Samantha Blackmon shares her vast knowlege re games and kids along with ways to manage age-appropriate access to games and the internet while still having fun.
United States


00:00:19hello and welcome to narrow curious a podcast about all things brain body mind and culture not necessarily in that order ainda providing and today we are very fortunate to have with us the amazing Samantha black men %HESITATION who many of you probably know from her podcast not your
00:00:37mama's gamer IBM is an associate professor of rhetoric and composition at Purdue %HESITATION in Indiana where they're not doing what they are doing time where you are we had if that isn't in Indiana as we've been talking about there are multiple time zones and not everybody does %HESITATION
00:00:59daylight savings time so we're going to talk about kids and video games slash screen time %HESITATION though definitely about video games but also just about other tech things that aren't necessarily games but are things that kids like to do %HESITATION and also will be talking about video games
00:01:23and what we've been playing because %HESITATION in honor of your podcast we have to have that piece going to the welcome Sam thank you for having me on O. it's delightful and also it's nice to be back podcasting again %HESITATION after so weird in November twenty sixteen suddenly
00:01:41I just lost all motivation to do much of anything including the podcast so finally that's wonderful yeah yeah so well and I'm we I was doing it with with my two colleagues but our schedules got really difficult to coordinate and so they're gonna pop on here and there
00:02:03when they can %HESITATION but it's just proved to be more manageable to just roll and so we're starting to do Skype instead of just in person so %HESITATION hopefully the recording will actually work I guess we won't know till later that always helps too if you can recall
00:02:21virtually because I can't imagine trying to get you know multiple people together in one space the podcast yeah it's hard I mean it was fun and I would whenever I would go to conferences I would just drag the recording equipment with me and get people together and and
00:02:40actually I just did that when I was in DC recently %HESITATION for the international no psychological society a conference I brought the recording stuff in and sat down with a couple of people in recorded episodes %HESITATION so what you been planned %HESITATION I'll tons of stuff %HESITATION I
00:03:00would lose a lot of any games lately like %HESITATION I've been playing a I played a little it was a really cute little game %HESITATION by a Russian developer it's called one eyed I'm gonna slaughter this because this case is K. UTK age and I'm not quite sure
00:03:19how to pronounce it but I've been staying cooped it sounds like that's the way it should be like that's how it should be pronounced right %HESITATION so it's super cute era is based on Russian fairy tales welding arm and it's like a point and click kind of adventure
00:03:39game %HESITATION is super short %HESITATION it's beautiful and it's got great music so %HESITATION is it on HBO or where is it it is on Xbox PlayStation four steam and the switch I do believe oh yes which definitely a much which I do believe yes because I played
00:04:05on which %HESITATION but I had Xbox one copy that I gave away %HESITATION so yeah all right is another matter platforms %HESITATION and I was super cute and I've been also the laying of a platformer called locker %HESITATION which is a home hopeful if so to platformer %HESITATION
00:04:29and it is all about is based on the shamans of the to our region Mexico so it is based on %HESITATION though the real people of that region as well as the mythology that surrounds that region oh that sounds eighties about about them platforming them we know we
00:04:49know that's not something I'm get out warble war yeah so it's not rogue like no no no army demands right is much is much more forgiving %HESITATION it is beautiful and it's got an amazing soundtrack of and I've been listening to the sounds are you when I'm not
00:05:08playing the game because the sound tracks on soundcloud cool okay sounds like my kind of thing yeah so I'm playing that playing %HESITATION billions more mainstream kind of stuff I'm always playing minecraft these days because I got a nine year old %HESITATION familiar with that well not you
00:05:26know not currently familiar but yeah two years ago from there let's see of and the number you know some triple a stuff like pudgy %HESITATION I have you tried fortnight yes I used to be I played a lot of four at night when it first came out %HESITATION
00:05:45and I stopped playing the battle royale mode of it would put G. came out %HESITATION because I just liked the kind of more realistic aspect of clubs you for the battle royale and I'm not super crazy about the building in the in game a fortnight battle royale nada
00:06:06now well I I can't play those games anyway because I suck at them but but my younger son has has played both and lately he's been playing the fortnight part yeah it's pretty the buildings okay for if you have a pretty yeah %HESITATION and I can see I
00:06:21can see why people are more drawn to it of but your puppies kind of where where I landed for the battle royale games %HESITATION I'm always played a ton of stuff because between playing you know playing with my daughter and playing for research and streaming %HESITATION and then
00:06:43occasionally play something for fun I'm like always all over the map with what I'm playing yeah yeah I have I is so little time to hop on and watch people streaming but it's one thing I wish I had more time to do %HESITATION is fun I am I
00:07:01usually have it just like even on in the background when I'm doing things yeah %HESITATION because there's some some some fine folks were screaming some things so oh yeah yeah I'm research wise %HESITATION anything you're working on and you want to chat about research is a top secret
00:07:21no it's not I'm I'm doing a couple different things research wise research wise I'm I'm always I'm always looking at %HESITATION or even some small scale of racing games %HESITATION so an article here and article there %HESITATION right now my big my bigger research projects %HESITATION are I'm
00:07:43looking at streamers and community building of interesting and what you know and what that adds to the game's community yeah %HESITATION but there's a lot of there's a lot of play there with representation there's a lot of play there with things like harassment and platform policy %HESITATION so
00:08:03that really interesting isn't really interesting project that I'm working on their %HESITATION and one of the other things that I've been doing lately is a us a smaller so I'm working on a smaller series of pieces that will be online %HESITATION and it's just so that their freely
00:08:21accessible but it's more pedagogical and curricular %HESITATION in that it looks at how we can use games for educational purposes so building kind of these many units around games so if you're going to study axe right for example if you're going to study fairy tales because there's a
00:08:44there's a there's a state court where the state core requirement at stake were standard in Indiana where you have to do %HESITATION fairy tales from other countries right it's all a game like when I would come in really handy for that because you know there's a game is
00:09:02based on Russian fairy tales so you know in looking at how you would build that into a curriculum you can look at you know reading Russian fairy tales talking about what the specific elements of fairy tales meat and then looking at how that did three mediated in a
00:09:16game like when I write right and that kind of hits a bunch of different things when you start talking about core standards of it hits one of the fairy tale requirement that falls under language arts but also his old computer requirements that are also a part of those
00:09:31of the state standards right so all those things are really interesting to me because one in my previous life I was an elementary school teacher in my previous life as in a long time well gosh it's been long as the twenty odd years ago %HESITATION but then also
00:09:48because I home school right %HESITATION so looking at ways to %HESITATION build things that children are really interested in into a curriculum that also teaches them the things from that you know we must teach them according to state the right so right I'm I'm bill I'm working on
00:10:09a series of pieces that that do that as well %HESITATION that is so good that is really really get you know I was thinking about core standards I don't pay too much attention to them honestly they just tend to make me angry in California but may make you
00:10:24angry everywhere over there well yeah they do so much makes me angry that you know I mean I'm generally a cheerful person but you know how could you not be angry these days I'm but I don't I don't recall any requirement for that learning about our understanding anything
00:10:43about fairy tales doesn't it doesn't exist in our state here in sunny California %HESITATION %HESITATION it would be cool if it did of but I don't I don't remember my kids doing any of that you know other than just for like self interest here at home to look
00:11:00into that I'm I'm not gonna talk about much for me playing games because I haven't been playing much I my fallback is usually MMOs so I've been doing some recent stuff in world of Warcraft I've been doing some recent there's a new sort of story portion that's been
00:11:19dropped for guild wars two and I happen to like girls work guild wars two it's a very pretty environment and I like running around in pretty environments %HESITATION and mostly just just doing that and then watching other people in my house play games so we just went through
