Full Transcript for The 101 on Self-Talk and Beliefs with Collin Henderson

got dad jokes in me and stuff like that. 00:04:25.040 --> 00:04:39.600 But but so I just want to I just want to kind of just bring that to the you know, bring that back to the surface because as we as you kind of we as we work through this a little bit, I you know, I suspect that you know that that little analogy, that image that you just created with the Rodro analogy is going to be something that that's that's relevant. 00:04:39.680 --> 00:04:50.879 So yeah, yeah, and I and I also pull from research from the BBC lab in the UK, research led by Andrew Lane, 44,000 participants is a robust clinical study. 00:04:51.040 --> 00:04:55.759 And the outcomes they found that self-talk was the number one driver of confident execution. 00:04:56.079 --> 00:04:58.079 So let's just this an evidence-based thing. 00:04:58.160 --> 00:05:01.920 This is not just, oh, gosh darn it, I'm good and people like me. 00:05:02.160 --> 00:05:05.680 It's that's not like blank affirmation, polyannopositivity. 00:05:05.759 --> 00:05:09.839 It's using language to fuel energy, to fuel clarity. 00:05:10.000 --> 00:05:13.839 And I'll just give you I I teach the brain thinks in four dimensions. 00:05:14.000 --> 00:05:17.759 Okay, it's four-dimensional thinking and really around self-talk. 00:05:18.319 --> 00:05:21.040 The first dimension are words. 00:05:21.439 --> 00:05:25.519 So think of a coach, a teacher, a parent. 00:05:25.680 --> 00:05:32.240 If you're saying words to people, or if I'm hearing them and I start repeating them to myself, it's everything starts with a word. 00:05:32.720 --> 00:05:38.319 There's different languages around the globe in different clicks, there's different slang that we use. 00:05:38.560 --> 00:05:42.959 But the first dimension of self-talk is utilizing words as a tool. 00:05:43.120 --> 00:05:45.680 And I'll say it, words are your wand. 00:05:45.920 --> 00:05:49.600 Words create wars, words create worlds. 00:05:49.759 --> 00:05:54.879 Bruce Lee once said um words cast spells, that's why they call it spelling. 00:05:55.040 --> 00:05:59.120 So think about are we using words by design or by default? 00:05:59.199 --> 00:06:00.560 Josh and I love that phrasing. 00:06:00.720 --> 00:06:00.959 Absolutely. 00:06:01.279 --> 00:06:02.079 Is it random? 00:06:02.240 --> 00:06:09.600 Is it random, or are you gonna be a disciplined thinker and start designing what words do you want to code? 00:06:09.839 --> 00:06:19.360 The second thing, the second dimension are words, how we communicate as humans when we're learning as babies, a word formula formulates a picture that the brain sees. 00:06:19.519 --> 00:06:35.600 So if I say uh in-laws, all I did was say a word, and you're gonna have an image of something, or if I say public speaking, I just said a word, or if I say don't slice it, this is another tool of how self-talk can help or hurt. 00:06:35.759 --> 00:06:50.079 Just by saying don't slice your drive off the T box, you're using negative language that's creating

a negative picture that your brain is seeing, which which flows into the third dimension, which is an emotion. 00:06:50.800 --> 00:06:54.560 Remember, we talked about how words can help influence mood. 00:06:54.720 --> 00:07:10.720 So if I said in-laws, I just had it, I said a word, it's just a word, and you maybe had a flashback or an association, an image of a Thanksgiving experience or a bad experience or a good experience, and that instantly creates an emotion that the body feels. 00:07:11.040 --> 00:07:16.560 So words are language of the brain, emotions are language of the body. 00:07:16.639 --> 00:07:20.560 And a lot of times, you know, like you said, Harry, feelings aren't facts, feelings aren't final. 00:07:20.959 --> 00:07:38.959 But if our unconscious pattern when we're in competitive environments or new environments, is we have unconscious patterns of doubt, of shame, you're you're you're creating these unconscious patterns of not feeling your best, not being optimistic, not holding confidence and clarity. 00:07:39.120 --> 00:07:42.480 You're focusing on kind of what you don't want versus what you do want. 00:07:42.639 --> 00:07:46.160 And then what's interesting is the brain doesn't care about what's true or false. 00:07:46.319 --> 00:07:48.480 I wanted this a very important point. 