Full Transcript for Tom Arnold

00:05:18.240 have these dreams and, you know, as I grew up, 75 00:05:18.339 --> 00:05:21.189 I had these dreams and I just couldn't figure out 76 00:05:21.250 --> 00:05:25.250 how you could get from a Tumwa to Hollywood. And 77 00:05:25.750 --> 00:05:28.000 You know, if you work in a meatpacking plant, which 78 00:05:28.060 --> 00:05:30.639 I did out of high school, you know, especially on 79 00:05:30.660 --> 00:05:33.959 the kill floor of a meatpacking plant, there's one thing 80 00:05:33.980 --> 00:05:36.540 for sure. You will get very drunk every night. And 81 00:05:36.579 --> 00:05:39.660 then you will have these crazy dreams like you're best 82 00:05:39.699 --> 00:05:42.740 friends with Arnold Schwarzenegger or you're friends with Robin Williams. 83 00:05:42.819 --> 00:05:44.879 And then you wake up at 4.45 a.m. and it's 84 00:05:44.920 --> 00:05:46.879 time to go chisel heads or whatever kind of shit 85 00:05:46.899 --> 00:05:48.810 job you got. And you're like, oh, my God, I 86 00:05:48.819 --> 00:05:50.910 live in a tub of Iowa. I work at Hormel. 87 00:05:50.990 --> 00:05:53.569 I will never meet Arnold Schwarzenegger. This is so depressing. 88 00:05:53.949 --> 00:05:57.529 I have to quit dreaming. And then, you know, cut 89 00:05:57.550 --> 00:06:00.350 two years later, I have friends with Arnold Schwarzenegger. I 90 00:06:00.389 --> 00:06:03.589 did a movie with Robin Williams. I knew him well. 91 00:06:04.129 --> 00:06:06.470 But what really was a turning point for me was 92 00:06:06.730 --> 00:06:08.810 I said, I'm going to quit having these dreams. I've 93 00:06:08.829 --> 00:06:12.889 got to be realistic. I just have to settle. Nobody 94 00:06:12.910 --> 00:06:15.290 in my town does this. We stay here. That's what 95 00:06:15.329 --> 00:06:18.370 we do. And one night I was out at the bar, 96 00:06:18.649 --> 00:06:21.889 and I looked over, and I saw Andy Kaufman in Atomo, Iowa. 97 00:06:22.379 --> 00:06:28.750 And he had been studying it. Maharishi International University Transcendental Meditation, 98 00:06:28.850 --> 00:06:32.029 which is 20 miles away in Fairfield, Iowa. And he'd 99 00:06:32.050 --> 00:06:34.490 come down to Ottumwa to our Coliseum. They had a 100 00:06:34.569 --> 00:06:38.889 women's wrestling event. And he had come there and then 101 00:06:38.949 --> 00:06:42.370 paid the women to stay afterwards to wrestle with him. 102 00:06:42.870 --> 00:06:45.189 And they'd taken the whole crowd to Happy Joe's Pizza 103 00:06:45.730 --> 00:06:48.220 and bought the pizza. And I thought, that's what I want. 104 00:06:48.360 --> 00:06:51.170 You know, I want to be so successful. famous and 105 00:06:51.209 --> 00:06:53.569 successful i could take everybody to happy joe's pizza by 106 00:06:53.589 --> 00:06:54.970 the way happy joe's pizza is the best pizza in 107 00:06:54.990 --> 00:06:59.769 the world you get their taco pizza it's awesome and 108 00:06:59.829 --> 00:07:02.370 so i met him and i talked to him for 109 00:07:02.389 --> 00:07:05.550 a little bit and and then i also i got 110 00:07:05.569 --> 00:07:09.110 to see you know how uncomfortable he got when a 111 00:07:09.250 --> 00:07:13.889 bunch of people started recognizing him and but i also 112 00:07:14.269 --> 00:07:16.350 it struck me oh my gosh if he could get 113 00:07:16.829 --> 00:07:18.709 to a tub of Iowa from Hollywood, there must be 114 00:07:18.730 --> 00:07:20.490 a way to get the other way for me to 115 00:07:20.529 --> 00:07:23.449 get there. So that stuck in my head, and when 116 00:07:23.470 --> 00:07:25.810 I'd saved enough money to go to college, I ended 117 00:07:25.870 --> 00:07:28.850 up going to the University of Iowa, and they had 118 00:07:28.930 --> 00:07:31.689 open mic night at the student union, and you could 119 00:07:31.709 --> 00:07:34.220 get up and tell jokes or play guitar or whatever. 120 00:07:34.740 --> 00:07:38.639 All my friends made it. I booked it. It had 121 00:07:38.639 --> 00:07:41.800 50 friends, and we drank Everclear Punch, which is powdered 122 00:07:41.819 --> 00:07:45.790 Gatorade and Everclear. It's just a filthy drug. And I 123 00:07:45.850 --> 00:07:48.209 told jokes. They were old jokes or Richard Pryor jokes. 124 00:07:49.389 --> 00:07:53.290 My friends just laughed and laughed. And then real comedians 125 00:07:53.329 --> 00:07:56.079 came out after that. They booked. And all my friends 126 00:07:56.120 --> 00:07:59.160 left with me. We went out partying. And I said 127 00:07:59.199 --> 00:08:01.300 I'd do it again the next month. The real comedians 128 00:08:01.319 --> 00:08:05.300 who come from Minneapolis said, the guy that booked said, hey, listen, 129 00:08:05.339 --> 00:08:07.480 if you get your friends to stay for the real 130 00:08:07.519 --> 00:08:10.939 comedians this time, we'll give you a job in Minneapolis 131 00:08:10.980 --> 00:08:13.040 at a real comedy club. And by the way, you 132 00:08:13.079 --> 00:08:16.699 have to do original material. Yeah. You can't do... Because 133 00:08:16.720 --> 00:08:18.500 I was going to do their jokes, too, you know? 134 00:08:18.519 --> 00:08:19.839 They probably wouldn't like that. 135 00:08:19.939 --> 00:08:22.240 No, they didn't. But I didn't know. I didn't know 136 00:08:22.279 --> 00:08:24.500 how it was done. So I got a job at 137 00:08:24.540 --> 00:08:27.300 Minneapolis as a comedian. That is a dream come true. 138 00:08:27.319 --> 00:08:29.600 So I put all my stuff in a trash bag, 139 00:08:29.639 --> 00:08:32.419 got $ 100, and I got on a bus and showed 140 00:08:32.490 --> 00:08:35.509 up at the Comedy Cabaret in Minneapolis and went to 141 00:08:35.549 --> 00:08:40.929 the door and said to the guy, Hey, Scott, I said, where... 142 00:08:41.629 --> 00:08:43.710 I need to live close by and it's got to 143 00:08:43.730 --> 00:08:46.690 be cheap because I don't have a car. I don't 144 00:08:46.710 --> 00:08:48.389 have a car or a driver's license because I got 145 00:08:48.429 -->

00:08:51.789 arrested so many times. And he's like, well, you don't 146 00:08:51.809 --> 00:08:54.389 really have to live close. I only booked you for 147 00:08:54.519 --> 00:08:58.639 one weekend for $ 15. And I was like, oh, my God. 148 00:08:58.799 --> 00:09:01.500 I left Iowa. I moved out. I'm here. And so 149 00:09:01.539 --> 00:09:03.039 I walked over across the street to a place called 150 00:09:03.080 --> 00:09:06.159 Williams Pub. It's a big bar. I got a job 151 00:09:06.179 --> 00:09:09.100 as a bouncer at a bar back to support my comedy. 152 00:09:09.259 --> 00:09:12.370 And then I– Lived there five years and I did 153 00:09:12.409 --> 00:09:14.330 a variety of jobs. And after a couple of years, 154 00:09:14.370 --> 00:09:18.470 I could support myself doing comedy and started writing. And 155 00:09:18.490 --> 00:09:21.539 I met Roseanne my first year there. I was 23 156 00:09:21.539 --> 00:09:24.980 and she just started doing comedy fairly recently out of Denver. 157 00:09:25.019 --> 00:09:27.620 And she hadn't been on TV or anything yet. And 158 00:09:28.159 --> 00:09:30.450 I started writing some jokes for her and other people that. 159 00:09:30.929 --> 00:09:33.840 She went on Johnny Carson first time in 1985 and 160 00:09:34.340 --> 00:09:36.500 did a couple jokes I'd written. And I remember watching 161 00:09:36.519 --> 00:09:39.139 it and thinking, oh, my friend is amazing and doing 162 00:09:39.159 --> 00:09:41.559 jokes I'd written. And then in 88, I came out 163 00:09:41.580 --> 00:09:45.960 to Los Angeles to write her TV show. And, you know, 164 00:09:46.460 --> 00:09:47.980 I did a Bob Hope special when I came out 165 00:09:48.000 --> 00:09:51.149 to L.A. And Bob Hope called my dad. And he 166 00:09:51.169 --> 00:09:52.809 wrote my dad this stuff. And I became friends with 167 00:09:52.830 --> 00:09:55.110 Bob Hope. I went to his house. I spent time 168 00:09:55.129 --> 00:09:58.090 with him. And so I peaked then. So 30 years ago, 169 00:09:58.129 --> 00:10:00.269 I peaked. And there's no other dreams or dreams. there's 170 00:10:00.389 --> 00:10:03.259 literally nothing I thought oh you know because a lot 171 00:10:03.279 --> 00:10:05.679 of people have these fantastic dreams Arnold Schwarzenegger talks about 172 00:10:05.700 --> 00:10:08.679 all these dreams he had and fulfilling him and being 173 00:10:09.220 --> 00:10:11.399 you know on top of the this industry and that 174 00:10:11.440 --> 00:10:13.139 industry and I never was like that I was like 175 00:10:13.519 --> 00:10:15.279 well I want to be on TV once so the 176 00:10:15.320 --> 00:10:18.879 people at Atomo will like me which it turns out 177 00:10:18.899 --> 00:10:22.320 that's not true But, you know, my dreams have been fairly, 178 00:10:23.080 --> 00:10:26.740 you know, fairly limited, but they've all come true. So 179 00:10:27.399 --> 00:10:32.429 anything that I've imagined, you know, has come true. So I, 180 00:10:33.110 --> 00:10:35.110 you know, I'm grateful about that. 181 00:10:35.929 --> 00:10:37.990 I mean, how much, because that's what I was thinking, 182 00:10:38.029 --> 00:10:38.490 like you. 183 00:10:38.409 --> 00:10:41.669 Went from, you know, having, not even knowing how the 184 00:10:41.710 --> 00:10:44.509 system worked in stand-up to within, you know, five or 185 00:10:44.590 --> 00:10:48.509 six years writing for a, at that point, which very 186 00:10:48.549 --> 00:10:52.889 quickly became like the top, rated sitcom i mean just 187 00:10:53.009 --> 00:10:54.929 as a shock to the system like how much of 188 00:10:55.049 --> 00:10:58.690 that were you not prepared for just being thrown into 189 00:10:58.750 --> 00:11:00.470 the the you know one of the highest rated. 190 00:11:00.269 --> 00:11:03.279 Shows right well i think that you if you know 191 00:11:03.320 --> 00:11:06.600 looking back now you know i mean it's insane to 192 00:11:07.299 --> 00:11:12.620 leave school my senior year and just leave pack a 193 00:11:12.659 --> 00:11:14.940 bag a trash bag and leave and go for a 194 00:11:14.980 --> 00:11:19.029 job is 50 in a different state And love it. 195 00:11:19.279 --> 00:11:22.360 I loved it. I loved everything about stand-up comedy. I 196 00:11:22.379 --> 00:11:24.580 love working for nothing. I love, you know, living with 197 00:11:24.620 --> 00:11:26.990 no money. I love just being in stand-up comedy. I 198 00:11:27.019 --> 00:11:29.450 love that life. And I think now how that makes 199 00:11:29.490 --> 00:11:31.870 me so uncomfortable even thinking about it. If my son said, 200 00:11:31.889 --> 00:11:33.070 that's what I want to do for a living, I'd 201 00:11:33.090 --> 00:11:35.090 be like, you're insane. There's no way I'm allowing that. 202 00:11:35.490 --> 00:11:38.509 But I was so crazy that that's who I was, 203 00:11:39.340 --> 00:11:41.419 you know, then. And when it came time for the 204 00:11:41.799 --> 00:11:44.580 Roseanne show, I mean, there was so much turmoil when 205 00:11:44.620 --> 00:11:47.399 I came in. And to be given all that authority... 206 00:11:47.820 --> 00:11:50.519 and not really know what I'm doing except do the 207 00:11:50.559 --> 00:11:54.610 best I could and try to, you know, use whatever 208 00:11:54.679 --> 00:11:57.649 sense I gained at the meatpacking plant or growing up 209 00:11:57.669 --> 00:12:01.389 with a sense of justice, a sense of right. Here's 210 00:12:01.409 --> 00:12:04.070 what I knew. It was her show, her vision. I 211 00:12:04.090 --> 00:12:06.210 knew her vision better than anybody else on the show 212 00:12:06.250 --> 00:12:09.820 because I'd known her so long and knew her voice 213 00:12:09.879 --> 00:12:12.620 so well that all I knew is that's the way 214 00:12:12.679 --> 00:12:14.940 it's going to be. And people that didn't agree with that, 215 00:12:15.450 --> 00:12:16.909 They had to go. And then I was able to 216 00:12:16.950 --> 00:12:21.350 bring in my stand-up comedy friends who I knew had 217

