Full Transcript for Real Confidence, Live: Surviving Failure, Letting Go of Regret, and Finding Your People

--> 00:01:43.969 And this week, we're talking about, I don't know. 39 00:01:44.150 --> 00:01:44.790 Real confidence. 40 00:01:44.810 --> 00:01:46.310 Oh, real confidence. We're talking about real confidence. 41 00:01:46.329 --> 00:01:49.939 What else would we be talking about? Yeah. Um, I 42 00:01:49.980 --> 00:01:52.959 want to start this off with something that I was 43 00:01:53.000 --> 00:01:56.170 thinking when I was sitting there is three years ago, 44 00:01:56.189 --> 00:01:58.730 I would have never shared this with any of my friends. 45 00:01:59.109 --> 00:02:00.870 And I have two of the most important people in 46 00:02:00.890 --> 00:02:03.760 my life, in my room, in the room. my best friend, Gracie, 47 00:02:03.780 --> 00:02:05.900 and my boyfriend, Jack. And I don't think, I think 48 00:02:05.939 --> 00:02:09.500 Gracie has listened to a couple of episodes and Jack, 49 00:02:09.650 --> 00:02:11.750 I have kind of avoided like the plague that he 50 00:02:11.789 --> 00:02:14.810 doesn't listen to it because I will for the last 51 00:02:14.830 --> 00:02:17.389 like year or maybe like two years, I've been really 52 00:02:17.810 --> 00:02:20.090 not embarrassed of it. I'm so proud of it, but 53 00:02:20.129 --> 00:02:23.770 just a lack of confidence in it. And so this 54 00:02:23.810 --> 00:02:25.810 is like a big deal for me to be sharing that, 55 00:02:25.909 --> 00:02:26.689 especially with you. 56 00:02:28.129 --> 00:02:31.000 So one of the funniest things about our podcast is 57 00:02:31.030 --> 00:02:36.330 that At the beginning, when we first started recording, my husband, well, 58 00:02:36.349 --> 00:02:37.770 we used to talk about him all the time. 59 00:02:37.889 --> 00:02:38.189 Oh, yeah. 60 00:02:38.349 --> 00:02:40.370 And we got in a lot of trouble because he's like, 61 00:02:41.210 --> 00:02:43.349 I'm not there to defend myself. And that's not how 62 00:02:43.389 --> 00:02:44.310 I remember the story. 63 00:02:44.340 --> 00:02:46.539 Right. And he's not here to defend himself. He was 64 00:02:46.580 --> 00:02:48.439 here at the last one. I know. To defend himself. 65 00:02:48.460 --> 00:02:49.479 Well, we still made fun of him there. 66 00:02:49.819 --> 00:02:50.180 Right. 67 00:02:50.319 --> 00:02:50.500 Yeah. 68 00:02:50.919 --> 00:02:51.719 He was so red. 69 00:02:51.919 --> 00:02:52.460 Yeah, I know. 70 00:02:52.539 --> 00:02:53.139 Like, so red. 71 00:02:53.240 --> 00:02:54.639 Didn't know that was possible. 72 00:02:55.319 --> 00:02:55.539 Right. 73 00:02:55.939 --> 00:02:58.900 So do you want to start out with a fun question? 74 00:02:59.099 --> 00:03:00.039 Yeah, I want a fun question. 75 00:03:00.159 --> 00:03:04.340 OK. What's your favorite type of wine? I'll do it again. 76 00:03:04.509 --> 00:03:04.800 Oh, OK. 77 00:03:05.759 --> 00:03:06.159 Cabernet. 78 00:03:06.860 --> 00:03:07.139 Cabernet. 79 00:03:07.159 --> 00:03:08.939 You have a brand? You can say a different brand 80 00:03:08.960 --> 00:03:09.319 this time. 81 00:03:09.360 --> 00:03:10.580 No, I still like the same brand. 82 00:03:10.900 --> 00:03:12.139 Oh, did it change in a week? 83 00:03:12.180 --> 00:03:15.479 No, it didn't change in a week. Yeah. Yeah. 84 00:03:18.020 --> 00:03:21.740 So I want to ask a question. Originally- That's what 85 00:03:21.759 --> 00:03:22.039 you're doing. 86 00:03:22.060 --> 00:03:22.280 Well, OK. 87 00:03:22.300 --> 00:03:22.879 Thank you very much. 88 00:03:22.900 --> 00:03:23.180 You're welcome. 89 00:03:23.199 --> 00:03:26.180 Oh, my god. When you first decided to write a 90 00:03:26.219 --> 00:03:28.840 second book, this was not what you were going to 91 00:03:28.860 --> 00:03:30.840 write about. You were going to write about labels. 92 00:03:30.900 --> 00:03:31.080 Yeah. 93 00:03:31.599 --> 00:03:33.949 Why did you decide to write about real confidence? 94 00:03:34.969 --> 00:03:36.430 Well, I realized that my. 95 00:03:36.990 --> 00:03:37.569 You realized? 96 00:03:37.810 --> 00:03:39.590 I realized. I realized. 97 00:03:39.610 --> 00:03:41.449 I realized. 98 00:03:41.650 --> 00:03:44.300 Thank you. This is how it goes all the time, right? 99 00:03:45.139 --> 00:03:47.919 I realized that that's just one part of the story. 100 00:03:48.360 --> 00:03:51.159 And so there is a whole chapter about labels, but 101 00:03:51.610 --> 00:03:53.789 The labels we put on ourselves, the labels we put 102 00:03:53.849 --> 00:03:55.930 on other people, right? I mean, again, we look at 103 00:03:55.969 --> 00:03:58.289 other people and we make assumptions as soon as we 104 00:03:58.310 --> 00:04:01.330 meet them. And it's so important that we don't do that. 105 00:04:01.349 --> 00:04:04.370 But yeah, for me, it was, I really wanted to 106 00:04:04.409 --> 00:04:08.180 focus on that as part of confidence. And that is 107 00:04:08.189 --> 00:04:08.590 the whole thing. 108 00:04:09.030 --> 00:04:11.759 Would you ever revisit the book about labels? Because you 109 00:04:11.780 --> 00:04:12.219 collected a. 110 00:04:12.219 --> 00:04:14.620 Lot of great stories in the research process. 111 00:04:14.860 --> 00:04:15.120 I did. 112 00:04:15.139 --> 00:04:16.100 I do have a lot of great stories. 113 00:04:16.180 --> 00:04:16.439 Maybe. 114 00:04:16.839 --> 00:04:18.139 Who knows? Who knows what's coming next? 115 00:04:18.360 --> 00:04:20.079 I don't know. That was going to be one of 116 00:04:20.180 --> 00:04:20.600 my questions. 117 00:04:20.660 --> 00:04:22.259 Our next book is the two of us together. 118 00:04:23.100 --> 00:04:26.100 That would be my first book and your next book. Oh, sorry. 119 00:04:26.199 --> 00:04:27.740 Well, I feel like you're part of this book anyways. 120 00:04:27.779 --> 00:04:28.339 Thanks. 121 00:04:28.720 --> 00:04:29.839 Yeah. 122 00:04:30.120 --> 00:04:32.279 I actually, for this one, the first one, I did 123 00:04:32.300 --> 00:04:34.689 a lot of the editing process and the sitting down, 124 00:04:34.699 --> 00:04:36.209 but that was when I

was back at home and 125 00:04:36.230 --> 00:04:38.790 it was during COVID. So I would be doing something. 126 00:04:38.810 --> 00:04:40.790 She'd be like, oh, just come read this real quick. 127 00:04:40.829 --> 00:04:42.269 And it'd be like two hours later. I'm like, oh 128 00:04:42.290 --> 00:04:45.110 my gosh. I just want to play Minecraft with my friends. 129 00:04:45.129 --> 00:04:51.050 I'm like 17 years old. Let me live. So one 130 00:04:51.069 --> 00:04:53.850 of the chapters in your book is about failures, specifically 131 00:04:53.889 --> 00:04:58.029 about flipping houses. How do you sustain confidence during failures? 132 00:04:59.430 --> 00:05:02.290 I think, again, it's understanding that it's a learning process. 