Full Transcript for Body-Centered Therapy with Dr. Emily Fox

it's like, listen to your body, your body knows you're like, my body just knows it's scared. 00:06:07.959 --> 00:06:09.000 My body knows it's scared. 00:06:09.079 --> 00:06:14.600 Is it scary because this thing isn't for me, or because I learned to be scared, or what's going on? 00:06:14.680 --> 00:06:15.959 Like, how do I listen to my body? 00:06:16.120 --> 00:06:26.920 So, somatics, and realistically, all of these types of work that I do that we'll talk about are just these beautiful ways of like following the soma, the body, as the doorway. 00:06:27.959 --> 00:06:37.399 You don't know if it's a doorway to, ooh, there's that old packet of trauma you never touched, or if it's the doorway to that is your deepest yes and your deepest no. 00:06:37.560 --> 00:06:39.240 So that's the kind of thing we work through. 00:06:39.399 --> 00:06:48.360 It's like following the body, working through the stuck energy from the past, because once we've cleared out the noise, then the signal's just there. 00:06:48.519 --> 00:06:50.920 It's almost like you have two things going on in the background. 00:06:51.000 --> 00:06:55.639 There's the scream of, oh my God, oh my God, every challenge you've lived through in your entire life. 00:06:55.800 --> 00:06:59.800 And then the whisper of, and this is what you'd like to do. 00:06:59.959 --> 00:07:02.439 And the whisper is just so hard to hear through the noise. 00:07:02.519 --> 00:07:15.480 So we use these embodied practices, mostly reliant on breath, sound movement, to clear some of the noise, the old stuck energy, the old patterning, so that it's much easier to recognize that whisper that just says, yes. 00:07:15.720 --> 00:07:16.360 I love that. 00:07:16.519 --> 00:07:16.680 No. 00:07:17.079 --> 00:07:18.120 Yeah, I love that. 00:07:18.279 --> 00:07:27.560 And I can't imagine but that anybody who is old enough to be listening to this podcast, which means you've lived at least, I don't know, 20, 30 years or something like that. 00:07:27.720 --> 00:07:29.560 Um, it's it's a combination. 00:07:29.720 --> 00:07:37.000 Like we, we, we, we can't uh well, I shouldn't say I suppose it's possible if someone has lived in a bubble on a mountaintop. 00:07:37.079 --> 00:07:39.480 Um they're gonna have some weird stuff in the body from that. 00:07:39.800 --> 00:07:41.959 Well, I mean, we've lived enough life to accumulate. 00:07:42.279 --> 00:07:53.480 Yeah, it's the human experience that whether that there will be some trauma, if that's the word that is fitting, or some obstacles or some stuck energy that is in the way of that, as you say, whisper. 00:07:53.639 --> 00:08:02.120 I like I like that you call it the whisper, yeah, because it's the it's the whisper that sometimes wakes us up in the middle of the night when when our when our defenses are down. 00:08:02.279 --> 00:08:04.600 Okay, so that's that's somatics in general. 00:08:04.680 --> 00:08:08.839 And then within somatics, there are practices or modalities. 00:08:09.000 --> 00:08:12.680 One of which you have you have mentioned is neurolinguistic programming. 00:08:12.839 --> 00:08:15.720 Tell us about that and again, why it matters. 00:08:15.800 --> 00:08:21.319 Like if if someone were to choose NLP over parts work, like what does that mean? 00:08:21.480 --> 00:08:23.800 Um, so that they can get a sense. 00:08:24.120 --> 00:08:25.000 Great question. 00:08:25.160 --> 00:08:29.240 So I'm gonna go slightly out of order, but catch me if I haven't addressed anything. 00:08:29.480 --> 00:08:32.839 One is just to kind of close out our last piece on somatics. 00:08:33.000 --> 00:08:38.839 I think you said something really important of like, well, everybody's probably gonna have had some trauma, if you even call it that. 00:08:39.160 --> 00:08:47.399 And I do want to speak to that because when I use the word trauma, we distinguish in like traditional psychology land between big T trauma and little T trauma. 00:08:47.559 --> 00:08:55.399 Big T trauma is you witnessed a murder, something really threatening to your physical health or life has occurred. 00:08:55.639 --> 00:08:57.960 That perhaps has not happened to every listener. 00:08:58.120 --> 00:09:07.960 But then there's what we call little T trauma, which is just these moments of misattunement, these moments of too much, too fast, the body couldn't take it in at the time. 00:09:08.200 --> 00:09:09.559 And everyone has that. 00:09:09.799 --> 00:09:15.160 So I wouldn't want somebody to be dissuaded from following this line of work, so like, oh, I've had a great life. 00:09:15.399 --> 00:09:27.879 You probably have, and nobody gets through the first seven years of their life without having these little tea trauma moments of just a miss, a misattunement, a misinterpretation from little brain trying to understand big world. 00:09:28.039 --> 00:09:29.960 So I wanted to speak to that really quickly. 00:09:30.279 --> 00:09:31.000 Really important. 00:09:31.559 --> 00:09:36.440 Then to your next question, I do want to note NLP is actually not a part of somatics. 00:09:36.519 --> 00:09:45.480 So somatics is its own frame, it is working directly with the inner wisdom of the body through primarily breast sound movement to move stock energy and get clear. 00:09:45.879 --> 00:09:47.879 NLP is its own entity. 00:09:47.960 --> 00:09:51.079 It stands for neurolinguistic programming. 00:09:51.480 --> 00:09:58.840 And I want to make a distinction because traditional neurolinguistic programming, now this is one where I have to say, these are my opinions. 00:09:58.919 --> 00:10:02.519 They're not the opinions of Health University, they're not the opinions of anyone else. 00:10:02.759 --> 00:10:11.000 But my personal opinion is kind of old school NLP had a little bit of like car salesman manipulation energy. 00:10:11.480 --> 00:10:20.200 It was a bunch of tactics for what is the structure of our subconscious experience and how do we work with that to create a new outcome. 00:10:20.519 -->

00:10:25.240 Now that can be used to create the outcome that whoever's talking to you wants. 00:10:25.559 --> 00:10:28.440 Ah, danger, not what we want. 00:10:28.679 --> 00:10:35.159 But I'm trained in what's called transformational NLP under a really wonderful teacher, Carl Bukhite. 00:10:35.399 --> 00:10:37.799 If we want to, we can link all of these people in the show notes. 00:10:38.279 --> 00:10:53.960 And basically, he married developmental psychology and NLP to be like, hey, you human over there, you've lived a whole life and acquired all of these little T traumas, all of this programming, all of these difficulties. 00:10:54.360 --> 00:10:57.799 We from NLP know the structure of experience. 00:10:57.960 --> 00:11:01.799 We can help you determine in a moment what are you actually experiencing? 00:11:01.879 --> 00:11:03.960 Because we're never experiencing the moment as it is. 00:11:04.120 --> 00:11:07.879 We're experiencing the moment as we are with all of these subconscious programs running. 00:11:07.960 --> 00:11:08.279 Oh wow. 00:11:08.440 --> 00:11:13.080 So NLP, sorry, Hank, we never experience the moment as it is. 00:11:13.320 --> 00:11:21.320 We experience the moment as we are with all of our little T traumas or big T traumas that are part of the basket we're carrying around. 00:11:21.399 --> 00:11:28.039 And I think that that is really worth pinning, repeating, you know, reminding ourselves on a regular basis. 00:11:28.120 --> 00:11:32.279 So sorry, sorry for the interruption, but boy, that one just stuck to my heart. 