ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Bill rambles about JP Morgan, Alabama and cross checking a relative.

English
United States

TRANSCRIPT

00:00:01hey what's going on how was your week going your plan is 2018
00:00:22I'll be getting my my transformation to find my new fucking wardrobe
00:00:29I never took seriously with socks
00:00:33I go down to the fucking foot I just grabbed a pair of you know a package of those things
00:00:45I don't know any White Sox they're all gray
00:00:48I don't know it's just something I've never been in two and then for Christmas somebody actually got me some new socks and they were great but they weren't like
00:01:01I don't like dress socks or some shit like I got to wait till somebody dies or gets married before I wear these
00:01:10they weren't athletic socks they would just saw two socks you could still wear with sneakers they were little that was socks that have been loyal for all these years the company to another country are you man you're not going to break up to you
00:01:42we both know it's like you will get.
00:01:52For those Robber Baron guide back in the day
00:02:00maybe they had it in him to tell some old lady hit the bricks you would done with the let me see some of the posts that was it
00:02:16nothing
00:02:20JPMorgan Chase the public
00:02:41so wrong and so right all at the same time I've never quite so I never really felt one way what the fuck you know
00:02:58you start doing a little while would like for that all the sudden some douchebag in your life starts giving you shit about it
00:03:10I guess I kinda understand what
00:03:21take it away from this, this is always been my rule as far as helping people out okay try to pull you out of doing the right thing you'll be surprised white male
00:04:04we were talking to the next seven presidential candidates they will decide who is going to be president I'm sorry to let you in on this child suppose like was incredible
00:04:19turn 14
00:04:25I was in a bad mood because my chauffeur was just I don't know if I wanted to get fucking ice cream and he wouldn't take me there and I was very upset
00:04:34sounds like you work for me you work for me and he just ignored me that day and I was like I'm going to tell Daddy and you're going to be fired realizes what he was under instructions from my father to take me down to the
00:04:50The Wharf at the sound like a good french word
00:04:54yeah the docs that President Roosevelt gave to my great-grandfather and they gave me my first shot and I was like how I feel so foolish
00:05:03but my dad still fired My Chauffeur just broke sending me even though it's his idea
00:05:09what will revisit my privilege childhood later on in his podcast but let's get back to Wallace get back to Alabama Crimson Tide
00:05:24Alex fucking Championship goddamnit blocks a punt
00:05:39I don't know somebody tell me how that guy was offsides can somebody tell me why
00:05:48turn on the Mad Dog Show
00:05:51big blue to brutal fucking calls when Alabama was making a great comeback okay
00:05:58great coaching decision
00:06:01by Nick Saban to put that freshman kitten
00:06:07about to start and not being a cunt about it that was all great the fucking guy was not offsides they blocked the punt
00:06:24you looking at least three points on that drive on Saturday
00:06:39those are the games when your team's getting fucked you you literally sit there going like this is literally it's just a t it's a TV show
00:06:50did you just beat the shit out of the other team everybody's going to turn the channel
00:06:56the football game was like watching an episode of the Super Friends back in the day right every fucking episode was the exact same of the SuperFriends just look like you know Superman and Kryptonite around something would happen
00:07:25get stupid fucking monkey from the and the second they played that song
00:07:36in the sense of relief every time I was watch that cartoon
00:07:52that's what the Alabama fucking band should have been playing when they Alabama came running out the second half but that was bullshit
00:08:13I don't know maybe maybe the referee had a better angle
00:08:18I don't know I don't know how you missed a face mask when it was done to the guy carrying the football I mean the whole fucking stadiums his head turned
00:08:32why is he will because he's so good at what he does
00:08:50I think the media fucken hates Bill Belichick is he makes that job so fucking difficult
00:08:56because he knows that if he opens his mouth the media is going to make his job more difficult by suppressing he looks at people are not my fucking friends I'm required to fucking syllables per question alright
00:09:24I wish more coaches would do that
00:09:29what players would do that
00:09:39just told him nice guy Kobe the ball completely different that's what you learn after you get burned by those fucking non-athletic sets that are in the sports media
00:10:14get up stand up by themselves their own self-preservation over any sort of loyalty towards the home team
00:10:24you know
00:10:26the local Boston Sports media sitting at Fanning the Flames of that fucking horseshit about personal assistant personal trainer
00:10:40can you believe they tried that but that's all they can get
00:10:49what kills me is fucking Patriots fans will continue to listen to those Sports shows
00:11:03you just have to say what everybody else is saying is that what you required to do about Bill such a good mood
00:11:13Nick Saban has six championships
00:11:24opening chest turn into the devil what was he 65
00:11:33what's 2 to 5 what does that mean
00:11:40I don't think either one of them of the devil I just think they're really good at what they do at the end of the day the game is 60 minutes and other all the top four Sports all right Nothing Hurt You More
00:11:59the playing not to lose in football I've seen more goddamn games
00:12:06acrylic Oklahoma
00:12:11do you want to be a douche you could say maybe Georgia
00:12:16cancel
00:12:20what you start thinking about how to chew up the clock
00:12:24Fox up everybody's I don't know maybe I just love when Alabama loses like my favorite
