Full Transcript for One Shift that Drives Accountability and Growth

make the effort of going to check just so the person felt heard and like I was making an effort. 00:02:48.400 --> 00:02:56.960 Because Phil, the worst thing I do is I come back and said, Look, I I advocated on your behalf, I checked with the kitchen, and they just don't do that, right? 00:02:57.919 --> 00:03:07.919 And, you know, it got me thinking, and I looked at my brothers in that moment and I said, you know, if I had a wish, right? 00:03:08.400 --> 00:03:27.120 If I had one wish and I had every server across this country sitting in front of me right now, every restaurant over owner, every server, if I could get them to do anything, I would have two wishes that they would do consistently, without fail. 00:03:27.360 --> 00:03:37.680 These behaviors would be standard norms in the restaurant business, in the hospitality business in general, without fail. 00:03:38.000 --> 00:03:48.639 Now, I want to make sure before I say what these are, before we go any further, if you're not in hospitality, you could absolutely apply this to your business, very much so. 00:03:48.960 --> 00:03:55.039 This transfers virtually across any industry that requires service, which is every industry. 00:03:55.280 --> 00:03:55.599 Okay. 00:03:56.240 --> 00:03:58.400 So these were this is what I said to my brother. 00:03:58.479 --> 00:03:59.759 I said, I have two wishes. 00:04:00.000 --> 00:04:11.840 One, that servers would reflect back what they hear from the customer to make sure they heard it correctly and there was no misinterpretation. 00:04:12.319 --> 00:04:28.879 So the joke I always make when stuff like this happens is when a server comes to the table and wants to memorize my order and doesn't write anything down, my response, I always want to look at the server and go, your memory isn't what will impress me. 00:04:29.040 --> 00:04:30.959 Your accuracy will impress me. 00:04:31.199 --> 00:04:44.639 So imagine if you placed an order and you went around the table, there's two people, three people, four people at the table, and the server says, Okay, before I take this back to the kitchen, can I just repeat back what I heard to make sure I get it right? 00:04:45.279 --> 00:04:52.240 Tell me you aren't pleased when someone does that to confirm what you ordered is correct. 00:04:52.560 --> 00:04:52.879 Right? 00:04:53.120 --> 00:04:54.399 That's huge. 00:04:54.720 --> 00:05:03.199 So, from a service perspective, a standard norm would be to reflect back what you heard to make sure it's correct. 00:05:03.279 --> 00:05:05.120 And it is the ultimate win-win. 00:05:05.199 --> 00:05:07.279 I've talked about it on iCommunicate before. 00:05:07.439 --> 00:05:18.399 It's the ultimate win-win because when you use reflective listening, you either expose misinterpretations about things you misunderstood, or the person feels heard, you get it right. 00:05:18.560 --> 00:05:21.199 It's a it's a no-lose-win-win situation. 00:05:21.519 --> 00:05:29.360 So, standard norm number one would

be to reflect back what you heard, especially in the hospitality business. 00:05:29.439 --> 00:05:32.399 And like I said, it applies across the board. 00:05:32.720 --> 00:05:48.480 The second thing that I would have as a norm in this business is when people don't know the answer, they check and they don't say, I'm not sure, I don't think we do that, and hope the conversation ends. 00:05:48.720 --> 00:05:51.439 So there's no such thing as I'm not sure. 00:05:51.600 --> 00:06:00.000 There's no such thing as I think, because those statements by themselves serve nothing, no pun intended. 00:06:00.319 --> 00:06:05.680 So if someone says, I'm not sure, it should be followed by I'll check. 00:06:05.839 --> 00:06:09.360 If someone says I think, it should be followed by I'll check. 00:06:09.759 --> 00:06:23.680 Now you tell me if every restaurant and every server in the country adopted those two standard norms, that they would actually take the time to confirm if something is possible, right? 00:06:23.920 --> 00:06:27.759 And they would reflect back to make sure what is being asked is correct. 00:06:28.000 --> 00:06:35.680 You tell me if those two norms were instituted in communication, how much that would improve service. 