00:12:21.509 --> 00:12:23.509 points of view. They didn't know how to write sitcoms, 218 00:12:23.529 --> 00:12:26.309 but you can always teach someone the sitcom form. You know, 219 00:12:26.710 --> 00:12:29.950 here's the two, you know, how you write different acts 220 00:12:30.009 --> 00:12:32.250 of sitcoms. You can't teach somebody to be funny or 221 00:12:32.289 --> 00:12:35.000 have a point of view. But I also was reasonable, 222 00:12:35.139 --> 00:12:39.559 and I let the old-timers, the regular Hollywood guy, hire 223 00:12:39.580 --> 00:12:41.740 half of the people. And so I worked with another 224 00:12:41.779 --> 00:12:46.240 executive producer and showed the one I respected And that 225 00:12:46.279 --> 00:12:49.379 respected Roseanne. And that's how, you know, I think it 226 00:12:49.460 --> 00:12:51.759 made some really good shows. I think she got to 227 00:12:51.779 --> 00:12:53.919 a point where she didn't have to worry about it. 228 00:12:54.500 --> 00:12:56.639 And she'd just show up on Monday and read the script. 229 00:12:56.730 --> 00:13:00.590 And that's the best you could do. And so I'm 230 00:13:00.870 --> 00:13:02.350 pretty satisfied with my time there. 231 00:13:02.509 --> 00:13:02.710 Yeah. 232 00:13:02.730 --> 00:13:05.870 I mean, that was, again, just watching even reruns now. 233 00:13:05.889 --> 00:13:08.460 I'm like, the writing is so, especially that middle run. 234 00:13:08.500 --> 00:13:11.539 Once you guys found your footing, like, and Joss Whedon 235 00:13:11.600 --> 00:13:12.240 is involved. 236 00:13:12.299 --> 00:13:13.659 Oh, yeah, yeah. I spent a lot of time in 237 00:13:13.679 --> 00:13:16.100 the writing room with Joss Whedon. Oh, my God. I 238 00:13:16.299 --> 00:13:19.539 remember one time I had some incident. This was before 239 00:13:19.570 --> 00:13:22.590 I got sober. And I had been to a mental thing. 240 00:13:22.610 --> 00:13:26.269 I went somewhere. I don't know if it was rehab. 241 00:13:26.309 --> 00:13:27.649 I don't know what it was. Some kind of guy. 242 00:13:27.669 --> 00:13:31.470 I got psychologically evaluated. And they made me fill out 243 00:13:31.509 --> 00:13:33.690 this form, and I came and gave it to him. 244 00:13:34.970 --> 00:13:36.340 I said, I thought you might want to see this. 245 00:13:36.879 --> 00:13:40.580 He had long hair. Oh, man, I gave him a hair. Oh, man. 246 00:13:41.159 --> 00:13:43.659 I'm sure it was brutal because he was a young kid, 247 00:13:43.679 --> 00:13:43.919 you know. 248 00:13:44.399 --> 00:13:46.460 Reading you'll never amount to anything. 249 00:13:46.059 --> 00:13:48.039 Yeah and then i ended up having to fire his 250 00:13:48.129 --> 00:13:51.690 dad's buddy jeff harris the executive producer and then so 251 00:13:51.730 --> 00:13:55.370 he went so i'm sure he just thinks i'm a 252 00:13:55.429 --> 00:13:58.149 monster but i don't give a shit uh but you 253 00:13:58.200 --> 00:14:01.220 know it is you know sometimes it's uncomfortable because

you 254 00:14:02.019 --> 00:14:06.120 know uh his uh his dad's buddy was the old 255 00:14:06.179 --> 00:14:07.679 guard and they came in with the old people they 256 00:14:07.720 --> 00:14:11.809 did try to uh take the show from Roseanne. And 257 00:14:11.850 --> 00:14:13.990 really it was her, she didn't even get created by 258 00:14:14.070 --> 00:14:17.509 credit on her own show called Roseanne. And so she's 259 00:14:17.529 --> 00:14:22.279 been bad from day one. Now that worked well, that energy, 260 00:14:22.379 --> 00:14:25.259 but at the end of my time there, it was not, 261 00:14:25.480 --> 00:14:28.820 it was, you know, the constant battle I had with her, 262 00:14:28.879 --> 00:14:30.899 she wanted the family to win the lottery. Like she 263 00:14:30.940 --> 00:14:34.620 was done with, And every show runs this course. That's 264 00:14:34.720 --> 00:14:39.649 a weird turn in the series. No, no, this family 265 00:14:39.669 --> 00:14:42.529 doesn't win the lottery. But she was born with what 266 00:14:42.549 --> 00:14:45.350 was going on. I get that. So I'm glad that 267 00:14:45.389 --> 00:14:48.029 didn't happen while I was there. It did happen afterwards. 268 00:14:48.149 --> 00:14:49.509 I think it changed it. I agree. 269 00:14:49.850 --> 00:14:51.769 I will stand by that middle round of that series 270 00:14:51.830 --> 00:14:53.429 as one of the best of all time. 271 00:14:53.490 --> 00:14:55.549 But that's the turning point. 272 00:14:55.700 --> 00:14:59.480 But it's her vision and her show. And I contributed everything. 273 00:15:00.480 --> 00:15:03.399 Little things here and there, and I'm happy to have 274 00:15:03.450 --> 00:15:04.929 done it and honored. Yeah. 275 00:15:05.149 --> 00:15:08.450 Well, I mean, as you're moving on, whatever the circumstances, 276 00:15:08.730 --> 00:15:11.549 just moving on into, like, again, trying to look at 277 00:15:11.590 --> 00:15:13.029 some of the film roles over the years. 278 00:15:13.070 --> 00:15:14.529 I mean, you said you grew. 279 00:15:14.490 --> 00:15:17.149 Up and movies were, like, such a huge thing, you know, 280 00:15:17.169 --> 00:15:19.440 being from a small town. So as you're kind of 281 00:15:19.480 --> 00:15:21.919 thrown in, I guess I was going to throw it out. 282 00:15:21.940 --> 00:15:24.259 If you want to do specific ones of just, like, 283 00:15:24.600 --> 00:15:26.559 amazing stories that you ended up with. 284 00:15:26.679 --> 00:15:30.659 I tell you, for my career. You know, I went 285 00:15:30.799 --> 00:15:33.600 and I'm living my dream as a stand-up comedian. That's 286 00:15:33.759 --> 00:15:35.960 all I want to do. And then I start writing 287 00:15:36.019 --> 00:15:38.659 for people. And then suddenly I'm a writer on Rosetta. 288 00:15:38.679 --> 00:15:40.929 So that's what I'm doing. Now I'm a writer. And 289 00:15:41.450 --> 00:15:44.190 then they say one day, well, you should appear on 290 00:15:44.210 --> 00:15:46.409 the show. You should act on the show. And then 291 00:15:46.769 --> 00:15:48.570 now I act on the show. And then I start 292 00:15:48.590 --> 00:15:50.809 getting roles. And I get offered this role in a 293 00:15:50.830 --> 00:15:53.700 movie called Hero that Stephen Frears directed. So my first 294 00:15:53.759 --> 00:15:56.799 scenes in a movie literally are with Dustin Hoffman. So 295 00:15:56.840 --> 00:15:59.090 now I'm an actor. So I go, okay, that's what 296 00:15:59.129 --> 00:16:01.049 I'm going to do. So I've kind of gone. And 297 00:16:01.370 --> 00:16:04.289 now at this age, I do all of those things. 298 00:16:04.370 --> 00:16:07.470 I write, I'm finishing a movie. I'm writing for somebody. 299 00:16:07.490 --> 00:16:10.009 I have a pilot. You know, I do movie roles. 300 00:16:10.070 --> 00:16:12.450 I do standup, which is why I'm here. I just 301 00:16:12.470 --> 00:16:16.309 shot a standup special. I do a lot of things that, 302 00:16:16.350 --> 00:16:19.110 you know, if I could have been a big movie star, 303 00:16:19.129 --> 00:16:21.879 which I tried to do in the nineties, but nobody 304 00:16:21.909 --> 00:16:25.679 wanted that. So, Anyway, so go ahead. Do you have 305 00:16:25.700 --> 00:16:27.179 any questions about– Well. 306 00:16:27.259 --> 00:16:29.139 That's actually one of them I had written down was 307 00:16:29.179 --> 00:16:31.960 Hero because I always felt like that was super underrated. 308 00:16:32.039 --> 00:16:34.960 Like it just kind of like went under the radar. 309 00:16:35.059 --> 00:16:37.950 Like it's Stephen Frears. It's a huge director. It had 310 00:16:37.970 --> 00:16:39.090 an amazing cast. 311 00:16:39.190 --> 00:16:42.070 And like I feel like it never really got the attention. 312 00:16:42.190 --> 00:16:44.730 But I guess what was it like– again, all of 313 00:16:44.789 --> 00:16:47.389 a sudden being thrust into working with this like at 314 00:16:47.450 --> 00:16:50.470 times like Oscar caliber director depending on his project. 315 00:16:50.490 --> 00:16:51.129 Oh, for sure. 316 00:16:51.169 --> 00:16:51.470 For sure. 317 00:16:51.889 --> 00:16:52.889 And Dustin Hoffman. 318 00:16:52.929 --> 00:16:56.690 The things I remember the most were, you know, him 319 00:16:56.710 --> 00:17:00.210 and Dustin had this, Dustin is a handful, and he 320 00:17:00.230 --> 00:17:02.129 gave Steven a heart, literally a heart attack in the 321 00:17:02.149 --> 00:17:05.029 middle of the movie. And then Steven came back on 322 00:17:05.049 --> 00:17:07.569 the set and Dustin got him a heart monitor, like 323 00:17:07.589 --> 00:17:10.990 this huge, obvious heart monitor. I think it was just 324 00:17:11.009 --> 00:17:14.369 to fuck with him. But he, you know, Steven Furst 325 00:17:14.450 --> 00:17:19.880 is a gentle British, this guy from the artsy world, 326 00:17:19.910 --> 00:17:22.589 from the dangerous liaison world, from And then he comes 327 00:17:22.670 --> 00:17:25.670 and he's doing this big Hollywood movie with Dustin Hoffman, 328