00:12:38what are you going to do that interview stupid fucking interview why they stop those bastards the most important going to sit there and talk to Susie Suede Shoes is it before they go in there a fucking really liked on Alabama was that number for teen guys are fucking Maniac he was all over the field time it was a sleepy come out of nowhere he was amazing and I also think George is front forward credible
00:13:13defensive lineman just not quick enough
00:13:19ricocheted off the helmet he sounded in the air and then caught it
00:13:25close to the quarterback that usually does not happen
00:13:30Georgia's quarterback to the Freshman obviously kind of sucks that they end up losing the game for the kid
00:13:45I felt bad for Nick Saban
00:13:55how big is a genius do I have to fucking be to fuck it help you sons of bitches across the goddamn goal line so we can win this thing and go go home or do I have to do
00:14:09I would love to interview coaches if you like what goes through your fucking braids
00:14:14all right like an offensive coordinator whatever you call the right place
00:14:21high-stakes chess where your house is on the line cuz if you suck you're going to get fired and then again at the pockets tell you how she waiting all the deal that we know that you
00:14:38can you call all the right place 60 Minutes of playing chess on television you get all the way down there it's a fucking Chip Shot
00:15:05I I can't I can't imagine everybody talks about the field goal kickers when they missed it what they have to deal with you
00:15:13it's Rich very simple okay nobody knows what a field goal kicker looks like he move out of this state you start selling cars
00:15:25I can't imagine the coach that you got it I kind of you go to sleep at night you know me you know your wife doesn't understand
00:15:43guys just I would steal what I would do I would just be standing up
00:15:49in my living room with my headset still on Staring at the fucking wall
00:15:56Patriots go to bed early tonight
00:16:02that's what I see when I put Nick Saban's losing some of those guys are still dye their hair they still keep it like long anyway splits plowed by the way did you happen to catch at least the ones that I sent you
00:16:42it was like a game from the 80s except there was no fights
00:16:47which they should have been when the puck got lost in his jersey that guy came up and just pushed him down like a kid on the playground
00:17:07tendo British it cuz that's the new game cuz they're trying to get everybody to fucking watch which they're not going to do fighting is basically out of hockey and watching constar still not watching in Coca-Cola on your face people keep watching
00:17:38players fucking getting busted for shit bring it up other players names
00:17:43nobody gives a fuck they keep fucking watch it so you going to get the fighting out of hockey really sorry anyways
00:17:57Bruins vs. penguins this is how the scoring with
00:18:0210 to 110
00:18:12in the fucking second. APK it was three the true Penguins 32343 Bruins scored the next to this isn't even the end of the second period yet
00:18:34Rite Aid fucking goal
00:18:38is backwood like Gretzky when scoring a goal was watching this this game was amazing
00:18:48send it right before the.
00:18:585 to 4 at the end of the second period. Starts in like we got to get the next one we got to talking next one now its 5 to 5
00:19:14NFC East playoff loves level hockey
00:19:20entire rest of the fucking game unbelievable is unbelievable
00:19:35Brad Marchand called the penalty shot
00:19:57Sean's going to score this fucking go Jets got the top of his pad on it
00:20:22time was it tough in overtime you know that Crosby on One Life to another at 3 on 3 all that open ice and Phil Kessel
00:20:30trade to Toronto because to watch the Celtics dare I say I say I say I say that's their loss
00:21:11looks like that guy Tucker used to make those cars except for the stupid fucking printer icon keeps jumping up and down
00:21:29you know like when you have a big family knows that one kid you don't really like any kind of Senses it so we tried to do extra shit to get attention that's what it's doing right now
00:21:42anyways I'm going to be at Cobb's Comedy Club
00:21:47is Saturday night with Rose Bowl tailgate Legend
00:21:52Jenni Rivera
00:21:55Joe Panik 10 years 10 games in a row at the Rose Bowl swap jumping up and down I get it
00:22:13someone was at the game and he was at his 70th Rose Bowl in a row
00:22:20guys are going since 1948
00:22:23tell 1949
00:22:27cuz I was already thinking like the scene
00:22:33Pro or one like the Heisman Trophy or something like that
00:22:43Beckett on the Titans went to Stanford that white kids really fast Jamison Winston
00:22:59what's that Mariota MacGyver for the name is for the Titans I'm too old to remember the fucking name
00:23:08Shayne Corson whatever his name is
00:23:14Brewster Baker and the six pack she was so amazing you let Kenny Rogers chicken restaurant
00:23:39turn off he still has all that
00:23:50can you keep putting out hit records and make sure you know nobody's putting their hands in the register that you're 40 Funk and Kenny Rogers chicken places
00:24:03how much do you love Kenny Rogers you like you know what I bet he makes good chicken to
00:24:09like how much you believe in him is an artist he like an art form to so you know
00:24:27The Song Remains the Same
00:24:34Chaparral fucking fish and chips it was he was out on a tractor
00:24:45I such a horribly misunderstood musician
00:24:49such a horribly misunderstood make myself also
00:24:54you know I was talking to some of the other day there's always been like this this myth about Bonham that he used to play with these sticks that we were like tree trunks or something like that so this thing is so big nuts that's how big this fucking piece of wood was right thinking that you were going to get that stuff out
00:25:28is a couple of fucking pictures that I've looked up though if you really look at it looks like he's just using like almost like a just a regular size stick it's just he just knew he's like his hands up and stand fingers
00:25:49he just knew how to fucking hit the drum I'll take another guy who's amazing of my drum teacher about this as I watch this clip of James Gadson
00:26:00cool play with that way that way
00:26:15Bill Withers basically took that Rhythm Section
