Full Transcript for Navigating The School System & Advocating For My Child

stuffed toy, she would not sleep. 00:04:20.720 --> 00:04:26.319 And I would most likely end up having to go back to my sister's to pick Amelia up because she would not sleep over. 00:04:27.120 --> 00:04:33.519 And similarly, when Patrick was a baby, he had a little blanket that he became attached to and he couldn't sleep without it. 00:04:33.759 --> 00:04:37.360 Um, but his attachment was a little bit more than just sleeping. 00:04:37.439 --> 00:04:43.199 He had it in the car, he took it everywhere, took it to childcare, took it everywhere with him, and it became like a little security blanket. 00:04:43.279 --> 00:04:48.079 And we know lots and lots of kids, you know, have these security blankets, security items. 00:04:48.319 --> 00:04:52.000 Um, and I guess I just want to unpack why. 00:04:52.240 --> 00:04:55.120 Why do kids get so attached to these things? 00:04:55.360 --> 00:05:07.279 Um, you see the desperate pleas on Facebook sometimes where a mum has lost something at a park or a shopping centre, and you know, they're desperate because even if you replace it with the same thing, it's not the same. 00:05:07.519 --> 00:05:08.399 No, it's not. 00:05:08.720 --> 00:05:09.360 Why? 00:05:09.759 --> 00:05:10.560 Yeah, okay. 00:05:10.720 --> 00:05:15.920 So when a child's born, their first friends are mum and dad, right? 00:05:16.079 --> 00:05:16.240 Yeah. 00:05:16.399 --> 00:05:21.920 And if they've got siblings and you got their siblings as their next point of call for friendships. 00:05:22.079 --> 00:05:30.480 Uh, but outside of the family, their very next friend, I would say, would be that stuffed toy or the the the blanket, right? 00:05:30.560 --> 00:05:35.600 I mean, that's their safety in that, uh, because they're our first friend. 00:05:35.839 --> 00:05:43.120 And I think that that's an important thing to keep in mind is uh they can get overly attached for sure. 00:05:43.279 --> 00:05:43.519 Yeah. 00:05:43.680 --> 00:05:48.879 Uh, but I would say that uh it's an important factor for them from a security perspective. 00:05:49.040 --> 00:05:51.199 It's their best friend, right? 00:05:51.439 --> 00:05:53.600 Nobody wants to go anywhere without their best friend, right? 00:05:53.680 --> 00:06:07.519 And so uh you'd be surprised if you ever if you ever listen closely enough to uh a young child spending time with their their toys, you hear the conversations they have with their toys. 00:06:07.680 --> 00:06:08.720 Yeah, it's actually quite funny. 00:06:08.879 --> 00:06:09.519 It it is. 00:06:09.839 --> 00:06:17.279 Um it's funny how adult they can be with their with their toys, funny enough, and then they speak beyond their ears. 00:06:17.600 --> 00:06:28.639 Um and and you'll hear them speak to that toy or blanket or whatever, and you you hear them talk to them like they're their best friend. 00:06:28.879 --> 00:06:29.839 Yeah, come on, let's go. 00:06:30.000 --> 00:06:30.480 Yeah, yeah. 00:06:30.720 --> 00:06:32.639 Because they are, they are. 00:06:32.959 --> 00:06:37.519 So, you know, if I can't have mum and dad there, what's the next best thing? 00:06:37.680 --> 00:06:43.519 When I could stuff a toy in my bag or I can carry or whatever it is, and and it's all good. 00:06:43.600 --> 00:06:47.040 Um, I'm gonna go everywhere where I can with that toy. 00:06:47.199 --> 00:06:49.120 So yeah, don't underestimate that. 00:06:49.199 --> 00:06:57.120 I know that there have been parents in the past that have been um a bit unsure about allowing their kid to have that. 00:06:57.279 --> 00:06:57.600 Yep. 00:06:57.839 --> 00:07:01.199 And like, I don't want them to get overly attached to it and all this sort of stuff. 00:07:01.279 --> 00:07:02.560 And and I appreciate that. 00:07:02.639 --> 00:07:02.879 I do. 00:07:03.040 --> 00:07:05.920 Yeah, because as a parent, if you lose that thing, you're stuffed. 00:07:06.079 --> 00:07:06.639 Yeah, man. 00:07:06.720 --> 00:07:07.199 Yeah. 00:07:07.439 --> 00:07:12.959 But at the same time, I think uh initially it'd be a good it's a good thing. 00:07:13.120 --> 00:07:14.560 It's a good thing to have. 00:07:14.800 --> 00:07:18.079 Uh treat it like a best friend, you know. 00:07:18.480 --> 00:07:27.839 Um it's always interesting when you know your child comes over with their stuffed touring and they say, Oh, dad, you know, what what does it mean? 00:07:27.920 --> 00:07:28.480 They got Lammy. 00:07:28.639 --> 00:07:30.160 Lammy, yeah, you gotta say a lot to Lammy. 00:07:30.240 --> 00:07:32.160 If you call Lammy a him, she tells you off. 00:07:32.319 --> 00:07:33.360 Lammy the girl. 00:07:33.680 --> 00:07:34.720 Yes, yeah. 00:07:34.959 --> 00:07:41.759 Um, so they yeah, they um you've got to talk to them, you've got to communicate with them. 00:07:41.839 --> 00:07:52.959 It's um, you know, it's a it can be a good thing too, because you can actually um go back into your younger years and play play it out. 00:07:53.199 --> 00:07:55.920 I think it's a really cool thing. 00:07:56.160 --> 00:07:58.240 Um, but yeah, that that'd be what it is. 00:07:58.319 --> 00:08:07.199 I mean, I I think it's just them being that this is my best friend and uh I don't want to go anywhere without my best friend and yeah, I loved my best friend. 00:08:07.439 --> 00:08:15.120 So is is there a a time or an age where um that should be weaned out or they wean that out themselves? 00:08:15.439 --> 00:08:18.639 I reckon they'll they'll grow out of it, personally. 00:08:19.040 --> 00:08:21.920 Uh, and I reckon they'll grow out of it when they're ready. 00:08:22.079 --> 00:08:22.399 Yeah. 00:08:22.639 --> 00:08:29.120 Um also think that the kids are a little bit more stable with their friendship groups at schools and stuff like that. 00:08:29.279 --> 00:08:32.320 I think that that uh accelerates that process. 00:08:32.559 --> 00:08:39.440 There are times when uh I've even seen our children forget about that best friend, that that toy. 00:08:39.679 --> 00:08:50.720 They'll come home, they'll

mess around, do whatever it is they're doing, um, and then they'll go to bed, and then you look on the table, you look on the couch, and there's that stuffed toy. 00:08:51.039 --> 00:08:53.440 And they haven't asked for it. 00:08:53.600 --> 00:08:53.919 Yeah. 00:08:54.080 --> 00:08:56.159 So that's kind of the start of the process. 00:08:56.399 --> 00:08:56.879 I think so. 00:08:57.039 --> 00:09:07.600 I think that yeah, that the but if they're sleeping over in a foreign, like my sister's place, just not a regular thing, that then becomes a real click, like a clinch when they have to have it. 00:09:07.840 --> 00:09:08.799 Yeah, I think so. 00:09:08.960 --> 00:09:10.720 I mean it's not their environment. 00:09:10.960 --> 00:09:11.919 And we're not there with them. 00:09:12.159 --> 00:09:14.000 Yeah, as parents, we're not there with them. 00:09:14.159 --> 00:09:18.080 Uh so it's uh it's an important factor for the child. 00:09:18.480 --> 00:09:25.519 And you know, I mean, if you're a parent, you've had to deal with this before, you you you lose that toy, it's on. 00:09:25.600 --> 00:09:26.960 Yeah, it's on. 00:09:27.120 --> 00:09:31.600 Um, I remember one time, you know, Patrick had a blanket that he wanted. 00:09:31.840 --> 00:09:34.720 Um yeah, he had he had two of the same blanket. 00:09:34.960 --> 00:09:35.679 Yeah, yep. 00:09:35.919 --> 00:09:37.440 And the blanket was huge. 00:09:37.679 --> 00:09:45.360 Yeah, and then one wore out the other one fell to shit or something like that. 00:09:45.600 --> 00:09:47.440 I'll I'll fill the gaps for you because you're shit. 00:09:47.600 --> 00:09:47.840 Yeah, yeah. 00:09:48.240 --> 00:09:50.159 There were two, and it was quite large. 00:09:50.320 --> 00:09:59.519 We kept one at home and the other one that because it used to um either bite or or um rub the ends, and it and the corners started to fall apart. 00:09:59.759 --> 00:10:16.000 And um, my mum essentially what she did was she cut the blanket into four squares and sewed each of the corners so then those little blankets could go to childcare with him instead of this massive blanket being carried around into the sand and got it got filthy. 00:10:16.159 --> 00:10:16.559 Yeah. 00:10:16.799 --> 00:10:17.759 So yeah. 00:10:17.919 --> 00:10:19.360 So there was a way around it. 00:10:19.519 --> 00:10:19.840 Yeah. 00:10:20.000 --> 00:10:21.759 Um and you know what? 00:10:21.919 --> 00:10:23.519 It didn't take him long to grow out of that. 00:10:23.679 --> 00:10:26.000 No, but it's funny because we still have it. 00:10:26.080 --> 00:10:32.639 Um, it's in a cupboard somewhere, and when we moved, it came out, and Patrick still recognized of what it was. 00:10:32.799 --> 00:10:33.840 Yeah, he didn't need it. 00:10:33.919 --> 00:10:35.840 And he's like, Well, why have we still kept that? 00:10:36.000 --> 00:10:37.840 But he instantly recognized. 00:10:38.080 --> 00:10:42.480 And I actually still have a teddy from when I was a kid in my wardrobe. 00:10:42.639 -->

00:10:44.000 Yeah, I've never thrown it away. 00:10:44.240 --> 00:10:45.120 She still sleeps with it. 00:10:45.279 --> 00:10:46.960 I do not fucking sleep with it. 00:10:47.120 --> 00:10:48.080 I still have it. 00:10:48.320 --> 00:11:01.120 And I I still remember when I was a kid, um my sister and I were fighting over it and used to have wings, like it was this little teddy, brown teddy that had wings, and we're fighting it, and she pulled the wings off. 00:11:01.840 --> 00:11:07.120 And look, I don't remember a lot when I was little, but that is very distinct in my memory. 00:11:07.279 --> 00:11:07.600 Yeah. 00:11:07.919 --> 00:11:12.720 Because that was my teddy, that was my um security blanket. 00:11:13.840 --> 00:11:14.320 Yeah. 00:11:14.559 --> 00:11:17.759 And then you grew out of it kind of because you still sleep with it. 00:11:17.840 --> 00:11:30.639 But um, but yeah, like I said, I think that once you go to school, the friendship groups that you create, I think they replace that and give you a bit more stability. 00:11:31.039 --> 00:11:34.799 Uh when you're little, the the stability is a little different. 00:11:35.039 --> 00:11:41.679 Um, yes, you still can lean on mum and dad, but mum and dad got to work and mum and dad got to run around and do a whole bunch of different things. 00:11:41.840 --> 00:11:47.919 And the the child kind of um will sometimes have to do things on their own. 00:11:48.159 --> 00:11:53.679 Uh, you know, they'll have to play on their own, they'll have to keep themselves occupied by themselves. 00:11:53.759 --> 00:11:58.159 And uh that that toy uh is a big part of it. 00:11:58.559 --> 00:11:58.799 Yeah. 00:11:59.440 --> 00:12:06.879 So heads up for parents out there that if you're buying something as a security that they're going to sleep with, buy a few. 00:12:07.120 --> 00:12:07.360 Yeah. 00:12:07.840 --> 00:12:08.799 That are very similar, yeah. 00:12:08.960 --> 00:12:14.720 They're very similar because if you lose one, hopefully you can replace it and it looks exactly the same. 00:12:14.879 --> 00:12:16.480 Um, because yeah, it's tough. 00:12:16.639 --> 00:12:21.440 It's tough to then try and replace that security thing and they get quite grumpy. 00:12:21.600 --> 00:12:23.600 If you can't find it, can't replace it. 00:12:23.919 --> 00:12:24.240 100%. 00:12:24.480 --> 00:12:24.720 Yep. 00:12:24.960 --> 00:12:25.200 100%. 00:12:25.600 --> 00:12:25.840 Okay. 00:12:26.000 --> 00:12:28.879 So if they have that security thing, don't be so alarmed. 00:12:28.960 --> 00:12:30.720 They will eventually grow out of it themselves. 00:12:31.039 --> 00:12:32.080 Yes, yes. 00:12:32.240 --> 00:12:33.440 Um, yeah. 00:12:33.679 --> 00:12:40.960 I think uh I think most parents know that, but uh in the moment it's really tough to remember that. 00:12:41.279 --> 00:12:41.600 It is. 00:12:41.759 --> 00:12:48.240 Well, you know, I had to turn around on a freeway, find the next exit, and come all the way home to pick up the the toy because I knew exactly what it would be like. 00:12:48.639 --> 00:12:54.159 And I wanted her to have a good experience, like you know, for at a cousin's house rather than a real shit one because she didn't have a teddy. 00:12:54.240 --> 00:12:55.120 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 00:12:55.200 --> 00:12:55.679 Yeah. 00:12:55.840 --> 00:12:56.480 Yeah. 00:12:56.960 --> 00:12:58.240 So, all right. 00:12:58.559 --> 00:13:00.879 What's our topic for today? 00:13:01.200 --> 00:13:03.279 Uh, navigating the school system. 00:13:03.600 --> 00:13:04.960 Navigating the school system. 00:13:05.120 --> 00:13:05.360 Yeah. 00:13:05.600 --> 00:13:10.000 We had we had issues with this um with with one of our children. 00:13:10.240 --> 00:13:14.000 Um and I have worked in schools. 00:13:14.639 --> 00:13:16.720 Uh what a mess. 00:13:16.960 --> 00:13:17.679 Yeah, it is. 00:13:17.759 --> 00:13:26.960 I mean, as a parent, when you your first child goes to school, you really have no idea and you rely so much on the school to give you information um because you don't know what to expect. 00:13:27.120 --> 00:13:32.879 Um, when your second comes along, you kind of have more of an idea, and the more kids that you have go through the system, the less you actually care. 00:13:33.120 --> 00:13:40.879 Um so, yes, our experience with Patrick going to school for the first time was a bloody whirlwind. 00:13:40.960 --> 00:13:42.399 I mean, he was a handful as it was. 00:13:42.559 --> 00:13:43.200 Yeah, he was. 00:13:43.519 --> 00:13:44.480 Absolute handful. 00:13:44.960 --> 00:13:49.200 Um, to the point where he would just couldn't even sit down. 00:13:49.840 --> 00:13:57.200 But in his first week, it was extremely challenging where he was vis physically attacked by a parent in the yard. 00:13:58.559 --> 00:14:00.879 And that was full on. 00:14:01.039 --> 00:14:02.000 That was full on. 00:14:02.080 --> 00:14:07.440 And it was actually, it's actually very concerning that an adult physically assault a kid. 00:14:07.679 --> 00:14:13.120 When we say physically assault, we don't mean the uh the overarching physical assault. 00:14:13.279 --> 00:14:20.720 We're talking a parent uh pushed it, a child pushed our child over and has stood over and then punched him a couple of times. 00:14:20.960 --> 00:14:22.720 Um that's still pretty bad, Luke. 00:14:22.960 --> 00:14:27.039 Yes, but you know, when people say assault, I he he, you know, somebody pushed him. 00:14:27.120 --> 00:14:27.279 Yeah. 00:14:27.440 --> 00:14:32.320 Yeah, and I'm I legit mean he actually got legitimately assaulted. 00:14:32.399 --> 00:14:32.639 Yeah. 00:14:32.799 --> 00:14:35.840 Um, which was pretty full-on grey prep for a parent to do that. 00:14:36.000 --> 00:14:37.759 Yeah, first week of great prep. 00:14:37.919 --> 00:14:45.679 And the backstory was that um Patrick and this parent's son um were pushing and shoving in the playground. 00:14:45.759 --> 00:14:47.919 And they both got suspended. 00:14:48.159 --> 00:14:49.039

