Full Transcript for 3 Ways to Support a Friend or Spouse Through Infertility

00:04:38.720 I was like, Okay. 00:04:39.279 --> 00:04:43.600 But he like kindly was just like, I will help you, but like you can't sit, you can't sit here. 00:04:43.759 --> 00:04:46.959 Like that doesn't do anything positive. 00:04:47.439 --> 00:05:00.800 Um, so that was probably the number one way, just those the stories of women like Sarah and now their names are leaving my head, like Samson's mother, even people whose like names we didn't even know in scripture, but walked through it. 00:05:00.959 --> 00:05:04.399 Um, and think about their time period, like right. 00:05:04.560 --> 00:05:05.040 I know. 00:05:05.279 --> 00:05:08.720 I think they would put you like in a tent somewhere, like out in a field. 00:05:08.879 --> 00:05:09.360 I don't know. 00:05:09.439 --> 00:05:15.519 I think they like the the thinking of it though is more like you go, like I don't know. 00:05:15.680 --> 00:05:25.439 So just now, all of the resources and all of the truth we have to like back what God really says about us through this journey, I think is a game changer. 00:05:25.680 --> 00:05:26.639 Yes, yeah. 00:05:26.879 --> 00:05:39.439 I definitely want to talk about the our hope Bible study for 1212 because that's such a great resource because you talked about the ladies in the Bible and our Bible study, you guys, it talks through all of those ladies. 00:05:39.600 --> 00:05:44.319 So, like Hannah, Rebecca, Sarah, even the Schumannite woman. 00:05:44.480 --> 00:05:46.959 Um it's just like it's so good. 00:05:47.120 --> 00:05:49.360 So you guys have to grab that Bible study. 00:05:49.439 --> 00:05:51.040 We're actually gonna do Bible study. 00:05:51.120 --> 00:05:54.240 Hey, woohoo! Totally forgot about this in May. 00:05:54.399 --> 00:06:01.920 I can't remember the date, you guys, but we are gonna go like live through through this Bible study because I know we all need some hope, man. 00:06:02.079 --> 00:06:02.800 Yes, I do. 00:06:03.120 --> 00:06:03.920 I would love to do that. 00:06:04.000 --> 00:06:10.720 That would be what's really cool too is I feel like you and I kind of bonded on that because that was something the Lord put on my heart, and you were like, actually, I already made it. 00:06:10.800 --> 00:06:12.319 And I was like, Well, of course you did. 00:06:12.480 --> 00:06:16.399 That's just she already did it and it was done and like packaged and pretty. 00:06:16.560 --> 00:06:18.079 Um, but I love that. 00:06:18.319 --> 00:06:35.120 And then the second thing that just really impressed upon my heart with like how to walk alongside someone um was being a sounding board, but also giving them the freedom and the authority to like not attend like a baby shower if it's gonna put you in a funky spot. 00:06:35.199 --> 00:06:39.199 Or I don't know, don't you don't have to say yes to that stuff. 00:06:39.439 --> 00:06:42.160 And it's okay for you to be like, it's not good for me right now. 00:06:42.319 --> 00:06:44.959 Like it's not the best choice for me to make

for myself. 00:06:45.199 --> 00:06:49.199 Um yeah, that was something that I figured out later in the game. 00:06:49.839 --> 00:06:54.399 Or I would tell my like the friend and be like, I love you, I just can't today. 00:06:54.879 --> 00:07:01.680 Yeah, and their response was actually really healing and like so like I appreciate I would like celebrate it from afar, send a gift. 00:07:01.759 --> 00:07:06.160 Most of the time I would end up going still, but um, sometimes I didn't. 00:07:06.319 --> 00:07:08.319 Yeah, but still to verbalize that. 00:07:08.399 --> 00:07:10.560 So so I just want to unpack really quick. 00:07:10.720 --> 00:07:24.000 So, but the sounding board, you mean like you just you need to make space for your person, your spouse, your friend to be able to come to you and and be honest and to share, like, hey, today is not it's not a good day. 00:07:24.240 --> 00:07:40.399 Or, you know, I can't do that, but just making space and room for that person to to be open and honest with you and not judgmental or just like, hey, you're my friend, you're supposed to understand this, you know, or hey, you're my husband, you're supposed to understand what I'm feeling. 