TRANSCRIPT 🔗
WEBVTT
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Okay, everybody.
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Well, welcome back to another episode.
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We're calling this our, our what?
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Our big debut?
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Our re-debut?
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Our re-debut.
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Our re-debut.
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We are back, baby.
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Is that what that is?
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Yeah, we're back.
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We're back.
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We- We had to take a little hiatus, but if you saw...
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or saw, listened to our last episode- Our teaser you, you're filled in.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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So if, yeah, if you caught our last episode, it was a short little half-hour episode, which we are calling a teaser episode.
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We are considering this kind of our official, uh, back in the spotlight.
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Back into the swing of things.
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Yeah.
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This is our favorite thing to do.
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We're, we're back, baby.
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It is.
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We're- It just took a little bit.
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We had a lot going on.
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We, we lost our podcast room.
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We didn't really lose our fire, but we lost everything that allowed us to do what we wanted to do.
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Yeah.
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And again, if you saw our last episode or heard our last episode, you heard us say we went a little too far into it.
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Yeah, we- We started going a little too heavy, and, and sometimes when you go too in-depth with something, you lose the passion behind it.
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Yeah.
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So here we are.
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Yeah.
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So without further ado- Here we go this is Naughty by Nature.
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We are your hosts.
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I'm Dr.
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Casey Sanders.
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And I'm Carrie Sanders.
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Let's get right into it.
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The big topic that we wanna start discussing today is what, Carrie?
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Is it my ass tattoo?
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Oh.
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Yeah, now it is.
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It wasn't.
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So we had this- It is
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now
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we had this amazing idea last week to record an episode before my ass tattoo- and then after my ass tattoo.
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Did-
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And we
Load full transcript
did record the first half of the
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episode But did we record the second half?
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We did not.
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We did not.
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So we're gonna consider that, like, eventually way down the line we'll release the lost episodes or some shit.
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That's a great idea, actually.
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I, I love that idea.
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And you'll get to hear the audio from your pre-tattoo session.
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Guys, that ass tattoo was worse than childbirth.
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Was way worse.
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You know what didn't happen during childbirth?
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Six hours of pain.
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You know what happened during a six-hour ass tattoo?
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Six hours of pain.
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Did your vagina rip during your tattoo?
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I would rather it had.
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Oh.
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This ass tattoo was the worst experience I've ever had in my entire life.
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I- it's your experience, not mine, so you speak on it as you will.
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Bro.
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Did you just bro me?
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Bro.
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That was excruciating.
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From the first line she drew, I knew I was fucked.
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Yeah.
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You, I
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mean- From the first line
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both cheeks, what it three hours a cheek?
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It was three hours per cheek.
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Okay.
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And, like, I got big cheeks.
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Her ability to tat-
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Not denying that.
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Her ability to tattoo that much of a surface area in a short period of time was, like, all applause to her.
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Do
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you think she saw your ass and was like,"Fuck"?
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Yeah, because when she first drew up the design-
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It w-
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I go,"How many of those designs are going on my ass?
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Because that won't fit."
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Ad- admittedly, like, we got the, like, kind of the picture with the design-
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Yeah
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placed over it, and we were both going,"This is a very small build for what's being done here today."
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That it will not fit.
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And then she, she, like, printed out a design, and I was like,"Yeah, that's not gonna fit." And then she printed out a bigger design, and I remember taking a
picture of it and sending it to my friends and being like,"Guys, look how massive this is.
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There's no way this is gonna fit." And then you and I go to the bathroom, and you're like,"Oh, no, this fits perfectly." Exactly.
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And I was like,"Holy shit.
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All right." But yes, guys, the, the worst pain of my freaking life.
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Huge shout-out to the artist.
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She did an absolute amazing job.
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But we did pre-record an episode, and we had every, like, intentions of recording something after.
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And-
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You weren't recording shit after that
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I, like, I think I went home and, like, cried.
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You cried- I was in so much
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pain you cried the entire tattoo.
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No.
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No.
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You- I cried in the last, like, hour I thought- That was
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the worst pain I've ever been in.
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Yeah.
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It was one of those ones where, I mean, we've both been tattooed since we were 18 years old.
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Yeah.
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Plenty of tattoos over many, many years.
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And areas.
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And this- Plenty of areas this is, this is the worst I've seen you react.
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To a tattoo.
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And it has nothing to do with artist skill or anything like that.
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No.
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It had everything to do with just it was in a shitty spot.
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Literally.
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You proud of yourself?
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Are you happy with yourself?
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I
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am.
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But anyways, guys, yeah, so I do think one day we need to release that little snippet of a pre-episode, which is actually gonna bring us into a lot of what we are gonna talk about today.
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Yeah.
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Because we really didn't get to finish that episode, so we're gonna, like, dial back, we're gonna re-discuss, um, what it was that was in that show that we just weren't able to release.
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Yeah, the first thing we talked about in that was Wicker Dick.
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Wicker Dick was the first- That
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was what we were gonna title the whole episode, was Wicker Dick.
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I still think it can be Wicker Dick.
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This is a great topic of discussion, truly.
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This is, this is, I mean, you're talking heavy in pop culture.
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Everyone's talking about it, especially all the book girlies are really talking about the new movie coming out in the next month or so, Wicker.
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Yeah.
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This- Right?
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So what do you know about Wicker, Carrie?
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Um, I know it is a Skarsgård.
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It
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is.
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It is.
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It is a Skarsgård.
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It is.
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One of the stars is Alex- Alexander Skarsgård.
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He
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is the first Skarsgård that I knew of.
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Yeah.
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From True Blood.
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From True...
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Eric Northman.
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Oh my God.
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I had- The owner- I saw this man.
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I...
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First of all, that show does not portray that man as tall as he really is.
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The owner and operator of Fangtasia-
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Oh
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my God, yeah.
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You're right in True Blood.
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Oh, I was a huge True Blood fan.
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I
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know.
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You sh- you were the one that turned me on to True Blood.
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I loved that show.
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That's what...
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Lafayette is my favorite character of, like, all time.
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I
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love Lafayette.
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I love Lafayette.
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Anyways, let's not get sidetracked.
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No, we're not gonna get sidetracked.
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I did not realize, one, again, how tall that man was in real life.
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They did not depict him- Really?
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as tall as he is on the- He's
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on a throne.
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Yeah, he's sitting.
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Sitting.
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Secondly-
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I mean, I guess him next to, like, Anna Paquin was not-
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Right?
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gonna say a lot.
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But...
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Yeah, she's teensy.
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But anyways that was my first, like,"Oh my God, who is this person?" But when the first what do you call it?
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Like, the movie picture or the, that, that you see- Trailer?
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The...
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No, not the, not the video of it, but, like, the poster.
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Okay.
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And it's him.
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Yeah.
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And I was like,"I don't even know what the fuck this is, and I immediately wanna see it."
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For Wicker?
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Yeah, for Wicker.
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Okay.
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Whenever
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it shows, like- I'm sorry.
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I should've been more specific.
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Yes
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whenever it shows his face,
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like- It just shows him
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and
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the basket- That, yeah and
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the wick and all that?
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Wicker basket.
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Yeah.
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Skarsgård basket.
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I immediately was like,"I don't know what this is.
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I wanna see it."
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And he's not even, like, the main star of the movie.
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Well, no, and the more that I got to know about it, I actually really like that honestly.
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I really like that it's more about this woman.
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Um, and-
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Olivia Colman.
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I'm sorry?
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Olivia Colman, the actress.
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That actress, by the way, the first time I saw her was in, um, Doctor Who.
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That was the first time you saw her?
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That was the first time I saw her- Okay with Matt Smith- Yeah and it was the episode where they, like, had the fangs, and they turn into these, like, fish frog things.
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Fish frog.
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Okay.
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I'm just telling you.
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You know we both are thinking of South Park right now.
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We are.
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Go ahead.
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But I love this actress.
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Yeah.
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So for the fact that it's her, and then a Skarsgård- Yeah I, I'm s- I'm set.
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See, my first exposure to Olivia Colman was in Extras with Ricky Gervais, which was an early to-
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Extras.
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If you, if you've never seen it, like we'll- No I'll show it to you.
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I think it's on HBO actually still.
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Um, it was literally...
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It's a, it's a British show about- Extras um, extras in film-
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Hmm
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who are trying to make it-
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Make it big
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bigger.
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Yeah.
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So it's like their shenanigans on set- Hmm as being extras, and so they'll bring in all these big name stars.
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Are they real skits or like fake-
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No, th- this is a full series.
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This is a- Oh,
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it's a full series.
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Yeah.
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Okay.
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Okay.
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Yeah.
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And it was a great show, but that was my first exposure to her-
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Got it
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was alongside Ricky Gervais, uh, in- Oh in Extras.
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Okay, interesting.
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So I've been...
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I've l- I've loved her for a long time, so seeing her and Alexander Skarsgård together, and especially in this like romance fantasy.
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So you actually dove in a little bit to the author.
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Yeah.
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Let's talk about that.
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I, I, I very baseline, so the,
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if I- Well, yeah, but- I don't know shit- there's not a whole lot out there I
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don't know shit about this author.
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I know her name.
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I'm- I meant the behind the story.
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You're right.
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I'm sorry.
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So yeah.
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All right.
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So originally this was a book called Wicker Husband, like The Wicker Husband, 14 page short story, next to nothing, written by Ursula Willis-Jones.
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So she writes that back in 2011.
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It ends up winning a, uh...
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It was, so it was published in 2011 as part of the National Short Story Prize anthology.
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And now- uh, and then it was actually adapted as a stage musical in the UK, and now it's becoming a film.
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So it's been a couple of, of iterations as- Yeah as it's grown in popularity.
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But she wrote this 14 page short story.
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Uh, she had her nominations and all that kind of stuff.
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Once it became so popular and became that they were gonna turn it into a movie- Yeah she did one of the smartest things that you could do.
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Because this was, like, self-published.
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This wasn't through a publisher.
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This wasn't through a big, uh, organization or anything.
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So once it came through this, she did the smart move and she pulled all of her stories from the internet.
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All source code was, like, absolutely removed.
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So if you're gonna find it now, you have to go through, like, a pirating source or something like that to get it.
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Reddit.
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Some deep dive through Reddit or something.
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I'm sure that there's plenty of places- Yeah that if you, you look hard enough, you can find it.
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But for the most part, she has taken it all, all of this, because sh- now she's going through and doing it through an actual publisher.
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Yeah.
00:09:25.240 --> 00:09:27.059
So she can republish the short story.
00:09:27.070 --> 00:09:29.860
Do you think she's gonna, like, lengthen it since it was a short story?
00:09:30.110 --> 00:09:30.980
I have not heard a thing.
00:09:30.980 --> 00:09:31.129
Yeah.
00:09:31.129 --> 00:09:32.159
I haven't looked hard enough into it.
00:09:32.159 --> 00:09:32.789
I'm curious about that.
00:09:32.830 --> 00:09:34.019
But I'd be curious to find out.
00:09:34.019 --> 00:09:34.360
Yeah.
00:09:34.399 --> 00:09:41.929
But we're also, I mean, the- think the biggest curiosity about this entire thing, that I've seen online at least, is hashtag wicker dick.
00:09:41.990 --> 00:09:43.320
I was about to say, is his dick?
00:09:43.409 --> 00:09:44.480
That is, like, the top of the town.
00:09:44.490 --> 00:09:44.580
I
00:09:44.580 --> 00:09:47.350
wanna know what weaved it's been woved, you know?
00:09:47.370 --> 00:09:51.360
I wanna know what pattern of weaving capabilities they made it.
00:09:51.639 --> 00:09:51.779
Why?
00:09:51.799 --> 00:09:52.220
Do they...