They both got suspended. 00:14:49.200 --> 00:14:50.399 Yeah, they both got suspended. 00:14:50.480 --> 00:14:57.120 Um, but apparently it's quite normal for kids, especially boys, to come to a you know, a primary school. 00:14:57.200 --> 00:14:59.440 And it's all about finding your feet, finding your friends. 00:14:59.679 --> 00:15:00.399 They're finding your place. 00:15:00.879 --> 00:15:02.240 Finding your place in the school. 00:15:02.480 --> 00:15:11.440 Um, so you know, obviously you don't ever want your child pushing and hurting another child, but then you don't, as a parent, you don't go take it out on the other kid as well. 00:15:11.679 --> 00:15:14.080 Like that boundary was completely crossed. 00:15:14.399 --> 00:15:19.200 So we got kind of thrown into the deep end going, okay, how do we navigate this? 00:15:20.080 --> 00:15:26.799 And my first concern was I don't ever want that parent around that school or around my son ever again. 00:15:27.919 --> 00:15:31.279 Um, and I really had no idea what to do. 00:15:32.000 --> 00:15:40.399 Well, the story and then went on because then it was like, uh, you know, you can imagine the trauma that the poor kid's gone through. 00:15:40.480 --> 00:15:40.720 Yeah. 00:15:40.879 --> 00:15:45.919 And then it's the then it's like, oh, the school's answer to that was to go get him tested. 00:15:46.080 --> 00:15:46.399 Yeah. 00:15:46.480 --> 00:15:56.080 And you know, I I work with a lot of people that have children in similar situations that need to be tested, cognitive assessments and all this sort of jargon, right? 00:15:56.480 --> 00:15:57.360 And they're all good. 00:15:57.519 --> 00:16:04.399 They are all the assessments are good, but they kind of get bullied into getting them done for lots of different reasons. 00:16:04.480 --> 00:16:08.639 But in our case, uh I pushed him into getting it done. 00:16:08.799 --> 00:16:10.320 Yeah, they wanted a diagnosis. 00:16:10.559 --> 00:16:12.159 They wanted it because they wanted funding. 00:16:12.240 --> 00:16:12.480 Yeah. 00:16:12.639 --> 00:16:14.240 And just like everybody else. 00:16:14.399 --> 00:16:29.679 Uh, and then uh I remember we took him in to get the assessment done just to tick the box, really, because I knew at the time that he wasn't gonna get as any sort of diagnosis, really. 00:16:30.080 --> 00:16:35.759 Uh, and the it was really funny, we actually had a very good psychologist do it. 00:16:35.840 --> 00:16:36.080 Yeah. 00:16:36.240 --> 00:16:38.320 Uh, older lady, very good. 00:16:38.399 --> 00:16:44.080 Uh, in the past, the dealings I've had with psychologists in this space was not great. 00:16:44.240 --> 00:16:46.000 Uh, but this lady was really good. 00:16:46.080 --> 00:16:48.960 And then she's like, There's something not right with these results. 00:16:49.200 --> 00:16:50.799 And I said, Explain it to me. 00:16:50.960 --> 00:16:57.759 And she said, Well, then the results are so inconclusive, I can't make any sort of judgment on anything. 00:16:58.000 --> 00:16:59.039 I need more history. 00:16:59.200 --> 00:16:59.440 Yeah. 00:16:59.600 --> 00:17:03.279 Like, because literally they go on a session or two sessions. 00:17:03.519 --> 00:17:04.720 Two sessions, so two sessions. 00:17:04.799 --> 00:17:06.319 They don't have any history and nothing. 00:17:06.400 --> 00:17:11.359 They they do testing in the sessions and they make their diagnosis, which I don't particularly agree with, but that's not my field. 00:17:11.680 --> 00:17:16.240 To me, like I think that the assessment should start with the history first. 00:17:16.559 --> 00:17:20.319 In this case, it didn't, it might have changed, but in this case it didn't. 00:17:20.640 --> 00:17:23.920 And then she's like, you know, this doesn't make sense. 00:17:24.240 --> 00:17:25.680 Too many things are inconclusive. 00:17:25.759 --> 00:17:27.200 There's no definitive anything. 00:17:27.359 --> 00:17:28.880 Um, what do we do? 00:17:29.119 --> 00:17:30.880 Tell me, tell me more about his history. 00:17:31.119 --> 00:17:34.720 Then we explain a couple of different things that had happened for the poor kid. 00:17:34.960 --> 00:17:40.559 And uh uh she's like, Oh, well, that makes sense. 00:17:41.039 --> 00:17:43.599 Of course, this poor kid can't do this, you know. 00:17:43.680 --> 00:17:46.160 He can't sit still, he he's he's jumping around. 00:17:46.319 --> 00:17:58.880 He's he's he he was essentially having what's called an amygdala hijack, where his uh the uh uh survival part of his brain, man, that took a lot to get out of my head, right? 00:17:58.960 --> 00:18:05.039 Yeah, survival part of his brain uh was had kicked in and in overdrive, and he couldn't manage. 00:18:05.200 --> 00:18:08.000 Um, so learning is off when that happens. 00:18:08.240 --> 00:18:11.839 And so she's like, Okay, this is the sort of things he needs. 00:18:12.240 --> 00:18:27.119 We went and sourced work uh that work from elsewhere, and what was really interesting um and difficult for me was when I was a kid, same sort of thing happened for me. 00:18:27.279 --> 00:18:29.279 I was a little older, I was in grade three. 00:18:29.759 --> 00:18:37.279 Um, my younger cousin, who was in grade prep, I think at the time, got hit by this kid that was my age. 00:18:37.599 --> 00:18:40.079 So I give that kid a hide, a kick, all right? 00:18:40.240 --> 00:18:41.920 Uh as you do, growing up in Brody. 00:18:42.240 --> 00:18:43.680 Yeah, Brussels just a hiding. 00:18:43.839 --> 00:18:46.079 Yeah, and then uh well, it was in grade three. 00:18:46.319 --> 00:18:50.160 Um then go to school on the Monday. 00:18:50.400 --> 00:18:51.759 So this happens on a weekend. 00:18:51.839 --> 00:18:57.039 So go to school on a Monday, and his mum, this kid's mum, chases me around school. 00:18:57.359 --> 00:19:03.599 And with his with his with her sister, so the the kid's auntie, they're chasing me around school. 00:19:03.759 --> 00:19:15.200 And I'm running away from the kid, the mum, and I run

straight into the auntie who locks my arms back, pins me back, and then mom comes running over and punches me fair square right between the ice. 00:19:15.519 --> 00:19:18.480 Um, and there's blood everywhere from my nose and whatever I couldn't see. 00:19:18.559 --> 00:19:19.759 I was all I was in all sorts of trouble. 00:19:22.160 --> 00:19:31.039 But either way, um, back then they didn't do assessments or anything, and uh, but uh my learning was just gone, right? 00:19:31.680 --> 00:19:40.000 Um, and then uh so we take our son to go get some support from a friend of ours, she's very, very good. 00:19:40.160 --> 00:19:49.440 Um her name's Lynn McCall, and she she does some work with Patrick, does some brain function stuff with him, um, which was excellent. 00:19:49.599 --> 00:19:55.680 And then she just looks at me and she goes, You know that we're gonna have to do work on you too. 00:19:56.079 --> 00:19:57.279 Like, what do you mean? 00:19:57.519 --> 00:20:06.720 She's like, Well, uh, he's picking up on you, watching you, um, how you experienced the world, um, and a whole bunch of different things. 00:20:06.799 --> 00:20:08.640 And I'm like, Are you sure? 00:20:08.880 --> 00:20:10.960 I didn't know how to take that at the time. 00:20:11.119 --> 00:20:13.119 Um, and then she's like, Yeah. 00:20:13.359 --> 00:20:18.480 So I ended up doing nine sessions with her, and we did a whole lot of different stuff. 00:20:18.559 --> 00:20:19.599 Oh my god, it was a lot. 00:20:19.759 --> 00:20:22.319 This is all the kind of stuff that you're learning now through uni, isn't it? 00:20:22.559 --> 00:20:23.759 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 00:20:24.000 --> 00:20:26.319 Um, I don't think you can call it uni. 00:20:26.880 --> 00:20:28.160 I don't know if you're allowed to. 00:20:28.319 --> 00:20:41.039 Um, but anyway, um, so then uh did uh did these nine sessions with her, and I'm telling you, I did my sessions were three hours, two, two and a half to three hours long. 00:20:41.519 --> 00:20:50.000 And because she was looking after us, and she did in a s in a big way, I was seeing her at like nine o'clock, right? 00:20:50.240 --> 00:20:51.039 At night. 00:20:51.200 --> 00:20:54.640 And so I'm not finishing there again until midnight. 00:20:54.720 --> 00:20:59.759 And there were times here when I would get home, you know, because it's an hour and a half drive to go see her. 00:21:00.079 --> 00:21:03.759 I wouldn't get home until nearly midnight, uh, after midnight, right? 00:21:03.920 --> 00:21:05.279 And it was was massive. 00:21:05.440 --> 00:21:11.839 But what happened was once we took care of my stuff, her stuff, uh, our son's stuff started to settle too. 00:21:12.000 --> 00:21:13.839 And it happened really, really quickly. 00:21:14.160 --> 00:21:20.960 And uh I find I found a similar approach with the parents and children I work with. 00:21:21.200 --> 00:21:27.039 Generally, the parents think that if we take care of my kids' problem, then everything's solved, right? 00:21:27.359 --> 00:21:28.799 But it's where they got that from. 00:21:29.200 --> 00:21:35.519 Some of that stuff could be school related in terms of the friendships and yeah, the school system and all that sort of stuff. 00:21:35.599 --> 00:21:41.519 But uh, a lot of it is to um how the child is picked up on the parent. 00:21:41.759 --> 00:21:49.119 And the more that I've looked into it, the more study I've done around her, because I've logged myself in this area just to prove Ling Lynn wrong. 00:21:49.279 --> 00:21:53.119 And every time I look at her, I've continue to prove her right. 00:21:53.359 --> 00:21:57.599 Um and uh and it's yeah, it's it's been huge. 00:21:57.839 --> 00:21:59.759 Uh, and then when we've taken care of the parent. 00:22:00.240 --> 00:22:02.079 Problem with taking care of the child problem. 00:22:02.160 --> 00:22:02.240 Yeah. 00:22:02.400 --> 00:22:02.720 Organically. 00:22:02.880 --> 00:22:10.000 It's hard to reflect as a parent to see that what you are doing is reflecting or being picked up by your kids organically. 00:22:10.640 --> 00:22:11.200 And you take it. 00:22:11.359 --> 00:22:13.920 Monkey see, monkey do don't ever underestimate that. 00:22:14.240 --> 00:22:16.960 How much you are a barrier to their growth. 00:22:17.119 --> 00:22:17.440 Yep. 00:22:17.920 --> 00:22:19.200 And the school system doesn't see that. 00:22:19.359 --> 00:22:30.000 No, that they see the kid, they see the behavior, and they either have punishment or diagnosis or but even still, you could have the diagnosis and then still get punishment. 00:22:30.160 --> 00:22:30.799 Well, that's true. 00:22:31.119 --> 00:22:32.559 Because consequences there are. 00:22:33.039 --> 00:22:33.359 There are. 00:22:33.440 --> 00:22:38.240 I'm not saying that any kid, you know, doing the wrong thing at school should not have consequences because they need to learn. 00:22:39.119 --> 00:22:41.680 But the consequences are blanket across the board. 00:22:41.839 --> 00:22:42.160 Yeah. 00:22:42.400 --> 00:22:45.200 That's where I get why. 00:22:45.359 --> 00:22:46.000 Yeah. 00:22:46.400 --> 00:22:47.839 But it's not fair. 00:22:48.079 --> 00:22:48.400 Yeah. 00:22:48.720 --> 00:22:50.000 It really isn't. 00:22:50.160 --> 00:22:58.079 Um, but anyway, like and and the schools to their to their credit, they're only really there for the kids. 00:22:58.480 --> 00:23:00.480 But I will say this one thing. 00:23:01.200 --> 00:23:08.960 The school system right now, especially here in Victoria, is not a place of education anymore. 00:23:09.279 --> 00:23:10.319 It is a workplace. 00:23:10.559 --> 00:23:11.920 Well, let's let's park that. 00:23:12.079 --> 00:23:12.160 Yeah. 00:23:12.640 --> 00:23:12.960 Park that. 00:23:13.759 --> 00:23:14.640 Let's start up some trouble. 00:23:15.279 --> 00:23:16.240 Yeah, yeah. 00:23:16.799 --> 00:23:19.359 You know, the strikes at the moment in Victoria are fun. 00:23:19.440 --> 00:23:20.079 Anyway, let's go. 00:23:20.240 --> 00:23:22.240 No,