00:26:19anyone else on the road made albums with them and there's a live version of him
00:26:44cuz he's like four times higher it should sound like the crack he was getting off the snare drum is incredible
00:26:56cuz I know it's a different 50 years ago
00:27:04wardrobe close
00:27:13that fit me even if I'm a fat fuck so what I'm doing is I'm giving all of that away and I'm not
00:27:28what do you call it Goodwill I don't believe in those guys you go over there and people that they don't want they just drop off over there so don't have the guilt you know it's like these people throw in the fucking ocean
00:27:43actually have a friend of mine that actually is works for this
00:27:48play smino people recovering addicts and all of that type of shit what I'm saying is this going to be some really well dressed X junkies out there
00:27:56not to say that had the greatest takes them to say that they didn't know the homeless people in my neighborhood be looking all right
00:28:07underwear you definitely have to fucking throw out that goes without saying even though I just said it
00:28:17very happy with the shape I'm in right now and I'm going to just come looking to buy clothes that just spit this fucking shape that's it
00:28:24so if I start getting out of shape I all of a sudden my Cheryl start creeping up my fucking white belly and be hanging out I'm just going to have to take it
00:28:34cuz I'm not buying clothes that's what I'm going to do
00:28:41little bits all about not becoming a fat fuck I finally turned the corner with my fucking Peyton Manning blood in the center fuge and fucking Transylvania and I got bless those two guys for doing that too because you could get that everybody's getting done
00:29:05stem cell research
00:29:19I get a little nervous about that you know what is that they take a placenta out and put it in one of those KitchenAid things and then then
00:29:27drop little virgin crazy
00:29:33to me like you just get this brand new shoulder and it's like and there's no price to pay
00:29:40I like a slight fucking taking my personality like those fucking movies
00:29:48what do you like a hand transplant they took it off
00:29:55get your shoulder fixing all the sudden you check your grandmother to pick up a slip you just said
00:30:22some classic Thursday afternoon just before Friday Monday Morning podcast from the Thursday you guys are the fucking of the above
00:30:46college football chant debate if you guys are the best alright congratulations you fucking cunt all right that's it
00:31:39wishing well
00:31:48wish you well
00:31:52hey what's going on it's billed cast for Monday January 11th 2010 it's like such like it's a chick it's like I have to say it I got to say hey what's going on what's going on I'm coughing up with tastes like lighter fluid and it's actually the the chemical that they put on the outside of those does Kingsford Auto fuck they are those bricks of and Grill in a lot I don't know what it is blowing in your face
00:32:42so anyway so skip this week because you know if that was just like a one-day vigil for for old people at half-mast doing the podcast by the way the last last week I did it Sunday night at 11 at night so did you see the comedy podcast you dumb sucks
00:33:21emails about that
00:33:24you know I don't like these people it just reminds me of how fucking stupid I am and you know as a human being if this is what I attract and believe me I got a lot of shit this week the g-force this week
00:33:43I have some questions for you people evidently cast which is the server is that the correct computer word
00:33:59why is it saying it's 46 degrees out here at 46 degrees hoodie was dying out there anyways the podcast on is not going to be accepting any new podcasters or any new podcasts as of February 1st so what that means is I'm sad to say that the Monday Morning podcast is coming to a close
00:34:31all right everything has a beginning a middle and everything has an end so stay till January 31st and then that is it you guys are on your own on Mondays okay cuz I'm not playing this fucking internet game and I already went from fucking Myspace over to Facebook and I got to go to GK to fucking age test
00:35:04alright you want to hear my jokes you come out and you see me
00:35:10you put money in my pocket then I'll dance for you I'm just fucking with you I need some help on that I just said that cuz you know you like someone who's not going to kill themselves but they just say they're going to so they can just find out how much people care
00:35:29you have the Lord
00:35:39I'm not going to quit what just cuz G cast is tapping out is cuz of guys like me
00:35:47you know what I mean it's it's this whole fucking free entertainment thing I don't charge for the podcast they don't charge me for uploaded nobody's making any money for free and that are shiny shirts are sticking to a chest when starting to go what the fuck are we doing here we want to listen to the podcast more of a hobby but I got to tell you when I get into my shifty's
00:36:17eight or nine years here Believe It or Not Jesus there's going to come a moment where I'm not going to be one of the go on the road
00:36:26I'll have to start charging for the podcast and I really should have said in my 50s because I might start doing it when I turn 42
00:36:36whatever you guys can't get mad I just think about this dream okay you fucking is sit around all day you talk shit and rubbing your balls so your vajayjay is Oprah says privates it's just it's fucking old people shouldn't do that
00:37:11now that she's old but she's old enough to know just like Madonna
00:37:22Madonna Madonna at this point you get likes
00:37:28it was disgusting
00:37:34speaking about going to be in Seattle Fish starter Fish Fest at the Paramount Theatre all the information is up what billburr.com do you rr.com you click on the link to buy tickets to come out I thought that was really funny and then you go home hotel and I stare at the ceiling
00:38:05what stay on course here
00:38:09yeah so I I need to know what what the next G cast is you guys gradually help me go from Myspace onto Facebook and which I'm doing which sucks by the way thanks a lot for the advice
