Full Transcript for Master Your Thinking: How to Stop Believing Every Thought You Have

--> 00:05:06.639 They don't mean you're unintelligent or broken. 00:05:06.800 --> 00:05:08.000 They're patterns. 00:05:08.240 --> 00:05:10.319 And patterns can change. 00:05:10.560 --> 00:05:13.759 Let's look at some of the most common distortions. 00:05:14.000 --> 00:05:16.560 Number one, all or nothing thinking. 00:05:16.800 --> 00:05:19.120 This is when we see things in extremes. 00:05:19.279 --> 00:05:25.600 Everything is either good or bad, success or failure, perfect or terrible. 00:05:25.759 --> 00:05:27.199 There's no middle ground. 00:05:27.439 --> 00:05:31.360 For example, let's say you start a new exercise routine. 00:05:31.759 --> 00:05:35.920 You do really well for two weeks, but then you miss a few days. 00:05:36.160 --> 00:05:39.199 Your thought becomes, well, I've already messed it up. 00:05:39.360 --> 00:05:41.120 I can't stick to anything. 00:05:41.439 --> 00:05:42.079 Really? 00:05:42.639 --> 00:05:44.319 You missed a few workouts. 00:05:44.560 --> 00:05:47.199 That doesn't erase the two weeks of effort. 00:05:47.519 --> 00:05:52.959 But all or nothing thinking turns a temporary setback into a complete failure. 00:05:53.199 --> 00:05:56.959 A more balanced thought would be, I missed a few days. 00:05:57.120 --> 00:05:58.879 That doesn't mean I failed. 00:05:59.120 --> 00:06:00.959 I can start again today. 00:06:01.439 --> 00:06:04.639 Progress doesn't require perfection. 00:06:05.519 --> 00:06:08.959 Another distortion is catastrophizing. 00:06:09.680 --> 00:06:13.680 This is when your mind jumps to the worst possible outcome. 00:06:13.920 --> 00:06:18.000 You make a mistake at work, and suddenly you're convinced you're going to get fired. 00:06:18.240 --> 00:06:24.959 You feel a strange sensation in your body, and your mind immediately jumps to the most frightening explanation. 00:06:25.199 --> 00:06:29.680 Someone doesn't return your call, and you assume the relationship is falling apart. 00:06:29.920 --> 00:06:32.720 You're not considering what might happen. 00:06:32.879 --> 00:06:35.839 You're assuming the worst is going to happen. 00:06:36.079 --> 00:06:40.560 And that can create enormous amounts of unnecessary stress. 00:06:40.800 --> 00:06:44.560 A better question is: what's actually happening right now? 00:06:44.720 --> 00:06:48.959 And what evidence do I have that the worst case scenario will happen? 00:06:49.279 --> 00:06:54.879 You can prepare for challenges without mentally living through every possible disaster. 00:06:55.360 --> 00:06:57.600 Then there's mind reading. 00:06:57.839 --> 00:07:01.040 This is when you assume you know what someone else is thinking. 00:07:01.279 --> 00:07:05.519 Your friend doesn't seem very talkative, so you decide they're mad at you. 00:07:05.839 --> 00:07:10.399 Your partner is quiet, so you assume you've done something wrong. 00:07:10.720 --> 00:07:16.319 Your coworker doesn't smile when you walk by, so you conclude they don't like you. 00:07:16.560 --> 00:07:22.560 But unless someone tells you what they're thinking, you're making an educated guess at best. 00:07:23.120 --> 00:07:26.399 And sometimes it's not very educated at all. 00:07:26.720 --> 00:07:29.199 Here's a phrase I want you to remember. 00:07:29.519 --> 00:07:31.759 You are not a mind reader. 00:07:32.000 --> 00:07:41.360 You can notice behavior, you can ask questions, you can look for patterns, but you don't automatically know what someone else thinks or feels. 00:07:42.240 --> 00:07:43.519 Fortune telling. 00:07:43.759 --> 00:07:48.480 This is when you predict a negative outcome and treat it as if it's already guaranteed. 00:07:48.639 --> 00:07:52.079 You tell yourself, oh, I'm gonna embarrass myself. 00:07:52.399 --> 00:07:54.879 This relationship isn't going to work. 00:07:55.519 --> 00:07:57.600 I'm never gonna get this right. 00:07:58.000 --> 00:07:59.759 I know I'm gonna fail. 00:08:00.480 --> 00:08:06.000 Notice the difference between recognizing a possibility and predicting it as a certainty. 00:08:06.319 --> 00:08:07.920 You don't know what will happen. 