00:06:38.560 --> 00:06:44.800 And, you know, what's ironic here is we're talking about the word norms. 00:06:45.199 --> 00:06:52.480 And the definition of a norm is something that is usual, expected, standard. 00:06:52.800 --> 00:06:56.879 It represents a typical behavior, outcome, or rule. 00:06:57.199 --> 00:07:01.199 An exception is something that deviates from the norm. 00:07:02.879 --> 00:07:13.040 So we have a blueprint at Mindset Go that we help companies create this culture of excellence. 00:07:13.279 --> 00:07:15.680 And what is a culture of excellence? 00:07:15.920 --> 00:07:27.040 A culture of excellence is clear standards and expectations, and those clear standards and expectations are driven by norms. 00:07:28.079 --> 00:07:30.240 That's what they're driven by, right? 00:07:30.399 --> 00:07:40.720 Because everybody knows how to communicate, what to communicate, when to communicate, not in a robotic, rigid way, in a foundational structured way. 00:07:40.879 --> 00:07:47.839 And when you talk about norms, the first place you start are what I would call service norms. 00:07:48.160 --> 00:07:50.959 Service norms are internally. 00:07:51.360 --> 00:07:53.759 What is an internal norm? 00:07:54.079 --> 00:07:59.439 How we work with each other, treat each other, communicate with one another, respect each other. 00:07:59.600 --> 00:08:01.759 That is an internal service norm. 00:08:01.920 --> 00:08:07.439 An external service norm is how we work with customers, right? 00:08:08.079 --> 00:08:15.600 Customer-focused behaviors, how we communicate with them, treat them, respect them, serve them, right? 00:08:16.240 --> 00:08:26.160 But if you are a company and you have a vision to deliver legendary customer service, I don't know what that

means. 00:08:26.480 --> 00:08:31.040 I know I'd like to aspire to it, but I don't know what it actually means. 00:08:31.360 --> 00:08:42.399 But see, when you put defined norms and behaviors that make up deliver legendary service, now I know how I'm going to be held accountable. 00:08:42.559 --> 00:08:54.240 And by the way, when you look at a culture of excellence, I talked about the importance of clear standards and expectations, but a culture of excellence is also defined by continuous learning and improvement. 00:08:54.480 --> 00:09:03.679 It's accountable and responsible behavior, it's collaboration in support of one another, it's recognition and reinforcement. 00:09:03.840 --> 00:09:05.120 But what do those things mean? 00:09:05.279 --> 00:09:08.159 They're just fancy buzzwords in corporate America. 00:09:08.320 --> 00:09:10.879 Who doesn't want to collaborate and support one another? 00:09:11.039 --> 00:09:12.559 Who doesn't want to be accountable? 00:09:12.720 --> 00:09:20.720 We all, in theory, they're all things to aspire to, but we got to define what the concepts and terminology mean. 00:09:20.960 --> 00:09:25.840 And here's the crazy thing about norms and exceptions, right? 00:09:26.240 --> 00:09:28.799 So let's go back to the restaurant industry. 00:09:29.120 --> 00:09:36.559 Have you ever had an experience, right, where you go to a restaurant and you order something a certain way, right? 00:09:37.360 --> 00:09:41.759 And the server says, you know, I'm not sure we can do that. 00:09:41.919 --> 00:09:42.879 Let me check. 00:09:43.120 --> 00:09:49.120 And then they come back and they say, Yeah, the chef says he's willing to do that or she's willing to do that, right? 00:09:49.440 --> 00:09:50.159 And you're happy. 00:09:50.240 --> 00:09:52.080 As a customer, you feel like that's good service. 00:09:52.159 --> 00:09:54.480 We appreciate the exception being made. 00:09:54.720 --> 00:09:58.639 I I don't see exceptions as expectations. 00:09:58.879 --> 00:10:00.639 I see them as requests. 00:10:00.960 --> 00:10:03.759 But we're happy when they come back and make that exception. 00:10:04.000 --> 00:10:06.000 Now, now, fast forward a little bit. 00:10:06.159 --> 00:10:09.440 You go back to that restaurant again a couple of months later, right? 00:10:09.759 --> 00:10:12.320 And then you make the same request. 