Full Transcript for I Was Determined with Ashley Mayer Tocchet

do see kind of see them on occasion, even in the cars and stuff. 00:04:11.919 --> 00:04:12.800 So that's interesting. 00:04:12.960 --> 00:04:17.360 And I um I'm a ballroom dancer, so I it's when we're in dancing with the stars season. 00:04:17.439 --> 00:04:21.839 So all of those people are in my studios um throughout the seasons, but yeah. 00:04:22.079 --> 00:04:22.560 What? 00:04:23.439 --> 00:04:25.120 Oh my gosh, I'm such a fan. 00:04:25.279 --> 00:04:31.279 Well, I think you know that because when I heard you were gonna go be a dancer in Los Angeles, I asked you, are you going to be on Dancing with the Stars? 00:04:31.600 --> 00:04:33.680 That's everybody's that's everybody's first reaction. 00:04:33.759 --> 00:04:39.680 And and honestly, it sounds like my version of hell, but but I do know I do know a lot of the pros. 00:04:39.759 --> 00:04:45.040 I've worked with them, I've rented space to them, and I've um seen them, and it's kind of yeah. 00:04:45.279 --> 00:04:46.000 It is what it is. 00:04:46.399 --> 00:04:52.399 I had a spray tan by a person in Columbia, Missouri who spray tanned many of them. 00:04:52.480 --> 00:04:55.199 So that's my big connection. 00:04:55.600 --> 00:05:00.079 She had pictures on the wall of like Gleb and Val and P Dogs. 00:05:00.399 --> 00:05:01.600 Okay, my darling. 00:05:01.759 --> 00:05:05.279 We should probably catch people up as to why we're talking about dance so much. 00:05:05.920 --> 00:05:08.480 Ashley, what do you do for a living? 00:05:08.800 --> 00:05:14.480 Well, I would say the the short answer is that I teach people how to dance together. 00:05:14.720 --> 00:05:20.240 Um, but the broad is uh, well, basically that. 00:05:20.399 --> 00:05:21.199 But I've done everything. 00:05:21.279 --> 00:05:23.360 I've been doing this for 21 years. 00:05:23.600 --> 00:05:32.560 So um it my career has taken me all over the place in all sorts of aspects of what that means to be a ballroom dancer as uh dance professionally for a long time. 00:05:32.720 --> 00:05:35.439 I competed with my students, competed with my professional. 00:05:35.680 --> 00:05:43.279 Um also I trained teachers, I've run studios, I've I consult with studios, I've done kind of anything and everything. 00:05:43.360 --> 00:05:50.000 I did hair and makeup for competitions, I did really any way I could try to make money in the industry I did. 00:05:50.079 --> 00:05:52.959 I tried to tap into, made my own dresses. 00:05:53.120 --> 00:05:56.959 So it kind of, I've just literally done it all at this point, I feel. 00:05:57.120 --> 00:06:03.439 And um, yeah, so it does give me an advantage as far as I can sort of choose where I want to go with it at this point. 00:06:04.000 --> 00:06:05.120 That's amazing. 00:06:05.360 --> 00:06:08.800 You teach people to dance together. 00:06:09.040 --> 00:06:09.279 Yes. 00:06:09.439 --> 00:06:10.160 So part of it. 00:06:10.399 --> 00:06:10.720 Okay. 00:06:11.279 --> 00:06:12.879 And in what way? 00:06:13.120 --> 00:06:16.720 What is your actual daily life? 00:06:17.279 --> 00:06:18.480 I'm going to work now. 00:06:18.639 --> 00:06:19.360 Where do you go? 00:06:19.519 --> 00:06:20.319 What do you do? 00:06:20.560 --> 00:06:20.879 Yeah. 00:06:21.040 --> 00:06:23.199 So currently I work for myself. 00:06:23.279 --> 00:06:24.879 I'm just an independent contractor. 00:06:25.040 --> 00:06:28.480 Um, and I do I do have a few studios I teach classes at. 00:06:28.560 --> 00:06:30.720 So groups of people will come in and take my classes. 00:06:30.959 --> 00:06:33.839 The majority of my income is though made on private lessons. 00:06:34.000 --> 00:06:36.879 So I teach, I go and teach private lessons one-on-one. 00:06:37.040 --> 00:06:40.959 Sometimes I go to their house or to their uh to a different studio around town. 00:06:41.040 --> 00:06:45.360 I've got about three studios that I frequent mostly that I like to use. 00:06:45.519 --> 00:06:47.759 I rent space out of and then teach my students. 00:06:47.920 --> 00:06:51.680 Um, I also run a West Coast Wing dance event once a month. 00:06:51.920 --> 00:06:54.560 And um, I teach lots and lots of wedding couples. 00:06:54.639 --> 00:06:57.519 That's a huge part of my my business. 00:06:57.759 --> 00:07:08.720 But right now I'm I've pulled back quite a bit in my like uh well, I'm getting older and my body does not love to be standing and dancing for that amount of time that I used to. 00:07:08.800 --> 00:07:10.079 So I no longer perform. 00:07:10.240 --> 00:07:12.639 I mean, I will if I if there's something that really comes up. 00:07:12.720 --> 00:07:18.160 I don't really perform, I definitely don't compete anymore because it's just that time in my life has passed. 00:07:19.040 --> 00:07:19.360 Okay. 00:07:19.920 --> 00:07:23.120 Um so you teach people to dance together. 00:07:23.279 --> 00:07:26.399 Is it would you specifically say you teach ballroom? 00:07:26.560 --> 00:07:26.720 Yes. 00:07:26.959 --> 00:07:29.120 Or has dancing with the stars limited my language? 00:07:29.199 --> 00:07:37.439 And that's not No, no, I uh ballroom is what I consider a blank, we could use it as a blanket term that encompasses all of the different styles of partner dance. 00:07:37.680 --> 00:07:40.000 So ballroom, Latin swing. 00:07:40.160 --> 00:07:46.160 Um, some some pro professionals just kind of focus in one area, some do a little bit of everything. 00:07:46.319 --> 00:07:51.519 Um, but usually you do have a niche where you kind of find your way and either compete a lot in that. 00:07:51.600 --> 00:07:54.319 I have done literally all of them. 00:07:54.480 --> 00:07:59.759 Uh the only dances I don't do are kind of some of the little obscure ones that are a bit newer, like Kazumba and Zook. 00:07:59.920 --> 00:08:08.319 I don't do those, but ballroom, Latin, swing, that's kind of like we pretty pretty much anything you can think of that has to do with two people dancing together. 00:08:08.480 --> 00:08:09.920 I do it and I teach

it. 00:08:10.240 --> 00:08:11.279 Contemporary? 00:08:11.519 --> 00:08:16.639 Nope, if that's just not, that doesn't, that is not in the ballroom because you don't have to dance with a partner in contemporary. 00:08:16.720 --> 00:08:21.199 So I'm basically two people dancing, like cha cha rumba swing waltz tango foxtrot. 00:08:21.600 --> 00:08:27.360 But contemporary does not necessarily need a partner, so that's its own different style of dance. 00:08:27.680 --> 00:08:28.319 I don't do that one. 00:08:28.480 --> 00:08:31.199 Okay, do you you said you do a lot of wedding couples? 00:08:31.439 --> 00:08:33.759 Do you have her two moms and sons? 00:08:34.240 --> 00:08:34.879 What what? 00:08:35.039 --> 00:08:38.480 Say that again, moms and sons for their wedding dances. 00:08:38.639 --> 00:08:40.480 Yes, I just taught one yesterday. 00:08:40.799 --> 00:08:42.480 Okay, Jake Bohan. 00:08:42.799 --> 00:08:50.240 I know you don't even listen, I don't think, but if you're listening, when you get married, we are going to California and Ashley's gonna give us a good dance. 00:08:50.480 --> 00:08:52.799 Yes, I do it all the time. 00:08:53.200 --> 00:09:00.799 You know, um, bride and father, mother, mother-son, obviously, lots of the bride and groom, which is a lot of fun. 00:09:01.360 --> 00:09:02.080 Yeah, yeah. 00:09:02.240 --> 00:09:02.799 So cool. 00:09:02.960 --> 00:09:12.159 I've it's been one of the joys of my life dancing with my oldest two sons at their weddings that we did it, you know, we just swayed to the song of of our choice. 00:09:12.240 --> 00:09:12.960 And lovely. 00:09:13.279 --> 00:09:15.039 I guess John and I did a little spin. 00:09:15.200 --> 00:09:16.720 He gave me, he gave me a spin. 00:09:16.799 --> 00:09:25.200 That was I kind of want to do something wild, like we look like we're gonna do a traditional one and then we break into some really fun thing, you know. 00:09:25.440 --> 00:09:26.960 See if Jake will do that with me. 00:09:27.279 --> 00:09:31.440 I've I've literally had a couple do teach me how to Dougie for their first dance. 00:09:31.679 --> 00:09:39.440 So I do get to I do get to to fit in a little bit of hip-hop here and there when people request it or other styles, which is fun. 00:09:39.759 --> 00:09:44.799 Are there any current trendy dances that you're just like, please, God, no? 00:09:45.039 --> 00:09:47.120 What do you think of shuffle dancing? 00:09:47.600 --> 00:09:53.120 Um, I, you know, honestly, I really love just dancing for anybody. 00:09:53.200 --> 00:09:58.639 And I think dance is really personal to you and what you feel like you want to move to. 00:09:58.720 --> 00:10:03.120 So because there's so many different types of music, there's always so obviously so many different types of dance. 00:10:03.200 --> 00:10:07.440 And I think if anybody's out there moving their body, like I'm for it. 00:10:07.519 --> 00:10:10.639 I say go do it, go express yourself and find your way. 00:10:10.799 --> 00:10:15.440 I think it's, I mean, I could talk forever about the benefits of dancing. 00:10:15.519 --> 00:10:17.440 And so, yeah, I'm I'm a fan. 00:10:17.759 --> 00:10:24.080 I probably wouldn't be getting into all of all of the different things, they're just not for me, but no, go do it, go shuffle away. 00:10:24.320 --> 00:10:25.519 Go shuffle away. 00:10:25.679 --> 00:10:27.440 So, talk to us a little bit. 00:10:27.840 --> 00:10:28.799 I want to hear this. 00:10:28.960 --> 00:10:31.919 You will you could talk forever about the benefits of dancing. 00:10:32.080 --> 00:10:35.759 How about this part where you're talking about teaching people to dance together? 00:10:35.919 --> 00:10:37.759 Don't you have a lot to say about that? 00:10:38.080 --> 00:10:38.720 I do. 00:10:38.960 --> 00:10:40.080 Why do you do that? 00:10:40.320 --> 00:10:45.200 Um, well, obviously, as a ballroom dance instructor, there's a lot of things you can do. 00:10:45.279 --> 00:10:50.639 And as you're an aging dance instructor, just like modeling, there are certain things that are just harder to do as you get older. 00:10:50.799 --> 00:10:56.080 And it's just after a while, I don't, I just don't want to be out there only teaching. 00:10:56.240 --> 00:10:59.279 There's a definitely a ceiling to being an independent teacher. 00:10:59.440 --> 00:11:00.639 I do not want to run a studio. 00:11:00.720 --> 00:11:01.120 I've done that. 00:11:01.200 --> 00:11:02.159 I don't want to do that anymore. 00:11:02.240 --> 00:11:03.120 It's not my thing. 00:11:03.440 --> 00:11:16.879 So years ago, I had a couple who um would come, had come to me for, I would say, a couple years, and they had a dance lesson once a week, a married couple, probably in their 50s. 00:11:17.120 --> 00:11:20.879 And um, you know, sometimes they'd fight, sometimes they'd laugh. 00:11:20.960 --> 00:11:26.720 It was just uh, you see everything when you're teaching people to really see everything, especially their relationship dynamics. 00:11:26.879 --> 00:11:32.320 So I remember one time um they came in, I remember her name's Rebecca, and she said, Ashley, we just want to thank you. 00:11:32.399 --> 00:11:34.080 They had like a really good lesson that day. 00:11:34.240 --> 00:11:45.840 We just want to thank you because we one you know, this is this experience for us has been just as beneficial to our marriage and our relationship as our weekly counseling sessions, but so much cheaper. 00:11:48.080 --> 00:11:48.559 Interesting. 00:11:48.639 --> 00:11:48.879 Yeah. 00:11:49.200 --> 00:11:50.559 I could do something with that. 00:11:50.879 --> 00:11:52.960 I definitely see a lot come out. 00:11:53.120 --> 00:11:54.240 We have to talk through a lot. 00:11:54.320 --> 00:12:06.000 I mean, you're not just a dance instructor, especially when they get when they get close to you or you know, you know them, they they they're asking you for personal advice and all that stuff comes up and out, and um we deal with it on the dance floor.