00:11:36a period of intense %HESITATION %HESITATION you coulda playing so we did a whole play through of you kids at zero and then the remake of Kewanee very very popular in this house someone multiple people %HESITATION said everybody's waiting for the new one to come out and then monster
00:11:55hunter has been kind of the the the big thing and so I'm the annoying person on the couch pointing at all the monsters saying is that the one that has fluffy armor that you can you make fluffy armor from that one unfortunately most of the monsters do not
00:12:10make fluffy armor which I find very disappointing no there's just the the %HESITATION the one fluffy bat monster Yahoo has the yeah make the fluffy I I but I played a whole lot of monster hunter I made a character that I just handed it over so if yeah
00:12:29everyone in my house like I don't want your cursing anyway like just when you can watch and then my younger son has been %HESITATION playing a lot of fortnight lately with his friends of which you know they he seems to enjoy it those kinds of of games for
00:12:49me are just I have no appeal %HESITATION mostly because their first person and those make me sick to my stomach so I don't like them I'm so speaking of kids playing games why don't we kind of transition into that and start talking a little bit about it because
00:13:07it's something that you know I know that you care about both professionally and personally this as do I I'm so you know maybe we should start with kind of like right now so so in your house you've got minecraft blue going on which is perfect for that kid
00:13:25his age yep yes she's nine %HESITATION we play a lot of the play a lot of minecraft %HESITATION and one of the things that has come out of my streaming %HESITATION like I said I've I've been I've been streaming more %HESITATION both as kind of community building slash
00:13:44outreach slash I want to do it I am because I think representation is incredibly important when we start talking about streaming platforms %HESITATION and I think it is super important have more diverse body of streamers on all platforms yes %HESITATION so I've been I've been doing a regular
00:14:06streaming schedule %HESITATION now for eight months I was on twitch on mixer I think Sir okay I used to string want which %HESITATION and I know I'm gonna catch flak for this but I find which as a platform it was too toxic for me yet blouse gonna say
00:14:31if you are on twitch how's that going %HESITATION but I've I've been hearing more more about people moving over to mixer yeah %HESITATION %HESITATION so yeah I'm I'm I'm I'm a mixer %HESITATION then I I have been doing a regular schedule for about eight months now %HESITATION and
00:14:51you know they're trolls everywhere there is indeed toxicity everywhere %HESITATION but not to the level that I've experienced or that I experience on which and I think there's a lot more built into the platform itself to kind of fight that kind of toxicity didn't was were they the
00:15:11ones who recently like put out some guidelines for people with a mixer that did that or was it different when I was twitch that put out the guidelines that because of the %HESITATION because of this blow back about %HESITATION female streamers %HESITATION right right right so they put
00:15:30out these guidelines it was about the blowback about female streamers and the fact that like one of the largest streamers period %HESITATION from my limited his name because I don't people go looking at and but was doing some really racist stuff on his channel into which did nothing
00:15:50about it but of course like I say he's like one of the largest streamers period everybody knows them %HESITATION so they just let him get away with it because he is such a right big person yep so %HESITATION they put out these guidelines they basically said here's all
00:16:10things you shouldn't do you want which but kind of implicit in those guidelines was well here's how you get away with those things if you have a big enough audience right so it's a lot like Twitter yeah so %HESITATION yes so I think a lot of people were
00:16:26disappointed %HESITATION and I think that that might have been part of what precipitated a freebie %HESITATION large move of some fairly large twitch streamers over mixer because I've been feeling a lot like I said I've been through a lot of folks who are starting to migrate over to
00:16:43Yasser %HESITATION because the the environments different %HESITATION and it seems that because a lot of the regulation is built into the platform itself %HESITATION it's more difficult to get some of that now that now a lot of it like you say at the same time a lot of
00:17:11it is meant to take place only in chat that that whole regulation is taking place in chat and not without content and not the content right but there is an easily accessible here click on the screen and there's a report button Graham forget for content creators as well
00:17:27you know so kind of creators are saying something out of the way it's quite easy to report it %HESITATION get so what we'll see we'll see how it turns out I've been I've been satisfied we're satisfied just like I said not only in terms of the platform but
00:17:42also in terms of the community the community at mixers been amazing %HESITATION what you wear people kind of readily come together to help one another right so if there's anywhere who's like I want to be able to do these things on my stream and I'm not quite sure
00:17:59how the community comes together as as well you know here's here's the things that you mean of their constantly there's like a consistent flow of community of content creators who are even doing tutoriales on how to do the things that they do or near streams %HESITATION great to
00:18:18make it how friendly yeah so it's it's a it's a it's a pretty good community is a pretty good community and I stays that way I mean I hope that I always we're in a famine infrastructure perspective %HESITATION at what point things become and manageable from up %HESITATION
00:18:37maintaining a community town point of view right at what point does just the sheer volume of people start to overwhelm the capacities of people to moderate %HESITATION but if I think if you start out with clear rules and kind of a no tolerance policy I think it makes
00:18:56it easier to make those jumps in in numbers so I think it's I think I'm hoping that it's going to be more manageable for exam because now they're owned by Microsoft yeah %HESITATION and I hope that %HESITATION because you know Microsoft has had his issues in terms of
00:19:18its roles of toxicity but I'm hoping that as they start to refine and solidify these standards in terms of community building %HESITATION in terms of it of policies that allow that starts to bleed over into what we get with Microsoft and Xbox live with such too gaps so
00:19:43you know what there is waypoint had an episode specifically addressing the stuff not that long ago and I think they I think it was there they were talking about the kind of wimpy guidelines that that twitch put out and then the Microsoft more specific guidelines literally like this
00:19:59is where your shirt goes to to be acceptable this it's what you know what what you can wear supposedly but I think also about what kinds of things you can you can say and do %HESITATION which on the one hand you that they are you know too bad
00:20:14that that has to be regulated so much but it has to be regulated daylight obviously I mean I've never seen the invisible hand operate and anyway personally yeah I've heard it exists but but I've never seen it looked yeah it is pretty interesting %HESITATION is pretty interesting I
00:20:37could like I could like go on about mixer for ever because it won that's where my research lies right now %HESITATION into that's where a lot of my time is B. even my free time but kind of one of the more recent things that they did they just
00:20:51rolled out from in everybody's channel those of there's a built in what they call chat bot right so and it has three levels will four if you count off right so you can turn off into low medium or high %HESITATION based on how much filtering you want in
00:21:09chat and so they're screening chapped kind of ever harder to come out for like key words using algorithm yes interesting and then they will do not like automatically delete %HESITATION kind of toxic for the laptop %HESITATION toxics posts phrases etcetera %HESITATION is their learning style coded into it
00:21:35where I would ask this right because I was like whoa they haven't made it the right right and I'm I'm I want to reach out and find out exactly what that back in looks like %HESITATION because I'm I'm interested in terms of what it's what is learning in
00:21:52terms of algorithms because we know that that we know that that you can be problematic right Olean DEET %HESITATION so %HESITATION I want to I want to see I want to see but it's pretty it's pretty interesting because you can easily go in and like release %HESITATION messages
00:22:08they get deleted by accident %HESITATION base you can go back in and try to supervise it yep yep I'm so they are what are your thoughts on kids and streaming and and whether it's even possible to make an environment child appropriate for that okay so %HESITATION ice cream
00:22:32regularly right %HESITATION and one of the things and I know that there is there a couple of other people that I know who have done similar things %HESITATION is that once you start to stream and your kids see you know that you're enjoying this %HESITATION and if there's