00:09:52.240 --> 00:09:54.129
Because I'm curious now.
00:09:54.389 --> 00:09:58.039
Is it a ridged, weaved, woven of wicker?
00:09:58.039 --> 00:09:58.379
Question
00:09:58.379 --> 00:10:00.080
is, is it the circumcised weaving?
00:10:00.740 --> 00:10:05.549
It would have to be,'cause I can't imagine a wicker functioning- A bastion?
00:10:05.549 --> 00:10:11.419
in a, functioning in a- Like a loose, like a foreskin uncircumcised motion, you know?
00:10:11.419 --> 00:10:11.470
That
00:10:11.470 --> 00:10:11.879
like a foreskin
00:10:11.929 --> 00:10:12.120
kinda movement.
00:10:12.120 --> 00:10:14.809
I feel like that would hurt both parties, really.
00:10:14.809 --> 00:10:14.870
I, I
00:10:14.870 --> 00:10:15.509
don't know.
00:10:15.509 --> 00:10:15.899
I-
00:10:15.899 --> 00:10:16.509
I don't know.
00:10:16.509 --> 00:10:18.330
We're gonna- That, that is why we're gonna go see it.
00:10:18.480 --> 00:10:19.600
O- October what?
00:10:19.610 --> 00:10:19.649
Appar-
00:10:20.039 --> 00:10:20.529
oh, I have no idea when this comes out.
00:10:20.529 --> 00:10:20.539
I
00:10:20.539 --> 00:10:21.509
don't, I don't
even know it.
00:10:21.539 --> 00:10:21.750
Yeah.
00:10:21.750 --> 00:10:21.879
I have no idea when it comes out.
00:10:21.879 --> 00:10:23.019
I just know it comes out in October.
00:10:23.360 --> 00:10:28.450
But, uh, one of the big things I was looking at there was that seems to be the big concentration is so many- Oh,
00:10:28.450 --> 00:10:29.409
we wanna see a wicker dick
00:10:29.669 --> 00:10:31.860
so many people out there that are like,"I want the dick."
00:10:31.950 --> 00:10:36.929
First of all, we rarely get to see dick, unless it's comical dick, and we've talked about this in episodes in the past.
00:10:36.980 --> 00:10:44.509
We don't get to s- get to see strong, powerful dick, much less strong, powerful wicker dick.
00:10:44.669 --> 00:10:44.970
Yeah.
00:10:45.309 --> 00:10:45.809
Never have we
00:10:45.990 --> 00:10:46.059
ever.
00:10:46.059 --> 00:10:48.210
Do women deserve strong, powerful dick in the theater?
00:10:48.460 --> 00:10:48.950
Yes.
00:10:49.419 --> 00:10:50.730
That's non-comical?
00:10:50.789 --> 00:10:51.169
Yes.
00:10:51.389 --> 00:10:56.250
N- Yeah like, flaccid and just, like,"Ha ha, there's a penis," that's all we get.
00:10:56.250 --> 00:10:57.779
We don't get ha ha funny tits.
00:10:57.789 --> 00:10:59.850
So f- flaccid dick is comical?
00:11:00.200 --> 00:11:00.669
Always.
00:11:00.710 --> 00:11:01.000
Always?
00:11:01.000 --> 00:11:01.600
Without-
00:11:01.600 --> 00:11:02.169
Always
00:11:02.200 --> 00:11:02.779
without exemption?
00:11:02.789 --> 00:11:03.639
Without fails.
00:11:03.720 --> 00:11:03.940
Okay.
00:11:03.960 --> 00:11:05.799
We will always laugh at u- an-
00:11:05.889 --> 00:11:08.519
So the only serious dick is a hard dick, is that what you're saying?
00:11:08.529 --> 00:11:09.340
Or a wicker dick.
00:11:09.429 --> 00:11:09.889
Or a wicker dick.
00:11:10.649 --> 00:11:14.139
I mean, I feel like, see, that's, I feel like that couldn't get erect.
00:11:14.139 --> 00:11:15.299
It's just gonna be erect all the time.
00:11:15.299 --> 00:11:15.340
Th-
00:11:15.649 --> 00:11:16.919
that, thank you.
00:11:18.259 --> 00:11:19.070
That's the point.
00:11:19.399 --> 00:11:24.039
Which we also dove into how they, kind of like how they made the special effects for the movie.
00:11:24.259 --> 00:11:24.600
Yeah.
00:11:24.649 --> 00:11:26.149
Which is, at first we were like, wow, that's
00:11:26.149 --> 00:11:28.090
a l- They should've brought in the actor of O- of Odyssey.
00:11:28.250 --> 00:11:28.820
Which one?
00:11:29.460 --> 00:11:30.120
Oh, I'm so sorry.
00:11:30.129 --> 00:11:31.269
The director of Odyssey.
00:11:31.299 --> 00:11:31.960
I'm so sorry.
00:11:32.019 --> 00:11:32.639
Chris Nolan?
00:11:32.649 --> 00:11:34.169
Let Chris Nolan make this film.
00:11:34.240 --> 00:11:36.009
It would be the most realistic.
00:11:38.158 --> 00:11:39.278
That's an actual fucking basket.
00:11:39.278 --> 00:11:39.827
It's an
00:11:39.827 --> 00:11:40.868
actual basket.
00:11:40.868 --> 00:11:42.258
But we're
all excited about it.
00:11:44.268 --> 00:11:44.288
Yeah.
00:11:44.408 --> 00:11:47.597
It also brought us up to kind of having a debate back and forth.
00:11:47.597 --> 00:11:49.177
We won't go into it too much right now.
00:11:49.388 --> 00:12:00.368
But we had a little debate back and forth about the conversion of interest between pornography in books, and this is in a positive light,'cause we always talk about pornography- Yeah in a positive light.
00:12:00.827 --> 00:12:05.168
But pornography in books to shifting to on-screen, and kind of the...
00:12:06.118 --> 00:12:07.307
What's the word I'm looking for here?
00:12:08.878 --> 00:12:09.977
I've seen- Correlation?
00:12:09.998 --> 00:12:10.268
Yeah.
00:12:10.268 --> 00:12:15.807
Well, I've seen a- I don't know lot of people in the past who are like,"Pornography's okay in books, but once it shifts to screen, it's not okay."
00:12:16.128 --> 00:12:16.437
Mm-hmm.
00:12:16.437 --> 00:12:24.707
But now we're seeing this book shift into screen as it is, and now it's being portrayed as okay.
00:12:24.738 --> 00:12:26.898
And you, we, we disagree on this, and that's okay.
00:12:27.008 --> 00:12:27.508
We disagree.
00:12:27.508 --> 00:12:29.638
But one and two.
00:12:29.837 --> 00:12:33.307
One, we have no idea if there's gonna be pornography in this film.
00:12:33.717 --> 00:12:34.347
We have no idea.
00:12:34.427 --> 00:12:37.607
Well, it depends how you define pornography, which is more of a subjective term.
00:12:37.837 --> 00:12:39.988
But we still don't know, because no one has seen it.
00:12:40.097 --> 00:12:40.357
Right.
00:12:40.368 --> 00:12:45.793
Secondly When you read a book and it is...
00:12:46.203 --> 00:12:48.014
I read a lot of those books.
00:12:48.094 --> 00:12:48.884
Yep, me too.
00:12:49.474 --> 00:12:54.984
It is not explicit male or female nudity.
00:12:55.464 --> 00:13:03.354
What we, what women don't like in s- cinema and pornography is exploiting women's bodies.
00:13:03.604 --> 00:13:07.244
But when you read a book, it is for women.
00:13:07.254 --> 00:13:07.264
Mm.
00:13:07.453 --> 00:13:16.214
It is portrayed in a, like, consensual, sexy, he's doing this to me, I'm the receiver mentality.
00:13:16.994 --> 00:13:27.004
So to equate sex in a book to what you see in cinema, I, we, women would love it to actually show what we read in a book.
00:13:27.264 --> 00:13:29.864
Our complaint is that it's not shown in cinema.
00:13:30.033 --> 00:13:31.124
It's not the same thing.
00:13:31.653 --> 00:13:32.474
Is that the complaint?
00:13:32.484 --> 00:13:32.504
Y-
00:13:32.903 --> 00:13:33.744
yes.
00:13:33.813 --> 00:13:34.663
Yeah, I'm a woman.
00:13:34.744 --> 00:13:35.933
Yep, that is the complaint.
00:13:36.024 --> 00:13:37.514
I'm, I agree with you on that.
00:13:38.403 --> 00:13:38.889
Yeah, for sure.
00:13:38.889 --> 00:13:39.134
Yes.
00:13:39.134 --> 00:13:43.673
Because again, in, in cinema or even in pornography, we love porn.
00:13:43.923 --> 00:13:44.153
Mm-hmm.
00:13:44.573 --> 00:13:48.134
But that's also why we watch porn geared towards women.
00:13:48.364 --> 00:13:50.764
Yeah, but I, I mean, you know me- that I agree with that.
00:13:50.844 --> 00:13:51.693
No, I know you do.
00:13:51.933 --> 00:14:08.703
All I'm saying is for this book to be put on film or whatever, first of all, we can't even really discuss this because we haven't seen it yet, but if it was to ex- exploit a wicker dick-
00:14:09.033 --> 00:14:10.634
I'm not talking about exploitation at all
00:14:10.724 --> 00:14:11.484
then what are you talking about?
00:14:11.563 --> 00:14:20.744
So in, in my opinion, whenever I see that somebody that says the difference between showing pornography, and I don't, I don't mean this as exploitation.
00:14:20.754 --> 00:14:21.053
Mm-hmm.
00:14:21.063 --> 00:14:21.313
I...
00:14:21.413 --> 00:14:25.663
Let's say that it's consensual all around, and it's well done and everything else.
00:14:26.683 --> 00:14:40.514
The argument, and this is not everybody, this is a sect of people who will sit back and say that sex in aggressive manners, any way, any way that it is in a book is okay, but once it becomes on screen it's not okay.
00:14:40.734 --> 00:14:44.203
Again, this is not against everybody by any means whatsoever.
00:14:45.063 --> 00:14:50.774
But I have had and I've seen arguments online where it is like,"Oh, no, it's okay because it's in a book.
00:14:51.173 --> 00:14:52.474
It's not okay when it's on screen."
00:14:53.714 --> 00:14:55.553
I think you're talking to the wrong people turning from auditory to visually.
00:14:55.553 --> 00:14:58.313
Then I think you're listening to the wrong people.
00:14:58.754 --> 00:14:59.413
I think that our- I'm saying
00:14:59.413 --> 00:15:00.333
the argument exists
00:15:00.653 --> 00:15:06.094
oh, well, of course it does- And I was curious your input about it but, but the people that have that argument don't listen to our podcast anyways.
00:15:07.443 --> 00:15:15.173
The people that have that argument that say that it's okay to read it but it's not okay to see it, all I'm saying it's not our viewers.
00:15:15.583 --> 00:15:17.094
Those aren't the people that we listen to.
00:15:17.094 --> 00:15:17.139
Okay, well,
00:15:17.139 --> 00:15:17.504
I'm not, I'm just-
00:15:17.514 --> 00:15:18.344
So it's like-
00:15:18.354 --> 00:15:23.433
I'm talking about an argu- I'm literally talking about just an argument and, and discussing it.
00:15:24.083 --> 00:15:24.144
That's it.
00:15:24.714 --> 00:15:28.163
Then I just think it's very unfortunate for those people, you know?
00:15:28.163 --> 00:15:28.333
All right.
00:15:28.333 --> 00:15:30.244
I, I would hate to think that way.
00:15:30.333 --> 00:15:34.244
I feel sorry for someone that thinks that way, that I can read it but can't see it.