00:12:06.159 --> 00:12:08.080 And I remember thinking, yeah, that's true. 00:12:08.240 --> 00:12:22.080 This is really similar to um to counseling in a way, because I have to teach them how to work as a team, how to understand what the other person's doing, not to take over, to let them have their roles. 00:12:22.320 --> 00:12:26.320 And it really kind of stuck in my brain and sat there and I would talk about it. 00:12:26.399 --> 00:12:29.600 And I thought, someday I'm gonna do something with that. 00:12:29.759 --> 00:12:48.399 Someday I'm going to make a program that uses ballroom dance and relationship therapies, maybe, or coaching or whatever it is, and help people with their relationships and their marriages, specifically because the same problems that you account encounter in a marriage and a relationship, you also encounter on the dance floor. 00:12:48.559 --> 00:12:54.240 Obviously, it's not exactly the same, but partner dancing is a really great mirror for that. 00:12:54.399 --> 00:13:04.320 And it's a way to sort of step outside of the frustration of relationships and what you're dealing with, like the communication and um all that, and look at it from a different angle. 00:13:04.559 --> 00:13:16.559 So I have been, honestly, for years in 2020, when we had all that downtime, I went and got my relationship coaching certification and uh has started just building kind of on the side. 00:13:16.720 --> 00:13:18.879 Some years I'm really into it, some years I pull back. 00:13:18.960 --> 00:13:25.039 But it is definitely the next and kind of direct thing I'm gonna be doing with this career. 00:13:25.200 --> 00:13:28.080 I'm not gonna just be teaching dance, I'm going to take it a different direction. 00:13:28.240 --> 00:13:34.639 So I'm gonna be doing coaching versus coaching with the partner dance as my vehicle to help people. 00:13:35.919 --> 00:13:38.720 Oh my gosh, Michael, are you listening? 00:13:39.039 --> 00:13:47.600 But I don't think I've always been like, okay, can I take ballroom dance lessons if like if my partner's gay or something? 00:13:47.679 --> 00:13:48.799 Would you be okay with that, Michael? 00:13:48.879 --> 00:13:52.799 It's like I don't know if I can get him to do it, but I really want to do it. 00:13:53.039 --> 00:13:56.879 And if maybe I could talk him into it if it was also counseling, but I don't know. 00:13:57.039 --> 00:13:58.639 I don't know if I can talk him into that either. 00:13:58.720 --> 00:14:02.720 It's like talking him into two things now marriage counseling and dancing. 00:14:02.799 --> 00:14:16.080 But one thing you said that I think that I'm gonna lean heavily into is that there is a large gap of people who relationship counseling specifically is not for. 00:14:16.320 --> 00:14:24.399 Whether they had a bad reaction to it or they have a negative thought around what it was it's like to talk to a counselor about my problems. 00:14:24.559 --> 00:14:28.159 And that's what most people think of is I'm I'm just gonna sit on the couch and we're gonna talk about our problems. 00:14:28.320 --> 00:14:30.320 I'm so tired of talking about our problems. 00:14:30.559 --> 00:14:34.159 And that's usually men that typically feel that way. 00:14:34.320 --> 00:14:40.480 So one of the approaches that I'm taking with this is that it's an active form of um communication. 00:14:40.639 --> 00:14:43.840 So it's an active alternative to traditional couples counseling. 00:14:43.919 --> 00:14:46.720 So instead of sitting and talking, we're getting up and moving. 00:14:46.879 --> 00:15:02.559 And on, I know like no one really men a lot of times don't want to dance, sometimes they do, but this is something they can physically do, which is a lot more geared toward the the gentleman because it's it's something they're can they'll be able to do and they're gonna understand. 00:15:02.639 --> 00:15:05.840 And I'm not gonna sit down and have you talk about your problems constantly. 00:15:06.000 --> 00:15:15.440 We're gonna talk about some real solutions to working through them, and we're gonna use that the dance couple as a goal. 00:15:16.080 --> 00:15:16.879 That's amazing. 00:15:17.120 --> 00:15:22.720 Do you find even do you find people working out their personal stuff when they dance? 00:15:23.039 --> 00:15:23.679 Yes. 00:15:24.080 --> 00:15:24.320 Yes. 00:15:24.720 --> 00:15:25.360 Oh, totally. 00:15:25.519 --> 00:15:28.559 I mean, at first when you get to know them, they're all that's hidden. 00:15:28.799 --> 00:15:30.159 Well, that's actually not true. 00:15:30.240 --> 00:15:32.159 Sometimes it comes out pretty much right away. 00:15:32.240 --> 00:15:37.200 But I see, I see their relationship dynamic within the first two or three sessions. 00:15:37.440 --> 00:15:40.399 It's pretty obvious, you know, who's who's kind of more. 00:15:40.960 --> 00:15:42.000 I'm gonna take the back seat. 00:15:42.080 --> 00:15:45.679 Who's the people pleaser, who's who's in charge, who's pretty rigid about things. 00:15:45.840 --> 00:15:48.639 Um, all this stuff is really very easy to see. 00:15:48.720 --> 00:15:53.600 Um, so and you I have to address that when I'm teaching them how to dance. 00:15:53.919 --> 00:15:57.840 You, you know, oftentimes the women really want to take control and lead. 00:15:57.919 --> 00:16:11.039 I want to lead this, but um, there are two specific roles, as there are in marriages, and it has nothing to to even do with male-female all the time, um, which is all is something that's a little bit hard to talk about in today's day and age. 00:16:11.120 --> 00:16:15.120 But we we there are two roles, and there none is better than the other. 00:16:15.279 --> 00:16:22.960 One is not better, but we have to understand how to um not only appreciate our role, but appreciate our partners and not take that away from them. 00:16:23.120 --> 00:16:26.879 So when you can kind of think of it on the dance floor, you're like, oh yeah, that makes sense. 00:16:27.120 --> 00:16:29.120

