In this episode Antonio brings on L.A, Jay, and Cesar to talk on the subject of pain management. This podcast is for mature audiences as some of the topics discussed are, well, mature. Hope you enjoy!
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00:00:00What's going on everybody it's antonio a k a dose th the chemo gamer i'm coming at you with a real special podcast city i've recruited l a j and cesar my he more life pros and we're going to be talking on the subject of pain management now this's
00:00:17an hour long pied cast so i want you to get some popcorn get your favorite drink sit in your favorite seat and settle in because this is gonna be a good now i'm also going to ask you may want to send the kiddies away from this one because
00:00:31it doesn't get r rated or anything like that but we do talk about some pretty sensitive topics that maybe a little bit too mature for some audiences Somebody thought that disclaimer out there but let's get into it and enjoy the show let's just kind of jump into a
00:00:49man let's let's not waste any time let's just talk about it so i want to open up the floor kind of introduce yourself real quick and then give a kind of give us what you're big pain focal plane is like what's the one thing that irks you the
00:01:03most throughout the day and then we'll just kind of build off that conversation so j let's start with you and then we'll go to l a and season good well currently making with with me has been my lack of mobility in my ankle it's been decreasing more and
00:01:23more and i feel myself not being able to be able to run or job do normal everyday things with way on that wait for your brother a man for me it's definitely my target joints i have a really bad left elbow and right knuckle and most of it
00:01:45is just no extreme joint damage throughout the years but you know growing up i never really infused on a profile schedule who's always on demand so that this point my life i just have a lot of those joints and with that causes a lot of depression and anxiety
00:02:04and stuff like that so that's kind of the pain that i'm dealing with right now all right All right caesar what do you got a big target point right now is me it's really holding back right now when it comes to port now and it's really bothering me
00:02:23and i don't mean that much that should be doing right now uh just do teo saying that well for me i was not taking the regiment every day as i should have every week on eyes present world or you know it just goes back in the states so
00:02:38yeah absolutely and then for me i will definitely say it is it's my right ankle that's always been my problem it's from from just a young age i mean that was literally the first injury i got after being diagnosed with hemophilia was i fractured my right ankle and
00:02:55pretty much since then it's been like and it's like literally i got diagnosed i went on a walk with my mom fractured my right ankle like from the hot from the doctor's office from being diagnosed them and so that it's been since i was eight years old my
00:03:11right ankle has been messed up and then i i've been a big boy and most of my life too and that just doesn't help and i can definitely sympathize with you j right now like my ankles have deteriorated to the point where i can't i can't walk three
00:03:25or four blocks from my house yeah and it's just you know like kind of like same thing with l a where i didn't treat trophy my whole life i just started improving the last two three years yeah it was always undermanned and so now it's definitely causing some
00:03:43depression in my life for sure because i can't go on walks with my girlfriend you know even when we first started dating two years ago her and i would go on walks and do certain things and now i can't i can't yeah did i mean right now that's
00:03:57what i'm doing everyday when i wake up like my only like like the first thing that i think of is how am i going to manage you know my pain today how am i going to deal with it You know and it's just like it kind of just
00:04:07takes over my entire life at this point and it sucks you know I haven't you know yeah and like we have families you know like you know i know jay's got kids i've got you know a few kids and it's just when you can't play with um you
00:04:21know like the way you want teo it just really really sucks and it really gets to you kids were trying to wrestle with like this past weekend and it bothered me that they were like fighting me and like instead of being like a strong dad you know being
00:04:33like being it was like wrestle back with um i like mail adam don't yell at him and say guys like me don't hit me like this i went down and one of my kids punch my ankle my batting on and i'm just like i'm like i'm like god
00:04:48damn it you know likes that's my house so it's like you don't want to i don't want teo and i i wish i could play back with that did hurt but way yeah wait you know where we have a kid and that dress for me i had my
00:05:06kids at the age of thirty and you just want to make sure that when i when i turned fifty i'm able to throw a baseball with them and still be able to do the things that have to do with them as well as you know growing up and
00:05:16partner lives i know would be being old man when when they're graduating but you know it's fun i'm doing what i'm gonna do a stat and treat myself right yeah you know make it again for me right now you know i just i just turned thirty this past
00:05:34week i just hit the dirty thirty and my girl and i are talking about kids you know we're like hey you know it's it's down the pipeline for us because we're both thirty you know for her it's kind of more of a timing thing but for for me
00:05:48it's it's more it's a kind of a timing thing too because it's like i don't know how much longer i'm gonna be able to walk around with our kids i don't know how much longer i'm gonna be able to just fully enjoy their life you know chasing them
00:06:00around the park you know walking with them around the zoo even just little stuff like that is what i already started to see as like holy crap i need to get better and need to find a way like you're saying l a how to manage my pain on
00:06:15a daily basis because realistically as hemophiliacs i feel like one hundred percent that we push our pain aside and we just keep going and i was my youngest brother's severe a mild and he just came over to my house and you know he and i were talking and
00:06:32he's like yeah i got some pain meds now and i'm doing this that the others on i was just kind of like you know you have to realize that we can't be also can't just just cold over the pain can be so med it out wei don't feel
00:06:47the pain because that pain is there for reasons that pain is there to kind of tell us hey something's wrong and we need to take care wade get so good at painting on a fake smile every single day and you know a way almost trick ourselves you know
00:07:02what We're not realizing he's like the mental effects that are happening you know with our relationships and what their social life and we have to be like extremely in tune with ourselves and aware of how people around us our how we're making people around us feel you know
00:07:16like our girlfriends and kids and friends which which i think is one of the toughest parts tio tio understand here take it we're all in pain doesn't mean we have to take it out our them and sometimes you have the tendency to do that because the pain so
