We don’t like to be stressed out. Does anyone? Actually, it all depends on how you frame it. Studies have shown that if you can think of your stress response as preparing you for adversity and getting you ready, rather than as an unhealthy response, that stress will actually become less unhealthy for you.
But how do you do that? That’s exactly what we tackle in this episode. Listen to fall back in love with sweaty palms and racing heartbeats.
Hosted by Kelton Wright, Alex Pompliano & Jennifer Azlant
United States


00:00:03hey and welcome to head faces podcast what has been guided meditation for everybody and what the pack well ahead Face Pack is a series of guided meditation centered around a specific topic like motivation or sleep or focus and like a book club we're going to trial each pack and report back to what we learned hopefully finding new favorites for us and helping the issues your next pack
00:00:30hey welcome to the podcast I'm countin and today we are talking about rest you guys feeling stressed no did people feel stress is that isn't going to be relatable topic for a lot of people stressing me out. I feel stressed I'm human I feel stressed I'm not stressed in this moment though I would say that I am almost always at least 10% stressed that seems right
00:01:13well if you like it more of a personality trait to me than it does a problem is she awake then she might be a little bit stressed yeah I've learned in this pack the stress pack that stress means different things to different people so you're calling stress I might not even be able to relate to it so maybe tomorrow at the education worry not maybe not the two descriptors of stress in the way that people experience that one was tired fatigue illness that does not seem like it describes how you feel he has no keep going the other with agitation worry or sadness that also doesn't seem right leg okay yeah when I'm when I identify as stressed out I am usually whooped
00:02:10it's like all cylinders all the gas being used when I'm nearing empty and I can't see a gas station that I am stressed and is it what I wouldn't give for a gas station right now
00:02:27I've been thinking about this a lot because I didn't do the stress pack for a very long time I did anxiety I did happiness I did productivity I did regret accepting kindness generosity relationships I mean I just never was like I need to stress. It was always like other symptoms and I never attached to the idea that I had stress and that could be causing all these other issues so I am mostly here to hear you guys talk about stress cuz I'm still kind of working it out and I think maybe I'll discover some things on this conversation so I think it's interesting that you say when you're stressed out you feel fatigued cuz I find stress I mean like the stress is good to certain extent right and left for me like stress fuels me to you know get things done so when you say you're fatigued you're just like I'm stressed you want to take a nap or
00:03:27you're just like I'm done with everything and when I feel stressed I want to delete all my social accounts walk out of the office and never look back and never speak to anyone in my life ever again that's how I just want to get in my truck in the woods and set up tents
00:03:50I like that yeah stress can like make me want to like this as she ate like a little bit to you like just like put on a mask in like just not have to face anybody but I hear what you're saying no about the other could I guess there's like another pathway of stress that I I can feel and never really call it stress when your under deadline when you have a huge project that you see as achievable but time consuming and challenging that type of stresses I don't I don't call that stuff for me that's some stress for me that's motivation and like hype and getting psychics in like preparing for battle like it doesn't feel like stress to me stresses when I just I can't keep up yeah I think I similarly have two different modes of stress one of which is the deadline specific of wishing that I had two minutes for each minute or wishing that I had 2 hours for each task
00:04:50I needed to be done in the small amount of time and then the other is the fatigue the sort of laying down in traffic like
00:04:59now what I think my my size usually convey that right so I think it's kind of interesting that we both have two modes we each have two modes of stress experience you Josh
00:05:13yeah it was so we was what were the second said that you mentioned and sadness the ones that were ringing ringing true yeah like two feet
00:05:31not the feet I don't get like down on myself but I will irrationally worry and that's like when I'm sent out like my kind of worried spirals in like telling myself like like sewer wax or ease and butt and I also just get like sad and it's not like I like woe is me sad it's just like a feeling of sadness mostly know each other in the work contacts but how do you guys experience stress not in the office or not associated with work what's I like is there stress outside of the office and I can talk about our families I mean like they don't really like stressed me out
00:06:19yeah I can just like get off the phone then that stresses gopher I don't know I don't really feel as much stress it feels like I have more of a choice outside of work and so I don't feel stressed around those relationships as much really I have a lot of like you no hard feelings over around those things sometimes but dresses for me when it's a wrapped up in like obligations I guess like paying bills and stuff like that a lot of people must consider family an obligation but for me it's always been something that like if I didn't like them I could fully opt out of I love them luckily in relationships that I found to be unpleasant I've just kind of been like you don't deserve me and I don't serve you so I'm going to end this song Feeling obligation at all but I have to go into work and I have to go to a good job because I need health insurance that I need