Also makes sense my marriage. 00:16:29.679 --> 00:16:30.320 Amazing. 00:16:30.480 --> 00:16:34.879 Are you planning to do will this all be in-person training? 00:16:35.039 --> 00:16:40.159 Do you see yourself doing videos, webinars, things that could go out online? 00:16:40.480 --> 00:16:44.399 Yeah, the ultimate goal is um an of a full online program. 00:16:44.559 --> 00:16:47.440 So it'd be open to basically anybody anywhere. 00:16:47.840 --> 00:17:00.639 Um, I will be starting my first launches will be in-person kind of workshops, like three to four hour workshops that mostly with for newlyweds and engaged couples to start with, and then opening it from there. 00:17:00.720 --> 00:17:06.000 I'm really literally on the precipice of of launching it fully. 00:17:06.079 --> 00:17:09.680 My entire website is up, all of the sales pages, all that stuff is done. 00:17:09.759 --> 00:17:13.519 It's just kind of the very last, last push-go part of it. 00:17:13.599 --> 00:17:16.079 So guess it's been in the works for a long time. 00:17:16.480 --> 00:17:19.200 Eee! I got you at a really great time then. 00:17:19.359 --> 00:17:19.759 Yeah. 00:17:19.920 --> 00:17:22.480 For many reasons, which I hope we talk about later too. 00:17:22.640 --> 00:17:25.119 Um, let's go, let's go, little Ashley. 00:17:25.200 --> 00:17:28.720 Let's try to figure out how you got where you are today. 00:17:29.039 --> 00:17:32.240 What is your really early understanding of work? 00:17:32.559 --> 00:17:34.319 Really early understanding. 00:17:34.559 --> 00:17:36.640 Um, my parents always worked. 00:17:36.720 --> 00:17:37.759 It was just a part of life. 00:17:37.839 --> 00:17:38.720 You just accept it. 00:17:38.799 --> 00:17:40.240 Your parents go to work, they make money. 00:17:40.480 --> 00:17:44.160 Um, so I knew that that was something we would we would be doing one day. 00:17:44.240 --> 00:17:47.039 And I think my parents were great about preparing us for that. 00:17:47.119 --> 00:17:48.880 Like, you know, preparing us for the real world. 00:17:48.960 --> 00:17:53.759 And someday you're gonna be to need to do something um outside of just going to school. 00:17:54.000 --> 00:17:56.400 So I knew that was a thing. 00:17:56.559 --> 00:18:04.960 I've always been very strong-willed and determined, stubborn, I guess you could say, true Scorpio. 00:18:05.200 --> 00:18:10.480 So um, I knew really early on I wanted to do something in the arts. 00:18:10.720 --> 00:18:17.279 I definitely I remember thinking my first like vision of what I would do is gonna be Broadway. 00:18:17.359 --> 00:18:18.880 I wanted to sing and dance on Broadway. 00:18:19.039 --> 00:18:21.519 I am not a singer, so that was not gonna happen. 00:18:21.680 --> 00:18:26.480 But to me, that was like the first thing that felt like it fit my personality. 00:18:26.640 --> 00:18:29.200 And um, I I remember, also, this is so funny. 00:18:29.440 --> 00:18:41.200 Um, there was a few times when we were growing up, we watched a lot

of musicals, and I would get really upset at times and cry and like go to my room and just be really sad that life was not really a musical. 00:18:41.359 --> 00:18:43.359 Like, why couldn't life be a musical? 00:18:43.519 --> 00:18:45.599 I just this was upsetting to me. 00:18:45.759 --> 00:18:50.240 Um, so I think that's why I originally I thought Broadway must be where I'm supposed to be. 00:18:50.480 --> 00:19:03.200 Um, so I remember thinking, so I'm gonna live in New York, I'm gonna leave this small town and which I did, left the small town, and I did go to New York, but um in a different way, which is exciting, much actually much more exciting for me. 00:19:03.440 --> 00:19:05.920 So yeah, I always knew that I wanted to do something in the arts. 00:19:06.000 --> 00:19:18.319 I didn't know for sure it was gonna be dance, mostly because I feel, and I can't I can't say that any one person said this to me, but I have this feeling that people were like, you can't do that for a living. 00:19:18.480 --> 00:19:20.720 Like, not a good choice. 00:19:20.960 --> 00:19:26.319 And if a child came up to me and said she wanted to dance for a living too, I understand that sentiment. 00:19:26.799 --> 00:19:31.599 It is a rough road and it is a really difficult way to make money. 00:19:31.759 --> 00:19:52.960 Yes, I love it, and I've touched so many people's lives, and I feel like I have been successful in whatever way you want to look at that as, but it takes a special person to really feel like this isn't gonna beat you down, and you know, it's hard to make it to the top, especially in a pro performance career. 00:19:53.039 --> 00:19:56.720 So yeah, I don't think I got a whole lot of go for that. 00:19:57.680 --> 00:19:58.079 Totally. 00:19:58.319 --> 00:20:00.400 Did you ever have someone tell you? 00:20:00.720 --> 00:20:06.640 I I heard you say you just kind of felt uh you might need something that makes better money. 00:20:06.799 --> 00:20:11.599 But did anyone did anyone specifically tell you a thing you should be growing up? 00:20:13.039 --> 00:20:15.359 I don't think anyone said I should be this. 00:20:15.519 --> 00:20:20.480 I think a lot of people saw that I tended toward the arts and and and said yes, go that way. 00:20:20.640 --> 00:20:24.720 I know my mother and probably my music teachers really wanted music for me. 00:20:24.799 --> 00:20:28.160 I think they could see that that was that was a direction I could go. 00:20:28.319 --> 00:20:33.279 Um but to be honest with you, I just always knew it was gonna be dance. 00:20:33.440 --> 00:20:34.079 I always knew. 00:20:34.160 --> 00:20:38.559 I don't remember a time where I wasn't trying to dance or dance. 00:20:38.640 --> 00:20:41.119 I mean, we came, I'm the oldest of four. 00:20:41.359 --> 00:20:49.279 Um, and we uh my parents didn't make a ton of money, so we didn't have money for me to be put into traditional dance school, my sister and I. 00:20:49.519 --> 00:21:02.319 So I would go to the library, I I don't even know how young I was, and would would get every single book on ballet I could find, and I'd take it home and I'd go into my room and scour it and try to do the positions, like make my feet. 00:21:02.559 --> 00:21:09.519 I noticed their feet were pointing a different way, or I would force my body to do these things because I thought I just have to do this. 00:21:09.759 --> 00:21:13.039 That is such focus, such young focus. 00:21:13.200 --> 00:21:13.519 Yes. 00:21:13.759 --> 00:21:14.400 I'm the thing. 00:21:14.559 --> 00:21:15.200 That's amazing. 00:21:15.440 --> 00:21:18.880 So tell us your story for like graduate high school. 00:21:19.119 --> 00:21:19.920 What'd you do? 00:21:20.079 --> 00:21:24.720 Well, you knowing you wanted to do dance, did you go get your undergrad? 00:21:25.119 --> 00:21:26.240 No, I did not. 00:21:26.319 --> 00:21:28.799 And I don't suggest anybody do that for dance. 00:21:29.440 --> 00:21:35.839 Um there are some things that, yes, you need to go to college for, but there, I believe there are some things you do not need to go to college for. 00:21:35.920 --> 00:21:40.319 Uh, you should go seek the training, the vocational training in that thing that you want to do. 00:21:40.559 --> 00:21:44.400 Um, I went to Bible college after right after high school. 00:21:44.559 --> 00:21:45.279 Oh, I didn't remember. 00:21:45.680 --> 00:21:53.359 And um, after that, I did do a little like dance intensive, a ballet intensive in Arizona, but was just for a summer. 00:21:53.599 --> 00:21:57.039 And from there, I didn't know I would be doing dancing. 00:21:57.119 --> 00:21:59.680 I actually also, if you're gonna say my my two biggest. 00:22:00.319 --> 00:22:05.279 Passions in life were dancing and children, babies. 00:22:05.839 --> 00:22:08.480 Like I was obsessed with children my whole life. 00:22:08.640 --> 00:22:11.039 And uh my mom ran the daycare for a long time. 00:22:11.119 --> 00:22:13.119 So I was able to kind of be a part of that. 00:22:13.200 --> 00:22:23.279 And I'd say if anybody is watching this who knew me at a young age, you probably remember me standing in the back of the church having just stolen somebody's baby and was holding people's babies. 00:22:23.359 --> 00:22:25.680 I got in trouble for it because I wasn't paying attention enough. 00:22:25.839 --> 00:22:27.680 But I um began to be known. 00:22:27.759 --> 00:22:29.200 People told me I was the baby whisperer. 00:22:29.279 --> 00:22:31.440 I could get any child to sleep at any time. 00:22:31.680 --> 00:22:34.720 And I loved them and I always just knew I was gonna be a mother. 00:22:34.799 --> 00:22:41.039 Like that was gonna be a that was the first thing I was gonna be, was gonna have be a wife and a mother, and then also dance. 00:22:41.119 --> 00:22:43.119 And you know, we were always told you could do anything. 00:22:43.200 --> 00:22:44.079 You can do anything, right? 00:22:44.160 --> 00:22:46.799 You can do whatever you want within