00:38:25Facebook sucks all these fucking people can sign you out of nowhere and they start talking to you then I also found out that I can only add 5,000 people I got to start my own fan page is already have to figure out how to take the fucking thing over
00:38:40I don't know if it's enough
00:38:44then all the sudden somebody you kicked in the balls in third grade finds you it's just weird sister weird
00:38:54how fucking I don't know my space was better my space is better I could just say this is me and I could start my own page I didn't have to fucking say all this is just a fan page and pretend like it's not me but it really is me know there was a truth in my space that I liked this is me whoring myself out how are you as opposed to now
00:39:15Chippewa explains 15 different Facebook
00:39:22so anyways if you guys know what the new the new G cast is going to be at you could help me out
00:39:29I'm also going to call up other comedians such as Marc Maron
00:39:34Marc Maron who does the WTF as in what the fuk podcast every weekend I actually was on his show last week I had a great time
00:39:47just had a great time and I'm really like somehow like a bunch of comedians are doing a can go on together and shoot the shit
00:40:04I think it's tremendous I wish they had these back in the day when I was coming up and I was listening to my favorite comedians you know I would love to hear them shoot the shit with each other
00:40:14Elementary School like the Six Million Dollar Man they just go straight computers in the background we just like Christmas tree lights that were just blinking on and off and it was always like the big as of today I got to find I got to look that up I think it's what the fuck
00:40:47Mary doesn't listen to this cuz I told him I was going to type it and then typing with my middle finger podcast WTF pod.com go on material. Material just so terrific from last week I did tell him the story of the old man yelling at me
00:41:18metallic
00:41:32what should I do
00:41:39how fucking old cuz I talked about about how quickly people got old back-in-the-day like celebrities like Lucille Ball is she looks just on I Love Lucy I Love Lucy face is all smooth and that show was mr. Mooney and she just comes out and she's a cigarette smoke cigarettes
00:42:15was really big for a celebrity and she was a redhead
00:42:21fuck enough anyways that that that is where I'm at I need some help here as far as where I'm going to where I'm going to post these these latest podcast next to the podcast I just bullshitted for 10 minutes alright
00:42:42I talked about the old guy downstairs and how I was having a problem with him and I got to tell you I was really surprised at the feedback that I got from that some of your suggestions, but nobody really gave me any good advice that I really saw other than whatever
00:43:06people going to fucking turn my TV up as well
00:43:27I want to hold you know I would be loud as humanly possible wet so I can actually piss off the same Neighbors in my complex who are actually paying a decent amount of rent when they start complaining that I'm in fucking trouble okay I'll let truck in
00:43:44the song I was just like you know I think I got to find this fucking email this guy tried to suggest that because the guy downstairs use the term hip that he was actually a racist
00:43:59because I didn't use the definition of hip from way back in the day in zoot suits what the fuck you was talking about
00:44:09just like you are projecting this on him it's like okay so you can put what you want to protect
00:44:16why am I taking a shit seriously all right let's move on here you guys were a couple YouTube videos you want to check out this one is this one is actually not a YouTube video this is just a great one about this kid who have party down in Australia that got completely out of control and now his parents are being sued for 20 grand he sort of the Australian Jeff Spicoli news lady keeps trying to get him to apologize and he doesn't really give a shit is fucking Grace and this is what it is pens and pencils out alright grab the Post-its
00:44:57it's on break.com and the name of the video is funny isn't sorry about huge party break.com pr.com what happened but then I'll ruin it and it's
00:45:14actually know something it made me feel better about America when I saw that because it looked at look like an American story and the newscaster look you know it's just nice to see that those stories about nothing that don't even matter exist in other countries and its you if you are in another country
00:45:32you have some shit like that because people always trash in America about how fat fucking stupid we are and you know we just being said bullshit this is a classic
00:45:43classic kind of store that you see on the news here in the states as they call him so it's just great to see that down under you know
00:45:52speaking of Australia what is The Fosters lager
00:45:58what's that depth charge size beer can I never understood like the 40oz either it's like let me hold this in my hand till it gets piss-warm you know why wouldn't you just get those big Oktoberfest beer steins and they pour like 19 bears in there it's like why don't you just have a beer finish it and then move on to the next one that can be nice and cold and you see that little Frosty smoke coming out the top on my God I fucking thirsty
00:46:29by the way I'm 10 days into my sobriety
00:46:36I got to say I I missed it
00:46:39I really missed it and I don't crave it I just I like it
00:46:44already talked about this last week I can't even fucking remember and if I told you guys what I did this week
00:46:52I went to that Guitar Center drum-off friend of mine hook me up with some tickets and I saw these fucking unbelievably talented drummers I got to be backstage and it was just like every fucking famous drummer you could
00:47:08Kenny Aronoff Tommy Lee
00:47:17the fuk else was there
00:47:23Chad Smith everybody Jason Bonham everybody was it was fucking unreal
00:47:30I want to get pictures with all of them but I did now it's just like as I can tell they were all fucking to go cuz they're all on the road all the time and never get to see each other now they're all just hang in there talk and drums and I want to be like you know like you guys playing cards talking Super Famous and I fucking turned it down just because I was on the fucking wagon sign off that means I'm smart or I'm fucking stupid but the bottom line it was it was Yeager which I've never understood it's like it's like motor oil and syrup