00:07:33yeah i think we just lost gabriel could yeah yeah but that's definitely a strong point to make is that way do tend to push that out and like we do tend to kind of outwardly express that people who deal with us the most on i can very easily
00:07:55say you know i don't have a temporary issue and a lot of that does them from being in pain and not being able to communicate people that's another biggest was like how do you communicate that hey i'm in pain and i i physically cannot do this right yeah
00:08:09exactly you're right enough and not feel ashamed of that and not feel like oh you know that this is horrible it gets the point where i won't outlining my parents about why i'm not coming out of the house for something and be like oh i just don't feel
00:08:23too good and my girlfriend's like why didn't you just tell them it's because you can't walk yeah yeah you're right i mean it's important toe learn to communicate like it's been like a brand new experience for me with my girlfriend alley i've actually like you know i've i've
00:08:40enjoyed our relationship and you know i really see it going somewhere some really focusing on communication with her and you know she's getting to the point now because i am open you know being so honest with her about situations where like i can sit on the couch and
00:08:55you know any other normal person can get up for anything you know could be like hey will you get my phone charger or you know you get the fan from upstairs whatever it is and it's like you know she was sold you know just like hey we should
00:09:07just get up and do it for me you know what i'm saying and you know it's it's okay it's okay it's a little sometimes you need help with the most simple things you know yeah absolutely got back yeah not so i would not be there jay i have
00:09:24no idea just booted me out while you're back that's what counts wait going back going back to l a was saying like you having port where when you need it for what you needed for you know it could be either your girlfriends your mother your friend your brother
00:09:44your sister just you just gonna always let them know that you know you're in pain and and you need to help at the time because uh you know they don't know what you're seeing on the inside sometimes they'll just look at you and will are you really in
00:09:57pain for you know come on wei don't want just sit down and say yeah we can but at the time being our leads are it depends on what kind of lead we have and what we're going to do you know that yesterday i went out to a theme
00:10:13park walked all day and i was hoping i don't get my my my needs you know ineffective at all the pain that i was lying and i was taking my time walking walking very slowly and make sure it just wasn't affected all day factor up before i went
00:10:28because you have to make sure you do otherwise and realistically you're like asking for it if you don't you know you're you know learned that like you don't just like throw like it's the simplest stupid thing but you're asking for it like you're you're asking toe like not
00:10:46be able to walk you're asking to not people move you're just i was like you know in your head i should do this but i'll definitely say as a man for me i'm always just like i can push through it and were like wake up the next day
00:10:59and stubbornness help oh yeah it's so bad i mean the learning curve for being stubborn for a hemophiliac is like twenty years i mean you're yeah takes that long before you're like okay i'm gonna listen to you now about yeah right and i'll agree with that hundred percent
00:11:20i'm like us i just turned thirty and i'm starting to realize all right i can't do that like just not smart don't do it why are you why are you doing that like i have to ask myself why why did you decide that and really kind of like
00:11:33break it down to myself and be like all right dude was was that at all smart yeah yeah true thing too about like you know sharing when you're in pain and stuff like with your significant other whoever is your your support group it's it's you know misleading to
00:11:51them a lot of times because you know with us one minute we could be like perfect and like walking around having a good time and then all of a sudden it's just like hits you you know so it like they're looking at you like you know well you're
00:12:05just you're just running around you know you're just you're just fine i don't understand so you know that's uh it's definitely tricky yeah it's uh it's something that a cz i've gotten older i've had to realize like last night my my girl went to a baby shower your
00:12:24stay she came home she has who drinks a baby shower and she wanted to come home and start dancing and i act like i just i couldn't do a timeout you can dance you can dance with a man before you know i mean dance on your way to
00:12:40swing on the pole whatever yeah he's he's giving up my my secret and you were wearing your status Not anymore we're telling the world way but that's like i do i do enjoy that i do enjoy dancing especially with her because that's the one thing that i can
00:12:59do that i'm halfway good at and like that that gives me kind of some pride in it but last night she just want to slow dance in the kitchen and i physically was just in soap so much pain i was like babe i can't be like your baby
00:13:10can't and she's like what you just did right now was kind of what she did I know you can dance yeah what are you talking about No like physically i can't do it right and it was so hard to have to tell her that but they have to
00:13:25be like i need to sit down I can't i can't do this i need to sit down so i ended up sitting in one of our kitchen stools and she just kind of danced around me and that kind of sucks for yeah that really was like i love
00:13:37her so i wanted to kind of make her happy but i was also really ashamed and very like e i would never tell her about really pissed off yeah i was that it's hot man hey have you ever have a day where here when you wake up tangles
00:13:58actually feels rather good compared to what they have just for that wire one day or happening e i would say that happens to me like once a month i wake up and i'm like a man my ankle doesn't hurt and then i would even give a half a
00:14:18day i give it like three hours and faces like those days jake and those days are amazing you know like like like you like truly embrace it and appreciate it you know nobody else in this world wake up and have that feeling like oh my god oh my
00:14:38god i want you to like what i feel clapping like yeah i've had that feels amazing field so let's let's talk a little about how we manage our pain right now because that's something you obviously way all have those things going with ourselves and like what What are
00:15:09some of the tricks that use for yourself What are some of the mental things you do What are some of the physical things you do and what are some of the things that you take whether it be medicine whether beats herbal remedies i'll call it whatever you want
00:15:23what do you do that that helps you get through the day jay you wanna go first Is j breaking out for breaking yeah okay thank you okay hey jim i think i think you're breaking up quite a bit if you're on that blue suit that might try to
