Full Transcript for The Feedback Loop: How Your Thoughts Shape the Person You Become | Episode 005

happens to all those repeated messages. 00:06:03.279 --> 00:06:11.439 Because your brain isn't simply hearing them, it's learning from them. 00:06:13.199 --> 00:06:16.720 So let's keep growing together. 00:06:19.680 --> 00:06:26.959 I think there's something we need to make very clear before we go any further, Daniel. 00:06:28.560 --> 00:06:29.199 Go on. 00:06:30.639 --> 00:06:37.360 We're not suggesting that every random thought that crosses our mind suddenly becomes a belief. 00:06:38.000 --> 00:06:39.519 Absolutely not, Christian. 00:06:40.720 --> 00:06:46.079 Because if that were true, I think we'd probably all be in trouble. 00:06:48.639 --> 00:06:49.920 Very much so. 00:06:52.240 --> 00:06:55.680 But repetition is actually different, is it not, Daniel? 00:06:56.160 --> 00:06:57.759 Yes, quite. 00:06:58.240 --> 00:07:18.000 When a message keeps appearing, when we keep saying something about ourselves, when we repeatedly interpret experiences in the same way, the message becomes familiar. 00:07:19.120 --> 00:07:26.560 And as we've discovered throughout the series, how important repetition is to programming. 00:07:28.240 --> 00:07:29.199 Exactly. 00:07:30.000 --> 00:07:35.839 Your brain learns from what it repeatedly receives. 00:07:38.560 --> 00:07:50.000 So if I repeatedly tell myself I'm no good at this, you're not simply describing one difficult moment. 00:07:51.439 --> 00:07:53.920 I'm actually reinforcing a message. 00:07:54.720 --> 00:07:55.360 Yes. 00:07:55.839 --> 00:08:06.000 And the more familiar that message becomes, the easier it can become for your brain to return to it. 00:08:08.639 --> 00:08:12.879 Which means next time something similar happens. 00:08:14.079 --> 00:08:19.040 That familiar thought may already be waiting. 00:08:23.040 --> 00:08:28.000 That begins to explain why some reactions feel almost automatic. 00:08:29.120 --> 00:08:30.079 Exactly. 00:08:30.800 --> 00:08:37.120 And this brings us to one of the most important ideas in today's episode. 00:08:38.159 --> 00:08:39.840 The feedback loop. 00:08:40.960 --> 00:08:41.600 Yes. 00:08:43.840 --> 00:08:46.399 Think about it like this. 00:08:47.919 --> 00:09:01.360 Your brain receives information from your experiences, from other people, and from the things you repeatedly tell yourself. 00:09:01.840 --> 00:09:06.799 And over time, some of those messages become established patterns. 00:09:07.600 --> 00:09:08.240 Yes. 00:09:08.720 --> 00:09:18.639 Then when you encounter something new, your brain doesn't necessarily approach it with a completely blank page. 00:09:19.679 --> 00:09:21.279 It has history. 00:09:22.480 --> 00:09:23.440 Exactly. 00:09:24.240 --> 00:09:34.720 It has previous experiences, previous beliefs, previous interpretations, previous messages. 00:09:36.000 --> 00:09:44.879 So what's already there can influence how we interpret what's happening now? 00:09:46.080 --> 00:09:46.720 Yes. 00:09:47.519 --> 00:10:01.279 And then our response creates another experience, which gives the brain more information, which can strengthen the pattern again. 00:10:02.799 --> 00:10:04.960 So that's the loop. 00:10:06.080 --> 00:10:08.240 That is indeed the loop. 00:10:11.519 --> 00:10:16.000 So what we've previously recorded influences the way we think. 00:10:16.720 --> 00:10:26.720 The way we think influences the way we respond, and our response can then reinforce what's already there. 00:10:28.320 --> 00:10:29.600 Exactly. 00:10:31.519 --> 00:10:36.559 And I can immediately see how that could work in either direction. 