00:48:10I need a list of the Titans become an age where you don't drink Jager anymore I don't drink some fucking fixing vodka
00:48:21maybe a little scotch and I'll pretend like I'm a fucking man and I'm shaving designs into my chest hair so anyways there's no God damn way I'm going to make it till March I know I'm not but just taking it
00:48:42I'm not an alcoholic
00:48:47I just really enjoy it you know this is like for me quitting alcohol forever is the same as just being like
00:48:56just saying like I'm never going to have ice cream again it's like what why when you ice cream sauce you know you don't have it everyday I'm not saying to do that but to never have it again you never have a you know this is really making me thirsty owl sucks is I got all these great she's like those glasses they have on the commercials for Christmas just been filling them up with water
00:49:30it's poppin' sacrilegious I don't know what's going to go away she was giving me shit for drinking when she showed of and she goes I feel bad for you and one of the reasons why I should go to the greatest band in the world Cheap Trick at this point Cheap Trick is still the greatest band ever pushing 60 singing I Want You to Want Me that really goes back to Oprah vajayjay Madonna walking around with one of her pussy lips hanging out it's just realized it's over okay
00:50:22how to make money you got to Sing the Hits right that's good what is Lady Gaga going to sing about
00:50:32but I just bring up Lady Gaga music
00:50:37time is it me or is this like the worst music of all time with that auto-tune I don't even give a shit about that top part of topic I'm just fucking scrolling around here okay another YouTube thing I actually somebody sent me this great link that I've course I lost there's been a couple of people who have been taking clips from my podcast and adding pictures to them I guess if you just search my name somebody did one when I was talking to somebody asked me the question if you were in a gymnasium full of 8 year olds how many of them do you think you could chill before they overpowered you and somebody put pictures to the answer to my story I actually really enjoy it because
00:51:19I kind of forgot that question you know it's been long enough where I actually got to listen to it like it was somebody else and now they did a great job I really appreciate that because they're fucking funny that really cool looking and maybe I'll sell a couple extra tickets at the uncle fucking shit Shaq wherever the hell I'm performing so thank you for everything I was doing
00:51:46all right that's it hey okay next topic 6 released this fucking is just really just again tonight to make it flow more somebody asked me this question aren't you told me a story of a friend of his this is sort of a reoccurring story that I've heard over the years of athlete was there a couple of what the fuck was telling the story about this professional athlete allegedly
00:52:34it doesn't bother me anyways but he said ask
00:52:46what do you think about it I think it's fucking hilarious I hope somebody comes out at some point and I hope it's a football player because it's such a fucking thumping that chest and screaming and it would just be funny especially if it was somebody really dominant
00:53:08you know what I mean like just some psycho middle linebacker who's just stick it out
00:53:22football is a really good this is really happy material
00:53:30best quarterback in the locker room sports bars they have the name of their favorite player on the back which I thought was hilarious because it's always a sort of an element of like it always reminded me of high school back when the cheerleader would be dating a quarter sheet where is letterman jacket Jesus Christ but what you go to high school in the 50s
00:54:04who was like who's the shit when you were a kid cuz I've been it was okay to wear like a Rodger Staubach Jersey or something adults wearing the jersey of a guy who's like just it's it's kind of a fucking thing is, so what did make sense each other on the I think it would be fucking hilarious
00:54:40the problem is I don't think I just kind of stay off the internet for like 4 days because I just don't want to see the fucking and all the fish it that it would start with that and then it would eventually go over to the Bible people would come out and they would start talking about that the classic
00:55:17hysteria were absolutely percent of the population
00:55:31I don't know that's why I feel I don't think I don't think it's look if you could catch the ball and make my table
00:55:39to not have what happened to my team yesterday against the fucking Ravens give a fuck just wow
00:55:55hats off to the fucking Ravens that was Total Domination and I got to tell you I'm really disappointed in Patriots fans with the amount of fans I got to tell you I'm not surprised I'm really not surprised because there is a through line through all the fucking Sports the amount of people who show up when you're winning everybody shows up when the fucking winning
00:56:21if you go through some Rough Waters estate of The Edge Sports Bar
00:56:42it was almost like performance art like you know what like when you go to a sports bar the one thing that sucks is going to be the people you know you got any sort of Patriots you know t-shirt or hat you know somebody's going to be like you fucking shit you know fuck the Patriots too far and it starts to get to the point of you know there's going to be a fight this guy I've never seen anything like this guy
00:57:26when the Ravens scored a touchdown on their first play right this guy whoever it was like Kevin James sort of build with the head of Shrek and I'm not even joking and he just starts going for the touchdown he just like if you just bring your knees up really high power walking but you do it in slow motion
00:58:20like as long as you could do it to you out of breath and then the funniest thing ever was Winnie at the end of it in the Super Bowl
00:58:32Doritos Super Bowl Super Bowl already