00:10:12.639 --> 00:10:17.759 And now the server goes back to the kitchen and says, Yeah, we're not able to do that. 00:10:18.000 --> 00:10:23.120 You know, the first thing that goes through a person's head in that place is, well, you did it last time. 00:10:23.600 --> 00:10:25.519 Why can't you do it this time? 00:10:26.399 --> 00:10:30.159 And you see, that's the thing about exceptions. 00:10:30.639 --> 00:10:38.399 And I can't say it any other way because once someone makes an exception, you've set a precedent, you've set a pattern. 00:10:38.879 --> 00:10:45.440 Think about if you make a billing concession to a customer, you reduce your price, you make a billing concession. 00:10:45.600 --> 00:10:47.519 Well, you've set a precedent and a pattern. 00:10:47.679 --> 00:10:54.639 Now they come back the next time and they feel they can do it again because you've set that precedent or pattern. 00:10:54.960 --> 00:10:57.840 So this is what I mean about a norm and an exception. 00:10:58.080 --> 00:11:00.960 I'm not saying you can never make exceptions. 00:11:01.120 --> 00:11:08.720 I'm saying that if you make an exception, you better communicate just that, that it is clearly an exception. 00:11:08.879 --> 00:11:18.159 So, for instance, what that would look like in the restaurant business, as an example, is you would say, hey, listen, we can do this. 00:11:19.519 --> 00:11:25.519 Normally we don't do this, and we're willing to do it tonight because we're not as busy, the chef has more time. 00:11:25.759 --> 00:11:32.080 I just want to set the expectation that when you come in, if you come in again, that we cannot guarantee we would be able to do this. 00:11:32.240 --> 00:11:37.360 That's good communication to prevent that expectation from happening moving forward. 00:11:37.600 --> 00:11:45.840 If I make a concession for a customer on pricing, or one of our clients makes a concession for a customer on pricing, I always say, look, this is a one-time thing. 00:11:45.919 --> 00:11:47.679 This is not something we normally do. 00:11:47.919 --> 00:11:51.120 We're willing to do it in this case because dot, dot, dot. 00:11:51.600 --> 00:11:59.759 But again, you have to add the extra piece so that exception doesn't become an expectation. 00:12:00.960 --> 00:12:07.840 And in the workplace, when you talk about a culture of excellence, everybody can't have different sets of rules. 00:12:08.879 --> 00:12:26.159 You know, we we work with companies that they'll say, well, some managers allow people to come in, go home early, and some managers allow people to work remotely three days a week, and versus other managers only allow one, or some managers make performance standard exceptions. 00:12:26.399 --> 00:12:35.919 If you do not have alignment on what the norms of the culture should be to achieve a culture of excellence, you have a problem. 00:12:37.600 --> 00:12:48.799 And I want to make sure everybody understands when you talk about norms versus exceptions, a norm is not perfection, it is not perfection. 00:12:49.519 --> 00:12:59.200 If the norm is to be emotionally agile in the workplace, you know, we coach people to be emotionally agile communicators. 00:12:59.360 --> 00:13:12.720 So if a norm in the workplace, right, is when we get triggered or frustrated or disappointment, if the norm is to communicate with that person by defaulting to curiosity and suspending judgment. 00:13:12.799 --> 00:13:22.000 So the norm is I have someone that worked for me, they just missed a deadline, the project they submitted wasn't up to quality or standards of excellence. 00:13:22.240 --> 00:13:30.320 So instead

of just coming down on them or being punitive or calling them out, my response is hey, Joe, I gotta ask you. 00:13:30.480 --> 00:13:41.039 I just want to be curious what was your understanding of what the deadline was, or what was your understanding about the project scope and requirements, or something along those lines with a curious tone. 00:13:41.279 --> 00:14:00.879 Because if that's a norm, right, that's how we collaborate, resolve conflict, communicate when we're frustrated and disappointed, then that creates an opportunity for transparency, psychological safety, and just dialogue to solve a problem. 00:14:01.600 --> 00:14:11.200 Now, if I am outstanding at defaulting to curiosity and suspending judgment, right, then that doesn't mean I'm perfect. 