00:07:48.879 --> 00:07:55.680 The brain and your nervous system does not care what is true or false, it cares what is repeated. 00:07:55.839 --> 00:08:09.600 So when a word is repeated mentally or verbally enough times, it it imprints an image, it implants an emotion, and when that's done enough times, the last one is it forms a belief. 00:08:10.879 --> 00:08:18.800 So at the top of this thought cascade that's forming beliefs that really are running our life, everything starts with a word. 00:08:18.959 --> 00:08:23.600 And our beliefs are not based on truth, they're based on our perception of the truth. 00:08:23.759 --> 00:08:25.360 Research by neuroscientist Dr. 00:08:25.439 --> 00:08:30.160 Joe Dispensa 35 to 50 percent of our memories are untrue. 00:08:30.319 --> 00:08:35.600 What's also interesting is the brain cannot tell the difference between what is real and what is imagined. 00:08:35.759 --> 00:08:49.120 So if we're repeating cycles of shame, maybe one bad experience versus you probably have nine good examples, but because the brain's the design to survive and thrive, it's repeating the negativity and then it's projecting what you don't want. 00:08:49.279 --> 00:08:51.919 So worrying is basically visualizing what you don't want. 00:08:52.080 --> 00:08:57.200 So I think for us as your mindset coaches, what are some negative labels? 00:08:57.519 --> 00:09:02.879 What are some negative experiences that you keep recycling and repeating? 00:09:03.120 --> 00:09:09.759 What if we stop being an observer and uh Jay Shetty calls it spot, stop, and swap? 00:09:09.919 --> 00:09:13.360 And let's just like being a neutral thinker, we don't need more positive. 00:09:13.519 --> 00:09:16.320 Let's just stop the negativity of the stock cascade. 00:09:16.399 --> 00:09:18.240 Let's just pause there. 00:09:18.320 --> 00:09:18.480 Yeah. 00:09:18.720 --> 00:09:19.360 I got a question. 00:09:19.519 --> 00:09:22.399 And let this is almost like let's role play a little bit for a second. 00:09:22.559 --> 00:09:22.799 Okay. 00:09:22.960 --> 00:09:25.919 So let's just use the don't slice it example, right? 00:09:27.840 --> 00:09:29.200 I've been in this position often. 00:09:29.360 --> 00:09:30.720 Um walk up to the T box. 00:09:30.799 --> 00:09:31.200 Here I am. 00:09:31.360 --> 00:09:31.519 Right. 00:09:31.600 --> 00:09:36.399 I'm on the I'm on the I'm on the I'm on the third, I'm on the third T to par four, right? 00:09:36.559 --> 00:09:37.759 And I'm a big strong guy. 00:09:37.840 --> 00:09:42.799 I might be able to hit, I might be able to, you know, stripe this to the I might be able to stripe this to the to the to the green, right? 00:09:43.039 --> 00:09:46.480 But there's water hazard on the right, I tend to my my my mistakes tend to go right. 00:09:46.559 --> 00:09:50.080 So I'm up here and I'm talking I'm thinking to myself, don't slice it, don't slice it. 00:09:50.240 --> 00:10:03.600 What's a what's a better way to prepare my mind in that situation to like what's the better reframe on what I'm feeling, which is oh man, like this is not, I want it, I like I I have it in me, but I also know that lake is familiar, right? 00:10:03.840 --> 00:10:06.240 How could I how could I reframe that statement in my head? 00:10:06.399 --> 00:10:09.679 How could I have how could I have self-talk by design in that scenario? 00:10:09.759 --> 00:10:10.639 What would that sound like? 00:10:11.279 --> 00:10:16.799 Well, because if again, if you're saying don't slice it, you're focusing on your don'ts, what you don't want. 00:10:16.960 --> 00:10:27.200 And if it begins before it begins, and if everything happens twice, first in her mind, then in her life, you're actually your your pre-shot uh routine is visualizing failure. 00:10:27.679 --> 00:10:27.919 Right. 00:10:28.159 --> 00:10:32.879 So a one simple shift you can do, Harry, is shift your don'ts. 00:10:33.600 --> 00:10:34.320 Look at this. 00:10:34.559 --> 00:10:37.840 Shift your don'ts, no, to your do's. 00:10:38.080 --> 00:10:47.279 So instead of saying don't strike out, don't stutter, don't screw up this sales conversation, give your brain something to focus on before it happens. 00:10:47.360 --> 00:10:50.960 I I read research a few years ago out of China, they looked at sport performance. 00:10:51.039 --> 00:10:53.279 They had three versions of self-talk. 00:10:53.519 --> 00:10:57.279 One was instructional, one was motivational, one was decisive. 00:10:57.440 --> 00:11:00.320 Which of those three was the most useful? 00:11:00.879 --> 00:11:06.240 Wait, wait, before you tell us which one of the three, can you explain what the difference between instructive and decisive