00:58:57this is where it gets better fucking dunks the ball and you just seem screaming
00:59:13that's what he was doing anytime the Ravens were doing he was doing that he was doing so I just started getting really ugly it's almost was like escalating into
00:59:42just one of those classic situations where Joe Pesci was there a casino person in the neck with the pain that's what I want
01:00:07I don't like sports but you show up your ass gets her ass kicked directions like I'm going to be a headache
01:00:32what's a particular person you go to the sports bar and be I don't know your ass kicked I messed up your hair gets
01:01:11they're really hard to try not to cry it just always feels like the playground you got your ass kicked in the playground how to sell it just so I can feel everything in your ears are always hot my talking about
01:01:39that's that's the situation when you get into a fight
01:01:49I'm really sorry about my truck this weekend what the fuck's going on you Jersey Shore last 2 weeks ago if this past week and I start stalking one of the classmates all right and he's trying to cause a fight
01:02:08he's just begging for a fight and the kid keeps town talk to you leave the kid from the Jersey Shore Sox couple of nice and it's up on the ground and the other guys get there just pretty much knuckle based cycle with the Bruce Lee one inch punch without the power he's just sort of rapping on your head like it sad or the other kid wanted to fight
01:02:46I think it's fucking stupid course his girlfriend was really the one provoking it because the guy was ignoring them in the girlfriend kept talking shit of course she does of course she talked shit because she doesn't have to fight him it was hilarious so then when I go to square off the other guy's girlfriend actually starts walking up to the Jersey Shore and it's just trying to scratch a scratching at his face it was funny she's doing it with one hand and their other hand is just hanging. She doesn't have a lock on that side of her head she doesn't need to cuz he she knows she's not he's not going to hit the other girl is the fight escalated to a fight at this kid's face you guys fight the fight is the Jersey Shore kid gets up Jersey Shore girls going on
01:03:40one point I got a back up here at one point during the site he's going he's going honey stop it stop just stop. Go over step and I swear to God she goes back to the house and who ends up feeling like a like the victim she does
01:03:59and she starts crying and I'm sitting at Santa my girlfriend you watch you watch she caused this fight this guy just rolled around on the ground this guy for all you know that the guys like a black belt in Jujitsu and he's going to fucking rip his ear he gets punched in the face in the girls crying about his crying I said I said you watch he's going to end up apologizing and of course he does and she said
01:04:34I just enough that I don't understand I guess I'll give the guy a pass because he's young I was just you know I was just wait I traumatized you really you just caused a fucking fight and not only that cuz I'm fighting the guy the other girls chick is coming in fucking hit me in the head and you did nothing
01:04:55I lost interest in that story halfway through it through here what the fuck and we're at this podcast up with this is actually a really short one then I would say I'm going to wrap this up and I never fucking do right this second I'm sure I can do another 10 minutes on this to give you at least 45 minutes for the week let's and with this this segment which is really taking on a life of its own I thought it was going to die but it is somehow risen
01:05:28okay get ready for bill is the dumbest person on the planet I think your irresponsible! I can never say that!!! What kind of person talks about God like that and I love this shitt this is what they all do you should and I believe deep down inside you are ashamed of yourself dude this is what I love about these fucking maniacs is this
01:06:12listen to how much does person just keeps fucking including other invisible people and then superimposing what he believes don't fucking world that he can't possibly even fathom that somebody has a difference of opinion on this subject so he goes you should and I believe deep down inside you are be ashamed of yourself dude are your mom and dad still respect to God is hurtful offencive defensive and Despicable
01:06:50three things always has to be three things I can't be hurtful and Despicable or offencive and hurtful it has to be hurtful ascentive and Despicable just like, he has to come in threes how difficult it must be to spew hatred and vulgarities for my friend that's the classic place that people go whenever you do you whenever you this is the classic till it comes around to the subject that they take seriously 100% and no one can even joke it joke about even question it on any level that you're just doing it for shock because they find it shocking it's like
01:07:38that didn't offend you all the shit that I said over the two fucking years none of that is offended you and all of a sudden this does anyway so he goes enjoy your success air quotes and all the money you were making on the backs of hard-working decent people that understand what it means to follow the rules and be the best they can be without putting other people and God down the rest of us are watching and we are not laughing how many people are in your bedroom
01:08:09group podcast listening party
01:08:14let's get back to that however gently I am making money on the backs of hard-working decent people only get this straight because I'm standing on a stage evidently automatically decent hard-working people making money on the backs of them some sort of Comedy Sweatshop Comedy Factory with Sweatshop labor
01:08:40what I do is actually takes advantage of no one I stand on the stage and I I tell jokes and if you like what I say you you sit and listen
01:08:55just because you're in the crowd that means you're a decent human being do you know the amount of freaks and scumbags for the decent people they leave after the show that come up to me believe me
01:09:21all right but I know I made fun of God so now I now all of a sudden now all the see you and talk about people making making money off of decent hard-working people