reason. 00:22:47.039 --> 00:22:53.920 Um, so so out of college, I, you know, I had a few jobs here and there. 00:22:54.079 --> 00:22:55.839 I think I was doing a retail job. 00:22:56.000 --> 00:22:57.680 Oh, I'm sorry, totally forgot about this. 00:22:57.759 --> 00:23:00.880 I was working in the school system in Kirksville at Ray Miller. 00:23:01.039 --> 00:23:06.000 I was um a paraprofessional, so I worked with autistic children, and I it was really interesting. 00:23:06.079 --> 00:23:13.039 I was in third, fourth, and then also did a little bit in junior high, and I met a lot of people that way. 00:23:13.279 --> 00:23:23.599 I did a lot of nannying for them, and from there I went, I ended up moving to Columbia and had a retail job, and then I mainly just nannie'd. 00:23:23.680 --> 00:23:25.599 So I started a nanny business. 00:23:25.680 --> 00:23:28.160 I had pretty consistent clients over the week. 00:23:28.400 --> 00:23:38.559 I did that for a long time until um I went to a like a Latin nightclub one time and they were doing all this, they were doing salsa dancing. 00:23:38.720 --> 00:23:41.519 And one of the guys that was dancing with me said, You are really good. 00:23:41.680 --> 00:23:43.440 Have you ever thought about becoming a teacher? 00:23:43.680 --> 00:23:45.599 It's like, I don't know how to salsa dance. 00:23:45.680 --> 00:23:46.640 And he's like, No, you're really good. 00:23:46.720 --> 00:23:47.680 You should become a teacher. 00:23:47.839 --> 00:23:51.279 Or talk, come to the studio where I work and talk to the owner. 00:23:51.440 --> 00:23:52.960 And I was like, Okay, cool. 00:23:53.119 --> 00:24:00.720 I didn't at this point in my life, I thought, you know, ballet was out of the question, you know, that you you're gonna either make that early on or not. 00:24:00.880 --> 00:24:08.480 I don't know if you ever saw this show, but this would have been like what in 2002, three, four, five, around then. 00:24:08.640 --> 00:24:12.160 They used to have this show called America's Ballroom Challenge on PBS. 00:24:12.559 --> 00:24:21.279 And it was, and it was this, it was ballroom dancing, it was the only televised event of um a big competition that happens once a year in Ohio every year. 00:24:21.440 --> 00:24:25.440 And there's all the events you can watch, and then you can also, they also have like solo sections. 00:24:25.519 --> 00:24:40.799 And I remember watching them, and I specifically remember one couple who was kind of interesting uh because he was really tall and skinny, and she was um she was beautiful, but they were doing this dancing to a dangerous mind song. 00:24:40.880 --> 00:24:45.759 And I remember thinking, wow, he looks a little funny trying to do like ballroom hip hop. 00:24:45.920 --> 00:24:47.279 But I it stuck out in my mind. 00:24:47.359 --> 00:24:57.359 And the reason I'm saying this is because eventually I ended up years later down the road when I was looking for my pro partner, trying out with him in New York, and we're like best friends now, like fast friends. 00:24:57.440 --> 00:24:59.519 He's one of my most favorite people in the world. 00:24:59.599 --> 00:25:01.359 Um that's so Mayo Allen. 00:25:02.079 --> 00:25:02.720 What is it? 00:25:02.880 --> 00:25:04.640 His name is Mayo Allenan. 00:25:04.799 --> 00:25:13.759 And um anyway, I remember that because there were several couples, but if them specifically and his partner at a different time, I ended up recreating her dress for myself. 00:25:13.920 --> 00:25:16.000 Like I had it made in China and I stoned it myself. 00:25:16.079 --> 00:25:22.480 And I and it's funny because eventually our paths crossed and now we're like fast friends, but I forgot where I was. 00:25:22.640 --> 00:25:23.519 Uh oh yeah. 00:25:23.680 --> 00:25:26.640 And at the time, this this guy had said, Hey, come talk to my boss. 00:25:26.799 --> 00:25:27.200 So I did. 00:25:27.279 --> 00:25:29.920 I in Columbia there was a place called Twilight Dance Studio. 00:25:30.079 --> 00:25:32.880 And I went in and there was all these people dancing, and I was like, wow. 00:25:33.039 --> 00:25:38.160 And I remember thinking, I thought dance was over for me because ballet was out of the question. 00:25:38.240 --> 00:25:42.000 I was already kind of having some knee issues, and I really thought it was a ballet thing. 00:25:42.079 --> 00:25:50.240 Um, and so I I thought, balm dancing, maybe this is what I can do to feed this part of me that I've kind of lost and never thought would. 00:25:50.319 --> 00:25:57.599 And I didn't think originally it would be a career, but I talked to the owner and she's like, oh yeah, we're doing a training program for new recruits. 00:25:57.680 --> 00:25:58.559 Here's when it starts. 00:25:58.640 --> 00:26:00.240 It's like an eight-week session. 00:26:00.400 --> 00:26:02.559 You come in, you do it, we start giving you students. 00:26:02.640 --> 00:26:03.839 And I was, I was stole. 00:26:04.240 --> 00:26:10.720 So I did this little eight-week training program, which I was absolutely not ready to start teaching people in a style I'd never learned. 00:26:10.880 --> 00:26:16.640 But the same guy I had met needed a dance partner, so he kind of helped me and trained me a little bit more. 00:26:16.799 --> 00:26:22.160 Um, we eventually danced together professionally for a bit, but I was hooked. 00:26:22.319 --> 00:26:23.039 I was hooked. 00:26:23.119 --> 00:26:24.720 I immediately thought, oh my gosh. 00:26:24.799 --> 00:26:29.440 And I could see that there were men, professional men on the floor in their 40s and still teaching. 00:26:29.519 --> 00:26:33.839 I saw these women who are older and I thought, oh my gosh, wait a minute. 00:26:34.079 --> 00:26:35.920 I could do this maybe professionally. 00:26:36.000 --> 00:26:38.160 I can see people right here in front of me doing it. 00:26:38.240 --> 00:26:42.240 Um, because it's not a performance-based style. 00:26:42.480 --> 00:26:45.759 It's more a compet, it's either

competitive or you're also just teaching. 00:26:45.920 --> 00:26:50.400 So you have your own clientele and you're even if you're working for a studio, you're you kind of make your own thing. 00:26:50.559 --> 00:26:52.480 So I thought, this is it. 00:26:52.640 --> 00:26:58.480 My I do not, like my parents are so sweet, but I do not think that they were super excited about this new career path. 00:26:59.440 --> 00:27:09.759 And so, in order to do that, I ended up having to work the three jobs for a while to be able to, because you've got it's like a hairdresser, you have to work your way up until you have enough to really do it full time. 00:27:09.839 --> 00:27:10.960 But I was determined. 00:27:11.200 --> 00:27:15.200 So I was working at a retail store, whole buckle in the mall. 00:27:15.440 --> 00:27:25.440 I was I was mostly full-time nannying, and then in the evenings, I would be training and then teaching students and not selling them because I did not know what I was doing. 00:27:25.519 --> 00:27:26.880 So you just teach more and more. 00:27:27.039 --> 00:27:29.440 But it was, I loved it. 00:27:29.759 --> 00:27:31.839 I started slowly backing one job down. 00:27:31.920 --> 00:27:33.200 I would just work more and more and more. 00:27:33.279 --> 00:27:36.960 So I was doing that, and by the end of the year, the owner had me helping her. 00:27:37.039 --> 00:27:41.119 I was helping her and kind of helping manage the studio by the end of that year, too. 00:27:41.519 --> 00:27:48.000 Which was I'm still this is what I'm hearing in my head, like screaming in my head, go to the club. 00:27:48.319 --> 00:27:54.960 Like, what would you say was your state of mind around dance when you went to that club? 00:27:55.119 --> 00:27:57.279 Were you had you let it go? 00:27:57.519 --> 00:28:04.720 Were you had you been going to lots of different clubs, and that one just happened to bring you the life path of your dreams? 00:28:04.960 --> 00:28:06.559 Or I mean gosh. 00:28:07.279 --> 00:28:08.400 I just feel like that's key. 00:28:08.480 --> 00:28:16.319 It's like you wish I'm skipping a kind of a personal aspect is that I got married when I was really young, right out of college. 00:28:16.640 --> 00:28:20.799 And I didn't wasn't even in a year, like eight months, and we I got divorced. 00:28:20.960 --> 00:28:26.720 So that was when I moved from Kirksville to Columbia, and I was brand new, no friends. 00:28:26.880 --> 00:28:28.640 I was searching it for a new start. 00:28:28.799 --> 00:28:36.960 Um, and so I think that whole situation, I I had did wasn't thinking of dance as being an option for me anyway. 00:28:37.359 --> 00:28:38.000 I was getting out of it. 00:28:38.079 --> 00:28:38.880 So I was running away. 00:28:38.960 --> 00:28:40.960 So at this point in my life, I was meeting people. 00:28:41.039 --> 00:28:45.680 Yes, I was going out and and having a good time, but um, I've always loved to dance. 00:28:45.759 --> 00:28:46.880 I was never not gonna love to

dance. 00:28:46.960 --> 00:28:50.480 I just didn't think that it was gen genuinely not a career option for me. 00:28:50.640 --> 00:28:54.960 So when I went there and saw these people spinning around and I thought, gosh, this is so fun. 00:28:55.039 --> 00:28:56.400 So I just wanted to do it as a hobby. 00:28:56.480 --> 00:29:02.720 I just wanted to find something to find myself again and kind of focus on me as opposed to kind of the bad relationship that I had been in. 00:29:02.960 --> 00:29:08.319 So um I was probably searching for something about uh at that time. 00:29:08.640 --> 00:29:11.119 You were searching for something, but maybe not career. 00:29:11.279 --> 00:29:13.759 You were searching for more like connection and yeah. 00:29:13.920 --> 00:29:20.640 And it honestly was it was, you know, the the studio owner and this this this man that I danced with that really brought it up as a career option. 00:29:20.960 --> 00:29:23.599 And no one even told me I could do this. 00:29:23.680 --> 00:29:25.119 So yeah, well, let's go ahead. 00:29:25.279 --> 00:29:27.039 I hadn't even heard about it besides that show. 00:29:27.119 --> 00:29:29.279 I hadn't really heard of people doing ballroom dancing. 00:29:29.440 --> 00:29:31.519 Um, I kind of thought like old people did that. 00:29:32.400 --> 00:29:35.279 Um, so yeah, that's that's how I got into it. 00:29:35.359 --> 00:29:38.559 And it was a whole lot of fun and I loved it. 00:29:38.720 --> 00:29:44.319 And then from there, a lot of things um quickly escalated. 00:29:44.400 --> 00:29:48.319 So the lady who ran the studio ha was in pretty ill health and she needed to close. 00:29:48.400 --> 00:29:49.599 She wanted to try to sell it. 00:29:49.839 --> 00:29:56.240 And so when she decided to close, I talked her into keeping it open for a few more months and I could just run it. 00:29:56.400 --> 00:30:08.319 I could just run it for her because she had all of these instructors and a huge clientele base who would come every, you know, every week for a social dance and for the group classes and for their lessons, they had no place to dance. 00:30:08.480 --> 00:30:11.920 And so I thought, keep it open for a while and I'll I'll run it for you. 00:30:12.000 --> 00:30:14.480 And she let me do that, and then she's like, you need to buy it from me. 00:30:14.559 --> 00:30:16.000 And I'm I was 23. 00:30:16.480 --> 00:30:18.720 I'm not gonna, I can't buy this from you. 00:30:18.880 --> 00:30:23.759 But I thought, you know what, there's a hole and there's our people to fill. 00:30:24.000 --> 00:30:26.160 I said, It's like a glorified landlord. 00:30:26.240 --> 00:30:28.000 I've been kind of running her place, I know how it works. 00:30:28.160 --> 00:30:32.640 So I decided very naively to open my own studio at 23. 00:30:33.200 --> 00:30:38.240 So I said, I cannot buy your studio, but I will buy some of the things. 00:30:38.400 --> 00:30:41.839 I'll buy your sound system and some stuff and what I can. 00:30:42.079 -->