00:11:32.600 --> 00:11:33.559 I appreciate that. 00:11:33.720 --> 00:11:40.039 It's so true because like we're looking through the world, looking through the world, looking at the world through whatever lenses we have. 00:11:40.200 --> 00:11:41.960 And sometimes we have total awareness of them. 00:11:42.120 --> 00:11:47.720 We know our preferences, we know what we're paying attention to, but then there's also these subconscious lenses. 00:11:47.879 --> 00:11:53.639 Like if I were looking at the world through pink lenses, I'd go, oh my God, that's pink and that's pink and that's pink. 00:11:53.720 --> 00:11:55.320 I get it, the world is pink. 00:11:55.639 --> 00:11:59.720 No, you are experiencing the world in that way based on your pattern. 00:11:59.960 --> 00:12:08.600 So NLP is really a way of kind of decoding what are the subconscious kind of programs running that are influencing how you're experiencing the moment. 00:12:08.840 --> 00:12:09.960 I'll give an example. 00:12:10.120 --> 00:12:22.440 Say somebody was working for, say there's a woman and she's working for kind of a high-powered, dominant, masculine boss, and he sits her down for a meeting and goes, We need to talk. 00:12:22.840 --> 00:12:26.440 Now, 17,000 ways you could experience that moment. 00:12:26.600 --> 00:12:28.519 I saw the reaction and I would probably feel that way too. 00:12:28.759 --> 00:12:33.320 Many people experience it that way, but it's

entirely possible that he's just going, like, we need to talk. 00:12:33.480 --> 00:12:36.360 You've been doing excellent work, and I can't wait to give you a promotion. 00:12:36.600 --> 00:12:42.519 But whatever subconscious programming that person has going on from their lived experience will color the moment. 00:12:42.759 --> 00:12:51.000 Say they had a relatively dominant masculine father who was wildly supportive and sat them down to help them empower themselves and go to their next step. 00:12:51.159 --> 00:12:56.279 That woman's gonna experience that moment of like, wow, I'm here and I have a partner in this next step. 00:12:56.519 --> 00:13:01.960 Say she had a dominant father who was frightening and scared her and made her feel small. 00:13:02.120 --> 00:13:04.200 She's gonna experience that moment differently. 00:13:04.440 --> 00:13:17.639 So, transformational NLP is really about working with somebody, usually one-on-one, to track what's actually coming up either in this moment right here now, or more importantly, in whatever domain they're having difficulty in in their life. 00:13:17.799 --> 00:13:19.639 Wow, I can't figure out what to do with my boss. 00:13:19.879 --> 00:13:20.919 Okay, let's talk about it. 00:13:21.000 --> 00:13:35.639 And we'll basically track from that moment what they are experiencing from the past, go back and rewire that early memory, bringing in new context, new resources, new information that wasn't available to them, but that they know now. 00:13:35.960 --> 00:13:42.120 And then suddenly the experience with the boss doesn't feel as scary because it's just the experience with the boss, not boss and dad. 00:13:42.360 --> 00:13:43.240 Right, right, right, right. 00:13:43.399 --> 00:13:44.679 And it doesn't need to be dad. 00:13:44.759 --> 00:13:50.279 Like, I mean, we are we have we're enculturated with those four words mean you are in trouble. 00:13:50.440 --> 00:13:51.320 We need to talk. 00:13:51.480 --> 00:13:56.600 We you know, has has been translated in our in our modern society to mean you are in trouble. 00:13:56.759 --> 00:14:00.679 So that thus my response is when when I heard those four words. 00:14:00.840 --> 00:14:03.399 Um so may my father rest in peace. 00:14:03.480 --> 00:14:07.240 He was he was not he was not that guy. 00:14:07.399 --> 00:14:21.399 So you blend, you you'll take these these uh these learned cues and and help your your your clients understand that these cues are influencing their felt sense, their somatic sense, and their response to the world. 00:14:22.120 --> 00:14:24.279 Am I making the leap too far? 00:14:25.080 --> 00:14:25.720 Nearly. 00:14:25.879 --> 00:14:29.559 Let me say how I think it is, and you can let me know if it's making sense. 00:14:29.799 --> 00:14:46.200 So in an NLP style session or in using some of these tools to support someone, it's basically helping them track what old imprint, what old program from the past is playing out now and influencing the way you're

experiencing the moment. 00:14:46.600 --> 00:14:53.480 So again, say you're seeing the world through those pink glasses, NLP is helping us look, take off those glasses, like, ooh, those are pink. 00:14:53.639 --> 00:14:55.879 When did those pink lenses get put in? 00:14:56.200 --> 00:14:57.879 Ah, it was then. 00:14:58.039 --> 00:15:05.240 And then we basically, in the mind's eye, go back to that early experience and bring in new resources. 00:15:05.399 --> 00:15:14.279 And what my teacher says about NLP that I love is what's nice about after an NLP session is you don't have to remember to be different. 00:15:15.240 --> 00:15:17.320 So it's not an insight, it's a healing. 00:15:17.399 --> 00:15:31.240 It's quite literally activating that old memory network, that old imprint, that place where the pink lenses, so to speak, got installed and adjusting the environment so that it doesn't feel that way anymore. 00:15:31.399 --> 00:15:34.840 I think I can give one more small example that'll make this make sense. 00:15:35.000 --> 00:15:42.519 So, again, to go back to this made-up example of somebody is having the experience with the boss that reminds them perhaps of their scary dad. 00:15:42.759 --> 00:15:48.440 We'd go back and it's like, okay, and like, wow, so you're feeling that experience right now on your body. 00:15:48.600 --> 00:15:53.399 And how old is this little one that's having this experience of dad? 00:15:53.879 --> 00:15:55.960 Just the first number that comes to your mind. 00:15:56.440 --> 00:15:57.399 I'm getting seven. 00:15:57.559 --> 00:15:58.440 Okay, you're seven. 00:15:58.519 --> 00:16:00.759 And just inside, like, look around. 00:16:00.919 --> 00:16:01.960 What room are you in? 00:16:02.120 --> 00:16:09.559 And we basically find this moment, this memory where a belief got encoded that was not the full truth. 00:16:09.799 --> 00:16:16.679 So something like she experienced her dad is angry and it got coded as men are scary and will hurt me or something. 00:16:16.919 --> 00:16:22.519 And now we can bring in new information that was not available to the seven-year-old that's available now. 00:16:22.759 --> 00:16:29.960 Like some men have been very safe in this person's life, or you're not seven anymore. 00:16:30.279 --> 00:16:36.120 You survived, even simple things like bringing to that seven-year-old, hey, good news, you made it to 35. 00:16:36.200 --> 00:16:36.919 You're still here. 00:16:37.080 --> 00:16:46.759 So it's really about bringing resources to an old memory and from the root, healing what happened then so that it is not influencing now to the same degree. 00:16:47.080 --> 00:16:49.960 I love this because it seems really efficient. 00:16:50.360 --> 00:16:51.399 It's so efficient. 00:16:56.840 --> 00:17:05.799 And again, the viewers and listeners to this podcast are either going through fertility struggles and andor including IVF treatments. 00:17:06.039 --> 00:17:15.079 They're going through their body is now no longer their own because their pregnancy or postpartum hormones are are and the baby's needs are a priority. 00:17:15.240 --> 00:17:22.519 And so to be able to not have another homework assignment is so relieving. 00:17:22.840 --> 00:17:23.159 Yeah. 00:17:23.320 --> 00:17:23.559 Absolutely. 00:17:27.880 --> 00:17:29.720 I've heard this phrase, I really don't know. 00:17:29.799 --> 00:17:31.559 So so teach me. 00:17:31.639 --> 00:17:38.279 Let me get me smarter about what is this internal family systems part work and is it as efficient as NLP? 00:17:38.920 --> 00:17:40.360 Um, yes. 00:17:40.679 --> 00:17:41.000 Okay. 00:17:41.639 --> 00:17:47.960 Um so parts work, similarly to sematics, it's like parts work's a relatively broad frame. 