00:14:11.360 --> 00:14:14.960 If it's the norm in how I communicate with people, it doesn't mean I'm perfect. 00:14:15.120 --> 00:14:22.080 Because what's going to happen is over the course of a year, there's going to be times when I get triggered, having a bad day. 00:14:22.240 --> 00:14:27.519 Maybe I'm overtired, I'm human, and I don't default to curiosity and suspend judgment. 00:14:27.600 --> 00:14:29.600 Maybe I take a judgmental tone. 00:14:29.759 --> 00:14:31.519 Maybe I give someone a look. 00:14:31.759 --> 00:14:35.120 Um, maybe I act irritated with my word choice. 00:14:35.279 --> 00:14:36.399 I don't know. 00:14:36.639 --> 00:14:40.960 I mean, I do this for a living, I'm pretty good at it, but I'm not perfect at it. 00:14:41.440 --> 00:14:52.000 And the reason why this is important is because if I have every day, we have multiple opportunities to be disappointed, frustrated, and have unmet expectations. 00:14:52.159 --> 00:15:15.679 So if you, and I'm making this number up to make a point, if I have five chances a day to default to curiosity and suspend judgment, which is on the low side, I assure you, and there's 365 days a year, right, you're talking 1,825 opportunities over the course of the year to default to curiosity and suspend judgment. 00:15:15.919 --> 00:15:16.240 Okay. 00:15:16.960 --> 00:15:31.279 Well, if 80 to 90 percent of the time I do that with intentionality, with commitment, and that's a norm, then the times I don't, people will see it as an exception. 00:15:31.440 --> 00:15:41.679 They're more likely to give me latitude, forgiveness, understanding because it's not my normal behavior, it's an exception. 00:15:43.919 --> 00:15:49.279 And when you are trying to achieve excellence, excellence is a big word, right? 00:15:49.679 --> 00:15:54.480 And I want to make sure we're not confusing excellence with perfection. 00:15:54.639 --> 00:15:56.799 They are not the same thing. 00:15:57.360 --> 00:16:08.320 Excellence is a standard to be intentional about how we act towards one another, how we lead people, how we coach and develop people. 00:16:09.919 --> 00:16:15.679 Recognizing and being highly self-aware, taking advantage of opportunities for reflection. 00:16:15.840 -->

00:16:20.000 You know, one of the elements of a culture of excellence is continuous learning. 00:16:20.240 --> 00:16:41.279 So that's an opportunity to grow and improve and recognize how we can be better, not to come down on people or beat ourselves up, but just to value continuous improvement, doing postmortems, reflecting on jobs, reflecting on interactions, doing pre-mortems to prepare for what's to come and reflecting to prepare. 00:16:42.159 --> 00:16:45.279 So these are all really important. 00:16:46.320 --> 00:16:56.320 And you know, the reality of all this is that I want predictability. 00:16:57.039 --> 00:17:01.039 I don't want robotic behavior, but I want predictability. 00:17:01.279 --> 00:17:03.840 People, what is peace of mind? 00:17:04.160 --> 00:17:12.160 Peace of mind is being able to relax, not be anxious, being stressed. 00:17:12.319 --> 00:17:13.920 What creates peace of mind? 00:17:14.160 --> 00:17:15.440 Predictability. 00:17:16.559 --> 00:17:18.319 What creates predictability? 00:17:18.640 --> 00:17:19.279 Norms. 00:17:19.759 --> 00:17:28.559 Knowing what to expect from people's performance, their leadership style, their communication style, that's what that's what creates predictability. 00:17:33.119 --> 00:17:35.440 And then the question is, right? 00:17:36.000 --> 00:17:46.000 As we started developing this culture of excellence, we started to feel like, well, what's the difference between internal customer service and external customer service? 00:17:47.039 --> 00:17:49.519 Shouldn't really be much of anything. 00:17:54.160 --> 00:17:59.440 You know, when you look at, and I'm gonna read some examples that we coach, right? 00:17:59.759 --> 00:18:10.160 If you look at examples of what creates predictability and norms for service in a culture of excellence, internally or externally, how about this? 00:18:10.400 --> 00:18:12.400 People do what they say they're gonna do. 00:18:12.640 --> 00:18:18.319 If you tell me you're gonna get back to me by noon tomorrow, you get back to me by noon tomorrow. 