no, not just the strikes, it's just in general, you know. 00:23:22.640 --> 00:23:23.359 Let's park that. 00:23:23.440 --> 00:23:27.759 Let's let's go back to um to what happened to Patrick and prep. 00:23:28.079 --> 00:23:32.880 So the he gets assaulted by the parent. 00:23:33.039 --> 00:23:37.759 Then there's, you know, him trying to work out is he safe at school? 00:23:38.160 --> 00:23:41.920 There's parent meetings to make sure that Patrick is safe at school. 00:23:42.240 --> 00:23:48.640 That kid, unfortunately, or fortunately, fortunately for that kid, he's not punished and removed from the school because it's not his fault what his parents did. 00:23:48.880 --> 00:23:49.359 It's not his fault. 00:23:49.599 --> 00:23:53.200 It's not his fault what the parent did, but he's also in prep. 00:23:53.359 --> 00:23:55.680 So how's he going to get picked up from school? 00:23:55.839 --> 00:23:59.440 And so all these things are happening in place to make sure Patrick's safe. 00:23:59.599 --> 00:24:00.880 He doesn't see that parent. 00:24:01.039 --> 00:24:04.799 That parent's no longer allowed to come into the school grounds to pick up their kid. 00:24:05.039 --> 00:24:10.799 But we're still dealing with Patrick and him not feeling safe because he's done he still doesn't understand he's a preppy. 00:24:11.119 --> 00:24:12.160 Got no idea. 00:24:12.319 --> 00:24:14.960 Um, and so he's now exhibiting these behaviors. 00:24:15.119 --> 00:24:17.839 So the school's like, well, he's not behaving properly. 00:24:18.000 --> 00:24:20.160 They don't link trauma to behavior. 00:24:20.400 --> 00:24:21.200 No, it's not their job. 00:24:21.359 --> 00:24:21.920 That's not their job. 00:24:22.000 --> 00:24:24.480 So they send they recommend we go and get tested. 00:24:24.559 --> 00:24:27.440 The psychologist is like, well, these results are freaking bullshit. 00:24:27.599 --> 00:24:30.400 I can't do anything, these were these results, no wonder. 00:24:30.640 --> 00:24:31.680 Go and do this. 00:24:31.839 --> 00:24:34.559 In the meantime, the school gets. 00:24:34.720 --> 00:24:36.559 He's not diagnosed with anything. 00:24:36.799 --> 00:24:37.920 So they gave him something. 00:24:38.160 --> 00:24:38.960 Carry on. 00:24:39.200 --> 00:24:40.240 No, they gave him something. 00:24:40.400 --> 00:24:40.640 Yes. 00:24:40.799 --> 00:24:42.319 They gave the school gave him something. 00:24:42.480 --> 00:24:42.640 Yeah. 00:24:43.039 --> 00:24:43.359 Or was it? 00:24:43.440 --> 00:24:44.079 Remember what was good? 00:24:44.319 --> 00:24:46.000 I think they did severe behavior. 00:24:46.240 --> 00:24:47.279 Yeah, severe severe behavior. 00:24:47.519 --> 00:24:50.319 Severe behavior, because he kept acne out because he never felt safe. 00:24:50.480 --> 00:24:51.279 Yeah, yeah. 00:24:51.519 --> 00:24:54.400 Um, and so the school's decided to label him. 00:24:54.559 --> 00:24:56.240 And that is my biggest issue. 00:24:56.400 --> 00:24:58.319 Well they work in labels. 00:24:58.640 --> 00:24:59.200 Yeah, yeah. 00:24:59.359 --> 00:25:02.880 And it was only just the other day that I got the other day. 00:25:02.960 --> 00:25:08.160 I I had to sign something for um uh he's going, oh, I think it was school carnival or whatever. 00:25:08.319 --> 00:25:13.279 And you know, like at the moment everything is on compass, which is great, it's really easy as a parent to navigate. 00:25:13.440 --> 00:25:21.279 Um, and I looked at the diagnosis and it's still frickin' on there for year him in year 10 of something that he got in prep. 00:25:21.440 --> 00:25:22.400 Yep, it will. 00:25:22.720 --> 00:25:23.759 It just follows him. 00:25:24.000 --> 00:25:25.039 And you know what? 00:25:25.279 --> 00:25:26.559 That's the difficult part. 00:25:26.720 --> 00:25:27.279 Yeah. 00:25:27.599 --> 00:25:30.000 Any, and I need everybody to really hear me. 00:25:30.160 --> 00:25:40.640 If you've got a child that uh is going to, you know, on the cusp of being diagnosed with something, understand it will follow them everywhere, everywhere forever. 00:25:40.799 --> 00:25:42.400 It's not going away. 00:25:43.200 --> 00:25:46.079 Um, and that's an official diagnosis. 00:25:46.240 --> 00:25:57.119 Now, with with our son, it it's not necessarily official diagnosis, it's something inside the school system, severe behavior, so they could get funding when he was in primary school. 00:25:57.359 --> 00:26:02.240 Um now, diagnosis is dangerous and they're good. 00:26:02.480 --> 00:26:04.720 It's it's it's it's double and thought, isn't it? 00:26:04.880 --> 00:26:18.720 Yeah, it's a mindfield because uh you want the best for your children, and if you uh get your diagnosis, then you can the school can apply for funding, they can use that funding to get an aid. 00:26:19.200 --> 00:26:27.599 What everybody needs to understand about the AIDS inside schools is that just because you got funding doesn't mean it's for your child. 00:26:27.920 --> 00:26:30.160 Yeah, no, it all gets pulled together. 00:26:30.480 --> 00:26:33.759 So let's just say they see it as an extra resource in the classroom. 00:26:34.000 --> 00:26:38.079 So let's just say you've got a a um a school of a thousand kids. 00:26:38.240 --> 00:26:44.880 Out of the school of a thousand kids, it's probably five percent, maybe a little bit more, that are gonna get funding, right? 00:26:44.960 --> 00:26:46.240 They're gonna qualify for funding. 00:26:46.400 --> 00:26:48.720 Some schools have more than five percent. 00:26:48.960 --> 00:27:04.400 Um if it's a low socioeconomic school, that is we we can uh pretty much say with a high level of certainty there's gonna be a lot of trauma around um the domestic violence. 00:27:04.640 --> 00:27:13.680 Um and then you you also then have uh migrants coming into the country, they'll go to those types of schools, uh, and they yeah, there's heaps of stuff, right? 00:27:13.839 --> 00:27:15.279 There's heaps that there's heaps in that. 00:27:15.359 --> 00:27:18.319 So then uh

they'll they'll get more funding, right? 00:27:18.480 --> 00:27:20.480 Because they'll have more kids that are gonna need it. 00:27:20.640 --> 00:27:27.519 Then all of that money gets pulled into one resource, and then they that's how they pay for the AIDS, right? 00:27:28.240 --> 00:27:36.720 Now they say that when you get your funding, that it equates to this many hours throughout the week, right? 00:27:36.960 --> 00:27:40.160 This many hours of let's just say it was 12 hours, right? 00:27:40.319 --> 00:27:44.160 You get 12 hours of funding per week for support. 00:27:45.039 --> 00:27:46.799 That doesn't always work out that way. 00:27:47.039 --> 00:27:52.079 No, it doesn't, and I'll tell you what, it is just jargon. 00:27:52.160 --> 00:27:52.720 Yeah. 00:27:53.359 --> 00:27:55.279 The kids don't actually get what they need. 00:27:55.440 --> 00:28:00.000 Um, a lot of the time they do, and it's not the aides' fault, it really isn't. 00:28:00.160 --> 00:28:09.200 Um they'll they'll move kids around to uh they'll move the aides around to get the best bang for buck. 00:28:09.279 --> 00:28:09.599 Yeah. 00:28:09.920 --> 00:28:19.200 Um, and uh and that that includes the the kids that are a lot more severe than the others, um, they'll they'll redirect those funds towards them. 00:28:19.359 --> 00:28:34.319 Uh there are times when they'll do the best they can to get that those hours um from the the aides in the classroom, but a lot of time it's not it's not beneficial. 00:28:34.640 --> 00:28:35.519 No, it's not. 00:28:35.759 --> 00:28:44.400 And as a parent, navigating that, it's difficult because you really have no idea um what the role of the aid is. 00:28:44.880 --> 00:28:47.680 Um, and are they actually working with your kid? 00:28:48.160 --> 00:28:49.599 You don't know that at the time. 00:28:49.680 --> 00:28:58.240 You just know, okay, they're being diagnosed with something, it's actually going to benefit your child because it means they get some one-on-one tile with an aid. 00:28:58.480 --> 00:28:59.119 Fantastic. 00:28:59.279 --> 00:28:59.920 But they don't. 00:29:00.160 --> 00:29:03.119 But they don't, and you don't even know what it looks like. 00:29:03.359 --> 00:29:07.039 There's so much that you are not told by the school system. 00:29:07.200 --> 00:29:14.559 And as a parent, if you're not asking questions or trying to hold them accountable, you really don't know what's going on. 00:29:14.720 --> 00:29:22.559 I mean, there was a point there that the school would only call me, even though you were the main contact. 00:29:22.720 --> 00:29:25.359 And the reason why you were the main contact is because you would work locally. 00:29:25.440 --> 00:29:26.240 I worked in the city. 00:29:26.319 --> 00:29:30.960 So anytime anything happened, it'll take me two hours at least to get to the school. 00:29:31.119 --> 00:29:33.279 And I wasn't always able to answer the phone. 00:29:33.440 --> 00:29:34.960 So you were the main contact. 00:29:35.200 --> 00:29:38.160 The problem is you would hold them accountable. 00:29:38.319 --> 00:29:42.480 You would ask so many questions that they stopped calling you. 00:29:42.720 --> 00:29:43.279 Yeah, they did. 00:29:43.440 --> 00:29:45.039 Because they hated dealing with you. 00:29:45.200 --> 00:29:45.519 They did. 00:29:45.680 --> 00:29:49.279 And it wasn't that you were aggressive or anything on the phone to them. 00:29:49.519 --> 00:29:57.039 You just asked them very what they saw, hard questions that tried to hold them accountable to what they do or what was right for my son. 00:29:57.839 --> 00:30:00.480 And when they got me, I was very short on time. 00:30:00.559 --> 00:30:02.559 So it would be, yep, no, yep, no worries. 00:30:02.720 --> 00:30:09.759 So I could hang up the phone and get back to what I was doing, or I had to leave work to get on the train, or then take me an hour and a half, two hours to get there. 00:30:10.000 --> 00:30:12.480 So we're unhappy with as well. 00:30:12.960 --> 00:30:19.200 But I was so time poor that it was better for them to call me because I wouldn't ask the questions. 00:30:19.759 --> 00:30:26.880 So as a parent, I would suggest be more like Luke because it's your kid. 00:30:27.119 --> 00:30:27.440 Yep. 00:30:28.160 --> 00:30:29.119 It's just how you go about it. 00:30:29.359 --> 00:30:29.680 It is. 00:30:29.839 --> 00:30:30.960 And you need somebody to do that. 00:30:31.119 --> 00:30:35.200 And obviously, I relied on Luke because he also knew the school system. 00:30:35.599 --> 00:30:43.039 To a degree at the time, it was a bit difficult, but the the key here is to um to quiz them. 00:30:44.079 --> 00:30:46.960 Uh, if we get the diagnosis, what does that look like? 00:30:47.200 --> 00:30:56.640 They'll always say we don't know because we won't know what he will what what your child will um qualify for because it's a long application process. 00:30:56.720 --> 00:30:59.920 Uh and it's actually quite costly to the individual too, isn't it? 00:31:00.319 --> 00:31:03.039 Like as a parent, don't you have to pay to go and get testing? 00:31:03.279 --> 00:31:03.680 Yeah. 00:31:03.839 --> 00:31:04.400 Yeah, yeah. 00:31:04.799 --> 00:31:06.240 A lot of the testing will be private. 00:31:06.400 --> 00:31:09.039 Um and so that the school doesn't factor that in either. 00:31:09.119 --> 00:31:10.319 They just go go get testing. 00:31:10.559 --> 00:31:14.160 Yeah, and I they they do factor that in. 00:31:14.480 --> 00:31:18.079 They know that uh it it's gonna come at a cost. 00:31:18.160 --> 00:31:44.319 Some of it, I think for some people, depending on whether you got uh whether you receive certain types of benefits from the government, um you might get uh some of it covered um under the under some plans who I actually don't know that 100%, but I I think some of it can be covered, but for the most part, you're getting it done and you're paying for it. 00:31:44.640 --> 00:31:51.200 Most um cognitive assessments and those types of