133 00:05:02.430 --> 00:05:04.490 So I've done many things in my life. At one 134 00:05:04.550 --> 00:05:07.750 point I was flipping houses. So I had a friend 135 00:05:07.829 --> 00:05:12.449 that we started buying houses, fixing them up and selling them. 136 00:05:12.829 --> 00:05:15.910 And we got caught in when the market completely tanked 137 00:05:16.370 --> 00:05:20.699 and she couldn't, she couldn't afford to keep going and 138 00:05:21.019 --> 00:05:23.180 I couldn't afford to take on the whole thing. So 139 00:05:23.540 --> 00:05:26.399 the bank took the houses back and we completely lost 140 00:05:26.459 --> 00:05:28.939 our credit. Like, and my husband's a neurosurgeon. So it 141 00:05:28.980 --> 00:05:30.740 was like one of those things where I had to 142 00:05:30.779 --> 00:05:33.199 say to him, like, okay, I messed up. And he 143 00:05:33.230 --> 00:05:35.529 was like, no, you didn't. You didn't mess up. This 144 00:05:35.610 --> 00:05:38.009 is just part of it. Like, what'd you learn from it? 145 00:05:38.129 --> 00:05:42.009 And so, but it took, you know, I have good 146 00:05:42.050 --> 00:05:44.209 credit again, but it took five years. I mean, we 147 00:05:44.230 --> 00:05:45.889 went to get, or seven years, we went to get 148 00:05:45.930 --> 00:05:49.730 a car and we couldn't get approved for, financing on 149 00:05:49.750 --> 00:05:52.850 the car because I had killed our credit. And so, 150 00:05:54.029 --> 00:05:56.110 but I needed to say to myself, like, okay, what'd 151 00:05:56.129 --> 00:05:57.649 you learn from it? Instead of like, oh my gosh, 152 00:05:57.670 --> 00:05:59.509 feel bad about this the rest of your life, which 153 00:05:59.550 --> 00:06:01.509 is typically what we do to ourselves, right? We're like, oh, 154 00:06:01.829 --> 00:06:05.949 you screwed up. Like, it's your fault, feel bad. And so, yeah, 155 00:06:05.990 --> 00:06:09.470 I think that anytime, and I think, I hope that's 156 00:06:09.509 --> 00:06:11.829 what I teach you guys too, is that, you know, 157 00:06:12.310 --> 00:06:15.790 it's important to fail, right? And, but we have this 158 00:06:16.379 --> 00:06:18.579 thing in society where if you fail at something, that 159 00:06:18.620 --> 00:06:21.730 means you're not

good as a human. Just because you 160 00:06:21.769 --> 00:06:25.410 fail doesn't make you a failure. It's how we say it. 161 00:06:25.910 --> 00:06:27.430 Right. I agree. 162 00:06:28.089 --> 00:06:29.350 Thank you. 163 00:06:31.509 --> 00:06:33.680 At the last event, I asked you, how do you 164 00:06:33.709 --> 00:06:36.060 learn to say no? And this time, I want to 165 00:06:36.160 --> 00:06:39.259 ask you, how do you say yes when you really 166 00:06:39.300 --> 00:06:40.100 want to say no? 167 00:06:41.600 --> 00:06:42.040 You don't. 168 00:06:42.879 --> 00:06:47.180 No, that's not what I mean. Oh. You know, when 169 00:06:47.220 --> 00:06:49.160 it's something that you know would be better for you 170 00:06:49.180 --> 00:06:51.860 and you're just like, I can't do it. I don't 171 00:06:51.899 --> 00:06:53.879 have the confidence to do it. Or something else is 172 00:06:53.920 --> 00:06:54.560 holding you back. 173 00:06:55.220 --> 00:06:57.980 Oh, you do it anyways. If that's what you're asking me. Yeah, 174 00:06:58.019 --> 00:07:00.430 you do it. I mean, again, what's the worst thing 175 00:07:00.449 --> 00:07:01.170 that's going to happen? 176 00:07:01.310 --> 00:07:01.629 Right. 177 00:07:02.050 --> 00:07:03.629 Is someone going to judge you? Are you going to 178 00:07:03.649 --> 00:07:06.410 fail at it? Like, why do those things matter? 179 00:07:06.589 --> 00:07:06.810 Right. 180 00:07:06.870 --> 00:07:08.949 So I think that you have to put yourself out 181 00:07:08.970 --> 00:07:11.329 there because if you don't try, you'll never know. You'll 182 00:07:11.350 --> 00:07:11.750 never grow. 183 00:07:11.910 --> 00:07:12.129 Right. 184 00:07:12.170 --> 00:07:14.470 Like you have to. Just be willing to put yourself 185 00:07:14.529 --> 00:07:16.610 out there. And, you know, the opposite of it is 186 00:07:16.990 --> 00:07:19.089 when there's something that you don't want to do, no 187 00:07:19.149 --> 00:07:22.019 is a full sentence, right? You don't have to do 188 00:07:22.079 --> 00:07:24.540 things that you're like everybody's saying, oh, but you should 189 00:07:24.579 --> 00:07:28.339 do this. No, no is a full sentence. That's it. 190 00:07:29.220 --> 00:07:32.319 Okay. Okay. You're stressing me out. 191 00:07:32.430 --> 00:07:33.259 Okay. 192 00:07:35.829 --> 00:07:38.430 What did you learn about yourself during this writing process 193 00:07:38.470 --> 00:07:39.399 compared to the first one? 194 00:07:42.100 --> 00:07:44.500 I think the first one was way more superficial. So 195 00:07:44.519 --> 00:07:45.620 I think it's, you know, what I was talking about 196 00:07:45.639 --> 00:07:47.600 with Allie is that I really dug deep. I would 197 00:07:47.620 --> 00:07:48.519 concur with that, by the way. 198 00:07:48.540 --> 00:07:52.019 Yeah, I mean. Well, I would concur. The first one 199 00:07:52.079 --> 00:07:54.100 isn't really about you. Right. 200 00:07:54.720 --> 00:07:57.089 I wrote about, so in the first book, so we 201 00:07:57.110

--> 00:08:01.629 adopted our youngest three kids. We have two kids, our 202 00:08:01.649 --> 00:08:04.470 21-year-old and our 18-year-old are from Ethiopia. Our 19-year-old is 203 00:08:04.490 --> 00:08:07.529 from South Korea. And so in that book, I wrote 204 00:08:07.569 --> 00:08:11.220 about their adoption stories and Um, great story about that 205 00:08:11.259 --> 00:08:14.459 was that when I decided to write the book, I 206 00:08:14.819 --> 00:08:17.040 asked all the kids, are you okay with me writing 207 00:08:17.220 --> 00:08:20.779 about you? And all the kids were like, fine, except 208 00:08:20.800 --> 00:08:23.689 for Millie. Millie was like, she's our youngest. And she said, 209 00:08:23.699 --> 00:08:25.850 write about the other kids. I'm like, okay, I'll write 210 00:08:25.870 --> 00:08:27.050 about my five favorite kids. 211 00:08:27.110 --> 00:08:27.370 Really? 212 00:08:27.389 --> 00:08:30.089 And she said, well, fine, you can write about it. Um, 213 00:08:30.209 --> 00:08:32.029 but I'm not going to like it. I was like, well, 214 00:08:32.049 --> 00:08:35.370 cause you're a teenager. So understandably so. And we got 215 00:08:35.389 --> 00:08:37.809 the books in the house and she put one under 216 00:08:37.850 --> 00:08:40.409 her sweatshirt, went upstairs and And I'm like, I said 217 00:08:40.789 --> 00:08:42.029 to my husband, I was like, she took a book. 218 00:08:42.070 --> 00:08:43.789 And he's like, Millie. I'm like, oh my gosh, no. 219 00:08:44.090 --> 00:08:44.990 That was not what you were like. 220 00:08:45.009 --> 00:08:46.289 You just ruined it. Yes, no. 221 00:08:46.309 --> 00:08:50.129 I was like, letting you, okay. So she read it 222 00:08:50.230 --> 00:08:53.830 and she called me because stairs are optional. So she 223 00:08:53.850 --> 00:08:59.309 called me and she had tears running down her face. 224 00:08:59.710 --> 00:09:04.509 And I said, what did you think? And she said, well, 225 00:09:04.570 --> 00:09:07.409 I didn't know that story about Noah being a number. 226 00:09:07.889 --> 00:09:10.490 I didn't know that story about Ari's brother wanting to 227 00:09:10.549 --> 00:09:13.330 come home too. She said, I thought I was going 228 00:09:13.350 --> 00:09:15.870 to hate it, but I absolutely love it. And then 229 00:09:15.889 --> 00:09:19.389 I said, did you read your story yet? And she said, no. 230 00:09:19.409 --> 00:09:24.460 I said, okay, call me back. So actually she ended 231 00:09:24.500 --> 00:09:26.909 up coming downstairs and I said, so what'd you think? 