00:17:48.119 --> 00:17:57.480 And then internal family systems is probably the most popular and most known school of thought specific modality way of doing parts work. 00:17:57.559 --> 00:17:59.240 So lots of people say they do parts work. 00:17:59.320 --> 00:18:02.039 They might have been trained by a whole host of different entities. 00:18:02.279 --> 00:18:10.920 I will speak specifically to internal family systems because it's what I know well, it's what I'm trained in, but I will say this is broader and all includes some of the same elements. 00:18:11.159 --> 00:18:18.360 But basically, internal family systems is a framework of understanding oneself that holds. 00:18:19.720 --> 00:18:23.480 We basically are our own internal family. 00:18:23.720 --> 00:18:29.400 There are a whole cast of characters inside one being, many parts, if you will. 00:18:29.720 --> 00:18:39.000 So maybe people have heard about like, oh, they're inner critic or their inner child, or these different kinds of archetypes. 00:18:39.160 --> 00:18:45.720 So internal family systems basically presupposes that we all have these different parts of us. 00:18:45.880 --> 00:18:55.319 And think about it, we use it even in our language, like, I don't know, a part of me really just wants to like go for this next round of IVF, and a part of me is terrified and thinks it won't work. 00:18:55.640 --> 00:18:55.960 Okay. 00:18:56.839 --> 00:18:58.759 Let's work with each of those parts. 00:18:58.920 --> 00:19:01.720 Okay, which of those parts wants your attention first? 00:19:02.359 --> 00:19:04.680 I think the part of me that's really scared. 00:19:04.920 --> 00:19:12.920 Okay, well, can we is the part of you that really wants to go for it willing to just step back for a moment so we can talk to this part that's really scared? 00:19:13.240 --> 00:19:14.519 Yeah, yeah, that would be okay. 00:19:14.680 --> 00:19:29.319 And basically we get to learn about these different parts of ourselves and how they all, without any exception, have a very positive attention for us, a very positive intention. 00:19:29.400 --> 00:19:33.400 So, like basically all of our patterns are protect protective parts. 00:19:33.480 --> 00:19:36.359 So, like the part of you that'll like push help

away. 00:19:36.599 --> 00:19:38.519 Sometimes we get so annoyed with ourselves. 00:19:38.680 --> 00:19:39.880 Like, why do I keep doing that? 00:19:40.039 --> 00:19:41.480 Like, that's not useful. 00:19:41.640 --> 00:19:43.240 This is just an example pattern. 00:19:43.319 --> 00:19:45.720 Everyone has their things that they do that they recognize. 00:19:45.880 --> 00:19:49.079 This is not helpful, yet here I am doing it. 00:19:49.400 --> 00:19:51.799 But it comes from somewhere. 00:19:51.880 --> 00:19:53.079 It's just outdated. 00:19:53.240 --> 00:20:02.039 So this is where there is a bit of crossover between kind of NLP and parts work, in that it is these things learned from the past, but the way you're working with it is a bit distinct. 00:20:02.119 --> 00:20:08.920 So again, it's getting to know these specific parts of you that show up in very particular ways with a particular mission. 00:20:09.079 --> 00:20:15.400 So again, I'll maybe go with this example of like, I don't know, you notice pushing people away when you actually really need help and support. 00:20:15.559 --> 00:20:23.000 So like you'd basically, by the way, the the issue with the to the people who are listening and viewing this episode. 00:20:23.160 --> 00:20:24.599 Um yeah, totally. 00:20:24.759 --> 00:20:33.559 I mean, I think it's such a common thing with women with the side note of we've all been conditioned as women to like do things ourselves and not be the helpless woman. 00:20:33.640 --> 00:20:35.319 So there's cultural pieces, they're all of that. 00:20:35.400 --> 00:20:49.960 But on like the parts level, basically I would support somebody in like working directly with that part of themselves, almost like you were having a conversation with another person, because you are you're having a conversation with a part of yourself, like, hey, like what are you trying to do for me? 00:20:50.519 --> 00:20:55.240 And without fail, every time it'll be something helpful. 00:20:55.319 --> 00:20:58.599 It's like, oh, I'm trying to make sure nobody lets you down. 00:20:59.160 --> 00:20:59.960 Whoa. 00:21:01.160 --> 00:21:05.880 Okay, and when was the first time you learned to do that? 00:21:06.119 --> 00:21:16.279 And similarly, it's we'll get basically an inventory of these different parts of us that are pretty much like different ages frozen in time that got assigned specific roles. 00:21:16.440 --> 00:21:24.119 The seven-year-old who learned to just collapse because the only time that she'd get attention from her family is when she was helpless. 00:21:24.279 --> 00:21:32.279 The 12-year-old who learned to be a super high-functioning perfectionist, because if she just did everything first, then nobody would let her down. 00:21:32.680 --> 00:21:39.799 The 25-year-old who learned, oh, you know, if I just drink a little bit more, then I don't have to feel all these hard feelings. 00:21:39.960 --> 00:21:49.160 So it's basically getting to know and then working directly with these parts

of us to one, sometimes it is the same where we're kind of like going back to an early wound. 00:21:49.240 --> 00:21:51.880 And once that's healed, it kind of becomes irrelevant. 00:21:52.119 --> 00:22:01.720 But other times it's actually kind of just taking command as your truest self, your capital S self, as like, hey, like I'm here now. 00:22:01.880 --> 00:22:02.920 I can make these choices. 00:22:03.000 --> 00:22:07.720 You work with that little seven-year-old who's scared, like, nobody's gonna take care of me, people are gonna let me down. 00:22:07.880 --> 00:22:09.960 You're like, hey, I'm here now. 00:22:10.119 --> 00:22:11.960 Like, what would you need to trust me? 00:22:12.119 --> 00:22:20.359 So it's really just developing like self-leadership through actually getting to know these different parts of you and learning to be a good parent to yourself. 00:22:20.519 --> 00:22:27.480 Like a parent, in my opinion, a good parent is not just like, I'm the captain of the ship, I don't care what any of you think. 00:22:27.640 --> 00:22:32.200 It's doing that deep listening because like we care about the seven-year-old's feelings. 00:22:32.680 --> 00:22:35.559 The seven-year-old is not going to be in charge of running our life. 00:22:35.720 --> 00:22:37.960 So we want to figure out like, what are the wounds? 00:22:38.119 --> 00:22:42.359 How can we sit with the emotions so that there's attunement, it's felt through, it's complete. 00:22:42.519 --> 00:22:47.640 And then, like, what's the new up-to-date way of getting that need met? 00:22:48.200 --> 00:22:49.000 I love this. 00:22:49.160 --> 00:23:24.839 It and it as I'm listening, I'm also envisioning or experiencing that healing these parts uh heal not only the individual who's going through the the the uh the the modality, the the the therapy, but also healing the the people around them, also healing the future baby and the future family and the future, you know, legacy, if you will, because the once once these these healthful and helpful um practices are set in motion, you've got a new reality. 00:23:26.119 --> 00:23:26.839 Completely. 00:23:27.000 --> 00:23:28.599 It's it's quite miraculous. 00:23:28.759 --> 00:23:31.160 And I haven't done as much of this personally. 