Full Transcript for S01 EP13: Daisy May Cooper

got. 80 00:03:10.740 --> 00:03:15.099 To stand up for capitalism. I'll tell you what I 81 00:03:15.090 --> 00:03:16.580 hate the most is, could I have a Coke? And 82 00:03:16.599 --> 00:03:18.740 they always go at the hipster places, oh, we do 83 00:03:18.800 --> 00:03:21.780 our own Coca-Cola? Well, I'll tell you now, it'll be shit. 84 00:03:21.800 --> 00:03:24.000 It'll taste like medicine, put some sugar in it, or 85 00:03:24.020 --> 00:03:24.979 just buy the proper stuff. 86 00:03:25.199 --> 00:03:26.860 Do you know the worst is when they make their 87 00:03:26.900 --> 00:03:29.620 own baked beans? Absolutely disgusting. 88 00:03:29.719 --> 00:03:30.199 Insane. 89 00:03:30.219 --> 00:03:32.319 That is not a process that needs to ever be 90 00:03:32.360 --> 00:03:34.699 done outside of the Heinz factory forevermore. 91 00:03:34.840 --> 00:03:37.520 Certain things should be made by certain people. Beans should 92 00:03:37.539 --> 00:03:40.360 be Heinz, tomato ketchup should be Heinz, and the zip, 93 00:03:40.740 --> 00:03:42.219 all zips, YKK. 94 00:03:42.400 --> 00:03:42.580 Yeah. 95 00:03:43.650 --> 00:03:46.930 I've never seen another zip brand. YKK have got the 96 00:03:46.969 --> 00:03:47.770 monopoly on zips. 97 00:03:47.990 --> 00:03:49.669 I've never considered the zip brand before. 98 00:03:49.889 --> 00:03:51.240 Check your zip. Always the same. 99 00:03:51.530 --> 00:03:53.419 Everyone at home is currently checking their zips, so we 100 00:03:53.439 --> 00:03:55.560 should just fall silent for the next 15 seconds while 101 00:03:55.580 --> 00:03:56.639 people are checking their zips. 102 00:03:56.659 --> 00:03:57.960 That's not the kind of thing I would have done 103 00:03:57.979 --> 00:04:01.810 when I was the pair of comedy clubs. Check your zips, guys. 104 00:04:01.840 --> 00:04:03.430 And everyone unzipping and going, ooh. 105 00:04:03.830 --> 00:04:07.650 Madness. So you felt a bit sad. How many days 106 00:04:07.669 --> 00:04:08.349 are they going back for? 107 00:04:08.699 --> 00:04:11.310 Three days, so Monday, Wednesday, Friday, they go in. 108 00:04:11.729 --> 00:04:13.490 Yeah, it felt a bit, but I'm over that now, 109 00:04:13.509 --> 00:04:14.909 but there was a little moment when me and Lou 110 00:04:14.930 --> 00:04:16.649 just looked at each other and was like, oh, and 111 00:04:16.670 --> 00:04:19.290 it felt a bit like, a bit guilty, but not guilty. 112 00:04:19.310 --> 00:04:21.569 I think, I know, I can understand people's anxieties, but 113 00:04:21.600 --> 00:04:24.160 we haven't got anyone that's shielding or anyone that's, at 114 00:04:24.240 --> 00:04:25.519 risk of coronavirus. 115 00:04:25.560 --> 00:04:26.199 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 116 00:04:26.500 --> 00:04:28.660 But their mental health, I think, is better for the girls. 117 00:04:28.899 --> 00:04:30.879 What were the other parents like? Did you have to 118 00:04:30.899 --> 00:04:33.100 do a special kind of drop-off because we had to, like, 119 00:04:33.139 --> 00:04:33.779 book a time and stuff? 120 00:04:33.800 --> 00:04:36.350 No, it was all at 10, but only one parent. 121 00:04:36.370 --> 00:04:37.629 So Lou went, I didn't go. 122 00:04:37.649 --> 00:04:40.509 And that were just, yeah, all lined up and all 123 00:04:40.529 --> 00:04:42.870 the kids were sort of behaving and lined up and 124 00:04:42.910 --> 00:04:44.709 went in. And we just told them that it's slightly 125 00:04:44.750 --> 00:04:46.589 different now because there's some germs, so we need to 126 00:04:46.629 --> 00:04:48.970 make sure everyone's clean. So, you know, you've got to 127 00:04:49.029 --> 00:04:50.360 go in and wash your hands and stuff like that. 128 00:04:50.389 --> 00:04:51.920 So, yeah, it was good. Very, very. 129 00:04:52.269 --> 00:04:54.279 I felt good. It was like productive and moving in 130 00:04:54.300 --> 00:04:54.959 the right direction. 131 00:04:55.139 --> 00:04:58.079 It's amazing. You wait for three months for something and 132 00:04:58.100 --> 00:05:00.720 then you're kind of paralysed by it the moment it happens. 133 00:05:00.779 --> 00:05:00.980 Yeah. 134 00:05:01.139 --> 00:05:03.920 It's like, think how much you've dreamed of this day, Rob. 135 00:05:03.939 --> 00:05:05.459 It's like losing your virginity. 136 00:05:05.600 --> 00:05:07.759 You want it so bad, but when you get there, 137 00:05:07.800 --> 00:05:09.079 it's empty and emotionless. 138 00:05:09.319 --> 00:05:11.079 And you end up having a Nando's afterwards. 139 00:05:11.100 --> 00:05:12.779 Yeah, you end up crying and having a Nando's. 140 00:05:12.899 --> 00:05:15.680 Do you want to hear from some of our listeners? 141 00:05:15.879 --> 00:05:23.689 Yes, please. It's the Lockdown Parody Mailbag. But it's actually 142 00:05:23.709 --> 00:05:24.649 emails and there's no bag. 143 00:05:26.639 --> 00:05:30.740 Okay, this is called Toothbrush Incident. My story relates to 144 00:05:30.779 --> 00:05:34.449 our two-and-a-half-year-old daughter. She's recently moved from the cot to 145 00:05:34.490 --> 00:05:37.889 a toddler bed. So we're still at cot level. I 146 00:05:37.910 --> 00:05:39.810 don't really know what age we're meant to move on 147 00:05:39.850 --> 00:05:42.089 to the next level. When she can scale the wall. 148 00:05:42.329 --> 00:05:44.870 Yeah, basically, just keep them trapped as long as possible. 149 00:05:45.129 --> 00:05:47.069 Yeah, because I don't think she realises there's any other 150 00:05:47.149 --> 00:05:48.829 option at the moment, so why would I present her 151 00:05:48.850 --> 00:05:49.089 with it? 152 00:05:49.149 --> 00:05:51.120 Oh, no, she's not aware of beds, is she? Do 153 00:05:51.139 --> 00:05:52.759 you know what I mean? 154 00:05:52.800 --> 00:05:54.379 Don't let her get on Instagram if she sees them 155 00:05:54.620 --> 00:05:56.720 captain beds of slides for them lunatics. 156 00:05:57.160 --> 00:05:59.339 Her going on the Heels Instagram page and looking at 157 00:05:59.360 --> 00:06:00.110 all

their bed options. 158 00:06:00.879 --> 00:06:01.160 Yeah. 159 00:06:02.899 --> 00:06:05.600 But our youngest is in a bed, but she still 160 00:06:05.660 --> 00:06:07.220 treats it like a cot. When she wakes up in 161 00:06:07.240 --> 00:06:08.620 the morning, she still calls for us. 162 00:06:08.779 --> 00:06:09.300 Oh, really? 163 00:06:09.319 --> 00:06:11.199 And we go in, and then we go, yeah, you 164 00:06:11.220 --> 00:06:12.920 can get up, and then she gets out. So she 165 00:06:12.959 --> 00:06:15.060 still has this psychological cot barrier. 166 00:06:15.120 --> 00:06:18.480 Well, I tell you, Catriona, who has emailed us, would 167 00:06:18.620 --> 00:06:22.620 absolutely love that. So her two-and-a-half-year-old, she recently moved from 168 00:06:22.639 --> 00:06:24.379 a cot to a toddler bed after she climbed out 169 00:06:24.399 --> 00:06:27.149 the cot, came downstairs, and surprised us one afternoon when 170 00:06:27.170 --> 00:06:29.449 she was supposed to be napping. That would terrify the 171 00:06:29.490 --> 00:06:30.310 shit out of me. 172 00:06:30.350 --> 00:06:30.470 Yeah. 173 00:06:32.050 --> 00:06:33.949 I did that to my mum when I was 18 174 00:06:33.949 --> 00:06:34.389 months old. 175 00:06:34.430 --> 00:06:36.610 She still talks about it as the worst thing that's 176 00:06:36.629 --> 00:06:37.509 ever happened to her in her life. 177 00:06:37.750 --> 00:06:44.920 I would prefer a burglar in that situation. 178 00:06:45.180 --> 00:06:45.779 Oh, my God. 179 00:06:45.959 --> 00:06:48.240 Right, previously a good sleeper. Since we went to the bed, 180 00:06:48.279 --> 00:06:49.860 she started to get up and come out of her 181 00:06:49.899 --> 00:06:52.600 room in the evening, usually to yell, Mummy, Daddy, I 182 00:06:52.660 --> 00:06:56.399 need a tapu, stroke water, stroke cuddle. On this particular evening, 183 00:06:56.939 --> 00:06:58.389 we had assumed she was asleep. 184 00:06:58.829 --> 00:06:59.230 However. 185 00:06:59.829 --> 00:07:02.709 When my husband went upstairs after about an hour after 186 00:07:02.730 --> 00:07:06.000 she'd gone to bed, he discovered our daughter sitting on 187 00:07:06.019 --> 00:07:08.620 the floor of our bathroom with a toothbrush in one 188 00:07:08.660 --> 00:07:11.259 hand and a tube of hemorrhoid cream in the other. 189 00:07:11.939 --> 00:07:12.480 Oh, God. 190 00:07:12.740 --> 00:07:14.579 She proceeded to tell him that she'd been brushing her 191 00:07:14.620 --> 00:07:18.620 teeth with Daddy's toothpaste and Daddy's toothbrush. To make matters worse, 192 00:07:18.660 --> 00:07:20.959 the toothbrushing question was when we used to scrub the 193 00:07:21.000 --> 00:07:22.259 mould off the bathroom tiles. 194 00:07:22.439 --> 00:07:23.199 Oh, my God. 195 00:07:23.370 --> 00:07:25.250 And to make things even worse, I noticed the water 196 00:07:25.269 --> 00:07:27.370 in the toilet was cloudy, so only it could assume 197 00:07:27.410 --> 00:07:30.230 she was dipping her toothbrush