00:17:25.710 --> 00:17:29.869 who you may, you may say, roll cameras and where's Dustin? 329 00:17:29.910 --> 00:17:32.650 He's outside playing football with these homeless guys for real. 330 00:17:33.509 --> 00:17:37.150 And so he, I think Dustin gets his energy from 331 00:17:37.210 --> 00:17:39.880 constantly messing with things and messing, you know, when he, 332 00:17:40.519 --> 00:17:42.650 when the, when I was doing my closeups, he was 333 00:17:42.690 --> 00:17:45.900 always there, but he would be speaking in Chinese, like 334 00:17:45.940 --> 00:17:48.440 to keep you alert or whatever. I mean, you know, 335 00:17:48.480 --> 00:17:50.819 I love the guy and I love Stephen Frears. I mean, 336 00:17:50.859 --> 00:17:54.470 it was a, So, I'm lucky to be in that. 337 00:17:54.490 --> 00:17:56.410 You know, I do, I go on and do a 338 00:17:56.430 --> 00:17:59.109 couple other roles. Herbert Ross was the next director. He's 339 00:17:59.130 --> 00:18:01.990 got a, you know, he's done some amazing things. I 340 00:18:02.029 --> 00:18:06.450 can't remember what that movie was called. My next door neighbor, 341 00:18:06.809 --> 00:18:10.670 Randy Quaid, was in it. Kathleen Turner, Park overall, played 342 00:18:10.690 --> 00:18:14.950 my wife. Something and something. We filmed that in New Orleans. 343 00:18:15.009 --> 00:18:17.789 I know that. It was, that was fun. And, you know, 344 00:18:18.049 --> 00:18:20.150 I've been in 130 movies, four good ones, that's what 345 00:18:20.170 --> 00:18:24.519 I always say. But, That rolled in, and then eventually 346 00:18:24.599 --> 00:18:26.380 True Lies. I got that opportunity. 347 00:18:27.059 --> 00:18:30.009 Again, I guess that's going to be the go-to, but 348 00:18:30.029 --> 00:18:31.230 I was like, are you sick? 349 00:18:31.509 --> 00:18:32.769 People still talk about. 350 00:18:32.630 --> 00:18:37.369 True Lies at this point. I talk about it in 351 00:18:37.430 --> 00:18:41.230 my act, and I'm about done with that. When I'm 352 00:18:41.259 --> 00:18:43.960 on the road, I talk about certain things because I 353 00:18:43.980 --> 00:18:46.700 talk about Arnold and I talk about relationships. It kind 354 00:18:46.799 --> 00:18:51.039 of ties into... kind of what we talked about, about 355 00:18:51.119 --> 00:18:54.140 growing up in Iowa and having these dreams. And, you know, 356 00:18:55.599 --> 00:18:58.339 my act is biographical. And so I talk a little 357 00:18:58.359 --> 00:19:00.680 bit about growing up and then I get to my 358 00:19:00.720 --> 00:19:03.380 kids now and my life now. And so that's a 359 00:19:03.900 --> 00:19:07.099 through line. And, you know, that's one thing that people 360 00:19:07.759 --> 00:19:10.059 kind of remember. It's the most replayed movie ever on 361 00:19:10.099 --> 00:19:13.599 cable TV. So, you know, I think there was a 362 00:19:13.640 --> 00:19:16.019 time where I was just sick of it. Like I thought, 363 00:19:16.119 --> 00:19:17.720 is that what, you know, there was a time when, 364 00:19:18.269 --> 00:19:20.569 I was worried, well, is Roseanne the only thing people 365 00:19:20.589 --> 00:19:22.829 are going to remember? And then I thought, oh, it's 366 00:19:22.890 --> 00:19:26.819 true lies. And now I just don't care. As long 367 00:19:26.839 --> 00:19:29.380 as they remember. Well, I don't even care. You know, 368 00:19:29.519 --> 00:19:32.819 there's just, you know, I don't even care. You know, 369 00:19:32.880 --> 00:19:35.279 I think it's once you have kids, you realize that 370 00:19:35.660 --> 00:19:40.359 you're not important whatsoever. And it's also funny what people, 371 00:19:40.779 --> 00:19:43.059 and I could tell when they light up at the 372 00:19:43.119 --> 00:19:47.289 end after the shows for pictures and stuff, you never 373 00:19:47.329 --> 00:19:50.470 know what somebody's going to say, what it is. It 374 00:19:50.519 --> 00:19:52.640 might be because they're an alcoholic. It might be because 375 00:19:53.259 --> 00:19:55.500 some kind of childhood abuse. It might be because they 376 00:19:55.539 --> 00:19:57.700 love the Trailer Park Boys, like I was thinking last night. 377 00:19:57.759 --> 00:20:00.640 Or that carpool was their favorite movie of all time. 378 00:20:01.259 --> 00:20:03.700 Soul Plane. There was a couple movies last night. Something 379 00:20:04.799 --> 00:20:09.900 you did might have touched somebody or they related more, 380 00:20:09.940 --> 00:20:13.309 more importantly with somebody. And, uh, you know, last night, 381 00:20:13.420 --> 00:20:17.089 I mean, uh, this is powerful. Last night I, you know, 382 00:20:17.109 --> 00:20:19.450 I talked about Ashley, my wife and my act and, uh, 383 00:20:19.890 --> 00:20:22.849 you know, uh, this woman came up and, and, uh, 384 00:20:22.910 --> 00:20:25.769 God bless her. Uh, she, she said, can I hug you? 385 00:20:25.849 --> 00:20:28.009 And I said, yeah. She said, when you talked about Ashley, 386 00:20:28.029 --> 00:20:30.609 I could tell she was emotional. She said, I have 387 00:20:30.630 --> 00:20:32.529 to tell you that my family bought me tickets to 388 00:20:32.549 --> 00:20:37.069 the show for Christmas present. And, uh, My daughter was 389 00:20:37.089 --> 00:20:40.470 named Ashley, and she died a month ago. And I'm 390 00:20:40.690 --> 00:20:42.809 raising her two daughters who are 11 and 8. And 391 00:20:43.650 --> 00:20:45.670 I said, I'm so sorry, you know, and we hugged. 392 00:20:45.750 --> 00:20:49.890 And I sensed, I knew how her daughter died, but 393 00:20:49.930 --> 00:20:53.130 I asked her, and her daughter was an addict. And, 394 00:20:53.880 --> 00:20:56.230 you know, I said, I appreciate you telling me that 395 00:20:56.259 --> 00:20:58.759 because I'm an addict, and I needed to hear that. 396 00:20:58.799 --> 00:21:02.200 I have children, and I'm sorry, and I love you because, 397 00:21:02.220 --> 00:21:06.509 you know, my grandparents saved my life, my grandmother's. you know, 398

00:21:06.549 --> 00:21:09.069 I didn't have a mother, and so it was really a, 399 00:21:10.380 --> 00:21:13.720 you know, I'm grateful to her for, you know, sharing 400 00:21:13.740 --> 00:21:16.859 that with me, you know, and it was hard, it 401 00:21:16.920 --> 00:21:19.920 was a, you know, it's not, it's not how you 402 00:21:19.940 --> 00:21:24.160 think comedy works sometimes, but, you know, those, you know, 403 00:21:24.200 --> 00:21:26.819 I like, I like funny things, but those things are 404 00:21:26.880 --> 00:21:28.589 pretty powerful to take back to my room. 405 00:21:28.700 --> 00:21:31.839 Yeah, I mean, that, that makes an impact yeah yeah 406 00:21:31.880 --> 00:21:36.440 so is this a comedy podcast not necessarily just entertainment 407 00:21:36.460 --> 00:21:37.359 you know anyway. 408 00:21:37.140 --> 00:21:40.190 That woman did be a solid i appreciate her well 409 00:21:40.210 --> 00:21:40.509 you i. 410 00:21:40.509 --> 00:21:43.230 Mean you you you kind of joke about not hitting 411 00:21:43.269 --> 00:21:44.009 that that. 412 00:21:43.849 --> 00:21:45.910 Stride but that i went back i was looking at 413 00:21:45.990 --> 00:21:48.410 it was right after true lies and there was one 414 00:21:48.430 --> 00:21:51.480 of those little wannabe et shows or whatever and they 415 00:21:51.619 --> 00:21:54.460 as they're discussing you they they bill it as not 416 00:21:54.500 --> 00:21:55.960 only was your phone ringing off the hook. 417 00:21:55.839 --> 00:21:58.589 But The hottest new screen star in Hollywood. 418 00:21:58.630 --> 00:22:01.589 Well, I tell you, here's what happened. After True Lies, 419 00:22:01.670 --> 00:22:05.619 I did Nine Months, which was my first real starring 420 00:22:06.599 --> 00:22:09.599 movie with Hugh Grant. And Rob Williams had a smaller part. But, 421 00:22:10.059 --> 00:22:12.599 you know, Julianne Moore was Hugh's wife and a great 422 00:22:12.619 --> 00:22:15.589 Joe to kiss on his mind. And Chris Columbus directed it. 423 00:22:15.680 --> 00:22:18.640 It was great. And, you know, great fun. And then, 424 00:22:19.869 --> 00:22:21.589 I don't know that it affected the movie, but Hugh 425 00:22:21.609 --> 00:22:24.329 got arrested. And then one night we went out for... 426 00:22:24.970 --> 00:22:27.210 you know, and I talk about that in my act too, 427 00:22:27.230 --> 00:22:29.210 but we went out to dinner and one of us 428 00:22:29.250 --> 00:22:30.450 went home and went to bed and one of us 429 00:22:30.509 --> 00:22:32.170 got arrested with a prostitute. And what are the odds 430 00:22:32.250 --> 00:22:35.410 it was you that went home and went to bed? Exactly. So, 431 00:22:36.329 --> 00:22:38.430 I don't know that that helped the movie, but I 432 00:22:38.470 --> 00:22:40.390 think it's quaint to think of a time in Hollywood 433 00:22:40.410 --> 00:22:43.750 when somebody got arrested with a prostitute was a big story. So, 434 00:22:45.150 --> 00:22:48.079 you know, and then after that, I think

the money 435 00:22:48.099 --> 00:22:50.480 started going crazy for me. You know, you start getting 436 00:22:50.539 --> 00:22:53.559 offered $ 5 million for a movie and you think, well, 437 00:22:53.619 --> 00:22:56.150 that script You know, I think after that was Big Bully. 438 00:22:56.250 --> 00:22:58.750 And there was something about that I liked about the 439 00:22:59.109 --> 00:23:01.890 kid that was– the guy that was a wimp. But 440 00:23:02.339 --> 00:23:04.539 he got reminded that he used to be tough. And 441 00:23:04.559 --> 00:23:07.019 it's something– it wasn't quite there in the script. And 442 00:23:07.059 --> 00:23:09.940 I thought, well, I can make this good. I can 443 00:23:09.960 --> 00:23:12.000 get my head around this. This is something interesting. And 444 00:23:12.039 --> 00:23:18.420 then quickly in succession, Carpool and– there was another one. Anyway. 445 00:23:18.799 --> 00:23:22.279 The Stupids is around. Yeah, yeah. And Stupids was John Landis. 446 00:23:22.319 --> 00:23:24.599 He did Animal House. I was going to ask about it. 447 00:23:24.599 --> 00:23:26.160 He's a pretty huge name still. 448 00:23:26.180 --> 00:23:31.819 Yeah. And, you know, so Carpool was the great Arthur Hiller, 449 00:23:32.140 --> 00:23:36.559 who does The In-Laws, The Out-Of-Towners. Silver String. Yeah. And 450 00:23:37.220 --> 00:23:39.380 so I started thinking. And so I just went one 451 00:23:39.460 --> 00:23:43.500 after another after another. And I did too many. And, 452 00:23:43.539 --> 00:23:47.559 you know, it's funny because after Nine months, Fox came 453 00:23:47.579 --> 00:23:49.180 to me and said, we'd like you to do two 454 00:23:49.200 --> 00:23:51.579 supporting roles a year for X amount of money. It 455 00:23:51.599 --> 00:23:54.579 was a good amount of money. But they wanted me 456 00:23:54.599 --> 00:23:57.279 to be exclusive with Fox because both True Lies and 457 00:23:57.319 --> 00:24:00.319 Nine Months with Fox. And my agent said, don't do 458 00:24:00.339 --> 00:24:04.680 that because you can't, you know, you can't do other things. 459 00:24:04.779 --> 00:24:07.420 And I think the first movie they wanted me to 460 00:24:07.460 --> 00:24:09.920 do was Dunstan Checks In. So we didn't have a 461 00:24:09.980 --> 00:24:12.900 lot of great. But, you know, I sometimes think, well, 462 00:24:12.920 --> 00:24:14.869 maybe I should have done that for 10 years and 463 00:24:15.420 --> 00:24:17.480 but but who knows how that would have turned out 464 00:24:17.539 --> 00:24:21.119 i think you know and so after doing those three 465 00:24:21.500 --> 00:24:25.309 in a row or something i you know i realized 466 00:24:25.380 --> 00:24:27.109 i mean i had a lot of saturday mornings where 467 00:24:28.069 --> 00:24:30.069 each one was worse where they call with the box 468 00:24:30.130 --> 00:24:33.789 office numbers yeah and and so i knew that i 469 00:24:33.809 --> 00:24:36.589 was gonna have to do something different start over do 470 00:24:37.430 --> 00:24:40.269 independent films do something serious you know i did uh 471 00:24:40.880 --> 00:24:44.250 the day in Austin Powers, which turned out to be, 472 00:24:44.589 --> 00:24:46.990 you know, the thing about Austin Powers is you can 473 00:24:47.009 --> 00:24:49.609 do a day on a movie, and people will remember 474 00:24:49.630 --> 00:24:52.269 that more than five months on a movie, you know, 475 00:24:52.289 --> 00:24:56.279 with something. An indie movie. Yeah. And then movies like 476 00:24:56.380 --> 00:24:58.859 Animal Factory and things where, you know, you have to 477 00:24:58.940 --> 00:25:01.380 restart your career, and I went back to TV to 478 00:25:01.420 --> 00:25:05.000 try that. And, you know, I mean, it's, you know, 479 00:25:05.019 --> 00:25:07.750 I used to think, well, what could I have done differently? 480 00:25:08.349 --> 00:25:10.539 You know, could I have had more people around me 481 00:25:10.559 --> 00:25:13.539 give me advice? Could I, you know, did I just, 482 00:25:14.559 --> 00:25:18.000 you know, go for the money? And, you know, what 483 00:25:18.039 --> 00:25:21.259 lessons are to be learned? But, you know, it did, 484 00:25:22.859 --> 00:25:25.700 it happened. It was what it was. And, you know, 485 00:25:25.759 --> 00:25:28.680 I find whatever, you know, I wish I would save 486 00:25:28.740 --> 00:25:32.559 up more money, but, you know, it's, yeah. 487 00:25:33.059 --> 00:25:37.910 No matter how a boy is brought up, As a 488 00:25:38.029 --> 00:25:45.369 man he could still sing down. People have always told 489 00:25:45.430 --> 00:25:51.940 me some words. Goes around must come around. And you 490 00:25:52.019 --> 00:25:58.519 can't tell the devil it's a frame up. When he 491 00:25:58.829 --> 00:26:04.849 calls your name up. This ain't the way I came up. 492 00:26:06.069 --> 00:26:09.930 It's the way that I'm going down. 493 00:26:10.670 --> 00:26:14.299 Yes, folks, it's intermission time. So how about taking a break? 494 00:26:14.579 --> 00:26:17.640 Get out and stretch a little and relax before the 495 00:26:17.660 --> 00:26:21.509 show begins again. And why not make it refreshment time, too? 496 00:26:21.890 --> 00:26:25.069 We have lots of tasty, delicious treats waiting for you 497 00:26:25.130 --> 00:26:29.390 at the refreshment center. There's hot popcorn, so golden good 498 00:26:29.470 --> 00:26:32.079 and fresh out of the popper. And all kinds of 499 00:26:32.140 --> 00:26:36.700 refreshing ice-cold soft drinks. Sizzling hot dogs just bursting with 500 00:26:36.779 --> 00:26:41.099 juicy goodness. Ice cream so smooth and delicious, you'll hanker 501 00:26:41.160 --> 00:26:44.880 for more. Plus, all the most popular candy bars and 502 00:26:44.960 --> 00:26:48.369 many other favorite treats. So why not visit the refreshment 503 00:26:48.390 --> 00:26:51.579 center now? Our courteous attendants are ready and waiting to 504 00:26:51.619 --> 00:26:54.759 serve you with a wide and