01:09:33alright those guys don't make those guys that live in pretty good scaring the fucking shit out of you every goddamn week all right and I'm entitled to an opinion and I never was crammed in my opinion down your throat I wasn't okay you believe in what you believe in and I 100% respect that but I have the right to question
01:09:51and you shouldn't find it shocking that I question it you should do it shouldn't you just be what Jesus would do when Jesus just in case you're interested I was raised Catholic married and raise my children Catholic and definitely have my doubts about the whole organized religion not even once again is another appointment that we agree on my father 3 years ago and never would have ordered these words in his presence
01:10:25why do my boys club sometime I did it on a podcast all right I'm sorry your father passed away but you know that has nothing to do with me now to send you making it seem like I'm walking in with my mr. microphone into the Intensive chair saying there's no God we're all like dear I'm not the one that I'm doing a podcast and I'm fucking around all right if you want to take it seriously that's your problem okay if you want to bring up your father passing away is some way to try to guilt me into feeling like I mean you know what I'm saying and hateful
01:11:11Jenny goes on to say to his dad believe that there is something out there responsible for all the beauty in the world in our world and for our lives as human beings I don't even disagree with that I just know she would have no idea what it is until they fucking. So I'm not going to sit there and listen to another tries to scare the shit and he was living in a fucking Palace telling me I'm not out of my mind to think that reeks of a fucking scam the same way late at night when they have those fucking gold coins that that doesn't reek of a scam somebody actually sent me an e-mail of course I didn't save it evidently
01:11:57okay so they're making what is a 2004 Cent profit
01:12:03alright believe it or not just because you're walking around talking about religion in the afterlife and two others in your talking this it doesn't mean that you can't be full of shit
01:12:17all right
01:12:19okay and I'm not saying that I'm right about what I feel but this is just it it reeks of of of of a scam I really believe that there is some sort of thing out there and I wouldn't be surprised if there is something after this I wouldn't be surprised if you just go into the ground and you Decay and you give life to the next fucking thing I would be surprised if Earth is punishment for something that I did in a different solar system about religion being okay
01:12:57okay I'm just trying to question this right now so I'm not trying to be shocking or I just question is is all-powerful being being that created the everything that there is okay the entire solar system would you do all of that and just put people on this one planet that's like you created an in you built this house that has
01:13:21Trinity basically
01:13:24amount of bedrooms you just put using one it doesn't make any sense whatsoever
01:13:35that should one thing about scientology for is much shit as people give Scientology at least it has the brains to incorporate outer space
01:13:44that's a really good point if that's really fucking stupid but you know
01:13:51I don't fucking know so anyways yeah dude I wasn't trying to offend you I was just trying to be funny and I'm just fucking around if you want to take this shift that is totally fucking choice you know that's it for me
01:14:18where the fuck is it
01:14:20Jesus Christ how many disorganized this week a punching bag of religion basically saying like it's very easy to make fun of Christians but I don't dare make fun of Muslims because if you make fun of them because the first was sitting talking about how insensitive I am and then basically in a roundabout way we're alluding to the fact that people who are Muslim means that you're a you're a fucking blow up like they're all going to blow up planes in that type of shit you know what time is that what they call them just wanted to walk around blowing up shit and it was funny that this guy is suggesting that people just because they're Christian that they're peaceful
01:15:17once every 18 months of Jesus kills an abortion doctor that's pretty much par for the course
01:15:26it's not safe to make fun of Jesus Freaks it really isn't it really fucking isn't I think Bill Maher is out of his fucking mind
01:15:35to say what he says and I are actually has balls the size of the Grand Canyon to say what the fuck he says and then just walk out and wait into those people and just thought I would never do that shit I got to admit the level with which that people take this shit seriously that she kind of creeps me out to get to continue talking about this shit so this might be the last fucking wake of it because I've definitely made my fucking points and at this point we just going to go round in circles and I'm just going to piss people off so let's move on to this last guy who actually brought up some great points
01:16:13I said a bunch of nice stuff and then he said alright enough with the dick sucking I was going to trick that was going to criticize religion but to describe those belief is is to mock them that's what I learn
01:16:27to describe them then you start making fun of them and then everybody gets mad or is you're saying that just so ridiculous you just have to
01:16:37hey what's a slight head Harry I said you mentioned needing a code in the absence of religion to live by I'm not sure how much of the I don't read thing as a stick but I recommend an excellent text used in an intro to ethics course called the elements of moral Philosophy by James Rachel's
01:17:01goes on and on about Jesus but Socrates who Define morality is how we ought to live let it compelling life as you probably know actually I don't I just know him is a party reference that's one of those references that even use and get away with it and I'm sad to say I'm one of those people he said he thought Zeus Venus Aries excetra smacked of bullshit
01:17:31alright think about that right there