00:10:38.080 --> 00:10:41.360 Which is where the golden brain comes in. 00:10:41.759 --> 00:10:53.600 Now, Daniel, I've heard you explain this before, and I actually think this is one of those ideas that's much easier to understand when you can picture it. 00:10:54.320 --> 00:10:55.440 Oh, it really is. 00:10:55.600 --> 00:10:56.559 It really is. 00:10:57.039 --> 00:11:06.399 So imagine for a moment that we could somehow look at all the programming you've accumulated throughout your life. 00:11:06.639 --> 00:11:11.120 And imagine that every one of those messages had a color. 00:11:12.799 --> 00:11:25.840 So imagine that for good, healthy, positive thoughts and good, successful experiences, those are colored in gold. 00:11:27.120 --> 00:11:28.639 Healthy, positive. 00:11:28.799 --> 00:11:30.000 It works for you. 00:11:30.159 --> 00:11:31.679 It takes you forward. 00:11:32.240 --> 00:11:40.080 Now imagine that the thoughts that you think and the experiences you have that don't take you either forward or backward, they're neutral. 00:11:40.639 --> 00:11:44.320 They color you, they're come with a color that's just neutral. 00:11:44.399 --> 00:11:47.679 It doesn't work for you, it doesn't work against you. 00:11:48.159 --> 00:11:56.399 Now imagine that those experiences and those thoughts that are negative are dark gray. 00:11:57.039 --> 00:12:06.320 So negative again means doubting, disbelief, holding you back, stopping you, not taking you forward. 00:12:08.240 --> 00:12:16.240 So visualize briefly that you see a sketch of your brain. 00:12:16.720 --> 00:12:24.879 And the sketch of the brain, it's a light color so that different colors can be marked onto your brain. 00:12:25.440 --> 00:12:44.799 So as you go throughout your day and you think a thought that works for you, or you have a success, mentally pause and visualize making one dot on that map of your brain in gold. 00:12:46.799 --> 00:12:51.840 If you go throughout your day and maybe somebody, for instance, asks you, How are you doing today? 00:12:52.000 --> 00:12:59.120 and you say something like fine or okay, not helping you necessarily, not holding you back. 00:12:59.440 --> 00:13:07.279 Pause and visualize making one dot on your brain picture in the neutral colored pen. 00:13:08.720 --> 00:13:18.320 Now let's say as you go throughout your day, something goes wrong, and you think something like, This never works out for me, why am I even

trying? 00:13:19.039 --> 00:13:25.759 Pause there and just mentally select the pen that would correspond to that thought. 00:13:26.000 --> 00:13:28.240 In this case to me, that sounds like dark gray. 00:13:28.320 --> 00:13:37.360 It's negative, it's holding you back, and make one dot on that imagined sketch in your brain. 00:13:39.360 --> 00:13:50.559 So throughout your day, you're having these experiences, golden experiences, positive experiences, neutral experiences, or dark gray, negative experiences. 00:13:51.759 --> 00:13:58.559 Now we're coloring our brains over and over with those thoughts and with those experiences. 00:13:59.440 --> 00:14:11.039 And the important thing to remember here is that those thoughts and those experiences very rarely happen in complete isolation from each other. 00:14:11.519 --> 00:14:26.960 So when you have a thought that's positive, and you make that one dot on your brain picture, it's actually attracting other similar colored thoughts. 00:14:27.200 --> 00:14:29.279 In this case, gold thoughts. 00:14:29.519 --> 00:14:33.279 So the pattern is spreading throughout your brain. 00:14:34.159 --> 00:14:40.720 Or something bad happens, a negative dark gray experience, right? 00:14:40.960 --> 00:14:42.799 It doesn't happen just in isolation. 