00:15:49just do your phone if it's the booth you what While chase kind of fear and i this's such so you're throwing up get your understand what you're taking narcotic drug addition can't stop what i'm seeking a way walking on your lot you watching her there is a lot
00:16:47of money out there there's nothing there you are minutes to see my position you're not here it's just you know there's a lot of things out there that you're waiting conferences on there kind of things what you need to do what you need out there well here you
00:17:43are recording a lot of people are people are scared of something like that so that you know well what do you do You kind of get into places yeah yeah you know for me it's something that's something the management aspect is something i'm dealing with a lot right
00:18:01now I mean i've been there so many hoops trying to figure out you know what's out there that i could take that's going to help me with this because i'm getting to a point where you know i feel disabled you know i feel like you know mentally and
00:18:15physically i'm drained because of the pain and you know i'm practically begging for help right now from everybody you know i've contacted my hematologist and you know i've contacted people in the community and even my human top hematologist recommended me to a pain center and the pain center
00:18:34said that they don't they don't help with my type of pain and you know i mean that like pissed me off so bad because first of all the other person that i was talking to you was a foreigner so it's really hard to communicate and i'm just like
00:18:49what does that mean Like will you tell me what that means Like what kind of paint do you treat there And she was like not your kind of pain and i'm like i'm like okay cool cool you know like great that's fine So i've been trying i've been
00:19:03you know taking ticket into my own hands you know like i've taken j has sent me some cbd th sea oil that i was rubbing on my ankle i tried that and it helped a little bit but i don't think that's gonna be the answer but i'm looking
00:19:19for but you know in the past You know i'm taking pain pills and they do that does work you know it If i take like a percocet you know it'll help me for like that whole day you know it takes it takes all the pain away I guess
00:19:41my only concern with that is you know can you live a sustainable life on you know on pain pills you know is that is that a is that really a prominent answer or is that just like a temporary band aid that you can only do for so long
00:19:58So you know that's kind of like what i'm fighting right now You know i'm hearing a lot about different surgeries and procedures and i'm just trying to get my head like Wrapped around everything and figure out what used to make right now but other than that like you
00:20:12know there is no management for my pain you know i don't have the lifestyle records on couch lift my legs up and put ice on it the whole day and just like take a take a day off you know so that's not feasible when i work out guys
00:20:28oh like i'm gonna tell you like when i take my pre workout and i jump into the gym that is my sanctuary you know like that is the one place for an hour to two hours i don't feel shit because because you know it's it's the it's the
00:20:45way they don't know what they call it the adrenaline or like endorsing main orphans don't have stuff like you get so fired up that your body just like it's not a high you know and you just forget it just forget everything and allows you to push through the
00:21:01downside of that is immediately when i get home i am flowing from my cards craps on the thing is is you know what like i'll do that though even if i'm not working out still have pain anyway so i'm going to drink i'm gonna be the strongest version
00:21:19be possible if i have to crawl into the house every night whatever you know that's at least for those two hours i'm being the strongest possible j it sounds like you're doing a little better on your your sound now yeah it sounds better than it was Yeah bro
00:21:40we'll get you hooked up with the new technology man So if anybody's this if anybody's listening this podcast wants to hook us up with some equipment so we can better serve you guys hook us up with a head says yes but so what So what do you j
00:22:01what do you kind of do right now for your pain I know you say you said stretching we heard that part this's just means he cut way like we cannot like one second once but it was really good but i don't So i guess i kind of kind
00:22:26of delve into mind i have i have gone through so many different types of pain management situations It is it's kind of ridiculous in my head to doctor prescribed to definitely not doctor prescribed eye So when i was younger they were pretty much any time with new tylenol
00:22:50town all three with coding down our forward coding like whatever was coming out that was it experimental i was getting before it hit the market because i just could not i physically could not take just regular pain medication I got to a point where i was taking enough
00:23:07pain meds where it would put a baby elephant down and i was just still in pain and to my recent like older years i went through the whole team experiment with drugs and all that smoking marijuana all that stuff that marijuana was kind of the only thing that
00:23:24masted enough and again i say masked because it didn't go over the painted didn't get rid of my pain but it made it so that i could at least function yet again and get stuff done where as you know i've always been scared of like uh like denver
00:23:43narco and the that those kind of like extreme the oxy cottons and the stuff like there's no way in hell i could ever touch that because it's just you're not a human when you take that and i say that meaning like you cannot function as a normal a
00:24:02person you know you can't operate a motor vehicle you can't you really can't walk around even when your honor except god and the most extreme i ever went to was kind of in my early twenties i won't put anybody out there but i was taking flexeril and it's
00:24:21a muscle relaxer with problem with that is you when you mix it with you miss it with marijuana and you mix it with drinking and you pretty much a zombie out on dh that's the point my life for i would i would a shoe on a flexible pretty
00:24:38much all day and i was would not know what i was doing i mean i was young so luckily i still live with my parents I didn't i didn't have bills that really needs to worry about i did go through like a year of my life where i
00:24:52just didn't work and i just sucked on pills and it was that was probably one of my worst years living just because it was like i took him because i felt like you know you have partying whatever i'm just hanging out but deep down i knew it was
00:25:08because i was in so much pain yeah yeah that's what aboutthe absolutely and i believe you know i'm a fully my sister works in industry my sister works a place it's a privilege to call centre if you have questions about medical marijuana things like that she's willing to
00:25:52talk to kind of help you you know she's always some funny stories about you know all today at work i helped the guy edibles for the first time or like things like that and it's it's great for her because my sis caesar has really found you know like