00:08:08.079 --> 00:08:15.040 And when you convince yourself that failure is inevitable, you may stop trying before you've even given yourself a chance. 00:08:15.279 --> 00:08:25.600 Try replacing, I know this won't work, with I don't know how this will turn out, but I can take the next step and see what happens. 00:08:26.240 --> 00:08:28.319 Overgeneralization. 00:08:29.120 --> 00:08:34.080 This happens when we take one experience and use it to make a broad conclusion. 00:08:34.320 --> 00:08:38.799 You have one bad relationship and you decide nobody can be trusted. 00:08:39.039 --> 00:08:43.840 You apply for a job and don't get it, and you think I never get opportunities. 00:08:44.240 --> 00:08:49.279 You have a disagreement with someone, and suddenly people always disappoint me. 00:08:49.600 --> 00:08:57.120 Words like always, never, everyone, and nobody can be clues that you're overgeneralizing. 00:08:57.440 --> 00:09:02.720 One experience doesn't automatically predict every future experience. 00:09:03.360 --> 00:09:04.879 Personalization. 00:09:05.360 --> 00:09:13.120 This is when you assume that something is about you or that you're responsible for something that may have little or nothing to do with you. 00:09:13.360 --> 00:09:17.440 Someone is in a bad mood, and you immediately wonder what you did. 00:09:17.759 --> 00:09:23.039 Your friend cancels plans, and you assume it's because they don't want to spend time with you. 00:09:23.360 --> 00:09:28.240 Your child is struggling, and you decide you failed as a parent. 00:09:28.559 --> 00:09:32.320 Of course, sometimes our actions do contribute to a situation. 00:09:32.639 --> 00:09:40.720 Taking responsibility is important, but taking responsibility for everything is not the same as being accountable. 00:09:41.039 --> 00:09:46.559 You have to learn to distinguish between what is yours to own and what isn't. 00:09:46.879 --> 00:09:48.480 Mental

filtering. 00:09:49.360 --> 00:09:52.960 This is when you focus on the negative and overlook the positive. 00:09:53.279 --> 00:09:55.679 Imagine you receive feedback on a project. 00:09:55.919 --> 00:10:02.159 Your supervisor tells you that you did 10 things well and identifies one area for improvement. 00:10:02.399 --> 00:10:03.840 What do you remember? 00:10:04.399 --> 00:10:06.399 That one criticism. 00:10:06.799 --> 00:10:08.240 You replay it. 00:10:08.480 --> 00:10:09.919 You question yourself. 00:10:10.240 --> 00:10:12.799 You forget the other nine things. 00:10:13.039 --> 00:10:19.360 Or maybe someone compliments you, but you immediately dismiss it and focus on the one person who didn't. 00:10:19.679 --> 00:10:26.080 Your attention becomes so focused on what went wrong that you stop seeing what went right. 00:10:26.879 --> 00:10:35.440 This is why I encourage people to practice looking at the whole picture, not just the part that confirms what they're already worried about. 00:10:36.159 --> 00:10:37.679 Emotional reasoning. 00:10:38.240 --> 00:10:40.720 This one is particularly important. 00:10:41.200 --> 00:10:46.720 Emotional reasoning is when we assume that because we feel something, it must be true. 00:10:47.440 --> 00:10:51.519 You feel inadequate, so you conclude you're not good enough. 00:10:52.480 --> 00:10:56.559 You feel rejected, so you decide nobody wants you. 00:10:57.360 --> 00:11:01.440 You feel anxious, so you assume that something bad is gonna happen. 00:11:02.080 --> 00:11:05.759 You feel guilty, so you assume you've done something wrong. 00:11:06.480 --> 00:11:11.039 But feelings are not always accurate reflections of reality. 00:11:11.519 --> 00:11:14.080 Your emotions deserve attention. 00:11:14.320 --> 00:11:19.759 They may be giving you important information, but they aren't always proof. 00:11:20.000 --> 00:11:25.840 Feeling something doesn't automatically make the belief attached to that feeling true. 00:11:26.000 --> 00:11:30.320 And that's one of the most important distinctions in learning to master your thinking. 00:11:30.559 --> 00:11:37.360 I've included a link to a list of the 12 common thought distortions in the description if you'd like to study further. 