Full Transcript for Surviving the Darkest Days: The Power of Perspective with Dave Mowry

00:03:08.960 how awful it is to live with those. 38 00:03:09.199 --> 00:03:11.300 Challenges, I'd say. 39 00:03:11.319 --> 00:03:22.219 First of all, my wife stayed with me during this time. 40 00:03:22.240 --> 00:03:26.500 And she's really the hero of my story because if 41 00:03:26.560 --> 00:03:31.099 she would have left, I'm sure I would have been, 42 00:03:31.219 --> 00:03:33.300 I don't know where I would have been. I don't 43 00:03:33.319 --> 00:03:37.719 know if I would have been alive. So that's the 44 00:03:37.780 --> 00:03:40.930 beginning of the story. 45 00:03:41.030 --> 00:03:47.949 And then, you know, next comes the slow, the. 46 00:03:47.889 --> 00:03:59.780 Gradual, very hard recovery that I got with the help 47 00:04:00.139 --> 00:04:01.039 of healing. 48 00:04:04.189 --> 00:04:04.449 Right. 49 00:04:05.050 --> 00:04:05.530 Right, Dave. 50 00:04:06.129 --> 00:04:08.930 So I went to 14 long years. You know, it's 51 00:04:08.990 --> 00:04:14.830 not an easy time for anyone. And you went from 52 00:04:14.889 --> 00:04:18.860 having everything, you even had to go through the difficulties 53 00:04:19.040 --> 00:04:22.889 of being a homeless with your family. And, and the 54 00:04:22.990 --> 00:04:26.540 good part is that your family, you know, was with 55 00:04:26.579 --> 00:04:30.519 you all this time. So how, how did this, you know, 56 00:04:30.939 --> 00:04:33.839 in between in these 14 years, you didn't try to 57 00:04:34.100 --> 00:04:38.040 find a solution or it was your life kept you 58 00:04:38.120 --> 00:04:41.800 so busy or so, so much full, you know, that 59 00:04:41.920 --> 00:04:45.529 it was difficult to think beyond the struggles. I know 60 00:04:45.569 --> 00:04:48.829 what it is. Struggling with the thing is, and, I 61 00:04:48.870 --> 00:04:53.350 can understand it is very difficult to think beyond those situations. 62 00:04:53.470 --> 00:04:56.449 So I want to understand a bit from you about this. 63 00:04:57.649 --> 00:05:05.420 Yeah, I kept trying to work. I pretended to be okay. 64 00:05:08.800 --> 00:05:13.800 I did everything I could do to get there. And 65 00:05:13.839 --> 00:05:18.259 just with the depression, the anxiety, and the dread, I 66 00:05:18.279 --> 00:05:24.750 just couldn't work. It was, I had the intent, I 67 00:05:24.790 --> 00:05:31.470 had the desire. It was just impossible for me to 68 00:05:31.550 --> 00:05:39.360 do it. When I did find a part-time, supposedly, low-stress job, 69 00:05:39.720 --> 00:05:45.620 I'd go to it and I'd end up hiding in 70 00:05:46.220 --> 00:05:51.600 the shadows. I couldn't look people in the eye because 71 00:05:51.660 --> 00:05:53.339 I knew if they looked me in the eye, they'd 72 00:05:53.439 --> 00:05:57.699 see the sense of dread and the anxiety and the fear. 73 00:05:57.720 --> 00:06:03.930 I just was incapacitated. I tried and tried. 74 00:06:05.709 --> 00:06:14.689 The five stages of grief acceptance is the last. And 75 00:06:15.129 --> 00:06:22.079 through this time, I... I never did accept my mental 76 00:06:22.100 --> 00:06:25.100 illness and the incapacity. 77 00:06:26.180 --> 00:06:29.569 I kept trying and eventually. 78 00:06:30.889 --> 00:06:35.730 I got a 12-hour week job, minimum wage job at 79 00:06:35.750 --> 00:06:41.740 a retail store and I was able to go and 80 00:06:41.800 --> 00:06:46.579 able to be there and I made it. 81 00:06:46.480 --> 00:06:49.720 In That was a huge accomplishment. 