00:26:11i said marijuana is pretty much been a part of our lives for a long time that just kind of is growing up in the city chicago you grew up around that so you know for us it started as a not a smart reason but mom i definitely don't
00:26:24want to put any business on my sister's out there that she doesn't want but she's is taking her mental health for your seriously right now and a big part of her recovery has been medically and i will even say for me i haven't i haven't smoked in maybe
00:26:41two three months and it's been a pretty rough two or three months because i don't have that that seeing that helps me manage my pain and kind of on the other side of that it's it's i don't have that thing that helps me with my depression as well
00:26:55through as well yeah i just started taking depression meds again i think it's like lexapro that's what i'm on right now and you know i i've been i messed up with it because i started taking it when i started getting results and then i just like cold turkey
00:27:11stopped taking it a man like over the past month or so i crashed and an antonio actually encourage me you know that's no appreciate has to do in that but he kind of encouraged me to get back on it and i did and now i'm kind of getting
00:27:27back on track you need to be yeah and that's great and i think on obviously i was there for you because quite frankly i've been on depression medication now going on two and a half months beginning a year i was a doctor for extreme stomach pains the plane
00:27:48where i wasn't going to work two days out of the week and when we were going through everything he's like you know it doesn't seem like this it doesn't seem like this take this questionnaire take the questionnaire he goes okay It's major depression and it it was something
00:28:02that i knew was there i knew i had something you know something going on always but i didn't really wanna address it and so when he said that it kind of smack me in the face and it was one of those like again i knew it was there
00:28:16However i didn't want to acknowledge that that was going on correct you I didn't want to acknowledge that was the issue and then it took another two months of me going to see a social worker and the therapist to kind of talk talk about things for them to
00:28:32be like hey you know what I know you're trying to avoid taking pills you need to take pills and that's really what it came down to was that final conversation with my like hey listen you're doing great and you're very self aware hemophilia makes a very self aware
00:28:51and they're like hey you know what's going on with you you know kind of the stupid things that you do but the problem is that your brain isn't making some connection it's your brain isn't seeing things that are good for you as good for you your brain isn't
00:29:05making these little where my problem was was the angle i always saw the angle as the only goal where i'm sure leo tell you you know any progress along the way is something to celebrate yeah you know when you're doing your your fitness journey so you're getting ready
00:29:21for your your competitions you have checkpoints along way okay i'm i at this way am i able to use my muscles like this at this point Do they do this at this point and those air something to celebrate for me I never i never put that together and
00:29:37for me if it wasn't the end game i was there was not myself Yeah yeah and you know i was only able to encourage you because i realized for myself hey yes i don't want to take pills Yes that was kind of my worst case scenario but guess
00:29:50what I'm at my worst case scenario yeah and i appreciate it and it's something that a lot get back on it you know i just it's just it's sucks taking something every single day you know kind of like i don't know but i think it's what's best for
00:30:06me right now at least i take my little little pill right before we started this in my my reminder went off time that time to take her happy pill in on my girlfriend was like it's not your happy philip doesn't like miku exuberantly happy actually sometimes your crouch
00:30:20here on it but like it makes it doesn't necessarily make me happy but it makes my brain not think that everything is going to end well do and like another bad part is like i don't know about you but some of these pills man they have side effects
00:30:34like you know if i die when i was my medication right sexually like affected me you know i just like i don't know it just made me because i think what it does is it like makes you so calm that you don't get that nothing excites you you
00:30:51know my ass like you you know i'm saying this like it's a weird is you start like question everything and what the hell like gay or something now i'm getting e can seriously inside life like i've had to actually like look into it and stuff because you know
00:31:12it's an issue you know and you know that affects relationships you know it's like sexually you guys are going so i said i think it's really gonna help me out with it while i'm on those pills but i don't know have you ever noticed anything Antonio uh yeah
00:31:27and it was weird because i so i chose to take while beautician which is appropriate i i chose that out of the bevy of them because it's the one that messes with your weight the least and messes with your sex drive so those who does those i like
00:31:44i made that choice but yeah it was something that i didn't really rise so my girlfriend and i you know she kind of went at one day was like why aren't you pawing at me right now that wire why aren't you like she was like i feel like
00:31:59i'm the one constantly initiating sex where very very much so easily i would be the one six days out of the week hey let's go you know because you always you always had the arrests the lord rested i'm gonna rest but you you you start to realize like
00:32:18hey it's not even it's not even the fact that like i don't want it it's just that like even if i wanted it i will was it making the initiative s so weird to me because you know not to get too personal i'd rather sit in my office
00:32:32and jerk off i don't have to look like i have to go through the process i like process like working her up and like giving him the mood like i just if i needed to release i need the release and i can move out my life yeah but
00:32:48if it affected her too because okay i can't be the only one who wants this and i'm like certain or not but you're right food and like even like now even the meds but like sometimes bleeds cannot really affecting man like my ankle's killing me you know it's
00:33:07i don't have any like you know that's my foundation right there can't you know yeah jay you're sounding pretty good right now bro let's let's get let's get some info from you how wet So what are you using to manage and then kind of what is affecting you
00:33:24know as as it's hard to manage it because obviously it's gonna be hard to manage it you may not be able to do it all the time Uh what i used to manage pain and marijuana and say as i've heard is a merry man what it is some
00:33:42something that used to manage the pain is you know the force it doesn't you know sixty all endgame but makes it just make the page number makes you able teo moved again for or a band again okay just take the pain away more for my extra and if