00:15:34.844 --> 00:15:37.344
I get your point, I, I promise you, I really do.
00:15:37.604 --> 00:15:50.929
But, like- I, I think the people that are against seeing it but are okay
reading it, I, I don't know where their, like, loyalties lie almost.
00:15:50.980 --> 00:15:54.279
Like, where do you, where do you justify reading it and then not seeing it?
00:15:54.279 --> 00:15:55.370
I get your point, I promise.
00:15:55.370 --> 00:15:55.399
Watch.
00:15:55.399 --> 00:15:55.950
Yeah, look for it.
00:15:55.950 --> 00:15:56.879
You'll see it a lot more.
00:15:56.950 --> 00:15:57.200
Yeah.
00:15:57.200 --> 00:15:59.419
It's because it's been, it's been something that I've been like-
00:16:00.649 --> 00:16:03.080
Have you seen it to do more with this book now?
00:16:03.129 --> 00:16:05.789
I'm just curious, or has it been- Oh, no, I, I think that this- in, like, other things in
00:16:06.450 --> 00:16:15.179
the past this is personal, that it, once I saw the attention being given to this movie as it's coming out, drew me back towards that- Mm argument.
00:16:15.179 --> 00:16:17.710
Because I've, I, again, I've seen that argument a lot.
00:16:17.750 --> 00:16:18.070
Mm-hmm.
00:16:18.080 --> 00:16:22.250
It's not widespread, and I'm not trying to shit on anybody for having a good time.
00:16:22.259 --> 00:16:23.970
Like, I'm not gonna yuck your yum, right?
00:16:23.970 --> 00:16:24.195
No.
00:16:24.195 --> 00:16:24.649
Yeah, I know.
00:16:24.649 --> 00:16:24.659
But
00:16:24.659 --> 00:16:30.350
what I do wanna do is just kind of speculate about the, about this argument.
00:16:30.350 --> 00:16:30.470
I
00:16:30.470 --> 00:16:33.679
mean, you could be bringing that up right now and someone having an aha moment.
00:16:34.009 --> 00:16:34.639
Oh, you're right.
00:16:34.639 --> 00:16:35.049
I do-
00:16:35.049 --> 00:16:35.320
I would hope so.
00:16:35.320 --> 00:16:36.039
That's part of what we're trying to do.
00:16:36.039 --> 00:16:36.360
I,
00:16:36.360 --> 00:16:39.909
I do read it in a book every day, and then I get mad when I see it on screen.
00:16:39.970 --> 00:16:40.309
Yeah.
00:16:40.309 --> 00:16:40.379
Yeah.
00:16:40.379 --> 00:16:40.950
I hear you.
00:16:41.250 --> 00:16:42.129
Yeah, absolutely.
00:16:42.210 --> 00:16:45.129
So either way, you know that we're gonna be in theaters to see this movie.
00:16:45.190 --> 00:16:46.370
I cannot wait to see it.
00:16:46.409 --> 00:16:47.259
I'm going to see it.
00:16:47.269 --> 00:16:48.059
You're going to see it.
00:16:48.080 --> 00:16:50.639
I'm probably gonna be with a, a fun group of women to go see it.
00:16:50.639 --> 00:16:50.871
It's gonna
00:16:50.871 --> 00:17:01.179
be a- Yeah,'cause I already have a group of girls that wanna see it, and they already know that you're included in that because you are I don't wanna say you're not one of the guys, but you're like the guy that gets included in the girls' stuff.
00:17:01.570 --> 00:17:02.539
You know what I like.
00:17:03.370 --> 00:17:04.619
Look, I, I'm here for it.
00:17:04.650 --> 00:17:04.983
I like this kind
00:17:04.983 --> 00:17:05.048
of stuff.
00:17:05.048 --> 00:17:06.869
You're the guy that all the women feel safe
with.
00:17:06.920 --> 00:17:07.039
Yeah.
00:17:07.089 --> 00:17:07.779
Oh, no.
00:17:08.049 --> 00:17:10.089
That's been, I've worked very hard for that, too.
00:17:10.089 --> 00:17:10.279
Yeah.
00:17:10.279 --> 00:17:15.740
Yeah, you, I mean, you work hard at it, but you're also, you don't have to work at it neither.
00:17:15.769 --> 00:17:15.869
Yes.
00:17:15.869 --> 00:17:17.000
Just to say.
00:17:17.910 --> 00:17:18.920
Just to say.
00:17:20.039 --> 00:17:21.910
Okay, so we have, like, eight topics.
00:17:21.910 --> 00:17:22.599
What do you wanna talk about next?
00:17:22.650 --> 00:17:24.180
Um, l- wanna talk about boudoir?
00:17:25.390 --> 00:17:25.880
Ooh.
00:17:26.009 --> 00:17:26.029
Yeah.
00:17:26.190 --> 00:17:27.019
Yeah, you have been a little bit passionate about this.
00:17:27.019 --> 00:17:27.299
I mean, our
00:17:27.500 --> 00:17:27.740
s- our
00:17:27.829 --> 00:17:28.420
segues
00:17:28.420 --> 00:17:29.000
suck right now.
00:17:29.000 --> 00:17:29.039
Oh, we don't care.
00:17:29.039 --> 00:17:29.339
I would love
00:17:29.640 --> 00:17:29.930
to have, like,
00:17:29.930 --> 00:17:30.299
this nice, awesome one.
00:17:30.299 --> 00:17:31.349
No, that's fine.
00:17:31.400 --> 00:17:31.920
Yeah.
00:17:32.009 --> 00:17:32.539
But we don't, so.
00:17:32.539 --> 00:17:32.559
But
00:17:32.559 --> 00:17:33.930
we have a list of things we wanna discuss.
00:17:33.930 --> 00:17:34.500
That's fine.
00:17:35.299 --> 00:17:36.890
But what do you wanna discuss into boudoir?
00:17:36.900 --> 00:17:38.490
Uh, so- Because you added this note.
00:17:38.640 --> 00:17:48.109
Yeah, this is something that I've noticed more recently, and, uh, this is something that I'm I can't say that I've experienced myself because we've done couples bou- boudoir before.
00:17:48.529 --> 00:17:54.170
But one thing that I've seen a lot more recently is a lot more couples doing boudoir, and I love that.
00:17:54.170 --> 00:17:55.500
I think that, like, more power to you.
00:17:55.500 --> 00:17:56.240
You should.
00:17:56.240 --> 00:17:56.589
Absolutely.
00:17:56.619 --> 00:18:02.980
You should ex- support each other in your own bodies and, like, do this stuff that, that makes you feel sexy, and keep these books about it.
00:18:02.980 --> 00:18:03.750
It's really cool.
00:18:04.869 --> 00:18:16.569
Having said that, guys that are going with your wives- Or your girlfriends or, or whoever- Whatever, yeah to, or partners, to do boudoir, you don't look very interested to be there.
00:18:17.609 --> 00:18:22.000
No, they look like, they, I don't wanna say they look scared- You look uncomfortable but they look, like, uninterested.
00:18:22.380 --> 00:18:24.160
You look very uncomfortable for sure.
00:18:24.160 --> 00:18:30.730
Out of the 50 I've seen, I think there's only one guy that I saw that, like, looked into it, like, actually into it.
00:18:30.750 --> 00:18:31.190
Yeah.
00:18:31.309 --> 00:18:34.000
And even then, that was one frame out of the 100 that they took.
00:18:34.150 --> 00:18:34.529
Yeah.
00:18:34.599 --> 00:18:35.119
You know?
00:18:35.220 --> 00:18:37.569
So the, I wanna, I have a message.
00:18:37.680 --> 00:18:43.579
I think that part of it lies on, and I, sorry, guys, but I'm saying it, on the photographers.
00:18:44.079 --> 00:18:44.569
You think so?
00:18:44.569 --> 00:19:01.279
I have seen so many photographers that do boudoir that help women feel empowered, that help them feel comfortable, that are complimenting them and telling them how beautiful they are, and they, they bring this personality out of them that just really flows with the camera work.
00:19:01.279 --> 00:19:01.549
Okay,
00:19:01.569 --> 00:19:03.289
so you're thinking that they don't do that with men?
00:19:03.680 --> 00:19:04.180
I am.
00:19:04.589 --> 00:19:06.250
But do you think that they know how to talk to men?
00:19:06.410 --> 00:19:09.329
That's, see, the, right, this is, this is the rabbit hole, right?
00:19:09.349 --> 00:19:09.880
Is that-
00:19:10.019 --> 00:19:12.069
Cause, like, I know how to tell a woman to feel sexy.
00:19:12.160 --> 00:19:14.420
I wouldn't know- How do you feel a man to, to feel sexy?
00:19:14.420 --> 00:19:15.779
I wouldn't know how to tell a man to feel sexy.
00:19:15.779 --> 00:19:15.903
Yeah.
00:19:15.903 --> 00:19:16.150
I don't-
00:19:16.150 --> 00:19:22.819
So that's the shit, if you're gonna, if you're gonna offer it- Oh, I see what you're saying I think that one of the best things that a, that a photographer could do in that moment-
00:19:22.839 --> 00:19:23.190
Mm-hmm
00:19:23.200 --> 00:19:29.589
is to learn how to also help, or to help both partners feel comfortable, and to really bring it out.
00:19:29.720 --> 00:19:42.369
Otherwise, you're gonna see it on screen, you're gonna see it on camera, is that you're gonna have one partner who feels really comfortable in the situation, and they're doing their thing, and the other one is gonna just not look, the chemistry's not gonna be there.
00:19:42.940 --> 00:19:45.329
So creating that chemistry can be a fun thing.
00:19:45.940 --> 00:19:47.210
Figure out how to get them both into it.
00:19:47.210 --> 00:19:56.480
So do you think that they should, like, work through different, like, plays or things to, like, get them comfortable with each other beforehand?
00:19:56.490 --> 00:19:57.630
Yeah, I think that'd be part
00:19:57.630 --> 00:19:57.799
of it.
00:19:57.799 --> 00:19:58.049
I, I get what you're saying.
00:19:58.049 --> 00:19:59.910
I think that part of it comes from a conversation of
00:20:01.390 --> 00:20:02.019
just, uh, connecting with
00:20:02.019 --> 00:20:02.519
them both.
00:20:02.519 --> 00:20:06.160
But like as a, as a woman, I w- okay, great example.
00:20:06.549 --> 00:20:11.109
I'm a hairstylist, and I do women and men's hair, right?
00:20:11.559 --> 00:20:14.920
Everyone asks me, why do I not film my men in the end?
00:20:15.690 --> 00:20:17.369
Why do I not take before and afters?
00:20:17.829 --> 00:20:19.160
Because they suck at it.
00:20:19.170 --> 00:20:19.640
Right.
00:20:19.740 --> 00:20:20.980
They fucking suck.
00:20:21.200 --> 00:20:21.420
Right.
00:20:21.539 --> 00:20:28.240
Th- there's no correct way for me as a person to know how to tell them to feel comfortable.
00:20:28.609 --> 00:20:30.606
That, that's, right, that's the trick, that's the thing I
00:20:30.606 --> 00:20:30.762
wanna explore.
00:20:30.762 --> 00:20:35.710
Now, I'm also not charging thousands of dollars to take photos for that.
00:20:35.970 --> 00:20:39.190
I just don't do it because I don't know how to do it.
00:20:39.380 --> 00:20:39.670
Yeah, yeah.
00:20:39.670 --> 00:20:46.296
But, but, but at the same time, as a woman that is trying to You're a male.
00:20:46.576 --> 00:20:51.536
How would you tell a male, male to be more comfortable behind the camera, then?