00:07:40.560 --> 00:07:47.600 And, you know, that's not always the case, but just, you know, again, making room, making space for for your person. 00:07:47.920 --> 00:07:48.160 Yes. 00:07:48.319 --> 00:08:12.800 And I think, I mean, in my mind, while you're talking, I'm thinking about, I just think that like disarms the enemy in our minds because it's it's breaking down the lie of like, okay, your friend has a baby, you're trying to have like, I think it just totally dissolves those those barriers and makes like an even playing field of like just that love and that support, even with your like and even with your husband, I think it can be really freeing. 00:08:12.959 --> 00:08:19.600 Yeah, like whatever he's going through that he might not know how to verbalize, but you being vulnerable can really break down those walls. 00:08:21.120 --> 00:08:21.680 For sure. 00:08:22.000 --> 00:08:22.800 Really love that. 00:08:22.959 --> 00:08:24.319 Yes, too, yes. 00:08:24.560 --> 00:08:25.040 Yes. 00:08:25.360 --> 00:08:26.959 Okay, I know you have another point. 00:08:27.040 --> 00:08:28.160 I know you do, Holly. 00:08:28.399 --> 00:08:34.080 I mean I was kind of like, Lord, what do you want me to say? 00:08:34.399 --> 00:08:36.080 Um, I think so. 00:08:36.159 --> 00:08:39.440 We were married about eight, eight or nine years before you had Kenny. 00:08:39.679 --> 00:08:47.200 And um, I think I just thought marriage would be I thought like having babies and all that would be like swift and easy. 00:08:47.440 --> 00:08:52.720 And I feel like not in a mean way, but I feel like the Lord just reminded me that it takes it takes work. 00:08:52.799 --> 00:08:54.960 You've got to plow that field to see the harvest. 00:08:55.120 --> 00:09:10.879 Yes, and just to remind those marriages that have been in it a while or that have just kind of struggled through the waiting that the Lord has equipped you and your husband to walk through it and that each of your skill sets will be a strength at a different time to navigate it. 00:09:11.039 --> 00:09:13.600 Yeah, um, like you're in it as a team, you're not by yourself. 00:09:13.759 --> 00:09:17.440 Just because you're the one laying on the table really awkwardly doesn't mean that you're alone. 00:09:17.600 --> 00:09:20.080 Like he's your spouse is in it with you. 00:09:20.240 --> 00:09:28.480 So I think that just that reminder of you're not alone, you can you can do this, but um, I know it's hard sometimes too. 00:09:28.639 --> 00:09:58.399 Yeah, and I I I I love that you said that because even just on the the opposite side of that, I think um, you know, not necessarily just the husband being like, hey, I I'm I'm walking with this too, but even just allowing your husband to walk alongside you in that, instead of just being like, I'm going through this, this is me, you know, and just being like, Hey, we we are going through this, and just allowing him to walk alongside you, you know, during the journey, the good, the bad, those, those hard days. 00:09:58.639 --> 00:09:58.960 Yes. 00:09:59.039 --> 00:10:02.960 And I think too, there's some really healing moments where John would speak things. 00:10:03.120 --> 00:10:04.080 I might cry when talk about this. 00:10:04.159 --> 00:10:08.879 I'm gonna try not to, but I remember him being like, I like baby or no baby, I picked you. 00:10:09.039 --> 00:10:18.799 Like that was not the foundational piece of like the why, but just that healing, those healing words of like, regardless of what this looks like, like I chose you. 00:10:19.039 --> 00:10:31.440 Yeah, I didn't, you know, and it's I think that made us a lot stronger to weather the storms of all of the things, but just to hear that and to because the enemy will say all sorts of stuff when you're going through it, like, oh well try it. 00:10:31.519 --> 00:10:33.039 Yeah, he will for real try it. 00:10:33.440 --> 00:10:52.879 Crafty little stinker, that guy, but um just that reminder of like your spouse chose you not based on the status of your uterus, he chose you because you and like none of all of that is just a bonus or an extra, but yeah, that reminder to me was I don't know who needed to hear that, but somebody did. 00:10:53.759 --> 00:10:54.559 I'm with it. 00:10:54.720 --> 00:10:55.279 That was good. 00:10:55.840 --> 00:10:56.480 Thanks, friend. 