into that oh. 198 00:07:30.250 --> 00:07:31.709 That's awful. 199 00:07:32.870 --> 00:07:34.870 Is that stomach gum territory. 200 00:07:34.750 --> 00:07:37.589 Needless to say removed all the cleaning products medication from 201 00:07:37.670 --> 00:07:39.529 reach on the bright side we don't expect her to 202 00:07:39.569 --> 00:07:43.430 develop bleeding gums anytime soon she didn't suffer any ill 203 00:07:43.569 --> 00:07:47.620 effects thank goodness That's the fear, isn't it? Yeah. That 204 00:07:47.699 --> 00:07:50.680 few hours afterwards when you're panicked about, have I fed 205 00:07:50.720 --> 00:07:51.620 them the wrong thing here? 206 00:07:51.860 --> 00:07:55.180 Yeah, but I thought mine drunk the pure alcohol and 207 00:07:55.199 --> 00:07:57.250 they hadn't. But I was like, well, we'll find out 208 00:07:57.259 --> 00:07:57.579 in a minute. 209 00:07:57.810 --> 00:08:01.689 That email, it's not much a waiting game, isn't it? 210 00:08:01.709 --> 00:08:02.449 Just watching it. 211 00:08:02.790 --> 00:08:05.170 It'd be worse to put Colgate up your arse if 212 00:08:05.189 --> 00:08:05.889 you've got piles. 213 00:08:07.439 --> 00:08:10.589 So you prefer to brush your teeth with hemorrhoid cream? 214 00:08:10.829 --> 00:08:12.990 If I had the two, I'd rather brush my teeth 215 00:08:13.009 --> 00:08:15.709 with hemorrhoid cream than have mint up my arse. 216 00:08:16.029 --> 00:08:18.089 I'd just go mint up my arse. I think it 217 00:08:18.110 --> 00:08:19.740 would be a nice tingling sensation. 218 00:08:19.750 --> 00:08:21.500 Too much, too much, mate. 219 00:08:21.519 --> 00:08:22.300 It's invasive. 220 00:08:22.439 --> 00:08:25.480 You can't have that inside you, Josh. That's madness coming 221 00:08:25.519 --> 00:08:26.300 from you as well. 222 00:08:26.459 --> 00:08:27.500 What do you mean coming from me? 223 00:08:27.519 --> 00:08:29.879 I'd play you as hemorrhoids on the teeth all day long. 224 00:08:31.790 --> 00:08:34.029 I'm not going to lie to you. I think in 225 00:08:34.070 --> 00:08:37.440 the next month, If I do get bored once my 226 00:08:37.460 --> 00:08:39.519 daughter's in nursery, I'm going to experience, just going to 227 00:08:39.580 --> 00:08:41.299 look at the toothpaste and there'll be a moment when 228 00:08:41.340 --> 00:08:43.620 I think, should I just see what it feels like? 229 00:08:44.600 --> 00:08:45.919 A pea-sized amount. 230 00:08:46.019 --> 00:08:51.009 Let's just start with a little bit. That's how it starts. 231 00:08:51.049 --> 00:08:53.169 Then before you know it, you're buying three tubes of 232 00:08:53.190 --> 00:08:55.049 toothpaste a day, you've got yourself a problem. 233 00:08:55.070 --> 00:08:57.389 Before you know it, you're doing a handstand and Rose 234 00:08:57.409 --> 00:09:00.190 is pouring Listerine down your arse. 235 00:09:00.610 --> 00:09:04.039 Do you want an admission to what would Rob Beckett do? 236 00:09:04.620 --> 00:09:05.299 Oh, yes, please. 237 00:09:09.039 --> 00:09:13.200 Don't be scared to use a device. The timeout step 238 00:09:13.220 --> 00:09:17.419 can be your ally. Don't be afraid to say no 239 00:09:17.460 --> 00:09:24.149 to your kids. It's OK to apologise as a parent. 240 00:09:25.190 --> 00:09:27.690 Never hit them, but don't let them think you won't. 241 00:09:28.750 --> 00:09:32.029 You're listening to WWRBD. What would Rob Beckett do? 242 00:09:34.129 --> 00:09:36.690 Right, this is from Rachel Barnes. Good morning. I have 243 00:09:36.710 --> 00:09:39.450 a situation for Rob to give his unique wisdom to. 244 00:09:39.649 --> 00:09:43.210 I have two children, aged six and what I presume 245 00:09:43.389 --> 00:09:46.120 is 18M, which I presume is months, not height. Life 246 00:09:46.179 --> 00:09:48.860 is hard. My eldest was, it turns out, quite a 247 00:09:48.879 --> 00:09:52.139 good toddler because my youngest has demonstrated what a strong-willed 248 00:09:52.179 --> 00:09:55.980 and independent toddler looks like. An actual nightmare. The particular 249 00:09:56.019 --> 00:09:58.659 situation I would like Rob to address in his What 250 00:09:58.679 --> 00:10:02.419 Would Rob Beckett Do? is with my 18-month-old foraging in 251 00:10:02.460 --> 00:10:05.840 the bin. We have a bin with a slide-up lid, 252 00:10:05.960 --> 00:10:08.700 open brackets, no foot pedal. She can slide up that lid, 253 00:10:08.779 --> 00:10:11.460 reach in and find whatever she wants to eat. Tried 254 00:10:11.500 --> 00:10:13.600 saying no many times, explaining why you don't forage for 255 00:10:13.639 --> 00:10:16.179 food from the bin. I need to add that she 256 00:10:16.200 --> 00:10:18.860 has three big meals plus snacks every day, And it 257 00:10:18.919 --> 00:10:22.519 is on the 98th percentile of weight. So malnourishment is 258 00:10:22.600 --> 00:10:23.600 not an issue here. 259 00:10:23.620 --> 00:10:28.370 That is a big baby. 98. That's like Andre the 260 00:10:28.379 --> 00:10:29.590 Giant territory. That is it. 261 00:10:31.149 --> 00:10:33.090 I have thought about buying a pedal bin, but knowing 262 00:10:33.129 --> 00:10:35.259 my daughter, she would just learn how to use it. 263 00:10:35.450 --> 00:10:37.429 Any advice? Oh, wise Rob Beckett. 264 00:10:37.950 --> 00:10:39.970 I mean, that is a tough one. I mean, I'd 265 00:10:40.009 --> 00:10:41.509 contemplate putting the bin in another room. 266 00:10:41.789 --> 00:10:42.610 Yeah? 267 00:10:42.629 --> 00:10:44.490 Just lock the bin away. Put it high up. 268 00:10:44.809 --> 00:10:46.669 Could you get, like, a lock for the bin? Like, well, 269 00:10:46.850 --> 00:10:47.950 you can't put a padlock in the bin. 270 00:10:47.970 --> 00:10:49.309 Well, you could put a little, just get a smaller 271 00:10:49.330 --> 00:10:50.929 bin in a cupboard and just do that. What's the 272 00:10:50.970 --> 00:10:53.639 little clicky lock thing? Or what you could do is, 273 00:10:53.649 --> 00:10:55.740 which is a bit more extreme, one of you hide 274

