TRANSCRIPT 🔗
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It's a court session in your head.
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And here's the thing.
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Nobody ever told you the session.
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Nobody ever read you the charge.
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And nobody ever called you to give evidence.
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But it always gives a verdict.
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And the verdict, every time you get close to something that matters, is always the same.
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Not you, not now.
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And who do you think you are?
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You're not falling apart.
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You're waking up.
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And on this season in Messy Midlife, we're going into that court.
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Sometimes you fight for things not because you think them to be true, but because you're not really quite sure.
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You're kind of fighting in your own mind.
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Read that back to yourself because it's the whole season of trust in just one sentence.
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Times you dig your heels in the hardest are often the times that you're not most sure.
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You are in fact least sure.
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Self-doubt often doesn't look like a person sitting quietly in the corner of the room, wondering if they're right.
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Quite often, it can be the loudest person in the room.
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Like me, I was that person for at least 30 years.
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Season one, awareness.
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You noticed.
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Season two, understanding, you opened the filing cabinet, found the file, and read it.
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Season three is trust.
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Because knowing where a belief came from doesn't stop it being believed.
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I can't keep surviving my life.
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One thing I have learned, and it took me an embarrassingly long amount of time.
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That voice in your head is not your enemy, it's a protector.
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It turned up at some point in your life when you genuinely needed it.
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It did its job, but nobody ever told it the danger had passed.
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And so, 40 years later, it's still on shift.
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Now, here's the thing: you don't beat that voice, you don't evict it.
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You sit down with it, you hear it, and then you tell it what it really is.
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I had a huge sense of imposter syndrome and unworthiness.
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Now, seven in ten people will feel that at some point in their lives, and here's the thing every single one of them will think that they're the exception.
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So here is the question that runs through the whole month.
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What if you've only ever heard one side of the story?
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What if the prosecution has had the floor the entire time?
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It's very good at it, it's got the evidence, and it's read the files.
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But here's the thing there's never been a defense.
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But that's because you are the defence.
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Okay, now can I make it to the Olympics?
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Can I make it one step further?
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And so the goalposts had simply moved.
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That's the sound of protector.
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That was never going to be satisfied by achievement.
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Because achievement never didn't want it.
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But we're not fixing you this month because there's nothing fit.
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We are simply hearing the case.
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We're going to name these voices, all four of them, and give them faces, and then we're going to see requests came from like grown adults.
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And at the end of the month, the case does not get worked, it gets adjured.
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Everybody still improved, fearing caught that the danger is now passed.
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Well, that's true.
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Week one, we find out the trial is in Seth, and be running your whole adult life.
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Week two, we meet protecting, and I introduce you to two of mine, one a headmaster, the other a nerd.
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And I promise that will make sense at a time.
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Week three, the two, the choir, because a verdict is never reached in an argument, and week four, the verdict, had some falling steps one third morning, me as a four-year-old child, and a story I've never really talked about.
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Wes George Matt Chubb four men who decided to stop and leave it with taste and case and stuff.
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I dissolved, I broke down, but it was for the best because I could rebuild in a way in which was more truly, authentically who I was and what I believe.
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New episode every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and you don't just have to listen, you can watch too over on Apple, YouTube and Spotify.
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And if you'd like the free tools that go with this season and to connect with others who are in the beautiful Messy Midlife with no judgment, then join the messy midlife community.
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Trust starts on Monday.
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So until next time, as always, stay curious, stay kind, and keep coming home to whom you really are.