232 00:09:26.980 --> 00:09:29.500 And she said, I think I should say thank you. 233 00:09:29.659 --> 00:09:32.120 And I said, oh no. I said, you can thank 234 00:09:32.159 --> 00:09:36.080 me for taking you to your friend's house, for making 235 00:09:36.100 --> 00:09:38.559 you breakfast, but not for being your mom. Like that's 236 00:09:39.519 --> 00:09:41.190 That doesn't need a thank you. I said, try again. 237 00:09:41.210 --> 00:09:44.309 And she said, it makes me want to do something 238 00:09:44.370 --> 00:09:46.690 nice for someone else. And I said, that'll take. And 239 00:09:46.730 --> 00:09:49.529 you know what? That girl is leadership central, right? 240 00:09:49.850 --> 00:09:51.570 She's everything I wanted to be when I was in 241 00:09:51.629 --> 00:09:54.000 high school. No, she is. Yeah. 242 00:09:54.899 --> 00:09:56.580 I mean, she's a great kid. Anyway, so that was 243 00:09:56.679 --> 00:09:59.740 pretty random. But yeah, so that book was really about 244 00:10:00.940 --> 00:10:04.139 the kids. I wasn't ready to write so much of 245 00:10:04.220 --> 00:10:06.899 my stories in that book. And in this book, I 246 00:10:07.169 --> 00:10:09.070 was able to lay it all out there because I 247 00:10:09.269 --> 00:10:11.730 felt confident that knowing that it was going to help 248 00:10:11.809 --> 00:10:14.009 other women So. 249 00:10:14.210 --> 00:10:17.049 You talked about the stress of, not the stress, but 250 00:10:17.129 --> 00:10:19.580 a little bit of anxiety about your mom reading this one. Yeah. 251 00:10:19.700 --> 00:10:21.700 So she really hasn't opened it yet? 252 00:10:22.059 --> 00:10:23.879 She ordered 10 books. They're all in her house. So 253 00:10:23.919 --> 00:10:25.960 I'm sure she probably has. I haven't heard from her 254 00:10:26.000 --> 00:10:30.419 about it yet. But yeah, you know, again, I knew 255 00:10:30.480 --> 00:10:32.490 I had to tell the stories that I told. And again, 256 00:10:32.500 --> 00:10:34.649 it has nothing to do with my mom. But again, 257 00:10:34.710 --> 00:10:36.750 as a parent, when you read something that your child 258 00:10:36.809 --> 00:10:40.149 really struggled with, I think that, and you didn't know 259 00:10:40.570 --> 00:10:42.610 that they struggled that much, then I think that's what's 260 00:10:42.629 --> 00:10:44.820 going to be really hard Right. 261 00:10:45.919 --> 00:10:48.460 What trait of your mom's do you think you embody 262 00:10:48.480 --> 00:10:50.440 the most? And I would like, my grandma is like 263 00:10:50.460 --> 00:10:53.470 the coolest person in the world. She was one of 264 00:10:53.500 --> 00:10:56.429 five women in her graduating medical school class. She dealt 265 00:10:56.490 --> 00:11:00.409 with so much misogyny and sexism. She broke every glass 266 00:11:00.450 --> 00:11:02.970 ceiling so that I could be in law school. She's 267 00:11:02.990 --> 00:11:05.210 the one that encouraged me to go in the first place. 268 00:11:05.269 --> 00:11:07.889 I remember sitting at the table and her just being like, 269 00:11:07.909 --> 00:11:09.049 why won't you do it? And I was like, I 270 00:11:09.070 --> 00:11:11.049 don't know, it's expensive. And she's like, I'll just pay 271 00:11:11.090 --> 00:11:16.419 for it. She doesn't pay for it. It's fine. But 272 00:11:16.440 --> 00:11:19.539 she's always been, I think, you and my biggest hype person. 273 00:11:20.879 --> 00:11:25.399 Yeah. I mean, her

story is even deeper than that, 274 00:11:25.440 --> 00:11:28.159 because she grew up in rural Pennsylvania on a farm. 275 00:11:28.580 --> 00:11:30.980 Her mom had a sixth grade education. Her dad worked 276 00:11:31.019 --> 00:11:34.840 in the coal mines. And she walked into a library 277 00:11:34.879 --> 00:11:37.700 for the first time in 10th grade. She had never 278 00:11:37.759 --> 00:11:39.740 seen a library before. And that's when she knew she 279 00:11:39.779 --> 00:11:43.370 wanted to be educated. moving in with a family. He 280 00:11:43.610 --> 00:11:46.429 was an orthopedic surgeon to help take care of their 281 00:11:46.450 --> 00:11:48.750 kids so that she could raise money, so that she 282 00:11:48.769 --> 00:11:51.750 could go to college. And in 1957, she got into 283 00:11:51.769 --> 00:11:54.240 the University of Pittsburgh. In 1961, she got into their 284 00:11:54.250 --> 00:11:58.460 medical school. And, you know, she really, I would say 285 00:11:58.500 --> 00:12:02.000 the biggest thing about her is her resilience. Like she 286 00:12:02.039 --> 00:12:04.279 kept going no matter what. I mean, she was telling 287 00:12:04.299 --> 00:12:08.519 me just a couple months ago that the men in 288 00:12:08.639 --> 00:12:11.159 her class would tell her that she didn't deserve to 289 00:12:11.200 --> 00:12:13.539 be there, that she took a man's spot. And I 290 00:12:14.159 --> 00:12:16.500 was like, really? And she's like, yes. I mean, not 291 00:12:16.539 --> 00:12:18.460 just that. I mean, she was told constantly that she 292 00:12:18.500 --> 00:12:21.600 was working in a man's world and that her voice 293 00:12:21.659 --> 00:12:25.179 didn't matter. And of course it did. And she worked 294 00:12:25.220 --> 00:12:28.049 until she retired in her late 60s, right? I mean, 295 00:12:29.149 --> 00:12:33.009 she was an amazing physician. Not only that, she cooked 296 00:12:33.129 --> 00:12:35.690 all the time. She made our clothes when we were little. 297 00:12:36.029 --> 00:12:38.009 So all the things that she learned from her mom, 298 00:12:38.029 --> 00:12:41.379 because her mom was very much like this is what 299 00:12:41.389 --> 00:12:43.759 you're going to do. You're going to marry someone. You're 300 00:12:43.779 --> 00:12:45.539 going to cook, clean, and sew. That's what you're going 301 00:12:45.559 --> 00:12:49.779 to do. And she wanted more than that. But she 302 00:12:49.820 --> 00:12:52.779 still loved to cook, clean, and sew. And even now, 303 00:12:53.120 --> 00:12:55.559 she'll come over and be like, do you want me 304 00:12:55.580 --> 00:12:56.179 to do your laundry? 305 00:12:56.200 --> 00:12:56.509 I'm like, yes. 306 00:12:58.860 --> 00:13:02.179 Is that a question? Come do my laundry. Come bring 307 00:13:02.210 --> 00:13:05.269 dinner anytime you want. And she can get any stain out. 308 00:13:05.309 --> 00:13:06.120 That's the other thing about her. 309 00:13:06.129 --> 00:13:10.129 That's very true, actually. I'll bring clothes home for her 310 00:13:10.269 --> 00:13:12.629 to wash for me. It's actually bad. I'm 23. I 311 00:13:12.649 --> 00:13:16.169 should get over this. I don't know. Yeah. 312 00:13:16.549 --> 00:13:20.429 I mean, but she's an amazing human. And she just really, again, 313 00:13:20.470 --> 00:13:23.990 that resilience piece of just being able to keep going 314 00:13:24.149 --> 00:13:25.789 even when it was really tough. Because it was really 315 00:13:25.809 --> 00:13:26.649 tough for a long time. 316 00:13:28.929 --> 00:13:29.490 OK. I'm done. 317 00:13:29.850 --> 00:13:29.970 Oh. 318 00:13:30.289 --> 00:13:30.389 Oh. 319 00:13:30.669 --> 00:13:33.519 Oh, OK. I like you. 320 00:13:34.409 --> 00:13:34.480 Oh. 321 00:13:35.080 --> 00:13:37.480 We got asked a question at the last event. And 322 00:13:37.500 --> 