00:18:18.559 --> 00:18:22.960 If you tell me you're gonna finish a project by Friday, you finish a project by Friday. 00:18:23.039 --> 00:18:30.480 And if you're not able to finish the project by Friday, you let me know in advance so we can come up with a plan B. 00:18:32.000 --> 00:18:32.880 What's the difference? 00:18:33.039 --> 00:18:39.119 I mean, if I was treating customers outside my organization or trust customers my own team, I would want to do the same thing. 00:18:39.440 --> 00:18:41.759 What's the difference whether it's inside or outside? 00:18:42.079 --> 00:18:45.839 How about not making excuses? 00:18:46.319 --> 00:18:49.039 How about, you know, owning mistakes? 00:18:49.440 --> 00:18:53.920 You know, how about offering solutions and not just complaining about problems? 00:18:54.079 --> 00:19:00.559 I mean, these are all ways we want to be communicating with each other inside or outside the workplace. 00:19:03.279 --> 00:19:15.920 And things like listening to understand and not reply, and leading with empathy and not criticism, these are all elements of standard service norms in the workplace. 00:19:16.559 --> 00:19:19.039 And outside the workplace for that matter. 00:19:20.720 --> 00:19:31.039 You know, communication isn't isn't manipulative, it's not intended, it could be, but again, this comes down to your intention and motivation for doing what you're doing. 00:19:31.440 --> 00:19:35.440 And serving people, right? 00:19:35.920 --> 00:19:44.480 Servant leadership, serving people in restaurants, serving your customers doesn't mean being a doormat, right? 00:19:44.799 --> 00:19:53.359 We're not proposing that you enable inappropriate behavior and you allow yourself to get punched in the face when people don't treat you well. 00:19:53.440 --> 00:19:56.079 That that's not what serving people is. 00:19:57.599 --> 00:20:05.359 Serving people is helping inspire people to take the actions that you'd like them to take. 00:20:05.599 --> 00:20:18.079 It's allowing people to feel heard and understood, it's helping people recognize where their blind spots may be by asking questions and not telling them where they're wrong. 00:20:21.119 --> 00:20:36.799 When someone leads with criticism or points out flaws in something I'm doing, I would have every reason to be frustrated, whether it's wrong or right, just maybe because of the delivery of it. 00:20:37.200 --> 00:20:45.119 So if I have a customer that calls me up and accuses mindset go, thank God this hasn't happened. 00:20:45.279 --> 00:20:56.240 But if I had a customer that calls me up and accuses us of this, that, and the other thing, whether it's true or not, my response is going to be to default to curiosity and suspend judgment. 00:20:56.400 --> 00:21:04.400 Not defend myself, not not try to prove I'm right, not make excuses, not justify my behavior. 00:21:04.720 --> 00:21:11.359 The norm in how I treat people is to better understand how they got to that perspective in the first place. 00:21:12.240 --> 00:21:12.559 Right? 00:21:12.720 --> 00:21:13.920 Not be a doormat. 00:21:15.359 --> 00:21:15.680 Right? 00:21:15.839 --> 00:21:18.559 Because the customer isn't always right, but they're still the customer. 00:21:18.720 --> 00:21:25.359 And what that actually means is you still got to treat people a certain way, whether whether or not they're right or not. 00:21:25.440 --> 00:21:27.200 That that's what we're talking about. 00:21:28.000 --> 00:21:38.160 So I want you to really reflect on this episode of I Communicate, because what we're really talking about is what are your norms, right? 00:21:39.839 --> 00:21:42.799 What are the norms in your relationship with your partner? 00:21:44.240 --> 00:21:53.680 You know, one of the things I talk about with my girlfriend is that in our relationship, one of the norms is we don't put each other down in front of other people. 00:21:53.920 --> 00:21:55.839 And you might think,