00:07:19how to pay my rent and so that for me is we're the only place I really see stressed ignite is when it's compounded by not having control which is interesting I think at some point and you describe stress as the space between what's happening in the present reality versus what we would want her hope for it so I guess it kind of describes obligation and
00:07:44seating control like right up top and then it's back and yeah I wrote it down the stress is wanting to things to be different from what they are now and in doing this pack II really became apparent to me in our modern times how often I hear the words stress you know you're stressing me out I feel like stress has become somewhat like a boogie man for something so I can let you know I took to WebMD to really looks like like what is grass you know like I want to get to the root of it so I'm paraphrasing of a lengthy WebMD article but it's like stress is a chemical reaction the harmful situations like your heart rate increases muscles tighten blood pressure Rises is a Suzuki podcasting but like something interesting was like you know obviously we have stress because
00:08:44it's there for biological standpoint to like protect us from harmful situations so we can like act like it's like part of the whole fight or flight mode so I think that's like interesting in terms of just
00:08:58like kind of reframing that like you no stress isn't like just some like thing out the hot me it's like a biological thing that happens and it is there to protect me I mean fortunately I don't really I don't really have a woolly mammoths I come in at me you know I'm walking down the street but you know I my stress is triggered so I think you know cuz I'm not dealing with stuff like that I have to like we frame it that's like where the stress pack can come in like see you are like a scientist did you know that there has been Recent research that shows the way that you look at stress changes how it affects so if my heart rate Rises and I you know whatever other symptoms WebMD listed and I associate that with stress in a way where it's like that's going to give me a heart attack this is going to make me die younger it will but if you're like my heart rate is rising that means my body is getting prepared which means I can handle the situation better which means
00:09:58campsites and ready to go. The stress that you're feeling we'll actually not impact you in a negative way I am summarizing an article of a study so I could be getting this a little wrong but that is the gist for the way you look at your stress conduct how it affects you so cool I love that technique that is used throughout this for like the first part of this pack it's a 30-day Andy encourage you to visualize a steady flow of liquid Sunshine kind of washing away your attention which I I really like this this visualization and what time they will you were saying I think if you just you know doing this visualization you could recommend you doing it like throughout the day right whenever you're stressed and I actually did try to incorporate that in like maybe like two or three times I even if it was just a quick visualization I don't really know how those are like long noses
00:10:58the last 30 seconds did you schedule them in the right now that was on offer I didn't do it but I got no but I mean if it's okay or visualizing your stress kind of like you know your attention like washing away I mean it's like to me that's very like similar just being like I'm good like I got this like I'm ready to go and you're not setting yourself up to like you to play yourself stress and also, or contents and that we can come back to them and I think the fair was flash flash right so this talk was devised in three parts the first of which was foundational to sort of look more closely at the patterns that I nemec's and remember what it is
00:11:48to have that ease of call more stability the second was looking at the Dynamics that trigger stress the start of emotions behind and then what are internal Loops are of thinking stress thinking stressed thinking stress and also the way that those came to life physically right for sure for sure cuz that was the part identified with most was like when you can feel it in your body learning to associate that feeling or sensation with stress so that you can quicker deal with it exactly I think the description of training your mind like a puppy right you try to smile and say all look at you you did that thing again you don't figure it out yeah 6 months from now it'll be different stop shiting in the house when you feel stress in your body how does that like manifest itself with 52
00:12:46I feel it like mostly like in my head I'm at work right now I feel like my muscles like tensing up or anything like that or like sweating or like you know anything like that but I feel like all up here and then all the sudden your your thoughts are moving faster and even more circularly but yeah I think I think Nick up for sure that's my shoulders and
00:13:19maybe some sweaty Palms I can't not a tribute to sweat to death