00:30:44.000 And um, I opened my own. 00:30:44.079 --> 00:30:48.160 And I had at the time a boyfriend who was in construction and was able to kind of help me. 00:30:48.240 --> 00:30:54.480 And we we found a spot and we renovated it, and I ran that for six years, but I did it really backwards. 00:30:54.720 --> 00:31:09.759 Most most professional dancers own studios later in their life and they do their whole professional career first, and I kind of opposite, which um I'm sure has to do with what I how I ended up doing what I'm doing now. 00:31:10.000 --> 00:31:19.759 But I was 23 and I would joke that I put myself through business school the hard, the old-fashioned way, like the hard way. 00:31:19.839 --> 00:31:21.759 I didn't go to business school, I just had to learn it. 00:31:21.839 --> 00:31:30.400 I had to learn all things, um, spreadsheets and customer service and advertising, all that you have to do for a business, a small business. 00:31:30.559 --> 00:31:32.799 And you either learn it or you hire somebody to do it. 00:31:32.880 --> 00:31:34.000 And I didn't have the money to do that. 00:31:34.079 --> 00:31:37.599 So, and plus I'm I just like to do everything myself. 00:31:38.000 --> 00:31:40.799 So I taught myself that. 00:31:40.880 --> 00:31:44.960 And and there's some things that I did really horribly and learned and got better at. 00:31:45.119 --> 00:31:51.359 But um, so I ran that studio and um I've run two other studios since one with multiple locations. 00:31:51.440 --> 00:31:53.599 So I was a general manager over the whole thing. 00:31:53.920 --> 00:31:59.039 And um I will say that surprised me. 00:31:59.200 --> 00:32:03.119 I did not think I was ever gonna be able, I wouldn't be a good business owner. 00:32:03.279 --> 00:32:05.200 I was a dancer, I was an artist. 00:32:05.359 --> 00:32:06.799 I wanted to do something in the arts. 00:32:06.880 --> 00:32:08.960 But like I said, it doesn't matter what it is. 00:32:09.039 --> 00:32:10.240 A business is a business. 00:32:10.400 --> 00:32:18.480 And I could I surprise myself that I was actually pretty good at it because I I do have ADHD. 00:32:19.039 --> 00:32:25.519 So I needed, I needed to set systems in place in order to make my professional career work. 00:32:25.599 --> 00:32:30.079 And then that actually bled over very easily into running a business. 00:32:30.319 --> 00:32:35.680 So I was able to go into these other places and um say, okay, here's what's going on, here's what's wrong. 00:32:35.839 --> 00:32:37.839 Like you guys aren't doing X, Y, and Z. 00:32:37.920 --> 00:32:39.680 This is out of out of order. 00:32:39.839 --> 00:32:47.039 So I was really pretty good at running systems and creating systems um for hiring and firing and all of these things. 00:32:47.440 --> 00:32:49.839 But yeah, it definitely took me by surprise. 00:32:49.920 --> 00:32:50.640 I was very young. 00:32:50.880 --> 00:32:52.880 So I was still getting a lot of training myself. 00:32:53.039 --> 00:33:04.319 And I had um at that point, I started to have competitive students, which are students that travel with me around the nation to competitions, um, and they pay for it, and you know, you get your your payment fee, and it's great. 00:33:04.400 --> 00:33:05.759 You get start to get exposure. 00:33:05.920 --> 00:33:08.079 And I had people saying, Why aren't you dancing professionally? 00:33:08.160 --> 00:33:10.400 Why are you dancing only with your students? 00:33:10.559 --> 00:33:15.359 Um, and so about six years in, I that I was like, I can't do this anymore. 00:33:15.440 --> 00:33:19.440 I have to, I have to go really dance professionally because nobody would move to Missouri. 00:33:19.599 --> 00:33:24.640 And that's the only thing about this is I have to have a partner to do it professionally or even performance. 00:33:24.960 --> 00:33:30.160 So you moved to have a professional dance moment career. 00:33:30.559 --> 00:33:30.799 Yes. 00:33:31.039 --> 00:33:31.599 Where'd you go? 00:33:31.759 --> 00:33:37.440 So um I was 29, 30 at that point, which is kind of getting up there at that. 00:33:37.519 --> 00:33:41.279 I'd spent a lot of my time just running a business and I was so spread thin. 00:33:41.440 --> 00:33:48.559 I couldn't teach and compete and travel and hire teachers and try to get people doing their job and cleaning the toilets and answering the phones. 00:33:48.720 --> 00:33:51.839 Like I just was really, really spread thin and I was over it. 00:33:52.000 --> 00:34:02.799 So I said I sold it to uh one of my teachers, and then I moved out to once I started um trying out, and I ended up moving out to New York when I found the right partner. 00:34:03.200 --> 00:34:06.480 And uh that's when I met Mayo at that time because we we tried out. 00:34:06.640 --> 00:34:16.400 Um and I moved out there, and it was a a wonderful experience and also a heartbreaking experience. 00:34:16.719 --> 00:34:20.159 It was I um we did really well. 00:34:20.400 --> 00:34:28.800 So in um ballroom dancing, uh, it's not performance-based, it's it's um competitive based. 00:34:28.960 --> 00:34:34.480 So you so you compete with your partner for titles in in divisions. 00:34:34.639 --> 00:34:43.280 And so in September, there is a large um competition called USDC, which is where, which is where the basically the titles are given out each year. 00:34:43.599 --> 00:34:50.639 And by the time we're getting close to USDC, my knee, I got I basically I suffered a severe injury. 00:34:50.800 --> 00:34:53.039 My knee was really, really bad. 00:34:53.199 --> 00:34:56.000 But we kept dancing, we had done our competitions were well. 00:34:56.159 --> 00:35:00.159 And so I would just take some drugs and I'd go out there and we'd do our thing. 00:35:00.400 --> 00:35:03.360 And um we made the final. 00:35:03.519 --> 00:35:07.119 So I have I have a title, our first year out, which I was so shocked. 00:35:07.199 --> 00:35:10.719 And that was the last competition I did ever as

a professional. 00:35:11.039 --> 00:35:12.159 Because of your knee? 00:35:12.400 --> 00:35:13.039 Yes, yeah. 00:35:13.119 --> 00:35:15.599 So I my knee was um so so severely. 00:35:15.679 --> 00:35:17.199 I tore my patello tendon. 00:35:17.440 --> 00:35:24.000 I got a bunch of, you know, doctors to look at and some second pinions, and they all said, we can't tell you whether this will ever be better or not. 00:35:24.159 --> 00:35:27.679 Um, it's not one of those injuries that can for sure be fixed. 00:35:27.920 --> 00:35:34.800 So at that point, I just made the decision to move home back to Missouri and um rehab. 00:35:34.880 --> 00:35:41.760 Well, my sweet partner said he would wait for me, and I said, no, you need to go find a good partner to dance. 00:35:41.920 --> 00:35:44.320 You're in your prime, and I'm not gonna make even make you wait. 00:35:44.480 --> 00:35:52.480 So I came back to Missouri and I was it was one of the most depressing times of my life because that was who I was. 00:35:52.639 --> 00:35:53.920 Like dancing was who I was. 00:35:54.000 --> 00:35:55.840 I just didn't know what to do without it. 00:35:56.000 --> 00:35:58.400 I was in Missouri for a while and I realized it wasn't gonna happen. 00:35:58.559 --> 00:36:00.159 I knew it was not gonna get better. 00:36:01.039 --> 00:36:07.840 So I made my way out west and to ended up in Los Angeles. 00:36:08.239 --> 00:36:11.440 What made you what made LA be the place? 00:36:12.960 --> 00:36:14.400 A couple different things. 00:36:14.880 --> 00:36:19.280 So this is where my personal life gets a little bit entwined, which is always entwined. 00:36:19.360 --> 00:36:21.840 I'm just not telling you about that part that's happening. 00:36:22.000 --> 00:36:26.000 Um, as I'm getting older, I'm thinking, what is wrong with me? 00:36:27.199 --> 00:36:32.719 I feel like I'm a catch, but I'm having a hard time in relationships. 00:36:32.880 --> 00:36:39.280 I've I, you know, I was with it with a guy for seven years when I ran my studio and then went moved off, but he was not the right person. 00:36:39.360 --> 00:36:42.000 I even told him at one point, please don't propose to me. 00:36:42.559 --> 00:36:44.800 So, and he was going to, I found out later. 00:36:44.960 --> 00:36:48.320 But so that naturally started the end for us. 00:36:48.400 --> 00:36:51.679 And when I moved away, I think that was definitely the nail in the coffin for him. 00:36:52.000 --> 00:37:01.039 Um so yeah, my my career was definitely front of my mind because in my mind I kept thinking I could do both, though. 00:37:01.119 --> 00:37:09.519 Like I could be married and have a family and then still do this thing, because I saw people doing that, but it was really not not that, not gonna be that way. 00:37:09.599 --> 00:37:17.519 So I was getting older, I was in my early 30s at this point, and um, at this point I thought, okay, it's time for me to really settle down. 00:37:17.760 --> 00:37:23.119 And I'd already been in Missouri for a long time, especially in Columbia, and I was dating all over. 00:37:23.280 --> 00:37:33.280 It was, I was having literally I'd meet people from in Florida and Cleveland, like I was, I was dating, but dating seriously, because I really did want to get married. 00:37:33.360 --> 00:37:37.519 And I I saw the clock, the clock was quickly approaching. 00:37:37.679 --> 00:37:43.039 It's like I literally feel like I have one of those sand, you know, like those sand timers, and I could see it. 00:37:43.199 --> 00:37:45.280 Um, like, how much time do I have left? 00:37:45.360 --> 00:37:46.800 I don't know how much sand is up there. 00:37:47.119 --> 00:37:53.599 So when I came back and I w hit the low at my lowest point, like, what do I do about this dancing thing? 00:37:53.679 --> 00:37:55.679 I'm not, I'm single, I have nothing. 00:37:55.760 --> 00:37:57.199 I sold my studio. 00:37:57.360 --> 00:38:00.800 Um, and I just felt that I wasn't where I was supposed to. 00:38:00.960 --> 00:38:02.559 So I just made the decision I'm gonna move. 00:38:02.639 --> 00:38:04.559 I'm gonna move and find a man. 00:38:05.119 --> 00:38:09.119 And obviously I can I can take my career anywhere. 00:38:09.280 --> 00:38:10.960 So I I looked at the hubs. 00:38:11.119 --> 00:38:19.039 Um, there's a big hub in in um like kind of Chicago area, some in not much in Texas, but like there's several hubs. 00:38:19.119 --> 00:38:20.719 So I knew I could find a job. 00:38:20.800 --> 00:38:21.599 I was very secure. 00:38:21.760 --> 00:38:26.159 I could find a job at a studio doing any sort of thing that you want me to do in this industry. 00:38:26.320 --> 00:38:33.280 I can teach, I can run it, I can manage it, but I don't, I want to find um my husband. 00:38:33.360 --> 00:38:34.480 Like I want to find my person. 00:38:34.559 --> 00:38:38.400 And I just did not feel like in my heart of hearts, he was not in Missouri. 00:38:38.559 --> 00:38:39.679 I just knew he wasn't there. 00:38:39.920 --> 00:38:44.960 And so I had made this decision with one of my friends, we're gonna go travel to a bunch of places. 00:38:45.039 --> 00:38:46.559 I'm just gonna travel and look at the towns. 00:38:46.639 --> 00:38:50.400 And once I find it, I'm gonna pick, find a job, and I'm gonna move there, and then I'm gonna find a man. 00:38:50.719 --> 00:38:51.519 That was my thing. 00:38:51.760 --> 00:38:53.280 Well, I love this. 00:38:53.599 --> 00:38:54.400 Oh my god. 00:38:54.480 --> 00:39:07.199 Again, I know this is I don't know if I've told many people this, but um, so uh Los Angeles was already big on my list because I had tried out with a few um partners out there and I thought, oh, please take me to the palm trees and sunshine. 00:39:07.360 --> 00:39:09.599 I ended up going to the East Coast, which was exact opposite. 00:39:09.760 --> 00:39:12.960 Um happy I did, but I thought, why not? 00:39:13.119 --> 00:39:15.760 Like I love, I love the weather, who doesn't? 00:39:16.000 --> 00:39:21.679

