Full Transcript for #52 | Stop Saying Yes to Everything; It Could Be Costing You Leadership Influence and Promotion.

exactly, much healthier space now. 00:05:06.720 --> 00:05:12.319 Yeah, that that mechanism taps into your desire to help people, doesn't it? 00:05:12.639 --> 00:05:18.160 That's brilliant because generally much harder on ourselves than we are than we are on other people. 00:05:18.399 --> 00:05:30.399 Whereas actually it's that ability to interpret that data that's coming in, interpret that information, and then make a sensible decision so you're not doing the constant cycle. 00:05:30.480 --> 00:05:33.279 It's it that that's leadership in itself, isn't it? 00:05:33.439 --> 00:05:36.079 Being able to make those those sorts of sensible decisions. 00:05:36.240 --> 00:05:40.720 So we've talked about two key things that organizations really want. 00:05:40.959 --> 00:05:43.040 Let's talk about the skills gap now. 00:05:43.360 --> 00:05:52.480 What skills do you see that people think that they have in work, but actually you find are really missing? 00:05:52.720 --> 00:05:54.879 Leadership and human skills. 00:05:55.920 --> 00:06:04.800 So I think we have a huge gap on just good people skills. 00:06:04.879 --> 00:06:14.560 So whether that's communication, empathy, giving feedback, coaching, things like this, I think that we're seeing a real miss in. 00:06:14.639 --> 00:06:26.399 And I don't know if it was because we maybe fell out of the habit of it during COVID when we were a bit more virtual, um, or there's maybe more of a need for it now in a complex world. 00:06:26.639 --> 00:06:35.120 But I do definitely see that we focus on task and the work more than we do on the person. 00:06:35.360 --> 00:06:37.759 And I think if you focus on the person, the work comes. 00:06:37.920 --> 00:06:44.079 Or even like things like, for example, how often I will see people give sympathy to somebody rather than empathy. 00:06:44.240 --> 00:06:48.720 So almost, you know, oh yeah, I can really see why that's a problem for you. 00:06:48.800 --> 00:06:53.199 I feel really bad for you, versus asking them questions. 00:06:53.360 --> 00:06:54.959 What's does that feel like for you? 00:06:55.040 --> 00:06:58.079 Or just sitting in the uncomfortable emotion with somebody? 00:06:58.160 --> 00:07:04.959 Because I think that with the amount of change that we're going through right now, people are facing multiple changes at any one time. 00:07:05.120 --> 00:07:08.639 They're going to feel uncomfortable emotions. 00:07:08.800 --> 00:07:09.920 That's an inevitable. 00:07:10.000 --> 00:07:15.199 Like you can't make people feel accepted in a nanosecond. 00:07:15.439 --> 00:07:25.519 And so I think that one of the strongest skills that I think people need to show up with is empathy, because I think that's what will keep people committed, engaged, support them through it. 00:07:25.680 --> 00:07:28.399 Um, and then the others like communication. 00:07:28.560 --> 00:07:41.920 I think that one of the things that I um started playing about with last year and I found really interesting was how often I would say something, and then then something else would come as a result of it. 00:07:42.000 --> 00:07:46.560 And I'd be like, Oh, that's not what I asked, or what I thought I asked. 00:07:46.720 --> 00:07:54.879 And so then I started that like getting into discipline of every time I was talking to somebody, I'd then say, you know, what was your take on like takeaway from this? 00:07:55.600 --> 00:08:04.800 And it wouldn't be what I'd actually thought was what I communicated, and it had to go round a few, like go round a few times before we walk away truly aligned. 00:08:04.879 --> 00:08:13.360 And I just think that expectation gap of what someone communicates to someone, what you think they've heard and what they've actually heard can be really different. 00:08:13.519 --> 00:08:19.920 And so I think there's a skill in navigating how we communicate, how we validate it, like the methods that we use. 00:08:20.079 --> 00:08:26.480 Um, and I see that probably quite clumsily occurring in the world of work just now. 00:08:26.639 --> 00:08:31.120 And so I think see if we can nail empathy and communication. 