00:23:31.319 --> 00:23:36.920 I've done some, and then many people have, but like internal family systems will be used in couples' work. 00:23:37.000 --> 00:23:40.519 And it looks very different than what people typically think of as couples' work. 00:23:40.599 --> 00:23:50.680 Because it'll basically be one partner being in witness of the other partner tracking and learning about this part that their partner's been having such a difficult time with. 00:23:50.920 --> 00:23:56.519 So say I'm just going to make an example where there's a heterosexual couple, wife, husband. 00:23:56.759 --> 00:24:00.200 Say wife has been dealing with this stonewalling husband. 00:24:00.279 --> 00:24:01.480 Like, I need you, I need you. 00:24:01.559 --> 00:24:05.400 This is one of the most important times of our lives, and I can't find you, I can't find you. 00:24:05.720 --> 00:24:12.440 The practitioner can help that husband character, this person figure out like, what's the part that's stonewalling? 00:24:12.680 --> 00:24:19.400 Oh, that's actually protecting a three-year-old who used to scream his head off and nobody would listen. 00:24:19.640 --> 00:24:25.960 So that protective part came in and started going, cool, I'm not letting anyone in if nobody's going to take care of me. 00:24:26.200 --> 00:24:45.079 And not only can this husband then go and heal the three-year-old and have that stonewalling part develop a new role, take on self-leadership and start showing up better, but also like it creates such incredible empathy because when we see like what's leading people to do what they do, we experience it really differently. 00:24:45.240 --> 00:24:47.000 So, yes, I think it's healing on many fronts. 00:24:47.079 --> 00:24:53.240 There's the healing of that when one has done this work, they get to show up differently in their relationships, and that is healing. 00:24:53.400 --> 00:25:02.759 And there's also something so beautiful about whether you're actually in the session being in direct witness or just learning from your partner, your family member, your loved one who's doing this. 00:25:02.920 --> 00:25:15.720 Like it's such a different thing to have somebody who's been critical of you forever, and then they show up and go, hey, like I'm learning that like I took on this role of like this kind of critical part of me that comes out when I'm feeling scared and sad. 00:25:15.880 --> 00:25:17.960 Then suddenly there's a doorway to talking about that. 00:25:18.119 --> 00:25:19.240 It's really quite exceptional. 00:25:19.559 --> 00:25:23.480 Please connect with us for a fertility assessment call at the link below. 00:25:23.720 --> 00:25:27.319 We'd love to learn a bit about you and share our resources. 00:25:27.480 --> 00:25:32.119 And make sure you subscribe to our YouTube channel so that you never miss an episode. 00:25:32.359 --> 00:25:36.279 Um, boy, I I I'm feeling very emotional just listening to it. 00:25:36.519 --> 00:25:49.079 And then the next question that I have with regard to any of these modalities is you know, efficiency, time efficiency, because again, we've looked the people that's part of our paradigm in our world right now. 00:25:49.240 --> 00:25:51.480 How quickly can I get you know my needs met? 00:25:51.880 --> 00:26:05.799 And there literally is a time-space continuum when people are going through IVF, for instance, you know, they're they're immediately into appointments, medications, you know, an external set of experts and calendar. 00:26:06.440 --> 00:26:16.839 How what is your recommendation, I shall I say, for someone who is, you know, either struggling with fertility now, considering IVF, considering egg freezing, is pregnant? 00:26:17.000 --> 00:26:25.400 Like

what would you say have this realistic expectation for yourself so that we don't add yet another small T trauma? 00:26:26.440 --> 00:26:31.319 And the question is, how long would somebody anticipate waiting before C meaningful change? 00:26:31.960 --> 00:26:32.279 Yes. 00:26:32.839 --> 00:26:33.480 Yeah. 00:26:34.119 --> 00:26:43.000 So what I'll say is it's, and again, this is my opinion, but it's also grounded in both personal experience as a client and professional experience as a practitioner. 00:26:44.359 --> 00:26:46.920 This work is so much more efficient than talk therapy. 00:26:47.000 --> 00:26:48.920 Like it's so much more efficient than talk therapy. 00:26:49.000 --> 00:26:53.000 Somebody could have an excellent talk therapist and, like, yeah, I've been working with them for 25 years. 00:26:53.160 --> 00:26:53.480 It's great. 00:26:53.559 --> 00:26:54.839 I get my patterns now. 00:26:55.079 --> 00:26:57.400 Things are mostly the same, but like I get it. 00:26:57.960 --> 00:27:06.359 So I'll say it's definitely more efficient than talk therapy because again, it's in these direct ways going in and rewiring the root problem. 00:27:06.440 --> 00:27:10.519 It is either feeling through the stuck energy through somatics till it's complete. 00:27:10.680 --> 00:27:12.519 Wow, that thing is now just done. 00:27:12.759 --> 00:27:16.519 It is going back and rewiring that early imprint through NLP. 00:27:16.680 --> 00:27:18.599 Wow, that pattern is now just done. 00:27:18.759 --> 00:27:27.000 It is going and working with these parts, debunking their myth of how they need to show up in the world to get their needs met, healing that, okay, that work is just done. 00:27:27.319 --> 00:27:35.799 So I'll say yes, wildly more efficient than something that's more at like a cognitive level because you're going to the root, not working with the symptoms. 00:27:35.960 --> 00:27:37.960 I really don't work with symptoms with people at all. 00:27:38.119 --> 00:27:38.920 It's a doorway. 00:27:39.000 --> 00:27:42.839 The symptom is the alarm going bing, bing, bing, something's here. 00:27:42.920 --> 00:27:45.079 And we take that as the doorway to the root. 00:27:45.319 --> 00:27:47.640 So it's definitely wildly more efficient. 00:27:48.359 --> 00:27:53.720 What that actually means for when somebody's like, things are different is going to depend so much on the person. 00:27:54.440 --> 00:28:07.559 I'll say a couple things to not keep it that vague, but what I'll say is like maybe like four to nine months to be like, holy moly, my life's different. 00:28:07.720 --> 00:28:10.599 Like my life's things have changed. 00:28:10.839 --> 00:28:11.960 Not for everyone. 00:28:12.119 --> 00:28:22.599 Of course, like the other thing about this work is well, any work, but this work in particular that's so deep, so profound, it's like it can only go as far as the client is open to going. 00:28:22.759 --> 00:28:26.039 Like if they can go there, it can be miraculously quick. 00:28:26.279 --> 00:28:31.160 If there's a lot, a lot, a lot of internal um protection. 00:28:31.319 --> 00:28:34.279 It's gonna say resistance, but I don't like that word because I don't think it's real. 00:28:34.359 --> 00:28:43.720 It's like if there's many, many layers of protection, it can take a little longer because we're not quite going to the root, we're going to the third level, then the second level, then the first level. 00:28:43.960 --> 00:28:47.319 But I would say like it's on the order of months, not the order of years. 00:28:47.400 --> 00:28:53.319 And also like individual sessions can be transformational. 00:28:53.480 --> 00:28:54.200 So you don't know. 00:28:54.279 --> 00:28:57.400 Like, is your transformational breakthrough session going to be session one? 00:28:57.559 --> 00:28:57.799 Maybe. 00:28:57.960 --> 00:28:59.960 Maybe do three sessions, like, cool. 00:29:00.279 --> 00:29:01.640 That's what I needed here. 00:29:01.799 --> 00:29:03.480 That's entirely plausible. 