00:13:39.120 I feel like you have an answer for it by now. 323 00:13:39.580 --> 00:13:41.450 What's the most embarrassing thing I've done to you? 324 00:13:43.129 --> 00:13:44.230 I don't think I do. 325 00:13:44.289 --> 00:13:46.509 Really? You've had like a week to ponder this. I know. 326 00:13:46.610 --> 00:13:48.370 But as a mom, you don't think of the things 327 00:13:48.409 --> 00:13:51.029 your kids do as embarrassing. What was really funny, she 328 00:13:51.070 --> 00:13:55.669 told you what she said about. So literally, so this 329 00:13:55.809 --> 00:13:57.370 woman stands up in the crowd and says, I want 330 00:13:57.389 --> 00:14:00.019 to ask you guys what's the most embarrassing thing from 331 00:14:00.039 --> 00:14:02.779 both of you. And instantly, she's like, oh, that was 332 00:14:02.820 --> 00:14:06.679 last week. I was like, what? I embarrassed you last week. 333 00:14:07.799 --> 00:14:10.340 And what it was, we had gone to this bar 334 00:14:10.379 --> 00:14:13.600 with some of her friends. And one of the friends, 335 00:14:14.700 --> 00:14:16.740 a girl and a guy that seemed to really like 336 00:14:16.779 --> 00:14:18.480 each other. And I just said it out loud. I 337 00:14:18.500 --> 00:14:20.440 was like, oh my gosh, they're such a cute couple. 338 00:14:20.480 --> 00:14:22.879 They would make such a cute couple. And she was like, well, 339 00:14:22.899 --> 00:14:25.500 they're not a couple. And I said, well, OK, but 340 00:14:25.539 --> 00:14:28.159 they will be. And I said that out loud too. 341 00:14:30.159 --> 00:14:31.750 And so then she's like, and that was embarrassing. And 342 00:14:31.769 --> 00:14:33.429 I was like, okay, great. Well, tell me what they're 343 00:14:33.450 --> 00:14:35.269 doing now. She goes, well, they're dating. I was like, 344 00:14:36.750 --> 00:14:37.460 there you have it. 345 00:14:37.470 --> 00:14:38.009 Yeah, okay. 346 00:14:38.409 --> 00:14:39.110 There you have it. 347 00:14:39.129 --> 00:14:39.409 Yeah. 348 00:14:40.269 --> 00:14:43.309 So, but I don't know. I don't think of anything 349 00:14:43.350 --> 00:14:46.409 my kids do as embarrassing, right? You're just, it's

part 350 00:14:46.429 --> 00:14:50.600 of parenting. So I don't know. I don't, I really, 351 00:14:50.620 --> 00:14:53.340 I tried thinking about it for a long time after 352 00:14:53.379 --> 00:14:57.059 the event, and I really can't place anything there. So 353 00:14:57.500 --> 00:14:59.759 you're welcome. You don't embarrass me. Yeah, you don't embarrass me. 354 00:15:00.240 --> 00:15:03.080 Okay. I guess I have to try harder. What can 355 00:15:03.139 --> 00:15:04.559 I do that's really embarrassing? 356 00:15:04.620 --> 00:15:06.200 I don't know. I don't think you need to do that. 357 00:15:10.120 --> 00:15:12.440 I asked you a question about your regrets last week, too. 358 00:15:12.559 --> 00:15:14.500 And you told me you had one, but I think 359 00:15:14.519 --> 00:15:17.370 we both forgot what it was. I know. Because one 360 00:15:17.379 --> 00:15:18.909 of the big things that we talk about on our 361 00:15:18.950 --> 00:15:23.190 podcast is living without regrets. And my boyfriend and I 362 00:15:23.230 --> 00:15:25.549 share the same regret, and that's not taking the tickets 363 00:15:25.590 --> 00:15:27.570 we had to go to Tom Brady's last football game. 364 00:15:28.250 --> 00:15:30.539 It's the only regret I have in life. We had 365 00:15:30.580 --> 00:15:33.360 the tickets, too, and we decided the first day of 366 00:15:33.419 --> 00:15:36.500 second semester of junior year would be more important than that. 367 00:15:36.559 --> 00:15:37.940 And I was like, OK, no it wasn't. 368 00:15:38.159 --> 00:15:39.559 That was a big mistake. I don't even know what 369 00:15:39.600 --> 00:15:40.519 class I was in. 370 00:15:40.519 --> 00:15:42.000 I can't tell you what I learned, but I can 371 00:15:42.019 --> 00:15:43.980 tell you I didn't go to this last game. But 372 00:15:44.019 --> 00:15:45.340 you told me the other day that you had one. 373 00:15:45.639 --> 00:15:47.590 And I don't remember what it was. It wasn't that 374 00:15:47.710 --> 00:15:49.350 big of a deal, I guess. But I really don't 375 00:15:49.490 --> 00:15:52.990 have regrets because I think that everything that I've done 376 00:15:53.070 --> 00:15:54.850 has led me to this moment in time. So every 377 00:15:54.870 --> 00:15:59.039 struggle I've had, every good, bad decision, you know, has 378 00:15:59.080 --> 00:16:02.059 really allowed me to be where I am today. So, 379 00:16:03.399 --> 00:16:06.379 and they're all learning experiences. I think that's the biggest piece. Right. 380 00:16:06.990 --> 00:16:09.370 I kind of think of them as like, I'm building 381 00:16:09.789 --> 00:16:13.190 the stories that I can tell my kids. That's how 382 00:16:13.210 --> 00:16:15.230 I justify, you know, like going out on the weekends too. 383 00:16:15.289 --> 00:16:17.389 I'm like, I'm building this. So I'm building my lore. 384 00:16:20.289 --> 00:16:24.779 I mean, it is true. I mean, it's great. I've, I've, 385 00:16:24.919 --> 00:16:27.950 and from you guys too, I have gained, so many 386 00:16:27.990 --> 00:16:31.480 amazing stories, right? I mean, the things that I can 387 00:16:31.509 --> 00:16:33.779 talk about that I'm like, oh, that's a good one 388 00:16:33.820 --> 00:16:38.259 for a speech, you know? Again, Millie, my youngest daughter, 389 00:16:39.039 --> 00:16:44.789 during COVID, we went to get Starbucks and you couldn't 390 00:16:44.830 --> 00:16:47.090 go inside. I mean, it was Florida, so we stayed 391 00:16:47.110 --> 00:16:51.210 closed for about two weeks, but you could go through 392 00:16:51.230 --> 00:16:53.590 the drive-thru. And so The parking lot was packed. I 393 00:16:53.629 --> 00:16:55.700 was waiting in a certain way so that people could 394 00:16:55.740 --> 00:16:57.240 get around me if they needed to. And then out 395 00:16:57.279 --> 00:17:00.620 of nowhere, this red SUV jumps in front of us. 396 00:17:00.860 --> 00:17:03.720 And I literally lost it in the Starbucks drive-through. And 397 00:17:03.980 --> 00:17:07.480 Millie is literally looking at me because she has that 398 00:17:08.480 --> 00:17:10.119 roll your eyes all the time kind of face. And 399 00:17:10.160 --> 00:17:12.920 so she's looking at me. It's true. 400 00:17:13.619 --> 00:17:15.450 Yeah, but that was really mean. I know you didn't 401 00:17:15.490 --> 00:17:17.049 mean it in a mean way. 402 00:17:17.069 --> 00:17:18.410 I didn't mean it in a mean way. I just 403 00:17:18.430 --> 00:17:19.390 meant in a teenager way. 404 00:17:19.410 --> 00:17:20.230 Oh my god, do I really? 405 00:17:20.289 --> 00:17:23.319 OK, she's not going to listen to this. In that 406 00:17:23.359 --> 00:17:27.680 teenager way. So she looks at me like, are you okay? 407 00:17:28.079 --> 00:17:30.700 And I was like, no, I'm not okay. Obviously, I'm 408 00:17:30.720 --> 00:17:33.059 not okay. And she's like, I think you might need 409 00:17:33.099 --> 00:17:38.309 to reread your own book. She's like, practice what you preach. 410 00:17:38.390 --> 00:17:39.970 I think you might have forgotten a few things about 411 00:17:40.069 --> 00:17:43.970 patience and kindness and understanding. And I was like, oh, yeah, 412 00:17:44.170 --> 00:17:46.289 there we go. And of course, then I was laughing hysterically. 413 00:17:46.309 --> 00:17:48.380 And then we got up to the front of the line. 414 00:17:48.390 --> 00:17:50.220 The person that had cut us off paid for our drinks. 415 00:17:50.359 --> 00:17:51.960 And so then Millie was like, can we pay for 416 00:17:51.980 --> 00:17:53.799 the people behind us? And so then we had a 417 00:17:53.799 --> 00:17:55.839 really great conversation. But, yeah, she was definitely looking at 418 00:17:55.859 --> 00:17:57.259 me like I had snakes coming out of my head. 419 00:17:57.680 --> 00:17:59.900 And I deserved it. And I, you know, like, again, 420 00:17:59.980 --> 00:18:02.700 so sometimes what we teach our kids is what not 421 00:18:02.720 --> 00:18:04.259 to do. And that was a what not to do moment. 422 00:18:04.660