00:11:37.840 --> 00:11:43.120 Section three, Introduction to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, CBT. 00:11:43.600 --> 00:11:50.399 Now that we've talked about thought distortions, I want to introduce you to something that can help you understand why your thinking matters so much. 00:11:50.639 --> 00:11:54.399 It's called cognitive behavioral therapy, or CBT. 00:11:54.720 --> 00:12:03.120 CBT is a well-researched form of psychotherapy that focuses on the relationship between our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. 00:12:03.360 --> 00:12:10.799 One of its central ideas is that the way we interpret a situation can influence how we feel and how we respond. 00:12:11.200 --> 00:12:12.960 Let's use a simple example. 00:12:13.279 --> 00:12:18.320 Imagine you walk into a

room, say hello to someone, and they don't respond. 00:12:18.639 --> 00:12:22.720 Let's look at three different ways you might interpret that same situation. 00:12:23.039 --> 00:12:26.399 Interpretation number one, they don't like me. 00:12:26.720 --> 00:12:29.200 You're taking the interaction personally. 00:12:29.440 --> 00:12:32.799 You don't know for sure that this is a reason they didn't address you. 00:12:33.039 --> 00:12:36.480 This may make you feel rejected or embarrassed. 00:12:36.639 --> 00:12:39.840 So maybe you avoid that person the next time you see them. 00:12:40.159 --> 00:12:43.519 Interpretation number two, that was rude. 00:12:43.759 --> 00:12:45.600 They think they're better than me. 00:12:45.840 --> 00:12:47.919 Now you're mind reading. 00:12:48.159 --> 00:12:50.559 You don't know if that's what they're thinking. 00:12:50.879 --> 00:12:53.840 This may make you feel irritated or angry. 00:12:54.159 --> 00:12:57.919 Maybe you respond coldly or decide you don't like them either. 00:12:58.240 --> 00:13:00.159 Interpretation number three. 00:13:00.399 --> 00:13:02.080 I wonder if they heard me. 00:13:02.240 --> 00:13:04.000 Maybe they're distracted. 00:13:04.240 --> 00:13:12.480 You might feel a little disappointed, but you're not contributing their behavior to something you've done or assuming you know what they're thinking. 00:13:12.799 --> 00:13:16.399 You may simply say hello again or move on. 00:13:16.879 --> 00:13:28.879 Same situation, different interpretations, different emotional experiences, different behaviors, and potentially different outcomes. 00:13:29.120 --> 00:13:31.679 That's the basic idea behind CBT. 00:13:31.840 --> 00:13:41.200 It helps us recognize that while we may not always control what happens, we can learn to examine the thoughts and beliefs influencing our responses. 00:13:41.440 --> 00:13:43.279 Now I want to clarify something. 00:13:43.600 --> 00:13:47.120 CBT isn't about forcing yourself to think positively. 00:13:47.279 --> 00:13:50.799 It's not about pretending everything is wonderful when it isn't. 00:13:50.960 --> 00:13:55.440 And it certainly isn't about blaming yourself for having difficult emotions. 00:13:55.600 --> 00:14:06.080 It's about learning to identify unhelpful thinking patterns, evaluate the evidence, and develop more balanced and realistic ways of looking at situations. 00:14:06.559 --> 00:14:10.480 The goal isn't to replace every negative thought with a positive one. 00:14:10.720 --> 00:14:18.240 The goal is to replace automatic, unexamined thinking with more accurate and helpful thinking. 00:14:18.399 --> 00:14:20.559 And that's a very different thing. 00:14:20.879 --> 00:14:24.159 Section four, why mastering your thinking matters. 00:14:24.799 --> 00:14:26.639 So why is this important? 00:14:27.039 --> 00:14:31.759 Because your thinking influences practically every area of your life. 00:14:31.919 --> 00:14:33.679 Let's look at a few examples. 00:14:33.919 --> 00:14:35.279 Your relationships. 00:14:35.600 --> 00:14:39.840 Think about how many relationship problems are made worse by assumptions. 00:14:40.080 --> 00:14:41.519 Someone doesn't call. 00:14:41.840 --> 00:14:43.360 Someone makes a comment. 00:14:43.679 --> 00:14:45.519 Someone forgets something important. 00:14:45.919 --> 00:14:50.159 Instead of asking what happened, we create a story about what it means. 00:14:50.399 --> 00:14:52.639 We assume someone doesn't care. 00:14:52.879 --> 00:14:55.360 We assume they're being disrespectful. 