00:08:31.360 --> 00:08:38.080 I actually think that that would change things massively from business performance. 00:08:38.320 --> 00:08:43.039 I think you know, it comes to back to the cute that curious nature that you've got everything, isn't it? 00:08:43.440 --> 00:08:45.679 You know, it's like see it's a bit of a game. 00:08:46.960 --> 00:08:53.519 You could make really heavy weather of it and get deeply frustrated that people that your message is not getting through. 00:08:53.679 --> 00:08:59.120 But if you see it as a bit of a game, it changes the way that your mind works with it. 00:08:59.440 --> 00:09:07.519 I just feel like we're icebergs and there's always so much going on under the surface, multiple things that people are are dealing with or thinking are going through their head. 00:09:07.679 --> 00:09:10.240 So they maybe miss part of the conversation. 00:09:10.559 --> 00:09:31.679 Or it might be somebody that's just in a really like kind of bad space where they're only hearing the negative, can't hear positives in a conversation, or our bias lines, like we all like our brains constantly making wee shortcuts, so we all then take away something different, it's how we're hardwired, unless we interrupt it and put pause into it. 00:09:32.000 --> 00:09:46.559 So I think that when you start to see it as like you say, an experiment almost, and it's like watching human behavior and noticing and all with positive intent that says we just want to all show up the best that we can and add value because we want meaningful life. 00:09:46.639 --> 00:09:50.960 So we don't want to just turn up to work and you know do a job and then go home. 00:09:51.039 --> 00:09:53.840 Like we want to feel like we've we've contributed. 00:09:53.919 --> 00:10:05.600 I think as humans, we're wired that way, and so for me, yeah, there's like a lot of experimentation

and definitely that that like the human skills I think are more important than ever. 00:10:05.679 --> 00:10:26.720 And then see with AI coming in and tech, I think that there's so much, or even digital, like Teams messages, WhatsApps, all of those things, there's so much risk for things to be colder and then people to be disconnected and disconnect for longer, and then you before you even notice that someone's disconnected. 00:10:26.799 --> 00:10:36.879 And I think that's where these skills are like they need to be demonstrated, but on like steroids from what we're probably used to in the last few years. 00:10:37.679 --> 00:10:53.200 What I've noticed as well is that we're not framing things, so the it feels like there isn't context around messages, and the result of that is that people don't feel safe. 00:10:53.360 --> 00:11:03.919 There are there's a lot of ambiguity around what would potentially be a very simple message, you know, the the the why, the what, the how just isn't isn't there. 00:11:04.080 --> 00:11:15.919 And I think that when you talk about communication, just framing if you can learn to frame a message well, yeah, that in itself would make such a massive difference. 00:11:16.240 --> 00:11:19.440 But then it goes back to the business context or the industry context. 00:11:19.519 --> 00:11:28.240 I think you've got to have that breadth of awareness to then be able to frame the context of a conversation in the right way and connect it to all the dots. 00:11:28.320 --> 00:11:41.120 So then it kind of goes back to you know what what businesses value in people all of these things that we're talking about are connected, and I think that's one of the skills isn't it? 00:11:41.279 --> 00:11:43.039 How do how do we connect it all? 00:11:43.200 --> 00:11:46.000 And I think it's about practice. 00:11:47.360 --> 00:11:52.080 You know, if you accept that that's the basic premise, you've got to accept it first, haven't you? 00:11:52.159 --> 00:11:58.720 If you accept that that's the break the basic premise, it's then deploying a bit of an experiment around it. 00:11:58.960 --> 00:12:05.120 And if I do this, this and this, does the response change? 