wonderful variety of good 505 00:26:54.839 --> 00:26:58.119 things to eat and drink. So step right up and 506 00:26:58.180 --> 00:26:59.119 make yourself at home. 507 00:27:04.660 --> 00:27:06.759 So I'm proud to announce that Movie Meltdown is now 508 00:27:06.819 --> 00:27:11.130 working with Heine Brothers Coffee. Heine Brothers was founded in 1994, 509 00:27:11.130 --> 00:27:13.529 and as most of you regular listeners out there know, 510 00:27:14.089 --> 00:27:16.650 I'm a big coffee drinker, and one of my very 511 00:27:16.750 --> 00:27:19.750 first regular coffee shops that I started to hang around 512 00:27:20.150 --> 00:27:23.849 was that first longest avenue location that Heine Brothers opened. 513 00:27:24.289 --> 00:27:25.890 It's been a long road and a lot of cups 514 00:27:25.930 --> 00:27:27.930 of coffee, but I'm glad to be working with them 515 00:27:28.150 --> 00:27:30.970 all these years later. And as we kick things off, 516 00:27:31.309 --> 00:27:33.950 I want to tell you about the Heine Brothers coffee subscription. 517 00:27:34.609 --> 00:27:37.710 Wherever you are, home, work, or out on the road, 518 00:27:38.049 --> 00:27:41.210 you deserve great coffee. and the Heine Brothers subscription plan 519 00:27:41.250 --> 00:27:45.509 gives you top-quality, organic, fair-trade coffee delivered right to your 520 00:27:45.549 --> 00:27:49.609 home or office automatically. You select the frequency, the quantity, 521 00:27:49.849 --> 00:27:52.309 and the variety of coffee, and Heine Brothers will take 522 00:27:52.329 --> 00:27:55.509 care of the rest, shipping included. And by the way, 523 00:27:55.630 --> 00:27:57.890 since we're right in the middle of the holiday season, 524 00:27:58.430 --> 00:28:01.069 it makes a great gift, too. So just order online 525 00:28:01.109 --> 00:28:05.029 at heinebrotherscoffee.com slash subscription and use the offer code MELTDOWN 526 00:28:05.349 --> 00:28:07.119 for $ 5 off any gift subscription. 527 00:28:07.519 --> 00:28:08.619 And if you're not familiar with. 528 00:28:08.539 --> 00:28:11.200 Honey Brothers Coffee, or the spelling, or any of that 529 00:28:11.259 --> 00:28:14.319 that might make it a little harder, just go to MovieMeltdown.com 530 00:28:14.339 --> 00:28:15.880 and look on the right-hand side of the page, and 531 00:28:15.920 --> 00:28:19.009 you'll find a link to take you right to HoneyBrothersCoffee.com. 532 00:28:19.309 --> 00:28:22.190 That's right, the Meltdown Caffeinated Movie Geeks are hooking you up, 533 00:28:22.289 --> 00:28:24.250 so get your subscription started today. 534 00:28:24.990 --> 00:28:27.349 The weapons you are about to see are American-made. 535 00:28:29.589 --> 00:28:31.539 The world is in grave danger. 536 00:28:31.700 --> 00:28:34.200 International law has long kept you from acquiring them. 537 00:28:34.809 --> 00:28:36.369 I hope to help you overcome that. 538 00:28:36.690 --> 00:28:39.259 And there's only one family who can save it. 539 00:28:40.079

--> 00:28:41.859 I've uncovered the crime of the century. 540 00:28:43.480 --> 00:28:52.109 They call them fearless. They call them dangerous. They call them. 541 00:28:54.490 --> 00:28:55.289 The stupids. 542 00:29:04.900 --> 00:29:09.589 New Line Cinema invites you to meet the only family 543 00:29:09.650 --> 00:29:18.930 that does all its own stuff. 544 00:29:19.279 --> 00:29:20.079 Impossible. 545 00:29:20.579 --> 00:29:20.980 Whatever. 546 00:29:21.700 --> 00:29:23.099 Tom Arnold is stupid. 547 00:29:23.380 --> 00:29:25.339 My family and I do not wish to fight you. 548 00:29:25.619 --> 00:29:27.950 Get him! Are they giving up? 549 00:29:28.769 --> 00:29:29.029 No. 550 00:29:30.410 --> 00:29:31.390 Stanley Stupid. 551 00:29:31.670 --> 00:29:33.660 What you been doing? Ah, this and that. 552 00:29:33.960 --> 00:29:36.809 Had breakfast, read the paper, saved the world. 553 00:29:36.829 --> 00:29:37.309 The Stupid. 554 00:29:45.920 --> 00:29:47.059 Is a great episode, right? 555 00:29:47.759 --> 00:29:50.119 Well, if you'd like to keep more awesome discussions like 556 00:29:50.160 --> 00:29:52.380 this one coming your way, you need to join the 557 00:29:52.400 --> 00:29:55.329 club over on the Movie Meltdown Patreon page. If you 558 00:29:55.349 --> 00:29:57.569 can chip in just a couple of bucks, you can 559 00:29:57.609 --> 00:30:00.809 keep the show going. with your contributions we can continue 560 00:30:00.829 --> 00:30:05.119 to keep producing great episodes keep organizing these fun conversations 561 00:30:05.160 --> 00:30:09.059 about film and keep booking amazing guests so just go 562 00:30:09.099 --> 00:30:12.740 to patreon.com slash movie meltdown or go to movie meltdown.com 563 00:30:12.779 --> 00:30:14.200 and the link is right there at the top of 564 00:30:14.220 --> 00:30:16.569 the page and you can help keep the show going 565 00:30:16.849 --> 00:30:19.910 plus you get exclusive episodes every month just for club 566 00:30:19.950 --> 00:30:23.049 members so go to our patreon page join the meltdown 567 00:30:23.109 --> 00:30:27.009 club become a milketeer get cool stuff and keep the 568 00:30:27.049 --> 00:30:30.829 meltdown rolling Damn the man. Save the meltdown. 569 00:30:30.849 --> 00:30:38.440 Well, I love the movies. 570 00:30:39.720 --> 00:30:42.779 Welcome to the biggest movie event of the year. 571 00:30:42.819 --> 00:30:46.500 We're going to have a great night, ladies and gentlemen. 572 00:30:46.640 --> 00:30:48.140 And the Oscar goes to. 573 00:30:48.160 --> 00:30:49.720 Nick Ledger. 574 00:30:49.740 --> 00:30:52.069 Thank you so much. 575 00:30:53.789 --> 00:30:58.690 Ladies and gentlemen, prepare yourselves. It's time for the Movie 576 00:30:58.710 --> 00:31:03.529 Meltdown Oscar Mayer Party. With all the blitz, glamour, pork products, 577 00:31:03.549 --> 00:31:07.609 and vicious commentary you've come to know and love, the 578 00:31:07.670 --> 00:31:10.390 Academy Awards will never be the same. 579 00:31:10.910 -->

00:31:13.470 Bacon tastes good. Pork chops taste good. 580 00:31:13.849 --> 00:31:21.039 Coming soon to this feed. Don't miss it. Oscar Meltdown. 581 00:31:21.160 --> 00:31:23.759 It's going to be artery clocking good. 582 00:31:31.930 --> 00:31:32.670 You're listening. 583 00:31:32.789 --> 00:31:34.569 Are you listening to Movie Meltdown? 584 00:31:35.049 --> 00:31:35.829 I'm Amanda Burse. 585 00:31:35.890 --> 00:31:36.430 I hope so. 586 00:31:40.289 --> 00:31:47.160 Love and marriage, love and marriage go together. 587 00:31:47.319 --> 00:31:49.940 That's part of your problem, you know. You haven't seen 588 00:31:50.039 --> 00:31:50.420 enough movies. 589 00:31:50.440 --> 00:31:54.980 All of life's riddles are answered in the movies. And now, 590 00:31:55.200 --> 00:31:56.019 on with the show. 591 00:32:16.759 --> 00:32:18.859 I mean, it's been a hell of a life regardless. 592 00:32:19.279 --> 00:32:21.960 I mean, just some of the things you've done. You 593 00:32:22.000 --> 00:32:26.390 did mention Animal Factory. That's such a different role. I mean, 594 00:32:26.509 --> 00:32:28.990 I guess you were seeking out something that was way 595 00:32:29.009 --> 00:32:29.630 more serious. 596 00:32:29.650 --> 00:32:33.349 Steve Buscemi directs it. So you're like, Steve Buscemi's director, 597 00:32:33.369 --> 00:32:36.210 that's over. They actually needed me in that movie to 598 00:32:36.230 --> 00:32:40.329 get the financing. So they're putting all the pieces together. 599 00:32:40.349 --> 00:32:42.470 It's one of those deals. Steve and I had the 600 00:32:42.490 --> 00:32:46.670 same agent. And My fear was, oh my God, when 601 00:32:46.710 --> 00:32:48.450 I come on screen, people are going to laugh. It's 602 00:32:48.490 --> 00:32:51.609 a serious movie. I played a prison rapist, but they're 603 00:32:51.630 --> 00:32:55.230 going to laugh. This is ridiculous. It's Tom Arnold. He 604 00:32:55.269 --> 00:32:57.309 did such a good job of directing, and I did 605 00:32:57.349 --> 00:33:03.099 all right, and it worked. That made me happy. There's 606 00:33:03.119 --> 00:33:06.140 been a few times in my career where I've been 607 00:33:06.180 --> 00:33:08.920 nervous about the role because I don't want to take 608 00:33:08.960 --> 00:33:12.619 people out of the movie. There's been times where... you know, 609 00:33:12.720 --> 00:33:14.650 I've had this throughout my career where people are like, 610 00:33:14.690 --> 00:33:17.309 we love Tom, but he's so famous that we feel 611 00:33:17.349 --> 00:33:19.269 like when he comes on screen, people are going to go, 612 00:33:19.309 --> 00:33:22.809 that's Tom Arnold, which is a bullshit cop out because, 613 00:33:23.470 --> 00:33:27.079 you know, obviously famous actors do roles and, you know. 614 00:33:27.259 --> 00:33:29.740 You can rise above, right. Depends on the performance. 615 00:33:29.759 --> 00:33:32.380 Yeah. You know, Steve Carell was Bobby Riggs, you know, 616 00:33:32.480 --> 00:33:35.420 and

I fucking bought him as Bobby Riggs. And if 617 00:33:35.509 --> 00:33:37.670 I could, you know, the DuPont guy, I bought him 618 00:33:37.710 --> 00:33:41.680 a hundred percent. And, you know, uh, So I think 619 00:33:41.700 --> 00:33:45.680 there's a lot of ways to do it if I 620 00:33:45.720 --> 00:33:46.680 was that good of an actor. 621 00:33:47.440 --> 00:33:50.109 Which, again, that's working with Willem Dafoe. 622 00:33:50.630 --> 00:33:53.470 Those are some pretty heavy scenes. 623 00:33:53.710 --> 00:33:56.869 And my thing is always, what am I going to 624 00:33:56.890 --> 00:34:00.519 learn from this? Hopefully there's better people than me and 625 00:34:00.579 --> 00:34:05.039 I can watch them and pick up something. And that's 626 00:34:05.140 --> 00:34:05.779 usually the case. 627 00:34:06.269 --> 00:34:08.530 That was early on for Steve Buscemi. That was like 628 00:34:08.570 --> 00:34:11.289 a second feature, I think. How was he getting into 629 00:34:11.309 --> 00:34:12.309 the director's chair? 630 00:34:12.449 --> 00:34:14.969 Well, he was great. I mean, you know, people love him. 631 00:34:15.050 --> 00:34:17.949 And people, you could tell everybody was responding to him. 632 00:34:18.030 --> 00:34:22.719 And we filmed it in Holmberg prison, a closed-down prison 633 00:34:22.760 --> 00:34:25.440 outside of Philadelphia there. And it was creepy because it 634 00:34:25.480 --> 00:34:29.719 was built when people were smaller, I think. It was confining. 635 00:34:29.780 --> 00:34:32.360 And even walking in the halls were, you know, there's 636 00:34:32.380 --> 00:34:36.239 a lot of history of that. disgusting place horrible history 637 00:34:36.260 --> 00:34:38.380 you know you got mickey rourke there and you got 638 00:34:38.440 --> 00:34:41.820 all these dudes and danny trejo and you got people 639 00:34:41.840 --> 00:34:45.739 who've been in prison and and uh so but you 640 00:34:45.760 --> 00:34:48.679 know it's also you know we we had fun we 641 00:34:48.719 --> 00:34:51.929 there's a lot of laughs too so um but it 642 00:34:51.969 --> 00:34:55.489 was uh you know i was happy to do it well. 643 00:34:55.409 --> 00:34:57.929 As you hit the the new millennium there it's like 644 00:34:58.230 --> 00:35:01.159 you kind of got back into action and And it isn't, 645 00:35:01.449 --> 00:35:03.960 I guess it's all the director, but it is odd that, 646 00:35:03.980 --> 00:35:06.039 you know, when they, anytime they're casting for, you know, 647 00:35:06.059 --> 00:35:08.880 they want to make a real streets kind of a feel, 648 00:35:08.920 --> 00:35:11.139 you get DMX and you get Tom Arnold. 649 00:35:11.219 --> 00:35:11.900 Yeah. 650 00:35:11.960 --> 00:35:13.019 There is a couple there. 651 00:35:13.119 --> 00:35:15.780 And I was just like, this is an interesting, I mean, 652 00:35:15.800 --> 00:35:17.599 was that just through the director or how did you 653 00:35:17.679 --> 00:35:19.199 end up in the, in that series? 654 00:35:19.280