00:14:55.600 --> 00:14:58.080 We assume they should know what we're thinking. 00:14:58.320 --> 00:15:01.519 And then we react to those assumptions. 00:15:01.840 --> 00:15:05.360 Sometimes the conflict isn't just about what happened. 00:15:05.519 --> 00:15:09.039 It's about the meaning we've attached to what happened. 00:15:09.279 --> 00:15:21.679 Learning to question your interpretations can help you communicate more clearly, avoid unnecessary conflict, and understand other people's perspectives, your confidence, and self-worth. 00:15:22.000 --> 00:15:24.159 The way you talk to yourself matters. 00:15:24.480 --> 00:15:26.080 Imagine making a mistake. 00:15:26.320 --> 00:15:30.799 One person thinks, I made a mistake, what can I learn from this? 00:15:31.039 --> 00:15:34.080 Another thinks, oh, I'm such an idiot. 00:15:34.240 --> 00:15:35.840 I can't do anything right. 00:15:36.240 --> 00:15:44.559 The mistake is the same, but the second person is turning an individual experience into a judgment about their entire identity. 00:15:44.799 --> 00:15:48.960 And when you repeatedly think that way, you can start believing it. 00:15:49.200 --> 00:15:56.159 You may stop trying new things, avoid opportunities, or convince yourself you're incapable before you even begin. 00:15:56.480 --> 00:16:02.879 Your thoughts can either support your growth or reinforce the beliefs that keep you stuck. 00:16:03.200 --> 00:16:05.200 Your career and goals. 00:16:05.600 --> 00:16:11.120 Let's say you have an opportunity to apply for a promotion, start a business, or try something new. 00:16:11.279 --> 00:16:14.320 Your mind says, I'm not qualified. 00:16:14.559 --> 00:16:16.399 Other people are better than me. 00:16:16.639 --> 00:16:18.799 What if I embarrass myself? 00:16:19.200 --> 00:16:23.039 Now, maybe there are skills you still need to develop. 00:16:23.279 --> 00:16:24.960 That's worth evaluating. 00:16:25.200 --> 00:16:31.840 But there's a difference between recognizing an area where you need to grow and deciding you're incapable of succeeding. 00:16:32.080 --> 00:16:40.159 If you automatically believe every self-doubting thought, you may never give yourself the opportunity to find out what you're capable of. 00:16:40.799 --> 00:16:42.720 Your emotional well-being. 00:16:43.039 --> 00:16:51.600 Our thinking patterns can contribute to feelings of anxiety, frustration, sadness, shame, and anger. 00:16:51.919 --> 00:16:59.519 For example, if you

constantly interpret uncertainty as danger, you may find yourself worrying about things that haven't happened. 00:16:59.759 --> 00:17:06.079 If you interpret mistakes as personal failures, you may experience unnecessary shame. 00:17:06.319 --> 00:17:12.720 If you assume people are always judging you, social situations may become exhausting. 00:17:13.119 --> 00:17:23.119 Changing these patterns doesn't mean difficult emotions will disappear, but it can help you respond to situations in ways that are more balanced and constructive. 00:17:23.359 --> 00:17:31.839 And if you're experiencing persistent or overwhelming emotional distress, working with a qualified mental health professional can help. 00:17:32.160 --> 00:17:34.880 CBT is one approach they may use. 00:17:35.599 --> 00:17:37.920 Your ability to change. 00:17:38.240 --> 00:17:41.440 This one is especially important to me. 00:17:41.759 --> 00:17:49.440 You can spend years trying to change your behavior without ever examining the thinking pattern supporting that behavior. 00:17:49.680 --> 00:17:56.400 You want to stop procrastinating, but underneath that behavior may be a belief that you're going to fail. 00:17:56.640 --> 00:18:04.480 You want to build healthier relationships, but underneath your reactions may be assumptions about rejection or abandonment. 00:18:04.799 --> 00:18:12.160 You want to become more confident, but your internal dialogue constantly reinforces the idea that you're not good enough. 00:18:12.400 --> 00:18:19.119 Sometimes the behavior we're trying to change is connected to a deeper belief we haven't taken the time to examine. 00:18:19.519 --> 00:18:22.319 That's why self-awareness matters. 00:18:22.559 --> 00:18:26.160 You can't change a pattern you don't recognize. 