00:14:42.960 --> 00:14:56.559 You make that one dot, but it's like your brain has a bridge to the other experiences that it's stored through repetition, the other thoughts that have been negative and holding you back. 00:14:56.799 --> 00:15:00.320 And then it makes that bridge to those other thoughts. 00:15:00.480 --> 00:15:01.679 It learned. 00:15:01.919 --> 00:15:06.320 Your brain learned from that repeated experience. 00:15:07.519 --> 00:15:32.000 So when we're thinking positive thoughts or negative thoughts or neutral thoughts, we can imagine that we're coloring our brain, and with each experience and each thought, we're attracting the same color into our brain from the repeated messages that have already been stored. 00:15:34.799 --> 00:15:42.720 Very few of us would be completely gold, completely neutral, or completely negative. 00:15:42.960 --> 00:15:53.279 Most of us have a mixture of those experiences, a mixture of the self-talk that we're using that takes us forward, doesn't really do anything, or holds us back. 00:15:54.240 --> 00:16:23.840 But I think it's so powerful to think about your brain in this imaginary way with the various colors, because the color, right, the messages that predominate in anyone's brain, that is the color through which they will view the world, everything in the world, and everything about themselves. 00:16:24.720 --> 00:16:39.840 So we end up seeing the world, we experience the world, we interpret the world through the lens of the color that has been painted most into our brains. 00:16:46.480 --> 00:16:56.639 I think that was so useful about the picture that it's uh we're not actually saying that life itself is always gold, then are we, Daniel?

00:16:57.360 --> 00:16:58.480 No, we aren't. 00:17:00.399 --> 00:17:02.240 Difficult things still happen. 00:17:02.879 --> 00:17:04.000 They absolutely do. 00:17:04.400 --> 00:17:04.640 Yes. 00:17:04.960 --> 00:17:09.759 But the program we're carrying can influence what brings those situations. 00:17:14.559 --> 00:17:16.640 And that's the key. 00:17:18.160 --> 00:17:33.519 The circumstances in front of two people might be remarkably similar, but the messages their brains are feeding back to them can be very different. 00:17:38.559 --> 00:17:40.799 Let me make that really practical. 00:17:41.920 --> 00:17:48.640 Imagine two people looking at an area of their garden that simply isn't working. 00:17:50.240 --> 00:17:51.440 Same situation. 00:17:52.400 --> 00:17:58.880 Plants have struggled, some have died, the border certainly doesn't look the way they'd hoped it would. 00:18:00.160 --> 00:18:07.519 And one person's familiar internal message might be I'm hopeless at this. 00:18:07.680 --> 00:18:08.960 I never get things right. 00:18:09.039 --> 00:18:12.720 I've wasted money on plants again, maybe I'm just no good at gardening. 00:18:13.279 --> 00:18:23.039 And once that starts, the feedback loop has something very similar to work with. 00:18:36.240 --> 00:18:36.880 Yes. 00:18:37.119 --> 00:18:41.680 They might say, okay, this hasn't worked. 00:18:42.240 --> 00:18:42.880 Why? 00:18:43.279 --> 00:18:44.400 Is it the soil? 00:18:44.559 --> 00:18:46.400 Is there too much shade? 00:18:46.720 --> 00:18:50.880 Are these simply the wrong plants for this position? 00:18:51.920 --> 00:18:54.720 What can I learn from this? 00:18:55.839 --> 00:18:57.440 It's the same garden. 00:18:57.920 --> 00:18:59.440 It's the same problem. 00:19:00.640 --> 00:19:03.599 But very different internal conversations. 00:19:04.799 --> 00:19:09.119 And potentially very different behavior. 