--> 00:18:08.619 Well, and it's also, you know, you have the relationship 423 00:18:08.640 --> 00:18:10.500 with all of us that we can't just call you 424 00:18:10.579 --> 00:18:12.299 out like that. And I think that's so important. 425 00:18:12.319 --> 00:18:13.200 Oh, they do all the time. 426 00:18:13.859 --> 00:18:16.630 Yeah. I mean, I'm grateful for it every day. 427 00:18:16.769 --> 00:18:19.029 Yeah. No, I think it's important that they, you know, 428 00:18:19.609 --> 00:18:22.170 can keep me in check, too, where I spiral in things. 429 00:18:22.190 --> 00:18:24.859 They're like, what are you doing? Like, that is so 430 00:18:24.940 --> 00:18:28.220 not important. We talk all the time about, you know, 431 00:18:28.240 --> 00:18:30.920 when we're, especially in podcasts, like when we talk about, oh, 432 00:18:31.980 --> 00:18:33.789 what will other people think? You know, that was a 433 00:18:33.809 --> 00:18:35.609 big thing when I was growing up. That was something 434 00:18:35.950 --> 00:18:37.769 my parents would say, oh, what will other people think? 435 00:18:37.829 --> 00:18:40.670 And I'm like, well, I don't really care, but I 436 00:18:40.930 --> 00:18:44.670 guess maybe back then I did. But what we like 437 00:18:44.690 --> 00:18:47.900 to say is that they're not thinking about you, right? 438 00:18:48.000 --> 00:18:50.220 Everybody has their own life and they're so busy, they're 439 00:18:50.240 --> 00:18:53.099 not thinking about you. And so often we get caught 440 00:18:53.180 --> 00:18:55.579 up in that, and for what reason, right? 441 00:18:55.900 --> 00:18:56.039 Right. 442 00:18:56.059 --> 00:18:58.819 Do you have more questions, or should we throw it 443 00:18:58.839 --> 00:18:59.099 out to them? 444 00:18:59.119 --> 00:18:59.779 No, I think we can open. 445 00:18:59.839 --> 00:19:01.829 Okay, I would love for you guys to ask questions, 446 00:19:02.150 --> 00:19:05.609 and ask her questions. Like, I'm on the hot seat. 447 00:19:05.769 --> 00:19:06.589 Ask her questions. 448 00:19:12.630 --> 00:19:15.539 Confidence, I feel like, I would love to hear you 449 00:19:15.559 --> 00:19:18.069 talk a little bit about You talked about it being 450 00:19:18.089 --> 00:19:20.789 kind of training your mind and a mindset and something 451 00:19:20.809 --> 00:19:25.869 that you think about and practice. But for some, spit 452 00:19:25.890 --> 00:19:29.130 it out. I feel like sometimes I get very derailed. 453 00:19:29.210 --> 00:19:33.559 I'll have something that'll shake me and I get derailed. 454 00:19:33.690 --> 00:19:36.779 And how do you, it tends to, and then it's 455 00:19:36.799 --> 00:19:39.559 my whole day gone. Or maybe, and sometimes if it's 456 00:19:39.619 --> 00:19:41.940 really bad, it's like my whole week is gone. How 457 00:19:41.980 --> 00:19:44.779 do you get yourself back on track? How do you 458 00:19:44.819 --> 00:19:46.420 kind of write yourself? 459 00:19:46.500 --> 00:19:46.839 Is there. 460 00:19:47.819 -->

00:19:49.609 Obviously, I'm sure you go kind of, you go through 461 00:19:49.630 --> 00:19:51.410 your framework, but is there, like, how do you kind 462 00:19:51.450 --> 00:19:54.890 of retrain your brain and to do it faster and 463 00:19:54.950 --> 00:19:58.450 better so that next time you're not quite so destabilized 464 00:19:58.839 --> 00:19:59.130 in that? 465 00:19:59.400 --> 00:20:03.440 You want to talk about when your diagnosis? Oh, my God. 466 00:20:03.779 --> 00:20:04.119 That was crazy. 467 00:20:04.140 --> 00:20:04.940 We did the same thing. 468 00:20:06.220 --> 00:20:08.410 So I have Crohn's disease. I was diagnosed when I 469 00:20:08.440 --> 00:20:12.730 was 16, right as I was applying to colleges. And 470 00:20:12.809 --> 00:20:14.869 this advice that I got from my mom has stuck 471 00:20:14.910 --> 00:20:17.289 with me from then. Actually, I wrote a college essay 472 00:20:17.369 --> 00:20:21.920 on it. You give yourself the day, the hour, the 473 00:20:21.920 --> 00:20:24.940 30 minutes to feel your emotions, to let it all out, 474 00:20:25.339 --> 00:20:27.140 to get the thoughts out of your head, and then 475 00:20:27.180 --> 00:20:29.640 you have to keep going. Because if you don't keep going, 476 00:20:29.700 --> 00:20:31.990 it's going to hold you back forever. So I think 477 00:20:32.049 --> 00:20:35.829 it's just letting your time, like whatever derailed you, whatever 478 00:20:35.890 --> 00:20:38.890 is shaking you, processing it and not just like shoving 479 00:20:38.930 --> 00:20:40.569 it to the back of your mind because, oh, you 480 00:20:40.589 --> 00:20:42.710 have so much, so many other things to do in 481 00:20:42.750 --> 00:20:46.680 the day or things in the week because otherwise there's things, 482 00:20:46.799 --> 00:20:50.339 you know, they'll be done half-heartedly and you won't, you know, 483 00:20:50.359 --> 00:20:52.000 be enjoying yourself as much as you should. 484 00:20:52.019 --> 00:20:55.039 I think the biggest mistake I made was that I 485 00:20:55.059 --> 00:20:58.119 didn't understand the first piece of like feeling all the feelings, 486 00:20:58.160 --> 00:21:00.420 like being angry, being sad, crying it out, whatever you 487 00:21:00.440 --> 00:21:03.259 need to do. And then picking a day, time, whatever, 488 00:21:03.319 --> 00:21:05.859 and say, okay, now I'm moving forward because there's nothing 489 00:21:05.880 --> 00:21:07.640 I can do about it. It's already done, right? It's 490 00:21:07.660 --> 00:21:09.000 in the past. What am I going to do differently 491 00:21:09.059 --> 00:21:11.420 next time? And I think that, you know, that one 492 00:21:11.440 --> 00:21:15.230 experience with her diagnosis kind of really changed how we 493 00:21:15.269 --> 00:21:18.609 did things moving forward as a family completely and how 494 00:21:18.630 --> 00:21:22.230 we say, okay, like, shout it out, whatever you need 495 00:21:22.250 --> 00:21:24.329 to do and then move forward. 496 00:21:24.529 --> 00:21:26.789 Well, if you don't process it, it might be fine 497 00:21:26.829 --> 00:21:28.769 for a couple of days, a couple of weeks, a 498 00:21:28.769 --> 00:21:30.890 couple of months, or even a year. And then one 499 00:21:30.950 --> 00:21:34.079 day it's just going to bubble over. And like you said, 500 00:21:34.099 --> 00:21:35.619 you're going to lose the day. You're going to lose 501 00:21:35.660 --> 00:21:38.140 the week because you didn't take the time in the 502 00:21:38.180 --> 00:21:40.440 moment to just be like, wow, this really does suck. 503 00:21:40.680 --> 00:21:42.619 Like sometimes parts of life are going to suck and 504 00:21:42.670 --> 00:21:46.329 that's okay. It's just, you know, getting through those parts. 