00:10:55.799 --> 00:10:58.000 in the bin. Next time she does it, jump out 275 00:10:58.019 --> 00:11:01.220 and scream at her, Pavlovian. 276 00:11:01.259 --> 00:11:03.259 But I'm not okay in that. I think that's cruel. 277 00:11:03.379 --> 00:11:04.980 I'd hide the bin in the cupboard. 278 00:11:06.350 --> 00:11:08.490 I don't know. I'm coming down on this side of 279 00:11:08.549 --> 00:11:10.590 jumping out of the bin, I think. Ask the grouch. 280 00:11:10.889 --> 00:11:11.169 Yeah. 281 00:11:11.750 --> 00:11:13.970 But the worst case scenario is she loves it and 282 00:11:13.990 --> 00:11:14.789 then requests that. 283 00:11:15.190 --> 00:11:16.789 Oh God, before you know it, you've got, I mean, 284 00:11:16.809 --> 00:11:19.549 we've got so many emails from people who've got themselves 285 00:11:19.600 --> 00:11:22.500 into corners with stuff like this. If you want to 286 00:11:22.509 --> 00:11:24.139 get in touch with the show, whether it's to tell 287 00:11:24.200 --> 00:11:27.639 us that your child has been eating pile cream or 288 00:11:27.679 --> 00:11:30.600 whether it's to ask Rob for advice or both, this 289 00:11:30.740 --> 00:11:31.460 is how you do it. 290 00:11:33.470 --> 00:11:40.580 Email us hello at lockdownparenting.co.uk or we're on Twitter at lockdownparents. 291 00:11:42.259 --> 00:11:43.620 We've got a cracking guest this week. 292 00:11:43.779 --> 00:11:48.500 It's the incredible Daisy May Cooper, BAFTA winner, star and 293 00:11:48.559 --> 00:11:49.720 creator of this country. 294 00:11:49.899 --> 00:11:54.529 Enjoy. Hello, Daisy Cooper. How are you? 295 00:11:54.549 --> 00:11:59.440 I'm suicidal. That's the only way to describe it. 296 00:11:59.620 --> 00:12:00.500 Oh, amazing. 297 00:12:00.519 --> 00:12:04.710 A two-year-old. I forgot that you have a kid and 298 00:12:04.750 --> 00:12:06.830 then you actually have to spend time with it because 299 00:12:07.110 --> 00:12:07.690 I think. 300 00:12:09.850 --> 00:12:12.950 It's just terrible. But I've just been putting her in 301 00:12:13.129 --> 00:12:15.440 sort of nursery and stuff and she's been spending time 302 00:12:15.460 --> 00:12:18.220 with the nannies and it's been, you know, great up 303 00:12:18.279 --> 00:12:20.019 until lockdown. OK. Good day. 304 00:12:23.710 --> 00:12:27.590 Daisy, what's your setup at home? What's your kid's setup? 305 00:12:27.610 --> 00:12:31.149 So it's me and my husband and our two-year-old daughter 306 00:12:31.169 --> 00:12:36.610 who's just become a complete nightmare. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, 307 00:12:36.669 --> 00:12:37.350 my God. 308 00:12:37.429 --> 00:12:38.629 During lockdown or? 309 00:12:38.879 --> 00:12:42.879 During lockdown. It's just got naughtier and naughtier and naughtier 310 00:12:42.889 --> 00:12:43.500 and naughtier. 311 00:12:43.899 --> 00:12:45.419 What kind of things? 312 00:12:45.980 --> 00:12:50.679 It's so weird. So she's decided to use the shed 313 00:12:50.779 --> 00:12:56.990 as like an outdoor privy. And she's been taking... That's 314 00:12:57.029 --> 00:12:59.330 why I was... Do you know what was so mental? 315 00:12:59.370 --> 00:13:02.279 I'm losing my mind so much that I was looking 316 00:13:02.399 --> 00:13:05.519 up to see, you know, if kids have been reincarnated 317 00:13:05.559 --> 00:13:07.559 from World War II, and that's why she's. 318 00:13:11.820 --> 00:13:13.529 Any evidence to suggest she has? 319 00:13:13.559 --> 00:13:18.590 Well, no. The only evidence I have is she's ripping 320 00:13:18.629 --> 00:13:23.230 her nappy off She's done about three poos in the shed. 321 00:13:23.970 --> 00:13:27.169 And the latest one she was really proud of because 322 00:13:27.870 --> 00:13:31.970 for V-Day, we had these kind of little cocktail sticks 323 00:13:32.509 --> 00:13:36.210 with little flags on them that we had in cupcakes. 324 00:13:36.269 --> 00:13:38.809 And she'd managed to find one of them in the 325 00:13:38.850 --> 00:13:42.039 garden and put it in her poo in the shed. 326 00:13:42.059 --> 00:13:48.820 LAUGHTER And then called me over to come and witness it. 327 00:13:48.919 --> 00:13:51.740 And I just stared at it for about 30 seconds. 328 00:13:51.820 --> 00:13:54.039 Just complete bafflement. 329 00:13:55.500 --> 00:13:56.789 Are you doing potty training then? 330 00:13:57.389 --> 00:14:00.940 We tried. She was brilliant before lockdown. She really enjoyed it. 331 00:14:00.990 --> 00:14:02.370 But now she just doesn't. 332 00:14:02.149 --> 00:14:02.850 Give a fuck. 333 00:14:02.870 --> 00:14:06.950 She doesn't give a fuck about anyone or anything. It's 334 00:14:06.990 --> 00:14:08.090 just horrendous. 335 00:14:09.870 --> 00:14:12.639 What did you do with the kind of, flag poo 336 00:14:13.120 --> 00:14:15.299 did you did you say that it was good or 337 00:14:15.320 --> 00:14:18.269 did you what did it have a british flag in 338 00:14:18.289 --> 00:14:21.730 it like a kind of union track like we've claimed. 339 00:14:21.450 --> 00:14:25.649 It yes that's exactly what it was i just i 340 00:14:25.809 --> 00:14:29.399 i stood in silence for about 30 seconds because it was. 341 00:14:29.320 --> 00:14:31.179 Like in respectful silence to our flag. 342 00:14:33.169 --> 00:14:35.029 It's like something the far left would put on a 343 00:14:35.070 --> 00:14:42.909 poster about Brexit, isn't it? 344 00:14:42.929 --> 00:14:44.389 So are you still working at the moment? Is your 345 00:14:44.429 --> 00:14:45.470 husband working from home? 346 00:14:46.070 --> 00:14:49.309 My husband's a landscape gardener, so he sort of can 347 00:14:49.350 --> 00:14:51.730 go out now and do sort of jobs and stuff. 348 00:14:52.210 --> 00:14:57.610 So I've been left at home with the devil child. 349 00:14:58.129 --> 00:15:00.750 I mean, I do love her very much, but it's 350 00:15:00.909 --> 00:15:04.929 just becoming... because she just doesn't understand why she can't 351 00:15:04.970 --> 00:15:08.409 go to the park or why she can't go see

Nanny. 352 00:15:08.769 --> 00:15:13.460 She's so sick of FaceTiming relatives. Oh, yeah. It's just, 353 00:15:13.700 --> 00:15:16.159 and I'm just putting Bing on, and it's just on 354 00:15:16.200 --> 00:15:20.259 a constant, like a 24-hour repeat of Bing episodes. 355 00:15:20.600 --> 00:15:22.539 My daughter, who's two and a half, she's got no 356 00:15:22.600 --> 00:15:26.159 interest in FaceTime. So it just gets offensive to the 357 00:15:26.220 --> 00:15:28.980 relatives very quickly. It's so awkward. 358 00:15:29.000 --> 00:15:31.500 They go, do you want to speak to Nanny? No, no. 359 00:15:32.490 --> 00:15:36.889 I want Paw Patrol. Nanny's here. No, Paw Patrol. Your nan, no. 360 00:15:37.389 --> 00:15:40.759 Which one? And then they go, which one? And you go, oh, 361 00:15:40.799 --> 00:15:41.539 Danny Sue. 362 00:15:41.740 --> 00:15:42.679 Nah. What? 363 00:15:43.019 --> 00:15:46.080 That's it, that matters. Don't do that. Don't ask which 364 00:15:46.220 --> 00:15:48.220 one and then say no. That's it, it matters. 365 00:15:48.720 --> 00:15:49.620 It's so true. 366 00:15:50.100 --> 00:15:52.600 And are you pregnant with your second as well, Daisy? 367 00:15:53.059 --> 00:15:55.360 I'm pregnant with my second as well. So, I mean, 368 00:15:55.379 --> 00:15:57.460 I haven't even thought about the second one. 369 00:15:57.559 --> 00:15:59.460 So how pregnant are you at the moment? 370 00:16:00.179 --> 00:16:04.500 I'm over, just over halfway. So, oh, my God, I 371 00:16:04.539 --> 00:16:08.970 just want to drink. I want to drink so much. 372 00:16:09.309 --> 00:16:13.049 I can't. I was Googling how many, I mean, could 373 00:16:13.110 --> 00:16:16.210 I have three drinks if being pregnant? I thought, oh, no, 374 00:16:16.269 --> 00:16:16.769 I can't. 375 00:16:16.850 --> 00:16:17.480 I really can't. 376 00:16:17.740 --> 00:16:20.769 Your Google history is unbelievable at the moment, isn't it? 377 00:16:20.799 --> 00:16:24.000 Can a child be reincarnated from World War II and 378 00:16:24.059 --> 00:16:25.360 can I drink when I'm pregnant? 379 00:16:27.700 --> 00:16:31.840 Oh, my God, it's just... Horrendous. Do you know, it's 380 00:16:31.879 --> 00:16:35.440 just the small things that have just tipped me over 381 00:16:35.480 --> 00:16:38.759 the edge. The other day, we put up this paddling pool, 382 00:16:38.820 --> 00:16:39.919 and it was quite a big one. 383 00:16:39.960 --> 00:16:40.860 And I thought, oh, lovely. 384 00:16:40.919 --> 00:16:43.159 I'll get her in it, and I'll get me in it. 385 00:16:43.559 --> 00:16:46.419 Because it was big, it took fucking ages to fill. 386 00:16:46.610 --> 00:16:48.750 And then the tap stopped working outside, so I was 387 00:16:48.789 --> 00:16:51.889 just having to get the mop bucket out. Transfer water. 388 00:16:51.929 --> 00:16:55.330 So like two hours later, I bring the final mop 389 00:16:55.370 --> 00:16:58.409 bucket out and she's only just gone and found a 390 00:16:58.529 --> 00:17:02.419 fucking plant pot full of soil and just tipped it 391 00:17:02.500 --> 00:17:08.400 into the paddling pool. And that was another moment where 392 00:17:08.460 --> 00:17:12.700 I just... I just felt tears streaming. 