00:19:10.720 --> 00:19:25.119 Absolutely, because the second gardener might investigate the soil, look at how much light the border is actually receiving, they might find out what those plants need, and they may make a different decision next time. 00:19:26.559 --> 00:19:30.880 Not because they're pretending the plants haven't died. 00:19:31.519 --> 00:19:35.279 Or pretending that the border looks wonderful when it doesn't. 00:19:36.160 --> 00:19:43.920 But because they're choosing a different message about what that experience means. 00:19:48.160 --> 00:19:53.279 And I think that's quite an important distinction, wouldn't you say, Daniel? 00:19:54.240 --> 00:19:54.880 I would. 00:19:55.680 --> 00:20:03.599 The first gardener turns an unsuccessful border into a statement about themselves. 00:20:04.960 --> 00:20:06.640 I'm no good at gardening. 00:20:07.839 --> 00:20:11.279 The second turns it into information. 00:20:13.039 --> 00:20:14.400 Something hasn't worked here. 00:20:14.799 --> 00:20:16.400 What can I learn from it? 00:20:19.839 --> 00:20:25.359 And that's an important distinction when we

talk about self-talk. 00:20:28.640 --> 00:20:37.839 Because I suspect someone listening might be thinking, hang on, isn't this just telling yourself everything is wonderful when it isn't? 00:20:39.359 --> 00:20:41.200 And the answer is no. 00:20:43.200 --> 00:20:52.240 If three plants have died in my border, standing there telling myself they're flourishing beautifully doesn't make them alive. 00:20:53.519 --> 00:20:58.319 No, and that's certainly not what we're suggesting here. 00:20:59.680 --> 00:21:02.319 The plants have died, that is the reality. 00:21:03.119 --> 00:21:03.759 Yes. 00:21:04.079 --> 00:21:14.559 But the plants have died, and I'm hopeless at gardening are two completely different statements. 00:21:17.039 --> 00:21:19.200 That's really important, Daniel. 00:21:21.200 --> 00:21:34.240 One describes what happened, and the other turns out what happened into a belief about who I am. 00:21:35.759 --> 00:21:36.720 Exactly. 00:21:37.599 --> 00:21:42.640 Effective self-talk isn't about denying reality. 00:21:43.680 --> 00:21:50.559 It's not about automatically adding an unhelpful story of reality or to reality. 00:21:52.319 --> 00:21:53.680 That's beautifully put. 00:21:57.759 --> 00:21:59.119 This hasn't worked. 00:22:00.160 --> 00:22:04.160 Is very different from I can never get anything right. 00:22:06.079 --> 00:22:07.839 I made a mistake. 00:22:08.319 --> 00:22:13.519 Is very different from I always mess everything up. 00:22:15.119 --> 00:22:18.000 I don't know what this plant me needs yet. 00:22:18.640 --> 00:22:23.039 Is very different from I'm no good at gardening. 00:22:25.279 --> 00:22:29.839 And each version gives the brain a very different message. 00:22:30.960 --> 00:22:31.920 Exactly. 00:22:32.559 --> 00:22:36.079 Because the purpose isn't to create a fantasy. 00:22:37.200 --> 00:22:42.400 It's to create a more useful response to our reality. 00:22:43.920 --> 00:22:44.559 Yes. 00:22:45.519 --> 00:22:46.160 Yes. 00:22:48.240 --> 00:22:55.680 Now, earlier you mentioned that figure of approximately 35,000 thoughts a day. 00:22:56.000 --> 00:22:57.119 Mind-blowing. 00:22:57.920 --> 00:22:59.519 I did, yes. 00:22:59.920 --> 00:23:02.480 And you said that we'd come back to it, Daniel. 00:23:02.960 --> 00:23:10.240 I did, Christian, because this is where those numbers become quite extraordinary. 00:23:12.079 --> 00:23:30.240 If you think just thirty-five thousand thoughts in a day, that would mean you're thinking approximately twelve million seven hundred seventy-five thousand thoughts in a year. 00:23:32.240 --> 00:23:34.319 Let me just process that one. 00:23:39.200 --> 00:23:39.839 Yes. 00:23:40.720 --> 00:23:41.920 But wait. 00:23:42.400 --> 00:24:00.559 If you lived to be eighty-five years old using the same calculation, you'd arrive at approximately one billion eighty-five million eight hundred seventy-five thousand thoughts. 