And so um I don't remember where I was, but I matched with somebody on an app. 00:39:22.000 --> 00:39:25.440 He was a dancer and he lived in LA, but he was in Nashville at the time. 00:39:25.679 --> 00:39:38.320 And so I we started dating him, and then um I thought, you know, this would be this is kind of terrible to say, but I thought, you know, it'd be a whole lot nicer to move somewhere where I knew somebody. 00:39:38.559 --> 00:39:48.480 I don't really think that this guy is my guy, but it's a lot easier to move to a huge city when you have somebody who knows the place and like can move there with and do all the stuff. 00:39:48.559 --> 00:40:09.599 So I did end up kind of using him as a stepping stone when I make my way to Los Angeles and it very quickly went sour, which I I mean, I I knew it would, but um, but it did help to have have have uh you know somebody here for a bit, and then I started over and which I'd already done months before, so it wasn't as scary. 00:40:09.760 --> 00:40:32.639 And I did have a I had a job before I moved out, one of the studios studio here hired me to manage the studio, so I came and did that, and then I've was did that till 2020, then I did another studio, and then um yeah, I've just been on my own since you yeah, are are you going to get the second dream? 00:40:33.440 --> 00:40:46.559 Yes, um uh so obviously I really wanted to be married, and at this point I made it to Los Angeles and that relationship didn't work out. 00:40:46.960 --> 00:40:54.000 And I took I took a little break and I thought I love where I am, this feels right. 00:40:54.079 --> 00:40:56.800 I I love this air place, this feels right. 00:40:56.880 --> 00:40:58.719 I'm meeting people that I like. 00:40:58.960 --> 00:41:03.119 Um, I feel that this is probably somewhere I could stay. 00:41:03.679 --> 00:41:07.039 But I'm having a hard time picking the right person. 00:41:07.920 --> 00:41:23.760 So I took some time and I started diving heavily into, I guess you could call it self-help, but just psychology in general to start to understand myself, um, why I pick the people I pick and why I respond the way I do. 00:41:23.840 --> 00:41:27.199 Like as the common denominator in these men is me. 00:41:27.280 --> 00:41:32.159 Like I'm not, I'm taking people who take advantage of me, and um, that's not a good thing to do. 00:41:32.320 --> 00:41:37.119 So I took some time and I really delved into what that meant about me. 00:41:37.360 --> 00:41:39.039 And um, I made a decision. 00:41:39.119 --> 00:41:41.360 I was no longer gonna date a certain type of person. 00:41:41.599 --> 00:41:43.760 XYZ was no longer even an option for me. 00:41:43.840 --> 00:41:45.360 I wasn't gonna even stay open to it. 00:41:45.519 --> 00:41:47.679 They had to be this way. 00:41:47.840 --> 00:41:56.239 And I think possibly because of growing up, money and um like all of those things tended to feel like an evil thing. 00:41:56.320 --> 00:41:57.519 Like, I don't want to chase money. 00:41:57.599 --> 00:41:59.280 I'm not gonna be a person that chases money. 00:41:59.440 --> 00:42:02.480 It's about your heart and your potential and your if you're a good person or not. 00:42:02.639 --> 00:42:09.039 But that really opened me up to a lot of people who were on who were um just no deadbeats. 00:42:09.119 --> 00:42:14.400 And so because of that, I wasn't setting a a good goal, a high enough standard. 00:42:15.119 --> 00:42:21.760 So um I changed that and then I ended up going to a fertility doctor just to have some things checked out. 00:42:22.079 --> 00:42:28.239 Um, and the doctor said, you need to have children within a year or you need to freeze your eggs. 00:42:28.480 --> 00:42:31.199 And I was shocked. 00:42:31.360 --> 00:42:32.639 Like just I was just stunned. 00:42:32.719 --> 00:42:37.519 I couldn't believe this because I felt young and I've been active and I'm healthy. 00:42:37.760 --> 00:42:41.760 And um, I know other people who who have children later in life. 00:42:41.840 --> 00:42:48.000 My mom had her last later in life, and I just thought there's no way that I can be one of these people who is infertile. 00:42:48.239 --> 00:42:50.719 I thought that's that's not gonna happen to me. 00:42:50.880 --> 00:42:56.719 Like I held the babies at church, like I was a nanny, like this isn't gonna happen. 00:42:56.960 --> 00:43:07.519 Um, and so that was really hard for me to think that not only may I not be able to have children, I might not naturally, but I might not be able to have children at all. 00:43:07.679 --> 00:43:09.280 So I didn't deal with that well. 00:43:10.400 --> 00:43:12.719 Ended up having my eggs frozen. 00:43:12.800 --> 00:43:20.079 I froze my eggs and I was 35, 36, maybe 36, um, in 2019. 00:43:20.800 --> 00:43:25.119 And um right after I did, that's when I met my husband. 00:43:25.360 --> 00:43:25.679 Wow. 00:43:25.920 --> 00:43:30.000 Like it was I froze him in July and I met him in August. 00:43:30.800 --> 00:43:34.320 And had I not done that, I think I would have passed up on him. 00:43:34.480 --> 00:43:43.360 Um, he's older than me and has already had two children and he's already been married, um, and was definitely not what I was looking for on paper. 00:43:43.599 --> 00:43:49.519 But but I knew immediately, like I knew the day we met, that there was just something so special about him. 00:43:49.599 --> 00:43:55.679 And at this point, I just feel like I had been, you know, dates after dates after dates, and I just you just know pretty quickly. 00:43:55.840 --> 00:43:59.760 And so I remember leaving that our first coffee date. 00:44:00.320 --> 00:44:05.119 Like buzzing and thinking, this guy is really special. 00:44:05.280 --> 00:44:06.800 Um, but I was really clear with him. 00:44:06.880 --> 00:44:09.440 Like I even talked about on the date, I don't have no more time to waste. 00:44:09.519 --> 00:44:13.039 So it wasn't something I was like, oh, I'm so cute and don't you want to be with me?

00:44:13.199 --> 00:44:17.280 I told him I'm looking to be married and have children and right away. 00:44:17.440 --> 00:44:21.599 And um he and I was like, I don't know if you want to do that, if you want to start over again. 00:44:21.840 --> 00:44:23.519 And he said, I don't know if I do either. 00:44:23.599 --> 00:44:27.199 But I said I gave him six months, and before six months was up, he said, let's do it. 00:44:27.360 --> 00:44:29.199 And uh we moved down that track. 00:44:29.440 --> 00:44:34.639 So um, yeah, so we got married in 2022, so we were together for a while. 00:44:34.880 --> 00:44:42.719 Um, but in that time, we there was also some male factor issues as well for us. 00:44:42.880 --> 00:44:45.440 So I knew we would have to do IVF. 00:44:45.519 --> 00:44:49.280 There was no, we we would have no no possible way of natural. 00:44:49.760 --> 00:44:53.840 So um I'll speed up here. 00:44:54.079 --> 00:44:54.719 Let's see. 00:44:54.880 --> 00:44:56.400 I married in 2022. 00:44:56.480 --> 00:44:59.840 My very first transfer of an embryo that we had was in 2023. 00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:01.679 We did a retrieval and stuff before. 00:45:01.840 --> 00:45:08.079 So basically not nine rounds later, nine rounds of IVF later. 00:45:08.239 --> 00:45:11.440 Um I am pregnant. 00:45:11.840 --> 00:45:18.320 Oh it's a miracle. 00:45:20.719 --> 00:45:26.159 I'm really grateful um to God because He's the only He's the only thing that got me through this. 00:45:26.320 --> 00:45:36.320 Like, you know, my poor husband had to deal with me for the last four years of our marriage just in a really low state because it was I didn't think it was gonna ever happen. 00:45:36.480 --> 00:45:44.960 And this even this last time we did it I was I was like knew it was gonna have to be done. 00:45:45.199 --> 00:45:51.840 And I kinda and just finally the beginning of this year, I got to the place where I was giving it to God fully. 00:45:52.000 --> 00:45:58.800 And it wasn't until then that I could say, okay, if you're not gonna let me be a mom, I know you'll be I know you'll give me something else. 00:46:00.079 --> 00:46:04.480 Um and then he gave me this little girl. 00:46:04.719 --> 00:46:08.880 And I'm halfway through my pregnancy and I'm excited, honestly. 00:46:08.960 --> 00:46:10.079 I still can't believe it. 00:46:10.320 --> 00:46:12.719 But um just very grateful. 00:46:13.199 --> 00:46:16.079 And um yeah, so that's where I am. 00:46:16.159 --> 00:46:22.639 And it's honestly the infertility journey is the reason why my current business has not fully launched. 00:46:22.880 --> 00:46:23.280 Yeah. 00:46:23.599 --> 00:46:38.159 Because I just when you're there's a difference between between teaching someone how to dance for their wedding and then teaching that couple how to be married and to and to uh have a healthy marriage. 00:46:38.239 --> 00:46:42.000 It's a different, it's a different, completely different world and different role. 00:46:42.159 --> 00:46:51.599 And