393 00:17:12.619 --> 00:17:14.789 From my cheeks the whole day. 394 00:17:15.049 --> 00:17:19.809 Wet, hot tears. I thought, how could you do this? 395 00:17:19.970 --> 00:17:23.289 How could you do this? 396 00:17:23.650 --> 00:17:25.789 And how do you react to her in those situations? 397 00:17:25.809 --> 00:17:27.869 Because obviously it's difficult. 398 00:17:28.170 --> 00:17:32.200 My first thing is, my first thing I ever say is, 399 00:17:32.220 --> 00:17:35.900 who did this? And then there's usually massive silence and 400 00:17:35.940 --> 00:17:39.309 then she just says, me. And I say, why did 401 00:17:39.349 --> 00:17:42.230 you do this? And then she has another massive silence 402 00:17:42.269 --> 00:17:45.769 and just says, I don't know. And then that's that's 403 00:17:45.809 --> 00:17:48.029 just that's the end of the conversation. 404 00:17:48.069 --> 00:17:53.289 My two year old goes accident, accident all the time. Accident. 405 00:17:53.549 --> 00:17:56.069 That's it. It's a two year old. No comment. Accident. 406 00:17:58.109 --> 00:18:01.009 It's the worst age, I think, to have a kid 407 00:18:01.450 --> 00:18:02.269 in this time. 408 00:18:03.369 --> 00:18:08.039 Are you getting up early with her or does she sleep? 409 00:18:08.640 --> 00:18:12.880 No, she wakes up at about four o'clock shouting, Mummy! 410 00:18:13.200 --> 00:18:16.180 I've actually recorded, I've got it recorded on my phone. 411 00:18:16.200 --> 00:18:18.440 I'll see if you can hear it because it is 412 00:18:18.500 --> 00:18:25.769 just haunting. This is her shouting, Mummy, Mummy in Daddy's bed. 413 00:18:35.740 --> 00:18:38.420 It's just torture. There's just no escape from it. 414 00:18:38.640 --> 00:18:40.640 And do you have to go straight in then? That's it? 415 00:18:40.759 --> 00:18:41.119 You're up? 416 00:18:41.799 --> 00:18:44.019 Yeah, then I'm up. And then, because she just won't, 417 00:18:44.359 --> 00:18:46.400 I don't know, she's like a Duracell bunny. I don't 418 00:18:46.440 --> 00:18:50.140 know how she can keep screaming for like two hours. 419 00:18:50.180 --> 00:18:51.680 You just can't ignore it. 420 00:18:52.140 --> 00:18:55.829 So what, does she get up at four o'clock every day? 421 00:18:55.849 --> 00:18:59.829 Yeah, and then she'll come on the bed and then she'll, 422 00:19:00.009 --> 00:19:02.710 I'll put some TV on for her. And I'll try 423 00:19:02.730 --> 00:19:04.549 and get to sleep. And then she decides to bounce 424 00:19:04.609 --> 00:19:07.170 on the bed and just uses my cranium as like 425 00:19:07.210 --> 00:19:08.150 a trampoline. 426 00:19:08.950 --> 00:19:11.690 Camping on my head. What time does she go to 427 00:19:11.730 --> 00:19:13.150 bed at night? What's the bedtime? 428 00:19:13.450

--> 00:19:16.430 Seven o'clock, which I thought, right, we'll do the bath. 429 00:19:16.509 --> 00:19:19.380 We'll do the bed. And then this is the thing of, 430 00:19:19.609 --> 00:19:22.049 I don't know if you guys have this. One book 431 00:19:22.690 --> 00:19:25.589 is not enough to read at night. It has to 432 00:19:25.630 --> 00:19:30.710 be again and again and again. And that is killing me. 433 00:19:31.230 --> 00:19:32.849 And what book are you reading? 434 00:19:32.890 --> 00:19:34.289 We're going on a bear hunt. 435 00:19:34.789 --> 00:19:35.849 Oh, yeah, yeah. 436 00:19:36.309 --> 00:19:39.390 I've been known in the past with books I hate, 437 00:19:39.490 --> 00:19:41.450 when I've got in the bedroom before they have, I've 438 00:19:41.490 --> 00:19:43.650 thrown it out the window so they can't kick it 439 00:19:43.819 --> 00:19:49.059 that's boom gone because i can't bear to read it. 440 00:19:49.940 --> 00:19:53.660 The absolute worst ones are the mr men books it's 441 00:19:53.680 --> 00:19:57.769 like a fucking novel they're they're so for books so 442 00:19:57.950 --> 00:19:59.470 thin they go. 443 00:19:59.690 --> 00:20:03.700 On and on and on it's like Because in my mind, 444 00:20:03.720 --> 00:20:06.099 they're tiny books. They're the smallest of all the books. 445 00:20:06.440 --> 00:20:09.359 But they bloody cram those words in, I tell you. 446 00:20:09.660 --> 00:20:10.380 Bloody hell. 447 00:20:10.839 --> 00:20:13.180 I read this morning, with my daughter, obviously, for the 448 00:20:13.220 --> 00:20:15.009 first time. I didn't even know he had it. I 449 00:20:15.049 --> 00:20:17.670 read Peter Rabbit. What a load of shit that is. 450 00:20:19.869 --> 00:20:22.789 So the first page is about Peter Rabbit's dad being 451 00:20:22.869 --> 00:20:27.069 baked in the pie by Mr McGregor. Page one. 452 00:20:27.089 --> 00:20:29.109 Daughter's two. 453 00:20:29.329 --> 00:20:30.369 Oh, God. 454 00:20:30.880 --> 00:20:33.400 The ones now are so much easier to read, but 455 00:20:33.440 --> 00:20:36.339 like there's so much death and destruction and all the 456 00:20:36.359 --> 00:20:38.440 old nursery rhymes. We've got a book of nursery rhymes. 457 00:20:39.079 --> 00:20:43.039 Absolutely fucking brutal. I'm getting baked in a pile left, 458 00:20:43.099 --> 00:20:44.000 right and center. 459 00:20:44.160 --> 00:20:46.319 Like, Oh God. 460 00:20:46.720 --> 00:20:48.829 How are you guys getting on with like, what are 461 00:20:48.869 --> 00:20:51.309 you guys working still from home? 462 00:20:51.569 --> 00:20:55.309 Well, if you count this, um, I'd say I'm doing 463 00:20:55.349 --> 00:20:57.690 a bit. Yeah, I am doing a bit. We parent 464 00:20:57.750 --> 00:21:00.289 in the morning as a team. And then when she 465 00:21:00.329 --> 00:21:03.009 goes down for a nap, I go and start work 466 00:21:03.130 --> 00:21:05.089 and try and work into the afternoon. 467 00:21:05.109 --> 00:21:07.589 Oh, my goodness. That's amazing. 468 00:21:07.650 --> 00:21:09.049 So what's your setup, Daisy? 469 00:21:09.210 --> 00:21:12.710 I just haven't done any work. I just, I think, 470 00:21:12.880 --> 00:21:15.900 find it absolutely impossible. But it's great because I've actually 471 00:21:15.920 --> 00:21:19.920 told my husband that this podcast goes on for three hours. 472 00:21:20.339 --> 00:21:22.720 So he's got to let it come out. 473 00:21:23.410 --> 00:21:25.150 He's going to take her out for the day, so 474 00:21:25.190 --> 00:21:26.549 that's brilliant. 475 00:21:26.829 --> 00:21:28.990 He's going to listen to it and go, they edited 476 00:21:29.049 --> 00:21:34.559 it brutally. They cut so much out. How bad were 477 00:21:34.599 --> 00:21:35.029 you on it? 478 00:21:35.400 --> 00:21:38.519 Have you guys been buying crap on Amazon and stuff 479 00:21:38.900 --> 00:21:39.539 for the kids? 480 00:21:40.019 --> 00:21:40.539 Oh, yeah, yeah. 481 00:21:40.779 --> 00:21:43.039 Just anything to keep them entertained. But it lasts about 482 00:21:43.180 --> 00:21:44.240 two minutes, each thing. 483 00:21:44.400 --> 00:21:46.259 We made the mistake of getting, have you heard of 484 00:21:46.380 --> 00:21:47.160 jelly bath? 485 00:21:47.460 --> 00:21:49.359 No. What's jelly bath? 486 00:21:49.700 --> 00:21:52.410 Jelly bath is this powder that you can put in 487 00:21:52.430 --> 00:21:55.700 the bath And it makes the bath water turn into 488 00:21:55.799 --> 00:21:59.940 actual jelly. But we made the mistake of we misplaced 489 00:21:59.980 --> 00:22:02.950 the box and it came or threw it away. And 490 00:22:02.970 --> 00:22:05.869 it actually comes with another packet which has dissolver in 491 00:22:05.950 --> 00:22:07.490 it to then. 492 00:22:07.349 --> 00:22:09.210 Dissolve it and turn it up. 493 00:22:09.230 --> 00:22:19.029 LAUGHTER Having to scoop it out and just flush it 494 00:22:19.069 --> 00:22:20.009 down the toilet. 495 00:22:21.430 --> 00:22:26.029 Oh, with your daughter putting a flag in it. Oh, 496 00:22:26.069 --> 00:22:26.869 what a nightmare. 497 00:22:27.009 --> 00:22:29.450 I definitely don't think flushing it was the right idea, Daisy. 498 00:22:29.470 --> 00:22:31.069 I don't want to call you out. 499 00:22:31.130 --> 00:22:33.619 I've come from Thames Water here, but that is going 500 00:22:33.630 --> 00:22:34.430 to block. 501 00:22:34.720 --> 00:22:39.000 Imagine when they come round to fix it. 502 00:22:39.319 --> 00:22:39.700 It's really weird. 503 00:22:39.720 --> 00:22:41.119 There's loads of jelly down there. 504 00:22:41.400 --> 00:22:46.529 LAUGHTER So what, does it change the whole bath water into, like, 505 00:22:46.589 --> 00:22:47.650 a huge jelly? 506 00:22:48.029 --> 00:22:52.289 Yes, it's amazing. It's amazing if you've got the dissolver 507 00:22:52.349 --> 00:22:56.130 for it. But, yeah, I mean, it's incredible. Like, it 508 00:22:56.210 --> 00:22:59.269 literally turns into jelly. The water turns into jelly within 509 00:22:59.329 -->