assessments uh are gonna cost you somewhere between three or four grand. 00:31:52.000 --> 00:32:03.839 Um and then it gets sent to the school as well when it gets sent to you uh and to your GP and then they make assessments from there what they're gonna do. 00:32:04.000 --> 00:32:12.720 Um my thing is you can't have enough meetings with the school. 00:32:13.279 --> 00:32:16.720 So the in in uh Victoria they call them SSGs. 00:32:17.279 --> 00:32:32.960 Um was a student support group, I think it is, SSG, um, where they have you know, your coordinator might be there, the um the well-being team might be there, or somebody representing the well-being team. 00:32:33.119 --> 00:32:40.480 Um, then you might have the the one of the teachers might be there, um, and then the parents are there. 00:32:40.640 --> 00:32:47.920 If there's an external support in some way, they may attend the SSG from time to time, and then they discuss that stuff. 00:32:48.000 --> 00:32:50.240 Like, what does it look like to support the child? 00:32:50.559 --> 00:32:52.400 You can't have enough SSGs. 00:32:52.559 --> 00:33:09.440 What I found in uh in my time at schools is a lot a lot of SSGs aren't attended by the parents um because they and I I just made it my business because I'm a nosy prick. 00:33:09.680 --> 00:33:13.279 Um, I'm like an advocate, you'll be feel the kid. 00:33:13.440 --> 00:33:26.319 Yeah, but I called it, I call the parents and ask them, heck, I made our show to the um the uh SSGs, and um especially at this one particular school that I worked at, and they're like, This is what they would say. 00:33:26.480 --> 00:33:27.680 What's the fucking point? 00:33:27.920 --> 00:33:29.759 You don't fucking listen to me. 00:33:30.000 --> 00:33:50.799 You guys don't fucking understand what we're fucking dealing with, and this is the type of language you're using, and and they're getting really frustrated and really angry because uh all the onus was thrown back onto the parents, all the onus was thrown back on the child, and the schools are the schools are like, Well, this is his behavior, well, this this child's behavior, we're not dealing with it no more. 00:33:50.960 --> 00:33:55.119 You handle it, and it's like how does a parent handle that behavior when they're not even there? 00:33:55.279 --> 00:34:00.480 Yeah, yeah, and and some parents might not even see it because the environment of the school is very different to the environment at home. 00:34:00.720 --> 00:34:00.960 100%. 00:34:01.440 --> 00:34:07.680 And so, you know, in in your case, and for those that don't know, Luke, he worked in high schools, so that's the case. 00:34:07.839 --> 00:34:09.920 Yeah, we worked in one that prepped at 12 too. 00:34:10.079 --> 00:34:24.000 Yeah, so those environments are very different to what Patrick was at from a primary school point of view, and all high schools are different because there's some high schools that you know in different areas as different socioeconomic economics. 00:34:24.239 --> 00:34:34.960 Um so when when the kids become their environment, that is not usually factored in. 00:34:35.199 --> 00:34:44.559 Well, you know what shit is when to your point, is the teachers label the kid the naughty kid, right? 00:34:45.199 --> 00:34:50.639 And as soon as that is labeled, the child will always live up to it. 00:34:51.119 --> 00:34:53.760 Well, if that's who I am, that's who I'm gonna be. 00:34:54.079 --> 00:35:02.719 And that's why I'm really um concerned about the over-prescription of diagnosis right now. 00:35:03.039 --> 00:35:11.039 I feel like the kids are being over-prescribed, and uh because once they get the diagnosis, you hear our olts do this too, man. 00:35:11.360 --> 00:35:23.280 Once something goes wrong, let's just say you've got a person with ADHD, something will blow up, something will happen, and then the person who's got the diagnosis will always say, Oh, that's just my ADHD. 00:35:23.440 --> 00:35:26.480 And they blame the diagnosis for the thing, the behavior. 00:35:26.800 --> 00:35:28.719 And that's why I don't like it. 00:35:29.119 --> 00:35:31.119 Why couldn't you just be a shit person? 00:35:31.440 --> 00:35:32.159 You know what I mean? 00:35:32.320 --> 00:35:39.280 Why can't you just be having you've got something else happening for you, then you had big feelings, and that's okay, this just blew up, right? 00:35:39.440 --> 00:35:40.880 Yeah, cool, you didn't handle well. 00:35:40.960 --> 00:35:41.840 Okay, that's okay. 00:35:41.920 --> 00:35:43.119 Let's work with you, right? 00:35:43.280 --> 00:35:45.440 Yeah, instead of going, oh, that's just my ADHD. 00:35:45.519 --> 00:35:46.800 Fuck that does my heading that bit. 00:35:46.960 --> 00:35:57.920 Yeah, there's there's lots of I was watching something the other day on um the morning shows, and they're talking about the over prescription of is it Ritalin or whatever it is, and it's they're just handing it out like fucking lollipops. 00:35:58.000 --> 00:35:58.320 Yeah, man. 00:35:58.559 --> 00:35:59.280 Skittles, man. 00:35:59.440 --> 00:36:08.559 Yeah, and like you know, the NDIS has to have a massive overhaul because it was never designed um for all these diagnoses, especially ADHD's been added on there. 00:36:09.039 --> 00:36:11.679 I'm not saying that people shouldn't have support in any way. 00:36:11.920 --> 00:36:23.519 100%, but it just seems like an easy option to get a diagnosis, and the schools are funneling people to do that so then they have their supports and they've got labels. 00:36:23.760 --> 00:36:26.559 And like you said, the schools are just pushing it all back. 00:36:26.719 --> 00:36:28.480 Are they actually teaching now? 00:36:29.440 --> 00:36:30.000 Hmm. 00:36:30.320 --> 00:36:36.880 That's a that's a big conversation, but um, especially because I've got friends that are teachers, but I think they're doing the best they can. 00:36:37.199 --> 00:36:37.920 Is it very old? 00:36:38.079 --> 00:36:39.360 It'd

hate to be a teacher. 00:36:39.679 --> 00:36:40.559 You'll be tough. 00:36:40.719 --> 00:36:43.440 Um I I I don't know if it's uh Where are the boundaries? 00:36:43.599 --> 00:36:45.920 I don't know if it's a a full teacher issue. 00:36:46.159 --> 00:36:47.280 I think it's a system issue. 00:36:47.519 --> 00:36:47.920 Yeah, yes. 00:36:48.159 --> 00:36:48.800 It's not a teacher issue. 00:36:49.199 --> 00:36:52.559 Teachers work in that system, so they get told what to do. 00:36:52.719 --> 00:36:53.280 That's right. 00:36:53.440 --> 00:36:57.119 Essentially, and and that's that's where the breakdown I think is. 00:36:57.360 --> 00:37:06.639 Um Well, you know, you were assaulted by it by a student, and a teacher essentially just stood there and waited until the bell went until it's okay, home time now. 00:37:06.800 --> 00:37:16.320 No, no, we're not talking about uh a teacher, we're talking about a leader in the school, in the top-tier leadership. 00:37:16.800 --> 00:37:19.119 Uh it's like, okay, cool, let him go. 00:37:19.360 --> 00:37:27.519 And the whole reason why we were trying to support this kid was because he was about to give another kid a severe hiding, which as Sruzabel went, he did. 00:37:28.480 --> 00:37:31.199 Uh and uh and we could have avoided that. 00:37:31.280 --> 00:37:32.719 But anyway, that's a different conversation. 00:37:32.880 --> 00:37:40.400 But so so for me personally, um uh the school system's a bit overrun. 00:37:40.719 --> 00:37:53.760 And I think the biggest issue is that we've moved away from the times when parent uh where where teachers were held in high regard by the community, right? 00:37:53.920 --> 00:37:58.079 And I I remember, you know, just growing up, because I was a shit kid. 00:37:58.239 --> 00:38:03.440 Um really just when you're a kid, you know what? 00:38:03.679 --> 00:38:05.679 Save your comments to yourself though. 00:38:06.400 --> 00:38:07.199 Call your therapist. 00:38:07.679 --> 00:38:29.760 Now, anyway, um, I would say, yeah, when when I was a kid, the uh if I got into trouble by a teacher, my my parents go off their rocker because they didn't want to be told off by a teacher, you know, and it was really interesting because the um the teachers were held in such high regard. 00:38:30.079 --> 00:38:43.360 Now we're at a point now, and I seriously believe this is the reason why we're at this point, is that we went to we got to a point where it's like okay, the school system uh the the the government says, all right, no more beating up your kids. 00:38:43.519 --> 00:38:44.639 That shit's wrong. 00:38:44.800 --> 00:38:46.239 Stop beating up your kids. 00:38:46.320 --> 00:38:49.280 It's costing us a lot of money to support all the trauma, right? 00:38:49.440 --> 00:38:50.239 And it had to happen. 00:38:50.480 --> 00:38:51.280 Yeah, it had to happen. 00:38:51.760 --> 00:38:55.440 It wasn't discipline that happened to us, we got our asses beat. 00:38:55.599 --> 00:39:01.280 Yeah, I've never been beaten as

much as it did from my parents, right? 00:39:01.519 --> 00:39:05.199 And uh, so you know, they cleaned it up. 00:39:05.360 --> 00:39:07.519 They had to do that, it had to happen. 00:39:07.920 --> 00:39:14.239 But the problem was is that monkey seeing monkey do is so important uh for everybody's development. 00:39:14.400 --> 00:39:30.239 And so then we had a generation or two of parents that didn't know how to parent because they only knew what they knew from what they received from their parents, which was not disciplined, it was an ass kicking, and now it's like, well, I'm not allowed to do that anymore. 00:39:30.320 --> 00:39:30.960 How do I do it? 00:39:31.039 --> 00:39:35.760 Yeah, and then the support that came out after that was fucking ridiculous. 00:39:36.000 --> 00:39:40.159 Oh, you just got to sit down and have equal, it's got to be equal with your child. 00:39:40.320 --> 00:39:41.039 Absolutely not. 00:39:41.199 --> 00:39:43.360 You're the authority, you're not a fucking equal. 00:39:43.440 --> 00:39:43.840 What do you mean? 00:39:44.000 --> 00:39:48.320 Yeah, so kids don't see teachers as the authority, no, because they don't see their parents as an authority. 00:39:48.480 --> 00:39:52.320 Well, what I find interesting is you know, when we were coming through school, it was miss and sir. 00:39:52.719 --> 00:39:59.760 Yeah, now the teachers call their teachers by their first name, yeah, because they're trying to create a friendship style relationship. 00:39:59.920 --> 00:40:00.559 I'm like, what do you mean? 00:40:00.639 --> 00:40:01.199 And guess what? 00:40:01.280 --> 00:40:02.480 Where have you seen that before? 00:40:02.639 --> 00:40:10.159 Fucking at home, yeah, where where the the lack of authority means there's a lack of respect. 00:40:10.400 --> 00:40:19.440 And because we haven't, and this is a big thing that I harp on when I work with clients that are going through this is how to reclaim your authority back as a parent. 00:40:19.599 --> 00:40:35.039 Because you you need it, and once you get it and you um you you you play it out, that child then starts treating all adults with a different level of respect, especially their teachers, right? 00:40:35.440 --> 00:40:50.559 Uh so so you know the system's a bit fucked at the moment, and I'm not just talking about school system, this is the society in general where we don't have enough people, uh enough parents that have authority anymore because that don't know how to do discipline without being physical. 00:40:50.719 --> 00:40:52.960 Um, so yeah, a bit of tough love, man. 00:40:53.039 --> 00:40:53.760 You can give that out. 00:40:53.920 --> 00:40:55.440 Don't have to physically hit anybody. 00:40:55.599 --> 00:40:55.920 No. 00:40:56.239 --> 00:40:58.880 But um, so so that's really where it comes down to. 00:40:59.039 --> 00:41:05.840 So now we've got parents, uh you've got teachers trying to befriend students instead of being an authority. 00:41:06.159 --> 00:41:09.760 And how do they reclaim that back if the parents don't do it? 00:41:09.920 --> 00:41:10.239 No. 00:41:10.559 --> 00:41:11.199 They can't. 00:41:11.360 --> 00:41:11.519 No. 00:41:11.679 --> 00:41:14.559 So as a as a parent, how do you navigate? 00:41:14.800 --> 00:41:17.280 Well, even as a student, how do you navigate that system? 00:41:17.360 --> 00:41:22.320 Because there's lots of students that want to go and learn and they get support from teachers. 00:41:22.480 --> 00:41:32.239 Like, you know, it's funny because when we go to do parent-teacher interviews, there's some teachers that are like, don't even bother, I don't even know why he I don't even know why he turns up because he doesn't apply himself. 00:41:32.400 --> 00:41:33.920 He's not interested. 00:41:34.239 --> 00:41:38.960 But when he is interested in a certain subject, it's they could be the same teacher. 00:41:39.119 --> 00:41:40.159 They could be the same, yes. 00:41:40.320 --> 00:41:51.199 In some instances, what same two one teacher, two different classes, one's like, I don't even know who this kid is, doesn't apply himself, much around, and in any other class, he's an A model student. 00:41:51.599 --> 00:41:53.519 How do I get two different students? 00:41:53.599 --> 00:41:55.440 And it's all comes to do with the subject. 00:41:55.519 --> 00:41:57.440 He hates one subject and he loves the other. 00:41:57.679 --> 00:41:57.920 Yeah. 00:41:58.079 --> 00:42:09.840 Um, but what I find is when he in the in the subject that he is interested in is excelling in, he gets a lot of time and he gets encouraged and he continues to learn. 00:42:10.079 --> 00:42:17.280 When he's but in the shit subject, he's just put in the corner and it's like, well, you don't even you're not trying, so I'm not even going to bother helping you. 00:42:17.440 --> 00:42:18.079 Yeah. 00:42:19.119 --> 00:42:24.960 So with kids, how do they navigate the system? 00:42:25.679 --> 00:42:26.880 How do they navigate the system? 00:42:26.960 --> 00:42:28.320 They're navigating the system right now. 00:42:28.639 --> 00:42:30.480 They're kicking their system's arts, Joe. 00:42:30.719 --> 00:42:32.960 Well, you know, there's there's all different kids, you know. 00:42:33.119 --> 00:42:36.880 Like sometimes Patrick comes home and he tells me about the fights that happened in at school. 00:42:36.960 --> 00:42:39.199 And they're pretty violent, they're pretty bad. 00:42:39.280 --> 00:42:39.599 Yeah. 00:42:39.920 --> 00:42:48.880 And it's all about trying to not get dragged into it and staying out of it and not being keeping your head down, essentially. 00:42:49.039 --> 00:42:49.519 Yeah. 00:42:49.760 --> 00:42:57.840 And if you're a kid that is kind of blends in and I don't know, doesn't get noticed, you're okay. 00:42:57.920 --> 00:43:00.639 But if you're on the cus, how do you navigate that? 00:43:00.719 --> 00:43:03.119 And as a parent, how do you support that? 00:43:04.000 --> 00:43:05.119 Yeah, you know what? 00:43:05.360 -->