is? 00:11:06.480 --> 00:11:07.279 Okay, good question. 00:11:07.360 --> 00:11:09.360 So, yeah, the the three, let me just explain both of them. 00:11:09.519 --> 00:11:14.879 So, instructive is kind of giving yourself instruction on how you should execute that moment. 00:11:15.039 --> 00:11:18.159 Like different ways my head down, yeah, exactly. 00:11:18.480 --> 00:11:19.440 Yeah, oh yeah, exactly. 00:11:19.519 --> 00:11:21.440 Yeah, arm, head, whatever. 00:11:21.679 --> 00:11:25.360 Uh if it's if it's motivational, it's you got it, kid. 00:11:25.519 --> 00:11:26.559 You deserve to be here. 00:11:26.879 --> 00:11:27.840 You can do it. 00:11:28.080 --> 00:11:37.759 Yeah, but the third one, decisive, is is picking one execution, you know, plan or focus key and just focus on that one thing. 00:11:38.000 --> 00:11:40.960 Decisive, committing to something. 00:11:41.279 --> 00:11:48.960 So so if so instead of saying don't don't slice it, what I could say, because this is my problem, is good tempo, good tempo. 00:11:49.279 --> 00:11:58.399 A lot of times my golf swing, I swing too hard, swing too fast, my my my you know, it's like instead of being that pendulum, it's you know, like I'm trying to you know knock somebody out, right? 00:11:58.559 --> 00:12:00.720 So so maybe like I know it's something I'm working on, right? 00:12:00.799 --> 00:12:06.000 So I could walk a bear instead of saying don't slice it, focus on behavior, in this case, the tempo, right? 00:12:06.080 --> 00:12:07.759 So good tempo, good tempo, maybe. 00:12:16.159 --> 00:12:19.440 Do you think Kyle, do you think like good tempo in the fair way? 00:12:19.679 --> 00:12:21.200 Good tempo in the fair way. 00:12:21.279 --> 00:12:23.840 Is that is that more powerful than just good tempo? 00:12:24.080 --> 00:12:32.159 I think whatever you need you want to see and feel, and I would teach any golfer, which I work with some golfers, is I want it, I want you to hit that shot three times. 00:12:32.559 --> 00:12:38.559 In your mind before the swing, when you swing it, and after the swing, recreate it exactly how you want it, if it was good or bad. 00:12:38.960 --> 00:12:42.960 So I would just pick one simple thing, the best focus on less, not more. 00:12:43.120 --> 00:12:44.240 And I have an example of this. 00:12:44.399 --> 00:12:57.679 Working as the director of mindset training at UCLA for several years, uh, our data and analytics guy, Sam, actually measured one year we led the conference in after timeout execution. 00:12:57.840 --> 00:13:02.320 And one of our strategies in the mind gym was shift our don'ts to our do's. 00:13:02.480 --> 00:13:08.879 So when you get an assignment during a timeout, like everyone, all right, we're gonna drop and play, here's our game plan defense or offense. 00:13:09.039 --> 00:13:18.960 A lot of performers, the moment for the moment, they unconsciously, because we're fear-based animals, you know, we we focus on lack, you know, failure. 00:13:19.120 --> 00:13:23.279

We would focus on a don't give up the basket, don't miss your shot, don't turn it over. 00:13:23.440 --> 00:13:29.600 And you're really playing timid, you're playing not to lose, but we focus on all right, what is your due execution key here? 00:13:29.759 --> 00:13:33.440 And we would really train it before we leave the the the timeout. 00:13:33.600 --> 00:13:37.919 We're going to see exactly what we want to do versus what we don't want to do. 00:13:38.080 --> 00:13:41.600 We led the conference in post-timeout execution. 00:13:41.759 --> 00:13:42.399 That's amazing. 00:13:42.559 --> 00:13:43.919 And that's that's just a simple example. 00:13:44.000 --> 00:13:49.440 Like, yeah, how does mental skills translate into like these high performance environments? 00:13:49.679 --> 00:13:57.440 So we can take this a lot of ways, but um, I would just uh maybe my first challenge, or before I get my first challenge, Josh, you got something? 