me on. Like you do turn me on and like you come in the part. Speaker 2: 24:02 I'm like, I want I am in charge of my turn off right. Speaker 1: 24:07 Yeah, because I am already turned on in myself. Speaker 2: 24:10 Yeah, and we do. We spend a lot of time cultivating that and prioritizing that and protecting that. Really, you know and I think men have a lot to learn too you know, like I don't have a lot of conversations because I will share when things come up, or you know old stories or whatever, and I was like, wow, I never knew that. So there is some responsibility on our part to also be communicating with our partners and inviting them into meeting our needs in that way. Speaker 1: 24:39 And like there's so many layers to this, I think that there are lots of episodes, yeah, yeah, because it is like the conversation between, because every and it is, you know what everybody's different, every man is different, everyone is different and what turns them off doesn't like we could do things that we think intentionally. We're like, oh my God, that's totally a turn on for you and it's like actually that turns me totally off. Speaker 2: 24:59 Yeah, and so there is conversations around that episode on it, yep, and I will say to our morning blow drops. I don't even get in bed, like I'm still laying in bed, and he just walks over the edge of the bed. It's, it's perfect, you know. Perfect arrangement, perfect levels. You know, I can just stay relaxed and usually, like, roll back over and go back to sleep or whatever. Um, he goes off to work. You know, it's like it's. I think it's beautiful, I love it, I think it's a great way to start the day. Um, I do think that we should discuss so we've discussed, like, sharing this protection of, but so I think we should do a separate episode on that, because that's a whole different like where we are on time. Speaker 1: 25:46 Yeah, we probably. True, that's true, let's do some shorter episodes. Speaker 2: 25:49 So next time, actually, we'll stop this right now. We'll do the next episode. So tune in for the next one, because we're going to talk about ejaculation and semen retention and our personal journeys with it. Ok, so, sorry. Anything else you want to say about? Speaker 1: 26:03 penises and I was like, sorry the teeth of thinking we're going to get this in this conversation. You have to wait till the next one. I will say we said a lot today, like and I know like oftentimes we try and give some tips and tricks and different things I don't actually know Like, today was very like, oh my God, we just have to talk about this, yeah, so if you do have questions, if you're like, oh my God, you triggered the fuck out of me. Like I can't even believe you're talking about this, I'm pissed off at you. Speaker 1: 26:32 Whatever the thing is, yeah, or oh my God, oh my God, this is so amazing, I want some that. And we didn't get far enough into it. And you're like I don't understand what you're talking about. Please do reach out to us like this is a huge love of ours to talk about and support people in. Yeah, so, um, yeah,

that's what I want to finish saying like I know that we've really just had a really deeply, quite intense conversation that could trigger the fuck out of a lot of you, um, and we're here for it and we love you, yeah, yeah it's welcome because we were there too. Speaker 1: 27:04 Yeah right, we were both there too. Speaker 2: 27:06 So yeah, I mean like how many you know? However, many years ago, I was definitely the one that was like, oh my god, I would never ask, look or want to show pictures. What now? I'm like how do we start a channel where we can share all the erotic pictures, all of the sexy stories, like? Speaker 1: 27:26 I want to make, by the way, by the way, she did do that we do have a sexy selfies group where that's like started a whole thing and she actually does teach sexy selfies. So, by the way, that doesn't, and I want to, I want to expand it, I want to make it co-ed, I want to create space because I think, and she, actually does teach sexy selfies. Speaker 2: 27:42 So, by the way, that doesn't. And I want to, I want to expand it, I want to make it co-ed, I want to create space, because I think that all of us have a desire to be seen and witnessed in our fullness and in our eros, and there's something so liberating and so expansive in that, like it's healing on a lot of levels and it does bring up a lot of shit. So you know, like there's there's work and pleasure in that. Speaker 1: 28:05 So yeah, that's actually. We'll add to that and just say if you are actually wanting to do sexy self things with Jamie, do reach out to her, because it truly has been part of probably one of the most healing parts of my journey and I was triggered as hell to start this journey. I did not like my body when she first started teaching me how to take the pictures. I was so like I don't want to say I want to say there's a little embarrassed. There was a lot of shame in the roles, the different things, and now, the more that I do it, I'm like, oh my God, I feel so freaking, sexy and gorgeous and it's totally changed my life. And it doesn't matter what size you are, what shape you are Like. There is a way you are, yeah, there is a way for you to feel and look absolutely fricking, sexy and gorgeous in pictures, naked clothes. However, you want to do it. Jamie is so amazing at this, so please do reach out to her and join whenever she decides to do her next group. Speaker 1: 28:57 Maybe this will entice her to do yeah, maybe it will A generator responders like, okay, let's do this, All right, let's close it and then, and then we'll hit record again so you guys can have the next week We'll be on uh, ejaculation semen retention. Speaker 2: 29:16 Okay, all right. If you enjoyed this show, let us know. We're all about authentic connections, so come chat with us on social media or email. Speaker 1: 29:27 links are listed in the show notes and please make sure to subscribe to the podcast on your favorite platform and share the magic on your socials.