00:29:03.799 --> 00:29:17.000 Maybe the architecture of your internal system is like we're actually doing work with more of those protective parts that don't even quite let you get in there for like a couple months to create enough safety that we can really go to the place, so to speak. 00:29:17.319 --> 00:29:21.880 In which case, maybe those breakthrough sessions aren't coming until like month three, month four. 00:29:21.960 --> 00:29:29.079 And then there's like mini breakthroughs at the pace of safety for that person's system that then kind of slowly get them to where they want to go. 00:29:29.160 --> 00:29:36.920 So, what I can say with assurance is it is wildly more efficient than something that's kind of dealing at the cognitive symptom level, because like these are root wound modalities. 00:29:37.160 --> 00:29:44.200 But whether your life's gonna change on session one or eight months into the work depends on the person and what they're working with. 00:29:44.359 --> 00:29:54.599 But yeah, I'd say like if you're doing this kind of thing weekly in presence with an open heart, like you're gonna be seeing things differently and experiencing things differently really quickly. 00:29:54.920 --> 00:30:01.000 And within months, it might be like, wow, like this isn't how I lived before. 00:30:01.240 --> 00:30:02.599 Wow, that's beautiful. 00:30:02.839 --> 00:30:09.400 And you you made a quick reference to as a you know, you've experienced this as a client as well as a practitioner. 00:30:09.640 --> 00:30:17.960 To the extent that you feel comfortable, would you share with us what you know your experience of transformational work using these somatic therapies? 00:30:18.359 --> 00:30:18.920 Totally. 00:30:19.079 --> 00:30:22.759 And again, I'll just make the asterisk of I would not call all three of these somatic therapies. 00:30:22.920 --> 00:30:23.079 I know. 00:30:23.160 --> 00:30:33.000 As soon as I said I realized NLP and parts work, all of them I'd say do have

the cohesiveness of um cohesiveness is not quite the word I'm looking for. 00:30:33.240 --> 00:30:40.359 The umbrella that makes all of these modalities um really well suited to working together. 00:30:40.440 --> 00:30:50.519 What's the same between all of them is like they all presuppose like you over there, you the client are whole, well, and unbroken. 00:30:50.759 --> 00:30:51.720 You are good. 00:30:52.519 --> 00:30:55.559 We're just siphoning off all the crap that made you lose track of that. 00:30:55.799 --> 00:30:59.799 We are, and this is why I called my practice reveal and remember. 00:31:00.119 --> 00:31:01.880 We're not building something new. 00:31:02.119 --> 00:31:12.200 We are revealing by sloughing off all these layers of conditioning and trauma and body holding, we're revealing what's underneath and remembering who we truly are. 00:31:12.359 --> 00:31:16.920 Because who we truly are, like when the sun goes behind the clouds, there's not less sun. 00:31:17.160 --> 00:31:17.319 Right. 00:31:17.480 --> 00:31:18.920 It's just behind the clouds. 00:31:19.160 --> 00:31:23.720 So um in my little soapbox, I've completely lost track of the question. 00:31:23.880 --> 00:31:24.119 Right. 00:31:24.279 --> 00:31:24.680 My journey. 00:31:24.920 --> 00:31:26.039 You, your, your journey. 00:31:26.279 --> 00:31:27.000 My journey. 00:31:27.240 --> 00:31:34.920 So um, yeah, I took a relatively traditional path in psychology. 00:31:35.079 --> 00:31:42.039 Like I did my undergrad at Berkeley and I went to grad school at something called the PGSP Stanford PsyD Consortium. 00:31:42.200 --> 00:31:47.240 Real mouthful, but it's this joint program between Stanford and a psychology-specific university. 00:31:47.640 --> 00:31:50.039 And yeah, like did the whole thing. 00:31:50.119 --> 00:32:00.200 Like, cool, I'm a clinical psychologist and I know the stuff and I'm doing the thing, and I've got the partner, and I'm at the fancy school, and we've got a house, and it's all good, right? 00:32:00.359 --> 00:32:01.240 It's all good, right? 00:32:01.319 --> 00:32:03.000 It's all good, right? 00:32:03.400 --> 00:32:14.440 And just basically realized at the end of six years of grad school, five years plus postdoc, I was like, I'm not happy. 00:32:14.680 --> 00:32:15.559 I'm not happy. 00:32:15.720 --> 00:32:26.279 I'm trained in how to be well, but I basically got trained in a model that's like how to fix surface level symptoms, how to cope. 00:32:26.519 --> 00:32:33.799 And my interpretation myself is I'm like, wow, I got so masterful at coping that again, I lost that whisper. 00:32:33.960 --> 00:32:44.119 It's like I figured out how to like tolerate a misaligned life, manage through, be well enough, even in circumstances that didn't actually suit me. 00:32:44.599 --> 00:32:53.400 And then really it was just one day I was like, ah, like none technically all of this is working, but on that kind of inside rumbling level, I'm like, none of this is working. 00:32:53.720 --> 00:32:56.440 The whisper became a little bit more of a shout. 00:32:56.759 --> 00:32:57.319 Exactly. 00:32:57.559 --> 00:32:57.880 Exactly. 00:32:58.039 --> 00:33:03.240 It was just like something's off, and I cannot continue forward until I know what on earth it is. 00:33:03.400 --> 00:33:05.079 And I think so many people can resonate with this. 00:33:05.160 --> 00:33:07.240 Like, I know something's off, but what is it? 00:33:07.400 --> 00:33:09.000 I know something's off, but what is it? 00:33:09.160 --> 00:33:09.559 Absolutely. 00:33:09.799 --> 00:33:15.000 And that's when I dove into my lineage of somatic work. 00:33:15.079 --> 00:33:22.440 I did an eight-month healer training that really just dove deep of like, hey, again, like your body knows, your body knows. 00:33:22.680 --> 00:33:35.480 And what I'd say was also really important about that was it included spirituality and not religion, not dogma, but this knowing of like, hey, you're not just a brain, you're a soul, and your soul knows. 00:33:35.559 --> 00:33:37.079 Like your soul knows what's going on. 00:33:37.240 --> 00:33:38.759 And that was so powerful for me. 00:33:38.920 --> 00:33:42.200 So I was doing an eight-month healer training in somatics. 00:33:42.359 --> 00:33:47.720 And at the same time, I revisited, I'd actually already trained in NLP before grad school and really loved it. 00:33:47.880 --> 00:33:49.319 I joke with family and friends. 00:33:49.400 --> 00:33:52.279 I'm like, that's what tricked me into thinking psychology was gonna be for me. 00:33:52.359 --> 00:33:53.880 Because I was like, this must be the stuff. 00:33:53.960 --> 00:33:57.559 We do all this deep healing work, and while we're doing it with others, we're doing it with ourselves. 00:33:57.720 --> 00:34:00.279 Like, that's totally what grad school's gonna be like, right? 00:34:00.599 --> 00:34:00.920 No. 00:34:01.319 --> 00:34:04.599 Um, but I returned to NLP, got deeper in that. 00:34:04.839 --> 00:34:09.960 And yeah, I'd say like those returning to those two modalities. 00:34:10.039 --> 00:34:17.000 And in grad school, although I wasn't trained in the classroom in internal family systems, that was the modality that made sense to me. 00:34:17.079 --> 00:34:19.960 That's where I was seeking out workshops and side trainings. 00:34:20.119 --> 00:34:25.079 That's where I was actually like basically like seeking my own opportunities to learn how to do it. 00:34:25.239 --> 00:34:26.199 So I'm like, this is what works. 00:34:26.279 --> 00:34:28.119 That's what I actually saw like work with clients. 00:34:28.359 --> 00:34:41.319 So yeah, over the past year and a half, it was really like finally, finally getting the modalities on board that felt truest to me and finally applying them to myself. 00:34:41.480 --> 00:34:43.720 Cause I wouldn't say that I was like a false practitioner. 00:34:43.800 --> 00:34:50.920 I helped people through meaningful processes, but it feels dissonant when you're like, I

