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GOSSIP was written and directed by Allison Raskin. Produced by Rachel Wolther. Sound Design by Casey Holford. Featuring performances by Amanda Perez (Mia), Allison Raskin (Bethany), Victoria Rowell (Valerie), Beth Littleford (Rockin’ Robin), Marlon Young (Father Williams), Adam Blake (Cop), and Igor Hiller (Barista).
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00:00:00The following is a work of audio fiction Any resemblance to real persons living or dead is purely coincidental Seriously even if some of these people sound exactly like a person that you know it's not them Okay Golden acres is a completely fictional town and is not at all
00:00:20based on green acres located in scarsdale new york where our creator grew up That is a total fluke Please do not falsely assume that any of these characters storylines or descriptions is based In fact that's how rumors get started Radio I'm rockin robin and i'm rock it out
00:00:48right now our girls are back That's right Caroline scanlon and michelle grimm have returned home safely Ah full celebration is in order So join mayor alice this saturday in the town square as she gives local hero an amateur detective bethany harper A golden key to our golden city
00:01:06Thank you for bringing our girls back bethany And to everyone else in golden acres Parking will be a nightmare when someone pick me up Oh wow Large almond latte on the house for bethany Ugh that is so nice Fertility is not included Oh okay You go change Great
00:01:26Thank you Bethany harper Everyone Our very good friend Okay enough This is so embarrassing Hold on You know Okay i'm done I'm not bethany's a local hero We've gotta milk this for all it's worth Do you see this platter of chocolate muffins on the house there from the
00:01:44pile of dale's but still free I'm glad you're finally supportive of my unhealthy obsession with father williams Now that it benefits you to be fair you weren't completely right Father williams wasn't a serial killer He was a serial kidnapper I'm glad i was wrong I didn't want the
00:01:58girls to be dead But you assume they were dead So it's not like you could be the next long island medium or anything I don't want to be that This is so crazy I don't even understand what happened either And it's been like three whole days We need
00:02:10to know everything i saw on the news that we should listen to bethany since she was actually they're good call insider access I don't know I don't really feel like talking about it That's okay Yeah it must have been traumatizing Let's talk about something else just messing with
00:02:28you A little payback for not believing in my korea's the theories Thank god Because i did not want to talk about valerie's failing marriage When you're sitting on a gossip gold mine i also find my own problems rather banal Okay where should i start As far back as
00:02:42you can I took the whole day off for this Who's watching zoe Her mother Good for karen No spill Okay so you know i've been tracking father williams whereabouts for the last few weeks I did not know that And if i had i probably would have stopped you
00:02:56Well thank god you didn't Bethany's our own little nancy drew but more naive How can i be naive And i was right the whole time I'm not sure you're an enigma And to reiterate he never killed anyone So you were not completely right It was more fun talking
00:03:09of the police than the two of you just trying to keep you humble Keep going Well realise after a few days that father williams never left campus What do you mean Never not even to shop or get candy candy Well simple pleasures Assume priests have to get their
00:03:23rocks off somehow Not father william His whole life is the school No friends no hobbies I wouldn't feel bad for him if he wasn't an evil maniac What about at night Did you go home His home is the school Father williams is the only staff member lives on
00:03:37campus He does Where The basement of the emissions building St michaels has a basement I can't believe you never told us that That is so creepy I would've believed you if i knew he lived in the basement like some weird Rikke lose please I could have told you
00:03:51he was walking around clutching a bloody axe and screaming I'm the killer And you guys would have still said i was jumping to conclusions Bethany's right That does sound like us I'm so glad i pulled caitlin out of st michael's Much safer for her to be with fellow
00:04:04drug dealers and delinquents in boarding school How is caitlin Did you tell her about your separation She was very supportive I think she's happy She has something to talk about in therapy Can you imagine having to talk about your feelings every day It's not like she's lived a
00:04:18complicated life or being kidnapped by a psychopath like some of her former classmates So how did you find him bethany Well it didn't seem likely that father williams would leave evidence of his crimes in the church or his office to public plus that already looked and didn't find
00:04:32anything That left one final option I had to get into his apartment Go Oh sorry Too early And i had to do it without arousing suspicion So i asked father williams if we could speak in private about an extremely personal matter somewhere No one could hear us Oh