00:34:06it helps so much without that i would be so much man and it's called a crutch but you you know you look now now in these times you have yours okay you're getting help coppers no people can ocean life you know i'm a man wanted was something i
00:34:32had in my mind for many many years helped helped a lot and so is somebody who i obviously used for quite some time myself but i also know that there's a there's those times were you either have used it too much and it's just not having the same
00:34:50effect or for for for whatever the case may be it's just not working out for you what do you kind of when that's happening j how do you kind of see yourself like how what happens when smoking or you know edibles whatever you take what happens when that's
00:35:07not working for that's when i go just i break everything down and i say hey well if i don't have these things what am i to do physically mentally i don't have my my have my crutch my stool whenever you want to call it i don't have that
00:35:25what men what mental powers can i a choir to you know take care of myself man compartmentalized that the pain where where you feel the pain but just i don't care it's there and you don't acknowledge is looking for me tell her you compartmentalize that well you're in
00:35:56jail question because i feel like i feel like l a you and i are a little bit more open about our mental state with it and how it has affected but j c you have you guys ever are you going through Do you feel yourself as ever being
00:36:09depressed because of it Oh yeah i know i not not me i i have gone through depression myself i've taken a little off to manage all that and it was going to point where i just didn't want to take stuff like that because it was hurting me more
00:36:31then it was curiously you know um team taking tc and me neither are for me a supposed to be a downer when it comes to getting your whole body you know char locked and couch lock and everything alone to just mellow out but depressed no itt's actually helps
00:36:53me forget about my depression if i ever had we all go to the depression you know when it comes to sort of ease in life way that we're going to and so susan let me ask jay got disconnected when he comes back i know he's got some sub
00:37:06caesar so how did you kind of come out of there because i'll be i'll be quite frame for you i was one of those who thought like marijuana th e that was going to be my end all be all i didn't need to take anything else but when
00:37:18when i got diagnosed with major depression i was using pretty heavily i was i mean i was smoking assumes i woke up and then as soon as i got home from work and the only thing that it was masking at that point was my actual feelings so caesar
00:37:34how did you kind of get past that How did you find that place where now you you know you you definitely don't seem like somebody who is depressed and you definitely don't come off that way but you know like you just said you did go through that so
00:37:46what was something that kind of flipped that for you I've always wanted to have kids going out i've never seen those eighteen a myself my wife and kids i was unfortunately five kids when you're out at a young age think up because i wouldn't have been ready but
00:38:07my brother is like no so he will feel as well hackett and i was going through depression and the only way that i was you know forgetting about it was i was hanging out with my nieces they changed my life it's always it's always family that's always got
00:38:22look into when it comes to seeing what they could do for you or what you could do for them as as a role model as a leader as ah a you know personal figure to come and be a role model to the world as well You guys see
00:38:37me out there you know having fun it's always smiling because i like to make sure that like i said like i always want to be that father figure uncle figure and romano has all the enemies that you know and you do it too man every time i watch
00:38:51you on facebook and you're just crazy busy right now and just always doing stuff with the kids and traveling and and everyone loves you man So that's awesome Thank you just my love i love what i do you know the kids the kids always i everywhere i go
00:39:08to the camps and i get invited to hang out with i always make sure that i got myself you always gotta leave an impact wherever you go there i'm make sure you leave smiling we leave because you don't you don't do the job right and that quote where
00:39:23she's like you know people won't remember what you do they won't remember what you say but we'll always remember the way you made them feel you know i feel you know that's i think uh caesar definitely does that man definitely admire that about you actually you know what
00:39:41I was just kind of going to pick out back off that was like dude i i look at you sometimes i'm like bro what's off is this guy i'm like how is he doing I don't i don't have strength sometimes like here right now i'm sitting in my
00:39:56office doing this and it's like man had this started five minutes later i would have been like hey guys i got to cut it for amalfi like yeah so you just go ham all the time so i definitely gotta props out human because you're doing that thing i
00:40:12wake up in the morning i have been following us now chats dropping king l w p k i n g l e you just you just wakes up you watch my snapchats and you're just going to you're gonna be like you know what Just thinking he's doing by
00:40:26dancing by smiley my singing a song in the car but you know i try to do as much as i can and i tried to give out the energy that i have to everybody i go out there to do to do for um i am i am still
00:40:41young i'm thirty four and i don't plan to feel like i don't clan's slow down any time soon i just want to make sure that i keep going going and like i said day from from since i turned thirty i started feeling more paying and paying like i
00:40:55said but just make sure you take the right meds right paying medication and you stick to your regiment you're going to be okay you know you're gonna you're gonna have that energy every day and make sure you get through it to the whole day because like i said
00:41:07i do it for myself and i do it for the kids because in the end of the day they're going to they're always remember you you know and i everywhere i go i make sure that i talk about l a and i do have you ever seen the
00:41:18second strong way we're going to start calling you the chemo deejay calabro i want to get to you because you wear talking about it so how did you go through still go through and manage that depression that came about from you know the pain and being able to
00:41:40manage it and not being able to manage it no i have to it admit teo depression for me is uh could call and daily current daily fight daily battle i compartmentalize it weird strange the way i do things by bipolar and depression run in my mom's side of
00:42:03the family along this suicidal thought suicidal tendencies and i've gone through my downs and that is an extremely down where i've been made major sausage phone sometimes you feel the world would you he better without you because you're just going to get what you want and then you