82 00:06:49.899 --> 00:06:51.980 And that's when I knew that I was coming out 83 00:06:52.040 --> 00:06:52.620 the other side. 84 00:06:54.860 --> 00:07:00.930 Right, right. And now then 2011 happened. And at that 85 00:07:01.009 --> 00:07:04.649 point in time, you went for a comedy class. Tell 86 00:07:04.709 --> 00:07:08.589 us about this. Were you doing comedy before? What was 87 00:07:08.670 --> 00:07:12.250 that class all about? And, you know, in getting into that, 88 00:07:13.009 --> 00:07:16.740 how your perspective changed, how things changed from there on? 89 00:07:18.449 --> 00:07:24.290 Yeah, nobody ever crossed my mind. I knew that this 90 00:07:24.350 --> 00:07:31.829 would ever happen. It was just, you know, never a consideration. 91 00:07:32.439 --> 00:07:37.720 But my wife suggested I go to a meeting at, 92 00:07:38.379 --> 00:07:41.800 it's called NAMI, N-A-M-I. 93 00:07:41.899 --> 00:07:44.579 It's the National Institute on Mental Illness. 94 00:07:45.720 --> 00:07:51.649 And largest grassroots mental health organization in the United States 95 00:07:52.629 --> 00:07:56.240 and she suggested I go to a meeting and I 96 00:07:56.860 --> 00:08:02.899 did and the people there were accepting and allowed me 97 00:08:03.600 --> 00:08:08.540 to just be there and then there was they had 98 00:08:08.560 --> 00:08:12.060 an extended comedy class coming up and I signed up 99 00:08:12.120 --> 00:08:14.899 for it and I don't know why I signed up 100 00:08:14.939 --> 00:08:17.819 for it I just I just did, it seemed like 101 00:08:17.839 --> 00:08:22.709 the right thing to do at the time. And in 102 00:08:22.769 --> 00:08:26.490 that class, I started looking for the humor in my 103 00:08:26.649 --> 00:08:31.250 dark days. And the more challenges one has, the more 104 00:08:31.490 --> 00:08:34.029 material one has for jokes. 105 00:08:34.330 --> 00:08:37.440 And I had lots and lots of material. 106 00:08:38.620 --> 00:08:44.600 And I found that my sense of humor, or what 107 00:08:44.700 --> 00:08:49.250 I found What I find funny, other people find funny too. 108 00:08:50.450 --> 00:08:55.750 And so I was able to write jokes that were funny, 109 00:08:56.169 --> 00:08:59.080 laugh out loud funny, and then I helped other people 110 00:08:59.139 --> 00:09:03.840 write their jokes. And after the class ended, the other 111 00:09:03.879 --> 00:09:08.220 people wanted to continue on, and that's when I started teaching. 112 00:09:09.379 --> 00:09:14.250 And learning stand-up comedy, learning to find

the. 113 00:09:14.289 --> 00:09:18.129 Humor in my doings, changed everything. 114 00:09:19.389 --> 00:09:22.889 Instead of thinking about an experience in those dark times 115 00:09:22.909 --> 00:09:30.240 and reliving, have a panic attack or severe anxiety, I 116 00:09:30.279 --> 00:09:34.940 started to look for the humor in those experiences. And 117 00:09:35.320 --> 00:09:40.950 I believe it changed pathways in my brain and looking 118 00:09:41.000 --> 00:09:47.470 for the humor, get rid of the PTSD, the trauma 119 00:09:47.909 --> 00:09:50.740 that I felt every time I thought back to those 120 00:09:50.779 --> 00:09:51.360 dark days. 121 00:09:52.559 --> 00:09:56.629 And it didn't change my life. 122 00:09:56.720 --> 00:10:00.259 And as I was teaching other people, I saw the 123 00:10:00.279 --> 00:10:02.740 same transformation happening in them. 124 00:10:04.480 --> 00:10:05.559 Molly is an example. 