I just don't didn't have the capacity to pour into people in that way um while I was in such a low place. 00:46:51.840 --> 00:46:53.599 So I did all of the work. 00:46:53.679 --> 00:47:02.159 I have it ready, ready, ready to go, but I've just been have the brakes on for a while and just trying to make it through because also infertility is extremely hard on a marriage. 00:47:02.239 --> 00:47:09.199 And it's something that I was going through personally and um my husband was going through, and we had to find our way out of that. 00:47:09.440 --> 00:47:15.679 So it's I something I've haven't felt like it was the right time for me to fully launch. 00:47:15.840 --> 00:47:24.400 Um I'm very still very serious about it career-wise, but my career has taken a huge um front seat in my life for a long time. 00:47:24.639 --> 00:47:30.960 Um, and I don't know if it's the reason I almost missed being able to be a mother, but I think that it did factor in. 00:47:31.119 --> 00:47:38.400 And I think that that for me when I was 36 years old, hearing the fact that you've run up time. 00:47:38.559 --> 00:47:41.760 That was like my that was like the scariest thing you could have ever told me. 00:47:41.920 --> 00:47:42.159 Yeah. 00:47:42.719 --> 00:47:44.639 Literally the scariest thing. 00:47:44.960 --> 00:47:47.199 And I think I was very angry. 00:47:47.280 --> 00:47:49.599 Like, why would people say that you could we can do this? 00:47:49.920 --> 00:48:00.159 Because they've been telling telling women for how long you can be a mom, you can have a career, which I'm not saying you can't do those things, but if you don't prioritize it, we run out of time. 00:48:00.559 --> 00:48:01.440 We just do. 00:48:01.679 --> 00:48:10.480 And so, um, if there's one thing I can tell all the young girls out there chasing their dreams, is chase your dream, but like be realistic. 00:48:10.800 --> 00:48:18.000 Because um I'm you know, I'm where I am now, but I'm 44 years old. 00:48:18.159 --> 00:48:20.480 You know, I I'm gonna I'm gonna be an old mom. 00:48:20.639 --> 00:48:24.400 My daughter is gonna think, uh, why are you the oldest one in the room, Mom? 00:48:24.559 --> 00:48:26.719 Like, but I think we're gonna be fine. 00:48:26.880 --> 00:48:28.639 Um, but it no one will know. 00:48:28.880 --> 00:48:32.880 I don't think anyone will know that you're the oldest mom in the room, you beautiful thing. 00:48:33.039 --> 00:48:33.760 Oh, thank you. 00:48:34.000 --> 00:48:34.800 But I don't know. 00:48:34.960 --> 00:48:39.119 So so it's you know, career is not just one thing. 00:48:39.199 --> 00:48:41.840 Like your your personal life is entwined in that. 00:48:41.920 --> 00:48:46.079 And as much as I love what I do and I love what I've done, I'm very, very proud of it. 00:48:46.239 --> 00:48:47.840 I've touched so many people's lives. 00:48:47.920 --> 00:48:54.880 I've seen people, I mean, just become different humans from the time they start taking a lesson with me a couple years down the road. 00:48:54.960 --> 00:48:58.159 They're they're in relationships and they have friends and like they come out of the shell. 00:48:58.239 --> 00:48:59.519 Like it's it's such a special thing. 00:48:59.679 --> 00:49:00.480 I really believe in it. 00:49:00.559 --> 00:49:08.800 And I'm I'm proud of what I've accomplished um and the many lives of other teachers that I've that I've worked with and trained and sent them down their path. 00:49:08.960 --> 00:49:10.079 I'm very proud of that. 00:49:10.239 --> 00:49:13.920 But um, you know, there at the end I thought, this is was that the cost? 00:49:14.079 --> 00:49:18.320 Like was that the cost of chasing this thing? 00:49:18.639 --> 00:49:21.679 Um Wow Yeah. 00:49:22.480 --> 00:49:23.599 That's where I am right now. 00:49:24.320 --> 00:49:28.960 Tell us when she's born if that was the cost. 00:49:30.159 --> 00:49:30.880 Was it worth it? 00:49:31.119 --> 00:49:34.400 Because it might be it was it would be worth it. 00:49:34.639 --> 00:49:35.519 Yeah, worth it. 00:49:35.840 --> 00:49:37.440 It was worth the cost, maybe. 00:49:38.320 --> 00:49:40.320 Not having her or having her. 00:49:40.639 --> 00:49:44.000 I mean, you're gonna you will get both now. 00:49:44.400 --> 00:49:45.039 You get this. 00:49:45.440 --> 00:49:55.760 So then you think of all those lives that you changed and maybe the cost of of those years when you weren't sure if you were gonna get the second dream. 00:49:56.880 --> 00:49:58.320 Maybe are worth it. 00:49:58.480 --> 00:49:58.880 I don't know. 00:49:59.119 --> 00:49:59.440 I don't know. 00:50:00.079 --> 00:50:04.639 To be honest with you, um it wouldn't have been worth it. 00:50:05.119 --> 00:50:05.360 Okay. 00:50:06.800 --> 00:50:08.719 If I had never had a child. 00:50:08.960 --> 00:50:09.360 Yeah. 00:50:10.639 --> 00:50:22.960 I know I don't think I would be, I think, you know I I'd always be proud of it that I would have really regretted not have making that a r a priority earlier. 00:50:23.119 --> 00:50:30.880 You know, I I did really make it a priority because I hit my 30s, but like look at it, like 30 to 44, that goes so fast. 00:50:30.960 --> 00:50:32.239 It's like a blink of an eye. 00:50:32.400 --> 00:50:40.320 And so I think um but then there's also something to be said for God's timing. 00:50:40.719 --> 00:50:41.280 Exactly. 00:50:42.159 --> 00:50:42.880 So I don't know. 00:50:42.960 --> 00:50:46.000 It it it could have just been that this was my in the cards for me. 00:50:46.239 --> 00:50:46.880 This was your story. 00:50:47.039 --> 00:50:48.320 Yeah, this is what he wanted. 00:50:48.400 --> 00:50:56.400 And so kind of letting trusting that he had something for me was really um what it came down to in the end. 00:50:56.480 --> 00:50:57.840 Like I had to trust him. 00:50:58.159 --> 00:51:02.320 There was a purpose, and um I'm really headstrong. 00:51:02.639 --> 00:51:06.480 So when people said no, you can't do something, I went out and did it. 00:51:06.719 -->