00:42:32know i've never can i handed it justin thought so i just you know i've been a lot of research and a lot of the psychology theology different air areas of reading religion where it's rubbed my mind till you just new start new perspective of days and these new
00:42:58perspective just help me compartmentalize the pains where is she still married but just as you guys were yeah i'm not sure who who spoke last my phone cutting out out a lot used the basis of what you are saying you are using the sheer willpower posit him is
00:43:22a fuel your desire It is a strike with within our brains when we can use positivity to achieve the goal that we want just because that's how strong it is within our brands our brains are sick super computers they're capable of a teen movie or not our brains
00:43:52just the most amazing thing you and i agree with you one hundred percent at all actually kind of get into a little bit more about myself So in two thousand fifteen i was actually incarcerated for the entire year of two thousand fifteen i went to prison in the
00:44:11beginning literally the beginning of the year in january i came home in december and it's kind of weird to think back on it now that was the healthiest and happiest i was in my entire life i was getting my profile i was getting my profile dozing that was
00:44:25the first time i was on an actual profile regimen because i had to be and pretty much every book that was sent to me everything that was sent to me was through my extremely loving and supportive family who has set me business books and books just about switching
00:44:45like your time ajay that mental attitude and asimo callate was saying you know just being positive like like i was waking up in probably the worst place in the world for most people most people will never know what is that what that's like i was waking up there
00:45:01every day i would make sure to take twenty thirty minutes out of my day to meditate i would make sure to take twenty thirty minutes out of my day to stretch too just move around to kind of just do those things for myself and deal envious healthy is
00:45:16i could be while i was there because you know quite frankly that it's not very most people see it as a very productive place you're kind of idle time and idle hands and things like that but at the end of the day i did grow is just an
00:45:31insane amount of patients because when you're there nothing runs on your time you know everything is on their time everything is when they tell you and you don't have any control so i had to give up the control in my life i had to give up thie i
00:45:49could do this you know I can go ahead and do this i can do this i can do that because i couldn't i couldn't just get out and go take a walk if i wanted to i couldn't just you know go down to the street and have this
00:46:01new restaurant i was eating freddie cougar meat for a year and and it's uh it was something that realistically had i'm not going going through that had i not been in that place i would not be doing this podcast right now i would not have met ella i
00:46:20would not you know be reaching out to my fellow hey my filofax because i didn't really see myself needing the community there was i have gotten all i needed out of the community i have done all i could have done in the community I didn't i didn't need
00:46:35to and going there it showed me one percent that i need everyone who deals with this because there are things i obviously don't know about you and the on ly way i can learn those things is by having people in my life who who do you know about
00:46:55it and who have been there and the only people who are realistically i'm gonna listen to our people who are in the same pain that i've been in the people who deal with the same things that i've been through and that's the hemophilia community and not the community
00:47:12as you know has been kind of looking the community's been weird for last ten year that's the kind of li i'll put it is there's been a lot more pharma influence there's been a lot more kind of outsider influence in the community for yes and used and for
00:47:26me that was the thing that turned me off from the community so i had to really get into my brother's really get into my sister's the ones who actually face it and i will say that today i'm doing the podcast livestreaming video games with another human bro tio
00:47:43promote awareness i'm doing these things because i've realized that i have something that a lot of people out there could need and people out there like l a people out there like j people out there like caesar you guys have something that i don't and i need to
00:47:58learn from you absolutely no you do have it i'm gonna say something you do have it you understand went when before l a reform it's you a j i was that i was that person sitting behind the back and looking at facebook for awhile because like you said
00:48:15it hasn't been the same for last in here you know what they're saying is that the brothers and sisters have always going but you know i got the point where i thought l a and i'll let you know what i want to meet that guy i want i
00:48:28want i want to see who he is i wantto shake his hand thank you for inspiring others out there i mean we're doing it now when it comes to the little things that we do on facebook but i mean i saved up my money and i said you
00:48:39know where this guy i want i want i want to see him in a chair from there on another person just what are you saying But one guy to me everywhere you go that he's over there he's always travelling cherry story and and you know give me not
00:48:52sharing our stories out there as well as when when we're going live on facebook for your door season kind of stuff because we're you know we're nominee we're nominating people to do it live now and yes so awesome and it's going strong right now yeah and in this
00:49:07fun because i mean people done it already but you know when you nominate someone to raise awareness that's what you wanna do out there you want to make sure that gets done in and i nominate a pretty big name and i hope he doesn't and elope in his
00:49:21podcast bombardier we could climb aboutthe no he's done did he retired he's like mike drop he climbed that mountain that done you could say is he done i thought he was doing one more but i could be wrong beat that guy's and disappear what i think that going
00:49:49hard oh no i just like while we're talking about management and stuff like that my last piece on that like i kind of like caesar brought it to me a little bit was purpose you know i always preach about that and i always say give your pain a
00:50:03purpose and so that would be like my one piece of advice for anyone is to like search for your reason why you know why you're doing what you're doing who could you possibly help and you know i also have a destiny statement that i put on my facebook
00:50:18wall and it says use adversity to change lives and so that is like now my life like legacy mission is you know whenever i face adversity i want to think about you know how could i overcome this or you know who can i help in the process of
00:50:36doing this and and also it's my guide for any huge life choice that i make you know so it's you know if i have a huge job opportunity or or big decision to make i asked myself you know if i take this new job isn't going to get