125 00:10:05.639 --> 00:10:10.259 She was a doctor and ended up and they continued 126 00:10:10.379 --> 00:10:16.190 due to her mental illness. And she was terribly depressed 127 00:10:16.350 --> 00:10:20.370 and lost and suicidal. And her mom brought her to 128 00:10:20.769 --> 00:10:28.169 a comedy class I was teaching. And she, instead of 129 00:10:28.190 --> 00:10:31.710 seeing herself as a failed doctor after the class and 130 00:10:31.730 --> 00:10:34.970 a couple of performances, she saw herself as a comic. 131 00:10:36.090 --> 00:10:41.500 And she performs at clubs around town and is a comic. 132 00:10:41.940 --> 00:10:45.919 And her mom said she was going to desert Molly 133 00:10:46.019 --> 00:10:50.850 from a suicide. And the comedy, the comedy saved her. 134 00:10:52.110 --> 00:10:57.539 And that's what happened with other films as well. And 135 00:10:58.700 --> 00:11:07.720 so I've been continuing to teach and perform here in Baltimore. 136 00:11:08.500 --> 00:11:11.919 And it's well-received and we have great shows. 137 00:11:12.379 --> 00:11:17.279 We're kind of a thing. And I've got, I'm having 138 00:11:17.299 --> 00:11:20.379 great jokes from I've often written over 200 jokes for 139 00:11:20.419 --> 00:11:23.940 other people. I've got lots of jokes. 140 00:11:24.019 --> 00:11:30.330 I don't know how they translate to the population. I 141 00:11:30.669 --> 00:11:36.389 have lots of jokes, and that really helps. I still 142 00:11:36.409 --> 00:11:38.990 look for humor at the hardest times. There are a 143 00:11:39.009 --> 00:11:42.269 few things that are too raw, and I don't go there. 144 00:11:42.389 --> 00:11:49.470 But otherwise, I go everywhere. I've got suicide jokes, I've 145 00:11:49.509 --> 00:11:54.309 got discrimination jokes, I've got dating jokes, I've got all 146 00:11:54.690 --> 00:11:55.710 sorts of jokes. 147 00:11:58.230 --> 00:12:05.100 Right. Right, Dave. So then how did this book come 148 00:12:05.159 --> 00:12:08.480 into the picture, OMG, That's Me? 149 00:12:09.340 --> 00:12:14.909 OMG, That's Me is the first book I wrote and 150 00:12:16.210 --> 00:12:22.330 I was blogging for BP.com, and the response to my 151 00:12:22.409 --> 00:12:26.870 blog post was, well, they've been read by over a 152 00:12:26.909 --> 00:12:31.669 million people, and the most common response was, OMG, that's me. 153 00:12:31.690 --> 00:12:35.090 You're telling my story. I don't feel so alone now. 154 00:12:37.110 --> 00:12:40.190 And the response was amazing. So I took the best 155 00:12:40.269 --> 00:12:43.389 of the blog post and put a compilation in a book, 156 00:12:44.669 --> 00:12:50.720 and self-published and usually when you self-publish you sell 50 157 00:12:50.720 --> 00:12:57.679 copies to a family and friends but OMG that's over 20,000 158 00:12:57.679 --> 00:13:04.440 copies and people still say OMG that's me and they 159 00:13:04.539 --> 00:13:07.759 give it to their friends give it to their family 160 00:13:08.179 --> 00:13:14.460 members spouse so that they know truly like to live 161 00:13:14.480 --> 00:13:20.509 with mental illness And then OMG, the M-E-3, the newest one, 162 00:13:20.850 --> 00:13:23.649 and that tells the story of six people who live 163 00:13:23.669 --> 00:13:28.149 with mental illness, who took the comedy class and whose 164 00:13:28.230 --> 00:13:34.570 lives were transformed by learning stand-up comedy and finding humor 165 00:13:34.590 --> 00:13:40.789 in their experiences and healing humor. And OMG, that's me, 166 00:13:40.809 --> 00:13:45.070 just came out of an audio book and it's doing 167 00:13:45.129 --> 00:13:49.429 really well. In the audiobook, you're able to splice in 168 00:13:49.809 --> 00:13:54.710 a lot of segments of the comics. And so you 169 00:13:54.750 --> 00:13:57.429 hear it in the club, you hear the jokes, and 170 00:13:57.470 --> 00:13:59.509 you hear the laughter. 