00:51:08.079 No, you can't do this. 00:51:08.239 --> 00:51:08.960 I'm gonna do it. 00:51:09.039 --> 00:51:09.599 No, you can't. 00:51:09.679 --> 00:51:10.480 You've hurt yourself. 00:51:10.559 --> 00:51:11.840 You're you can't do this anymore. 00:51:11.920 --> 00:51:13.440 I'm gonna find a way to make this career work. 00:51:13.519 --> 00:51:15.280 I've already chosen, I'm strong, I'm a headstrong. 00:51:15.360 --> 00:51:19.360 I opened a studio when I was young, I moved across the the country twice. 00:51:19.599 --> 00:51:24.639 Um, I I couldn't force a man to come into my life, and I couldn't force a child. 00:51:24.800 --> 00:51:28.239 And those are the two things I really struggled because I've made everything else happen. 00:51:28.400 --> 00:51:29.760 I didn't make everything happen. 00:51:29.920 --> 00:51:31.440 Obviously, God had a hand in it. 00:51:31.519 --> 00:51:34.320 But in my mind, for a long time, it was me. 00:51:34.559 --> 00:51:37.519 And so I was gonna make this thing happen too. 00:51:37.760 --> 00:51:39.599 And that's very humbling. 00:51:40.079 --> 00:51:48.719 There's some things that we are absolutely not in control of, no matter how much we want or work, how hard we work, and uh that's really changed me. 00:51:48.960 --> 00:51:52.400 So for the better, learning that lesson. 00:51:52.800 --> 00:52:05.920 I feel like you're you're speaking right to my heart because I have a whole book written about how really I chose the opposite. 00:52:06.719 --> 00:52:08.320 I had I was just like you. 00:52:08.400 --> 00:52:11.760 Like all I wanted was a career in the arts, really. 00:52:11.920 --> 00:52:12.719 I still want it. 00:52:13.119 --> 00:52:15.039 Hate that I don't have it, you know? 00:52:15.280 --> 00:52:20.559 And my poor husband has had to live with that, you know, for our entire marriage. 00:52:20.880 --> 00:52:28.960 Because at the time it wasn't I'm choosing a small family in Missouri over going to Hollywood and shooting my shots. 00:52:29.199 --> 00:52:37.599 It was just what happened because I I wanted Michael, and there wasn't any part of me going, it's Michael or this. 00:52:37.679 --> 00:52:38.800 It was just it's Michael. 00:52:38.960 --> 00:52:42.719 Like there was no giving myself a multiple choice question. 00:52:42.880 --> 00:52:44.320 It was not a multiple choice question. 00:52:44.719 --> 00:52:49.119 But then later, as time goes on, it's like, was there a multiple choice question? 00:52:49.760 --> 00:52:51.199 So I I'm with you. 00:52:51.360 --> 00:52:52.480 I question every day. 00:52:52.639 --> 00:52:54.239 Like, what was my willpower? 00:52:54.400 --> 00:52:55.599 What was my stubbornness? 00:52:55.679 --> 00:52:56.960 What was my choices? 00:52:57.199 --> 00:53:02.400 And what was the exact right story that I was supposed to have? 00:53:02.559 --> 00:53:04.480 And then how do I be grateful? 00:53:04.639 --> 00:53:08.559 How do I own it and love my story? 00:53:08.800 --> 00:53:09.119 Yeah. 00:53:09.360 --> 00:53:11.360 Do you think you love your story? 00:53:11.679 --> 00:53:12.960 I do, I do. 00:53:13.679 --> 00:53:18.000 Although I would say the last, because it's been what a seven-year journey for me in fertility has been. 00:53:18.079 --> 00:53:18.960 It's really long. 00:53:19.119 --> 00:53:20.400 And it's been the lowest. 00:53:20.719 --> 00:53:24.880 I thought hurt my injury and the loss of my professional career was low. 00:53:25.039 --> 00:53:26.880 It nothing touches this. 00:53:27.039 --> 00:53:29.199 Um nothing does. 00:53:29.519 --> 00:53:39.840 Um but I do feel like I'm a testimony from it now, you know, and uh I'm really grateful to even be given this chance. 00:53:40.400 --> 00:53:48.639 Um, and I have a wonderful loving husband who's so supportive and I'm so supportive of my dancing too, which is also a hard thing. 00:53:49.199 --> 00:53:58.800 When you do this very unique thing where you dance with men all the time that are not, uh it takes a special person, and he's just so proud of me, and I'm very, very lucky to have found him. 00:53:58.880 --> 00:54:02.559 Like he was he was my person, you know, he and God knew that. 00:54:02.800 --> 00:54:07.920 Um so I think it'll help, you know, anxious little like go-getters like me. 00:54:08.159 --> 00:54:13.199 If I can tell that story to somebody, is that he's got you, you know, listen. 00:54:13.679 --> 00:54:18.480 But it's you know, it's honestly, I I could have saved myself a whole lot of turmoil if I hadn't have thought. 00:54:18.800 --> 00:54:20.239 It's all up to me. 00:54:20.880 --> 00:54:22.480 It's all up to me all the time. 00:54:22.800 --> 00:54:23.119 Okay. 00:54:23.519 --> 00:54:26.960 Well let's go okay, here's what we're gonna do. 00:54:27.119 --> 00:54:34.639 Yeah, let's let's end with the segment that we always end with, but then I'm gonna circle back and make sure we've touched on everything we want to. 00:54:34.800 --> 00:54:50.079 But if you were to tell what worked for you, something that worked for you in life, big or small, regarding work or life, um, to get through the day or led to a big win, what would be your it worked for me? 00:54:50.320 --> 00:54:51.920 I know exactly what this would be. 00:54:52.079 --> 00:54:55.119 This is so funny because it actually ties back to you to you. 00:54:55.840 --> 00:55:00.239 Um, and this is gonna sound like it has nothing, it's like so small, but it it's how I live my life. 00:55:00.400 --> 00:55:02.800 So I don't know when I heard this. 00:55:03.039 --> 00:55:22.960 I don't know if I was a I have no idea how how old or when I heard it, but I know that I heard this story from either your mother or maybe it was you or your sister, and it was they were talking about um, I don't know if they call you call it this because it's kind of fuzzy in my head, but the hula hoop method to be talking about. 00:55:24.079 --> 00:55:33.519 Okay, so I heard I think I think it was your mom was maybe saying it that it was you and and

Felicity had a really messy room and she would throw down you. 00:55:33.760 --> 00:55:36.480 Felicity will now, yeah, want you to throw her in that. 00:55:36.800 --> 00:55:38.239 You have in serenity. 00:55:38.480 --> 00:55:41.920 And you and they would just say it's so it's so much right, it's so it's overwhelming. 00:55:42.000 --> 00:55:44.079 And there's like all this stuff, and it's overwhelming. 00:55:44.159 --> 00:55:45.199 I how do I clean my room? 00:55:45.360 --> 00:55:46.960 You leave them and the kids don't clean the room. 00:55:47.039 --> 00:55:51.519 So she put her hula hoop down and you had to clean everything within the hula hoop, right? 00:55:51.679 --> 00:55:52.960 Am I saying this right? 00:55:53.280 --> 00:55:54.320 Absolutely correct. 00:55:54.480 --> 00:55:56.000 Okay, and then you move it if you want to. 00:55:57.119 --> 00:56:00.079 Just have one small goal within that large one. 00:56:00.400 --> 00:56:02.320 And I don't remember when I heard this. 00:56:02.480 --> 00:56:04.719 I have no idea how, but I know it was you guys. 00:56:04.880 --> 00:56:10.079 And for some reason, that little story is how I live my life. 00:56:10.239 --> 00:56:16.960 I know this sounds crazy, but I have extreme ADHD, which most people don't believe because they're like, how could you have done all this stuff? 00:56:17.039 --> 00:56:18.880 And how can you, you're so organized. 00:56:18.960 --> 00:56:24.000 It's one thing I'm why I can run businesses is because I I make systems really well. 00:56:24.400 --> 00:56:31.280 But I tell them I have to have systems because I'm so out, I need to be outwardly organized because I'm so inwardly disorganized. 00:56:31.360 --> 00:56:33.119 So it's the only way I can live my life. 00:56:33.280 --> 00:56:38.400 Um, but because of that, large tasks, I think this is everybody though, right? 00:56:38.639 --> 00:56:42.159 Large tasks are extremely overwhelming for me and I just freeze. 00:56:42.320 --> 00:56:49.440 So whenever I heard that, I started applying it to things, small things like you know, making my bed in the morning or or putting the dishes away. 00:56:49.760 --> 00:56:53.119 But I do this in all parts of my life. 00:56:53.360 --> 00:56:58.559 When I get overwhelmed, like trying to start a business from scratch, I'm creating an online course. 00:56:58.719 --> 00:56:59.920 Like these things are huge. 00:57:00.079 --> 00:57:01.039 I don't know where to start. 00:57:01.119 --> 00:57:02.719 I've got lists for days. 00:57:02.880 --> 00:57:04.320 Um, and it's overwhelming. 00:57:04.400 --> 00:57:07.760 So I just remember that I can't take, I can't do all of this. 00:57:07.920 --> 00:57:11.679 And if I can just focus on the small part in the hula hoop. 00:57:11.840 --> 00:57:18.320 And I even say to my husband, I'm like, I'm hula hooping the bed this morning because I want to get up and make my bed, but I don't want to make my bed. 00:57:18.480 --> 00:57:23.599 But if I just give myself a task of doing half the

bed, it always gets done. 00:57:23.679 --> 00:57:29.360 Like I always finish it, but I don't there's no pressure for me to finish it because I gave myself that. 00:57:29.519 --> 00:57:33.840 And it's just one of my ways of hacking my specific type of AD ADHD. 00:57:33.920 --> 00:57:36.480 And I'm sure probably people without it could use that too. 00:57:36.639 --> 00:57:45.119 But um, it's just it's helps me with my overwhelm and it helps me tackle large, large um projects. 00:57:45.280 --> 00:57:54.639 I also heard one of the I did I got into real estate for a little while too, but I one of the guys I was I was learning from said this thing, how do you eat an elephant? 00:57:54.800 --> 00:57:55.760 It's just wonderful. 00:57:56.400 --> 00:57:58.960 So those little things for me are hard. 00:57:59.280 --> 00:58:00.079 It's so disgusting. 00:58:00.159 --> 00:58:02.800 The hoo hoop is so much prettier in the metaphor. 00:58:03.119 --> 00:58:04.719 Yeah, and I get to set my own goal. 00:58:04.800 --> 00:58:10.480 So um, yeah, so that is my my thing is it worked for me. 00:58:10.639 --> 00:58:12.000 The hoo-wh-hoop method. 00:58:12.159 --> 00:58:14.559 Oh my gosh, my mom's gonna be so proud. 00:58:14.719 --> 00:58:18.559 But but I love how you're you apply it almost philosophically too. 00:58:18.719 --> 00:58:18.880 Yeah. 00:58:19.119 --> 00:58:22.239 See that like when I started this podcast, I mean, I was terrified. 00:58:22.400 --> 00:58:27.280 And so it became okay, just buy a microphone, which isn't working today, by the way. 00:58:27.519 --> 00:58:36.239 But and then just hit record, just pick the first guest and then hit record, you know, yeah, hilloop the whole shebang. 00:58:37.679 --> 00:58:42.639 People out there doing what you want to do who are way less capable of you. 00:58:42.880 --> 00:58:43.039 Right? 00:58:43.199 --> 00:58:44.480 There's a whole saying on about that, right? 00:58:44.559 --> 00:58:50.480 I cannot always get it wrong, who are less qualified and less capable, but they're doing the thing you do because they're just going out there and doing it. 00:58:50.800 --> 00:58:54.079 I'm an extreme perfectionist, which keeps me blocked. 00:58:54.239 --> 00:59:00.960 So things like that, anything I can kind of like hack myself out of, like, no, no, no, you don't have to think about the whole thing, whole picture. 00:59:01.039 --> 00:59:02.320 Let's just do this one step at a time. 00:59:02.480 --> 00:59:04.320 That's what's helped me. 00:59:07.199 --> 00:59:10.559 Um, Ashley, thank you so much for being here. 00:59:10.719 --> 00:59:18.079 I can I really cannot thank you enough for reaching out and being willing to share this story that was so beautiful and meaningful. 00:59:18.239 --> 00:59:20.079 And as you said, heartbreaking. 00:59:20.239 --> 00:59:24.239 There's some heartbreaking in there and things to for people to pay attention to. 00:59:24.559 --> 00:59:26.000 And I really appreciate you telling it. 00:59:26.400 --> 00:59:26.800 Of course. 00:59:26.880 --> 00:59:27.760 You're very, very welcome. 00:59:27.920 --> 00:59:29.280 Thank you for having me.