00:23:01.170 about 30 seconds. 510 00:23:01.779 --> 00:23:03.940 Yeah, I'm going to buy some of that. What other 511 00:23:04.000 --> 00:23:05.799 things does she play with? 512 00:23:06.099 --> 00:23:07.700 She's obsessed with doctors. 513 00:23:08.900 --> 00:23:09.779 Well, the TV show. 514 00:23:09.960 --> 00:23:10.599 The TV show. 515 00:23:13.809 --> 00:23:16.009 She loves the sort of, you know, accessible, quick acting. 516 00:23:16.230 --> 00:23:20.269 So she's obsessed with doctors. 517 00:23:20.549 --> 00:23:23.130 Obsessed with doctors, which is great for me because I 518 00:23:23.170 --> 00:23:26.359 can just lie on the sofa and just get sort 519 00:23:26.390 --> 00:23:33.220 of experimented on and like vivisection on. So otherwise it's 520 00:23:33.319 --> 00:23:38.000 just creating mess. It's everything that she can't do, she 521 00:23:38.039 --> 00:23:42.220 wants to do. So like get all my shampoos. My 522 00:23:42.279 --> 00:23:45.980 nice expensive shampoos. Unscrew the bottles and just pull them 523 00:23:46.019 --> 00:23:49.940 down the sink is the new one. Writing on the walls, 524 00:23:50.000 --> 00:23:50.980 that's another one. 525 00:23:51.339 --> 00:23:53.440 We haven't had writing on the walls. That's a big thing, 526 00:23:53.519 --> 00:23:54.539 isn't it, in parenting? 527 00:23:55.039 --> 00:23:56.980 You've never had writing on the walls? 528 00:23:57.480 --> 00:24:00.549 We haven't had that yet, no. She doesn't really like 529 00:24:00.589 --> 00:24:02.849 to do her own art. So you go, do you 530 00:24:02.869 --> 00:24:04.990 want to do some drawing? And then she'll make me 531 00:24:05.029 --> 00:24:09.390 do the drawing while she watches. which she's already got 532 00:24:09.410 --> 00:24:12.339 a kind of lack of confidence in her own artistic 533 00:24:12.400 --> 00:24:14.220 ability at the age of two and a half. 534 00:24:14.240 --> 00:24:16.700 She's bottled it already. 535 00:24:16.720 --> 00:24:17.759 I'm worried about it. 536 00:24:17.759 --> 00:24:20.180 What was your daughter writing on the walls? Was it 537 00:24:20.200 --> 00:24:21.259 her name or just scribbles? 538 00:24:21.440 --> 00:24:26.119 Oh, just scribbles, just scribbles. And it's just, we've had 539 00:24:26.140 --> 00:24:28.440 to get so many bits of furniture and move them 540 00:24:28.509 --> 00:24:31.069 in front of the scribbles that there now is no more. 541 00:24:31.640 --> 00:24:35.759 kind of furniture to move in front of the scribbles. 542 00:24:35.819 --> 00:24:38.019 All your furniture's up against the walls with a big 543 00:24:38.039 --> 00:24:39.279 gap in the middle of the room. 544 00:24:40.480 --> 00:24:42.890 But the biggest thing that she's into is Bing. 545 00:24:42.910 --> 00:24:44.349 Oh, really? 546 00:24:44.589 --> 00:24:45.769 I can't stand him. 547 00:24:46.349 --> 00:24:50.690 Grotesque. Could you just explain, is the little thing, the 548 00:24:50.859 --> 00:24:55.119 sort of guardian, is that his dad? Bing's dad? 549 00:24:55.660 --> 00:24:57.700 Is that his weird little advisor? 550 00:24:58.470 --> 00:25:02.430 Isn't it? It's like, it's like Bing's Boris. He's got 551 00:25:02.470 --> 00:25:05.589 little Cummins. Or even the other way around. A bit 552 00:25:05.630 --> 00:25:07.869 of Cummins is big. But yeah, I don't, I don't 553 00:25:07.930 --> 00:25:10.130 understand what it is or what he is. And he 554 00:25:10.170 --> 00:25:12.309 just sort of does whatever he wants and gets in trouble. 555 00:25:12.369 --> 00:25:14.970 And then he cries. It's just ridiculous. 556 00:25:15.549 --> 00:25:19.119 Awful. Hate him. Hate that programme. But yeah, she loves that. 557 00:25:19.880 --> 00:25:21.539 How did she get into it? If you hate it, 558 00:25:21.579 --> 00:25:23.359 did she, did she find it herself? Or do you 559 00:25:23.400 --> 00:25:25.740 not realise how bad it was until you'd, until it 560 00:25:25.779 --> 00:25:26.359 was too late? 561 00:25:26.799 --> 00:25:29.779 I tell you what, we've got, So we just put 562 00:25:29.819 --> 00:25:33.460 YouTube on, and obviously it just, once one thing's ended, 563 00:25:33.500 --> 00:25:37.279 it just flicks over to another video. 564 00:25:37.519 --> 00:25:40.380 I also think, you know when it rolls on itself, 565 00:25:41.059 --> 00:25:43.500 that takes some of the guilt away from me? Yeah. 566 00:25:43.519 --> 00:25:46.940 You know when you have to physically do it? You're 567 00:25:46.980 --> 00:25:49.299 making a conscious decision to put on the next episode. 568 00:25:49.660 --> 00:25:51.220 When it rolls on to yourself, you can kind of 569 00:25:51.279 --> 00:25:53.440 lie to yourself that it's just a continuation of what 570 00:25:53.460 --> 00:25:56.640 she's already watched it. You've only pressed the button once, 571 00:25:56.759 --> 00:25:57.640 three hours ago. 572 00:25:57.660 --> 00:26:01.720 Does your daughter have an iPad or anything like that, Daisy? 573 00:26:02.420 --> 00:26:06.000 No, we don't have iPads. We just have, you know, 574 00:26:06.039 --> 00:26:09.059 just YouTube on the telly. Just have that on all 575 00:26:09.119 --> 00:26:09.880 the fucking time. 576 00:26:09.920 --> 00:26:12.819 Because ours used to wake up at four as well. 577 00:26:13.079 --> 00:26:14.809 And then it was like 5.30. But now we've gotten 578 00:26:14.849 --> 00:26:17.089 to about six. But there's this thing called a, this 579 00:26:17.130 --> 00:26:20.549 little grow clock thing. You have to say that carefully. 580 00:26:20.970 --> 00:26:22.670 It's grow clock thing. 581 00:26:23.450 --> 00:26:25.170 You read a little book to them and you press 582 00:26:25.210 --> 00:26:27.390 a button and the clock goes blue. And then when 583 00:26:27.430 --> 00:26:29.619 it goes yellow, they're allowed to wake up so that 584 00:26:29.660 --> 00:26:31.299 when they get up, you go, no, it's still blue. 585 00:26:31.319 --> 00:26:32.319 You've got to wait for it to go yellow. 586 00:26:32.339 --> 00:26:34.480 And then