00:24:01.680 --> 00:24:09.200 That's more than one billion individual thoughts across a lifetime. 00:24:11.440 --> 00:24:24.240 I'm just catching my breath here because when you hear it like that, the scale of conversation we're having with ourselves is absolutely enormous. 00:24:25.200 --> 00:24:26.160 Oh, it is. 00:24:26.400 --> 00:24:27.039 It is. 00:24:29.680 --> 00:24:32.960 But I think we actually need to be very careful here. 00:24:33.680 --> 00:24:35.200 Definitely, yes. 00:24:35.440 --> 00:24:42.799 Because if the message isn't you'd better make all those one billion thoughts positive. 00:24:43.680 --> 00:24:45.839 No, no, the message is not that. 00:24:46.079 --> 00:24:47.920 And please don't try. 00:24:52.160 --> 00:25:00.160 Because actually, I think that sounds like it's almost exhausting personal growth program that we haven't discussed yet. 00:25:01.599 --> 00:25:08.960 Well, yes, and and it certainly wouldn't pass the three tests from our last episode. 00:25:09.279 --> 00:25:13.359 It's it's definitely not simple. 00:25:14.240 --> 00:25:16.720 Certainly not easy to use. 00:25:17.599 --> 00:25:22.799 I would say it's probably not terribly effective either. 00:25:25.279 --> 00:25:25.599 No. 00:25:26.319 --> 00:25:30.480 The point is something much more encouraging. 00:25:31.839 --> 00:25:39.039 We have an enormous number of opportunities to reinforce a different message. 00:25:39.839 --> 00:25:41.119 Exactly. 00:25:41.599 --> 00:25:42.559 Exactly. 00:25:43.599 --> 00:25:48.079 You don't have to try to get every thought right. 00:25:49.519 --> 00:25:52.960 But you can begin paying attention to the ones you repeat. 00:25:55.039 --> 00:25:55.680 Yes. 00:25:58.319 --> 00:26:08.079 And perhaps this is where everything we've been exploring throughout the foundation series begins to come together. 00:26:08.799 --> 00:26:10.160 I think it does. 00:26:10.480 --> 00:26:11.279 Very much. 00:26:11.759 --> 00:26:26.400 Because if repeated messages help create some of the patterns we're carrying today, then repeated messages can also become part of creating different patterns. 00:26:28.079 --> 00:26:38.079 And that's where neuroplasticity comes, well, becomes such an important part in this conversation. 00:26:38.480 --> 00:26:39.119 Yes. 00:26:39.680 --> 00:26:48.640 Because the brain isn't simply a finished structure that stops changing once we become adults. 00:26:49.200 --> 00:26:51.359 It can continue learning. 00:26:52.079 --> 00:26:53.759 Continue adapting. 00:26:54.480 --> 00:26:57.119 And strengthening different patterns. 00:26:59.839 --> 00:27:16.400 When we repeatedly think in a more constructive way, intentional and self-directed way, we begin giving the brain different information to work with. 00:27:17.680 --> 00:27:22.720 And gradually the feedback loop has something different to feedback. 00:27:24.799 --> 00:27:26.480 Yes, yes. 00:27:26.880 --> 00:27:30.079 And here is the wonderful news. 00:27:31.920 --> 00:27:40.319 And I really do love this bit because the color of yesterday's picture doesn't have to be the color of

tomorrow's. 00:27:58.160 --> 00:28:03.599 And you don't need to change a billion thoughts to begin. 00:28:04.559 --> 00:28:10.559 You just simply need to start noticing the messages that you're repeating now. 00:28:10.960 --> 00:28:11.599 Yes. 00:28:13.440 --> 00:28:27.920 If today's conversation has helped you recognize some of the messages your own brain may have learned to feed back to you, we've created a simple reflection worksheet to help you explore your own patterns. 