00:20:52.026 --> 00:20:58.766
So in my, in my opinion, I don't think it comes from getting them, like telling them to be comfortable or doing that.
00:20:59.026 --> 00:21:02.625
I think it comes from getting them comfortable in the environment in the first place.
00:21:02.875 --> 00:21:05.125
They're entering into a space that they're not familiar with.
00:21:05.576 --> 00:21:08.036
They're entering into a space that they're not really comfortable in.
00:21:08.415 --> 00:21:13.355
You know, you're gonna have some people that are fine with it, but you're gonna have others who are Like, these are dudes.
00:21:13.486 --> 00:21:13.855
Yeah.
00:21:13.915 --> 00:21:14.246
Right?
00:21:14.266 --> 00:21:15.276
These are guys.
00:21:15.296 --> 00:21:20.170
A lot of the people that are, are being talked into going and doing boudoir shoots and couple boudoir shoots- It's just'cause
00:21:20.170 --> 00:21:21.566
their girl wants them to do it
00:21:21.945 --> 00:21:22.986
that is right.
00:21:22.996 --> 00:21:24.046
That's It could be.
00:21:24.046 --> 00:21:24.246
Their, their
00:21:24.365 --> 00:21:25.096
girl wants them to do it.
00:21:25.096 --> 00:21:25.226
"Hey,
00:21:25.226 --> 00:21:27.365
come do this with me." He's like,"All, all right.
00:21:27.365 --> 00:21:28.566
I- Okay I guess I will." All
00:21:28.566 --> 00:21:29.006
right.
00:21:29.086 --> 00:21:32.046
And then you get there, and you're in a photography studio.
00:21:32.056 --> 00:21:32.066
Mm.
00:21:32.076 --> 00:21:33.915
And this guy's never been in a photography studio before.
00:21:33.915 --> 00:21:34.875
Not on that level.
00:21:34.875 --> 00:21:39.465
And he's- Now it's beds and chains and- Right lon- lingerie and lighting
00:21:39.465 --> 00:21:42.836
And most of the conversation- is around,"Hey, girl, you have access to my closet.
00:21:42.836 --> 00:21:44.496
Look at all these outfits we can put you in.
00:21:44.506 --> 00:21:46.006
Hey, girl, let's put you over here
00:21:46.016 --> 00:21:49.036
and do this." And most times the men are in like jeans and a cowboy hat.
00:21:49.046 --> 00:21:51.655
Right, and it's like,"Hey, stand over there until you're needed."
00:21:52.296 --> 00:21:52.566
That's-
00:21:52.576 --> 00:21:55.546
And then it's like,"Now come sit here and put your legs here and do that.
00:21:55.556 --> 00:21:56.635
Now we're taking pictures." I
00:21:56.816 --> 00:21:58.125
mean, you're not wrong.
00:21:58.145 --> 00:21:58.276
It's-
00:21:58.306 --> 00:22:02.365
If you're gonna do the couple's boudoir, you need to have the couple's comfort.
00:22:02.486 --> 00:22:07.465
So do you think they need to have a, like a guy standing in that's like lighting but can also talk to the male?
00:22:07.826 --> 00:22:10.385
I You got me-'cause I'm not a fucking photographer.
00:22:10.385 --> 00:22:10.516
No,
00:22:10.586 --> 00:22:10.875
I know.
00:22:10.885 --> 00:22:13.086
All I can do is tell you what I've observed.
00:22:13.096 --> 00:22:13.405
Yeah.
00:22:13.465 --> 00:22:18.306
And whenever I see I,'cause I l- I love how artistic a lot of these boudoir photographers are.
00:22:18.306 --> 00:22:21.605
They are good artists, and they do really great artwork.
00:22:21.615 --> 00:22:21.635
Yeah.
00:22:21.635 --> 00:22:25.516
And the second that it becomes a couple's one, you're like,"What happened?" It's so fun.
00:22:25.596 --> 00:22:25.746
Yeah.
00:22:26.746 --> 00:22:27.586
Like, what happened?
00:22:27.586 --> 00:22:28.346
Where'd it go?
00:22:29.256 --> 00:22:36.486
You can take- I mean- You can take women and have them feel empowered and beautiful no matter the shape, size, or anything else about them.
00:22:37.516 --> 00:22:39.096
You should be able to do the same with a guy.
00:22:40.086 --> 00:22:43.796
No matter his shape, no matter his size, you should also be able to make him feel the
00:22:43.796 --> 00:22:44.056
same thing.
00:22:44.056 --> 00:22:46.016
I mean, sweetie, I hear you loud and clear.
00:22:46.215 --> 00:22:48.155
The biggest difference is we're not photographers.
00:22:48.425 --> 00:22:48.739
Mm-mm.
00:22:48.739 --> 00:22:48.903
We're,
00:22:48.903 --> 00:22:49.286
that's- We're
00:22:49.365 --> 00:22:56.986
not, and I really hope that from this episode I get like a couple of DMs from photographers that are like, either,"Fuck you," or that are like- Or-"You know what?
00:22:56.986 --> 00:22:57.395
I agree with you" or,
00:22:57.395 --> 00:22:58.935
Get your ass in here.
00:22:59.076 --> 00:23:03.326
Get your ass in here and instruct these men." You know what I mean?
00:23:03.326 --> 00:23:04.955
Come, come help these men feel comfortable- Like,
00:23:04.955 --> 00:23:05.205
hey
00:23:05.205 --> 00:23:05.836
behind the camera.
00:23:05.836 --> 00:23:06.385
You, you do- Or
00:23:06.385 --> 00:23:06.506
in
00:23:06.786 --> 00:23:10.056
front of the camera but that's the thing, though, is you do very well in front of the camera.
00:23:10.056 --> 00:23:10.115
I would like to think.
00:23:10.115 --> 00:23:11.465
But not all men are you.
00:23:11.806 --> 00:23:14.175
Not all men are gonna get invited to Wicker Dick.
00:23:14.256 --> 00:23:15.915
Do you not r- see
the difference, though?
00:23:16.385 --> 00:23:17.135
You know what I mean?
00:23:17.326 --> 00:23:18.675
Like, you're not all men.
00:23:19.175 --> 00:23:24.036
You can get- Well, I understand that in front of a camera, and you have this beautiful ability to be behind camera.
00:23:24.036 --> 00:23:24.256
That, that I agree with.
00:23:24.256 --> 00:23:27.826
Not very many men I know have that ability.
00:23:28.365 --> 00:23:29.076
Anyways.
00:23:30.726 --> 00:23:33.115
Anyways, I think- Just ranting here.
00:23:33.115 --> 00:23:33.286
I love it.
00:23:33.296 --> 00:23:35.286
No, no, that's, that's what we're here for.
00:23:36.445 --> 00:23:41.445
So I'm gonna bring something up, and it's just a note that I see, and you can tell me to shut up and we move on.
00:23:41.776 --> 00:23:44.246
What are science grifters?
00:23:44.256 --> 00:23:45.296
So you know what a grifter is.
00:23:45.486 --> 00:23:48.236
I do, but what do you mean by this comment?
00:23:48.306 --> 00:23:48.655
Or s-
00:23:49.096 --> 00:23:50.165
The science grifter stuff?
00:23:50.165 --> 00:23:54.125
So I, I'm- Note I'm, I'm floating aro- a- around on Instagram the other day.
00:23:54.195 --> 00:23:59.586
I, that's where I get a lot of ideas from, is just watching reels from researchers.
00:23:59.596 --> 00:23:59.615
Mm-hmm.
00:23:59.625 --> 00:24:03.655
Watching reels from educators, watching reels from professionals and all that.
00:24:04.046 --> 00:24:05.155
And I come across this page.
00:24:05.155 --> 00:24:06.036
I'm not gonna name names.
00:24:06.036 --> 00:24:06.904
I don't think that's a, a thing to do.
00:24:06.904 --> 00:24:08.165
Yeah, let's not do that, no.
00:24:08.165 --> 00:24:13.086
But it's this person who is posing themself as a as a sex educator.
00:24:13.246 --> 00:24:18.665
You know, the reality is, is that you don't really need anything to call yourself that.
00:24:18.756 --> 00:24:19.278
Not a sex educator.
00:24:19.278 --> 00:24:22.665
You can go through, you can go through- Yeah certifications by choice.
00:24:22.675 --> 00:24:23.375
It's all voluntary.
00:24:23.385 --> 00:24:23.546
Like
00:24:23.736 --> 00:24:24.276
you did.
00:24:24.415 --> 00:24:24.625
But, yes.
00:24:24.635 --> 00:24:25.476
Like you did.
00:24:26.056 --> 00:24:26.455
Yes.
00:24:26.455 --> 00:24:26.546
But
00:24:26.766 --> 00:24:27.036
if- Sexual...
00:24:27.036 --> 00:24:28.816
Do you wanna plug it real fast?
00:24:28.915 --> 00:24:30.496
Sexual Health Alliance, just saying.
00:24:30.496 --> 00:24:30.655
We
00:24:30.836 --> 00:24:32.726
lo- we love plugging Sexual Health
00:24:32.726 --> 00:24:32.915
Alliance.
00:24:32.915 --> 00:24:34.935
I'm just saying, you ha- you've done this though.
00:24:34.935 --> 00:24:36.135
That's the only reason I bring it up.
00:24:36.596 --> 00:24:37.336
You've done this.
00:24:37.336 --> 00:24:38.976
You've gone to the certifications.
00:24:39.056 --> 00:24:44.855
You're not a person that's just like, you know- Right floating around, finding ran- random information.
00:24:44.855 --> 00:24:45.066
Hell, I'm
00:24:45.536 --> 00:24:47.365
still trying to finish the certifications.
00:24:47.526 --> 00:24:48.195
Okay, fair.
00:24:48.205 --> 00:24:49.855
I'm just saying that you've done your work.
00:24:49.915 --> 00:24:50.145
Yeah.
00:24:50.155 --> 00:24:51.806
You, you're not just this like person.
00:24:52.036 --> 00:24:52.415
Correct.
00:24:52.435 --> 00:24:52.596
Yeah.
00:24:52.596 --> 00:24:58.306
Because what I'm talking about is the people that I've come a- that we are coming across who are saying that that's what they are.
00:24:58.326 --> 00:24:59.905
And you don't need a credential.
00:24:59.955 --> 00:25:03.276
You don't need the, the letters behind your name in order to call yourself this.
00:25:03.605 --> 00:25:11.306
But what I've seen more and more of is people who are trying to use a ill-begotten title-
00:25:12.145 --> 00:25:12.346
Ill-begotten
00:25:12.355 --> 00:25:15.836
in order to push their sales.
00:25:16.306 --> 00:25:19.026
So you go to their page and they're like,"I'm a sex educator.
00:25:19.026 --> 00:25:22.115
Look at me, I have 50,000 followers." Wow, that's well and amazing.
00:25:22.125 --> 00:25:23.246
You can make great content.
00:25:23.405 --> 00:25:24.365
Wonderful for you.
00:25:24.736 --> 00:25:28.596
"Hey guys, now sign up for my," whatever offering it is.
00:25:28.596 --> 00:25:28.955
Yeah.
00:25:29.346 --> 00:25:30.455
And you go,"All right.
00:25:30.455 --> 00:25:31.536
Well, what's this offering?
00:25:31.556 --> 00:25:36.556
Oh my gosh, you're offering a certification." What the fuck does that even mean?
00:25:36.625 --> 00:26:13.779
Oh, what you're saying is that you created a certification with no board advisory, with no regulation, with nothing at all to say that anyone that pays me 3 to$5,000 can then now say,"I'm certified in system X or system Y." But to begin with, the person who's offering this is a nobody, is a random person who decided one day that they were gonna start doing some research, and then after a little while of doing that, they put it into a coursework, and now they're selling it for thousands of dollars.