171 00:14:00.470 --> 00:14:01.610 It's a great audiobook. 172 00:14:03.870 --> 00:14:08.990 Right, right. So who is this book for? What can 173 00:14:09.029 --> 00:14:12.370 people learn from this book? 174 00:14:13.350 --> 00:14:16.000 First, you learn.... 175 00:14:18.139 --> 00:14:22.129 And I guess you see yourself in a sense. 176 00:14:22.289 --> 00:14:24.850 So you learn that other people are going through some 177 00:14:24.889 --> 00:14:32.269 similar things. Other people are, one of the chapters is 178 00:14:32.350 --> 00:14:37.639 to depress the shower. And it's really, really, really, really, 179 00:14:37.740 --> 00:14:40.779 really hard to take a shower when you're overwhelmed with 180 00:14:40.860 --> 00:14:45.399 depression and such a dread. So people see themselves in 181 00:14:45.519 --> 00:14:49.679 the chapters. So they learn not alone that people are 182 00:14:49.720 --> 00:14:52.860 going through those things and that they can come out 183 00:14:52.919 --> 00:15:00.850 the other side. The family members learn, they finally understand 184 00:15:00.889 --> 00:15:03.470 what loved ones are going through, what it's like to 185

00:15:03.490 --> 00:15:08.139 live with a mental illness. And then OMT, that's B3, 186 00:15:09.299 --> 00:15:14.019 it gives hope to people with mental illness, letting them 187 00:15:14.039 --> 00:15:20.240 know there is recovery You can find humor in the experience, 188 00:15:20.639 --> 00:15:30.830 that humor heals. And it's inspirational. You get stories like Molly, 189 00:15:30.970 --> 00:15:35.990 one story of a lady who's eight, terrible, terrible, tough life, 190 00:15:36.529 --> 00:15:40.820 overwhelmingly challenging life. And she looked from the comedy, humor, 191 00:15:40.940 --> 00:15:45.649 and experiences, and how she performed with us. as we're 192 00:15:45.669 --> 00:15:51.279 all reading early, there's a stage and people are in hope, 193 00:15:51.700 --> 00:15:55.279 you know, helping her say words and whatnot. And then 194 00:15:55.299 --> 00:16:02.100 she opens her mouth and starts telling you and knocks 195 00:16:02.120 --> 00:16:08.509 you out of the park. So people see inspiration, they 196 00:16:08.549 --> 00:16:12.629 see hope, they see other people that are themselves having 197 00:16:12.690 --> 00:16:20.330 the same challenges. It gives what such a stance every 198 00:16:20.389 --> 00:16:25.789 need to know you're not alone. And that there is 199 00:16:25.870 --> 00:16:29.320 hope and there is recovery. 200 00:16:32.179 --> 00:16:32.460 Right. 201 00:16:32.980 --> 00:16:33.440 Right, Dave. 202 00:16:33.980 --> 00:16:38.059 So I want to understand from you, humor is good 203 00:16:38.519 --> 00:16:42.759 for mental health. But in terms of you know, someone 204 00:16:42.799 --> 00:16:47.019 who has seen these things from close, how much humor 205 00:16:47.090 --> 00:16:51.110 can help? And how do I know, you know, this 206 00:16:51.190 --> 00:16:53.870 is the work of the humor part. This can give 207 00:16:53.929 --> 00:16:57.129 some sort of a respite, but beyond that, it's the 208 00:16:57.149 --> 00:17:00.370 job of the professionals. What is your understanding of this? 209 00:17:01.929 --> 00:17:07.210 It's a blend. I highly recommend, you know, someone with 210 00:17:07.230 --> 00:17:12.559 