00:43:07.280 Because easy to get dragged into that ship. 00:43:07.519 --> 00:43:08.880 I remember going to school. 00:43:09.119 --> 00:43:11.920 Schools felt so much bigger than what they do right now. 00:43:12.239 --> 00:43:14.079 Um what do you mean by that? 00:43:14.480 --> 00:43:15.599 Some of the schools are huge. 00:43:15.840 --> 00:43:17.280 Yeah, but they've got more kids in them. 00:43:18.159 --> 00:43:21.519 Look at one one school I worked at three uh, what was it, 3,000 kids? 00:43:21.679 --> 00:43:22.079 Yeah. 00:43:22.239 --> 00:43:22.639 Right? 00:43:22.800 --> 00:43:24.079 In a small space. 00:43:24.239 --> 00:43:26.480 And it was an actual and you know what? 00:43:26.639 --> 00:43:30.960 You couldn't walk through the schoolyard without bumping into at least 15, 20 kids. 00:43:31.119 --> 00:43:35.280 Like you're gonna actually physically bump into them because there's no space front. 00:43:35.519 --> 00:43:40.559 What I find amazing is that when you were at school, you they what do they call you? 00:43:40.719 --> 00:43:41.039 Tony. 00:43:41.199 --> 00:43:41.920 Yeah, Tony, yeah. 00:43:42.079 --> 00:43:42.880 They called you Tony. 00:43:43.280 --> 00:43:44.800 And why do they call you Tony? 00:43:45.039 --> 00:43:50.320 Uh, because uh it was asked to me what am I gonna do in my first two weeks at the school? 00:43:50.400 --> 00:43:53.119 And I'm like, well, how many kids are you guys seeing at the moment? 00:43:53.440 --> 00:43:54.400 Like 130. 00:43:54.639 --> 00:43:58.800 I gotta do we we gotta see out of a school of 3,000, right? 00:43:58.960 --> 00:43:59.519 Between six. 00:44:00.159 --> 00:44:01.199 Seven of us, right? 00:44:01.360 --> 00:44:05.039 We need to be supporting, triple that, right? 00:44:05.519 --> 00:44:11.920 So in the first two weeks, what I did was I went and stood in front of one of the coordinator's offices and just stood there recessing lunchtime. 00:44:12.079 --> 00:44:12.960 So you were present? 00:44:13.199 --> 00:44:13.840 I was present. 00:44:13.920 --> 00:44:16.239 And then the kids would it was really funny. 00:44:16.320 --> 00:44:19.039 This one kid walks over and he's just standing next to me. 00:44:19.199 --> 00:44:26.559 And he's shaping up against me, like checking out my muscles, or then checking his muscles, and he's looking and he's trying to stand like I was. 00:44:26.800 --> 00:44:28.159 And I'm like, You're out there, bud? 00:44:28.320 --> 00:44:30.960 And he's like, Yeah, man, what's your name? 00:44:31.199 --> 00:44:32.320 I go, it's Luke. 00:44:32.480 --> 00:44:35.039 And he goes, Nah, Tony, bro. 00:44:35.199 --> 00:44:36.320 I'm like, what do you mean? 00:44:36.559 --> 00:44:38.000 Go nah, I'm pretty sure. 00:44:38.159 --> 00:44:38.880 I know my name. 00:44:38.960 --> 00:44:39.440 It's Luke. 00:44:39.519 --> 00:44:40.079 Nah, man. 00:44:40.159 --> 00:44:40.480 Tony. 00:44:40.559 --> 00:44:41.840 I go, how do you come over, Tony? 00:44:42.000 --> 00:44:43.119 Tony Soprano. 00:44:43.280 --> 00:44:45.519 Oh, you're a gangster, sir. 00:44:45.599 --> 00:44:46.239 You're a gangster. 00:44:46.400 --> 00:44:48.639 I just like whatever, buddy, whatever, man. 00:44:49.039 --> 00:44:50.639 And off he goes, he runs off. 00:44:50.880 --> 00:44:52.400 Funny, you could have your cigars through, doesn't it? 00:44:53.360 --> 00:44:54.079 Funny as, man. 00:44:54.159 --> 00:44:55.440 Anyway, so the kid runs off. 00:44:55.599 --> 00:44:57.440 And then so that was at a recess. 00:44:57.519 --> 00:45:06.159 And then at that day, lunchtime, there was at least 50 kids standing around me, shaping up against me, trying to check out how big they are by comparison to how big I was. 00:45:06.320 --> 00:45:09.039 And we're having funny chats with all these kids. 00:45:09.119 --> 00:45:12.800 And then there was a massive Islander group that came over and started chatting. 00:45:12.960 --> 00:45:14.000 They were really good kids. 00:45:14.079 --> 00:45:15.599 All of them were great kids. 00:45:15.760 --> 00:45:23.840 Uh, and I I tell you now that my caseload extended beyond what seven were doing before. 00:45:24.000 --> 00:45:31.599 So what they were doing at 130, I'm pretty sure my caseload from was roughly 160, 170 by the time I finished there. 00:45:32.000 --> 00:45:42.639 Um, and you were dealing with kids that fit all over the place, kids that didn't know where they fit, kids that would excel, kids that are common at home, troubled kids, people that would start fights. 00:45:42.800 --> 00:45:46.400 You like you saw them all and you had the respect of them all. 00:45:46.480 --> 00:45:46.880 Yep. 00:45:47.039 --> 00:45:49.679 And that was because you were present and you just listened to them. 00:45:49.840 --> 00:45:51.280 No, I treated them like humans, man. 00:45:51.360 --> 00:45:51.679 Yeah. 00:45:51.920 --> 00:45:57.199 I didn't uh uh there were boundaries for sure, but they knew them. 00:45:57.280 --> 00:46:03.360 Yeah, and I didn't want to overstep them because it was a luxury to get time with somebody like me. 00:46:03.599 --> 00:46:11.440 It wasn't just me, there were other teachers in the school that were very similar, and they they it was a luxury to get time with you because I mean you think about it. 00:46:11.679 --> 00:46:14.960 At one point I was seeing 25, 30 kids in a day, right? 00:46:15.039 --> 00:46:23.840 In inside the the six, seven hours that you're out of school, it there were kids who were waiting for me before they would wait for me in a car park. 00:46:24.079 --> 00:46:30.960 And oh, you parked a car and they're talking to you all the way to your office, and then they're talking to you while you're still setting up for the morning. 00:46:31.119 --> 00:46:36.639 Um, and I used to get to work real early because I like to be set up and be prepared to hit the day. 00:46:36.960 --> 00:46:39.840 Um, and then even after school, it was full on. 00:46:40.400 --> 00:46:42.639 It was a luxury, so they respected it a little differently.

00:46:42.719 --> 00:46:52.719 There were still times when you know we we butt heads a little bit because somebody would overstep the boundaries, but then the the key for that is we hit the reset button tomorrow. 00:46:53.360 --> 00:46:54.880 It is completely that's gone. 00:46:55.440 --> 00:46:56.719 I don't worry about it anymore. 00:46:56.800 --> 00:46:58.320 I'm not gonna drag it over. 00:46:58.480 --> 00:47:03.440 Um so if you're a parent and you're worried about your kid at school, what would you advise them? 00:47:03.760 --> 00:47:05.760 I would advise them. 00:47:07.360 --> 00:47:08.639 Advise the parent or the child? 00:47:08.880 --> 00:47:09.199 The parent. 00:47:09.440 --> 00:47:10.079 Well, either. 00:47:10.639 --> 00:47:12.639 There's probably different advice for different yeah. 00:47:13.039 --> 00:47:15.039 So as a parent, what would you advise a parent? 00:47:15.360 --> 00:47:18.480 I would say to them, show up to the SSGs. 00:47:18.800 --> 00:47:20.320 Show up to the SSG. 00:47:20.880 --> 00:47:23.920 Um, make sure you have meetings with the right people. 00:47:24.239 --> 00:47:26.559 Um, coordinators are always good. 00:47:26.800 --> 00:47:29.360 And I would always link in well-being. 00:47:29.599 --> 00:47:30.079 Always. 00:47:30.480 --> 00:47:38.400 Even though some well-being teams aren't quite at the level that we would want them to be at because they're they're stretched. 00:47:38.639 --> 00:47:43.679 Um, I would always request well-being to be involved and someone from school leadership. 00:47:44.000 --> 00:47:47.840 And make sure that you get minutes of the meetings. 00:47:47.920 --> 00:47:48.159 Yeah. 00:47:48.320 --> 00:47:52.159 So you've got something to follow through with and it is an action plan in place. 00:47:52.480 --> 00:47:56.719 Um now you have to make sure you follow through on your end, right? 00:47:56.880 --> 00:47:58.320 Do your but your bit. 00:47:58.719 --> 00:48:02.400 Um, and some of that will be you may need skill building. 00:48:02.480 --> 00:48:13.199 So you might need to go into a program or you might need to go see a counselor or somebody like that, that you're going to need to build up your own skills because you've got the the you've got gaps, right? 00:48:13.360 --> 00:48:14.639 Which is fair enough. 00:48:15.039 --> 00:48:20.400 Parenting isn't easy, it's the toughest job in the world, and we're not really prepared for it sometimes. 00:48:20.639 --> 00:48:29.679 Um, I I would always suggest to every single parent try the natural way first. 00:48:30.159 --> 00:48:32.159 So once you know, get in there, mate. 00:48:32.320 --> 00:48:32.639 Come on. 00:48:32.880 --> 00:48:34.239 Oh, mate, just shut up, mate. 00:48:34.320 --> 00:48:36.079 Well, you got a hot day, can hurry up. 00:48:36.159 --> 00:48:36.960 Yeah, well, come on. 00:48:37.360 --> 00:48:42.639 So for me, um, I would say try the natural thing first. 00:48:42.719 --> 00:48:47.920 So when the school says to you and you need diagnosis, we need to go get in test, get your child tested, all this sort of stuff. 00:48:48.079 --> 00:48:57.360 Uh, you can do that, but there are natural remedies to support kids before diagnosis needs to be done. 00:48:57.519 --> 00:49:12.159 I've got a I've got a client at the moment who's um like the school's like, wow, we need to get um a diagnosis so we can get the speech pathology stuff in uh at a more regular basis. 00:49:12.559 --> 00:49:18.000 And I uh I said to the the parent comes to me and he's like, Oh, what do we do? 00:49:18.320 --> 00:49:21.760 I said, Well, we do some brain function work. 00:49:22.000 --> 00:49:22.320 Really? 00:49:22.480 --> 00:49:22.880 Yeah, yeah. 00:49:23.599 --> 00:49:42.000 And I so we test him, and there did there are tests that you can do, physical tests um and assessments, and you can see that this poor kid got zero balance, zero balance, which tells us that he's having an amygdala hijack, can't stand at his own two feet, uh, especially with his eyes closed. 00:49:42.079 --> 00:49:43.119 The poor kid's falling all over place. 00:49:43.440 --> 00:49:43.840 Cool, cool. 00:49:43.920 --> 00:49:45.199 So let's do some work on that. 00:49:45.360 --> 00:49:46.159 Do some work on that. 00:49:46.320 --> 00:49:52.719 Now this kid all of a sudden has got some uh narrower focus, isn't able to uh manage himself in a classroom differently. 00:49:53.280 --> 00:49:53.599 Right. 00:49:53.760 --> 00:49:56.000 So we can dump that that whole thing. 00:49:56.079 --> 00:49:58.000 So always try the natural thing first. 00:49:58.079 --> 00:50:00.079 You just gotta be really careful where you go to get that. 00:50:01.440 --> 00:50:02.400 A parent wouldn't even think of that. 00:50:02.559 --> 00:50:09.760 And that's that's a bit yeah, no, because you know, we're in a society which tells us that um you have to go to a psychologist for everything. 00:50:09.920 --> 00:50:18.239 Um, and although they're very good, uh, because I'm not disrespecting psychologists, gotta be ready for psychology too, though. 00:50:18.639 --> 00:50:21.119 They have to be ready for it, they really do. 00:50:21.519 --> 00:50:25.679 And talk therapy is not for everybody because they're not ready for it. 00:50:25.920 --> 00:50:27.599 So just be mindful of that too. 00:50:27.760 --> 00:50:33.840 Um, there are some body-based intervention stuff that I suggest everybody do does before you do that. 00:50:34.079 --> 00:50:41.199 Okay, so that that's a parent of how to um get involved if your child is already part of a process. 00:50:41.440 --> 00:50:45.280 What if you're worried about your child that isn't even on the well-being radar? 00:50:45.519 --> 00:50:47.840 Yeah, a lot of kids won't be on the well-being radar. 00:50:48.159 --> 00:50:52.320 So, as a parent, what do you do and how do you navigate the school system to support them? 00:50:52.719 --> 00:50:56.800 Navigating the school system really depends on what's going on for the child, right? 00:50:57.119 -->

00:51:06.559 Um But in most cases, look, if they're not on a well-being radar and they just if it's behavioral, why are they having that behavioral stuff? 00:51:06.800 --> 00:51:08.800 The school will never be able to answer that. 00:51:09.039 --> 00:51:10.800 They won't because they don't know. 00:51:10.960 --> 00:51:14.800 They're seeing that they can't control the behavior, so they'll blame the behavior. 00:51:14.880 --> 00:51:15.199 Yeah. 00:51:15.360 --> 00:51:15.760 Right. 00:51:16.000 --> 00:51:22.079 So then it's like, okay, well, what is the motivator for the behavior? 00:51:22.320 --> 00:51:30.159 You'll be surprised how many kids are actually bored in school because they understand the work and it's like this is boring. 00:51:30.320 --> 00:51:31.920 So they don't apply, right? 00:51:32.079 --> 00:51:33.760 There's just quite a few of them. 00:51:33.920 --> 00:51:46.000 You also will find um that if they're not settled, the behavior is a cry for something, but they don't know what it is, right? 00:51:46.719 --> 00:51:53.760 Uh there are kids there that will come into school and that it's the safest place for them, right? 00:51:53.920 --> 00:51:58.880 One time we got this kid that just showed up at the school, hardly ever comes to school, right? 00:51:59.440 --> 00:52:04.320 Now he shows up, it's 7:30 in the morning, seven o'clock in the morning, something like that. 00:52:04.400 --> 00:52:08.000 Got there got to work early, like I said, and this kid's standing there. 00:52:08.320 --> 00:52:09.840 And like, yo, what's going on? 00:52:10.079 --> 00:52:11.440 Haven't seen you in months, man. 00:52:11.519 --> 00:52:12.079 Where you been? 00:52:12.159 --> 00:52:13.599 We've been trying to get a hold of you. 00:52:13.760 --> 00:52:16.639 And he's like, Nah, hit the pipe, bro. 00:52:16.800 --> 00:52:18.639 I'm like, okay, you okay? 00:52:18.880 --> 00:52:21.199 And he starts bawling his eyes out, right? 00:52:22.079 --> 00:52:25.119 And I'm like, oh you okay, bud? 00:52:25.440 --> 00:52:27.679 He's like, I got nowhere to live. 00:52:28.639 --> 00:52:31.280 I'm like, oh my god, shit, bro. 00:52:31.679 --> 00:52:32.880 Oh, I could feel it now. 00:52:33.039 --> 00:52:37.599 And so we're both growing together, and I'm holding this kid, he's high as a kite. 00:52:37.920 --> 00:52:42.800 Uh, and I walk him back into school, he goes, Look, can I just sit here with you, bro? 00:52:43.039 --> 00:52:43.760 Y'all gotcha. 00:52:44.000 --> 00:52:47.679 So he just sat there in my office, did nothing, just sat there. 00:52:47.920 --> 00:52:49.199 It was very good all day. 00:52:49.360 --> 00:52:53.519 And like, this kid, where's this behavioral shit that everyone says he's got? 00:52:54.079 --> 00:53:00.239 And then you see him with his friends, and then he lives up to that behavior stuff. 00:53:00.400 --> 00:53:02.320 And then it's like, yo, come back in here. 00:53:02.480 --> 00:53:04.239 Comes back in, sits down, sits still. 00:53:04.480 --> 00:53:06.880