00:13:24my son my jaw just clenching and now when I wake up in the morning I have to like slowly yawn because I have to unpop my job y'all know I recently went to the dentist to get impressions done because I have been clenching my teeth at the dentist very much like you need a night guard on crack your teeth and half like get this taken care of then I was like I'm like card isn't going to take care of this and that guard is just going to help deal with the symptoms I need to de-stress yeah I need to figure out what is making me clench my jaw so tightly in the night that I am moving it out of place we should charge that sweet man $700 for the stress pack yeah sign up dentist chipped a tooth from grinding earlier this year but first time ever I've never
00:14:24on my teeth in my sleep ever or like in real life and my job is kind of hurting. This one less stressful week just like didn't really know what it was about and maybe I'm just chewing really hard nowadays are you part of my molar just came out and I think it's kind of like a sparkling water and turn me off of a sparkling water for a while tripping because I put it in my mouth and play sparkling water and then I realized oh no like I started like Googling later and it's like is clear like oh I'm grinding my teeth tonight and blah blah blah
00:15:24what does the trying to push guard and it was super expensive like I can I can do better I can do better and I iced I really started ramping up my meditation and decreasing my text. You are wearing your valley girl jeans on route to set dental appointment yeah that was just a routine that cleaning no no more grinding I'm good I'm good now this other roommate or someone super lame I know but I told myself I was like oh I'm I'm going to do better dentist and I really did like just like actively they cut down my caffeine and I'm like really started meditating more and stop driving so I feel like there was a
00:16:24in my life the proximately 6 months ago when I was not this stressed out but my life is also been going through some like notable shifts that have caused me to like just be thinking about a different things I would not have thought about before and I think that there's just a period of getting used to that until like with the stress pack like first 10 days it was like allowing myself some calm and suck in 10 days it was like okay no ding when you're stressed and and noting your body's reactions to that and it's like this type of meditation to Andy teaches because it's very like you still feel your emotions you're allowed to be frustrated and angry but you just take a moment to be like okay that's frustration that's making you clench your jaws and sit like this so just you can still be frustrated just relax your body a little like don't bring your
00:17:24body into this is a thought let your brain handle it and like lay your body just like chill out you did not need to get involved and so those second 10 days was a lot of me just being like Oh can you stop that you stop that you stop that and that was valuable because I stole a lot of things to think about planning to do right now and you don't you don't ignore those things you just have to learn to prepare yourself better for them
00:17:54yeah it is against in the second section and asked us to note which emotion feels most prevalent in relation to stress and which emotion we seek or chase after most do y'all remember what what came up for you if you're willing to share
00:18:16I didn't actually land on any that's why I am asking you I didn't mean to me I related stress the stress from your frustration frustration is what causes me the most stress I think and it's like frustrated with myself frustrated with not knowing what's going on right choices I've made and things I'm not doing from stress to like existential spiral so that's like what I sociated with spiral curls are good in moderation I have a question for y'all there was a point in Breaking the stress Loop you know where you're like stressing about being stressed or Andy gives this option that you can to break the loop you can either do the visualization very quickly a flash a bit or you can focus on the tension in your body I believe
00:19:15employ that strategy and like which way did you go with it yeah we're into the section 3 now and
00:19:25I often went to the visualization first just because we have been practicing it and I was I was sort of getting it more in the swing of things and also probably because it's less comfortable to just be at the Disco sensation when it is so uncomfortable earlier I don't really have like many or lease that I noticed like physical manifestations of stress there's nothing really to like lean into I think I try for a little bit just kind of like stress home but I'm humming at my desk I don't know if that's like sometimes a little bit of stress can just like ignite a fire and I'm just like
00:20:24tension in my shoulders but that I don't know if it's from stress or just poor sleeping habits Lakeland into that a little bit but I didn't find that as hell full personal at the visualization breaking the loop I always went to the physical sensation release the jaw yeah because it was so easy to be like oh my jaws clenched and then to unclench at me like maybe that's just an ongoing symptom of being like a hypochondriac is that I just I really love these exercises that are like we associate with your body like to chat some new tricks behave I think at some point maybe toward the end and he talks about offering a fourth way for stress that we don't have to ignore it we don't have to get involved in it we don't have to resist it but instead we can just
00:21:21acknowledge it and bees full with it I don't know if that sort of speaks to finding the slack jaw but maybe a little bit pre-stressed pack how did y'all deal with stress like what what how did you recognize you were stressed in a way that made you deal with it and then how did you deal with it early in my life I was just one of those would be one of those people that just like I'm stressed out like today I don't talk to me which is like no way to live to the gym or something or I don't know