00:22:47this community there of they want to become a part of it right the tension leave the fantastic yes sensually yes absolutely %HESITATION because %HESITATION that's that's what happened in my house when he was like %HESITATION you you have this thing that you love and IBM is something she's
00:23:09always been interested in right right I mean it seems like a natural thing to do together right so we do we have one day a week where we play together %HESITATION and and it's it's funny because that's the day that everybody says really this is the P. show
00:23:26you're just a side kick first she is absolutely amazing at it and she's a super shy kid in in person yeah %HESITATION what she really comes alive on the stream you would never know %HESITATION and she's an amazing streamer she's nine stance right by herself up right now
00:23:51because according to terms of service like M. or mixer for example you have to be thirteen before you can even have your own makes our account that's good to know %HESITATION unfortunately we'll see what we would then we'll talk about parental controls later I'm yeah our %HESITATION but
00:24:14it is unfortunately not the case that a good number of the people on mixer are actually thirteen or older right %HESITATION so the stream that I do with P. is family friendly %HESITATION so so that's a setting you can check that is upsetting you can choose absolutely used
00:24:36to say of family friendly team or %HESITATION eighteen plus or three settings you can choose some and so that one is always said a family friendly %HESITATION and because of what I've seen in terms of who streams aware I mean who shows up where I don't curse on
00:24:58my streams ever yeah not even in the city not even the ones I have said eighteen plus %HESITATION wow that is an impressive control wow because I have a lot of folks that I know show up in on my Wednesday afternoon stream with Pete right %HESITATION trouble my
00:25:25Wednesday afternoon stream with Pete who also show up on some of my evening streams and I stream late which is a whole nother issue will probably get to that as well %HESITATION so of we get a lot of kids that you know will sometimes tell I'm I'm nine
00:25:48and I'm like whoa no one you should be telling anybody on into whips how old you are right you know and do you not supposed to be here of right and right so so it's kind of a double edged sword we used we talk about having streams that
00:26:08are more specifically family friendly thinking stop no I'm sorry hold on a second one screen and go thank you %HESITATION so it becomes a double edged sword when you start talking about %HESITATION having streams that are family friendly but then having a platform that only allows children were
00:26:35thirteen or older right right especially when we when we know that most kids who are watching you know watch yourself when you too I mean because all YouTubers that you know do my craft and all the you could do was it do well blocks I mean these are
00:26:52you two words that are being made famous by kids under the age of thirteen yeah yeah yeah I mean that's yeah that's a whole world of problems with that too yeah I'm it's and kids are so much more media savvy you know when I was a kid we
00:27:10did not have you two we did not have streaming we don't have any of those things so that it was a different level of access especially from a predator perspective right like that you know people who go online and pretend to be children yes can behave in this
00:27:26way I'm so it its its normative for kids now too to operate greatly online that to be very comparing comfortable you've got you know two three year old kids who can use an iPad right so %HESITATION finding ways to keep up with and potentially ahead of that is
00:27:52is really I think a huge challenge for for for parents and any adults managing kids who I mean and it because we have like all of these platforms that are intended for children right of we have stuff like roadblocks right right and we have minecraft we have %HESITATION
00:28:14I mean these we've you know chatted about live off my dance like you two kids %HESITATION yet you know things like musically right all of these different things that are intended for children of that just make them right for child predators yeah %HESITATION because there was a huge
00:28:33problem with the PC version of roadblocks %HESITATION though console version has some other controls built in that don't make children as accessible to predators %HESITATION but just with people sending %HESITATION kids inappropriate material people soliciting kids %HESITATION people trolling each other godmother right but of and that was
00:29:00a huge problem on the on the PC version of roadblocks yeah %HESITATION and you know minecraft isn't is another space when you start talking about public servers where people go because they know small the younger children are going to be playing these games yeah %HESITATION and then you
00:29:20know we we we heard recently about like you two kids where people have like found a way to because we talk like we were talking early about algorithms and and ways to be algorithms right is that you know uploading material that may seem to be you know but
00:29:37nine dollars yeah or or our even %HESITATION the kinds of material they're supposed to be a you two kids like frozen videos or very radios but then inserting at some point in the video %HESITATION violent or sexual were racist of material into the radio itself so that children
00:29:58are being exposed to this yeah yeah %HESITATION and so there's there's always ways two for folks to find this kind there for folks to find this kind of material right yeah I we've become too comfortable with %HESITATION you too a with you too as like a a safe
00:30:21space for children right and that's been the assumption yes a lot of times that that it is a safe space for children %HESITATION and and I've had parents tell me you know because I'm at the pediatric nurse psychologist or practices partly pediatric I'm it did they feel comfortable
00:30:40you know with their kids because they're not aware of some of the stuff that the being seen and then we have to have a little chat yeah about that you're and and I've personally been involved in cases where %HESITATION one in particular where there was a very young
00:30:58teen who %HESITATION ran off with somebody will move yeah I pretended to be eighteen around with somebody it was really it was terrifying for everybody but but this did you know these are aren't I think sometimes people think these are urban legends quote unquote you know that there
00:31:18are that that doesn't really happen and then you're just trying to scare in shock people and let me tell you it is very real yeah it is a very real %HESITATION and I think you know this is one of the challenges with it too so there's on the
00:31:32content side which we can also talk about his you know what you know what kind of games are appropriate for kids at what ages now what kind of time is available to them to play or should they play %HESITATION yes there's the whole you know access issue what
00:31:50are they what are they seeing what are they able to access what and who is able to access them right and sometimes it's difficult it is yeah right because we have all these things in place %HESITATION we have all these things in place to kind of surveillance I
00:32:09mean that sounds horrible but I know it I think kids need to be super click my kids know they have no inherent right to privacy so that's clear it is it is not because of them is because of other people right exactly yeah I have a friend for
00:32:25example who heard her or her child was over playing with my child the other day %HESITATION and they came down they came over and sat down and because they they know I like games and they know I play games and they were talking to me about games and
00:32:41I'm like is this a game you play because I knew the games she was talking about she was talking about like life is strange she was talking about how old is this kid eight come to think about life is strange she was talking about if there were several
00:32:58games that we're just one out of the ballpark for an eight year old will yeah I'm extrapolating might and the soul and I'm like how do you know these things and stuck a lot I saw I saw let's plays on YouTube and I was so I asked him
00:33:18only room like so use she she's on my phone it seems to me it sends me a list of everything she's watching them I know what this is sipping you is a list of the trail she's watching a Mike now the problem is is that some of these
00:33:38some of these YouTubers that unless you go in and look and look at what they're actually streaming of yeah they may be predominately minecraft YouTubers they may be predominately you know roadblocks YouTubers but they're also playing some adult content and so they're not as a show up full
00:33:55listing right yeah just getting all this persons we are watching I has Cup quake I is come quick what what plays a lot of stuff that I would never want my kid to watch so I mean we have a rule in my house of that if if it's
00:34:11a new game with a new theories that someone is doing them and I have an approved it it has to be approved before you could start that's here he's right of course some you know and and a lot of you know and I and I understand a lot
00:34:25of players are like well I don't you know that seems like a lot no no really it's not is is yeah it is I mean it may be easier for me because I know these games but yes I do think that's true I mean I think because it's
00:34:37it you're it's a terrain you're familiar with in you you traverse yeah I think that's true there a lot of parents who aren't particularly media or tech savvy they don't play games themselves so a lot of times I think they wouldn't even know surly whether something's appropriate or