Hey man, while you're there, I want you to read this. 00:53:06.960 --> 00:53:10.880 And I gave him some stuff on well-being and how to support yourself, all this sort of stuff. 00:53:10.960 --> 00:53:11.920 And he read it all. 00:53:12.159 --> 00:53:14.800 Um, it was a really cool moment. 00:53:14.960 --> 00:53:20.559 Um, but then lifestyle pushed him away again, unfortunately. 00:53:20.639 --> 00:53:23.760 Um, and ended up in youth justice in some way. 00:53:23.920 --> 00:53:30.719 Um, it was quite a heartbreaking story, but um if it's behavioral, they won't know why. 00:53:30.880 --> 00:53:35.599 Now we can't say to this kid as an example, just sit in the classroom and learn. 00:53:35.840 --> 00:53:36.719 He can't. 00:53:36.960 --> 00:53:40.960 That part of the brain is turned off, he's in survival only. 00:53:41.119 --> 00:53:43.440 Yeah, and then when he was around his friends, he became his environment. 00:53:43.599 --> 00:53:44.800 Yeah, it had to fit in. 00:53:45.119 --> 00:53:45.440 Had to. 00:53:45.519 --> 00:53:45.679 Yeah. 00:53:45.840 --> 00:53:48.800 If I'm tougher, bigger, stronger, then everyone will leave me alone, right? 00:53:48.880 --> 00:53:49.199 Yeah. 00:53:49.440 --> 00:53:52.079 So um the that that's a big issue too. 00:53:52.239 --> 00:53:55.920 We have to understand the motivators for the stuff that's going on in school. 00:53:56.159 --> 00:53:59.440 If it's academic, my academics uh are not quite there. 00:53:59.599 --> 00:54:00.719 What's the motivator for that? 00:54:00.880 --> 00:54:04.079 What's happening for that child to not be able to learn? 00:54:04.320 --> 00:54:08.719 You might find that it's a balance issue inside the nervous system. 00:54:08.960 --> 00:54:13.599 You balance it back, they're back, not a problem at all. 00:54:13.920 --> 00:54:41.280 So um, yeah, it's a difficult and it's a my field because a lot of parents get feel like they're getting pressured by the school because they come from a time when um teachers did have a lot of respect, and so they think that we should just listen to them and do what they tell us, but they're working inside a system that is um that's literally clinching the straws at the moment to get control back in classrooms. 00:54:41.519 --> 00:54:43.679 So it's a really difficult time for everybody. 00:54:44.000 --> 00:54:53.920 So, how do we help those kids or parents when parents may not be aware of what's happening for the child? 00:54:54.079 --> 00:55:00.079 So it could be, you know, friendship group change, or they've been pushed out of a friendship group. 00:55:00.239 --> 00:55:03.360 Um, because that happens quite a lot, especially with girls. 00:55:03.599 --> 00:55:06.239 Um, or there's bullying going on. 00:55:06.960 --> 00:55:13.039 Um, or there's other things happening for a child where they don't feel as though they can talk about it. 00:55:14.480 --> 00:55:19.519 How do we go about getting our child to open up so we can help them? 00:55:19.840 --> 00:55:20.960 Well, well. 00:55:21.360 --> 00:55:23.599 I don't know, it's very different for everyone. 00:55:23.920 --> 00:55:25.920 Ask ask an easier question, mate. 00:55:26.079 --> 00:55:26.880 Come on, Matt. 00:55:26.960 --> 00:55:31.519 Um because you you speak to parents and they will go, I had no idea that was happening for them. 00:55:32.960 --> 00:55:35.199 You have no idea because you're not connected to your kid. 00:55:35.280 --> 00:55:35.920 I'm sorry. 00:55:36.159 --> 00:55:37.199 Sorry to say that. 00:55:37.440 --> 00:55:39.840 You don't, you're not not emotionally connected. 00:55:40.000 --> 00:55:49.280 You might do a lot of things for your child, yeah, but don't mistake moving for progress, movement for progress. 00:55:49.440 --> 00:55:57.360 Like if I'm running around for all my kid and I do all these things for them, that doesn't mean that uh progress is happening in it at an emotional level. 00:55:57.599 --> 00:56:01.199 So, what are some things that would be pointers for a parent to pick up on? 00:56:01.360 --> 00:56:03.360 Like again, it'll be different for everyone. 00:56:03.599 --> 00:56:05.360 Yeah, but then this part isn't. 00:56:05.440 --> 00:56:08.239 So you could sit there, you gotta sit there with your child, right? 00:56:08.320 --> 00:56:09.440 You don't have to say anything. 00:56:09.599 --> 00:56:11.280 Don't talk, right? 00:56:12.159 --> 00:56:21.119 Stand there with them and pay attention to what you feel emotionally and what you feel in your body, because I'm telling you, you're picking up on them. 00:56:21.280 --> 00:56:25.360 If you've walked into a space, let's just say they're in the lounge room, right? 00:56:25.840 --> 00:56:31.039 Um, and then you walk in, you sit on the couch near them, not next to them, but near them. 00:56:31.280 --> 00:56:40.639 And if you've walked into that space happy, calm, relaxed, and regulated, and then you sit on the couch, pay attention to what happens to your body. 00:56:41.199 --> 00:56:46.559 I'm telling you something, little, and emotionally, you'll pick up on what they are feeling. 00:56:47.440 --> 00:56:53.599 And then because a lot of the time most people don't trust it, they kind of let it go. 00:56:53.760 --> 00:56:57.119 And they think that it's them, that they're feeling that themselves. 00:56:57.280 --> 00:56:58.960 Then the kid will walk off, right? 00:56:59.199 --> 00:57:02.960 Next time you'll do it again, and then you'll feel a very similar thing. 00:57:03.039 --> 00:57:04.400 You'll be like, what the hell? 00:57:04.559 --> 00:57:06.960 Why do I feel this every time I sit next to my child? 00:57:07.199 --> 00:57:08.559 What the fuck's going on? 00:57:08.800 --> 00:57:10.480 Then call it out, right? 00:57:10.639 --> 00:57:20.559 So I I let's just say I feel I'm sitting next to my child and I'm feeling, oh my god, I felt really good before, but now I feel really anxious. 00:57:20.880 --> 00:57:28.239 I would always uh I tell parents to say, well, hey little Johnny, I don't

know about you, but I'm feeling really anxious. 00:57:28.320 --> 00:57:29.519 What's happening? 00:57:30.320 --> 00:57:37.119 And it's a really great question because it um it separates them from it, right? 00:57:37.280 --> 00:57:43.360 Because it sounds like you're talking about yourself, and then the then the child will go, they'll either engage or they won't. 00:57:43.760 --> 00:57:44.320 But nothing. 00:57:44.480 --> 00:57:45.360 What are you talking about? 00:57:45.519 --> 00:57:46.480 And that's okay, right? 00:57:46.559 --> 00:57:47.199 That's okay. 00:57:47.360 --> 00:57:48.800 But they know you know. 00:57:49.440 --> 00:57:51.519 They fucking know you know. 00:57:52.000 --> 00:57:53.199 That's enough. 00:57:53.440 --> 00:57:54.400 That's enough. 00:57:54.639 --> 00:57:56.239 Remember, we don't have to solve their problem. 00:57:56.400 --> 00:57:57.440 They have to, right? 00:57:57.679 --> 00:57:58.960 So then let them go. 00:57:59.119 --> 00:58:00.000 Then they'll go. 00:58:00.239 --> 00:58:02.239 Don't try and control it, let'll go. 00:58:02.400 --> 00:58:05.199 I'm telling you, two that and a half times. 00:58:05.679 --> 00:58:07.760 I'm talking maybe three, four times. 00:58:08.000 --> 00:58:09.119 They're starting to talk. 00:58:09.360 --> 00:58:11.440 They're providing a safe place for them to open up. 00:58:11.679 --> 00:58:12.960 But they're gonna test you. 00:58:13.280 --> 00:58:16.880 They're going to test you, just like your wife would test you. 00:58:17.119 --> 00:58:23.039 Yeah, they're going to test the shit out of you, and they'll give you little bits, little bits. 00:58:23.360 --> 00:58:26.239 And, you know, we've talked about this before in this podcast. 00:58:26.320 --> 00:58:29.280 You've got to resist the thrill to test your skill. 00:58:29.519 --> 00:58:30.559 Let them talk. 00:58:30.719 --> 00:58:32.400 Just let them talk it out, right? 00:58:32.559 --> 00:58:37.360 You don't have to try and control it, don't have to solve the problem, just let them talk it out. 00:58:37.599 --> 00:58:39.920 And it's really, really simple. 00:58:40.079 --> 00:58:42.159 The response is, hmm, that's interesting. 00:58:42.320 --> 00:58:43.760 That must have been difficult for you. 00:58:44.000 --> 00:58:45.360 Fucking let me tell you, Mom. 00:58:45.440 --> 00:58:46.320 Oh fuck, whatever. 00:58:46.400 --> 00:58:47.360 And off they go, right? 00:58:47.440 --> 00:58:48.719 Don't worry about the swearing bit. 00:58:48.800 --> 00:58:49.760 That's just the way they're expressing. 00:58:50.239 --> 00:58:51.440 Or if they're blaming you. 00:58:51.679 --> 00:58:54.480 If they're blaming you, take it. 00:58:55.199 --> 00:58:56.480 Yeah, assess it. 00:58:56.719 --> 00:58:58.239 Don't get defensive. 00:58:58.480 --> 00:59:03.519 No, because remember, remember, you don't deal with the truth. 00:59:03.599 --> 00:59:05.280 You only deal with perspective. 00:59:06.400 --> 00:59:08.159 Just keep that in mind, yeah? 00:59:08.320 --> 00:59:10.079 They have one perspective. 00:59:10.320 --> 00:59:13.039 We don't have to make them wrong. 00:59:13.599 --> 00:59:20.400 If they can feel safe enough to just blur shit out and you don't try and intervene in any way, they'll come back to you. 00:59:20.639 --> 00:59:26.800 But if in the past you've always tried to solve their problem or you've smothered them, I mean, you had a problem with that where you just smothered shit out. 00:59:27.039 --> 00:59:27.519 You still do. 00:59:27.599 --> 00:59:29.440 You smother the shit out of the poor kid. 00:59:29.519 --> 00:59:32.719 And then he's like, Oh my god, mom, leave me alone. 00:59:32.880 --> 00:59:33.119 Right? 00:59:33.440 --> 00:59:34.159 He doesn't know what to do. 00:59:34.400 --> 00:59:34.639 Shut up. 00:59:34.880 --> 00:59:35.599 He doesn't know what to do. 00:59:36.239 --> 00:59:39.519 Yeah, and then I'll and then I have to intervene because nobody knows how to manage that. 00:59:39.599 --> 00:59:43.360 Because you're flogging him with questions, and it's like, oh, leave him alone. 00:59:43.599 --> 00:59:45.119 But I want to know that blah blah blah. 00:59:45.360 --> 00:59:51.119 I know what you want, but he ain't ready because he can't keep up with all the 50,000 bloody questions you're throwing at him. 00:59:51.199 --> 00:59:52.559 Leave him alone, stop. 00:59:53.280 --> 00:59:55.760 And then I answer the questions for you, right? 00:59:55.840 --> 00:59:56.880 And then off he goes, right? 00:59:56.960 --> 00:59:58.639 And he off he runs and he'll run. 00:59:58.800 --> 01:00:01.280 He's like it's the quickest I've ever seen the kid move. 01:00:01.440 --> 01:00:02.559 Well, boom, he's gone. 01:00:02.960 --> 01:00:04.480 Get back to the point, Luke. 01:00:04.880 --> 01:00:08.480 But it it is a point, right? 01:00:08.559 --> 01:00:09.679 You ask me a question, yeah. 01:00:09.760 --> 01:00:11.440 Yay, come on, calm down, mate. 01:00:11.679 --> 01:00:17.440 So it is a point because you you're wanting your you're pushing against him, right? 01:00:17.760 --> 01:00:21.119 And the idea is for him to push against you. 01:00:21.519 --> 01:00:23.840 Think about it like a cat, right? 01:00:24.239 --> 01:00:28.239 Cat walks over to a pole, they scratch themselves against the pole. 01:00:28.559 --> 01:00:30.559 What happens when the pole moves? 01:00:31.199 --> 01:00:31.760 What happens? 01:00:32.000 --> 01:00:32.880 Even you had cats. 01:00:33.280 --> 01:00:35.440 Cat don't never fucking walk away. 01:00:35.760 --> 01:00:36.719 It runs. 01:00:36.880 --> 01:00:40.960 Yeah, it gets skittish and off it goes because the pole moved. 01:00:41.119 --> 01:00:46.480 Well, let me tell you, us as parents, we are the pole, and the kids have got to scratch themselves against us, so to speak. 01:00:46.800 --> 01:00:51.440 And if we move in any direction, they're gonna be skittish. 01:00:52.000 --> 01:01:01.599 So sometimes it's better to just resist the thrill to test your skill, allow them to say what they need to say, and