00:18:26.319 --> 00:18:30.319 And you can't challenge a belief you never stop to question. 00:18:30.799 --> 00:18:34.640 Section five, how to start mastering your thinking. 00:18:35.279 --> 00:18:38.480 Okay, so how do we actually start doing this? 00:18:38.640 --> 00:18:45.200 I don't want this episode to leave you with a bunch of psychological terminology and no idea what to do with it. 00:18:45.440 --> 00:18:47.839 Let's make this practical. 00:18:48.079 --> 00:18:52.240 Here are seven strategies you can begin using today. 00:18:52.559 --> 00:18:56.720 Strategy number one, become an observer of your thoughts. 00:18:56.960 --> 00:18:59.039 The first step is awareness. 00:18:59.279 --> 00:19:02.079 Start noticing what you're thinking throughout the day. 00:19:02.319 --> 00:19:04.000 Not just when something goes wrong. 00:19:04.240 --> 00:19:06.400 Pay attention to the thoughts that show up. 00:19:06.559 --> 00:19:15.759 When someone disagrees with you, you make a mistake, you receive criticism, you feel ignored, you compare yourself to someone else. 00:19:16.079 --> 00:19:18.319 Something doesn't go according to plan. 00:19:18.799 --> 00:19:22.799 Ask yourself, what am I telling myself right now? 00:19:23.279 --> 00:19:26.400 You can even use a list of thought distortions to help you. 00:19:26.720 --> 00:19:31.279 You might be surprised by how often your thoughts happen automatically. 00:19:31.519 --> 00:19:34.400 And don't judge yourself for what you notice. 00:19:34.640 --> 00:19:41.359 The goal isn't to criticize yourself for thinking a certain way, the goal is to become aware of the pattern. 00:19:41.599 --> 00:19:46.240 Remember, awareness creates the opportunity for choice. 00:19:46.720 --> 00:19:51.920 Strategy number two, catch the thought before it becomes a reaction. 00:19:52.240 --> 00:19:59.359 This is where I want you to connect what we're learning today with the reset framework we discussed in our previous episode. 00:19:59.599 --> 00:20:08.640 Remember, reset stands for recognize, exhale, separate fact from fiction, evaluate, take control. 00:20:09.119 --> 00:20:13.279 When you notice an emotional reaction starting, don't immediately act on it. 00:20:13.519 --> 00:20:15.200 Recognize what you're feeling. 00:20:15.440 --> 00:20:17.519 Exhale and give yourself a moment. 00:20:17.759 --> 00:20:21.920 Separate what actually happened from the story you're telling yourself. 00:20:22.240 --> 00:20:24.480 Evaluate your interpretation. 00:20:24.799 --> 00:20:29.039 Then take control by choosing how you want to respond. 00:20:29.599 --> 00:20:31.759 Let's say someone sends you a short text. 00:20:32.079 --> 00:20:35.440 Your first thought is, wow, they're obviously mad at me. 00:20:36.240 --> 00:20:43.599 Instead of immediately sending a defensive response, use reset or recognize that you're feeling anxious or irritated. 00:20:44.160 --> 00:20:44.720 Exhale. 00:20:45.440 --> 00:20:47.440 Separate the fact from the fiction. 00:20:48.079 --> 00:20:50.960 The fact is that they send a short message. 00:20:51.519 --> 00:20:54.480 The interpretation is that they're mad at you. 00:20:55.200 --> 00:20:57.519 Evaluate what you actually know. 00:20:57.920 --> 00:20:59.759 Then take control. 00:21:00.240 --> 00:21:01.839 Maybe you ask a question. 00:21:02.160 --> 00:21:04.720 Maybe you wait until you have more information. 00:21:05.039 --> 00:21:07.680 Maybe you decide it doesn't require a response. 00:21:08.000 --> 00:21:13.279 The point is that you don't have to let an automatic thought determine your behavior. 00:21:13.599 --> 00:21:17.039 Strategy number three, challenge your thinking patterns. 00:21:17.279 --> 00:21:22.240 Now that you're becoming more aware of your thoughts, start looking for distortions. 00:21:22.480 --> 00:21:24.319 Are you catastrophizing? 00:21:24.480 --> 00:21:27.519 Are you assuming that you know what someone else is thinking? 00:21:27.759 --> 00:21:30.880 Are you using words like always and never? 00:21:31.119 --> 00:21:33.359 Are you treating a feeling as proof? 00:21:33.680 --> 00:21:36.799 When you recognize a distortion, ask yourself. 00:21:37.119 --> 00:21:39.119 Is there another way to look at this?