you could basically set it for 10 past 587 00:26:34.519 --> 00:26:37.319 four and then 20 past four and then slowly bring 588 00:26:37.339 --> 00:26:39.220 them up. And then if they get up at the 589 00:26:39.279 --> 00:26:40.759 right time, they get like a little, we get like 590 00:26:40.779 --> 00:26:42.779 a little presents from and stuff, but that, Both of 591 00:26:42.799 --> 00:26:45.400 mine would get up at four-ish, five-ish, and that really 592 00:26:45.440 --> 00:26:47.660 helped get them back into a later routine. 593 00:26:47.930 --> 00:26:50.589 That is genius. Genius. 594 00:26:51.089 --> 00:26:52.809 How far do you reckon you can set it, Rob? 595 00:26:52.849 --> 00:26:54.789 Well, I set it to 2.15pm, but yeah, it didn't work. 596 00:26:58.700 --> 00:27:02.900 But getting them from 4 a.m. to like 5.30 makes 597 00:27:02.940 --> 00:27:05.150 a huge difference, doesn't it? Do you know what I mean? 598 00:27:05.190 --> 00:27:05.509 Oh, my God. 599 00:27:05.529 --> 00:27:07.779 That helped us. But I'll send you the link for it. 600 00:27:07.829 --> 00:27:11.470 Oh, please do. But the only thing is, she's always, 601 00:27:11.490 --> 00:27:14.660 I mean, she doesn't have an iPad. But she is 602 00:27:14.819 --> 00:27:17.279 always on my phone wanting to play sort of apps 603 00:27:17.359 --> 00:27:19.440 and stuff. And I didn't realize that there was no, 604 00:27:19.460 --> 00:27:22.079 I mean, there's no lock on whether you can just 605 00:27:22.200 --> 00:27:25.319 order things. So she's bought, I mean, fuck knows how 606 00:27:25.339 --> 00:27:27.059 many diamonds on this game. 607 00:27:27.140 --> 00:27:28.380 Oh, no. 608 00:27:28.420 --> 00:27:30.700 But she also had my phone. And I don't know 609 00:27:30.859 --> 00:27:34.269 how she managed to do this. But ages ago, I 610 00:27:34.309 --> 00:27:36.309 worked on a job with Paul Whitehouse. And at the 611 00:27:36.349 --> 00:27:39.640 end of the job, we swapped numbers. And she... messaged 612 00:27:39.720 --> 00:27:43.640 him a template message that just said, hello, question mark. 613 00:27:43.680 --> 00:27:47.509 So it looked like I was being really passive aggressive. 614 00:27:47.589 --> 00:27:56.769 He messaged back saying, hey, everything okay, question mark. 615 00:27:57.009 --> 00:28:02.930 Oh no. My friend texted me earlier and she said 616 00:28:02.950 --> 00:28:05.859 that she walked in and her son had turned on 617 00:28:05.880 --> 00:28:09.799 the TV and And he'd bought on Amazon Crazy Rich 618 00:28:09.920 --> 00:28:15.609 Asians for £ 7. 99. She's got the receipt. 619 00:28:16.970 --> 00:28:19.170 I do recommend getting them an iPad and just setting 620 00:28:19.210 --> 00:28:20.789 up all the parent lock stuff on it so they 621 00:28:20.809 --> 00:28:23.259 can't do that. And we have been known, when they 622 00:28:23.299 --> 00:28:25.579 used to get up at four in the morning, just 623 00:28:25.619 --> 00:28:27.700 give them an iPad. Because even if you let them

624 00:28:27.720 --> 00:28:31.019 watch Netflix or whatever for an hour, because that extra 625 00:28:31.059 --> 00:28:32.680 hour will make you a better parent for the rest 626 00:28:32.720 --> 00:28:34.720 of the day. And even though I don't really agree 627 00:28:34.759 --> 00:28:37.500 with letting them have that straight away, I couldn't cope 628 00:28:37.839 --> 00:28:39.380 without that extra hour in bed. 629 00:28:39.700 --> 00:28:42.019 I bought that, is it the Amazon Fire one that's 630 00:28:42.039 --> 00:28:44.119 meant to be, they were like, this one's for kids, right? 631 00:28:44.160 --> 00:28:46.779 This is like the tablet for kids. And we had 632 00:28:46.819 --> 00:28:48.839 a load of In the Night Garden. And if you 633 00:28:48.880 --> 00:28:51.930 touch the screen... So obviously she's going to touch the 634 00:28:51.970 --> 00:28:54.410 screen because that's what you do. During In the Night Garden, 635 00:28:54.710 --> 00:28:56.490 it brings up like the cast list. 636 00:28:56.869 --> 00:28:58.750 And you're like, what, a fucking two-year-old? 637 00:28:59.569 --> 00:29:01.920 You just shit about the cast list in In the 638 00:29:01.940 --> 00:29:02.660 Night Garden. 639 00:29:02.759 --> 00:29:06.059 Oh, I just want to know who did the lighting 640 00:29:06.099 --> 00:29:12.009 for that scene. Beautiful. Daisy, if you had the house 641 00:29:12.029 --> 00:29:15.529 to yourself, your husband took out your daughter all day, like, 642 00:29:15.549 --> 00:29:19.069 you know, the full, from 6am to midnight or whatever, 643 00:29:19.329 --> 00:29:21.009 what would you do of a full day to yourself 644 00:29:21.069 --> 00:29:21.529 in your house? 645 00:29:22.009 --> 00:29:23.529 Masturbate. Next. 646 00:29:25.950 --> 00:29:27.369 For a full 16 hours. 647 00:29:27.410 --> 00:29:33.920 Yes, in peace and quiet. Oh, God. I would, I 648 00:29:33.940 --> 00:29:37.359 would just, I would watch, I love anything sort of 649 00:29:37.400 --> 00:29:41.339 ghost programmes, so I'd probably just just watch some ghost 650 00:29:41.380 --> 00:29:43.279 programmes and just chill out. 651 00:29:43.299 --> 00:29:46.980 What do you mean by ghost programmes? Like Derek O'Connor-style things? 652 00:29:47.559 --> 00:29:51.130 Yeah, there's one called Ghost Adventures with Zach Bagans. And 653 00:29:51.150 --> 00:29:55.910 they just go into, like, haunted places and record ghost 654 00:29:55.970 --> 00:29:57.210 phenomena that happens. 655 00:29:58.150 --> 00:29:59.109 Oh, God, I can handle that. 656 00:29:59.930 --> 00:30:03.450 Poltergeist throws a brick at a wall in the one 657 00:30:03.509 --> 00:30:06.150 I watched a couple of nights ago, but yeah, they're 658 00:30:06.190 --> 00:30:06.690 really good. 659 00:30:06.930 --> 00:30:07.970 So you just watch that all day? 660 00:30:08.210 --> 00:30:09.210 I just watch that all day. 661 00:30:09.250 --> 00:30:10.930 Watch Ghosts and Wank. Fair enough. 662 00:30:11.410 --> 00:30:18.180 You get that answer

most of the time, don't we? 663 00:30:18.200 --> 00:30:19.079 Watch Ghosts and Wank. 664 00:30:19.119 --> 00:30:23.220 That's usually what people say. If you've got anything else 665 00:30:23.240 --> 00:30:24.819 you want to add that's a bit different to the usual, 666 00:30:24.839 --> 00:30:26.880 it's probably quite handy for the edit. 667 00:30:26.920 --> 00:30:33.380 LAUGHTER Do you think, does she understand the lockdown? Does 668 00:30:33.400 --> 00:30:35.599 she understand what's going on? 669 00:30:35.720 --> 00:30:40.609 No, she's just, I mean, it's, you just can't really 670 00:30:40.660 --> 00:30:43.430 explain it. She doesn't understand, like I said, why we 671 00:30:43.470 --> 00:30:45.650 can't go to the park or why we can't see Nanny. 672 00:30:45.670 --> 00:30:49.130 She's just thinking, God, mum and dad are at home 673 00:30:49.210 --> 00:30:51.309 a lot and we're going for a lot more walks 674 00:30:51.349 --> 00:30:56.130 than we used to. And that's it, really. Yeah. It's weird. 675 00:30:56.190 --> 00:30:58.640 It's just so weird. And we've got into the same 676 00:30:58.720 --> 00:31:03.259 pattern every fucking day. which is wake up, put her 677 00:31:03.299 --> 00:31:06.609 in front of the TV, do a bit of laundry, 678 00:31:06.670 --> 00:31:09.329 tidy up a bit, have lunch, put her down for 679 00:31:09.349 --> 00:31:12.130 a nap, go for the same fucking walk that we've 680 00:31:12.150 --> 00:31:17.470 done for the last two months. Talk about, get excited 681 00:31:17.529 --> 00:31:22.140 about what we're going to have for dinner, eat the dinner. say, oh, 682 00:31:22.180 --> 00:31:24.920 let's watch something when she goes to bed, put her 683 00:31:24.960 --> 00:31:28.569 to bed and fall asleep. Like, don't even get fucking 684 00:31:28.589 --> 00:31:30.930 around to watch anything. It's just so neat. 685 00:31:31.130 --> 00:31:33.609 I'm so bored of my walk. The walk I go on, 686 00:31:33.670 --> 00:31:36.089 I'm so sick of it. Oh, my God. 687 00:31:36.170 --> 00:31:40.269 But my daughter, she's just locked into this route now. 688 00:31:40.670 --> 00:31:44.640 So each day when we go on the walk, She 689 00:31:44.839 --> 00:31:46.839 has to stand, we'll take a snack, and she has 690 00:31:46.859 --> 00:31:49.720 to stand on the same manhole cover every day to 691 00:31:50.380 --> 00:31:53.200 eat the snack in the park. And she'll just stand 692 00:31:53.259 --> 00:31:54.730 on the manhole cover and eat it. 693 00:31:55.019 --> 00:31:56.009 It's so bleak, isn't it? 694 00:31:56.319 --> 00:31:59.549 Yeah, I just don't... You're like, is this normal behaviour? 695 00:31:59.769 --> 00:32:02.289 I presume it's fine. But, like. 696 00:32:02.789 --> 00:32:04.690 Has she got bored of the walk yet? 697 00:32:05.089 --> 00:32:07.470 No, she's obsessed with it. Like, she's a creature of 698 00:32:07.490 --> 00:32:09.950 habit in that sense. Do you know what I mean? Oh, really? 