00:34:56not and that's where things get tricky right because if for you to know whether something is appropriate or not and you have to have some familiarity because it for example is that he said life is strange's game they're watching the less you know of that game means great
00:35:12game but it's very mature you know for it in eight or nine year old right not you know it's it's not developmentally appropriate for them right you know and she's like yeah it was weird because you know there was something about somebody killing themselves and I'm like oh
00:35:27these are conversations that you know that you need to have bail because you frame this content but this is not something that you need to be you know dealing on your own alright so it's difficult right it is difficult when some of the strategies that we have in
00:35:47place jobs don't go far right %HESITATION it takes a lot of scanning of content it does it does give an accountant I mean even my kids are teenagers now so I face different issues with them at my younger son when the last ridiculousness with Logan Paul happened but
00:36:07the jet to Japan thank yeah of so I sat down with my younger son and I said so like I have we talked about Logan Paul and he looked at me and he went I am offended if you think I would watch anything that guy does sorry just
00:36:23wanted to you know touch things about it yeah yeah and that's and that's that's fine you know and I you know I tell my can also make you mad sometimes yeah you you are not going to like what I say you're not gonna like what I do but
00:36:39you know what that's my job right well yeah exactly exactly %HESITATION it then it's interesting too when you know that the do you points parents have between not necessarily identifying as a gamer and the baggage that that has but whether whether parents are familiar with video game content
00:37:02or not I think on a societal level it's just much more common for people to play games at or to at least be familiar with games than it used to be and it's more so every year %HESITATION so it's the level of I don't know discomfort or stigma
00:37:18or whatever that goes along with with kids and and technology I mean there was a period of time where that there still some circles are this is the case where there is a really strict no screen time will say you know no screen time in of the stuff
00:37:34is it's terrible it's bad or write your brain man just like TV is to right and %HESITATION it so but then it it becomes kind of forbidden fruit thing which creates a whole other set of problems in terms of managing children and having an open trusting and you
00:37:54know communicative relationship with them and so I think it's something that a lot of parents feel very ill prepared to navigate the I feel fortunate that I you know I don't I don't play video games for a living per se but I have a highly adolescent oriented practice
00:38:14and the fact that I know and play video games and can talk with them about that is very helpful in terms of of my ability to work with the kids on the value it me their cooperation their comfort level all of that stuff out and it also gives
00:38:30me a chance to check into what actually are they you know what are they doing so I can then I will chat with the parents if need be whether it's to have you thought about playing with your kids like you I have you thought about playing a game
00:38:41with your kids because it's really fun yeah yeah I'm verse is yeah so this game that your eight year olds playing is not really like I have seen it yeah do you know how violent this game this and that's the other thing we can talk about too is
00:39:00the whole you know that the the mess around violence in video games right and you know what what I mean the research is really clear that that violence video games do not cause people to be violent %HESITATION that's sort of a non starter up but there is something
00:39:22to be thinking about in terms of what material kids are exposed to and whether or not that will be disturbing to them %HESITATION into those are very separate things yeah I %HESITATION that's always a huge you know huge question and it is because I can't tell you how
00:39:40many times I've seen kids in game stores or in the games I'll at target war where ever trying to convince the appearance that the best one I've ever heard that Grand Theft Auto was a racing simulator it's really good but what's even what's even worse is that I
00:40:06cannot tell you the number of times I've seen parents fall for it well yeah oh yeah and then I'm always the bubble buster because I can't at that point I'm like no no no no I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm not meaning to eavesdrop I over heard which fifth
00:40:20week down let me explain something to you how exactly I mean to me that's like that's like at the being at the park right right and and are are you the kind of parent who when you see something like totally inappropriate go down between kids who aren't yours
00:40:35yeah whether you say something or not absolute right I'm always the parent who says something of me to write up a network community we got to protect each other this is this is you know but a lot of people don't feel comfortable doing that yeah this is this
00:40:49is true and I understand that right it is really a is really difficult is really uncomfortable to kind of insert yourself into another kind of painting situation but right as a gamer and as a an expert your quotes %HESITATION I feel obligated to say something at that point
00:41:13because I don't like to buy it anyway right like it's like you're not saying you know give me that game I'm not gonna let you buy that for you right eight doing my due diligence and I want to be I could try to operate in a way where
00:41:25I don't want ever be in a position if I can avoid it of wishing I had said something yes and I I went into a this is a funny story and it's happened at Christmas %HESITATION I was at a big box store and they were grandparents in the
00:41:47store who were buying a minecraft themed Xbox controller for their grand son for Christmas %HESITATION and they asked the guy who was selling it now this is just one this is this is bad salesmanship two was really problematic for another reason but %HESITATION so they said well he's
00:42:11got a sister older sister should we get her a controller too because the it comes with like one of the my grapheme no they were buying a creeper controller to go with it and then there was like the pink page controller next to it and when I always
00:42:25got a sister should we buy her a controller to and goggles well how old is she and I think they said either twelve or fourteen I can't remember now it's been several months enough slips instead of any old no girls to play games and I was absolutely astounded
00:42:47and I to this day still kick myself that I didn't say something to the grandparents because I know all this somewhere on Christmas day there was a family that open that that opened that console and there was no controller for the for the girl right and that out
00:43:08automatically kind of re solidified that notion that games are for boys yes yeah right %HESITATION I'm I'm really glad you're bringing this up because %HESITATION will one well I'm evaluating boys they're always shocked that I play games yeah me not just that I'm in a middle aged lady
00:43:28because whatever but that girls don't play games yes yeah and I am angry at myself full yeah yeah I I think I would be too but I'd let me him and my other friends after after they left %HESITATION I am I was angry and I walked around because
00:43:50I was like I'm not gonna curse and I don't want to read and %HESITATION when I when it was time to go I our poll I was I was by myself a P. wasn't with me %HESITATION and I got the manager and I said I need you to
00:44:05bring the young man from electronics up here as she goes is their problem I might he didn't do anything that needs to be that he needs to be disciplined for but he did something he doesn't need to do it yet as that I want to explain it twice
00:44:22because they make me angry Solomon do once she got spot so she brings up and I said look let me explain to you who I am and what I do so I went through like the brief here's why am here's what I do I said every day I
00:44:36see girls struggling in stem fields struggling in game design programs because there are too many boys in those programs I think they shouldn't be there and they're too many girls who are already questioning whether or not they should be there I think mostly because your boys have told
00:44:53them they shouldn't right yeah I said please for my sake and for the sake of every girl out there don't ever do that again how did you respond he was like but I did as a let me tell you exactly what you said because he was gonna be
00:45:10was about to deny it about let me tell you exactly what you said I think because I play him is in my head over and over for the last thirty minutes and he was like I'm sorry I'll never do that good but what I find interesting to think
00:45:28about that too though is I have a feeling that it was so automatic for him and so unconscious you didn't recognize he did it it yeah yeah yeah which is really disturbing I'm at but not you know you do you do research in this area I mean it's
00:45:44not surprising yeah %HESITATION but it's but it's very hard two it's hard enough to get people to shift their conscious by season they're conscious ways of behaving but when people are doing things and they don't even realize it %HESITATION you've got a double burden because first you have