00:21:39.440 --> 00:21:44.799 For example, instead of I always mess everything up, try. 00:21:45.519 --> 00:21:47.359 I made a mistake in this situation. 00:21:47.599 --> 00:21:49.039 What can I learn from it? 00:21:50.240 --> 00:21:54.079 Instead of nobody cares about me, try. 00:21:54.480 --> 00:21:56.319 I'm feeling disconnected right now. 00:21:56.640 --> 00:22:01.599 Who could I reach out to instead of I'm gonna fail. 00:22:01.920 --> 00:22:02.480 Try. 00:22:02.799 --> 00:22:06.640 I'm worried this won't work out, but I don't know that for certain. 00:22:06.960 --> 00:22:12.799 Notice that we're not pretending everything is perfect, we're making the thought more accurate. 00:22:13.200 --> 00:22:15.279 And that's the goal. 00:22:15.599 --> 00:22:20.559 Strategy number four, look for evidence, not just feelings. 00:22:20.960 --> 00:22:25.200 This is one of the most useful CBT-inspired practices. 00:22:25.359 --> 00:22:32.319 When you have a thought that's creating a strong emotional response, ask yourself, what evidence supports this thought? 00:22:32.559 --> 00:22:36.079 Then ask, what evidence might not support it? 00:22:36.319 --> 00:22:40.400 Let's say you think my coworkers don't respect me. 00:22:40.559 --> 00:22:42.240 What evidence do you have? 00:22:42.480 --> 00:22:45.119 Maybe someone interrupted you in a meeting. 00:22:45.359 --> 00:22:46.960 That's worth noticing. 00:22:47.279 --> 00:22:49.200 But is there other evidence? 00:22:49.519 --> 00:22:51.920 Do your coworkers ask for your input? 00:22:52.160 --> 00:22:54.640 Do they include you in important conversations? 00:22:54.960 --> 00:22:57.359 Have they shown appreciation for your work? 00:22:57.680 --> 00:23:03.359 Are you interpreting one frustrating interaction as proof of how everyone feels about you? 00:23:03.599 --> 00:23:06.960 The goal isn't to talk yourself out of legitimate concerns. 00:23:07.119 --> 00:23:11.200 If there's a repeated pattern of disrespect, you should take that seriously. 00:23:11.440 --> 00:23:15.759 But you also don't want one experience to become the only evidence you consider. 00:23:16.319 --> 00:23:18.480 Look at the whole picture. 00:23:19.039 --> 00:23:24.240 Strategy five, replace absolutes with more balanced language. 00:23:24.480 --> 00:23:27.440 Pay attention to the language you use when you talk to yourself. 00:23:27.680 --> 00:23:35.119 Words like always, never, everyone, nobody, can't, have to. 00:23:35.759 --> 00:23:40.000 These words can sometimes signal rigid or distorted thinking. 00:23:40.240 --> 00:23:47.759 For example, I never do anything right, can become, I didn't handle that situation the way I wanted to. 00:23:48.079 --> 00:23:55.759 I'm terrible at relationships, can become, I'm recognizing some patterns in my relationships that I want to work on. 00:23:56.400 --> 00:24:01.759 I can't do this, can become, I don't know how to do this yet. 00:24:02.079 --> 00:24:04.799 That last word is powerful. 00:24:05.200 --> 00:24:08.640 Yet it leaves room for growth. 00:24:08.880 --> 00:24:14.240 It acknowledges where you are without deciding that's where you're always be. 00:24:14.880 --> 00:24:19.519 Strategy six, separate your identity from your thoughts and behaviors. 00:24:19.839 --> 00:24:21.359 This is a big one. 00:24:21.680 --> 00:24:24.480 You are not every thought that crosses your mind. 00:24:24.720 --> 00:24:30.480 You're not every mistake you've made, and you're not every behavior you've demonstrated in the past. 00:24:30.640 --> 00:24:38.000 There's a difference between saying, I'm a failure, and saying, I've experienced a failure. 00:24:38.240 --> 00:24:47.359 There's a difference between I'm a terrible person and I did something that hurt someone and I need to take responsibility for it. 00:24:47.680 --> 00:24:50.480 One labels your entire identity. 00:24:50.640 --> 00:24:54.400 The other identifies a behavior you can examine and change. 00:24:54.640 --> 00:24:58.400 You can hold yourself accountable without attacking your self-worth. 00:24:58.640 --> 00:25:03.680 You can acknowledge that you need to grow without deciding you're fundamentally flawed. 00:25:03.920 --> 00:25:05.519 Remember our message. 00:25:05.839 --> 00:25:07.359 You are not broken. 00:25:07.680 --> 00:25:11.119 You are patterned, and patterns can change. 00:25:12.319 --> 00:25:16.799 Strategy seven, practice more helpful thinking repeatedly. 00:25:17.119 --> 00:25:18.559 Here's something important. 00:25:18.799 --> 00:25:26.319 You probably won't change years of thinking patterns after one podcast episode, and you shouldn't expect to. 00:25:26.640 --> 00:25:29.519 Some patterns are deeply practiced. 