699 00:32:10.630 --> 00:32:13.150 So we'll get to the park and you get to... 700 00:32:13.670 --> 00:32:15.970 the park and there's a small side and a big side. 701 00:32:16.430 --> 00:32:18.539 And she's not wanted to go in the big side 702 00:32:18.819 --> 00:32:22.660 once for the whole of the lockdown. So it's every 703 00:32:22.720 --> 00:32:26.019 time it's like small side in you go eat your 704 00:32:26.400 --> 00:32:29.160 snack on the manhole cover. Look at the pink tree, 705 00:32:29.539 --> 00:32:32.599 go down, look at the ducks, pick some things off 706 00:32:32.619 --> 00:32:36.839 the same tree, walk back. It's, um, It's actually quite worrying. 707 00:32:36.880 --> 00:32:38.400 Can I tell you what I'm actually witnessing at the 708 00:32:38.420 --> 00:32:41.099 moment from my window? My daughter walking through my garden, 709 00:32:41.140 --> 00:32:45.000 ripping the heads off all the flowers. But we're doing this. 710 00:32:45.440 --> 00:32:49.390 I don't know whether to intervene or leave it. 711 00:32:49.400 --> 00:32:50.119 She's gone in now. 712 00:32:50.140 --> 00:32:53.779 But that's three flowers de-headed there for no reason whatsoever. 713 00:32:54.160 --> 00:32:56.440 What's depressing is when you sort of make a big 714 00:32:56.500 --> 00:32:58.799 thing about saying, right, we'll go and feed the ducks. 715 00:32:59.380 --> 00:33:01.769 And you go down to the river and every other 716 00:33:01.809 --> 00:33:04.849 fucker and their kid says, It's for A, feeding the ducks, 717 00:33:04.930 --> 00:33:08.329 and the ducks are so sick of being fed that 718 00:33:08.349 --> 00:33:11.910 there's just these large chunks of bread that have washed 719 00:33:12.029 --> 00:33:17.059 up on the riverbank. It looks like some kind of war. 720 00:33:18.039 --> 00:33:21.799 scene it is just so bleak it is so bleak 721 00:33:21.859 --> 00:33:25.000 like with our walks like we it's just like the 722 00:33:25.059 --> 00:33:28.480 most mundane boring things that we're trying to make exciting 723 00:33:28.500 --> 00:33:31.259 so there's this one house that's got a really fat 724 00:33:31.380 --> 00:33:34.680 cat that sits outside and trying to get her it's 725 00:33:34.700 --> 00:33:37.250 like oh we'll go see the cat today And then 726 00:33:37.269 --> 00:33:40.710 they just sort of stand looking at it and that's it. 727 00:33:40.750 --> 00:33:42.490 Do you get what I mean? It's like those small. 728 00:33:42.829 --> 00:33:43.109 Yeah. 729 00:33:43.549 --> 00:33:43.869 Oh, God. 730 00:33:43.950 --> 00:33:46.730 It's tough as well. When you've got one child, they 731 00:33:46.750 --> 00:33:48.769 haven't got anyone to play with. I'm quite lucky because 732 00:33:48.789 --> 00:33:49.450 there's two of them. 733 00:33:49.710 --> 00:33:51.430 They will run off and play together and they may 734 00:33:51.599 --> 00:33:53.660 argue or whatever, but when there's just one, they just 735 00:33:53.680 --> 00:33:55.039 sort of look at you and go, right, you're my 736 00:33:55.059 --> 00:33:56.299 mate

today. Yeah. 737 00:33:56.359 --> 00:33:57.779 And they've got no one else to go off and 738 00:33:57.799 --> 00:33:59.940 play with, which must make it more difficult. 739 00:34:00.220 --> 00:34:02.059 Does she know that you've got... Does she know that 740 00:34:02.079 --> 00:34:03.619 there's going to be a younger sibling? 741 00:34:04.000 --> 00:34:08.849 Yeah, she's not really happy about it. I'll tell you 742 00:34:08.889 --> 00:34:12.750 what it was it was a bloody Bing episode that's 743 00:34:12.809 --> 00:34:14.929 put her off of it because it was this baby 744 00:34:15.010 --> 00:34:18.090 rabbit you know the one that's always in the pusher 745 00:34:18.349 --> 00:34:20.190 it's just never ages. 746 00:34:19.809 --> 00:34:22.630 The Dorian Gray one. 747 00:34:25.360 --> 00:34:28.679 And he ends up taking Bing's shoes so she's got 748 00:34:28.699 --> 00:34:32.019 a real chip on her shoulder about babies in general 749 00:34:32.059 --> 00:34:35.610 and it's because of that fucking programme So I keep saying, oh, 750 00:34:35.630 --> 00:34:38.800 the baby's going to bring you presents. And she's just, no, 751 00:34:38.840 --> 00:34:39.739 she's not interested. 752 00:34:40.079 --> 00:34:40.599 Which isn't true. 753 00:34:40.619 --> 00:34:42.239 But that's quite a good tip, though. When you bring 754 00:34:42.260 --> 00:34:44.539 the baby back from the hospital, you get a present 755 00:34:44.559 --> 00:34:46.199 wrapped up. And they go, look what I've brought back. 756 00:34:46.760 --> 00:34:49.400 This baby's brought you a present. So their initial memory is, 757 00:34:49.579 --> 00:34:51.389 I got something when this baby turned up. 758 00:34:54.449 --> 00:34:56.699 The tip is buy them off. That's the tip, basically. 759 00:34:56.719 --> 00:34:56.960 Yeah. 760 00:34:57.400 --> 00:35:00.739 I'm bribing my kids non-stop just to shit in a potty. 761 00:35:01.300 --> 00:35:01.469 Oh, no. 762 00:35:01.519 --> 00:35:01.860 Hang on. 763 00:35:01.880 --> 00:35:02.199 Stop it. 764 00:35:02.239 --> 00:35:03.110 No, stop pulling them off. 765 00:35:03.210 --> 00:35:13.659 Oh, God. Don't you just... Still doing it. 766 00:35:13.699 --> 00:35:15.989 She's still doing it. 767 00:35:16.010 --> 00:35:16.230 Sorry. 768 00:35:16.269 --> 00:35:18.929 She had literally a bucket full of them. 769 00:35:19.329 --> 00:35:22.130 And she's now just stood there looking at me. She's 770 00:35:22.269 --> 00:35:22.969 doing it again. 771 00:35:23.309 --> 00:35:23.630 No! 772 00:35:23.849 --> 00:35:24.369 Oh, my God. 773 00:35:25.269 --> 00:35:30.619 No, can you tell her? She keeps ripping the flowers. 774 00:35:32.440 --> 00:35:33.920 Is that the older one or the younger one, Rob? 775 00:35:34.159 --> 00:35:36.480 That was like something from like, you know, like the 776 00:35:36.539 --> 00:35:39.510 Damien Devil Child where I said, stop ripping the flowers 777 00:35:39.590 --> 00:35:42.469 and she just stared at me and then moved around 778 00:35:42.510 --> 00:35:43.570 to the flower. 779 00:35:43.190 --> 00:35:46.679 And just crushed one. She crushed. 780 00:35:47.929 --> 00:35:50.260 The head of a massive peony in her hand. 781 00:35:50.280 --> 00:35:51.780 While holding your gaze. 782 00:35:52.199 --> 00:35:54.699 Yes. Stared me out and just put her hand out 783 00:35:54.800 --> 00:35:57.940 and crushed it. Unbelievable. Sorry about that. 784 00:35:58.260 --> 00:36:01.059 What is it with kids and having to do that 785 00:36:01.199 --> 00:36:03.559 final kind of fuck you when you tell them to 786 00:36:03.619 --> 00:36:05.090 stop doing it? It's like they have to do it 787 00:36:05.110 --> 00:36:08.949 that one last time. Do you guys do naughty step? 788 00:36:09.230 --> 00:36:09.610 No. 789 00:36:09.630 --> 00:36:10.170 Time out. 790 00:36:10.230 --> 00:36:12.329 We call it time out. But lose a teacher. So 791 00:36:12.349 --> 00:36:14.110 lose very good at all these right, the right wording 792 00:36:14.150 --> 00:36:16.090 and things like that. Well, I call it the naughty step. 793 00:36:16.170 --> 00:36:19.940 And yeah, She calls it the time going on time out. 794 00:36:20.260 --> 00:36:23.860 Does your child actually sit in time out, though, or 795 00:36:23.889 --> 00:36:26.730 just says, this is ridiculous. This is a jail with 796 00:36:26.809 --> 00:36:29.219 invisible walls. I don't have to stay here. 797 00:36:30.320 --> 00:36:32.679 Sometimes they do and then scream at the top of 798 00:36:32.719 --> 00:36:36.179 their voice or sometimes they've in the past put me 799 00:36:36.239 --> 00:36:37.119 on the timeout step. 800 00:36:37.340 --> 00:36:38.539 How does it go for you, Daisy? 801 00:36:39.019 --> 00:36:42.039 Oh, just not. I mean, she just, she, I don't 802 00:36:42.059 --> 00:36:45.440 think she quite understands why I'm putting her on the 803 00:36:45.500 --> 00:36:48.380 stair because she just gets straight up again and just 804 00:36:48.420 --> 00:36:51.820 walks into the living room to say, what are you doing? 805 00:36:55.780 --> 00:36:57.659 It's a weird thing to sit in that step for 806 00:36:57.699 --> 00:36:57.920 a bit. 807 00:37:00.349 --> 00:37:04.309 It's just so... There's nothing that I can do. She 808 00:37:04.369 --> 00:37:09.210 has zero respect for me. Absolutely no respect. 809 00:37:09.550 --> 00:37:10.989 Is she not aware of BAFTAs? 810 00:37:11.309 --> 00:37:12.230 No. 811 00:37:13.380 --> 00:37:15.280 Show her the front of the Radio Times and go, 812 00:37:15.300 --> 00:37:16.800 this is a big deal, mate. 813 00:37:18.059 --> 00:37:22.780 Well, she couldn't give a fuck. Really, really couldn't give 814 00:37:22.860 --> 00:37:27.329 a fuck. About me, about my discipline. I've got to 815 00:37:27.349 --> 00:37:31.179 the point where I've been so stressed that I've shouted 816 00:37:31.199 --> 00:37:34.360 to the top of my lungs and she's just stood 817 00:37:34.420 --> 00:37:38.599 there and she's smirked. And that's it. And she's walked away. Like, 818