00:46:04to even bring their attention to the fact that they're doing it and then deal with the inevitable push back because you've then you know oftentimes in there might change them so then you've got to deal with that and then you have to deal with it you know trying
00:46:18to get the correct information in there %HESITATION in it is it is not easy when it's a lot of girls that I see in my practice and again I you know I am I rarely see neurotypical kids because obviously I'm under a psychologist so most of the people
00:46:35who come to see me have some kind of neuro developmental issue going on whether it's a DHD or autism spectrum learning disabilities mood disorder whatever there's already some set of issues and so they're not necessarily going to be typically developing I'm but you know even so the percentage
00:46:53of girls I see who play video games a comparison to the boys is is much much much smaller more %HESITATION that fit the girls I see are definitely tech savvy right they use the internet they use apps they do all sorts of things %HESITATION and they also tend
00:47:12to be more inclined to play iOS games of different kinds right or you know that the games on their phones are iPads then on a console or on a PC %HESITATION and I do think that that is to at least some degree because that's what's being reinforced with
00:47:32them yeah I I mean I agree wholeheartedly because you know those are the phones are acceptable female looks at three right right %HESITATION a switch for example as another portable device is not correct right %HESITATION I mean is that how can you be you know like doesn't doesn't
00:47:55everybody want to be able to carry a switch around and play games yes who wouldn't want to do that yeah I mean because you know and I said my mom right my daughter's night and I'm still without sounded by the fact that in two thousand eighteen we still
00:48:16have young boys who don't think girls play games don't think I should be playing games absolutely and they and they grow into the grown men who tell the grown men who two girls don't play games yeah right and I do think I've I've raised it especially the teenage
00:48:39girls that I see I always raise it with them you know I wanted to ask you to what our hobbies would you like to do %HESITATION and if they don't mention video games I ask them to play video games right and see what they say %HESITATION and I've
00:48:51had more than a few say well I tried but %HESITATION I did not like the way that that males spoke to me when I tried to go online and they said at that point I decided okay I you know I'll maybe play some RPG games at home myself
00:49:09of you know they'll sometimes do that but I'm not going online absolutely not not gonna play any kind of multi player games yeah where I have to interact or I've had them say that they will go and play %HESITATION but they will completely turn chat off they don't
00:49:23use any voice here stuff I'm in this in rages me yeah I mean it's it's a we have a we even have a rule in my house when we street together up he's not allowed to reject she's not allowed to reach and she's like I'm not allowed to
00:49:44reach out because people say horrible things right and I said yes I did you know that you know we've got tons of people who come just to see you and I read you know I reach out to our when people are talking to her is that they fail
00:49:59you in what you're doing I support their trolls right right and how much are you know how much I mean the level of trauma that our kids are exposed to I mean I'm not even to get into the school shooting stuff because I just I could yell about
00:50:15that for an hour by itself and but that the level of kind of exposure to traumatizing things is is a big deal yeah I'm one of the things I talk about when I'm doing but public speaking stuff about this topic is also to talk about the format games
00:50:36or any the contents definitely thing dealing with awful people is a thing but also looking at for example first person versus third person presentation and how stimulating that can be I can't play for first person because it makes me sick and dizzy right yeah I'm but but that's
00:50:55a very much more immediate way of experiencing content anyway regardless of what it is and I think for a lot of people can be over stimulating it's just too much yes I am crash twenty years ago now %HESITATION I of lost a cousin who was like a sister
00:51:15to me because we were both only children raised together %HESITATION to gun violence %HESITATION and I like games that have guns yes button I can play third person shooters much more readily than I can first person shooters because first person shooters will often trigger %HESITATION form of PTSD
00:51:40for me yeah I of course for that very reason and it did not happen until until after her death %HESITATION so yeah I mean there there is something about experiencing that from that camera angle yes he is very immediate yes it is right because people say all the
00:51:58time and I can play pudgy and I'm like yeah I play put you in battle royal baby from a hundred people on an island last one standing wins and they're like you play first person mode no no I don't there's no way I can run around an island
00:52:12try to kill ninety nine people in first person mode that would write almost sent me an overdrive and I need to see around me too like that I mean the second is only part of it I also I I can't see behind me in first person like I
00:52:27need to come in a bar except the exactly yeah yeah I mean and that's it for any content but also most first person oriented games with the exception of things like gone home theater we note more exploratory %HESITATION they they tend to be violent they tend to be
00:52:46you know you're looking through a gun yeah I'm like my kids really enjoy aid at for a period of time they've kind of moved on at this point but I was in the over watch beta and and and I played over watch a little bit too it's a
00:53:00fun game I mean it's been kind of the only first person shooter game that I've been able to tolerate playing until it went online and you know then that the thought of of stocking as much as I suck at those kind of games like in in a group
00:53:13of other people was not with a non starter but my kids enjoyed playing it for awhile and they seem to you know have a great time with it I'm and I I don't get that many parents complaining to me about their kids playing first person shooters and aside
00:53:32from playing them too much and that the problem I tend to run into with a lot of families is once their kids start playing a game like once they get on the console or the PC or whatever they can't get them off I have to say what is
00:53:52it I stream late at night I don't well late if I don't start streaming until ten PM your time my time is just yeah I start feeling at ten PM eastern standard time %HESITATION I start feeling that late because I stream mature rated games I stream games that
00:54:11are not of are not acceptable for me for my child to watch so I I don't stream till after she goes to bed I know she's asleep %HESITATION and I'm kind of shocked red lead at the number of younger folks I see in my streams at eleven twelve
00:54:36one o'clock in the morning right eye and yeah yeah they're not my kids ma'am I'm giving my kids %HESITATION no yeah I know and I've had a lot of conversations with parents about what we're do you like where are the consoles yeah are they in the kids room
00:55:01yes maybe you should consider moving it someplace else right because I didn't play in at eleven twelve one o'clock right into yeah %HESITATION yeah I mean we have a we have a a no technology in bedrooms rule around here right so we have switches that now she's playing
00:55:19on Twitter she's playing on the DS you can take it in her room to play what they come back out to you they come back out to a central area right where they live where they live yes they live in the are are over consoles live in the
00:55:32game room %HESITATION she has another like little set up downstairs and she screams with me but that lives downstairs in the in the family room right yeah so those live down in the family room the rest of live up in the in the game room nothing lives in
00:55:48our bedrooms out and and I enforce this rule but I also important for myself like I don't even have a television in my bedroom hello that's impressive I know a lot of people who do that I am not one of those people that I don't actually watch a
00:56:02lot of TV out of my best to help but that part of it to sleep hygiene thing yeah nope that part of it is a again that you know there's the in a way to think about it from that like typical development perspective but but also from that
00:56:17if you are not one neurotypical I'm a lot of times you know structure and a really consistent schedule becomes that much more important %HESITATION for self regulation and so if you've got a kid who's you know can't go to sleep because they have some trouble managing sleep and
00:56:39having them sit up until one in the morning on iPad doing whatever %HESITATION or snap chatting or even doing that kind of stuff it's it's problematic on multiple levels writer but but then parents become nervous about setting limits around that especially depending on what the norms are in
00:57:00their community and what kids are expected and I you know I'm one of those parents for like for my household where I'm like I don't care what Johnny down the street is doing like yeah I don't care what Johnny's parents let him do right so I'm either then
00:57:16well you know I wonder if I'm gonna run into Johnny's parents and what I will say but yeah it out %HESITATION fit that that pressure is a huge deal not just with kids like but with parents yeah we have a we have a joke in my house M.