00:26:13.829 --> 00:26:14.619
That's what gets me.
00:26:14.619 --> 00:26:14.890
That's fucked up.
00:26:14.890 --> 00:26:16.380
Thousands of dollars.
00:26:16.960 --> 00:26:18.339
You, you, you went to what?
00:26:18.349 --> 00:26:19.329
ChatGPT?
00:26:20.240 --> 00:26:22.319
You'd be surprised how many people actually do.
00:26:22.329 --> 00:26:23.509
That's what I'm saying, though.
00:26:23.710 --> 00:26:29.990
You, you went on there and said,"Hey, this is what I wanna do." And, like, in part, cool.
00:26:30.680 --> 00:26:31.730
Smart angle.
00:26:31.990 --> 00:26:33.480
But you're s- you're a dick.
00:26:33.970 --> 00:26:35.059
That's a dick angle.
00:26:35.059 --> 00:26:35.289
Smart
00:26:35.319 --> 00:26:36.250
angle, but you're a dick.
00:26:36.250 --> 00:26:37.160
You're a dick.
00:26:37.759 --> 00:26:39.380
You have
no...
00:26:39.809 --> 00:26:46.799
The thing is, is anything can tell you what to do, but until you have personal experience in that, you don't actually know.
00:26:46.930 --> 00:26:48.720
Theoretical experience can get you far.
00:26:48.759 --> 00:26:50.470
Like, let's- Yes, it can let's, let's be real there.
00:26:50.599 --> 00:26:50.809
Yes.
00:26:50.809 --> 00:26:51.859
We can get far with theoretical experience.
00:26:51.869 --> 00:26:52.099
But
00:26:52.200 --> 00:26:53.900
life fucking experience.
00:26:54.369 --> 00:26:56.380
You know- Is also an important part you and I could have not...
00:26:56.690 --> 00:27:05.309
You and I would not go out and talk an entire podcast episode on going to a sex party if you and I had not gone to a sex party.
00:27:05.309 --> 00:27:05.329
No.
00:27:05.880 --> 00:27:06.839
We wouldn't do it.
00:27:06.839 --> 00:27:07.075
Nope.
00:27:07.075 --> 00:27:08.259
I don't care what ChatGPT- I wouldn't
00:27:08.259 --> 00:27:08.329
teach
00:27:08.329 --> 00:27:09.220
Shibari with
00:27:09.220 --> 00:27:09.670
being like-
00:27:09.710 --> 00:27:10.319
told me
00:27:10.380 --> 00:27:11.799
Ah, chat told me to do this."
00:27:11.799 --> 00:27:12.589
I would not.
00:27:12.609 --> 00:27:14.180
I w- I, I wouldn't do that.
00:27:14.180 --> 00:27:19.970
Just as a human, I would not tell people the experience of something that I have not actually experienced.
00:27:19.980 --> 00:27:20.000
No.
00:27:20.500 --> 00:27:32.400
It's the same thing whenever we see people who are like,"Oh, I offer couples counseling or couples education." I don't, I'm not gonna shit on counselors here, because you guys are the fucking shit.
00:27:32.400 --> 00:27:33.990
I love y'all all, every single one of you.
00:27:34.259 --> 00:27:45.450
If you've gone through the schoolwork and you are a cer- You, you went through the education and you are certified with an LPC or an LMFT sex therapist, all that, you deserve to be exactly where you're at.
00:27:45.819 --> 00:27:54.119
I'm gearing this more towards the people who claim to be able to coach people, but they themselves haven't gone through the shit-
00:27:54.140 --> 00:27:55.009
Yeah, exactly
00:27:55.009 --> 00:27:55.559
and done it.
00:27:55.940 --> 00:28:00.750
So we, we've seen that before, too, where people are like,"Oh, well, I'm a, you know, I'm a couples coach.
00:28:00.829 --> 00:28:01.970
I'm an intimacy coach."
00:28:01.990 --> 00:28:02.880
Bet you're single.
00:28:03.009 --> 00:28:03.490
No, I'm just kidding.
00:28:04.440 --> 00:28:09.549
But they themselves are not in long-term relationships- Yeah or keep bouncing relationship to relationship.
00:28:09.559 --> 00:28:12.119
Well, I've seen people who are like, they went...
00:28:12.779 --> 00:28:20.119
There was one couple that I saw that runs a podcast that has so much of a following, and I've watched their stuff.
00:28:20.119 --> 00:28:21.380
I disagree with a lot of things that they say.
00:28:21.390 --> 00:28:21.690
Yeah.
00:28:22.160 --> 00:28:26.259
But I'll watch their stuff, and I'll get shared it by friends of mine.
00:28:26.299 --> 00:28:30.299
And I'm like,"Hey, just so you know, these guys have been together for, like, three years."
00:28:30.309 --> 00:28:30.720
Yeah.
00:28:30.789 --> 00:28:34.259
And they were both in, like, severely abusive relationships before this.
00:28:34.259 --> 00:28:34.809
Before.
00:28:34.819 --> 00:28:39.410
And now this, they're just saying things, and they say it with confidence.
00:28:39.589 --> 00:28:43.970
And people tend to believe whenever somebody says something enough times with enough confidence.
00:28:43.970 --> 00:28:44.160
Yeah.
00:28:44.170 --> 00:28:45.250
We see that all the time, right?
00:28:45.349 --> 00:28:45.940
Yes, we do.
00:28:47.511 --> 00:28:48.301
Yes, we do.
00:28:49.071 --> 00:28:54.362
So in seeing, in seeing a lot of that, it becomes frustrating and you go,"Well, who am I supposed to listen to?"
00:28:55.201 --> 00:28:56.412
I mean, it has to be hard though.
00:28:56.412 --> 00:29:04.251
Like, you and I d- have like a general understanding, and we can, we, you help me to also sift through the bullshit.
00:29:04.582 --> 00:29:10.721
But like, I, I do feel unfortunate for people that, because the, the content is just so out there.
00:29:11.061 --> 00:29:12.231
It's everywhere out there.
00:29:12.471 --> 00:29:12.989
I feel like people are even preying on it.
00:29:12.989 --> 00:29:14.221
And it's very hard to know.
00:29:14.422 --> 00:29:18.622
Exactly, that's the thing, is like people prey on the ignorance of-
00:29:18.632 --> 00:29:19.561
People prey on insecurity.
00:29:19.571 --> 00:29:19.592
Yeah.
00:29:19.602 --> 00:29:20.672
People prey on fear.
00:29:21.051 --> 00:29:25.021
If a message is delivered enough times and you start thinking,"I must be broken.
00:29:25.021 --> 00:29:25.741
I must be broken.
00:29:25.741 --> 00:29:27.582
I must be broken"- Mm-hmm they're creating a problem.
00:29:27.842 --> 00:29:32.172
And then, lo and behold, they're your savior- Here's a solution to come save you from that problem.
00:29:32.172 --> 00:29:32.201
Yeah, yeah.
00:29:32.211 --> 00:29:34.021
We've seen this for years.
00:29:34.031 --> 00:29:34.132
Yes.
00:29:34.182 --> 00:29:36.122
We've been in this kind of stuff.
00:29:36.182 --> 00:29:36.811
We know what the fuck we're talking about.
00:29:36.811 --> 00:29:38.221
We see it in our presidency.
00:29:38.932 --> 00:29:39.862
Literally.
00:29:39.912 --> 00:29:47.132
I've seen it all the way down to- I know to groups that we've been part of- I know in the past, where you start watching them sell from the stage.
00:29:47.422 --> 00:29:47.592
Yeah.
00:29:47.592 --> 00:29:58.261
And you start going,"Holy shit, in 10 minutes time I watched this person create a problem, introduce a solution to a problem, and then pr- represent themselves as the only one that can save you from the problem."
00:29:58.281 --> 00:30:02.152
Yep, and then I'm a, and then you're gonna
have to buy the solution to that problem.
00:30:02.152 --> 00:30:02.241
Yeah.
00:30:02.241 --> 00:30:02.811
You want it?
00:30:02.832 --> 00:30:04.211
It only costs this much.
00:30:04.221 --> 00:30:04.902
Ugh, here's the price.
00:30:04.902 --> 00:30:05.741
That's all it is.
00:30:05.751 --> 00:30:06.491
Here's the price.
00:30:07.051 --> 00:30:09.412
Okay, I'm gonna go through, let's see.
00:30:09.412 --> 00:30:10.842
I'm just gonna look at random.
00:30:11.461 --> 00:30:12.051
Ooh.
00:30:14.400 --> 00:30:15.660
I feel like this is my topic.
00:30:17.160 --> 00:30:18.450
Unsolicited pics.
00:30:18.579 --> 00:30:18.930
Okay.
00:30:20.519 --> 00:30:27.214
As a female, I have received a ridiculous amount of dick pics.
00:30:27.214 --> 00:30:28.230
Mm-hmm.
00:30:28.829 --> 00:30:29.579
Ridiculous.
00:30:29.609 --> 00:30:30.269
As expected.
00:30:30.539 --> 00:30:31.390
Just ridiculous.
00:30:31.390 --> 00:30:31.480
I
00:30:31.490 --> 00:30:32.670
don't ever receive dick pics.
00:30:32.960 --> 00:30:34.190
That is unfortunate for you.
00:30:34.529 --> 00:30:34.799
No.
00:30:35.069 --> 00:30:36.670
I don't present myself as, I don't know.
00:30:36.960 --> 00:30:38.289
Wanting to receive such?
00:30:38.380 --> 00:30:42.710
I don't present myself as wanting to receive such, but my...
00:30:43.359 --> 00:30:44.619
I actually wrote this note.
00:30:46.410 --> 00:30:50.319
Unsolicited pics is truly just that.
00:30:50.779 --> 00:30:50.849
Yeah.
00:30:51.119 --> 00:30:52.650
They are not gender specific.
00:30:53.490 --> 00:30:57.019
They are not dick, tick, balls, ass.
00:30:57.250 --> 00:30:58.079
Don't care.
00:30:59.309 --> 00:31:07.009
If you send something without consent from the receiver, that's fucked up.
00:31:07.130 --> 00:31:08.200
You are in the wrong.
00:31:08.450 --> 00:31:08.710
Yeah.
00:31:09.059 --> 00:31:10.910
You are 100% in the wrong.
00:31:12.289 --> 00:31:15.589
You and I were sitting in this very position that we're sitting in now.
00:31:16.279 --> 00:31:17.690
I'm minding my own business.
00:31:17.960 --> 00:31:19.420
You're playing a video game.
00:31:19.720 --> 00:31:24.039
I'm scrolling on Facebook, and all of a sudden, what happens, Casey?
00:31:24.990 --> 00:31:27.440
You next to me made this weird kind of noise.
00:31:27.500 --> 00:31:27.609
What?
00:31:27.609 --> 00:31:31.509
I was like,"Ugh, ugh." Why?
00:31:31.940 --> 00:31:33.990
You sound like Bette Midler in Hocus Pocus.
00:31:34.319 --> 00:31:34.460
Ugh.
00:31:36.049 --> 00:31:42.549
So I open up my Facebook Messenger, and just straight tits.
00:31:43.950 --> 00:31:47.130
Sidebar, I didn't know that you could send nudes on Facebook.
00:31:47.869 --> 00:31:49.150
I thought they had, like, restrictions.
00:31:49.150 --> 00:31:49.390
Like, you
00:31:49.420 --> 00:31:51.150
think they would be like,"Oh, you're sending this message.
00:31:51.190 --> 00:31:52.690
Are you sure you wanna send this message?"
00:31:52.910 --> 00:31:53.670
Not even that.