then pick it apart in an easy to digest way. 01:01:01.840 --> 01:01:04.800 Understand if they're heightened, forget it. 01:01:05.039 --> 01:01:08.000 Don't even bother because you're not getting anything out of it. 01:01:08.159 --> 01:01:10.400 Don't tell them to calm down because that hadn't work either. 01:01:10.559 --> 01:01:10.960 Yeah. 01:01:11.199 --> 01:01:14.239 So then how do okay, so the the kids now spoken to us? 01:01:14.480 --> 01:01:16.000 We've got a little bit of information. 01:01:16.239 --> 01:01:19.760 I have no fucking idea what to do with this information and how to support them. 01:01:19.920 --> 01:01:22.239 I'm not at school, I'm not there. 01:01:22.639 --> 01:01:23.840 What do I do with that? 01:01:24.000 --> 01:01:26.079 How can I support them moving forward? 01:01:26.400 --> 01:01:27.199 If what? 01:01:27.440 --> 01:01:29.039 If you've got the information, you don't know. 01:01:32.159 --> 01:01:39.280 The being bullying, friends group, whatever's happening for them in that school environment that they've just disclosed to you. 01:01:39.840 --> 01:01:42.320 It was really hard for them to disclose with you. 01:01:42.800 --> 01:01:44.960 What do you do with that information? 01:01:45.519 --> 01:01:46.960 How do you support them? 01:01:47.119 --> 01:01:49.360 Because they're going back into that environment now. 01:01:49.679 --> 01:01:51.199 Yeah, and the environment's difficult. 01:01:51.280 --> 01:01:58.400 I think the big the biggest um the biggest decision is you know, I might go and have a chat with this with the school. 01:01:58.880 --> 01:02:05.440 The kid will say no, because they don't want them to be highlighted, but you can sneaky sneaky and nobody needs to know. 01:02:05.679 --> 01:02:11.280 Um, and the because you know, you you want your child in that meeting. 01:02:12.639 --> 01:02:14.880 Um, they're never gonna dump anybody in it. 01:02:15.039 --> 01:02:19.920 That's okay, because they don't want to make it worse for themselves, but I think that they need to be involved in the decisions. 01:02:20.159 --> 01:02:29.360 Um I would say um have a chat with school, but the toughest decision is is this the right place for me? 01:02:30.079 --> 01:02:31.519 Do we need to change schools? 01:02:32.079 --> 01:02:33.360 Depending on what it is, yeah. 01:02:33.440 --> 01:02:39.440 But that is really difficult because the school system, especially if you're in a state school, you can't just move schools. 01:02:39.679 --> 01:02:42.239 Yeah, yeah, I'm going into the school. 01:02:42.559 --> 01:02:45.760 Yeah, so um that's a challenging thing. 01:02:46.000 --> 01:02:51.920 Um, I would I would definitely meet with the school, see what's going on there, see what they can offer us. 01:02:52.000 --> 01:02:54.559 It won't be much, but see what they can offer us. 01:02:54.800 --> 01:03:01.519 And then when we're dealing with that type of stuff, understand that again, we're not dealing with the truth, we're dealing with perspective. 01:03:01.840 --> 01:03:05.599 Why is this happening to your child? 01:03:06.239 --> 01:03:06.719 Right? 01:03:06.960 --> 01:03:11.679 And it's not always external, it could be an internal process. 01:03:11.840 --> 01:03:23.760 I mean, we know a child that has been bullied, I know a child has been bullied before, and it's like the the the parents have blamed all the kids that have bullied this kid, right? 01:03:24.079 --> 01:03:27.039 And then we go, okay, well, look at the kid. 01:03:27.280 --> 01:03:43.599 Yeah, the kid is sassy, he is very direct, he's very nasty, crosses the boundaries, all bad, yeah, yeah, and then that kid is getting bullied. 01:03:43.920 --> 01:03:45.199 I don't know if that's true. 01:03:45.360 --> 01:03:51.119 I think that the kids around this this plot this kid are putting him back in his place. 01:03:51.760 --> 01:03:55.440 You've gone too far, and then it became a sport, right? 01:03:55.519 --> 01:03:58.000 So that that part there is it's a whole different problem. 01:03:58.079 --> 01:04:02.639 So now it's like, okay, well, do we need to take control of those other kids or do we need to take care of our own? 01:04:03.679 --> 01:04:07.119 Soothe your own child first before you start from mud and anything else. 01:04:07.280 --> 01:04:07.599 Yeah. 01:04:07.920 --> 01:04:09.039 That's what I would say. 01:04:09.199 --> 01:04:12.480 Um, because you can throw as much money as you like, you want to stick. 01:04:12.639 --> 01:04:13.039 Yeah. 01:04:13.360 --> 01:04:17.679 So where does the mental health practitioner come into all of this? 01:04:17.920 --> 01:04:25.679 Yeah, we with the mental health practitioner, it's a it's a challenge to get in there sometimes because they are capped on how many students they can see. 01:04:25.840 --> 01:04:26.480 Oh, okay. 01:04:26.880 --> 01:04:32.639 Um, yeah, and and they're most schools, they're not full-time. 01:04:32.800 --> 01:04:34.320 Okay, they're part-time. 01:04:34.480 --> 01:04:36.559 Uh, so that they are they're gonna be stretched. 01:04:36.719 --> 01:04:42.400 I mean, I know that there are some that um will get you know four days a week. 01:04:42.719 --> 01:04:47.599 Uh I don't know too many that have a mental health practitioner at the school for five days a week. 01:04:47.760 --> 01:04:51.039 There may be some, um, but they're they're limited. 01:04:51.199 --> 01:04:54.320 Uh so to getting in to see them is so difficult. 01:04:54.719 --> 01:04:58.239 So but they deal with very pointy end kids. 01:04:58.480 --> 01:04:58.800 Okay. 01:04:59.199 --> 01:04:59.840 Yep. 01:05:00.880 --> 01:05:11.679 So the well-being team at your your kids' schools are not there to provide counseling or psychology support. 01:05:12.000 --> 01:05:13.599 Yeah, it depends on the school you're at. 01:05:13.760 --> 01:05:18.159 But yes, they are there to provide counseling support, right? 01:05:18.400 --> 01:05:19.679 In limited capacity. 01:05:19.920 --> 01:05:20.400 In a while. 01:05:20.639 -->

01:05:24.960 In a limited capacity, very limited, because they forget they're in a school. 01:05:25.199 --> 01:05:29.840 And the idea is that uh how quick can we get the kid back into class? 01:05:30.079 --> 01:05:31.280 Because that's what they're there for. 01:05:31.440 --> 01:05:31.760 Yeah. 01:05:31.920 --> 01:05:36.880 Um, for some students, it's not feasible uh to get back into class straight away. 01:05:37.119 --> 01:05:43.360 Um, and then you have kids that will only know how to ask for help if they're in a crisis. 01:05:43.679 --> 01:05:48.000 So they put themselves in a crisis to have conversations. 01:05:48.320 --> 01:05:49.360 It's actually quite difficult. 01:05:49.599 --> 01:05:55.760 So the well being and mental health support in a school is operated within a system, just like the whole school system? 01:05:56.079 --> 01:06:01.280 Yes, but at the same time, like it's it's it's it's still very similar to External counseling. 01:06:02.400 --> 01:06:07.119 And a lot of the lot of those counselors and and mental health practitioners do great work. 01:06:08.719 --> 01:06:10.960 And they they want the best for the kids. 01:06:11.119 --> 01:06:16.880 I think there's a clash between the well-being teams in general if they're not teachers. 01:06:17.440 --> 01:06:20.719 Some schools' well-being teams are made up by teachers. 01:06:21.199 --> 01:06:22.480 They're not made up by counselors. 01:06:22.800 --> 01:06:36.960 And so if they're all made up of counselors, youth workers, or what have you, that are more allied health stuff, they will clash a little bit because it's like they're advocating for the students like this kid can't get into class. 01:06:37.199 --> 01:06:38.000 We need them there. 01:06:38.079 --> 01:06:38.239 Yeah. 01:06:38.320 --> 01:06:40.320 I need him in our office to support them. 01:06:40.480 --> 01:06:42.320 Um and then they will refer out. 01:06:42.400 --> 01:06:46.159 They'll most likely refer out to an external uh mental health provider. 01:06:46.639 --> 01:06:47.519 Why would they do that? 01:06:48.480 --> 01:06:50.480 Because timing they can't support. 01:06:50.719 --> 01:06:53.840 And they may need more in-depth support. 01:06:54.000 --> 01:06:54.639 Yep. 01:06:54.880 --> 01:06:56.480 Um, and that's fair, right? 01:06:56.639 --> 01:07:01.039 So um having chats with, but I would definitely link in well-being teams. 01:07:01.199 --> 01:07:02.960 Um so start there. 01:07:03.519 --> 01:07:05.440 You can uh yeah, start there. 01:07:05.760 --> 01:07:10.960 Um the coordinators are always the first point of call in general. 01:07:11.039 --> 01:07:16.079 Um, and then the coordinators will then refer the students to well-being. 01:07:16.719 --> 01:07:19.519 Um there that that's probably the best way of going about it. 01:07:19.679 --> 01:07:20.000 Okay. 01:07:20.320 --> 01:07:26.320 Um, but yeah, we can link in school leadership as much as you can in terms of your coordinators. 01:07:26.639 --> 01:07:27.920 I'm gonna pivot

a little bit. 01:07:28.000 --> 01:07:29.519 What about school refusers? 01:07:29.840 --> 01:07:32.000 School refusers, what about them? 01:07:32.719 --> 01:07:34.079 How do we support them? 01:07:34.239 --> 01:07:36.079 How do we get them engaged? 01:07:36.239 --> 01:07:42.960 Because, you know, with technology and the way it is and gaming, people's teens can get sucked into an online world. 01:07:43.280 --> 01:07:44.320 Yes, they can. 01:07:44.719 --> 01:07:51.360 How do how do how can we support as parents to get them off that online world and back into reality and back into school? 01:07:51.679 --> 01:07:53.519 How do you get a kid off chocolate? 01:07:53.920 --> 01:07:55.039 Stop buying chocolate. 01:07:55.280 --> 01:07:55.920 Yeah, bro. 01:07:56.480 --> 01:08:00.960 Um, but understand there's gonna be a bit of pain in that, isn't there? 01:08:01.360 --> 01:08:03.280 Because it's so used to having chocolate, right? 01:08:03.440 --> 01:08:06.320 But um that's just a difficult one. 01:08:06.639 --> 01:08:10.239 Uh and the reasons why there's school refusing can vary as well. 01:08:10.559 --> 01:08:11.360 Yeah, it can. 01:08:11.599 --> 01:08:20.239 A lot of that, a lot of that stuff is uh uh unstable households for school refusal, yeah. 01:08:20.399 --> 01:08:35.199 Um, anxiety, uh you know, the the the augmented style social circle where everything's online uh and I I don't actually have to front up and speak to anybody face to face. 01:08:35.439 --> 01:08:38.159 So sometimes not even a school issue, no, it's another issue. 01:08:38.479 --> 01:08:40.000 Pretty courts at the time, it's not. 01:08:40.159 --> 01:08:41.680 Yeah, it's not. 01:08:41.920 --> 01:08:44.720 Uh uh it becomes a school issue. 01:08:45.199 --> 01:08:49.600 And there are a lot of different uh services that can help support that through the school system. 01:08:49.760 --> 01:08:52.960 Um in Victoria, they've got a place called Navigator. 01:08:53.119 --> 01:09:02.880 Navigator is really difficult to get into because if you are sitting around 15, 16 years old, you're gonna get nothing. 01:09:03.039 --> 01:09:03.359 Okay. 01:09:03.600 --> 01:09:07.359 Because at 17, you can leave the league legally leave school. 01:09:07.520 --> 01:09:10.079 So they go, that's the too hard basket. 01:09:10.239 --> 01:09:16.960 Yeah, let's focus all our attention on the younger kids so that we don't have that problem when we get to 15, 16 years old. 01:09:17.119 --> 01:09:19.039 So uh that that's tough on. 01:09:19.199 --> 01:09:23.279 That's it, but it's it's a service that's there, available, navigator. 01:09:23.520 --> 01:09:28.399 Um, a lot of the school system doesn't really talk much about that stuff, yeah, but it's definitely there. 01:09:29.039 --> 01:09:30.800 So I think it's important for parents to know that. 01:09:31.039 --> 01:09:37.359 And if you're a VCE student, there are lots of things that the school can do to help support you. 01:09:37.600 --> 01:09:46.560 If you're a VCE student here in Victoria, uh everything is run by VCAR, um, and it's not run by the school. 01:09:46.720 --> 01:09:51.520 So the all most of the curriculum is run by the VCAR, all the schools run by VCAR. 01:09:51.760 --> 01:10:00.720 So there are lots of different things that you can do, like non-scored when you're not doing the the the um the exams, right? 01:10:00.880 --> 01:10:02.720 I think that was a thing when I was back in high school. 01:10:02.880 --> 01:10:03.920 Yeah, I don't even know either. 01:10:04.000 --> 01:10:10.960 But you know what, that there are a lot of schools that don't uh schools aren't never going to promote that stuff because they want scores, right? 01:10:11.119 --> 01:10:13.760 Um it reflects on the school and all that sort of stuff. 01:10:13.920 --> 01:10:17.119 But for some students, they can't do exams, they struggle through them. 01:10:17.279 --> 01:10:19.680 So um that's one space. 01:10:19.840 --> 01:10:43.359 There are C's applications, there's all these different applications that will help um with evidence that will help you um uh support the uh ATA scores that you will receive because you've gone through some stuff like anxiety or depressive stuff, or you've linked in with well-being, you've had heaps of support in that way. 01:10:43.600 --> 01:10:46.239 And it's up to the individual to ask all that stuff. 01:10:46.319 --> 01:10:48.079 The school wasn't rightly promoted. 01:10:48.319 --> 01:10:49.199 Yeah, kinda. 01:10:49.439 --> 01:10:50.399 That's kind of a shame. 01:10:50.880 --> 01:11:00.000 Depending on the school, I mean, I know that there are schools that actually say, um, okay, guys, if you need a CS application, here's the application, fill it in. 01:11:00.079 --> 01:11:02.880 Uh, because it'll be assessed, it's not automatic. 01:11:02.960 --> 01:11:04.399 So it'll be assessed. 01:11:04.560 --> 01:11:06.399 Uh, but that was a big thing in COVID. 01:11:06.800 --> 01:11:08.479 Everyone got a CS application. 01:11:08.560 --> 01:11:23.119 I don't think that's the way it is now, but there's a lot of different uh things that in VCE that they can do to support you that is very different to general class in year seven, year eight, year nine. 01:11:23.760 --> 01:11:24.399 Interesting. 01:11:24.880 --> 01:11:25.520 All right. 01:11:26.319 --> 01:11:29.359 All right, so let's move along to our toolkit. 01:11:29.600 --> 01:11:31.600 I mean, there's lots of things that we've spoken about. 01:11:32.159 --> 01:11:33.760 Everything, everything we've just gone through is toolkit. 01:11:34.800 --> 01:11:41.039 I think it's um parents actually allowing the space and knowing your kids to pick up when something's not right. 01:11:41.199 --> 01:11:41.840 Yep. 01:11:42.159 --> 01:11:46.239 Um, it's tough though, because you got your own stuff you've got to work through. 01:11:46.399 --> 01:11:46.800 Yeah. 01:11:46.960 --> 01:11:50.079 Um, and understand monkey see, monkey do. 01:11:50.239 --> 01:11:51.199 I can't say