00:10:56.879 --> 00:10:57.200 Thank you. 00:10:57.360 --> 00:11:11.759 I know, and I think we I mean, I think we touched on this too, but you know, I think for both sides, like you know, person walking through infertility or or their support system of still just like speaking up, you know. 00:11:12.000 --> 00:11:14.960 Yes, speak up and ask for what you need. 00:11:15.279 --> 00:11:16.240 Absolutely, yeah. 00:11:16.320 --> 00:11:27.440 Even just in like in

friendships, in your doctor's appointments, in your marriage, like yeah, don't stuff that stuff down because I think it just makes it way more painful and way more isolating. 00:11:27.519 --> 00:11:35.120 But you got to tell your people and you have you know the friends that you can tell the details to, and they'll have good sound advice. 00:11:35.200 --> 00:11:37.200 And then you know the ones that like can't handle it. 00:11:37.360 --> 00:11:47.600 So just finding those like safe, true, yes, like really strong, I don't know, firm, firmly planted believing friends to walk with you through this. 00:11:48.159 --> 00:11:49.200 Yes, I know. 00:11:49.440 --> 00:11:52.720 In fertility is so hard, it's so hard. 00:11:52.960 --> 00:11:57.360 It can be a really, really lonely, lonely space, you know. 00:11:57.440 --> 00:12:03.759 But just again, I think the biggest reminder, you know, again for us is just like, hey, you are not alone. 00:12:04.000 --> 00:12:08.320 Yes, you know, don't don't do this alone, don't walk this path alone. 00:12:08.559 --> 00:12:15.279 You know, there is a community, there are communities out there that can that can support you through through this journey. 00:12:15.360 --> 00:12:26.799 And it is a journey for sure, you know, and instead of really thinking about, hey, it's about the the outcome, you know, just like, hey, what is the Lord doing in and through me? 00:12:26.960 --> 00:12:27.840 And that's hard. 00:12:27.919 --> 00:12:30.559 That that's like that's every day hard. 00:12:30.799 --> 00:12:34.879 Um, you know, I know that I said that really easy, but it's hard to live out. 00:12:35.120 --> 00:12:35.600 Oh my goodness. 00:12:35.840 --> 00:12:37.919 You know, it's just so hard to live out. 00:12:38.080 --> 00:12:42.480 But then, you know, again, just remembering you are not alone and don't do this alone. 00:12:42.720 --> 00:12:43.120 Amen. 00:12:43.279 --> 00:13:01.759 Yeah, I think I I blocked out like the really hard parts of our story, but then I think the Lord will like remind me of something or like something someone said, or even just like the text message to the friend that's going through it of like, I don't know where you're at in treatment, I don't know where you're at, like in your cycle, just that like touch point of like I'm praying for you and I love you. 00:13:01.840 --> 00:13:04.080 Yeah, I haven't walked where you're walking, but I'm here. 00:13:04.240 --> 00:13:10.080 I think that is such a valuable piece to really walking through anything difficult, but especially this. 00:13:10.720 --> 00:13:11.360 Yes. 00:13:11.600 --> 00:13:15.600 So yeah, send the text, send the send it, send the encouragement, do it. 00:13:15.759 --> 00:13:17.519 You'll regret it if you don't. 00:13:19.519 --> 00:13:25.519 Hey friends, I hope you enjoyed that throwback episode of the Purpose Beyond Motherhood podcast. 00:13:25.759 --> 00:13:30.399 We are praying for you this week during National Infertility Awareness Week. 00:13:30.480 --> 00:13:47.120 So don't forget, visit we r1212.org to check out all of the events that we have going on for you, uh, but also visit our website to get connected, make a donation, or jump into our virtual community. 00:13:47.360 --> 00:13:51.759 We look forward to seeing you next time on the Purpose Beyond Motherhood podcast.