00:37:38.659 --> 00:37:42.659 not bothered at all. She thinks it's funny. And I've 819 00:37:42.719 --> 00:37:46.010 actually bought that Joe Frost, you know, the super nanny book. 820 00:37:46.289 --> 00:37:46.670 Oh, yeah. 821 00:37:47.210 --> 00:37:49.489 And I've tried to imply a lot of those things. Like, 822 00:37:49.570 --> 00:37:53.579 one of them said... you've got to, if your child 823 00:37:53.719 --> 00:37:55.889 is being naughty, you have to get down to their 824 00:37:55.929 --> 00:38:01.369 level and explain to them. And she doesn't give a fuck. 825 00:38:04.630 --> 00:38:07.030 It turns out that you being taller than her isn't 826 00:38:07.070 --> 00:38:07.659 the issue. 827 00:38:07.679 --> 00:38:11.719 That wasn't the problem. 828 00:38:12.159 --> 00:38:14.420 What happens when they're teenagers and they're massive and you 829 00:38:14.460 --> 00:38:16.400 have to, like, I'm only little, what if they're taller 830 00:38:16.420 --> 00:38:18.159 than me? I have to get a little step out 831 00:38:18.480 --> 00:38:20.030 to get up to their level to tell them off. 832 00:38:22.940 --> 00:38:25.079 Or do they stoop down to me? I'm not listening 833 00:38:25.119 --> 00:38:27.840 to you, you little old weed. 834 00:38:27.929 --> 00:38:28.110 I'm 17. 835 00:38:28.090 --> 00:38:34.389 Daisy, we've been in lockdown for two months now. Have 836 00:38:34.429 --> 00:38:37.369 you had a high point that's been a lovely moment 837 00:38:37.429 --> 00:38:38.989 for you and your family? And has there also been 838 00:38:39.289 --> 00:38:41.750 a low point when you thought, I can't do this anymore? 839 00:38:41.769 --> 00:38:48.010 Oh, God. High point was probably the day of lockdown 840 00:38:48.030 --> 00:38:49.889 because I thought, oh, this is a novelty. 841 00:38:50.360 --> 00:38:51.179 This is brilliant. 842 00:38:51.400 --> 00:38:53.579 We can, you know, I don't have to do any work. 843 00:38:53.900 --> 00:38:57.449 This is a bit exciting. It's a bit kind of apocalyptic. 844 00:38:57.909 --> 00:39:01.809 Let's do a veg patch. And I think the lowest 845 00:39:01.889 --> 00:39:05.010 point was probably when she ripped out all four of 846 00:39:05.070 --> 00:39:08.449 our courgette plants and just put them neatly at the 847 00:39:08.510 --> 00:39:13.460 side of the veg patch. So they're fucked. And that 848 00:39:13.480 --> 00:39:16.199 was something I really was, every day I would get 849 00:39:16.300 --> 00:39:18.460 up and have a look to see how much they'd grown. 850 00:39:18.889 --> 00:39:21.309 I was getting excited about it. And she took that away. 851 00:39:21.369 --> 00:39:23.530 It was like Kez, but it was courgette. 852 00:39:23.730 --> 00:39:29.369 Oh, Daisy, thanks so much for doing this. 853 00:39:29.630 --> 00:39:32.409 Oh, God, thank you so much. You've given me a 854 00:39:32.449 --> 00:39:35.110 really good therapy session there. I feel so much lighter. 855 00:39:35.219 --> 00:39:40.599 Thank you, Daisy. It's been an absolute

pleasure. Daisy Cooper, 856 00:39:40.780 --> 00:39:41.599 thoroughly enjoyed that. 857 00:39:41.980 --> 00:39:43.159 Oh, it was great. Bless her, though. 858 00:39:43.179 --> 00:39:45.719 I could feel the pain and tiredness in her voice 859 00:39:46.000 --> 00:39:48.420 with those 4am starts and being pregnant. 860 00:39:48.440 --> 00:39:49.199 That must be so tough. 861 00:39:49.889 --> 00:39:52.730 I think the biggest difference in time is 5.59 to 862 00:39:53.090 --> 00:39:56.409 6am in my book. Anything with a four at the 863 00:39:56.469 --> 00:39:59.400 start of it, that is inhumane, really, isn't it? 864 00:39:59.400 --> 00:40:01.940 I would argue, though, for Daisy, it would be the 3.59 865 00:40:01.940 --> 00:40:08.230 to 4am. She's like Thatcher, I reckon. Five hours sleep, 866 00:40:08.269 --> 00:40:09.489 British flag and a load of shit. 867 00:40:10.579 --> 00:40:13.320 Do you know what it's not even for me when 868 00:40:13.360 --> 00:40:15.380 I've done those ones where you're up at like half 869 00:40:15.420 --> 00:40:17.300 four because it always you know even if you've got 870 00:40:17.320 --> 00:40:19.380 a kid that sleeps all right we've all done the 871 00:40:19.539 --> 00:40:22.550 4am' s at some point it's not the moment when you 872 00:40:22.869 --> 00:40:25.869 the first 10 minutes is hell but then I think 873 00:40:25.889 --> 00:40:28.690 the first hour and a half you're kind of all 874 00:40:28.750 --> 00:40:32.170 right yeah is when you get to 6am and you 875 00:40:32.250 --> 00:40:37.639 feel like you've done a long haul already That's the absolute... 876 00:40:37.389 --> 00:40:40.889 When the breakfast show starts on the radio and you've 877 00:40:40.909 --> 00:40:43.289 been up for three hours, that is the heartbreak. 878 00:40:43.369 --> 00:40:44.690 Yeah, exactly. 879 00:40:44.710 --> 00:40:47.110 Oh, God, just log it on. 880 00:40:47.130 --> 00:40:53.480 Hiya, it's Greg James here. What? 881 00:40:53.559 --> 00:40:57.809 Rob, how can our listeners... help us out, get in touch, 882 00:40:57.849 --> 00:40:58.389 et cetera. 883 00:40:58.550 --> 00:41:00.989 Well, you can tell your friends and you can subscribe 884 00:41:01.050 --> 00:41:03.329 and you can rate, give us a five-star review, get 885 00:41:03.349 --> 00:41:06.449 us up the rankings. Also as well, they can email 886 00:41:06.530 --> 00:41:13.920 us hello at lockdownparenting.co.uk. And if they recalled their children 887 00:41:13.960 --> 00:41:16.340 saying our names, Rob Beckett, Josh Whittacombe, they'll be at 888 00:41:16.360 --> 00:41:18.199 the start of the show, but just tell us why 889 00:41:18.219 --> 00:41:19.039 they deserve to be there. 890 00:41:19.079 --> 00:41:20.719 We'll give your child a shout out. 891 00:41:20.840 --> 00:41:22.920 To be honest, I've seen the emails. They're all things 892 00:41:22.940 --> 00:41:24.579 that make me feel bad about the achievements of my 893 00:41:24.619 --> 00:41:25.639 own daughter, but there we go. 894 00:41:25.860 --> 00:41:29.809 Yeah, I know, but then I can judge these annoying parents. Oh, 895 00:41:29.829 --> 00:41:32.590 she did her first Pavlova at three and a half. 896 00:41:33.050 --> 00:41:35.630 She's achieving too much early on. I've still not done 897 00:41:35.670 --> 00:41:38.380 a Pavlova on 34. Face out the achievements. 898 00:41:38.400 --> 00:41:39.639 You don't want to peak. You don't want to have 899 00:41:39.699 --> 00:41:42.079 Michael Owen on your hands. That's the last thing you need. 900 00:41:42.280 --> 00:41:45.179 You do not want to soft peaks too early. See 901 00:41:45.199 --> 00:41:47.219 what I did there? Oh, yes. 902 00:41:47.300 --> 00:41:47.980 Yeah, really nice. 903 00:41:48.019 --> 00:41:48.840 Oh, come on, Josh. 904 00:41:48.880 --> 00:41:50.550 I enjoyed it. I enjoyed it, mate. 905 00:41:50.570 --> 00:41:50.969 Not enough. 906 00:41:51.300 --> 00:41:55.389 Not enough. No. And you know what? Now, as it 907 00:41:55.429 --> 00:41:57.610 goes on, I am appreciating it more, but the damage 908 00:41:57.670 --> 00:42:01.530 is done. So, thank you for listening. We will be 909 00:42:01.570 --> 00:42:03.570 back in a few days with more. 910 00:42:03.710 --> 00:42:04.329 Thanks, guys. 911 00:42:04.349 --> 00:42:04.849 Cheers, guys.