505 00:21:47.079 --> 00:21:49.339 And I think so often we look at other people 506 00:21:49.380 --> 00:21:52.180 and think they have it all together or that they don't, 507 00:21:52.380 --> 00:21:55.259 we're the only ones that struggle. Everybody struggles, right? There's 508 00:21:55.279 --> 00:21:57.740 not one person I know that doesn't struggle. And so 509 00:21:57.880 --> 00:22:00.690 it's that reminder to say, okay, I'm not the only 510 00:22:00.750 --> 00:22:02.390 one that's going through this. And that's why I think 511 00:22:02.430 --> 00:22:04.750 it's so important that we talk about things because you 512 00:22:04.769 --> 00:22:06.670 don't know who you can help when you start sharing 513 00:22:06.970 --> 00:22:12.720 anything you're struggling with. You need a. 514 00:22:14.480 --> 00:22:15.200 I could have handed, but. 515 00:22:18.930 --> 00:22:19.450 I think it's. 516 00:22:19.390 --> 00:22:21.890 Fascinating to have lived in your house to be able 517 00:22:21.930 --> 00:22:22.660 to observe. 518 00:22:23.500 --> 00:22:28.519 It's so fascinating. Six kids. I'm an only child. 519 00:22:28.559 --> 00:22:32.200 So I think it's fascinating to see, especially in your family, 520 00:22:32.329 --> 00:22:36.029 the nature versus nurture part, having adopted children and biological. 521 00:22:36.170 --> 00:22:39.109 And so I'm curious how much of that you observe 522 00:22:39.170 --> 00:22:42.740 both of your viewpoints in it. Having a mother and 523 00:22:42.759 --> 00:22:46.640 a grandmother that clearly modeled a version of confidence and 524 00:22:46.680 --> 00:22:49.369 how much do you think was just nature versus nurture? 525 00:22:49.849 --> 00:22:56.049 And then all your siblings. I think all of us 526 00:22:56.089 --> 00:23:00.990 are confident. I have to think about it. Answer the question. 527 00:23:01.019 --> 00:23:03.400 Because I don't want to diss any of them. We've 528 00:23:03.420 --> 00:23:06.920 all had our own journeys. And it's all, I mean, 529 00:23:07.140 --> 00:23:10.220 the younger kids, they're still... I call them the younger kids, 530 00:23:10.259 --> 00:23:10.740 so 18 and 19. 531 00:23:10.720 --> 00:23:11.680 We used to call them the littles. 532 00:23:11.980 --> 00:23:15.710

Right, and then they grew out of being little. But 533 00:23:16.529 --> 00:23:19.130 for all of us older ones, I think we've all 534 00:23:19.170 --> 00:23:22.230 had our own journeys of finding who we are. I'll 535 00:23:22.250 --> 00:23:26.589 speak to my younger brother, Ari. Ari is the most 536 00:23:26.730 --> 00:23:29.890 hardworking person I think I have ever met. Him and 537 00:23:29.910 --> 00:23:34.509 Millie maybe have it tied. And Ari, he has dyslexia, 538 00:23:34.869 --> 00:23:37.930 and school's never been his strong suit. And he has 539 00:23:38.009 --> 00:23:40.829 put in probably more hours in college than I put 540 00:23:40.890 --> 00:23:43.869 in high school, college, and law school combined. And it 541 00:23:44.069 --> 00:23:47.970 was his journey of finding his confidence in that way 542 00:23:48.549 --> 00:23:52.940 versus my older sister, Emma. Hers was more recent of 543 00:23:53.019 --> 00:23:55.920 figuring out, hey, I hate what I'm doing. I don't 544 00:23:55.960 --> 00:23:57.619 want to be in sciences. I want to do art. 545 00:23:58.299 --> 00:24:00.220 And I think part of it was, OK, you guys 546 00:24:01.599 --> 00:24:04.440 we come to them and they literally never really rejected 547 00:24:04.460 --> 00:24:07.680 a suggestion about our lives unless it was like really, 548 00:24:07.779 --> 00:24:10.240 really dangerous or unserious or like, you know, I did 549 00:24:10.259 --> 00:24:11.599 want to do fashion for a little bit and my 550 00:24:11.619 --> 00:24:12.799 dad told me I had to get like, you know, 551 00:24:13.660 --> 00:24:16.559 a degree in business and fashion and obviously I did 552 00:24:16.619 --> 00:24:18.420 and now I'm in law school so obviously the fashion 553 00:24:18.440 --> 00:24:19.839 thing didn't work out so he was right. Don't tell 554 00:24:19.900 --> 00:24:20.380 him I said that. 555 00:24:20.940 --> 00:24:21.180 But. 556 00:24:22.579 --> 00:24:25.720 I think a lot of the nature versus nurture comes 557 00:24:25.799 --> 00:24:29.039 down to the nurture of knowing they are sounding boards 558 00:24:29.059 --> 00:24:31.579 who are guiding us in the right direction. There's never 559 00:24:31.759 --> 00:24:36.960 any judgment because they've been where we are. And that 560 00:24:36.980 --> 00:24:39.380 means even like in, you know, sticky situations that you 561 00:24:39.619 --> 00:24:42.109 necessarily don't want to tell your parents about or situations 562 00:24:42.130 --> 00:24:44.269 where you're probably in the wrong and you're embarrassed to 563 00:24:44.309 --> 00:24:47.049 tell your parents about it. Knowing that they're still going 564 00:24:47.089 --> 00:24:49.849 to be there, I think has really helped guide all 565 00:24:49.869 --> 00:24:52.519 of us into who we are. But it's definitely a 566 00:24:52.539 --> 00:24:55.500 fascinating household. I mean, I remember when my boyfriend came 567 00:24:55.539 --> 00:24:57.599 over for the first time and ate dinner with us, 568 00:24:57.619 --> 00:25:00.299 he was like, oh, my God. All of you guys 569 00:25:00.359 --> 00:25:04.119 are talking at one time. Yeah. 570 00:25:04.579 --> 00:25:06.400 I mean, you tried to do the thing, raise your hand, 571 00:25:06.440 --> 00:25:08.950 but it didn't work. So, you know, people just talk 572 00:25:09.009 --> 00:25:11.710 over each other. And now that they're grown up, they 573 00:25:11.730 --> 00:25:14.049 don't talk as much. So, you know, that's a little 574 00:25:14.089 --> 00:25:15.930 bit easier. But, you know, when they were little, it 575 00:25:15.970 --> 00:25:18.450 was chaos. I love the chaos. 576 00:25:18.849 --> 00:25:22.210 Yeah, me too. Yeah. I wouldn't have it any other way. 577 00:25:23.130 --> 00:25:25.569 But, yeah, I mean, it's really interesting to see, you know, 578 00:25:25.809 --> 00:25:29.970 nature versus nurture. I think a lot of it is nature. 579 00:25:31.029 --> 00:25:32.809 Some of it is nurture. I think the confidence thing 580 00:25:32.869 --> 00:25:35.710 is definitely a nurture thing. I think because, you know, 581 00:25:35.890 --> 00:25:38.970 it's something that you teach. It's something that you learn. 582 00:25:40.589 --> 00:25:43.369 Other behaviors are, like, I mean, with Ari. 583 00:25:43.390 --> 00:25:45.630 Well, I was never going to be good at sports, okay? 584 00:25:45.670 --> 00:25:46.430 And that's nature. 585 00:25:46.950 --> 00:25:47.250 Yeah. 586 00:25:47.369 --> 00:25:48.910 Right? 587 00:25:48.930 --> 00:25:53.970 She's not wrong there. But we talk about participation trophies 588 00:25:54.009 --> 00:25:56.529 a lot, and I'm like, yeah, that was the only 589 00:25:56.569 --> 00:25:58.990 way you would get one is by participating. You're welcome. 