00:04:51my god You try to seduce a priest So nice No not nice I didn't try to seduce a priest summer but i did lie The one which is almost as bad Bethany come in Come in Sorry to bother you after hours Nonsense It's what i'm here for Can
00:05:12i get you something to drink Oh um tea would be lovely if you don't mind Coming right up Take a seat I don't even like tea And i thought it would give me a few minutes to search around I wasn't sure what i was looking for He had
00:05:24so many bibles Is that when you found the girls inside the bible's no did he catch you looking through his things no story is kind of boring mia how are filling karen good they asked lauren hillary to be their girlfriend oh wow that's lovely but i thought lauren
00:05:38was just eating phil not anymore now they're full blown trouble such nice people i feel bad about using them to end my marriage i mean they were complicit didn't they know you were cheating on larry actually no i told him larry was okay with it because i was
00:05:51acting out oh that makes sense they have so many rules about who they can and can't sleep with judge us leaves he too can catch up sorry keep going so you asked for tea which you don't even like Do you need any milk or sugar No this is
00:06:05perfect Let's lovely Thank you So what's on your mind Oh well the thing is i won the lottery Wait hold on That was your big lie How do we know she was lying Bethany can i have five hundred dollars No she was lying I know Because the moment
00:06:26either of you come into a windfall you want me to be a part of it I think when the lottery was the perfect line i stand by it What's your reasoning He needed some sort of moral dilemma that didn't have a clear answer and would keep his interest
00:06:38every day I have a moral dilemma about whether or not i should kill zoe to protect the world from harass mia I'm serious This kid is dangerous People always say if on ly we killed baby hitler Ignore her She's too self involved to commit murder Now how is
00:06:53winning the lottery and moral dilemma I just don't know if i should tell anyone Father i've read so many stories about how winning the lottery ruins people's lives All your friends and family expect handouts No one ever treats you the same way again But if i don't tell
00:07:09anyone does that make me a liar This is very interesting bethany I'm glad you came to me with this Me too I really look up to you I'm happy to hear that I always found you a bit cold I thought i'd maybe offended you in some way Oh
00:07:26no no I i was just intimidated That's understandable It's good You've overcome your wasted emotion and have turned to me for help No about this predicament Can i propose something a little unorthodox Are you allowed We are catholic after all God works in mysterious ways Bethany I know
00:07:49I was just making a joke Have you considered not keeping the money and perhaps donating it to a worthy cause Like a catholic educational institution I'm sure i don't need to tell you This place is in dire need of makeup That greedy pervert He wanted you to give
00:08:04him all the money Not him personally He wanted me to give it to the school Won't defend him Do you know how many other legitimate causes could use that serve donation More than a private catholic school in a nice suburb You know there isn't actually any money It's
00:08:16the principle of the thing He's supposed to be a man of god He kidnapped two students Maybe i should play the lottery more Okay I really don't want that to be your take away from all this mia I'm just thinking out loud You told me to find an
00:08:29interest in something How did you react When father william suggested giving him the money i would have laughed in his face I was happy because i wanted him to want the money That was all part of the plan It gave me leverage Totally How you can't kick someone
00:08:44out of your apartment when they might give you millions of dollars You told them you won millions of dollars I'm not a great liar but were you good enough to fool a priest We could completely redo my office and maybe reinstate the arts program if there's enough left
00:08:58over I'm so sorry but do you have any tylenol I think all the stress is giving me a headache Afraid not I don't believe in those sorts of things Headaches are medicine Medicine Well not all medicine Obviously we aren't christian scientist but i'm not a big believer in
00:09:15the over the counter Easy fixes I find prayer to be far more useful Oh well i'm a huge believer in the power of ibuprofen so i just can't think straight My head is pounding Would you like me to get you some pain reliever from the infirmary Sure I
00:09:33mean if you don't mind not a problem I'll be back soon Take your time No rush other than your pounding headache right Other than that bethany i love you but you're not grated espionage Oh really Because they already knew he didn't believe in pain killers So i knew
00:09:52if i faked a headache he would have to go to the infirmary and leave me alone in his apartment Holy shit You're great at espionage It was clever but i still wish you'd involved Me i think Very Co quick on my feet She didn't eat your feet She