00:50:49me once that closer to using my diversity of the change lives you know and i just might keeps me on track you know kiss from that narrow path when in life you know we could go on so many crazy different directions but i would say find your purpose
00:51:04and that is a good way to manage the pain it's not it's not going to cure it because i fight i fight depression i fight suicide suicidal thoughts and it's really you know you think you're going to hit these lows but but you can just keep on focusing
00:51:21on that purpose you know you can keep on getting back up you know and that's what's most important it's good man would you j caesar would you guys say that that's kind of where you're at as well as you know you you found that thing that keeps you
00:51:38pushing forward and that's what's made your life better Yeah i mean well make me better is that the communities that says you guys are now we're doing this podcast what's gonna keep you going every day going to do another one that's going to do it again you know
00:51:51it's spread the word on anything else besides painting there's other issues that anybody talked about here you know and when it comes to talking about it there's other stories out there that could be heard you know and and i've been to different parts of the states around us
00:52:06and i haven't been beyond that but you know like i said i'm pretty sure out there they want to talk to us and we want to talk to them wait j back so j what what has been your kind of you know just kind of your piece of
00:52:19advice your your wrap up for you know this kind of dealing with that pain and dealing and getting through that my piece of advice that's where does this sounds No learn to rewire your brain if you can rewire your group brain you can find out what makes you
00:52:43tick what makes you and then you can decide to re program yourself which we call morals in these times we these are more to delegate our world delegate what we do i had always always right and what's wrong as easy or as dumb as that sounds i just
00:53:03think what's right and what's wrong no matter what pain i'm in i think what's right and what's wrong as and says you know whatever would be a good choice for him to move towards hands go that's what he's got going to dio i break you down to where
00:53:22what's right what's wrong just so just where it should be I agree with a lot of means and you know what Jay said we'll probably come off really really deep to most of the listeners but it is true i actually like three years ago i was after my
00:53:44hepatitis c treatment i was at my worst depression ever all time low and i looked at myself in the mirror and i was just like why like like why should i carry on You know And then i started thinking like i don't have anything to offer i don't
00:53:57have any skills and and then once i decided to finally like get back on my game i was like the person i am today I am not happy with the way that i think i am not happy with and all these things them from the school you went
00:54:12to the way you were raised your environment all those things that that's hot those are the things that wire your brain and your decision making process and you're coming your way of communicating But i decided to step back I took a whole year i literally lived in a
00:54:28cave i was in my own apartment i was single and i started studying the most successful people because the way that i was living i wasn't thinking like these other people were so i started studying people that i looked up to people who have accomplished things that i
00:54:44wanted accomplish and i started taking their advice and i would hear these like important quote so whatever not hanging on my wall and i just submerged myself into this new environment and i actually what's really crazy about the wiring of the brain there was like a study done
00:55:01and like there's a school of london they said that it takes sixty seven days to rewire your brain and so basically like if you until i create new habits and so i made i made a list on my wall like all these new habits that i wanted to
00:55:20work on every single day and i did it i did it for six i put a countdown for sixty seven days and i made sure that i was like i was reading a book each thing every single day i was going to the gym you know i was
00:55:33you know i made all these new um habits and and my lies and i really truly feel like waas mean after after that time saying i feel like my brain was wired and i was ready to go to be you know at my mission was to become a
00:55:49leader and the hemophilia community and i really feel like that time you do that well i will i guess all kind of rounded out and ended with for myself at least i'm still learning i'm still at that point because i put your videos so far for so long
00:56:10i really was at a point where i didn't care i didn't care all i feel i was barely infusing if i was i wasn't going to the hospital and you know ella you said time earlier that was kind of funny but it was true you know it takes
00:56:24for us it takes like twenty acres you're like a twenty year learning curve and and i was definitely ten years behind and so for me i would even say as close to my twenties i still didn't really give a crap and i'll be honest i have a little
00:56:42bit of regret right now i was at the time in my early twenties like late teens early twenties i was in a band i was doing some tours i was in magazines for it and i never once did anything for hemophilia in that time yeah and now as
00:56:59i'm getting older i'm realizing hey man i need to give back so one community it's always been there for me and like i want i want them in front like speaking to you guys today you've definitely given me personally something to start working towards because you know thes
00:57:20we kind of said it in a little like you know pushing me kind of way but it was true i do have that stuff in me i just have to start listening to it and i have tio take that sixty sixty seven days and really transformed my life
00:57:33because that's what's important and i hope that you know anybody who listens to this anybody who you know will sit here and listen to the things that we've had to say at this point you know i'm going to start i'm gonna challenge myself i have to i have
00:57:45to challenge myself and i have to be held accountable to take that sixty seven days to start working out whether it just be a little push ups here and there you know doing squats whatever you have to start working out and i think the baby steps let's do
00:57:59it yeah and i would definitely anybody who'd ends up listen to this podcast anybody does listen thank you for you know kind of dealing with us and listening to us and getting some feedback from us but i want to kind of to put out their challenge yourself because
00:58:14i know i know i have now like i just i'm at that point in my life i think for a lot of people you know like a black rover was turning thirty scary for you and i was like no it actually wasn't it was it was a fresh
00:58:26start for me i did a lot of stupid stuff in my twenties i diddle i have so many crazy stories from my twenties and that's awesome But now the stories i want to have for my thirties are legacy i want i want to have that man it Antonio
00:58:41did this and it added to this Antonio did danny added to this and that's really What I wanted tohave for my thirties I wanna have that honor I want to have those deejay callate keys to success for my children but i wanna have those that moment where i'm