00:13:57.600 --> 00:14:10.159 Yeah, I was just gonna say, so what you're saying right now in terms of self-talk and in terms of high performance, uh I like I'm hearkening back to a soda commercial from the late 90s and early 2000s. 00:14:10.240 --> 00:14:13.360 It was a soda commercial, and it was do the do, do the do. 00:14:14.080 --> 00:14:16.000 So yeah, is that kind of what you're saying? 00:14:16.159 --> 00:14:26.080 Is like when we when we picture stuff in our mind or we're talking to ourselves about something that we're trying, we're we're going to attempt to execute, we want to see ourselves the do's versus the don'ts. 00:14:26.559 --> 00:14:27.840 Yes, that's so true. 00:14:27.919 --> 00:14:29.919 And it's just a simple little shift. 00:14:30.080 --> 00:14:45.440 And if if y'all know Jim Quick, you know, Trevor was the world's best brain trainer in 2017, but a lot of people say Jim Quick is the world's best brain trainer, and he equates self-talk is like code of a software of a computer. 00:14:45.600 --> 00:14:52.960 You are coding and designing directives on what you're going to be executing or what you want to focus on. 00:14:53.120 --> 00:14:55.200 We believe that what you focus on expands. 00:14:55.360 --> 00:14:57.120 We believe that thoughts become things. 00:14:57.360 --> 00:15:03.120 And this is a trainable, this is a trainable high performance skill. 00:15:03.200 --> 00:15:15.440 And if I can teach any performer, if you're a 10-year-old playing gymnastics or in in choir or playing chess versus a 60-year-old who's a CEO, I would teach them the same thing. 00:15:15.600 --> 00:15:19.679 Self-talk is a trainable, elite, high-performance skill. 00:15:20.000 --> 00:15:21.440 Okay, so that's a good point. 00:15:21.600 --> 00:15:28.639 Um, you know, we all on this podcast, you know, on you know as hosts and you're you as our premium return guest understand this stuff. 00:15:29.120 --> 00:15:29.360 Premium. 00:15:29.600 --> 00:15:29.840 Definitely. 00:15:30.720 --> 00:15:31.360 That's what we do, right? 00:15:31.440 --> 00:15:40.399 And we believe that, you know, these these mental fitness skills, these mental skills, these performance skills are trained, like a muscle can be strengthened, can be, they can atrophy if you don't work on them, right? 00:15:40.480 --> 00:15:46.480 But like I think some of the questions that a lot of our audience members have is like, where the heck does this like where does this voice in our head even come from? 00:15:46.559 --> 00:15:46.720 Right. 00:15:46.799 --> 00:15:58.559 And how much of the self-talk is is ours that I that I created, that I designed, versus inherited from coaches, parents, our surroundings, the social media we're on, the TV we watch. 00:15:58.799 --> 00:15:59.679 What do you think about that? 00:15:59.759 --> 00:16:03.519 Like, where does the voice come from and how is it kind of developed? 00:16:03.679 --> 00:16:12.000 How much of it is developed by what we do and what we say and what we how we respond to things versus kind of some of our environment that you know that we're sometimes in which we can't control. 00:16:12.159 --> 00:16:12.960 I love you said that. 00:16:13.039 --> 00:16:14.639 I know there's parents in here listening. 00:16:14.799 --> 00:16:22.799 I know after our uh seminar, Limitless Minds, our favorite compliment is my kid needs this, and I need to watch something to my kids. 00:16:22.960 --> 00:16:26.320 Um, so let's just break down the the definition of mindset. 00:16:26.480 --> 00:16:37.120 So mindset by definition is a conditioned set of beliefs that drive behavior. 00:16:39.039 --> 00:16:45.279 Mindset by definition is a condition, look at this set of beliefs that drive behavior. 00:16:45.440 --> 00:16:46.559 I learned this from Josh. 00:16:46.720 --> 00:16:49.440 Your thoughts drive your actions, actions drive your results. 00:16:49.600 --> 00:16:59.120 So if you've been conditioned, if if you're telling your daughter that she's a picky eater, what does that create in her brain, in her energy, and her thoughts, how she describes? 00:16:59.440 --> 00:17:03.600 So if she hears I'm a picky eater, then she just acts out as a picky eater. 00:17:03.840 --> 00:17:07.599 Or you've heard someone say, I'm not a morning person, I always forget names. 00:17:07.839 --> 00:17:11.200 So it really starts with what I call trauma, drama, daddy, and mama. 00:17:11.440 --> 00:17:17.039 Your your mental conditioning is I guess that word conditioning, it's been shaped by three things since birth, what you see here and experience. 00:17:17.279 --> 00:17:19.839 And um, I love Krista Ryan jokes. 00:17:19.920 --> 00:17:25.279 You know, she has a future adult therapy jar for her kids by the shit that she puts her kids through. 00:17:25.519 --> 00:17:30.559 She jokes, put another$20 into that future therapy jar for what I just did, kids. 00:17:30.720 --> 00:17:31.680 Sorry about that. 00:17:32.079 --> 00:17:36.079 Um, so I do think there is an environmental factor no matter where. 00:17:36.160