00:57:33and my kids and my kids she's finally learned that I don't mean it wants to be like well so those prayers not Michael social peers don't love them yeah no no I'm yeah but I I know a lot of parents who are afraid of setting limits with their
00:57:55kids and not because their kids are gonna you know become violent with them right %HESITATION but because they don't want to disappoint them or their friend setting them in either going to be upset and %HESITATION you know one of the things that I think is so important to
00:58:11do at just speak as becoming an adult is going to be in any kind of this authority role with children you know is to is to learn how to be okay with little kids be angry with you yeah I know to understand you have power like the you
00:58:26know in relation to smaller people and that means that you need to be responsible so you have to be respectful and yet treat kids well but you also have to be able to say how about now right now my god you can't do that okay I'm gonna be
00:58:43okay with kids be you'd be angry with you yeah and I'd I'd and like I said I tell my kids all the time that's it I will make you angry that's my job and it's okay anger it's perfectly fine to be angry okay angry is okay to feel
00:58:59what you feel it's okay to be angry it's okay to be sad it's okay to be frustrated it's okay to be happy all of those are valid emotions should never try to make yourself feel anything else than what you need to feel in that moment right exactly of
00:59:13and so I tell wrote that is my job I'm sorry it's my job to make you angry and that's why I want talk about parental controls for a moment yet please come it's important when you get a new device to check out the parental controls that exist when
00:59:31that device yes right because most new devices have parental controls of some sort bill right and they're always set off for me you have to turn them off exactly you have to turn them on sometimes you have to go through all kinds of little here sending email %HESITATION
00:59:51putting your credit card number so we can prove you're an adult do what you need to do because that way you have a better idea like people say you know I'm concerned because my kids on the Xbox all night long well you know what Mike is not on
01:00:06the Xbox all night long because once she hits two hours logged into the Xbox vanilla she's lobby and she can't use anything washing right two hours logged into the Xbox five minutes before that two hours and one hour fifty five minutes she gets a warning five minutes this
01:00:24is going to shut off so you need to ask if you can have more screen time and I have to complete in the cold choose how much time she has and click okay or otherwise in five minutes is going to shut off like right shut off and sign
01:00:39her out right which is I really like having parents understand they have that option because I'm because they get kids you can get this regulated they don't want to be the one thing okay it's time to get off now right and I'm sick automated so let the you
01:00:57know it's not you that's the way it is up to spend two hours yeah you're done yeah and it turns itself off I mean they write all kinds of things that are built in like if you have a connected set up to your Xbox and I have this
01:01:11set up for a long time especially when she was younger %HESITATION that it was signed her in whenever it saw her and if I was watching something and if it was sent to show is that she couldn't see anything that was radiating up over the age of Ted
01:01:27so I could be watching doctor who and she would walk into the room the connect would see her and IBM it would pause the it would pause the video and I get a pop up there someone in the room who is not age appropriate for this content what
01:01:43do you want to do I know that that wasn't a face another reason to be angry that they got rid of that can that is another reason to be angry they get ready and connect yeah I mean I have a lot of reasons for that right yeah there
01:01:55are all kinds of things you mean it's not just on the Xbox you can set up parental controls on the switch that also allow you to say like whenever she treasures which one there's little orange button at the top that gives her a countdown of how much time
01:02:10she's got left logged into that switch on that day right and and then it also sends me for the Xbox for this which every week it seems me a weekly break out of here's what your kids are doing on these councils for this week yeah right right and
01:02:26you can see it it at and also you can check in right you can look over her shoulder and see what she's doing yes quite hard to learn in a open space yes right there so there's there's a way one of the conversations I end up having a
01:02:42lot with parents %HESITATION especially white parents is this notion of not wanting to impinge on their child's privacy or their freedom or %HESITATION you know letting them know be by themselves a little too much right and and my point of view is look everybody needs their privacy everybody
01:03:02needs to have their alone time for whatever purposes %HESITATION however if if a child is interacting with other people whether it's %HESITATION texting you know whatever that Snapchat stuff %HESITATION there are legitimate safety concerns that that you know brit brains develop over time and teenage brains are not
01:03:29fully developed and don't tend to have been a great function in those higher level judgment its debts %HESITATION and so there is a need for supervision I'm and it's interesting because they cut it and again this is just my little sample of people that I see although I
01:03:49do see a very diverse range of people %HESITATION then it's usually families of color that are much more comfortable being authoritative with their kids yet but I've seen in my office I'm as opposed to feeling pressured for whatever reason to be that nat Cole parent to be the
01:04:09friendly parents and to be the you know let them let them roam kind of thing here up and I so I definitely think there cultural differences %HESITATION for sure but I also think there are differences just among like in communities about what you know what what people are
01:04:26are expecting to be normal quote unquote behavior for kids and what's considered to be safe and not %HESITATION but again I had the experience of of having a kid literally run off with somebody so %HESITATION me not my kids but but on a case I was on so
01:04:43I that to me is not just an abstract concept that you that you face it's a real it's a real thing with real consequences absolutely absolutely I mean my child is is unfortunate %HESITATION in that you know she she a she got settled she got saddled with a
01:05:02black beard who's the big I don't he is like so so don't level funny joking as she she understands now that I'm joking the first first couple times that I said that I think she was probably totally astounded and thought that that her friends for years and love
01:05:24them of yeah but yeah I mean we it is I think I think you're right right is that you know when we start thinking about %HESITATION even in the way that we do here in two days %HESITATION is that through certain backgrounds and it is not just racial
01:05:42ethnic backgrounds but also in terms of socio economic class can yet be more directive yeah right then %HESITATION then then asking right so rather than saying and this is always one of my my favorite examples of who was it was %HESITATION cap what was it was in it
01:06:01was a book by Lisa Delphic other people's children %HESITATION when she said that there's a difference between %HESITATION would you like to take a bath and get your **** lit up well it was interesting with that too for Megan from that brain development perspective is that open ended
01:06:21questions art can not can be like not ideal for presenting things tickets like it's having some you know clear boundaries in some direction actually very anxiety relieving for for for in my view all children but especially kids who have some developmental differences that it can be overwhelming to
01:06:41have too many choices so I'm sort of a running joke with my step daughter who's in the young adult now but that you know if I really want to stress or out of say where do I go for dinner yeah why did you do this to me I
01:06:55think I get take the pressure yeah like so limiting the choice field to some degree you know and again I think people very in terms of limiting that choice field you know between that would you like to wear the red shirt of the blue shirt verse says here's
01:07:08your shirt right yeah yeah right user here's some you know yeah we we have that we have that %HESITATION where would you like to eat well is not so much where would you like to go to eat up because in my house if I ask that question is
01:07:24always either going to be sushi or pancakes the hawks and like really %HESITATION but when we go we go someplace different I'm like what do you what do you want to eat is like are you kidding me can you just offer me like three things and ask you
01:07:39to choose to work for once those three rather than handed me a menu of like forty items right %HESITATION his choice paralysis right adults get it too right now and I'm like well so I'm like he hears three things that I know you like would you like to