00:22:04like as opposed to being anxious or actually tired or you know like secretly motivated too long to address at so then 10 days after stress there's a migraine or 4 days after and the whole time you know you're stressed I don't know it okay so it's not waiting to acknowledge it then so much as it is not being aware of it yeah exactly it's exactly what Andy says which is that we tend to experience it in the extremes which is like an entire lack thereof or holyshit maxtrac clenched jaw migraine
00:22:43Thunder I would wait for it to accumulate and percolate and then and then it would be unable I would be unable to avoid it or like look away from it and I want to touch on your language of that though because you weren't waiting for it like that implies that you had like some agency in your choosing not to do anything about it you just weren't honored aware that it was percolating and so then you know it's like being on a dark road with unlike I have cars coming with no headlights like if it had headlights on and you just weren't getting out of the road then you've been waiting for it but this car your stress is coming up to you in the dark no headlights and it just pulls you over in your life
00:23:32so I think that had do you think the stress pack potentially could help you identify when it begins to simmer absolutely no doubt and especially because it is so thought
00:23:49provoking thought related to be like oh hey look that's frustration oh hey look that's resentment early on rather than letting it sort of
00:24:01Apple trend
00:24:04I think
00:24:08the way I I knew I was stressed in the past before the doing this pack and probably just before starting to meditate I think I'm like a pretty patient person like usually like I mean most the time but like when I was like stressed out and it could be like something so silly like I bought tickets to a movie online and then like friend bailed and then I had to like return them but it and then it's like oh you will you need to like a register like to return these tickets and then it's like I don't know like you know that you might I hate you know I just expect everything to be so streamline button on this app that lets me like a refund that my damn tickets in this age of convenience everything should be streamlined and most things are some
00:25:08very spoiled to an extent and so when things there's like a like a many steps that I can when I find things that have unnecessary steps it's it just seems so pointless and I'll find myself I'm using just one specific example but I would notice myself getting very impatient and it's just like that fuse is lit I got a short fuse I think from anything from that point on it's just like I'm impatient now now I don't like I really let myself get to that point cuz I don't I don't want to be like an impatient person I don't want to have a short fuse
00:25:48so have you practice now at integrating the idea of stress of others when you when you catch yourself in that moment was that something that would be useful or interesting to either of you I've been doing that for a long time that is number one rule of Los Angeles traffic is apply the aggravation you feel to what others may be feeling so anytime someone cuts you off it's like they just moved to Los Angeles last week from New York City they never driven a car they don't know what they're doing and they just kind of be like oh honey welcome to the city you get in there it is hard driving on this freeway like somebody gets in the wrong lane and you're like they're driving a lifter New Birth they are just trying to make ends me they're trying to get this done some jerk was like take me from Echo Park to Malibu and then and there in the wrong way
00:26:48stay in that line you do what you need to do I will let you in because obviously drives my husband and staying because he gets very irritated at people warmer driving and I'm like they have this dramatic heartbreaking story and he's like they don't they might not but it's like it's isn't it better to stand like imagine that they do I kind of I kind of like the same like philosophy you I'm just like you know a man like we're all just I'll just out here trying our best you know that person is trying their best I'm sure they didn't mean that thing they did to me like they did like even if they're the kind of person who is like I literally don't care that you want to be in this Lane you can go screw yourself like the person is so much hate in their heart that I just know it sucks I'm like I was that person raised right now
00:27:48and then I'm like I feel bad for them I don't know when drivers flip me off when I'm riding my bike which happens all the time drivers are like constantly like yelling at me to get out of the road and it's like I don't know if you've read the bylaws about cycling in California but this is totally fine but I just wave and I just blow kisses my things thank you good to see you while you're too you're welcome on a bike ride anytime love to show you the ropes
00:28:19I love that
00:28:21I mean you can't let that that hate percolate in yourself you can you can but then then like I'm all for stress if it's earned is there some type of shit going on in your life but if you allow stress into the pot when it was not a ingredient in that recipe then like that's on you yeah I love. I love you Daddy I'm listening to grab not just when you're feeling a specific amount of stress but just here and there may be too and not get degree but like if even if I just put some bad energy out into the world like I come home I take that home with me and I'm just like like I put some bad energy out in the world like I don't know it is since I can I don't feel good about it says like what you know it didn't do good to that person or whoever