--> 00:17:45.519 And I can just say, you know, I'm from Seattle, uh, now in Nashville, but you look at what Sam Darnold has done in his career the last few years, you put him in the right environment. 00:17:45.680 --> 00:17:54.799 I mean, he had all the tools, but getting around a coaching staff that believes in him, getting giving some tools around him that that helps him optimize himself. 00:17:55.039 --> 00:18:01.839 So I would just say, you know, one of one of Trevor's core thesis in neutral thinking is stop saying stupid shit out loud. 00:18:02.079 --> 00:18:10.079 So I think as coaches, parents, leaders, if if you're labeling someone, you know, I know this is hard for you. 00:18:10.240 --> 00:18:17.359 I've been observing, and you know, you're just not how you frame and word, but look at look at a growth mindset opportunity. 00:18:17.599 --> 00:18:26.559 Instead of telling your daughter she's a pick eater, hey, we are working on expanding our palate, you know, just using something more productive at a as a growth mindset. 00:18:26.720 --> 00:18:28.799 Shout out to Carol DeWeck out of Stanford. 00:18:28.960 --> 00:18:32.000 We want to do more growth mindset language versus fix. 00:18:32.240 --> 00:18:37.519 You know, you know what's interesting about that too, Colin, and I'm sure you've dealt with it before, and Harry as well. 00:18:37.759 --> 00:18:46.240 When you're dealing with leaders, how quickly they label some of their people that are on their team or um whatever. 00:18:46.400 --> 00:18:53.359 Like I I was just dealing with a with a team recently, and the coach was like, Yeah, that guy, he's tons of talent, but he's pretty lazy. 00:18:53.519 --> 00:18:55.279 And I'm like, I didn't see that. 00:18:55.440 --> 00:18:57.279 And I was like, You you better well. 00:18:58.400 --> 00:18:59.279 Let's watch that, right? 00:18:59.359 --> 00:19:07.599 We don't want to compliment, we won't, we don't want to call him say, hey, he's lazy, or he's or she is unorganized, right? 00:19:07.680 --> 00:19:16.079 And they get this quick label for the behaviors that were in the past, but as we know, the past is what not predictive of the future, right? 00:19:16.319 --> 00:19:18.960 And so, but it's really interesting how quickly leaders do that, right? 00:19:19.440 --> 00:19:23.440 We talk about our own self-talk, and then there's a self-talk from others, like self-fulfilling prophecy. 00:19:23.759 --> 00:19:26.400 Yeah, there was something actually my my daughter showed me last night. 00:19:26.480 --> 00:19:34.319 She's she's a freshman, and in one of her classes, teacher came in and showed her this, uh, showed them this experiment study that was done. 00:19:34.480 --> 00:19:40.400 And I don't know if you and I don't know the name of it, so I'll come back maybe on another another another pod and bring it back to surface. 00:19:40.559 --> 00:19:44.640 But what was neat was they brought in in this particular study, it was it was women. 00:19:44.960 --> 00:19:49.440 They brought in a bunch of a bunch of women individually, had them sit with a partner, right? 00:19:49.599 --> 00:19:51.680 Just kind of get to know each other, chat it up, right? 00:19:52.079 --> 00:20:03.599 And then at some point, the the the partners left, and then a gentleman came in who was a he was a you know, he worked for the FBI and he would draw like you know, you know, the the the potential, you know, criminal, right? 00:20:03.839 --> 00:20:06.559 And uh and so he would just have people just describe themselves. 00:20:06.720 --> 00:20:09.200 Hey, just like you know, they weren't they were they didn't they couldn't see each other. 00:20:09.279 --> 00:20:13.680 He'd just, hey, describe what is your chin look like, what does your face look like, what is this, just describe who you are. 00:20:13.839 --> 00:20:19.119 And and then they'd come back and have the partner that they'd hung out with earlier do the same thing about that partner, right? 