haven't given myself the time and space to fully walk through this. 00:34:51.400 --> 00:34:53.880 It just doesn't work as well. 00:34:54.119 --> 00:35:11.239 So um, yeah, I'd say, yeah, using these three modalities and getting practitioners to like work with me one-on-one and being in group spaces where I could really do this and really be held, it completely changed my life. 00:35:11.400 --> 00:35:14.199 I left a nine-year relationship that didn't feel right. 00:35:14.279 --> 00:35:17.159 I'm now with I think the love of my life. 00:35:17.480 --> 00:35:20.199 I left the Bay Area where I'd lived my entire life. 00:35:20.279 --> 00:35:25.239 I now live in New Mexico and just feel so aligned with the spirit of this place. 00:35:25.319 --> 00:35:26.440 I see the mountain every day. 00:35:26.519 --> 00:35:27.559 It speaks to my soul. 00:35:27.720 --> 00:35:32.359 Like when I did the internal work, my 3D life completely changed. 00:35:32.599 --> 00:35:34.679 Almost nothing is the same as it was before. 00:35:34.840 --> 00:35:35.880 Truly almost nothing. 00:35:36.119 --> 00:35:39.480 And yeah, I still get self-doubting and go through challenge. 00:35:39.559 --> 00:35:40.199 Like I'm a human. 00:35:40.360 --> 00:35:50.039 This is a practice to a degree, but my capacity to feel myself and know what's in alignment with me and what's not is radically transformed. 00:35:50.119 --> 00:35:57.079 And I feel like I can actually say, like with authority from lived experience now, like you do the internal work and your external world changes. 00:35:57.239 --> 00:36:02.119 And now I feel much more capable and desirous of bringing people through that. 00:36:02.199 --> 00:36:04.280 I'm like, come on, like, I don't know what your path's gonna look like. 00:36:04.360 --> 00:36:06.119 I can't decide if you're ready, but I've walked it. 00:36:06.199 --> 00:36:06.840 Like, let's go. 00:36:07.000 --> 00:36:08.199 I promise it's possible. 00:36:08.840 --> 00:36:19.159 And and I I imagine having gone through all of this yourself, while someone is going through the discomfort of going, you know, deeper in that that's a mild word. 00:36:19.239 --> 00:36:27.960 I know it should probably be neon lights, all caps, exclamation points, discomfort of going into that, the those subconscious layers. 00:36:28.280 --> 00:36:31.880 You having done this already, it's it, you're you're familiar with it. 00:36:31.960 --> 00:36:33.639 It's like you're like, oh, you're here. 00:36:33.719 --> 00:36:51.239 And which also then allows for the person going through it to feel less like they're in, I don't know, the bardo or you know, a hell realm because they they they have you as a witness saying, oh no, this is this is exactly where you need to be, or you're in, you know, that's this is the healing moment for you. 00:36:51.559 --> 00:36:52.039 Totally. 00:36:52.199 --> 00:37:02.199 Yeah, having the embodied context of like this is just right, these things surfacing means you have enough safety for them to surface and they're here to transform is so different. 00:37:02.360 --> 00:37:12.039 And again, that's actually a really key piece that feels different from these modalities that I've now learned, now embodied, now practiced to what I had been taught in more kind of formal grad school. 00:37:12.280 --> 00:37:17.559 Like a whole swath of psychology sees a symptom and they literally call it a symptom. 00:37:17.719 --> 00:37:18.840 They're like, this is a problem. 00:37:19.079 --> 00:37:21.320 They diagnose it and they diagnose it. 00:37:21.559 --> 00:37:22.360 They diagnose it. 00:37:22.440 --> 00:37:28.440 Look at these list of symptoms that shows you that this you have this problem and we'll fix it because when the problem's gone, you'll be good. 00:37:29.639 --> 00:37:47.480 No, one of the most foundational elements of the school of somatics that I've learned that really apply across all these modalities is like, oh, when difficulty, pain, challenge is surfacing, A, it shows you I have enough safety to feel this. 00:37:48.199 --> 00:37:50.280 We're not gonna feel all of the intense pain. 00:37:50.360 --> 00:37:53.159 We're not gonna be able to go there unless we have enough safety to feel it. 00:37:53.239 --> 00:37:57.960 So one, basically we can already go, wow, if I'm feeling this tough thing, amazing. 00:37:58.119 --> 00:38:01.719 That means I'm in a place where I actually have the safety ground and stability to feel it. 00:38:01.880 --> 00:38:05.320 And then the second assumption is it is surfacing to compost. 00:38:05.480 --> 00:38:08.039 Like these are the raw ingredients for the alchemy. 00:38:08.199 --> 00:38:13.079 You can't get your, I was about to say you can't get your gold without your coal, but that's mixing metaphors. 00:38:13.239 --> 00:38:14.760 You can't get your diamond without your coal. 00:38:14.920 --> 00:38:17.079 You can't get your gold without the initial ingredients. 00:38:17.239 --> 00:38:19.400 So yeah, holding that frame. 00:38:20.119 --> 00:38:23.079 Yeah, holding that frame and helping people see. 00:38:23.159 --> 00:38:29.079 And again, knowing, like you say, from that felt experience of like this really challenging moment is just right. 00:38:29.239 --> 00:38:38.920 It's coming up because you're safe enough to feel it, and because we're actually getting into the exact place, the exact wound that wants to be cleaned out, excavated, and healed. 00:38:39.000 --> 00:38:40.920 Um, that makes a huge difference. 00:38:41.400 --> 00:38:48.119 Actually, reframing symptoms is like doorways to precisely what is up to heal, what is there to be addressed. 00:38:48.280 --> 00:38:49.639 It's it's such a game changer. 00:38:49.880 --> 00:38:50.840 Yeah, amazing. 00:38:51.079 --> 00:39:02.519 And then is this might seem a silly question, but is there a sort of a time, a space, uh a place where in which you would say, this might not be the time for you. 00:39:02.599 --> 00:39:13.800 Maybe we start with with cognitive,

you know, uh throwing before we go into the the you know the the more profound yes, um, not a silly question. 00:39:13.880 --> 00:39:15.239 I think it's a really important question. 00:39:15.400 --> 00:39:18.599 And I don't think that this work is for everyone at every moment. 00:39:18.840 --> 00:39:23.239 I think it is for many at many moments, particularly if you feel the call. 00:39:23.400 --> 00:39:29.400 Like if something in you is saying, like, oh yes, yes, that, yes, yes, that, then it's probably for you. 00:39:29.480 --> 00:39:31.079 That's like your innate knowing. 00:39:31.320 --> 00:39:41.480 But I'd say who it's not for or not for as a starting place is like if you're really feeling like quite unstable, quite unwell. 00:39:41.639 --> 00:39:45.559 And I'll speak to this with a metaphor because I feel that that's easier. 00:39:45.719 --> 00:40:00.280 It's like if you're in like the choppy, choppy, choppy ocean and you don't know how to swim, this is not the time to learn like your truest form of like, this is how you swim, and like let's find your movement and the way that's most authentic to you. 00:40:00.440 --> 00:40:05.239 No, no, get you a life vest, get you back to land, and then we can start. 00:40:05.400 --> 00:40:09.559 So, like, that's not to say everything has to be hunky-dory amazing to get started. 00:40:09.639 --> 00:40:17.480 Like, of course, there kind of needs to be some difficulty that's showing up of like, hey, this is where you want to work, but on a foundation of quite a bit of stability. 00:40:17.639 --> 00:40:25.159 So, like, this work is best for people of like maybe already done quite a bit of therapy, or they're like, yeah, no, like technically life's good. 00:40:25.320 --> 00:40:26.599 Technically, I'm doing all right. 