00:29:21invenergy out Sears in the head is negative interaction with this like who's that helping and then I come home I'm like why did I choose to inflict that another people I could have just been positive and you know maybe been lying a little bit but hopefully convincing myself and creating a happier atmosphere for other people but I don't know sometimes it's really hard Escape that misery loves company Loop yeah yeah I think Andy speaks about finding the balance between stress and empathy compassion altruism but I think overall speaking to are y'all are at least what I'm thinking about is the idea of the other side of this being generosity just kind of like recognizing that
00:30:08I don't think we have a choice about whether or not we are stressed we feel stressed we continue the feedback loop of stress that we also have the option when we see other people and you know precarious spot to be generous with the option not to be to allow for them to also be stressed yeah I was thinking less about you in that situation essentially thinking less about what their actions made mean about how they're thinking about you or perceive you and more like this is nothing to do with me this person has all of these potential stressor their life that you may know nothing about like it's so much easier to talk to someone who's in like so stressed out and to talk them out of the weeds then it is to like talk yourself out of a stressful situation oh yeah weird in that exercise in the stack of like imagining other people stress I was imagining
00:31:08and I was like all this got nothing to be stressed about their wonderful they'll be fine
00:31:15that to you and they're like all your weird delightful you got nothing to worry about your like you have no idea you don't know my life
00:31:23yeah yeah I think I'm so guilty of that I'll like if someone just like you know really in the weeds or something I'm just like you just look at the call you have to be grateful for you have your health you have your youth you know cetera cetera cetera but it's like I'm like oh yeah like I do but I don't know how better than make me feel I think I project like I'm saying this is this person this is surely going to make them feel so much better and so now after this pack after this pack learning that in fact things that can be helpful to do stress are the identifying with stress breaking the f-stop
00:32:13which tension would your advice be different now have you thought about how your advice might be different knowing what you know and what you've learned from this pack
00:32:23would you encourage people to find ways to the identify or to feel less isolated in their stress or two
00:32:35real stressed out in your like imagine my stress for a moment that is but I don't know if you're like that worse than you if you're giving advice to people that is not that no one wants to hear you know that's like that I would have the wisdom from this pack into a more colloquial way because I think if someone is really in the thick of some stress I do you know it's a 30-day pack you know I am not going to be able to consolidate all of that into a nice little chit-chat old people in the past only because this is something that I actively practice myself and I find help also I always disclaimer it with that and was like this is a thing that I do I don't work for you I pick a random day from history of my life
00:33:35like July 6th of 1998 and if I can't think of what was stressing me out that day within like 10 seconds then it just immediately washes me with relief cuz like I'm not going to remember I mean giant life events excluded but if you're like super stressed about a presentation or a phone call that kind of thing like
00:34:00like most things like life has a myriad of stresses everyday that you navigate and you're not going to remember most of them and I think two pocket faster so whatever it is that you were stressed about last month or quarter Termino yeah like wolf boy I wish I could be stressed about some at texting me back
00:34:22have that be the problem
00:34:27I know right like you there should be like a reminder it's like what were you stressed out in this day like this many months ago or this year ago like most likely you won't remember unless it was like a tragic life of woman you like one of the times I did that I was like all that's the day that my account got eaten by a mountain line and then I'm like oh whatever I was just thinking about doesn't stress me out at all like it's it's funny that it is the date thing works both ways for me cuz it was either like I can't remember it so that applies to this event or I can remember it and that means this event is like meeting
00:35:06all right y'all so
00:35:08step one noticed you are stressed step to break the loop and step 3 develop some empathy step all of this distress back and then General next steps let us know know how you distress you don't know about your Loops we want to know about your job as we want to know it all subscribe to Radiohead space and leave a review tell us Which packs you want to hear about we are here for you
00:35:40tell us if you prefer Josh or Alex way in in the comments and I'm willing to consider to change my name but not the Josh no offense then I would love to all right y'all thank you for listening and I hope this is not a stressful week for you and if it is you've got it

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