00:31:53.670 --> 00:31:58.099
"We're gonna blur this message." Like, I literally thought that you could not send nudes on...
00:31:58.259 --> 00:31:59.660
It's Facebook.
00:32:00.230 --> 00:32:01.099
It's Facebook.
00:32:02.700 --> 00:32:05.140
Anyways, this ain't fucking Snapchat.
00:32:05.390 --> 00:32:12.440
This ain't Instagram And yes, I made a face and I showed Casey.
00:32:12.839 --> 00:32:17.400
And I'm like,"And y- what is the first thing you said?" I don't know if you remember, I'm gonna tell you.
00:32:17.410 --> 00:32:17.480
Oh,
00:32:17.480 --> 00:32:19.019
I have no idea what I said.
00:32:19.170 --> 00:32:28.910
It was,"Not in a bad way to you, what did you do, what did you say to receive this?" I didn't say anything.
00:32:28.920 --> 00:32:28.940
Yeah.
00:32:28.980 --> 00:32:30.289
I didn't do anything.
00:32:30.299 --> 00:32:31.809
Well, that was my assumption, and it was'cause I was
00:32:32.349 --> 00:32:33.579
so bli- And that's, uh, that's a fair assumption
00:32:33.609 --> 00:32:46.200
I was so blindsided by it being a, a woman sending you, another woman, a picture of herself, like tits out in a hot tub- Correct of being, like, I was like,"What, what was y'all's conversation before this?" Correct.
00:32:46.200 --> 00:32:46.440
Yes.
00:32:46.450 --> 00:32:46.480
And
00:32:47.619 --> 00:32:53.480
then I showed you the two messages- Yeah two, before that.
00:32:54.460 --> 00:32:57.950
But here's the thing, though, that shit pisses me off.
00:32:58.059 --> 00:32:58.200
Yes, it does.
00:32:58.200 --> 00:33:01.150
I don't, I don't care who you are, that shit pisses me off.
00:33:01.160 --> 00:33:01.180
Yeah.
00:33:01.190 --> 00:33:05.069
You need, you are looking for direct consent,"I would like to send you something.
00:33:05.069 --> 00:33:05.569
Is that cool?"
00:33:05.579 --> 00:33:11.369
May I send you something?" Do I have permission to send you even what it's going to be?
00:33:11.420 --> 00:33:11.680
Yeah.
00:33:11.900 --> 00:33:17.390
But if you just send something at random with no context, that's gonna piss me off.
00:33:17.450 --> 00:33:17.650
Yeah.
00:33:17.690 --> 00:33:28.910
You are immediately breaking any level of consent, boundaries, like, I don't, I don't even know a word for it, but it's just, it's so inappropriate, and it pisses me off.
00:33:28.920 --> 00:33:33.900
Well, it falls towards every- uh, most of that's been geared towards one gender.
00:33:33.900 --> 00:33:34.809
That's cis het men.
00:33:34.809 --> 00:33:34.869
It's
00:33:35.250 --> 00:33:35.430
true.
00:33:35.470 --> 00:33:35.769
Right?
00:33:35.910 --> 00:33:36.200
True.
00:33:36.630 --> 00:33:39.769
Who, who are the ones sending these unsolicited pictures.
00:33:39.779 --> 00:33:39.799
Yeah.
00:33:39.799 --> 00:33:42.190
And so that's what all the conversation has been geared towards.
00:33:42.660 --> 00:33:46.279
Uh, and it's not been really talked about how all-encompassing that can be.
00:33:46.279 --> 00:33:56.680
It doesn't matter your gender- Yeah it
doesn't matter your sexuality- Mm-hmm it doesn't matter your orientation, you don't send something to somebody else without their personal express consent first.
00:33:57.160 --> 00:34:06.210
And, like, you know, we've been in situations with individuals in the past where, you know, we could've been interested in them.
00:34:06.960 --> 00:34:09.090
We even met them out.
00:34:10.199 --> 00:34:20.650
And even meeting someone out in public and having a conversation with them doesn't consent to then afterward sending nudes.
00:34:20.739 --> 00:34:20.900
Yeah.
00:34:21.090 --> 00:34:23.809
There was nothing discussed about sending a nude.
00:34:24.360 --> 00:34:24.869
Nothing.
00:34:25.460 --> 00:34:34.250
And then here we were, you and I, minding our own business, and then we had a group chat, and then pop out a nude.
00:34:34.710 --> 00:34:39.389
And, like, if they would've asked, completely fine.
00:34:39.989 --> 00:34:41.900
I don't care how much I vibe with this person.
00:34:42.130 --> 00:34:47.469
If they would've asked, it would've been a yes, and then everything would've been fine.
00:34:47.480 --> 00:34:47.500
Yeah.
00:34:47.719 --> 00:34:48.820
But you didn't ask.
00:34:49.280 --> 00:34:50.920
You, nothing led up to that.
00:34:51.190 --> 00:34:53.099
Just boom, here's a nude.
00:34:53.570 --> 00:34:54.579
Not okay with that.
00:34:55.130 --> 00:35:08.869
At the same time, like, I can be at a bar minding me own business, and I think that because I'm a girl at a bar, another girl can come up to me and touch me in a way that I don't wanna be touched.
00:35:08.969 --> 00:35:11.239
And it is considered okay.
00:35:11.329 --> 00:35:11.489
Yeah.
00:35:11.889 --> 00:35:12.030
'Cause
00:35:12.030 --> 00:35:15.210
we- There is nothing wrong with that, but really
00:35:15.389 --> 00:35:18.130
We fr- well, you and I, we frequent a lot of queer spaces.
00:35:18.179 --> 00:35:18.440
We do.
00:35:18.860 --> 00:35:29.440
We frequent a lot of just various spaces, and one of the observations that we have both seen frequenting both straight, queer spaces, and everything in between- And,
00:35:29.440 --> 00:35:29.739
yeah
00:35:30.039 --> 00:35:40.726
is that There's a lot of verbal and sexual harassment that just goes unnoticed, unchecked
00:35:40.755 --> 00:35:47.036
You know, I, I think there's a level that they all feel safe in their space, and I love that they feel safe in their space.
00:35:47.036 --> 00:35:47.596
Yeah, that's what they
00:35:47.596 --> 00:35:48.135
deserve.
00:35:48.135 --> 00:35:55.646
But they, but they can't assume that everyone else is in- Yeah that same comfort space that they're in.
00:35:55.726 --> 00:35:55.905
Yeah.
00:35:55.985 --> 00:35:57.695
I don't like to be touched.
00:35:57.925 --> 00:35:59.456
I hate being touched.
00:35:59.496 --> 00:36:07.755
Well, we've discussed being out and be like, for example, if somebody out, is going out and they just wanna have a good time, and they're neurodivergent, and they- Yeah have an
aversion to touch.
00:36:07.755 --> 00:36:07.956
Valid
00:36:07.956 --> 00:36:08.326
point.
00:36:08.385 --> 00:36:14.556
And you w- and a person walks up to them and then puts their hands on them, you're now in their, you're violating their space.
00:36:14.695 --> 00:36:15.045
And you d-
00:36:15.056 --> 00:36:15.686
You are.
00:36:15.695 --> 00:36:16.005
Yeah.
00:36:16.096 --> 00:36:21.755
Like, there is, there is no,"Well, I didn't mean any harm by it." That's the, that's been the fucking argument from so many people.
00:36:22.186 --> 00:36:24.726
Doesn't matter what- Doesn't matter your intentions were.
00:36:24.976 --> 00:36:29.295
You went into somebody else's personal space without express permission.
00:36:29.815 --> 00:36:37.606
Ask,"Can I put my hands on you?" Ask,"Hey, can I touch you?" Ask,"Hey, can I pay you a compliment?" It's really fucking simple to do.
00:36:38.786 --> 00:36:39.585
It really is.
00:36:39.585 --> 00:36:40.936
It's, that's, that's literally not difficult.
00:36:40.996 --> 00:36:52.445
But we've had, we've had times where we've been out and about, and you've had people come up and, like, grab your ass or, like, put their hands on you or, like, pull you in- Mm-hmm and, and, like, hit on you, and you're kinda going,"I didn't ask for this."
00:36:52.485 --> 00:37:00.175
Because, again, if that was just a cisgender whatever male, I would've lost my shit.
00:37:00.295 --> 00:37:00.876
Me too.
00:37:00.985 --> 00:37:02.735
I would've lost my shit.
00:37:03.076 --> 00:37:07.646
But because it's a female doing it, all of a sudden I- You're
00:37:07.646 --> 00:37:08.856
supposed to be okay with it
00:37:09.206 --> 00:37:16.786
I'm, and maybe I shouldn't be okay with it, but there is a label of, maybe as a woman I'm like,"Oh, thank God it wasn't a male." Yeah.
00:37:16.916 --> 00:37:18.226
Because I don't know who did that.
00:37:18.735 --> 00:37:19.146
Well, there's
00:37:19.146 --> 00:37:19.576
also that
00:37:19.675 --> 00:37:20.775
l- Oh, thank God it wasn't a male.
00:37:20.846 --> 00:37:22.025
Oh, it's just a woman.
00:37:22.036 --> 00:37:22.056
Yeah.
00:37:22.186 --> 00:37:26.215
But then I'm like, wait a minute, I still didn't give con- Yeah I, I still didn't give consent to that.
00:37:26.215 --> 00:37:28.585
Well, there's als- there's also that layer of power, right?
00:37:28.775 --> 00:37:28.905
Yeah.
00:37:28.965 --> 00:37:46.646
Um, this is something that has been discussed whenever it comes to all sorts of subjects, including, uh, prejudice, including racism, including, including assault, like that, is that it's whenever it's an ingroup v- versus an outgroup, whenever it's a group in power versus a group that is traditionally seen to be out of power.
00:37:46.976 --> 00:37:47.315
Yeah.
00:37:47.376 --> 00:37:53.766
Um, so it becomes more okay for the people that are out of power to have their own rules within their group.
00:37:54.896 --> 00:38:03.135
So by that, if a member of that power-riddled ingroup commits
something, it's not okay.
00:38:03.146 --> 00:38:03.166
Yeah.
00:38:03.985 --> 00:38:08.666
But if a person within an ingroup does the same thing, it does become okay.
00:38:08.996 --> 00:38:25.907
However, the counterargument to that, not glorifying any ingroup or anything else, is to then say- It's not necessarily okay for anyone to behave like that, and you should be putting consent f- forward in the first place.
00:38:26.277 --> 00:38:27.507
That, that's the goal.
00:38:27.907 --> 00:38:29.557
That would be, that would be a great goal.
00:38:30.027 --> 00:38:31.050
I would, I would- That's what we'd like to see.
00:38:31.050 --> 00:38:31.114
Yeah.
00:38:31.114 --> 00:38:32.878
That would be a great goal.
00:38:33.237 --> 00:38:40.818
I would love for people, no matter where I'm at, no matter what we're doing, to ask before just touching me.
00:38:40.827 --> 00:38:40.847
Yeah.
00:38:41.588 --> 00:38:48.128
And I think that we set the bar a little low in life, just as general, as,"Oh, it wasn't a male that touched me.
00:38:48.358 --> 00:38:54.838
Okay, I'm not gonna throw a fit." But literally no one asked permission, and they did it anyways.
00:38:54.947 --> 00:39:00.557
That doesn't really make them that different to me- Yes than the person that I was fearful of doing it, you know?
00:39:02.405 --> 00:39:02.735
Just
00:39:02.735 --> 00:39:03.175
asking.
00:39:03.525 --> 00:39:03.815
Just
00:39:03.815 --> 00:39:04.175
saying.
00:39:04.186 --> 00:39:04.646
Just needing consent.