--> 00:35:21.440 Well, the director and I are still, I saw him 655 00:35:21.460 --> 00:35:23.300 the other night. We, uh, did a new one with 656 00:35:23.340 --> 00:35:25.400 him too, right? Yeah, I did a new one in Russia, 657 00:35:25.460 --> 00:35:28.239 but I, uh, we, a buddy of mine, uh, there's 658 00:35:28.260 --> 00:35:32.920 a documentary called Icarus and, uh, brian uh uh did 659 00:35:33.059 --> 00:35:36.539 a uh a documentary he did he actually directed a 660 00:35:36.559 --> 00:35:40.679 movie i was they called jutopia and uh then he 661 00:35:40.719 --> 00:35:43.820 went to he did this amazing documentary where he he's 662 00:35:43.880 --> 00:35:45.940 a cyclist and he wanted to see if you if 663 00:35:45.980 --> 00:35:47.659 he juiced up if he could be as good as 664 00:35:47.719 --> 00:35:50.280 lance armstrong right i think i remember hearing it ended 665 00:35:50.340 --> 00:35:54.230 up using the russian olympic doping you know cat you 666 00:35:54.510 --> 00:35:57.940 know not The guy from the American Olympic team said, wait, 667 00:35:57.960 --> 00:35:59.590 we can't do it for you. But this guy from 668 00:35:59.619 --> 00:36:01.690 Russia will. And it turns out he's the guy involved 669 00:36:01.710 --> 00:36:04.389 in the Russian doping scandal. He ends up having to 670 00:36:04.449 --> 00:36:06.949 sneak out of Russia and stay with this guy. And 671 00:36:06.989 --> 00:36:10.650 now it's this big international story. And so the documentary, 672 00:36:10.730 --> 00:36:15.059 which I love documentaries that are either out of anger 673 00:36:15.320 --> 00:36:18.800 or take a turn where they follow the story. 674 00:36:18.840 --> 00:36:20.900 Like he didn't even know what he was getting himself into. 675 00:36:21.000 --> 00:36:23.739 Like he stumbled into a much more interesting story. 676 00:36:23.800 --> 00:36:24.699 Way more interesting story. 677 00:36:24.719 --> 00:36:24.860 Yeah. 678 00:36:25.460 --> 00:36:29.619 And even Lance Armstrong's hosting a screening. Rob Reiner hosted 679 00:36:29.699 --> 00:36:37.389 one the other night. But Andre Markowiak, yeah, he, I've 680 00:36:37.409 --> 00:36:38.829 done a bunch of stuff with him, but I think 681 00:36:38.989 --> 00:36:41.960 Joel Silver produced those, and I think he recognized. And, 682 00:36:41.969 --> 00:36:44.659 you know, Anthony Anderson and I are really good together, 683 00:36:44.880 --> 00:36:48.360 and sometimes, you know, when you have the action, it's 684 00:36:48.400 --> 00:36:51.059 good to have comedy, especially when Steven Seagal was in it, 685 00:36:51.639 --> 00:36:55.889 who's a dud. But I'm not the only one. You know, 686 00:36:55.909 --> 00:36:59.280 DMX could have had– he had some things going, you know. And, 687 00:36:59.300 --> 00:37:02.840 you know, he could have– you know, he did all right. 688 00:37:03.219 --> 00:37:07.280 I always felt like he– you know, he's a nice guy. 689 00:37:07.360 --> 00:37:12.119 But he just didn't– he wasn't quite

used to– like 690 00:37:12.159 --> 00:37:15.320 he was showing up just like it was– it wasn't 691 00:37:15.380 --> 00:37:17.860 like serious. Like he might have a beard in his head, 692 00:37:17.889 --> 00:37:19.489 but he's shooting the scene. Not even thinking about it, 693 00:37:19.489 --> 00:37:22.199 he'd have his– remote control cars there and all his 694 00:37:22.239 --> 00:37:24.059 fucking dogs and you. 695 00:37:24.000 --> 00:37:27.699 Know he forgets the cameras rolling sometimes yeah but he's 696 00:37:27.760 --> 00:37:31.320 a sweet guy you know there's no guile or anything 697 00:37:31.840 --> 00:37:35.989 and Seagal's just he's continually gotten more and more he's 698 00:37:36.010 --> 00:37:39.230 a weirdo sad really like it's just cause those first 699 00:37:39.250 --> 00:37:40.989 couple of roles I remember people like okay we don't 700 00:37:41.010 --> 00:37:42.630 know who this guy is but he seems like he 701 00:37:42.690 --> 00:37:45.670 does kinda have something and then by the time like 702 00:37:45.730 --> 00:37:47.670 we we did a whole episode based around have you 703 00:37:47.690 --> 00:37:49.090 seen the one where he's fighting. 704 00:37:48.829 --> 00:37:53.170 Vampires yeah No, I can't bear that. It's a nightmare. 705 00:37:53.269 --> 00:37:55.429 And he'd gotten so big at that point. He's so fat. 706 00:37:55.630 --> 00:37:57.329 I don't know that he can get a kick up 707 00:37:57.389 --> 00:37:59.570 above about his knee level. 708 00:37:59.989 --> 00:38:02.110 So they did so much editing to work. 709 00:38:01.949 --> 00:38:03.710 Around the fact that he can't really do what he 710 00:38:03.750 --> 00:38:07.989 did 20, 30 years ago. So, yeah, he's become... It's 711 00:38:08.030 --> 00:38:10.630 weird that they keep making those. He's still such a 712 00:38:10.670 --> 00:38:13.610 name on, I guess, a red box now. It's not 713 00:38:13.650 --> 00:38:15.110 even a video draw anymore. 714 00:38:15.230 --> 00:38:18.269 So that's a strange concept. You're a weirdo. 715 00:38:18.969 --> 00:38:22.030 I guess even at that time, not fun to shoot. 716 00:38:22.409 --> 00:38:28.239 Oh, well then I guess even like coming into stuff now, like, 717 00:38:28.380 --> 00:38:29.610 like hit and run. 718 00:38:29.639 --> 00:38:31.719 I just wanted to see you and Dax also seem 719 00:38:31.739 --> 00:38:32.059 to kind. 720 00:38:31.969 --> 00:38:34.159 Of work well together. Yeah, we do. I've done a 721 00:38:34.239 --> 00:38:39.599 few things with Dax. I love him. Uh, you know, he, uh, he's, uh, 722 00:38:39.639 --> 00:38:42.719 the first thing he directed was Brothers Justice. And I 723 00:38:42.739 --> 00:38:44.840 remember this thing, it was sort of this, I don't 724 00:38:44.880 --> 00:38:47.539 know how you, what form you would take, you call it, but, 725 00:38:48.059 --> 00:38:50.559 I remember at the time, we were talking, we were 726 00:38:50.579 --> 00:38:51.679 trying to get our, we got a bunch of our 727 00:38:51.739 --> 00:38:53.760 friends in it. And I was like, you know, you 728 00:38:53.780 --> 00:38:56.400 should get a part for Bradley Cooper. Bradley needs to 729 00:38:56.440 --> 00:38:58.289 be in a movie or something. And he's like, yeah, 730 00:38:58.329 --> 00:39:00.190 I think I could do that. And then by the 731 00:39:00.230 --> 00:39:01.860 time we did Hit and Run, we're like, we got to, 732 00:39:02.150 --> 00:39:05.449 we have to get Bradley. Like, Bradley's career is just skyrocketing. 733 00:39:05.610 --> 00:39:08.590 Very quickly, let's get him. Huge star. Whatever we can 734 00:39:08.670 --> 00:39:10.500 do to get him in here. And that's it. That 735 00:39:10.519 --> 00:39:13.239 tells you about the business, you know. Yeah. Bradley Cooper 736 00:39:13.280 --> 00:39:17.320 is so smart. He's a great guy, too. He just 737 00:39:17.360 --> 00:39:20.469 really is a good dude. He deserves everything, and he 738 00:39:20.469 --> 00:39:24.949 just knows how to play it, and he's worked so hard. So, yeah, 739 00:39:24.969 --> 00:39:28.389 but the same with Dax. He does amazing, and his 740 00:39:28.429 --> 00:39:31.960 wife's amazing. Sometimes that's a hard deal to have that, 741 00:39:32.039 --> 00:39:38.059 but they do it well, and they have amazing kids. Yeah, 742 00:39:38.139 --> 00:39:40.099 I've been so in love with Kristen Bell. 743 00:39:40.380 --> 00:39:43.019 I can only assume she really is that genuine. She 744 00:39:43.059 --> 00:39:47.079 seems genuine. Just like such a somewhat grounded person. 745 00:39:47.099 --> 00:39:48.619 She is, but if you were her husband, it would 746 00:39:48.639 --> 00:39:50.840 get on your fucking nerves. I'm telling you. Well, if 747 00:39:50.900 --> 00:39:52.820 everybody was telling you how amazing, you know, and I 748 00:39:52.840 --> 00:39:56.210 mean that in the nicest possible way. I mean, you know. 749 00:39:56.449 --> 00:39:59.269 Your adorableness is really pushing. 750 00:39:58.929 --> 00:40:01.969 Me over the edge. Well, you know, if you know 751 00:40:02.010 --> 00:40:05.170 her history, I know her family, and every time I'm 752 00:40:05.190 --> 00:40:07.530 up in Detroit, her mom invites me over. Now, they 753 00:40:07.550 --> 00:40:10.769 live by the zoo. So every night she went to sleep, 754 00:40:10.909 --> 00:40:13.969 she could hear the lions roar for real. So you say, well, 755 00:40:13.989 --> 00:40:16.510 where does she get that whatever it is she's got? 756 00:40:16.570 --> 00:40:19.389 She's got a lot of, not zest, but she's got 757 00:40:19.429 --> 00:40:21.579 a lot. There's something inside of her because she heard 758 00:40:21.619 --> 00:40:23.900 the lion's roar every night. So she's got that inside 759 00:40:23.920 --> 00:40:26.820 of her. So she's about four foot four. 760 00:40:26.880 --> 00:40:27.679 She's a pistol. 761 00:40:27.739 --> 00:40:31.320 Let's go with that. You can't keep that woman down. 762 00:40:31.340 --> 00:40:36.119 She's impressive. Before her next nightmare,