that enough, man. 01:11:51.359 --> 01:11:52.560 Monkey see, monkey do. 01:11:52.800 --> 01:11:56.399 Take care of your stuff and your child will will um copy. 01:11:56.720 --> 01:11:59.279 It's also knowing that the kids can become their environment. 01:11:59.439 --> 01:11:59.840 Yep. 01:12:00.239 --> 01:12:02.880 Um, and take them out of that environment. 01:12:02.960 --> 01:12:06.720 They're not always that that, you know, troublemaker as such. 01:12:06.880 --> 01:12:07.039 No. 01:12:07.279 --> 01:12:09.680 Um, diagnosis is following straight through. 01:12:09.840 --> 01:12:10.239 Yep. 01:12:10.560 --> 01:12:14.800 Um, and you know, it's really important to you engage. 01:12:15.199 --> 01:12:16.479 Engage with school, communicate. 01:12:16.880 --> 01:12:18.079 Communicate all the time. 01:12:18.319 --> 01:12:19.920 You they'll get annoyed with you. 01:12:20.319 --> 01:12:25.039 But he communicate because at the end of the day, if you don't advocate for your child, who will? 01:12:25.119 --> 01:12:25.439 Yeah. 01:12:25.600 --> 01:12:30.079 And it's all about how you communicate uh you communicate and advocate. 01:12:30.239 --> 01:12:32.960 If you become aggressive, they will shut you down. 01:12:33.199 --> 01:12:34.159 And they can. 01:12:34.479 --> 01:12:36.960 They don't have to take your calls at all, they won't. 01:12:37.600 --> 01:12:43.359 Um, but if I do it in a more of a professional way and go, look, this is how I'm feeling. 01:12:43.439 --> 01:12:46.159 I'm feeling like this, I'm I'm feeling like I'm not being heard. 01:12:46.319 --> 01:12:49.520 I feel like my child is not getting the support that you promised. 01:12:49.760 --> 01:12:54.319 Um, we're doing this stuff here to support what we talked about before. 01:12:54.479 --> 01:12:56.880 Um, how can we make it even better? 01:12:57.119 --> 01:12:57.359 Right. 01:12:57.439 --> 01:12:59.199 And make it sure you use the language. 01:12:59.359 --> 01:13:03.279 We being a you're a part of it, not you as a school. 01:13:03.359 --> 01:13:04.720 What are you gonna do? 01:13:04.880 --> 01:13:08.479 Because every time you say that to anybody, everyone's like, you know what? 01:13:08.640 --> 01:13:10.720 Go fuck yourself every time. 01:13:10.960 --> 01:13:17.199 And the school, don't worry, they're not gonna swear at you, but you walk out of that room, they're gonna go straight away, go fuck yourself. 01:13:17.279 --> 01:13:18.000 Yeah, right. 01:13:18.560 --> 01:13:20.000 I'm sure most of us do that anyway. 01:13:20.159 --> 01:13:20.479 Yeah, man. 01:13:21.039 --> 01:13:23.760 Yeah, all right, fantastic. 01:13:25.279 --> 01:13:26.720 Anything else to talk with? 01:13:27.119 --> 01:13:29.359 I could talk about this till the cows come home. 01:13:29.680 --> 01:13:32.319 It's something you're very passionate and I am because you know why? 01:13:32.399 --> 01:13:33.119 It's fucked. 01:13:33.279 --> 01:13:33.600 Yep. 01:13:33.760 --> 01:13:38.000 We're asking so much for the kids, and none of the

adults are doing any of the work for them. 01:13:38.079 --> 01:13:39.359 Yeah, that fucking annoys me. 01:13:39.680 --> 01:13:40.960 You're a big advocate of the kids. 01:13:41.199 --> 01:13:43.199 Bad uh it annoys the shit out of me. 01:13:43.359 --> 01:13:47.840 Yeah, and it's one of the reasons why you left the school system because it was basically a system. 01:13:48.079 --> 01:13:51.279 Yeah, there was so much more that you could give, but you couldn't in the system. 01:13:51.520 --> 01:13:53.199 No, 100% that's true. 01:13:53.359 --> 01:13:54.159 That's true. 01:13:55.119 --> 01:13:55.680 Yeah. 01:13:56.000 --> 01:13:59.840 So anyway, if you want to know more, um, hit me up. 01:14:00.079 --> 01:14:03.039 If you look on our website, there is a program there that you can buy. 01:14:03.119 --> 01:14:07.279 It's 200 bucks and it and it's all about it's called Resilient Families. 01:14:07.439 --> 01:14:09.279 Um, it's all video based. 01:14:09.439 --> 01:14:15.279 You can check that out, uh, and you'll get a whole heap of information on how you can make it even better at home. 01:14:15.359 --> 01:14:18.880 Um, and then help your child in the school space. 01:14:19.119 --> 01:14:20.159 So check that out. 01:14:20.319 --> 01:14:22.239 Uh 200 bucks, you get it forever. 01:14:22.399 --> 01:14:24.479 So yeah, it's pretty, pretty cheap, really. 01:14:24.560 --> 01:14:26.960 It's like it's one one session of counseling. 01:14:27.359 --> 01:14:29.840 Um, all right, Lucky, moving along. 01:14:30.000 --> 01:14:32.640 One achievement and one goal this last week. 01:14:32.800 --> 01:14:36.960 So, how have you found your um face-to-face training? 01:14:37.199 --> 01:14:37.840 Yeah. 01:14:38.479 --> 01:14:39.840 I'm fucked. 01:14:41.039 --> 01:14:41.359 Okay. 01:14:41.840 --> 01:14:42.880 I'm cooked, man. 01:14:42.960 --> 01:14:44.239 I'm straight up cooked. 01:14:44.319 --> 01:14:48.159 Uh when we when we sit down here to record this, I'm like, I wonder how this is gonna go. 01:14:48.239 --> 01:14:48.479 Yep. 01:14:48.640 --> 01:14:49.359 I'm a bit fried. 01:14:49.600 --> 01:14:52.560 Especially when you talk about subject that you're fucking annoyed with. 01:14:52.800 --> 01:14:53.600 Yeah, well, you know what? 01:14:53.680 --> 01:14:55.119 You it You're pretty good. 01:14:55.359 --> 01:14:58.720 We when you when you said it to me, I'm like, Oh, why today? 01:14:58.960 --> 01:15:00.000 Why why today? 01:15:00.239 --> 01:15:01.920 But um, yeah, rev me up. 01:15:02.079 --> 01:15:03.680 Uh yeah, it's been good. 01:15:03.840 --> 01:15:05.199 So, what have you achieved? 01:15:05.439 --> 01:15:12.159 I've learned so much, but at the same time, I think to myself, all this learning, will I remember it all? 01:15:12.399 --> 01:15:13.920 Well, you put a lot of pressure on yourself. 01:15:14.000 --> 01:15:16.960 Do you think that you were able to show some of the things that you were worried about? 01:15:17.199 --> 01:15:18.800 Yeah, I think so. 01:15:19.119 --> 01:15:22.479 Um, like I said, I've got the courage to fuck it up. 01:15:23.119 --> 01:15:24.479 Um, and I'll learn from that. 01:15:24.640 --> 01:15:26.880 So uh yeah, it's been good. 01:15:27.039 --> 01:15:29.199 You know, you're not a small sky, it's not like you can hide. 01:15:29.359 --> 01:15:31.520 You always get singled out for something, don't you? 01:15:32.640 --> 01:15:33.359 And you know what? 01:15:33.439 --> 01:15:36.000 I'm in a class with all females too. 01:15:36.319 --> 01:15:43.439 So I remember the last one the uh you got you gave me an example of you know, they like, oh look at this muscle definition. 01:15:43.520 --> 01:15:45.600 Luke, show us your muscles, lift your shirt. 01:15:45.840 --> 01:15:47.119 Yeah, it's like you take your shirt off. 01:15:47.199 --> 01:15:48.319 I'm like, are you feeding him? 01:15:48.479 --> 01:15:54.479 No, like mate, and I actually said I actually said that, and like, come on, man, my tits will be hanging out on the floor, bro. 01:15:54.720 --> 01:15:55.439 Stick me along. 01:15:55.680 --> 01:15:57.439 To be fair, your back muscles are pretty cool. 01:15:57.520 --> 01:16:00.319 So anyway, anyway, um, one goal. 01:16:00.640 --> 01:16:01.600 One goal. 01:16:02.880 --> 01:16:08.000 Um uh I I'm actually moving over to a new system in my business. 01:16:08.159 --> 01:16:08.479 Yep. 01:16:08.560 --> 01:16:12.000 Um, so I want to make sure that that's all clean and good to go. 01:16:12.159 --> 01:16:17.279 Um, it's it's quite a task um that will probably require audits. 01:16:17.439 --> 01:16:21.920 Um, so I need to get all that press pressing issue out, I gotta get that done. 01:16:22.239 --> 01:16:23.359 So um, yeah. 01:16:23.840 --> 01:16:26.000 Just put on the back burner because of everything else. 01:16:26.239 --> 01:16:30.000 It has been, but I've got to kind of do it, I can't do it all in my shop. 01:16:30.079 --> 01:16:30.319 Yeah. 01:16:30.479 --> 01:16:30.960 You know what I mean? 01:16:31.039 --> 01:16:32.960 I can't just go click on my fingers and it's all done. 01:16:33.119 --> 01:16:33.359 Yep. 01:16:33.520 --> 01:16:36.000 Yeah, it's a bit of a painstaking process. 01:16:36.239 --> 01:16:36.640 Cool. 01:16:36.800 --> 01:16:38.159 Yeah, what about you? 01:16:38.479 --> 01:16:43.199 Um, so I actually achieved my goal last week. 01:16:44.399 --> 01:16:50.800 Um so I was able to go to work while while the kids were still on school holidays and you were unavailable. 01:16:51.199 --> 01:16:53.840 And mother-in-law actually helped out because she works next door. 01:16:54.000 --> 01:17:02.880 So while I was in my meetings, um I was able to drop a million or off to have a little bit of granny time and they had a a late lunch and we're able to go together. 01:17:02.960 --> 01:17:04.560 So it was a win-win. 01:17:04.720 --> 01:17:04.960 Nice. 01:17:05.119 --> 01:17:05.600 Yep. 01:17:05.840 --> 01:17:07.600 Um, you know, shame it wasn't last week. 01:17:07.680 --> 01:17:09.920 She had last week

off, so she could have just had her. 01:17:10.000 --> 01:17:13.439 Um, but you know, we we make it work and we the juggling is real. 01:17:13.760 --> 01:17:17.359 Um and a goal, oh Jesus, I'm I'm worse than you. 01:17:18.079 --> 01:17:40.479 You like throwing mud at me, but look, my my goal is is it's not really my goal, but it's something I I told Amelia that I'll teach her how to teach her uh tie her school her shoelaces over the school holidays, and I failed at that because we're just busy and then she has sleepovers, which was great for her, but you know, I don't expect somebody else to help teach her. 01:17:40.640 --> 01:17:43.920 So it's a goal for me would be to get her to do that within the next week. 01:17:44.239 --> 01:17:45.600 Boy, that's a big girl. 01:17:45.920 --> 01:17:47.119 She picks up things really quickly. 01:17:47.199 --> 01:17:48.079 She I know she does. 01:17:48.319 --> 01:17:49.199 Really, really quickly. 01:17:49.279 --> 01:17:52.880 Like I remember when we took Patrick's training wheels off, and that was a fucking disaster. 01:17:54.159 --> 01:17:57.680 Amelia picked it up first shot, and she's been going ever since. 01:17:58.079 --> 01:18:00.479 Monkey see, monkey dooba, because she's got a brother to watch. 01:18:00.640 --> 01:18:02.319 Well, he's not the best person to watch. 01:18:02.479 --> 01:18:04.079 We established that he rides a lot. 01:18:05.680 --> 01:18:10.720 He buys it to stationary fucking rocks, so you know, do not learn from Patrick. 01:18:10.800 --> 01:18:12.640 Um, poor kitty cops, isn't he? 01:18:12.880 --> 01:18:13.279 Yeah, it does. 01:18:13.600 --> 01:18:19.439 So, yes, I'm pretty sure Amelia will be able to put so it's it's a goal for her to achieve, but I'm facilitating that. 01:18:19.520 --> 01:18:20.319 So that's a goal. 01:18:20.560 --> 01:18:21.199 Good one. 01:18:21.439 --> 01:18:22.239 Good one. 01:18:22.560 --> 01:18:23.520 Wow, cool. 01:18:23.680 --> 01:18:24.880 This is a big episode. 01:18:24.960 --> 01:18:25.920 I do apologize. 01:18:26.000 --> 01:18:30.000 We talking about something very important, but something very passionate for me. 01:18:30.159 --> 01:18:33.359 Um, I'm usually on looks back about trying to keep him to an hour. 01:18:33.680 --> 01:18:37.920 It was such a big it's such a big topic, and we could continue to talk about and break it down even further. 01:18:38.000 --> 01:18:40.800 But um, thank you all so much for listening in. 01:18:40.960 --> 01:18:42.079 Hope you got something out of it. 01:18:42.239 --> 01:18:55.840 If you've got questions, because some people will have questions, please reach out, likes bumps, spruises, at gmail.com, or if you go to the website, you'll you'll have contact details on our website, uh lukeeleet.com.au. 01:18:57.520 --> 01:19:06.399 Reach out through socials, um, because you know, the it it's a big issue that's happening, and a lot of parents feel alone in it all. 01:19:06.560 --> 01:19:06.800 Yeah. 01:19:06.960 --> 01:19:09.920 Um, let me tell you, you're not, we can work through it. 01:19:10.159 --> 01:19:13.840 Yeah, and I think it's important to remember that COVID killed us. 01:19:13.920 --> 01:19:21.359 Yeah, COVID killed us, and a lot of those babies coming through COVID are starting school now, um, which is a challenge in itself. 01:19:21.600 --> 01:19:26.319 And a lot of those COVID kids um are starting to go through VCE. 01:19:26.960 --> 01:19:30.079 So, no, it's it's it took a lot. 01:19:30.319 --> 01:19:33.039 It took a lot, and so it it shows at school. 01:19:33.199 --> 01:19:34.000 Yeah, it does. 01:19:34.159 --> 01:19:34.720 It does. 01:19:34.880 --> 01:19:36.800 So let's keep the conversation going. 01:19:36.960 --> 01:19:38.399 Have it have a talk to you kids. 01:19:38.640 --> 01:19:39.359 Roger there. 01:19:39.520 --> 01:19:40.319 Roger that. 01:19:40.479 --> 01:19:41.520 Thank you, Joe. 01:19:41.840 --> 01:19:43.920 I guess um, what do you got? 01:19:44.159 --> 01:19:44.880 See you next Tuesday. 01:19:44.960 --> 01:19:45.600 No, no, no. 01:19:45.920 --> 01:19:46.239 Let's see. 01:19:46.399 --> 01:19:47.520 That's Joel, mate. 01:19:48.239 --> 01:19:48.880 Let's see what you're doing. 01:19:49.119 --> 01:19:49.760 See what I'm looking at ya. 01:19:50.000 --> 01:19:51.039 See when I'm looking at you. 01:19:51.199 --> 01:19:52.079 All right, take care.