00:10:03did it all on her own Sure this time But what about the next time a priest kidnaps two girls Once he left for the infirmary i knew i'd only have the apartment to myself for a few minutes Need to act quickly and somehow tear the place apart without
00:10:15him noticing I opened cabinets Hi Rummage through drawers I even looked behind the shower curtain Smart but nothing seemed out of order until i dropped my phone I bent down and that's when i saw it What There was a trap door on the floor of his closet right
00:10:32in plain sight He didn't even bother to put a rug over it Been a horrible interior design Did you open it Yes What did you find I'm assuming she found the girl Ruin it Valerie Bethany What did you find I found the girls Well what a twist Caroline
00:10:49give me your hand It's okay You're safe now What are you wearing Bethany I got two tablets but i said just only taking one go in the office through their used my phone to call the police Wait let me get these gags off first Sorry I've never saved
00:11:05the hostage before This is so scary Are you okay You can see she's okay She's sitting right in front of me I know but she could have emotional scarring I'm fine I'm just glad i'm not still in that basement Haha There you are Bethany gave yourself a quick
00:11:21tour I see Oh i was trying to find the bathroom I'm not a well traveled man but i've rarely found a toilet in a walk in closet Really What about water closets Those always have You all right Yeah I bump into things all the time I can imagine
00:11:40it must be part of the job What job Snooping where you don't belong The next time you open someone's secret cellar without permission bethany at least have the decency to close it all the way Way mustn't forget our manners Even in times of peril The police are on
00:11:57their way Father it's over No i'm afraid it's not Try to understand Things are in motion The lord has hit me to fulfill his wishes And i can't stop until his work is complete You're not thinking straight Why would god want you to trap students in your basement
00:12:17and put them in peppa pig costumes That doesn't make any sense How do you even know about peppa Pig You don't have children They're wearing pick costumes because there's wine Oh wow You have no idea They're dressed as a specific pig from a british cartoon Those young women
00:12:36are tate They're undisciplined They won't get off their stupid fun The teenager's father It's what they do It's nothing personal Did you ever disobey your elders as an adolescent Me No but it was a different time It was the early two thousand's Pre nine eleven You're a pure
00:12:57soul bethany Hurting my arm You might not see it yet but i have big plans for this town And i want you to help me Wait You want me to help you with whatever it is that you're doing Yes Yes I think we would make a great team
00:13:17Oh that's very nice But i don't think this sort of lifestyle is for me For starters i'm very bad at keeping secrets Just disc Disc That was the wrong answer So what are you going to do Smite you This is the police Open the door Doors open fellas
00:13:42House He was soon bethany Very soon And then the police came in and took him away Can i have one of these muffins I'm starving Wait He just went with him without a fight Yeah but there's something eerie about it Like he knows something We don't Are you
00:13:59afraid of the sliding Not really He was too sweaty for someone who actually had the power of god within him You were so right about everything the whole time bethany No one else had a clue I should have known something was amiss when he started that neighbourhood watch
00:14:11group It's always the guy You least suspect Are you kidding me I dont worry bethany I won't let her rewrite the whole thing You were right And valerie was wrong I don't think i was wrong I'm just glad it's over The girls are back And father williams is
00:14:24gone for No Steve's been wonderful about all this He's really worried about me getting ptsd So he asked mama harper to move into a home for a few months you know so i could recover in peace Hey that's great news Almost makes the whole thing worth it I
00:14:38said almost Retract your death stares I still can't believe a priest kidnapped two girls locked them in his secret cellar dressed him up his pigs and then our bethany found them Nothing is ever going to top that I hope not I just want everything to go back to
00:14:52normal What the hell was that Oh my gosh There's a woman face down in the middle of the street Thinks she got hit Her stuff's all over the road Is she okay I don't know She's not moving The car just hit her and drove off like a hit
00:15:07and run Exactly like a hit and run Should we call the police and ambulance Somebody outside will probably call It's really not our business No our little town's good luck did not last long I just got word via text from my cousin That local reality star gwen bryant
00:15:27was plowed down a few minutes ago during a hit and run Her condition remains unknown to my cousin and therefore to me our thoughts are with you gwen and your gorgeous fiance As mother always said if you look both ways before you cross the street they'll just kill