00:20:19.359 --> 00:20:23.599 So it would be like Colin, you're describing yourself, and then 10 minutes later I'd come in and describe you, right? 00:20:23.839 --> 00:20:33.119 And it was interesting because the individuals that were describing themselves, every single time described themselves in a way that when they were drawn, they didn't look as attractive. 00:20:33.519 --> 00:20:42.880 Um they they looked sad and deep down, so on and so forth, while their partner who was describing them described them almost completely opposite, right? 00:20:43.039 --> 00:20:48.960 So the drawing would come out in outcome with bright, you know, bright eyes, look, look looking joyful, right? 00:20:49.119 --> 00:20:51.759 Um, higher cheekbones, you know, whatever it might be, right? 00:20:52.079 --> 00:20:58.400 And my my daughter was really impacted by that at 14, you guys might know is having kids like that age, like they they beat themselves up, whether they know it or not. 00:20:58.799 --> 00:21:07.039 You know, and so it's just really interesting because I think it's just a component, it just reminds me of this conversation we're having as well as how like the image that we create in our mind of ourselves, right? 00:21:07.359 --> 00:21:12.079 Um, and the reputation that we build just within our own within our own between our own two years, right? 00:21:12.240 --> 00:21:16.400 And a lot of times it's a lot, you know, those those repu that reputation you build is not even true, right? 00:21:16.640 --> 00:21:23.519 Stories that you've told yourself about yourself, about the eyebrows that are uneven that you think everybody sees and nobody's paying attention to, right, or whatever it might be. 00:21:23.599 --> 00:21:25.039 And I battled with that growing up, right? 00:21:25.119 --> 00:21:26.720 And so so that really resonated with me. 00:21:26.799 --> 00:21:30.640 And I was grateful that that they were kind of showing this kind of stuff, you know, freshly. 00:21:31.759 --> 00:21:39.279 Well, it's

uh it's called the the the spotlight effect where we innately think people are obsessing over us when they're not. 00:21:39.440 --> 00:21:45.599 And uh it's like if you're ever in a group picture, you always zoom in on yourself and you don't even see the other people. 00:21:45.839 --> 00:21:48.720 That's that kind of self bias, that's the confirmation bias. 00:21:48.799 --> 00:21:58.160 So I would just uh going back to leaders are labeling some of their team members, you know, as a fixed you know, version, then you're a lazy leader. 00:21:58.400 --> 00:21:59.759 Leadership is influenced. 00:22:00.079 --> 00:22:02.720 And influence is behavior change. 00:22:02.960 --> 00:22:12.559 So maybe you haven't done a good job of uncovering motives, background, uh, what drives this person, uh, getting them inspired, getting them curious. 00:22:12.720 --> 00:22:18.480 Um, but let's just kind of talk about how the brain innately tensely negative. 00:22:18.640 --> 00:22:26.480 Uh six over six thousand conscious thoughts, a lot more unconscious thoughts, and the research inherently shows it's just tensely negative. 00:22:26.559 --> 00:22:29.359 We don't understand gravity, but we know what goes up, must go down. 00:22:29.519 --> 00:22:31.200 The brain's a survival mechanism. 00:22:31.359 --> 00:22:36.400 It's going to go negative, it's going to look for threats, it's going to hold on to your mistakes and failures. 00:22:36.559 --> 00:22:41.920 So I think part of being mentally tough is just to be a great observer and have compassion. 00:22:42.160 --> 00:22:47.279 I would say before we do episode two and three here, step one would be be an observer. 00:22:47.440 --> 00:22:51.440 Find the un the these common, we call these ants, automatic negative thoughts. 00:22:51.519 --> 00:23:02.559 These common labels, or you're recycling probably the same two or three um negative thoughts from a bad experience from a bad leader or a result that didn't go your way. 00:23:02.640 --> 00:23:05.839 You're recycling those, and then you're projecting what could go wrong. 00:23:06.000 --> 00:23:08.720 Uh, we're not asking you to be force you to be positive. 