I mean, there's times 763 00:40:36.179 --> 00:40:41.550 when this Joseph Cody, this bad person with the invisible 764 00:40:41.590 --> 00:40:44.460 children in Uganda, Man, she would call me up. She goes, 765 00:40:44.500 --> 00:40:48.619 we're doing this march down by the Santa Monica Pier. 766 00:40:48.639 --> 00:40:51.400 We've got a bunch of people showing up at 4 a.m. 767 00:40:51.440 --> 00:40:54.039 or whatever. She goes, would you show up? I was like, 768 00:40:54.139 --> 00:40:59.900 what is this? She'd be down there with all these randoms. 769 00:40:59.960 --> 00:41:03.019 When she believes in something, man, she's building wells. I mean, 770 00:41:03.079 --> 00:41:05.969 she goes for it. Dax will say, He'll be home 771 00:41:05.989 --> 00:41:07.849 for the weekend thinking he's going to relax. She's like, 772 00:41:07.869 --> 00:41:10.170 what are you doing? She goes, get the truck. He goes, what? 773 00:41:10.590 --> 00:41:12.510 He goes, did she be loading stuff out of his house? 774 00:41:12.530 --> 00:41:15.070 She goes, we're moving this to a homeless person's house. 775 00:41:15.090 --> 00:41:17.590 He goes, what are you talking about? She found the 776 00:41:17.639 --> 00:41:21.519 homeless person. She's loading stuff out of their house. She'll 777 00:41:21.559 --> 00:41:23.340 be like on the road and just give all their 778 00:41:23.360 --> 00:41:25.980 stuff away to people. And he's like, what? We need 779 00:41:26.019 --> 00:41:30.159 to have those in my van. Yeah. So, you know. Yeah. 780 00:41:30.199 --> 00:41:32.489 That would be annoying, but it's wonderful. 781 00:41:32.550 --> 00:41:32.869 Yeah. 782 00:41:32.929 --> 00:41:36.929 But it's also like, whoa, I'm married to fucking mother Teresa. 783 00:41:37.210 --> 00:41:43.530 What the fuck? Anyway. Yeah. But they're, they're great. So yeah. Um, yeah, 784 00:41:43.550 --> 00:41:45.809 I love doing that, that movie. And I loved, uh, 785 00:41:45.969 --> 00:41:48.539 and you know, it's, you know, this year I've done 786 00:41:48.559 --> 00:41:51.699 a few, uh, interesting things. I did this movie, uh, 787 00:41:51.840 --> 00:41:56.030 saving Flora or fighting Flora about this elephant, uh, that, uh, 788 00:41:56.960 --> 00:41:59.880 uh that is in a in a circus and it's 789 00:42:00.159 --> 00:42:02.780 old and they've got to put it down and and 790 00:42:02.820 --> 00:42:07.030 this young girl this jenna ortega who's a disney young 791 00:42:07.070 --> 00:42:09.750 lady who's my my son knows. 792 00:42:09.389 --> 00:42:12.250 And she's yeah she made a video surprising how good an. 793 00:42:12.309 --> 00:42:15.280 Actress yeah she's a good actress she's a good kid 794 00:42:15.340 --> 00:42:19.320 too and and her mom is very attractive way younger 795 00:42:19.340 --> 00:42:23.690 than me anyway she uh And she takes the elephant 796 00:42:23.849 --> 00:42:26.510 and takes it on the lamb. And it's a really 797 00:42:26.570 --> 00:42:31.989 cute story. And the elephant was wonderful. And David, our cat, 798 00:42:32.010 --> 00:42:35.800 plays her father. There's some fun people in it. But 799 00:42:35.840 --> 00:42:39.059 this other thing I did last year that's coming out 800 00:42:39.639 --> 00:42:43.000 this year that has won a bunch of horror festival awards. 801 00:42:43.579 --> 00:42:47.519 Horror comedy. Because I didn't know it's called Dead Ant. 802 00:42:47.880 --> 00:42:51.969 And I didn't know there's a lot of trust in 803 00:42:52.010 --> 00:42:55.230 something like this. Now, it's because there's a lot of 804 00:42:55.250 --> 00:42:57.550 special points. You're shooting against the green screen a lot. 805 00:42:57.590 --> 00:43:00.769 But the basic concept is, I play a manager of 806 00:43:00.829 --> 00:43:02.949 a band from the, a hair band from the late 80s, 807 00:43:03.699 --> 00:43:06.739 who is, you know, they've always been around, but they're 808 00:43:06.780 --> 00:43:10.539 making a comeback. I've told the band they're playing at Coachella, 809 00:43:11.039 --> 00:43:14.349 and they were on the way back there, driving down there, Well, 810 00:43:14.369 --> 00:43:18.219 it's actually no cello. But they're just confused. They heard Coach. Anyway, 811 00:43:18.510 --> 00:43:20.320 I explained on the way there. It's a different, it's 812 00:43:20.590 --> 00:43:23.079 hipper than Coach. Anyway, we're on the way there. We 813 00:43:23.119 --> 00:43:27.280 stop at Joshua Tree to get some inspiration to write 814 00:43:27.300 --> 00:43:32.280 some music. And the Native American says, don't, whatever you do, don't. 815 00:43:32.360 --> 00:43:35.639 Shot Ass is one of the guys. And Jake Busey 816 00:43:35.880 --> 00:43:41.300 and Reese, Billy Walsh from Entourage. I had to think 817 00:43:41.360 --> 00:43:44.030 of his last name. No. What is his fucking last name? Oh, 818 00:43:44.050 --> 00:43:47.489 my God, it's Spacey. He's such a good actor. I 819 00:43:47.530 --> 00:43:50.130 just saw his dad over at Colonel Bryce's house. Anyway, 820 00:43:51.150 --> 00:43:56.949 I got to think of his name. Anyway, so we stop, 821 00:43:57.090 --> 00:44:00.309 and the Native American says, whatever you do, don't harm 822 00:44:00.349 --> 00:44:03.550 anything in nature, not a fly, not a whatever. And 823 00:44:03.590 --> 00:44:06.710 Sean Astin pisses on an ant and kills it. Anyway, 824 00:44:06.730 --> 00:44:10.389 these ants rise up and start growing and killing everybody 825 00:44:10.449 --> 00:44:12.889 and ripping people's arms. And it's about the journey getting 826 00:44:12.929 --> 00:44:16.179 to this concert. And, you know, it's a metaphor. And 827 00:44:16.239 --> 00:44:20.360 I got to play, I did this documentary called Supermatch. 828 00:44:21.380 --> 00:44:23.659 Supermatch is a legend of Shep Gordon that my buddy 829 00:44:23.699 --> 00:44:26.420 Mike Myers directed about our buddy Shep Gordon. And it's 830 00:44:26.440 --> 00:44:29.539 this guy, this longtime music manager that no matter fucking

what, 831 00:44:29.920 --> 00:44:32.929 he's managed Alice Cooper over the years. And no matter 832 00:44:32.969 --> 00:44:35.789 what happens, you know, the fucking chicken gets destroyed on stage. 833 00:44:35.809 --> 00:44:37.269 They're going to fucking, the show's going to go on. 834 00:44:37.309 --> 00:44:39.469 I'll make sure he's there. Don't worry. So I play 835 00:44:39.510 --> 00:44:42.679 that guy. And so it was fun. And watching the 836 00:44:42.739 --> 00:44:44.719 other guys, they really were into it. The guys who 837 00:44:44.739 --> 00:44:48.039 played the band and the women. And they had fun. 838 00:44:48.059 --> 00:44:50.260 But you don't know there's a lot of green screen stuff. 839 00:44:50.400 --> 00:44:53.679 And Ron Carlson, who's the special effects guy, this is 840 00:44:54.119 --> 00:44:55.840 the first thing directing, I think. I think he's directed 841 00:44:56.019 --> 00:44:58.619 some others and stuff. But this is the first big film, 842 00:44:58.659 --> 00:45:00.619 I think. And so you've got to trust. When I 843 00:45:00.659 --> 00:45:02.340 saw his reel, I was like, this guy did some 844 00:45:02.400 --> 00:45:04.960 very cool. If he could do this on a... Anyway, 845 00:45:04.980 --> 00:45:09.280 it turned out fantastic. And very seldom am I surprised 846 00:45:09.320 --> 00:45:11.710 by stuff. And I went to the premiere and I 847 00:45:12.070 --> 00:45:14.460 was like, wow, this is, you did a good job. 848 00:45:14.719 --> 00:45:17.860 And so, you know, and it's a different genre. It's 849 00:45:17.980 --> 00:45:22.670 a genre where I grew up, you had the theater downtown, 850 00:45:22.690 --> 00:45:24.849 then you had the drive-in. When I was a kid, 851 00:45:24.909 --> 00:45:28.809 the drive-in was the horror movies. And you went there 852 00:45:28.849 --> 00:45:30.130 not just to watch the movie. You went there for 853 00:45:30.170 --> 00:45:31.030 the experience. 854 00:45:31.070 --> 00:45:31.949 The atmosphere. 855 00:45:32.070 --> 00:45:32.289 Right. 856 00:45:32.889 --> 00:45:35.670 And the thing about horror movies is you aren't a 857 00:45:35.710 --> 00:45:38.730 film critic. You buy into the fucking deal. You don't 858 00:45:38.750 --> 00:45:41.210 expect the special effects to be fucking perfect. It's about, 859 00:45:41.869 --> 00:45:43.750 if you're an asshole, don't go to a fucking horror movie. 860 00:45:43.769 --> 00:45:44.710 You just want blood and guts. 861 00:45:44.769 --> 00:45:46.050 It doesn't have to look real. You want to be 862 00:45:46.090 --> 00:45:47.889 scared a little bit. You want to see the person 863 00:45:47.909 --> 00:45:50.230 scared in the car next to you. You know, you 864 00:45:50.250 --> 00:45:51.889 want to piss outside your car. You want to yell 865 00:45:51.929 --> 00:45:56.119 at people. You know, and... So it's that kind of movie. 866 00:45:56.440 --> 00:45:59.380 But it's also a comedy, which is... There's some good 867 00:45:59.400 --> 00:46:01.900 comedy in it, too. So, I don't know. There's that. 868 00:46:02.019 --> 00:46:03.960 Has it come full circle? Are you still a horror 869 00:46:03.980 --> 00:46:07.789 fan now? Do you seek that stuff out now? 870 00:46:07.849 --> 00:46:10.429 Oh, yeah, I do. You know, because I have kids, 871 00:46:10.469 --> 00:46:13.690 I'm trying to decide... What's appropriate. But I watch... My 872 00:46:13.710 --> 00:46:16.210 son watches the cartoons. He's four, and he likes a 873 00:46:16.530 --> 00:46:19.389 lot of scary stuff. Yeah. But I'm waiting for him 874 00:46:20.440 --> 00:46:25.900 to guide me back to... you know, uh, I guess 875 00:46:25.980 --> 00:46:31.280 I'm not, uh, I'm not a huge, I liked horror, 876 00:46:31.320 --> 00:46:33.460 funny horror stuff. Yeah. You know what I mean? There's 877 00:46:33.480 --> 00:46:35.380 some funny stuff to it. And then another little thing 878 00:46:35.400 --> 00:46:38.449 I did, uh, which is this movie, uh, I think 879 00:46:38.489 --> 00:46:42.590 it's called Dying, and, uh, it's very, very, very low budget, independent, 880 00:46:42.710 --> 00:46:45.269 and Brian did it, he plays my dad, and, and 881 00:46:45.309 --> 00:46:47.610 there's a bunch, J.K. Simmons is in it, there's a 882 00:46:47.650 --> 00:46:51.090 bunch of really good people, a bunch of really good actors, 883 00:46:51.190 --> 00:46:54.630 and he's dying, and, uh, Brian and, You know, it's 884 00:46:54.670 --> 00:46:58.369 about that. A guy wrote it about his father dying 885 00:46:58.449 --> 00:47:03.489 and a pretty heavy thing. Very low budget. I got 886 00:47:03.510 --> 00:47:05.769 to the set the first day. I was like, what 887 00:47:05.809 --> 00:47:08.750 the fuck did I get myself into? There's nowhere to 888 00:47:08.869 --> 00:47:11.889 fucking lay my shit down here. But then I look 889 00:47:11.909 --> 00:47:14.789 around and all the other... Leslie Ann Ward was the mom, 890 00:47:14.869 --> 00:47:18.070 our mom. And I thought, well, if Leslie Ann Ward 891 00:47:18.090 --> 00:47:21.389 had fucking... Ryan Dennehy gets to do it, I could 892 00:47:21.429 --> 00:47:24.510 fucking suck it up because those guys... And, you know, 893 00:47:25.130 --> 00:47:27.739 this Larry Clark who did it, who directed it and 894 00:47:27.800 --> 00:47:28.980 wrote it, he got a lot of credit. 895 00:47:29.000 --> 00:47:30.019 Okay, that makes sense now. 896 00:47:30.039 --> 00:47:30.380 Yeah. 897 00:47:30.559 --> 00:47:33.059 He doesn't bother with a big budget anything most of 898 00:47:33.079 --> 00:47:35.199 the time. So, yeah, that seems about right. 899 00:47:35.980 --> 00:47:37.900 So, you know, we'll see what happens. 900 00:47:37.940 --> 00:47:40.699 But you've got, again, looking at the lineup, you've got 901 00:47:40.739 --> 00:47:43.849 a ton of projects that are just done or about 902 00:47:43.889 --> 00:47:46.630 coming out. Is it, I guess, what is sort of 903 00:47:46.670 --> 00:47:47.590 fueling that now? 904 00:47:47.710 --> 00:47:50.650 Is it