590 00:25:59.369 --> 00:26:04.859 But none of our biological kids were very gifted in 591 00:26:04.890 --> 00:26:07.700 terms of sports. They tried, kind of. 592 00:26:08.700 --> 00:26:11.500 It was a half-hearted try, for sure. 593 00:26:11.880 --> 00:26:14.250 She played soccer, and she hated every minute of it. 594 00:26:14.660 --> 00:26:15.119 Every minute. 595 00:26:15.569 --> 00:26:17.450 I mean, can we even call that playing soccer? 596 00:26:17.490 --> 00:26:20.930 No, it wasn't playing soccer. Like, I don't know what, yeah. But, like, 597 00:26:21.109 --> 00:26:23.670 Ari is the most athletic person I've ever met. He 598 00:26:23.710 --> 00:26:25.559 could pick up any sport. The first time he went 599 00:26:25.630 --> 00:26:27.640 ice skating, he did it perfectly. I was like, what 600 00:26:27.660 --> 00:26:30.200 have you been doing? I can't ice skate. I can 601 00:26:30.220 --> 00:26:33.920 barely walk. Like, I definitely can't ice skate. Yeah. 602 00:26:34.279 --> 00:26:37.880 Yeah, so it is interesting to see and how differently 603 00:26:38.039 --> 00:26:40.279 you have to work with each kid. Right. I mean, 604 00:26:40.839 --> 00:26:43.180 there is no handbook. There is no one-size-fits-all. 605 00:26:43.299 -->

00:26:43.539 It is. 606 00:26:45.309 --> 00:26:49.089 challenging every single day. It still is. As they get older, 607 00:26:49.130 --> 00:26:53.789 it's really interesting because the challenges just get bigger. They're 608 00:26:54.190 --> 00:26:58.259 not as, I would say, emotional. We don't have any 609 00:26:58.319 --> 00:27:02.140 crying fits anymore, thank goodness. But the problems get bigger. 610 00:27:03.819 --> 00:27:04.380 So what? 611 00:27:05.099 --> 00:27:05.920 You still have crying fits? 612 00:27:06.140 --> 00:27:11.480 I mean, I don't know. I just think that nobody's 613 00:27:11.519 --> 00:27:13.869 having any. I don't know. 614 00:27:13.930 --> 00:27:15.029 Okay, every once in a while. 615 00:27:15.049 --> 00:27:15.309 Right, okay. 616 00:27:15.369 --> 00:27:16.950 Every once in a while. It's not as big of 617 00:27:16.990 --> 00:27:17.809 a deal as it used to be. 618 00:27:17.970 --> 00:27:18.809 Okay. 619 00:27:19.109 --> 00:27:23.099 Yeah. Cool. Yeah. Anybody else? 620 00:27:23.259 --> 00:27:23.539 Yes. 621 00:27:26.900 --> 00:27:31.339 Olivia, is there something in your life that happened or 622 00:27:31.380 --> 00:27:36.650 that you did that really stung that you would really 623 00:27:36.690 --> 00:27:40.710 like a do-over in it? And what would you do? 624 00:27:40.730 --> 00:27:44.329 How would that be? Because I know you're not saying 625 00:27:44.410 --> 00:27:49.190 regrets necessarily, but I mean, there's something like that. 626 00:27:49.730 --> 00:27:52.670 I would have taken more advantage of college now that 627 00:27:52.710 --> 00:27:55.029 I look back. I mean, I'm happy with where I 628 00:27:55.150 --> 00:27:57.390 am in life, and who knows if I would be 629 00:27:57.490 --> 00:27:59.809 in the same direction. But I mean, I lived in 630 00:27:59.829 --> 00:28:02.230 New York City for four years, and I feel like 631 00:28:03.099 --> 00:28:05.440 after the first year of living there, I was like, oh, 632 00:28:05.480 --> 00:28:06.920 I don't want to be here anymore, so I'm just 633 00:28:06.940 --> 00:28:09.059 going to keep my head down and grind through it. 634 00:28:09.839 --> 00:28:12.339 I wish I had, you know, participated in all the things, 635 00:28:12.420 --> 00:28:15.700 done all the clubs, done all the on-campus events, gone 636 00:28:15.740 --> 00:28:20.680 to more events in the city. But it's also hard 637 00:28:20.720 --> 00:28:23.670 to say because, like, I wouldn't be here if I 638 00:28:23.710 --> 00:28:25.890 had maybe fallen in love with it. I would maybe 639 00:28:25.910 --> 00:28:29.069 have never applied to law school if I had fallen 640 00:28:29.109 --> 00:28:31.369 in love with New York. So I don't know. Yeah. 641 00:28:32.289 --> 00:28:34.079 I mean, I think that's true about everything, right? I mean, 642 00:28:34.599 --> 00:28:37.539 you turn left instead of right, and you never know 643 00:28:37.859 --> 00:28:38.700 what would have happened. 644 00:28:38.720 --> 00:28:39.079 Yeah. 645 00:28:40.230 --> 00:28:42.859 But, yeah, I think that definitely you did look back 646 00:28:42.890 --> 00:28:44.319 at college and say, I wish I would have done 647 00:28:44.339 --> 00:28:47.140 those things differently. But it is what it is. 648 00:28:47.180 --> 00:28:49.380 Yeah. Yeah. 649 00:28:49.640 --> 00:28:53.619 I think, would you say the trap is indulging in that? 650 00:28:53.700 --> 00:28:57.539 If only I had gone that way, everything would be 651 00:28:57.579 --> 00:28:58.200 so much better. 652 00:28:58.380 --> 00:28:59.289 Yeah. 653 00:28:59.309 --> 00:29:03.490 And I definitely thought that for a long time just 654 00:29:03.549 --> 00:29:07.829 because I was, you know, studying business and studying fashion and, 655 00:29:08.569 --> 00:29:11.309 Maybe if I had gone to that club event, maybe 656 00:29:11.349 --> 00:29:13.309 if I had done that networking thing, maybe if I 657 00:29:13.349 --> 00:29:16.730 applied to that job, or if I had submitted the 658 00:29:16.789 --> 00:29:19.190 thank you letter after the job, I would have gotten 659 00:29:19.269 --> 00:29:20.769 it and I would have been on this different track. 660 00:29:22.150 --> 00:29:24.710 But once again, I really love what I'm doing here. 661 00:29:24.970 --> 00:29:28.410 I love being in law school. I love Nashville. I 662 00:29:29.009 --> 00:29:32.910 love where I'm at. You get stuck in the traps, 663 00:29:32.990 --> 00:29:35.420 but I think it's important to take a step back 664 00:29:35.480 --> 00:29:41.170 and just examine where you are. Thank you. Anybody else? 665 00:29:41.910 --> 00:29:45.690 Okay. We'll take one more question, and then I'm going 666 00:29:45.710 --> 00:29:48.410 to invite TJ up to come talk about Dream Streets. 667 00:29:48.849 --> 00:29:49.170 Hi. 668 00:29:49.710 --> 00:29:53.410 I'm loving everything about this, and I appreciate how you 669 00:29:53.650 --> 00:29:55.289 openly talked about your Crohn's. 670 00:29:55.589 --> 00:29:56.910 I actually have the same disease. 671 00:29:56.950 --> 00:29:59.799 Oh, my God, shut up. Yeah, and I was like.... 672 00:30:00.430 --> 00:30:03.420 And so, as you guys were talking about confidence, I'm 673 00:30:03.640 --> 00:30:05.819 pretty open with a lot of things in my life. 674 00:30:06.859 --> 00:30:08.460 That is the one thing that I. 675 00:30:08.480 --> 00:30:12.349 Do try to, like, gloss over or make it not 676 00:30:12.549 --> 00:30:15.970 seem as... it is a silent disease, right, where people 677 00:30:16.009 --> 00:30:18.490 aren't physically seeing it. And so I know that when 678 00:30:18.509 --> 00:30:20.990 I'm out with friends or you go out to eat, 679 00:30:21.049 --> 00:30:24.650 you want to be, like, not the complicated friend, you know. 680 00:30:24.730 --> 00:30:28.069 And so I do kind of just gloss over it of, like, 681 00:30:28.210 --> 00:30:31.579 everything is fine. And so knowing that, like, you grew 682 00:30:31.619 --> 00:30:38.539 up in a household where bravery and