00:12:05.759 --> 00:12:07.919 How does the response change? 00:12:08.240 --> 00:12:08.720 Mm-hmm. 00:12:08.960 --> 00:12:23.759 And and it's so interesting because I also think people are different, like every like so one thing can work from somebody else, and that's why I always frame it as experimentation because sometimes you get it wrong and you take the learning from it and go, Well, what else can I try with that person next time? 00:12:24.000 --> 00:12:26.720 And I think that sometimes we go right in this way. 00:12:26.799 --> 00:12:29.440 I've got to do this, and at this point I've got to do that. 00:12:29.679 --> 00:12:33.120 And it's I think just maybe holding it a little bit more lightly. 00:12:33.279 --> 00:12:35.840 I think everything in the world we hold quite heavy just now. 00:12:36.720 --> 00:12:42.960 Yeah, and I think it's just being a bit more light and playful that says, you know, what's the worst that can happen, really? 00:12:43.840 --> 00:12:48.399 Not the the worst that we tell ourselves, but it like really what is the worst that's can happen. 00:12:48.559 --> 00:12:53.759 And I think that for me is everyone's different and there's just experiment, play with it, get it wrong, that's okay. 00:12:53.919 --> 00:12:57.440 Just take it on and learn from it and do something different next time. 00:12:57.840 --> 00:13:05.039 And if you go back to what we said right in the very start, the world is crazy, it's moving so fast, we cannot expect to be right all the time. 00:13:05.200 --> 00:13:07.360 And that really is okay. 00:13:08.240 --> 00:13:09.519 Know that it's okay. 00:13:09.759 --> 00:13:12.000 Everybody messes up, and that's right. 00:13:12.159 --> 00:13:12.480 Yeah. 00:13:12.720 --> 00:13:15.840 Almost if you're not messing up, you're not trying hard enough, isn't it? 00:13:15.919 --> 00:13:17.039 Is that sort of message? 00:13:17.360 --> 00:13:18.639 Yeah, you're not learning. 00:13:18.720 --> 00:13:27.360 Um, and I think, like, see, going back actually to um your first point around like what do we like, what do businesses spot of people in careers? 00:13:27.440 --> 00:13:30.159 I do think that is a big thing is the learning agility. 00:13:30.399 --> 00:13:37.200 So the ability to make mistakes and not be crushed by it and not beat yourself up, but bounce back. 00:13:37.360 --> 00:13:52.240 And I think that was one thing early on in my career that I done lots of, and actually my leader at the time would uh would would tell, would tell and laugh about it, is that like it was the resilience and the dogmatic approach of just going, right, got it wrong. 00:13:52.480 --> 00:13:53.440 That's okay. 00:13:53.759 --> 00:13:55.200 What do I try now differently? 00:13:55.279 --> 00:13:57.200 And then just keep experimenting. 00:13:57.600 --> 00:14:03.360 Um I think that when we make mistakes and then we beat ourselves up about it, it then makes us scared to try anything. 00:14:03.440 --> 00:14:05.120 And then if you're not trying anything, you're not learning. 00:14:05.360 --> 00:14:06.639 If you're not learning, you're not growing. 00:14:06.879 --> 00:14:21.120 So if you are giving people advice for the next 12 months, if there was one thing you wanted them to do to help them in their careers over the next 12 months, what would it be? 00:14:21.360 --> 00:14:24.639 Ask questions, and it's as simple as that. 00:14:24.720 --> 00:14:45.679 And I've just actually experienced there's someone that's just came new into our team, just out of university, and she on her first day went around the office, introduced herself to everybody that wasn't coordinated by me, just had got in, went around, introduced herself, and constantly is asking questions. 00:14:45.840 --> 00:14:55.200 When she doesn't understand something, she'll