00:39:04.646 --> 00:39:04.686
Just
00:39:05.016 --> 00:39:05.056
saying.
00:39:05.306 --> 00:39:07.045
Um, do you wanna...
00:39:07.146 --> 00:39:13.485
Well, I feel like we've actually evenly picked out the topics, if you would like to dive into another one.
00:39:13.556 --> 00:39:14.735
No, it's my turn, because
00:39:14.755 --> 00:39:14.786
this
00:39:14.786 --> 00:39:15.646
is- It kind of is, though.
00:39:15.686 --> 00:39:18.666
I mean, we've, we've done good going back and forth, but...
00:39:20.365 --> 00:39:20.826
We have.
00:39:21.175 --> 00:39:21.565
We have.
00:39:21.565 --> 00:39:21.655
We did great.
00:39:21.655 --> 00:39:22.826
We've been doing really well.
00:39:23.126 --> 00:39:24.306
Carrie, how are your orgasms?
00:39:25.686 --> 00:39:26.706
I mean, better now.
00:39:26.715 --> 00:39:26.726
I
00:39:26.726 --> 00:39:28.505
was gonna say, hopefully better now.
00:39:28.865 --> 00:39:29.346
Mm, better now.
00:39:29.385 --> 00:39:31.755
So me, me and Carrie are having a conversation one day.
00:39:31.795 --> 00:39:38.076
Um, if you know anything about us, we like to have this, like, brutal transparency- Mm-hmm whenever it comes to our sex life.
00:39:38.536 --> 00:39:45.706
Uh, we both firmly believe that a extreme acceptance level of communication is healthy for our relationship.
00:39:46.115 --> 00:39:54.735
So if Carrie's having an issue, if I'm having an issue, we should be able to check- Discuss it, yeah check the other person's head space, schedule a
time to talk about it, and then bring up whatever it is.
00:39:55.646 --> 00:39:57.445
And I believe it was that you were like, what is it?
00:39:57.456 --> 00:39:59.226
You were like,"I'm bored with my orgasms."
00:39:59.286 --> 00:40:00.715
Yeah, I'm super bored, dude.
00:40:01.036 --> 00:40:03.525
But, like, it wasn't just you.
00:40:03.525 --> 00:40:06.956
I was bored of, like, my own orgasms.
00:40:06.956 --> 00:40:07.010
Yeah.
00:40:07.010 --> 00:40:09.045
And I think that I made that message very clear.
00:40:09.376 --> 00:40:10.775
Um, a little backstory.
00:40:10.786 --> 00:40:14.135
You and I play truth or dare every single day that we're not together.
00:40:14.266 --> 00:40:14.536
Yeah.
00:40:14.536 --> 00:40:14.985
We're, we're
00:40:15.016 --> 00:40:15.286
really
00:40:15.376 --> 00:40:16.735
big- It's a simple- on playing games over text.
00:40:16.755 --> 00:40:21.905
Yeah, it's a simple, simple game that just allows us to open up and talk about anything.
00:40:22.206 --> 00:40:29.516
We can dare each other to do really cute, sexy things, or we can just open up about things that we don't, wouldn't normally just sit down at, like, dinner and talk about.
00:40:29.876 --> 00:40:39.525
But, like, um, you had asked me a truth, and my answer was,"Not only am I bored with my own orgasms, but I'm bored with ours."
00:40:39.585 --> 00:40:39.846
Yeah.
00:40:40.445 --> 00:40:47.085
Now, for people that didn't get to listen to our intro the other day you went through this major surgery.
00:40:47.416 --> 00:40:47.835
Yes.
00:40:47.896 --> 00:40:48.476
I ruptured
00:40:48.606 --> 00:40:49.016
my Achilles.
00:40:49.016 --> 00:40:50.925
You, you ruptured your whole fucking Achilles.
00:40:50.976 --> 00:40:53.275
I was out, down for the count.
00:40:53.885 --> 00:40:54.085
Yeah.
00:40:54.085 --> 00:40:54.976
And I had- Your surgery...
00:40:55.096 --> 00:40:59.025
No, so first of all, the injury was two days before my birthday, so that was in March.
00:40:59.056 --> 00:40:59.275
Yeah.
00:40:59.516 --> 00:41:01.715
And then your surgery wasn't even till June.
00:41:01.715 --> 00:41:02.215
Correct.
00:41:02.226 --> 00:41:16.186
So the level of intimacy that we struggled with from March to June, and then you had your surgery- Uh-huh and then we had to deal with lack of intim- intimacy from surgery June 4th- Yeah to now, which is, what- Post-surgery, which was- which is, what is today's date?
00:41:16.335 --> 00:41:16.746
Today
00:41:16.806 --> 00:41:18.295
August 20-something.
00:41:18.295 --> 00:41:18.945
25th?
00:41:18.945 --> 00:41:19.545
Something like that.
00:41:19.545 --> 00:41:20.565
August 25th.
00:41:20.615 --> 00:41:20.856
Yeah.
00:41:20.865 --> 00:41:28.456
So from March to August 25th- We have had to struggle or, or-
00:41:30.199 --> 00:41:31.039
figure out, yeah
00:41:31.070 --> 00:41:31.360
Yeah,
00:41:31.400 --> 00:41:33.929
alter I don't have as much power behind myself as normal.
00:41:33.960 --> 00:41:34.860
You didn't.
00:41:35.280
--> 00:41:36.059
You do now.
00:41:36.710 --> 00:41:37.650
But you didn't.
00:41:37.809 --> 00:41:43.449
But it wasn't even just you, and that's what I was trying to really, uh, get people to understand is, like, my toys I was bored of.
00:41:43.519 --> 00:41:43.840
Yeah.
00:41:44.409 --> 00:41:50.019
We know- Things- We know that it, it comes down to the internal environment, the external environment, the context in which things happen.
00:41:50.210 --> 00:41:55.070
But the thing that- All of it but the thing that turns me on was you, and you were broken.
00:41:55.329 --> 00:41:55.739
Yes.
00:41:55.849 --> 00:41:59.380
So I wasn't feeling a lot.
00:41:59.409 --> 00:42:01.199
I, I wasn't interested in a lot.
00:42:01.199 --> 00:42:03.329
I wasn't trying to receive a lot.
00:42:03.550 --> 00:42:09.512
I just didn't really care, but that put me in a level of being like,"Well, now I'm fucking bored." I'm bored.
00:42:09.652 --> 00:42:12.152
Like, I'm not making myself come.
00:42:12.342 --> 00:42:16.811
You can't really make me come, and if you do, it is at a, at a very low base level.
00:42:16.822 --> 00:42:17.001
Yeah,
00:42:17.001 --> 00:42:19.211
that was one of the big things that you brought up that I was like,"Okay.
00:42:19.211 --> 00:42:20.692
Well, let's work through that, then." You did.
00:42:20.702 --> 00:42:23.947
Because you were like, you were like,"I still have orgasms, but they're just-"
00:42:23.947 --> 00:42:24.501
They're just blah.
00:42:24.501 --> 00:42:25.751
They're not entertaining.
00:42:25.751 --> 00:42:26.192
They're not- They're...
00:42:26.192 --> 00:42:26.211
Hold on.
00:42:26.211 --> 00:42:27.061
Hold on like this high level.
00:42:27.211 --> 00:42:27.382
Shh.
00:42:27.391 --> 00:42:28.322
They're bloop.
00:42:28.322 --> 00:42:31.021
Bloop.
00:42:31.021 --> 00:42:32.871
And I'm like, oh, well, fuck.
00:42:32.922 --> 00:42:34.512
That was over before it even built.
00:42:34.742 --> 00:42:35.081
Yeah.
00:42:35.391 --> 00:42:37.141
But- So then what was my response to that, though?
00:42:37.211 --> 00:42:37.472
What was my response-
00:42:37.472 --> 00:42:41.461
I mean, you- to you coming to me and saying- You just wanted to explore what that's gonna look like.
00:42:41.472 --> 00:42:41.492
Yeah.
00:42:41.762 --> 00:42:43.822
Um, you were curious and like,"Okay.
00:42:43.822 --> 00:42:45.952
Let me try to figure out your body in a new way." Yeah.
00:42:46.141 --> 00:42:48.271
"Let me try to use toys in a new way.
00:42:48.311 --> 00:42:53.342
Let's try different things that are going to just, like, recharge what I was lacking." Well,
00:42:53.371 --> 00:43:00.692
if you remember, part of what we had discussed was the first things first is, like, let's forget about sex then.
00:43:01.311 --> 00:43:14.012
It was instead of saying like let's fix in the bedroom and all that, it was how can we engage in intimacy in a way that engages the feelings that are close by lust?
00:43:14.012 --> 00:43:16.552
You know that I'm huge on- Yeah the Fucking Intimacy Blueprint.
00:43:17.081 --> 00:43:23.561
Like, Emily Nagoski and her work is, like, one of my core philosophies whenever it comes to sex.
00:43:23.871 --> 00:43:36.282
So w- whenever she had come out with the, the Intimacy Blueprint of being like,"Hey, if you're trying to get to your partner and be sexy and, and, and engage in, like, lust and sex and all that," you don't start there.
00:43:36.521 --> 00:43:39.442
You start with emotions that are next door-
00:43:39.452 --> 00:43:39.822
Yeah
00:43:39.842 --> 00:43:40.192
to it.
00:43:40.202 --> 00:43:46.001
So you in- you find out where your partner is emotionally, and then you find out what emotions kind of center around that.
00:43:46.521 --> 00:43:56.751
Then you start to slowly move them towards playful and joy and things that lead into intimacy, and that was really was what we tried to engage in is be like, all right.
00:43:57.112 --> 00:44:01.152
Let's kinda take a step back from just sex right now- Yeah and being intimate.
00:44:01.362 --> 00:44:03.492
How can we engage in, in connection?
00:44:03.711 --> 00:44:08.771
How can we engage in all of the other emotions that lead towards- To, to, yeah that door of sex?
00:44:09.981 --> 00:44:11.452
I mean, you did a great job with it, though.
00:44:11.751 --> 00:44:12.382
Of course I did.
00:44:13.661 --> 00:44:25.612
No, you're just intuitive, though, and that's one of the things that I super appreciate is I can bring something to you, and you're like,"This could be a common solution, but fuck the common solution.
00:44:25.902 --> 00:44:31.942
I'm gonna come up with 10 other solutions before we get to the common solution," you know?
00:44:32.521 --> 00:44:33.222
I like- Which that is...
00:44:33.222 --> 00:44:34.842
that's, that's literally what you do.
00:44:34.981 --> 00:44:46.581
Well, yeah,'cause I figure if I can make, like, a list of different things to possibly try, then I can review each of those and be like,"What are the likelihood that this will get us where we need to go?"
00:44:46.632 --> 00:44:47.061
Yeah.
00:44:47.501 --> 00:44:48.731
And then let's test those out.
00:44:48.731 --> 00:44:52.211
Let's test the waters with each of these, and if it starts to be successful, great.
00:44:52.231 --> 00:44:53.902
I don't have to abandon the fucking plan.
00:44:54.231 --> 00:44:54.442
No.
00:44:54.442 --> 00:45:07.871
I can go,"Nope, that one didn't work, so let me pivot to the next one." Being prepared in that way is such a freeing experience because you don't feel so flying by the seat of your pants reactional to things, and things can happen more naturally.
00:45:07.882 --> 00:45:15.492
So whenever I brought that to you, though, was there, like, a level of discomfort or intimidation or, like, upset?
00:45:16.822 --> 00:45:17.141
No.
00:45:17.442 --> 00:45:18.621
I, I would love to- Why?
00:45:18.632 --> 00:45:21.061
I would love to be able to say, like,"Oh my God, it was devastating."