01:07:55choose one of these three right well in terms of game choices you know one of the things will happen sometimes if there's a lot of games out all see my my younger son and he'll have time off and be like okay I'm gonna play a game and then
01:08:09he just sits there for awhile because he can't decide but he wants to play yet and %HESITATION usually if he has friends who were playing a game that'll be his first choice the whole go hop on with his friends and play something together if it's just him sometimes
01:08:28having to decide amongst all of these games that we have you know we have a lot of games in our house available I'm sometimes I think you know what I think I'm just gonna watch them let's plays for awhile I mean sometimes that becomes a choice almost because
01:08:45it's less stressful than trying to figure out what you want to spend time playing yeah yeah I'm you know and the peer pressure thing in terms of games people play because the kids learn about games enough because most kids don't listen to gaming podcasts is are you know
01:09:01as it moves the grown ups that do that or at least older teens I hear about games because the French are talking about them yeah here say the friends are talking about them or you know maybe there's a video we import passed around on Facebook or Instagram %HESITATION
01:09:20but is it still come is still content coming from other people right yeah yeah absolutely because I I know well my kid will come and say there's a new game blah blah that I saw you know my favorite youtuber play right %HESITATION and I'm like really I think
01:09:45there's a new Kirby game yes I know there's a new Kirby game I wanted to tell me because I had one bite of I mean it's all these people at the same time you you made a great point earlier and I just knew I wanted to cycle back
01:10:02around to it of when we start talking about choices when we start talking about decisions will start talking about what kids are doing %HESITATION playing with your kids is something that's really important yeah because it not only gives you the chance to see what there to see what
01:10:23they're experiencing it gives you a chance to like be there in a moment to talk about material that might be disturbing to them that you took about talk about is one game in just a second but you that they may experience or see that you weren't expecting yup
01:10:42and is a great way to spend time with kids because some content is rated in a certain way and you think it is you think it's it's safe arm I'm sorry I must say this don't trust games ratings you can to help them to know that in a
01:11:03general sense in a general only rated yep sure don't buy for your eight year old girl by three ten year old don't buy every twelve year old I'm not in go buy from a fourteen year old right right of but even when you have games that are rated
01:11:19he fourteen you still have to be super careful I'm a because because of what I do I play games before my kid does yeah even when we're playing like long RPGs %HESITATION I play a chapter ahead all the time right so then you know what's coming or know
01:11:40what's coming %HESITATION and I know if I want to save that chapter and skip it right right if you know if this if this is something that's going to be difficult but that she and I could stop afterwards and sit down and have a Cup of hot cocoa
01:11:56or you know ginger beer together and talk about what we just saw right right which is super valuable is super valuable because want to give you time to spend time with your kids give time to have conversations with your kids about things that they actually want to have
01:12:11conversations about which games well yeah exactly of but one game in particular up and it was a a to a platform where they came out called cameraman no I don't I don't know that well where you play a little candle and it's a puzzle based platform you have
01:12:30to use your candle to light the candles to make it through the world %HESITATION and they're all kinds of things that you can do with the light and so it's it's super cute it makes you think about it makes you think you know critically about %HESITATION what you're
01:12:46doing it makes you think in terms it makes you think about special puzzles so it's like it's which is really good in a number of different ways now narratively %HESITATION because it was ready so my daughters I cannot believe this and I was like it's part %HESITATION I'm
01:13:05like she's like it I'm like yes yes it is but you know the role of so and I'm really glad that I stuck to that rule even though the game was already because you get to the end of the game and also the the narrative narratively what it
01:13:18is is this candle sees a live house in the distance and the scandal wants to become the light house right wants to be a I see where this is I want to be as great as the light house right through all of these different levels and does all
01:13:34of these different things any gifts to the lighthouse and and basically it's like Hey you live house I would be great if you and the lighthouse is the final boss battle right so he has to fight the lighthouse that happens he wins when's as as I want to
01:13:54be as great as the White House the story then unfolds and the little Caleb gets told you can never be this what we will wait so they cannot commit suicide %HESITATION nice I think it %HESITATION that then the candle becomes the light house and you can deal with
01:14:19that Ono it's worse yes he jumped off into an abyss because he cannot be what he wanted to be from the beginning okay that's horrible that is absolutely horrible and this game is ready okay that is a so I was trying to imagine if you hadn't checked it
01:14:44in advance what that would have been like yeah yeah not get I was so angry I was I was like who thought this was OK and at what point will because she wanted to hear was are we ready ratings asks is self reporting was way worse thing that
01:15:07was forcing in your game shows a clip of it are the cuss words are this way is is wearing none of that exists what's the worst thing you can say there's you know you have to fight you know I don't know poison flowers that you think that you
01:15:20not right if you you know not that the is that the end state the in game no matter whether you win or lose is that you that you can't be what you want to be so you commit suicide right so we are not self reporting that then it
01:15:32still gets raided eat for everyone I mean it's horrible in general but in particular along gender and racial lines yeah it's even worse yeah so %HESITATION well well guess I'm glad I didn't know about that game that my kids to that place yeah that is not that is
01:16:00not a conversation I would have wanted to have with them who will buy it for that reason I mean that's obviously a conversation that has to be at some point but but to have that be the thing that stimulate the conversation not not good yeah %HESITATION but I
01:16:17do think we have to wrap it up here because we've been talking I could talk to for hours and I and I have %HESITATION they did it I I think sometimes parents make the decision to to not really give their kids access to a lot of technology and
01:16:34games in part because it can be so burdensome to keep up with that kind of stuff %HESITATION and that their right to some degree I think there can be a kind of a better safe than sorry %HESITATION reasoning for it which I can understand but I also know
01:16:53because I know people I'm is that it if you completely for better access to something it it does really become the forbidden fruit yeah kind of thing and I've had you know I've had kids tell me well yeah we don't have video games are house were not allowed
01:17:11to play video games but when I'm down the street my friend's house moon you know that we play smash all day long right which again I don't problem with it but but again like it's something that that ends up becoming an outside thing that they did they do
01:17:27that they can't bring back into their home and then that also means that they can't share it right and so then that ends up damaging the the communication between the parents and kids and contributes to the larger kind of pattern of secrecy yeah yeah I mean and that's
01:17:53where there's yeah that's one of the reasons that I one play games like isn't always tell peers that they need to yeah and then I understand is if difficult there some games if you're not a person who usually plays games is difficult like it would be difficult for
01:18:11the average non gaming peer to go in if they all play fortnight with my kids alright right I I do play games and I don't do that you know yeah but there are other games that you can't play kind of red yeah with your kids yeah right right
01:18:27and that's one of the things that I've been trying to do got a more more regularly of like at night in my arms gamers we have a little section couple of play with the kids to do so offers some some games that you know what is it have
01:18:44they have a lower barrier of entry so he's at right right in there either but I I think yeah it so that one of the other things I would say to because I get I really get I know a lot of parents who just they don't want to