confidence is constantly instilled, right? 683 00:30:38.559 --> 00:30:40.900 Like, I'm just curious how you navigate that because. 684 00:30:41.069 --> 00:30:43.609 You just came out here wide open and told everybody, 685 00:30:43.910 --> 00:30:46.769 which is great to see. But even with my like 686 00:30:46.849 --> 00:30:49.069 own friend group, I'm just like, everything's fine. I don't 687 00:30:49.089 --> 00:30:51.930 want to overcomplicate it. I'll figure it out. And so like, 688 00:30:51.990 --> 00:30:55.599 how do you navigate this disease that you have out 689 00:30:55.619 --> 00:30:56.119 in the open? 690 00:30:58.500 --> 00:31:02.779 I am open to a fault perhaps sometimes, but with 691 00:31:02.839 --> 00:31:06.240 my Crohn's, it's just one of those things that I've 692 00:31:06.299 --> 00:31:08.690 kind of had to accept. It's, I am not the 693 00:31:08.730 --> 00:31:11.750 girl with Crohn's. It is just part of me. And 694 00:31:11.970 --> 00:31:14.109 it has been hard. I think as I get older, 695 00:31:14.130 --> 00:31:17.049 I can be like, hey, I can't do this. You know, 696 00:31:17.069 --> 00:31:19.230 in college, I had a really hard time saying no 697 00:31:19.250 --> 00:31:23.710 to things because people don't understand. Like, I'm tired and oh, 698 00:31:23.809 --> 00:31:27.069 everybody's tired. But like, it's on a fundamentally different level. 699 00:31:28.119 --> 00:31:32.799 And I gave a speech in my public speaking class 700 00:31:33.140 --> 00:31:36.769 in college about Crohn's. in a hope to educate my 701 00:31:36.809 --> 00:31:39.170 friends in the class. I don't think it really worked well. 702 00:31:39.789 --> 00:31:43.150 But it has just been putting those limits up and 703 00:31:43.670 --> 00:31:48.680 acknowledging it and once again feeling the emotions. I was 704 00:31:48.700 --> 00:31:53.039 in remission up until what, like November. And then they 705 00:31:53.059 --> 00:31:54.339 told me I was in a flare again. And like, 706 00:31:54.380 --> 00:31:57.220 that was so hard. That was so hard hearing that again, 707 00:31:57.279 --> 00:31:58.779 because the last time I had heard that when I 708 00:31:58.819 --> 00:32:02.460 was 16 and when you're 16, you shouldn't be put 709 00:32:02.539 --> 00:32:04.619 through the amount of like medical talk that you have 710 00:32:04.660 --> 00:32:06.579 to go through when you have this sort of disease. 711 00:32:08.160 --> 00:32:10.299 But part of it is just, you know, acknowledging that 712 00:32:11.380 --> 00:32:13.400 you have it and the people around you are going 713 00:32:13.420 --> 00:32:17.460 to support you. And if they don't, you're not difficult also. 714 00:32:17.720 --> 00:32:20.759 Like that's the important thing. Like you're not difficult for 715 00:32:20.799 --> 00:32:23.720 being who you are. Like, who cares? I don't know. 716 00:32:23.740 --> 00:32:26.200 A lot of it is like, who cares? Because everybody 717 00:32:26.220 --> 00:32:29.380 has embarrassing things.

Well, I don't think Crohn's is embarrassing. 718 00:32:29.400 --> 00:32:31.289 But you definitely have some embarrassing moments with it, let 719 00:32:31.309 --> 00:32:38.309 me tell you. But it's just learning to love that 720 00:32:38.349 --> 00:32:40.990 part of yourself too. But it's an everyday challenge, I'll 721 00:32:41.009 --> 00:32:41.390 tell you. 722 00:32:42.380 --> 00:32:45.420 I think we also talked about that really owning it, 723 00:32:45.700 --> 00:32:50.730 like telling your friends, telling your teachers. she has accommodations 724 00:32:50.990 --> 00:32:53.410 in class that she can leave if she needs to 725 00:32:53.589 --> 00:32:56.349 use the bathroom. So that was a big thing, just 726 00:32:56.630 --> 00:32:58.670 being completely open about it. 727 00:32:59.170 --> 00:33:01.630 And that was one of the things. I wasn't going 728 00:33:01.670 --> 00:33:04.819 to do that. And then I just wanted better housing 729 00:33:04.859 --> 00:33:06.680 on campus. And they were like, oh, here's everything we 730 00:33:06.700 --> 00:33:09.279 can do for you because of your Crohn's diagnosis. And 731 00:33:09.319 --> 00:33:11.359 it was just that one little thing. Me even saying 732 00:33:11.400 --> 00:33:14.700 it out loud opened so many more doors to me. Yeah. 733 00:33:15.559 --> 00:33:19.640 And again, I think we often worry about that if 734 00:33:19.720 --> 00:33:23.059 we share what we're struggling with, that it's gonna negatively 735 00:33:23.099 --> 00:33:25.019 affect other people or it's gonna bother them if we 736 00:33:25.059 --> 00:33:27.960 say we have this disease or whatever. But I think 737 00:33:27.980 --> 00:33:29.769 it's so important that we share it. And I think 738 00:33:29.789 --> 00:33:33.509 for her, it's worked really well to just be really 739 00:33:33.630 --> 00:33:35.750 open about it and say, nope, can't do that, I 740 00:33:35.769 --> 00:33:38.329 have Crohn's. Or my bones really hurt today. And so 741 00:33:38.369 --> 00:33:41.269 I'm not able to do that. And the people that 742 00:33:41.309 --> 00:33:44.630 are your people understand. And that's the other thing as I, 743 00:33:44.930 --> 00:33:48.799 obviously I'm a lot older, but that understanding of that 744 00:33:48.890 --> 00:33:52.880 you those are the people you want to surround yourself 745 00:33:52.940 --> 00:33:54.640 with are the people that are your people and are 746 00:33:54.720 --> 00:33:57.539 willing to accept you exactly as you are. 747 00:33:58.160 --> 00:33:58.359 Yeah. 748 00:34:00.440 --> 00:34:00.660 Okay. 749 00:34:01.160 --> 00:34:05.430 Okay. There you have it. Okay, with that, thank you 750 00:34:05.569 --> 00:34:08.010 so much for listening to us talk. This is pretty 751 00:34:08.030 --> 00:34:10.150 much how we do things, although every other week we 752 00:34:10.190 --> 00:34:11.769 have a guest, so they get to talk. Yo, let 753 00:34:11.789 --> 00:34:12.829 me know if you want to be a guest. 754 00:34:12.989 --> 00:34:16.460 Yeah, yeah. We're taking men now, too. It's very exciting. Yes. 755 00:34:16.500 --> 00:34:18.719 We weren't doing men for like two and a half years. Yeah. 756 00:34:18.780 --> 00:34:21.610 It's so interesting. Thank you. 757 00:34:22.090 --> 00:34:24.610 We're like, we like men too, so they can come 758 00:34:24.690 --> 00:34:29.050 on now. So actually, I don't know if Mo is coming, 759 00:34:29.090 --> 00:34:33.090 but Mo Salami, he was on the podcast. Yeah, so it's, 760 00:34:33.369 --> 00:34:35.650 you know, he's not going to be here. So yeah, 761 00:34:35.809 --> 00:34:40.260 so it's been really fun. But with that, again, thank 762 00:34:40.280 --> 00:34:42.579 you for being here. We're going to invite TJ up, 763 00:34:42.820 --> 00:34:46.480 and then we're also going to force you guys to 764 00:34:46.559 --> 00:34:49.920 buy books for Dream Streets Tennessee to support them. Okay. 765 00:34:50.289 --> 00:34:54.449 Thank you. Thank you for listening to Her Unshakable Confidence. 766 00:34:55.250 --> 00:34:58.929 If this conversation resonated with you, be sure to subscribe 767 00:34:59.010 --> 00:35:01.320 and leave a review so more women can find the show. 768 00:35:01.699 --> 00:35:02.840 Keep trusting yourself. 769 00:35:03.500 --> 00:35:04.900 You are stronger than you think. 770 00:35:05.320 --> 00:35:06.920 You are unshakable. 771 00:35:07.900 --> 00:35:08.599 See you next week.