just... I want to work. I need to work. 905 00:47:50.730 --> 00:47:53.360 I need to work. I need to keep working. you know, 906 00:47:53.860 --> 00:47:57.949 I don't have, you know, the thing about our, our 907 00:47:57.989 --> 00:48:03.269 business is there's no five-year contract. There's no, uh, at least, 908 00:48:03.329 --> 00:48:04.269 especially not anymore. 909 00:48:04.289 --> 00:48:06.809 The way it runs now, it's nothing like that. 910 00:48:07.369 --> 00:48:10.360 And I think that in the eighties and maybe early nineties, 911 00:48:10.400 --> 00:48:13.179 people that were comics could, if they had a good act, 912 00:48:13.219 --> 00:48:15.059 they could decide to do a sitcom. That's a hundred 913 00:48:15.079 --> 00:48:18.940 million dollars or $ 200 million. Like Roseanne or Seinfeld or 914 00:48:18.980 --> 00:48:22.360 those guys. And, And then you're set. Those days are gone. 915 00:48:22.380 --> 00:48:25.500 Those days are gone. Long gone. The great thing about 916 00:48:25.539 --> 00:48:27.900 doing stand-up comedy is, I will say this, I can 917 00:48:27.920 --> 00:48:29.739 always go on the road to take care of my family, 918 00:48:29.800 --> 00:48:33.820 and I do have to work. If you do Google 919 00:48:34.000 --> 00:48:35.780 net worth, it seems like I don't have to work, 920 00:48:35.820 --> 00:48:40.000 but I do have to work. I took no settlement 921 00:48:40.019 --> 00:48:43.260 from Roseanne. I took no alimony. It's public record. I 922 00:48:43.280 --> 00:48:45.730 always joke that I did, but I did it. So 923 00:48:45.769 --> 00:48:47.730 I have to work, which is fine. I wish I 924 00:48:47.750 --> 00:48:48.829 wouldn't have taken it now that I'm. 925 00:48:48.789 --> 00:48:49.269 Talking about it. 926 00:48:49.690 --> 00:48:55.309 But I, you know, and that's scary, but it's also, 927 00:48:55.429 --> 00:48:58.210 I'm so grateful that I could figure out something, that 928 00:48:58.230 --> 00:48:59.360 I could do this. 929 00:48:59.760 --> 00:49:01.719 I mean, you've got a lot of paths to work with. 930 00:49:01.800 --> 00:49:04.960 Do you think worse comes to worse? Can you handle life? 931 00:49:05.420 --> 00:49:06.920 Can you go back to the meatpacking place? 932 00:49:07.179 --> 00:49:09.920 Well, I got fired from there. I got fired because 933 00:49:11.219 --> 00:49:14.039 I called in sick. I was going to community college, 934 00:49:14.099 --> 00:49:17.760 Indian Hills at the time, and I was working nights 935 00:49:18.280 --> 00:49:20.599 in the smoke shop there. And I... said to myself, 936 00:49:20.719 --> 00:49:23.119 I want to get the college experience. I need to 937 00:49:23.179 --> 00:49:25.199 feel like I'm going to college because all my buddies 938 00:49:25.239 --> 00:49:28.239 were at the University of Iowa. And community college is different. 939 00:49:29.199 --> 00:49:31.559 And so there was a college party. And so that means, 940 00:49:32.480 --> 00:49:34.980 you know, the average age person there was

like 60 941 00:49:34.980 --> 00:49:37.420 because it was fucking community college. And so I went 942 00:49:37.480 --> 00:49:39.349 to it. I called in sick. Went to the community 943 00:49:39.369 --> 00:49:41.769 college party, and it was over like at 8 at night. 944 00:49:42.210 --> 00:49:42.949 I was like, fuck this. 945 00:49:42.969 --> 00:49:43.949 That's a good party in my mind. 946 00:49:43.969 --> 00:49:46.110 Yeah, yeah. So I was like, fuck this. Let's do 947 00:49:46.150 --> 00:49:49.260 something college-y. So I go, let's go streaky. So we 948 00:49:49.280 --> 00:49:53.119 streaked through Mr. Quits. That's another restaurant. Nobody, literally, the 949 00:49:53.139 --> 00:49:54.639 chef was in the back, and there was nobody there 950 00:49:54.719 --> 00:49:56.559 that saw us. So I was like, that fucking... And 951 00:49:56.579 --> 00:49:58.619 then I said, I know where there's people. We went 952 00:49:58.659 --> 00:50:02.300 to Jefferson Square Manor, the old folks' home. Fucking came, hauled, 953 00:50:02.320 --> 00:50:05.440 because we knew the nurses, see? Hauled through there, and... 954 00:50:05.739 --> 00:50:07.949 I thought, they'll love it. That's all I always thought. 955 00:50:07.969 --> 00:50:11.389 They'll love it. Yeah. Well, they didn't love it. And 956 00:50:11.429 --> 00:50:13.610 they called the cops. The cops, evidently, they called them 957 00:50:14.050 --> 00:50:16.349 from the first place. They were waiting. So we come 958 00:50:16.389 --> 00:50:19.909 running out of there. They're waiting. And my two buddies, 959 00:50:19.949 --> 00:50:21.369 my two fat buddies, jump in the back of the 960 00:50:21.389 --> 00:50:23.190 car and put their shirts on. And I'm like, fuck it. 961 00:50:23.710 --> 00:50:25.670 I know I'm arrested. I'll just put my shirts on 962 00:50:25.710 --> 00:50:27.849 outside the car like a human. They handcuffed me behind 963 00:50:27.889 --> 00:50:32.420 my back. Take me to jail naked. Fucking... You know, 964 00:50:32.739 --> 00:50:36.969 I always say this is true. If you get arrested 965 00:50:36.989 --> 00:50:38.650 for public duty in an old folks' home in a 966 00:50:38.639 --> 00:50:41.289 small town, it will be in the paper. And they 967 00:50:41.309 --> 00:50:42.789 will read it in a whore bell, and you will 968 00:50:42.809 --> 00:50:47.650 get fired. That's what really happened. And I thought, oh, 969 00:50:47.670 --> 00:50:50.230 my God, my life's over. I got fired. And my 970 00:50:50.250 --> 00:50:52.530 grandparents were like, this is the best job. My grandma 971 00:50:52.550 --> 00:50:54.289 was like, you'll never get a better job than this. 972 00:50:54.909 --> 00:50:57.869 And so what I did is funny because people were 973 00:50:57.909 --> 00:51:00.570 tweeting this. Last week and the week after, there was 974 00:51:00.590 --> 00:51:03.250 a news story because What I did is I ran 975 00:51:03.309 --> 00:51:05.769 out of money for college to finish my Indian Hills, 976 00:51:06.230 --> 00:51:08.199 and I came up with a scheme that I walked 977 00:51:08.199 --> 00:51:12.380 20 miles in my underwear in December of 1980. I 978 00:51:13.019 --> 00:51:15.159 called it From Here to There in Underwear, and people 979 00:51:15.199 --> 00:51:18.239 pledged money, and I put their logos on my underwear 980 00:51:18.260 --> 00:51:21.400 and T-shirt, and it was in the papers in the 981 00:51:21.420 --> 00:51:23.159 New York Times and the National Enquirer. It was the 982 00:51:23.179 --> 00:51:26.269 first time I had publicity like that, and I raised 983 00:51:26.309 --> 00:51:28.050 enough money to pay the rest of my way through school. 984 00:51:28.510 --> 00:51:30.940 I also liked it because it was like, I was 985 00:51:31.000 --> 00:51:33.389 in the Enquirer, too. Like, this kid, this college kid 986 00:51:33.449 --> 00:51:36.150 is doing this weird thing. And it was fucking cold. 987 00:51:36.190 --> 00:51:38.230 I remember that. And my buddies were in the van 988 00:51:38.250 --> 00:51:40.409 because we had a, it was like a NASCAR thing. 989 00:51:40.449 --> 00:51:42.469 We had a van and they were all drunk. And 990 00:51:42.489 --> 00:51:46.199 I was walking on this 21 miles of fucking freezing highway. 991 00:51:46.260 --> 00:51:48.699 And there's film crews. But it gave me a little 992 00:51:48.739 --> 00:51:52.690 taste of what, you know, something bigger is. you know. 993 00:51:52.869 --> 00:51:55.650 Well, and that's, that's impressive just because that was when 994 00:51:55.670 --> 00:51:57.820 there was no way to get the word out. 995 00:51:58.139 --> 00:51:58.590 Right. 996 00:51:58.610 --> 00:52:00.539 So, worse comes to worse now, you can do a 997 00:52:00.559 --> 00:52:02.880 Patreon page, you can do a Kickstarter, you can do 998 00:52:02.920 --> 00:52:03.559 this again. 999 00:52:03.579 --> 00:52:04.300 Oh, God. 1000 00:52:05.199 --> 00:52:05.579 Oh, God. 1001 00:52:05.699 --> 00:52:09.119 Well, you know, there's always, you know, I have, the 1002 00:52:09.139 --> 00:52:12.980 thing about growing up like I did and living like 1003 00:52:13.199 --> 00:52:17.019 I did is I have done, you know, this is, 1004 00:52:17.300 --> 00:52:20.750 this is, I always go, this is pretty good and 1005 00:52:20.789 --> 00:52:23.570 no matter what, you know, there was a, This isn't 1006 00:52:24.469 --> 00:52:27.869 the fanciest life I've lived, but this is far from 1007 00:52:27.989 --> 00:52:30.710 the worst life I've lived. So I'm doing all right. 1008 00:52:30.849 --> 00:52:32.909 And even as it's come around, because I saw earlier 1009 00:52:32.949 --> 00:52:36.429 this year you doing press for it, it's a different version. 1010 00:52:36.489 --> 00:52:38.949 But the fact that you got to be on Battle 1011 00:52:38.969 --> 00:52:39.809 of the Network Stars. 1012 00:52:40.230 --> 00:52:43.250 Oh, yeah. I just wanted to win that. All I 1013 00:52:43.269 --> 00:52:46.530 cared about. I went down there. I was so fucking

tired. 1014 00:52:47.280 --> 00:52:48.320 I'd come back from. 1015 00:52:48.719 --> 00:52:51.079 Everybody that shows up kind of feels like this. This 1016 00:52:51.179 --> 00:52:52.800 is a different version of the old days. 1017 00:52:52.840 --> 00:52:55.550 Everybody seems worn out. 1018 00:52:55.650 --> 00:52:58.829 I was so tired. And they were like, I showed 1019 00:52:58.889 --> 00:53:00.329 up late. I missed a couple of things. Well, first 1020 00:53:00.389 --> 00:53:02.750 of all, I asked what the competitions were before I 1021 00:53:02.769 --> 00:53:04.909 got there. So I didn't even hurry to get there. 1022 00:53:04.929 --> 00:53:08.570 I was late. So I missed the first couple of things. 1023 00:53:08.929 --> 00:53:11.170 But I looked at the things. I was like. And 1024 00:53:11.190 --> 00:53:14.300 they go, the tug-of-war is double the points. I go, okay, 1025 00:53:14.500 --> 00:53:16.679 that's what we're going to win. And everybody was like, 1026 00:53:16.699 --> 00:53:20.579 you know, I knew that Andre were the coaches because 1027 00:53:20.639 --> 00:53:23.940 of my sports show. They're like, you fucking asshole. I go, no, no, 1028 00:53:24.019 --> 00:53:26.300 I got this, the last thing. They go, you're a 1029 00:53:26.440 --> 00:53:29.179 crazy person. I go, yeah, I am. We're going to 1030 00:53:29.199 --> 00:53:31.159 win this last thing. And they're like, yeah. And then 1031 00:53:31.199 --> 00:53:34.260 I just knew, because tug-of-war, being from Iowa, again, we 1032 00:53:34.280 --> 00:53:37.610 won the national Miller Lite tug-of-war. They said these Miller 1033 00:53:37.630 --> 00:53:40.949 Lite commercials, and Boo Pow came to our fucking down 1034 00:53:41.010 --> 00:53:43.519 at our community college meet all the big colleges because 1035 00:53:43.539 --> 00:53:45.880 we had so many fat big guys and I just 1036 00:53:45.900 --> 00:53:48.099 knew put me the anchor I fucking know how to 1037 00:53:48.300 --> 00:53:52.679 and I just coached up those those uh TV young 1038 00:53:52.780 --> 00:53:55.199 TV actors or whatever they were and I said, here's 1039 00:53:55.219 --> 00:53:57.179 how we're going to do it. I'm holding down the floor. Yeah, 1040 00:53:57.219 --> 00:53:59.820 all I did was say one last thing. Because the 1041 00:53:59.840 --> 00:54:01.539 way I figured out the points, you really only had 1042 00:54:01.559 --> 00:54:03.489 to win the last thing. You could lose everything else. 1043 00:54:03.760 --> 00:54:05.570 I think the rest is fluff. 1044 00:54:05.590 --> 00:54:08.289 ABC could not make it so the last thing didn't matter. 1045 00:54:08.889 --> 00:54:10.610 So I knew that in advance because it's a TV show. 1046 00:54:11.090 --> 00:54:14.210 So you could lose every fucking thing. But the last thing, 1047 00:54:15.250 --> 00:54:18.320 for people to keep watching it, They had to rig it, 1048 00:54:18.420 --> 00:54:19.340 so the last thing. 1049 00:54:19.380 --> 00:54:22.159 Because, yeah, everybody gets so far ahead. 1050 00:54:22.179 --> 00:54:24.139 So I only had to be there. I knew I 1051 00:54:24.159 --> 00:54:26.750 just had to be there for the last thing. But 1052 00:54:26.769 --> 00:54:29.469 that was late. But it was, I don't know. They 1053 00:54:29.489 --> 00:54:32.650 paid money, but it was. But, you know, you get 1054 00:54:32.670 --> 00:54:35.190 that thing and you go, well, I'll give this a 1055 00:54:35.250 --> 00:54:37.219 shot and see what happens. I got no. 1056 00:54:37.699 --> 00:54:39.280 I mean, that was one of my favorite things as 1057 00:54:39.300 --> 00:54:40.179 a kid, like that. 1058 00:54:40.480 --> 00:54:41.079 Just watching that. 1059 00:54:41.219 --> 00:54:42.500 Oh, my God, when I was a kid, I did it, too. 1060 00:54:42.519 --> 00:54:44.250 Oh, my God, I love that. I know. Well, that's 1061 00:54:44.269 --> 00:54:46.289 what I do is I get a little nostalgic. I 1062 00:54:46.309 --> 00:54:49.550 started watching on YouTube the ones as a kid and 1063 00:54:49.590 --> 00:54:52.429 see how many people did it. And then I was like, well, 1064 00:54:52.449 --> 00:54:56.900 I assume big people do it now. No. No. Well, 1065 00:54:56.940 --> 00:54:57.619 it's just such a. 1066 00:54:57.599 --> 00:55:00.530 Yeah, I mean, it was such an A-list group of people, 1067 00:55:00.570 --> 00:55:01.579 especially TV. 1068 00:55:01.610 --> 00:55:03.269 But they wouldn't even pull in film actors. 1069 00:55:03.409 --> 00:55:04.210 No, yeah, they would. 1070 00:55:04.230 --> 00:55:06.369 You'd get, yeah, the fact that they'd get Michael J. 1071 00:55:06.429 --> 00:55:07.429 Fox on the team. 1072 00:55:07.510 --> 00:55:07.730 Right. 1073 00:55:07.789 --> 00:55:09.280 And you're like, now, like, there's no way. 1074 00:55:09.289 --> 00:55:10.929 Well, they also had athletes that were, like, competing. They 1075 00:55:10.949 --> 00:55:11.230 had people. 1076 00:55:11.289 --> 00:55:11.489 Yeah. 1077 00:55:11.929 --> 00:55:14.710 You could tell that even the actors were actually competing against, like, 1078 00:55:14.769 --> 00:55:15.610 it meant something. 1079 00:55:15.820 --> 00:55:18.340 And, like, a little, like, upset sometimes. 1080 00:55:18.360 --> 00:55:18.500 Right. 1081 00:55:18.519 --> 00:55:20.340 Because that's one of the ones, it was towards the end, 1082 00:55:20.400 --> 00:55:22.820 I think, because Brian Wimmer was there. So it's, like, 1083 00:55:22.860 --> 00:55:26.679 him and China Beach Day's. And, like, he was competing, like, 1084 00:55:26.719 --> 00:55:28.619 in the, I think the relay kind of where they 1085 00:55:28.639 --> 00:55:30.460 go through the whole obstacle course. 1086 00:55:31.019 --> 00:55:33.110 And it was him against Eric, or no, it was 1087 00:55:33.349 --> 00:55:34.150 Lorenzo Lamas. 1088 00:55:34.610 --> 00:55:34.909 Oh, yeah. 1089 00:55:34.969 --> 00:55:37.469 I think Cotel or something. Whatever he was on for 1090 00:55:37.510 --> 00:55:40.300 whatever network. And he was the cockiest