01:19:01play games and want to learn how however one of the things that that we do we have our top television or maybe a main TV and we have the consul's hooked up to it I will just sit watch yeah my kids play talk with them right hip sometimes
01:19:16sometimes purposely to annoy them but but mostly to chat about stuff right especially if they're playing at an RPG of some kind like we'll talk about the story yeah you know what I was going on in the story will talk about me up both of my boys are
01:19:28very into %HESITATION J. RPGs they just like if there is a Jeremy Fiji publish they will play and they just they love them %HESITATION and so will talk about you know and they're frustrated with a lot of the stories too for obvious reasons but they they love the
01:19:42whole tales of series so you know we'll go through that and %HESITATION they they really like it when I sit and watch them play they they enjoy it %HESITATION so I I like to remind parents that you actually need it I think it's good if you can and
01:19:59will play with your kids game but you can also engage with them while they're playing you know then you have the bonus of being there and seeing what they're playing like if you haven't the the content in advance yeah %HESITATION which me out for a lot of parents
01:20:14is just not realistic for them to do like we can say the ideal world they should do it for a lot of parents is just not gonna happen if but you can at least monitor what's what's happening and then if something strange comes up you can deal with
01:20:28it then %HESITATION but I also know that that you know for me I had when I have time for me when I can I like to watch other people streaming I enjoyed watching other people play games of but I think it's more could normalize for kids now like
01:20:42that's not what kids did when I grew up you know and like the notion of why would you want to watch somebody else play a video game rate was I'm but now I think it's very normalized for kids and they'd watch YouTubers watch said let's plays and that
01:20:57kind of thing so it's it's very it's part of their vocabulary now in a way that it never used to be in %HESITATION so I'm sure there's tons of things that that we did not hit %HESITATION that are relevant to you know kids kids in games and parenting
01:21:14and games but we can always return to it another time %HESITATION any have last last bits of advice you want to drop wow Irma I think we cover most of the big ones right kids can't pay attention to what your kids are playing if you can't play with
01:21:32you kids yet just sit down and talk to them about what they're playing %HESITATION those are those are good bits of advice and if you you know if you are concerned about what you know how long your kids are playing or what they're playing always just take a
01:21:52moment or two to look into parental controls yeah there's unfortunately not a ton out there and I'm actually I'm actually working on something %HESITATION that will go over parental controls on different devices for peers because a lot of people don't know that the stuff exists right they don't
01:22:11show that are there exist and it can be hard to find yeah so it can also be hard to know where to look yeah %HESITATION so %HESITATION me I would you know definitely get it include a link to to your your show and and blog it's it's a
01:22:27truck there %HESITATION and so depending on when you finish it when I get the episode up a link to that piece as well %HESITATION but also I forgot to add like that there isn't anyone like ideal amount of time for all kids right yeah I'm like usually you
01:22:46know after a couple hours you know we tell them get up run around the block or go go do something else for awhile I'm but sometimes can I can get over stimulated after playing twenty minutes I mean it it can be very individualized and so one of the
01:22:59things I tell parents is that you know one thing you can do is you know watcher kit and seed because you know for a lot of kids in again I have a a a specialty in working with with with %HESITATION artistic kids I'm yeah a lot of kids
01:23:15need to have that hyper focus to be able to self regulate so like that you the iPad is not your enemy right it it really can help if you've had a stressful day at school or whatever to dispel the sit down hyper focus on whatever like you know
01:23:29little puzzle game YouTube video whatever on I've had for awhile %HESITATION and that you can kind of monitor kids arousal level and see right now because you can't have been after you after it's been too long you can tell that somebody's getting irritable you can tell that they're
01:23:46getting over simulator you know and so sometimes you have to do a little bit of experimentation yourself to see and you look up okay that was to lock so right like next time we're definitely shut it down earlier yeah but but there there is an individual variation in
01:24:04that that that I I always want parents to pay attention to because there isn't you know again I think that you know to our limit is is pretty good but for some kids it's too much time and other kids can have a longer than that and so I
01:24:21always say you know pay attention to your kids sort of body signals about their arousal level whether they seem to be getting too over stimulated %HESITATION whether they seem to be getting shut down and and help you know use that as a way to help guide you but
01:24:35I also think the more you can once you kind of find the sweet spot the more you can automate that and have it be computer says bye bye like you know like not me I have nothing to do right it's not not me to play with you anymore
01:24:48right because then it also takes that that the fifth part out of it because some parents do get tantrum behavior when they try to remove electronics device that their kids Piper folks I'm playing with but again you don't have to have a no developmental difference for that to
01:25:03happen %HESITATION but it becomes much less of an inter personal issue when it's you know that's why I like egg timers a lot to say up time that you know it's this not me saying that it's Mr clock here yet buffet time somebody else's money it's not personal
01:25:22you know it doesn't always work but it tends to work better often %HESITATION but again different different parents have different comfort levels with also saying no gets what I say it's time up right and and then deal with whatever fallout there may or may not be but I
01:25:37do think that there's a there's a room like there isn't any one right answer for this there's some guidelines but you have to do some some live in with it I'm so so to tell people where they can find you out I'm well I'm always %HESITATION have been
01:25:54now for in my eighth year at %HESITATION my mom's gamer which is easy as in why am gamer dot com where you can find our blog our podcast %HESITATION and we're we're we've launched a mill St journal %HESITATION I did not know that yep cool all that there
01:26:18%HESITATION there's links to it %HESITATION I stream regularly on mixer there's also a link to that on the on the nine members gamer site to say Sam it makes their right at the top you can go through and find like my schedule when I'm hanging out those kinds
01:26:32of things %HESITATION yeah most of the most of my stuff there is it wouldn't is like my online stuff is link there in some way shape or form %HESITATION and then usually if I remember when I have something that actually comes out in print will put it over
01:26:46in the little news section so people can find that kind of stuff to sell get good and art are you on Twitter much these days I am going to order all the time I'm I'm on Twitter of if you're looking for just like more academically game stuff me
01:27:01is just at surface the essay F. F. I. S. T. A. and if you look at the bio and if you're interested in just like the stream and stuff there's a link to my streaming profile to for Twitter because I've got both %HESITATION so yeah Twitter the interwebs
01:27:18all the different places you can buy the you're everywhere I am every time and it's good it's just it's we're lucky to have yet to and so and I am %HESITATION I'm on Twitter I I they have such mixed feelings about that platform you know yes I just
01:27:38continue to have such mixed feelings about that platform I I I just I know so many amazing people through that platform but it that the cost is not delightful I'm but so far there is not a viable option and I'm always eager to find one and I'm sure
01:27:58there will be good viable options that show up at some point just like they didn't used to be mixer right and now right people are ours starting to move away from twitch in some ways to move over to other platforms so I I think there's always going to
01:28:10be new things that people can do to have contact with each other in a way that's not gross I mean it doesn't seem like it should be that difficult really I'm so %HESITATION thank you so much for for coming on the show it's just been such a delight
01:28:28to have you and back again you're always welcome and so I guess this is where we'll say goodbye to people and done see you later see you later saying I

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