00:15:43you from behind Hot Damn That was a fun one I'm alyssa raskin and stay tuned after the break for hot goss with eager hiller Welcome to hot goss featuring igor hiller my best friend That's me Hello Thank you so much for coming on the show Yeah i had
00:16:22nothing else going on and being the barista Oh that is an honor That was also fun Teo Improvise a little bit here and there and we have got to be free Yeah that was fun to do I didn't like almost anyone and provides other than you Do you
00:16:35trust me Yes So as you probably know hot goss hit sensation after show where you're going to share any rumors or gossip that you grew up hearing So what did you what did you bring to the table today Well first of all i brought a printed out a
00:16:55sheet of paper multiple rumors and multiple rumors Yeah because i respect you Thank you I don't think anyone else has prepared at all for this after show I did I mean it is like total twenty five words but i did That's fine That's all you need Ok also
00:17:11i was kind of nervous because why I don't know what qualifies at hot goss We're like lukewarm goss orjust value ofthis lukewarm Okay And we'll cut Some of them are just mean things kids said like about other kids You both okay so i guess that gets me going
00:17:30with i want to talk about it's a hot goss That was about me Oh great This toppled me from the popular group in sixth grade So this got me kicked out of the popular girl Oh no And it wasn't true what they said No So my started this
00:17:45rumor Tell me i was the least popular in the popular group and incense And someone started a rumor that i said that had raisin nipples a lot Okay a lot to process here First off in a hot goss We tend not to use people's actually e but i
00:18:10think it's fine That's probably five and totally messed up Ok so raising nipples means what to you Yeah good question And that's what that was my first line of defense was i don't even know what that means How could i have possibly said it No one cared I
00:18:26think what it means is these air nipples that you wouldn't want to look because it's like a negative It's negative Nipples Yeah with body shaming That's early Early body shaming Yeah and so what did they who You don't know who started the rumor I think it was another
00:18:47person in the group who started it and i think i was starting to climb the ranks I think i was moving up to second You're popular You're moving too fast It's i was and i was like enquiring about like are because i can't wait for this birthday party
00:19:02by kind of assuming i would be invited How big was the popular group It was it was seven Oh okay that's that's a good size Yeah Okay So just like and it was a coed group It was co ed and the girl in question was one of them
00:19:17She was one mean when she high up she was the most Ah interesting She was So it was a total setup because there is no way that i could win Did they think that you had seen her nipples Or did she say he's never even seen them Why
00:19:33would he say that That oh my god I wish i could go back in time I didn't even think to say that Yeah i just feel like i've never seen her boobs You didn't even say that No because i thought it was assumed no one was looking at
00:19:46boobs in those days Who is seeing boobs I have more I have There's another one that really affected me that i really want to tell my god tell I really want to tell me this was now later I'm in high school and i was teaching gymnastics which we
00:20:01can't There's just not enough time No believe me there's never enough time to talk about so one of the other Ah one of the other teachers who was this beautiful girl She was a couple years older than me I was probably like fifteen She was like a cheerleader
00:20:21and gymnastics teacher And she brought an adult She was like probably seventeen was like my guess so not really A teacher A good counselor I'm sorry I just paint the correct picture No you're right We thought of ourselves as teachers but we were in fact you're you're similar
00:20:39Power know she was like a little advanced like hierarchy was better at gymnastics for sure for sure And also just like who'll what should we call her Her name is so incredible but i shouldn't slander her No So what we're going to call her is like patrice patrice
00:20:59Great Okay so patrice s o she brought in these brownies for the staff as like a thank you Like just like i made brownies That's all it wass And that day i came in and i was so hungry i didn't have breakfast And like i didn't even pack
00:21:16a lunch I was like so hungry And so i saw these brownies and it said four staff has havas many a cz you like and i like went overboard And i had maybe three quarters of these brownies don't know And it turns out our at least this is
00:21:30what was unproven because she denied it But someone overheard her telling someone else that she had made those brownies with a ton of laxatives like a ton a ton And it was so bad that i had was like bed ridden at home for three days What's like completely