00:58:57waking up smiling doing this that the other i can take that mile walk with my girl and not feeling pain I can i can have the drive to be active with her and more ways than just walking around if you get my drift like i just want all
00:59:12around feel like myself And i think that you guys have given a lot of great info for people to kind of get back to that place for themselves And obviously you've given some advice for people to really heat and i do thank you guys I kind of want
00:59:26to get jay back on before we close out but is there anything else in closing you guys want to throw out about pain pain management um i mean for me i've got some i won't go into too many details but you know with our human life group that
00:59:41we have i mean i really believe that we can all time together's leaders and ambassadors of human life and really make a difference if i think that sooner or later we're gonna come up with some ideas to really help you guys out i won't go i just don't
00:59:57want to spoil anything i'll talk to the team private about it but i have some pretty good ideas man of things that we can do so but if anybody else is listening they think that they can add some value and they got the passion and dedication to help
01:00:09the community and you reached give me you know give me a shout out on facebook or instagram and i have a nap location you can fill out application the more the more people we have on the team the better i mean you know we are the voice of
01:00:23our community you know and what human life is is about giving you guys a voice you know like so much is managed and run by industry and we just want oh we want to take back what was ours well yeah you know like it says that screech out
01:00:46there wreaking there goes any idea out there is not a bad idea so it's a good idea to to share your ideas with us because we want to make that happen for you guys Like i said we are a community of of one when we all work together
01:01:00and we are we are strongly then we then we look and our voices do get out there when we when we sharing and facebook snapchat twitter instagram or just a simple podcast like this i'm pretty sure everybody right now that this thing is going to be encouraged i'm
01:01:16something that we said or has made them changing their lives and and i want go back teo twenty year man dude like i said no you're not you're not old you're so young you still have a lot of years ahead of you teo to do what you gotta
01:01:28do man i didn't start doing start coming back interesting getting jealous tonight twenty nineteen and i'm like i'm i feel like i haven't rocked it yet but you know um i'm told that i do but i want to rock the boat I'm pretty sure you're going to rock
01:01:42the one days ago and you know kind of just kind of pound this point home and i think unfortunately we're not going to get jay on before we end it but i will definitely say that if you know anybody was listening who feels like they have something to
01:01:56give back and they feel like obviously fares you human life has opened so many doors for me it's insane and ellie i can't thank you enough for kind of not looking at me like i was crazy one of you and i first started talking about some of these
01:02:11ideas that i had and i really do appreciate the fact that you allowed me to present you with some value some things that i have some things that i'm good at some things that i can i feel like i could give back in some ways i feel like
01:02:26liking give back and you've allowed me to kind of run with them I mean this podcast is one of them you know You're like hey i have this ideal must a podcast and it was kind of floating around there for a while and i said hey you know
01:02:36what Let me let me just jump on and let me get going I appreciate your bro for doing it and you have the got the radio voice for sure and caesar you know i'm a quiet a little bit we need a co hosting this stuff more often because
01:02:48i can't do it myself i'm not signing any that positivity for sure bro because no worry i'm always up for it So that's again you know if you feel you like you have something that that would bring some value it may not be value for everyone but that's
01:03:03not what we're all about it's definitely about bringing value to the people who need it because some people might hear part of this podcast and like my man i don't really need that but then they listen to something else and it really resonates with them and something for
01:03:15them to take home and there's something for them to kind of start building off of And as long as the way i've looked at it just recently is as long as i can reach one person with what i'm doing that's enough because if i had that one person
01:03:29in my life who would've reached me maybe i wouldn't have gone down the world I did maybe i wouldn't be in the pain that i'm in Maybe i wouldn't you know and there's all these should've would've could've but at the end of the day it's not about looking
01:03:40back it's about looking for that's about realizing hey this is what happened before and now i want to give some value and i want to give something back so absolutely if there's anybody out there listening who feels like they got something to give they feel like there's some
01:03:52value that they could give don't be shy put it out there put yourself out on the line because it's the only way that anything is going to get done you know close mouth don't get fed is a phrase that was said all throughout my childhood and you can
01:04:06tell that because my entire family is loud like were also cloud and in your face but it's true menu you can't get what you don't ask for yeah and also guys we've got facebook groups out there too so we've got a human life fitness group on facebook a
01:04:20human life mental health group um so go make sure to join those teo think it's more value from us all right well thank you so much for your time we had a good our little of chattin yep i'll make sure to get this going as quick as possible
01:04:35so we can have it up ready for everybody but i mean thank you guys for your time i really appreciate the wisdom and the the tidbits that you've given us today absolutely alright bro take it easy i got somebody piece thank you guys so much for hanging out
01:04:52tuning in and join the talk hopefully you enjoy talk hopefully you got something from it i know i did i'm real stoked on what could happen here moving forward and i'm really stoked to be doing these podcast hoping to make this ah bi monthly thing at least once
01:05:06every two weeks or something like that But right now they're just going to kind of come as i can put them out to you And i really hope that's something resignation with today something gotten to your core and something kind of woke you up or you just you
01:05:19connected with something And if you did let us know let us know what you liked what you didn't like what you want to hear more of because we're always here to listen Thanks for stopping by The podcast you just heard was published with anchor Got something you want
01:05:36to say to the creator of this show Send them a voice message using the anchor app for free for ios and android

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