00:40:26.679 --> 00:40:42.280 I've got stable income, I've got stable housing, like things are kind of okay, but I'm not sure what's going on in my relationship and I don't feel safe and aligned there emotionally, or there's this place I'm really wanting to expand and I can tell that I'm stuck. 00:40:42.440 --> 00:40:56.599 So I'd say it's like not for people who yeah, have like serious big T trauma, PTSD going on, somebody who's in an acute mental health crisis, somebody who's dealing with a lot of instability in their 3D world, like there needs to be enough safety to do this work. 00:40:56.760 --> 00:41:02.760 And if you're not feeling stable, well, safe grounded, then it's not a good time. 00:41:02.920 --> 00:41:03.159 Yeah. 00:41:03.639 --> 00:41:05.000 Does that answer the question clearly enough? 00:41:05.320 --> 00:41:05.639 Absolutely. 00:41:05.800 --> 00:41:08.760 But but that person doesn't have to, you know, kind of go away. 00:41:08.840 --> 00:41:13.239 They can begin with cognitive behavioral therapy kind of work. 00:41:13.320 --> 00:41:25.639 And I'm saying words that I really don't even know what that means, but but but more of the traditional talk therapy work to just exactly put

a framework around where they have where they can begin, put an infrastructure, if you will. 00:41:25.880 --> 00:41:53.400 And then the next question I have, because again, a lot with this population that we're speaking to and having a conversation with, um, you know, it's it's couples, either, either heterosexual couples, same-sex couples, you know, there are some single parents by choice going through fertility struggle, but would you would you envision a time or place where a couple, because their life is having them at this crossroads together, do this work together? 00:41:53.559 --> 00:42:00.199 Or is it much more individuated that it that it's better suited to individuals? 00:42:00.599 --> 00:42:02.039 I love this question. 00:42:02.360 --> 00:42:03.880 I think it's both. 00:42:04.039 --> 00:42:04.199 Okay. 00:42:04.360 --> 00:42:09.880 I think that there's something really wonderful about people going into a space on their own, especially if they haven't yet. 00:42:09.960 --> 00:42:18.440 Like if somebody's never had a space to be like, this is just for me, I can go to the tricky places, I can say the thing, and I'm not worried about my partner being there. 00:42:18.599 --> 00:42:20.519 Like, it's probably wise. 00:42:20.679 --> 00:42:22.039 And I say this with an asterisk. 00:42:22.199 --> 00:42:34.119 I could see there being places where just starting with the couple's work is totally perfect, but I just kind of intuitively feel like, yeah, like people having their own space to get started where they just feel a bit more unfiltered. 00:42:34.199 --> 00:42:35.719 Like, who cares what I think? 00:42:35.800 --> 00:42:36.599 I'm not their partner. 00:42:36.679 --> 00:42:37.960 They can say the scary thing. 00:42:38.039 --> 00:42:44.119 They could say, like, I don't know, as we're going through this, it finds, I find myself like wondering if they're the person for me. 00:42:44.199 --> 00:42:47.159 Like maybe they wouldn't feel safe bringing that up in a couple's context. 00:42:47.320 --> 00:42:57.239 So I'd say it's like beautiful to do the individual work, and it might be wise to do some of that, whether it's this type of work or just your own therapy, but like some space that's just yours. 00:42:57.480 --> 00:43:03.079 But then, oh my God, revolutionary things can happen doing this in a couples context. 00:43:03.320 --> 00:43:05.079 Right now, I'm not working with couples. 00:43:05.239 --> 00:43:10.119 In the past, I actually had a specialty in couples when I was in more kind of like traditional psychology. 00:43:10.440 --> 00:43:18.519 I was specialized in emotionally focused couples therapy, which is sort of like the um primary evidence-based practice for working with couples. 00:43:18.760 --> 00:43:27.800 That really works on the pattern level of like what is going on interpersonally relationally between these people, like what attachment wounds are getting activated and what's playing out here. 00:43:28.199 --> 00:43:29.079 That is beautiful. 00:43:29.239 --> 00:43:29.880 It is so important. 00:43:29.960 --> 00:43:31.719 It's a band of experience. 00:43:32.119 --> 00:43:37.000 And I think it's really stunning when couples are already kind of good on that level. 00:43:37.079 --> 00:43:39.079 Like they have their good communication strategies. 00:43:39.239 --> 00:43:42.360 They know what kind of activates their partner, they know how to be sensitive. 00:43:42.519 --> 00:43:49.320 They are teammates, but these deeper things are coming up or in this new phase of wow, we're trying to be parents. 00:43:49.480 --> 00:43:50.599 What does that mean for us? 00:43:50.760 --> 00:43:53.320 Or we're trying to be parents and we don't know how it's going to go. 00:43:53.400 --> 00:44:00.440 Like then going to this deeper work, but like with one another as witness, I think can be really powerful. 00:44:00.679 --> 00:44:07.239 Um and yeah, I would actually say, again, I'm I'm thinking about if I'll work with couples in this context. 00:44:07.400 --> 00:44:10.440 I'm not at this time, but I probably will at some point. 00:44:10.679 --> 00:44:17.239 But something that I think couples would not think of that I actually think can be really useful is Tantra. 00:44:18.440 --> 00:44:21.800 I think, well, this was my experience at least. 00:44:22.280 --> 00:44:28.199 Back a year or two ago, somebody said, Oh, Tantra, like, oh, that thing that's about like sex and sexual positions. 00:44:28.519 --> 00:44:55.639 No, Tantra is a much, much, much wider frame and basically is the dance of relationship, like how to be in polarity, how to keep a romantic flame alive while also creating deep, deep safety, how to switch roles between being the seer and the feeler and having those defined containers of right now, you just be in your feelings and I will just witness you, and that's so healing. 00:44:55.800 --> 00:45:00.039 And now we can switch, and I can be in my feelings, and you can witness me, and that's so healing. 00:45:00.280 --> 00:45:04.199 So for couples who are like, cool, this type of work sounds amazing. 00:45:04.280 --> 00:45:05.400 How on earth would I start? 00:45:05.480 --> 00:45:10.199 I'd say, like, getting an internal family systems therapist who does couples could be a great way. 00:45:10.440 --> 00:45:10.679 Okay. 00:45:10.840 --> 00:45:13.400 When I am ready and seeing couples, that would be a great way. 00:45:13.559 --> 00:45:19.960 Or Tantra, and I'm specifically thinking about a book that perhaps we could link that's called Playing with Fire. 00:45:20.119 --> 00:45:24.679 It's by these um sacred intimacy teachers who taught sacred intimacy. 00:45:25.239 --> 00:45:32.519 Taught Tantra, taught healing couples work for many, many years, and then had a child when the wife in this couple was much older. 00:45:32.679 --> 00:45:35.320 I think she was in her late 40s. 00:45:35.480 --> 00:45:43.159 They had a surprise pregnancy and they learned how to keep their romantic and sexual life alive