00:23:08.880 --> 00:23:17.519 Let's just be the observer of that and just find a way to, and we'll maybe add on to in the next episode, some different strategies to spot, stop, and swap. 00:23:17.599 --> 00:23:19.839 And maybe we can end with this thought from Ali Love. 00:23:20.000 --> 00:23:25.119 Your first thought will be negative, but your second, third, fourth thought doesn't have to be. 00:23:25.759 --> 00:23:26.319 That's awesome. 00:23:26.480 --> 00:23:28.079 Hey, say it more time. 00:23:28.319 --> 00:23:29.599 Yeah, say it one more time, Colin. 00:23:29.680 --> 00:23:30.720 Say that one more time. 00:23:30.960 --> 00:23:42.559 Um, because the the the brain is a survival mechanism, your your amygdala, this limbic system is literally the its first instinct, its one job is to survey your environment, look for threats in danger. 00:23:42.720 --> 00:23:43.759 That's for our survival. 00:23:43.839 --> 00:23:47.200 But we're not being chased anymore by lions and tigers and sabretooths. 00:23:47.279 --> 00:23:52.480 So we've now shifted physical danger into perceived social threats. 00:23:52.640 --> 00:23:53.279 Do I belong? 00:23:53.440 --> 00:23:54.480 Do I seem smart? 00:23:54.640 --> 00:23:56.319 Um Do I look cool? 00:23:56.480 --> 00:24:04.480 And we have the same physical, biological, anxious, anxiety response to a social perceived threat as a physical danger. 00:24:04.640 --> 00:24:10.799 So we need to just be observers and two questions to observe and ask is that thought true said by who? 00:24:10.960 --> 00:24:14.640 And you get to counter so your first thought will be negative. 00:24:14.720 --> 00:24:23.519 It's just, I don't care how confident, I don't know how experienced, this is something that is just innately as human beings, your first thought will be negative, but your second, third, fourth thought doesn't have to be. 00:24:23.759 --> 00:24:24.319 Love that. 00:24:24.480 --> 00:24:24.960 Love that. 00:24:25.119 --> 00:24:29.119 So here's I want uh can you just do this for for us and our listeners? 00:24:29.279 --> 00:24:41.039 Go through the four, go through the four uh levels of the of the self-talk, and I want to get those just down because one of the things that we've talked about today, uh not only the self, but as leaders, how we perceive others. 00:24:41.200 --> 00:24:44.559 The end part, number four step was beliefs. 00:24:44.799 --> 00:24:49.039 And so those beliefs are what's gonna shape our opinions of others. 00:24:49.200 --> 00:24:54.559 Um, so just go through those four again, real quick for everybody, because uh not everybody's gonna see this on YouTube. 00:24:54.799 --> 00:24:58.319 So if you can see this on YouTube, you can see Colin's whiteboard, but not everybody is. 00:24:58.400 --> 00:25:01.839 So just go through one, two, three, four for everybody one more time, if you would, Kyle. 00:25:02.079 --> 00:25:07.519 Okay, the the first step, we call this the thought cascade or the self-talk cascade. 00:25:07.680 --> 00:25:10.559 The first dimension, the first step is just a word. 00:25:10.720 --> 00:25:12.799 If you're taking notes, words are tools. 00:25:12.960 --> 00:25:16.079 Words are tools, tools to harm, tools to help. 00:25:16.240 --> 00:25:24.480 So if you were to have an AI device that observing your thought life, what percent of the words you are using is it tend to be more fear-based? 00:25:24.559 --> 00:25:26.079 Is it imposter-based? 00:25:26.160 --> 00:25:30.480 Is it self-doubt based, or is it affirming uh gratitude? 00:25:30.640 --> 00:25:31.759 What is possible? 00:25:32.000 --> 00:25:32.480 Words. 00:25:32.559 --> 00:25:36.000 So a word creates an image or a picture just by saying elephant. 00:25:36.640 --> 00:25:44.079 Yeah, if I say elephant, I just said a word, elephant, and that's a word, but elephant now

represents what you've read in books, what you've seen in zoos. 00:25:44.400 --> 00:25:49.279 A word now is a gateway to create an image that your brain sees. 00:25:49.440 --> 00:25:53.519 The third dimension is that word and image create a feeling. 00:25:53.680 --> 00:26:04.480 Now, if I say saber tooth, you're gonna get a your adrenal gland's gonna naturally get heightened and you're gonna get you know energy to fight, fight, freeze, fawn or whatever. 00:26:04.559 --> 00:26:16.480 But or if I say candy, I don't know, you're gonna get excited, you're gonna get dopamine, you're gonna, you know, but you've been innately conditioned to hear, see, or think of a word that creates an image that evokes a feeling or emotion. 