00:25:29.680 --> 00:25:38.079 They may have developed through childhood experiences, relationships, repeated reinforcement, or difficult life circumstances. 00:25:38.319 --> 00:25:40.880 So give yourself room to practice. 00:25:41.119 --> 00:25:44.480 When you catch an unhelpful thought, question it. 00:25:44.799 --> 00:25:48.000 When you recognize a distortion, challenge it. 00:25:48.240 --> 00:25:54.319 When you make a mistake, practice responding with accountability instead of self-attack. 00:25:54.559 --> 00:26:00.880 And when you fall back into an old pattern, don't use that as proof that you can't change. 00:26:01.359 --> 00:26:04.400 Use it as another opportunity to practice. 00:26:04.640 --> 00:26:08.240 The goal isn't to never have an unhelpful thought again. 00:26:08.480 --> 00:26:15.359 The goal is to become better at recognizing it, evaluating it, and choosing what to do next. 00:26:15.680 --> 00:26:19.039 Section six, a simple thinking exercise. 00:26:19.279 --> 00:26:22.400 I want to give you something you can actually practice this week. 00:26:22.640 --> 00:26:25.680 It's a simple thought record inspired by CBT. 00:26:25.920 --> 00:26:32.079 The next time you notice yourself having a strong emotional reaction, stop and write down five things. 00:26:32.319 --> 00:26:34.559 Number one,

the situation. 00:26:35.119 --> 00:26:36.480 What happened? 00:26:36.720 --> 00:26:39.440 Number two, the automatic thought. 00:26:39.759 --> 00:26:41.920 What immediately went through your mind? 00:26:42.480 --> 00:26:43.839 Any distortions present? 00:26:44.799 --> 00:26:46.960 Number three, the emotion. 00:26:47.279 --> 00:26:48.319 What did you feel? 00:26:48.720 --> 00:26:50.160 And how intense was it? 00:26:50.960 --> 00:26:53.279 Number four, the evidence. 00:26:53.599 --> 00:26:56.160 What facts support your thought? 00:26:56.480 --> 00:26:58.640 What facts might challenge it? 00:26:59.279 --> 00:27:01.920 Number five, the balanced thought. 00:27:02.400 --> 00:27:06.640 What's a more realistic and helpful way to look at this situation? 00:27:07.200 --> 00:27:08.559 Let's walk through an example. 00:27:09.599 --> 00:27:12.640 The situation is a friend hasn't responded to your message. 00:27:13.039 --> 00:27:16.000 Your automatic thought is they're ignoring me. 00:27:17.119 --> 00:27:22.319 This is personalization, assuming their action is a result of something you said or did. 00:27:22.960 --> 00:27:24.640 They must have done something wrong. 00:27:25.279 --> 00:27:26.960 This is jumping to conclusions. 00:27:27.680 --> 00:27:28.559 The emotion. 00:27:29.839 --> 00:27:35.680 You feel anxious, you feel rejected, frustration, the evidence. 00:27:36.000 --> 00:27:38.000 They haven't responded yet. 00:27:38.319 --> 00:27:39.839 But I don't know why. 00:27:40.079 --> 00:27:44.960 They've been busy before, and I don't have any evidence that something is wrong between us. 00:27:45.279 --> 00:27:46.799 The balanced thought. 00:27:47.039 --> 00:27:49.279 I don't know why they haven't responded. 00:27:49.440 --> 00:27:54.319 I can give them some time, and if I need to, I can ask them directly. 00:27:54.559 --> 00:27:55.759 Now notice something. 00:27:56.000 --> 00:28:00.400 The goal isn't to convince yourself that your friend definitely isn't ignoring you. 00:28:00.640 --> 00:28:04.319 The goal is to stop treating an assumption as a fact. 00:28:04.559 --> 00:28:06.319 That's a meaningful difference. 00:28:06.480 --> 00:28:11.599 And if you practice this regularly, you'll start recognizing your thinking patterns much sooner. 00:28:11.920 --> 00:28:18.559 You may even begin catching yourself in the middle of a thought and saying, wait a minute, do I actually know that? 00:28:18.799 --> 00:28:20.240 That's progress. 00:28:20.799 --> 00:28:25.440 Section seven, your seven-day master your thinking challenge. 00:28:25.680 --> 00:28:30.880 I want to challenge you to spend the next seven days paying attention to your thoughts. 00:28:31.119 --> 00:28:38.799 Not to judge them, not to force yourself to be positive, just to become more aware of how your mind works. 00:28:39.119 --> 00:28:41.119 Here's your challenge. 00:28:41.440 --> 00:28:46.000 And I've included a link to a document to help you record this. 00:28:46.799 --> 00:28:49.440 Day one, notice your thoughts. 00:28:49.680 --> 00:28:52.480 Pay attention to your internal dialogue. 00:28:52.640 --> 00:28:55.039 What do you say to yourself throughout the day? 00:28:55.359 --> 00:28:58.400 Day two, identify your distortions. 