00:21:48bonkers Three days And so you think he definitely put the laxatives and oh yeah Oh yeah So how is this gossip It's gossip because eyes because she denied it First of all she denied it Totally denied it And then we were thinking about suing her You were going
00:22:08to see Oh yeah We're going to see her because i could have died is what i was saying Yeah i you get for the listener I'm not the most large of men now As like a fifteen year old i was like sixty five pounds Don't exaggerate on this
00:22:25show Do you have one more You want to shoot Do you have one that's like that We're not sure if it's true but it's just something you've heard about Yeah like this is a good one that i feel could even have been a plot line on your show
00:22:36or something like someone who could have planned on me I'll steal it We had a french teacher in high school who are called madam joe's a perfect And we had heard it was like it seemed to be clear to everyone even though no one had any proof that
00:23:02her son was selling weed Oh any middle school in middle of He was a student at the school He well we were in high school but he was he was a student at like the middle school that feeds into the high school you know and but the thing
00:23:15is is that she was this like super prim and proper like buttoned up lady She would get a call on her cell phone So rare in those days yes like once a month in the middle of a lesson and was arrested because he had been like again called
00:23:32to the principal's office But we had no idea Like i don't know how we knew for sure that this was going on and she did it We thought it wass It was like someone had told someone but it was like a really big deal on the fact that
00:23:42he was in middle school Yeah it was like but then she says that she would walk aside You're really in the middle of a lesson She'd be like teo Oh mama hello on Everyone was like oh yeah definitely this drug dealing said it's like darren again Like he
00:23:58can't be stopped It's crazy Okay so now we're going to wrap it up with the way we wrap each episode of let's go through the rumors with me Rumor one That girl you name specific had raising nipples True or false I even if i do think she did
00:24:17i would never say so Rates of fart false because you were the supposedly the one who said it So you're the only one who could really deny you said it or not False definitely falls for sure phones And then what was the name patrice said actually called her
00:24:32Did patrice put laxatives Your background so true so true And that what percentage of you thinks that that french teacher's kid was actually a middle school drug dealer Mean back looking back do you still believe that I think it's i think it's probably like sixty four percent that
00:24:49he waas Yeah really Because why I don't know where we would get that from someone must have had a little sibling that was feeding us that info Yeah because all rumors started truth But i think probably like him selling weed as like a twelve year old I don't
00:25:06know what that possibly could have been like Maybe he had something from somewhere and like shared at once I don't know And you're still going to go with sixty four percent You've convinced me it is thirty seven Perfect Thank you so much for being on the show Your
00:25:21hillary What an honor And a pleasure See you next time on gossip Well this was your one at this Was your one hot goss Okay i'll be back Next episode We're not sure we haven't figured out the placement Exactly See you in season two I hope so Stitcher
00:25:44presents gossip Written and directed by alison raskin Produced by rachel walther Sound design by casey holford Starring a man to perez as mia Alison raskin as bethany victoria rabble as valerie best little furred as rockin robin featuring marlon young father williams and igor hiller as the very stuff
00:26:08story by alison maskin sharla lauriston and rebecca hanover Casting by shana markowitz Our production manager is talia she eleven Our recording engineer is matt brownlie Production assistance from carly guida Our assistant editor is lauren kleeman Original composition by alessandro tabora Corruption legal by lindsay bowen kyle brett and
00:26:32michaela gross executive Produced by chris bannon jenny rattle it and matsuda g In situ is consulting producer Is jonah santi special thanks to westlake studios Mac gourlay in sag aftra gossip is a production of stitcher For more information visit gossip podcast dot com Good Oh great no Stitcher
00:27:12Hey this is andreas lenzi I host the longest shortest time where podcast all about the drama absurdity ease and surprises that happen when you're in a family like maybe you have a sister and you're a little too involved in her pregnancy Listen it's my niece or nephew in
00:27:30there I will not have you eating nothing but mcdonald's apple pies Or maybe you've been forced to compete for your moms love with an illegal pet And i was so afraid of the mongol the mondays did not like Or maybe your kid won't stop impersonating a crow at
00:27:45three in the morning It's family unfiltered comedy Prepare to be a parent in general That is all i hear every week of this Subscribe to the longest shortest time on stitcher or wherever you're listening right now

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