00:45:21.141 -->
00:45:31.382
I don't think it would be devastating, but, like, why was, why was there not, like, a Any level of upset, and the only reason I'm asking this is for, like, a listener.
00:45:31.661 --> 00:45:39.021
When their partner comes to them and says,"Hey, I'm bored in our bedroom," and why should they not feel upset by that?
00:45:39.411 --> 00:45:40.931
Uh, this can be a couple of reasons.
00:45:40.931 --> 00:45:43.132
In most of the stuff that I've read over, it's...
00:45:43.192 --> 00:45:46.981
I, I do have a principle that you are responsible for your own orgasms.
00:45:47.422 --> 00:45:47.652
Let me...
00:45:47.661 --> 00:45:48.751
And I wanna clarify on that.
00:45:48.782 --> 00:45:55.032
I'm not saying that coming is up to you and I have nothing to do with it, because that's not the truth.
00:45:55.041 --> 00:45:55.061
Yeah.
00:45:55.112 --> 00:45:57.681
I think that I have a large part to play in that, so do you.
00:45:58.012 --> 00:45:58.061
Mm-hmm.
00:45:58.072 --> 00:46:00.302
But I think it's a shared responsibility.
00:46:00.862 --> 00:46:05.302
Uh, and you coming to me in the first place and saying that allows me to recognize that.
00:46:05.911 --> 00:46:11.302
I think that there's so many of those, like, men out there who are like, who are like,"I make her the...
00:46:11.411 --> 00:46:11.831
come.
00:46:11.831 --> 00:46:13.282
I make this happen," all that.
00:46:13.282 --> 00:46:13.302
Yeah.
00:46:13.302 --> 00:46:20.931
And you go,"No." The context of the scene that you're in, the, your environment and all that is what drives someone towards orgasm.
00:46:20.931 --> 00:46:24.581
So if I'm going to participate it's us.
00:46:24.742 --> 00:46:25.461
It's an us thing.
00:46:25.461 --> 00:46:31.101
So if you come to me, you say,"Hey, uh, the us thing isn't really working right now." No, I don't take that personally.
00:46:31.311 --> 00:46:35.072
I take that as a, a, a level of vulnerability you're expressing to me.
00:46:35.072 --> 00:46:35.092
Yeah.
00:46:35.101 --> 00:46:42.356
You're letting your shields down and saying,"I'm coming to you with an issue." What can we do about this?
00:46:42.626 --> 00:46:44.186
I feel closer to you because of that
00:46:44.295 --> 00:46:50.925
Because I'm able to talk- What- to this with you and you not make me feel ashamed or wrong or embarrassed for bringing it up.
00:46:50.936 --> 00:46:51.275
Right.
00:46:51.275 --> 00:47:01.936
What would drive- Yeah me away is if I somehow, like, later found out that it was all of your, anything you were doing was just faked and you- Yeah were hiding it because you didn't feel like you could come to me.
00:47:01.936 --> 00:47:02.146
And-
00:47:02.146 --> 00:47:03.085
And that's not okay
00:47:03.085 --> 00:47:07.146
yeah, and you felt like you were, needed to play a role in the bedroom, and it was just all for show.
00:47:07.405 --> 00:47:10.956
That- Yeah, that would not be okay the discovery of that would drive me the fuck away.
00:47:11.295 --> 00:47:19.916
But you letting your shields down, being vulnerable, coming to me, and giving me- Mm-hmm an issue that was, that you, that you had allows me to then go,"All right.
00:47:19.916 --> 00:47:20.235
Cool.
00:47:20.246 --> 00:47:21.465
Let's figure it out together.
00:47:21.876 --> 00:47:24.076
Like, let's sit down and, and kinda discuss it.
00:47:24.356 --> 00:47:34.356
I'm not gonna be here to solve your problem, but I'm definitely gonna be here to support you and hold space for you- Yeah and help you feel more relaxed so we can figure it out together."
00:47:34.626 --> 00:47:47.115
And but then that's the thing, though, too, though, is you setting up that level of understanding, acceptance, and knowledge in, like, what you can do moving forward is what allowed me to bring this to you.
00:47:47.626 --> 00:47:48.896
I would not have been able- Right.
00:47:48.896 --> 00:47:49.135
We set the stage.
00:47:49.666 --> 00:47:50.106
I'm sorry?
00:47:50.146 --> 00:47:51.186
I said we set the stage.
00:47:51.226 --> 00:47:51.646
Yeah.
00:47:51.666 --> 00:47:59.545
Like, I would not be able to, in any of my past relationships, talk about this the way that I could talk about it with you.
00:47:59.755 --> 00:48:01.166
I would never fucking bring it up.
00:48:01.405 --> 00:48:02.715
I would just never come again.
00:48:03.076 --> 00:48:03.206
Yeah.
00:48:03.226 --> 00:48:04.326
But I would never bring it up.
00:48:04.485 --> 00:48:04.775
And we've
00:48:04.775 --> 00:48:07.936
had pe- Because I never felt safe enough to br- to have the ability to bring it up.
00:48:07.985 --> 00:48:17.036
And we've had people that we've talked to in the past who have been like,"Oh, I just, I just fake my orgasms, and we just kinda do our thing, and, you know, everything's okay." You go,"But it's not." No.
00:48:17.045 --> 00:48:17.985
Like, I see it.
00:48:18.235 --> 00:48:18.385
It's
00:48:18.385 --> 00:48:18.416
not.
00:48:18.416 --> 00:48:21.096
I don't, I don't wanna just be neutral with someone.
00:48:21.155 --> 00:48:21.536
Yeah.
00:48:21.965 --> 00:48:27.585
I wanna be on cloud fucking nine, and I don't care what it takes to get there, and it takes a lot of difficult conversations.
00:48:27.835 --> 00:48:28.815
It takes a lot of work.
00:48:28.835 --> 00:48:30.465
It takes a lot of fucking truth or dares.
00:48:30.675 --> 00:48:33.956
It takes a lot of stupid fucking conversations.
00:48:33.965 --> 00:48:42.565
It takes a lot of random arguments- To be able to grow continually with someone because, again, I, we, both of us, we're not here to coast.
00:48:43.025 --> 00:48:43.376
Right.
00:48:44.425 --> 00:49:04.476
N- that's none of our intentions, and I think that's part of why we wanted to do this show in the first place is, like, who else are the people that either need guidance to not coast or are like-minded and don't wanna coast at all, and we're just this fun little individuals that they can hear and be like,"Oh, yeah, me too," you know?
00:49:04.775 -->
00:49:18.735
But I think it's a big, important aspect of a relationship is to be able to continue to grow together, and I wouldn't be able to grow with you, truthfully and, uh, a little bluntly, if my orgasms just fucking stopped.
00:49:18.925 --> 00:49:19.215
Yeah.
00:49:19.405 --> 00:49:20.255
I know I wouldn't.
00:49:20.425 --> 00:49:20.695
Yeah.
00:49:20.775 --> 00:49:21.635
Just like you wouldn't.
00:49:21.815 --> 00:49:21.835
Yeah.
00:49:21.846 --> 00:49:39.322
But as we, as we said, if, if you're in a, in a successful, good relationship, feeling the ability To approach your partner with a serious topic and have the knowledge and let's face it, expectation-
00:49:39.532 --> 00:49:39.902
Mm-hmm
00:49:39.931 --> 00:49:49.461
that when you divulge the information that you have about yourself to them is not going to be met with judgment, is not gonna be met with- Mm-hmm persecution.
00:49:49.592 --> 00:49:49.862
Yeah.
00:49:49.871 --> 00:49:57.072
Is not gonna be met with any sort of negativity, but it's gonna be met with the ability to hear it.
00:49:57.411 --> 00:49:57.592
Yeah.
00:49:57.592 --> 00:49:59.092
And I, I may not always like it.
00:49:59.492 --> 00:50:01.452
You may say something that's- Yeah uncomfortable.
00:50:01.612 --> 00:50:15.561
You may say something that I, I disagree with, but my, my knee-jerk response must be quelled in order for me to then really hear what you're saying and then come back with,"I see you and I hear you." Mm-hmm.
00:50:15.621 --> 00:50:26.947
A validation of your emotions, a validation of what you're experiencing, and then inject my own- Knowledge into it
00:50:27.128 --> 00:50:27.487
Yeah.
00:50:28.268 --> 00:50:38.637
Or even just, yeah, knowledge, understanding Yeah And that's been one of the biggest things with us, though, is that you've never not given me knowledge and understanding in what we have dealt with together, though
00:50:39.288 --> 00:50:39.628
Right
00:50:40.507 --> 00:50:44.788
Like, can we just say I can't wait to get my braces off?
00:50:44.797 --> 00:50:49.748
Can you imagine the level of head you're about to get- when I get my fucking braces off?
00:50:50.967 --> 00:50:52.177
I know we've talked about that a few times.
00:50:52.208 --> 00:50:53.097
Oh my God.
00:50:53.157 --> 00:50:53.927
We've had to adapt
00:50:54.057 --> 00:50:56.998
Oct- August 31st, braces are coming off.
00:50:57.907 --> 00:51:01.047
O- off the bed head is coming, man.
00:51:01.608 --> 00:51:02.038
You said it.
00:51:02.038 --> 00:51:03.947
But you were super patient You said it.
00:51:03.947 --> 00:51:04.688
That is on record.
00:51:04.688 --> 00:51:10.177
But you were super patient with me dealing with that Yeah You had to deal with me having braces since fucking January.
00:51:10.177 --> 00:51:10.807
And what's been my re-
00:51:10.818 --> 00:51:11.907
Just as I have
00:51:11.918 --> 00:51:15.307
Well, and what's been my response to every, like,"Oh, I can't do this the way that I'd like to"-
00:51:15.338 --> 00:51:16.327
I know
00:51:16.338 --> 00:51:18.708
is,"Well, let's take a step back- Yeah and adapt to it."
00:51:18.728 --> 00:51:18.938
You have.
00:51:18.938 --> 00:51:23.092
I'm not gonna be the whiny guy that's like-"Uh, I'm not getting the wings""No, but I s- I want this.
00:51:23.092 --> 00:51:23.427
I just really want it, and just do it like that" No.
00:51:23.427 --> 00:51:23.467
No.
00:51:23.467 --> 00:51:23.688
You've been
00:51:26.927 --> 00:51:27.228
great.
00:51:27.367 --> 00:51:33.697
But that's also something that we've been able to discuss, be open about, and it's something that we're like,"Hey, we're looking forward to this.
00:51:33.788 --> 00:51:35.137
I can't freaking wait.
00:51:35.367 --> 00:51:43.117
I can't freaking wait to be able to bend my head over backwards and give you this level of head that I've been wanting, that you've been wanting, that we've all been wanting."
00:51:43.407 --> 00:51:44.068
All of us.
00:51:44.927 --> 00:51:45.878
Yeah, the viewers too.
00:51:45.987 --> 00:51:49.168
The vie- We have vie- I didn't know we had viewers.
00:51:49.527 --> 00:51:50.297
Where are those cameras?
00:51:52.498 --> 00:51:53.148
Anyways.
00:51:53.148 --> 00:51:57.527
Look, this has been a great discussion Yeah I think that we are good to call it for the day Yeah,
00:51:57.527 --> 00:51:57.947
we are
00:51:57.978 --> 00:52:01.398
So for another episode of Naughty by Nature, we're your hosts.
00:52:01.398 --> 00:52:01.847
I'm Dr.
00:52:01.847 --> 00:52:02.648
Casey Sanders.
00:52:02.728 --> 00:52:03.858
And I'm Carrie Sanders
00:52:03.887 --> 00:52:04.838
And we'll see you on the next one