just ask a question, and then she actually like there's no like this is like there's no feeling of like this is a stupid question. 00:14:55.279 --> 00:14:57.519 She's just asking question after question. 00:14:57.679 --> 00:15:16.879 But what I notice is is that then she's getting up to speed so much quicker because she's asking the questions versus someone that maybe doesn't ask the question and then sits like in spin for maybe weeks and weeks because they're and then it gets bigger because then they go, Oh, well, if I didn't ask it a week ago, now if I ask it, it's gonna look like I've sat on it for a week and then it's a bit more. 00:15:19.279 --> 00:15:19.919 Yeah. 00:15:20.399 --> 00:15:26.000 So I would say the one thing is the connection with people ask and ask questions. 00:15:26.159 --> 00:15:26.960 That's two things. 00:15:27.200 --> 00:15:30.960 Connection and ask questions, but yeah, I think that's so important. 00:15:31.919 --> 00:15:34.559 Emma, that is absolutely fantastic. 00:15:34.879 --> 00:15:36.320 Thank you so much. 00:15:39.279 --> 00:15:43.120 What I love about Emma's advice is frankly how simple it is. 00:15:43.200 --> 00:15:46.639 It's so doable for you right now. 00:15:47.120 --> 00:15:48.399 Ask questions. 00:15:49.039 --> 00:15:51.919 But and there's always a caveat, isn't there? 00:15:52.159 --> 00:15:59.279 But simple doesn't always mean easy because asking questions requires something that many of us were never taught to do. 00:16:00.240 --> 00:16:03.519 Be curious, and curiosity changes everything. 00:16:04.159 --> 00:16:08.159 There's a quote often attributed to Albert Einstein that I've always loved. 00:16:08.960 --> 00:16:12.879 The important thing is to not stop questioning. 00:16:13.200 --> 00:16:16.879 Curiosity has its own reason for existing. 00:16:17.120 --> 00:16:19.840 Curious people see patterns others miss. 00:16:20.559 --> 00:16:23.679 Curious people understand the bigger picture faster. 00:16:23.919 --> 00:16:30.000 Curious people build better relationships because they genuinely want to understand the people around them. 00:16:30.240 --> 00:16:35.679 And when you think about it, that's exactly what we've been exploring across these three episodes this week. 00:16:35.919 --> 00:16:42.240 So across the week, we've looked at three career levers that make a bigger difference than confidence alone. 00:16:42.960 --> 00:16:54.159 First, developing your business acumen, focusing on getting a wider lens because great careers are built by people who understand the bigger picture, not just what they have to do. 00:16:55.120 --> 00:16:58.559 Second, build genuine connections. 00:16:58.879 --> 00:17:05.200 Opportunities often come through people who trust you and talk about your work when you're not even there. 00:17:05.680 --> 00:17:10.160 And third, protect your energy and develop your human skills. 00:17:10.480 --> 00:17:19.119 Boundaries, empathy, communication, and curiosity are what allow great leaders to show up consistently at their best. 00:17:32.240 --> 00:17:38.799 Ooh, how exciting! Uh so on Monday, you'll hear a conversation with a young woman called Jocelyn Lowe. 00:17:38.960 --> 00:17:44.079 I didn't know at the time that she was going to accidentally say the thing that this entire show is all about. 00:17:44.240 --> 00:17:45.279 She did, though. 00:17:45.519 --> 00:17:50.720 Then on Wednesday, we're going to unpick some of the science behind the issues that she raised. 00:17:50.880 --> 00:18:00.480 And we're going to finish up on Friday, we're going to gift you a tune, a song for you to plug and play to help you anchor that confidence and the key points from the week. 00:18:00.720 --> 00:18:07.759 Together with three, as usual, quickfire career moves to help you start to make improvements immediately. 00:18:08.000 --> 00:18:12.319 I hope you're as excited to listen as I am to make these news episodes. 00:18:12.480 --> 00:18:17.759 If these episodes resonated with you, please share them with someone who might need to hear them too. 00:18:18.000 --> 00:18:23.200 And of course, hit subscribe or follow to make sure that you don't miss any of the new formats. 00:18:23.759 --> 00:18:32.000 And lastly, as always, make your move, even if it's tiny, especially if it's tiny. 00:18:32.799 --> 00:18:34.079 See you Monday.