well, like, of course, right? 00:21:55.920 --> 00:21:57.839 That's right, but that but that's not standard. 00:21:57.920 --> 00:21:59.759 We hear other couples putting each other down all the time. 00:22:00.240 --> 00:22:00.799 Time. 00:22:01.680 --> 00:22:03.839 In front of other people, we don't do that. 00:22:03.920 --> 00:22:04.640 That's a norm. 00:22:04.720 --> 00:22:07.039 That's a standard of how we treat each other. 00:22:07.200 --> 00:22:08.559 We don't do that. 00:22:09.440 --> 00:22:12.720 What's a norm in your family culture? 00:22:13.039 --> 00:22:13.599 Right? 00:22:13.839 --> 00:22:16.640 When you look at the joke I always get when I ask people, what are your norms? 00:22:16.720 --> 00:22:17.759 They say, well, dysfunctional. 00:22:17.839 --> 00:22:18.400 Ha ha ha. 00:22:18.480 --> 00:22:19.359 Well, maybe. 00:22:19.599 --> 00:22:34.880 But there's certain things that if I was to sit and have dinner with your family or spend time with your family, there's certain accepted norms and practices that your family is just so used to each other that it works for your family. 00:22:35.039 --> 00:22:36.240 It's part of your culture. 00:22:36.400 --> 00:22:38.079 It may not work for other families. 00:22:38.240 --> 00:22:42.799 It may not work for outsiders that come into your family, but it works for your family. 00:22:44.000 --> 00:22:51.039 So the reality is you have norms with your children and what your family culture is. 00:22:51.200 --> 00:22:52.720 You have norms with your partner. 00:22:52.880 --> 00:22:55.200 You even have norms in your friendships. 00:22:56.240 --> 00:23:09.759 But really being able to define what you expect, what these behaviors are, and if you don't define what those norms are, then it can be very difficult to hold people accountable. 00:23:10.960 --> 00:23:18.720 I was coaching someone a few years ago, and he said to me in a session, he's like, you know, it's really frustrating. 00:23:18.880 --> 00:23:19.920 My wife doesn't work. 00:23:20.000 --> 00:23:27.359 I come home from work, and you know, I expect the house to be clean, and it's not clean. 00:23:27.599 --> 00:23:30.160 And I said, Define clean. 00:23:30.400 --> 00:23:34.000 Your definition of clean may be different than her definition of clean. 00:23:34.160 --> 00:23:37.519 What is the what are the norms for a clean house? 00:23:37.839 --> 00:23:51.759 If you ask your son or daughter to clean their room and they think it's clean and you think it's not clean at all, well, no laundry on the floor, no trash on the floor, all clutter put away, clothes hung, you'd have to define what the norms are for a clean room. 00:23:51.839 --> 00:23:53.119 I'm serious. 00:23:53.519 --> 00:24:05.839 So whenever you have conflict or disappointment or frustration, it's usually one of the top reasons, hands down, are misaligned expectations. 00:24:06.000 --> 00:24:08.640 And you know where misaligned expectations come from? 00:24:08.880 --> 00:24:14.000 A lack of clear, defined norms and behaviors. 00:24:14.160 --> 00:24:15.920 That's where it comes from. 00:24:16.720 --> 00:24:21.279 So the next time you go out to eat, pay attention. 00:24:21.599 --> 00:24:26.319 Are they doing things off memory or are they reflecting back what they heard? 00:24:26.640 --> 00:24:36.240 And by the way, if they are doing it off memory, and you do have multiple people at the at the time, aren't there times when they come back off memory and they actually get your order right? 00:24:36.400 --> 00:24:37.279 You're like, wow, I'm amazed. 00:24:37.359 --> 00:24:39.119 I'm amazed that they remembered all that. 00:24:39.359 --> 00:24:41.759 Why add the degree of difficulty? 00:24:42.319 --> 00:24:47.200 Like, there's no reason to add a degree of difficulty to communication when you don't have to. 00:24:48.000 --> 00:24:56.240 And there is no such thing as I think or I'm not sure because it's irrelevant and not helpful. 00:24:56.640 --> 00:24:59.680 If you're not sure and you think, find out. 00:24:59.920 --> 00:25:04.480 And if you don't have the answer, point me to someone who can, who has the answer. 00:25:04.640 --> 00:25:07.839 That's meaningful, that's useful, that's service. 00:25:08.720 --> 00:25:20.559 So thank you for joining us for I Communicate in this episode and continue to strive for a culture of excellence in all relationships in your life, and certainly in your company. 00:25:20.720 --> 00:25:22.240 We'll see you next time.