01:17:34corrupting the youth now every white Christians Muslims and everybody today would say that yeah that is bullshit that those people do not exist cuz now we've evolved to there's only one God
01:17:45is only one there's one world Tower in his punishment he was forced to take his own life by drinking Hemlock poison
01:17:57once again another deaths because of organized religion you know these Jesus Freaks these these people who are into fucking the Muslim religion is really because I don't know anything about it the reason why I make fun of Christianity because that's what I was brought up in those are the stories that I hear and all I know about Muslims is basically you know it's a couple words with Iraq so I basically don't know shit I just think what you you rap you wrap your women up and Bounty paper towels and then cut the Clips off and Am I Wrong Am I Wrong on that one if they're not allowed to show their fucking songs because
01:18:36you're going to get an erection and because you were that bed sheet everybody's in a fucking see it I don't think about it but I would definitely make fun of it if I knew something about it but I don't all right reserved the right to make fun of the religion that I was brought up so anyways he says
01:18:51Socrates was a humble man famously announcing all I know is my ignorance questions as religion prohibits questioning answers
01:19:13a fucking brilliant disguise really smart you to a podcast I'm a fucking idiot he sought answers to questions whereas religion prohibits questioning answers anything fuking proves that it's the 50 emails I got this week I like how I'm actually asking like I'm questioning religion on any sort of intelligent level mean I'm not bringing up some food questions all right let's finish this for Socrates the unexamined life is not worth living
01:19:46sentiments on marriage and nagging women are remarkably remarkably similar to your own so underrated overrated Jesus
01:19:59what is the one thing about respect
01:20:10find a religion that speaks to them decide to commit their lives to this piece
01:20:21am I wrong
01:20:26but if anybody questions
01:20:30that the lease that you have how quickly it turns violent
01:20:36like a question holy people it is
01:20:44fucking like hilarious and ridiculous on any level
01:20:51like this shouldn't calling the other person the devil because they're questioning their beliefs
01:20:57and it's saying that that other person is going to hell and then they turn around and kill the person because they don't believe in the Holy pure way that they live their life
01:21:09I can't get behind the same way is in the same way as just because you're a Red Sox fan
01:21:25why why do I continue with this ship
01:21:29so that's the podcast for the week this person actually goes on to recommend a movie he says I heard you mention the Departed a few times if you haven't already you might want to check out the grace and Overlook mobster flick from 1990 that was unfortunately released around the same time as Goodfellas Miller's Crossing at Harrisburg East Meredith Robin white topless are that made a little creepy and Jerry old man gives an Oscar performance I'm actually do to watch that again
01:22:10just saw him Commissioner Gordon Batman Reserve performance that he did and then you seem in state of people
01:22:24recognize him as an incredible after he still I think the most underrated actors of all times fucking unbelievable
01:22:33I have to see the face Ed Harris makes
01:22:38the movie he gets betrayed and when he realizes that he's betrayed the fucking twists up his face at Harris is another one
01:22:51the guys that are in that movie so many other modern day like this is a big statement because you can never replace those guys but it was my Generations Bronson Lee Marvin just the guy took any shit it's just it's just fucking and Anna Harris
01:23:23also I put in that it's a very short fucking list it's very hard
01:23:31now it is in movies I think to be the guy you know that that classic you know women want to get with him and guys want to be
01:23:43back in the day like those you just you were just some sort of regular shaped it was the way you carried yourself kind of like what's his face in a sexy beast you guys are missing a bunch of times before he played he said no it was all the way I help my body just stood more like a wrecked that's like perfect posture just look like this tough as Nails guy even though it was Ben Kingsley but somehow you just look at my dude I wouldn't fuck with those guys and then like all the * 22 *
01:24:42you know
01:24:45I don't know the stars back in the day to shave that chest hair and Landscape their eyebrows I don't know anyways that's the podcast for this week and once again I'm not disrespecting your religion is okay but this is my podcast and when I bring over the top
01:25:08say that somebody was playing with Jesus's jugular his fucking hilarious because it's over the top and I believe the god in my world thinks it's funny
01:25:20why would you be intimidated make all this stuff questions Fuck You by podcast that's why I don't understand
01:25:40is it the more like in the bookshelf and start blaming the bookshelf you know you made it you're the one who put it up there
01:25:57I guess technically. God didn't make
01:26:01big titty bars I guess those are you know the
01:26:08I'm really fucking disgusting Made In His Image
01:26:15they found a devil take it so God damn seriously and you know why don't you actually is not one of the seven deadly sins you fucking maniacs
01:26:43he just as fucked up as I am and you don't know shit either alright I'm sorry God bless all of you okay I hope you find what works for you. Don't listen to podcast God knows I'm not making any money off you guys all have a great week and I tell you where I was going to be this week but I'm worried some Jesus freak is going to show up so that's it have a great week and I'll talk to you next Monday hopefully
01:27:38broomhead
01:28:06Christine Brown just sent out
01:28:11black beauty
01:28:43who was Sheba

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ABOUT THIS PODCAST

Bill Burr rants about relationship advice, sports and the Illuminati.
English
United States
210 episodes
since Aug, 2016
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