00:28:58.799 --> 00:29:06.799 Look for all or nothing thinking, catastrophizing, mind reading, or any of the other patterns we discuss or are listed. 00:29:07.119 --> 00:29:10.720 Day three, separate facts from interpretations. 00:29:10.960 --> 00:29:16.559 When something bothers you, identify what actually happened versus what you think it means. 00:29:16.880 --> 00:29:19.519 Day four, challenge the evidence. 00:29:19.759 --> 00:29:25.200 Ask yourself, what supports your thought and what information you might be overlooking. 00:29:25.440 --> 00:29:28.319 Day five, change your language. 00:29:28.640 --> 00:29:33.680 Catch yourself using words like always, never, everyone, and nobody. 00:29:33.920 --> 00:29:37.119 Practice replacing them with more accurate language. 00:29:37.440 --> 00:29:40.400 Day six, practice self-compassion. 00:29:40.640 --> 00:29:43.440 Pay attention to how you respond to your own mistakes. 00:29:43.759 --> 00:29:46.960 Can you hold yourself accountable without attacking yourself? 00:29:47.279 --> 00:29:49.440 Day seven, reflect. 00:29:49.680 --> 00:29:51.680 What patterns did you notice? 00:29:51.839 --> 00:29:54.240 Which thoughts showed up most often? 00:29:54.480 --> 00:29:58.480 Which ones have the biggest influence on your emotions and behaviors? 00:29:58.720 --> 00:30:04.319 And most importantly, what would you change if you stopped automatically believing them? 00:30:04.640 --> 00:30:06.640 You don't have to get it perfect. 00:30:06.960 --> 00:30:10.000 You just have to start paying attention. 00:30:10.480 --> 00:30:13.920 Closing, become the expert on your own mind. 00:30:14.160 --> 00:30:16.000 So let's bring this all together. 00:30:16.240 --> 00:30:19.519 Your thoughts influence how you interpret your experiences. 00:30:19.759 --> 00:30:22.799 Those interpretations can influence your emotions. 00:30:23.039 --> 00:30:25.759 Your emotions can influence your behaviors. 00:30:26.000 --> 00:30:30.000 And your behaviors contribute to the results you experience in your life. 00:30:30.240 --> 00:30:34.400 That's why mastering your thinking is such an important part of self-mastery. 00:30:34.559 --> 00:30:44.240 We've talked about thought distortions, introduced cognitive behavioral therapy, and explored practical ways to recognize and challenge unhelpful thinking patterns. 00:30:44.480 --> 00:30:46.640 But I want to leave you with three things. 00:30:46.880 --> 00:30:51.039 First, just because you think something doesn't mean it's true. 00:30:51.279 --> 00:30:57.599 Second, you don't have to believe every thought you have or act on every emotion you experience. 00:30:57.839 --> 00:31:01.200 And third, you can learn to think differently. 00:31:01.519 --> 00:31:12.799 You may not be able to control every thought that enters your mind, but you can become more intentional about which thoughts you accept, which ones you question, and which ones you choose to act on. 00:31:13.039 --> 00:31:16.000 And that brings me back to something I say often. 00:31:16.240 --> 00:31:18.400 You don't have an information problem. 00:31:18.799 --> 00:31:20.960 You may have a pattern problem. 00:31:21.599 --> 00:31:30.160 You can know all the right things to do, but if your automatic thinking keeps pulling you in the opposite direction, knowing isn't enough. 00:31:30.480 --> 00:31:32.079 You have to practice. 00:31:32.319 --> 00:31:34.960 You have to become aware of your patterns. 00:31:35.119 --> 00:31:38.559 You have to challenge the beliefs that aren't serving you. 00:31:38.799 --> 00:31:42.880 And you have to give yourself the opportunity to choose something different. 00:31:43.119 --> 00:31:53.440 Because self-mastery isn't about controlling everything around you, it's about understanding what's happening within you so you can make more intentional choices about how you live. 00:31:53.680 --> 00:32:02.640 And that's what we're doing here at Life's Limitless Potential, helping you recognize, embrace, and unleash the limitless potential within you. 00:32:02.880 --> 00:32:05.279 Thank you for spending this time with me. 00:32:05.519 --> 00:32:09.440 Until next time, remember, you are not your thoughts. 00:32:09.680 --> 00:32:16.319 You are the person who can learn to examine them, question them, and choose what to do next. 00:32:16.559 --> 00:32:19.200 I'll see you in the next episode. 00:32:19.519 --> 00:32:22.400 You are capable of more than you've discovered. 00:32:22.559 --> 00:32:26.480 And together, we're gonna find out just how much.