a mental health challenge seeing a professional I believe that 211 00:17:13.160 --> 00:17:22.789 medication is very helpful. Mental illness is a chemical imbalance 212 00:17:22.869 --> 00:17:28.250 in the brain and medication these days is very good 213 00:17:28.269 --> 00:17:36.269 and very helpful. It's not necessarily the most effective it's 214 00:17:36.369 --> 00:17:38.789 just a great help. It's really important. And working with 215 00:17:39.009 --> 00:17:45.670 a psychologist, a psychiatrist, a therapist is really, really important 216 00:17:45.750 --> 00:17:51.880 because it stabilizes one. And you add the humor in 217 00:17:51.970 --> 00:17:57.599 that and it's like cognitive behavioral therapy and you're reframing 218 00:17:57.759 --> 00:18:03.640 these experiences. So these two things work together. It It's 219 00:18:03.660 --> 00:18:08.019 not one or the other. It's both together. And that's 220 00:18:08.039 --> 00:18:11.460 what works for me. Just the fact that I was 221 00:18:11.579 --> 00:18:16.849 able to go to the first comedy class was made 222 00:18:16.940 --> 00:18:25.329 possible by the medication that I was taking. Because otherwise, 223 00:18:25.349 --> 00:18:31.390 I was just curled up on the couch doing everything 224 00:18:31.470 --> 00:18:35.759 I could to make it through a day. every moment 225 00:18:36.420 --> 00:18:41.519 of every day was just a struggle to get through. 226 00:18:42.160 --> 00:18:48.640 And I faced the possibility of suicide. I sat on 227 00:18:48.680 --> 00:18:53.380 a park bench at a park and I had a 228 00:18:53.400 --> 00:18:58.700 gun in my hand and considering suicide, thinking about it, 229 00:18:59.279 --> 00:19:05.980 suicidal ideation, and you know, for some reason I didn't 230 00:19:06.319 --> 00:19:15.519 follow through. And I'd rather being, seeing a professional and 231 00:19:15.599 --> 00:19:21.650 having medications that kept me from taking that last step 232 00:19:22.130 --> 00:19:23.750 and ending my life. 233 00:19:26.710 --> 00:19:30.789 Right, right, Dave. There is so much to learn from 234 00:19:30.829 --> 00:19:35.490 you about life, about comedy, about fighting back. So a 235 00:19:35.549 --> 00:19:38.690 lot of people who would like to connect with you, 236 00:19:38.789 --> 00:19:42.410 learn from you, learn more about you. What is the 237 00:19:42.490 --> 00:19:44.390 best way for them to do so? 238 00:19:45.990 --> 00:19:54.500 Best way is to email me directly. I respond to all. 239 00:19:56.019 --> 00:20:00.359 Sometimes it's somebody just looking for resources and I can 240 00:20:00.380 --> 00:20:05.420 help with that. Other times it's somebody that just needs 241 00:20:06.220 --> 00:20:10.519 someone to talk to you. And other times it's, and 242 00:20:10.599 --> 00:20:15.619 sometimes it's me helping them find the humor, finding how 243 00:20:15.660 --> 00:20:17.960 to find the humor, how to look for the humor. 244 00:20:18.859 --> 00:20:24.619 And then sometimes people contact me and say, you know, 245 00:20:25.460 --> 00:20:26.420 I want to write a book. 246 00:20:27.380 --> 00:20:28.240 Where do I start? 247 00:20:29.549 --> 00:20:36.809 And my email is davenowreat2, the number two, at gmail.com. 248 00:20:38.079 --> 00:20:46.589 So dave, M-O-W-R-Y, at the number two, at gmail.com. 249 00:20:48.170 --> 00:20:51.809 Wonderful. With this, it's a wrap on this very special 250 00:20:51.910 --> 00:20:55.470 edition of the KJ Masterclass Live. Thank you so much 251 00:20:55.509 --> 00:20:56.880 indeed for joining us.