00:26:16.640 --> 00:26:21.920 And then when that's repeated enough times, that forms a belief. 00:26:22.000 --> 00:26:24.240 And we know that the placebo is a real thing. 00:26:24.480 --> 00:26:28.480 Placebo is clinically proven a sugar pill, saline. 00:26:28.559 --> 00:26:32.000 When we believe that's gonna help us medically, our outcomes improve. 00:26:32.079 --> 00:26:34.480 It's just a thought that has been told to us. 00:26:34.640 --> 00:26:37.039 But the nocebo is the opposite. 00:26:37.279 --> 00:26:41.279 Saline or a sugar pill, we believe it's gonna be is gonna hurt us physically. 00:26:41.599 --> 00:26:46.079 Our beliefs manifest in you know, uh a lot of different outcomes. 00:26:46.319 --> 00:26:49.119 So um, I have one example of this and I can share it. 00:26:49.440 --> 00:26:50.240 Yeah, please do it. 00:26:50.319 --> 00:26:53.599 But before we do that, I just want everybody to understand, okay? 00:26:53.839 --> 00:27:05.680 If you have a thought, you have those words, boom, that creates a picture, boom, that picture creates an emotion or a feeling, and repeated over and over and over again will create that fourth level of your belief. 00:27:05.920 --> 00:27:07.680 So just understand what a belief is. 00:27:07.920 --> 00:27:11.200 A belief is a thought that you repeat over and over again. 00:27:11.519 --> 00:27:11.920 100%. 00:27:12.319 --> 00:27:13.119 That's so interesting. 00:27:13.200 --> 00:27:18.799 And I and here's one of my favorite quotes is from Earl Nightingale, old school mindset teacher. 00:27:18.880 --> 00:27:24.079 He says, You become what you think about most of the time. 00:27:24.480 --> 00:27:26.640 And that is the strangest secret. 00:27:26.880 --> 00:27:32.960 And uh I remember what Tua quarterback now with the Falcons, he was with Miami. 00:27:33.119 --> 00:27:38.880 His first two or three years with the coach at the time, he had a horrible start of his NL career. 00:27:38.960 --> 00:27:46.960 And he was on a podcast, and he's like, I would just go into meetings, and this head coach is like, You don't belong here, you're too short, you don't have accuracy. 00:27:47.200 --> 00:27:50.400 I kept hearing how I wasn't capable to perform. 00:27:50.559 --> 00:27:55.599 And then we hired a new coach, um, Mike, he's now the OC with Daniels. 00:27:56.079 --> 00:28:00.880 The first thing McDaniels did with Tula is he had a highlight tape of all of his best plays. 00:28:01.039 --> 00:28:04.319 He says, We're gonna lead the the NFL in passing. 00:28:04.400 --> 00:28:07.359 Like you have every tool to execute my offense. 00:28:07.519 --> 00:28:10.640 You, you know, your your college career, like I've seen this in you. 00:28:10.720 --> 00:28:14.160 Like he just used a different set of words. 00:28:14.480 --> 00:28:22.880 Same performer, same employee, but he choose to see and affirm what he could do versus what he couldn't do. 00:28:23.039 --> 00:28:28.720 And that next year, I think Tua was top three in every single stat in passing, completely changed his career. 00:28:28.960 --> 00:28:29.920 That's unbelievable. 00:28:30.160 --> 00:28:37.279 So I think one of the big things that that we can take away from this episode, Harry, correct me if I'm wrong, thoughts matter. 00:28:37.440 --> 00:28:39.680 How you talk to yourself matters. 00:28:39.920 --> 00:28:41.759 Typically, you're gonna be a little bit negative. 00:28:42.079 --> 00:28:44.880 Catch yourself thinking bad, go somewhere else with it. 00:28:45.039 --> 00:28:47.440 Draw draw to to at least not negative. 00:28:47.599 --> 00:28:49.119 Uh neutral is a great place to go. 00:28:49.359 --> 00:28:50.640 Harry, any other thoughts for you? 00:28:51.039 --> 00:29:00.240 No, I mean, no, I I think that you know, as we close this one, we're gonna get you a second episode here in and around this topic about how elite performers talk themselves under pressure. 00:29:00.559 --> 00:29:05.759 But for this, for this particular episode, you know, we want to make sure that we defined what self-talk is, right? 00:29:05.839 --> 00:29:14.240 What that voice in your head is, who it is, what it how it's shaping your performance, and um, you know, and and then demonstrate the proof that it matters. 00:29:14.559 --> 00:29:20.559 But before we go to episode number two on this series, remember we don't have to be sick to get better.