bastard. 1091 00:55:40.320 --> 00:55:41.139 Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. 1092 00:55:41.159 --> 00:55:42.840 He was so full of himself the whole show. 1093 00:55:43.170 --> 00:55:45.670 So they get to that big finale and he, Ryan 1094 00:55:45.690 --> 00:55:48.960 Wimmer just kind of sneaks in there and totally just. 1095 00:55:48.840 --> 00:55:49.460 Beats his ass. 1096 00:55:49.500 --> 00:55:51.679 And I'm just like, this is why you watch this 1097 00:55:51.719 --> 00:55:53.420 because you would never expect that. 1098 00:55:53.500 --> 00:55:55.489 So yeah, those are the ones I love. Just kind of, 1099 00:55:55.800 --> 00:55:58.159 you can see it really was sort of a real. 1100 00:55:57.880 --> 00:56:01.070 Where now I don't know how real any of that is, but, 1101 00:56:01.610 --> 00:56:04.110 but yeah, it felt like it actually was competition back then. 1102 00:56:04.130 --> 00:56:06.510 It was, it was genuinely, you know, stars being. 1103 00:56:06.389 --> 00:56:07.210 Annoyed at each other. 1104 00:56:07.349 --> 00:56:09.510 Yeah. Nobody cared. 1105 00:56:10.570 --> 00:56:12.329 Um, so you've got, you know, you've got all these 1106 00:56:12.369 --> 00:56:15.309 new projects coming out. You're, you're doing standup now, I guess. 1107 00:56:15.449 --> 00:56:18.250 What's the best way for people to follow you? 1108 00:56:18.269 --> 00:56:21.190 Do you have a big internet presence? 1109 00:56:21.349 --> 00:56:25.510 I do Twitter a lot. So at Tom Arnold and, uh, and, uh, 1110 00:56:25.550 --> 00:56:28.010 that's a good place. I'm on Instagram too and Facebook, 1111 00:56:28.030 --> 00:56:32.230 but you know, I do, uh, Twitter's a good place. Yeah. 1112 00:56:32.250 --> 00:56:36.780 Get very, uh, sometimes political, sometimes humorous, sometimes stuff with 1113 00:56:36.820 --> 00:56:40.349 my kids, variety of stuff. But, uh, You know, I 1114 00:56:40.369 --> 00:56:42.630 have fun on there. All right. We'll tell everybody to 1115 00:56:42.690 --> 00:56:43.210 follow you. 1116 00:56:43.530 --> 00:56:46.289 I may round it out with, you know, I've always 1117 00:56:46.309 --> 00:56:48.050 been a big fan of I'm My Own Grandpa. 1118 00:56:48.510 --> 00:56:48.760 Oh, yeah. 1119 00:56:48.780 --> 00:56:50.239 Were you familiar with that song before? 1120 00:56:50.260 --> 00:56:50.519 I was. 1121 00:56:50.559 --> 00:56:52.880 I always heard it on Dr. Demento growing up. 1122 00:56:52.880 --> 00:56:55.559 Well, you know, Glenn Miller is from Iowa. Yeah. And 1123 00:56:55.599 --> 00:56:58.519 he wrote the song. And did you know that? I 1124 00:56:58.559 --> 00:56:59.599 don't know. I don't think so. 1125 00:56:59.699 --> 00:57:03.519 I just remember hearing it and loving how complex and 1126 00:57:03.679 --> 00:57:05.510 silly it was all at the same time. 1127 00:57:05.610 --> 00:57:07.530 Right. Well, it's an old song. It's an old song 1128 00:57:07.550 --> 00:57:09.679 from the. And, of course, speaking for Iowa, it's also 1129 00:57:09.699 --> 00:57:12.449 a hillbilly song. So, of course, I know it. But 1130 00:57:12.469 --> 00:57:14.710 the funny thing is, John Lattice gave it to me 1131 00:57:14.769 --> 00:57:17.909 before the movie started on a cassette back in the day. 1132 00:57:18.670 --> 00:57:20.889 And said, learn this. And I did not learn this. 1133 00:57:20.909 --> 00:57:22.250 It was the last thing we filmed. And I had 1134 00:57:22.269 --> 00:57:23.769 to read it off the teleprompter. And you could tell 1135 00:57:23.809 --> 00:57:26.030 I'm reading it off the teleprompter in the movie. And 1136 00:57:26.050 --> 00:57:28.920 he was so pissed off at me. But it kind 1137 00:57:28.960 --> 00:57:34.199 of works. But, you know, I've been... You know, I 1138 00:57:35.380 --> 00:57:36.059 did my best. 1139 00:57:36.219 --> 00:57:39.559 Again, it's complex, so that's probably not one to wing it. 1140 00:57:39.619 --> 00:57:42.900 No, you're right. It backfired on you. Plus, my character, 1141 00:57:43.340 --> 00:57:45.630 Stanley Stupid, seems like he's reading everything we're going to 1142 00:57:45.650 --> 00:57:46.570 tell him about. 1143 00:57:46.690 --> 00:57:47.030 Possibly. 1144 00:57:47.110 --> 00:57:50.090 It works. Yeah, thank you. All right. Well, I think 1145 00:57:50.110 --> 00:57:52.550 that is it. Thank you for joining us, man. 1146 00:57:52.670 --> 00:57:53.050 Thank you. 1147 00:57:55.909 --> 00:57:57.820 So, yes, a huge thank you to Tom for sitting 1148 00:57:57.880 --> 00:58:00.150 in with us this week. Go follow him on Twitter 1149 00:58:00.190 --> 00:58:02.909 and read some of those many categories of his posts, 1150 00:58:03.329 --> 00:58:05.409 and go see him live while he's out touring with 1151 00:58:05.449 --> 00:58:07.570 his stand-up. And if you happen to meet him after 1152 00:58:07.610 --> 00:58:09.550 the show and take a minute to tell him how 1153 00:58:09.590 --> 00:58:12.429 he touched your life, well, eventually, be sure to tell 1154 00:58:12.469 --> 00:58:15.829 him you also heard him on Movie Meltdown. Otherwise, that 1155 00:58:15.869 --> 00:58:18.250 about does it. We will return next time, same geek feed. 1156 00:58:18.590 --> 00:58:19.369 Thanks for listening. 1157 00:58:19.789 --> 00:58:24.070 Well, to tell you the truth, I'm... I'm my own grandpa. 1158 00:58:24.639 --> 00:58:29.110 You're your own grandpa? That's right. Well, for those of 1159 00:58:29.210 --> 00:58:31.039 us who've never heard of such a thing, maybe you 1160 00:58:31.059 --> 00:58:34.039 could explain. Of course. It's quite simple, really. 1161 00:58:34.420 --> 00:58:38.039 Many, many years ago when I was 23, I was 1162 00:58:38.119 --> 00:58:41.110 married to a widow who was pretty as could be. 1163 00:58:41.570 --> 00:58:44.849 This widow had a grown-up daughter who had hair of red. 1164 00:58:45.250 --> 00:58:47.730 My father fell in love with her and soon they 1165 00:58:47.769 --> 00:58:50.929 two were wed. This made my dad my son-in-law and 1166 00:58:50.969 --> 00:58:54.099 changed my very life, for my daughter was my mother 1167 00:58:54.199 --> 00:58:57.900 cause she was my father's wife. To complicate the matter 1168 00:58:58.079 --> 00:59:01.079 even though it brought me joy, I soon became the 1169 00:59:01.159 --> 00:59:05.110 father of a bouncing baby boy. My little baby then 1170 00:59:05.150 --> 00:59:09.010 became a brother-in-law to dad, and so became my uncle 1171 00:59:09.070 --> 00:59:11.980 though it made me very sad. For if he was 1172 00:59:12.019 --> 00:59:14.960 my uncle, then that also made him brother to the 1173 00:59:15.039 --> 00:59:18.179 widow's grown-up daughter, who of course was my stepmother. 1174 00:59:18.219 --> 00:59:20.500 I walked his life and I had a son who 1175 00:59:20.539 --> 00:59:23.949 kept him on the run. And he became my grandchild 1176 00:59:23.989 --> 00:59:26.949 for he was my daughter's son My wife is now 1177 00:59:26.989 --> 00:59:30.769 my mother's mother and it makes me blue Because although 1178 00:59:30.809 --> 00:59:34.510 she is my wife, she's my grandmother too I'm my 1179 00:59:34.869 --> 00:59:43.460 own grandpa I'm my own grandpa It sounds funny, I know, but. 1180 00:59:43.260 --> 00:59:44.900 It really is so. 1181 00:59:44.639 --> 00:59:50.940 I'm my own grandpa Oh, if my wife is my grandmother, 1182 00:59:50.960 --> 00:59:54.559 then I'm her grandchild. And every time I think of it, 1183 00:59:54.619 --> 00:59:57.860 it nearly drives me wild. For now I have become 1184 00:59:57.900 --> 01:00:01.320 the strangest case you ever saw. As husband of my 1185 01:00:01.360 --> 01:00:06.630 old grandmother, I'm my own grandpa. I'm my own grandpa. 1186 01:00:07.969 --> 01:00:13.630 I'm my own grandpa. It sounds funny, I know, but 1187 01:00:13.730 --> 01:00:14.829 it really is so. 1188 01:00:16.289 --> 01:00:18.610 I'm my own grandpa. 1189 01:00:18.860 --> 01:00:24.599 I had no idea nothing was going on, right? I 1190 01:00:24.639 --> 01:00:26.760 come home one day, and the house is completely empty. 1191 01:00:26.980 --> 01:00:28.860 And I mean completely empty. She even took the ice 1192 01:00:28.900 --> 01:00:31.019 cube trays out of the freezer. What kind of a 1193 01:00:31.179 --> 01:00:34.449 sick bitch takes the ice cube trays out of the freezer? 1194 01:00:34.510 --> 01:00:37.309 This episode is a production of Movie Meltdown, produced and 1195 01:00:37.349 --> 01:00:40.510 edited by The Oddity Studios, with the opening music performed 1196 01:00:40.530 --> 01:00:43.110 by The Empires. For more on how to sponsor or 1197 01:00:43.130 --> 01:00:46.079 support the show, Email producer at moviemeltdown.com. 1198 01:00:46.320 --> 01:00:47.099 Talk hard! 1199 01:00:53.650 --> 01:00:56.809 This program is a proud member of the Battleship Pretension Fleet.