00:28:28.319 --> 00:28:50.319 It will help you notice some of the phrases you repeatedly use about yourself, particularly when something goes wrong, when you're under pressure, when you're attempting to do something new, and rather than trying to change everything at once, we'll simply invite you to notice what messages appear most often. 00:28:50.720 --> 00:28:55.359 You can download it using the link in today's show notes. 00:28:58.799 --> 00:29:04.400 Before we leave you today, we'd like you to notice something. 00:29:05.599 --> 00:29:08.000 Not thirty-five thousand things. 00:29:11.440 --> 00:29:12.880 Definitely not. 00:29:13.759 --> 00:29:14.559 Just one? 00:29:21.680 --> 00:29:22.319 Yes. 00:29:25.200 --> 00:29:31.359 The next time something doesn't go according to plan, notice what you say to yourself. 00:29:32.640 --> 00:29:33.920 Don't judge it. 00:29:35.039 --> 00:29:36.720 Don't fight with it. 00:29:38.240 --> 00:29:39.519 Just notice it. 00:29:41.759 --> 00:29:46.240 Because perhaps you'll hear a message you've heard many times before. 00:29:48.319 --> 00:29:49.359 I can't. 00:29:51.039 --> 00:29:52.720 I'm useless at this. 00:29:54.880 --> 00:29:56.720 Things never work out for me. 00:29:58.160 --> 00:30:01.200 Or perhaps something completely different. 00:30:03.119 --> 00:30:08.799 And when you notice it, ask yourself one question. 00:30:11.359 --> 00:30:17.599 Is this the message I want my brain to keep practicing? 00:30:19.359 --> 00:30:23.200 Because awareness gives us somewhere to begin. 00:30:25.920 --> 00:30:32.319 Today we've discovered that our thoughts aren't necessarily isolated moments. 00:30:33.680 --> 00:30:38.160 Repeated thoughts can become familiar patterns. 00:30:38.640 --> 00:30:44.799 And familiar patterns can influence the messages our brain feeds back to us. 00:30:45.680 --> 00:30:51.039 Which means the programming we're carrying matters. 00:30:52.960 --> 00:31:00.240 But there's still one very important part of the story we haven't yet explored. 00:31:00.799 --> 00:31:01.440 Right. 00:31:01.759 --> 00:31:06.559 Because programming doesn't stop with programming. 00:31:07.279 --> 00:31:09.759 It influences something else. 00:31:10.240 --> 00:31:13.200 And that influences something else. 00:31:13.920 --> 00:31:21.839 Until eventually we arrive at the results we're creating in our lives. 00:31:24.319 --> 00:31:33.039 So how do we get from the messages programmed into our brain to the things that we actually do? 00:31:34.799 --> 00:31:39.680 And ultimately to the results we experience. 00:31:40.799 --> 00:31:42.480 There's a sequence. 00:31:44.079 --> 00:31:56.000 And once you understand that sequence, a great deal of what we've been exploring throughout this foundation series begins to fall into place. 00:31:58.559 --> 00:31:59.839 Programming. 00:32:00.880 --> 00:32:02.000 Beliefs. 00:32:02.960 --> 00:32:11.279 Attitudes, feelings, actions, and results. 00:32:14.960 --> 00:32:21.599 In our next episode, we're going to follow that sequence from beginning to end. 00:32:22.480 --> 00:32:32.400 And discover why changing what happens at the beginning can ultimately change what happens at the end. 00:32:33.920 --> 00:32:38.079 And that is called the self-management sequence. 00:32:41.599 --> 00:32:46.400 If repeated thoughts can strengthen old pathways. 00:32:46.720 --> 00:32:51.200 Then repeated new messages can begin creating different ones. 00:32:51.599 --> 00:33:01.440 And every one of us has the opportunity to become more intentional about the conversation happening inside our own mind. 00:33:02.079 --> 00:33:08.000 Remember, you weren't the one believing the things that now hold you back. 00:33:08.400 --> 00:33:14.640 The most important conversation you'll ever have is the one you have with yourself. 00:33:15.200 --> 00:33:16.559 Make it count.