while parenting. 00:45:43.239 --> 00:45:44.360 And it's it's pretty amazing. 00:45:44.679 --> 00:46:07.079 And I think that that again, we we we are aware that it is it is not uncommon for when people are going through struggles, especially as it relates to family planning, to have the intimacy take a back seat, whether it's you know, we'll we'll get back to it to our relationship intimately after IVF or after baby's born or after baby starts going to preschool. 00:46:07.159 --> 00:46:10.199 And and and what I'm hearing you say is no, no, no, no. 00:46:10.440 --> 00:46:11.320 No, no, no, no. 00:46:11.480 --> 00:46:13.639 And the primary ingredient for well-being. 00:46:13.800 --> 00:46:17.400 And again, that's not to say, like, don't hold that with fear, not like, oh my God. 00:46:17.559 --> 00:46:35.960 So if we haven't been having sex or if it's gotten charged because of our fertility struggles, like, oh no, no, but like having that as a central tenet, like how to keep our romantic, sexual, and sensual life dead center as we are creating this partnership that will then be the holding place for this family. 00:46:36.199 --> 00:46:37.239 So dead center. 00:46:37.320 --> 00:46:40.599 And really, I would so recommend this book, Playing with Fire. 00:46:40.760 --> 00:46:45.639 The authors are Justin Pierce Patrick and London Winters, and they're a couple. 00:46:45.880 --> 00:46:48.119 And um, it's like a little saucy. 00:46:48.199 --> 00:46:53.400 It has its saucy moments to basically show, like, no, really, like we have kept our sexual flame alive, but it's so much broader than that. 00:46:53.480 --> 00:47:06.280 It's these deep practices for how do we stay with each other as sensual partners, as lovers, and use that as actually one of the ingredients for us being strong, well, and held enough to be able to do these hard things. 00:47:06.519 --> 00:47:07.320 Love it. 00:47:07.559 --> 00:47:12.679 And and I'm I'm seeing the time all of a sudden and going, you know, you you and I can talk for days. 00:47:12.920 --> 00:47:13.719 We can talk for days. 00:47:13.800 --> 00:47:13.960 Yeah. 00:47:14.360 --> 00:47:29.719 Topic is so important and so often overlooked, especially in this realm, this paradigm of fertility, pregnancy, postpartum, perimenopause, when you know it's it's there's a lot going on externally, so we need to be addressing internally. 00:47:29.960 --> 00:47:31.159 Two questions for you. 00:47:31.400 --> 00:47:33.960 How can people work with you? 00:47:34.199 --> 00:47:45.559 Because I I I'm aware that you have your doctor of clinical psychology license for Californians, and then there's there are other ways in which you can work for those who are not in California. 00:47:45.960 --> 00:47:46.440 Yeah. 00:47:46.679 --> 00:47:49.000 So if people want to work with me, it's true. 00:47:49.079 --> 00:48:03.159 I am a licensed clinical psychologist in the state of California, but these days, for some of the reasons that we've been discussing here, I'm really taking more of my energy away from that band of my work and feeding it into what I call guided healing. 00:48:03.400 --> 00:48:08.039 And this is for the person who, again, like like on paper, I'm good, like I'm well. 00:48:08.199 --> 00:48:11.000 I've I'm I'm I'm married, I've got the job, and it's all okay. 00:48:11.159 --> 00:48:15.800 But like there is that rumbling inside of like, but something's not quite right. 00:48:16.119 --> 00:48:21.000 Going through this fertility journey is just bringing up all kinds of stuff I didn't even know that I had. 00:48:21.320 --> 00:48:24.519 Or I know that I'm like longing for more in my life. 00:48:24.599 --> 00:48:27.719 It's feeling okay, but I don't think I signed up for a life that's okay. 00:48:27.880 --> 00:48:30.679 I want one that's beautiful and enlivened. 00:48:30.760 --> 00:48:38.920 I want to bring a baby into the world, being delighted and knowing like why I'm connecting with this soul and how to move through this with them. 00:48:39.320 --> 00:48:46.920 So guided healing, it does use these three modalities, sort of infused and integrated as it makes sense for a client in the moment. 00:48:47.079 --> 00:48:50.519 And yeah, it's just kind of a psycho-spiritual dance. 00:48:50.679 --> 00:48:51.480 Me and this person. 00:48:51.960 --> 00:48:55.320 People can reach you, they can have online sessions. 00:48:55.480 --> 00:48:55.800 Yes. 00:48:56.039 --> 00:48:57.480 They don't have to go to Taos New Mexico. 00:48:59.880 --> 00:49:05.320 Uh actually, such a great point because I feel like when I first learned about especially somatics, I'm like, so presumably that's bod. 00:49:05.559 --> 00:49:06.679 I have to go into the office. 00:49:06.840 --> 00:49:07.559 No, no, no. 00:49:07.719 --> 00:49:08.760 This is all online. 00:49:09.159 --> 00:49:15.639 Uh, we'll link this in the show notes too, but I can be reached most easily at my website, which is revealandremember.com. 00:49:15.719 --> 00:49:15.880 Yep. 00:49:16.360 --> 00:49:22.679 If anyone's interested, the most by far the easiest way to get in contact with me is just to schedule a consultation. 00:49:22.840 --> 00:49:26.280 I book 20-minute consultations to just learn about what's going on with you. 00:49:26.440 --> 00:49:27.719 Does this seem appropriate? 00:49:27.880 --> 00:49:33.559 And yeah, for guided healing, people can be anywhere because that's not part of my formal psychology practice. 00:49:33.639 --> 00:49:34.679 It's not licensed work. 00:49:34.760 --> 00:49:39.400 It's really just, hey, you're well-ish, but you want to be thriving. 00:49:39.480 --> 00:49:46.039 You're well-ish, but you can tell that some stuck pattern that you can't even name is keeping you from making a really important decision. 00:49:46.280 --> 00:49:49.480 You're well, but you're looking for a vital life of expansion. 00:49:49.639 --> 00:49:56.760 Like it's it's personal growth work through healing all of these littlet traumas, patterns, stuck places. 00:49:56.920 --> 00:50:02.280 And yeah, just scheduling a consult with me is definitely the easiest way to figure out if this makes sense for someone. 00:50:02.920 --> 00:50:33.400 And I would say for me, for me, having learned what I've learned in sort of closing out this conversation, is that there's an of course, there will be a time in life when of course you will be, we will, any one of us will be squaring off with there's more that I want, or or I want to assure that I'm that I'm creating a safer uh future fit for my family and in by by healing my my own past traumas. 00:50:33.880 --> 00:50:41.159 So that that you feel compelled to delve into this is not a sign that anything's wrong. 00:50:41.639 --> 00:50:44.679 Quite the contrary, it's a sign that something's ripe. 00:50:44.840 --> 00:50:49.239 I'm not gonna say right, but ripe for improving your life experience. 00:50:49.400 --> 00:50:52.920 So I you absolutely will have all this information in the show notes. 00:50:53.000 --> 00:50:55.159 People can reach out to you at any time. 00:50:55.400 --> 00:50:59.079 Um, and it's it's been wonderful having you on the podcast. 00:50:59.159 --> 00:51:05.159 I hope we get to do this again sometime because, as I said, I've I have a particular fondness for this particular doctor. 00:51:05.719 --> 00:51:07.880 And viewers, listeners, thank you for your time. 00:51:08.039 --> 00:51:09.639 We know it could be held anywhere. 00:51:09.719 --> 00:51:11.559 We know time is pressing for all of us. 00:51:11.639 --> 00:51:13.719 So thank you for sharing this time with us. 00:51:13.960 --> 00:51:17.400 If any of this resonated with you, please reach out to Emily, Dr. 00:51:17.480 --> 00:51:19.480 Emily, and then please share this. 00:51:19.639 --> 00:51:27.880 Please share this with at least five people, because especially insofar as fertility is concerned, one in five is struggling. 00:51:28.039 --> 00:51:40.679 And there are so many subtle areas beyond the struggling get me to an IVF center that can and should be addressed, not necessarily prior to, could be concurrent with your life process right now. 00:51:40.840 --> 00:51:45.480 So thanks for spending this time with us, and we will see you next time at Health University. 00:51:45.639 --> 00:51:47.239 Until then, class dismissed.